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AN ORGASM DOESN’T MEAN YOU WERE ACTUALLY PRESENT · Erotic Spirit Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: We are growing as human beings, and it only takes moments to become aware of our patterns.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: When we become aware of our patterns, we can do something to change it.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: We can choose something different.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: We can take what I call one microaction, one step forward to change the trajectory of your life.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: You may say, that's a little thing.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: That doesn't matter.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: It does.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast discusses sensitive and sexual topics that may be triggering.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Please understand that I am not a therapist.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: My guests and I are simply sharing from our own journeys and experiences.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Erotic Spirit Podcast.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: My name is Jenna, and this is where sexuality, soul, spirituality, and embodiment meet.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_02: Today I'm talking about pleasure and performance.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: You know maybe how you should sound, and you maybe do that.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: You know maybe how you should look.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: And that's how you act it out.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm here to challenge the ideas that however we've learned to look, and that may look beautiful, maybe it doesn't, but it's this performance aspect that is not actually in tune with true pleasure.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I will give you a practice that you can tune into if you stick around.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: So where did performance come from?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: What does that even mean?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I could say movies.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, how many movies have we seen with sexual experiences?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of maybe the pretty things that and how it should look.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, maybe, maybe porn, you know, this is how we should sound, this is how it should look.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it's our own internal dialogue of do we look desirable instead of do I feel the desire?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we start to look at all of these things, we say, well, this is where maybe I learned this is an invitation to start looking at actually connecting in the body to pleasure instead of what do I think?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: And if we start with, I mean, I can start with desire.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: So desire, do I look desirable instead of oh, that feels good within the body.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: I said that before, and I find this point really important because the do I look desirable becomes an external part.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: This is nothing to do with actually what's moving through my body.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: And that can be in a space of performance where we start to step into, oh, you know, I'm doing this and this looks the right way and this looks good.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: This is how I saw it in the movie, this is how I saw it in that training, instead of actually tuning into what feels good in the body.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: And when we think about it, every person's body is different.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: Everything is different, everything I have experienced in life is different than you have experienced in life.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: And so something that may feel good to me may feel different to you for a myriad of reasons.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: So taking that into consideration when looking at all of that, now it starts to take an invitation to step back instead of asking that question and looking at external validation really of okay, does this look good?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: Versus let me experience the truth in my body and witness what's moving on.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: So instead of how am I moving in my body, what is happening within?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: Do I feel a sensation moving through?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: Where do I feel it?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: Do I do I have a cramp that I'm experiencing because I've been in the position this this whole same time?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, maybe it was a good position, but now I have a now have a fucking cramp.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: And recognizing what feels desirable.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: No, I need to move.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: I need to be comfortable if I'm gonna be in this experience.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: I do not need to experience any discomfort or pain.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: And it can be a challenge sometimes, I feel like, to really express something that's going on, especially I don't want to ruin the moment.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, this is this is a really good moment, but I have this fucking cramp.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so it just it's just a move and change in positions or uh vocalizing something to to switch something up.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: And so we don't drop into that that people pleasing and we allow the experience to be fully in depth with ourselves, which we can create that space and hold that container with someone outside of us.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: So allowing our internal compass to tell us the truth of pleasure.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: I also like to share about orgasm.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: Just because we have an orgasm does not mean that we were fully present the whole time for the experience.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe it can be challenging at first to feel like you're fully there for the whole thing.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: And that's okay.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: But I like to look at this indicator because I think sometimes there's like a goal of I need to reach this goal, and that's what equates and equals to this was a pleasure experience, pleasurable experience, or I have an orgasm, and so now my partner is gonna feel good about themselves.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so I need to make it this goal and I need to get it there.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: When we a lot of times have a goal that I need to achieve, it can be actually counterintuitive and then it bec starts to become performance.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like I have a goal, so what do I need to do to get there?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: And when I start thinking about what do I need to do to get there, that's actually taking myself out of the experience of, oh, this feels good.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that I like that that movement within me.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_02: So like I need to do this because then that means I'm gonna have an orgasm.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: This is the way.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I love to share, you know, sometimes you can just be in practice with there's no goal.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: Let that arise.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to witness yourself and being within tune and not thinking that you have to seek to get something, and that's the performance part.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: And when we step into performance, it starts, it stops becoming about pleasure and starts stops becoming about receiving and it stops becoming about presence and connection.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of these things when we have sexual experiences, even with self, when you have self-pleasure, and you're like, well, I need to reach an orgasm, you know, because then that means I'm done.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: Instead of actually just being with self through the experience and just allowing something to move through.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: And if I'm always thinking about that seeking and that goal, then I actually could miss something deeper within me that wants to arise and show itself and be witnessed.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I have something uncomfortable that's moving through.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of times I've I found for myself in the past where I, if I had something uncomfortable moving through, I'd be like, well, this is shouldn't be part of the experience.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: And what do I need to do to get back into what feels like a state of pleasure?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: And presence is in really inviting ourselves to meet ourselves just where we're at.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't mean that it needs to go a certain way.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like this overflows outwardly into other areas of our life, like being able to receive pleasure of life, but also be witness to something uncomfortable.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: And meeting ourselves there allows just truth to be visible, and we get to live in a space where we can create just that truth around us.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: So letting all that wants to come through, let that be seen.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_02: That is true non-performance.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um, sometimes we feel like a sexual act should be like joy and bliss and all of that.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: And it is, it can be, but it also is just erotic energy that is showing aliveness.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: To me, erotic energy is aliveness.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: What is it that is alive within me right now and being visible to that?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: And if I could be in that truth right now, how would that, what would that feel like in my body?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: How do I become present enough within that energy within me?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: And how do I actually become witness to that?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: And the more that we tune into the presence of that, we get to emanate that space.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so that aliveness doesn't need to be sexual energy, but it is in this, in this case.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: But when we're in that erotic aliveness outside of the bedroom, that emanates out.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: People can start to recognize that you're just letting yourself be you.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: And if you are with a partner in the bedroom, you are also giving permission for someone else to be in their aliveness, whatever that is, and being witness to themselves as well.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: So performance can kind of get into that space really easily.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: Another one that I love to talk about is receiving, like being in a space of just letting that come through.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes we can step into performance when when we are thinking about what do I need to do next?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I talk about this quite a bit, but it there is a truth to actually just being fully present with what is moving through.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: It can be challenging to just receive something within self and just to be witness to that.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we're in that space of, well, this feels really good, but then you know, I know that they like this, and so I'm gonna do that thing.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: And it just starts to get us out of our body.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to just be witness to what's moving through and allowing that state of presence to drop in and allow the juices to just flow.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: And then we can find ourselves in equilibrium with our truth and our soul and our aliveness again.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: So letting ourselves drop in deep, letting ourselves be witnessed, it takes the state of performance out.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: And pleasure is not something to be ashamed of, the pleasures of life.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes, and I can find even to in in kind of the spiritual community or spaces in enlightenment, it's well, these are like the earthly things.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_02: We shouldn't be feeling all of these things.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: I believe that I came here to experience joy.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like one of my purposes in life is to experience joy and pleasure, the pleasures of life.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: So when I allow myself to step into that, it really emanates.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm living life, I'm enjoying life, and I'm creating from that space.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: If I truly allow myself to receive, to be in a state of receiving, to be in a state of being instead of actually doing something because I feel like I need to be doing this.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: So pleasure and performance can be really easy to intertwine.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, we learn these things in life, and then it's kind of like untangling.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's like untangling what it is that I that I learned.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: If I need to move a certain way, um I learn actually what feels good in my body.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: And how does that, if I move this way, does that feel good in my body?
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: And then I learn how to actually sit back and be present and receive.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm always used to giving, now is the time, this is the opportunity to actually be in a state of, I'm gonna be here.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, I feel really uncomfortable.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I should be giving.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I should be doing doing something.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_02: I find that a state of being can be challenging for people.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes we feel like we need to be doing something to be productive and we can attach productivity to our worthiness.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to just be in a state of being can feel really challenging.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I really invite you to into those opportunities where you can recognize what's moving through your body.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: If you're not comfortable with just being, and that could be receiving oral, that could be having your body be touched, that could be a massage that you're receiving.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: It could be receiving a compliment.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: You you receive a compliment and you're like, oh, I need to, I need to say something back to you.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: I need to tell you a compliment.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: I know that that was me.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to drop into this state of just, okay, I'm allowing.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just allowing, and I'm allowing what feels uncomfortable within me to arise because it could feel fucking uncomfortable to receive if I'm not used to.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: And uh a huge practice that I really invite into just the space of being able to practice.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: You are in a state of maybe some sort of sexual acts, some experience.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: You can do this solo, you can do this with a partner.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: I invite in both.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: And if you don't have a partner, you can do it solo, where you have no goal.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: You have only time.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'll make sure you have enough time.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: You've only time and invitations into what is moving through your body.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_02: And you could be playful, you could really invite in some touch.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: You can really start slow and invite in.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: There's no goal to have orgasm, there's just a goal to let myself feel the aliveness move through me.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: Feel like what does that feel like?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: Let me see, let me witness the sensations, let me allow it to just be, let me breathe into it, right?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: Breathe into life, baby.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: Breathe in, breathe it all in.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: And when you start to create practices in life where you have no goal, so we're talking specifically about this sexual experience.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: You start to learn what actually feels good.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have something ticking on the clock, you don't have something to achieve.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: I know that people, it can be easy for people to go to that state because like I'm used to achieving something.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: And if I achieve this thing, that means I did it right.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: And if I did it right, it means I'm worthy.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I speak for my own mindset and thoughts and belief systems that I used to believe.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so if you are one of those people that are like, yes, like I have this thing to check off my list, and that means it's good.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: This is such an invitation for you to just be with yourself.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: I really invite in a pleasure practice where you could do that.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe you have a certain amount of time that you actually do have because you have like, you know, stuff to do.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_02: But um, I the I would say as often as you could do it, where you're like, this is like you time day.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: This is your self-care day if you have you know that availability and really inviting in, like seeing what comes up and arises within you so that you could actually start to see what it feels like in that state of being, in that state of truth, and let that arise.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: Where is it that these things came from for you?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: Allow yourself to maybe even invite in journaling after as well.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: If you had something that that came up, you can kind of journal what some of that was, and you can even witness your journey from then to the next time you do it or the time later, or like sometime in the future, where you feel like you were truly in a state of being with all of you and your senses and letting in the sensations arrive and the pleasure just move through you without actually having to go somewhere, without actually saying, I need to achieve orgasm and letting yourself just be in that space.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: And now when you do this with a partner, say you this is actually creating a deep vulnerable space between you two.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: This is like a container where you start to actually see, you could see things outside of the relationship kind of alive in as well, or outside of the bedroom, alive in as well, meaning that you have no goal to achieve this orgasm.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: You're just gonna be present with each other, which what does that mean?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_02: That means you connect in deeper.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't have to mean this equals this anymore.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like if this happens, oh yes, good.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: It is what is arising within us, and I get to witness you right now.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe there's uncomfortabless, maybe there is sadness, maybe there's joy and bliss, maybe there's fear.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: And so when you get to witness someone in that space and one of the deepest, most vulnerable um acts and creation spaces together, you got to see how that transfers outside of the bedroom.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: You get to see that yes, I am here for this experience with you.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna witness all of you, and it is okay to fully be fucking you.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: It is okay.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: And when you allow that space to happen, you can even see that creation outside of the act, outside of the sexual experience.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: You can create more containers outside of that space where you get to just drop in and be yourselves.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't that beautiful to just drop in and be yourself by allowing all of the juices to flow, allowing yourself to just be in a state of truth and just drop into the juice?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: So performance and pleasure can be something that might be easy for you to catch, or it might be something to back up a moment.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: Pause.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_02: This podcast is sponsored by My Awakening Within.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: If you are looking for some sort of practice to drop into your pleasure, to reconnect to your body, to start to build and cultivate safety from within, join me on this online self-guided journey where you will start to learn breathwork techniques, emotional release practices, and start to build this foundation of safety and security from a place of presence.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: So join me online, myAwakeningWithin.com or linked in the show notes.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_02: How many times in life have you said yes to something when you meant no?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: Outside of sex.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: Inside of sex too.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: Outside of, but just think about how many times that we are in those spaces and we just react.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's not a response, it's a react.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of times that's coming from from my own journey.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: I noticed that it was because I was looking to see.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, if I said yes, okay, that means they'll still like me.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: If they still like me, then I'm good.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: And that's performance.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: And if I say no, it may be uncomfortable.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: And to be honest, they may not it could create distance, it could create a an experience that you weren't expecting, but you're in your truth.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's a performance in life that we do.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's a performance in all areas of life, and the bedroom is not the only.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Place.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: It is one of the spaces that if we are performing there, we're most likely performing outside the bedroom.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I like to relate all of it because this is also about consciousness and the awareness to ourselves, the awareness that we are growing as human beings, and it only takes moments to become aware of our patterns.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_02: When we become aware of our patterns, we can do something to change it.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: We can choose something different.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: We can take what I call one microaction, one step forward to change the trajectory of your life.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_02: It may not seem like you are.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_02: You may say that's a little thing.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: That doesn't matter.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: It does.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: It does matter because you are finally honoring what is moving through your body.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_02: You're finally honoring your truth.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: And when we create an environment and keep telling our body that we're not going to listen to it, that is when I found disassociation can happen.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I found for me.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_02: Was I was not listening to anything.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_02: You can call it pleasure.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, no, that's that's not what I'm gonna do.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_02: And so there was a disconnect between my senses and my body and pleasure.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so listening to your body is like, oh, she's listening.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, we're gonna be louder.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: I found then the louder it gets, it it just starts to just be easy to witness.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay, that sensation's coming through.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's pleasurable.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_02: That sensation's coming through.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like that, but I'm going to share that.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_02: And now I'm listening to my body, and now the next time that that I like something, it may feel louder.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: The sensation may feel deeper, it may feel juicier.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm only saying that from my experience, that things just they flow and become endless spaces of pleasure when we are willing to trust our body, listen to it, deepen our connection, and allow this instrument to just be and tell us something and now honor and respect it and see how I can change it up as well.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_02: So uh look at ways in your life where you are in your life, in the bedroom, in sex, where you are looking at performance, and performance can be a way to stay safe.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: And now is the time and the opportunity to really invite in a space of well-being for yourself in your sex life, in all areas of your life.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: Allow yourself to be witnessed in your truth and know that not everyone is going to resonate with you.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone is gonna get you, but that's okay.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so you're receiving yourself, you're holding yourself differently, you're letting yourself be fully expressed and embodied in your true experience.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: And people that are not in residence, that they're they're not uh in residence, they they may leave.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_02: And that actually creates space for someone else to come in where you can create pleasurable experiences life, whether that's through friendship, romance, sex.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: It is all relative, and you can really enjoy the juices of life when you are present enough and know that you are worthy enough to receive all of it.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_02: So hopefully that resonated today.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_02: And you're tuning in to the Rotic Spirit Podcast, give it a follow on all the major platforms.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_02: Come listen, come come watch.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for tuning in and bye for now.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for hanging with us today.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: If you find value in this podcast, please like, subscribe, and share.