Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Naked in the Backyard with Caitlin Peluffo

Transcript

Naked in the Backyard with Caitlin Peluffo · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, High and Mighty Tour, guys, is continuing. So please
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: come and see me in Atlanta, Georgia.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: October 2nd. October 3rd is Baltimore, Maryland.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: October 4th is Saginaw, Michigan, all with Yamanika Saunders opening up.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Then I'm coming to Pittsburgh on October 9th. Toronto is
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: October 10th. October 16th is Boise. Spokane is the 17th.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Then San Francisco, November 7th. And November 13th is Salt Lake.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: November 20th is Austin, then Houston, and then Irving. November 20th,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: November 21st, and November 22nd, I will be touring Texas.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: December 5th is Denver. December 6th, I am shooting my
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: special in Vancouver, Canada. I have two shows that night.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: There are tickets available for the second show. Then I'm
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: going to Palm Beach, Florida, December 16th by popular demand.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Then Hollywood, Florida, December 17th. And then two shows in Tampa,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Florida on December 18th. So I will see you guys
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: on the road. Come and see the High and Mighty Tour.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I'll give you some LSD.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. You're in New York again. I'm
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: in New York.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: I went to the opera and it was exactly what
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I hoped it would be. I dressed like I was
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: going to the opera. I felt like I was in
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: the opera. I was able to witness such talent. I mean, honestly,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: anyone who can sing like this woman could sing.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I don't even know her name.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: I'd have to look at my playbill, but apparently she's
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: the greatest soprano living. And it was really, I felt
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: cultured I got a little culture.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: We love a culture queen.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: And then we had a little intermission with a martini.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: It was just lovely. I mean, I'm glad I went
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: to the opera. I think I'll go again. I was Macbeth.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: I love that. And they had little translations in front
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: of us. That's nice.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because otherwise it's like, I don't know what the
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: fuck is going on. So I've been in New York
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: doing press and I have shows this weekend. Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: lots of action. Our guest today is a real pick-me-up.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: She was a finalist on Funny AF with Kevin Hart
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: and yours truly. Her new special is called Prosciutto Rose.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: It's now out on YouTube. Please welcome Caitlin Palufo. Being
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: very well received, Prosciutto Rose.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, and thank you for doing your little shout out.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: By Caitlin Palufo. Am I saying it right? Palufo. Palufo.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: But you can say whatever you want. I never say
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: names right.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, Prosciutto Rose by Caitlin Palufo, you guys.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: It's out now on YouTube.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I thought prosciutto... Well, actually, I always knew what prosciutto
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: rose was going to be a reference to. But since
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: you are Italian.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: It was a slight mislead. But I met you on
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: Funny AF. Yes. With our little friend, Kevin. Our little
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: best friend.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Our sweet gentleman. And I really, really... Yeah, you were
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: so fucking great. Thank you. We had such a good time.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: I have to say, and I don't know if I've
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: said this before, Catherine, but who gives a shit? It
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: was so.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: unexpected to have so many talented comedians. Like when Kevin
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: asked me to do that show for the 15th time,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, I don't like, what does this going
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: to entail? Like the last thing I want to do
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: is sit in a comedy club in the daytime and
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: watch a bunch of comics.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: And it ended up.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Being so much fun. And I know that he wanted
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: me there just because he needed someone to drink with.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I know you're sober, right? Not anymore. Oh, okay. Well,
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, This is exciting. Well, yeah, I was sober
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: in order to lose weight.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: It was never a hit rock bottom situation.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: It was me trying to, I lost 50 pounds. Whoa.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Two years ago.
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: With Ozempic? No, on my own. Oh my God, so
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: old fashioned. I didn't have health insurance, so I had
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: to do it the old fashioned way.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you must have been so pissed when
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Ozempic came on the market and you were like, after
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I just fucking worked my ass off.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: And everybody's accusing me of using Ozempic. And I was like,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I did it the hard way. Oh my God, you
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: lost 50 pounds. That's incredible. How did you do it?
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: I did boxing, cycling, and then heavy weightlifting. Yeah, because
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: you're strong and muscular. I like your body. Thank you. Gracias. Yeah,
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: I like being strong. I know, I like being strong.
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: I prefer that to being, because I used to do the,
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: you know, we always try the, maybe I'll just eat
• 4:24
  Speaker 5: lettuce today or like, I'll just do soup or whatever,
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: you know, like a lot of sorbets.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: I've done that.
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: I've been like, I'm just going to have all my
• 4:30
  Speaker 5: fruit via sorbet. But no, I like eating a lot
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: and then also weightlifting. Like that seems to be the
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: way my body responds the best.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's the best advice for all females
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: who want to drop weight. It's like weightlifting. It's like
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: the secret. And also, it's like there's so many benefits. A,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: you get smaller. You don't get bigger. You only get
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: bigger if you're eating fucking, you know, Philly cheesesteaks after
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: you work out. Like that's the only way to not get–
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: smaller when you're weightlifting.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: If you have three times the amount of protein that
• 4:58
  Speaker 5: you're supposed to have, that's the only way you bulk up.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: And there's no fun in being skinny and weak. You
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: want to be fit and strong.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: Like I don't want to be thin and I can't
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: lift anything and I'm not strong.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: No, no. And it's just for a practical day-to-day life too.
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: Like when I was like, I was never a way fish,
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: but like I remember in high school I tried to be.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we did. We all did. We all went through
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: the phase. We all had an eating disorder.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's so sad, isn't it?
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: What women have to go through. And I looked great.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: But still you look back and I was just like, oh,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: that girl was so lost.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Anyway, I met Caitlin on Funny AF and she was
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: so great and I got to see you and.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Find out about you.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: But you've been a comic on the scene in New
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: York for a long time and all my friends know you.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: So I was just finding out about you because I
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: just wasn't paying attention.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I started in New York.
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: We did open mics at Otto's Shrunken Head at 3 p.m.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: In the afternoon. It was a real bummer.
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: But great because that's... where I met Osama, and that's
• 5:59
  Speaker 5: where we became friends.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: And Osama was the other guy. He was the other...
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: You two were the big standouts. And then who was
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: the guy that won again? Ron Taylor. Ron, Ron. He's great.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Everyone was so good. It was really just refreshing. It
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: really made me fall in love with.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Stand-up in a way that I hadn't been. Really? Yeah, because.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: It's painful. I thought it was going to be painful.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: You know, I don't like watching people not do well
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: at mom. And it wasn't, there wasn't a lot of that.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: And so Kevin actually did a really good job for once,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: you know, like it was nice that he actually did
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: a nice assortment and it just got picked up for
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: a second season.
• 6:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: I'm getting all these messages. My friends are like, what
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: should I do? What do I do? Like, how should
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: I play it? And I was like, truly just be yourself.
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: They're not going to try and make you look bad.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: And also the best advice for every avenue of life
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: is to.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Just be yourself.
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: It really doesn't matter what fucking career sector you're in.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Be yourself.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: And if you're an asshole, then that's when you need
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: to adjust.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: But usually if you lean into who you are instead
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: of trying to be somewhere else, that's more of a
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: winning game.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, honestly, I have not watched it. I
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: don't like watching myself on film. Yeah. And then also
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: the reality.
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: TV aspect of it. I was like, that's just going
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: to make me want to cross my legs differently. So
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: I was like, just let it live. Whatever happens, happens.
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: So I actually, I have no idea how.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: I came home.
• 7:23
  Speaker 5: But I assume it came off okay because everyone was like,
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: you seem so nice. I was like, thank God.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: And also the great thing about this show is that, well,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: and I think this is a great story about like
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: all reality shows.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter if you win or not.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: You're getting tons of attention and you're going on tour
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: and you're selling out venues.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Like that's what matters. And so, and that's happening for
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: so many of you guys. So that's awesome too. It's
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: the first time in my life I've had to add
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: a show. I was like, who is that for? That's crazy.
• 7:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah. And everybody who comes out, They're fans of the shows,
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: but they're also, because they're fans of the show, the
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: show also taught audience members how to act at a
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: comedy show.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: And so you don't really have any problem audience members.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: They're very well behaved, very respectful, very excited. They've been
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: the best audiences I've ever performed for.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: That's what a great point that I wouldn't have thought of.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Have you relayed that to Kevin?
• 8:10
  Speaker 5: No.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: I don't have his number. I'll be honest. I'll give
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: it to you.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Actually, I'd like to give it out to everyone who's
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: listening on the podcast.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: You let him know he did a good job. Feel
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: free to call him. He'll pick up. Believe me.
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Oh, boy.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he will. He will. No, call him right now.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: See what's up.
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: He will.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: He'll pick it up. He doesn't know. He's so eager
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: to just get a call from anyone. He doesn't care.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: That is the nice thing about him. He does call
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: everybody back, I think.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: Anyway.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: How long have you guys been friends? Forever.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I've known Kevin since Chelsea Lately days. He used to
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: be on Chelsea Lately. That was like, yeah, he was
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: a regular on the round table until he put his
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: little foot down and said, I am now too big
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: for the round table.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: I can only come on as a guest. Wow. And
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: I remember, and I've said this before when he and
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: I have done stuff.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I said, I go, you know, that was a big
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: move for you to do. And it was like, we
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: were all kind of like, who does he think he is?
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I respect it.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I like that he's saying that, that he's only coming
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: on as a guest, which means he's not going to
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: come on all the time because We only had one
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: guest on, whereas we had three comics on every day
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: in those days. But I liked that move, and he
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: saw big things for himself. And, like, you kind of
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: have to operate like that, you know? And he gets
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: away with it.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: Well, he's so funny. And he's sweet.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: And he's just, like, a good— he' s, you know— he's an idiot.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: But he said that. Not me. He's a good idiot.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: He pulls through and she always does. And I respect
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: that too about him. So tell me how your life
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: has been going since all of this.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: First of all.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: Okay. I, can we talk about your, your, you've been
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: single for the first time? Cause I've been watching you
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: on podcasts all around talking about, we're going to go
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: through our DMS together, by the way.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: I think that would be a good exercise.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: I mean, you should see my mind go from, I
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: want to fuck the shit out of you to, to,
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: I hope you die and hang yourself tonight.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: It's a real mixed bag. And then there'll be like, hey,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: I'm single and looking for a husband. Will you set
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: me up? And I'm like, oh, my God, which do
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: I respond to first?
• 10:02
  Speaker 5: Mine go from very, very nice, like, hey, I thought
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: you were great, to I would let you sit on
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: my face until you shat in my mouth.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: That's the last one I got. Did you respond to that?
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I sure didn't, but I sent it to all my
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: male friends.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: I heard you on a podcast saying that someone said–
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: that Ariana Grande DM'd you and that you.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: Had a, like a, what is it called?
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: A bot.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: You had a bot that responded to everybody? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh,
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: that's a good idea. My manager, she's like, she's on it.
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: She's young and she really wants big things for me,
• 10:36
  Speaker 5: which is great because all I want to do is
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: stand up.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: And she's like, no, we're going to capitalize.
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: So she created all these, this bot response to anybody
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: who DMs me. But apparently there's a setting that you
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: can do where someone, if they have over a certain
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: amount of followers, it won't, bought them, but.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: She didn't know that. And so Ariana was like, oh
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: my God, you did so great on the show. That's sweet.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Very sweet.
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: Cause she's a huge comedy fan. I forgot, but yeah,
• 10:58
  Speaker 5: she's a huge comedy fan. So she watched the show.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: She loved it. And, uh, my bot response was like,
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: please sign up for my mailing list. And I was like,
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You're, you're Ariana Grande.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: And she was like, yeah, it's cool. I loved it.
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: Well, you know, like she was so nice, but that
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: was the most mortifying. Cause I was also hung over.
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: And I was like, I screwed it. I screwed the
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: pooch with Ariana Grande.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: So are you having a lot of sex? No. Do
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: you want to be having a lot of sex? I do.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: It's going to happen. Okay. Yeah, it will. Here's the thing.
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: I took time off to prepare for the show. We
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: had like a six-month waiting period before we re-taped.
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: Really?
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Six months? Yeah, six months.
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: Because he had to shoot Jumanji 18 or whatever. So
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: we had like six months off. So I was like,
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: I'm going to put everything I.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Have into this. I'm not going to drink. I'm going
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: to eat right.
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: I'm going to really not date because I get distracted.
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: I'm going to put everything I have into this.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: It's a big opportunity. It's on Netflix. It's with Kevin Hart.
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: I don't know if it's going to be a hit,
• 11:57
  Speaker 5: but just in case it is, be prepared. And so
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: I took off. And then as soon as the show finished,
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: I was like, I'm ready. And then everyone was like, oh, no.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: We respect you now. And I was like, God damn it.
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: So I've been on the dating apps trying to date,
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: but half of them recognize me from the show. And
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: they make some weird joke that makes me feel weird.
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: Or they're all married trying to hook up.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: What's your biggest ick from a guy? Like what are
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: the things that make you.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: The most grossed out? Like grossed out?
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Like when a man, if you, okay, if you're on
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: a date with a guy, like what is something that
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: could happen that will make you have to leave the
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: situation before you even finish the date?
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: I honestly, I have a pretty low bar.
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: As much as I say, probably if he said something
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: racist or if he was mean to the server.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Racist or, those are two good examples. Like, I
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: say that, I had a date once and I met
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: him on an app. And this is, I don't know,
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: years and years ago. Which app? I don't remember. Probably Raya. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: But it was years ago. And we were talking for
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: a couple days. I was in San Francisco and I
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: was coming back. I was like, oh, Sunday night I
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: was going to meet. I met him at this restaurant
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: called Chez Jay in Santa Monica.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: And he was really hot and sexy. I was like, oh,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I'm going to fuck this guy. It's going to be
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: so fun.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, my God. I love this. Sunday night sex.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: And I went in and I had a driver take
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: me there.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Because I was going to drink and, you know, and
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I was hopefully going to go somewhere with him.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: You had dreams.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: And I sat down and he spilled a, like a
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: chips with salsa. It had like a little ramekin of salsa.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I only know that word ramekin because I was a
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: waitress for many years and it had a little salsa
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: and the salsa spilled on my jeans. And I don't
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: like salsa. I don't like the smell of salsa, like
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: especially the fake salsa when it's not real Mexican salsa.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean when it's in that little,
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: what's it called?
• 13:55
  Speaker 7: Pace picante, like that kind of salsa.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: The ones they sell in the supermarket. Tostitos or whatever.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: And I went into the bathroom and the smell made
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: my vagina shut. And I was like, the smell of
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: the salsa, I was so angry at him for being, A,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: clumsy is a big turn off for me.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: A guy drops things or.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Walks around like an idiot and bumps into shit, I
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: find that very Much a turn off. I can't fuck
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: a guy that's clumsy. You have to be able to
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: catch something if it's going to drop. You have to
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: catch it and stop that.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: And I was in I'm in the bathroom and I
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: remember in real time going, well, I can't fuck this
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: guy now.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: I can't even go back to the bar and sit
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: with him, actually. He deserves to be punished. Like, this
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: is an unworkable situation.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: So I go. I walk right out.
• 14:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: I don't, you know, he's at the bar. He doesn't
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: see me.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: I walk pretty much right by him, but it's a
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: pretty dark place. I get back in the car, and
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: my driver, who has been my driver for 25 years.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: Billy goes, what?
• 15:01
  Speaker 6: What?
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: What's going on, child? And I was like, it's over.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: And he goes, uh-oh, uh-oh. I go, he spilled salsa
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: on me. He goes, let me get you home.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: And I left. And I left the bar and went home.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: You damsel. But I couldn't believe the, like, and it
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: wasn't his fault.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: You know, obviously he wasn't trying to do it on purpose.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: But it was unacceptable. Like, it was one thing that
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I couldn't come back from.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: I dated a guy who couldn't even, like, look at, like,
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: he was such a picky eater. That he was like,
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: I don't like the texture of salsa. I don't even
• 15:33
  Speaker 5: like looking at my food.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: Can't touch it. I was like, that's also a vagina
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: closer right there. What about men who take really big
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: bites of food? And then they're chewing.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: And if you're not watching this and you're listening to it,
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: I want you to imagine that I just took a
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: bite of a Philly fucking cheesesteak.
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: That was too big for my mouth.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Doing this that is a fucking boner killer too yeah
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: when they don't even close their mouth to.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Chew but it's so gross when the bite is too
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: big for your mouth and then you and you're working
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: on it for like close to three to four minutes
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: like then yeah then you took too much food yeah
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: you fucking.
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: Pig i.
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: The the gum snap snapping any smacking i hate that
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: with the Oh.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry I did that to us. I'm sorry I
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: did that. You can cut it out. I'm so sorry.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: Some people like it. It's like, what is it?
• 16:23
  Speaker 6: E-M-S-A-R?
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: E-M-S-A-R?
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: E-M-S-A-R.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: It's a dance sore.
• 16:25
  Speaker 8: It's A-M-S-A-R.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: I don't like toenails.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: Man feet in general. Just chop them off.
• 16:39
  Speaker 6: No, no, no.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: There are some nice male feet out there. I don't
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: have a problem with feet as long as they have
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: been taken care of.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: But they're always furry. They always got like little furs
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: on them. That doesn't even bother me. It's the toenail.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: As long as you cut your fucking toenails and that
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: they are normal and decent, I don't want to see them.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: I don't want them out on display. But if I
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: am going to see them.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Or we're in bed and I feel a toenail, then
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: it's a wrap also. And hopefully by that point we've
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: had sex anyway, so no big huge loss for you
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: because you just won't see me again.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But certain things just are really hard
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: to come back from.
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: Like back hair is a tough one to come back for.
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: I was hooked up with this one guy. He was
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: so hot. He was a BMX bike rider. I mean,
• 17:23
  Speaker 5: just living his Peter Pan life. Okay, yeah, thank you.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: So hot.
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: And I go and I put my arms around and
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: then it's just like, It's the stubble from when he
• 17:31
  Speaker 5: shaved it.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: It's almost like it's better if they don't shave their
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: back hair. It's like if you can't— I helped him
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: shave his back the next day. We hooked up one time,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: and I helped him shave his back.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: It was so upsetting. After you hooked up with him?
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: And then you were like, see you later? No, and
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: then we hooked up for three months. Oh, okay. He
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: also lived in a van. It's a whole thing.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: But the stubble— okay, well, that's— The stubble from the shave
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: is something that I would almost prefer because sometimes there's
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: back hair on your shoulders a little bit. And I'm
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: not mad at that. Obviously, it's not ideal, but I
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: can get around that. It's when I don't like to
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: feel stubble like any hair growing in. So you either
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: need to get electrolysis, laser hair removal, or if it's
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: just a little, just.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Go with it.
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Like, it's okay. It's not the worst thing in the world.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Because I don't mind. How do you feel about hairy chests?
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: Love them. Yeah, I like a hairy chest, too. I
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: want a Pierce Brosnan. And you know what else I like?
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: I'm a man when they have hairy forearms. Oh, really?
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: I like hair on forearms. You're like a little Robin Williams.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I don't like that.
• 18:33
  Speaker 6: No.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: God rest his soul.
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: Nice.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: And I'm not trying to, you know what I mean?
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: I'm not trying to fuck Robin Williams in real life.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: A little furry goblin. No, I want, but I don't
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: mind a little forearm hair.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: And when they roll their shirt sleeves up, if they
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: have like a shirt, like a proper shirt on, I
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: find that to be quite sexy.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: I like the, the whole, the Guido tuft, you know,
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: like the old, uh, the Italian gabagoo.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: He's got it right there.
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Dude, give us, give mommy one more button.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: Come on.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: Let's see. Yeah. That's what I like. Do you have
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: long fingernails over there? Oh, no. Come over here. Hold
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: on a second.
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Laser focused. Oh, my God. You didn't get in trouble
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: for the computer dying twice, but let me see this. Oh,
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: I don't like that. I don't like that. You have
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: to cut those. I was trying to cut them this
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: morning before I came. Yeah. Oh, my God. Shame on you.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: You don't touch a woman with those. You could hurt
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: somebody with those. These are like three days longer than... Okay. Okay.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: Let's not let that happen again. Come on. You have
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: to respect yourself. What do you think about nipple sizes
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: on men? I don't like them too big.
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: Oh.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: I was going to say I don't like small ones.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: You don't like small ones? I like a small little
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: kiss of a nipple. I like when they have a
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: little contour. Wow. I like that. it when there's like
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: an areola and a nipple separate. Whoa. Not separate. I
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: was going to say, what is that? That's a human anomaly.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: When the nipple's not here. Here and then the areola's
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: here and the nipple's.
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: That's called a birthmark. It's got two birthmarks on either side.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: I like. Wendy, yeah, I like nipples.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I don't want big nipples or anything, but I don't
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: like when they're little baby, baby, baby, like little nipples,
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: like a baby's nipple.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: You know? Yeah, I think nipples in general are kind
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: of weird. Yeah, they are. Same with belly buttons. Do
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: you have sensitive nipples? I have very sensitive nipples. I've
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: never thought about that. Well, do you need somebody to
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: touch your nipples when you're having sex with them?
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: No.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: Okay, I do. I need that to happen.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: Or if I'm going to have an orgasm, I need
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: you to also be doing something with my nipples.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: I need a little nipple play. But a lot of women,
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: it's too sensitive. They can't be touched.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: And a lot of men don't like it. I've yet
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: to find a man that likes their nipples touched.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: I dated a guy who wanted his nipples touched.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I would do that and he'd be like,
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: too hard. And I'd be like, this is new for me.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Is there anything that's happened that was too weird to
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: do in bed that a man liked that you were
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: not willing to do?
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: One guy I dated wanted to be spit on, and
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: I was like, I love you, so I'll try, you know?
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: Another guy had a Prince Albert. What is that? Thank you.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: It deserves a gasp. It's a penis piercing. A Prince Albert?
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: A Prince Albert. It's the spike that goes through the tip.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: Does Prince Albert have a penis? Well, I looked it up.
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: Because it was apparently there was Queen Victoria's husband. Apparently
• 21:23
  Speaker 5: he had a really long dick and it would get show.
• 21:25
  Speaker 5: And so he did the piercing and then he attached
• 21:28
  Speaker 5: it to a belt.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: It's all a myth. It's a myth. It's just a
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: weird thing that some person was like, what if I
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: pierce my dick? I don't even like the term long penis.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I find that to be, that evokes a hot dog situation.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: I don't like that.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: And I don't like people who like that either.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: That, like, long penis. No one wants a long and skinny.
• 21:48
  Speaker 9: No.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: No.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: And I don't like short and fat. I just want
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: a regular. I don't even need a big penis. Like,
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: I obviously don't want a little Vienna sausage or a
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Shrinky Dink. But even though, like, I want men to know,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: and no men are listening to this, so it doesn't matter.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: But I want men to know that, like.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: A little penis is not the end of the world.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: Because there are so many other things you can do.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it probably wouldn't, like, it would.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't prolong the relationship. It would be whatever the opposite
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: of prolong is. It would probably shorten the relationship.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: I almost said postpone. I was like, no. I can't
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: think of my words right now. Shorten, yeah.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's not like the worst thing. That's not
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: a deal breaker.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: I mean, if you're talking about like a little, you know,
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: something that can't get an erection. Oh, that's worse. That's
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: the hard.
• 22:35
  Speaker 5: Whenever I hook up with it, like the BMXer, I
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: liked him so much. I was like, just be normal.
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: Just have a dick. It could be any size, just
• 22:42
  Speaker 5: be there. And it was, and it was great. So
• 22:45
  Speaker 5: I dated him for three months and I literally, I
• 22:47
  Speaker 5: was like, the dick is there. And then I'd touch
• 22:48
  Speaker 5: him like, ah, the back hair.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: But it was fine.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: I went through a period of time where I would
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: go on dates. It was like a It was a
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: long duration of time. It was over a year where
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: everyone I would hook up with couldn't get an erection
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: around me.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, my God.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was really worried something was wrong with
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: my vagina or wrong with me. And I was like,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, we talked about it ad nauseum, me and
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: my girlfriends.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: I was like, what is going on? And they're like, oh,
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: you're two. you know, you're just too much woman. You're,
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: you're emasculating. I'm like, well, that's a nice narrative, but
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, something else is happening. Like, how can I
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: be dating this many men that can't get an erection?
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: Is it my perfume? Is it?
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: And then I realized drinking certain men after drinks at
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: a certain age can't get it up. So then I
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, this is a whole, this is like
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: an epidemic with men, which is very unfair also to
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: men because to.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Because we can't, like, there's nothing that prohibits our performance.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: No.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: I mean, not really. I mean, we can get some
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: lube and make it work. Yes, exactly.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Like, you know, so it's unfair that that happens, but
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: also if that happens to you, then you need to
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: have the right supplies. That's when I started dating men
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: that were younger. I'm like, I don't have time for this.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: But there are older guys that have never had a
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: problem getting it up. I've dated older guys so many times,
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: but I went through a spell of a year and
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I was really worried about it so that finally when
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I started dating guys that actually had, like, rock hard penises.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: I was like, thank God they're back.
• 24:14
  Speaker 6: You know?
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: They're back, baby. I just had to like dip into
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: a lower age. Yeah. Can I ask? I realized I
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: don't know how to flirt.
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: Or I think I'm flirting. I had a problem with
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: that for a long time. Also, I think I'm too
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: much of a comic, so I'm like crowd working.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: Them in a way. I don't know. Do you approach men?
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: What is your line? How do you do it? No,
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: I don't think I approach men. I know what you mean.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: I relate to what you're saying.
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: I think as a female comedian, it is very hard
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: because you're so used to being in.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Control of the situation. Do you know what I mean?
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: So that it's hard to let our guard down.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: And it's not that we don't want to be vulnerable.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: We do. It's just hard because we're in control and
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: we're power women.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: Like it's, it's hard for like once a guy hits
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: on me, I'm still in control.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Like, it's never like I'm giving him the, it's like
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: I might give him the go ahead, but I'm still
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: running the show.
• 25:05
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: I've never been in a dynamic with a man that
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: I'm dating where he's calling the shots.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, never once. Well, maybe once.
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: Once?
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: But not a lot.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: So I think it's very hard to, I think also
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: if you, your last relationship, you were.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: Going to get married, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know,
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: you've been single for two years, you said.
• 25:25
  Speaker 8: Mm-hmm.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: And then you were sober for two years and you
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: lost all this weight for two years. I think you're
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: probably like coming into a new version of yourself in
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: a sense. And now you're getting famous.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: So like a lot of things are happening. So it
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: might be like a weird adjustment.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: I just don't know how to date anymore. I did
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: this whole thing. I was like, I'm going to meet
• 25:48
  Speaker 5: him in real life.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: And then that didn't happen. Well, what's your move when
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: you like someone? And what have you tried to do?
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: What's my move?
• 25:54
  Speaker 5: My move when I like someone is to be like, oh,
• 25:56
  Speaker 5: is he single? I ask his friend, oh, is he single?
• 25:59
  Speaker 5: And then I never hear anything ever again.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: I like to slide into people's DMs. You do? Because that, yeah.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: What do you say? I'll just be like, hey, you're
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: pretty cute. I mean, like. No. Well, I got a
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: lot of DMs from a lot of guys that are
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: trying to hit on me. And you do too. Yes, yes, yes.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: And that aren't gross.
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: But I don't really respond to that. But it's given
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: me the idea that. In the past where I see it,
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, you know what? Like if I've had
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: a lot of like famous guys slide into my DMs,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: mostly rappers who are like, hey, you know, you gave Eddie.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: A shot lately. I want to hit that. It's like, well,
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: I'm not.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: OK, come over.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: It's not open for business in that way. But thank
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: you for your interest. Not accepting. That's your thing. I
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: only date rappers. But I do if I do see
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: someone like I still am on Raya. So like. I
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: will use that. I haven't in a while, but I'm
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: not opposed to it.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: And I will slide into it.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: But I think sliding into someone's DM on Instagram is
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: a better way to be like, I like your profile.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: You're really cute. And just start a conversation. And you get,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: you know, like it's not a dating app.
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: No.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: So it's kind of a.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Nice subterfuge around it. even though you're being direct and
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: you can flirt with someone, like, do you have a girlfriend?
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Just be, you know, like, because that way it's not
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: like you're walking up to a guy and trying to
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: be flirty. You can kind of get the conversation going.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: And I like writing anyway, back and forth. Flirting that
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: way is fun. And then that kind of builds a
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: little tension. And then from there you can be like, okay,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: let's go on a date. But there's so many cute
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: guys to meet that way. And I've met a couple
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: guys and had sex with a couple guys by sliding
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: into their DMs.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: Are you interested in relationship? Because I do want a
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: relationship eventually. I still think you can do it that way.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: You just have to be honest about what you're looking for.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: Hi, I think you're cute. You want to get married
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: in two to five years? I froze my eggs. I'm
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: bringing them over. I'm bringing them over. What kind of
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: guy do you think you're looking for? I don't. No,
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: I've never cared about height, like physically.
• 28:02
  Speaker 8: Oh.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Never cared about height. So they could be Kevin's size?
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: They could be Kevin's size.
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: Really? If they have a strong back, yeah. If they
• 28:08
  Speaker 5: could physically pick me up. That's all you care about?
• 28:11
  Speaker 5: That's all I care about.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Okay. Because I have dated too.
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: Many of the guys where I'm like, I'm the one
• 28:14
  Speaker 5: saving us in a fire. And that just eventually just
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: becomes unattractive. So I want a strong guy who takes
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: care of himself.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: Like you've dated guys that are like diminutive, like thin, small?
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah.
• 28:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 28:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Just kind of way fish.
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: You know, the body we wanted in high school. I know.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: I don't, I'm not, I like a man to have
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: a little bit more meat. Yeah, yeah. Or just be, like,
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: I need them to be stronger than me. Yeah, that's
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: what I want. I want someone to be stronger than me.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: Just stronger than me.
• 28:44
  Speaker 5: Which is, now it's a tall order. But, you know,
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: it is what I like. I like someone with a
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: sense of humor. And I need him to have his
• 28:50
  Speaker 5: own thing. I've dated so many guys now that are like, well,
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: I'll just, you'll just, you know, do comedy and I'll
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: just be the house husband.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: And I was like.
• 28:57
  Speaker 6: What?
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Who's saying that? That's so gross. Yeah.
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's happened to me twice now. And I was like, well, no, no, no, no.
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: You have to have your own thing. I can't be
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: the center of your world. So any guy with any
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: kind of passion, that would be great.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: That's what I want.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: The clumsy comment I made earlier about men being clumsy,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: I just remembered there was this one guy– That I
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: dated for a while and we were fooling around. And
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: it was up at– I live in Canada in the
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: wintertime for skiing. And I– we were up there and
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: we were fooling around and I rolled over to get something,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: glass of water or whatever. And I didn't realize we
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: were at his place and I didn't realize the bed
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: ended and I almost fell on the ground. And, but
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: he grabbed me underneath my body so quickly to prevent
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: me falling.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: And that bought us like another two months in that relationship.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: I would have married him.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: So that was connected to my earlier clumsy comment that
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: just popped into my head when you were talking about
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: someone being smaller than you. Like, I need somebody who's
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: going to catch me.
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah, that's so hot. What about being a lesbian?
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Have you contemplated this?
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: Girl.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, are we all? How old are you? 39. Okay, good.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: That's a great age. I love it.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: The decade of your 40s is going to be the
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: best decade of your life, and then you're going to
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: turn 50, and you're going to be like, oh, my God,
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: here we go again.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: It's another round robin. Every decade is a new rebirth. Yeah?
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because look how everything's going for you. It's going
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: to be so exciting to turn 40. Then you're going
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: to be really solidified in who you are, even more
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: so than you are now. And you're going to just
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: have a great time.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: I'm actually not dreading the 40s.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: No.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: I'm excited. You shouldn't be worried about aging. No. No,
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: I don't. I did for a little bit. And then
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: I got Botox and I was like, calm down. Okay.
• 30:50
  Speaker 5: And then I talked to my therapist about it. But
• 30:52
  Speaker 5: I actually enjoy my age. I actually say my age
• 30:54
  Speaker 5: on stage now, which is a huge step for me.
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: Were you embarrassed about your age? I was just older
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: than the comics. I started later, quote unquote later. I
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: started when I was 27 and all of my friends
• 31:06
  Speaker 5: were like.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: 22, 23. So I was the older one. Okay. And
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: so I kind of like took that really to heart. Oh, yeah.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: Let that go. I let it go. Yeah.
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: Again, in the past two years, it was a real
• 31:18
  Speaker 5: big chrysalis butterfly situation.
• 31:21
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 31:21
  Speaker 5: And so I've accepted my age, accepted body stuff, accepted
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: that I might end up alone and that's okay.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: It's been a real journey. And I've never felt better.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: But now I'm like, yeah, okay, I would like a partner.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: I'd like to be with someone. And now I have
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: to do that. And now I'm like, well, it's all hopeless.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: It's not hopeless.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: It is not hopeless. There are men out there.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Believe me, there are. I have a good time with
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: men a lot.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: And I'm not somebody who's serious about a relationship at
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: this juncture. I mean, I don't see that happening. It's
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: in my desire land. I really am a free spirit
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: and I like to bop around the world. And sometimes
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: I like company and sometimes I don't.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: So.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: But I'm here to tell you that there are very,
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: there is a supply of men out there that are fun.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I just want to have fun for
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: a moment.
• 32:09
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: First of all, yeah, you can't put pressure on it
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: if you meet somebody and be like, you know, like
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: you can't. I think the mistake that so many women make,
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: and I understand the desire to want to pair up
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: and partner with someone, but I think the mistake so
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: many people make is like putting so much pressure on
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: just like somebody you're having a good time with, like,
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: You don't have to look at that person like, am
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: I going to be with them in 10 years?
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. You're going to be with them now.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: Have a good time. Be present. Don't project.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: That's not normal anyway to want to spend 10 years
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: with somebody necessarily right off the bat.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: That has to be earned. Yes.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: You know, you spend time with someone, you get to
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: know them and you grow to them and you're like, oh,
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: I really enjoy you. Actually, I enjoy being with you
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: more than I enjoy being alone. If I were to
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: ever get to that point with someone, then I would
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: be able to commit to them.
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 32:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: They have to add to the life.
• 32:59
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: They have to.
• 32:59
  Speaker 5: Because right now I feel very secure and happy and
• 33:03
  Speaker 5: I'm taking care of myself. I just made this joke
• 33:05
  Speaker 5: on stage. I was like, I don't need a man.
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: Why am I putting on a push-up bra? Who gives
• 33:09
  Speaker 5: a shit?
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: It's uncomfortable, you know?
• 33:11
  Speaker 5: So I'm like there in my mind. And so now
• 33:14
  Speaker 5: I'm just like, okay, it would be nice to meet
• 33:16
  Speaker 5: someone and date and have fun.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: And have sex. I enjoy sex. And then I enjoy sex.
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: I have a nice time when I have sex and
• 33:22
  Speaker 5: I don't touch my nipples.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: It's really nice. Okay. My normal size nipples. All right.
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: But.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: Actually, I don't know if they're normal. I think they're normal-sized. Well,
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: get them out. We can measure them.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, we can figure out right now if they're
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: normal-sized or not. We take callers on this show.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, great. This is exciting.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: Catherine?
• 33:39
  Speaker 7: All right. Well, our first question is a write-in.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: What is that attitude? I mean, you said, what kind
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: of energy is that? All right. What does that mean?
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: It sounds like something is coming down.
• 33:50
  Speaker 5: The pipe that we're not going to love.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 33:54
  Speaker 7: This is a legit question.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: Before we start. Okay. Caitlin. Tell me.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: What is the worst advice that you've ever been given?
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: Can you think of something? Oh, I remember one of.
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: My aunts told me that I was spoiling, you know.
• 34:08
  Speaker 5: I was like, oh, you better get someone. You're kind
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: of spoiling. And this is where it fucking begins.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: This is where it begins. This is where it begins.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: Women haunting other women with the ideas of spoiling.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah. What's the best advice that you've ever been given?
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: The best advice? It wasn't really advice.
• 34:26
  Speaker 5: My mom, when I told her I was doing comedy,
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: she was like, oh, good, you're going to use all
• 34:28
  Speaker 5: of your skills. You know, that was very, she was like,
• 34:31
  Speaker 5: I was like, oh, okay. I didn't realize, because.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: Usually you tell your mom you're going into comedy and
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: they're like freaking out. But she was like, no, you
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: use all your skills. Use all of the things that
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: you're good at. And I feel like you can do
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: that with comedy. Yeah, you are, you know, you seem
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: very polished.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: You said you started when you were 27, so that's
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: like over 10 years, right, that you've been doing it?
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you really had a very strong stage presence. Oh,
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: thank you. And that is the most important thing. I
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: appreciate it.
• 34:56
  Speaker 5: I feel like when you start a little later, you
• 34:59
  Speaker 5: kind of know yourself a little bit more, you know,
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: and so you kind of find out what you want
• 35:02
  Speaker 5: to talk about faster, you know?
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, at least in my experience, that's what happened. Yeah.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: But I also... Could be full of shit.
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: I know a lot of people who had a strong
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: sense of self younger, too, and they're still doing it.
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: But a lot of people who didn't have a strong
• 35:19
  Speaker 5: sense of self kind of dropped off.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: I think also men are better at faking that than
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: women are. Yes.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: So that's kind of how you cut through that. You know,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: I think as a comedian, if you're not really have
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: a strong POV, everyone sees through that. And it's very transparent.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: You can't fake it. No, no. No, and guys are
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: very good at just the confidence. Yeah, the confidence. Even
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: the way that they stand sometimes.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: You know, I'll see male comics and they're like leaning
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: on the microphone like they're the man.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: I'm like, get off of that. Stop standing like that. Anyway, Katharine.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: I know exactly what you're talking about. It drives me crazy, too. Yeah,
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: it's too flanky. I don't like when men are like that, either.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: That's another turnoff. When they're, like, too, like, lanky. You know,
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: when their bodies move kind of, like, bumpy. That's another ick.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: Get your limbs together. What are you doing? No arms akimbo. No. Yeah, yeah.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Or when their legs.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: I dated this guy once who.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: I swore one of his legs was shorter than the
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: other one.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: That was his penis, Chelsea.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: So I was seeing this guy casually, and then I
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: left something at his house, and I had my assistant
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: go get it the next day.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: I said, will you go to the Palisades? and pick
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: up this thing at this guy's house. That's a wild sentence.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: But listen, I'm not going to pretend my life isn't
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: what it is, okay? Because that's a lie, too.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: Okay. I got it. Everyone knows the way I live,
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: and I'm embracing it. So I had him. I was like, hey, go.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: And then before... My assistant could go pick it up.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: The guy found it. It was my wallet or purse
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: or whatever.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: I think it was my wallet because I took it
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: out for something and I forgot to put it back
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: in my purse.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: And he was like, oh, I know this trick.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: I know you left your wallet because you want to
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: see me again. I'm like, that's not what's happening at all.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: And actually, I'm already on it. Someone's coming to retrieve it.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: He's like, no, no, no. I'm on my way. I'm like, no, no, no.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: It's OK.
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: Anyway.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: He's on his way.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: I tell my assistant, I go, listen, when he gets here,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: I need you to check something out. I said, I
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: think there's a leg disparity. I'm like, I'm pretty sure
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: one of his legs is slightly longer than.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: The other leg.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: And my assistant was like, stop it, stop it, stop it. Luckily,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: my assistant at the time was gay. So he had
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: a keen eye.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: For this kind of thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: I wasn't in the mood to see that. It wasn't
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: a serious relationship. And I just didn't want to see
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: him in the daytime.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: I had a busy day.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: And I just made myself scarce or I left. But
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: I told my assistant, I go, check on the situation.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: And when I came.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: Home, the look on my assistant's face said it all.
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: He goes, something is off.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: He goes, something happened. He goes, there must have been
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: a surgery or an accident. And I was like, I
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: knew it.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: I knew it.
• 38:06
  Speaker 7: They have special shoes for that.
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: Well, let's not even get that started.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: He was really hot, too. He was handsome and sexy. Actually,
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: I set him up with a friend of mine afterward.
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: She had sex with him, too.
• 38:18
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: You just throw him around.
• 38:19
  Speaker 7: You wanted everyone to double check.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: I had a friend who was a lesbian for a
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: little bit.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: And she was coming out of her relationship with this woman.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: And she's like, I think I'm ready to try guys.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I have a really hot guy.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: I didn't tell her about the legs. She's a lesbian.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: She won't care. It's like a rescue dog.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: I said, I have a hot guy that I was
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: having sex with for a while that I'm no longer
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: having sex with.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: Are you open to that? And I was like, I
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: think I need to have sex with you. And she said, yeah, yeah, actually,
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: I am open to that.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like, just to see if you're into guys again.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: I'm like, he's really charming.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: I'll leave out the details just in case, you know,
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: usually whatever I say gets back to people. So I
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: have to learn how to pair the details anyway, or
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: spare the details, I should say. And so she ended
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: up having sex with him too.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: So I thought that was really a gift. Did she
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: like it? She did. She was like, oh, and then
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: she started dating guys. She didn't date him. She just
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: had sex with him.
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: So I just felt like that was nice that I was, yeah,
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: you know, sharing. That's a nice little kinship now you got. Yeah.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: I mean, and then I was like, who, what other
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: friends can I have sex with of mine?
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, Catherine, let's get serious.
• 39:21
  Speaker 5: This is out of control.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: This is out of control. It's like a party favor.
• 39:31
  Speaker 9: All right. Well, this first question is just a write-in,
• 39:34
  Speaker 9: and she says, Logistically, how do you go about asking
• 39:38
  Speaker 9: guys about STDs before sleeping with them, or do you
• 39:41
  Speaker 9: at all? I tend to use a condom every time
• 39:43
  Speaker 9: until slash if we decide we aren't going to.
• 39:45
  Speaker 7: Sleep with anyone else.
• 39:47
  Speaker 9: I've even gone as far as getting tested and having
• 39:49
  Speaker 9: them get tested before barebacking him. I also have an
• 39:52
  Speaker 9: IUD and the Gardasil shots because I don't want children ever,
• 39:55
  Speaker 9: and I've dealt with HPV. But as far as herpes
• 39:58
  Speaker 9: and even HIV go, they often don't show up in
• 40:00
  Speaker 9: tests or can take six months or so to show
• 40:03
  Speaker 9: up in tests anyway. And I know herpes is only
• 40:05
  Speaker 9: transmissible when there's an outbreak. Meanwhile, we're all going down
• 40:09
  Speaker 9: on each other without using a condom because obvi.
• 40:11
  Speaker 7: So like, what's the point?
• 40:13
  Speaker 6: Ugh.
• 40:13
  Speaker 7: It's awkward to ask and they could still lie to
• 40:15
  Speaker 7: you anyway.
• 40:15
  Speaker 9: I feel like you'll have a good way to go
• 40:17
  Speaker 9: about this with your global Pikachu.
• 40:19
  Speaker 7: Love, an anxious hoe that just wants to hoe freely. Caitlin,
• 40:23
  Speaker 7: what do you have to say?
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, listen, I'm not proud of this, but I don't,
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not really great about using condoms. I'm just, I
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: know this is a terrible thing to say, but it's
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: the truth. I'm not great about using condoms. I mean,
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to say about that. I know
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: we're supposed to use condoms, but I don't know anyone
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: who uses them.
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: I have never met anyone that is using condoms. Oh, well,
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: now you have, Chels.
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: I am a person who uses condoms every time. Yeah,
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: because I'm not on birth control. Okay, great.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm not getting pregnant, so that's one thing I'm
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: not having to worry about.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: I have a feeling I'm not either, but, you know,
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: I'd want to. Well, you have your eggs. Keeps me young.
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: You have your eggs. Yeah.
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: Wearing condoms keeps me young. Keeps me young. Oh, my God.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: Am I going to get my period? Oh, God.
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: One in eight million chance of me getting pregnant right now.
• 41:23
  Speaker 5: But no, I use condoms. But asking them about STDs,
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: he's literally about to go inside me like.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: Oh, you're clean, right? Yeah, I'm clean. You're clean.
• 41:32
  Speaker 5: I'm like, yeah.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: I think that's a question that you have to ask
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: before you even go on. I don't know when the
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: right time to say that, but you can't be in
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: the bedroom and ask because then people are just going
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: to say whatever you want to hear.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. But I, like, I don't know. It's so
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: funny that you do that. It's so shameful.
• 41:51
  Speaker 6: No.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: But I just don't.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's not like I'm, listen, I'm not having
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: sex with tons of different guys.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: I am having sex occasionally.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: And I just use my judgment if I think that
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: person is.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: No, I'm used to calling him every time. One time
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: I went monogamous with the BMX rider. Man, I'm bringing
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: him up a lot. Seriously. He was a great guy. Oh,
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: my God. What happened to him? Why don't we get
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: him back in the rotation? The whole thing. Oh, my God.
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: This is the hottest thing a man has ever said
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: to me. He came over to my house. He lived
• 42:23
  Speaker 5: in Philly.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: Came to my house, had his big backpack, and he
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: comes in and he goes, where can I put this
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: where it won't annoy you? Oh, that's hot. You can
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: stay forever. Oh, that's hot.
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: I once had a guy tell me, he goes, you
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: seem like the type of person that needs a lot
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: of space. And I was like, that's sexy. Thank you
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: for seeing that. Thank you for reading the room.
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: And then act accordingly. Yeah, don't hang out for too long, buddy. Oh, yeah.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: But he was great. But we used condoms and then
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: we went monogamous and then we did pull out. But
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: that made me anxious. So then I went back to
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: using condoms. So, okay. Yeah. First of all, men should
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: have condoms on them. That should be a rule. I
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: have them in my side table. Yeah, but it should
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: be a man's responsibility to have a condom. Yes, I agree.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: It really should. And I know that doesn't always happen.
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: So to answer your question, I would just say, The
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: most prudent time would be to be before, if you're
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: on a date and you're going home and you're going
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: to be like, and you know what's up, be like,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: I have to ask you this question. It's actually not
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: a shameful question. And now that you bring it up,
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: I might.
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 43:31
  Speaker 7: This is terrible.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: You're like, you know what? I should bring it up.
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: We're having a come to Jesus moment here. Just be
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: on page six. It's going to be so annoying. And
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: another headline, some horrifying about me. I love it. I
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: think it's exciting. I think that keeps you young. Yeah,
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: it does. It does. Yeah. But, I keep trying to
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: justify her and then I have nothing to say. It's
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: just one comment after another. As if you could tell
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: by looking at someone. He seems cool.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: No way he's got chlamydia. Are there a lot of
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: STDs going around? Let me just tell you this, and
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: this is even going to be worse than what I
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: just said. I have had such a good track record
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: that if I haven't caught something by now, I'm like, well,
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: obviously I'm picking.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: The right guys.
• 44:30
  Speaker 5: Girl, that's what girls say right before they get pregnant.
• 44:32
  Speaker 5: I've had so many close calls.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: I've never been tripled. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: I used them when pregnancy was a fear. And now
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: that that fear has left the building, I have no worry.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: That was my biggest fear, not.
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: STDs, pregnancy. Of course, of course.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: There's only so many abortions you can get before, you know,
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: they stop.
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: Your number's up. Yeah, they're like punch card. Yeah, they're
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: like the ninth one was free. That's it. I'm joking.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: No one had nine abortions in this room, not even collectively. Anyway,
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: you wrote into the wrong podcast for that question. I
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: know this is an advice podcast, but this is the
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: one area we can't help you with.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: Ask in the Uber.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: Condoms are also, I have this face mask, which is
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: that I put on every morning, like, well, not every morning,
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: but whenever I remember, you know, when I'm traveling.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: Like a hydration mask.
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: And when I'm done with it, it looks like a
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: used condom. So I always am like, oh God, I
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: don't want the, you know, like when I'm in a hotel,
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: I don't want the cleaning lady to think I just
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: left a condom like in the, so I always wrap
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: it up in toilet paper.
• 45:33
  Speaker 8: And I'm like, and.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: Then it's even more suspicious. And I'm like, oh God.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: And you can't, you can't flush them down. Like, I
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: just think leaving condoms around is so gross.
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: But a face mask is fine. I know, but I
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: almost have to just leave the face mask. Yeah, just
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: spread it on the mirror. She knows what this was
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: used for. Look at the eye holes. Look at the
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: eye holes. Take a picture, send it to her. This
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: is me.
• 45:58
  Speaker 5: Yeah, put it right on top of the wrapper.
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: Okay, what's the next question?
• 46:03
  Speaker 7: Well, Caroline, I think just needs a pep talk.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: Please don't take any more questions about condoms in the future.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: I love this. This made my day.
• 46:11
  Speaker 7: We don't have any more questions about condoms. We do
• 46:14
  Speaker 7: have a penis question.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: That I can handle.
• 46:17
  Speaker 7: This one is up. This is Caroline. She just, I think,
• 46:20
  Speaker 7: needs a pep talk.
• 46:20
  Speaker 9: But she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm queer and in my mid-20s,
• 46:24
  Speaker 9: straight presenting, living in Tennessee. I've never been in a
• 46:27
  Speaker 9: relationship before, and let's just say I'm shit out of
• 46:30
  Speaker 9: luck here in the South. I came here four years
• 46:32
  Speaker 9: ago with my best friend, pursuing a life of adventure
• 46:34
  Speaker 9: and getting away from my family. After five years of
• 46:37
  Speaker 9: living here, I need to move away to another state
• 46:39
  Speaker 9: and actually find some love and more friends.
• 46:41
  Speaker 7: I really would love to move to Chicago.
• 46:43
  Speaker 9: My best friend is all for my solo adventure and
• 46:45
  Speaker 9: so are my other friends. She actually found her fiance
• 46:48
  Speaker 9: here and wants to stay in Tennessee another few years,
• 46:50
  Speaker 9: but there's just one thing, my family. All they know
• 46:54
  Speaker 9: is a small town life and the idea of moving
• 46:56
  Speaker 9: away again and alone sounds like the most ridiculous thing
• 46:58
  Speaker 9: to them. And the fact that I'm single, even worse.
• 47:02
  Speaker 9: Ever received a TikTok at 7 a.m. about violence in
• 47:04
  Speaker 9: other states saying, please don't move by yourself, or is
• 47:07
  Speaker 9: that just me? I know wholeheartedly that my journey to
• 47:10
  Speaker 9: fulfillment will soon begin, but I worry that I'm not
• 47:12
  Speaker 9: accomplishing anything in their eyes. My question for you is,
• 47:16
  Speaker 9: what's your advice for my pursuit of looking for love
• 47:18
  Speaker 9: and finding myself in a new city without carrying the
• 47:20
  Speaker 9: weight of my family's insecurities?
• 47:22
  Speaker 7: Thank you, Caroline.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: Hi, Caroline. Hi. Hi, Chelsea.
• 47:27
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: This is our special guest, Caitlin Palufo. She's here today.
• 47:30
  Speaker 6: Hi.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: Hi, nice to meet you guys. Nice to meet you.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: First of all, the best decision you're ever going to
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: make is to go to Chicago.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: You absolutely must go. Your family is not your destiny.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: They are where you came from. That is not the
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: end game. You're always going to have your family, but
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: you cannot stay in a small town when you have
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: bigger dreams and hopes and aspirations. You have to go
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: to a big city to get a life going.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: You have to. And you will never regret moving to Chicago.
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 48:01
  Speaker 4: Even Catherine said in our interview, like being young and
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: gay is the perfect place to be in Chicago.
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: So I think, yeah, that's the best part. Oh, I
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: even forgot about the gay part. You're right. You do
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: present straight. Yes. Get to a city.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: Get to a city and go live your best life.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: First of all, Chicago is one of the best cities.
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: Like that is where things are happening. It's super fun.
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: And you're young and vibrant and like staying close to
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: your family and having them make you.
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: Feel guilty about it is two negatives. Yeah. You can
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: visit your family.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: You can fly to your family and you could visit
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: them all the fucking time and they can visit you
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: in Chicago.
• 48:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: See, that's the part. That's the part I need to
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: tell them.
• 48:39
  Speaker 4: It's not even my family, but like being in the South,
• 48:41
  Speaker 4: when I tell them that I'm single without kids, it's
• 48:43
  Speaker 4: like I'm on my deathbed.
• 48:45
  Speaker 7: So it's like the.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: Most frustrating part. So, yeah, I'm just writing it. It's
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: some confidence. Yeah.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: Listen, the biggest leaps of faith lead to the biggest
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: wins in life. You have to trust yourself and you
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: have to take a leap of faith. That's what you
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: have to do is pull the trigger and be like,
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: I am doing this. You can't hold me back. I
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: will be back for every holiday and hopefully you'll come
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: visit me.
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: It's a what?
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: Three hour flight from where you are? Probably not even.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: At most, it's a three hour flight. People do it
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: all the time and you need to go live your
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: best life. This is the only life you've got. You
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: better make it count.
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, and you're young. You're young.
• 49:25
  Speaker 5: Do it while you're young and your knees are still good.
• 49:28
  Speaker 5: Moving to a big city with bad knees, that's tough.
• 49:30
  Speaker 5: But you've got good knees. You've got a good attitude.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: Go where the gays are. Go where all the pride
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: flags are. Go get some puss.
• 49:37
  Speaker 7: In Chicago, we have Andersonville.
• 49:38
  Speaker 9: We have a whole neighborhood full of lesbians.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: It's wonderful. She's frozen. She's frozen. She froze when Caitlin
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: told her to get on her knees. She can't open
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: her eyes. You have good knees. You know what?
• 49:54
  Speaker 7: I think her phone might have died.
• 49:55
  Speaker 9: This is what it looks like when someone's phone dies.
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: What a departure.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: What a departing message with that expression. She got our message.
• 50:07
  Speaker 7: She got the message for sure.
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: You have a little Chicago accent. Do I?
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: No, I'm from San Francisco.
• 50:13
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: Might have been in New York for like 18 years.
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: But that has nothing to do with Chicago. I don't know.
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: Maybe there's a weird meld that's going on. I sound
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: like a little bit of both and it sounds like Chicago.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, Caroline, our parting words since you're not here are
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: to go to Chicago, get on your knees, get a
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: dental dam, get a dental dam.
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: Ask about STDs. And get some puss. And get some puss. Excellent.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: You have good knees is what I meant.
• 50:48
  Speaker 9: All right. Well, our last question today comes from Michelle
• 50:51
  Speaker 9: and Steve.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: Michelle and Steve?
• 50:55
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 50:55
  Speaker 9: It's kind of a couple's counseling with Chelsea, but I
• 50:57
  Speaker 9: wanted to give.
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: This one to Caleb. It's his fault.
• 51:01
  Speaker 7: Yes. It is his fault. Michelle is the one writing in.
• 51:05
  Speaker 7: So she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a longtime fan.
• 51:07
  Speaker 9: I'm 60 years old, mother of two beautiful daughters who
• 51:10
  Speaker 9: are out there doing great things in the world. My
• 51:12
  Speaker 9: husband and I have been married for 33 years. We've
• 51:14
  Speaker 9: always been pretty free spirited, love nature kind of couple.
• 51:18
  Speaker 9: We're relatively athletic and fit for our age. The issue
• 51:21
  Speaker 9: is my husband just cannot keep his clothes on. I mean,
• 51:24
  Speaker 9: he's naked all the time. Out in the backyard, he
• 51:27
  Speaker 9: lays in the sun on the deck completely naked for
• 51:30
  Speaker 9: hours every day, all nicely oiled up.
• 51:33
  Speaker 7: And I'm like, why? Who's he doing this for? Certainly
• 51:35
  Speaker 7: not for me.
• 51:36
  Speaker 9: We have very cool neighbors who laugh about it. They
• 51:39
  Speaker 9: shared with me that they thought we were nudist. I said,
• 51:41
  Speaker 9: not me, just him. But honestly, I don't think it's
• 51:44
  Speaker 9: funny and I don't think that they should have to
• 51:46
  Speaker 9: try to be cool about it. Now I'm hearing that
• 51:48
  Speaker 9: other neighbors are talking about it, calling my husband Sasquatch
• 51:51
  Speaker 9: because they saw him outside after dark one night filling
• 51:54
  Speaker 9: the bird feeders butt naked.
• 51:56
  Speaker 7: In the house, I make him sit on a towel on.
• 51:59
  Speaker 9: The sofa because I think it's disgusting to have a
• 52:00
  Speaker 9: naked ass sitting on the sofa. He never has clothes
• 52:03
  Speaker 9: on unless we're actually getting in the car to drive somewhere.
• 52:06
  Speaker 9: And then he's shirtless until we arrive wherever we're going.
• 52:10
  Speaker 9: He'll put a shirt on to walk wherever we're going,
• 52:12
  Speaker 9: and then as soon as we exit, he takes off
• 52:13
  Speaker 9: his shirt before we're even in the car again. My
• 52:16
  Speaker 9: kids remind me that when they were in high school,
• 52:18
  Speaker 9: they knew not to come home without calling ahead if
• 52:21
  Speaker 9: they had a friend with them because they didn't know
• 52:22
  Speaker 9: if their dad would have clothes on. I also think
• 52:25
  Speaker 9: it's affecting our sex life because, frankly, it's kind of
• 52:28
  Speaker 9: a turnoff to see him naked 24 hours a day.
• 52:30
  Speaker 7: It's a little more fun to have some anticipation. I'd
• 52:33
  Speaker 7: love to hear your take on this. Thank you, Michelle
• 52:35
  Speaker 7: and Steve.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: Hi.
• 52:38
  Speaker 4: Hi.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: I didn't know we were going to see that. Hi,
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: Michelle and hi, Steve.
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: This is our special guest, Caitlin Palufo. She's our guest today.
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: I'm glad I have some backup, okay?
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: Steve, what, I mean, where, when did this start? First off,
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: thank you for wearing a shirt.
• 52:54
  Speaker 7: I was like, why are you wearing a shirt?
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: Special occasion.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: What, Steve, when did this begin?
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: A long time ago.
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: And what is it? You just love it. You love
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: to be naked.
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: No.
• 53:11
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: It's like he's allergic to clothes, honestly.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: You just don't like clothes. Do they itch or what's
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: happening here?
• 53:18
  Speaker 8: I don't see the point in the house. You're just
• 53:20
  Speaker 8: getting them all wrinkled and then you have to get
• 53:22
  Speaker 8: them all washed again.
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: And then, you know, it's like, what's the point? The
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: kids are gone.
• 53:28
  Speaker 8: And honestly, when we've met, I mean, like she said,
• 53:33
  Speaker 8: we did a, we did some trips. We went to,
• 53:36
  Speaker 8: you know, dead shows and reggae festivals. We traveled across,
• 53:40
  Speaker 8: you know, from Bay area to Arizona. And I have
• 53:43
  Speaker 8: a 65 bus with the, with the windows that open
• 53:46
  Speaker 8: in the front safari windows. And we just did our thing.
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: Nude. Were you nude when you, when you did that?
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: Yes, we were.
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 53:55
  Speaker 6: But it was more private because, well, my thing is
• 53:59
  Speaker 6: when we, I don't do that anymore.
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: But when we were young and we were doing it,
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: it was like if.
• 54:03
  Speaker 6: We were out and people saw who I don't know,
• 54:06
  Speaker 6: that was fine. But now it's like our neighbors know
• 54:10
  Speaker 6: and people are knowing about it.
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: And that makes me really uncomfortable.
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: I totally understand that.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: And Steve, I appreciate that you're That you're even on
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: this call. I know that you probably, it's probably, it
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: was hard to make this call and sit here on camera.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to be as gentle with you as possible.
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: You're absolutely right about that. Reluctant participant here.
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You, I understand. I get it.
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: It's just about, you're living in a world that that's
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: not normal or tradition, like you're not, it's not traditional.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: And I understand you don't, you're not vibing with that,
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: but like, it's one thing inside your house. But you
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: kind of have to split the difference because you don't
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: want to make your wife, the person that you love,
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: that you're spending your life with, uncomfortable around her neighbors.
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: Your neighbors are just never going to get it. They're
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: just not.
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: You're asking for like something to like, it just does
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: come off as creepy to people who are not nudist.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: What you are is a nudist and you need to
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: be in a nudist colony. And unless that happens, then
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: you've got to at least split the difference and decide, okay,
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: Maybe she can work with you and you can be
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: nude inside. But when you're outside naked on the deck,
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: that's kind of like if there's kids around, you know,
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: people have.
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: Grandchildren that are coming over. It's just not appropriate.
• 55:30
  Speaker 9: I agree.
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: I agree.
• 55:32
  Speaker 8: And after reading, she sent this to you when I
• 55:35
  Speaker 8: was gone. And then I come back and she goes, hey,
• 55:38
  Speaker 8: guess what? So I read this. And when you read it,
• 55:43
  Speaker 8: it comes across differently than how you live it, right?
• 55:46
  Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: I do not.
• 55:48
  Speaker 8: It's mostly, it's only in the spring and summer. It's
• 55:51
  Speaker 8: not in the winter.
• 55:52
  Speaker 7: It's not in the dead of winter.
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: Can we just make like, can we have a compromise
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: be made today in some way?
• 55:57
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 55:58
  Speaker 9: Like a sarong or like a mumu situation?
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: Something that's just going to be a little bit more
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: palatable to your neighbors.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: And while I know it's like you probably.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: Don't give a shit what your neighbors think, your wife does.
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: And you're in a marriage.
• 56:13
  Speaker 5: I do. Okay.
• 56:13
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 56:14
  Speaker 6: Our neighbor texted me the other day and said her
• 56:17
  Speaker 6: niece and nephew are going to be visiting.
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: So please tell Mr. Sun Buns to keep his pants on.
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 56:24
  Speaker 7: Yeah, that's kind of the time when you need to
• 56:26
  Speaker 7: do it.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: That's all you have to do. Like, she can put
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: the towels down, Michelle, right? You can let him be
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: naked inside if it's that important to him. You're obviously
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: not an asshole. You should be able to, like, live
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: your truest self inside your house. But once you're outside
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: of your house, you're not in your house anymore and
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: it's not private.
• 56:44
  Speaker 8: The most part when i'm in the on the deck
• 56:46
  Speaker 8: though it's like so we live in we've got like
• 56:50
  Speaker 8: a half acre it's not a lot but it's a
• 56:52
  Speaker 8: lot for us and it's we're in the foothills and uh.
• 56:57
  Speaker 6: There's a little bit of space between there's some space
• 57:00
  Speaker 6: and they're not they're not lined up like all the
• 57:02
  Speaker 6: same they're But I told him, I'm like, I can
• 57:05
  Speaker 6: see two doors down. I can see what that neighbor's
• 57:08
  Speaker 6: wearing in his backyard. So I'm pretty sure he can
• 57:10
  Speaker 6: see what you're not.
• 57:11
  Speaker 3: Wearing over here.
• 57:13
  Speaker 7: I have a question for Steve.
• 57:14
  Speaker 9: Is it, do you feel like overstimulated and like clothes
• 57:18
  Speaker 9: are kind of cloying?
• 57:20
  Speaker 7: Is it like a sensory thing perhaps?
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: It's a very confining.
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 57:26
  Speaker 9: I wonder if there is a way to find something
• 57:28
  Speaker 9: that's like either very, very soft or like I said, like,
• 57:32
  Speaker 9: A sarong or some sort of a muumuu situation. Something
• 57:35
  Speaker 9: that's not as constrictive and cloying.
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought about that yesterday. I was like, oh,
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: I could wear a muumuu.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 57:41
  Speaker 3: Basically, all he wears is.
• 57:43
  Speaker 6: is always linen, linen shirts that are loose and linen
• 57:47
  Speaker 6: shorts that have a drawstring.
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: Well, wait, wait, wait. That's doable.
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: You can get one of those schmattas that is like
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: a long floor length like that a woman would wear
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: or a man living on a commune that is buttoned up.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: And then when you go outside, just out of respect,
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: for the fact that you don't, you know, that you're
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: out in the world. I know that your neighbors are
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: a little far down the way, but you'd be surprised
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: what you can see from other people. And the last
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: thing you want to be perceived as is like.
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: A weirdo or a creep, right? You don't, that's not true. Right.
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: You don't want that.
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: And unless you want to build some weird shed in
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: your backyard that prohibits anybody from seeing you. And that
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: sounds a little even creepier than what's already going on.
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? Right.
• 58:31
  Speaker 8: But I'm a, like she said, I'm solar powered. And
• 58:36
  Speaker 8: it's just like vitamin D is like my, when I
• 58:40
  Speaker 8: lay out, I'm just kind of like, it's almost like meditating.
• 58:43
  Speaker 6: It's kind of cute and it's kind of fun when
• 58:46
  Speaker 6: it's private, but it's.
• 58:48
  Speaker 3: Become a problem because it's, well, one, it's all the time.
• 58:51
  Speaker 6: And two, you know, because now that we're empty nesters,
• 58:54
  Speaker 6: we don't have to worry about the kids coming home.
• 58:56
  Speaker 3: So it's just all the time in the house. And
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: then it's outside. And people know. People are talking. Neighbors,
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: you know, a few different neighbors are talking about it.
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not fun. And that's not fair. That's not
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: fair to Michelle. But maybe there is some sort of like.
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: contraption you can just build in your backyard so that
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: you can be out and it's like What I'm picturing
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: is like- You want.
• 59:17
  Speaker 7: A barrel with two straps.
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: It's like a half a log cabin that's shaped like
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: an octagon that covers anyone from seeing you, but you
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: could still be in the sun and free.
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: Like a shield.
• 59:30
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I hear what you're saying.
• 59:31
  Speaker 6: He used to say, when the kids were home, he
• 59:33
  Speaker 6: used to say, oh, we just have to turn the
• 59:35
  Speaker 6: app on, like the blur out app, and then you
• 59:38
  Speaker 6: won't see the parts.
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: You don't want to see. It's- We don't have such
• 59:44
  Speaker 3: an app.
• 59:45
  Speaker 8: There's no fences.
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: Oh, no.
• 59:48
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: I was kind of assuming there was a fence. Oh,
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: I thought there was fences and it was like a
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: Wilson situation. Can we build a fence?
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: No, there's no fences.
• 59:58
  Speaker 6: Because we're like in the foothills and we don't allow
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 6: fences because the wildlife can roam.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: Steve, you've got to put on some clothes. Steve, all
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: you need is.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: A little sarong and just to wrap yourself up like
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: a lady does when she goes to the beach.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: That's all you need to do.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: But just like at the waist, you can be topless,
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: I guess, if that's where we're at. But just like
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: get one of those little and have a couple of
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: them in linen and silk. Figure out what your favorite
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: fabric is and then you can start wearing that.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: That's a lot less offensive than a nude man.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 5: I agree.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 8: Yay. You found a compromise. I tried to tell, I
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 8: was saying, like I said, when you read it and
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 8: then you go, oh, okay, I get it.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: Especially if she wants to bang you, you know? That's right.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: You got to keep it hot. You got to keep
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: it hot. Keep it spicy.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 3: I'm going to hold her to that.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can. That's what a compromise is. Now, yeah.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: Now, Michelle, you have to agree. If he follows the rules,
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: then whatever system you want to be on for sexual activity, then.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: You tell him. I agree.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: And that, by the way, Steve, that is really what women...
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: We need a little bit left to the imagination. Just
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: as an FYI to men, like... nudity on men is
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: a lot different than women being naked. Like we're not
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: dying to see naked guys. And I know guys love
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: naked women, but it's just not the same thing for us,
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: especially when you've been married for is obviously you guys
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: have been together for a long time. If you have
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: grown children, but great sport for doing this call, Steve,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: thank you for calling in.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 3: What about when we're skiing?
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: Then all bets are off.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: That was a good one, Steve.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: Good job. Cute. I hope you guys have sex tonight. Yeah.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: Think of us. Thank you. All right, thank you.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: Bye, guys. Bye. Oh, my God.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: It reminded me of a moment in your special where
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: you talk about using a vibrator on the first date.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, because I have a girlfriend who the first time
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: she had sex with her husband, not her husband, her boyfriend,
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: she used a vibrator and they had sex from behind.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: And I was like, what? Yeah, that sounds great. Don't
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: look at me.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: What kind of first sex is that? To get it
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: from behind and use a vibrator?
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what are you trying to make eye contact with
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: a stranger? That's insane. A vibrator doesn't come out until later. No, no, no, no.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: Whip it out. Let them know. Make a mark. You
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: want the vibrator out? Right away. You want the vibrator.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: But also, what's been great, that joke, now they expect it.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: Now they're like, where's the vibrator? I'm like, hell yeah.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: You don't use a vibrator? Not in the beginning. They
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: need to please me. They do. I'll use a vibrator alone,
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: but not with someone. Not in the beginning.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 5: No, I'll whip it out. If I can, I'll give
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 5: them a shot. I'll give them a first 10. And
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 5: if it's not happening, then I'd be like, how do
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 5: you feel about?
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: And then they go, yeah. They get really excited. They're like, yeah,
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: let's do it. Well, of course they get excited because
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: it's less work for them. Exactly. They're like, hey, can
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: I get an assist? Everybody leaves happy. That's what we want.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: We want a slam dunk all around.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, my friend told me that. And I remember being like,
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: what are you talking about? She's like, that's exactly how
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: we have sex.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: From behind. And I get the fiber, and that's the.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: Only way we do it. The only way is crazy.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you've never had him on top of you?
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: And she's like, no. Oh, my God. That's wild. No,
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: I'll flip me around every once in a while.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: Why don't you feel about when guys flip you around
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: and they want you to get on top right away?
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: I'm fine with it. You're fine with that, too? I'm
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: fine with it. Keep the lights on. I'm a creep.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: I want to see it all. Yes, every nook and cranny.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: Of course, you lost 50 pounds. You're like, I want
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: to show my body off. Let's get this fucking show
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 2: on the road. Yeah, look at my abs and my
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: weird nipples. All right, for more of Caitlin Palufo, first
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: of all, you can see her on tour. She's on tour.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: You can go to her Instagram or your website, right?
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, at Caitlin Palufo on all the things.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: And you can go to YouTube to watch her special,
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: which is called Prosciutto Rose, and it's hilarious.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: If you haven't seen it already, go and watch it.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 2: You're very nice. So fun. Thank you for having me.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: This was a dream come true, I'll tell you what.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 9: If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to DearChelseaPodcast
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 9: at gmail.com.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
• 1:04:29
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• 1:04:32
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• 1:04:36
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• 1:04:40
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• 1:04:44
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