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☀️ Ennea-Summer: Enneagram 3 The Achiever · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast with Amy Wicks, your wholehearted life and business coach.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: You should know this podcast will inspire you to grow in self-awareness, be passionate about your faith, and get clear on your calling.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: If you are new here, then welcome to community of multi-passionate women who love to go deep on topics like faith, Enneagram, relationships, leadership, and community.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: This conversation might provide the step you need to make the change you desire.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: So let's get started.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hey friend, this Ennea Summer episode is focused on the Enneagram 3, who are dynamic, efficient, highly driven, and motivated by success and admiration.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Today I'm going to delve into the attributes of the Type 3.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to explore an upstream practice that emphasizes authenticity over achievement.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to feature a powerful story from a wholehearted type 3 client who is also a wholehearted coach.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: And then wholehearted coach Deanna Sudum will wrap up with the prayer for genuine self-acceptance.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: If you know a Type 3 or are an Enneagram 3, I hope you take notes and share this fun and easy way to learn about all nine Enneagram types this summer.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, if you're multitasking, don't worry, just click the link in the show notes and you can download the guide sheet specific for your type or the Enneagram type you want to learn more about.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Here's a quick snapshot of the Enneagram 3.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: A three's core fear is being perceived as failing or seen as incompetent, inefficient, or worthless.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: The Enneagram 3's core desire is to be admired, successful, and valuable in hopes to garner the attention and the respect of others.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: The three's core weakness is vanity, striving to put on a false or more polished persona for everyone to admire and holding back their true selves to only show what they want others to see.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: The Enneagram 3's core longing is that you are loved and valued for simply being you.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's talk about those Enneagram wings.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Enneagram wings are simply the two personality types on either side of the main personality type.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: For instance, the wings for the type 3 are the type 2 and the type 4.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: One wing is often, but not always, used more than others.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's just about bringing a new dimension and depth to the primary type.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's like salt and pepper to a potato or a cream and sugar coffee.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's just adding flavor.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: The main type truly does dominate a person's perception and experience, but the wings do impact it.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: It may also add internal conflicts or even impact it because of childhood wounds.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: The aim is to provide awareness to your wounded wings or what wings you use more or less often, so that way you can do the work of mending them to better balance and experience forward momentum.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Generally, the Enneagram 3-wing 2 is more warmer, encouraging, sociable, they tend to be popular, they enjoy being the center of attention, and maybe even slightly more seductive.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's a weird word, but it's just kind of how it is.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Then the Enneagram 3-wing 4 tends to be focused on work, success, and may come across as more sensitive, artistic, and introspective.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about the intelligence centers for the type 3.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: This helps us better understand the three's decision-making strength because it's associated with what is known as the heart triad.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: The hard triad types primarily react with their emotions when faced with the situation, and then they integrate a physical sensation and thoughts to their responses.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: The types in the heart triad primarily react with their feelings when faced with a situation, and then they integrate a physical sensation and thought into their response.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Typically, those in the heart triad struggle the most with the emotion of shame.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: This tends to significantly influence their thoughts and actions.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Often to do something to avoid shame.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: The types in the heart triad are characterized by a desire for significance, which is driven by a need to be acknowledged and esteemed by others.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: For the Enneagram 3 specifically, significance is often attained through success and achievements.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: The Enneagram III's communication preference, or what is known as this stance in the Enneagram, falls within the assertive category.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: This means their natural communication pattern actively engages with others.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: The assertive stance often persuades others to get their desired resolution.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: Their positive intention is to assert impactful ideas and vision.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: But they may also get frustrated with those who go too slow or seem too easygoing.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: The assertive types struggle the most with the mundane and limitations of ordinary life.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Their strength is being future focused, and they tend to think, what should be done next?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: What will happen next?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that may influence the right now present moment.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: They can see where they're going or want to go, and they use that information to determine what needs to happen right now.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: Have you noticed those unique lines on the Enneagram diagram?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the lines connecting the different numbers denote stress and growth points.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: So here are the details about the lines specifically connected to the Enneagram 3.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: When reacting under stress and with unawareness, the Enneagram 3 goes to the low or average side of the Enneagram 9.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: So driven 3s suddenly become disengaged and apathetic.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, maybe not suddenly, but there is a dramatic difference.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: They may neglect themselves and possibly numb out by watching TV, playing video games, shopping, eating, etc., you know, just scrolling on social media.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: But when a three responds with purpose and intentionality, they will exhibit the high or healthy side of the Enneagram 6.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: So independent threes become more cooperative and committed to others, and they also become aware of their feelings and reveal who they are behind their performative behavior.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, your starting point doesn't have to be your stuck point.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: When a three practices rhythms of engaging in solitude, that practice will teach them to be more present to themselves, God, and others, and it opens the door to encounter Jesus the true achiever.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Broken-hearted moments are transformed into wholehearted healing as they declare these truth statements.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: May I acknowledge my worth even in solitude.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: May I celebrate my God-given value?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: And may I find freedom in a love not earned.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Rest from the thoughts of what others think about you.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: Let yourself discover that you are worthy by the one who values you before you do a thing.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: So when a three engages in solitude, they can access a part of their often repressed feelings.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Being alone in the present moment invites them to glean their worth from God alone instead of those around you.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: I love that A.J.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Sherrill advises the Enneagram threes to observe the church calendar rhythm of Lint, specifically Ash Wednesday.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: This is a sobering day to remind us of our mortality.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: Liturgical observances invite participants to remember that our pursuits and achievements are but a breath.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Or as the prophet Isaiah reminds us in the 40th chapter, the grass withers and the flower fades, but the word of our God endures forever.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: This reminder can help an Enneagram 3 filter and process to make sure their pursuits are not to gain the approval of man and instead focusing it on honoring the Lord.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm excited for you to meet a wholehearted client who is also now a wholehearted coach.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: Brandi Myrie has gone on an Enneagram journey that is rather fascinating.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: We'll probably have to share more of her story at some point, but for today, I am super thrilled that she is sharing on the Enneagram 3's behalf.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, my name is Brandy.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: I live in Phoenix, Arizona, and here is my whole hearted journey.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: I first found out about the Enneagram when I was working for a small startup company.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: And as a team, we actually read the book The Road Back to You.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: When I tell you, my world exploded in such a great way.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: It really did.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: I remember reading the book actually in bed at night next to my husband, and I wanted to just like nudge him in his sleep to say, Oh my gosh, this is you.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, as I was reading, I was thinking about everybody else because I was having a really difficult time actually figuring out myself.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't decide when I read through all the types if I was a two, a three, or a seven.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: I felt connected to so many things from all three.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: I felt like, oh, you know, my heart is like a two.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I got to the three and I read some things, and it kind of gave me like, ooh, that felt uncomfortable.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: And my immediate thought, actually, when I read the three was, I am not a liar.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: I had really, uh, because I was so new to the Enneagram, assigned a lot of stereotypes to the different uh Enneagram types.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_02: And then, of course, the seven, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm exuberant, I'm the life of the party.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_02: Totally me.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, after reading all those, I finally landed on type two, which seemed to fit well, or at least better than the rest.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: And really, my introduction to the Enneagram just was so exciting because not only could I, you know, learn so much about myself, but I was like, wow, I could really learn more about people.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: I've always been passionate about people, and I started to see the Enneagram as a really useful tool, kind of like a manual.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like when we buy electronics or you know, a new tool, everything comes with a user manual on how to work that particular object or thing, but people don't.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: So we have to take time to get to know, like, and trust people in order to build relationships.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I saw this as just like a fast track to build connection deeper with people faster.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: Now I lived as a two for over three years, and throughout that time, I continue to do more research and training to learn more.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: I've always been deep in the personal development world.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: I invested so much money in conferences and books and things to learn.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: So just passionate about how people grow and how to help myself grow.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I felt compelled after a number of years living as a two because I started to feel like this prompting, honestly, from the Holy Spirit to focus on deepening my understanding of myself.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, he just told me, I want you to focus on you this year.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: And that was the year I started coaching.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: I was super excited to work with a coach because up to that point my exploration was pretty much self-guided.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I also had started to reach a point where I knew I needed help to point out blind spots because there were areas of my life where I was still getting stuck, and one of those areas, even though I couldn't put my finger on all the reasons why, but I had gotten a lot of feedback from people that I worked with in the area of vulnerability, like that they didn't see me as being very vulnerable, and then I kind of put on this, you know, persona of having it all together, and um, so that was kind of surprising, and I thought I need to dig into this a little bit more.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I was also having some difficulty at the time just accessing my feelings and knowing how I felt.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: So when I was in difficult conversations or relational interactions that were tough, I had a hard time accessing my heart.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: I often struggled to feel understood.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, people were sometimes taken aback by my passion and my intensity.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: I always consider myself like a zero or a hundred type of girl.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes even the people closest to me, like my husband and my immediate family, they saw me as aggressive, and I just saw myself as trying to help them.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted them to grow, so I would, you know, tell them things that I thought.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so there was just some tension in some of those areas of my life and repeated patterns that I noticed.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: So as I dove into coaching, I really just had this perspective of okay, like I told God, I'm gonna give it my all.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just gonna be open, whatever it is that you want to reveal and heal, like I'm here for it.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I knew it wouldn't be super easy, and I even anticipated that I might have some questions or might be difficult for me to get there, but I definitely came really open and primed for whatever would come, and so as a result of that, I had some amazing transformations, but there are two specific significant shifts that happened for me during coaching that were monumental.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, one of them was I realized I was a type three and not a two.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: Go figure, the liar.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: Just kidding.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so what's interesting is, and a friend pointed this out to me, I lived so long as a two that what was really great when I realized that I was a three is I had so much compassion for myself.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, twos are like, no, for their heart and being so loving and supportive and all of those things, you know, when they're healthy.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: And because I had lived that way, believing that about myself, when I entered the realm of understanding deceit and what that looked like as a core struggle for a three, I just approached myself with so much more grace.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I finally felt understood for my assertiveness and my intensity, and I saw why for so many years I had been a workaholic, very success-driven, which is your type three, right?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: Ambitious.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: But the reason I had become a workaholic and was out of balance is because I had been ignoring a lot of uncomfortable emotions of disappointment, and I was trying to prove my worth.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: And when I didn't perform, I struggled with shame.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I finally realized my worthiness was tied to my work.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: The tricky part is as a three, I always felt confident.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_02: But when I peeled back the layers, you know, having that like assertive, confident personality, when I was able to really see myself, there was some unworthiness that I felt.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what pushed me so much into my work for so long.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I really was able to just see that for what it was, give grace, and then realign with the identity that I knew that God had given me.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: And it was a beautiful and emotional process.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like to cry, but I learned even through coaching, like that that vulnerability uh was really healthy for me.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: Now, the second thing that was huge was I recognized that I had put so much pressure on myself to perform and succeed.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of those expectations were self-imposed.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: So these weren't things that others required of me or even things that God was asking of me.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yet I felt this weighty responsibility of things that didn't belong to me.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so when I realized that I had put so much pressure on myself when the Lord says that his yoke is easy, his burden is light, I just felt a weight lift.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, and I can't even describe the feeling because I just felt so much lighter.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: It even helped me in the guilt that I had in my relationship with my husband, feeling like, oh, I needed to be a good wife.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: I had to like redefine what is a good wife?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: What does that even mean?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: What are my expectations?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so just even redefining that, like he wasn't even asking me for some of the things that I was expecting of myself.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: So that grace was huge, and being able to just feel lighter instead of striving for so much uh perfection and having these expectations that just weren't even reasonable, or ones that people were even asking of me was so big.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, when I went in to this, I like I said, I went in open, I felt so safe uh from Amy.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like the coaching experience was amazing.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: I felt seen, I felt like I could be exposed without feeling embarrassed, and that was a big thing.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: Embarrassment was how my shame showed up, and I felt really encouraged to be my authentic self.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: It was like I could say anything in those sessions, and there would be no judgment, no condemnation, just an open space to process and be and explore who I really was, you know, in the process.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so glad I invested in myself.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: The tools that I learned from Enneagram coaching uh have given me perspective for myself and my identity and language to understand myself.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: And and I think one of the biggest things, again, was just that grace like it's okay, and you are the way you are and why you are, and yes, you did some of those things, but you did them because you were trying to protect yourself or you were trying to do this, uh, but here's a better way, and so seeing that better way through coaching has really transformed my life.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so much more of a healthy per person, and I've always been really passionate about helping other people grow.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_02: So to go through that growth process myself was incredible.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of my past career life was spent in like leadership, personal growth, and career development, and going through my own Enneagram journey has made me even more impassioned to help women navigate the deep inward parts of themselves and their identity and to come into the truth because we need truth to change and transform, but it's gotta come alongside with grace.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: And as an Enneagram coach myself, I am so honored that I get to walk and guide women through this process that I went through through their own journey.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: I know that just like for me, there is so much healing there, there's relief, there's more connected relationships with themselves and others, and there's true, honestly, spiritual transformation.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: And as a coach, now my mission is I want women to break free from emotional pain and cycles that hold them back from seeing their authentic selves, and I want them to break free from burnout so that they can experience the joy and freedom that I have.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: I am so grateful for Brandy's story, and I hope you're as inspired as I am.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, we're all broken, we're all blowing it.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's the brave one who does something about it.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: And now, Deanna Sudim is going to share her prayer and blessing for the Enneagram 3.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: Type 3 friend, you have been created to bring the hope of God into this world.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: You are greatly needed to help shine light into the darkness with your natural ability to be confident and optimistic and inspiring.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for the ability to be industrious and work hard to provide for your families.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: In this, remember that it says in Proverbs 3 4, do not wear yourself out to get rich, do not trust in your own cleverness.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: As you magnify the Lord, your awareness and understanding of him will increase and set you free from creating a persona that is not authentic.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Psalm thirty four in New King James Version, verse one to five and twelve to fifteen, although I encourage you to read and meditate on this whole psalm.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: It says, I will bless the Lord at all times, his praise shall continually be in my mouth, my soul shall make its boast in the Lord.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: I sought the Lord and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: They looked to him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Verse twelve.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Who is the man who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Keep your tongue from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their cry.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: Father, thank you for these role models, and ones that run with initiative and create and build and are hardwired for success in this world.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: I sense that God wants to assure you of his love and care for you outside of any kind of a success or achievement.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, will you meet them in the real, in the failures that rise up, and help them to see you walking with them through it and not needing to put on anything fabricated to be okay.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you that their value ultimately comes from you, and even if all the things were stripped away, they are worthy of your love.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Help their love not become resounding gongs and clanging cymbals empty and a show, but Lord, reassure them whatever they do, as to the Lord and not men, that you will be the one that brings them their reward, not any person.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, bring healing in the deep-seated places that need to perform.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Help them to be present, send others to them, Lord, that bring and create harmony and peace in their spirit and surroundings.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Bless them, Father, in Jesus' name.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: So as we wrap up our discussion on the Enneagram 3, I hope today's episode will help you celebrate your authentic self beyond achievements.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: And as we conclude, remember that your value isn't measured by achievements and productivity, but by your true presence.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: Join me again for more empowering episodes this summer.