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From Burnout to Bounce Back: How to Train Resilience · Unspoken Career Truths

• 0:00
  Welcome to Unspoken Career Truths.
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  I'm Lauren Levette Gilbert. And I'm Cara Wood.
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  And we're here to be the coworkers you can trust.
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  Today we're still talking about skills you can build, and
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  today's topic is resilience. Woo, this is an important one.
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  Yeah, I feel like especially now.
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  Yeah. Resilience is the capacity to
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  adopt, recover and and thrive despite challenges, stress or
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  fast-paced changes. So in other words, how do you
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  bounce back from difficulty? If you hear the word resilient
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  and you don't feel resilient, it's a skill that you can like,
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  learn and you can practice and you don't have to inherently be
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  resilient. I actually love that you that
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  you went there because I feel like we should talk about
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  resilience in two ways. The first one is like, is it
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  really a skill that you can improve in practice?
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  You know what your vote is, I did some scientific research.
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  And then second, what are good strategies in navigating
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  challenges? And I want to talk about that
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  both in the short term frustrations, like small ways
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  that you want to be resilient and bounce back, and then longer
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  term recurring stressors like how do you handle those?
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  But first, let's set the stage. So Lauren, I mean, like, tell me
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  what's up? How are you?
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  What's drawing on your resilience right now, or what's
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  giving you energy? So many things, Cara Gosh, for
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  me personally and professionally, there's a lot
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  going on. We just bought a house.
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  So figuring out like how to get settled and get furniture and
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  kind of figure out the new house and being a homeowner.
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  And then, like, I work in an industry that is constantly
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  changing, and there's always something new coming up, and you
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  got to stay on top of it. And so I think for me right now,
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  I'm kind of getting hit by all angles.
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  I never had thought of resilience this way until
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  recently. I used to think of it as, like
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  me, singularly as resilient. But I also think like me and my
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  husband are a team and we can think about like where there are
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  areas where each of us can flex in resiliency at different
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  times. Like my battery might be 0 and
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  his might be 80%. And like where can he kind of
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  flex in versus like I might need some time off or time to to
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  settle. So that's kind of one of the
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  ways I've been thinking about it right now, 'cause there's so
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  much drawing on my energy and I'm trying to just balance it
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  all. Yeah, And I feel like you hit on
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  something really important, which is that there stressors
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  can come from different areas of your life.
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  I know for me, I almost feel like there is this like aura
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  around me. So there's the things that I'm
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  struggling with, like juggling multiple clients.
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  And then there's like stressors I might see people in my
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  community going through or like close friends going through
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  that's still weigh on me and I still need to be resilient
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  about. And to your point around like
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  sharing different battery levels like you want to have battery
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  for that? Yeah, that's a great point.
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  And I also think we talk a lot on the podcast about like a team
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  and and leading A-Team and kind of how you need to think about
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  how you how your reaction impacts them and how your
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  leadership impacts them. And I think it's also important
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  to remember that like all of us have a lot going on.
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  There's a lot going on in the world.
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  There's a lot personally professional.
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  So like just give each other grace that I think we all are
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  being tested with our resilience.
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  Yeah. And let's talk about some data.
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  So like 66% of US employees today report that they feel
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  burnout in some form. And this has increased over the
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  last few years. People cite stressors.
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  Actually, I thought this was interesting.
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  Like the top stressors, and this is according to Gallup, were US
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  politics 43%, global events 42%. And then personal finances,
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  which I feel like is very relatable.
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  You talked about owning a house, like that's pretty stressful.
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  Just think about personal finances.
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  And we've talked about job hugging before, but there are
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  also, you know, fears of layoffs, industries changing,
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  market volatility that all are impacting people's level of
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  stress. Yeah, I think the AI revolution
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  is a piece of that too. I'm surprised that one didn't
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  make make the list, but I mean, it makes sense.
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  Global events and politics did. But I think I'm, I'm wondering
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  where AI is on that disruptor list because I know it's top of
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  mind for a lot of people. I think you're right.
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  And I think that the like fear of layoffs comes from both that
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  and economic changes. But then you know, why we're
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  talking about resilience is because workers with high
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  resilience have better outcomes and high resilience workers are
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  50% more likely to reach their goals.
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  That's according to the NIH. Being resilient.
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  Also, I thought this was fascinating, like lowers your
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  likelihood of burnout, depression, intention to quit,
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  and even just the likelihood that you'll call in to work,
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  which again, logically makes sense, but I hadn't thought
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  about it. And so from an employer
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  standpoint, you definitely want your people to be building that
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  resiliency skill. When you are resilient, it
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  improves your job satisfaction. So stressful things can be
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  happening to you, but you're still going to be more satisfied
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  in your job if you're able to bounce back.
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  I'm a very visual person. So like whenever I think of the
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  word resilience, I actually think of like, you know, those
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  in like superhero movies, there's that like bubble that
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  like covers the city to like protect it from all the attacks
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  from the aliens, right? Like I think of resilience as
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  this like little bubble that you can build as things kind of come
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  your way. It can either bounce off it or
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  it can breakthrough if it breaks through.
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  Like it can cause little fires inside your town if the visual
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  is making. Sense No, it is.
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  And I actually, it's funny, I used to think of resilience as
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  like nothing is gonna touch me. I'm Teflon, I am that superhero.
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  But I actually think that there is something to knowing how to
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  both absorb and then recover. So it's like you're Elastigirl
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  and not just like an impervious Superman.
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  So like those stressors are 'cause we're all stressed.
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  We just listed out so many things that stress people out.
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  Those, all those stresses are gonna happen.
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  And so it's about you navigating them and having the like skill
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  set to navigate them, the superpowers to navigate them in
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  a way that doesn't knock you out completely.
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  You can't get rid of the stress, but you can figure out how you
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  deal with it, right? I think that's what you're
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  saying, and I totally agree with that.
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  Yeah, I think about this as almost like maintaining A Moat.
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  So you said, you know, barrier shield, but like I'm thinking of
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  like this nice garden water feature that you can visit and
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  it has what you need when you need it.
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  No alligators in your Moat. Maybe there are actually.
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  I'm like a big fan of alligators in your Moat.
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  You might need some push back. When bad things happen, you
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  might need some. Sharp teeth.
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  Teeth in there, that's OK. But like also the Lily pads, you
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  know, to like just to light you and look at there are tons of
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  different models of like what makes up resilience.
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  One that if you Google will definitely come up is the Seven
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  Seas of Resilience from doctor Kenneth Ginsburg.
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  He's a pediatrician. And that one is really focused
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  on like supporting kids who've gone through trauma and like
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  raising healthy kids. But I wanted for this one to
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  keep it a little bit more simple. 4 simple pillars that
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  the APA talk about. So those are connection.
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  Do you have a supportive community, network of loved
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  ones, Wellness? Are you staying healthy, getting
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  enough sleep and exercising healthy thinking?
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  So this is about your mental health.
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  Can you keep things in perspective?
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  Do you process emotions? And how do you navigate change
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  And then meaning, which I know we've talked about in other
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  episodes, like do you have purpose that drives you?
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  I love that. And the first thing that comes
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  to mind actually, as you were talking about that was back to
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  our episode in season 1 around buckets like that.
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  There's so many different there. Everybody has their different
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  buckets that make them feel fulfilled, right?
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  Family or hobbies or exercise or friends or whatever that looks
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  like. And I feel like having balanced
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  buckets and understanding kind of what makes what fills your
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  bucket and what makes you feel as a whole human is so important
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  to kind of each of these categories to feel connected, be
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  healthy and have meaning in your life.
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  And so I think that's a really good episode to kind of connect
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  to this too. Like, if you're trying to figure
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  out what your resilience looks like, make sure you really
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  understand. Like, what are the buckets that
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  help you feel whole? Yeah, and I think that, like
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  going back to the mote metaphor, if you want to keep thinking
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  about water and buckets, is that when a stressor hits you and
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  it's the only thing that you care about, or there's this big
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  thing in your life, what actually buffets you is like all
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  those other things to care about.
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  Like the people to care about, the exercise, the hobby.
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  That's why all of these things are a part of resilience is
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  because it just kind of spreads out the damage a little bit.
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  Like again, we're all impacted. But if you have a way to put it
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  in perspective, a lot of times what's helping put it into
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  perspective is all those other things you care about.
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  I like that we're in the water theme.
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  Oh yeah, let's talk about like techniques we're actually having
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  resilience, short term stressors.
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  And I mean, like, I'm talking about like, spilled coffee or,
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  you know, you missed a train, you couldn't find a parking
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  spot. Your dog rips a hole in the wall
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  AKA what do we did the other day?
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  Yeah, your dog rips a hole in a brand new wall.
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  What's, what are some of your, your go to strategies?
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  How do you how do you bounce back from something like that,
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  Lauren? I mean, for me, I mean, with the
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  dog especially, it's like understanding that he didn't do
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  it on purpose and like acknowledging it and like saying
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  it out loud. And then like I have to like
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  remove myself from the situation with him because I'm like, I
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  don't want to be angry with you. I know you didn't know any
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  better and you didn't do it on purpose.
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  But like, I just need a minute. For me that's like a reset
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  because if I just sit there, I'm just going to like ruminate in
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  it. It sounds like you use two
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  things. It sounds like you use the
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  mental health of like context, you know, and then also the
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  physical side of it of like exercise like just like
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  literally like transport and move your body.
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  I. Think there's something super
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  powerful about changing your state?
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  One way that I've recently been changing my state is I have a
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  keyboard now and I've been like relearning, teaching myself
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  piano and I find that it like breaks up my day so lovely
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  because you're changing your mental state.
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  All of a sudden I'm focused on like timing and counting in
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  notes and just getting a little bit outside of my head.
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  But I think one that we have to bring up because we talked about
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  all the different things that build up resilience is a lot of
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  people, you know, just like talk to a friend, like then to a
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  friend, like get their perspective, like Co process
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  with them. And it's OK to like complain
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  difference too. Like sometimes I call my friend,
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  I'm like, I just need to complain about this and like
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  that's it. And then like, we both complain
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  and it feels great. Like that's allowed.
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  Yes, what you had said about sitting and roommating with
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  something like part of the point of this is to like get it out of
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  your system so that it doesn't need to like be contained or
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  stay inside you anymore. That's a big part of resilience
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  is processing something. Agreed.
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  But let's talk about longer term stressors.
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  You might be navigating a big leadership change at work.
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  You might have toxic Co workers or management or there's just a
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  lot of unknowns. Lauren, you talked about AI like
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  shaking things up, changing things.
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  Lots of questions that aren't going away aren't You can't just
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  remove yourself from the situation and have them
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  disappear. Yeah, I think the long term
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  stressors are what like really test your resilience because
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  it's like an ongoing thing. Like you could feel that every
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  day for months, whether it's like financial or even like
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  health wise or health of a loved one or there's so many
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  stressors, right? That can be out for me.
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  I can tend to like constantly think about them or like go down
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  rabbit holes and worry about stuff.
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  I'm a warrior and I think for me, it's been really helpful to
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  put things in context and to not not go down the rabbit hole.
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  And I do this thing where I like say the worst case scenario out
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  loud to my husband and I'm just like, OK, this is the worst
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  thing that could happen. And then like that's actually
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  super helpful for me because it's like, OK, that's not going
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  to happen. So it's going to be OK.
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  And like just intentionally having these ways that you know,
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  make you feel better. I used to do this thing, and I
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  probably should bring it back is I give myself worry time where I
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  sat like 15 minutes, thirty minutes depending on the day.
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  And I am allowed to worry the hell out of anything.
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  Like I can write it down, I can talk about it, I can think about
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  it. Like I'm allowed to go down that
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  rabbit hole when the timer's off, that's it.
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  I love that. And you've touched on a few of
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  the like key strategies that I I think are the most valuable
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  here. Like again, you're drawing on
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  your Moat in like a really purposeful way when you are this
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  stressed for a long period of time, knowing that you have your
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  own stressed out tells. So like you're a warrior, you
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  know that that you know, I'm trying to think of what my
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  honestly, I have like a baseline of anxiety.
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  And so for me, a lot of like somatic awareness, which part of
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  my body is aching is telling me something.
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  If it's shoulders, I might be like worrying about a burden.
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  If my jaw is punching, then I'm stressed out about a decision.
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  So knowing what your tells are and then you talked about, you
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  know, OK, like let me set this worry time finding your
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  community to like relate to, you know, sharing stress with your
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  husband or like find making a ritual for yourself.
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  So like something that you can incorporate daily to like visit.
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  For me, it's journaling. Like I definitely have my like
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  journal morning where I like set intentions and then my end of
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  day where I like look at what my high and low was.
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  And like, sometimes you can spend a lot of time in that low
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  because you just still need to process it.
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  I. Like your point about like your
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  body and the tension, I think there's a lot that our body
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  tells us that we don't necessarily listen to.
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  And if you can tap into that, it can give you a lot of insight
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  in. And it's something that I, I
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  work on constantly that like mind, body connection, because
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  you're what it what's the book your body keeps the score.
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  Yeah, your body keeps the score. It really does.
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  Like there's so many things that you hold in your body.
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  If you're having a stressful moment or if you're feeling
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  stressed, like pause and close your eyes.
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  Like where do you feel that in your body?
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  Yeah, and I think that's why exercise and like taking care of
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  yourself is on this list because you can do things like take a
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  hot shower, like do yoga, go for a run, like all those different
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  and everyone has their specific thing that is going to be
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  helpful. But that physicality of it is
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  taking your mind off of it. But it's also taking care of
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  your body, which is maybe holding stress that you're
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  haven't even processed or that you've been holding on to.
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  So much of this is about autonomy.
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  So, you know, one of those last ways to just take care of
• 15:00
  yourself during long term stressors is to think about the
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  autonomy that is available to you.
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  We talked about like locus of control on one of our other
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  episodes, but this aspect of resilience as agency.
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  So kind of making a plan and recognizing this impact, even if
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  you can just sort of slowly measure, OK, what's my little
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  thing? Maybe it's part of your ritual
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  that you're going to kind of measure what you changed.
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  I especially think that's valuable when you've got of a
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  toxic work situation or like an ongoing thing.
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  Lauren, I know you have your list of stuff you want to do for
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  your new house and like you're just going to slowly chip away
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  at that and kind of, you know, being able to see that progress
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  I like. Progress.
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  And if I don't have progress, I feel very stagnant.
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  So like I try to be very intentional, even if it's just
• 15:47
  small, like hey, we moved to this chair today, we moved to
• 15:50
  this rug because I have to feel the progress.
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  But I know that about myself. This is all about finding your
• 15:55
  own ways, but knowing that there's a bunch of skills that
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  you can draw on for resilience. So to wrap up, resilience isn't
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  about ignoring or repressing your stress.
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  It's not about, you know, showing up really tough or how
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  you think you're supposed to show up.
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  It's really, it's not just one skill, it's this whole set of
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  behaviors and you can sort of build your Moat.
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  I'm going to try to do our four in Moat acronym style where we
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  talk about the meaning behind what you're doing.
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  You talk about others in your life that can support you.
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  You talk about doing activities that are going to keep you
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  healthy or you think about your thoughts and how you can put
• 16:29
  things into context. So that's build your Moat.
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  And put whatever you'd like in it, alligators or not.
• 16:35
  Yes, Alligators, I. Love it.
• 16:38
  And that's a wrap. Thanks for joining us on
• 16:41
  Unspoken Career Truths. Don't forget to follow us on
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• 16:46
  share it with a friend.