Latest / I Do, Part 2 / LOVE STORIES: Former ‘Bachelor’ Star Ben Higgins and Jessica Clarke Higgins

Transcript

LOVE STORIES: Former ‘Bachelor’ Star Ben Higgins and Jessica Clarke Higgins · I Do, Part 2

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: This is Amy and TJ Love Stories.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Welcome everyone to this episode of Amy and TJ. And
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: it's our Love Stories edition, and we have some of
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: our favorite lovebirds Ben Higgins and Jessica Clark Higgins, and
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: they have such a beautiful love story that began, well,
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: at least Ben's journey for love began on television in
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: front of us.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: All well, we got to keep bringing that up. Yes
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: it did.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Though it doesn't matter.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: How it began. It ended with jess and that's and
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: that's what matters. Thank you both for being with us.
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: Oh, we're pumped to be here. We're always excited to
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: talk to you.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Well, guys, thank you again. We've asked all the couples
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: the same questions for the most part, and it's been
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: interesting to hear there and answers some of the differences,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: but there's a lot of commonality. So we'll start off
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: the top five words are less. Then we'll put you
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: on the spot. First five words or less to describe
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: your relationship today.
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: Okay, that's three already, Yeah, safe, comfortable, romantic, and answer
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: your prayer.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Oh oh that's so sweet.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah that's six, but I did. All right, there you go,
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: you go be nice. Okay, Well I just.
• 1:39
  Speaker 5: Did the same thing as fine, giggly, helpful, helpful, I say, baby,
• 1:57
  Speaker 5: because you have a baby.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, parenthood, Karen, Like I said, where you are today?
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: So that makes it.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: A lot. Yes, and you're and by the way, your
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: little girl is about to turn one.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah next week.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Oh happy almost first birthday. We'll get into all of
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: that because baby comes later. Who said I love you.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: First me, that's not true.
• 2:25
  Speaker 6: It is true, And he somehow remembers it incorrectly, But
• 2:28
  Speaker 6: I said it first.
• 2:29
  Speaker 5: He might have been thinking it, but.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I said it.
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: It was very close.
• 2:33
  Speaker 7: At the same time, we were driving to her parents'
• 2:36
  Speaker 7: house in the car and she made a joke or
• 2:40
  Speaker 7: did something, and I remember going, that's that's why I
• 2:44
  Speaker 7: love you. And then I like backtracked real fast, you know,
• 2:49
  Speaker 7: like that's what I love about you. And then it
• 2:53
  Speaker 7: was like two days later she did directly tell me
• 2:55
  Speaker 7: I love you. But I think we I I need
• 3:00
  Speaker 7: to get credit for at least thinking it.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I did think it open.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: To the possibility.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's you all. That is the most interesting answer
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: we've gotten to that question. Yes, it is what we've
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: talked to in this series. That is the most interesting.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Let's go with the timeline here. How long did you
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: date before you got engaged? How long were you engaged
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: before you got there.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: I don't know that stuff very well.
• 3:29
  Speaker 6: We dated for about a year and a half before
• 3:33
  Speaker 6: we got engaged, and then we were engaged for a
• 3:35
  Speaker 6: year and a half.
• 3:37
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I was on tour. I was hosting this like
• 3:41
  Speaker 7: Bachelor Live musical and traveling across the country, and we
• 3:47
  Speaker 7: were supposed to be in New York City. So I
• 3:49
  Speaker 7: had this big, elaborate like engagement planned in New York
• 3:52
  Speaker 7: City at Central Park. It was going to be like
• 3:55
  Speaker 7: kind of home alone, like ask where, like we visited
• 3:58
  Speaker 7: some of the spots that she loves from, like these
• 4:00
  Speaker 7: Christmas movies. And the pandemic hit and shut down the
• 4:04
  Speaker 7: tour a week before New York and so we audibled
• 4:08
  Speaker 7: to her hometown of Franklin, Tennessee. Uh and then because
• 4:12
  Speaker 7: of the pandemic, we had to have a really long engagement,
• 4:15
  Speaker 7: which looking back, I'm so glad we did. I don't
• 4:19
  Speaker 7: know if we would have if we didn't have like
• 4:21
  Speaker 7: the reason to have a long engagement. But that was
• 4:24
  Speaker 7: such a it was such a fun period to be
• 4:26
  Speaker 7: engaged and to be talking about being engaged, and like
• 4:29
  Speaker 7: once you get married, then the questions become like what
• 4:32
  Speaker 7: are you gonna have kids? And what are you to
• 4:33
  Speaker 7: have another kid? And you know all those things. Engagements
• 4:36
  Speaker 7: funks is just like celebration.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: I love that. That That is amazing. Yes, everyone doesn't
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: need to rush to the altar. You can enjoy the engagement.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: It's fun to say fiance, isn't it. We're enjoying fiance.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: Fun.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Now that you're a married couple, you've been married. You
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: got married in twenty twenty one, right, so you're have
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: you you're about to celebrate five years together.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, we'll like at four and a half. We
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: got married November, so late one, okay.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: So at this year, this end of this year, you'll
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: be at five years. Do you all have a daily disagreement?
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: Do you have a constant thing that you fight about?
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: How would you describe your arguments.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: If you have?
• 5:22
  Speaker 7: We have daily disagreements for sure? You know, like, at first,
• 5:29
  Speaker 7: I'll explain this, you can correct me. We went through
• 5:31
  Speaker 7: couples counsels very early on in our marriage because Jessica
• 5:37
  Speaker 7: I grew up in a household that just like didn't bicker,
• 5:40
  Speaker 7: they didn't fight, and so it was like a very
• 5:42
  Speaker 7: like peaceful that.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 5:43
  Speaker 7: The siblings got along, they got along with the parents.
• 5:46
  Speaker 7: They're just like all really good kids. And I grew
• 5:49
  Speaker 7: up in a household I'm an only child where my
• 5:51
  Speaker 7: parents and I were like constantly, you know, going back
• 5:55
  Speaker 7: and forth.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: So when we got married, I think we boathch.
• 5:59
  Speaker 7: Just had very different perspectives on how to do confrontation.
• 6:04
  Speaker 7: So we started going to couples counseling that helped. And
• 6:07
  Speaker 7: it's not as much of like the like breakdown, stop
• 6:12
  Speaker 7: talking arguments now, it's more of the it's just like
• 6:18
  Speaker 7: this like small like things in the household.
• 6:21
  Speaker 6: I would say, yeah, I think like household like picking
• 6:25
  Speaker 6: up not necessarily an argument, but that is something that
• 6:27
  Speaker 6: we like clash on sometimes because I'm more like it
• 6:30
  Speaker 6: can stay there for a couple of days and then
• 6:32
  Speaker 6: we can come back and clean it up, and he's
• 6:34
  Speaker 6: more like, it's gotta go that and then like tone
• 6:38
  Speaker 6: of voice will be something where it's.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: Like did you mean it that way? That's a big one.
• 6:43
  Speaker 6: Yeah, those are like our two that we have to
• 6:46
  Speaker 6: like come back to sometimes.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: That's usually in question.
• 6:51
  Speaker 7: Yeah, like did you really mean to say that and
• 6:53
  Speaker 7: like hurt me in that way? Or was that just
• 6:56
  Speaker 7: like a passing comment. I need to like come back
• 7:00
  Speaker 7: to that because I can't stop thinking about it. Like
• 7:02
  Speaker 7: those things are oftentimes and I do feel like not
• 7:06
  Speaker 7: to like do the generic excuse with a kid. And
• 7:12
  Speaker 7: when we're both tired, the tone of voice and how
• 7:15
  Speaker 7: we're speaking to each other is a lot more common
• 7:18
  Speaker 7: than when we're both like rested and thinking clearly.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a.
• 7:23
  Speaker 6: Knap time and it's like, oh, I get to be
• 7:26
  Speaker 6: alone for five minutes and he comes in and asks
• 7:27
  Speaker 6: a question.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: I just can be a little snappy.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm curious you mentioned we now is more the
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: daily disagreement and everyone can relate to that. We now
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: don't have like a knockdown drag app What did you
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: learn in therapy that you were able to apply to
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: your marriage that makes your relationship better now than it
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: was when you first went to therapy?
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 7:51
  Speaker 7: I think for me, it was giving Jessica the benefit
• 7:55
  Speaker 7: of the doubt, knowing she's on my team.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: That was mine that she he.
• 8:00
  Speaker 7: Has no intention to hurt me, even if the outcome
• 8:05
  Speaker 7: does hurt me.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: She's not intending to do that and for.
• 8:09
  Speaker 6: Me because I've never even had an argument with her friends, Like,
• 8:13
  Speaker 6: he's the first person I've ever argued with, And so
• 8:16
  Speaker 6: when we would argue at first, I thought he hated me,
• 8:19
  Speaker 6: Like I was like, oh, he doesn't even like me.
• 8:22
  Speaker 6: So our therapist talked a lot about how if we
• 8:25
  Speaker 6: had never argued, that's more concerning than if we argue
• 8:29
  Speaker 6: every single day. She's like, that's normal, but the key
• 8:31
  Speaker 6: is that when you argue, you come back together really fast.
• 8:34
  Speaker 6: So that's been really helpful of like if we do
• 8:37
  Speaker 6: have a disagreement or there is a misunderstanding, to bring
• 8:39
  Speaker 6: it up right away and to get to a point
• 8:41
  Speaker 6: where we're back together again, like before the day is done.
• 8:44
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, I'm like the best and worst thing
• 8:48
  Speaker 7: to happen to Jessica because I am the first person
• 8:51
  Speaker 7: she's argued with. But I'm also the first person she's loved, so.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: We also it kind of goes in with this a
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: certain degree. But we've asked every couple this. Everybody has
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: bumps in the road, But was there something a point,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: a moment, a fight you could point to that you
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: would say, this is as close as we got to
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: almost calling it quits.
• 9:15
  Speaker 7: I don't think so, because when we were dating it
• 9:18
  Speaker 7: was pretty We were a long distance the whole time,
• 9:21
  Speaker 7: and so when we were together it was kind of
• 9:24
  Speaker 7: just always fun and there wasn't too many like life,
• 9:28
  Speaker 7: big life choices we were.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Trying to make.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: I don't remember like one.
• 9:37
  Speaker 7: I mean, I think when we got our puppy, honestly,
• 9:39
  Speaker 7: was like the moments where I was like I might
• 9:41
  Speaker 7: lose her because I had to travel for work a lot.
• 9:44
  Speaker 7: She was taking care of our puppy, waking up like
• 9:46
  Speaker 7: three times a night.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 9:48
  Speaker 7: Our dog was a maniac and I would come home
• 9:50
  Speaker 7: and she was just like exhausted on the floor. It
• 9:55
  Speaker 7: was a good training, I would say, PUPPI than a baby.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: Do you remember one that or like a moment where
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: you're like, oh, no, I never really had that.
• 10:08
  Speaker 6: It was like made a choice that he's my guy,
• 10:11
  Speaker 6: and that's the way it's been. I think the first
• 10:14
  Speaker 6: couple of arguments did scare me because I was like,
• 10:17
  Speaker 6: I don't I just I'd never experienced it. But no,
• 10:21
  Speaker 6: there's never really been a moment that I'm.
• 10:23
  Speaker 7: Like, I think the bumps in the road have have
• 10:26
  Speaker 7: never That's why I said, I would describe it as
• 10:28
  Speaker 7: safe because the bumps in the road have always been
• 10:32
  Speaker 7: never a doubt of Okay, we're going to figure this out.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: But sometimes it takes longer than others.
• 10:39
  Speaker 7: But I've you know, there's just nobody else and for me,
• 10:45
  Speaker 7: and so it's like I can't lose this girl, Like
• 10:47
  Speaker 7: I don't know I would, I just I just can't.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: That's really sweet. Did you have a honeymoon period, and
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: if so, how long did it last?
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: We got a dog very quickly.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: The dogs life.
• 11:14
  Speaker 6: About a month of just us two, and we really
• 11:17
  Speaker 6: used that month to the best of our ability.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:19
  Speaker 7: We However, I think what we've done and which has
• 11:24
  Speaker 7: been good, is we we've been a little bit of
• 11:27
  Speaker 7: a lull, but we do a lot of date nights
• 11:29
  Speaker 7: just the two of us. That always seems to get
• 11:32
  Speaker 7: us back to like this honeymoon phase.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 11:34
  Speaker 7: We both get clothes on that aren't like sweats and
• 11:37
  Speaker 7: t shirts because you know, I sit at home and
• 11:40
  Speaker 7: work all day and that's what I'm wearing. Uh, those
• 11:43
  Speaker 7: are always really special nights. So I still feel like
• 11:46
  Speaker 7: it comes and goes. I think the good part about
• 11:50
  Speaker 7: long distance and how long we were engaged that like
• 11:54
  Speaker 7: euphoric expectation that you think will last forever. Was like that,
• 12:00
  Speaker 7: and what was keeping us going It was our connection
• 12:02
  Speaker 7: with each other, our ability to communicate the love for
• 12:05
  Speaker 7: each other. And so now that that has kind of
• 12:08
  Speaker 7: lasted where I think that like honeymoon butterfly in the
• 12:12
  Speaker 7: stomach phase, for us, it was like, okay, i'll see
• 12:14
  Speaker 7: if in three days, then i'll see in two weeks.
• 12:16
  Speaker 7: It had to kind of leave quickly or we would
• 12:19
  Speaker 7: have never you know, made it work.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: And Jesse mentioned date nights there. We were going to
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: ask about it. It sounds like you all certainly subscribe
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: to the idea. But so let me ask, do you
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: have set days you do it? How often do you
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: like to do it? Are you just when it comes
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: up it comes up that.
• 12:35
  Speaker 6: Big size because it's been a really long time.
• 12:41
  Speaker 7: I know, we did go We were in Orlando for
• 12:45
  Speaker 7: a golf tournament this weekend and we went out. We
• 12:48
  Speaker 7: found one night. We're in Denver and we don't really
• 12:51
  Speaker 7: have any we don't have any family near us. And
• 12:53
  Speaker 7: some of our neighbors are great and they'll love to
• 12:55
  Speaker 7: take care of Winnie, but our average like neighbor neighbor
• 12:59
  Speaker 7: age a lot higher than us, and so when we
• 13:01
  Speaker 7: want to go for a date night, we could be
• 13:03
  Speaker 7: out till, you know, ten o'clock, and that's not an
• 13:05
  Speaker 7: option in this neighborhood with our neighbors.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: So, by the way, I have.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: A daughter who's nineteen, who lives really close to you,
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: who is a babysitter.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: We made all of them.
• 13:15
  Speaker 6: Yeah this, yes, Yeah, that would be great. I was
• 13:20
  Speaker 6: just telling Ben last week, we've got to start interviewing
• 13:23
  Speaker 6: for babysitters.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's that's kind of number for you.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: And then I'll call later and give you the truth
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: about it. She is, she is all right.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: So household chores, how do you all split this up?
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: Because a lot of folks talk about that's where some
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: of these fights bubble up. Sounds like that might be
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: a little true for y'alls too. Who does the cooking,
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: Who does the cleaning, who does the laundry, all of that?
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: Ben does almost all of it.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be on it.
• 13:54
  Speaker 6: I got really lucky with him. He is an amazing cook.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: He is so clean.
• 14:01
  Speaker 6: It comes with the only child. I'm a middle child.
• 14:03
  Speaker 6: We just live on like different planets and we do
• 14:08
  Speaker 6: our own separate laundry. I do Winni's laundry.
• 14:11
  Speaker 7: Yeah, she does the daughter's laundry. I mean, I work
• 14:15
  Speaker 7: from home, and so where you see me sitting right
• 14:17
  Speaker 7: now is where I'm sitting. In a majority of the day,
• 14:19
  Speaker 7: Jessica does go down to her office. She owns a
• 14:22
  Speaker 7: couple of skincare clinics in Denver, and so she's going
• 14:26
  Speaker 7: down there. And so when I'm home and I'm on
• 14:28
  Speaker 7: a call or I'm listening in on a meeting, It's
• 14:32
  Speaker 7: not uncommon for me to pull out the vacuum. I
• 14:34
  Speaker 7: am preferred to be very clean in our house, to
• 14:37
  Speaker 7: keep everything picked up. And then when it comes to cooking, honestly,
• 14:42
  Speaker 7: it's it's ninety nine percent of the time, something I
• 14:46
  Speaker 7: want to do with the today. I want to pour
• 14:48
  Speaker 7: a cocktail, I want to turn on the news, I
• 14:50
  Speaker 7: want to see what's going on in the world, and
• 14:52
  Speaker 7: I want to cook for the next hour. That's like
• 14:55
  Speaker 7: my favorite time of the day. And so most days
• 14:59
  Speaker 7: that's never like a chore more than it is just
• 15:01
  Speaker 7: a release. But yeah, when it comes to like those
• 15:05
  Speaker 7: like everyday tasks, I seem to be doing them more
• 15:09
  Speaker 7: just because I think I'm home more.
• 15:10
  Speaker 6: But he loves it, so I just I let him
• 15:12
  Speaker 6: do what he loves so good at it.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: DJ is the chef and the family too, and he
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: when you did with the scene you just described ing
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: at cocktail, putting on the news, and making dinner. I
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: just literally that's PJ.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: You guys are so allowing us to cook and clean.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Appreciate appreciate that. The other thing about the household money,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: how do you all handle it? One account, joint, two
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: separate and a lot of people have three mm.
• 15:42
  Speaker 7: Yeah, we uh, we have one shared account that we
• 15:45
  Speaker 7: both put money into every month, and then we both
• 15:50
  Speaker 7: operate our own individual businesses and so we operate those
• 15:54
  Speaker 7: you know how we need to how we want to
• 15:56
  Speaker 7: separate accounts for that. But our our Joy account pays
• 16:00
  Speaker 7: for everything that's like that's expensed wise in our life,
• 16:05
  Speaker 7: mortgages to insurance to all that stuff, and then we
• 16:08
  Speaker 7: do have a shared like retirement fund separate than that, so.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: We try to keep it. I think the way we've
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: tried to.
• 16:15
  Speaker 7: Do it is I never I just wouldn't want to
• 16:19
  Speaker 7: in my life ever be like telling Jessica how to
• 16:24
  Speaker 7: spend her money, and I don't think she wants to
• 16:25
  Speaker 7: do that to me, And so it's nice to have
• 16:27
  Speaker 7: these separate accounts that we can she can buy, you know,
• 16:31
  Speaker 7: whatever she buys, and then we have this this shared
• 16:35
  Speaker 7: account that's kind of hopefully building up for our future
• 16:38
  Speaker 7: and for life and retirement.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: That's perfect. I think a lot of a lot of
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: folks are on that path as well. All Right, how often, well,
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: I know we talked a little bit about the vice,
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: but I'm curious, how often would you say you have
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: a disagreement with each other?
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: Even small ones, even small ones?
• 16:59
  Speaker 7: Yeah, maybe once a week, Yeah, once a week. I
• 17:02
  Speaker 7: would say it'd probably be a pretty good guess. Once
• 17:04
  Speaker 7: or twice a week.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: You remember the last significant one?
• 17:09
  Speaker 7: A significant one? Once every two months? Yeah, once a
• 17:14
  Speaker 7: quarter maybe, like one that like actually feels like, Hey,
• 17:19
  Speaker 7: I'm emotionally tied to this argument.
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: Most of the time, it's like, you know, I don't.
• 17:24
  Speaker 7: I mean, honestly, it's hard for me to remember half
• 17:26
  Speaker 7: of the things we've argued about in the last week,
• 17:28
  Speaker 7: because I.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: Have no recollection or emotional tie to them.
• 17:32
  Speaker 7: But some of the ones that I like would actually
• 17:34
  Speaker 7: feel and think through, I'd say once a quarter would
• 17:38
  Speaker 7: be our pace.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Right now, we need to look into that because we're
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: the same. We have a once every three months. I
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: say it to it when a fight ends, I'll see
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: you in three months.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, in three months.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:52
  Speaker 7: I don't know what that's about, but it seems that
• 17:53
  Speaker 7: be that that like if I look back on kind
• 17:57
  Speaker 7: of like when I remember them, it would be.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: And maybe it's just like, hey, we haven't done this
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: in a while.
• 18:03
  Speaker 7: I gotta let's get some stuff out.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: The last one was our biggest, and I think we
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: had gone five months without having a big one. But man,
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: I'd rather go three months and have it not be so.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Built up.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Do you all have any rules, as in, we never
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: go to bed angry? Like when it comes to how
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: you all handle disagreements, and.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Some people don't. They say they don't curse, they make
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: sure they don't use profanity when we're threatened.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: To leave or in the relationship like I'm done, I
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: want a D word anything like that.
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say one rule.
• 18:41
  Speaker 7: I mean, we've gone to bed angry and sometimes I
• 18:43
  Speaker 7: think you need to at least I need to you
• 18:47
  Speaker 7: sleep it off. And sometimes I wake up in the morning
• 18:49
  Speaker 7: I was like, and I'm like, why did I go
• 18:50
  Speaker 7: to bed mad? Last night, and we never threatened to leave.
• 18:57
  Speaker 7: I think that would be our one rule in our
• 19:00
  Speaker 7: argument is like that is just not that. That is
• 19:02
  Speaker 7: not the solution in our relationship. That's not an out.
• 19:06
  Speaker 7: And so we're we're never going to threaten like, hey,
• 19:10
  Speaker 7: I might go for a walk. I might you know,
• 19:13
  Speaker 7: take a drive, but I'm not threatening, Like I don't
• 19:16
  Speaker 7: want Jessica to think, hey, this, you know he's going
• 19:19
  Speaker 7: to bounce.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's terrible. How about what do you think about
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: I think you said something. You mentioned this briekly, but
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: I'm curious specifically what you think about couples? And there
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: have been a few famous celebrity couples who have said,
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: to anyone who will ask, we never fight. George Clooney
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: and them all I believe in Travis and Taylor said
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: they never fight. What do you think about couples who
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: don't fight at all?
• 19:46
  Speaker 6: I think that would have been my dream, I really,
• 19:51
  Speaker 6: But going back to a couple's therapy, it was so
• 19:55
  Speaker 6: that was so helpful and enlightening of like, you can't
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: agree on everything, someone is holding something back is kind
• 20:03
  Speaker 6: of where my head goes, is like because that person
• 20:06
  Speaker 6: would be me, like if he never brought up an
• 20:09
  Speaker 6: argument or disagreement, I would just hold it all in
• 20:12
  Speaker 6: and then it would get built up and I would
• 20:13
  Speaker 6: have this kind of resentment towards that person, or just
• 20:17
  Speaker 6: I don't think I would feel completely hurt or satisfied.
• 20:22
  Speaker 6: So I think it's it's important to voice where you
• 20:25
  Speaker 6: disagree so that the person gets to know you better too.
• 20:29
  Speaker 7: I also would say, like, I mean, it's different maybe
• 20:31
  Speaker 7: with some of the ones that you mentioned, but you
• 20:33
  Speaker 7: need a little practice so that when you have your
• 20:36
  Speaker 7: first it doesn't feel like the end of the world,
• 20:38
  Speaker 7: Like you kind of need to get some like callousness
• 20:41
  Speaker 7: to like understand how the other one operates and typed
• 20:44
  Speaker 7: in moments of like frustration. I also think a lot
• 20:49
  Speaker 7: of our fights come from, like, honestly, like a deep
• 20:52
  Speaker 7: desire to be known and loved by our partner, me
• 20:56
  Speaker 7: for her and her for me, And sometimes we don't
• 21:00
  Speaker 7: even understand ourselves, and so it's hard and you get
• 21:03
  Speaker 7: frustrated at yourself and at your partner for not understanding
• 21:06
  Speaker 7: and all these things. So for me, sometimes the fights
• 21:09
  Speaker 7: feel like the biggest compliment because I'm, like Jessica's just
• 21:12
  Speaker 7: trying to get to know me and I'm not doing
• 21:15
  Speaker 7: a good job at allowing it.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Wow, that sounded sweet. I just I wish he would
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: stop trying to get to know me so well.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: I'm curious. I'm just so curious.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're really curious. You asked curious.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: How important is friendship? Would you say you're each other's
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: best friends or do you think it's important to have
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: best friends outside of the relationship. Where do you stand
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: on that part of being a couple.
• 21:56
  Speaker 6: He's definitely my best friend, like one hundred percent. When
• 21:58
  Speaker 6: something happens, good, bad, funny, He's the first person I
• 22:02
  Speaker 6: want to tell all the things too. But I do
• 22:05
  Speaker 6: think it's important for me to have my girlfriends too,
• 22:07
  Speaker 6: because there's some stuff that excites me so much that
• 22:10
  Speaker 6: he just doesn't care about. Not because he doesn't like me,
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: but because we have different interests.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: Like Bridgeran and things like that. I totally get that exactly.
• 22:18
  Speaker 7: You got a person some deal for way too much
• 22:22
  Speaker 7: money still, and I don't get it why.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: It's a deal, But my girlfriends loved it.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I do.
• 22:32
  Speaker 6: I think that you need to have and like, I'll
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: watch football with him, but I'm not going to have
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: the same reaction as his buddies like, You've got to
• 22:39
  Speaker 6: have that outside.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: I think, Yeah, I.
• 22:42
  Speaker 7: Still hold a lot of really close friendships. Jessica's definitely
• 22:44
  Speaker 7: my best friend. We spend the most time together, she
• 22:46
  Speaker 7: knows the most about me. But I yeah, I will
• 22:51
  Speaker 7: always need some some of my dudes around, especially who
• 22:55
  Speaker 7: have known me since middle school, because yeah, it's just
• 22:59
  Speaker 7: different and they it kind of also is like an
• 23:03
  Speaker 7: accountability check to make sure I'm, you know, doing things well.
• 23:07
  Speaker 7: They'll hold me accountable if they feel like I'm slipping,
• 23:10
  Speaker 7: and I think that's a big deal too.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Last couple of things here, and you all are such
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: a good example of what a lot of couples are
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: trying to figure out. I mean, you all overcame distance,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: you overcame different industries, you overcame being in the public.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: You got a puppy, you had a baby. You are
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: young and your marriage is young. So for those folks
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: who want that, I mean, you all went through some
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: stuff and you're still here and happy in making it.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: Tell them what is it you see oftentimes young couples
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: making a mistake about that. If you had their ear,
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: you say, hey, watch out for this when they're trying
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: to get to where you guys are right now. People
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: want that advice, and they certainly want to allow of
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: their relationship to look like you alls seems to be
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: looking right now.
• 23:54
  Speaker 6: That's really kind of you to say. Obviously, we've put
• 23:56
  Speaker 6: in a lot of work. And I think that's one
• 23:58
  Speaker 6: of the things, is like, you have to prioritize your relationship.
• 24:01
  Speaker 6: You can't just let it pass by. You have to
• 24:04
  Speaker 6: work on it for it to be healthy and sustainable.
• 24:09
  Speaker 6: But I also think one of the things that I
• 24:11
  Speaker 6: hear the most from younger couples is keeping score. They
• 24:15
  Speaker 6: got to do this, so I got to do that.
• 24:16
  Speaker 6: He was golfing for six hours. Now I get six
• 24:19
  Speaker 6: hours to do blah blah blah. And that's something that
• 24:22
  Speaker 6: we make a conscious effort not to do. But we're
• 24:25
  Speaker 6: so happy when the other person has something that they
• 24:28
  Speaker 6: desire and we want them.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: To go and do that thing.
• 24:30
  Speaker 6: But it doesn't mean that then I get to do something.
• 24:33
  Speaker 6: It's just like a mutual happiness and excitement. And I
• 24:36
  Speaker 6: think that's something that prevents that like resentment from building up.
• 24:40
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I think keeping score seems to be more and
• 24:43
  Speaker 7: more common, and for us, I think the back of
• 24:47
  Speaker 7: that is we both have to be understanding of when
• 24:51
  Speaker 7: we are stretching the limits of our time away. I
• 24:54
  Speaker 7: think we both have to hold that and check and
• 24:57
  Speaker 7: make sure that our partners, you know, are communicat to us, like, hey,
• 25:00
  Speaker 7: you've been gone now for three straight days. It would
• 25:03
  Speaker 7: be great if you were home this afternoon, and to
• 25:05
  Speaker 7: hear that and be like, yes, you're right. I also
• 25:10
  Speaker 7: think for young people, dating expectations are really high on
• 25:15
  Speaker 7: what they're looking for in a partner, which at some
• 25:18
  Speaker 7: level is good. But you're also dating another human who
• 25:22
  Speaker 7: is not perfect, who is going to have mistakes, And
• 25:26
  Speaker 7: so I think it's it's prioritizing what's really important to you,
• 25:29
  Speaker 7: what's your value system for in your partner, and being
• 25:32
  Speaker 7: able to either fall in love with or understand, you know,
• 25:35
  Speaker 7: maybe where they're falling short, because you know, the perfect
• 25:40
  Speaker 7: partner doesn't exist, but a love that can kind of
• 25:44
  Speaker 7: bind that and solve that does. And so it's just
• 25:48
  Speaker 7: knowing that, hey, there's faults in it, there's faults in
• 25:51
  Speaker 7: our marriage, there's faults in each other, but we're committed
• 25:55
  Speaker 7: to each other and to love each other even through those.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: Oh that's awesome.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: What would you say, I'm sure people ask it this,
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: it's jumping off of your last question, but what is
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: the key to your successful relationship? How if someone was
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: asking what do you do that makes your relationship work?
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: How would you answer that?
• 26:19
  Speaker 7: I mean, I think it's I think really it comes
• 26:21
  Speaker 7: from our shared faith. Like I think our foundation, our
• 26:25
  Speaker 7: faith is is always a checkpoint for us. It's always
• 26:29
  Speaker 7: something that when we come into arguments, it's the filter.
• 26:33
  Speaker 7: When we're celebrating, it's the filter. When we're raising our child,
• 26:36
  Speaker 7: it's the filter. When we're committing to each other. You know,
• 26:39
  Speaker 7: it's the filter. It's just it really is the foundation.
• 26:44
  Speaker 7: And I think we said it the other night, like
• 26:46
  Speaker 7: it's just been so valuable in our lives to kind
• 26:49
  Speaker 7: of even personally as we celebrate each other's successes, to
• 26:52
  Speaker 7: hold each other and check based on our faith, tradition
• 26:55
  Speaker 7: and value system. At least I know we have a
• 26:59
  Speaker 7: common place were coming from.
• 27:02
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I agree that, And staying curious about your partner
• 27:05
  Speaker 6: and asking questions because it changes you grow with them.
• 27:08
  Speaker 6: I met Ben when I was twenty three. I'm thirty now,
• 27:11
  Speaker 6: that's a huge difference in who you are. So I
• 27:14
  Speaker 6: think understanding how that person's mind is changing too, and
• 27:18
  Speaker 6: wanting to stay curious about them and get to know
• 27:20
  Speaker 6: who they are as you grow with them is really important.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's huge.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: All right. I have one last question because for anyone
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: who there are a lot of people who you guys
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: just had a baby. I want to know how having
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: your little girl has changed your relationship. And we joke
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: because obviously that ship has sailed for us, but he
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: just like, we should have a kid to get it right.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: He's like, laugh, you know, that'll fix everything. And I
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: do all jokes aside. I think some people do believe that.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Every fight, Ben, I say that let's let's go have
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: a baby. Yeah, I like it.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: I like your minds that he.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Knows it's a safe suggestion because out of the realm
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: of possibilities. But how has having a little girl? Having
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: a baby changed your relationship?
• 28:08
  Speaker 6: Well, definitely won't fix a relationship, that's for sure. You
• 28:12
  Speaker 6: got to put in a lot more work with your
• 28:14
  Speaker 6: partner and be come at it as a team. It's
• 28:18
  Speaker 6: made me watching Ben, especially with the little girl, I
• 28:22
  Speaker 6: just have fallen even more deeply in love with him
• 28:25
  Speaker 6: because he the way he cares for this girl and
• 28:27
  Speaker 6: looks at her and it's just like the sweetest thing.
• 28:31
  Speaker 6: I feel like your heart's grown like seven times. But
• 28:35
  Speaker 6: it's changed our relationship and the quality time we get
• 28:38
  Speaker 6: with one another is far different. We're both, like you said,
• 28:41
  Speaker 6: coming out days, a little bit more exhausted. But I
• 28:44
  Speaker 6: think overall it does make our relationship feel more safe
• 28:48
  Speaker 6: because I feel where our priorities are.
• 28:51
  Speaker 7: Yeah, and I think it has made it harder with
• 28:54
  Speaker 7: the quality time and with the time that we we
• 28:59
  Speaker 7: get to spend.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: But we go a lot of walks together.
• 29:01
  Speaker 7: That's a big part of our relationship is walking, and
• 29:05
  Speaker 7: that's where we get to catch up a lot of
• 29:07
  Speaker 7: times because the baby strapped to one of our chests.
• 29:12
  Speaker 7: And in closing, I think with when it comes to Jessica,
• 29:17
  Speaker 7: there isn't really I've tried. There's not words to describe
• 29:20
  Speaker 7: what it does for you when you see your partner
• 29:24
  Speaker 7: sacrifice her body, her time, her energy for something else
• 29:31
  Speaker 7: that you also love. It just it expands your appreciation
• 29:39
  Speaker 7: and I think that's a part of love.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: That is beautiful. And you all are a gorgeous couple
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: inside and out. Thank you so much for sharing your
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: relationship with all of us. I know a lot of folks.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: This is tough, it's these are private things, but it's
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: so helpful for all of us near more to actually
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: understand these relationships we see right on social media or
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: in the media and think, oh, they've got it all
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: figured out. It's so nice to hear how you all
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: get through tough times and we appreciate you being vulnerable
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: and sharing your beautiful love story with us.
• 30:19
  Speaker 7: Well, hey, thanks for having us. We love talking about it.
• 30:22
  Speaker 7: It's actually really fun for us to just take out
• 30:25
  Speaker 7: to talk about our love.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: It's nice. Oh well, you know what, maybe we'll follow
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: up with you guys down the road. Polenty of relationship
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: topics out there, so really goods. All right, all right,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: love that.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: Thanks all,