Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 216. Case Kenny, Mindfulness Expert & Podcast Host

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216. Case Kenny, Mindfulness Expert & Podcast Host · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: We think that's starting over is this thing that you've
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: messed up so bad, you did the wrong thing for
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: so long, that you need to go all the way
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: back to zero. And I, for one, I've obviously realized
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: that that's not true, and that starting over isn't about
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: what you're leaving behind, It's about what you're bringing with you.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, Emily A body here.
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  Speaker 3: You are listening to episode two hundred and sixteen of Hurdle,
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  Speaker 3: a wellness focused podcast where I connect with everyone from
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  Speaker 3: your favorite athletes to top experts and industry CEOs about
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  Speaker 3: their highest highs, toughest moments, and everything in between. We
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: all go through hurdles in life, and my goal through
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  Speaker 3: these discussions is to empower you to better navigate yours
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  Speaker 3: and move with intention so that you can stride towards
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  Speaker 3: your own big potential and of course have some fun
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  Speaker 3: a life long the way. For today's episode, I am
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: chatting with case Kenny. He's a Chicago based writer, host
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  Speaker 3: of the new Mindset who disc podcast, as well as
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  Speaker 3: a mindfulness expert. Now you may recognize him from his
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: inspirational post it notes and coffee cup sleeves seen reposted
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  Speaker 3: all over social media.
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  Speaker 2: I wanted to have him on.
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  Speaker 3: The show because I love his nobs take on all
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  Speaker 3: things mindfulness and it's just super relatable and empowering. Today
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  Speaker 3: we talk about his journey to getting to this place,
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  Speaker 3: leaving a job as a senior sales director at a
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  Speaker 3: tech firm in twenty twenty one.
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  Speaker 2: To pursue his passion project.
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  Speaker 3: He talks to me about his goal to help others
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  Speaker 3: live happier, more fulfilling lives by changing their mindsets in
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  Speaker 3: all areas of life, from self worth and empowerment, dating
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  Speaker 3: and relationships, career advice.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: This episode is full of gems.
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  Speaker 3: That literally had me nodding my head in agreement basically
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: the entire time of note. I also really appreciated cases
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: vulnerability here getting really honest about how the last let's
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  Speaker 3: say five or so years have been really transformative for him,
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  Speaker 3: and he felt this sense of responsibility to share his
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: takeaways to help better his community, takeaways that I.
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  Speaker 2: For one can say have really helped me.
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  Speaker 3: Make sure you are following along with the podcast on
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: social It's over at Hurdle podcast, I Am over at
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: Emily a Body And if you haven't sent the show
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: to a friend, just yet shared how much you love
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: Hurdle on social media. There is no better time than
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: the present to do both of those things. I would
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: love it if you tag the show in your stories
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: this week again over on social at Hurdle podcast.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: And with that, let's get to a hurdle. Today. I
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  Speaker 2: am sitting down with Case Kenny. You may know him.
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: He's an entrepreneur, a Chicago based mindfulness expert, and he's
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: also a host of the podcast New Mindset.
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  Speaker 2: Ohots, how you doing today?
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  Speaker 1: Case, I'm amazing, How are you?
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  Speaker 2: Thanks for having me, I'm so good.
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  Speaker 4: I'm happy to have you here. I want to kick
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: things off right off the bat because I put on
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  Speaker 4: the socials that you and I were going to chat,
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  Speaker 4: and I am just so curious if the number one
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  Speaker 4: comment you get on all of your photos is this
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  Speaker 4: man single?
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  Speaker 1: I used to until I got a girlfriend, and now
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  Speaker 1: that question has kind of subsided to those who actually
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: like listen to the pod and everything. No, I'm I'm
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  Speaker 1: in a relationship. I wasn't for a long time. In
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: my thirties, I wrote a book called Singles Your Superpower.
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  Speaker 1: So I think a lot of people at a glance,
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  Speaker 1: we're like, oh, this is this guy in his thirties single?
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  Speaker 1: I was no, not, uh so that's the answer.
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  Speaker 2: I was like, what do you guys want me to ask? Case?
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  Speaker 4: And like an overwhelming amount of comments included is this
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  Speaker 4: man's single?
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  Speaker 2: And I just like had a laugh on that.
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  Speaker 4: I also think a good place for us to lead
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  Speaker 4: off here behind a strong person is a story of
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  Speaker 4: someone who said I deserve better and never looked back.
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  Speaker 4: That's the quote on your most recent Instagram post. For
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  Speaker 4: those that aren't familiar with Case, he's got about four
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  Speaker 4: hundred and fifty thousand followers over on social and he
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  Speaker 4: is all about sharing these really insightful quotes, tips, tricks,
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  Speaker 4: et cetera. That one, specifically, though relevant, I would say,
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  Speaker 4: to your journey and what you've been through, you recognizing
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  Speaker 4: that maybe you needed to do a little bit better
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  Speaker 4: leaving your corporate job and diving head first into this work.
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  Speaker 2: So give us a little bit of your backstory. Tell
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  Speaker 2: us about how.
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  Speaker 4: You came to be the Case Kenny that so many
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  Speaker 4: people know and love today.
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  Speaker 1: I think a pretty simple story, just one of patience
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  Speaker 1: and resilience and stubbornness and all these things put together
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  Speaker 1: in like a in a case smoothie. But yeah, so
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  Speaker 1: I mean I am thirty four. For a long time,
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  Speaker 1: from you know, my early twenties to when I was
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  Speaker 1: thirty three, I worked in corporate America, I worked in advertising.
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  Speaker 1: I worked in advertising sales, learned a lot about myself
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  Speaker 1: at the time. I was in and out of relationships.
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  Speaker 1: I was in several relationships, long term relationships in my twenties.
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  Speaker 1: Then I was single from like twenty nine to thirty three.
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  Speaker 1: So in got had all these experiences, all this input,
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  Speaker 1: all this perspective from from corporate job to relationships to
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  Speaker 1: being single and everything in between. And you know, I
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  Speaker 1: think my story is simply one of just like leaning
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  Speaker 1: into my intuition. I started the podcast when I was
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  Speaker 1: twenty eight basically just in response to life I had
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  Speaker 1: just a relationship had ended. And then also the I
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: was really just like grinding myself at my job. I
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: was working a sales job, so I was traveling like
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: three or four times a week. I was just really
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  Speaker 1: really into that era of my life at the time,
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  Speaker 1: and I just took a step back. I was like,
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  Speaker 1: who am I? Who am I outside of a relationship?
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  Speaker 1: Who am I outside of a job? You know? Namely
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  Speaker 1: the things that most of us identify by our relationship status,
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  Speaker 1: in our career status. And I don't know. I was
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  Speaker 1: a little fired up by asking myself that question. I
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  Speaker 1: was like, you know, I don't really know the answer,
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  Speaker 1: but I feel like I've been borrowing other people's answers
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  Speaker 1: and that's kind of been the direction of my life.
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  Speaker 1: So I was like, I'm going to do what every
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  Speaker 1: white male does. I'm going to start a podcast. And
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  Speaker 1: I did, and you know, the purpose of that was
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  Speaker 1: to just ask myself questions in a more vulnerable way.
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  Speaker 1: It's an easy thing to sit down and maybe journal
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  Speaker 1: or like think in your head. It's another thing to
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  Speaker 1: like get in front of people. And I just I
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  Speaker 1: just did it as a way to push myself. In
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  Speaker 1: long story short, the podcast kind of kind of blew
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  Speaker 1: up quickly. I just kept pulling on that thread of
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  Speaker 1: vulnerability and intention and interest and really came to this
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  Speaker 1: topic of mindfulness because what I realized through the process
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  Speaker 1: of doing a podcast, doing the social media and all
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  Speaker 1: these things, but I was just practicing self awareness in
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  Speaker 1: different forms in a practical way. I was like, man,
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  Speaker 1: I really like this, and not only that, but like,
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm wired like to find it easy
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  Speaker 1: to practice honesty with myself and then to communicate it
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  Speaker 1: to others. So that was in twenty eighteen. Kept pulling
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  Speaker 1: on that thread, was working a job at the time.
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  Speaker 1: I was at my last job for eight years, really
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  Speaker 1: like rose to the ranks there, and then you know,
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  Speaker 1: long story short, I started a business around the podcast.
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  Speaker 1: I started writing these journals, creating these journals and selling them.
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  Speaker 1: I kind of blew up to the point where at
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  Speaker 1: the end of last year, I was like, you know,
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a leap of faith. I'm going to
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  Speaker 1: do what interests me and what I'm passionate about and
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  Speaker 1: where I can maybe leave an impact in the world.
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  Speaker 1: So did that. I joke that I share my feelings
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  Speaker 1: for a living because it's kind of tough to describe
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  Speaker 1: exactly what I do. I'm a writer, I'm an author,
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  Speaker 1: I'm a producer, I do music, So I had to
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  Speaker 1: say I share my feelings for a living and I
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  Speaker 1: do arts and crafts. One. That's how a lot of
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  Speaker 1: people know me on Instagram from the little you know
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  Speaker 1: post it notes. So that's the abridge, a bridged version
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  Speaker 1: of of how I got.
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  Speaker 4: Here and you know what's interesting to me going into this.
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  Speaker 4: I introduced you as a mindfulness expert.
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  Speaker 2: How do you feel about that?
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  Speaker 1: Well, to be honest, I never call myself an expert.
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  Speaker 1: I certainly allow other people to call me an expert.
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  Speaker 1: I mean authority is important obviously in this space. That's
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  Speaker 1: how you make a name for yourself. That's how you
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  Speaker 1: get people to pay attention, It's how you make money. Personally,
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  Speaker 1: I don't like the words expert, guru, things like that.
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  Speaker 1: I try to take a more humble approach. Who am
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  Speaker 1: I to call myself an expert? Certainly within dating? Anytime
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  Speaker 1: anyone calls me a dating expert, I think it's really funny.
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  Speaker 1: I think the value that I have in life is
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  Speaker 1: that I'm good at coming up with questions and I'm
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  Speaker 1: good at simplifying emotions. If that makes me an expert,
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  Speaker 1: so be it. But I would never call myself one
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  Speaker 1: because I'm I'm always always learning. I'm just the guy
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  Speaker 1: who I've been. I think I've been giving a certain
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  Speaker 1: amount of talents in life, talent and I practice it.
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  Speaker 1: You think about ten thousand hours, I've spent well more
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  Speaker 1: than that writing, reading, you know, doing this content. But
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  Speaker 1: I do think a lot, and I practice a lot
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  Speaker 1: in the mindfulness space, so I certainly think I have
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  Speaker 1: value to offer there. But I just, you know, call
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  Speaker 1: myself a guy.
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  Speaker 2: What does your mindfulness routine look like these days?
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  Speaker 1: Well, to be honest, it's all over the place, because
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  Speaker 1: it's so like meta for me, because what I do
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  Speaker 1: and the value I offer, Like I say that like
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  Speaker 1: my podcast, for instance, is my form of therapy, Like
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  Speaker 1: I go to therapy, but I say the podcast is
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  Speaker 1: my form of therapy. Every day, like today's Monday, for instance,
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  Speaker 1: the last three hours I got up, I've been writing.
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  Speaker 1: I've been doing some summaries in my pod, like I'm
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: growing through that experience. So for me, that's mindfulness. I
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: also journal, of course, that's like my whole life. But
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: music plays a large part of my mindfulness routine. Like
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  Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever written anything of real worth
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  Speaker 1: unless I was listening to music. I think my most creative,
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  Speaker 1: vulnerable side comes out with music. I do a lot
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: of in the music industry as well. But yeah, usually
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: it's some combination of sitting in my chair over looking
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: the Chicago River I live downtown, and listening to the
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: right music, and then you know, giving myself a prompt.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, like mindfulness is all about giving yourself a prompt,
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  Speaker 1: giving yourself a question, giving yourself something to respond to.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I think about life a lot, and it's like, what
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: is the purpose of life? I think the purpose of
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: life is the is the answer is to find answers,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: various answers throughout all spectrums. But the thing that way
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: I think we often skip is asking ourselves the right questions.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: We're just like hoping for answers. So I think I
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: spent a lot of time giving myself answers through the.
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: Form of you know, vulnerable tough questions, something that a
• 10:37
  Speaker 5: lot of people are nervous to do, especially when it
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: comes to starting, which, as you know, can definitely be
• 10:44
  Speaker 5: the hardest part.
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: I do want to talk with you about starting, specifically
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: when it came to getting vulnerable sharing your thoughts, your feelings,
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: your sentiments over on social media before it completely blew up,
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: but just at that beginning part. Talk to us about
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: how that felt for you and how you got more
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: comfortable opening up there.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like the best question, because that is the
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: toughest part, and it was the toughest part, especially for me,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Like again, like I joke about the whole not an
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: expert thing. I'm a regular guy, I think, but like
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: really am I'm kind of like in my former branding.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I've kind of evolved past it. But I used to
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: call myself a dude bro guy because I mean, I
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: like I like the Lift Weights, I like house music,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I like to eat Chipotle, like really average in that sense,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Like I'll say, bro, dude, I'll do the whole thing.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: It is what it is. So that was my identity,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: and especially I worked in sales and I was an
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: account executive and it rose all the way up to
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: vice president and yeah, identified a lot by money and
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: success and these things. Right, So it was a very
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: stark contrast. All of a sudden, people are like, wait, Kit,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: you're that guy sharing these these little sensitive quotes on Instagram.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: So admittedly, like that your your toughest critics, if you
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: want to call them that, are always your close friends,
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: like they live in the back of your mind, and
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: they were very so. But it was just this like this,
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: this this new version of me that was in stark
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: contrast to this old one. And I you know, I
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: went in circles for a long time, acting like I
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: didn't really care, like, oh no, no, no, that's just something
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: silly I do. On the side, I don't really care
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: about that. That's just for fun whatever. Whereas that wasn't
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: true at all. I just said that to kind of
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: escape the pressure of, you know, being that guy who
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: did that thing. So it took a long time to
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: be honest, to like really embrace that. But you know,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I just came to this conclusion, and I did an
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: episode on this the other day that like anyone who
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: like tries something compassionately, who's willing to be a beginner,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: who's willing to share their feelings, Like if anyone clowns
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: on you and makes fun of you, like that's embarrassing
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: for them. So like I just like flip the script.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: I was like, anyone who like makes fun of someone
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: else for trying, like they're the ones, Like they're the
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: ones who should be judged, not you and I. And
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: then you know, everyone is so like overwhelmingly supportive of me,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: it's insane. So eventually I was just like, I get
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: a lot of value to this. I enjoy it. I've
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: always wanted to write and have a platform, so I
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: just went all in and then of course, like once
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: you start to realize that it actually helps people and
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: people are supporting and sharing it, it becomes very like,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: all right, okay, so I'm doing the right thing, but
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: it took me a long time to get here. Certainly
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna deny that. But now I'm all in
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: and I won't shut.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Up, so you know, somewhat and I won't shut up.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, it's kind of that sentiment of like one
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: person telling you that you're a weirdo, when really that
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: is just like the biggest compliment, right, because it means
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: that you're willing to differentiate your perspective fantastic.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I'll take that all day, like very much. So like
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not like trying to be weird and different.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I just like I just I have an aversion to
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: like being comfortable. Like I really realized the power of
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: getting out of my comfort zone, doing something different, challenging myself.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: These are the things I talk about all day, So
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: I really try to be in line, of course with
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: the advice I give. Like that's the power of being
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: in like the wellness space. It's like you're giving yourself
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: this massive incentive to be the person you try to
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: be on your platform. So it's like really cool. It's like,
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: if I sit down, I've done foreigner episodes on everything,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Like it's great for me to be like I need
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: to be the man that I say, am I need
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: to be the guy who gives the advice and like
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: to me, I like, that's really motivating. I have this
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: like compass that I'm like, I need to do this
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: thing even though it makes me uncomfortable. I need to
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: do it. I can't give that advice and not do it,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: So it's good for me.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: So many things to double click on here.
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: The first thing for someone listening to this who hears
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: about what you've done and hears you say I've learned
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: to get comfortable being uncomfortable, what advice do you have
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: to offer to them when it comes to embracing that shift,
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: embracing that discomfort.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Discomfort is a great sign that you're actually respecting your intuition.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I think, like I talk a lot about this thing
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: where we live in the gray of life, whether that's
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: in our personal lives, our careers, or in our relationships.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: The gray is this ambiguous zone where we're doing what
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: we think we're supposed to be doing. We're in a
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: comfort zone based on other people's expectations and so on
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: and so forth. When you're doing something that makes you uncomfortable,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: to me, that's the clear sign that you're not in
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: the gray anymore. And I think that's the ultimate objective
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: in life, is to be out of the gray. When
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: you're out of the gray, you're you're determining what's true
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: for you. You're not borrowing other people's truths, you're not
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: borrowing other people's expectations or timeline. So for me, it's
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: like I see discomfort for what it is. It's this
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: amazing thing that is proof that I'm getting out of
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: the gray. And I do all these episodes I like
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: to like, I don't want to say gamify. I don't
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: really like that word about. Like I came up with
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: this concept of awkward points, Like anytime I'm awkward, anytime
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: I feel awkward, anytime I feel uncomfortable, embarrassing, whatever it is,
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: I give myself a point and I pretend it's like
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: a country fair. I can cash them in at the
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: end for a big freaking teddy bear. But that's confidence.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: You're caching points in for confidence, and like that's life,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Like how do you get anything? How do you get experience?
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: How do you get confidence? How do you get success? Well,
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: it's on the back of your experience. So anytime I
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: go through something like man, that was awkward, I'm like, great,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: give myself a point because one I realized that doesn't
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: change my worth, and two it's giving me slowly but
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: surely that the confidence till next time. They're not even
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: second guess myself. So I just I always try to
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: find the value in those experiences as practically as I can.
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: Over four hundred episodes, that's such a great accomplishment.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Congrats on that.
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: When you dove into podcasting, what would you say was
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: one of the hardest parts? And then the second question
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: to piggyback on this is, I'm sure that people always
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: ask you for a reference point. I'm where to jump
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: into the show, maybe an episode that you would highly recommend,
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: So let's make sure we throw that into the mix too.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, podcasting is very difficult, you know yourself. It's like,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: it's a very difficult platform to grow. It's tough to
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: be discovered, like you really, you know, it's you need
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: to have a following and you tell them about it
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: and then off to go and then if you have
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: good content, it's rewarded. Of course people start to share.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: But I think initially one I mean, I had massive
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: imposter syndrome. Initially, Why would anyone listen to me? I
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: didn't go to school for this, I'm not studied in this.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Why would anyone listen to case Kenny give advice? So again,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: imposter syndrome there. I mean, I think the biggest thing
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: ever that I did for myself was just be consistent.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, pat myself on the back. I suppose before
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Under episodes over four and a half years of like
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: ups and downs and everything, never missed an episode that
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: was just me being in love with the process and
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: again like finding therapy through the process. So I think
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: it's really essential that whatever you do, whatever platform you create,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: whether it's a podcast or music or writing, it's like
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: you have to find value that it offers you. Like, yes,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: of course you're creating for other people intuitively as a creator,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: entertainer entertainer, but you have to find a way that
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: it speaks to you. And I just anytime I sit
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: down twice a week for four and a half years,
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: I get value from it. And that's always been big
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: for me. And then as far as where to start,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: there's no starting point. I would recommend anywhere. To be honest,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: it is kind of cool. Some people message me like, hey,
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: I want a road trip. I listened to two hundred
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: episodes and like, wow, that's a lot of case. But
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: it's probably pretty It's probably pretty cool to see me
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: developed from twenty eight to thirty four. I mean, those
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: are pivotal years, right, So you start at episode one
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: when I was twenty eight and compare it to episode
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: four hundred and fourteen. I think I released today. That'll
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: that'll give you a good if you really care about me,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: that'll give you a good contrast of how much I've grown,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: or maybe how much you could grow.
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: Whoever's listening so on your journey, Like, what is it
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: that you're hoping that people are seeing from what you
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: have to offer?
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Now?
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: What are you most proud of yourself for stepping into?
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: That's a great question, I would say. I mean, my
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: whole thing is like, I'm not afraid to hop on
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: my podcast and talk about a cliche. I'm really not.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I used to be very averse to that. Right, I'm
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: going to shout out you deserve more. And I used
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: to be like, what like, But I'd like, my whole
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: thing is that we as humans, we're wired to know
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: things right. We have a great thing called intuition that
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: that taps us on shoulder when something is right or wrong.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: But life does this thing where we let life and
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: noise and pressure and timelines drown that out. So I
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: think it's my job just to help people return to
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: that place of truth in themselves. And I think the
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: biggest thing that I've realized and the biggest thing that
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of myself because again, I always thought I
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: was going to be a career corporate guy in that sense.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: And then on the personal side, I always used to
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: be not that being introverted is a bad thing at all.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I think it's it's great, But I used to be,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: you know, quiet imposter syndrome, introverted. Oh I need to
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: be like them, I need to be like him, so
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: on and so forth. I think the biggest thing I'm
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: proud about is defining a truth for me, defining the
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: right way for me. I have this SoundBite that I
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: always repeat because I think it's powerful. It's that there's
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: no right way to live your life. But there is
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: a wrong way, and the wrong way is to think
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: that there is a right way, namely someone else's right way,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: borrowing their blueprint, their timelines, so on and so forth.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: And that used to be me. And when I was
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: single twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty, I used to be like, oh, man,
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: I need to be like that because he looks happy
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: and he's single, So I need to go to the club.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: I need to have a roster, I need to be
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: doing these things. And I realized through experience and now
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I don't need to do that. That's not what makes
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: me happy. And say, with my job, I used to go, oh,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: I need to have this paycheck, this money, this watch,
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: so on and so forth. I was like, no, I
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: don't need it. These are the things I need. So
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: defining my truth as you know, cliche and cheesy as
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: that is, has been so liberating and it feels so
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: good because I've realized that just because social media can
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: pinpoint all these people who maybe are happy or maybe
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: or not, who knows, that doesn't mean that I need
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: to emulate them. I could find my own way in
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: every essence of life, not just careers, because that's the
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: easy area. But dating, for instance, like why are you dating?
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: You don't have to date just because everyone else is dating.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: You don't have to do this, you know, to do that.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: So that's just been so liberating for me, especially in
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: the year twenty twenty two, where you know, the Internet
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: has really enabled us to do anything to find that true.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: So I'm proud about that for myself, and I just
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: encourage people to, you know, find a way to do
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: that themselves.
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: I know you have the mindset one of your mindset
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: journals that title their catch feelings for Yourself and find
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: inner Peace, And basically what you're describing here really sounds
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: like your journey to quote unquote catching feelings for yourself.
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: Can we talk about like that idea and why it's
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: so important to do just that to kind of get
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: to this place where not only do you appreciate yourself,
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: but then you also become your own biggest hype human.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think objectively everyone would want that, right, Who
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: wouldn't want to love themselves? Who doesn't want to truly
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: love themselves? But again, life pressure social media does this
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: thing where we're so focused on some other validation, mostly
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: in the form of relationship status, right, especially as we
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: get older, we start to be like, well, I gotta
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: hurry up, I gotta hustle up, and falling behind that
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: We forget about that need. We forget about the fact
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: that a relationship really shouldn't be two halves coming together.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: It should be two whole people coming together to complement
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: each other, to understand each other, to inspire each other.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: We forget that a lot. So I love that catchphrase.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: You know, there's all those memes about you know, catch flights,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: not feelings, catching feelings for other people, and like catch
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: feelings for yourself.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I wrote a book called Single as You're Superpower because
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: I believe soul powerfully in the power of being single truly,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: and I think if we can come back to that,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: if we can truly respect ourselves and love ourselves, then
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: we don't fall into a lot of the pitfalls in
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: modern dating or modern anything really where there's two people involved,
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: you know, namely seeking external validation being smitten by a compliment.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: I always give the dating advice that you should only
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: date people you like, and really, well, yeah, obviously, but
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: it's like we forget that when we're in the moment
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: if someone shows us attention compliments us. We throw a
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: lot of things out the window. We forget that those
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: feelings we caught for ourselves because I'm like, gosh, here's
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: this person you know showing the affection. We forget do
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: we actually like these people? So I think finding some
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: source of truth where you know who you are are,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: what you stand for, you like, if not love what
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: you see in the mirror, and that could be a
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: lifelong journey, of course, But finding a way to establish
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: these truths for yourself, I think, while being patient is
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: the greatest gift you can give yourself, whether that's in
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: your career, what you stand for, what you're passionate about,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: in dating, whatever it may be. And I think journaling,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: of course is a great way to do that. But
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: being intentional about it, I think is the greatest gift
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: you can give yourself.
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: I love this, like catchphrase slash the title of your book,
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: single is your superpower. And I'm sure you know for
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: those that maybe haven't read the book yet or are
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: just new to your content, the dms and the messages
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: and the comments that you're getting are really people just
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: asking how do I embrace my singlehood? Like how do
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: I get to this place where I actually feel like
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: it's a superpower. And as a woman here in my
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: mid thirties who loves being single and has totally gotten
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: to that point, it's so interesting for me to see
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: those questions come in as well, like where do you
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: start from? An advice POV When it comes to someone
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: who says like I just like I don't feel comfortable alone.
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: I like, I see you taking yourself out to do
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: X or hy Like how do I even begin doing that?
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: Where do you even start? When these messages come in?
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So, I mean the biggest thing for me is
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I try to be practical because it's easy to sit
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: down and be like being singles a time to love
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: yourself and all these things. And I agree with every
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: single cliche. Right, there is no time like being single
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: where you can truly be selfish, you could do whatever
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: you want. You don't have a partner, you don't have kids,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: you don't have like, you don't have those things. So
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, practically, I think that's huge and we shouldn't
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: skip over practical obvious answers. So for one, let's consider that.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: For two, I always do this little thing where I
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: talk about a habit I have which is. I like
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: to ask older generations a question. I've been doing it
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: for years. I've heard hundreds of answers. We're talking my parents, parents' parents,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: any older generation, you know, maybe sixty and above. I
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: like to ask them the question of what do you
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: regret in life? A real, you know, upper of a question.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: And I love to ask that question because it gives
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: me a lot of perspective. And I've heard hundreds of answers.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: When it comes to relationships, I have never heard an
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: older generation, an older person, someone with life experience, say
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: I regret being single. I've never ever ever heard that.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: The answer I always hear when it comes to dating
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: and relationships is I regret staying in a relationship. I
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: regret jumping into a relationship too early. I regret getting
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: married too early. I regret staying in a relationship I
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: know had run its course. Things like that, right being
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: in the wrong relationship. So practically, I always try to
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: offer that as a starting point here, because the biggest
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: thing that we allow to pressure ourselves is time. Is time,
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Like we're getting older, I've been single for this long,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling lonely, I'm feeling pressure. So on and so forth.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: So take that anecdote for what it's worth, you know,
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: crowdsourced wisdom of life, being able to get out of
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: your present because we're so in our present to take
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: a step back and zoom out and realize what may
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: be true. So I always offer that as a point.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: But then I mean what I referenced earlier, I mean
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: it's like, what point in life is there where you
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: can truly do whatever you want. I think from my
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: single years twenty eight to thirty three, I went through
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: version case one point zero through six point zho I
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: it's so many different leveled up versions of myself that honestly,
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: if I think about it, I don't think I would
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: have had that growth if I was still in a relationship.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: So take that for what it's worth. But I think ultimately,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: like one of the most powerful things is like we
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: need to come back to like why we date? Why
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: do we date in life? I think a lot of
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: people don't have a strong answer for that. They're dating
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: as in aversion to being alone. And I talk a
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: lot about loneliness and things like that, are really trying
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: to break it down practically, But I think a lot
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: of the times the reason we get so down on
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: ourselves when we're singles because we haven't taken the time
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: to really understand why we should date, why we're maybe
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: not ready to date. You know, I always ask people like,
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: why are you dating? And I get a lot of
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: answers of, oh, that's just what you're supposed to do.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: I want to leave a legacy, I want to have
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: a family, and I of course think those are fine answers,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: But I think we need something a little bit more personal,
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: a little bit more self focused, self centered. And I
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: think if you could sit down compare all these things
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: that I'm thrown out, you might come to a realization, Oh,
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: you know what, you know, I deserve that I would
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: be great to have a partner, But here's all the
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: things that I'm looking to do right now. And coming
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: back to that truth, I think is really empowering. It's just
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: we have to create a centerness that isn't going to
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: be thrown by hopping on social media. Seeing your friend
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: got married, seeing your hometown person got engaged, these things
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: that really throw us for a loop. Grounding ourselves in
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: something I think is very powerful.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: What would you say the biggest hurdle was for you?
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: During those five years of single them, what do you
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: think when you look back on that time, you're most
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: proud of yourself for overcoming.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Ooh, it's a good question. Honestly, I would say most
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: recently for it. So like I think about like male
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: mentalities in straight relationships, male mentalities towards dating. It's like
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: I think, especially as a man, when you're like single
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: for a long time, it's very easy to stay in
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: that zone. Like I remember several occasions where it's like,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: anytime something like starts to get remotely serious as a man,
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: you feel this discomfort coming up. And I think it's natural.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: I think women feel it too, of course, right, no
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: one's immune to that discomfort of oh my gosh, like
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: maybe this is serious, maybe there's something here, and so
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: on and so forth. However, I think men, myself very
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: much included, see discomfort as a sign to retreat. And
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: there are many relationships I think when I was single,
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: and you know, I was dating and doing these things,
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: but when it came to that point, I retreated because
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: I saw discomfort as a sign that you should retreat,
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Whereas discomfort is a sign that you should challenge the
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: discomfort and see what's on the other side of it,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: and not retreat as a gut reaction. So I think
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: being single for that time I saw many I recall
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: many instances where I retreated where who knows where those
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: relationships could have led the relationship I'm in now. I
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: think I'm proud of myself because she's obviously amazing, and
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: you know, there's a reason were together. But that was
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: pure challenging of that discomfort. I remember very clearly having
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: conversations with her where I just wanted to retreat back
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: to being single because that was what I knew and
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: that was what I was comfortable with. That was where
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: I owned everything and there was no variable that could
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: take that from me. But challenging that discomfort, I think
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: as a man is necessary, of course, but is contrary
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: to I think a lot of conditioning. So for myself,
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: proud of that in that instance. And I think a
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: lot of men, you know, most of my audience as women,
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: but I try to talk to men. Yeah, I think
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: men need to see discomfort. Everyone needs to see discomfort
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: as you know, something you should check yourself on, but
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: it's something you need to challenge before backing out of first.
• 29:47
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• 31:24
  Speaker 4: Someone hears you say all of this and they think, like,
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: that is me. I am so used to to retreating,
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: to being that person that pulls away from the discomfort.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: But how do you stop doing that?
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: What do you tell to the person who wants to
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: know how do I get myself out of this place?
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: Or maybe the person that's so frustrated that they keep
• 31:43
  Speaker 4: running into this hurdle, right, they keep finding themselves getting
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: to a point where they're opening themselves up, they're getting vulnerable,
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: but every single time the retreat is happening, maybe it's
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: on their part or maybe it's on the other side.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I you know, it's tough because I wish
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: there was a blueprint was like follow these three steps
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: and you'll be fine. I mean, but I think ultimately,
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: like the most practical answer I can give is like
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: I think anytime where we're not truly inform with ourselves, right,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: that's where our actions don't follow our intuition. Our intention
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: isn't isn't closed behind I really do think a lot
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: of that comes from miscommunication, truly, truly, truly, Like all
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: the advice I always give is the simplest, of course,
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: it's what we know is that you should voice your feelings,
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: you should voice your intention, you should voice how you're
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: feeling to a partner and see how they react, See
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: how they react. Because a lot of the times that
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: where we retreat unnecessarily or we end up in a
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: situation that doesn't serve us, it's because early on we
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: didn't ask the question that was causing overthinking. We didn't
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: ask the question that the answer could have given us
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: some clarity instead of us allowing us to retreat to
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: that place of conditioning. It's like, you know, I think
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: about dating. There's this thing called Carpman's drama triangle, which
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: is basically a a guy much smarter than me who
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: came up with this idea. The roles that we play
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: in response to conflict in relationships. Right, you could either
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: be the victim, well, it's me, poor me, I can't
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: do anything. You could be the persecutor, which is someone
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: who blames out it's all your fault, you did this,
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Or you could be the rescuer. I could fix you,
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: I could help you, I could change you. I think
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: we all fall into one of those roles ultimately when
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: we find conflict in a relationship or following a relationship.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: But the key to escaping that triangle, same with the
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: key to escaping attachment styles, for instance, to getting to
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: a secure attachment is communication. It's challenging yourself through whatever
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: it is, whether it's journaling or therapy or you know,
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: anything that you could do meditation, and then it's communicating
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: that so that there's no misinterpretations. There's no misinterpretation, like
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: I truly think, and I think a lot of people agree. Unfortunately,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: the reality of human interaction is that even your soulmate's
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: going to like hurt you unintentionally. It's not because they
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: wanted to, it's not because they had some dark plan,
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: but that we're humans, We're complicated. We come to each
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: other with past, presence, future, different, different visions and all
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: these things. It's like, how can we understand the why
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: behind it? That's the ultimate thing that matters. And intentionally
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: hurting someone okay, you know, whips, let's see what we
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: do next, but let's understand the why. And I think
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: we need to be better about communicating how we're feeling.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, this is simple advice, of course, but you know,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: for women, I talk to a lot of women, it's
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: like women don't want to come off as crazy or
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: too much or to this or to that, so they
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: stay quiet and these things build and build and build,
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: until all of a sudden it explodes. Men, on the
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: other hand, don't say anything. We just run on a
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: robot mode. And where where we have all these innate
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: fears and insecurities that we allow lead us to these places.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: So ultimately, I think it all comes back to introspection
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: followed by this level of communication that is going to
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: get you the answer you need. It might not be
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: the answer you want, but it's an answer you need. And
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I think ultimately in life, if we're worried about time
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: passing us by, like why would we want to invest
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: more time in something that might not be right, Let's
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: get the answer we need. It might hurt, might be rejection,
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: feel bad, But I would much rather have that clarity
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: than look back a year from now and be like
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: man I invested, I continue to invest because I wasn't
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: willing to challenge my conditioning the role I play, So
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: on and so forth.
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: You mentioned during those single years, going through these moments
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: where you could have been like, well, what if I
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: was willing to speak up?
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: Or what if? What if? What if?
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: You know, the what if is something that plagues so
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: many right this idea of what if the relationship went
• 35:31
  Speaker 4: a different way? What if this wasn't going on in
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: my life right now? What if work wasn't complicated? What
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: if my family didn't have an interruption? How do we
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: let go of the what if?
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a tough one. I mean a lot of
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: different things. If you're religious, you can you can turn
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: to your faith. You can understand and believe that something
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: the better is coming. I come back to like the
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: idea of like right person, wrong time, that kind of idea.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of people have different feelings on
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: that that. You know, you know, sometimes life truly can
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: get in the way, busy this, busy that. But I
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: mean I think about life, I think about dating. I
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: don't think there's ever a perfect time for anything. I
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: think anything worth having is going to involve discomfort, and
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: so I mean I think if you can understand that
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: and understand that, for one, you deserve someone who is
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: willing to embrace discomfort, whether that's a man coming out
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: of his conditioned training to be a certain way, or
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: whether that's you and a gut check in the mirror,
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: being like, is work really too busy to prevent you
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: from at least trying from at least trying it. Let's
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: be real, like you, if you truly wanted something and
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: you didn't want to throw it away, even if you
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: didn't know what it had, even if you were just
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: like you were like, man, this might have potential, then
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: you would be willing to embrace the suck, even if
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: you're moving on Tuesday and it's going to be a
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: long day. Like, I think we talk ourselves out of
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: things a lot. We talk ourselves out of trying a lot,
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: out of seeing again everyone male female. However, you identify
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: discomfort as a sign that we should retreat, and I
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: think ultimately if you do retreat, then just accept it.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: Then you weren't ready. Don't overthink it. That's the if
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: the what IF's gone to be Like listen, I could
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: psychoanalyze this all day, but the fact that I didn't try,
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: the fact that they didn't try, the fact that neither
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: of us were willing to embrace this comfort. That's the
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: sign I need, and I'm going to move on because otherwise,
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: then you get to that zone of well, maybe I
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: could have changed their mind and they would have embraced it,
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: or maybe I can go back. We can't do that.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: We need to give ourselves a path forward. So I
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: lean on that example a lot.
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: You can't get down on yourself for somebody else's habits,
• 37:26
  Speaker 4: somebody else's decisions, right Like, if that person isn't willing
• 37:30
  Speaker 4: to open up to you to give you what you've
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: already established you need, then you have to come to
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: a place of acceptance that it wasn't the thing that
• 37:39
  Speaker 4: you needed at all exactly.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think the greatest gift you can give
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: yourself is clarity. Why can't we embrace it even if
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: it's not the answer we want. Why can't we just say, great,
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: got the answer I needed. Now we can move on.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: Like That's I think that's the greatest gift to give yourself.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: You can be like, all right, it's like it's not
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: binary and then it's one or zero, But at least
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: you could be like, I needed this, I didn't get it.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be someone who chases. I'm not
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: going to do that, so I'm going to move on.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: It's tough, of course, we're all wired humans to hang
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: on to things and overthink. But I think trying to
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: take a step back practically and understand that in that
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: sense is that's another gift we can give ourselves.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: To pivot a little bit.
• 38:19
  Speaker 4: I know, in when your team originally reached out to me,
• 38:23
  Speaker 4: they highlighted that you have done so much of this
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: on your own. I'd love if you could share a
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: little bit about the struggles that you've had as a
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: solo preneur of sorts, right, how you've had to show
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: up during the moments when maybe you didn't know exactly
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: what you were going to talk about in those you know,
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: two sessions a week, Like, how did you keep showing
• 38:47
  Speaker 4: up for you to build what you have built thus far?
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would certainly say it's something I'm still learning.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, being a solo preneur, a solo it's wild
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: and especially because like things kind of blew up quickly
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: for me on the business front. So like I've been
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: podcasting for a while, but it was about two years
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: in before I started like making serious money from it
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: with the journals and that kind of blew up over
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: COVID and all these things. But all, you know, all
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: the while, I've kind of realized that, you know, I
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: am great at doing things solo, Like I have this
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: this motivation that comes from just being purpose driven, and
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: I think that's always guided me, Like it's not work.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: It certainly is not work, and I do quote work
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: a lot, but it's not work. I love it. I
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: truly truly love it. But I mean I wouldn't I'm
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: gonna wouldn't lie. I mean, it is very stressful, especially
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: coming from a corporate world where you know I did
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: well for myself quite well, and you know that was
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: because I was like, I'm good at sales, I'm good
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: at managing a team. I can do this thing like
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: no problem. Now it's like any money I make is
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: a direct result of my effort. And if you have
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: a bad month or a bad quarter, it's like, man,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: am I not good enough? Is my effort not good enough?
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: We go back to this imposter syndrome idea, And of
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: course it's like, I'm sure you can relate. It's like
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: being in this world if we want to call ourselves
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: influencers or whatever it may be. It also becomes a
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: popularity contest, which is a tough pill to swallow. No
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: one wants to be in a perpetual popularity contest. That
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: kind of sucks. So it's all these things, all these
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: things balancing that doing it alone. I mean, I have
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: like a publicist, I have a team, I have some freelancers,
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: graphic designers, things like that. But it's like, ultimately, like
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: big decisions still come back to me, and I overthink
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: them all the time. Am I doing the right thing?
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: Am I doing this right or this wrong? But I
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: think ultimately my decision to leave my job was like
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: me saying, I trust myself. I trust myself to do this.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: Whether I make the right decision or not, I can
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: react to the outcome. And I'm very grounded in that,
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: and I think I'm making the right decisions. But most
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: of all, I just like I enjoy it. As long
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: as I get up every morning and I'm excited to
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: do this, I'm excited to hop on your platform and
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: talk about these things, then I trust that I'm in
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: the right direction. I think the moment that I'm like,
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do this anymore, then maybe that's
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: a evaluation, but I think, you know, being a solo
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: preneur and artist whatever I call myself, I think it's
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: the right path for me. It's a challenging one, but
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: I think it's most rewarding. What greater reward is there
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: than to see a one to one, right, I think
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: it's easy to get lost and working for another company,
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: but to be like, here's what I offer, and here's
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: how it helps people, and here's how I can support
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: myself through that. So really, it absolutely is a privilege.
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: I've been marinating on this idea of be okay with
• 41:30
  Speaker 4: changing the plan. Like, yes, our goals they change and
• 41:34
  Speaker 4: evolve o our time and things that we want. But
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: we oftentimes go into a certain goal envisioning that the
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: way to get there involves X and y. But sometimes
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: you might realize halfway through that involves like M and N,
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: and you have to let go of how you thought
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: it was going to look.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: Right, I that's my favorite subject.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: Oh talk to me about your favorite subject.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I keep saying, I keep repeating these phrases.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: But the greatest gift you can give yourself, the fifth
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: greatest gift you can give yourself is a willingness to
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: change your mind. I talk a lot about the power
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: of starting over, like it's my favorite subject, because realistically,
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: I've start over. I've started over dozens of times, most
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: recently quitting my job. And I think about this topic
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: of starting over. I think about the people that I
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: know who are the most successful in their industry or
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: who finally found their soulmate. They started over. They were
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: willing to start over many, many, many times. And that's
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: in direct contrast to I think of how we're conditioned
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: to look at starting over. We think that's starting over
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: is this thing that you've messed up so bad, you
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: did the wrong thing for so long, that you need
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: to go all the way back to zero. And I've,
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: for one, I've obviously realized that that's not true, and
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: that starting over isn't about what you're leaving behind. It's
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: about what you're bringing with you. If we can rewire
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: ourselves to realize that, it takes vulnerability, takes optimism, but
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: to realize that if a relationship ended, what are you
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: bringing with you? What are the new standards, the new vision,
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: the new you know of radar you have for red
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: flags that you're bringing with you. That's amazing for myself
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: leaving my job. Man, case you're like, I remember one
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: day I had quit and I was talking to someone like, man,
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: you threw that away. I was like, ooh, brutal wording.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: Threw that away, like ouch, they didn't mean it. But
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: I was like, that could have caused me to spiral.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: But I was like, no, no, no, no no. When I
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: didn't throw anything away, here's all the things that I'm
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: bringing with me. And I could have listed all the things,
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: my mentality for sales, the way that I improved, how
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: I can speak, my standard, my passion for what I do. Contrast,
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: is a powerful thing. How do you know what you
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: want to do unless you've done what you don't want
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: to do. How do you know what love is unless
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: you've experienced the opposite of love? All these things, So
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: I look at that and I'm like, starting over is
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: the greatest thing ever. If you can prove to yourself
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: and show yourself what you're bringing with you and talk
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: yourself out of this mentality that's starting over is a
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: zero sum game where you're starting over from zero. It's
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: just not true. So I lean on that a lot,
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: and I'm always willing to start over. I never see
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: it as failure. I see it as here's the building
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: blocks of what I'm bringing with me, and the next
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: one is going to be even better. Pure optimism, of course.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: But again, I think we can look at things practically,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: like literally as practical as like write down a list
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: of things you're bringing with you, like literally, I've got
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: post it notes. Ever, like I encourage people to do that.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you said that term building blox.
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: I mean whether the experiences are good or they are bad,
• 44:17
  Speaker 4: and you obviously have the opportunity to change that label
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: over time. But all of these experiences cumulatively have informed
• 44:25
  Speaker 4: who you are today, So then you can move forward
• 44:28
  Speaker 4: and choose to use them to your advantage, making these
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: things that maybe in the moment weren't easy, these hurdles,
• 44:36
  Speaker 4: these hurdle moments, we can transform those difficult times into
• 44:41
  Speaker 4: our biggest strength.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: But that's a choice, right, Like that is your opportunity.
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: So you have to be the person that's like, yes,
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: I choose to do the best I can with what
• 44:51
  Speaker 4: I have.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean truly, I try not to live in
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: la la land of self development where I'm like, well,
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: just you know, let's do our best, like let's get real.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: Like a statement, like a statement that I lean on
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: a lot, is the people who hurt you helped you.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: But the only way you're going to realize that and
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: the only way you can escape victimhood. Talking back to
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: the drama triangle is exactly what you said, is deciding
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: what they gave you, what you can give yourself as
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: a result, like literally again doing an inventory of those things.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: And these are all personal choices and it's a challenge
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: to our conditioning. The reason that attachment styles Cartman's drama
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: triangle or a thing is because it's true, like we
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: go way back to childhood. Even there's another saying that
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: we're all victims of victims, Like how do we develop
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: the mentalities we have when we inherited a lot of them?
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: And where do they come from? Well, they were inherited.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: It's like again to talk about intuition, like we have
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: truths inside of us that have been eroded and pushed
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: down based on other people's conditioning, and then our own conditioning,
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: and then life and the noise and distraction. It's like
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: the seventh gradest gift we can give ourselves is to
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: find a way to come back to what those are
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: through whatever it is, to find purpose in whatever happens.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: That like that we can succeed because of our past,
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: not despite it. It's like it's wordings, it's positioning, it's
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: things like that, And I think it's the most practical
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: thing in the world. And I think a lot of
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: people struggle with this because we're inherently emotional people. But
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: trying our best to objectively look at our lives and
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: come up with these truths is really empowering and it
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: feels great.
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: That phrase victim of a victim.
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: I was at a woman's empowerment conference, let's call it that,
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: over the weekend, and during so many of these large
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: group shares, women were referencing having trauma as a part
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: of their childhood. Now, obviously, trauma can look so different
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: and come in so many different forms, but it was
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: an important reminder and something worth reiterating is that everyone
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: has passed trauma, period and you show up to your
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: experiences today bringing that with you. So to walk into
• 46:52
  Speaker 4: your experiences recognizing that it's all around you and that
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: everyone has their own like shit, for lack of a
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: better word, like that helped you navigate moving forward.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so too. It's for one, it leads
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: us to be a little bit kinder to ourselves, and
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: I think that's important. You got to start from place
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: of kindness. But two, it fires you up to challenge it.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: It's like I would be fired up. I didn't ask
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: for this, this was given to me. You know, Let's
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: challenge it, let's move on. Like one of the exercises
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: that I do, I do a lot of mindfulness of
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: speaking events like guided journaling. One of the things that
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: it's exercise I have is called the Best Revenge in Life.
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: It's a weird title, but I encourage people to sit
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: down this idea of the best for the saying is
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: the best revenge in life is to not be like
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: your enemy, right, And I'm like, well, who's my enemy?
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: The enemy of case would be the opposite of case,
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: that is someone who is I don't know, lazy, not empathetic,
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: mean whatever. For instance, I encourage people to sit down
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: and describe their enemy, that is, the person who is
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: the opposite of who they strive to be, and then
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: to sit down and be proud of yourself and realize
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: that you're not that person. You're not that person, because
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: you're holding on to what's true to you amidst things
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: like conditioning and trauma and so on and so forth.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: I think the greatest changes we can perform in life
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: come from a place of pride. We need to find
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: a way to be proud of ourselves because otherwise we're
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: always going to be chasing something and something and something,
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: and we're never going to hack away at that conditioning.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: But to sit down and do a silly exercise like that,
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: to be like here is the opposite of who I
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: strive to be. And you know what, I'm pretty grateful
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: because I'm at those things. I'm still I'm struggling, but
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: I'm hanging on to what I stand for and what
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: I want. I should be proud of myself and to
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: use that as a springboard for challenging these things that
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: we're talking about, great motivation, great catalyst for that. We
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: just have to find our way, find a way to
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: put ourselves in a headspace where that's possible instead of
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: resorting to overthinking comfort all this is the way it is.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: It is what it is.
• 48:41
  Speaker 4: Things like that, Yeah, and like rid ourselves of these
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: preconceived notions that an exercise like that, like you deemed
• 48:47
  Speaker 4: it to be silly, Like it's not silly. It's not
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: silly to want to figure out how you can become
• 48:55
  Speaker 4: a better you, how you can feel more comfortable in
• 48:57
  Speaker 4: your skin, how you can identify the kinds of people
• 48:59
  Speaker 4: that you want in your life life going forward.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: Like there is a time and a place for all
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: of it.
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: Because as we were really kicking off our conversation with earlier,
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: you'll never regret investing that time in yourself now something
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: that I wanted to double click on that you said before,
• 49:12
  Speaker 4: kind of referencing yourself as an influencer, what would you
• 49:15
  Speaker 4: say has been the hardest part for you as more
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: eyes come on to your feed, your page and it
• 49:23
  Speaker 4: does keep growing as it is.
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know, Like I said, I feel like I
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: live in la la land sometimes because people are so
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: kind to me. I don't know. I mean, I think
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: a lot of times people come at me and they'll
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: be like, well, you know that's because you're privileged, and
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: you know it's easy for you to say these things
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: you've never been through the experience. And then I always say,
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: absolutely absolutely, I've lived the privileged life in many many senses,
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: so I try to really stay rooted in that, and
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: I think, you know, leading with empathy is the way
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: to go the more, especially in the self development space,
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: which is an inherently emotionally triggering space, it's very easy
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: for people to come at you, but don't. I don't
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: really you know about that. I try to stay grounded
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: in that I'm helping other people, I'm helping myself, and
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: you know, so be it. But I never, you know,
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: to be honest, if I could, I would delete social media.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: It's just not something that I want to be known for.
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: It helps amplify my message and it's a gift to
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: even have the platform. But it's not like I never
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: said out to I want to have a big social
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: media following. I want to be a writer. I want
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: to be someone who has a value to add the world.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: And you know, when people disagree, that's that's fine. When people,
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: you know, can't see from my perspective, that's fine. But
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: you know, having the ability for people even to listen
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: in the first place far overshadows anytime people might disagree
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: or hate. It's the Internet, it is what it is.
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: So I try to try to stay readered in that.
• 50:41
  Speaker 4: How do you stay kind and bring that empathy when
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: it is someone who doesn't approach situations like that on
• 50:48
  Speaker 4: the other side.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: Honestly, because I have to back to my comment earlier,
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: it's like, I use my podcast as the motivation to
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: be that person, to be the person who gives that advice.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: And if I were to throw back at someone who
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: was disrespectful to me, that would be in direct contrast
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: to the advice I give, and that's I'd be a
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: huge hypocrit And if I'm a hypocrite, why should anyone
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: listen to me? Like truly? Like that sounds probably more
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: noble than than it actually is, but like, why should
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: anyone listen to me if I don't take my own advice? Truly?
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: So I try, really try to stay rooted in being
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: motivated by myself in like a very meta weird way,
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: like I need to be the guy that I portray
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: myself to be. Otherwise what's the point? And the whole
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: thing collapses on itself. So of course I make mistakes,
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: but I motivate myself. I guess, question Mark, now.
• 51:34
  Speaker 4: How does that advice apply to the person that isn't
• 51:36
  Speaker 4: case Kenny? When that question is asked and someone is
• 51:39
  Speaker 4: met with adversity or anger or frustration or a rude comment,
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: and they want to approach with these feelings of empathy
• 51:48
  Speaker 4: and like understanding.
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: It's not always that easy.
• 51:51
  Speaker 4: So what do you say to that person who wants
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: to embrace more of that kind of attitude.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: I'd say, it's just it's changing your priorities. Like for me,
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: I always used to like my goal in life is
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: I want to be happy. Right. I think that's a
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: lot of people's goals, and it's a fine goal, but
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: I struggle with that a lot because happiness is this
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: random thing. It could be taken from you, devoid of
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: your own effort. It's this very up and down things.
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: So I've totally reached changed my goal for myself, which
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: I would recommend for other people if they're willing to.
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: I just want to be proud of myself. That is
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: something I can always control, Like, no one can take
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: that from me. You can throw a lot of things
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: at me. I can go through bad luck, bad luck,
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: bad luck, horrible things, but your sense of pride ultimately
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: comes from how you react to those things. So in
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: that instance, if that person was gearing up to get
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: all angry at some Internet stranger or whatever is happening.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: Are you proud of yourself in that moment? Yes or no?
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: If that's your test for how to look at yourself
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: every day, every hour, then I think you're going to
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: be motivated to be like, no, no, no, I really want
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: to leash out lash out of this person, but I'm
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: going to be proud of myself in this moment. I
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: think it changes how you look at life and again,
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: pure self control when it comes to things like that.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: But changing my priority in life is I just want
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: to be proud of myself. It manifests itself in the
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: form of looking at the dirty dishes over there and
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: being like, I should I should clean those Otherwise I'm
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: not proud of myself. The big things like I need
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: to be honest with this girl instead of leading her on.
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: I need to be like whatever it may be big small,
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: that's been really life changing for me. Frankly. And where
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: does confidence come from? Where does fulfillment come from? It
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: comes from self pride, self esteem. We're talking about self esteem.
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: But I think if we change our priorities a little
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: bit about like what we want to be zoomed out
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: in life, it can really change then how we handle
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: the little things zoomed in in life?
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: For sure? Are you proud of yourself? I love I
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: love that question.
• 53:38
  Speaker 4: Someone comes to your Instagram page, they see this guy
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: with a hell of a lot of followers, all of
• 53:42
  Speaker 4: these post its and sayings and whatnot. When you look
• 53:46
  Speaker 4: in the mirror, what is it that you see looking
• 53:49
  Speaker 4: back at you?
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: I see a guy.
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: I see a guy who's grown up a lot, frankly,
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: I see a guy who's grown up, who's matured, frankly practically.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: But I also I just see someone who was willing
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: to get in their feels and just be honest and vulnerable.
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: Like I see that progression. I see. I could scroll
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: back to my old Instagram posts and it's like I
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: was like quoting like rap lyrics and stuff like just
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: like trying to be someone I wasn't. And now I'm
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: posting about healing, So I mean, cool, freaking cool. I
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: love it, like proud of that, because again, I'm not
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: doing it for anyone else, I'm doing it for me.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm proud of that.
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: What are you excited about right now?
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: Oh so much. I'm working on a new book. I'm
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: working on a lot of music. Music's a big part
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: of my life, and I'm privileged to have access to
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: some some great people in the music industry and we're
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: making some music and combining music and mindfulness, and yeah,
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: I'm just excited to see where that takes me and
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: just doing more of what I love. I always just
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: joked and I'm pulling on this string, but it's a
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: very long string, like there's no end to it. So
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: I'm just like continuing to pull on and see where
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: it takes me.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: What kind of music.
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: It's all electronic music, like how stance, not typically something
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: that you'd associate with like mindfulness, like most people associate
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: like very very calming music. But I think there's a
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: lot of power in melodic, progressive, repetitive music combined with mindfulness.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: And I won't shut up about it. I'm always like
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: promoting my my music projects because I think it's I
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: think it's the next big wave of wellness and mindfulness.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: So I love it and I love to dance. I
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: don't portray I just think it's fun.
• 55:34
  Speaker 4: If I right now, before I ask you this final question,
• 55:38
  Speaker 4: give you the floor. Is there anything that you feel
• 55:41
  Speaker 4: as though you haven't addressed? Just yet that is worth
• 55:45
  Speaker 4: sharing to this demo. And I know that that's a
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: very open ended question. But hurdlers that are working on
• 55:53
  Speaker 4: this journey that you and I have talked over the
• 55:55
  Speaker 4: last fifteen minutes, you know, whether they're single or attached
• 55:58
  Speaker 4: to really coming into their own and being proud of
• 56:00
  Speaker 4: what they have to offer and moving forward with excitement
• 56:03
  Speaker 4: and optimism.
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: What do you have to say to that?
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, I lean a lot on like the words
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: we use right the stories we tell ourselves. If we
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: end on one last gift that I say we could
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: give ourselves, it would be find a way to use
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: more powerful and empowering words in your life. Like I'm
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: an author, so I have a weird relationship with words.
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: I'm in words all day, every day, and I think
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: if we could find a way to come back to
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: more powerful words, the way that we describe ourselves, the
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: way that the goals we set for ourselves, we're we're
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: going to be free to go out and do that thing.
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: I just released a book called The First Inner Piece.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: It's a manifestation journal, and the whole point of that
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: was basically in reaction to how I see a lot
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: of people think about manifesting right, picture what you want,
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: vision board, the secret. I deserve this these things, and
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: I think that's great. But I think the true essence
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: of manifesting is knowing why you're worthy of that thing.
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: Show yourself and it goes back to everything that we've
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: been talking about here, showing why you should be prouder
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: the things that you are doing, and use words and
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: sentences and narratives to support that. If you're always telling
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: yourself a story that you know, all men are this
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: and all women are that, or my talent will never
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: be good enough for this, how do you expect to
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: go out and receive a reality that is directly the
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: opposite of that? You know? You could you could call thing.
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: We can call this religion, faith, karma or whatever. Maybe
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: law of attraction. I think it's just practical tell yourself
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: a more redeeming story. I'm the kind of person who
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: does this. Here are all the verbs that I do.
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: Here's the things that I'm proud of of myself that
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: I think is just so empowering, And ultimately it does
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: pay off because it's reconditioning, it's challenging. All the things
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: we talked about, the conditioning, but coming back to the
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: way that you speak to yourself, absolutely manifest it in itself,
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: in the way that you act, in the things you
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: accept or don't accept in other people. And I think,
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: I think it's it's the greatest way that you could
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: change your life. Change the way the verbs you use,
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: the adjectives you use, the way that you look at yourself,
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: and the goal you set for yourself. And and I
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: think your actions follow, your reactions follow, and most importantly,
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: like what you will put up with in life also follow.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: So I would I would, I would lead with that case.
• 58:08
  Speaker 4: Right now, you have an opportunity to offer yourself a
• 58:11
  Speaker 4: piece of advice. Looking back, let's say, at the beginning
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: of this journey, which is filled with moments of imposter
• 58:17
  Speaker 4: syndrome and trying to figure out what your verbs were,
• 58:20
  Speaker 4: where you were going, what you were moving with, you
• 58:22
  Speaker 4: have an opportunity, knowing what you know now, to offer
• 58:25
  Speaker 4: yourself a piece of advice at that hurdle moment.
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: What do you tell yourself.
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, I would give the advice that I still
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: try to give my advice today, which is something I
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: think we all struggle with, which is when we want
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: something more, when we want to grow more, be more,
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: do more, or whatever it is, we very much turn
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: our back on what we have and we get in
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: this kind of anxious, ungrateful state. So the advice that
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: I give myself today that I would give myself much
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: louder when I was younger, is the absence of what
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: I want doesn't negate the presence of what I have.
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: And I'm just so big on that because just because
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: I don't have something that I'm working hard toward towards,
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that what I have, what I've done,
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: what I'm building is irrelevant. And we need to stay
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: grounded in that. Find a way to be proud of myself,
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: find a way to be grateful for what I have.
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: Even when I was on episode ten and I was like,
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: I want to be a top twenty podcaster, just be
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: proud of the ten episodes I've done while working for
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: the more. And that's the advice I would give myself
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: because I honestly I still struggle with that. It's like
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: being a writer, content creator, influencer or whatever it is.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: It's like we're always wanting more, We're always feeling the
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: pressure to do more, be more. That sometimes we forget
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: the gift that we've been given and I've created for ourselves.
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: So I would just come back to that that the
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: absence of what I want doesn't negate the presence of
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: what I have.
• 59:40
  Speaker 4: The absence of what I want doesn't negate the presence
• 59:43
  Speaker 4: of what I have. I love that, Case Kenny. I'm
• 59:45
  Speaker 4: so glad that we were able to make this happen.
• 59:48
  Speaker 4: How do the hurdlers follow along with you? How do
• 59:49
  Speaker 4: they keep up with you? Give us the details?
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for giving me a platform.
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: That was a great chat. Case Kenny on socials, Case
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: dot Kenny on Instagram. The podcast is new, my I said,
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: who dis new? Mindset whodiss dot com if you're interested
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: in the journal. And then I host the radio show
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: called Zendisco for on the music side if you want
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: to do a little dance while listening to my thoughts.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 4: I'm over at Emily Body and at Hurdle Podcast Another
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 4: Hurdle Conquered.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time.