Latest / Pretty In Pink Again / Episode 23: Why Are We So Tired? The Mental Load, Emotional Labor, and Invisible Work of Motherhood

Transcript

Episode 23: Why Are We So Tired? The Mental Load, Emotional Labor, and Invisible Work of Motherhood · Pretty In Pink Again

• 0:00
  I'm Christina and I'm t and this is the Pretty and Pink Again podcast where Motherhood meets Rediscovery.
• 0:17
  Hey.
• 0:18
  Hi.
• 0:18
  How are you?
• 0:20
  I am good.
• 0:20
  I'm good.
• 0:21
  How are you?
• 0:21
  I'm good.
• 0:22
  I think this episode is gonna be so fitting for how we're both feeling right now.
• 0:27
  How are you feeling right now?
• 0:28
  I think the blanket statement is exhausted.
• 0:31
  Oh, yes.
• 0:32
  Yes.
• 0:33
  But I feel like you're exhausted for different reasons than I'm exhausted for.
• 0:37
  Yes, I am in my summer adventure era.
• 0:39
  I'm really proud of you.
• 0:40
  Which is not, it is not like me.
• 0:43
  No.
• 0:43
  I say no to everything.
• 0:45
  You're so busy this year and like doing really fun things.
• 0:48
  I am, I'm in my Yes.
• 0:50
  Era.
• 0:50
  Yes.
• 0:51
  So yes, it's gonna catch up with me next week.
• 0:53
  I feel like it's already catching up with you.
• 0:54
  Honestly.
• 0:55
  Yes.
• 0:55
  Joseph and Vincent were in a tennis match on Wednesday.
• 0:59
  Wednesday.
• 0:59
  Yep.
• 1:00
  And I met this woman and she was hysterical.
• 1:04
  I met her for the first time.
• 1:05
  Our kids were playing in a match against each other and I was telling her how I went to Coldplay the night before and how I got home at 4:00 AM and how the next day I was going on a boat and she's wait a minute, I'm sorry.
• 1:15
  Didn't you just tell me that you like to be home in your pajamas?
• 1:18
  Right.
• 1:18
  That's, I was like, yes.
• 1:19
  I also just told you that I realize that the two don't really match up.
• 1:23
  Yeah.
• 1:23
  But I feel like you're doing it and this is like a very good thing for you.
• 1:27
  Like I feel like you are saying yes, you're in like an adventure sort of era.
• 1:31
  You're like going and having a good time and like you deserve that.
• 1:34
  You've reached this point of motherhood where you can do that right now.
• 1:37
  And we also have Mila sitting here with us today.
• 1:39
  Yes.
• 1:40
  Hi M you have a little guest.
• 1:42
  Do you wanna say hi into the mic quick?
• 1:44
  You can say, hi, it's summer.
• 1:46
  All the kids are here.
• 1:47
  Say hi.
• 1:48
  Say hi, Mila.
• 1:49
  Hi.
• 1:49
  Hi.
• 1:49
  This is Mila.
• 1:50
  We talk about her a lot on the podcast.
• 1:52
  Yeah, we do.
• 1:52
  But you're gonna let mommy and Christina work now, right?
• 1:55
  Thank you.
• 1:57
  But yeah, so we went to Coldplay Tuesday.
• 1:59
  Yep.
• 1:59
  And that was the best show I've ever been to.
• 2:02
  I am so jealous.
• 2:03
  So we were supposed to be with you guys, right?
• 2:04
  Of course.
• 2:05
  We ended up having to say no.
• 2:06
  We're in our saying no era, which is obviously what comes with, I was in that era too for I know, a decade, which makes sense.
• 2:13
  We were, we had to say no because we were actually in the cape for the weekend.
• 2:17
  Yes.
• 2:17
  And we knew we were coming back around that time.
• 2:19
  And we were like, there is absolutely no way that we'll be able to like, do both get home, unpack the kids, get everybody settled.
• 2:27
  We had to go get the cats for my parents and then like literally get on a bus and go out.
• 2:31
  I was like we have wouldn't have to say no to that, but I'm so glad that you guys went and obviously this is because this cold play scandal is also going on and it's hysterical.
• 2:40
  Oh my gosh.
• 2:42
  But sad but hysterical, but sad but hysterical.
• 2:44
  You can imagine that being your mom and dad.
• 2:45
  No, I cannot imagine that.
• 2:46
  So sad.
• 2:47
  I thought about this from every scenario.
• 2:48
  I feel so bad for like their family, like literally insane.
• 2:53
  But it's just so funny because we were supposed to be at this concert and you guys ended up going and you had a very late night.
• 2:59
  So I don't think that this the scandal was Tuesday.
• 3:03
  I think it was the day after.
• 3:04
  I think it was the day after.
• 3:04
  Because Coldplay plays for two nights sometimes at these stadiums.
• 3:08
  Yeah, because it's that big.
• 3:09
  So I do think that you guys missed it.
• 3:11
  Okay.
• 3:11
  But it is still so crazy that it was at the stadium that you guys were at, right?
• 3:15
  Yeah.
• 3:15
  So initially when you guys had suggested going to Coldplay, I was like, yeah, like I would go to a concert.
• 3:20
  Like why not?
• 3:21
  I think it'll be fun.
• 3:22
  It was so much more than fun.
• 3:24
  It's amazing.
• 3:25
  It was, I mean, I'm obsessed with them.
• 3:26
  The best performance I've ever seen there was fireworks, not just like dinky little.
• 3:30
  Yeah.
• 3:31
  End of like finale fireworks, like multiple 4th of July.
• 3:34
  Fireworks that took place.
• 3:35
  Like the music, the messaging, they didn't stop playing playing.
• 3:39
  They're iconic.
• 3:40
  They're iconic.
• 3:40
  Iconic, yeah.
• 3:40
  They're, they just start playing the whole time.
• 3:41
  They had a mother and a daughter announce them.
• 3:44
  Oh.
• 3:44
  Come on stage and introduce them.
• 3:47
  I love them so much.
• 3:48
  And then they had people come up on stage, like random people from the crowd like, come on up.
• 3:53
  Yeah.
• 3:54
  Very interactive.
• 3:55
  Raja and I had gone to see them like 10 years ago.
• 3:57
  And fun fact, sky Full of Stars was our wedding song.
• 4:01
  So we love, like the Coldplay is what a good wedding song.
• 4:04
  It's like our band.
• 4:06
  Oh.
• 4:07
  So we just love them.
• 4:07
  We saw them like 10 years ago and it was literally hands down the best show I've ever been to.
• 4:13
  And that was 10 years ago.
• 4:14
  So that was before some of these even like better songs came out.
• 4:17
  And I feel like Coldplay is very like hot or cold with people.
• 4:21
  Like people either love them or they can't stand them.
• 4:24
  And I am on the I'm obsessed bandwagon and I just love them so much.
• 4:27
  Yeah.
• 4:27
  It was excellent.
• 4:28
  And I'm so jealous.
• 4:30
  And I was like, Ooh, who's this lead singer?
• 4:31
  Chris Martin.
• 4:32
  He's cute.
• 4:33
  And Nicks the golf course.
• 4:34
  You're leaving the concert with a new crush didn.
• 4:36
  Oh my God.
• 4:36
  No.
• 4:36
  I didn't even know.
• 4:37
  I see.
• 4:38
  I love, I'm telling you like Nick and I, were not you guys.
• 4:40
  Were not really big fans.
• 4:41
  Not really big fans, but I am a huge fan.
• 4:43
  That's really cool that you're like coming home, like leaving Yeah.
• 4:45
  Like with that so we leave, you're coming back.
• 4:47
  As a fan, I love that I'm leaving as a fan.
• 4:49
  So we leave the concert.
• 4:51
  And there was like, just dead stop traffic.
• 4:53
  So we, one of our friends that we went with had won a party bus at one of an auction that he went to like years ago, like at a gala or something.
• 5:01
  So he was like, oh, I'll redeem it for this.
• 5:03
  It'll be perfect.
• 5:03
  None of us will have to drive whatever, blah, blah, blah.
• 5:05
  It'll be a late night.
• 5:06
  So wherever we got parking for the party bus, it was just very hard to get, it was probably hard to get out no matter where you were of course.
• 5:13
  So I fell asleep on the bus while we were in traffic on the way home.
• 5:18
  On the way home.
• 5:18
  And I was thinking like, oh, I'll wake up and we'll be close to home.
• 5:22
  So one of somebody had to use the bathroom.
• 5:24
  So I woke up'cause the bus stopped at a rest stop.
• 5:28
  So we all got up and we went into the rest stop.
• 5:30
  And I was like, where are we?
• 5:32
  And the rest stop attendant said, Lincoln, Rhode Island.
• 5:35
  I'm like, what the what?
• 5:36
  Why are we, how are we in Rhode Island?
• 5:39
  I don't even understand.
• 5:40
  The bus driver unfortunately made a wrong turn.
• 5:43
  I guess he went.
• 5:45
  Like 4 95 east instead of West.
• 5:47
  Oh my God.
• 5:48
  Yeah, because I was gonna say you guys, so this is, the concert was in, outside of Boston.
• 5:51
  It was actually at Gillette where the Patriots play.
• 5:54
  Yes.
• 5:54
  And so you guys ended up like further east, further east.
• 5:57
  So someone took a complete wrong turn, went somebody took a wrong turn into the wrong state, into the wrong state casual.
• 6:02
  Oh, now, so when I looked at, so now it was like 1:15 AM I'm like, oh my God, I was supposed to be home at one 15.
• 6:11
  Now I'm an hour and 45 minutes away from home.
• 6:13
  Like I didn't think we, the concert ended like at 1130.
• 6:16
  Yeah.
• 6:16
  I thought we'd be home by one.
• 6:17
  Yeah, that's was, I was thinking 1, 1 30 even I was 1 31, so my poor babysitter was here and I'm like, call, I'm sending her screenshots of where I am on a map.
• 6:27
  And she's like, how did you get there?
• 6:29
  I'm like, I have no idea, but I don't even know what to tell you to do right now.
• 6:32
  What time did you end up getting home?
• 6:33
  Four.
• 6:34
  Four.
• 6:34
  We got home at four.
• 6:35
  Yeah.
• 6:35
  So this podcast is called, Tired.
• 6:39
  It's called I'm Tired.
• 6:41
  No.
• 6:41
  This podcast title is going to be called Why Are We So Tired?
• 6:45
  And I think that you just explained why you're so tired.
• 6:49
  I'm gonna say something to that.
• 6:51
  I am less tired from doing fun things Yes.
• 6:55
  Than I am when I'm well rested.
• 6:59
  Yep.
• 6:59
  And I wake up and I am being inundated with requests.
• 7:03
  Yep.
• 7:04
  And tasks and just things don't seem like they are flowing.
• 7:08
  Yep.
• 7:09
  And I know you're nodding'cause you're waiting to jump in here.
• 7:12
  Yeah.
• 7:12
  'cause you can't keep the words in.
• 7:14
  'cause I can't because I could not agree with that more.
• 7:16
  And I, I think that's when I'm tired.
• 7:18
  I agree.
• 7:19
  And I honestly think that was one of the.
• 7:22
  Most shocking parts of motherhood is that's why you're tired.
• 7:26
  And I don't think in my, I just, I don't think I ever really thought about it or broke down why you would be so exhausted all the time.
• 7:33
  But that's what it is.
• 7:34
  It's like all of the invisible workload, that goes into being a parent.
• 7:39
  That's what's exhausting.
• 7:41
  And I totally agree with what you just said.
• 7:43
  Like sometimes the, like traveling, the jet lag, the just being tired from doing fun things is less tiring than the mundane every single day.
• 7:53
  And you totally agreed with me when I said that to you.
• 7:55
  I was like, I can't even imagine getting in at 4:00 AM but I'm still that exhausted.
• 8:00
  And I'cause what did you say?
• 8:01
  Had a good night sleep.
• 8:02
  You said, I'm from the, every day I'm exhausted.
• 8:04
  Tired.
• 8:05
  Tired.
• 8:05
  From the day I even do, I'm doing something ordinary.
• 8:08
  Yes.
• 8:08
  Yes.
• 8:09
  And I said, that's why you're tired.
• 8:11
  Yes.
• 8:11
  'cause you just you're doing ordinary things every day.
• 8:14
  Yep.
• 8:15
  Ordinary things are tiring.
• 8:16
  Yep.
• 8:17
  So we're gonna, we're gonna unpack this because I really think that one of the, there's been a lot of things that have surprised me about motherhood, but I just always pictured the exhaustion from having kids of just the sleepless newborn nights, right?
• 8:32
  And you get out of that phase.
• 8:34
  I had it for longer with one than the other, but you get outta that phase and I could easily say that I have a full night's sleep right now, most of the time, 80, 90% of the time.
• 8:46
  And I am still exhausted.
• 8:48
  And I find that when I'm with the kids, especially after the weekends, which I know we've talked about on here, my exhaustion is 10 out of 10 and it's, I'm like, why?
• 8:59
  I'm still getting a full night's sleep.
• 9:01
  It's the daytime that's like straight up kicking my ass right now.
• 9:05
  And.
• 9:06
  So it's some are fun, but it, the exhaustion just doesn't go away.
• 9:09
  And I just don't think that I was prepared to understand why that is.
• 9:13
  And maybe I wish that someone would've broke that down for me.
• 9:16
  What's really, I guess there's a couple ways to look at it.
• 9:19
  There's like a scientific way to look at it.
• 9:22
  Like you're probably, your cortisol levels are probably very high.
• 9:25
  Because you probably live in a flight or flight.
• 9:28
  Yep.
• 9:28
  Fight or flight.
• 9:28
  state of mind.
• 9:29
  Yep.
• 9:29
  For sure.
• 9:29
  Because you are in survival mode where you're just caring for your children and keeping them safe.
• 9:35
  And that is a very nerve, that puts your body in a very, like it is nervous, like nerve-wracking.
• 9:40
  Yeah.
• 9:40
  Nervous position.
• 9:41
  Yep.
• 9:41
  Which is very exhausting to live in that state.
• 9:45
  Constantly.
• 9:46
  I've lived in that state.
• 9:47
  I go back to that state, but I think I come out of it more than I to get a little chance to and I think that's what allows you to reset a little.
• 9:56
  Do you think that comes with the kids' ages getting a little bit older?
• 10:00
  You're like out of that survival mode, do you think?
• 10:02
  Or do you think it's just personality?
• 10:04
  I think it's both.
• 10:05
  But I definitely think that when you have little kids, you live in survival mode'cause you're just keeping them safe.
• 10:11
  And I think yesterday we, I hung out with a group of friends that are not like my group of friends.
• 10:17
  They're my, one of my girlfriends invited, like our group of friends and then her group of friends from growing up.
• 10:23
  Yep.
• 10:23
  And she included us on this like really fun day.
• 10:26
  And I went and so some of the girls I had never met before and some I knew peripherally like that I grew up with in town that I like reconnected with.
• 10:35
  And we had these like great conversations yesterday and the common thread was everybody is exhausted.
• 10:42
  Yes.
• 10:43
  And some of these women are working moms.
• 10:44
  Yeah.
• 10:44
  Some of these women are stay at home moms and the stay-at-home moms with the little kids.
• 10:50
  Were exhausted.
• 10:52
  Exhausted.
• 10:52
  They were so tired.
• 10:53
  Yeah.
• 10:53
  And they were just saying it's just like a safety thing.
• 10:56
  Yeah, it's, I think it's just, I would categorize this as like always being on.
• 11:00
  And not really having a chance.
• 11:02
  So for 13, 14 hours out of the day I'm on.
• 11:05
  And.
• 11:06
  It's just, there's really, even if there's a nap, or even if there's a slight break, it really just doesn't give your body a chance to catch up.
• 11:13
  And so by the end of the day, I am a zombie.
• 11:15
  And so that just goes on and on.
• 11:16
  And the summer has been wonderful, but there's been so much more family time where it is just Raja and I and the kids.
• 11:23
  And we're, that's time we're both finding it.
• 11:25
  Yeah.
• 11:25
  So it's not just me.
• 11:26
  We are both finding the level of exhaustion is just, it's like chronic fatigue at this point where it just feels like you can't get out of that foggy, exhausted feeling.
• 11:36
  And it doesn't matter how smooth the day goes.
• 11:38
  Obviously if the day is a complete shit show and everybody's in like a tantrum and it's just one thing wrong after another that's, that is beyond exhaustion.
• 11:47
  But then even on the days where like everything is smooth sailing, I'm a zombie at the end of the day.
• 11:53
  It's just something I wasn't expecting.
• 11:55
  Yeah.
• 11:56
  That's the worst when you then you're not even expecting it.
• 11:58
  Yeah.
• 11:59
  It's just, I thought that, I think that, I thought once you get through the sleepless newborn nights, maybe even once you get out of the young toddler era, that the exhaustion goes away.
• 12:11
  I think it does to an extent, from what I've heard.
• 12:13
  But I still think that the decision making constantly, the being on the, being the one that everybody goes to for everything, it's just, it's a lot.
• 12:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:24
  It's a huge responsibility and that just weighs.
• 12:27
  So I'm sure that's where some of the exhaustion, the invisible workload, keeping track of everything.
• 12:32
  Like you said, your opening line was like, you get requests first thing in the mor.
• 12:36
  I mean, It's just, you're inundated with it first thing until you go to bed.
• 12:40
  Yeah.
• 12:40
  There's a lot of requests.
• 12:42
  It's a lot, but.
• 12:43
  Sometimes I tell myself like, you have a great mantra, and I'll tell myself like, this is temporary.
• 12:48
  This is temporary.
• 12:49
  For me, it's temporary until I drop my kids off at their activity and then I have a three hour break.
• 12:53
  Like the boys right now are at tennis lessons right now and so now there's only two kids here.
• 12:58
  To, yeah.
• 12:58
  You're half to manage.
• 13:00
  I have like half.
• 13:01
  But you don't have that luxury right now?
• 13:03
  When your kids are little, you're not dropping your two kids off.
• 13:07
  No.
• 13:07
  At tennis and then having three hours in the house?
• 13:10
  No.
• 13:10
  Where there's no requests coming in at you.
• 13:12
  No.
• 13:12
  Is what I'm saying.
• 13:13
  I have help at home.
• 13:14
  But that help is for work.
• 13:16
  Yes.
• 13:16
  So it's for work hours.
• 13:18
  And this is to another point, I find that I could have the busiest workday where I am toggling between 50 tasks, right?
• 13:26
  Like I have, it's like a browser.
• 13:28
  That's how my mind, I feel like, works right now where it's like I have a browser open and there's 50 tabs.
• 13:34
  Like just, there's so much going on.
• 13:35
  I have a lot, between the podcast and work and then just other things that I have going on.
• 13:39
  I'm sure every working mom feels like this.
• 13:41
  Every mom feels like this.
• 13:43
  But there's just a lot going on.
• 13:44
  So I'm always toggling between tasks and, trying to keep everything organized and together.
• 13:50
  And then even on days where I am like running around, I am so much less exhausted.
• 13:56
  So it's shocking to me.
• 13:57
  I honestly think that being a stay at home mom for me.
• 14:02
  Would be the hardest job in the entire world.
• 14:05
  Like I just it really wears me down.
• 14:08
  And there's just no break.
• 14:09
  It's like a 24 7 job.
• 14:11
  And so for me, I could have the busiest workday and granted, I'm not a neurosurgeon, so it's not like I have a crazy, insane job or anything.
• 14:20
  It doesn't matter.
• 14:20
  A surgeon would agree with you.
• 14:22
  I could have the busiest job, I could have the busiest day at my job, and I still find that it's probably 20 times less exhausting than being home with the kids all day long.
• 14:33
  Yeah, it's crazy.
• 14:35
  Yeah, So the weekends right now are burning me out worse than the weekdays, right?
• 14:39
  Yeah.
• 14:39
  There's a lot of question asking.
• 14:41
  There's, they want a lot of answers.
• 14:43
  Mm-hmm.
• 14:43
  Sometimes you have to think about the answer.
• 14:45
  Yeah.
• 14:45
  Sometimes they ask like multiple times and it's just, it's like another browser being open in your mind.
• 14:51
  Yeah.
• 14:51
  And you wanna answer them.
• 14:52
  You don't wanna ignore them.
• 14:53
  You wouldn't ignore a coworker, but a coworker probably would send you a message and allow you to respond Yes.
• 14:58
  At your leisure.
• 15:00
  Yes.
• 15:00
  Yes.
• 15:00
  Or if you were in a meeting you knew like you were blocking off 15 minutes for question and answer time.
• 15:05
  There's no boundaries.
• 15:06
  When you're a mom, you have these kids who, everything is like open forum If you're in the kitchen, that means anybody can just walk around the kitchen and talk and yell and play the Alexa and have snacks.
• 15:18
  It's a very overstimulating environment.
• 15:20
  It's, yes.
• 15:20
  So it is probably the overstimulation that also contributes to the fatigue.
• 15:24
  Yes.
• 15:25
  There's a lot of overstimulation.
• 15:26
  It's crazy.
• 15:27
  I'm tired today and I knew, I was like, by Friday, I'm gonna have anxiety.
• 15:32
  I'm gonna be okay this week, but by Friday I'm going to have anxiety because the fun is behind me.
• 15:37
  I made it through.
• 15:38
  I'm proud of myself.
• 15:39
  I did these things.
• 15:40
  Now I'm back home.
• 15:42
  Back with my kids.
• 15:43
  Back to the everyday.
• 15:44
  Back to the everyday.
• 15:45
  And on Friday I'm gonna anxiety, have anxiety.
• 15:48
  It's today is Friday.
• 15:49
  Yes, I know.
• 15:51
  And that's how I feel today.
• 15:52
  Now I'm like, oh god, what do I have to do?
• 15:55
  So let's, I guess break down what is the invisible workload anyway.
• 16:00
  So I think that this obviously depends on what kind of ages that your kids are, but I think like the mental to-do list, so like the birthdays, the keeping track of the doctor's appointments.
• 16:12
  I'm not here yet, but like the teacher emails, all of the stuff that goes into like school and being organized.
• 16:19
  I've always hear people saying things about what day is it at school?
• 16:22
  Is it like Spirit day?
• 16:24
  Is it.
• 16:25
  A costume day?
• 16:26
  Do you have to bring something in?
• 16:27
  Is it like keeping track of all of that little stuff?
• 16:32
  What is going into their lunchbox that day?
• 16:35
  What are they eating?
• 16:35
  Oh my God.
• 16:36
  Stop talking.
• 16:37
  I'm like, literally my skin is crawling.
• 16:39
  No, I'm not even kidding you.
• 16:41
  I'm sure everybody listening here eat.
• 16:43
  It's oh God.
• 16:44
  I know.
• 16:44
  And then you just said it, it's like the emotional regulation, right?
• 16:48
  I feel like you said something to that effect.
• 16:50
  Yes.
• 16:50
  I said I don't even know what I said.
• 16:53
  I'm a little hungover actually.
• 16:57
  No, it's like the overstimulation you to become dysregulated.
• 17:01
  Yes.
• 17:01
  And it's hard to, file things away.
• 17:04
  You can be, and you can be very overstimulated, but then you're also still responsible to regulate everyone else's emotions.
• 17:12
  So it's like for yourself and for the kids.
• 17:14
  And then I think.
• 17:16
  Mine right now is anticipating needs before they happen.
• 17:20
  Oh, yes.
• 17:20
  Like I'm sure you're in that too.
• 17:22
  Yes.
• 17:22
  'cause I know we've talked, you've even talked about Yes.
• 17:24
  Like doing the prep work before there's a meltdown.
• 17:27
  So the constant I know this is gonna happen, so I need to be prepared or Yes.
• 17:31
  Famous word on this podcast.
• 17:33
  I do this all the time, like too, where I'm, it just creates a spiral.
• 17:36
  Yep.
• 17:37
  Camille had.
• 17:39
  Another appointment yesterday with a therapist, and the therapist said, kids have these like beautiful imaginations.
• 17:44
  But what happens is when you use your imagination so much, you begin to create fears and that doesn't ever stop.
• 17:52
  Like even as your brain matures into adulthood, like currently now as a parent, like our imagination takes off and we create these fears and these scenarios and this anticipation.
• 18:03
  We know, oh, at four o'clock this is probably what's gonna happen, but we don't wait until four o'clock to let it happen.
• 18:09
  We're already worried about it at two for sure.
• 18:11
  And that two hours is more time that we've wasted worrying and getting upset and getting worked up.
• 18:18
  Causing like upset and exhaustion.
• 18:21
  Yeah.
• 18:21
  And then even trying to.
• 18:23
  I guess like you, you predict that something's gonna happen, so you're trying to remedy it before it happens.
• 18:29
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:29
  And so all of that mental and physical energy that you're using to do that, it's crazy.
• 18:35
  It's so tiring.
• 18:36
  So I think it's just one of those things I've been saying, like I wasn't prepared for this or it wasn't something that I was expecting, but I honestly just don't think that you can even be prepared until you're in it.
• 18:47
  So it's hard to explain it to people unless you're in it, I agree.
• 18:51
  And also, I don't think it's fair to explain it to people before they're in it, Cause sometimes we say I wish I had known, it would've been nice, but would it have been nice?
• 19:00
  I don't know if I would've even understood.
• 19:04
  No.
• 19:04
  Because I do think that it's one of those things, and I used to get really mad at this statement, right?
• 19:09
  Of like.
• 19:10
  you don't know because you don't have kids.
• 19:11
  Like that.
• 19:12
  I've heard that statement before.
• 19:14
  It was very painful for me to hear that statement when Sure.
• 19:17
  When we were trying was, especially in a state.
• 19:18
  Yes.
• 19:18
  Especially with some infertility issues and when we really wanted to be parents and just weren't at the time.
• 19:24
  It's that's a hard statement to hear.
• 19:26
  But now that I'm on the other side of it, I think that it could be said more kindly, but I also do understand it, like it's a club that you don't know that you're in until you're in it.
• 19:37
  You don't understand the ins and outs of it until you're literally living and breathing it every single day.
• 19:43
  You just don't know.
• 19:44
  And it's not, I don't think that's to shade anyone who doesn't have kids or who maybe isn't in this same.
• 19:50
  Like sphere.
• 19:51
  But it's true.
• 19:53
  It's really true.
• 19:53
  Like you don't know until you're in it.
• 19:55
  I agree.
• 19:55
  My sister-in-law's here right now, Gina, she's here for the week and she doesn't have children.
• 20:00
  My children are like she, she says are her children.
• 20:03
  She's amazing.
• 20:04
  But she says it all the time.
• 20:05
  She's I don't know how you do this day in and day out, because when she's here, she's on.
• 20:10
  But then she goes home.
• 20:11
  And when she goes home, she eats her dinner at 4:00 PM Yeah, she does her workout, she does her shower, she does her lotion.
• 20:18
  She does whatever she likes to do in her routine.
• 20:20
  That's uninterrupted.
• 20:21
  So she can reset.
• 20:23
  There's no reset here.
• 20:24
  No.
• 20:25
  'cause there's no off time.
• 20:26
  Time.
• 20:26
  There's no off time.
• 20:27
  There's no off time.
• 20:28
  I think she would agree with that.
• 20:29
  Yes, I do.
• 20:30
  I do.
• 20:30
  I think that anybody who's not in it, who's maybe close to it and can see it.
• 20:34
  She's very close to it for sure.
• 20:35
  Could definitely understand.
• 20:36
  But yeah, it's definitely interesting'cause I think that's to a great point.
• 20:40
  You wanna know, but then you really can't know.
• 20:44
  Yeah.
• 20:44
  It's also, it's like when you deliver a baby for the first time, yes.
• 20:48
  You wanna know it's an experience, but you wanna know.
• 20:50
  But you don't wanna know because you're gonna have your own experience and if somebody tells you what it's gonna be like it might create a wrong thought.
• 20:58
  I'm almost happy, I didn't know what it was gonna be like delivering a baby for the first time.
• 21:02
  For sure.
• 21:02
  Because I don't know if I would've wanted to do that.
• 21:04
  You don't need more fear.
• 21:05
  Yes.
• 21:06
  You don't need more fear for something that scary sometimes you need to just jump in and almost, it's like being blissfully unaware of something before you're in it.
• 21:13
  I think that's like what parenthood, what motherhood is all about.
• 21:17
  But I know we talked about a list of like why we're tired.
• 21:20
  So it's the decision fatigue, the sensory overload.
• 21:23
  I feel like that has both of our names written all over it.
• 21:26
  The always on mentality.
• 21:28
  But I wanna talk about the hormone aspect.
• 21:31
  Yes.
• 21:31
  We're gonna get into this a little bit.
• 21:33
  Yes.
• 21:33
  With our guests over the next couple of weeks.
• 21:36
  Yeah.
• 21:36
  So we have, I'll give a, I'll give a tease'cause she's coming on next week.
• 21:40
  I'm excited for this one.
• 21:41
  I think it's gonna end up being two the next two weeks.
• 21:43
  Yep.
• 21:43
  'cause there's so many different things to unpack.
• 21:45
  Dr.
• 21:46
  Erica Lambert, she's actually a urologist and she specialized, she used to specialize in men's health.
• 21:54
  Men's health.
• 21:54
  Which is a multi-billion dollar business.
• 21:56
  And she was like, if I give one more guy a testosterone shot, like I'm going effing lose it.
• 22:01
  Yep.
• 22:02
  And she pivoted to women's health, which there is no money in.
• 22:05
  Interesting.
• 22:06
  And we'll unpack all of that.
• 22:07
  We're getting into all that.
• 22:07
  'Cause she went through menopause very early on and she'll share all of this as well.
• 22:11
  And she said to me, are you having like sleepless nights and this and hot, hot flashes.
• 22:18
  Hot flashes and all this.
• 22:19
  She's these are all signs.
• 22:21
  Of early menopause or perimenopause.
• 22:24
  And what happens is you are in your twenties, you feel great or whatever.
• 22:28
  You enter your thirties, you start, those are your childbearing years.
• 22:31
  You start having kids, you stop having kids, you're exhausted from having kids.
• 22:36
  But simultaneously what's happening is you're having this hormone shift.
• 22:39
  Yes.
• 22:40
  So there's I can't imagine even like for me sometimes when I'm wondering what the hell is going on in my body?
• 22:45
  Yeah.
• 22:45
  I'm like, this is probably a combination of the postpartum hormones going crazy and probably the early menopause.
• 22:51
  Which is crazy'cause there's just a natural shift.
• 22:54
  It needs to be accepted.
• 22:55
  And it's good to know what's happening.
• 22:57
  Yes.
• 22:57
  It's good to accept the combination of the two.
• 22:59
  Mm-hmm.
• 23:00
  It's dangerous to be inundated with so much information and be reaching for what it could be when it is not that, that'cause that's creating like more fear and more worry, but.
• 23:12
  I think for you, especially with the two little kids, I would say this is a combination.
• 23:18
  This is a combination for sure.
• 23:19
  So I'm really excited to have her on next week.
• 23:22
  So like t said, this is probably gonna be a two-parter'cause we have so many questions.
• 23:26
  This will also give us time to get your questions in Yes.
• 23:29
  From our listeners.
• 23:30
  So if there's anything that you're wanting to know, like we have an expert on and she is in this, like this is her bread and butter.
• 23:37
  So we're really excited to have her on and be able to talk about this.
• 23:40
  Yeah.
• 23:40
  We'll post something on our Instagram for any other questions.
• 23:43
  But one thing that she had said to us is that there is a lot of information out there and it's hard to sift through what's right, what's wrong, and I really grasp onto what she says because she's, not to throw shade at any other provider.
• 23:59
  She's a medical doctor, she's an md.
• 24:01
  She has a ton of training under her belt, and then on top of that, she has all of this new cutting edge material with the hormone replacement therapy.
• 24:12
  All of that.
• 24:12
  Yeah.
• 24:12
  This will be so interesting to get into and I think just really important because like you keep saying, there's so much information, it's also who has time to sift through and we're in this day and age, which we've been talking about on here, where there's just so much information.
• 24:25
  Yeah.
• 24:25
  That you don't even know if you're like listening to an expert who is this person.
• 24:28
  Sometimes you just hear things and I feel like people just go through I heard on TikTok, or like I heard on Instagram, and it's from who?
• 24:35
  You know, I say that all the time, so yeah.
• 24:36
  I'm stranger who's not.
• 24:38
  It's qualified, but I'm gonna listen.
• 24:40
  But you're like, you take bits of information and I think this is really gonna be a really interesting conversation.
• 24:45
  Yeah.
• 24:45
  But I do think it's important because we've, we're talking about it and hormones are a huge reason why we're having all of this fatigue.
• 24:53
  Yeah.
• 24:53
  And brain fog and the mom brain that everybody loves to.
• 24:58
  Throw out that term.
• 24:59
  No, I think that mom brain is so true.
• 25:02
  I mean, It's so real.
• 25:03
  What do you think for you is something that just makes you tired to your core?
• 25:08
  If you had to pinpoint one thing, like what, like pops in first, even if you don't wanna say it out loud, with the kids for sure.
• 25:14
  Just in general, it doesn't need to be children related.
• 25:17
  It just for you right now, Christina what do you think?
• 25:20
  Is that like the top of your list?
• 25:21
  So when I'm having decision fatigue, oh, that's so I that just drains me.
• 25:26
  Okay.
• 25:26
  Like when I have a lot on my mind when I have a lot of things that are moving parts and when everything is a little bit gray, I just, internally it's, it is exhausting and that's how I feel like motherhood is right.
• 25:40
  It's a lot of just being in motherhood is living in the gray.
• 25:43
  It's, It's living in the gray.
• 25:44
  And so I, I think I'm, IM learning to better at.
• 25:50
  Living in the gray, but it's still really exhausting for me to live in the gray.
• 25:54
  So I feel like when I have a lot of things going on with work, when I don't know what's going on with certain aspects, I've been back and forth with work and what, where do I wanna spend my time and what, I don't have a clear cut nine to five where it's like, these are my tasks, this is what I have to do.
• 26:09
  So even when I wake up and I'm starting my day, I'm what am I doing today?
• 26:14
  What do I need to share?
• 26:15
  What is happening in the space that, like what?
• 26:18
  What do I need to do today?
• 26:19
  So it starts with that.
• 26:21
  So it's like just.
• 26:22
  Figuring everything out for the day.
• 26:24
  And then it's, I just feel like I'm constantly in that place of not having everything nailed down, right?
• 26:30
  And that just exhausts me to my bones.
• 26:33
  That just constant, okay.
• 26:34
  And I think even with the kids it's a lot of decision fatigue.
• 26:38
  And that's just in the day to day okay, if this nap doesn't go according to plan, then what do I do?
• 26:44
  Or what am I gonna do with the kids in the afternoon?
• 26:47
  How am I gonna help them expel their energy?
• 26:50
  What are we having for dinner?
• 26:51
  Okay, nobody's eating that.
• 26:53
  What's the backup plan?
• 26:54
  What time should they go to bed tonight?
• 26:56
  Because of some it's just, it's so much.
• 26:58
  So you spend your day second guessing your decisions and or is it you just, or you're just having a hard time making decisions?
• 27:04
  I think it's just that I'm always question them, always making decisions.
• 27:07
  It's just.
• 27:07
  Always making decisions and there's always pros and cons to doing things right.
• 27:12
  Like I, we've talked about this before.
• 27:14
  It's, it could be as simple as it's too hot to bring the kids outside right now.
• 27:18
  Okay, so what are we gonna do for the next two hours until it's time?
• 27:22
  Okay, so maybe dinner needs to be a little bit earlier.
• 27:25
  Okay, so I need to start that now.
• 27:27
  It's just that constant being in prep and plan mode.
• 27:31
  Things aren't just happening.
• 27:32
  It exhausting.
• 27:32
  It's exhausting.
• 27:32
  You're making them happening.
• 27:33
  Yes.
• 27:34
  Okay.
• 27:34
  So that, that to me, just off the bat, I would say for like from a day to day standpoint, I guess then that would make sense why you set the days you feel the best are like these really like uber productive days of work.
• 27:46
  Probably.
• 27:47
  'cause you don't even have to make decisions.
• 27:48
  Exactly.
• 27:48
  Yep.
• 27:49
  When I needs to be, do know I what needs to be done for the day and I have a to-do list and I could bang through it and like I feel that productivity and I feel good and accomplished for the day that, that to me is I then I'm almost like it energizes me.
• 28:04
  Like it invigorates me, but the constant, not knowing what to do and being in this gray space is definitely what tires me up.
• 28:10
  How do you change your day as a mom to that you can't, I don't know, because I don't think that you can, and that's what we always say.
• 28:17
  We're asking the questions and we don't always get the answers.
• 28:20
  I don't think that you can.
• 28:22
  I just think that this is just, this is how it is and I think you have to learn to roll with things and adapt.
• 28:29
  And it's a complete personality shift.
• 28:32
  For some people.
• 28:33
  No I agree with that.
• 28:34
  I can see why, I think Lauren said it really well to us.
• 28:37
  A couple weeks ago, how, when, yeah.
• 28:39
  When we had a low profile year, output what did she say?
• 28:41
  She had said Output.
• 28:42
  Output.
• 28:42
  I liked that word.
• 28:43
  Gives you your sense of fulfillment and, children.
• 28:48
  You have to be, you're in the long game for that.
• 28:50
  Yes.
• 28:50
  You're not gonna be getting pats on the back and or, and Good job, mom, you did a great job.
• 28:55
  Taking care of me today.
• 28:56
  It comes way, it's very little wins way down.
• 28:59
  It comes way down the road.
• 29:00
  Yep.
• 29:00
  I think motherhood, especially when you're in the early years, it's like celebrating little wins.
• 29:06
  Just okay, we got through the part of the day and everybody was happy today.
• 29:09
  And we, I try, I've been trying to reframe how I think about things.
• 29:14
  Where it's not output and it's not just success in terms of okay.
• 29:18
  Everybody went down for their nap or ate well today.
• 29:21
  It's, I'm trying to like look at the bigger picture of things and like happier moments and things that we got to do together and share and Yeah.
• 29:29
  That's so important.
• 29:30
  I think if you can sit in just a few minutes of gratitude, it'll it'll perk you up a bit.
• 29:36
  Sometimes when you sit in like frustration and anger Yes.
• 29:39
  It just brings you down more.
• 29:40
  Yes.
• 29:40
  But it's very easy to do that.
• 29:41
  And I think that I for me and my personality, like I, I think that sometimes like the toxic positivity is also like exhausting the guilt that you put on when you're not feeling good.
• 29:53
  I've been getting inundated.
• 29:55
  I don't know if, I'm sorry.
• 29:56
  Hopefully everyone else block your phone when I say this.
• 29:58
  'cause then I feel like it shows up for everybody.
• 30:00
  But I've been getting inundated with this like extreme positive motherhood messaging, It's not like we're all in this together type of messaging.
• 30:08
  It's shaming if you're having a hard time in the day to day.
• 30:12
  I've been getting like some reels that pop up and I'm like, ugh.
• 30:15
  Stop.
• 30:15
  Like I don't like the toxic positivity.
• 30:17
  I also don't like the, just complaining all of the time.
• 30:21
  Like we say that we try to take a very neutral space in this, with this podcast.
• 30:26
  Yeah.
• 30:26
  Where we don't wanna be complaining moms.
• 30:28
  But you also don't wanna be like toxic positivity where you're like, everything is just, should be just so great and you should be so grateful for everything all the time.
• 30:36
  I think that it's okay to acknowledge things, but then it's also okay to try to do something about it if you are having a hard time.
• 30:43
  What can you do to get yourself out of this?
• 30:46
  That's what this, what our messaging is all about.
• 30:48
  Or you have, or this is just gonna be a harder time in our lives.
• 30:51
  Just a harder season.
• 30:52
  That's That's okay too.
• 30:53
  Were you, Myla was in a dance competition last weekend.
• 30:56
  Oh, I'm also in my adventure era because I was traveling all weekend with my daughter for the dance competi.
• 31:01
  Yeah.
• 31:01
  Kids in their adventure era too.
• 31:02
  They're in their adventure era.
• 31:03
  Yeah.
• 31:03
  Your kids are busy.
• 31:04
  Mela is like hot and cold.
• 31:06
  She is a lot to handle and she's always at my side.
• 31:10
  So I constantly have this little ball of fire beside me.
• 31:14
  It is very hard for me to remain like calm and neutral and not be overstimulated and all the things when I'm beside her.
• 31:20
  But when she goes up on stage, like she lights, oh the stage, lights it up.
• 31:25
  And one of the moms on our dance team sent the dance team this quote, and it was so cool because I think everybody was just like pooped by the end of the weekend.
• 31:32
  Like everybody was tired, some girls lost, some girls won.
• 31:35
  This is a lot mixed.
• 31:36
  Mixed bag of emotions.
• 31:37
  And she said, reflect on the weekend or the day you have a child who's healthy enough to express their self through dance.
• 31:44
  Just that's it.
• 31:45
  Yeah.
• 31:45
  That's the takeaway.
• 31:46
  Just very simple.
• 31:48
  Very simple.
• 31:49
  Yep.
• 31:49
  Like just.
• 31:50
  Lean into that message.
• 31:51
  And sometimes I like leaning into these little messages.
• 31:54
  It doesn't need to be this whole big inspirational thing, or stop complaining that you were here all weekend.
• 32:00
  Nope.
• 32:01
  You have a child who is healthy enough to express themselves through dance.
• 32:04
  Okay.
• 32:04
  I'm gonna, I'm gonna take that one today.
• 32:06
  Today's like celebrating a small win, but that's actually like a big win if you think about that, right?
• 32:10
  Yeah.
• 32:10
  If you think about, if you try to reframe yourself as you have, he healthy, happy children.
• 32:17
  I try to do that all the time when I'm in the weeds, when I feel like things just aren't going the way that I want them to go.
• 32:23
  I really try to reframe just so that I'm not coming across as like a complainy mom, or I am trying to, see.
• 32:33
  The light, right?
• 32:34
  Like instead of just the dark, just from being tired all the time.
• 32:37
  I'm well, being tired all the time is hard.
• 32:39
  Yes, Christina.
• 32:40
  It is really freaking hard.
• 32:41
  It's, yep.
• 32:42
  And that's honest too.
• 32:44
  I'm tired.
• 32:45
  Yep.
• 32:45
  I know I was very tired when my kids were little.
• 32:48
  I feel like I'm a little less tired now.
• 32:50
  Although we have an open door policy in our room that if you have a bad dream or you are scared, you can always come and wake up.
• 32:57
  Mom and dad, you have four.
• 32:57
  So there is that.
• 32:58
  You yeah.
• 32:59
  But I don't have as much fear anymore that I'm gonna be woken up.
• 33:03
  Like I feel like you still might have some of that.
• 33:05
  Yeah.
• 33:06
  And you, ptsd, ts d fear from that you know's getting, you know what, it's getting a lot better in terms of the waking up in the middle of the night.
• 33:11
  So all of like our newborn moms, if you have a newborn or just a kid.
• 33:15
  'cause I know that there's people that have kids that are in through their toddler years that are still not sleeping through the night that.
• 33:21
  I that is just so beyond exhausting.
• 33:24
  Again, I don't think that you can, even if you hear, because I've talked about this with some of my girlfriends before, like I've never really been like a great sleeper since I've been a teen you a like sleeper, probably like in, in college, I, that's when I started to have sleep issues where it would be very on and off.
• 33:40
  Like I'd have a good couple weeks of good sleep and then I would get into periods where I just was very restless and couldn't sleep and anxious.
• 33:47
  And I, so I thought that when I went into motherhood, I was like, I'm used to interrupted sleep.
• 33:53
  I'm not somebody who just passes out and can sleep like 10 hours without waking up.
• 33:57
  That's not me.
• 33:58
  So I thought that I would be okay with interrupted sleep with Leo, who was my first, it was very much interrupted sleep.
• 34:05
  It was very much like getting up.
• 34:07
  Going through the motions of having a baby up through the night we're gonna feed.
• 34:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 34:11
  We're gonna change, we're gonna, if we have to change the outfit, if we have to rock a little bit to sleep, he went back down.
• 34:18
  I can almost do it on autopilot.
• 34:20
  Especially as we went through the months and months with Layla.
• 34:23
  It was the decision making in the middle of the night.
• 34:26
  Aw.
• 34:27
  So that's, I also think that that's not something that you sometimes expect.
• 34:31
  It's again, it goes back to that's the level of exhaustion when you're not just interrupted, you're.
• 34:37
  You're like actually making decisions in the middle of the night.
• 34:40
  Like you have to function and you have to be like, what's the best thing to do here?
• 34:44
  What do I need to do?
• 34:45
  How can I settle her back to sleep?
• 34:47
  What needs to be done?
• 34:49
  That is exhausting.
• 34:50
  So I feel like.
• 34:51
  That's getting better, because I'll sometimes have an interrupted night of sleep where one of them will get up.
• 34:57
  I just need to go in and someone might be having a bad dream, so let's just settle them back down.
• 35:01
  You're not making decisions.
• 35:02
  Yeah.
• 35:03
  It's a little less of that anxiety of what are we going to, what am I gonna do?
• 35:07
  Like, how long am I gonna be up?
• 35:09
  So how is this gonna better?
• 35:10
  How tomorrow, how is this gonna impact tomorrow?
• 35:12
  So a lot of that anxiety is it's going back down.
• 35:16
  So I'm not really finding, I know these like in spiraling, intrusive thoughts are very tiring.
• 35:21
  Yes.
• 35:22
  That's also another, they take up a lot of space and a lot of real estate in your brain and your body that it does not need to be there.
• 35:28
  The only way to get rid of it is to have some wins.
• 35:31
  Yep.
• 35:31
  Truly, I think it, the only way to move through that is to replace it with better feelings.
• 35:35
  Yep.
• 35:35
  Better days.
• 35:36
  And if you keep stringing these like bad ones together, yes.
• 35:40
  It's really hard to add a good one to it.
• 35:42
  It's, and so I guess to that point, what would you consider what's helping and what isn't in that frame?
• 35:48
  We're all exhausted.
• 35:49
  We're all about the hacks, right?
• 35:51
  It's what are we doing to help?
• 35:53
  It's not gonna alleviate it completely, but what are we doing to help?
• 35:58
  I don't think it helps when I share my mental load.
• 36:02
  You don't?
• 36:02
  No, because I think then it's just me repeating what's already on my brain.
• 36:07
  Yeah.
• 36:08
  I can see that.
• 36:09
  And I don't I need to find a better way to say this to my husband.
• 36:12
  'cause I think when I say it to him and the kids, I think I come across snippy and mean, because what I'll say to him sometimes is stop asking me questions he's trying to help.
• 36:23
  That's his goal, right?
• 36:24
  He's trying to help, he's trying to find out like, what's the game plan?
• 36:27
  What's going on?
• 36:29
  And he'll say to me, you sit and talk on the phone with my sister for hours.
• 36:33
  You sit and talk on your podcast for hours and you never wanna talk to me.
• 36:37
  I'm like.
• 36:38
  I would love to talk to you.
• 36:39
  You just rapid fire questions at me.
• 36:42
  You know how, like you were saying, like your big thing with is decision fatigue.
• 36:46
  For sure.
• 36:46
  My biggest trigger is answering questions.
• 36:49
  I don't wanna answer questions, I just wanna keep the answers in my head and just do them do it right.
• 36:55
  I don't want the people, sometimes I don't want the people around me to ask me questions.
• 36:58
  'cause answering them is exhausting.
• 37:00
  Yes.
• 37:00
  Because I have to go into the filing cabinet in my brain, which is not organized.
• 37:05
  Retrieve the information, share the information, and then actually do it myself.
• 37:09
  And sometimes it's just quicker if you just do it yourself.
• 37:12
  So in most cases, I just wanna do it myself.
• 37:15
  Which I realize that's not healthy.
• 37:17
  Mm-hmm.
• 37:17
  And I realize that's poor communication.
• 37:19
  I know I'm breaking all the rules, but when I am very tired, I don't wanna, I don't wanna check in.
• 37:25
  I don't wanna deal it.
• 37:26
  I'm too tired.
• 37:27
  I totally agree with that.
• 37:28
  And yesterday I had no cell phone service and so Nick was home.
• 37:32
  First world problems we had somebody here help.
• 37:34
  We had like our security system, we had somebody here with the security system.
• 37:37
  We had somebody here cleaning the pool.
• 37:39
  Our pool was broken.
• 37:39
  We had somebody fix it.
• 37:40
  We had somebody here mowing the lawn like.
• 37:43
  We are lucky enough that we had lots of helpers yesterday helping Nick out, but he was calling me constantly trying to figure out who was who.
• 37:50
  Yep.
• 37:51
  And what time they were coming and what we owed them.
• 37:54
  'cause I was like, I usually handle all of that.
• 37:57
  And I had 10 missed calls from him.
• 37:58
  Yeah.
• 37:59
  And I got back to him at the end of the day and it was already taken care of.
• 38:02
  That's, I was gonna say he just did it.
• 38:04
  Yep.
• 38:05
  I think that's the key.
• 38:06
  Like you can have, because for me, I'm so grateful I had no service.
• 38:09
  Yes.
• 38:10
  For me, somebody who's very type A, I like to know everything that's going on.
• 38:14
  Something that's really helped me, and I wouldn't say I'm like a pro at this at all, it's something that I work through all the time, is when someone else is handling something, let them handle it.
• 38:25
  When you let them handle it.
• 38:27
  Obviously, if they're asking you a question and they need to know the answer, that's different.
• 38:31
  But like when my husband is taking care of the kids, sometimes I overstep and I try to micromanage the situation.
• 38:38
  It's been really difficult for me to try to take a backseat to some of that, but just that mental shift of let him handle it, let him, if he's.
• 38:49
  Doing this, then he has to do the whole thing.
• 38:52
  So how do you let him handle it and still physically be present?
• 38:55
  I would have to leave the house.
• 38:56
  So that's, or the state.
• 38:57
  I usually have to leave the house, but I sometimes just leave the room.
• 39:01
  Like I, I literally just try to separate myself and I'm like, if you handle this, but then you're gonna handle it from the ground up.
• 39:08
  You're gonna make all the decisions in you're way and you'll, and honestly, with that, yes, but I have to be, yeah I used to try to meddle a lot.
• 39:14
  Like I would remove myself, but come back in and be like, okay, wait no, we need it done this way.
• 39:18
  Or oh, it's ti you know, we need to do this.
• 39:20
  That's tiring for probably him too.
• 39:22
  It's, It's tiring for him too.
• 39:23
  It's tiring for the person that's trying to help.
• 39:25
  So I've had to do this in with, this goes back to our village episode.
• 39:30
  I've had to do this with anybody who is helping with the kids or the house.
• 39:33
  Just let them do their thing and it's a mental shift.
• 39:37
  It doesn't always work.
• 39:38
  I have to repeat mantras to myself, like in order to let things go, but.
• 39:43
  It honestly makes it a lot easier.
• 39:45
  And I also think that it gives the person who's stepping in and taking on that load to have the full 360 view of it.
• 39:54
  Because there is a lot of decisions to make and there is a lot of, it's not just follow the directions because the direction sometimes go awry and you're like, that's the thing.
• 40:03
  It's not just following.
• 40:04
  It's what do you do if this happens?
• 40:07
  All of the different scenarios.
• 40:07
  They may have to make decisions.
• 40:08
  They have to make decisions that you're making the decisions for them.
• 40:10
  Exactly.
• 40:11
  And if the decisions fatigue is what is, what you struggle with then there's no point in having the, being involved in making decisions for somebody else.
• 40:18
  Exactly.
• 40:18
  You might as well just do it the whole thing yourself.
• 40:20
  Exactly.
• 40:20
  So I've tried to remove myself.
• 40:22
  I have been, I think that's something I've done.
• 40:25
  I've grown tremendously with this past year is just like letting other people in and not only just physically in, but like mentally into, and like mentally help me take over some of the mental load.
• 40:39
  It doesn't always go the way I want it to go, but and I'm always happy to help if there gets a situation where somebody just needs to what do I do?
• 40:47
  Like I, I've had plenty of times where my nanny will call me and say, Layla woke up from her nap.
• 40:52
  Like she, what do you want me to do here?
• 40:54
  Do you want me to try to go back in?
• 40:55
  Or she's fighting it and we like problem rectify it together.
• 40:59
  That kind of has happened less and less as like I've learned to let the res go a little bit.
• 41:04
  It's yes, please call me if you need something.
• 41:05
  So that's less exhausting for you?
• 41:06
  Yes.
• 41:07
  Because then I feel like I'm not trying to do both where I'm trying to work, but then also trying to micromanage every little thing that's happening at home.
• 41:16
  Because then you're being pulled.
• 41:16
  Yes.
• 41:17
  When you had sleepless nights as a college student or as a newlywed, you had a sleepless night.
• 41:22
  You had interrupted sleep, but you didn't have interrupted wake time.
• 41:25
  No.
• 41:26
  You had settled wake time.
• 41:27
  Settled wake time.
• 41:28
  Now you have unsettled wake time.
• 41:30
  Yeah.
• 41:31
  You're constantly being interrupted.
• 41:32
  And that constant start, stop, start.
• 41:34
  Yes.
• 41:34
  Stop, start, stop is very unsettling to a person's body.
• 41:39
  It is.
• 41:40
  And I understand.
• 41:41
  I get it.
• 41:42
  You have tiny humans.
• 41:43
  Their job is to exhaust you.
• 41:45
  Their job is to ask you as many freaking questions.
• 41:48
  As they can ask.
• 41:49
  And they will ask as many as you will answer.
• 41:52
  They will be no stop.
• 41:54
  I understand that.
• 41:54
  I get that's all par for the course.
• 41:56
  But with that.
• 41:58
  Equals, I hired mother.
• 42:01
  It does I, period.
• 42:02
  End statement, mic drop, done.
• 42:04
  That's it.
• 42:04
  That's what happens.
• 42:04
  That's it.
• 42:05
  And so I think that just accepting that this is the season of life that we're in.
• 42:10
  There is no answer.
• 42:11
  This is another one of those things where it's like, there's just, there is no answer.
• 42:15
  You can work to help yourself through this season.
• 42:18
  Yeah.
• 42:18
  But there's no magic fix.
• 42:20
  It's just, it's really tiring.
• 42:22
  It's, and I would love to know from moms whose kids are grown.
• 42:26
  'cause we have a lot of people with different kids.
• 42:28
  Yeah.
• 42:28
  Like different age ages.
• 42:29
  We have people that have their kids fully out of the house that listen in and probably just reminisce.
• 42:34
  And tell us to enjoy these years, while we're in them.
• 42:38
  But I know we had a really sweet message come through yesterday.
• 42:41
  We've had a couple.
• 42:41
  Really nice messages come through.
• 42:43
  And somebody said to you in particular I have older kids now.
• 42:48
  Mm-hmm.
• 42:48
  They're year apart.
• 42:49
  They're like similar age boy, girl, like similar with you.
• 42:52
  And my kids are a little older now and this strong-willed, like Yep.
• 42:56
  Curiosity, will suit them well early on.
• 42:58
  Like those messages are so important and special and hopeful they are because this time is hard.
• 43:04
  It is.
• 43:04
  I know.
• 43:05
  And I love, I feel like we've gotten a lot of the well-rounded messages.
• 43:09
  Yeah.
• 43:09
  And I feel like it's just speaking to people just probably putting themselves back in this place and remembering what it's like to have kids all of our ages.
• 43:18
  Yeah.
• 43:18
  And so even when they aren't in the same exact space that we're in currently, they're not coming at it with they're not minimizing, that they're not coming through.
• 43:27
  To minimize anything that we're in currently and not to make us feel bad, right?
• 43:33
  Like that if we are struggling with some of these things.
• 43:36
  But I just love those messages of like hope and you are in the hard times.
• 43:40
  It's okay to acknowledge that it does get better and that's it, like that's, so it's just accepting that and like you said, trying to find the good, in some of these times.
• 43:52
  Yeah, I know.
• 43:53
  And times change.
• 43:54
  Embracing the exhaustion.
• 43:55
  Like my kids didn't go to camp this week and they're not in camp next week and I think a two podcasts ago I said, what's working for me this summer is having my kids engaged in activities and.
• 44:06
  There for whatever reason, like earlier this week, I didn't have them in anything and I had them all with me on Monday.
• 44:12
  And Mila had a dance class.
• 44:13
  We all went to dance class while they, she was doing it.
• 44:16
  I like went to mini golf with the boys, whatever.
• 44:18
  Like we were just doing stuff together.
• 44:20
  It's like McDonald's for lunch.
• 44:22
  And at the end of the day Nick said to me, you don't look tired today.
• 44:25
  You look like you had a good day.
• 44:27
  Usually when you're with the kids all day you're like tired, you don't look like tired today.
• 44:31
  That's a win.
• 44:32
  And I said, yeah, I don't know sometimes.
• 44:35
  Getting them to all of their things is just as tiring.
• 44:38
  I didn't have to work on Monday and I just had to worry about hanging out with them.
• 44:42
  I didn't have to like worry so much about You got to toggle.
• 44:45
  I didn't have to toggle.
• 44:46
  That's what I, that's a good word.
• 44:48
  I think that the dipping back and forth from like on off is very tiring.
• 44:53
  I didn't even think about that.
• 44:54
  It drains your battery.
• 44:55
  Yes.
• 44:55
  And until you said it, if you're just doing one thing, that's okay.
• 44:59
  Yep.
• 44:59
  It's the toggling.
• 45:00
  So that's another one for me.
• 45:01
  I would say the kind of decision fatigue and the toggling back and forth between tasks that just mentally drains me.
• 45:09
  So I you hit it on the head, like at the end of the episode.
• 45:12
  So it's crazy.
• 45:13
  I listened to a podcast.
• 45:14
  I don't know if it was.
• 45:16
  Mel Robbins podcast, but she had on I, I don't remember what, who it was, I think, but I know I was listening to a podcast and they talked about common threads between very successful people and very successful people chunk their time.
• 45:26
  And essentially that's eliminating the toggling.
• 45:30
  It is.
• 45:30
  You just, you're all in, in one thing.
• 45:32
  Yep.
• 45:32
  You wake up early, you do your workout, that's your workout.
• 45:35
  Yep.
• 45:35
  You sit down, you work, you chunk your time.
• 45:37
  Then you go and you mom hard, like Yep.
• 45:40
  You chunk your time.
• 45:41
  I agree with that.
• 45:42
  I'm just, it's not a, it's not a strong suit of mine and I can get easily distracted, but I'm saying that.
• 45:48
  That eliminates that toggling and that going back and forth.
• 45:51
  Mm-hmm.
• 45:51
  And that also eliminates all of the decision fatigue and the answering questions because you're doing Yes.
• 45:57
  And I think it goes back to when you're very present at something.
• 46:00
  I think that then that sets you up for success for whatever you're doing.
• 46:05
  So if you are at work and you're very present and you're not worried about all of A, B, C all of the other things that are going on outside, yes.
• 46:12
  You can really give yourself to what you're doing.
• 46:15
  You're more productive for a personality like mine.
• 46:18
  When you get the check done you're like, great.
• 46:20
  You feel accomplished, you feel good.
• 46:22
  Then you move on, come home and you can be present at home again.
• 46:27
  Check it off of we were together, we, I didn't have my time split, my attention wasn't somewhere else.
• 46:32
  You feel good and accomplished in that space.
• 46:35
  That's a very positive way to spin being present because I've always taken being present with your kids as like a.
• 46:43
  Oh, you're never gonna get these days back.
• 46:45
  You need to be present.
• 46:47
  And I'm like, how do I be present when I have 500 things on my mind?
• 46:51
  Actually, the way you just framed it is no, if you can just say, this is kid time.
• 46:56
  Just be at kid time.
• 46:58
  And then later or before or whatever.
• 47:01
  Except that you're gonna use your time for something else.
• 47:04
  Yes.
• 47:04
  And I think that's, I'm sure some people do.
• 47:05
  Maybe that's what I did on Monday.
• 47:07
  Maybe I was just president kid time.
• 47:09
  And I wa and maybe that's why I wasn't as tired probably.
• 47:12
  And maybe,'cause I knew it was just gonna be for one day.
• 47:14
  Yes.
• 47:15
  Because the next day I had something else planned.
• 47:18
  Maybe it's easier to do that when I, it's, I have things lined up.
• 47:21
  But I think that's definitely something that would take work.
• 47:24
  I think that's something that you would have to practice.
• 47:26
  And you have to put that into practice every single day.
• 47:29
  But, and I'm sure some people that comes a little bit more natural to them, but for me, that's not something that comes natural to me.
• 47:35
  So I'm all over the place at all times.
• 47:37
  So when I'm at work, I'm thinking of the kids and what's going on there.
• 47:41
  And then when I'm with the kids, sometimes I'm like, oh no, I just forgot I have to do, didn't do that.
• 47:45
  Maybe we should try Vincent's a DH, ADHD medication.
• 47:47
  I wonder if it would help us.
• 47:49
  I think that we need to have on an A DHD specialist, because I actually think, my husband always is like, you're always trying to diagnose yourself, right?
• 47:59
  Like you always need to know I have this right?
• 48:02
  Like I'm like I, you have to label yourself.
• 48:04
  And I'm like, I do.
• 48:05
  I have to label myself.
• 48:06
  I actually think that since becoming a mom, the best way to describe how my brain works is I have an A DHD brain and I always go back to the browser with 50 browser tabs open.
• 48:20
  And I'm not just on, I'm not just on one tab.
• 48:22
  I'm going back and forth okay, let me do something here and then let me open this one and let me do something here and then let, and like how could you be productive?
• 48:29
  That's a what we were just saying, like you're better chunking your time, but it's just not something that I'm good at.
• 48:34
  So maybe we are gonna put that on our wishlist of guests.
• 48:37
  We need to find one.
• 48:37
  If you guys have, do you know what if anyone's a specialist in this and wants to chat about this or has a recommendation?
• 48:43
  I think that this would be what type?
• 48:45
  Fascinating.
• 48:45
  What type of person specializes in like adult, a DH, adhd, a primary care doctor?
• 48:50
  I'm actually very curious if somebody.
• 48:52
  Could come on and talk about either misdiagnosis as a child or if it's real that this could happen after motherhood.
• 49:00
  Yeah, if maybe it was like always looming and then like motherhood just sparked it, but I feel like my brain doesn't work the same that it used to.
• 49:08
  And we can blame that on hormones.
• 49:10
  We can blame that on just being busier and just having all this, all this extra weight on you and responsibility.
• 49:16
  But like I, if you asked me, I would say yes, I have symptoms of that for sure.
• 49:22
  So when the boys went to the pediatrician to get their initial diagnosis, they ended up doing it's called a neuropsych evaluation, and they ended up both having it, but like in different ways.
• 49:32
  One has a little more hyperactive and one has like an inactivity in attention or something.
• 49:36
  Or in attention or something.
• 49:37
  Yes.
• 49:37
  And I was taking the test besides them'cause I was helping them do it.
• 49:41
  Yeah.
• 49:41
  Curious.
• 49:41
  And I'm like yep.
• 49:42
  I have it too.
• 49:43
  Yeah, I have it too.
• 49:45
  I know.
• 49:45
  I have sensory issues.
• 49:46
  I have all, I have it all.
• 49:48
  Yep.
• 49:48
  Is that just being a mom or was that something that you were before?
• 49:51
  I know, I think it's something that like we grew into.
• 49:54
  Yeah, it's mom, a DH, adhd.
• 49:56
  And again, I don't wanna throw around these like I know no things because I realize that they're like real and people struggle with them for sure.
• 50:03
  And they're serious diagnoses for sure.
• 50:05
  But I definitely think the open tabs in the brain.
• 50:08
  Yep.
• 50:09
  So I love that.
• 50:10
  So we're gonna move into our last segment, which is our pink spotlight.
• 50:15
  Oh my God.
• 50:15
  We're here already.
• 50:16
  Yes we are.
• 50:17
  Today's like flying by.
• 50:18
  I know.
• 50:18
  It is.
• 50:19
  It's a beautiful summer day.
• 50:21
  But, okay.
• 50:22
  So our pink spotlight is our little tip that's making life better this week.
• 50:28
  Do you have anything to share?
• 50:30
  Oh.
• 50:31
  Now you go first.
• 50:32
  Okay.
• 50:32
  So I don't know yet.
• 50:33
  Circle back.
• 50:34
  So mine, I'm usually the one that's wait, what was my pig smile?
• 50:36
  Which goes exactly to the topic this week?
• 50:39
  So mine, actually, this week I was just in the cape with my two best friends from home.
• 50:44
  It was really fun.
• 50:45
  Didn't even talk about your trip.
• 50:46
  How was it?
• 50:46
  My trip was fantastic.
• 50:48
  Tell us about it quickly.
• 50:48
  I wanna hear about it.
• 50:49
  I went to Cape Cod.
• 50:50
  I had a very going on and out about my stupid adventure errors.
• 50:53
  So you are in one too.
• 50:54
  I we were adventurous with the kids.
• 50:56
  It was a really nice trip.
• 50:58
  So we are two for two, like really good trips this summer, which is just, feels like a win.
• 51:02
  I'm trying to just be like, wow.
• 51:04
  We did a little road trip.
• 51:05
  The rides were very hard, but once we were there, we got in a really good groove.
• 51:10
  We were with two of my best friends, their family kids.
• 51:13
  The foods that you, the food that you were posting looked out of this world.
• 51:15
  My best friend Dana is like.
• 51:17
  A doctor, but a chef.
• 51:19
  And she is just incredible.
• 51:21
  So people like that follow me on Instagram wait, every year they're like, oh my God, I can't wait to see what she's gonna make because her food is just out of this world.
• 51:28
  So we ate really well.
• 51:29
  We had a really good time.
• 51:30
  The kids had a really good time.
• 51:32
  And one of her little tips that I noticed was she has, on the background of her phone, she has like a rotating portrait where every hour it's a different photo.
• 51:44
  Oh.
• 51:45
  And I didn't even realize that you could do this, but we were talking about it because her kids are a little bit older than mine.
• 51:50
  And so she has portraits of her kids from when they were a little bit younger.
• 51:55
  Oh, cute.
• 51:55
  And they pop up.
• 51:56
  So every hour she has, I think you could do every day, every hour where the.
• 52:00
  Your background, essentially on your phone, like your lock screen will change.
• 52:04
  Oh, we'll just pop up as a new picture.
• 52:06
  And so I ended up doing it because I've had the same photo of my cat, Misha from like 10 years ago.
• 52:13
  Favorite girl.
• 52:13
  It is probably long.
• 52:14
  My, my favorite person she's been on my lock screen for as long as I can remember.
• 52:18
  And I've kept it, even when I had kids, because my kids would get a, they would crack up when they would go and touch my phone and it was a picture of Misha.
• 52:26
  They would go, Misha, like it became a thing.
• 52:29
  And so I didn't wanna get rid of it'cause it was just like a nostalgic thing.
• 52:32
  But then I saw that you can actually add, so when you go to it, I'll show you guys how to do it or I'll talk you through it.
• 52:38
  So you go to your lock screen and you press and hold.
• 52:42
  The lock screen and you get this like customize button that pops up.
• 52:47
  So if you go to customize, you can tap the lock screen and then you can choose on the left hand side, there's like a little folder, and you can choose the categories that would come up.
• 52:59
  Oh.
• 52:59
  And so you can actually, it attach pets, people, pets, nature, or cities.
• 53:03
  And so I clicked people and pets, and then you can actually click into people and click the people that you want.
• 53:09
  You wanna see, so I have my two kids, and then my two pets are under there.
• 53:13
  And so every hour I have a rotating portrait.
• 53:17
  So it's one person.
• 53:18
  It's not you and the kids, it's just like the picture of the kids or a picture of the pets.
• 53:22
  And it's so cute because every hour it rotates.
• 53:25
  Like right now it's back on Misha.
• 53:28
  And every hour it will rotate and and you phone picked that picture.
• 53:32
  It's not my phone.
• 53:33
  You added that picture and you can go through.
• 53:36
  And like you could say don't feature this photo or don't you know.
• 53:39
  But I keep it as just a surprise and it's been so cute.
• 53:42
  And actually the kids now, it's like a thing with the kids where like Leo's been coming up to me and saying what photo is it right now?
• 53:49
  And sometimes it's a picture of him as a baby and it's been cute because he responds to it or he will see Layla as a baby and he'll see the pets and it's just been really cute.
• 53:57
  So I like loved that tip.
• 53:59
  And it's now I feel like when I look down at my phone I'm like, it's like exciting.
• 54:02
  'cause I'm like, who's on there now?
• 54:04
  What a good tip.
• 54:05
  I love it.
• 54:05
  It's been so fun.
• 54:06
  So she's Dana's full of all sorts of good tips.
• 54:09
  She's, she has all the tips.
• 54:10
  Hi Dana.
• 54:11
  'cause you're probably listening.
• 54:12
  Oh, I'm so happy that you did that.
• 54:13
  Yes.
• 54:13
  I'm so happy you went away with your girlfriends.
• 54:15
  Yes.
• 54:15
  I know that your girlfriends is particularly your best friends from growing up really feel like fill you up.
• 54:21
  They fill my cup, they fill and it's your people.
• 54:23
  Yep.
• 54:23
  You love them and they love you with Yep.
• 54:25
  All of their souls.
• 54:26
  And it's been really nice for my kids to get to know my friends in that way.
• 54:29
  'cause we go for they're like cousins.
• 54:30
  Four days cousins.
• 54:31
  Yes.
• 54:31
  We get to spend time together, we all stayed together.
• 54:35
  Oh, that's awesome.
• 54:35
  And it's chaotic, but it's also easier, like Raja and I were saying there was a bunch of adults, a bunch of kids, yep.
• 54:41
  And.
• 54:42
  It's somehow easier, like right altogether, even though there's like a lot more to add on and everybody's staying in the same house.
• 54:49
  I'm like, this is why the village works that everybody talks about.
• 54:52
  It's because there's just like more adults like managing it.
• 54:55
  Don't also find if one of your friends' kids is like fussing, you are like so much more inclined to be like to step in to scoop it and be like, Hey, come over here.
• 55:04
  Distract you.
• 55:04
  Yep.
• 55:05
  And that's how it worked.
• 55:06
  And then kids are always like more susceptible to you too.
• 55:09
  They're, and then you like connect with them and then you get there's nothing more, there's nothing cooler than like when your friends get close to your kids.
• 55:16
  It's so cute.
• 55:16
  Cute.
• 55:16
  So cute.
• 55:16
  Like then your kids like look up to them.
• 55:19
  Yep.
• 55:19
  And then it's just like another person that loves them.
• 55:21
  Yes.
• 55:21
  It's been really nice.
• 55:22
  I'm so happy that we went again.
• 55:24
  Good.
• 55:24
  We've been going for forever.
• 55:25
  But this is probably like the third or fourth summer where we've gone with the kids together.
• 55:29
  Yes.
• 55:30
  And it's just been really fun because this is really the one time of year where they all get to see each other.
• 55:35
  Yes.
• 55:35
  And I'm like, this is just so cute.
• 55:37
  I put up a really cute reel with the summer I turned pretty the voiceover from that.
• 55:42
  Yes.
• 55:42
  Because that's what we're doing Where every Did you start season?
• 55:44
  Not, I have not.
• 55:46
  Guys, you have to watch this show.
• 55:47
  It is so freaking good.
• 55:48
  I'm obsessed with that.
• 55:50
  It's been like two and a half years.
• 55:51
  Yes.
• 55:52
  Since season two came out long.
• 55:53
  It's been a long time.
• 55:54
  I know.
• 55:54
  I'm so excited to watch it.
• 55:55
  It's so good.
• 55:56
  I only watched the first episode and I read both of the two.
• 55:59
  You read the books, the two, I read the books, but I didn't read the third one because I knew it was gonna take time for the episode.
• 56:03
  I didn't wanna have the spoiler, so I was like, oh, I, you wanna watch the show first?
• 56:08
  I think I might read it now that it's out, but I didn't wanna know what was gonna happen.
• 56:13
  And then the show wouldn't come out for a couple of years.
• 56:15
  And then, so I like I really don't know.
• 56:17
  Decision fatigue.
• 56:17
  She choose You really didn't know what you wanted to do.
• 56:19
  And I don't know who she chooses and I have to know.
• 56:22
  But yes, that is such a good show.
• 56:23
  Yeah.
• 56:23
  But it's very, I feel like we're almost giving our kids that sort of summer where every year they're coming back and seeing the, yes.
• 56:29
  Seeing each other in the house and that we go and stay at.
• 56:33
  And so it's just been, it's really fun.
• 56:35
  Who's le gonna choose?
• 56:36
  I don't know.
• 56:36
  Who's Leo gonna choose?
• 56:37
  It's actually there's more girls than boys, so it's Leo.
• 56:40
  Who's Leo gonna choose?
• 56:41
  Leo's gonna choose.
• 56:42
  Yeah.
• 56:42
  It's so funny.
• 56:43
  Oh, so cute.
• 56:43
  That's awesome.
• 56:44
  Good.
• 56:44
  I love it.
• 56:44
  I'm happy you had a good time away.
• 56:45
  Okay, and what's yours?
• 56:46
  Okay.
• 56:47
  So I love to make jewelry.
• 56:50
  I love to create you.
• 56:51
  I know you haven't about that.
• 56:53
  And I have this business, but it's more of a hobby.
• 56:56
  It's not really like a functioning business that's gonna pay my rent.
• 56:59
  Yes.
• 56:59
  It's really like a hobby business, but I love to create things and I haven't, I like paused doing it just because I feel like when you are in any type of work like your work where you have to be creative, you have to be inspired.
• 57:12
  And sometimes I'm not inspired to make things right.
• 57:14
  And every so often I like see something or I travel somewhere, or I like get an outfit that I'm like, oh, I wanna make something to match.
• 57:21
  And then I get like reinspired.
• 57:22
  So one of my girlfriends is in a wedding in a few weeks and she had asked me to make bracelets for the bridesmaid's dresses.
• 57:28
  And all the bridesmaid's dresses are different.
• 57:30
  Did you do these beautiful beaded bracelets?
• 57:31
  Yeah, I probably them on bracelets, necklace or whatever.
• 57:34
  And I made all the bridesmaids bracelets and they were all like slightly different.
• 57:39
  Some had pearls in it, some had like big freshwater pearls, and I like.
• 57:42
  Went to the bead, I went back up to the bead store that I like to go to in Massachusetts and I picked everything out.
• 57:47
  'cause I like the weight of the beads.
• 57:48
  Mm-hmm.
• 57:48
  The whatever.
• 57:49
  And I've been bead again.
• 57:50
  That's nice.
• 57:50
  And I find it very calming.
• 57:52
  You've said that it's very calming just to sit quietly and make something.
• 57:57
  And then see what I've made.
• 57:58
  Yep.
• 57:58
  It's productive.
• 57:59
  And then that's it.
• 58:00
  I put it away.
• 58:01
  And I'm done.
• 58:02
  It doesn't take hours to do, to make something.
• 58:05
  Yeah.
• 58:05
  And they're beautiful and they're like, they're a statement too.
• 58:08
  Everybody always asks when I'm wearing them.
• 58:10
  So thank you.
• 58:11
  We are, this will be a perfect segment.
• 58:12
  Yes.
• 58:13
  So yes.
• 58:13
  So tea makes these beautiful bracelets.
• 58:16
  It's KB beads.
• 58:17
  That's her business.
• 58:18
  Mm-hmm.
• 58:18
  We will leave the website in case you guys are curious, but we also as a thank you mm-hmm are gonna be sending any of our PPAs who leave a review on our podcast page on Apple.
• 58:30
  If you leave a review, we're going to send you a beaded bracelet with a, it's a pink, like it's a light pink beaded bracelet.
• 58:36
  Yeah.
• 58:36
  With a flamingo.
• 58:38
  Tiny with a flam.
• 58:38
  Flaming tiny gold flamingo off, like dangling off of it.
• 58:41
  And we're gonna send that to you as a thank you Yeah.
• 58:43
  For writing us a review.
• 58:45
  Because we've, in the process of this, we've realized how important reviews are for this podcast, and our show is slowly but surely growing.
• 58:54
  But I guess the more you review, and even if you just, click the star button and just leave us a review that way.
• 59:01
  But if you leave a written review for us, we're gonna send you a beaded bracelet, right.
• 59:05
  as a thank you.
• 59:06
  So the beads that I've chosen are, it's called Morganite.
• 59:09
  And the reason why I like the pink morganite is'cause every bead is a slightly different shade of pink.
• 59:13
  Yes.
• 59:14
  It's like a pale pink.
• 59:15
  But they're all beautiful, slightly different.
• 59:17
  And I just feel like we're all slightly different.
• 59:19
  Yes.
• 59:20
  All I love be, and we're all our own shade.
• 59:21
  Yep.
• 59:22
  And I love them.
• 59:23
  And they're beautiful.
• 59:23
  Beautiful.
• 59:24
  And they have a little flamingo charm.
• 59:25
  So what I'll do is I'll.
• 59:26
  Post a picture of the flamingo.
• 59:29
  Beaded bracelet and once you've written your review, if you DM us.
• 59:33
  Yep.
• 59:33
  And then you just DM us your name and your address.
• 59:35
  Yep.
• 59:35
  We'll send them out to you.
• 59:36
  So let us say that you wrote us and I love your dms.
• 59:38
  Yes.
• 59:38
  We've gotten some really nice ones.
• 59:39
  And we got a bunch about the, the the last podcast that we did that was a little controversial that we weren't sure how it was gonna go on our gentle parenting one.
• 59:49
  We didn't really know how it was gonna go because this isn't a parenting podcast, right?
• 59:53
  We are certainly not experts.
• 59:54
  We're just like two girls questioning what we're doing with our kids and how it's making us feel and how it's making them feel.
• 1:00:02
  And apparently we are not alone on that.
• 1:00:04
  I know.
• 1:00:04
  So people are, a lot of other people are questioning what they're doing too.
• 1:00:07
  Yep.
• 1:00:08
  And I got.
• 1:00:08
  Stopped a couple of times just by people that we know or people that know that I have a podcast.
• 1:00:14
  And I met a couple of people this week and people were like, oh my God, you like, sounded off about the gentle parenting and just like really hit home for me.
• 1:00:22
  And I was worried that because I have very little kids, I was like, I don't think that this is really my realm.
• 1:00:28
  Yeah.
• 1:00:28
  Like I didn't know if I could speak to this topic, that went over very well.
• 1:00:32
  And so we appreciate, we had a ton of dms from that.
• 1:00:35
  I appreciate anybody who came up to me in person if I saw them.
• 1:00:38
  But yes we appreciate all of your feedback.
• 1:00:40
  And if you can literally go right now on Apple Podcast, write a review.
• 1:00:45
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:00:45
  Hit the five star button if you love following along and that will help.
• 1:00:50
  Other women find this podcast because it helps with the algorithm of the podcast.
• 1:00:54
  And we don't wanna, if you feel inclined to leave us a review, we really appreciate it and it will help other people find this podcast and we can grow all together.
• 1:01:02
  Yes.
• 1:01:03
  So thank you all so much.
• 1:01:04
  Said.
• 1:01:04
  All right.
• 1:01:05
  So we will see you all next week, I know, for our two-parter.
• 1:01:08
  Yes.
• 1:01:08
  Have a great week.
• 1:01:09
  We'll see you then.
• 1:01:10
  Bye bye.