Latest / Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge / Addicted to... .with Cameron Douglas and Jason Wahler

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Addicted to... .with Cameron Douglas and Jason Wahler · Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge

0:02
Speaker 1: This is Teddy Teapot. Hi, guys, thanks for tuning in again.
0:12
Speaker 1: I put something out there last week about what topics
0:16
Speaker 1: you guys would want to speak on, and the number
0:18
Speaker 1: one overwhelming response was addiction. So I am so excited
0:22
Speaker 1: to announce that Cameron Douglas and Jason Waller both going
0:27
Speaker 1: to be on the podcast today. Cameron wrote a book
0:29
Speaker 1: called long Way Home. It is incredible. I'm on chapter
0:33
Speaker 1: right now. It's like a page S Turner, Um, he
0:37
Speaker 1: grew up. He talks about his struggles and the pressures
0:41
Speaker 1: he felt growing up as you know, um Michael Douglas's son,
0:45
Speaker 1: but also his years with addiction and being in prison.
0:49
Speaker 1: And I am just so grateful that he is here
0:53
Speaker 1: sharing his experience with us so that we can all
0:55
Speaker 1: learn and grow from it. So please make sure that
0:58
Speaker 1: any other topics you want us discuss, or any questions
1:01
Speaker 1: that you have on this podcast or anything else that
1:05
Speaker 1: we can dig into, email Teddy t at I Heart
1:07
Speaker 1: radio dot com. Cameron's book, long Way Home, talks about
1:11
Speaker 1: his struggles with drug addiction that resulted in multiple overdoses,
1:15
Speaker 1: his proclivity to crime and violence, his criminal trials in
1:19
Speaker 1: seven years in prison. Two of which were spent in
1:23
Speaker 1: solitary confinement. Wow, thanks so much for coming in, Cameron.
1:27
Speaker 1: I'm on chapter seven of your book. I got it
1:30
Speaker 1: last week. I am. I can't even tell you well
1:33
Speaker 1: as I'm reading it, I am. I have so many
1:36
Speaker 1: more questions I need to ask, and so do my listeners.
1:39
Speaker 1: So I'm so grateful that you're here. Can you give
1:42
Speaker 1: us a little bit of background on what led you
1:44
Speaker 1: to write the book and you know, some of your experience.
1:47
Speaker 1: Um So that was It was kind of an interesting
1:50
Speaker 1: process because my family has always been very private and
1:56
Speaker 1: I've sort of always followed suit with that as best
1:59
Speaker 1: as I could. Um But you know, my father kept
2:04
Speaker 1: mentioning to me about, you know, possibly writing a book
2:07
Speaker 1: about some of my experiences, and I was sort of
2:11
Speaker 1: wrestling with the idea. I couldn't understand why exactly. Um So, basically,
2:20
Speaker 1: I realized in the end that it was really the
2:22
Speaker 1: the ultimate way of showing your love. You know. My
2:26
Speaker 1: father and mother felt that I had a story to
2:28
Speaker 1: tell and felt that maybe it could be useful, and
2:33
Speaker 1: despite the fact that it would inevitably put some of
2:36
Speaker 1: their past back in the light, they felt that it
2:40
Speaker 1: was that it was that I had a story to tell.
2:43
Speaker 1: So I think it was a very selfless, selfless act
2:46
Speaker 1: of of love on on their behalf. But you know,
2:49
Speaker 1: for me, once I kind of got over the initial
2:53
Speaker 1: hump of of you know, getting around to writing the book,
2:57
Speaker 1: it was it was an interesting journey. It was a
3:00
Speaker 1: long journey. It took about four years to write the book. UM.
3:04
Speaker 1: I started writing in about a year before I came home,
3:08
Speaker 1: So I was still in prison when I started writing
3:10
Speaker 1: the book UM and and a lot of people ask,
3:14
Speaker 1: you know, if it was cathartic, and it was definitely that,
3:16
Speaker 1: but it was also it was difficult, you know, because
3:19
Speaker 1: I had to go back over my entire life, talked
3:23
Speaker 1: to a lot of people that I hadn't spoken to
3:24
Speaker 1: in years to try to really get an understanding of
3:27
Speaker 1: what was going on. UM. But in the end of
3:30
Speaker 1: the day, I found it to be very helpful. Gave
3:32
Speaker 1: me a real perspective on on some of my decisions,
3:37
Speaker 1: um and what led me to making those decisions, and
3:41
Speaker 1: and in the end, trying to make something useful out
3:44
Speaker 1: of all of that pain and wreckage that there was.
3:48
Speaker 1: I I read that you started experimenting with drugs around
3:51
Speaker 1: the age of thirteen around when did you kind of
3:56
Speaker 1: realized wow, like this is this is something more serious?
4:00
Speaker 1: Because something I often hear, especially from the younger generation,
4:03
Speaker 1: especially from like an affluent younger generations, I'm just experimenting.
4:07
Speaker 1: I'm in college, I'm just having fun. Like how do
4:09
Speaker 1: you know yourself that things are going to that point?
4:13
Speaker 1: But also how did the people around you in your
4:15
Speaker 1: life know that they need to start taking action or
4:18
Speaker 1: can they even take action? Well, I think there's, uh,
4:23
Speaker 1: there's a fine line between partying hard and having a
4:27
Speaker 1: good time and being a full blown addict. So I think,
4:33
Speaker 1: I mean some telltale signs for oneself is like if
4:37
Speaker 1: you're staying up for days on end, probably a red flag,
4:40
Speaker 1: you know, if you know things like that, If if
4:43
Speaker 1: your life is becoming unmanageable, it's probably a red flag.
4:48
Speaker 1: I think that. I definitely think that you know, partying
4:51
Speaker 1: and experimenting is is okay, and it's part of growing up. Um,
4:56
Speaker 1: but I guess I guess the real indicator is when
5:00
Speaker 1: your focus starts to be uh, really revolving around getting
5:05
Speaker 1: high rather than leading a productive life. I think it's
5:09
Speaker 1: really when you're probably in trouble and and and and
5:12
Speaker 1: hopefully you can either have you know, the inside or
5:17
Speaker 1: or or the wisdom. I think some souls are just
5:19
Speaker 1: older souls and just have done this more times and
5:22
Speaker 1: and get it quicker. Um some of us it takes
5:26
Speaker 1: much longer, like myself, and some of us unfortunately never
5:30
Speaker 1: get it. So and I know you talked a lot
5:34
Speaker 1: about like the pressure of growing up with you know,
5:36
Speaker 1: a famous parent and the pressures that you put on yourself.
5:42
Speaker 1: Do you think that despite those pressures, like I I'm
5:47
Speaker 1: I'm similar where I grew up with having, you know,
5:51
Speaker 1: putting my own pressure on myself. But I kind of
5:53
Speaker 1: went the opposite way where I was so scared to
5:57
Speaker 1: try anything or do anything because if I were to
6:00
Speaker 1: mess up, my parents had me sign a contract when
6:02
Speaker 1: I came to California that said, Okay, if you get
6:05
Speaker 1: any trouble, you have to move back to Indiana. And
6:07
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what that is? That is
6:09
Speaker 1: deatifying right there enough, But I never try anything. But
6:12
Speaker 1: in you know, in turn, with that pressure, I kind
6:15
Speaker 1: of became super anxious. I'm type A mostly D like
6:18
Speaker 1: all of those things. So I think it can develop
6:22
Speaker 1: itself in many different ways. But do you think that
6:25
Speaker 1: regardless of your upbringing, that is something that would have
6:29
Speaker 1: shown anyway. Well, listen, I think the first thing you
6:34
Speaker 1: have to look at is is your genetics. You know,
6:38
Speaker 1: does it run in your family? And if it does,
6:40
Speaker 1: I think you need to be more aware. But you know,
6:43
Speaker 1: back to your question and your point really is, I
6:47
Speaker 1: didn't in all fairness, I can't sit here and say
6:50
Speaker 1: that I had a lot of pressure heaped on me
6:51
Speaker 1: by my family. I think I put a lot of
6:54
Speaker 1: pressure on myself to try and live up to my
6:58
Speaker 1: family's name. And I just found the way that I
7:03
Speaker 1: felt that I was doing that was was destructive. Um.
7:07
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think Look, I think we're we're every
7:12
Speaker 1: one of us is dealt to hand in life and
7:14
Speaker 1: it's and it's the way that we uh play that hand.
7:17
Speaker 1: I certainly was never was always loved and cared for. Um,
7:23
Speaker 1: I just had, you know, issues that I was wrestling
7:26
Speaker 1: with and the way that I chose to deal with
7:29
Speaker 1: those issues let down a pretty rough, rough path for me.
7:33
Speaker 1: And to start, I mean, you did have a little
7:36
Speaker 1: bit of access to money, do you think of right
7:38
Speaker 1: from the beginning. I mean a lot of people are
7:40
Speaker 1: writing in because their kids are you know, experimenting with drugs.
7:44
Speaker 1: They're starting to worry it's going down a more aggressive
7:47
Speaker 1: path and they're not knowing how to handle it. But
7:49
Speaker 1: they love their kids. They want to take care of
7:51
Speaker 1: their kids. But how do you know when to cut
7:55
Speaker 1: them off or you know, the access to money? Is
7:58
Speaker 1: that creating in a bigger monster? I think it's like this.
8:03
Speaker 1: I mean depending on where. If you're dealing with somebody
8:06
Speaker 1: that's you feel is struggling with addiction, I think you
8:10
Speaker 1: have to really take a good hard look at you know,
8:12
Speaker 1: where they are exactly in their journey, and I think, um,
8:17
Speaker 1: there does come a point where you do have to
8:19
Speaker 1: sort of let go and and let them find their
8:21
Speaker 1: way hopefully. But until that point, I think you personally,
8:26
Speaker 1: I think you should try to do everything you can
8:28
Speaker 1: do in your power to uh to to help them. Yeah,
8:32
Speaker 1: because I was also reading you know through a lot
8:34
Speaker 1: of it, you would have either, Um, there was aaron
8:39
Speaker 1: in your book that was by your side for a
8:41
Speaker 1: long time. And do you think that now in retrospect,
8:47
Speaker 1: do you think, Wow, if if she would have cut
8:49
Speaker 1: ties with me earlier, things would have been different, or
8:52
Speaker 1: if this person would have cut me off completely or
8:55
Speaker 1: do you think it wouldn't have mattered. I think, you know,
8:58
Speaker 1: looking back on everything, I think one thing that really
9:01
Speaker 1: would have been helpful to me had I been open
9:03
Speaker 1: to it, was it was therapy. HAD had many opportunities
9:10
Speaker 1: to to work with therapists as a as a young man,
9:15
Speaker 1: and it was always just you know, really closed off
9:19
Speaker 1: to it and not open to it at all. Of course,
9:21
Speaker 1: now I worked with a therapist on a regular basis
9:24
Speaker 1: and I find it to be extremely helpful, UM, And
9:28
Speaker 1: so I think that's one thing for sure that maybe
9:30
Speaker 1: would have made a difference. It's hard to pinpoint any
9:34
Speaker 1: little details or relationships. I think. You know, it's funny
9:39
Speaker 1: because your parents always love you, and the people that
9:42
Speaker 1: are closest to you love you, and they try to
9:45
Speaker 1: when you're starting to go down this road. They like
9:47
Speaker 1: to point the finger at everyone else being a bad influence.
9:50
Speaker 1: But the truth is I was a bad influence on
9:53
Speaker 1: everybody else. So you know, it's just, uh, I don't
9:57
Speaker 1: know everybody has I like think maybe that that maybe
10:01
Speaker 1: we all have a journey and and some of the uh,
10:07
Speaker 1: the experiences that we go through is necessary for UM
10:12
Speaker 1: helping us to become equipped to lead the life that
10:15
Speaker 1: we're meant to to lead. Uh, that's maybe optimistic, But
10:19
Speaker 1: who knows. What what do you think was I mean,
10:22
Speaker 1: I know this is crazy question, but what do you
10:24
Speaker 1: think was harder? Like when you were in the throes
10:26
Speaker 1: of addiction and overdosing or being in jail and solitary confinement. Well,
10:32
Speaker 1: I mean they they are both prisons, you know in
10:38
Speaker 1: a sense. You know, one is is is a prison
10:42
Speaker 1: of your own making through addiction, just like a ball
10:48
Speaker 1: and chain around your ankle and um. And that's that's difficult,
10:55
Speaker 1: but it's it's it's a choice two that that you're making.
10:59
Speaker 1: And and a lot of it is miserable. And that's
11:03
Speaker 1: the insanity of addiction. I think a lot of addicts
11:07
Speaker 1: struggle with is that they just they're so unhappy with
11:11
Speaker 1: what's going on in their lives, but they just can't
11:14
Speaker 1: let go for whatever reason. One maybe that's what they
11:17
Speaker 1: count on for a little bit of relief for you
11:20
Speaker 1: know too, they've been doing it so long that that's
11:22
Speaker 1: all they know. Um. And then prison is a whole
11:25
Speaker 1: different animal that's just thrust upon you. And and for me,
11:30
Speaker 1: I had really no experience or no idea what I
11:36
Speaker 1: was in store for so the learning curve for me
11:39
Speaker 1: was very sharp there to say the least. Um, and
11:44
Speaker 1: what was solitary confinement like, because you were there for
11:46
Speaker 1: almost two years? Correct, I was it was Well, I
11:50
Speaker 1: will say that it's amazing, h with the human It's
11:56
Speaker 1: amazing how humans can adapt to more any situation one
12:02
Speaker 1: and and two I learned the amazing will that a
12:06
Speaker 1: human has to survive. Um. So, yeah, it's solitary, that's
12:13
Speaker 1: a that's a whole another topic that I feel strongly
12:16
Speaker 1: about because I've had my own personal experiences with it.
12:19
Speaker 1: But it's, uh, it's it's it's a necessary tool sure
12:23
Speaker 1: for for for prisons to to monitor the safety of
12:30
Speaker 1: someone or the safety of individuals around that person, but
12:34
Speaker 1: it needs to be implemented in the short term. These days,
12:37
Speaker 1: they they just tossed you in there and they and
12:40
Speaker 1: they leave you there really for you know, for not
12:43
Speaker 1: a good reason. And it's uh, you can make things worse, well,
12:46
Speaker 1: I think. I mean, look, it's like if you put
12:48
Speaker 1: somebody in a cement box the size of an elevator
12:51
Speaker 1: um for a long period of time, does that make
12:53
Speaker 1: them less angry? No? Make them more stable? No? You know,
12:57
Speaker 1: what I mean, it's just you could just go down
12:59
Speaker 1: the list and realize it's not really going to be helpful.
13:02
Speaker 1: And I think that's I mean, that's not up for debate.
13:06
Speaker 1: What's what's up for debate is is when are they
13:08
Speaker 1: going to start making these necessary reforms? Because the reality
13:12
Speaker 1: is in this I can also speak from experience, is
13:16
Speaker 1: our prison industrial complex in this country is not um
13:21
Speaker 1: it's not it's not made to reform individuals. It's it's
13:26
Speaker 1: made to break them down. And and during your your
13:30
Speaker 1: your time in prison, you're treated like an animal. And
13:34
Speaker 1: what happens when you're treated like an animal for for
13:37
Speaker 1: a long period of time, you start acting like an
13:39
Speaker 1: animal and then one day you get you get kicked
13:42
Speaker 1: out the door and you and you move in next
13:44
Speaker 1: door to a regular, tax paying, law abiding citizens. So
13:50
Speaker 1: it's like they need to do a better job of
13:53
Speaker 1: turning out men and women that are that are reformed. Right,
13:57
Speaker 1: And you talk a lot about like, um, I don't like,
14:01
Speaker 1: I don't like to the little womanizing or fighting or
14:05
Speaker 1: any of those things. Do you think that all goes
14:08
Speaker 1: hand in hand in hand with addiction or do you
14:11
Speaker 1: think they're all kind of separate things? That have to
14:14
Speaker 1: be worked on, or or once the drugs are gone,
14:18
Speaker 1: the other things go away as well. Well. I don't know.
14:20
Speaker 1: I mean, I've never considered myself a womanizer. I mean
14:24
Speaker 1: I am kind of like a I guess, a romantic
14:27
Speaker 1: at hard not maybe womanizer. Maybe that was the other
14:30
Speaker 1: person I had on wording. Sorry, but but you had
14:35
Speaker 1: said you were with multiple people at one time, but
14:38
Speaker 1: you would keep certain girlfriends around. I did, I did
14:41
Speaker 1: go through. I did, Yes, I I I. So what
14:44
Speaker 1: happened is is I had a I had a really
14:47
Speaker 1: rough relationship for a number of years, um, and when
14:53
Speaker 1: her and I finally parted ways, I told myself that
14:57
Speaker 1: I wouldn't allow myself to be in an another relationship
15:01
Speaker 1: until I was completely ready for it. And I did
15:03
Speaker 1: this because I didn't like the lies that I was
15:07
Speaker 1: telling when I was in this relationship. I didn't like
15:09
Speaker 1: the behavior, the guilt that I felt for not acting
15:12
Speaker 1: properly in this relationship. So I just did that as
15:16
Speaker 1: a kind of a way to to stop, yeah and
15:19
Speaker 1: just you know, live honestly. Um. But maybe it didn't
15:25
Speaker 1: didn't come across that way. I don't know, No, I
15:27
Speaker 1: didn't know. I M sorry. About the wording UM. And
15:30
Speaker 1: then also I am on as I said, chapter so,
15:34
Speaker 1: I am at the part where you've started using heroin
15:37
Speaker 1: again in the in the prison. How do you ultimately
15:42
Speaker 1: get clean without ruining the without ruining the book? But
15:46
Speaker 1: for our listeners like, how did that actually happen? And
15:49
Speaker 1: then how are you able to stay well? So for me,
15:54
Speaker 1: getting clean was was an evolution in prison. I certainly
15:59
Speaker 1: didn't get lean right away. My my prison sojourn was
16:05
Speaker 1: was atypical, to say the least. I I started, I
16:10
Speaker 1: started my journey out a minimum security prison and I
16:12
Speaker 1: and I worked my way diligently up to a high
16:16
Speaker 1: security prison, which is where I ended up doing most
16:18
Speaker 1: of my time. And that's not the way it's supposed
16:21
Speaker 1: to work, supposed to work your way down, you know.
16:24
Speaker 1: But I had a difficult time adjusting UM. And but
16:30
Speaker 1: the turning point for me was UH, when I was
16:34
Speaker 1: given my second sentence, which basically doubled my sentence. It
16:38
Speaker 1: turned a five year sentence into a ten year sentence.
16:43
Speaker 1: And UH, and I came back from the sentencing and
16:46
Speaker 1: I was in the box at that time. I was
16:48
Speaker 1: in they call it solitary confinements and you can't go
16:51
Speaker 1: out at all. You couldn't even work out anymore at
16:53
Speaker 1: this point. Oh no, you you have to work out,
16:55
Speaker 1: work out in my cell, but in your cell you
16:57
Speaker 1: couldn't even go but not nothing else you have. So
17:00
Speaker 1: the way it's supposed to work is you get one
17:03
Speaker 1: hour a day, uh in the outdoors. But what that
17:08
Speaker 1: is is it's it's one hour a day in another
17:12
Speaker 1: cement box with a cage over the top, and you
17:15
Speaker 1: can see the sky. But it's it's not it's not
17:18
Speaker 1: like being outside. It's just kind of having some fresh air,
17:22
Speaker 1: which is nice. Um. But you know, the exercise was
17:26
Speaker 1: was important for me through throughout. That was one of
17:29
Speaker 1: the cornerstones, um of my routine. And the routine is
17:33
Speaker 1: really what helped me get through it and make it
17:36
Speaker 1: necessary changes. Um. But back to you, you know how
17:41
Speaker 1: really I got sober? How it began anyways, was I
17:46
Speaker 1: arrived back to my cell and there was just there
17:50
Speaker 1: had been a riot in uh in the in that unit,
17:54
Speaker 1: in the special housing unit they called the shoe um.
17:59
Speaker 1: And guys when they riote, they'll plug their toilets and
18:02
Speaker 1: they'll just they'll overflow the cell with water. And so
18:08
Speaker 1: I arrived to my cell, and there was like four
18:11
Speaker 1: inches of water on the ground, and you don't have shells.
18:14
Speaker 1: So all my books, all my pictures, all my letters,
18:17
Speaker 1: everything was just like ruined, soaking wet, and I and
18:23
Speaker 1: I walked in the cell, I took my handcuffs off,
18:26
Speaker 1: and and I just felt something inside of me kind
18:30
Speaker 1: of cracking or breaking, and and and I felt at
18:35
Speaker 1: that moment that I had two paths left open to me.
18:38
Speaker 1: And one path would have been one that I probably
18:42
Speaker 1: would not have made it back from. And the other
18:45
Speaker 1: path was one that gave me a little bit of purpose,
18:49
Speaker 1: a little bit of light. In that moment, which was
18:53
Speaker 1: I came up with the idea that I would try
18:55
Speaker 1: to make each day count towards putting myself in the
18:58
Speaker 1: best possible position and to to make a life for
19:02
Speaker 1: myself when I was finally released. And so I found
19:06
Speaker 1: that that started working for him. You know. It got
19:08
Speaker 1: me out of the rack every morning, got me motivated
19:12
Speaker 1: to you, built a little curriculum for myself. Um and slowly,
19:17
Speaker 1: slowly I started getting stronger. I started realizing that indeed
19:21
Speaker 1: I did have these traits like discipline and drive that
19:26
Speaker 1: I thought I just inherently wasn't born. Yeah, exactly, just
19:31
Speaker 1: started building myself and uh, and then and then basically
19:36
Speaker 1: a couple of years down the line, I'm I'm feeling good, strong, focused,
19:41
Speaker 1: I feel like I have, you know, my priorities in
19:44
Speaker 1: the right order. But I'm still dabbling and dabbling with
19:49
Speaker 1: with heroin from time to time, and and uh, and
19:52
Speaker 1: then I reached a point where I just couldn't rationalize anymore. Uh,
19:57
Speaker 1: my heroin, use with you telling myself. I was doing
20:01
Speaker 1: everything I could do to put myself in the best
20:03
Speaker 1: position when I was finally released. So finally I was
20:07
Speaker 1: able to give that up. I'd say that's probably about
20:11
Speaker 1: three three years before I came home. And then when
20:18
Speaker 1: did you meet? Um, I know you have a daughter,
20:21
Speaker 1: So when did you meet your significant other? And how
20:24
Speaker 1: did that happen? And you know, so so that's a
20:28
Speaker 1: funny story. Actually, so I meant, Vivian is my girlfriend
20:33
Speaker 1: and the mother of my daughter, and and uh and
20:36
Speaker 1: we lived together and and so I met Vivian probably
20:41
Speaker 1: fifteen years ago here in l A. She was she
20:45
Speaker 1: was she was modeling it at a runway show. And
20:49
Speaker 1: you know, they do like these wacky kind of themes something.
20:53
Speaker 1: So part of her costume was she had this huge
20:56
Speaker 1: blue afro and I after the show, I was backstage
21:01
Speaker 1: and I was talking to her and we were trying
21:02
Speaker 1: to have a serious conversation, and I just couldn't get
21:06
Speaker 1: over that huge blue After us, I told her, I said, look,
21:08
Speaker 1: I'm trying to take you seriously, but the hair is difficult.
21:13
Speaker 1: But then we we stayed friends for a while after that.
21:15
Speaker 1: Both of us were in a very different place at
21:17
Speaker 1: that point in our lives. And and then I didn't
21:20
Speaker 1: see her for for years. And then a few years
21:24
Speaker 1: before I came home, I got a letter from her
21:27
Speaker 1: and she had, you know, gone through a lot of
21:29
Speaker 1: changes in her life, and and we started writing each
21:33
Speaker 1: other letters. Because I didn't have my phone privileges at
21:36
Speaker 1: the time, and getting to know each other like that
21:41
Speaker 1: kind of getting to know somebody right like it was
21:44
Speaker 1: just kind of I didn't I didn't know her in
21:47
Speaker 1: this way. And so and then at the time we
21:51
Speaker 1: we got back in contact, my my visitation privileges were
21:55
Speaker 1: also I didn't have those, and so it was about
21:57
Speaker 1: a year and a half till I was getting those backs.
21:59
Speaker 1: We had about a year and a half to just
22:00
Speaker 1: write letters. Uh, and then when I got those backs,
22:04
Speaker 1: she came to visit and she basically, you know, was
22:08
Speaker 1: there waiting for me when I was released from prison.
22:13
Speaker 1: And then we had a little girl, see, not even
22:18
Speaker 1: a year after I came home. So she's been been great.
22:22
Speaker 1: My daughter's it's amazing. She's probably or is definitely my
22:28
Speaker 1: biggest teacher in life right now. Um So it's it's
22:35
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel really blessed these days, you know.
22:37
Speaker 1: I mean I've obviously, you know, I've been well here, lucky.
22:42
Speaker 1: I'm fortunate to say that. You know, when I came home,
22:45
Speaker 1: I was able to really still dig in and stay
22:48
Speaker 1: disciplined and really you know, work at building a life
22:51
Speaker 1: for myself. Finished this book, I've been working on acting
22:55
Speaker 1: and screenplay writing, and everything is starting to come together.
22:58
Speaker 1: So that's what was gonna ask about acclimating back into society.
23:03
Speaker 1: And because I have a listener question that was directly
23:06
Speaker 1: for you, it was Cameron, my son has been struggling
23:09
Speaker 1: with an addiction to heroin for ten years and he's
23:12
Speaker 1: currently incarcerated and will be released on December two. My
23:15
Speaker 1: husband and our four other children are in panic mode.
23:18
Speaker 1: We want him to go into a sober living community
23:21
Speaker 1: for a year while he finishes his parle. But he
23:24
Speaker 1: is refusing to. I am paralyzed because I'm afraid he
23:26
Speaker 1: will die. He has no plan and he needs to
23:29
Speaker 1: learn coping skills and participate in therapy. Any help would
23:32
Speaker 1: be greatly appreciated. Well, so depending on how I mean,
23:37
Speaker 1: I don't know what his what his legal situation is,
23:39
Speaker 1: but he should be mandated to go into a halfway house.
23:44
Speaker 1: He's done a little bit of time, um, and that
23:49
Speaker 1: can be very helpful. It's look, when you're in prison,
23:52
Speaker 1: the last thing you want to think about doing is
23:54
Speaker 1: going into a halfway house when you're released. But it is, Uh,
23:59
Speaker 1: the adjustment is it's not easy and and and I
24:01
Speaker 1: can vouch for that. I'm I'm somebody who thought it
24:05
Speaker 1: was gonna be nice and smooth, and it was very
24:08
Speaker 1: difficult for me. So so I think that hopefully her son,
24:13
Speaker 1: and you probably won't like me saying this, but hopefully
24:15
Speaker 1: her son will have to go into a halfway house,
24:19
Speaker 1: and I think that'll be helpful. But the truth is, Teddy,
24:22
Speaker 1: which is you know what I was telling you is
24:25
Speaker 1: that there comes a point where you know, sometimes a
24:29
Speaker 1: person is so far along in their journey in their
24:32
Speaker 1: addiction that there's nothing that you can do except for
24:36
Speaker 1: just hope and pray that they find their way. And
24:39
Speaker 1: you have to take a little bit of the pressure
24:41
Speaker 1: off yourself and off your family, because that's the that's
24:45
Speaker 1: the cold hard reality of this thing. And do you
24:47
Speaker 1: think in that case, like an ultimatum works or is
24:51
Speaker 1: that just going to put you know, could he possibly
24:53
Speaker 1: be saying he doesn't want to go in because he
24:55
Speaker 1: just wants to get home and use sure, I mean,
24:58
Speaker 1: that's probably what it is. If if he doesn't even
25:00
Speaker 1: realize that, um, that's that you know, that addict sort
25:04
Speaker 1: of it's it's it's crafty. But you know, I think
25:09
Speaker 1: at this point, I mean, he's in prison, and he's
25:11
Speaker 1: obviously he's been doing this for ten years. It's a
25:14
Speaker 1: long time to be doing heroin. It's not an easy
25:16
Speaker 1: habit to you to keep up and running. So I mean,
25:20
Speaker 1: I'm I'm sorry to say, but you know, I think
25:23
Speaker 1: he's probably just going to have to and maybe he
25:26
Speaker 1: is already at that point where he's ready to to
25:30
Speaker 1: to change something. So hopefully that's, uh, that's what they're
25:33
Speaker 1: gonna find when he comes home. Yeah. Um, so since
25:37
Speaker 1: you have been out and now that you're doing all
25:40
Speaker 1: these positive things, what are some other tools that we
25:43
Speaker 1: could give listeners? You know, of course that's great that
25:47
Speaker 1: you've been able to find your y and all of
25:50
Speaker 1: those things and work hard. But for somebody who's struggling
25:54
Speaker 1: to even get to that point, yeah, what could you?
25:57
Speaker 1: What could you share? So so, I, in my opinion,
26:01
Speaker 1: and for me, my routine is is extremely important. So
26:05
Speaker 1: I think you have to have an iron clad routine
26:09
Speaker 1: that works for you and stick to it. So my
26:13
Speaker 1: the cornerstone of my routine is is is meditation and
26:19
Speaker 1: and exercise. So that's sort of the cornerstone. And then
26:24
Speaker 1: I build around that, right and and and so I
26:27
Speaker 1: think that success and I'm trying to think because happiness
26:34
Speaker 1: is not but I think, you know, success and fulfillment
26:38
Speaker 1: I think really comes through having your priorities in the
26:41
Speaker 1: right order and having the discipline to follow through on
26:44
Speaker 1: those priorities. So so your routine will help you do that,
26:48
Speaker 1: you know, And then you just have to, in my opinion,
26:51
Speaker 1: you have to take a good hard look at you know,
26:53
Speaker 1: what your priorities really are. Are they healthy? And then
26:57
Speaker 1: and then really dig in and fall through on on
27:00
Speaker 1: what it takes to to see those priorities work fruition.
27:05
Speaker 1: Another big question is how do you bring addiction up
27:08
Speaker 1: in a constructive manner when they always get defensive. I mean,
27:12
Speaker 1: I think the best way to do it is not
27:14
Speaker 1: by beating around the bush. I think if you if
27:16
Speaker 1: there's somebody that you care about and you see them,
27:19
Speaker 1: you know, really struggling and you have X, Y and
27:23
Speaker 1: Z reason why, I think you should just lay that
27:27
Speaker 1: out on the table and have a talk with him
27:28
Speaker 1: and say, look, we think you're messed up. This is
27:31
Speaker 1: why we think you're messed up, and you know what,
27:35
Speaker 1: tell me why we're wrong kind of thing. I mean
27:37
Speaker 1: from my reading your book, there was a part that
27:40
Speaker 1: a couple of times where the most frustrated you ever
27:42
Speaker 1: seemed was when you thought you were going to do
27:44
Speaker 1: something and you were tricked into something else. Yeah, I
27:46
Speaker 1: mean me personally. I Uh, That's why I say to you,
27:51
Speaker 1: I think I think being upfront is really the best,
27:54
Speaker 1: the best way, you know, and it really just like
27:57
Speaker 1: sit down with the person that you care are about
28:00
Speaker 1: enough to sit down and have this conversation with and
28:03
Speaker 1: have a real heart to heart. One other question, um,
28:06
Speaker 1: somebody wrote in I'm on the road to recovery, but
28:09
Speaker 1: relapse is one of the hardest forms of shame for
28:11
Speaker 1: me to carry. How do I let go of that?
28:14
Speaker 1: That's a good question, and that's that's an issue that
28:17
Speaker 1: I still wrestle with myself. UM. I mean I have,
28:22
Speaker 1: I have a lot of guilt and shame surrounding UM
28:27
Speaker 1: many years of my life. And and it's interesting because
28:32
Speaker 1: it's it's it's there. So I'm I'm learning now how
28:36
Speaker 1: to start to let let go of that, UM. And
28:41
Speaker 1: you know, I think for me when I start, you know,
28:45
Speaker 1: filling that guilt and shame a little stronger than usual.
28:51
Speaker 1: I tried to, you know, I tried to just let
28:55
Speaker 1: myself know. I mean, look, no, nobody knows ourselves better
28:58
Speaker 1: than ourselves, right, So if you know that you're doing
29:01
Speaker 1: your best and that's all you can do. Uh, and
29:05
Speaker 1: if other people are willing to forgive you, then you
29:08
Speaker 1: need to be willing to forgreak yourself. Well, I we
29:11
Speaker 1: have to take a break. But thank you so much
29:13
Speaker 1: for sharing and being so vulnerable. I know that even
29:17
Speaker 1: reading your book, and I know how many lives you're changing,
29:20
Speaker 1: and so Thank you. I really appreciate it. Thank you
29:23
Speaker 1: for having me. Hi, Jason, how are you. I'm good,
29:35
Speaker 1: How are you good? Thanks so much for coming on today.
29:38
Speaker 1: We really appreciate it. Well, thanks for having me. I'm
29:41
Speaker 1: excited to be a part of it. Well, I have been,
29:45
Speaker 1: you know, I've been researching you a lot the last
29:48
Speaker 1: couple of days that I'm you know, blown away with
29:50
Speaker 1: all the work you've done with um your sober living
29:53
Speaker 1: facility because a lot of our listeners that is a
29:55
Speaker 1: huge question that they're asking, is you know, my kid,
29:59
Speaker 1: my honor, my son or my husband. You know, this
30:02
Speaker 1: has changed and they don't want to go into a
30:04
Speaker 1: sober living facility. And I was just kind of wanted
30:07
Speaker 1: to start with that and how important that is. Well,
30:11
Speaker 1: I just I'm more than happy to discuss that. I
30:13
Speaker 1: wanted to let you know I am no longer actually
30:15
Speaker 1: doing the sober living stuff. I'm very involved with aftercare
30:19
Speaker 1: and all those components, but my actual will we actually
30:22
Speaker 1: stopped doing the aftercare piece. What I wish we did it.
30:25
Speaker 1: It is still very very important and it's something that
30:27
Speaker 1: is is much needed, but I've directed my, you know,
30:30
Speaker 1: my efforts into a much more advocacy role much feel
30:33
Speaker 1: like it would be a much It's much more impertinent
30:35
Speaker 1: to be able to do stuff like that. But I'm
30:37
Speaker 1: more than happy to talk about anything related to you,
30:40
Speaker 1: substance to be, mental health, recovery, whatever you want to
30:42
Speaker 1: talk about. So perfect Well, I guess let's just start
30:45
Speaker 1: then with how are you doing currently? Honestly, if things
30:50
Speaker 1: are any better, I'd be in heaven. I mean, I
30:52
Speaker 1: I'm living my best life. You know, I've I've been
30:54
Speaker 1: able to really achieve balance in my life. I'm able
30:58
Speaker 1: to live in the moment, be pre event, got an
31:01
Speaker 1: amazing family, an amazing wife, uh, and really making an impact,
31:04
Speaker 1: you know, on people's lives that struggle with this disease.
31:07
Speaker 1: And it's something that you know, I really found my
31:08
Speaker 1: passion through through recovery. It's just been it's incredible. I mean,
31:13
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, There's been its ups and down
31:15
Speaker 1: through the way, you know, through the process, but overall, Um,
31:18
Speaker 1: you know, things are absolutely incredible right now. Um, do
31:21
Speaker 1: you feel like it's still a struggle every day? I
31:25
Speaker 1: had um Cameron Douglas on right before you, and we
31:28
Speaker 1: were talking about how he's able to remain sober and
31:33
Speaker 1: he was saying a huge part for him is a
31:36
Speaker 1: routine and that's what corrects him, you know, you know,
31:41
Speaker 1: for lack of better words, accountable to feeling good. Um,
31:44
Speaker 1: is that similar case for you? Well, by the way,
31:48
Speaker 1: I love Cameron, great guy, great story, by the way,
31:51
Speaker 1: But I mean this isn't this is not alcohol was Um,
31:54
Speaker 1: it's alcoholism, right, So I mean it's something we have
31:56
Speaker 1: to work on on a daily basis. And to his point,
31:58
Speaker 1: you know, I do have a every single morning I
32:01
Speaker 1: wake up, you know, I do a morning meditation, I
32:03
Speaker 1: do a prayer, I send out a gratitude list to
32:06
Speaker 1: it's ten other individuals of three things that I'm grateful for.
32:08
Speaker 1: Not only what I'm grateful for, but why because the
32:11
Speaker 1: wise were the meat really lies to help you understand
32:14
Speaker 1: that not only do you have a lot to be
32:15
Speaker 1: grateful for, you that you actually have more than you need. Uh.
32:18
Speaker 1: And then either I go to the gym or I
32:20
Speaker 1: go to a meeting. Uh. And that's how I start
32:22
Speaker 1: my day off every single day. Don't steer away from it,
32:24
Speaker 1: because you know, when I was active in my addiction,
32:27
Speaker 1: it was something that I worked on seven to remain
32:30
Speaker 1: high and under the influence, and when you are sober,
32:33
Speaker 1: you have the same effort in to maintain or maintain sobriety.
32:37
Speaker 1: It's so crazy that regardless of what what it is
32:40
Speaker 1: in life, if it's an addiction or depression or anxiety,
32:43
Speaker 1: following a routine is what actually always makes you feel better.
32:47
Speaker 1: But it's the one thing you really don't want to
32:49
Speaker 1: do it. It's it's what do they say, it's much harder.
32:52
Speaker 1: It's much easier to break. Uh, it's much harder to
32:54
Speaker 1: break a bad happiten, it is a good one, right,
32:56
Speaker 1: But I think it's in this in this world that
32:58
Speaker 1: we live in today, we're so prone to instant gratification,
33:02
Speaker 1: you know, where there's so much influence out there, and
33:05
Speaker 1: I think a routine really draws you closer to self,
33:07
Speaker 1: so you can actually identify who you are and what
33:09
Speaker 1: it is that you're wanting to pursue. And that's what
33:12
Speaker 1: I've gotten out of a routine is really self identification
33:14
Speaker 1: of me. I've got the best part about sobriety for
33:17
Speaker 1: me is I've got to know I got to know
33:18
Speaker 1: myself because for so many years I didn't know who
33:22
Speaker 1: I was. I was so lost, Uh, you know, and
33:25
Speaker 1: I had no, of course, of what direction I wanted
33:27
Speaker 1: to take when I was under the influence that robbed
33:29
Speaker 1: me of everything that was important to me. Um And
33:32
Speaker 1: you know, through sobriety and in recovery, uh, it's allotted
33:35
Speaker 1: me to get to know self and really pursue the
33:38
Speaker 1: things that I really love and enjoy. And something else
33:41
Speaker 1: that I was talking to Cameron about that I wasn't
33:43
Speaker 1: sure if it would resonate with you as well. We
33:45
Speaker 1: were talking about having like you were on the Laguda
33:49
Speaker 1: Beach or the hills when all of this started, right,
33:51
Speaker 1: so you had a lot of you had the financial
33:55
Speaker 1: ability to be able to do these things, And I
33:57
Speaker 1: was saying out the same thing kind of went with Cameron.
34:00
Speaker 1: Do you think if you had less money it would
34:03
Speaker 1: have been less prevalent in your life or do you
34:05
Speaker 1: think it wouldn't have mattered You would have figured it out? No,
34:08
Speaker 1: it would have. I mean, at the end of the day,
34:09
Speaker 1: wouldn't have mattered. I mean I came from a very
34:11
Speaker 1: successful family, if you will, I came, but I also
34:14
Speaker 1: came from somebody, you know. I came from a solid
34:16
Speaker 1: foundation of of you know, I had good morals, good values,
34:20
Speaker 1: was raised right, had parents who were unbelievable. I mean,
34:23
Speaker 1: definitely the same added fuel to the fire. But ultimately,
34:27
Speaker 1: before any of that stuff happened, I mean I can
34:29
Speaker 1: even identify when I was thirteen or fourteen years old,
34:31
Speaker 1: without having to utilize subs, substances or drugs, I noticed
34:35
Speaker 1: that I had, you know, underlying issues, whether that was
34:37
Speaker 1: self or self esteem, uh, you know, and many other things.
34:41
Speaker 1: The question anxiety. I struggled with O c D at
34:44
Speaker 1: a very young age, and all those things kind of compelled,
34:46
Speaker 1: but there was nothing. There was not resources or outlets
34:48
Speaker 1: to be able to talk about that. Even just you know,
34:50
Speaker 1: fifteen years ago. Uh, compared to where we're at today,
34:53
Speaker 1: I mean, we've progressed so much more, and you know,
34:55
Speaker 1: just being able to reach out today versus back then
34:58
Speaker 1: is in a totally different spot. Uh. You know. The
35:01
Speaker 1: money piece definitely, you know, I mean it made things,
35:05
Speaker 1: it it heightened it, But I mean at the end
35:07
Speaker 1: of the day, that wasn't the core issue. And a
35:10
Speaker 1: lot of questions were coming in that, you know, they
35:13
Speaker 1: have somebody who's struggling with addiction that as in their
35:17
Speaker 1: life and they are every time they try to talk
35:20
Speaker 1: to them. The person is super defensive. So now they're
35:23
Speaker 1: feeling deflated, like is there a kind of like how
35:26
Speaker 1: to or is there any kind of or information that
35:30
Speaker 1: you can share with those out there they're struggling to
35:32
Speaker 1: communicate with that person in their life. That's a very
35:35
Speaker 1: very good question. I think at the end of the
35:37
Speaker 1: day is is people need to get educated on on
35:40
Speaker 1: the disease of addiction, right. I mean, there is no
35:42
Speaker 1: such thing as recreational use of heroin or meth or
35:45
Speaker 1: drinking a bottle of vaka they or you know, snorting
35:48
Speaker 1: whatever it may be, taking a bunch of valume or benzos, whatever,
35:51
Speaker 1: whatever your drug it's choice is. So I think it's understanding.
35:54
Speaker 1: You know, addiction does not dictate who we are, but
35:56
Speaker 1: it does not justify our actions. And I think it's
35:58
Speaker 1: imperative that people approach us and it's like any other
36:00
Speaker 1: disease that you know that this is it's got to
36:03
Speaker 1: come from love. It's got to come you know, with
36:05
Speaker 1: with compassion and understanding, and you know, because it's it's
36:09
Speaker 1: somebody that's gotta wake up every day and utilize one
36:11
Speaker 1: of those drugs to get through their day. Obviously they're
36:13
Speaker 1: in a very bad spot. So I think it's it's
36:15
Speaker 1: really coming from it with with love is a big
36:17
Speaker 1: piece of it. But also, uh, setting boundaries and knowing
36:20
Speaker 1: when you're contributing to to when you're benefiting somebody versus
36:23
Speaker 1: when you're causing more harm, because that's a big factor
36:26
Speaker 1: in this is wherever there's an alcoholic or an addict,
36:29
Speaker 1: there's a codependent, and sometimes they're just as sick, if
36:31
Speaker 1: not sicker, meaning that they you know, like for example,
36:34
Speaker 1: my parents many times kept throwing pillows. They were literally
36:37
Speaker 1: loving me to death when I should have fallen. And
36:40
Speaker 1: you know, again is when I was willing to get
36:42
Speaker 1: support or get help to be able to be there
36:45
Speaker 1: and support me, whether that's your friends, family, whatever it
36:47
Speaker 1: may be. But also when I'm in a place where
36:49
Speaker 1: I'm not wanting to do that. You don't want to
36:50
Speaker 1: enable negative behavior. So how do you know if you're
36:53
Speaker 1: enabling versus actually being helpful. I think it's setting it's
36:57
Speaker 1: clear line boundaries with it is is setting up, and
36:59
Speaker 1: it's it's getting Sometimes you have to get clear cut
37:02
Speaker 1: direction from individuals as well, because that's the thing is
37:05
Speaker 1: this disease is so multifaceted, right that sometimes it's it's
37:08
Speaker 1: imperative you get outside counsel with this, because when you
37:10
Speaker 1: have it, when you're just a mom and a dad
37:12
Speaker 1: trying to play you know, the mother or the father
37:14
Speaker 1: figure to your son or daughter or whatever role it
37:16
Speaker 1: may be, it's outside your scope. It's just like when
37:19
Speaker 1: you're dealing with somebody that has cancer, You're you're you're
37:21
Speaker 1: trying to do as much as you can to get
37:23
Speaker 1: them to the right place right And I think sometimes
37:26
Speaker 1: that's that's the place where it's it's it's if you're
37:28
Speaker 1: a spot when it's that deep and you don't know
37:29
Speaker 1: if you're contributing more harm or good. I would highly
37:32
Speaker 1: advise that you seek outside help to really help you
37:35
Speaker 1: with that. And that's because it's it's they want their
37:37
Speaker 1: mom or dad or whatever the relationship to be, to
37:40
Speaker 1: have that support from that person, not trying to be
37:42
Speaker 1: the professional. Well I had read, um, I think you
37:45
Speaker 1: were arrested something like eighteen times. That accurate a lot,
37:51
Speaker 1: a lot a lot of times. What was your final
37:55
Speaker 1: like actual uh you're breaking point? When were you like
37:59
Speaker 1: I'm done? I mean I know there's been a relapse,
38:01
Speaker 1: but I what was that point? And what do you
38:04
Speaker 1: think is is a way that Yeah, go ahead, I
38:08
Speaker 1: call that my moment of clarity, right where I really
38:10
Speaker 1: identified and surrendered to the disease and that I admitted
38:13
Speaker 1: that I had a problem, that I was willing to
38:14
Speaker 1: get help. Uh. You know, because this for people that
38:17
Speaker 1: don't know my story from you know, the ages of
38:19
Speaker 1: seventeen to years old, I went to fourteen different treatment
38:23
Speaker 1: centers from Florida, Hawaii, every state between, you know, as
38:27
Speaker 1: arrested multiple times. Uh. You know, obviously went through a
38:30
Speaker 1: very public battle with addiction. And what that led me
38:32
Speaker 1: to is is all those times and we can talk
38:36
Speaker 1: about you know, going to those different treatments and all
38:38
Speaker 1: those things. They instill different things along the way, but
38:40
Speaker 1: the biggest thing is that I was not willing or
38:42
Speaker 1: motivated during that time. And what really transitioned is, you know,
38:45
Speaker 1: addiction not only took me to the deaths of contemplating suicide,
38:49
Speaker 1: but actually attempting. So I was at a spot where
38:51
Speaker 1: I had I was not wanting to live any further. Um,
38:55
Speaker 1: and this draw me back into a spot where I
38:57
Speaker 1: was actually in the therapist office yet again with my
38:59
Speaker 1: mom and dad. Um and my parents who play a
39:03
Speaker 1: very pivotal role in our lives. Uh. You know, my
39:05
Speaker 1: dad somebody that I look up to a lot um
39:08
Speaker 1: and I've never seen him break down before, but I'll
39:10
Speaker 1: never forget. In two thousand ten of July, uh you know,
39:14
Speaker 1: he sat there across uh for me and my mom
39:17
Speaker 1: in the therapist and you get just go, look, we
39:18
Speaker 1: don't know what we're gonna do anymore. Um, you know,
39:22
Speaker 1: we're lost. Uh you know, our marriage is suffering. Uh,
39:26
Speaker 1: you know, and we're like two planks of wood waiting
39:28
Speaker 1: for the phone call that you're dead. And like when
39:32
Speaker 1: he said that, when he you know, painted that picture
39:34
Speaker 1: of them waiting, being a lane in beds waiting, you know,
39:36
Speaker 1: like two planks of wood waiting for the phone call
39:38
Speaker 1: and I'm dead. Whatever it was, there was some form
39:40
Speaker 1: of There was just a moment of clarity. Like I said,
39:42
Speaker 1: I was in a spot where I had no motivation
39:45
Speaker 1: to want to do this for myself. And I don't
39:46
Speaker 1: want to sound contradicting, because my parents were the motivating
39:49
Speaker 1: factor for me to have some form of willingness, which
39:51
Speaker 1: translated into me being able to obtain recovery and really surrendering. Um.
39:56
Speaker 1: So that was that moment when I kind of like
39:58
Speaker 1: something click. A light came off on and I said, look,
40:01
Speaker 1: I know I don't care enough about myself to do this,
40:03
Speaker 1: but my parents and family and close friends became my
40:08
Speaker 1: motivating factor. And that's what you know. It's transcended into
40:11
Speaker 1: multiple months of sobriety for that reason. And then over time,
40:13
Speaker 1: after I actively arrested disease, after I got stabilized, uh,
40:17
Speaker 1: and it was really living a life and recovery. It
40:20
Speaker 1: became something that I actually wanted. And that's the thing
40:22
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people that understand is is
40:24
Speaker 1: when somebody is active in their addiction, they don't they
40:27
Speaker 1: lose the right to make their own decisions. They are
40:29
Speaker 1: not thinking correctly. The way that somebody's frontal cortex operates,
40:32
Speaker 1: which is your your executive functioning skills in your brain
40:36
Speaker 1: does not work. And that's why there's got to be
40:38
Speaker 1: a disruption to this process. Whether it's through and you know, intervention,
40:41
Speaker 1: or whether it's people getting arrested or something that's major's
40:44
Speaker 1: got to happen because they're not thinking correctly. And like
40:47
Speaker 1: I said, being I was not in the clear state
40:49
Speaker 1: of mind going to this therapy session. It was really
40:51
Speaker 1: kind of like a come to Jesus if you will,
40:53
Speaker 1: trying to figure out what direction we're going to take.
40:55
Speaker 1: But it was that moment where you know, I saw
40:58
Speaker 1: them being very vulnerable. Uh. And for me it was
41:02
Speaker 1: a Godshop moment because that's that's the moment that changed
41:05
Speaker 1: my life for the better. And I have a lot
41:09
Speaker 1: of younger listeners, and I was overwhelmed with how many
41:11
Speaker 1: people wrote in you know, I'm sick of this person
41:14
Speaker 1: asking me if I'm struggling in addiction. I I love
41:16
Speaker 1: to go and party and I'm just hanging out with
41:18
Speaker 1: chicks and I want to do that. You know, it
41:20
Speaker 1: became like it's this big social thing and they're kind
41:23
Speaker 1: of defensive about it and they're wanting to know how
41:26
Speaker 1: to get these people off their back. But my question is,
41:29
Speaker 1: how do you know if you're in that stage where
41:31
Speaker 1: you're telling yourself, I'm just having fun, I'm parting recreationally
41:35
Speaker 1: that like, no, you you probably have a problem. Well, look,
41:38
Speaker 1: I mean something that I go by is personally is
41:41
Speaker 1: there's no normality and escaping reality. Right. But for those
41:45
Speaker 1: that are out there, because I'm not against people that
41:46
Speaker 1: can enjoy and have recreational use and enjoy it themselves,
41:49
Speaker 1: but I look at it. If if I look at addiction,
41:51
Speaker 1: whether it's drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, food, whatever it is.
41:55
Speaker 1: If whatever it is you're struggling with is derailing you
41:58
Speaker 1: from your hitting your ultimate goals, that's knocking you off
42:00
Speaker 1: balance of where you want to be in life, it's
42:02
Speaker 1: something to identify with, right And do you think you
42:05
Speaker 1: could even A lot of the time you hear, oh, well,
42:07
Speaker 1: I don't even know what I want to do in life,
42:09
Speaker 1: so this is fine, this suits me for now. You
42:12
Speaker 1: do hear that. But at the end of the day,
42:14
Speaker 1: it's it's you're not giving yourself the best best opportunity
42:16
Speaker 1: to reach your fullest potential when you're under the influence. Uh.
42:20
Speaker 1: And I think again, is is what are you taking?
42:22
Speaker 1: What you know and how often you're using I mean,
42:23
Speaker 1: there's so many different studies and statistics that are out
42:26
Speaker 1: there that you know, doctors are's actually evidence based, you know,
42:28
Speaker 1: things that are coming out today. You can actually take
42:31
Speaker 1: a test to see, you know, I mean, you can
42:33
Speaker 1: take a test to see if you struggle with substance
42:35
Speaker 1: abuse or alcoholism. There's different things out there. Oh there,
42:38
Speaker 1: I didn't even know that. That's amazing. Yes, So what
42:41
Speaker 1: I can do is after this, I'll send you. You know,
42:43
Speaker 1: there's specific there's twelve questions on being an alcoholic. Uh
42:47
Speaker 1: you know if if you struggle with alcoholisms, if you answer,
42:50
Speaker 1: you know four out of these twelve questions, you probably
42:52
Speaker 1: have issues with alcoholism. So I'm more than happy to
42:55
Speaker 1: say please. We will definitely post yes. And then I
42:58
Speaker 1: know that you are are um married and you have
43:01
Speaker 1: a daughter. Now, so congratulations, um I thank you very much.
43:06
Speaker 1: Um So, I have a two partner, but I ask
43:07
Speaker 1: you the first one. First for in regards to parenting,
43:12
Speaker 1: how do you think that you will talk to your
43:15
Speaker 1: daughter in regards to alcohol or drugs or whatever it
43:19
Speaker 1: may be. God, you had to go there, such a
43:21
Speaker 1: loaded question. Well I want to know now for my kids.
43:25
Speaker 1: I'm like, I need to you know. I think it's
43:27
Speaker 1: such an important conversation that we all tiptoe around. I
43:30
Speaker 1: mean I remember like just thinking, okay, I just I
43:34
Speaker 1: don't want to die. I'm scared to try this because
43:36
Speaker 1: I heard this happen to one person, but that was
43:38
Speaker 1: just fear based. But I had no actual knowledge where
43:41
Speaker 1: I have other friends that tried everything because they were
43:44
Speaker 1: like told, oh, it's just like blah blah blah, and
43:46
Speaker 1: then really they're trying you know, meth. All right, Well,
43:50
Speaker 1: so no, I mean that's a it's a great question.
43:52
Speaker 1: And I think from from my perspective and everything that
43:54
Speaker 1: I've gone through and what I've learned, you know, I've
43:56
Speaker 1: got very educated around the disease model of this, and
43:59
Speaker 1: it's both behavior and biology player role into addiction. You
44:03
Speaker 1: know that that classify it as a brain disorder. That's
44:05
Speaker 1: kind of what I've come up with. But I think
44:07
Speaker 1: with that being said, to break that down is the
44:11
Speaker 1: evidence based modalities that we've seen is there's actually studies
44:14
Speaker 1: out there if that if you can actually have somebody
44:16
Speaker 1: stay away from drug use or alcohol use until they're
44:19
Speaker 1: twenty one years old to let their brains you know,
44:22
Speaker 1: almost fully develop, they have a chance of not having
44:25
Speaker 1: addiction issues. So that from what I've learned, I mean,
44:29
Speaker 1: in my household, when Delilah is you know under our roof,
44:33
Speaker 1: I mean, she's not gonna be utilizing you. I'm not
44:35
Speaker 1: gonna be the parents that's gonna let her experiment or
44:37
Speaker 1: do things like that because you know, for me, is
44:40
Speaker 1: with what I've learned today is we have that evidence
44:43
Speaker 1: to show that you know, and that that that time frame. Uh,
44:47
Speaker 1: it's so imperative that we steer clear of that stuff
44:49
Speaker 1: in the potency and the different types of drugs that
44:51
Speaker 1: are out there are there, they're that's so different from
44:53
Speaker 1: even ten years ago. So I mean, the way I'm
44:56
Speaker 1: gonna approach it is let her know. I'll be open
44:58
Speaker 1: and vulnerable, let her know what the struggle is that
45:00
Speaker 1: it runs in our family, um, you know, and I
45:03
Speaker 1: will be very transparent with her to to let her
45:05
Speaker 1: know that this is something that is is that I
45:08
Speaker 1: had to deal with and that it's affected us tremensally.
45:11
Speaker 1: And again it's thank god she's too right now, and
45:13
Speaker 1: I think we're on a spot where're gonna have so
45:14
Speaker 1: much more knowledge and education around this every year that
45:17
Speaker 1: goes on from here. But I mean, the main thing
45:20
Speaker 1: is is there's not gonna be any drugs or alcohol
45:22
Speaker 1: in my house well when she's when she's under our roof,
45:25
Speaker 1: and she could be upset about that, but based on
45:28
Speaker 1: the scientific evidence, I want to give her the best
45:31
Speaker 1: opportunity that she possibly can. And more moreoverly is I
45:34
Speaker 1: want to instill in her that you don't need drugs
45:37
Speaker 1: and alcohol to have fun. I mean, drugs and alcohol
45:39
Speaker 1: robbed me from everything I love. I grew up in
45:42
Speaker 1: the Gouna beach, grew up surfing, skateboarding, snowboarding, wakeboarding, uh,
45:46
Speaker 1: you know, playing baseball, all the things I love. And
45:50
Speaker 1: I stopped doing every single thing when I started using heavily.
45:54
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm out here. I'm sitting in choir
45:56
Speaker 1: right now, you know, And I'm on a surf trip
45:59
Speaker 1: with somebody and stuff, and I mean, I get to
46:01
Speaker 1: embrace life. Like there was a whole crew of us
46:03
Speaker 1: that went out to dinner last night and all of
46:04
Speaker 1: us were sober, and it's just so funny to people
46:08
Speaker 1: watch and just to see what people think is fun.
46:10
Speaker 1: I think there's this a false perception on what is
46:13
Speaker 1: really a reality. You know, I want it is false,
46:16
Speaker 1: it's reality. And in that in that same vein, like
46:20
Speaker 1: is there certain things like okay, I don't I don't
46:23
Speaker 1: know if your wife has a glass of wine, or
46:25
Speaker 1: if you're filming the hills or any of those things.
46:27
Speaker 1: Are there any triggers for you now that you're just like,
46:30
Speaker 1: I need to get out of the situation, or how
46:32
Speaker 1: do you handle that? If you have been triggered great
46:35
Speaker 1: question is you know there there are it's it's the
46:38
Speaker 1: trigger or the obsession to use. It can be very overwhelming.
46:41
Speaker 1: But I basically when I go into a situation, it's
46:43
Speaker 1: like my wife is very mindful, she has a normal
46:45
Speaker 1: She can have a glass of wine, take it or
46:47
Speaker 1: leave it. You know. When we first met, what really
46:49
Speaker 1: drew me to her is how supportive and dedicated she
46:52
Speaker 1: was to helping me in my recovery. Because she literally
46:55
Speaker 1: stopped drinking for over a year to support me in
46:57
Speaker 1: my recovery back in two thousand ten. And that showed
47:00
Speaker 1: her dedication to it. And today she's very mindful. She
47:03
Speaker 1: literally asked still to the say or you know, you know,
47:05
Speaker 1: you're good if I have a glass of wine or
47:07
Speaker 1: you know, and we communicate. Communication is key. But if
47:09
Speaker 1: we go into an environment like I like the hills
47:12
Speaker 1: and going back into relapse, because that's you know, relapses,
47:15
Speaker 1: something that that that happens um and it's something to
47:19
Speaker 1: be mindful of. But it's any time I go into
47:20
Speaker 1: a situation where I know there may be an uncomfortablelity,
47:23
Speaker 1: like for work or different things, I have an exit strategy.
47:26
Speaker 1: You know, I have a couple of guys that I
47:28
Speaker 1: let know of the environment that I'm going into. Uh,
47:30
Speaker 1: And then I you know, I may need, may need
47:32
Speaker 1: to reach out to them, uh, you know. And and
47:34
Speaker 1: I let my wife know. I communicate with her if
47:36
Speaker 1: I'm feeling uncomfortable. And if i get to a spot
47:38
Speaker 1: where I'm really, you know, very uncomfortable, I'll tell my
47:42
Speaker 1: wife we've gotta go. And and your most recent relapse,
47:47
Speaker 1: what do you think was the driving force that you
47:50
Speaker 1: were able to stop again and recommit. Do you think
47:54
Speaker 1: it was the fact that your wife gave you an
47:56
Speaker 1: ultimatum or I don't know what what the case was,
47:58
Speaker 1: but I'm just asking you know, this will well this
48:00
Speaker 1: We'll just give you. This is something that for me
48:03
Speaker 1: is is it was not even related to the obsession
48:06
Speaker 1: of substances or different environments. This is actually something else
48:09
Speaker 1: that I was never privy to and I never really had.
48:11
Speaker 1: I never had an issue with body imaging, if you will.
48:14
Speaker 1: Like I said, growing up, I was always active, athletic,
48:16
Speaker 1: was always in shape to some degree, even when I
48:18
Speaker 1: was in my addiction. They ever got super out of shape.
48:21
Speaker 1: But this time, after I had gotten out of treatment
48:23
Speaker 1: and was sober for you know, a length of six months,
48:26
Speaker 1: you know, six months, uh, you know, I actually had
48:29
Speaker 1: gained a lot of weight from the last time of
48:31
Speaker 1: your body just doesn't you know, as you get older,
48:33
Speaker 1: obviously your system doesn't work as well. And and I
48:36
Speaker 1: had gained a lot of weight, and I was super
48:38
Speaker 1: uncomfortable in my own skin. And you know, every day
48:40
Speaker 1: when you wake up, you know, and you take a
48:41
Speaker 1: shower and get ready, what do you see? You see
48:43
Speaker 1: yourself in the mirror. And I didn't reach out about that.
48:46
Speaker 1: It was something that was new, uh for me, which
48:48
Speaker 1: was imaging stuff and and being you know, bloated and
48:51
Speaker 1: this in a you know, I thought my system would
48:53
Speaker 1: would come back in and obviously being on camera that
48:56
Speaker 1: did not help. That made things very uncomfortable. And as
48:59
Speaker 1: opposed opening up and talking about it, I isolated, and
49:03
Speaker 1: ultimately it took me back to using. And when I use,
49:06
Speaker 1: it was a one day thing. But when I woke up,
49:10
Speaker 1: you know, I sat there with my wife and we
49:11
Speaker 1: had a real conversation about what the issue was, and
49:13
Speaker 1: she understood it, and she she did not you know,
49:15
Speaker 1: she also she understood what was going on, and she
49:18
Speaker 1: in the love and support from her was huge, but
49:21
Speaker 1: it was also like a motivating factors like I need
49:23
Speaker 1: to be able to be there for my daughter, I
49:24
Speaker 1: need to be able to be there for my wife.
49:26
Speaker 1: I need to be an example. Um, you know. And
49:28
Speaker 1: I also know where this takes me. I played the
49:30
Speaker 1: tape out it trust me that the using and drinking
49:32
Speaker 1: for me, it's not fun. Drinking and using used to be.
49:34
Speaker 1: It used to be, uh, you know, fun, It became
49:37
Speaker 1: a lifestyle, and then it became a way of survival.
49:39
Speaker 1: So whenever I use, like if I use drugs or
49:40
Speaker 1: out call, there's no fun left in it. Uh. It's
49:43
Speaker 1: in a spot where it's very dark, isolated, uh, and
49:46
Speaker 1: not wanting to be present. Uh. And the only way
49:49
Speaker 1: I know to be able to deal with that stuff
49:51
Speaker 1: is to identify the issues. That called a triple A modality.
49:54
Speaker 1: It's it's it's awareness accepted in action. If I'm not
49:57
Speaker 1: aware of what's going on, I'm not gonna be able
49:59
Speaker 1: to accept what's happening. And if I don't accept what's happy,
50:01
Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna be able to take take action
50:03
Speaker 1: on it. So I pause in that moment, I really
50:06
Speaker 1: identify what's going on except what I need to do
50:09
Speaker 1: so I can take the appropriate action to better the situation. Well,
50:12
Speaker 1: this is so interesting. Thank you so much. I I mean,
50:16
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting that you brought up the body
50:19
Speaker 1: image issues starting to happen, because that was another big
50:22
Speaker 1: thing that people are wanting to learn about, is different
50:25
Speaker 1: food addiction, body issues and how that can translate into
50:29
Speaker 1: so many different things in our life. So, UM, I
50:32
Speaker 1: thank you for being so vulnerable with us and sharing
50:34
Speaker 1: with us today. And UM, please if you can send
50:38
Speaker 1: in that information for our listeners and regards to if
50:42
Speaker 1: you know, if they're struggling with alcoholism or any of
50:44
Speaker 1: those types of things, that would be amazing. I'm more
50:47
Speaker 1: than happy to thank you for your time. Jason just
50:51
Speaker 1: paired with the Red Songbird Foundation. The foundation just announced
50:56
Speaker 1: its scholarship program that will donate a hundred thousand to
51:00
Speaker 1: it's the treatment of someone with mental health or substance
51:02
Speaker 1: abuse issues. Find out all the info at Beach House
51:06
Speaker 1: Treatment dot com slash Scholarship. Wow, that was such a
51:14
Speaker 1: great conversation and how amazing that both Jason and Cameron
51:20
Speaker 1: said the key to staying sober for them is in
51:23
Speaker 1: the routine meditation exercise. I mean, that's pretty eye opening. Um,
51:28
Speaker 1: but I also wanted to read through those questions that
51:32
Speaker 1: Jason said that you could look through, because I think
51:35
Speaker 1: it would be helpful. Have you ever decided to stop
51:37
Speaker 1: drinking for a week or so but only lasted for
51:40
Speaker 1: a couple of days? Yes? Or no? Do you wish
51:43
Speaker 1: people would mind their own business about your drinking stop
51:46
Speaker 1: telling you what to do? Yes? Or no? Have you
51:49
Speaker 1: ever switched from one kind of drink to another and
51:51
Speaker 1: the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk? Yes?
51:54
Speaker 1: Or no? Have you had to have an eye opener
51:59
Speaker 1: upon a way akening during the past year. Do you
52:02
Speaker 1: drink to get started or to stop shaking? That is
52:05
Speaker 1: a pretty sure sign that you're not drinking socially? Do
52:10
Speaker 1: you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
52:13
Speaker 1: Be honest? Doctors say that if you have a problem
52:15
Speaker 1: with alcohol and keep drinking, it will get worse, never better.
52:18
Speaker 1: Eventually you will die or end up in an institution
52:21
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. The only hope is
52:23
Speaker 1: to stop drinking. Has your drinking cause trouble at home?
52:27
Speaker 1: Do you ever try to get extra drinks at a
52:30
Speaker 1: party because you do not get enough? Do you tell
52:33
Speaker 1: yourself you can stop drinking at any time you want to,
52:36
Speaker 1: even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to.
52:39
Speaker 1: Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
52:43
Speaker 1: Do you often have blackouts? A blackout is when we
52:46
Speaker 1: have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember.
52:49
Speaker 1: When we came to a A, we found out that
52:52
Speaker 1: this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking. Have
52:55
Speaker 1: you ever felt that your life would be better if
52:58
Speaker 1: you did not drink? Many of A started to drink
53:00
Speaker 1: because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while.
53:03
Speaker 1: By the time we got to a A, we felt trapped.
53:06
Speaker 1: We were drinking to live and living to drink. We
53:08
Speaker 1: were sick and tired of being sick and tired. Wow.
53:12
Speaker 1: So I think that that's an important quiz to take.
53:15
Speaker 1: I mean, there's so many different matters we can get
53:17
Speaker 1: into in regards to addiction, from social media addiction to
53:22
Speaker 1: food addiction to sex addiction. Um, please write in whatever
53:27
Speaker 1: it is that you want us to talk about and
53:29
Speaker 1: we will get into it. At Teddy t at I
53:33
Speaker 1: heart radio dot com. Thanks for listening, Thanks for listening.
53:37
Speaker 1: Subscribe to radio or wherever you listen to podcasts.