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03 - My Story Pt. 2 - My Birth Story · Heartbeat of The Home

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to another episode of Heartbeat of the Home.
0:03
SPEAKER_00: I am Kristen, the host.
0:06
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here today.
0:08
SPEAKER_00: I am going to.
0:09
SPEAKER_00: My last episode was my story of just my holistic journey and why I'm passionate about holistic health.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: Today I'm going to be talking about my birth story of my incredible son Jackson.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: It's yeah, here we go.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: We'll see if we have enough daylight.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: Kind of, I'm kind of doing the format-ish, not really.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: I'm answering the questions that I will be asking on the other birth story interviews.
0:35
SPEAKER_00: So, but kind of obviously this is not interview style, but so I always ask, kind of tell me about their family and about themselves.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: So you know who I am.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm Kristen.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: I have an incredible 17-month-old, 16-month-old, I don't know.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: One of the two.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: Jackson, he is absolutely the best.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: I cannot believe that God has gifted us with him.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: He is our biggest blessing.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: He is so much fun.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: And I have an incredible husband who's a personal trainer.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: And he's just so kind and supportive and funny.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: He has the best sense of humor.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: And something that is super fun about Jackson right now is he there's so many, but he's just learning so much.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: And just he observes something and just does it.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: And he is learning new words.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like every day he's just saying a new word or sound and just communicating more, and he's just understanding more.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: And I can just say something, and he goes and does it, and I'm like, whoa, you can comprehend what I'm saying.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: That's wild.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: So that's been super fun.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: Kind of diving into my birth story.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: So kind of backtracking, my husband and I got married in college between sophomore and junior year.
1:49
SPEAKER_00: So we were pretty young.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: We were 20.
1:51
SPEAKER_00: And that was super normal for me.
1:52
SPEAKER_00: I always thought I was gonna get married really young.
1:54
SPEAKER_00: My parents got married when my mom was 19, my dad was 20.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: So that was never weird for me.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: We were in college and we were just like, hey, we know we're gonna get married.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: Let's get married.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: Which is so funny because up until genuinely this year, that has never been wild to me.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: But now I'm like, whoa.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we were young.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: That's wild.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: Would I do it differently?
2:17
SPEAKER_00: No.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: I think anyway, I could go on a whole tune in event.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: I would not do it differently.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: I just wish we had a lot more support around us.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, we got married in college, and so kids, I was like, five years.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: Then we'll be three years out of college, we'll be 25, five years.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: And then five years rolled around, and I was like, whoa, we are not ready to have kids.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: And then six-year-olds around, and we were like, oh no, we are not ready to have kids.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: And I think that is very much due to a lot of anxiety and fear I had around it, and just come to some healing I needed in my life.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, it was definitely because of healing that I needed in my life.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: Some things I needed to work through about being a parent and being a mom and just the transition.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: And so we uh had kind of talked about it.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: We both had a lot of fear around it, and I think we kind of just started talking about hey, we want to have kids.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: We really felt like we were supposed to be parents and God was calling us to be parents, and just that we honestly just needed to be obedient and listen to him and his timing.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: And so we kind of sat down and we're like, hey, God, we surrender this to you.
3:28
SPEAKER_00: We're kind of scared to be parents.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: We don't think this is the right time in our mind.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: We didn't have a house, we had one car, we had just so many things that we were like, this is not how we envisioned being parents.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: But we were like, you know what, God, but we trust you, and so we surrender this to you.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: So we prayed and surrendered to him, and we're like, it's in your hands, it's up to you.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: And then we got pregnant the next month.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: And um, we are just so thankful for that because that we just know that that's not the reality for a lot of people, and so we're so thankful for that, and kind of hearing, you know, if you listen to the previous episode, I just shared my whole story about healing my hormones and just a lot of fear I had around about not being able to get pregnant just with PCOS and just my hormone imbalance.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: And I just have had a lot of anxiety in the past, and so I was like, you know what?
4:23
SPEAKER_00: I right now, if it gets to it, I will.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: But right now, I'm not going to be tracking things, I'm not going to test like track my ovulation because I know it would get to a point where I am just anxious about it.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: And it is all that I can think about, and it would cause so much stress in my body, and I was really working on lowering cortisol, and so I was like, I am not going to do this because it is just going to raise my cortisol right now, and I I can't do that, and I can't think about that.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I knew relatively when I was ovulating and stuff, but I never like took ovulate like tracked ovulation sticks and stuff, and I just knew my body well enough to know when it was happening.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: So just very, very thankful that I had done all that research.
5:05
SPEAKER_00: So finding out that I was pregnant, I was supposed to be my period on Monday.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: And so Sunday, I remember we were at church and I felt like I was gonna throw up.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: And I like told my friend, I was like, Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm gonna throw up and pass out.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: Like, I need to sit down.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: And she was like, Oh my gosh.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm not pregnant.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: I my stomach hurts.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: And so then she's like, Okay, whatever.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then we were driving home.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: I was like, John, what if I am?
5:28
SPEAKER_00: He's like, I don't know.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: Which if you know, John, that's such a John answer.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: So I went to the dollar store and I got a test and it was negative.
5:36
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, cool.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: Well, if I I'll test again on Friday, because I'm literally supposed to get my period tomorrow.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: If I don't get it by Friday, I'll take a test Friday.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: And cool thing, like I had said, about we only had one car for we had been married six years at this point, and we have only ever had one car.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: God has blessed us.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: We've been able to figure it out for six years.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: But that Friday we went and bought a car and then from someone, and then we came home and I like raced John home because I was like, I get to take it now because I didn't want to take it before.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: And I peed up sick and like was hopeful, but did not expect it to actually be positive, and it was positive, and I was like, What the heck?
6:23
SPEAKER_00: And I could not wait.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: John, as soon as I saw that it was positive, I heard the door open, and I was like, John, come here.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: And he came in and thought I had called him into kill spider, so he's like, What?
6:33
SPEAKER_00: And we're just kind of like looking around and like staring at the test, and he's like, What?
6:37
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, It literally says pregnant, and he was like, What?
6:42
SPEAKER_00: Um, so we're super excited.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was just really fun and really sweet.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: And then my mom was in town, so I was literally leaving in like an hour to go see her, and I was like, ah, and I saw so many people that day, and I was like, I can't see anything, but it was crazy to wrap my mind around.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: But we were just so thankful and so excited.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: And then my pregnancy uh first trimester was really hard.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: I was really sick.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, I feel like I'm gonna do a whole episode on morning sickness because there's just so many things that I tried and other people have tried and recommended, and I'm gonna do a whole episode on that.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, first trimester was rough.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: I was beyond exhausted.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: I feel like the only thing that I compare it to is like COVID because of how tired I was.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: So that's just like the level of exhaustion.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: I was so tired, nauseous, threw up a lot.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: I really couldn't eat a lot.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I maybe ate one meal a day.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: Like I just food, disgusting, not hungry.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: What I would eat, I would throw up.
7:38
SPEAKER_00: Unfortunate.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: Um, and something I remember saying that I was like, I'm not gonna forget this because I need other women to know this because it was so stressful.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: Was I had so much cramping my whole first trimester, and everything online either says, this is normal, your uterus is expanding, or go to the hospital, you're having a miscarriage.
8:03
SPEAKER_00: Obviously scary, but something that I really held on to in this pregnancy was not allowing fear into my pregnancy.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: And I had a friend who was pregnant before me, and she had talked to someone at our church about this, and that was her number one recommendation was just to not let fear into any aspect of your pregnancy, whether it's big decisions or like what stroller to get or your baby registry, or just not to let fear into your pregnancy and just kind of sharing, like I shared before, I had had a lot of anxiety in the past, and even with not wanting to like really track ovulation and stuff, I feel like I for myself really just wanted to fully surrender my pregnancy to God and just trust him and just fully believe that God uh created my body to have a baby and that he is in control and that I trust him and that I wasn't going to let fear into my pregnancy and that I just wanted the least amount of intervention and checks and things just because I was trusting him and just trusting that he was gonna take care of me no matter what.
9:20
SPEAKER_00: So when I found out I was pregnant, I didn't go to the doctor, I didn't go in until 13 weeks, I didn't do the eight-week appointment, I I don't know, I it didn't seem necessary.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: I went back and forth a lot because I had talked to some friends and I feel like I they kind of thought I was crazy, and so then I kind of started second guessing myself.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: No, this is no like bashing on them at all.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: They were just kind of like, what?
9:50
SPEAKER_00: Which is valid.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, and they're like, Are you sure you don't want to go in and just check?
9:53
SPEAKER_00: And so then I started getting in my head and I was like, no, I feel peace.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: I I know I'm pregnant, I just know that I am, and I am just trusting that I am, and I'm trusting that God is going to provide for me, and until I something it feels like something's wrong, or I'm starting something comes up, like I am just gonna trust him, and I'm just gonna trust that he's taking care of us.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: And so um I went into my 13 week.
10:21
SPEAKER_00: That was the early I meant to do 12 week, but I forgot to schedule it, and 13 weeks was the earliest they could get me in.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: And I didn't want an ultrasound.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: I was met, I found a midwife um through our provider, and I was just like, I don't really want an ultrasound, I just want a Doppler.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: Did the Doppler, found the heartbeat right away, um, which was super exciting, really emotional.
10:44
SPEAKER_00: It was beautiful.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: I feel like that was just my confirmation because obviously I didn't do an ultrasound at eight weeks or anything.
10:49
SPEAKER_00: That was the first time that it was like, oh my gosh, this is real, that's crazy.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: And so that was just so fun.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: John was with me, came to that appointment, and yeah, I just kind of like met with the midwife and was like, listen, I trust my body.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: I trust that this is how God designed me, and I want minimal intervention and minimal checks and just like the least amount of things that I can get.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just trusting that I was like, until something if there's obviously if there's something medically necessary, I'm a hundred percent going to do that.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: But until that point, I'm just gonna trust that everything's gonna be okay.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: And um, my midwife was phenomenal considering that you know it was just at a normal clinic because that's what our insurance covered, and she listened and she supported everything I did.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: I just felt so supported.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: So after the first trimester was rough, but going into second, I felt great.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: You know, that's the thing that everyone says, you feel phenomenal, and I did.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: Um, I uh did lose a lot of weight.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: My I lost 10 pounds in my first trimester just because I wasn't eating, and so it felt really good to like feel nourished again in my second trimester.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: But that was something that was kind of not fun.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: Was my whole pregnancy food was just disgusting.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: Nothing sounded good.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: I remember we had a small group towards the end of my third trimester, and one of the icebreakers was like, What's your go-to snack?
12:07
SPEAKER_00: And John had to tell me what to say because I was like, nothing, nothing sounds good.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, it definitely messed with my taste budgets, which was wild.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I uh yeah, second trimester was great.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: Third trimester went by pretty quickly.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I started to have a lot of back and hip, like lower back and hip pain.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I started going to a chiropractor, which was phenomenal.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: She adjusted my tailbone.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: Ladies, if you are having back pain in pregnancy, go to a chiropractor.
12:41
SPEAKER_00: I cannot recommend this enough.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: It changed the end of my pregnancy.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: It was so helpful.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: God just showed up in so many ways in my pregnancy.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: I think even sharing about how I just like wanted to trust God and like didn't schedule appointment.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: Not didn't schedule appointments.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: I did schedule appointments, but just like did minimal things and just like that is not me.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: Like that is not me.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I just think that's so cool that God provided that piece for me in that season because that's just like it's make kind of making me emotional because that is not me.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: That isn't I want to know all the things.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: I want to know everything right away.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: Like, I need to know all the answers.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: I need to like worst cannot case scenario, best case scenario, make sure everything's okay, verify.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: But I was like, no, I'm trusting this is gonna happen.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: And so he just gave me that piece, which was just a blessing.
13:31
SPEAKER_00: And um, honestly, finances were really difficult for us in that season.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm self-employed and it was going into my slow season, and also I just like couldn't really work because I was pregnant, and then obviously gonna have a baby, and so money was just really tight, and God just provided all the things that we needed for him, for his nursery, um, and just like the essentials, and it was just a huge, huge blessing.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: He provided all that, and um, even our chiropractor, I had to stop going just because we couldn't really afford it, but it was really helping, and we got I think I know who it is, but we just got a letter in our mailbox around Christmas that it was like a little birdie told me that you've really needed to go to the chiropractor, and so they gave us a bunch of cash to help cover it.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: He just showed up in so many ways in provision and the hospital.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: I hopefully the plane isn't too loud.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: Dang it.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: I was really, really wanting a birth center birth, but it just was not covered by insurance.
14:30
SPEAKER_00: We'd have to pay fully out of pocket, and so we were really praying, and I was really disappointed about that.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: I was really, really, really struggling with that because that's where I really felt safe, and that was my biggest thing is I want to go into it feeling so safe.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: And I just really felt safe at the birth center, did not feel safe at a hospital, and but that just was kind of ended up not being an option for us, and so we toured a hospital and it was honestly really scary.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: I think, well, it was good, but it was scary.
14:56
SPEAKER_00: I feel like when you go, I think I would have been doing so many things about preparing my body, preparing my mind, and just like positivity and just best case scenarios, and obviously there's chances that things can go wrong, but I was really just working on like envisioning my birth positive positively.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: And I when we went, it's kind of like here's the NICU, this is where you'd go in for a C-section, and that was just something that had never crossed my mind, and so going in was just like really scary.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: And so John felt so much peace about that hospital.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: I think all of that really scared me.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: And I think when we walked past the OR, I got this like vision, and obviously I know this isn't from God, and it was just of me on an OR table having a C-section, and it there was just like fear in the room, and it just really scared me, and I think that's all I could think about the rest of the tour, and so we got home and processed it and just really prayed over it and prayed against that because God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind, and that is my like burst motto through therapy and all of this, and I was like, He there's no way he would have given me that.
16:13
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so just prayed against that and just prayed for his peace and direction, and we moved forward with that hospital and just ever since then felt so much peace.
16:22
SPEAKER_00: Um, so he provided that for us, and so just so so blessed about that.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: And so going into the birth, I was just really hoping and praying for a natural vaginal delivery, no intervention needed, just it being beautiful and calm, and I think that's what I was just praying over, like calm and peace, and so then preparing for birth, I was really, really praying hard over it in so many aspects.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to be doing an episode on like praying over your birth and just all the areas, but I was praying over the hospital, nurses, any care team, praying over my experience.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: I asked God what he wanted me to know about my birth.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: When I was really praying over my birth, he gave me the verse Psalm 23, the Lord is my shepherd.
17:06
SPEAKER_00: And so I just prayed over that and just spoke that over my birth.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: And he gave me a vision of a shepherd.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was basically bodyguard, um, but just a bodyguard standing because it's so important to be able to visualize your birth.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: And so I we had done the tour, I knew the room I was hopefully going to go into because it had a tub.
17:25
SPEAKER_00: And so I just saw him a man just standing outside of that room like a bodyguard, and he was just approving who could go in and out.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: And I just really sensed the Lord just like he was going to be my shepherd in this, and he was going to protect the room, and he was gonna protect me.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Gonna get emotional.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: Um, protect me and just protect the space.
17:47
SPEAKER_00: And that just really made me lean into like, okay, God, you are my shepherd, protect the room, do not let anyone in that is going to interfere with your plan, that's going to cause fear.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: Just that like the only people in the room would be peace and joy, and there'd be no fear entered into the room.
18:03
SPEAKER_00: And he just gave me that verse and that vision that I just like clung to and just prayed over and just gave me so much help going into birth.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: And so I was so thankful for that.
18:12
SPEAKER_00: And so I did go to 42 weeks.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, again, I wanted no intervention, low intervention in case unless medical, medically necessary.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: So got to 40 weeks, was just kind of like my doula had asked.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh, also, I had doula highly recommend.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: She had talked to me about, hey, are you prepared to go past 40 weeks?
18:32
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yeah.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: But I was sure I was gonna go early.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: Haha, went to 42 weeks, and so kind of the date that I thought I was gonna give birth on rolled around.
18:44
SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, not gonna happen.
18:45
SPEAKER_00: It's like 40 weeks rolled around, still don't happen.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: And so then I had my 41-week appointment, and the midwife.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: Um, my mom was in town because she was there to support me postpartum and pre-birth, but obviously, anyway.
19:00
SPEAKER_00: Um, he came up in his own time, had my 41-week appointment, and something I kind of I do recommend if you're having an appointment that you're a little nervous about or you're just wanting to reference again, ask if you can record it.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: My mom recorded just audio, um, recorded it.
19:16
SPEAKER_00: I honestly didn't really end up listening to it again because I feel like I was able to take it all in, but I was just nervous because I genuinely did not want to have a discussion about induction at all.
19:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, I didn't want a membrane sweep, tried all the natural induction things.
19:32
SPEAKER_00: I didn't try castor oil or anything, but I was like, I do not want to talk about induction.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: Um, I do not want to be induced, unless again, medically necessary.
19:42
SPEAKER_00: And so I was really dreading the 41-week appointment.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: So I went in and she was just kind of like, yes, I really we really want you to do the non-stress test, and then the other one that's like an ultrasound to test breathing and stuff like that.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: I felt fine.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: He was kicking like there's no tomorrow.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: And I felt so good, but I was like, Okay, well, 41 weeks today, when would you recommend I do the non-stress tests and the other test?
20:05
SPEAKER_00: And I'm blanking on what the other test is called, but you'll know.
20:09
SPEAKER_00: You'll probably notice.
20:10
SPEAKER_00: But um, and she was like, I would have you go to triage right now.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, you should go right now.
20:15
SPEAKER_00: And that just kind of like was like, oh, oh my gosh, I should go right now.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: And but again, I feel like I was like, no, I'm like, silence the fear.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: No, this is not a medical emergency.
20:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm okay.
20:28
SPEAKER_00: I feel great, like I feel fine.
20:30
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, aches and pains of pregnancy.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: I was 41 weeks pregnant, clearly very pregnant, uncomfy, but it was fine.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: So I went home and I thought about it, and I was like, okay, I will do the non-stress test on Friday.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: I think this was like a Tuesday.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'll schedule it for Friday.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: That's fine.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: Scheduled it, went in, great, kicked literally the entire time, past it.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: We were fine.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: So I did into the other one, and I just felt so much peace about it and went into the weekend, and I did have false labor the weekend before that.
21:02
SPEAKER_00: Um, contractions picked up at night and then kind of stayed consistent, um, and then just kind of vanished in the morning.
21:09
SPEAKER_00: Then I had the like non-stress test that next Friday, and then Saturday rolled around, and I was I was really starting to struggle mentally.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: I think physically, very pregnant, didn't but I was fine, but just the mental of you could give birth two weeks before your due date or two weeks after.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: So there is just that I'm basically coming up on a month of any day now, and just like my mom was in town, no didn't feel any pressure from her, but my mom was in town to support me and I wasn't having this baby.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: And people were kind of checking in and like wondering how I was doing, and I was like, still have not this baby, and I just I don't know, the mental toll was a lot, and I know I'm plugging a million episodes, but I'm also gonna do an episode on that because that was super hard.
21:54
SPEAKER_00: But um, so I remember I called my duela and was like, Hey, I'm struggling.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm almost 42 weeks pregnant.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: And then I was like, I don't even have a 42 week appointment scheduled.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: What am I supposed to do?
22:07
SPEAKER_00: And she just was like, Hey, take a breath.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: Your body was built for this.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: Highly recommend Please hire Adula.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: It's just so nice to have someone to talk to who is there to support you through this.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: But she was like, Your body was built for this.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: This is not a medical emergency.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: You are having a baby.
22:25
SPEAKER_00: This isn't the end of the world.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: You are meant you were meant for this.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Take a breath, take a bath, relax, do what you need to do.
22:34
SPEAKER_00: Do not worry about your appointment.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: You don't need an appointment.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be fine.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: I was like, but what if I go past 42 weeks?
22:41
SPEAKER_00: She's like, You're gonna be fine.
22:42
SPEAKER_00: You don't need an appointment.
22:44
SPEAKER_00: Trust your body.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: Is this what you want?
22:46
SPEAKER_00: I was like, yes.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: She's like, trust your body.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: So I did.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: That was so nice.
22:52
SPEAKER_00: It was so helpful.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: And then like another day rolled around.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: And so then finally, Sunday night, I we tried everything.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: I ran up and down the stairs as fast as I could as a 40 basically 42 week.
23:08
SPEAKER_00: At this point, it was 41 and 5, I think.
23:13
SPEAKER_00: Um ran up and down the stairs a few times, which was walking up and down the stairs.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: I told John to pick a song, an upbeat song, and we just like hopped around the living room and the kitchen and just jumped around.
23:26
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, we're getting this baby out.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: And then I did like bear crawls and just like crawled around the house for a few minutes.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: I actually like have a video of this, which I think is so fun because the last video I took is us crawling around the house and jumping around the house, and then the next picture is of Jackson.
23:44
SPEAKER_00: Um, but we did everything.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: I took like a homeopathic um induction thing.
23:52
SPEAKER_00: Um, we literally did everything, and then I had a very serious conversation.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: I had had many, listen, I was almost 42 expednant.
24:01
SPEAKER_00: I had had many very serious conversations with God up until this point, but we had a very serious one, and I was like, listen, mentally I cannot do this anymore.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: You I need to have this baby.
24:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, and wrestled with him, cried, prayed about it.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: We went to bed, and then around 1 a.m.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: I woke up and was like, oh my gosh, I'm having insane contractions.
24:27
SPEAKER_00: And I had had a really bad back pain kind of leading up to this.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: Um, so John did counterpressure, and um we yeah, I was like, I'm 100% in labor.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: This is really, really, really intense.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: I like was needing to breathe through them right away.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: I remember I like woke up in one and just like was like John and he like jumped out of bed and did counter pressure.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: Um and I was like, this, it's happening.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: Like this one, I'm tomorrow I'm gonna be 42 weeks pregnant, so it better be happening.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: But he did counterpressure, we were breathing through them, we started tracking them right away.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: I think they were um 511, and they were really intense really quickly.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: It needed to breathe through them, needed counterpressure, was on my exercise ball, doing all things.
25:15
SPEAKER_00: We called her doula, she said to keep tracking and breathing, and so about an hour went by, and then they kind of went down to 411, and so we called her and she came over, and I remember she's like, Well, she asked on the phone, she's like, Do you want me to come?
25:30
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yes, I need you here.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: And so she came over, and as soon as she walked in the door and just like held me, I just like sobbed and lost it because I just felt so safe knowing that there was someone there supporting me and just like guiding me.
25:44
SPEAKER_00: And so she was there for this.
25:46
SPEAKER_00: Is probably now I think she got there probably around 6 a.m.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: So I had been laboring for about a few hours and was down, it was at 411.
25:53
SPEAKER_00: She had me go to the dilation station, toilet, sucked, but it did help kind of like it really it intensified the contractions and I lost my mucus plug and I started throwing up.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: Um, and she kind of looked at John and was like, you should go load the car.
26:12
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so around 7:30 we left for the hospital.
26:17
SPEAKER_00: They were about, I think they were like 411 at this point still, maybe getting closer to 311.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: And that drive honestly wasn't horrible.
26:27
SPEAKER_00: I think it did kind of stall over slightly.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: Who knows?
26:31
SPEAKER_00: There's so many anyway.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: Um thrown up the whole time.
26:36
SPEAKER_00: Get to the hospital.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: I was just like booking it to the birth center area.
26:41
SPEAKER_00: I was, they were like, Do you want a wheelchair?
26:43
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Yes, they're taking too long.
26:45
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, no, and just like ran basically to the triage, and they're like, Do you have your insurance card?
26:50
SPEAKER_00: I was like, ah.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: But then I had like a very strong contraction, and up until this point, I did no cervical checks or anything.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: And so they took me to triage and this nurse, she was like, Hey, you're gonna need to lay down.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna need to check you before we admit you.
27:06
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I don't want any cervical checks.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: She's like, I understand, but we need to do cervical checks before we can admit you.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, That's not true.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: I've asked this.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: And oh my gosh, she, but she was just like cracking jokes when I was mid-contraction, but like at my expense, and we're just like, Oh, I don't know.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: It was just, I was mad.
27:27
SPEAKER_00: I was like staring John down, and he was like, Oh my gosh, this lady.
27:31
SPEAKER_00: But again, God protect the room.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: She did not come into the room, she did not continue with us.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: She um, my I literally couldn't get on the bed.
27:38
SPEAKER_00: I was having such strong contractions.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: My doula like disappeared, and she went and got the midwives because this triage nurse wouldn't.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: And as soon as the midwives saw me, they were like, You can go back into labor and delivery.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: And so I labored for a little bit, hopped in the tub right away, felt phenomenal.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: And then I kind of felt like I needed to push, but um, so then I pushed a little bit, like I kind of felt I needed to push, and then they're like, Well, do you want a cervical check just to see if like you're ready?
28:06
SPEAKER_00: And my doula actually encouraged it.
28:08
SPEAKER_00: She's like, I think it'd be really encouraging for you to know.
28:11
SPEAKER_00: So I did it, and I was at an eight at like 8 a.m.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: And she was there like, I'm okay, this is great, like just keep, you know, keep doing what you're doing, like you're making great progress.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: And then it just kind of stalled and stalled and stalled, and like then they checked me again, and nothing had changed.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna be honest, I don't I had no concept of time, but then I think at probably around like 10 or 11, she did another check, and I was still at an eight, but I had a swollen uh cervical lip on one side, and so they're like, Okay, this could be kind of preventing you from getting any more dilated because you're swollen and like he can't move down anymore.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: My water hadn't broken at this point.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: They she's like, We can try and manually move it around his head to like help him move down.
28:58
SPEAKER_00: So they did that a few times.
29:00
SPEAKER_00: I still had no epidural and very painful.
29:06
SPEAKER_00: So crazy how God protects our minds because looking back at it, I'm like, oh yeah, it wasn't that bad.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh, it was bad.
29:13
SPEAKER_00: It was for sure painful because they did it during a contraction.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: Tried a few times, they tried twice and it didn't work.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: Um, so like, okay, well, just like try and relax, and like yeah.
29:24
SPEAKER_00: So that happened, and my contractions just got really irregular.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: So my Jula was like, okay, we're gonna move.
29:30
SPEAKER_00: So like go to dilation station.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: So I moved, and then we did um inversions, which is like you're on your arms, legs are um up here, and you're like upside down during contractions, and so he was sunny side up for most of this.
29:46
SPEAKER_00: So I was having insane back labor.
29:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, that's kind of why my contractions like were super regular, and why I kind of I think there's another reason for the swollen cervical lip, but um that's why I kind of they were super regular and why he was kind of stuck in bad positions.
30:07
SPEAKER_00: That's why we were doing all these things to try and get him into a good position, and I felt him like move, and then my contractions leveled out and things kind of started to like build again.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: Um so then, and at this point I had gotten out of the tub multiple times.
30:24
SPEAKER_00: We were doing all things, so then as soon as I climbed back into the tub, I felt him shift right back, and everything was just like it was just rough.
30:33
SPEAKER_00: And this whole time I'm throwing up, I can't keep water down, I can't keep anything down.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm just exhausted, and was just we had done so many things to move his position, and he just kept going back into his little cozy, sunny side up position.
30:49
SPEAKER_00: And um, I we had just been praying and I had my worship playlist going and just like really believing for this, and my nerves were incredible.
30:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I love them so much.
30:59
SPEAKER_00: But I just was getting to the point of exhaustion, and I remember like I was just falling asleep in between contractions in the tub and just like sliding down because I was just so tired and I had nothing in my body.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: And I remember just looking over at John and he was just like he looked so defeated.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: We talked about what to say to me if I had asked for an epidural, and so they were kind of like, you can do it, like you can you can do it, and like they're really supportive, but I could just tell John was kind of he was really struggling, I was really struggling, and so I think we kind of I kind of made the decision of like I do want the epidural, and that was really hard to process, and so I ended up getting it, and they uh placed it super well.
31:41
SPEAKER_00: I loved my nurses in my hospital.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: I chose them for a reason, and the whole time I had my epidural, they were putting me in all these different positions with extra all these different things and towels and had heat packs on my back, and that was one thing that was just like a huge relief was just my back pain went away.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: My back labor went away when I got the epidural a little bit, or and it was just because a lot of the positions they were trying to get me to do to like move him, I just could not do because of my back labor because of his position and um able to and kind of put like heat on my back.
32:14
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if I was able to fall asleep, but I um was just able to rest and I needed that so much.
32:20
SPEAKER_00: And I was watching the epidural like a hawk, watching the potato, like they gave me the epidural and they're like, you can press this button if you like need a boost.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, no, give me the like lowest dose.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: I know the risks.
32:32
SPEAKER_00: And um, so then they kind of I had like the monitor set up so they could like obviously they're monitoring him, and he was doing phenomenal through this whole time.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: Like they monitored him with a Doppler the whole time, and um, and then my hospital had wireless monitors that they put on me during labor, which was so nice, so I could just move freely.
32:50
SPEAKER_00: And so they're monitoring him, and his heart rate was strong this whole time, and which I'm so thankful for, God really uh provided that.
32:57
SPEAKER_00: Um he's like, he's 42 weeks because he needed to be strong for this.
33:01
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then they're like, Okay, we need to give you pitocin to kind of like ramp it up because it's like you're resting, he's sleeping now, so we kind of need things to like ramp up again.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, can we wait?
33:14
SPEAKER_00: And they're like, no.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, I was like, okay, give me the lowest dose of pitocin possible.
33:19
SPEAKER_00: So they gave me the lowest dose, and then my contractions picked up again, and I really felt them a lot.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then they came in half an hour later and they're like, okay, time to give you another dose, and I was like, no.
33:29
SPEAKER_00: And they're like, What do you mean?
33:30
SPEAKER_00: It was like, you just give me pitocin, like I don't need any higher.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: They're like, Well, we really want to give you more.
33:35
SPEAKER_00: I was like, give another half an hour, and then you can give me more.
33:38
SPEAKER_00: So they gave me another half an hour, and then they gave me more, and I just kind of, I don't know, it just felt really cool to be in control of that and just have all the knowledge of pitocin and epidural and the combo and just like being able to be in control, and they let me be in control of that.
33:53
SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately with epidural, like they I was still not able to keep anything down.
33:58
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, they only let you have like liquids, but I still couldn't keep anything down.
34:01
SPEAKER_00: They gave me zofarin in my IV, did nothing.
34:04
SPEAKER_00: They gave me, I also had a really bad heartburn through it, so they were giving me like all these things.
34:08
SPEAKER_00: They're like, here, take this, it tastes terrible, but it like helps heartburn through that up.
34:12
SPEAKER_00: Like, still just like so exhausted.
34:15
SPEAKER_00: Then I was kind of sleeping, but then I could not like I had to breathe through contractions.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: There's so much pressure, and I was like, listen, something's happening because I can't stand this.
34:25
SPEAKER_00: They came and checked, and like my swelling had gone down.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: Swelling's gone, he's in the best position.
34:30
SPEAKER_00: You're 10 centimeters, like you're good, which was a huge, huge praise.
34:35
SPEAKER_00: And I yeah, I started, I really felt like I needed to push.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: So I started pushing, pushed for like two and a half hours, but also did not feel like two and a half hours.
34:46
SPEAKER_00: I was getting tired at the end, but it didn't feel like that.
34:48
SPEAKER_00: But I I feel like I was really able to feel a lot of it, even with the upper drill, which I'm really thankful for, which I really liked.
34:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, they didn't need to guide me through contractions.
34:58
SPEAKER_00: I felt them and like pushed in them, and um, they did like a warm compress to like help reduce the chance of like tearing.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I pushed and he pushed him out and he was born and they uh put him on my chest right away.
35:14
SPEAKER_00: And he I remember I was like, I don't want like I want his vernix on in because they were kind of like shaking him or like rubbing him because he wasn't crying and wasn't very responsive.
35:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, and they're like, he's just a little stunned, like we're just trying to wake him up.
35:28
SPEAKER_00: And then I remember I have like the video of it, and I remember my Jula was like, Kristen, talk to your baby.
35:35
SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna cry.
35:37
SPEAKER_00: And then I was just like, Hey Jackson, and as soon as I said that, he like took a breath and started crying, and it was just like oh, he just need to hear my voice, which is so cool.
35:47
SPEAKER_00: And I think that is just something I never really thought of of like he just needed to hear me, and they just need to hear their mom, and they just there's so much they're coming into a room of people and lights and surgical things, and it's crazy, and like they just need a calm environment, and he just needed to hear my voice, which was such a gift, and put him on my chest, and my umbilical cord was pretty short, so he couldn't really come all the way up.
36:12
SPEAKER_00: I remember when they put him on my chest, I was like, What?
36:15
SPEAKER_00: Because he was blonde, and I'm blonde, but my husband has like dark brown, almost black hair, and so I always envision him being a brunette, except funny though, because I did have a vision of John when I was doing a small group when I was pregnant, and I had a vision of John playing with our son, and I remember the light was just shining through the window, and the light, the room was just like so brightly lit, and the little boy had like bright white hair in the sun, and I remember being like, Okay, whatever.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: And that is true to him now, which is really cool.
36:49
SPEAKER_00: But I remember I was just like, Hello, why are you blonde?
36:52
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, he like they put on my chest right away.
36:54
SPEAKER_00: They waited.
36:55
SPEAKER_00: My I delivered my placenta very quickly after just because of how long labor was.
36:59
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I had toned it to that, and they waited until the umbilical cord stopped pulsing and turned white, and then John didn't really want to cut it.
37:07
SPEAKER_00: My diligent, my little was like, I'll do it.
37:09
SPEAKER_00: John was just like such a huge support to me the entire time he was there.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: He was up for I guess I didn't really give a timeline.
37:18
SPEAKER_00: I ended up getting the epidril probably at like 10 p.m.
37:21
SPEAKER_00: or like midnight, and then I ended up having him at 5 a.m.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: the next day, and John was by my side that entire time, holding my hand, supporting me, trying to get me to eat.
37:33
SPEAKER_00: I was sore the next day.
37:35
SPEAKER_00: My back was sore because I had like bruises of the amount of counterpressure him and my doula did, and he was poor guy was so sore too.
37:44
SPEAKER_00: Um but he uh did counterpressure that entire time.
37:48
SPEAKER_00: He stayed up with me.
37:49
SPEAKER_00: Uh I don't think he really ate.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: I I packed him snacks, but I didn't eat, he didn't eat, he was just like there for me, did not leave my side.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: I feel like he left once to pee and that was it.
37:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, and he just was my biggest support, and even the whole time pushing and everything, he was like, did not care about catching, not that sounds horrible.
38:08
SPEAKER_00: He cared about catching Jackson, but like he did not let go of my hand and was just there, oh my gosh, I'm gonna cry.
38:14
SPEAKER_00: Um was just there for me and was just my support.
38:17
SPEAKER_00: And every time I looked over, he was just making like hard eye contact, was just like, you can do this.
38:21
SPEAKER_00: And so even with the like umbilical cord that didn't really shot, I was kind of like, what?
38:26
SPEAKER_00: Why not?
38:26
SPEAKER_00: But he just was like, I'm here for you, like I'm here for you, Jackson.
38:29
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't need to cut the cord like I've got you to.
38:32
SPEAKER_00: And um, that was just huge.
38:34
SPEAKER_00: And he was just so, so supportive the whole time of I didn't think I was gonna cry this much.
38:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, but just of like how my plan and my hopes and dreams for this, and he just listened and supported that.
38:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, and even if it was hard for him of me not getting that peduro and just kind of pushing through that he he supported that and he wanted that for me because I wanted it, which was just so such a big blessing.
39:01
SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah, skin to skin right away.
39:02
SPEAKER_00: It got the beautiful golden hour.
39:04
SPEAKER_00: He latched right away, he was nine pounds seven ounces.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: We were shocked, we all did.
39:09
SPEAKER_00: The nurse was like, Okay, final guesses, and I don't know why I guessed like seven pounds something ounces because I was 42 weeks at this point.
39:18
SPEAKER_00: He was born on 42 weeks, and then they were like nine pounds seven ounces and big healthy guy.
39:25
SPEAKER_00: Loved my nurses so much, they were such a gift.
39:28
SPEAKER_00: And oh my gosh, though, I felt like I would been hit by a truck with I was in fully active labor that's supposed to last like max six hours for 24.
39:38
SPEAKER_00: Because yeah, I went in at eight centimeters, and so I was having contraction.
39:43
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, it was a lot.
39:44
SPEAKER_00: My body felt run over, and so yeah, we went moved to postpartum.
39:52
SPEAKER_00: I love my hospital.
39:53
SPEAKER_00: I know I've said this so many times, but in postpartum they had gigantic tubs and they brought me Ebsom salts, and they're like, Would you like eucalyptus lavender unscented?
40:02
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Can I have one lavender and one unscented?
40:06
SPEAKER_00: And they just took care of me so well, and I just felt so cared for, and food was honestly so good.
40:13
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it was just so good, and we were just so ready to go home.
40:17
SPEAKER_00: He was healthy, feeding was pretty good, a little painful at the beginning, but it usually is, and but yeah, he lashed really well.
40:25
SPEAKER_00: Felt so good to be home in just our own house.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: I feel like it wasn't even that scary.
40:31
SPEAKER_00: It was just kind of like now what?
40:32
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my gosh, we need to get settled.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: It was just like, oh my gosh, we're in our own bed.
40:36
SPEAKER_00: Praise God.
40:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he just showed up in so many ways during our birth.
40:40
SPEAKER_00: I think just kind of the protection of that nurse student coming and just protecting the room.
40:44
SPEAKER_00: I felt so much peace in that room, and everyone who was there was just there for me and was on my team, and that was such a blessing.
40:50
SPEAKER_00: And even music, I really worked hard on my birth playlist, and he showed up hard in that, and just there were so many songs that just I remember there was one where I was just like felt so stuck and so done and just so tired.
41:04
SPEAKER_00: And the song, like, He's with you while you wait.
41:06
SPEAKER_00: I just like remember hearing that, and just there's just so many different things where it's just like pauses that I think in the moment it didn't necessarily register, but like thinking back on it is like whoa, there were so many times where God was just speaking to me through music, and I feel like I've always really connected with him through worship, and so that was just such a gift.
41:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I prayed over my playlist so much and worked on it so hard and um listened to it leading up to birth, and it was honestly a gift postpartum too when I was struggling with things and there was like a rough night, or I was just really anxious.
41:39
SPEAKER_00: I just kind of had it really, I would just fall asleep to it, and so that was just such a gift.
41:43
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, even my nurses, oh my gosh, I love them so much.
41:47
SPEAKER_00: It makes me so sad that I might never see them again in my life.
41:51
SPEAKER_00: They sent me notes because I was in labor for so long that one of the nurses' shifts ended.
41:57
SPEAKER_00: So I had two separate nurses, and the first one who she wasn't there for my birth because her shift ended, she came and visited me in postpartum.
42:04
SPEAKER_00: Um, and they wrote me notes and I like dropped off gifts for them later.
42:09
SPEAKER_00: I loved them so much.
42:10
SPEAKER_00: But he just provided the most incredible nurses that were there to support me and listened to everything that I say said and prayed about, and they re like I physically saw anyone who entered the room read over my birth plan, and it was just it was beautiful, and I'm so thankful for that.
42:28
SPEAKER_00: And going into postpartum, I really struggled postpartum.
42:33
SPEAKER_00: I had pretty bad anxiety and depression, and as soon as we got home the next day, I really felt like I had a UTI.
42:42
SPEAKER_00: So my whole thing was I was gonna be five, like do the five five five, five days in bed, five days on the bed, five days near the bed, and like stick to that.
42:49
SPEAKER_00: And I had done so many meal prepping and planning and all these nutrient things, but I had done all these things, but then it's like I had a UTI, and they're like, Okay, well, you need to go to a clinic and get like tested, and so I'm like one day postpartum going to urgent care, that was horrible, and just like leaving Jackson with my mom, and I thankfully had collected colostrum, so I had that to leave with her, but it was just like what is going on, and like oh my gosh, that was exhausting, and then I had to take antibiotics, which I really didn't want to do, but so we took that, but yeah, my parents had to leave like two or three days after we got home from the hospital because my mom had been there for like two weeks already, two and a half weeks.
43:31
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, Jackson um came later than his due date, and so when they left, like that was really hard, and but I was like hopeful, but I think I just had crippling anxiety, and I've had anxiety in the past, and but this was just crippling, and I just could not, I just feel like I couldn't function.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: I had a really hard time, yeah.
43:52
SPEAKER_00: I just had a really hard time bonding with Jackson.
43:55
SPEAKER_00: It's like I I bonded with him, but I don't know.
43:58
SPEAKER_00: And This is something I still really struggle with and feel a lot of guilt about.
44:03
SPEAKER_00: Just how much I did struggle and how much I feel like I missed with him.
44:08
SPEAKER_00: And just like all of the time that felt robbed because of this.
44:13
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I just really struggled to get up.
44:16
SPEAKER_00: I like was just waiting for bedtime because praise God, he was a really good sleeper.
44:21
SPEAKER_00: I knew what to do.
44:21
SPEAKER_00: I was like, hey, at night, all I need to do is if he cries, feed him, change him, put him back to bed.
44:27
SPEAKER_00: Had like a mentor, she came over and was encouraging, and she kind of really encouraged me to like, hey, if you feel like you need to look into medication, do that.
44:36
SPEAKER_00: And I had another friend come over who now I know she I didn't want her to come over because I was like, I'm struggling.
44:45
SPEAKER_00: But they came over.
44:46
SPEAKER_00: I know now after she left, she called my mom and was like, hey, we need to help Kristen.
44:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I'm so thankful that I had her show up for me like that.
44:55
SPEAKER_00: And so my parents called me, my dad.
44:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm really close with my dad, and he called me the next day and was like, Hey, do you need mom to come back and help you?
45:04
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, No.
45:06
SPEAKER_00: He's like, be honest.
45:07
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, But I feel like I shouldn't need that help.
45:10
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, it's okay to need that help.
45:12
SPEAKER_00: So my mom came back and she came and just stayed with us and supported us and would take took night shifts with Jackson and just stayed up with him if he had a hard time going to sleep and just took care of me and cooked for me.
45:27
SPEAKER_00: And I love you, mom.
45:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, just gave me the support that I needed in that season, and she stayed for like a week and a half, almost two weeks.
45:37
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
45:38
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, it was just such a big blessing and really helped me.
45:41
SPEAKER_00: And she was there with me with my appointment with my midwife to talk about medication and just supported me as I started taking it.
45:49
SPEAKER_00: And so I did start taking medication postpartum for anxiety.
45:54
SPEAKER_00: I think I felt like I was going crazy.
45:57
SPEAKER_00: And so when I went to the appointment, they do the like anxiety and depression screening, and my results were severe anxiety and depression.
46:05
SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, okay, so it's not just in my head, like I am showing a lot of signs of severe anxiety.
46:11
SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, I started taking medication and just felt really guilty about it and just had to like pray about it and process it.
46:18
SPEAKER_00: And but just ultimately, kind of the midwife was like, You need to take care of you to be able to take care of your baby.
46:24
SPEAKER_00: And so she's like, It's so important that you're able to bond with him right now, and like it sounds like you're not able to do that, and like you need to be doing that in the most loving way.
46:34
SPEAKER_00: Um, and she's like, and you need to take care of yourself.
46:36
SPEAKER_00: And so I started taking it, and praise God, it helped within a few days.
46:42
SPEAKER_00: I felt so much better and just lighter and was able to just process and take care of him, and didn't feel just so stuck.
46:51
SPEAKER_00: And so that really helped postpartum.
46:54
SPEAKER_00: And I might do another episode about postpartum because I feel like there's so many things that I could say.
46:59
SPEAKER_00: And I think the one thing I just wish I would have known going into it is how exhausted you are, not just like sleep deprived, but your body has been through so much, and so I think I expected to be tired, but not like just emotionally tired and physically tired.
47:20
SPEAKER_00: It just was the healing was just like a lot.
47:23
SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, you just feel like you got hit by a truck, and so you're not just tired that like you need a nap, like you're tired, your body needs to heal from a big event.
47:34
SPEAKER_00: So that was just more than I had expected.
47:36
SPEAKER_00: But I feel like I could say so many more things about it, but God really showed up for me in my support system.
47:45
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I feel like my biggest recommendations are birth playlist 100%.
47:52
SPEAKER_00: Have a doula in your corner is a game changer.
47:56
SPEAKER_00: Praying over your birth and just like believing for your birth and asking what God wants for your birth is huge.
48:03
SPEAKER_00: Highly recommend that.
48:04
SPEAKER_00: Could not recommend that enough.
48:06
SPEAKER_00: Meal prepping for postpartum was a game changer as well.
48:09
SPEAKER_00: I feel like as much as I struggled, that was something that was so helpful was I didn't have to think about food and I had food in the freezer, and that just like lifted a weight off my shoulder so that I was able to eat and provide food for my family without having to do a lot of work.
48:26
SPEAKER_00: So that was a huge gift.
48:27
SPEAKER_00: But that's my birth story.
48:30
SPEAKER_00: And God just showed up in so many incredible ways.
48:33
SPEAKER_00: If you have experienced postpartum anxiety and depression, know that you're not alone.
48:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's a big driver of why I wanted to do this podcast.
48:42
SPEAKER_00: And I'm probably just gonna do an episode kind of more specifically about that season and what helped, and just how to get support and how to find support and rely on people because you really need people in your corner.
48:52
SPEAKER_00: Um, thank you for listening.
48:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just being here, excited about this podcast and what it's going to do and the healing it's gonna bring to people's lives.
49:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you for being here.
49:03
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening and chatting.
49:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, I hope you have a phenomenal day, and we'll talk soon.