Latest / Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge / Nanny Knows Best

Transcript

Nanny Knows Best · Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge

0:02
Speaker 1: This is Teddy Teapot. Hi, guys, welcome back to Tenny Teapot.
0:13
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining me. I know that
0:16
Speaker 1: with spring break ending and being back into virtual schooling
0:21
Speaker 1: with the kids a newborn life, some days feels so
0:25
Speaker 1: chaotic that I realized I need to talk to a professional.
0:29
Speaker 1: So I am bringing on Joe Frost from Supernanny. She
0:33
Speaker 1: has twenty five years and the parental arena and guys,
0:37
Speaker 1: I mean, let's be honest, all those moms out there,
0:39
Speaker 1: we need the help. Joe. Thank you so much for
0:44
Speaker 1: joining me today. I have to tell you, like last week,
0:47
Speaker 1: I thought like I'm doing pretty good, like I'm I'm
0:49
Speaker 1: nailing this whole parenting thing. Well it was because my
0:52
Speaker 1: kids were on spring break. But now now they're back
0:57
Speaker 1: in school, and I am it's like a hot mess
1:00
Speaker 1: express over here. Like a lot of families were. We're
1:06
Speaker 1: feeling the pinch when you know they were told, look,
1:11
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to homeschool. I mean, you know, people
1:15
Speaker 1: are up in arms how they were going to get through. Um, Teddy,
1:18
Speaker 1: you know what You're going to do the best that
1:20
Speaker 1: you can do. It's as simple ast that I want. Listen,
1:23
Speaker 1: this is what I said to every parent, right, which
1:26
Speaker 1: is true. We're not teachers period, Right, we're not teachers. Secondly,
1:31
Speaker 1: we're at home schooling. Like everybody who holds schools knows
1:36
Speaker 1: that it's different. We follow a curriculum. Yeah, there are
1:40
Speaker 1: guidelines and everybody's got their unique way of when they
1:44
Speaker 1: home school with their kids if they hold school. For
1:48
Speaker 1: those of us that don't that send our kids off
1:51
Speaker 1: on the bars by have a good day or drop
1:53
Speaker 1: our kids. Offer in the line, we are at home
1:57
Speaker 1: during a crisis, homeschooling, not homeschooling. Now we're home during
2:04
Speaker 1: the pandemic trying to homeschool. So you're going to do
2:08
Speaker 1: the best that you can do, and what you can't do,
2:11
Speaker 1: you're gonna let go of. Because I think it's really
2:14
Speaker 1: brought home to many parents really the importance of it
2:20
Speaker 1: being about themselves as well as them thinking so far ahead,
2:26
Speaker 1: thinking well, what's it going to do to my kids?
2:29
Speaker 1: You know, is it going to you know, is it
2:31
Speaker 1: going to mess up their exams? Is it going to this,
2:33
Speaker 1: is it gonna you know, it's gonna miss their whole
2:35
Speaker 1: life up. Look, at the end of the day, yes,
2:38
Speaker 1: education is incredibly important, but it's not going to insulate
2:42
Speaker 1: our children long term from the mental health of what
2:48
Speaker 1: the impact of this will be. And we don't know
2:53
Speaker 1: what that's going to be because we don't know right
2:55
Speaker 1: now how long we're going to be in shelter for
3:00
Speaker 1: what the plan is. Do we know as a country,
3:04
Speaker 1: as a community, as families, what the plan is for
3:09
Speaker 1: us to be back into the community where we're all
3:13
Speaker 1: going to be safe. I mean, we're all reading, and
3:16
Speaker 1: we're all watching, and we're all seeing what's going on,
3:20
Speaker 1: you know. So you know, for parents out there right now,
3:24
Speaker 1: I need you to recognize the importance of cutting yourself
3:28
Speaker 1: some slack and recognizing this. You've got to meet in
3:31
Speaker 1: the middle. You've got to meet in the middle, otherwise
3:34
Speaker 1: you're gonna drive yourselves insane. You know. Reach out to
3:38
Speaker 1: teachers if you really are stup, and see if they
3:41
Speaker 1: can help you through it. Right, because kids have talked
3:44
Speaker 1: differently to how we were taught, you know, get your
3:48
Speaker 1: older siblings to be able to help the younger siblings
3:52
Speaker 1: because they likely have a better chance of knowing than us. Right,
3:58
Speaker 1: because we were talked differently, reach out to upper moms
4:01
Speaker 1: and on it. I got clue clueless. I don't even
4:06
Speaker 1: know how to get through this one. Like I don't
4:08
Speaker 1: even want that, Like, are you cutting me? What is
4:11
Speaker 1: this new math? Like my first grade is smarter than me? Right, absolutely,
4:17
Speaker 1: no idea? Did you see that I was talking about
4:20
Speaker 1: that wonderful um? It just it made me laugh so much.
4:24
Speaker 1: I couldn't get through it. It took me four times
4:27
Speaker 1: to get through the end of it was the Israeli woman.
4:31
Speaker 1: But let me just look out my clarinet, play the clarinet?
4:37
Speaker 1: You know why not? I mean, of course I love
4:38
Speaker 1: what to do? Like, um, you know, she goes, Yeah,
4:42
Speaker 1: my son's fine is eating us out of house and home?
4:46
Speaker 1: What about? How I am? You know, I just found
4:50
Speaker 1: it so hilarious because right now, as parents, I do
4:54
Speaker 1: think we have to find a compromise. We have to
4:57
Speaker 1: find the middle ground. Humor is going to get us
5:00
Speaker 1: through this, but we have to be diligent as well
5:03
Speaker 1: with the important facts of what we need to do
5:06
Speaker 1: to keep safe. Right. But at the same time, the
5:09
Speaker 1: only people that are going to cut each other slack
5:13
Speaker 1: is ourselves. Right. I'm not saying throw the towel in
5:17
Speaker 1: and say right, I'm not doing nothing at least give
5:20
Speaker 1: it your hundred percent effort. At least put your best
5:24
Speaker 1: foot forward and give it a go and reach out
5:27
Speaker 1: to another mom and say, I haven't got a clue.
5:30
Speaker 1: Nott got a clue? Do you know? Because I don't know.
5:34
Speaker 1: And if there's a band off you that ain't got
5:35
Speaker 1: a clue, then you haven't got a clue, right and
5:39
Speaker 1: reach out to a teacher and if that doesn't work,
5:42
Speaker 1: cut it, talk talk right now and say I'm not
5:46
Speaker 1: going to beat myself up about it, because right now,
5:49
Speaker 1: we need to keep ourselves safe. We need to make
5:51
Speaker 1: sure that we're out and we are keeping social distance,
5:55
Speaker 1: but we are moving. We need to keep this healthy
5:58
Speaker 1: up here because if parents right now who are holding
6:02
Speaker 1: down the faults in their beautiful sanctuary and not creating
6:09
Speaker 1: an environment that's going to be conducive to us as
6:13
Speaker 1: parents and our children of calm, then we've got a
6:17
Speaker 1: war zone going on in our own home. And I've
6:20
Speaker 1: always said this, healthy parents mind, healthier kids, right because
6:26
Speaker 1: they're looking to us. They're looking to us to be
6:29
Speaker 1: able to give them that reassurance, to be able to
6:32
Speaker 1: give them that guidance, to be able to be put
6:35
Speaker 1: underneath our wings because we protect our kids, right, and
6:39
Speaker 1: there are times when we do feel vulnerable most times right,
6:43
Speaker 1: and being courageous is walking and carrying on every day
6:47
Speaker 1: even though you feel vulnerable and you feel helpless, and
6:52
Speaker 1: you don't feel in control. So I ask you to
6:55
Speaker 1: look at what do you feel in control of? What
6:58
Speaker 1: can you control? Can you actually wake up and create
7:02
Speaker 1: a routine that can be flexible enough to actually uphold
7:07
Speaker 1: three staple meals a day that are healthy and a
7:12
Speaker 1: couple of snacks that creates no blood sugar dick. So
7:16
Speaker 1: kids are getting agitated and anxious. Can you create boundaries
7:20
Speaker 1: in your home that allows you all to have a
7:22
Speaker 1: bit of quiet time, that allows maybe an older sibling
7:26
Speaker 1: to have some time in a bedroom that she shares
7:28
Speaker 1: with a sibling and then give after her time the
7:31
Speaker 1: other person time in that room. Can you create a
7:34
Speaker 1: moment where you can communicate healthy with your partner and say,
7:39
Speaker 1: I love you, but right now you're getting on my nerves.
7:42
Speaker 1: I realized that I need a time out, like I
7:45
Speaker 1: need just to be in my own bubble because there's
7:48
Speaker 1: too much mom mom, mom, mom, mom. You know dad, dad, dad,
7:55
Speaker 1: and I just I need a minute. I need a minute,
7:58
Speaker 1: so you know, it full see us in a way
8:02
Speaker 1: going through this pandemic, to look at the highlights of
8:06
Speaker 1: things that have been problematic for probably quite a while.
8:10
Speaker 1: And we've not been looking there because we've been distracted
8:15
Speaker 1: by iPads and using them as emotional crutches or going
8:20
Speaker 1: off to work, you know, and getting out and doing
8:23
Speaker 1: other things, and we've never got enough time and we
8:26
Speaker 1: just can't manage it. Now we're home. Now we're home. Well,
8:31
Speaker 1: why are you talking about iPads? Can I ask you
8:33
Speaker 1: a question? Because seriously, this is what happened. I've been
8:38
Speaker 1: allowing my kids to have forty five minutes of tablet
8:41
Speaker 1: time a day. I don't know if this is bad,
8:44
Speaker 1: but it or entertainment. It's roadblocks, but yeah, but for entertainment, right, entertainment.
8:51
Speaker 1: But here's the problem, all day long? When can we
8:55
Speaker 1: have it? When can we have it? So I tried
8:57
Speaker 1: to cert a time where I say, every day we're
8:59
Speaker 1: gonna do a little only walk around the house at four,
9:01
Speaker 1: and then at five you can have the tablets. But
9:04
Speaker 1: then what's happening is there all day long? How long
9:06
Speaker 1: until five? Is it almost five? It's it's like created
9:09
Speaker 1: like they're like psychotically looking for this iPad all the time.
9:14
Speaker 1: And then last night I had like a moment. My
9:17
Speaker 1: son has not been wanting to sleep in his own
9:20
Speaker 1: room since I had a baby, so but he's been
9:24
Speaker 1: wanting to come up. And before he went to bed,
9:26
Speaker 1: I did like five rounds of meditation, and then he
9:31
Speaker 1: still came up to my room and I like kind
9:33
Speaker 1: of snapped at him and I said, Okay, if you
9:35
Speaker 1: come in right now, then you don't get any tablet
9:38
Speaker 1: time tomorrow. And he had like a hysterical fit, and
9:42
Speaker 1: like this is all happening. You know that you've got
9:46
Speaker 1: you know, you've you've got a mixture of things right
9:49
Speaker 1: going on right now. So you've got you've got right
9:51
Speaker 1: now a blend, a mixture of a few things. So
9:55
Speaker 1: you've got a five year old right now that's looking
9:59
Speaker 1: for you to rea stability and consistency in his day, right,
10:06
Speaker 1: So he was used to get in up and and
10:08
Speaker 1: he'd have gone off to like a little you know,
10:10
Speaker 1: little day cab, little school, what everyone's going to right
10:12
Speaker 1: pre game, right doing what he was doing, right. He
10:15
Speaker 1: was used to that. And then your older daughter, correct
10:21
Speaker 1: your older daughters slate, so she would have been used
10:22
Speaker 1: to going to school. They would have been used to
10:25
Speaker 1: a certain routine that kind of would have gone around
10:28
Speaker 1: the cornerstones of school. Now that's changed, so they're looking
10:32
Speaker 1: for the stability, the solid foundation at home. So the
10:37
Speaker 1: way you support that is through a routine that's repetitive
10:41
Speaker 1: because the repetition of that routine will create stability, and
10:46
Speaker 1: with lace with mas, stability becomes less of those same
10:50
Speaker 1: questions because now they're reassured that when they wake up,
10:53
Speaker 1: this is what's going to happen. So kids also in
10:57
Speaker 1: that developmental age, asked those things. They if they have
11:01
Speaker 1: a personality where they are more strong willed, more outspoken,
11:08
Speaker 1: then they want to know more and be in control
11:11
Speaker 1: of more of their day. So instead of them following
11:16
Speaker 1: and just taking instruction, their temperaments are showing me your kids,
11:21
Speaker 1: but they need to feel a part of the day,
11:24
Speaker 1: and you need to include that. So in in the
11:27
Speaker 1: evening before they go to bed, it's so get good
11:31
Speaker 1: sleep because tomorrow, here's the download for the day. Right,
11:34
Speaker 1: this is what we're going to be doing. And in
11:36
Speaker 1: the morning they'll ask you the same question to reconfirm
11:41
Speaker 1: that that is what's happening. Right. If you kind of
11:45
Speaker 1: just wing it every day. They don't know where they're at,
11:48
Speaker 1: and so they're looking for the want of a better word,
11:52
Speaker 1: your leadership as a parent to guide them right. But
11:56
Speaker 1: it's only through the consistency of showing in and stay
12:00
Speaker 1: in firm with that that makes him feel stable and go, Okay,
12:04
Speaker 1: I get it. This is what we're doing for the day,
12:06
Speaker 1: and I'm a part of what that day is. So
12:10
Speaker 1: you've got a five year old who has a temperament
12:14
Speaker 1: that needs and shows me they need to be a
12:16
Speaker 1: part of the day, not just told like, so, here's
12:20
Speaker 1: what the routine is, right, and you said you wanted
12:23
Speaker 1: to do what cruise right, Well, we'll definitely fit that
12:26
Speaker 1: in after lunch and that's what we'll do. So you're
12:29
Speaker 1: hearing what he wants to do, what he needs to do.
12:32
Speaker 1: You're so fitting in what he needs to do, which
12:35
Speaker 1: is he's early learning right, and at the same time
12:38
Speaker 1: you're letting him be a part of the day in
12:40
Speaker 1: showing him how he is involved in his own day,
12:45
Speaker 1: that creates more stability for him. However, here's your crush.
12:50
Speaker 1: You've just had a newborn. Right meeting the needs and
12:55
Speaker 1: demands of a newborn if the priority right, So he's
13:01
Speaker 1: now learning how to adapt to that transition, to that change.
13:07
Speaker 1: So the quicker, you can create a routine that is, right,
13:11
Speaker 1: we get up, we make our beds, we have breakfast,
13:13
Speaker 1: we get dressed. Then we're gonna do some you know,
13:16
Speaker 1: we're gonna do some learnings and school work. You set
13:20
Speaker 1: and slay up with her work. Right, We're gonna have
13:22
Speaker 1: to hold on there for a minute because it's now
13:24
Speaker 1: time the dump seed and then we're gonna do this.
13:28
Speaker 1: The repetition of that creates more of a staple foundation
13:33
Speaker 1: for that age, and then you can entwine all the
13:37
Speaker 1: off the cuff theme afternoons, fund things just because right,
13:42
Speaker 1: and when it comes to technology, When it comes to technology,
13:47
Speaker 1: you're looking at a regulated time on the on the
13:53
Speaker 1: iPad that's entertaining for him at a time that's gonna
13:58
Speaker 1: be can do sit for you because it allows you
14:02
Speaker 1: to get something done with your with your youngest as well.
14:06
Speaker 1: So whether it's whether it's a feed or whether it's
14:11
Speaker 1: a moment that you get some work done because then
14:13
Speaker 1: the baby's down for a nap. It creates that quiet time.
14:18
Speaker 1: But also you now need the iPad for socialization and
14:24
Speaker 1: for educational purposes as well. Right, so there are things
14:29
Speaker 1: that you need to respect. Now the iPad gets used
14:33
Speaker 1: not as the old crutch, but more a case of right,
14:37
Speaker 1: this is so entertaining, that's for education, and this is
14:41
Speaker 1: so we can talk to his little buddies or she
14:44
Speaker 1: can talk to her friends. Right, and get a good
14:47
Speaker 1: forty minutes of talking about whatever I want talk about?
14:49
Speaker 1: Quick question now general. But so now I've gotten myself
14:53
Speaker 1: into a little bit of a predicament here because last
14:56
Speaker 1: night I said, okay, well you're not getting iPad. You're
14:59
Speaker 1: not getting your iPad time tomorrow because I have done
15:02
Speaker 1: the schedule. They know their days. They but what's gonna
15:05
Speaker 1: happen now at the four o'clock when Slate is allowed
15:09
Speaker 1: to have her iPad time cruise? I took it away
15:12
Speaker 1: last night. I said, it's not happening tomorrow. But why
15:16
Speaker 1: why did you take it away? Because we had made
15:20
Speaker 1: a deal that he was gonna stay in his own
15:23
Speaker 1: room if I did five andies, which is five meditations,
15:27
Speaker 1: and then he didn't and he came up, and he
15:30
Speaker 1: didn't come up and say like he just like came
15:32
Speaker 1: up and was like yelling, I'm not saying in my
15:33
Speaker 1: own mom like, I need to be in here. I
15:36
Speaker 1: have to be in here, And I said, cruise. If
15:38
Speaker 1: you keep yelling, then you're not gonna get iPad time tomorrow.
15:41
Speaker 1: So I'm probably doing this wrong. And maybe I didn't
15:44
Speaker 1: think even saying that nice of a tone. And he said,
15:49
Speaker 1: I don't care. And then he laid down like on
15:52
Speaker 1: the little you know, he laid down with us and
15:53
Speaker 1: slept with us. And then this morning he woke up
15:55
Speaker 1: and said, I don't get iPad time, right, And I
15:57
Speaker 1: said no, But that was on like a I didn't
16:00
Speaker 1: want to like go back on my word. But now
16:02
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is gonna be there's gonna be terrible
16:04
Speaker 1: this afternoon because in it's going to get it. He's
16:07
Speaker 1: going to be a whole disaster. Here's what you do.
16:10
Speaker 1: So here's what you do. Follow through on that, and
16:13
Speaker 1: he don't get his he don't get his time. But
16:16
Speaker 1: this is what you are going to do because the
16:19
Speaker 1: biggest scheme of it, you kind of you're better off
16:21
Speaker 1: to follow through because he actually brought it up to you.
16:26
Speaker 1: The reality is this is that he's learning to have
16:31
Speaker 1: to go through a space of transition. Right. Remember he
16:34
Speaker 1: was the youngest and now you've got self right, so
16:37
Speaker 1: he's learning that as well. Certainly, what five weeks ago, congratulations,
16:42
Speaker 1: seven weeks now then we congratulations. So you know you're
16:47
Speaker 1: you're going through that newness there already right by the way,
16:51
Speaker 1: you look bloody amazing. Hello, you look fantastic, So you're
16:57
Speaker 1: going through that new transition right. So now is the
17:00
Speaker 1: time to be able to say to him, Look, I
17:03
Speaker 1: know you're saying you want to be in my room,
17:05
Speaker 1: and I know that it's different because you know now
17:08
Speaker 1: we're looking after our beautiful baby, and you know there's
17:11
Speaker 1: more things that I need to do as well. However,
17:14
Speaker 1: you are a big boy. You can sleep in your
17:16
Speaker 1: own room. By you telling me you can't, okay, is
17:20
Speaker 1: you creating trouble that's not necessary? And Mommy doesn't want
17:24
Speaker 1: to be given out discipline and consequences because you're not listening.
17:28
Speaker 1: I do want you to say in your bed. You're
17:30
Speaker 1: more than capable of being able to do that. And
17:33
Speaker 1: what I would say to you is that it will
17:35
Speaker 1: be important to create a bit time routine that's consistent,
17:39
Speaker 1: that isn't five men. You don't need five meditations. You're
17:43
Speaker 1: just stalling to keep you there. Longer and I'm reading
17:49
Speaker 1: two books. Do a gratitude for the day, kiss him
17:54
Speaker 1: good night and say I'll see him, I'll see you tomorrow. Okay,
17:59
Speaker 1: and assume is he comes into your room, do the
18:02
Speaker 1: same in bed technique. Okay. There are three points to that,
18:07
Speaker 1: and here they are A, B and C. Once you've
18:10
Speaker 1: kissed him good night and you've said tomorrow, this is
18:13
Speaker 1: the great day. This isn't gonna do. This is why
18:14
Speaker 1: you need to get the sleep stay in bed technique.
18:17
Speaker 1: The first time he comes out and he comes into
18:20
Speaker 1: your space wherever there is right, So if he's calling you,
18:24
Speaker 1: you don't go in right because he'll come out if
18:26
Speaker 1: you need you. He'll come out and you'll say to him,
18:30
Speaker 1: he's bedtime, darling, and you're taken by the hand and
18:33
Speaker 1: you're a steam back into the bed. And the second
18:35
Speaker 1: time he comes out, you say bedtime, take him back
18:39
Speaker 1: into his bed. And the third time you say absolutely nothing,
18:44
Speaker 1: and you take him back into bed. And beyond that
18:48
Speaker 1: you do exactly set three. Okay, until he's back in
18:52
Speaker 1: his bed. If you lose it with him, you've still
18:54
Speaker 1: given him what you wanted, which is contact and communication.
18:58
Speaker 1: So he needs to learn the difference night and day,
19:00
Speaker 1: the transition, and not being rewarded for any conversation because
19:05
Speaker 1: they'll take an argument with you and be combative just
19:08
Speaker 1: because he's up and he's having a conversation, even if
19:11
Speaker 1: it's a negative one. So it's teaching him to go
19:14
Speaker 1: back to bed and to self soon and to be
19:17
Speaker 1: able to be comfortable in his own bedroom, in his
19:19
Speaker 1: own bed and learning that particular life skill. And you
19:23
Speaker 1: do it by using that technique. It keeps you composed
19:28
Speaker 1: and not losing your temper. It teaches him that day's
19:32
Speaker 1: day and night is nighttime, right, and it also leaves
19:36
Speaker 1: you to be in a space of being able to
19:39
Speaker 1: be more reframed right because at the end of the day,
19:42
Speaker 1: you're tired as well. You've had a full day. You're
19:46
Speaker 1: looking after you know, and meeting the needs and demands
19:49
Speaker 1: of a newborn as well as you know, a tween
19:54
Speaker 1: ager for the want of a better words, right, and
19:57
Speaker 1: the toddler you know is just coming up that you
20:01
Speaker 1: know totally is so it will not leave you in
20:04
Speaker 1: a place of going too. I'm going to take the
20:07
Speaker 1: iPad away because the truth of the matter is is
20:09
Speaker 1: you do need it for educational reasons socialization and for
20:14
Speaker 1: a little bit of entertainment that will create the quiet
20:18
Speaker 1: time that you all will need, you know, because that
20:21
Speaker 1: allows that allows another important thing that needs to happen,
20:25
Speaker 1: and that's boundaries, invisible boundaries. We need invisible boundaries to
20:30
Speaker 1: have healthy relationships with our children, with our partners, with
20:35
Speaker 1: our coworkers. You know, the boundaries that are kept that
20:40
Speaker 1: allow us to assert ourselves with respect for what others
20:43
Speaker 1: need as well. So you know that happens for not
20:47
Speaker 1: just siblings who need a time out from each other
20:50
Speaker 1: and a bit of quiet time, but for us to
20:52
Speaker 1: be able to have quiet time ourselves to sustain what
20:56
Speaker 1: we're doing, and creating those boundary lines allow asked to
21:00
Speaker 1: be able to maybe just have a monment to ourselves,
21:03
Speaker 1: just some peace and some quiet. Um. It allows us
21:06
Speaker 1: to separate our body physically from our children. So whether
21:11
Speaker 1: they're sharing, whether parents out there are sharing bedrooms with
21:15
Speaker 1: their kids or separately they have their own rooms. It
21:19
Speaker 1: gives them a time to go in their rooms, to
21:21
Speaker 1: have their own space in their own rooms, and to
21:23
Speaker 1: do something they might want to enjoy, just as quiet time.
21:26
Speaker 1: You know. It's like at this stage you would say
21:28
Speaker 1: to them. We're all being in our own bubble right now,
21:31
Speaker 1: Right right now, mom is going to be in her
21:32
Speaker 1: own bubble to do the things that mommy needs to
21:35
Speaker 1: do to have a bit of peace and quiet her time.
21:38
Speaker 1: You're going to choose to do your peace and quiet
21:40
Speaker 1: because you're gonna use your iPad and be entertained with
21:43
Speaker 1: a game that you're going to play for forty minutes,
21:47
Speaker 1: you know, forty five minutes, right and your sister is
21:50
Speaker 1: going to go and do this. And to be honest
21:52
Speaker 1: with you, you need it with your partner as well,
21:54
Speaker 1: you know, because you know you're all at home, you're
21:56
Speaker 1: busy trying to get work done. You know you've got
21:58
Speaker 1: to coincide with each other. And now, when those appointments happen,
22:02
Speaker 1: when those meetings happen, when your deadlines are and you're
22:05
Speaker 1: gonna be able to work as a tag team. So again,
22:09
Speaker 1: the pandemic has highlighted the importance of what I work
22:14
Speaker 1: with families with all the time. Healthy boundaries, communication and
22:19
Speaker 1: not being afraid to be able to turn around and
22:21
Speaker 1: say exactly how you feel like you made be feeling
22:25
Speaker 1: really anxious. You may have been to a place where
22:29
Speaker 1: you feel this is great one minute, and now I
22:31
Speaker 1: feel hormonally this way and I needed to feel up
22:33
Speaker 1: and down, feel and down. I need to be able
22:35
Speaker 1: to saying, do I have feel a bit all sorts
22:37
Speaker 1: so I feel quite quite there? I feel a bit foggy,
22:40
Speaker 1: you know, And to be able to communicate that to
22:43
Speaker 1: your partner, can empathize and support what do you need
22:47
Speaker 1: right now? What can I do for you right now?
22:50
Speaker 1: And vi sub versa or the moments when you just
22:53
Speaker 1: feel like I love you, but right now you're getting
22:55
Speaker 1: on my nerves. I need any fifteen minutes just to myself,
22:58
Speaker 1: you know. I just I need a breath because I'm
23:01
Speaker 1: holding my breath. I need to breathe in creating this
23:12
Speaker 1: structure and doing that, I've noticed and I'm on like
23:15
Speaker 1: a chat with all my mom friends where we like
23:17
Speaker 1: bent or to say what's happening that's working for us?
23:20
Speaker 1: Are those types of things. But something that has occurred
23:23
Speaker 1: to all of us, to every parent, is when your
23:26
Speaker 1: kids like you've you've done all the things you've done school,
23:28
Speaker 1: you've had fun, you've had play time, you've gotten some
23:30
Speaker 1: fresh air, they've had the type of time, and then
23:33
Speaker 1: it's like I'm bored what next? Good because that space
23:36
Speaker 1: between I'm bored and actually coming up with something phenomenal
23:41
Speaker 1: is the creative space. OK. So you're kids in that moment, like,
23:45
Speaker 1: how do you like? I'm always like, there isn't it.
23:48
Speaker 1: There's no board, there's only boring people like because I
23:52
Speaker 1: think my parents said that to me again. You know,
23:57
Speaker 1: there's this need to have to fill in every gap,
24:00
Speaker 1: this need to have to do that. So you do
24:03
Speaker 1: it again, like those parents that say to me, I've
24:06
Speaker 1: done it all. There's nothing else to do. There's always
24:09
Speaker 1: something to do. What do you mean you've done it all? Well?
24:11
Speaker 1: Did you give yourself a break? Did you take five minutes?
24:14
Speaker 1: I've done it all. I've read every book. I've done
24:16
Speaker 1: it for everything, I've read all of this. How have
24:18
Speaker 1: you how I haven't even done that? How you know?
24:23
Speaker 1: And I get this more than most, So how have
24:26
Speaker 1: you done every book? Everything? To play again? Then let
24:29
Speaker 1: them play the same book again. It's like it's like
24:33
Speaker 1: we run through it all and then say, okay, so
24:37
Speaker 1: now we need something new. Well, how many of you
24:40
Speaker 1: cook and have been cooking something new over the last
24:42
Speaker 1: four weeks. It's the same mentality when we sit down
24:46
Speaker 1: with our kids and say they won't need Well, yeah,
24:48
Speaker 1: because you made them try the abruptly once and then
24:51
Speaker 1: you didn't serve it to him ever again, and then
24:53
Speaker 1: you went on to something else. So play shoots and
24:57
Speaker 1: ladders again. I don't want to one board. Okay, Well,
25:00
Speaker 1: then you go and tide to your room. No, I
25:02
Speaker 1: don't want to tide in my room. Okay, Well, then
25:04
Speaker 1: do some color in. Listen on my tweet Joe underscore Frost.
25:10
Speaker 1: I have ideas for teenagers and for um and for
25:16
Speaker 1: toddlers as well for parents. But when your kid just
25:19
Speaker 1: looks at you and comes over to you and says
25:21
Speaker 1: I am bored, they sit with that, be content to
25:25
Speaker 1: just say, Okay, you feel like you don't know what
25:28
Speaker 1: to do right now with yourself. You don't know how
25:31
Speaker 1: to be productive. But why don't you just sit with
25:33
Speaker 1: that and think with that for a moment, and maybe
25:36
Speaker 1: you'll think of an idea of something you might want
25:38
Speaker 1: to do next. Here are a few suggestions you might
25:41
Speaker 1: want to do that, but if not, then think of something.
25:45
Speaker 1: It's like the pressure for parents to feel like they
25:48
Speaker 1: have to be the the enter, playing up the property,
25:51
Speaker 1: up the ship. That be okay with that they've got
25:56
Speaker 1: two legs, they've got two arms, they've got a brain.
26:00
Speaker 1: We don't watch it out. I know, I know, I
26:04
Speaker 1: know because I'm so used to. As you know, we
26:07
Speaker 1: we have gymnastics on Thursdays and this on this day,
26:09
Speaker 1: and we're always going because all those families, all those
26:13
Speaker 1: families that also overscheduled and now saying, oh my god,
26:19
Speaker 1: I've got free time. Um, what do we do? Let
26:22
Speaker 1: your kids sit on the sofa and think about that. Okay,
26:27
Speaker 1: validate what they're saying. I feel bored. So you're saying
26:30
Speaker 1: that you don't really know what to do next, You
26:34
Speaker 1: don't know what you want to concentrate or focus on next.
26:36
Speaker 1: Why do you just sit with that? That's okay that
26:39
Speaker 1: you feel that way. Just sit with that. You don't
26:41
Speaker 1: want to put the energy into something in particular, well,
26:45
Speaker 1: then just sit and think about what you do want
26:46
Speaker 1: to put your energy into. Do you know how many
26:48
Speaker 1: houses I have gone into. I have traveled forty eight
26:54
Speaker 1: states of this country. I have never seen a country
27:01
Speaker 1: so overpopulated with plastic toys and f A schwaps then
27:09
Speaker 1: I have seen in this country like the amount of
27:13
Speaker 1: toys and gains and arts and crafts and playrooms and
27:19
Speaker 1: we can't think of something to do sit with that simply.
27:23
Speaker 1: And then as a parent, how do you not like
27:25
Speaker 1: lose your pace, like because what will happen is like, well, well,
27:29
Speaker 1: you know, I'll try to sit in it for a
27:32
Speaker 1: little bit. And then too, how did that ever lose
27:35
Speaker 1: your patients? Like what's the you don't? You don't You're
27:38
Speaker 1: not perfect. You don't You're not perfect. No parents doesn't
27:42
Speaker 1: ever not lose their patients because no parent is perfect.
27:47
Speaker 1: Because we learn patients and how to grow that great
27:52
Speaker 1: big fat bag of patients on the job, right, you know,
27:56
Speaker 1: raising kids, you know you you learn how to have
28:00
Speaker 1: more patients through the experience. Um again, I think it
28:06
Speaker 1: allows you to be able to check in with yourself,
28:08
Speaker 1: the need for you to have things a certain way
28:12
Speaker 1: and for kids just to show up a certain way
28:15
Speaker 1: and to listen and be like little robots. Like kids
28:18
Speaker 1: are not going to do that. They're going through the
28:20
Speaker 1: same stuff we're going through right now. They're gonna wake
28:23
Speaker 1: up on the wrong side of the bed. Sometimes they're
28:25
Speaker 1: going to feed up the energy of their own parents.
28:28
Speaker 1: If their own parents right now are having a difficult time.
28:31
Speaker 1: UM with handling the circumstances of not being out. I
28:36
Speaker 1: do want to say the importance though, of energetic parenting.
28:40
Speaker 1: In other words, it's all about energy. If if we
28:45
Speaker 1: do not move enough, they're not only do we create
28:49
Speaker 1: less oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine up here to keep us healthy,
28:56
Speaker 1: but then we become fidgety and agitated and combative, and
29:00
Speaker 1: we squabble with our siblings and we answer back with
29:03
Speaker 1: our parents because we're not shifting and moving the energy
29:07
Speaker 1: of how mentally we may be feeling. So it's so
29:10
Speaker 1: important not just to get out for that one hour
29:14
Speaker 1: of brisk walking nature looking togetherness with respecting social distance,
29:23
Speaker 1: but also to do more at home as well. You've
29:26
Speaker 1: got to be doing more at home. So whether you're
29:27
Speaker 1: blasting up the music and they're dancing to mohana, or
29:31
Speaker 1: whether you know they've got some um online fitness class
29:37
Speaker 1: for the kids to do and they're watching the telling
29:40
Speaker 1: and they're doing the jumping Jackson, they're doing it. Well
29:42
Speaker 1: you know, um, you know they've got to do more
29:46
Speaker 1: than just that hour. But if you have a multiple kids,
29:49
Speaker 1: so like what will happen? As you know, I have
29:51
Speaker 1: a stepdaughter as well who's eleven, so like Isabella and
29:55
Speaker 1: Slate will be like thrilled to be doing the video
29:57
Speaker 1: you know or whomever it may be, and then Cruisers
29:59
Speaker 1: like I don't want to do it. Do you then
30:02
Speaker 1: force the child that doesn't want to do it to
30:05
Speaker 1: do it because at that age, because at that age,
30:08
Speaker 1: I do believe you know, if you look at individually
30:11
Speaker 1: your ages, your seven year old is probably looking up
30:14
Speaker 1: to your eleven year old and she'll be encouraged and
30:17
Speaker 1: motivated by the eleven year old to do it, so
30:20
Speaker 1: they'll probably be doing it together. But that gives you
30:23
Speaker 1: a moment to actually focus with Cruise to do his
30:28
Speaker 1: early learning, so concentrating on his phonics and he shapes,
30:32
Speaker 1: you know, and scavenger hunts at home and reading time
30:37
Speaker 1: and his language especially. The baby will be seeking or
30:40
Speaker 1: beside you, and then you can have that focus concentration
30:44
Speaker 1: with Cruise and do that with him whilst the other
30:47
Speaker 1: two are watching and taking lead from one of the
30:50
Speaker 1: fitness instructors doing that like and if you heard but
30:53
Speaker 1: you know, Joe Wicks is our national British leading all
30:56
Speaker 1: the kids through PEE. He's had millions of followers around
31:00
Speaker 1: the world now watching him. Um and you can download
31:03
Speaker 1: him on YouTube and he's a great he's you know,
31:06
Speaker 1: he's really fun and great for the kids and it
31:08
Speaker 1: gets the moving, you know. So we've got lots of
31:10
Speaker 1: those going on as well with fitness instructors online in
31:15
Speaker 1: the US as well. So you know, there are moments
31:18
Speaker 1: to be able to recognize that, I don't force something
31:21
Speaker 1: where you're going to create, um more pandemonium, but at
31:25
Speaker 1: the end of the day, recognize that that may be
31:27
Speaker 1: the opportunity to actually do some focused work with your
31:31
Speaker 1: five year old so that you are maybe just reading
31:33
Speaker 1: a book together, you know, because then you can go
31:35
Speaker 1: through words in the book what they mean and things
31:38
Speaker 1: like that, you know, and what do you recommend when
31:41
Speaker 1: siblings are you know, because we all are together the
31:44
Speaker 1: same way you may get annoyed at your husband when
31:46
Speaker 1: your siblings are starting to like bait with one another. Yeah,
31:51
Speaker 1: it recognized is it a challenge that was going to
31:53
Speaker 1: come anyway, regardless of pandemic? Right, So a lot of
31:58
Speaker 1: families said, oh, it's because of the pandemic. What maybe?
32:01
Speaker 1: So yeah, probably not. But was it a little highlight
32:06
Speaker 1: a pen because actually they were squabbling before it all happened.
32:10
Speaker 1: You know, and this one is a little bit more
32:12
Speaker 1: dominating in this one. Don't like to share, and this
32:14
Speaker 1: one always has to be their way. So you know,
32:18
Speaker 1: I'll give a wide birth of some of those things
32:20
Speaker 1: happening um due to pandemic circumstances. But what I'm seeing
32:25
Speaker 1: now is a lot of parental challenges that people want
32:29
Speaker 1: to know how to change because they're at home and
32:32
Speaker 1: now they're seeing it. So whatever that circumstances, get to
32:36
Speaker 1: the bottom of it and do what I use. I
32:39
Speaker 1: just call it S O S. It's my S O
32:41
Speaker 1: S technique. I step in to the circumstance. I observe
32:48
Speaker 1: what's going on here, who's doing what? I need to
32:51
Speaker 1: listen to both sides. I need to assess what situation
32:55
Speaker 1: I mean. And so you stepping observe, and you step out,
33:01
Speaker 1: and then you step back in with decisive action. So
33:04
Speaker 1: when you walk into a situation, you're looking at it.
33:07
Speaker 1: So what's going on, who's crying, who got hurt, who's
33:10
Speaker 1: got the last toy, who's holding who's got a whack
33:13
Speaker 1: over the head with the book, Who's now like this?
33:16
Speaker 1: While you've walked in the room, observed what's going on
33:19
Speaker 1: and who's doing what, And who's you know, crying anarchy? Right,
33:22
Speaker 1: and who's the quiet one? Listen to both sides when
33:27
Speaker 1: you step back in so that you can make a decision,
33:30
Speaker 1: because it's either about teaching them to share, or it's
33:34
Speaker 1: about taking terms, or it's about somebody recognizing that they've
33:39
Speaker 1: been too domineering and they won't share and give up,
33:42
Speaker 1: and then you can allocate accordingly how to create better resolve.
33:47
Speaker 1: Now you would expect that to happen from around seven,
33:52
Speaker 1: eight and onwards by themselves only if at cruises age
33:58
Speaker 1: around five, you start to set the example as a parent.
34:02
Speaker 1: So what's happening here? Well, I think one at a time,
34:06
Speaker 1: one at a time, right, what's going on? Hold on
34:09
Speaker 1: a minute, let cruse finish and then you can talk right, okay,
34:13
Speaker 1: what's going on? And then from there you can make
34:16
Speaker 1: a decision and each child will feel heard that they've
34:19
Speaker 1: been able to share with you what is actually went on,
34:22
Speaker 1: And then you get as a parent to be able
34:24
Speaker 1: to set the example of how you resolve the situation.
34:27
Speaker 1: The more compass of that circumstance. Why is it important
34:31
Speaker 1: to share? And how you know? And how are we
34:34
Speaker 1: going to do that? And what are we going to
34:36
Speaker 1: put in place to regulate that? Right? Um, again, we
34:41
Speaker 1: have to be more mindful as well. If a child
34:46
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily show that behavior before, are they picking up
34:51
Speaker 1: on anything that they're feeling from us? Or is it
34:55
Speaker 1: because um, you know emotionally it may there be maybe
35:00
Speaker 1: their way to either be more quiet or actually now
35:04
Speaker 1: to come out a little bit more fight or flight. Right. So,
35:07
Speaker 1: as adults, when we first heard of all this several
35:11
Speaker 1: weeks ago, and we were seeing what was happening in Europe,
35:14
Speaker 1: and we were hearing of what was going on here
35:16
Speaker 1: in the mixed messages and the inconsistency, and we're all
35:19
Speaker 1: up in arms as family's going, what's going on? Are
35:20
Speaker 1: we're gonna go lockdown, We're gonna plain what's happening people time?
35:24
Speaker 1: You know, we went in to fight or flight, right,
35:26
Speaker 1: We wanted to fight off flight or frozen delusion. This
35:31
Speaker 1: is surreal, This can't be happening, right, the immediate human
35:35
Speaker 1: response to a threat. Now we're in this space of adjustment.
35:43
Speaker 1: So we now realized that, okay, we're in this for
35:46
Speaker 1: a bit. Now we've got past that, We've we've got
35:49
Speaker 1: past the moment of the initial adrenaline rush of threats,
35:54
Speaker 1: and now we're trying to create some normalcy with the
35:59
Speaker 1: circule stances that we have at hand. And what is
36:03
Speaker 1: that teaching us inwardly about what we need to refine,
36:08
Speaker 1: let go of, or defer right And from that space
36:15
Speaker 1: we will then hopefully move on to new I hope
36:20
Speaker 1: profound measures of what truly is important right now in
36:26
Speaker 1: our lives, because this is shaping that. This is not
36:31
Speaker 1: to minimize the pandemic by any stretch of imagination, but
36:37
Speaker 1: I do hope that we profoundly and I said this
36:41
Speaker 1: on my Twitter symbolically can be like the hungry caterpillar.
36:46
Speaker 1: You know, we might eat a little bit too much.
36:48
Speaker 1: We're definitely cocooned indoors. But I hope the life lessons
36:52
Speaker 1: and the experience of this we're not for We're not
36:56
Speaker 1: in vain, for all of those frontliners that are doing
36:59
Speaker 1: the work they're doing and for those that have lost
37:02
Speaker 1: that there is a breakthrough in humanity in understanding what's
37:08
Speaker 1: important for us as family, what's important with respects to
37:13
Speaker 1: our communities, and how we all strike with more love,
37:18
Speaker 1: compassion and empathy as a country, as a world, because
37:22
Speaker 1: that to me feels like mother natures just puts on
37:26
Speaker 1: the time out, just puts on the noise step, right,
37:29
Speaker 1: you know, And how do you start to like manage
37:32
Speaker 1: their expectations, like, for example, like summer kids, you know,
37:37
Speaker 1: my kids are really looking forward to summer. They have
37:39
Speaker 1: this like two week drama camp that they do that
37:42
Speaker 1: they're so excited about, and like they'll be like, do
37:44
Speaker 1: you think it's gonna happen? Mom? Like, you know, are
37:47
Speaker 1: we gonna be able to do this? And it's not.
37:50
Speaker 1: It's not. Do you know that? I know that? Do
37:52
Speaker 1: you know that it's not? It's not. I think there's
37:56
Speaker 1: a danger. I think there's a danger in I think
38:00
Speaker 1: there's a danger in leading children to think something's going
38:04
Speaker 1: to because they can sense it. Well. You know, it's
38:07
Speaker 1: like when you say, well, maybe kids want they want
38:11
Speaker 1: what we want right now from government. Truthfully, they want
38:13
Speaker 1: what we want. We want answers, we want leadership, we
38:16
Speaker 1: want we want more confidence. You know, um, because as
38:21
Speaker 1: families were uncertain about our jobs, our security, how we're
38:28
Speaker 1: going to feed our families, and for those of us
38:31
Speaker 1: that are are fortunate and in different positions to those
38:34
Speaker 1: that are vulnerable, you know, we want to be able
38:37
Speaker 1: to look at how we can provide public service, or
38:40
Speaker 1: what can we do in our neighborhood or in our community,
38:42
Speaker 1: or in little ways that we do like this conversation
38:45
Speaker 1: that we're having now, to be able to reach out
38:48
Speaker 1: to the mass of families, to be able to bring
38:51
Speaker 1: some insightful information to them. Um and I think it
38:55
Speaker 1: can be damaging when we said, well, we'll have to see,
38:57
Speaker 1: we'll have to I know right now there's no some
38:59
Speaker 1: accoun there is no way that there can be a
39:02
Speaker 1: summer camp. So I feel like some things we don't sugarcoat,
39:08
Speaker 1: but it's all in our delivery. We have to tell
39:12
Speaker 1: our kids the truth about certain things. You know, COVID
39:15
Speaker 1: nineteen and the virus will be explained based on age,
39:20
Speaker 1: appropriateness and recoursing or confirming information that they know. What
39:27
Speaker 1: do you know about it? That's the first question I
39:30
Speaker 1: asked my grandson. I'm looking after him right now with
39:33
Speaker 1: my husband. He's five and a half. He started to
39:36
Speaker 1: speak about it as I was picking him up in
39:38
Speaker 1: the car, and I turned around and I said, tell
39:40
Speaker 1: me what you know about the coronavirus. I needed no
39:43
Speaker 1: first and foremost, what he'd been told a little bit
39:46
Speaker 1: of course correcting with that information, but it was to
39:50
Speaker 1: create not panic right through my delivery of the information
39:55
Speaker 1: that was given. And for anybody wanting to know more
39:58
Speaker 1: about that, just go to Joan's for Frost, because there's
40:01
Speaker 1: a pinned post already on my Twitter with how to
40:04
Speaker 1: talk to kids based on their age and what they
40:06
Speaker 1: do know. But the reality is is some things we
40:09
Speaker 1: know they're not going to be open because the sensible
40:13
Speaker 1: thing right now, under the circumstances with the number today
40:19
Speaker 1: of Americans who have passed away, there's no way it's unsafe.
40:25
Speaker 1: So the conversation is one where we're not apologetic, but
40:30
Speaker 1: we are with empathy to how they may feel about it.
40:34
Speaker 1: You know, so, Mom, what about some account? I mean
40:37
Speaker 1: a we're gonna go? Are we gonna go? Darling? There
40:39
Speaker 1: won't be some account. There won't be some account this
40:43
Speaker 1: year unfortunately. Oh Mom, I feel really bad about that,
40:48
Speaker 1: you know. I'm sure you do, Darling, So do I? Why?
40:50
Speaker 1: Because I really love that you love going. It's validating
40:55
Speaker 1: how they feel. Your delivery is soft and empathetic, but
40:59
Speaker 1: you're still being truthful. You're still being truthful. Well why
41:03
Speaker 1: is that? Because it would be unsafe for us or
41:05
Speaker 1: to come together a massive people. You know, like it
41:08
Speaker 1: sounds safe right now that we all go out and
41:11
Speaker 1: that's why we go out and we're in our bubble
41:13
Speaker 1: and the socialists from other people right now at this
41:16
Speaker 1: particular time in the summer, it would be dangerous for
41:18
Speaker 1: all the children to get together and being some account
41:21
Speaker 1: because of the virus. You know. So there's a very
41:25
Speaker 1: strong factual information that you're delivering, but in how you're
41:30
Speaker 1: delivering it, it's empathetic, it's connecting, it's validating, and your
41:36
Speaker 1: children are feeling hurt. You know what, what would you say,
41:49
Speaker 1: like as the worst parenting mistake you can actually make
41:53
Speaker 1: with your kids right now? And like how do you
41:55
Speaker 1: how do you flip it? If it's something you know,
41:58
Speaker 1: like for those of us who I mean, we have
42:00
Speaker 1: so much mom guilt and we put so much pressure
42:02
Speaker 1: on ourselves or whatever it may be. Car, I don't
42:05
Speaker 1: even want to fight what mistakes because I feel like
42:08
Speaker 1: I feel like when parents make a choice to do something,
42:11
Speaker 1: they learned from it, and you know that's okay. I
42:15
Speaker 1: would say, don't answer something you don't know. That's a
42:20
Speaker 1: really good one. Don't answer something you don't know. We're
42:24
Speaker 1: okay with not knowing. You know. My grandson asked me,
42:30
Speaker 1: where will this? When will this all stop? I said,
42:32
Speaker 1: I don't know. I actually don't know. Well, when will
42:35
Speaker 1: you know? I said, Well, I said, oh no, I said,
42:39
Speaker 1: when I hear from people on the news that I'm
42:41
Speaker 1: looking at through my phone, and I'll get to start
42:45
Speaker 1: to have a look at those different opinions and then
42:48
Speaker 1: decide from their eli with what the scientists are saying.
42:52
Speaker 1: And to see what you know, um, those that are
42:56
Speaker 1: looking at the virus. I said, I actually don't have
42:59
Speaker 1: the answer for you, because I don't know either. You
43:02
Speaker 1: have to be comfortable with not knowing, you know, And
43:05
Speaker 1: I know there's a difference in what you tell your
43:09
Speaker 1: kids right so that you're not creating panic and stress
43:14
Speaker 1: and anxiety. What young kids don't need to know, they
43:18
Speaker 1: don't need to know. Regulate what they're hearing, Regulate what
43:21
Speaker 1: they're watching. Know that they're listening where you think they're playing,
43:26
Speaker 1: and they're just on the floor because they want to
43:28
Speaker 1: be near you, and they're playing somewhere between the living
43:31
Speaker 1: room and the kitchen. They're hearing everything. They're not going
43:34
Speaker 1: to escape that and to some degree, they are going
43:38
Speaker 1: to be the silent witnesses of this circumstance because none
43:46
Speaker 1: of us professionals know what the impact will be because
43:49
Speaker 1: there's a moving target right now, but in a long
43:52
Speaker 1: we're going to be in lockdown four. What the repercussions
43:56
Speaker 1: of that is going to mean if they're you know,
43:59
Speaker 1: the likely the likely chance of its spiking again is
44:04
Speaker 1: going to happen. We've seen that already in history. We've
44:07
Speaker 1: seen the doctors and the scientists say as such. So
44:10
Speaker 1: you know, it's going to not just have us in
44:12
Speaker 1: the immediate of recognizing how we stay present and mindful
44:20
Speaker 1: of enjoying the day alongside this pandemic, but what it
44:26
Speaker 1: means for us in the steps that we take in
44:28
Speaker 1: the several months ahead, what does that summon me and
44:33
Speaker 1: what does then the autumn mean once we start coming
44:37
Speaker 1: into fall and winter again, because the likely chances we
44:40
Speaker 1: could see a spike again, you know. So you know,
44:43
Speaker 1: we're also thinking ahead as parents and then thinking where
44:47
Speaker 1: we are maybe for the summer. Now we've got through
44:50
Speaker 1: spring break. But the one thing that we can only
44:54
Speaker 1: do that's in our control is to focus on today
44:59
Speaker 1: and what that today looks like and to stay present
45:02
Speaker 1: because if we then start to but we then start
45:06
Speaker 1: to run away with our thoughts of what could be,
45:08
Speaker 1: of what court be, and it's all hypothetical. Um, we
45:12
Speaker 1: create I think more mental harm for ourselves because that
45:17
Speaker 1: leads to more worry and anxiety, and those thoughts then
45:20
Speaker 1: manifest themselves and how we feel physically. UM. So it's
45:25
Speaker 1: important for family wellness. I would say to yes, do
45:31
Speaker 1: what you're doing. You've already said meditate for parents to
45:35
Speaker 1: be able to just breathe, even if it's just a
45:37
Speaker 1: breathing exercise right now, laying on the bed, placing your
45:40
Speaker 1: palm of your hands over your tummy and just breathing
45:43
Speaker 1: through your diaphragm so that you are breathing correctly and
45:47
Speaker 1: letting go and excel in and letting go. If it's meditation,
45:51
Speaker 1: I love headspace. I use it, my husband uses it.
45:54
Speaker 1: We love it. Um. If it's you know, walking through
45:57
Speaker 1: with somebody, if it's a group medical pation. I did
46:00
Speaker 1: that the other day. I loved it. It It was brilliant
46:03
Speaker 1: coming together with others and doing it with the family.
46:07
Speaker 1: The ritual of staying focus with what we are grateful for,
46:13
Speaker 1: I think brings a lot of inner happiness. So to
46:16
Speaker 1: come together as a ritual every morning and just hold
46:19
Speaker 1: hands today, what are we grateful for? What are we
46:21
Speaker 1: truly grateful for? I think really keeps us focused in
46:26
Speaker 1: a nice space considering with what we're dealing with on
46:30
Speaker 1: the outside. Right, And it's about creating through our rituals
46:37
Speaker 1: and our practices and energy in our home that truly
46:42
Speaker 1: becomes our sanctuary because this is where we're spending the
46:46
Speaker 1: most time, you know, it is where we're spending our
46:49
Speaker 1: most time. So the gratitude, the meditation, the importance of
46:55
Speaker 1: the education. Right, But realistically, I don't want parents to
47:01
Speaker 1: beat themselves up. I want them to be realistic and
47:04
Speaker 1: not polarized in their approach. Okay, we're not perfect, and
47:10
Speaker 1: if we can't learn in these times to let go
47:13
Speaker 1: and surrender to the things that we're not brilliant at,
47:17
Speaker 1: then we have to look at what that means for ourselves.
47:20
Speaker 1: You know, what does that? What does that really mean? Well,
47:24
Speaker 1: it's it becomes about us, It becomes about our ego,
47:26
Speaker 1: our insecurity right to keep moving forward, because that's the
47:31
Speaker 1: courageous that's the courageous skill that I'd love to to
47:36
Speaker 1: teach any kid. Right that through this endurance and this
47:40
Speaker 1: perseverance of something that is so catastrophic, your children learn
47:47
Speaker 1: that vulnerability is strength. That you get up every morning
47:52
Speaker 1: and you well, actually I can see, and you make
47:55
Speaker 1: your bed your bed right, your bed is made. We
48:00
Speaker 1: get up and we get productive. We get up, we
48:03
Speaker 1: make our beds. Right, We got to sit down and
48:06
Speaker 1: we have breakfast. We get ourselves stressed because another task,
48:09
Speaker 1: and we've made our beds, and now we'll move on
48:12
Speaker 1: and we do this and for older kids, will get
48:13
Speaker 1: our jaws done, and we'll be productive during the day
48:17
Speaker 1: because it's keeping ourselves busy, and we're all engaging something
48:20
Speaker 1: together as a family. And we'll all do things separately
48:23
Speaker 1: as well, because we all need to have our own
48:25
Speaker 1: time as well, and we'll meet that didn't need the
48:28
Speaker 1: needs and demands of our youngest right are you born,
48:31
Speaker 1: our first infant years, But at the same time, will
48:35
Speaker 1: allow our children to give them the space to breathe
48:38
Speaker 1: themselves and to feel and to sit and be okay
48:41
Speaker 1: with that. And I think, like I've noticed that when
48:45
Speaker 1: this all first started, I was super anxious, like beyond
48:49
Speaker 1: and I was trying to hold it in and hide
48:50
Speaker 1: it from them, and then they started like almost internalizing
48:55
Speaker 1: it and thinking it was something else. And the second
48:57
Speaker 1: that I said to them, hey, you guys, like I'm sorry,
49:00
Speaker 1: Like mommy is like a little bit anxious right now
49:04
Speaker 1: because I'm trying to do a bunch of things at
49:06
Speaker 1: once and I'm sorry if you feel that, and blah
49:09
Speaker 1: blah blah, and I'm sorry, you know, I just okay, mommy,
49:13
Speaker 1: they didn't even care. So that's that's like there's that's okay,
49:16
Speaker 1: momm they doing this, That's okay, mommy. Yeah, they're just
49:21
Speaker 1: like you know. Or there was one day that I
49:23
Speaker 1: was like, you guys, you know, I just I want
49:25
Speaker 1: to tell you I love you and I'm thinking about you,
49:27
Speaker 1: like are you missing your friends? Is there something you
49:29
Speaker 1: want to do? And they're like, you know what, No,
49:32
Speaker 1: we feel really good, and like in my mind I
49:34
Speaker 1: had already decided that they weren't. Yeah, Like again becomes
49:40
Speaker 1: the projection of of how we are. And so it's
49:43
Speaker 1: really important as parents to be able to just check
49:45
Speaker 1: him with yourself. Um. And and the thing is is
49:51
Speaker 1: that kids feel they feel that energy. It's like when
49:55
Speaker 1: you say it's like when you try that, no, mom
49:57
Speaker 1: is fine. I'm seeing it when you're not. Remember, they
50:00
Speaker 1: have to rely on those skills when they were born,
50:03
Speaker 1: you know, so they feel that so it's okay to
50:07
Speaker 1: some money feels a little bit anxious, So what's that? Well,
50:11
Speaker 1: you know what I'm feeling these things, and you can
50:14
Speaker 1: talk about those signs and symptoms. And at the end
50:16
Speaker 1: of the day, you're also teaching them to check in
50:19
Speaker 1: with themselves as well. But know the difference when you
50:24
Speaker 1: know no, there's a very fine line. But only when
50:28
Speaker 1: you spend enough time and real detail in watching your children.
50:34
Speaker 1: This is a great opportunity right now. What I'm going
50:36
Speaker 1: to tell you about, it's the families to learn to
50:39
Speaker 1: not be in everything all the time. Sit back. I
50:42
Speaker 1: feel like you have to be in everything all the
50:45
Speaker 1: time because a lot of parents say to me, oh,
50:47
Speaker 1: my kids just following me around, Mary and little Lamb
50:50
Speaker 1: follow me around, following me around. They want to be
50:53
Speaker 1: playing right in front of me, which is fine, but
50:55
Speaker 1: they're just right there, right there, right there, all the time.
50:58
Speaker 1: At the moment you'd be understand it at mere, I'm here,
51:02
Speaker 1: I'm going nowhere, I'm here, But you're finding the living
51:05
Speaker 1: room to play and I'm in the kitchen and I'm
51:07
Speaker 1: getting some stuff done. You're fine. I'm going to get
51:09
Speaker 1: some work done at the table here, and you're more
51:12
Speaker 1: than capable of being able to play what you are
51:14
Speaker 1: in the living room. Don't feel like you have to
51:17
Speaker 1: be in everything all the time. Give your kids to space,
51:21
Speaker 1: to be able to play, to be able to read,
51:23
Speaker 1: to be able to do their own things, even at
51:25
Speaker 1: the toddly years. Because it also gives you an opportunity
51:29
Speaker 1: to observe, to be able to watch, to be able
51:33
Speaker 1: to see every little nook and cranny on their faces
51:36
Speaker 1: for the times when they are trying to pull a
51:38
Speaker 1: fast one over you and and pretend because that won't
51:43
Speaker 1: go away, because there's a pandemic kids and kids and
51:46
Speaker 1: they're still going through child development and the little things
51:48
Speaker 1: that they do right. But it also allows you to
51:51
Speaker 1: know when they need just a little bit more, you know,
51:55
Speaker 1: a little bit more of an extra conversation or another book,
52:00
Speaker 1: just that a lot of extra kiss and that cuddle,
52:02
Speaker 1: you know, before you're putting them off to bed. You know,
52:05
Speaker 1: and there's a fine line, but you only get to
52:08
Speaker 1: really intuitively know that when you spend time and you watch,
52:13
Speaker 1: because then you feel you don't only just know by
52:17
Speaker 1: looking at them and watching their body language, but you
52:19
Speaker 1: actually you feel it. You just know it, and it's instinct.
52:23
Speaker 1: That's your instinct. So I'm hoping it will give parents
52:26
Speaker 1: an opportunity two because we all have it, but just
52:30
Speaker 1: to just raise raise, raise our intuitiveness with our children
52:36
Speaker 1: so that we can use that every day every day
52:40
Speaker 1: with our kids. What we feel, what we know with conviction,
52:43
Speaker 1: because we just know it as their parents, because we're
52:46
Speaker 1: that in tune, because we can read their basis, because
52:49
Speaker 1: we see the slightest muscle move or a slight twinge
52:52
Speaker 1: of body, or a head slightly caught, or a leg
52:55
Speaker 1: that moved another way that said something different to what
52:59
Speaker 1: the body said, you know, and it allows us just
53:02
Speaker 1: to know, sneak just a little bit more. That's so true.
53:06
Speaker 1: I mean, like I'll notice when all of our kids
53:09
Speaker 1: do it whenever they're thinking, they like crossed their two
53:12
Speaker 1: their toes over one the other toe. And my husband
53:16
Speaker 1: does it as well. But it's like it's one of
53:17
Speaker 1: those things. It's just like I know that something's on
53:21
Speaker 1: their mind or they're thinking when they do it. And
53:24
Speaker 1: when I posted that I was gonna have we were
53:27
Speaker 1: gonna be talking today. The number one question that every
53:32
Speaker 1: single person like, I'm not kidding, so many people wrote
53:34
Speaker 1: in how how does she? How does you know? How
53:37
Speaker 1: do you make it look so easy? And is that
53:39
Speaker 1: like your special sauce? Is that just you're so intuitive
53:43
Speaker 1: to listening to what their kids are saying? Or um what? Well,
53:50
Speaker 1: thirty years of experience will do that, right, thirty years
53:55
Speaker 1: of experience with different families and different children. But a humming,
54:00
Speaker 1: there's not much I miss. So I'm looking, you know,
54:04
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm scanning everything very very quickly, at the
54:08
Speaker 1: blink of an eye, very very quickly. But experiences what
54:12
Speaker 1: gives you that? But to be able to tune in,
54:15
Speaker 1: it's not about just listening to what's being said. It's
54:18
Speaker 1: about listening to what's not being said. It's watching what's
54:22
Speaker 1: being said and how somebody. Somebody's body is as well.
54:27
Speaker 1: So there's body language, it's it's what somebody says, what
54:31
Speaker 1: somebody doesn't say. It's the environment, it's the other family members,
54:36
Speaker 1: it's many other it's lots of things. But it's also
54:40
Speaker 1: an intuitive and I'm very you know, I'm an empattern
54:43
Speaker 1: and intuitive EmPATH. So very in tuned with families and children.
54:51
Speaker 1: But it's certainly about being very sharp in what I
54:55
Speaker 1: notice um and having a fair balance through variance of
55:00
Speaker 1: knowing the need and the want is very different, so
55:05
Speaker 1: that there is the fairness in recognizing when there is
55:09
Speaker 1: a need and when it's just what kids want, right,
55:13
Speaker 1: Because people say, hey, well, how do you know the difference?
55:16
Speaker 1: And you when you are, when you're intuitive, it's with
55:22
Speaker 1: conviction that there's no other way, there's no other it's
55:26
Speaker 1: it's there because it's a knowing right and you only
55:30
Speaker 1: get that by spending that time with your children and observing.
55:35
Speaker 1: And I think that one of our biggest issues is
55:42
Speaker 1: staying focus in a in a world that's so distracted.
55:47
Speaker 1: We're distracted so much by so many things. So it's
55:50
Speaker 1: staying focused. So you know, those little small things really
55:54
Speaker 1: counts in in what we observe when we can step back,
56:00
Speaker 1: okay and not feel like we have to be in
56:02
Speaker 1: the middle of everything. And so when you feel as
56:05
Speaker 1: a parent that you're in the eye of a storm
56:07
Speaker 1: and a tornado is there, you know, in the middle
56:09
Speaker 1: of two kids wanting to rip each other's hair off
56:12
Speaker 1: at their head, right, and everybody's screaming anarchy. They all
56:16
Speaker 1: want to be heard, they want what's fair is to
56:18
Speaker 1: literally step back. I do it in my mind. I
56:22
Speaker 1: ask people to do the S O S technique physically,
56:25
Speaker 1: to to walk in, to see, to step back, observe,
56:30
Speaker 1: and then to step back in with action and to
56:32
Speaker 1: make a decision. Whatever you do. Don't do nothing but
56:36
Speaker 1: make a decision because one way it's going to be
56:38
Speaker 1: the right decision, or I didn't pan out so well
56:41
Speaker 1: and you'll learn from that and you'll make a different
56:43
Speaker 1: decision next time, you know. But the need to they
56:48
Speaker 1: need to be everything for for our kids, UM puts
56:53
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure on the individual, you know, which
56:58
Speaker 1: is impossible to accomplished. I mean, we can never keep
57:03
Speaker 1: all of our kids happy all of the time, you know, UM.
57:07
Speaker 1: And I think what's most important is for parents to
57:11
Speaker 1: be in a space where they have had some rest,
57:16
Speaker 1: that they are creating space for them to recognize that
57:19
Speaker 1: this is a period, to prioritize what's important, the rest
57:23
Speaker 1: that they can get when they can get it, UM,
57:25
Speaker 1: And to create an environment for children that is calm,
57:31
Speaker 1: calm and steel. Because they looked at us and if
57:33
Speaker 1: we're unsure and if we're uncertain and if we are
57:37
Speaker 1: not grasping a hold of our own mental health, we're
57:40
Speaker 1: gonna make them panic. We'll make them scared, you know,
57:44
Speaker 1: and then we will project onto our children are worried
57:47
Speaker 1: and a concern and we all know, um, you know
57:51
Speaker 1: how that can manifest itself for us as adults. Imagine
57:56
Speaker 1: how crippling that can be for young children as well,
57:59
Speaker 1: and fatina ages and the ramifications of that. You know.
58:02
Speaker 1: So sleep is important for us to get. But that
58:05
Speaker 1: sleep will still my notes here, but that sleep happens
58:08
Speaker 1: with you know, that sleep happens um certainly when we've
58:12
Speaker 1: been able to to move, you know, so we need
58:14
Speaker 1: to do more and then kids just playing, you know,
58:18
Speaker 1: we we literally need to partake in some form of
58:21
Speaker 1: movement online or make it up ourselves. You know, we
58:25
Speaker 1: dance a whole load, or we make up some different moves,
58:28
Speaker 1: or we do different exercise techniques and stretch and move
58:31
Speaker 1: with our kids so that they're you know, so that
58:34
Speaker 1: they're moving more as well, and that they're releasing Otherwise
58:37
Speaker 1: it sits stell in the body, that energy sits sell.
58:40
Speaker 1: And you feel you must have had moments yourself because
58:43
Speaker 1: I have to I have to doing this. I'm doing this.
58:47
Speaker 1: I feel like I need to do like I need
58:50
Speaker 1: I need to do like And I realized is it
58:52
Speaker 1: mental or is it physical? And the most physical I
58:54
Speaker 1: need I need to move. I need to be physical.
58:57
Speaker 1: So we ourselves next to my next to my dad,
59:01
Speaker 1: so they're like in between some of my work cards
59:03
Speaker 1: that I can go and just move for a second
59:06
Speaker 1: or you feel like you're going to explode. So kids,
59:09
Speaker 1: they have a lot of energy, and a lot of
59:11
Speaker 1: parents say, oh, my kids have got a d h D.
59:13
Speaker 1: There's so hyper. There's a hyper No, they're not there.
59:17
Speaker 1: The kids, kids have a lot of energy. We've lost
59:19
Speaker 1: our expectation of exactly how energetic toddlers are. Kids are,
59:27
Speaker 1: you know? So we can set some really good examples
59:29
Speaker 1: whilst being at home, and we can um sharpen up
59:34
Speaker 1: our communications skills with our partners, you know, and we
59:38
Speaker 1: can breed more compassion and more empathy, and we can
59:42
Speaker 1: recognize the importance of boundaries and at the same time,
59:46
Speaker 1: we can create a sanctuary in our homes that becomes
59:50
Speaker 1: conducive to us having fun and focus at the same
59:54
Speaker 1: time as well, a lot of a lot of peace
59:57
Speaker 1: you know, because that's what we need right now because
1:00:00
Speaker 1: the outside we've we've got no control over right now
1:00:04
Speaker 1: what's happening. I know, And I feel honestly so much
1:00:08
Speaker 1: better from even talking to you, And I know this
1:00:10
Speaker 1: is going to help so many people. I wish we could,
1:00:13
Speaker 1: like I'm like, I want to have a million more questions,
1:00:15
Speaker 1: but I guess because of time, I just have to
1:00:18
Speaker 1: ask one last one. Yeah, when are you moving in?
1:00:26
Speaker 1: You got to be patient and join that list. Thank
1:00:34
Speaker 1: you so much for today, honestly, thank you. This has
1:00:38
Speaker 1: been so incredible and like, honestly, you made me feel
1:00:41
Speaker 1: so much like more at ease, Like I feel like
1:00:44
Speaker 1: I started this conversation, I felt like tense at the
1:00:46
Speaker 1: beginning and like I took a breath. So I hope
1:00:49
Speaker 1: there's so many other parents that like listen in that
1:00:52
Speaker 1: like calming, like we're gonna be okay. We we are
1:00:56
Speaker 1: going to be okay. We are going to be okay,
1:00:58
Speaker 1: and we will get through this. And parents, you will
1:01:02
Speaker 1: do the best that you can do. I'm not saying
1:01:05
Speaker 1: throwing the towel. You know that I would never say
1:01:08
Speaker 1: throwing the towel. Our kids need us, and you know
1:01:11
Speaker 1: we need to be kind to ourselves as well. And
1:01:13
Speaker 1: we will get through this. And we're gonna work alongside
1:01:17
Speaker 1: what is happening all around us, and we're going to
1:01:20
Speaker 1: do the best that we can do, and we are
1:01:23
Speaker 1: going to lean on others for support, and we are
1:01:27
Speaker 1: going to look at what we can give to others
1:01:29
Speaker 1: and have more empathy and teach some really great, some
1:01:34
Speaker 1: really beautiful life skills and be a wonderful example, I
1:01:40
Speaker 1: think to our children in the way that we in
1:01:43
Speaker 1: the way that we choose, because it is a choice
1:01:46
Speaker 1: in the way that we choose to wake up in
1:01:49
Speaker 1: the morning and to carry on with our day. And
1:01:51
Speaker 1: every day's different. Look, you know, under the guise of
1:01:54
Speaker 1: no pandemic, you know it's up and down. But we're
1:01:57
Speaker 1: going to do the best that we can. That's all
1:01:59
Speaker 1: we can do. So for all your parents who have
1:02:02
Speaker 1: been biting your nails off with worri, you know, let's go.
1:02:07
Speaker 1: Let go. You know, I saw you like this and
1:02:09
Speaker 1: then you kind of went like this. I'm like, you
1:02:13
Speaker 1: can do the best thing you can do and that's
1:02:15
Speaker 1: good enough. That's good enough. Well, thank you so much, Okay,
1:02:20
Speaker 1: thank you, bye bye. So if you guys want to
1:02:25
Speaker 1: learn more about Joe Frost and some of her tips
1:02:28
Speaker 1: and tricks. I mean they're not even tips some tricks,
1:02:30
Speaker 1: but just great parenting advice. You've got to watch full
1:02:33
Speaker 1: episodes of The Supernanny at my lifetime dot com. And you, guys,
1:02:38
Speaker 1: for any future podcasts or any questions you have, please
1:02:41
Speaker 1: email me at Teddy t at iHeart radio dot com.
1:02:44
Speaker 1: Thanks so much. I'll talk to you guys next week.
1:02:46
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Subscribe to or wherever you listen to
1:02:51
Speaker 1: podcasts