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Why Do Narcissists want to Humble You · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Why are so many narcissists so dead set on humbling you, on
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  humbling you and making you feel horrible about yourself or
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  making or invalidating your experiences or trying to knock
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  you off a pedestal or pull you down a peg?
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  Right? Why, why, why is it?
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  Why is that the truth? This is what we talked about
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  today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of The
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  Narcissist Code. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back, welcome back. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
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  Narcissistic people want to humble you.
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  They want to feed you a big monstrous slice of that old
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  humble pie. They do they want they want to
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  pull you down a notch. They want to knock you off a
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  pedestal. They want to make you feel less
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  than. Why?
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  But why, Lee? Like, why the hell would they go
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  so hard? They're trying to make us feel
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  so bad about ourselves when we only want to love them when we
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  only want to care for them, when we only want to give them, when
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  we only want to give them our all.
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  Why do they so dead set on trying to hurt us?
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  Is it an intentional thing? Yeah.
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  Is it is it planned from the beginning for them to try to
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  knock you off a pedestal? I don't believe that to be true,
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  right? I just don't believe that to be
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  100% factual truth. I think that most narcissists,
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  are they just yeah, we're we are sensitive creatures.
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  You mean when I say creatures, I still mean humans.
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  But we are sensitive to a damn, to the, to the maximum.
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  We are sensitive as hell, right? We are so sensitive that we
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  can't take like we are so sensitive that we can't take any
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  type of criticism. We we can't handle any type of
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  shame that is consistently bought into our lives, right?
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  Because we can't handle that your success, your progress,
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  your happiness makes us feel shame.
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  It makes us feel less valuable to the world.
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  It just does. And I know it sounds crazy as
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  hell. I know it sounds ridiculous
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  because I live, Yeah, I live with this mindset.
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  I know how stupid it sounds like.
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  I entirely live with this mindset and I know how
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  ridiculously stupid it sounds. I get that.
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  But this is how I this is how my mind works.
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  I wish my mind didn't work this way sometimes, but this is
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  literally how my mind works. I don't like when people are
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  grinding around me and doing better than me.
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  It automatically makes me question my own worth and value.
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  This is why you have it. You could have a narcissistic
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  partner that you think is rooting for you, but they're
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  actually your biggest hater on the planet.
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  Like you think they're rooting for you, but they're actually
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  your biggest hater on the planet.
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  And this could be your parent, this could be your best friend.
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  This could be your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your husband,
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  your wife, whomever it is. This could be your uncle, you
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  something. This could be your auntie, your
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  grandma. Imagine your grandma being your
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  biggest hater, which some people don't even have to imagine
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  because it's just overall true. But this is the type of stuff
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  that happens, y'all? It really is.
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  When you're dealing with a narcissistic person, this is the
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  type of stuff that is absolutely going to happen.
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  Like you're going to deal with this type of person over and
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  over again. They're going to try to pull you
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  off a pedestal. They're going to try to knock
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  you down a knock you down a peg or two because they feel like
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  they've been knocked down a peg or two.
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  When it comes to grandparents, sometimes your grandparents can
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  be jealous of you. If they're narcissistic, your
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  grandparents can be jealous of you because you had more
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  opportunities than they did. And I'm the again, I know that
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  sounds ass backwards. Like leave my grandma's jealous
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  of me because I had more opportunities.
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  Yes, yes, because you got born, you were born in a different
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  time period or whatever. So they didn't get the same as
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  the opportunities that you did. So yeah, they can be jealous of
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  you and they can feel like you don't deserve the life that you
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  you've achieved. Your grandparents can thank this
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  y'all. Your grandparents can actually
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  think that you don't deserve the life that you have achieved.
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  Their grandparents can think that you don't deserve the life
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  that you have absolutely tried to the life that you sought
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  after, the life that you've worked hard for, especially if
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  they were the ones that you mean they they had to suffer, they
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  had to struggle, they needed, they didn't get the same
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  opportunities. Your grandparents can absolutely
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  be your biggest haters. I know that sounds ignorant.
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  I know that sounds crazy as hell, but it's a this is going
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  to be the truth for a lot of people.
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  Again, I don't make the rules. Y'all just enforce them.
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  But NARS like for me as they diagnose narcissist like I don't
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  humble some narcissist. Now y'all will try to humble you
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  through violence and threats of violence.
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  They'll try to bring you down a pig.
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  They'll just, you know, especially if it's the male
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  female dynamic, right? Or the bigger, smaller dynamic.
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  It doesn't have to be male female.
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  It can be female, right? Male to male, like whomever it
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  is person to person like if you're bigger and if they're
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  bigger and stronger than you, they're going to try to
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  physically intimidate you, to knock you off a pig.
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  Like you're small as hell, you little, you tiny, blah, blah,
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  blah, blah, blah. They'll try to physically humble
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  you. If you were successful, they'll
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  try to physically humble you. Yeah, you rich and famous, but
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  you're 5 foot three at 104 lbs as a grown ass man, you're not,
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  you're, you're pretty much a girl.
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  You something. They'll try to humble you like
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  that way you're pretty much a woman.
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  Look how tiny you are. You're a woman.
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  You're not a man, you're a woman.
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  That sounds crazy as hell, doesn't it?
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  But that's the mindset and that's the type of stuff that
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  people will face when you're dealing with this type of
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  person. You know, I wish it didn't have
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  to be this way. Let me keep it high.
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  I wish it didn't have to be this way.
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  But the more you're dealing with an abuser, the more you dealing
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  with somebody who does, who is actively rooting against you,
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  that's the way it's going to be. Well, that sucks.
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  Yeah, Yeah, yeah. Yes, it does suck.
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  It absolutely does suck. It sucks.
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  It sucks a lot. I'm saying it sucks big time.
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  It sucks bigly, but it absolutely does.
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  But this is what you have to face and deal with when you're
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  dealing with a manipulator, when you're dealing with an abuser,
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  when you're dealing with somebody who doesn't care about
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  how you feel or doesn't care about what you're going through
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  or doesn't care about your feelings.
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  They only care about themselves. So they feel like any time you
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  are progressing in life, like you're progressing in life makes
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  them feel less than you doing better.
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  You feeling better, You being a human being makes that
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  narcissistic person that you're dealing with that you're talking
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  to, it makes them feel smaller. It just does, y'all.
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  It makes them feel tiny, it makes them feel minute, it makes
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  them feel minuscule. So, so the, the, the, the
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  smaller that they feel, the smaller that your narcissistic
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  partner or parent feels, the smaller they have to make you
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  feel, right? The smaller they make you feel,
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  the smaller they, the smaller you make them feel intentionally
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  or unintentionally, 'cause I know most of y'all are not out
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  here actively trying to make your partners feel small.
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  You want to make you. You want your partners to clap
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  for you so y'all can feel good about the situation.
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  Y'all can feel good about each other.
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  Y'all can feel good about moving forward.
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  You want that to actively happen, right?
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  They don't want that. They want you to feel smaller
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  than they do so they can like This is why sometimes they'll
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  actively compare and contrast. If you get a promotion and you
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  have an office job and they working in the warehouse,
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  they'll tell you that they'll no matter what you do, you're not a
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  really don't have a real job. You have a, you're a stay at
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  home parent. You, you're a stay at home.
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  You, you work from home, you work in the office.
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  I actually work, I work, I'm a, I'm a lineman or I'm a, a
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  firefighter or a police officer. I actually have to get physical.
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  I work in a warehouse. I stacked truck, I stacked
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  boxes. I feel pallets, I feel orders.
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  I'm an order selector at Harris Teeter distribution center like
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  I was in Greensboro, NC. Shout out to my highest
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  distribution center folks, 2200 distribution drive in
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  Greensboro. But yes, that's what ends up
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  happening. Like they want to pull you down
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  to pay. They want to knock you off your
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  pedestal because they feel bad about themselves and how their
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  future turned out or what they're or what they're actively
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  doing. If you get a narcissist that's
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  unhappy, they'll try to make you unhappy.
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  Like even you're happy. It's not even.
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  Yeah. It doesn't even have to be you
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  achieving greatness in life, you moving forward.
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  So now, yeah, sometimes it can just be your natural happiness
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  that is setting off that narcissistic person.
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  It could be your natural happiness, your natural smile,
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  your natural inclination and make friends and make friends or
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  whatever your bubbliness that makes them feel like they need
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  to humble you and make you feel like you need to shut the hell
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  up. Like y'all heard me say this
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  before, but sometimes the same thing that attracts that
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  narcissistic person to you to say, yeah, the same thing that
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  they clap for, the same thing that they cheer for will be the
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  same things that they hate later on.
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  If you're kind, friendly and bubbly and can talk to anybody
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  and make friends with anybody, they loved it earlier on, right?
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  I love the fact that you can make friends so easily, but
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  later on in the relationship, you, you talk too damn much.
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  Shut the hell up. You can, you don't know, you
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  talk way too much. You over share like damn, shut
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  the hell up. And you're like, I thought you
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  liked that about me. No, I hate that about you.
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  And then your feelings are hurt and then you get sad as hell and
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  in the process and the cycle starts all over again, doesn't
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  it? But this is the battle that you
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  will probably face when you're dealing with a manipulative,
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  abusive, lying ass narcissist. Y'all, Let's keep it hot and
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  ready. That's what we have to do,
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  Y'all, That's what we do on the channel.
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  No, we keep it hot and ready like a Little Caesar's pizza.
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  So they always feel the need to humble you.
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  Because narcissistic people absolutely need to be humbled
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  themselves. They need to be humbled.
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  They need to be brought down to pay.
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  They need to be. They need to be bought down to
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  pay. They need to be bought down a
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  notch. This is how it goes.
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  This is what happens. This is what goes on so, so
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  many, so many people who are dealing with abusers and
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  narcissistic people like when they're trying to humble you.
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  Understand that it's not even really about you in that
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  scenario. Understand that when a
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  narcissist or a toxic person is trying to humble you, most times
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  it's really about them and how they really feel about
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  themselves. It's not even really about you.
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  It's not even really about you. It's about them and how bad do
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  they feel? How horrible do they feel about
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  themselves? They feel like they need to do
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  something to you. Like seriously, this is what
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  goes on in the mind of a narcissist job.
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  Hope this hope this video but y'all some clarity.
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  Hope it. But you some understanding.
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  Because when they try to humble you, when they're not clapping
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  for your success. When they're trying to
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  invalidate you or make you feel like what you do is not good
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  enough. Or you could be doing better or
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  like what you do is not worth anything or they're doing better
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  than you. When they feel like.
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  When they feel the need to compare and contrast is not even
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  about you. So when they when they do that
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  type of stuff, you try when you try to share some stuff that
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  that you want to celebrate with them and they just try to make
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  it seem like it's nothing. It's everything.
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  If it makes them pull you, if it makes them try to, if it makes
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  them feel like they need to try to humble you, then you did a
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  great job. You've done something amazing.
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  You're doing amazing. So sometimes you have to try to
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  reframe your experience when you're dealing with these
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  manipulative line toxic bastards.
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  OK, anyway, y'all, if you made it this far, make sure to hit
• 10:53
  that subscribe button. Check out my courses, my one on
• 10:55
  ones over zoom. I still do those over Zoom.
• 10:58
  My one on ones, my support group, everything is available
• 11:00
  at mentalillness.net. My kids book, everything is
• 11:02
  there. Y'all make sure you hit this.
• 11:04
  Join the newsletter for my next in person workshop coming up in
• 11:07
  Atlanta, GA and June. Haven't set the day yet, but
• 11:10
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• 11:13
  York and then Toronto, Canada. We'll see.
• 11:15
  Y'all hit the subscribe button, I'm out.
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  Peace.