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Part2: A Lawyer's Testimony of Transformation-with Eric Cummings · Deep Dive into Joy

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  those kids, when we are all kids, we jump. Some
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  of us were born with parents that caught us.
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  Some of us we turned and jumped and we never
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  had a parent there. Some of us jumped and our
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  parents sucked at catching. it's just some of
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  us had a parent that not only wasn't there to
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  catch us they threw them down the steps they
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  did it it's their fault not yours those children
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  jump with zero fear zero holding on to the railing,
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  zero reservation of what could happen because
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  they know with 1000 % certainty that their dad
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  is going to catch them. How often do I jump like
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  that? How often do we jump like that as adults?
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  For God. Lot of the times my hand is still on
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  the rail. I'll jump and I have one hand on the
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  rail going I I don't want it whether it's the
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  fear of me falling or whether it's the fear of
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  Him not catching me or whether it's a fear of
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  or maybe it's I just can't conceive because of
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  what I've been put through by another human being
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  or the lack thereof of that person existing I
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  can't conceive of how Someone could catch all
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  of me not let me fall at all I can't conceive
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  of it if that's you he can he can and he will
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  when we have those kids turn and jump and I started
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  realizing the frame of mind that they were in
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  then I started questioning myself on the things
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  that I do in my daily life and the decisions
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  that I'm making especially when they relate to
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  retaliation and revenge for hurtful things unjustified
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  lies unjustified actions in rooms I never had
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  the chance to be in to defend myself I am justified
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  in dealing with it in my mind And God goes, when's
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  the last time you jumped? And just let me catch
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  you. Are you really jumping or are you not? Do
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  you love me the way that that kid loves you?
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  Or do you not? Do you trust me the way that they,
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  like a childlike faith, like the Bible talks
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  about? That's what he's talking about. Right?
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  You, you have, you... He will catch us. How many
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  times I had to take My own plan For the hurt
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  that was lied on me Out of all different reasons
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  manipulation jealousy garb just garbage all Hearts
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  filled with garbage, which my heart has garbage
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  in it You have to be very very careful in dealing
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  garbage Whether you're a Christian or a not Christian
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  if your heart is in the wrong place And you are
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  spewing lies or gossip or something and God knows
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  the heart He knows what what seed you're planting
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  if you're planting that seed you Are not fighting
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  me You are not fighting me. You're not coming
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  against me. You're not coming against my wife
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  You're coming against the God the creator of
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  the universe of heaven and earth you surround
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  me he will surround you and you fade away and
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  I win and that's the way it's always been I can
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  give you time after time after time time after
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  time after time where God has been faithful because
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  of the condition and submission of my heart especially
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  when he created me in a way that that is the
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  opposite of my personality and he knows that
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  he knows that I don't want to submit so all that
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  sorry for that spiel but i'm going no all of
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  that is an example of of of the level of i was
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  so heavily i was so heavily submitted and and
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  and i still am right like i have learned what
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  i'm good at but i know even more so what i suck
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  at what i'm bad at and um i am very quick as
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  i've gotten older i am quicker to um go god i
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  need you i can't do this i just i can't like
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  i need you to step in on my behalf here Again,
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  I will come home some night so angry and hope
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  will hear me going off a rail off the rail. And
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  I'll say, I know, I know. Just let me vent. I'm
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  not. I did that yesterday. Just let me get it
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  out, Lord. And then I can let the bitterness
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  and just let it go. Yeah. Right. Let it go. And
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  I'm not saying it to whatever. It's fine. And
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  I'll throw this out here, too. And I'll bet you,
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  you know what you and your husband are. in our
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  relationship hope is the internal processor i
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  am the verbal processor right so like when we
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  first got married and we'd be having dialogue
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  and it would get heated and she would stop answering
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  me and she would go i just need you to stop for
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  a second to me that's the biggest slap in the
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  face and i'm going you can't stand me right now
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  like you what i didn't understand was is she
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  needs time to process quietly in her mind where
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  she is what the arguments are whether she's right
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  or wrong what take responsibility for what part
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  she's responsible for leave me to take responsibility
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  for the part i'm responsible for i don't get
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  to that point unless i'm vocally going through
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  it right so if you have someone like me hounding
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  someone like her it ends up with a young couple
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  with one of the spouses going I'm sorry, but
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  you need to shut your face and stop talking.
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  But it's not for the reason that the person who
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  talks, it's not for the reason they think it
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  is. It's not because they're sick of them. Yeah,
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  it's not being disrespectful. It's not. I can't
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  think when you're talking in my ear, giving me
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  new content. I can't process, dude. Back up.
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  We've learned that. And we've gotten much better
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  because. I'll go outside and talk to myself.
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  Right. And she'll and are you talking to God?
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  Well, that too. Yes. Lots of times I start off
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  talking to myself and then I end up winding it
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  around to go, God, is this right? Like, I don't
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  know. But but then we come back together later
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  and and we're both quick to apologize and ask
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  for forgiveness for the stuff for our part of
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  it. So I get done with I guess I get done with.
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  with Jacksonville, moved to Harrisburg. That
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  was an awesome, it was like Rocky IV, where he
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  went and moved to the Arctic Tundra or whatever,
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  like by himself in isolation because, oh, here's,
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  ready? Here we go. I said Harrisburg. When I
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  was prepping to, because you have to make a decision,
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  because, right, so that's Florida, I just went
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  to law school in. I'm going to practice in Pennsylvania.
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  Hope wants me to live there. Skip offered me
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  a job. I'm going to move back and work in Pennsylvania.
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  So I have to take the bar exam in Pennsylvania
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  for Pennsylvania law, which I don't know anything
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  about because I just did Florida. So in order
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  to do that, you have to do bar prep for for two
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  and a half months and then sit and take the bar
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  exam at that designated location. I wasn't going
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  to do it in Philly. I wasn't going to do in Pittsburgh.
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  I said, I'll do it in Harrisburg. That's fine.
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  I said, where are the locations? Widener University
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  Law School Harrisburg where I started I Was like
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  Really? That's awesome. I'm like sign me up.
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  Let's do it and cuz I'm different now, man Like
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  I'm riding in I got my jurors doctored now. I
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  got Jesus I know this is what I'm destined to
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  do and I rolled in there like I own the place
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  and I had a ball and met a lot of really cool
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  people. Abhi and Kim, Kim Mowry, both from that
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  area. Shout out to them. They're both phenomenal
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  attorneys. Kim, I think since Scranton now doing
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  great from what I see, we were study partners
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  locked in and absolutely killed the Pennsylvania
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  bar and then moved home and a month later got
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  married to Hope. and in less than a year had
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  Alexander and then the ride began it just it
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  flew man it was it was so and and you know if
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  you guys haven't had a chance to listen to the
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  podcast that my wife had done I'm not gonna go
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  through all of it I want you to go listen to
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  her she did a phenomenal job we were in our early
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  30s We were in our early 30s. We had our first
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  three kids and Hope was diagnosed with Hodgkin's
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  lymphoma and I remember sitting around New Year's
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  Eve in the State College Hospital in the cancer
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  center and being in my early 30s I just remember
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  It was like I was in a fog during that window
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  going, God, what are we doing? Like, what are
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  you doing here? Like, how did we get here? Like,
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  what are you doing? Like, literally, what are
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  you doing? Like, what is happening? And I remember,
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  I remember having, it was hard to say it out
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  loud for us what was happening to her. Because
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  it just didn't seem real. Right? right I think
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  most people who go through this have that initial
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  like I couldn't like I can't look and I remember
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  we were sitting in the lobby we were waiting
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  for her first pet scan which they did in like
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  a tractor trailer truck trailer out in the parking
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  lot and we're sitting there and there was an
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  older couple an elderly couple probably in their
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  70s walking through the lobby and this nice nice
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  little old lady comes up And she walks up to
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  Hope, and she leans down, puts her hand on her,
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  and she goes, are you here to see somebody and
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  visit somebody, honey? And Hope went, no. And
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  the look that changed on that woman's face told
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  the story. And she went, oh honey, I'm sorry.
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  And she gave her a hug. This stuff's heavy, man.
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  It's heavy, right? Like your story, it's heavy.
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  And if people, it's heavy for the, it's heavier
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  or heaviest obviously for the person who has
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  to experience that garbage and deal with it on
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  the day to day. But if you're someone that's
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  listening and you're the one that is, you're
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  the wingman, you're the husband or the wife.
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  That is along for the ride, I guess It sucks
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  and it's okay to say it sucks and and listen,
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  it's okay to be angry God It's okay to question
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  out loud God. What's going on? It's okay Like
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  I think one thing my kids would say about me
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  There's a bunch obviously, but I think one thing
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  they would say is my dad's a fixer That's what
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  he does. Like my dad when Like when my dad shows
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  up in the room. He's gonna fix it Especially
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  like anything relational stuff like he's gonna
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  strategize. We're gonna fix it. It'll be okay.
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  He's gonna fix it I couldn't fix it with her
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  It was so hard Right, I couldn't fix it. I watched
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  my wife With the newborn Vivi my little girl
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  and Two little boys watched my wife through the
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  course of time with chemo she was still beautiful
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  she was beautiful but she was skeletal 23 hours
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  a day she was sleeping out of the 24 it was like
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  if you take a sponge if you could fill it up
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  as full as it could get she was full she was
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  full Remember whenever she was so full that she
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  started getting a fever Did she tell when she
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  was here about her cutting off the therapy when
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  she stopped chemo? Yeah, okay So so that just
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  real quick. So my wife is telling me like we
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  pull into the oncology Department to get her
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  her treatment So if you've been through this
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  or whatever or even if you haven't and you're
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  a spouse think about this for a second So we've
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  just went through months of this treatment that's
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  planned out over the course of a period of time
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  you have to stick to a very strict regimen and
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  monitor everything very closely and it's like
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  clockwork right and you're very sensitive because
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  you don't want to throw it off and she's you
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  know she's one of the lucky these women are lucky
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  that they are able to survive these garbage encounters
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  and they're able to survive them and so you don't
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  want to overturn the apple cart when you're this
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  deep in right and now i'm sitting in a parking
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  lot ready to walk in with my wife and and i'm
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  doing my best to fix and support and to be even
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  though i would rather be the one experiencing
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  it to endure it so she didn't have to feel it
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  but i can't and so i'm doing my limited part
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  the best i can and she looks at me and says eric
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  i think i'm done with chemo and i went what are
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  you talking about Went you're crazy. What do
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  you know? You're not you still have multiple
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  treatments to go babe. Like what are you talking
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  about? She was Eric I'm telling you God is telling
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  me that the cancer is gone. It's gone and That
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  I'm healed and I don't need to do chemo anymore.
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  Okay, I'm trying to be supportive but I'm looking
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  at this person that I love more than life itself
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  and I've watched her physical body wither and
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  fail and we've made it all through that and I'm
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  going if you mess this up this process it is
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  going to ruin our kids you it could kill you
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  it's going to ruin me what are you doing we're
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  doing what the oncologist said and she goes how
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  about this she's such a she goes how about this
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  if we go in there and the doctor says that i'm
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  not doing chemo today then i get to tell them
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  that we're done and to run a pet scan and i said
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  deal bet take it it's good luck we're going to
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  do this because she still had a number of treatments
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  left she had to restart in the middle of her
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  chemo because she spiked a fever so bad i had
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  to get her to pittsburgh and they spent a week
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  on her trying to figure out what was wrong why
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  i had her packed in ice and i couldn't break
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  a fever and we had to get her back onto schedule
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  and we're just getting her back on the schedule
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  and everything's going and you know what that
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  bugger We get in there and I Think it was dr.
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  Hassan I Think it was dr. Hassan. I know dr.
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  Hassan was the oncologist who let her go to Pittsburgh
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  and did me a huge favor Anyway, we're there and
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  he goes They do vitals and stuff like they always
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  do and check her in and the doctor leaves then
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  he comes back in a couple minutes later He goes
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  mrs. Cummings. He says I'm sorry to tell you
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  I know we're ready to get back into this treatment,
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  but I wanted to let you know Your fever you have
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  a fever today your fever is elevated therefore
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  We're not going to be able to implement treatment
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  your chemotherapy is canceled for today And hope
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  land, okay she goes well i'm done and the doctor
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  goes and i'm like biting my hand i'm like are
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  you serious right now this is really what she
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  just won that bet like i was really this is god
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  doing this she says it is i'm the bystander i'm
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  of the passenger seat i have to trust what she's
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  saying even though it is completely contradicting
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  every ounce of me that is filled with fear and
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  just fear of having to endure this again unnecessarily
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  and she goes i'm done she goes i'm done she goes
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  the cancer is gone and he goes it is not and
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  she goes it is she goes i need you to give me
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  a pet scan it's gone she goes i am not doing
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  any more chemo They had a little bit of back
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  -and -forth. I stayed out of it Just sitting
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  there shaking my head like I he looked at me
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  and I went she's the boss. I'm It's her They
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  did the PET scan 100 % cancer free gone she knew
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  She knew Again he showed up Absolute This time
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  I guess I say he had to slam the door in my face.
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  It was my wife With the test result with having
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  a fever slamming into my face going no no no
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  no I'm gonna trust what God's telling me right
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  now, and I think because she was in such a vulnerable
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  State in that condition that depleted condition
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  I think that's where fasting and all that stuff
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  kind of gets it to it puts us in in a state of
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  Physical denial that depletes us to a point where
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  we are spiritually more uh more aware and we
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  are more sensitive in the spirit whenever we
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  don't have uh that sustenance to rely upon and
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  she was in a place of and she was in a deep deep
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  place of of uh deprivation when it came to nutrients
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  and her body being healthy and strong so i would
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  encourage that was the quick one man you guys
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  need to listen to hope because when she did it
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  she gives the full rundown and it was absolutely
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  amazing she's a she's an unbelievable woman so
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  anyway so we get married and and i'm watching
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  her go through this god showed up in an amazing
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  way and through the people that were in my life
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  at the time so that i was able to help run a
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  business with skip I was able to raise the three
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  older kids, still have dinner on the table, still
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  be at work, still do practices, still make sure
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  she was fine and taken care of, make sure the
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  bills are paid that she takes care of, all these
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  different things. He got us through that season
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  onto the other side and he was faithful the whole
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  way through. Then Skip died unexpectedly. Which
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  was I lost my one of my spiritual mentors one
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  of my best friends my legal I didn't realize
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  How much I knocked on his door every day go and
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  skip what do you think of this skip? What do
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  you think of this skip? What do you think of
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  this and? immediately gone My dad is a phenomenal
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  dad, but he was a young dad and I am naturally
• 21:47
  drawn to older Mentors with gray hair, I think
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  because I never had grandpa's I never had I just
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  it was an area in my life and I might like I
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  said My dad had tons of wisdom and he was phenomenal,
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  especially given his age. He did a great job
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  But so I was very connected to skip mr. Jim Natio
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  attorney Natio I got very close to him over the
• 22:09
  course of my practice while I was practicing
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  And I remember Skip's wife calling me telling
• 22:18
  me that skip was in an ambulance on the way to
• 22:20
  the hospital and She wanted me to meet her there
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  her children live out of state or not all out
• 22:28
  of state but out of the area immediate area and
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  I wanted to make sure that she was taken care
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  of and and I just remember The abruptness to
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  the physical ending was shocking Right when anybody
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  I think that happens when anybody that we can
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  sit if we consider an untimely death and it happens
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  abruptly It's shocking to the system and he was
• 22:56
  such a big personality so abruptly ripped out
• 22:59
  of this realm That it just left us kind of gasping
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  and I can't even imagine what Nancy and the kids
• 23:05
  were experiencing I was just his friend and and
• 23:09
  and I loved him very very much and I was gasping
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  It also left me scrambling going what am I going
• 23:16
  to do with this law firm? I have families that
• 23:19
  were paying that That I don't know if there's
• 23:24
  enough money in the checking account to pay the
• 23:26
  paychecks next week Do I fire people do I go
• 23:30
  where there's another attorney like do I get
• 23:32
  hired by another law firm? like what do I do
• 23:36
  and The one thing I've learned about myself is
• 23:44
  that Especially since accepting Christ I am the
• 23:49
  most effective and creative and aggressive outside
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  the scope thinker and problem solver when I am
• 23:55
  in an Absolute backed into a corner chaotic situation.
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  That's where I'm at my best Which I'm Jesus,
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  please don't send all those down here to make
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  me work. But that is that's where I am the most
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  valuable and that's where remember Hope also
• 24:11
  did such an awesome thing with me just being
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  like vocalizing when I needed it most that I
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  was gifted at this like skip wouldn't have put
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  you in a position like this if you were not able
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  to do it I had a state college, a big state college
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  law firm, probably two years after I took over
• 24:35
  and I created the company's law firm and I loved
• 24:38
  it. I was doing what I needed to do. But I was
• 24:42
  in my 30s trying to retain clients that were
• 24:45
  50, 60 and 70 years old. They had grandkids and
• 24:48
  kids that were my age and I'm a business lawyer
• 24:52
  or real estate or estates and I'm trying to convince
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  them I know more than they do when I'm in my
• 24:59
  30s. and you have to look the part you have to
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  you have to be the guy before you become the
• 25:08
  guy you got to say i can do it before you know
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  how to do it in order that's where the mouth
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  stuff the word stuff it all plays in to the direction
• 25:17
  that you're intended to go and the trusting god
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  jumping off the steps and going slam it in my
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  face if you don't want me to go this way otherwise
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  I'm jumping Jesus because I need this let's go
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  I feel like this is what you call me to do and
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  it's all comes together into this stuff and so
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  I'm trying to keep the clients I had trying to
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  retain clients of skips that are walking out
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  the door I'm sending 1 ,500 letters out to his
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  clients going if you want to stay with us stay
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  with us blah blah blah and I'm trying to do this
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  State college law firm that's pretty prominent
• 25:51
  called me I had contacts with them and They called
• 25:55
  me and the one partner he offered to Basically
• 26:02
  take over the Cummings law firm and make it a
• 26:05
  part of their big law firm like the mothership
• 26:09
  and have me be the branch manager and run the
• 26:13
  law office the way I do and he just buttered
• 26:15
  me up one side down the other which was nice
• 26:17
  right he's complimenting me and seeing my he's
• 26:20
  recognizing my natural attributes and it was
• 26:22
  appreciated very much so especially words of
• 26:24
  affirmation so I appreciated it and but he wanted
• 26:28
  to buy us out and it came in a season right like
• 26:34
  I pictured David coming back for more whenever
• 26:36
  Beth Sheba was up on top of that Roof and the
• 26:40
  Bible says that it was he was tired He was tired.
• 26:43
  That's when the stuff that could take us off
• 26:46
  the path That's when the enemy is allowed to
• 26:48
  present it and and parade it in front of us is
• 26:53
  when we're tired, right and and in that in that
• 26:58
  window of time I Was trying to play I was trying
• 27:02
  to hold together what I was doing Hope was still
• 27:07
  she was in remission and awesome, but still not
• 27:11
  feeling herself She wasn't at full energy or
• 27:14
  strength I'm trying to hold down what I'm doing
• 27:19
  with my clients. I'm trying to capture skips
• 27:23
  clients and all of a sudden now manage a business
• 27:27
  when i've never managed a business that's different
• 27:29
  than practicing law and being a lawyer and so
• 27:33
  i'm managing employees staff bookkeeping all
• 27:36
  of the outfit and i was i was starting to get
• 27:40
  burnt out when this when this offer came and
• 27:44
  they basically said we're going to take it over
• 27:48
  and you won't have to worry about any of it you
• 27:51
  just deal with the people that you already have
• 27:52
  there on staff and Will the mothership's gonna
• 27:56
  pay the bills? Which is a huge financial relief
• 28:01
  to have that backup. It was so tempting and I
• 28:05
  remember being in the car and the guy who called
• 28:08
  me, who's still a good friend of me, I respect
• 28:11
  him very, very much, Tom. Tom Schrack, he's a
• 28:13
  fantastic lawyer, phenomenal. And he's the one
• 28:17
  who made the offer. And I remember getting off
• 28:20
  the phone with him and I was driving home and
• 28:22
  I called Hope. and i was excited because i was
• 28:26
  about to relieve all this stress that she had
• 28:28
  heard me talking about and i was going you're
• 28:31
  never going to believe this like they want to
• 28:35
  they want to merge and they're going to be the
• 28:37
  financial responsible ones like they're going
• 28:39
  to take over the burden we're going to be the
• 28:42
  beneficiaries we're gonna be trickled down I'm
• 28:45
  gonna get to be at the top and be the manager
• 28:47
  and do this and this and this and they think
• 28:49
  I'm gifted at it and like he told me that I'm
• 28:52
  great at it and that's you know and and just
• 28:54
  all this and hope doing it the way that she does
• 29:00
  it with me because she knows this is how it works
• 29:03
  right because some people would be like oh Eric
• 29:05
  I'm not gonna respond to that well she goes well
• 29:10
  that sounds great Can I ask you something and
• 29:15
  I said, yeah what I'm driving in my car I know
• 29:18
  exactly what stop sign I'm sitting out when she
• 29:20
  asked me this question and And she goes can I
• 29:23
  ask you I said, yeah go ahead ask me what and
• 29:26
  she goes um, so If there's a client that's new
• 29:34
  That they want you to take and you don't want
• 29:38
  to take it Do you have to take it? And I went,
• 29:49
  yes, yeah, I'd have to take it. I'd have to take
• 29:54
  it. And she planted the seed exactly how it was
• 29:58
  supposed to be planted. And she went, Eric, they
• 30:06
  know how good you are at what you do or else
• 30:08
  they wouldn't have asked you. You don't need
• 30:11
  a way out of this. And I was like, oh, you're
• 30:18
  right. Again, you're right. Son of a gun. Onward.
• 30:25
  OK. And that's just again, that's just it's the
• 30:30
  framing of it. She is so amazing at how she deals
• 30:33
  with me and handles me. She's the only one that
• 30:37
  can do it. She's the only one who knows how to
• 30:38
  do it. And God knew that. That's why it's perfect.
• 30:43
  so we get through skip and then I had a woman
• 30:48
  stealing from me I caught her she filed a lawsuit
• 30:54
  against me based saying I was trying to sexually
• 30:58
  harass her when I had never even been in a room
• 31:00
  with her alone but I ended up spending time money
• 31:05
  and energy proving that she was a druggie and
• 31:09
  she was stealing money and there was no the law
• 31:13
  firm out of philadelphia that was suing me for
• 31:15
  25 million dollars dropped the lawsuit whenever
• 31:18
  i sent them all of her text messages showing
• 31:21
  that she was a druggie and stole from me when
• 31:23
  she admitted it to her mother who was also employed
• 31:26
  and i also had her phone and i also found out
• 31:29
  then that the mother was trying to poison me
• 31:32
  with eye drops in my coffee because we fired
• 31:35
  i fired the daughter Couldn't retaliate and fire
• 31:38
  the mother so the mother acted like my best friend
• 31:41
  and was making me vomit every day Which I'm I'm
• 31:44
  I'm thinking it's stress I'm thinking because
• 31:46
  hope just got done being sick skip just thought
• 31:49
  I'm like what is happening. It's stress I'm trying
• 31:51
  to deal with it. I didn't bring it up literally
• 31:54
  killing me right. It's poison End up firing her
• 31:58
  get rid of her If you ever have mom on have her
• 32:01
  explain that because mom anointed her chair and
• 32:04
  within 25 minutes of her sitting down She ripped
• 32:08
  the arm off the chair and quit. I couldn't be
• 32:11
  in the chair. It was amazing like amazing She
• 32:16
  had worked there for 15 years Sat in that same
• 32:19
  chair for 10 of those years and that morning
• 32:23
  after it got anointed She ripped the arm off
• 32:26
  the chair threw it across the room and could
• 32:28
  sit there no longer and she voluntarily quit
• 32:31
  unbelievable God is real man. I'm telling you.
• 32:35
  It's crazy um so again and i could keep i could
• 32:40
  i i don't want to keep go i could keep going
• 32:42
  with all these different things these examples
• 32:44
  because the point is is if if you get anything
• 32:48
  out of this i i just want the drum beat of this
• 32:51
  to be i want you to be hearing the build up and
• 32:57
  then god was faithful the build up and then he
• 33:01
  was faithful the build up guess what he was still
• 33:04
  faithful every single time every single time
• 33:10
  for over 20 years He has been faithful. He has
• 33:14
  not failed. He has protected me time and time
• 33:16
  again If if if Christ followers would understand
• 33:20
  especially if they're not doing it with a vindictive
• 33:22
  heart You are so protected in rooms that you've
• 33:27
  never been in before Your flanks are covered.
• 33:31
  He goes before you to clear the way your backside
• 33:34
  is covered you have zero exposure To the lies
• 33:41
  and the gossip and the headaches and the relationship
• 33:46
  and the drama and all these different things
• 33:49
  right you have zero exposure as Long as you keep
• 33:55
  your heart clear you rely on God and you say
• 33:58
  God I got you got to do this I I don't I'm not
• 34:01
  gonna do this I'm withholding what I can do because
• 34:06
  I know you can do it better and it's not gonna
• 34:08
  be in my time and I might get frustrated and
• 34:11
  go they're still out there why haven't you done
• 34:14
  it to them yet typically what I found is the
• 34:18
  longer it takes is because the seed is deeper
• 34:22
  and bigger it takes longer to come up it's going
• 34:27
  to be more abrupt and powerful and unfortunately
• 34:31
  it's going to teach him a bigger lesson when
• 34:34
  it comes up but he is faithful man and and I
• 34:43
  just again I'm imperfect I struggle every day
• 34:47
  with my imperfections I struggle with You know
• 34:56
  the Bible talks about casting your pearls amongst
• 34:58
  the swine and stuff like that right like if you
• 35:01
  have Daughters especially I'll throw this out
• 35:04
  here because it's something right So I have the
• 35:06
  three littles and the three bigs out of the three
• 35:09
  out of the two groups I have I have a daughter
• 35:11
  in each group my my Daughter Vivi that's in the
• 35:15
  older group right now We've gotten into some
• 35:18
  discussion regarding relationships and the position
• 35:22
  that I've taken on it this probably seems outdated
• 35:25
  and strict but it is what it is because it is
• 35:28
  what it is and the position is this if if if
• 35:33
  you're not willing to marry that person you're
• 35:37
  wasting your energy and time and efforts if you
• 35:42
  are not willing now well dad i gotta get to know
• 35:48
  him to know whether i'm willing to marry him
• 35:50
  if you are willing under guidance and respect
• 35:58
  both are willing participants with oversight
• 36:02
  of me and the other parents bring it on they
• 36:05
  can come watch too if you are willing to court
• 36:08
  and be friends that's friendship that's friendship
• 36:11
  you want to go out to dinner but dinner have
• 36:14
  a nice dinner don't have to hold hands ask each
• 36:17
  other questions that you want to know that you
• 36:18
  need to know if you're ever gonna marry somebody
• 36:20
  you know do you go to church where do you go
• 36:22
  to church What do you think Jesus is like? What
• 36:24
  do you think? What do you want to be when you
• 36:26
  grow up? I can't believe we're having this discussion
• 36:28
  that like our kids have to ask what they want
• 36:30
  to be when they grow up. And we're talking about
• 36:32
  romance and marriage. It's so convoluted. But
• 36:35
  but here's the deal. And this is why. And Ron
• 36:38
  Carpenter preaches on this. And it's always stuck
• 36:40
  with me because not just relate, not just romantic
• 36:44
  relationships, but time and time again, I feel
• 36:47
  like we see one another and we see other people
• 36:50
  be so like loyalty. Above all is everything to
• 36:55
  me. Because of that, my circle is small. Okay?
• 37:03
  There are people who loyalty is everything to
• 37:07
  them, but their circle is big. Meaning, they
• 37:12
  share way earlier than they should be sharing
• 37:15
  intimate facts that someone should have to work
• 37:21
  Invest time to find out before they know them
• 37:24
  I said to Vivi the other night. We're talking
• 37:28
  and She was talking to this boy Which I wasn't
• 37:33
  happy about to begin with whatever and I Found
• 37:40
  out that which is fine. I guess they held hands
• 37:44
  For like a second they did something they were
• 37:47
  holding hands. Okay, cute remember whatever fine
• 37:51
  I sat her down and I said if I were to have a
• 38:01
  treasure chest and I set it on the side of the
• 38:05
  road and I just leave it there open and somebody
• 38:10
  steals it is it right for me to be mad at the
• 38:16
  person that stole it or should we be mad at the
• 38:19
  person who didn't bury it and she went I'd be
• 38:24
  madder at the person who didn't do they didn't
• 38:26
  bury it I said okay I said so that type of treasure
• 38:33
  gets buried right I said so next I said in order
• 38:39
  to get to the treasure what do the people have
• 38:42
  to do and she goes they have to dig for it I
• 38:45
  said exactly i said i said and to dig for it
• 38:49
  i said that's not just you push a button and
• 38:52
  it comes up you have to you have to take a tool
• 38:56
  you have to exert energy to perform an act that
• 39:06
  you don't know where the bottom is you don't
• 39:09
  know when the payoff is there may not be a treasure
• 39:13
  but you put energy effort in order to dig to
• 39:21
  extract that treasure I said here's the deal
• 39:24
  Bibi honey I said you were born with thousands
• 39:28
  of treasures God put thousands of treasures in
• 39:32
  you and I said and over the course of time we
• 39:38
  acquire treasures as well right so for example
• 39:43
  holding your hand is a treasure Someone should
• 39:49
  have to dig for that Because if you just hand
• 39:53
  that out you're setting it on the side of the
• 39:55
  road and when they take it and Disappoint you
• 39:59
  and are disloyal to you You cannot be angry at
• 40:04
  them Because you didn't make them dig so good
• 40:08
  right am I right like that's that's So that's
• 40:13
  what I'm talking with these kids about and I
• 40:16
  and and I'm just like dude you You cannot give
• 40:21
  this stuff away like adults I Can't believe that
• 40:28
  I can't I can't believe that he would do that
• 40:31
  to me. I Shared that stuff with him. It was private.
• 40:35
  I can't believe that he would How can you not
• 40:40
  believe it? You knew him for two weeks You told
• 40:43
  him things he should have had to dig for You
• 40:47
  don't let people in that don't deserve it That's
• 40:52
  why most of the time when men and women alike
• 40:55
  are in the habit of sharing too quickly and leads
• 41:00
  to exposure it's because they don't value themselves
• 41:04
  and realize they are filled with treasure that
• 41:08
  needs to be protected it's worth protecting and
• 41:13
  it's up to them to protect it right it's if you
• 41:20
  have daughters man and i'm not being harsh boys
• 41:23
  i've slapped the right like I have no tolerance
• 41:27
  for who I used to be and I understand it front
• 41:30
  and I like okay so I'll be honest with you like
• 41:35
  a couple years ago my testosterone was low I
• 41:38
  went got tested I take testosterone I have the
• 41:41
  same testosterone running through me as a 17
• 41:43
  18 year old boy medically prescribed and my wife
• 41:47
  is like get off me stop touching me right like
• 41:50
  get away from me dude so i still remember i remember
• 41:54
  daily what these i have the wisdom now to counteract
• 41:57
  the urges that i didn't know were there in 17
• 42:00
  and 18 but so i i but with girls what did i just
• 42:09
  hear i heard it somewhere they said When a mom
• 42:17
  talks to a daughter the daughter writes it down
• 42:21
  in sharpie marker But when a dad says something
• 42:25
  to a daughter the daughter writes it in permanent
• 42:28
  marker The value That my daughter's finding themselves
• 42:39
  is my responsibility to build to grow for a time
• 42:44
  it's to protect and to make sure that they know
• 42:49
  that the inherent value that God has created
• 42:52
  them with, plus the added value from things they've
• 42:57
  learned and experiences they've acquired over
• 43:00
  the course of their life, those together are
• 43:03
  worth burying and protecting and hiding for their
• 43:08
  husband. It is my job to instill that in them
• 43:16
  and to oversee the maintenance and the playing
• 43:22
  out of that procedure as a father. If you're
• 43:26
  a dad listening to this, do it. It's in you,
• 43:29
  I promise. See your daughter with a dude. It
• 43:33
  will immediately, you'll be reminded immediately.
• 43:37
  Women, please empower your husbands to be in
• 43:43
  this role. even if the husband is not vocal by
• 43:47
  nature like I am, you team with him. Do not shut
• 43:53
  him down or disrespect him in front of your daughter.
• 43:57
  Empower him. Come side by side with him and be
• 44:00
  his helper that he needs because you're a better
• 44:03
  talker than he is. And do it together to empower
• 44:08
  your daughter to be finding and seeking actively
• 44:13
  while you pray. that she will find the man that
• 44:18
  God has created her to be with so that she can
• 44:22
  fulfill the purposes that God created her to
• 44:24
  fulfill but it all starts with that treasure
• 44:29
  and Whether it's holding hands whether it's a
• 44:34
  kiss whether it's a glance a brush across the
• 44:38
  shoulder whether it's a walk whether it's a talking
• 44:43
  on what on Instagram they need to dig for that
• 44:47
  don't give it away because you have no self because
• 44:51
  your self -esteem is low you can't give it away
• 44:54
  ladies you can't give it away and I feel like
• 44:57
  with social media our society has dampened and
• 45:02
  has dampened it's just it's so normal now to
• 45:07
  hand stuff out and and also I'll throw this out
• 45:11
  here this is bonus you ready because I've had
• 45:17
  to help teenagers I've mentored out of this without
• 45:20
  expecting it and get hit in the face with it
• 45:22
  but it worked if a child takes a photo of themselves
• 45:29
  and they have no clothes on and they send that
• 45:35
  as a message it is distribution of child pornography
• 45:41
  It is a crime that the child can be charged with.
• 45:46
  If your child receives a photo that is receiving
• 45:52
  child pornography, these kids have no idea what
• 45:59
  they are doing. They have zero clue that they
• 46:04
  are committing crimes and exposing their not
• 46:07
  only their reputation and their integrity but
• 46:12
  their future because they're sending pictures
• 46:17
  if you send a picture of someone else and they're
• 46:21
  a minor you're going to have criminal charges
• 46:25
  pressed against you if you use AI to generate
• 46:29
  the body using the face of a minor in a in a
• 46:36
  sexually explicit Style photo. You are going
• 46:42
  to jail, kids. Parents, you are powerless unless
• 46:47
  you may be going with them if you're the one
• 46:50
  whose name's on the account. On the iPhone account.
• 46:56
  On the email that the AI creator service is generated
• 47:02
  through, who that subscription runs through.
• 47:05
  If it's through a parent, you may be a co -conspirator.
• 47:09
  You need to wake, we need to wake up to these
• 47:13
  kids and understand that they are so exposed
• 47:22
  and so oblivious to what they are subjecting
• 47:27
  themselves to. It is horrifying. It is life changing.
• 47:32
  And that's not even bringing in pedophiles. That's
• 47:36
  not even introducing that to the to the role.
• 47:39
  So when you the what I you know the Being a lawyer
• 47:44
  and seeing all the stuff I see Our kids for example,
• 47:48
  they don't they're don't they don't have roblox
• 47:51
  They don't have Roblox. They don't have Roblox.
• 47:54
  Shout out to Sean Ryan's podcast. I love Sean
• 47:57
  Ryan. If you guys have never seen the podcast
• 48:00
  that he's done that have been dedicated to exposing
• 48:03
  Roblox and the other social media platforms who
• 48:06
  refuse to enforce the law against pedophiles
• 48:10
  who are actively pursuing minors and then beyond
• 48:14
  that to the people who are causing these kids
• 48:17
  to kill themselves. while on live stream for
• 48:22
  content creation you need to go watch them and
• 48:26
  support them i had a a kid he's a man now who
• 48:31
  i coached for years and years um and i had these
• 48:36
  relationships intentionally built with these
• 48:38
  younger guys so that by the time they were 16
• 48:39
  17 18 19 20 when they were stuck at a camp and
• 48:43
  didn't have a ride home they wouldn't try to
• 48:44
  drive drunk they would call coach eric i'll come
• 48:47
  get you i don't sleep i'll come get you from
• 48:49
  the office i won't have any questions you just
• 48:52
  get home safe and you live right that's the deal
• 48:55
  i had a kid call me this was probably two years
• 48:58
  ago he was a senior he called me at four in the
• 49:02
  afternoon at my office says coach eric are you
• 49:05
  at your office i said yeah buddy what's up he
• 49:07
  goes i need to come to your office and see you
• 49:09
  right away Said okay fine come down he comes
• 49:13
  down He walks in first of all he's in pajamas
• 49:18
  okay shout out to people who wear pajamas in
• 49:21
  public right like we would My kids were sweatpants
• 49:24
  to school. I don't know you're younger than me.
• 49:26
  I don't know how it was for you guys we our head
• 49:29
  was on a swivel though we were going to get a
• 49:30
  droopy like people pulling our pants down in
• 49:33
  school we never wore sweatpants we were jeans
• 49:35
  all day every day my kids i'm like you walk around
• 49:38
  with no fear like you have no fear you need to
• 49:41
  have a head on a swivel man um so anyway um but
• 49:48
  so he walks in and he's just he's just disheveled
• 49:52
  and i said what is going on and he holds his
• 49:54
  phone up And I see a bunch of messages on it.
• 49:59
  And he said, Coach Eric, I stayed home sick from
• 50:03
  school today. My parents were at work. And I
• 50:07
  spent the morning messaging a girl, and I ended
• 50:11
  up sending her a nude photo of myself. And then
• 50:15
  as soon as I sent the photo, the girl said, I'm
• 50:19
  a dude, and you need to get into your parents
• 50:21
  PayPal account and send me $500? Or I'm going
• 50:26
  to send this nude photo of you to all of the
• 50:29
  people that you follow and that follow you and
• 50:32
  oh by the way I'm live chatting with you. You
• 50:35
  have five minutes to do it before I send the
• 50:37
  photo and I'm like Trying to process I'm like
• 50:42
  you what I'm like wait what is happening and
• 50:45
  and so thank you Jesus because I am not great
• 50:49
  at social media stuff and And I just thinking
• 50:53
  just trying to go I said here's what you're gonna
• 50:56
  do. I said Right now I need you to get on that
• 51:00
  app and I need you to unfollow everyone local
• 51:05
  now unfollow now Until he messages you back pressing
• 51:10
  again because he will he's gonna know you're
• 51:12
  going silent He doesn't want to give you time
• 51:13
  to mess around So he's doing it doing it doing
• 51:16
  it guy messages back goes. What are you doing?
• 51:18
  I said he goes he messaged back What do I say
• 51:21
  I said you tell him? Your dad's PayPal account.
• 51:26
  You don't know the password. You're gonna go
• 51:28
  get the password for your mom's give you ten
• 51:30
  more minutes We're gonna get mom's password for
• 51:32
  PayPal. We'll get them paid. He goes he tells
• 51:35
  him guys satisfied fine Get it done He gets unfollowed
• 51:42
  I said now You need to unfollow everybody that's
• 51:49
  local like your grandmother Your coaches your
• 51:52
  teachers all those people I said and then what
• 51:55
  we're gonna do as I said You're going to go to
• 51:58
  your social medias. You're gonna go to the profile.
• 52:02
  I said take a screenshot right now of this clowns
• 52:05
  profile I said We're gonna go to your profile.
• 52:10
  We're going to post we're gonna make a post and
• 52:14
  it's going to show this dude's profile name and
• 52:17
  picture and we're going to say if you get a private
• 52:21
  message from this profile do not open it because
• 52:26
  he is an AI generating hacker that hacked me
• 52:32
  and created AI photos of me and if you look at
• 52:36
  anything sent to you he will get your account
• 52:40
  and hack you Wow he gets it all posted Ready
• 52:46
  to post. And he goes, Coach Eric, are we going
• 52:49
  to pay him? I said, no, we're not paying him
• 52:51
  a dime, man. I said, if you pay him $500, he's
• 52:55
  going to come back and go, never mind, I want
• 52:56
  $1 ,000. Never mind, I want $1 ,500. Never mind,
• 52:59
  I want $2 ,000. I said, we're not paying him
• 53:00
  a dime. I said, here's the reality that you have
• 53:03
  to understand due to your dumb decision. I said,
• 53:08
  someone is going to see those photos. That's
• 53:11
  going to happen. We just have to isolate. exposure.
• 53:16
  That's the job, right? So, we pretty sure we
• 53:20
  got everybody we needed. I said, now, as soon
• 53:22
  as you post that, and it has his profile, he's
• 53:26
  gonna go AWOL. I said, so, you have to post it,
• 53:30
  immediately block him, and report him. Immediately.
• 53:34
  Bang, bang, bang. He did. I said, now, shut your
• 53:40
  phone off. This was a Friday. I said, shut your
• 53:43
  phone off. he shut his phone off i said you are
• 53:46
  not turning this phone back on until monday don't
• 53:52
  answer it let it ride second because anybody
• 53:59
  who calls you about this is not your friend you
• 54:01
  don't need to explain yourself you already explained
• 54:03
  yourself in the post let it sit let it marinate
• 54:06
  you don't have to do anything you need to get
• 54:08
  your mind on something else understand the mistake
• 54:11
  number two you're going home and telling your
• 54:13
  parents because he hadn't even told them he came
• 54:15
  straight to me i said you're going home and telling
• 54:18
  mom and dad what just happened and telling them
• 54:21
  what i did with you to make sure that this didn't
• 54:24
  happen again and then they can deal with you
• 54:27
  on whether you need that social media in your
• 54:29
  life anymore going forward but you're gonna and
• 54:31
  i said you better tell them because i'm gonna
• 54:33
  call and find out and i did and he did and he
• 54:36
  told them but here was the craziest part and
• 54:39
  this is why i bring all this up the statistics
• 54:43
  for high school and college age kids who are
• 54:49
  killing themselves in isolation and humiliation
• 54:54
  because they are being strong -armed by these
• 55:00
  people and they're killing themselves and it's
• 55:06
  happening all across our country and it is it
• 55:10
  needs to end and it starts with the parents knowing
• 55:14
  that it exists and the parents addressing it
• 55:17
  head on before it even is a thing going hey if
• 55:22
  you ever have anything like this that happens
• 55:25
  to you even if you send a picture don't send
• 55:29
  a picture but if you do please tell me and we
• 55:33
  will fix it come to me I will deal with these
• 55:40
  people with a wrath and a fire of righteousness
• 55:42
  that will end their existence as they know it
• 55:46
  now. You do not hide. You do not give up. You
• 55:49
  are not alone. You have us. This is on the parents
• 55:53
  to say this preemptively. You don't wait until
• 55:58
  it happens and then blame yourself, how did I
• 56:00
  not know? You tell them, if this happens, you
• 56:03
  talk to me. I will help you deal with it. I might
• 56:06
  be angry at you. I will be angry. Yeah, I will
• 56:09
  be. I'm going to want to smack you around, but
• 56:11
  I'm not going to until we deal with the immediate
• 56:14
  threat because the internet is forever. So when
• 56:18
  it goes out there, it's forever, right? It's
• 56:24
  going to follow them. Thank you, Jesus, that
• 56:26
  this stuff did not exist when I was in school
• 56:29
  because I would have been screwed, right? But
• 56:35
  anyway, I just I want parents to know about it
• 56:38
  I want whether it's the treasure digging for
• 56:40
  the treasure with relationships with the girls
• 56:43
  whether it's it's primarily men it's it's boys
• 56:47
  that are dealing with the suicide thing because
• 56:50
  if if if I'll just say it if if a fake Girl sends
• 56:55
  a boob picture to a young boy he's immediately
• 56:59
  going to send a private picture of himself because
• 57:03
  We do it's just the way that they're wired they
• 57:06
  right They just are they'll do anything for it
• 57:11
  because it's such a rarity they have to work
• 57:14
  for it to get so it's like Seeing especially
• 57:20
  young men and and I literally is that boy This
• 57:22
  is the last thing I'll say about it as he walked
• 57:24
  out. I Said to him I said and any notion that
• 57:30
  you're embarrassed or that you might want to
• 57:33
  hurt yourself because of this decision. I said,
• 57:37
  no, no, no, no. You made this decision. You're
• 57:40
  going to live with this decision because you're
• 57:42
  a man and you do what you're supposed to do and
• 57:45
  you take care of what you're supposed to take
• 57:46
  care of. And your responsibility is to take accountability
• 57:50
  for your decisions. You understand what I'm telling
• 57:54
  you, boy. And he goes, yes, sir. Yes, Coach Eric.
• 57:57
  I said, good. Go talk to your parents. He was
• 58:00
  out. The parents not only were oblivious, which
• 58:04
  I can't blame them, it's a school day, whatever,
• 58:07
  but they went, well, can't we call the police
• 58:11
  to get the guy in trouble? No, you're calling
• 58:16
  the police and telling them that your son sent
• 58:20
  child pornography. That's why the person can
• 58:23
  get away with it because you're narking on yourself.
• 58:28
  get the other person in trouble they know you're
• 58:30
  not going to do that unless you're oblivious
• 58:33
  and don't talk to somebody who knows what they're
• 58:35
  doing but so they have you in a catch -22 these
• 58:39
  kids don't know what they're doing the parents
• 58:41
  we have to be proactive if you don't if you have
• 58:45
  especially for smaller kids that are demanding
• 58:47
  phones whatever I didn't have a phone to us 20
• 58:49
  I lived it was fine but the bark phones We use
• 58:55
  we use a bark They give you Android phones with
• 58:58
  the bark app software built onto it. It tracks
• 59:01
  everything I can see everything I have to approve
• 59:04
  Intentionally improve and decide to approve every
• 59:06
  single phone number every contact every website
• 59:09
  every everything Hope and I both have all of
• 59:14
  our kids hooked up on it are three older kids
• 59:16
  three younger kids don't have it And I'll be
• 59:19
  honest the older kids gripe about it a little
• 59:21
  bit but I'm like if you grave too much you're
• 59:23
  getting a flip phone dude like we'll take even
• 59:26
  further back man not the one to negotiate with
• 59:30
  we'll go the opposite direction bro and uh but
• 59:33
  anyway so with the kiddo stuff that's a real
• 59:36
  big thing on my heart is um you know if if I
• 59:40
  were I don't know if you know this and probably
• 59:43
  don't so not only am I a lawyer but um we have
• 59:47
  um I'm one of the things I do as an estate attorney
• 59:51
  and My opinion is is that the estate software
• 59:55
  that's been used forever By all the lawyers in
• 59:58
  Pennsylvania because it was the only estate software
• 1:00:00
  that existed is garbage I mean it served a purpose,
• 1:00:04
  but it's like it would be like today in my opinion
• 1:00:09
  again going from An Atari video game to what
• 1:00:13
  the kids are playing when they're playing Call
• 1:00:15
  of Duty or something on PS5 like it's such a
• 1:00:18
  huge Horrible very like it's just bad. So about
• 1:00:23
  six years ago myself and a gentleman who creates
• 1:00:26
  software we started creating a state software
• 1:00:31
  for a state administration for Pennsylvania lawyers
• 1:00:33
  and It hit the market probably two months ago
• 1:00:39
  And in a prototype version, we have probably
• 1:00:42
  10 attorneys in Pennsylvania right now using
• 1:00:44
  it and they love it and it auto generates everything
• 1:00:47
  for you. So like instead of when someone dies
• 1:00:50
  and you have all these documents you have to
• 1:00:53
  fill out. So like maybe just one example, you
• 1:00:55
  have to write their social security number in
• 1:00:57
  20 documents. That's 20 chances to screw it up.
• 1:01:02
  OK, with our software, you type it in one time
• 1:01:05
  and it auto generates it in all 20 documents.
• 1:01:08
  If you have math, right, they say those who don't
• 1:01:10
  do math do law. That's me. Right. I married a
• 1:01:13
  math teacher, offices attract. Right. It does
• 1:01:18
  the math for you and auto generates across all
• 1:01:21
  documents that we've created. It it tracks your
• 1:01:26
  progress. I think a standard of state in Pennsylvania
• 1:01:30
  has between 60 and 70. Requisite steps that have
• 1:01:34
  to be satisfied and now if you take 20 to 30
• 1:01:37
  estates with all those steps And you start them
• 1:01:40
  at all different times It's it's chaos like you're
• 1:01:44
  literally trying to track your progress of where
• 1:01:46
  you are in each case with sticky notes on the
• 1:01:48
  front of the folder We've changed that almost
• 1:01:51
  like on a the board game The board game battleship
• 1:01:59
  there's a grid and on the left side of running
• 1:02:04
  down the left that running down the left side
• 1:02:06
  of the chart are the names of your estates and
• 1:02:09
  then from left to right it's lit up there's lights
• 1:02:14
  lit up different colors to show you where you
• 1:02:16
  are in the during in that particular file so
• 1:02:21
  that it's all organized all there it does it
• 1:02:24
  all for you superficial it's called a state tracker
• 1:02:26
  pa you're going to see it at a state tracker
• 1:02:29
  pa .com shameless plug on mine but like i like
• 1:02:34
  to get awareness out there but it's going to
• 1:02:35
  change the industry it's it really is i'm confident
• 1:02:38
  and and um it's it's literally going to reshape
• 1:02:44
  it it's going to reach it's going to change everything
• 1:02:47
  in a state a state administration in pennsylvania
• 1:02:50
  um and in the ease in which it does it um and
• 1:02:54
  my point of saying all this is someday when i
• 1:02:57
  have the ability I'm not going to be able to
• 1:02:59
  sit still, but when I don't have to run everything
• 1:03:02
  all the time by myself and I get some some free
• 1:03:06
  time, I really feel like God is pushing me. He's
• 1:03:11
  really pushing me hard on. I don't want to say
• 1:03:15
  motivational speaker, but. Being a speaker and
• 1:03:21
  mentor to specifically young adult men. obviously
• 1:03:30
  I could speak to women too it's funny how I get
• 1:03:36
  more more common sense advice I give more common
• 1:03:40
  sense advice with boys it seems and like nuts
• 1:03:45
  and bolts and meat potatoes with girls because
• 1:03:51
  of my two daughters it draws on my emotion which
• 1:03:53
  may be a good thing Just don't know if I have
• 1:03:59
  as much value to add as I do with the guys Because
• 1:04:04
  I just feel like society I mean society's done
• 1:04:07
  it to women too, but I just feel like Masculinity
• 1:04:12
  is emasculated for sure for sure you'd be amazing
• 1:04:15
  better. You should totally That's what I feel
• 1:04:19
  like God's telling me to do. It's what he's I
• 1:04:21
  think that's what he's telling me to do and We
• 1:04:24
  don't have men leading families We don't have
• 1:04:28
  men in families, let alone leading families.
• 1:04:30
  Let's put it that way. Right. Well, and it's,
• 1:04:34
  it's hard. I mean, it is hard. And, and I mean,
• 1:04:38
  how many, when you have, as a, as a guy, whether
• 1:04:48
  you're a Christian or not, the mixed signals,
• 1:04:53
  if I make more than you, I'm gonna get 9 out
• 1:05:00
  of 10 times you're gonna go I hate that you make
• 1:05:02
  more than me you're not controlling me you can't
• 1:05:04
  tell me what to do okay well okay if I make less
• 1:05:08
  than you you're such a bum you don't make enough
• 1:05:10
  like oh you don't feel supported and man whatever
• 1:05:13
  if you you need to stick up for me like that
• 1:05:17
  guy said something you need to say something
• 1:05:20
  if I'm trusting you to protect me but then on
• 1:05:23
  the flip side of it could do what I want you
• 1:05:26
  can't tell me what to do you know I don't need
• 1:05:29
  your help to do this it's such a Contradictive
• 1:05:35
  set of circumstances and deep down and again
• 1:05:40
  obviously I'm not a woman but deep down I I have
• 1:05:44
  strong women in my life who want To live under
• 1:05:51
  and with partner with the strength of a secure
• 1:05:58
  Imperfect but godly man who brings decision making
• 1:06:06
  and Power to that relationship that covers the
• 1:06:12
  family like an umbrella Because ultimately God
• 1:06:16
  is covering him. Mm -hmm, right? I Don't know.
• 1:06:21
  I don't I don't think deep down women Really
• 1:06:25
  know what they're saying when they go I don't
• 1:06:28
  I need a guy that's not I think at the end of
• 1:06:30
  the day you want a dude who's gonna be there
• 1:06:33
  for you right like I Just I can't and those women
• 1:06:40
  need to respect the husband's leadership and
• 1:06:45
  decision Which how for how dumb we are how hard
• 1:06:49
  is that like this and if you don't if you guys
• 1:06:53
  hang it Hang it something on that that's a thumbtack
• 1:06:56
  statement because I could talk for five hours
• 1:07:00
  on just that because When you're talking about
• 1:07:03
  if you've never if you don't know what love language
• 1:07:06
  your partner is or your kids you need to know
• 1:07:09
  It's huge. That's number one because The way
• 1:07:14
  that you're interacting May not intentionally
• 1:07:18
  I am when I handle divorces I would see so many
• 1:07:22
  times two well -intended people sailing right
• 1:07:26
  past each other the opposite directions unintentionally
• 1:07:30
  and they were good intended towards each other
• 1:07:33
  they started that way I tried to do this for
• 1:07:36
  her I tried to do that for him but you weren't
• 1:07:40
  speaking their language Right you weren't speaking
• 1:07:44
  their language. You weren't speaking their love
• 1:07:46
  language because you didn't know what it was
• 1:07:47
  and Typically people who are married don't have
• 1:07:50
  the same love languages Which I think is funny
• 1:07:52
  how God does that right it forces us to do hope
• 1:07:56
  sucks at words of affirmation I love you, honey,
• 1:07:58
  but and she would openly admit. Yeah, I was gonna
• 1:08:00
  say she wouldn't right and I'll be honest She's
• 1:08:03
  she's quality time and after I spent all I think
• 1:08:06
  she has mentioned that in her podcast I The last
• 1:08:11
  thing I want to do I think she said she sucks
• 1:08:14
  at words. I think she did. But we've openly talked
• 1:08:17
  about it. We joke about it, right? Like, she'll
• 1:08:21
  walk in in the morning and like, I'm brushing
• 1:08:23
  my teeth, talking myself up to myself in the
• 1:08:26
  mirror, and she knows what I'm doing. because
• 1:08:29
  she doesn't do it to me like she's just she's
• 1:08:32
  like go ahead you need to do it yourself go ahead
• 1:08:34
  when she does do it that's probably really awkward
• 1:08:36
  it's so it's so funny listen so we've gotten
• 1:08:40
  to the point now where i think we've been together
• 1:08:42
  long enough like a pat on the butt from her that
• 1:08:45
  is sufficient as a you look good today and i'll
• 1:08:48
  take it like i'm walking on cloud nine and my
• 1:08:50
  wife does that um but but yeah so the guys i
• 1:08:56
  just it's such mixed signals and i just you or
• 1:09:03
  hey babe how can i serve you today what do you
• 1:09:06
  need that's crazy that that is so foreign to
• 1:09:09
  most people that is so foreign um that's just
• 1:09:14
  so foreign and and knowing the words of affirmation
• 1:09:19
  understanding the have you ever heard what was
• 1:09:22
  his name there was a pastor he has a really good
• 1:09:26
  message that talks about the love respect uh
• 1:09:30
  spiral circle essentially what it is is and this
• 1:09:35
  can it's it's gonna depend subjectively on the
• 1:09:39
  personalities of each individual person but ultimately
• 1:09:41
  what it looks like is is is if a man feels disrespected
• 1:09:47
  he acts unlovingly and when a woman feels unloved
• 1:09:51
  she acts disrespectfully okay and it starts to
• 1:09:56
  spiral and go and when you realize it's there
• 1:10:00
  you have to cut it off and and and you have to
• 1:10:03
  interject and go okay I see what's happening
• 1:10:05
  here I'm sorry I love you this is why I did this
• 1:10:08
  I apologize please forgive me for this I'll take
• 1:10:11
  responsibility for this part I was an idiot I'm
• 1:10:14
  I'm stupid right like I didn't mean to do that
• 1:10:17
  so when you say not disrespect they have to act
• 1:10:23
  they should act respectfully again I feel a lot
• 1:10:29
  of it comes back to self -hate and not valuing
• 1:10:36
  if a comp if a woman is confident in herself
• 1:10:41
  truly in herself then no matter the task or the
• 1:10:47
  ask she will take pride in it with of ferociousness
• 1:10:54
  especially when she loves Jesus and and that's
• 1:10:58
  one of the purposes she will be able to do it
• 1:11:01
  without reservation with a ferocity that only
• 1:11:04
  a woman could do it with that is inspiring now
• 1:11:08
  whether it's getting the groceries whether it's
• 1:11:12
  getting the kids or whether it's running a company
• 1:11:18
  I feel like most women they they don't know how
• 1:11:25
  valuable they are they just don't part of it's
• 1:11:29
  in their DNA because of generational curses that
• 1:11:33
  have plagued them down some of it is their biochemical
• 1:11:43
  responses that are triggered because of encounters
• 1:11:47
  they had when they were kids they got them habitually
• 1:11:50
  acting certain ways that turned into tendencies
• 1:11:54
  and their bodies and our brains start creating
• 1:11:58
  barriers chemical barriers to make us react certain
• 1:12:01
  ways when certain stressors come up all these
• 1:12:04
  things some of it's that some of it is emotional
• 1:12:07
  because the people that were supposed to love
• 1:12:10
  us most that were supposed to protect us were
• 1:12:12
  actually the ones who either abandon us or hurt
• 1:12:15
  us in the most intimate ways that are are just
• 1:12:19
  horrific and are not our faults but it's the
• 1:12:25
  fault of the person who did it to us um no matter
• 1:12:32
  the reason there is so much willingness to offer
• 1:12:37
  so much so quickly and expose so much desperate
• 1:12:44
  for attention but not full commitment acceptance
• 1:12:55
  validation a thumbs up on social media a dopamine
• 1:13:00
  hit is more pursued than a man who can protect
• 1:13:05
  them because of the baggage that they're bringing
• 1:13:11
  into that relationship that again We get deep
• 1:13:16
  into the weeds on that stuff going you shouldn't
• 1:13:18
  even be in the relationship in the first place
• 1:13:20
  Unless you're straight with God you should not
• 1:13:22
  be talking to another human being in a romantic
• 1:13:24
  relationship because you're just gonna screw
• 1:13:25
  them up first if you're not right with Jesus
• 1:13:28
  and you're not confident in yourself and You
• 1:13:30
  you don't have him have you in a place where
• 1:13:33
  you know who you are through him You don't we're
• 1:13:36
  not even we're not even in the place yet where
• 1:13:39
  we're going Well, can I go out on a date with
• 1:13:41
  him just to know if I want to marry him? No,
• 1:13:42
  no, no, no. Back up. You are not even you yet.
• 1:13:46
  Yeah. You need to get where you know who you
• 1:13:50
  are in Christ through his purposes and struggles
• 1:13:54
  and and knowing what that feels like with him
• 1:13:57
  and knowing with confidence that no matter what
• 1:14:00
  comes against you, you're going to be who you
• 1:14:02
  are. No matter where you are, you're going to
• 1:14:04
  be you. you follows you everywhere and you need
• 1:14:07
  to be who Jesus wants you to be then we talk
• 1:14:10
  about is it worth getting into a relationship
• 1:14:12
  with boyfriend girlfriend garbage are you gonna
• 1:14:16
  marry that person that's when we talk only after
• 1:14:20
  you get to know yourself dude we could go back
• 1:14:22
  this is stuff that I my brain doesn't stop I
• 1:14:25
  think about this stuff so much my kids are both
• 1:14:28
  the beneficiaries and the and the ones who reap
• 1:14:35
  the tongue lashings sometimes because I'm going
• 1:14:38
  well my kids they're good they're good kids um
• 1:14:43
  I haven't even I we don't have to get into will
• 1:14:48
  you tell me what you want to do because I mean
• 1:14:49
  we but how long have we been going um it's at
• 1:14:52
  3 15 right now three hours 15 minutes Three hours.
• 1:14:57
  Yeah, I told you we'd have the record you are
• 1:15:01
  my you got a win today I'm going to I'm moving
• 1:15:10
  on the shot right there. We go I know I did a
• 1:15:23
  tube partner with a guy. I forget who it was,
• 1:15:26
  but they were pretty long. I don't think. Wow.
• 1:15:28
  So people have never done this before. I've never
• 1:15:30
  done this before. That flies, man. It does. It
• 1:15:33
  flies. Listen, you're always welcome back. Yeah.
• 1:15:39
  If there's other topics, I would love to have
• 1:15:42
  you. Thank you. I just. Yeah. I mean, I literally
• 1:15:48
  just want to thank you. I Our sermon last weekend
• 1:15:53
  with Pastor Chris He kind of just went over like
• 1:15:59
  we don't have to feel shame Sharing our stories
• 1:16:04
  and our testimonies. There doesn't have to be
• 1:16:06
  shame in that. I know a lot of I've been through
• 1:16:09
  some awful things everybody has so I know people
• 1:16:13
  can feel shame in that and and not really want
• 1:16:15
  to share what they've gone through because it's
• 1:16:17
  emotional and you know all the things but our
• 1:16:19
  stories are meant to be shared and like he said
• 1:16:21
  it's like throwing a flotation device out because
• 1:16:24
  it can help rescue others and sharing Jesus how
• 1:16:27
  how Jesus rescued us and Jesus calls us to get
• 1:16:31
  out of the boat to get out of our comfort zones
• 1:16:34
  and because when we're out of outside that comfort
• 1:16:38
  zone that's where we're really going to share
• 1:16:40
  Jesus and how he can really work in and through
• 1:16:43
  us and he's our life preserver he's our safe
• 1:16:47
  place and he's gonna have our back no matter
• 1:16:49
  where we are. So I just hope that this encourages
• 1:16:54
  my listeners to reach out to me to just wanna
• 1:16:57
  come on, share their testimony, their story.
• 1:17:00
  We really need to be sharing, especially in these
• 1:17:03
  days. I do feel like we're coming up in the last
• 1:17:06
  days. I just I really think it's important to
• 1:17:11
  just especially after COVID. We were so isolated.
• 1:17:14
  And man, it's so easy. It's been so weird. Seriously,
• 1:17:19
  after COVID, the world just it's definitely not
• 1:17:22
  the same. Doesn't feel the same. It feels I don't
• 1:17:27
  know. It's so like just time. Time feels so weird.
• 1:17:30
  Like maybe it's just going so much faster than
• 1:17:34
  what it used to. And Don't know. Yeah, it's totally
• 1:17:37
  different after cover, but I do Like to ask these
• 1:17:42
  three questions with every guest. Do you have
• 1:17:44
  a favorite Bible verse? Or even in this season.
• 1:17:48
  Oh, you're standing. Yeah. No, that's good So
• 1:17:52
  it's gonna sound like a cop -out but just like
• 1:17:54
  anything I promise you it's it's deeper with
• 1:17:57
  me than what you think First John 4 8 God is
• 1:18:03
  love and it's simple, it's easy to remember but
• 1:18:08
  it is such a loaded verse it is such a loaded
• 1:18:14
  set of words if you ring those words out if you
• 1:18:19
  ring those words out those three words and just
• 1:18:23
  for a second pause on God right which is a whole
• 1:18:27
  we just spent the past I guess over three hours
• 1:18:32
  in different ways talking about what love looks
• 1:18:35
  like because whenever when you hear God is love
• 1:18:43
  right what is that what type of a sacrificial
• 1:18:46
  love is that if if if you think about it in the
• 1:18:49
  context of of a parent and a child especially
• 1:18:54
  a thankful fully committed child who's innocent
• 1:18:59
  naive and wants what you want, what won't you
• 1:19:06
  and I do for those kids to make sure that every
• 1:19:13
  need is met to get them to where we created them
• 1:19:20
  to end up and to do what I have created them
• 1:19:25
  to do. I will stop at nothing, nothing. will
• 1:19:31
  any go through any wall we're gonna go up any
• 1:19:34
  hill we're gonna write we're gonna do whatever
• 1:19:37
  it takes and move whatever mountain needs to
• 1:19:40
  be moved in order to get this kid what is needed
• 1:19:46
  to fulfill my purposes for that child that type
• 1:19:51
  of love an indescribable love an unfathomable
• 1:19:57
  love that is a love of a creator of the maker
• 1:20:00
  of the universe who knew who you were before
• 1:20:07
  he breathed life into you and I that type of
• 1:20:12
  love is God is love not was not not sometimes
• 1:20:21
  Not if I'm good enough not if I'm behaving not
• 1:20:24
  if I'm this not if I'm that not he is That in
• 1:20:33
  my broken Messed up screwed up all the time angry
• 1:20:40
  resentful tired frustrated Condition that I'm
• 1:20:46
  in He is what he says he is he is love right
• 1:20:55
  so that was a shout out to my my friend Sean
• 1:21:00
  McDonald who I went to kindergarten with was
• 1:21:04
  friends with throughout high school he died of
• 1:21:08
  leukemia probably about 15 years ago and he was
• 1:21:15
  a fantastic human being that was the verse that
• 1:21:18
  he Hung on to for his family to share with them
• 1:21:24
  to try to get them to see Jesus and accept Jesus
• 1:21:27
  He actually he told me he said Eric he goes I
• 1:21:31
  literally saw Christ hanging on the cross I go
• 1:21:34
  what are you talking about? He goes I was in
• 1:21:37
  a Condition I was in my bathroom. He said I'm
• 1:21:41
  leaning against the toilet. I couldn't breathe
• 1:21:43
  He said I looked up. It's so crazy to think about
• 1:21:46
  it he's like it was like someone pulled the shower
• 1:21:49
  curtain back and he said i saw jesus on the cross
• 1:21:54
  looking down at me and i had to accept him wow
• 1:21:59
  yeah wow he's been gone for a while i miss him
• 1:22:04
  very very much he was a fantastic person we ended
• 1:22:06
  up um Running a tough mutter he I'd never heard
• 1:22:10
  a tough mutter before and he was super healthy
• 1:22:13
  guy That was the other thing. He was super healthy.
• 1:22:16
  He said he goes comics. I want to run this someday
• 1:22:18
  You're gonna have to run it with me. I'm like,
• 1:22:20
  okay, we can do that. So after he passed I got
• 1:22:23
  a group of guys together and uh we got t -shirts
• 1:22:26
  made with first uh first john four eight uh got
• 1:22:30
  his love on the back um we did the tough mudder
• 1:22:32
  event it was awesome because his mom and dad
• 1:22:34
  and grandmother got to come to the event and
• 1:22:37
  when we they kind of have if you for anybody
• 1:22:39
  who hasn't seen it it's a 12 mile obstacle mud
• 1:22:42
  race um that you do with groups and it's real
• 1:22:45
  uh friend oriented you're trying to help other
• 1:22:48
  teams and stuff it's it's just finishing is a
• 1:22:50
  is a good thing But before they launch the groups
• 1:22:54
  out into the race, they have kind of a staging
• 1:22:57
  area where there's a hype guy. And it's the same
• 1:23:00
  hype guy every race and every, I'm guessing Tough
• 1:23:03
  Mudder paid this guy, and he was a good hype
• 1:23:05
  guy. Like he has the microphone and are you ready?
• 1:23:09
  Who rocked? Like we're getting amped, right?
• 1:23:10
  Like you're about, you better be, because you're
• 1:23:12
  going to freeze in 12 miles of mud and rain and
• 1:23:15
  get electrocuted. It's awesome. But you're getting
• 1:23:18
  ready to do this with this hype. Remember we
• 1:23:23
  were he has you all take a knee so that he can
• 1:23:26
  see the crowd of about 500 people because he
• 1:23:29
  said they send you out like waves of 250 to 500
• 1:23:32
  people and he says take a knee and we take a
• 1:23:35
  knee and he's getting us high and I was just
• 1:23:39
  to the right of him and one Whenever I was down
• 1:23:47
  he could see the back of my shirt And he said,
• 1:23:52
  hey, whoa, brother, stand up. I stood up. He
• 1:23:55
  says, what's your name? I said, Eric Cummings.
• 1:23:57
  He goes, what's the back of your shirt say? And
• 1:24:01
  he handed me the microphone. And he and I read
• 1:24:04
  the first show on 4 -8. Sean's, it was awesome.
• 1:24:11
  Sean's mom and dad were crying. We were all crying.
• 1:24:17
  It was just one of those instances where you're
• 1:24:20
  going. It's all real man like it's all real.
• 1:24:24
  This is all real like this is all it's all here
• 1:24:27
  And and you can't deny it like to have the guy
• 1:24:30
  that's running all the hype videos across multiple
• 1:24:33
  social media platforms That walks into any place
• 1:24:36
  he goes to with a tub mutter and he's recognizable.
• 1:24:39
  He calls our group up with with the family there
• 1:24:43
  and calls us up out of all the people we could
• 1:24:46
  have called up throughout the entire day, he
• 1:24:49
  put a spotlight on what we were doing and it
• 1:24:54
  was just, it brought a smile. It was really good.
• 1:24:59
  So yeah, that's first John 4 -8. I love that
• 1:25:04
  you put some meaning behind that. Oh yeah. What
• 1:25:08
  is one thing you would tell your younger self?
• 1:25:15
  I'd probably slap my old self before I would
• 1:25:18
  talk to him. I'd get his attention with a slap
• 1:25:21
  to the back of the head. That's a good question.
• 1:25:39
  I would just tell him... Hold on tight Hold on
• 1:25:50
  tight trust God And just do what you do just
• 1:25:59
  work and it's gonna work Yeah, just hold on tight
• 1:26:10
  man I'm telling you I've been 46 years old and
• 1:26:15
  I like I think I said earlier wisdom of over
• 1:26:18
  a hundred year old because of the the magnitude
• 1:26:21
  of Different expo. I mean I only got to tell
• 1:26:24
  you 20 % of stuff that I encountered over a 10
• 1:26:27
  to 12 year window of time relative to everything
• 1:26:30
  from reputation destruction to physical harm
• 1:26:33
  to sicknesses to relational breakdowns to business
• 1:26:39
  breakdowns to just absolute ridiculousness um
• 1:26:45
  just hang on and he will be faithful thought
• 1:26:50
  the whole time yeah whole time what legacy would
• 1:26:57
  you like to leave behind That's a big question.
• 1:27:16
  Well, I would say If we're talking my kids I
• 1:27:31
  Would say I Want them to understand how to and
• 1:27:51
  be comfortable with and and leave them capable
• 1:27:55
  of bucking the system and breaking the rules
• 1:27:59
  together for an objective or purpose that is
• 1:28:04
  God inspired knowing that they have been created
• 1:28:10
  and destined to do both their own unique things
• 1:28:18
  and more importantly great things that God has
• 1:28:23
  called them to do together that they cannot do
• 1:28:26
  alone and impact a community wherever they are
• 1:28:32
  for the better because I'll tell you what I have
• 1:28:39
  some persistent stubborn kids And you get them
• 1:28:43
  going the same direction as adults that love
• 1:28:46
  Jesus and that fire that they bring all different
• 1:28:50
  attributes good luck Good luck. I would not want
• 1:28:55
  to have to deal with them. I mean Vivi alone
• 1:28:57
  strong will me to the tee that is my child Okay,
• 1:29:03
  so little fun rapid fire. You can only use one
• 1:29:06
  word. Okay, so it makes it fun At least on this
• 1:29:11
  one. What is one word your kids would use to
• 1:29:15
  describe you? Fixer. Oh, okay. That's good. You
• 1:29:27
  did say that earlier. What is a favorite snack?
• 1:29:35
  Late night ice cream with peanut butter. Oh,
• 1:29:38
  that sounds so bad I guess you already mentioned
• 1:29:42
  us on night our morning bird night. Oh, you're
• 1:29:45
  definitely not a morning If you could eat one
• 1:29:48
  food forever, what would it be? Orange chicken
• 1:29:55
  Chinese food orange chicken. Um, what movie could
• 1:30:01
  you watch over and over again the Godfather?
• 1:30:03
  Oh, good one. Oh, that's that's utility. I just
• 1:30:08
  want to remind my listeners, whether you're walking
• 1:30:10
  in clarity or searching for direction, just stay
• 1:30:14
  close to God. Keep listening to his voice. Keep
• 1:30:18
  taking that next faithful step and remember that
• 1:30:20
  you were created with purpose called for a time
• 1:30:24
  such as this. And there is deep joy in walking
• 1:30:26
  the path God has set before you. I want to thank
• 1:30:29
  you for spending this time with us today. If
• 1:30:33
  you enjoyed this episode, please share it with
• 1:30:35
  others. You can share on your socials or just
• 1:30:37
  with family or friend. You can also leave reviews
• 1:30:41
  on Spotify and Apple podcast. I would greatly
• 1:30:44
  appreciate it. You can hit the follow button
• 1:30:45
  and that's going to update you when new episodes
• 1:30:47
  release. If you are interested in coming on,
• 1:30:50
  you can reach out to me at GM Rickner at iCloud
• 1:30:53
  .com or reach me on socials. It's the same across
• 1:30:57
  all platforms. Gina dot Rickner. As always, go
• 1:31:00
  out and find the joy today. Bye friends.