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What does grieving someone who is still here mean? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

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  SPEAKER_00: What does grieving someone who is still here mean?
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  SPEAKER_00: Grieve is what we feel when coming to terms with a change or ending, either in a relationship, friendship or in situations.
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  SPEAKER_00: We can grieve for someone who is still here when they have changed cognitively, emotionally and physically due to conditions such as Alzheimer's or other life changing neurological conditions.
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  SPEAKER_00: We can grieve our partner after a relationship breakdown.
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  SPEAKER_00: We can grieve family who we were unable to maintain healthy relationships with as we move away from them.
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  SPEAKER_00: Some may argue that we need to have complete absence to move through stages of grief, however sometimes that is not possible, clearly.
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  SPEAKER_00: It is still possible to grieve, but in a different way.
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  SPEAKER_00: In a relationship you may think about the good times you shared with a person and feel love.
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  SPEAKER_00: At the same time you may be remembering the bad times and feel anger, sadness, resentment and regret.
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  SPEAKER_00: Each time you physically see this person in your world, this may trigger feelings of confusion as all these emotions come up at the same time.
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  SPEAKER_00: Just know that anything you feel is valid and okay.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's really helpful in situations like that particular one with relationships where you can grieve parts of them, you can grieve your journey together.
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  SPEAKER_00: Even if they are still physically present in your life, they're not physically present on your journey.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: But the heavy emotions such as guilt, resentment, anger, regret and sadness also need to be acknowledged.
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  SPEAKER_00: You may be forced to see the person through circumstances such as working with them or caring for them or having to be in the same place geographically sometimes.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: This can be so tough.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you look after your parents who no longer recognise you but still rely on you to look after them, that's tough.
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  SPEAKER_00: Very tough.
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  SPEAKER_00: You'll be experiencing the loss of having the mum or dad figure in your life, even though they'll be physically sitting in front of you.
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  SPEAKER_00: A part of you may experience, we're talking about relationships here, part of you may experience a longing for the way things were between you.
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  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, a part of you can be experiencing the pain they caused whilst they were in your life, particularly in complex situations.
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  SPEAKER_00: In relationships you can look back and think of the good times you had together, and always your mind always seems to hone in on those positives and those fond memories, but forgetting why the relationship ended in the first place.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Bringing your focus to remember those bad times can help you to reinforce why things had to end in the first place.
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  SPEAKER_00: There are so many different scenarios where we grieve someone who is still here.
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  SPEAKER_00: This can make the grief process much more blurrier and more confusing.
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  SPEAKER_00: So if you are struggling with these feelings or any of these situations, please consider speaking to a professional who can support you as you navigate those complex feelings.
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  SPEAKER_00: Finding peace and acceptance are the best outcomes that one can hope for.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Please do take care of yourself, and I hope this has been useful for you to hear, and you may like to go away and reflect or journal on your own experiences.
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  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.