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How can I balance routine and flexibility? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: So as neurodivergent people, routine can look very different.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: When we talk about routine day-to-day, we often imagine something very structured, getting up at the same time every day, doing the same things in the same order and following a schedule around the clock.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um and for some new neurodivergent amounts, um those kinds of routines are very useful, but for others they're not always accessible, and quite often trying to force ourselves into a neurotypical routine, how that would look, can create more stress, shame, exhaustion, and eventually burnout when our nervous systems just can't keep up with all the demands anymore.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of asking how our routines should look externally, I like to do it in a more needs-focused way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that is rather than organising your life entirely around time and external expectations, you organize it around how you need to feel and the need that you're trying to meet.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: For example, instead of saying I need to exercise at 7am for three hours, it might be more like I need I need movement right now.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: What is the first step for that?
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And how can I build off of that?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of I have to clean the kitchen every evening, which will become a demand and feel overwhelming.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: The underlying need might be I need my environment to feel calmer so I can relax and so I can put energy into making good food that will then energize me and build my capacity day-to-day.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So we can split that into little steps.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe tonight that's washing the dishes, maybe it's clearing one surface, maybe it's nothing because your capacity is already gone.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: And within that, because the hardest thing is often getting started, when we get started, we can build on that if we get more dopamine from those tasks, or if our capacity is completely gone, it reduces shame.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: One neuroinform technique is to break things down into very small concrete steps.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Executive functioning can make a task feel enormous when we're looking at the whole picture, and that can make our minds ruminate and cause um task paralysis.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of I need to get ready, try feet on the floor, go to the bathroom, brush teeth, one piece of clothing.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to hold the entire sequence in your head, you only have to find the next step.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: It can also help to create anchors rather than rigid schedules.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: An anchor is something that happens around a consistent point in the day, but doesn't have to happen at an exact time.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: For example, after I wake up, I do this, when I finish work, I do this, before sleep I do this.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And importantly, allow your routine to change in line with your capacity.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: You might have a high energy version, a medium energy version, and a low energy version of exactly the same routine.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: On a good day, you might meal prep, you might cook meals from scratch.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: On a difficult day, meeting that same need might just mean eating something simple.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a failure, that's flexibility and it's also regulation.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: All of these things are building your capacity.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And in my experience, the key to a successful routine as a neurodivergent person is not how consistently you do it perfectly, but how regularly you're able to go back to it to meet the end goal.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't to create a perfect routine, it's to build enough predictable support around yourself so your brain knows what it can return to and leaving room for your actual needs, energy, and circumstances.