Latest / To Your Success! Podcast / Episode 44: The Quiet Fear Nobody Talks About. What If You Outgrow Your Current Life
Transcript
- speaker-0: It's not a fear of failure, it's the identity of it, right? Because you know you won't fail. You know that you can, it's just that you're afraid of change. Because you have to do something you've never done before. You don't have to ask for others permission to grow. You will never get it, you know. speaker-1: And if I would say no to you when you were changing, we wouldn't be here today. Welcome to your success. speaker-0: You've built a life others admire, delivered and become someone people rely on. But somewhere along the way, it stopped feeling like yours. Mentor Krister Johnson and Ellen Solheim know that feeling. More clarity, more freedom, more presence. Today, they help high achievers. True, not just impressive. speaker-1: You've achieved. After following successful paths of their own, they chose something different. to side lives that feel speaker-0: This podcast is for those ready for their next chapter. Not more pressure, not more performance, but a life that feels like yours with clarity and direction. Welcome. speaker-1: to your success. speaker-0: Warm welcome everyone to a new episode of the To Your Success podcast. I am a Christy Johnson, and with me and close today. speaker-1: Very close. I'm Alan Solheim. speaker-0: Hi Elin! And reason why... Happy to be here! Yeah, so am I! It's good to be back! And for those of you who watch this on YouTube, you can see that we are in our boat. So we are still out sailing and we're going to do that for quite a while. Yeah! Yeah, we go wherever we want, whenever we want. speaker-1: Yes. And today we're going to have another exciting subject. Because sometimes nothing is wrong. That's a new one. Your life works. You are successful. People rely on you, but quietly like something is feels different. And today we talk about a fear that very few admit. The fear of outgrowing your current life. So, Christo, why can't growth... feel more frightening than failure. speaker-0: I rather fail on the new me than succeed on the old me. ⁓ Maybe you're afraid because you don't feel comfortable living the life you live now and you think that you should be happy and then there is something inside you and you know what most people don't understand is that the purpose of life is growth. I write in my book the purpose of life is its livingness. And livingness is to grow. day. without livingness, we become stale. It's like we... speaker-1: everything. speaker-0: Life gets stiff, right? Yeah. It gets boring. It gets a routine. It gets over and over the same way. Another day, another day. You go to work. do this. Oh, you remember when I told you the story when I tried to go the other way over the bridge in London? That was when we started our our journey around the world. It was the second time we sailed to London. London is one of our favorite sailing destinations. If you have a boat. Sail up to London, go up the fence. Elin almost sunk our boat the first time. speaker-1: Go to London. Almost a month or two. speaker-0: Mrs. Good as a Wild. That's a different story. then, so the Marina in London is just next to Tower Bridge, meaning that you live in your own house. mean, our boat is our house when we are sailing. Yes, St. Catherine Dock. And then you have London Bridge and then the next bridge. I was out doing a morning walk and I think I had some client calls at that as well. speaker-1: St. Catharines. speaker-0: And I saw all these robotic people being empty in their eyes just walking to a job. And I was wondering, why are they walking like that? They looked like just this endless stream of people. ⁓ I didn't say they don't think, but they don't deliberately think. And I tried to walk the other way. they were like, who is this crazy guy walking the other way? And I said, it's me. speaker-1: Ta-da! speaker-0: I'm just trying, just trying, right? But that can be really scary, right? Because you have to give up your old identity. Right? Remember when I changed course and I finally, finally, I dared to leave the corporate world. And I was so afraid because what I gave up was my identity. I was this young CEO. I was not young anymore at that time. But my self-image was I was the CEO, president, the chairman of the board, a board member who did all these things, right? I had the front page of newspapers. I did all these things. And now it was like, who am I now? It was very, very strange to make new business cards, saying, mentor Krister Johnson. That was one of the weirdest things I ever done. That was kind of scary and fun at the same time. speaker-1: Sometimes you still go back to the CEO version of you. ⁓ No, even your mentor told you that. speaker-0: I do? Yeah. I don't want to be that. So yeah, he told me that I had to completely give up. Let that go. that's But it's kind of is like I have a background in marketing. I was I was a product manager, brand manager in Nestle and then I was marketing manager, marketing director. And I love brand building. It's like I cannot give up that. I cannot. You don't want to know. And still around my company and I have contracts and I have obligations and all that. And then we. get new people in new competence in and all that. cannot give up being the CEO, founder of the company. But I can give up to be the CEO, president or the chairman of large international companies. And that's really easy to give up because we have a lot of clients being in that role. And I'm absolutely sure I don't want to go back to that. I don't say it's wrong. It's just that for me, it's not me anymore. And that is how white growth can feel threatening. even when it's positive, because you know what you have but you don't know what you get. And it's a fear of identity shift. It's not a fear of failure. It's the identity shift, right? Because you know you won't fail. I mean, you know that inside you, have, I mean, life so far you have accomplished a lot, you have been successful, you have done all these things. You know that you can, it's just that you're afraid of change, right? Because you have to do something you have never done before. And that is where the personal growth is. That is where the fun starts. Get out of the comfort zone. And all these external successes just creating this invisible pressure is like... I had a client who said that after his third Porsche, he realized that the fourth Porsche wouldn't make him happy. And I said, maybe you should change to a Ferrari. said, no. speaker-1: Actually, the external success creates an invisible pressure to remain the same. speaker-0: Afraid of losing what you have. Maybe you take a financial risk by quitting a job. I don't know. Maybe, but that's not really a risk. It's just that you have to learn new skills, right? ⁓ Maybe you're afraid of what others would say. I have had the same Porsche for 10 years. I tried to sell it. ⁓ I have. And I love that car and I'm not going to change it. But before, part of me was to change because I had company cars, right? And then we changed them every second, every third year. And it was like a new car, new car, new car. Right? It didn't make me happy. And then you get lonely, right? speaker-1: So a lot of people get they feel guilty for wanting more when life is already good. Why is that? speaker-0: For me it's complete misunderstanding of what life is about. ⁓ If you want something, you should have it. speaker-1: I totally agree. speaker-0: If you want something, you should have it, right? This comes from Abraham Hicks. So it's and if you look into spirituality, Abraham is really cool. It's Esther Hicks. ⁓ She was married to I don't remember his name, but he and he taught actually thinking, grow rich. Esther Hicks, she teaches law of attraction, law of vibration through Abraham, which is a medium, but it's really cool. We fire up these new rockets of desire all the time. If you don't want something, then you die. I'm absolutely when my dad passed away and he took a long time for him to leave this life. ⁓ I'm sure he just wanted one more sunrise. There's one more sunrise. There's one more. And then he faded. And as long as you have this urge or this desire that is life, when you stop wanting new things, you settle. You actually die a little bit inside you when you don't honor the feeling you have inside you. Your soul dies a little bit every day. And you saw that on me. I felt that I became smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller. Well, physically I became bigger and bigger and But then mentally. And that's not a good, that's a bad signal too. So it's, and then you get lonely inside. You have a lot of people outside but you feel they don't understand you. And they don't understand how you actually think because you should be happy. Because you have the vacations, you have the car, you have the boat, you have the cabin, you have the house, you have the wife, you have the dog, you have everything. And then of course you compete on Strava or something or you try to and then you replace that with running or skiing or whatever and you run from life. I did a lot of running. speaker-1: expectations from others. speaker-0: when I was in the corporate world as well. Even though my back said I shouldn't, I still kept running. And then, I don't know, it just felt good. That reliefs for physical, but I wanted to feel good all the time. Right? speaker-1: Do you have clients that talk about this? speaker-0: The loneliness? When they come to us, they can feel the loneliness. Then we invite them into our environments and into the groups. And that's a big part of what we do, is that we create these environments, this group of high achievers that have done a lot already and it's okay to want something more. But what they're afraid of, what would others say? Will I be good enough? What if it fails? And then say, what if it works? I mean, you have fixed everything in life so far. So the likelihood of it that it works, it's so much bigger than it doesn't work. And if it doesn't work, you just fail and learn new things. have, there are so many things I have had to learn. The same with you, right? You didn't know how to sell when you started this, no? No, now you are a true sales professional, right? You work with it every day, right? And it's fun. Why is it fun to sell? Because we sell to help, right? If you don't want to buy, it's okay. It's your loss. speaker-1: And it's. Yeah, speaker-0: Okay, right? Yeah, but then if you really want our help and that is our our goal when we want to help people, we love helping people. We are helpers. speaker-1: Yeah, if I were to sell just to get something, it wouldn't work. that's not the way it's supposed to be. speaker-0: No, selling is from heart to heart and we sell to help. And then when they come into these environments and they say, ⁓ I'm not alone. Then the loneliness disappears. It's OK to be afraid. ⁓ I'm looking for things I'm afraid of because I know that I want to go out of that comfort zone into the fear zone. And that's then I grow. speaker-1: So that kind of environment gives you the support you need. speaker-0: Yes, absolutely. That is why we travel to our mentors. I mean, we were there in January, we're going back in June. We spend a lot of time and money on it. Yeah, but it's so worth it, right, to be in that environment. And when we have, see, when we have, when we invite people to our seminars as well, those discussions they have over lunch during coffee breaks, it's like how they connect, how they get inspired, totally different people. speaker-1: Kind of there the magic happens. Meeting face to face with the other people that are in the same kind of changing journey. speaker-0: And being in the energy. Be in the energy. Then you don't feel alone anymore. speaker-1: So, okay, what signals tell someone they are evolving beyond their current structure? I needed to think about that a little bit. What signals tell someone they are evolving beyond their current structure? speaker-0: say that again so I'm sure I get to Structure like social structure, right? There are two things happening when you change your energy, you will see that you attract new people to you and some people will go out of your life, right? We have seen that. There are people resonating with us, there are people not resonating with us and that's okay. speaker-1: It's a sign that you're outgrowing ⁓ speaker-0: It is. Sitting at a dinner with friends or colleagues and you wonder why are they talking about this? speaker-1: Or why am I speaker-0: Am I here? So that is one thing. The other thing is the feeling of misalignment. When you wake up a morning and you ask why I'm doing this over and over again. mean, why can be that you have kids and that you have to take care of your family? That can be one thing. And that's absolutely good reason why. But there is a time for everything. And there is a... I said that to a client of mine today and he just like me, he was afraid of change. And I said, can you imagine what kind of role model you will be to your kids? And he has grown up kids. are around 20, 25 years old. Can you imagine what kind of role model you will be when you jump and do what you want them to do and you show that is possible? And that absolutely struck a chord in him because yeah, I said that I hadn't thought about that. I said, no, but that is how it is because to raise kids. They don't do what you say. They do what you do. speaker-1: I actually had a call today with a possible new client and we were talking about the choices you make that takes you to your goal, the choices in life and there are some different kind of choices you have to make when you are in this building, your family. So then you choose to make choices that is the best for your family. And then after a while, children are grown up, maybe you get divorced and then you stand there and you are like 50 years old and you want to do something for yourself, to choose for yourself. speaker-0: Yeah, well to get the worst is not the goal, that's a shitty process. since you mentioned that, know, and I have one, I can share that, lot of people know that, one of my I am statements is that I love alien and we have a marriage. Because I work on that every day. It's not hard to work on it, right? But you have to use your perception, you have to use your mind. It's so easy to look for the things you don't like, but start looking for all the things you like. speaker-1: Divorced, yes, yes. speaker-0: and I got off now. speaker-1: I'm sorry. I confused you a little bit. Bring me back. But choices, different choices for different periods. speaker-0: No, that's okay. Yes, when you have, I mean the goal when you have kids, the goal is to have a family, then that's your goal. Right? The same way, if you want to have an education, then that's your goal. Right? And then you want to have a career and then you go for the job. Then that's your goal. Having a family, having a good family, being a good parent is your goal. Right? What happens then is that you, you step into that identity. I'm a good mother. I'm a good father. Right? And then when they leave. Then it gets empty because you still have that identity. You still have the identity of being that caring mother right or being that caring father or being You know the person that takes care of your family and then you have to set a new goal speaker-1: And maybe for the first time in your life is that you are at that stage in your life when you are forced to set a goal just for you, not for something else. Because the environment you have been in with the children and everything, that's just the society making the goals. speaker-0: Yeah, because you kind of fit in and do what is expected speaker-1: Yes, so it's more like an unconscious goal. But when you're out of all of that, you... Sorry, now I'm off track too. speaker-0: Yes. I fully agree and I say that to a lot of our clients too, either it's a mom or a dad. It's like, you know, you have to find something else, right? And you cannot, please don't be that mother or father that pushes your kids to have grandchildren just because you want it. Because that's only for you to fulfill in your identity as a caring person. speaker-1: Your personal goal is to be a grandmother or grandfather? That's not good. speaker-0: and it's I don't a dollar a cat I was actually thinking about that today no no we both had dogs and that's we love them a lot but it's not a place for them okay no so but I mean what you do is that you just evolve out of your current structure your current model speaker-1: Did we get the cat? speaker-0: and your model is your self-image. What is your self-image? Is it what you think you are? Like you, your self-image started as a nurse, right? And then a mother, and you're still the mother and you take care of your children. are young. Always, just like I will always be a father, but my children are older than yours and they have their life now. So now my role is different, right? speaker-1: feel me. speaker-0: You can be so much more than that when you first start to realize that you can grow outside the current structure. And that is like when you start to feel restless. I want more. I want something else. I write about that. I talk a lot about my book now. don't know why, but by the way, by daring, be different. speaker-1: By the way, that's why I talk about it. A good book because it helps people. speaker-0: No, it's actually not. It helps a lot of people and a lot of people have bought it. Remember I wrote that I felt like a tiger in cage. So that situation was that my kids were out, I was ready to sail around the world and then they and I became a couple and she has younger kids and we had to take care of them. You had first of all had to take care of them, but we had to wait for the last one to leave the nest. And I was so ready for change. I felt like this... I was going on idle and it was just building up steam, steam, steam, steam, steam all the time. And then I realized I had to create the change myself. I couldn't sit there and wait anymore. So then, right now. speaker-1: So how can someone grow without feeling reckless or unstable? speaker-0: Full of your heart, true heart. Full of your true heart desire. speaker-1: Will it take away the feeling of being reckless and unstable? speaker-0: Talk about it. speaker-1: No. speaker-0: It's like, why should it be reckless to live the life you want? It's an idea that you risk everything. And the recklessness comes from that you risk everything. That's not true. What you risk is that it becomes so much better than you thought was possible. Maybe you think financial risk, no. And you don't have to do it yourself, you know, and that's the biggest mistake most people do. They think that I want to change, but I don't know how. And then they use motivation and motivation lasts for two weeks. And then they start, stop, start, stop, start, stop. And then they try, try, try like I did. I gathered information for 10 years about personal development, right? Spirituality, I went to yoga. went to, or remember I went to that yoga retreat where we, where we looked like trees in the wind. That was at the time you thought I was way out there. Okay. Remember that changed my life in a very dramatic way, not being the tree, but some. something else right in a very very good way so don't be afraid of trying things right just go out there but you're not reckless following your true heart and desire you will succeed of course there will be bruises and you will fail and you will it will suck embrace the suck right yeah it's like yeah of course everything if you think oh if i just do that then everything will be effortless and there will be no resistance no because the purpose of life is to grow and to grow is actually includes some kind of pain. speaker-1: It is painful at time. speaker-0: But then the choice of regret that is lifelong and conquering fair which is here now from our speaker-1: the pain of doing it now. speaker-0: so much easier. That's short. That's Jim Rohn said that. The feeling of regret is less the rest of your life. So why not do it now? And then you become in line with who you truly are. With who you truly are. Yeah. I actually feel a little bit like a tiger in cage still. You do? Yeah. want to ⁓ it's not about the boat. It's more that I really want to cross the Atlantic and we have to stay in the Mediterranean for one more year. speaker-1: Mm. They are in the small both nose. That's terrible. speaker-0: I know, I still feel the urge of sailing the Atlantic, but it will come. Yeah, I'm gonna stay the winter at Palma, one of our favorite cities. So the boat will be there for like four months. Oh, I'm really looking forward speaker-1: in Mallorca. So maybe we can have some pop-up coaching in Mallorca then. speaker-0: Yeah, that would be cool. We can write an office. We can invite people for coaching for coaching. Yeah. So if you plan to go to Palma, Mallorca, ⁓ November, December, January, February, March, let us know. us know. That would be cool. fun. So ⁓ without feeling reckless, start being honest with yourself. Brutally honest. Do I actually want this? speaker-1: In Spain. speaker-0: And if you want it, but you feel bad about it, then change your perception. Start looking for the things you like instead of the things you don't like. And then permission. Why is permission the real breakthrough? Well, you have to give permission to yourself. No, you don't have to ask for others permission to grow. You will never get it, you know. ⁓ remember we have people as I'm not sure this is for me. I'm going to talk to my to my spouse. It's like, don't do that. speaker-1: For some reason so many people have to ask their spouse to change. Imagine if I would say no to you when you were changing. We wouldn't be here today. speaker-0: Well, you said I'm not into all the crazy stuff you do and I said that's okay. I said that's okay ⁓ speaker-1: Because you could change, but I wasn't supposed to change, but I did anyway. speaker-0: Yeah, you've changed a lot. have. And sometimes, you know, sometimes when you listen to the source CDs, I sometimes I ask, how was I before? Because I am really good at not remembering things, right? I'm very, very good at remembering things that are important to me. Right. have a good as everyone. I have a perfect memory. But I ask how was I? I still have some ideas about how I was like angry, afraid and all that. And then you say now. speaker-1: You too. We don't talk about it. We don't talk about it. You're so much better now. speaker-0: I sometimes I was a death- And that is what personal growth is about right it is to become a better version of you it is to Get to a higher level of awareness of using your mind and creating right And don't be afraid right don't be afraid if it doesn't feel right It's just that if you outgrown the model you live in now then and I think we can end this Buckminster Fuller So that you never change a thing by fighting the existing reality You change by creating a new model that makes the old model obsolete. And the new model is who you truly want to be. Your new model is the life you want to live. With the freedom to live it. If you like this, we hope we know you do. Since you listened to the end. ⁓ speaker-1: and they hope you do. If you're still here and you listen to this. speaker-0: Please subscribe, share this, like it, it helps us a lot. Because everything we do is to your success. have a wonderful day. Bye. If something in this episode spoke to you, it may be a sign that you are ready for a different kind of life. Krister and Ellen work with a small number of high achievers who feel it is time for their next chapter. If that feels like you, you can apply for a private clarity call through the link in the show notes. Until next time, to you, Seth. speaker-1: Your success.