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Reclaiming Your Life After an Abusive Relationship | Beyond Our Stories with Brooke LaLone · Beyond our Stories

• speaker-0: the abuse was escalating and I just felt so hopeless. My own body felt like it was shutting down. I went from being able to run four or five miles a day, a marathon runner, to I couldn't run, you know, a a hundred yards without a panic attack. Finally I told the therapist towards the end of twenty twenty three and for her to really validate me and point out to me like what you went through was awful. I can understand why you did a and she didn't right lock me up or do anything like my ex said that he was going to try to enforce was the biggest part that was healing and also catapulted me into leaving finally. Just being able to have the freedom of choice of what do I want to wear today without someone's opinion, it feels like a million pounds is like lifted off of me. I know I texted my father out two or three months post separation. in the best way I could describe it. I just told him it's like I feel like I'm seeing the sun for the first time in a decade of winter. speaker-1: Every person has a story. Some stories make us laugh, some challenge us. speaker-2: Some stay with us long after they're over. speaker-1: Sometimes the most meaningful part of a story isn't the ending. speaker-2: But it's the conversation that starts after speaker-1: Welcome to Beyond Our Stories. I'm Ali. speaker-2: Stephanie? speaker-1: And today we are joined by Brooke. So we met Brooke with the movie that we produced and made, I Love You My Narcissist. Through this movie we got the pleasure to meet Brooke and start a collaboration on on social media and bringing the movie to a wider audience. And the movie is about narcissism and the dynamics in relationship, family, works and many other topics. And we have also internationally well known experts in the movie. So before we start the conversation, Brooke, can you please introduce yourself? speaker-0: John, thank you. Thank you so much for having me. so I'm Brooke. I live in the United States in New York. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for I was married for almost five, six years, and unfortunately ended very poorly in a divorce and a no-contact restraining order. So Ever since then it's been my mission to be online, promote advocacy for this topic and help other survivors. Besides that, I am also a single mother to a four year old and you might see my cat Jenny wandering about here as well as we speak. But my main work right now is advocacy online and a coach to help empower others after divorce, loss, recovering from abuse and narcissism. speaker-1: Amazing. And Brooke, you are also a psychologist, right? speaker-0: Therapist, yep. speaker-1: For the listeners and viewers who don't know or who might ask, how can a psychologist fall into the therapy of narcissist? speaker-0: Yeah. well, initially I think, you know, having my degree really helped me to recognize what was going on because at least I had the basics of psychology relationships because I'm a marriage and family therapist. There was a little bit of shame there being like, How did I end up here? But fortunately I was in my own therapy and when we go to school to become a therapist, at least in my training, they really make you look in the mirror so that you know like what's going on with you when you're treating patients. And it really started a huge ripple effect for me to look at my upbringing and my family of how I got there because I was really so blind to it because, you know, looking back when I was in the relationship, I'm like, he's not like abusive. He didn't hit me, you know, majority of the relationship. There's no physical violence where it was a lot of the psychological and emotional that I think I was fortunate to put a put words to, but it there was some embarrassment of like, how did I miss it? But Are people gonna think I'm terrible at my job? how do I admit this? speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-2: That's And can you for somebody that hasn't experienced a narcissistic dynamic, can you guide us through a couple of moments where you started to realize, I think there's something wrong with this relation? speaker-0: I think it was really more I would go to therapy and talk about things and I thought it was like normal relationship, just dynamics, conflict. but it was really some moments where like my therapist, their her eyes would get like huge, like golf balls being that's not okay. And she started mentioning, have you thought about a restraining order? you really need to like start thinking about is this safe. were you and your child. a couple of moments that was really like mind boggling to me was we would be in a fight and you know my ex would, you know, say some off the wall things like, You coerced me into this marriage, you forced me here. where I was like, I didn't force you whatsoever. You proposed to me and I thought we were on the same page. So it was a lot of that like, you know, projection and just the mental manipulation. And as soon as we got married, that's when like the mask really fell. Like It was fun and we f I felt I felt in love through the dating and throughout the engagement. But as soon as the commitment was there, it felt like he just went really cold. And it was really confusing for me because it was, we got married a couple of months before COVID really hit. So if I was able to just say, like, you know, it's COVID, he's working from home, we're all a bit in a funk. So it wasn't really until about the last year together when things got to be very, very apparent through infidelity, the violent the physical violence ramped up where I could actually tell myself, like, wow, this this is bad. This is abusive. There's something wrong. and even at one point he he did self like proclaim that he was a narcissist within that last year. So that really opened my eyes to of like, okay, if he's he's even saying it, I really need to start educating myself on this. speaker-1: that means he said that he is a narcissist by himself. speaker-0: Yeah, the what happened was he was in a work situation where I I thought his boss was pretty awful. probably could not to diagnose, but fit a lot of the traits for narcissism. And I found a podcast. I listened to the episode and I sent it to him and I'm like, This is what you're dealing with, like really trying to tell him like, like, just stop trying to please your boss, like he's never gonna be happy. And what shocked me was that he came home one day after work after listening to the podcast and he was like Proud on he was proud. He was smiling. He was like, that podcast was really helpful. I'm a narcissist. And that was when I was like, that totally missed the point I was making, but my gosh. speaker-1: That's very rare because almost no narcissist would admit that they are narcissists in front of their partners. That's that's very, very, very shocking and interesting. At the beginning of the relationship, it doesn't it doesn't look like any problem or even even we miss out of the signs and the red flags that are in your relationship. Because also in the movie I Love My Narcissists, the experts say that that we we want it to be true that the relationship is amazing. And we often willingly ignore the signs or we say, Yeah, okay, because it might be the case that many, many friends, family members or a or someone s of tells us that something is not right here, but we don't want to accept that because we want it to be true. And at the beginning it's like a fairy tale, let's say, that's it looks it looks like a like a very, very y As if you met your soulmates. Yeah, and and many people miss that. And for for for listeners and viewers who say, It won't happen to me or I I'm aware of that, it can happen to you. speaker-2: How much awareness did you have about narcissistic dynamics before you were in the relationship? 'Cause you're a therapist, so how much did you learn about that before in your training, but also personally? speaker-0: I joke, but it's really serious. Like I went to school to be a therapist to figure out my childhood. I remember in undergraduate, like my junior senior year learning about, you know, abnormal psychology, all of this, we're like opening my eyes just to like my family, being like, my gosh. Then I think like I experienced a lot of narcissistic dynamics childhood on, which made me probably, you know, completely blind to these dynamics. And I'll be honest though, even though getting into graduate school, we really didn't talk about narcissism whatsoever. Cause I believe at least here in the United States, the models are very like trauma informed, which is great. But I think it gives a lot of people with these personality traits a big pass if they're sitting in the therapist office because it's a lot of like, Well, look at their childhood. you know, it's this I think assumption that everyone comes from a place of wanting to do good and wanting to connect with people in a loving way. It wasn't until really like the the year before finally separating from him I was learning about things that was completely opening my eyes. And I have a lot of like colleagues and friends that are therapists that have been talking to me in the last few years saying like, you know, we are trained in it's like an hour or two training usually of domestic violence and we're taught just very little that like, you know, obviously violence is a major like factor and r thing that we will probably see in our office, but we never taught about the psychological and emotional manipulation, the control, none of that. So it's been a big topic amongst my friends and myself of like there's a big gap for even professionals to see it. speaker-1: That's also one of the problems because for example, Dr. Romani says also in the movie I Love My Narcissist that this topic is a new topic that is talked about maybe since ten years or so and it's not very well known. And many people who are in such relationships, they even don't know that they are in such relationships. And after the situation gets worse and and they are totally trapped and they have no other option no other option than saying in that relationship They start doing research, watching social media videos or podcasts or YouTube videos, and then they realize, my god, this is my relationship. For example, even in in family dynamics, because for example, for the movie, we have been researching the topic to have the most accurate situations and dynamics in the movie. And now and then as while we were doing specific research for specific dynamics, I went to a Steph and said, yeah, hey, this is what I was living in my whole life. This is my my family dynamic. This is this is the topic that I even didn't know that it's that the term for that is narcissism. And it it opened my eyes a lot. And I was shocked because before that I didn't even know what that is. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. speaker-2: And then also when we started researching for the project, we were mainly just focused on narcissistic relationships and didn't like naturally you would also then kind of know that there are narcissists in the workplace, in schools, in families. But really before we were digging diving into the research, we weren't really aware of. speaker-0: Yeah, I think 'cause we always hear my ex is a narcissist and I think it gets downplayed so much. and I know no, not everyone is one, but we live in such I think a culture that promotes it. That it's so appearance based that and that's what I really loved about the film was showing the different dynamics, especially in the family. Like how did we get here in it so normalized and almost with our families, I think. And I'm sure for you, Allie, like we I just how our brain goes, we go become blind to it for survival. 'Cause if we're five and we're like, Wow, my parent is really awful, what are we gonna do with that? Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah. How was it for you? Because there might be someone who is watching or listening who is in such relationship and they can't leave because of the indep because of the dependency they have on the partner, either financially or or many other reasons that are there because the narcissist they know how to trap the partner. So how was it for you to leave that relationship? speaker-0: gosh, yeah. This is this could be, I'm sure, like a seven hour conversation on there's so many layers to it. Not to be a Debbie Downer, it's not easy, but I can say on the other side of it, it's a huge transformation process you have to go through and it feels like you're honestly getting burnt through like through raked at the coals and stake. because usually there's a lot of layers to this of how we end up here. Like I said, my family dynamics, my ex really used that and manipulated that against me to keep me stuck with him longer than, you know, now I'm much in a healthier place. Hindsight twenty twenty should have left him, you know, probably right after the marriage. But so there's that dynamic of, you know, in the culture we live in, there's not a lot of resources for people to leave easily. Even if you have maybe a good job and money, your every aspect of yourself, your body, your health Your soul, usually you're so isolated you don't have a social network. So it, we are wired for connection. So it feels easier to just stay with this one person that you vowed till death do us part, or even you don't have to be married. But it was terrifying and it was terrifying to be vulnerable because then, you know, it's picking between my ex or my family that has a very similar dynamic and how do I manage that and be true to myself and keep myself safe. hopefully for other people listening, it might not be that complex. I think my case can be maybe more of the extreme ones. but you know, usually people that have to face the legal system, often if we have to have money for an attorney, whether that is for a divorce, restraining order, or custody, that feels like another ten mountains to climb. But I think it's you're gonna have to get very unfortunately maybe creative or really get comfortable with I I guess like the shame that the the narcissist puts you through, unfortunately, is the biggest, scariest factor of like all of the fears that they instill in your head. Once you leave, you have to face them all. Of like just that emotional piece of it. and then yeah, in my case, I'm a single bump and, you know, custody was another tool for their control and their appearance because he doesn't want to look like a bad dad if he loses custody or the news gets out that he had a restraining order. So he they can get very revengeful. I've had stalking in my past, even despite a restraining order. so I'm forever connected to him because of our child. I can't honestly say I'm gonna be hopeful that he will ever change. The research shows and the stories we've heard that like most likely he's not gonna introspect and apologize ever or change his tactics. It's just it it shifts constantly and there there is a risk for violence and literal death for a lot of people. looking at the statistics too when you try to leave a narcissist. So I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It's not it's not easy on top of being trauma bonded and believing that you're still in love with this person. speaker-2: A long period where you thought he could change? speaker-0: Yeah, even when like he he admitted, like he said, like I'm a narcissist. I feel seen for the first time was his words. The things I were listening to, it was like, don't expect them to change. Also, don't, you know, I was listening to a lot of like the, you know, coaches and stuff to like how to recover. They just kept saying in everything I listened to or read, like, don't expect them to change, don't bring this topic up to them, don't play them this podcast episode. It could make things worse. I still did because I had the hope. I think a part of it is from my my training of the trauma informed care, if we can work through some of this childhood stuff that let that's led here, he should want to change, right? He should want to change. We have a family and we wanna work towards our future. But it it was really apparent to me when I did ask him, could we go to therapy or could he apologize for the infidelity and he was adamant that he was not gonna ever apologize for it and that was my biggest sign of Okay, Brooke, you gotta really realize there there's no hope here, there's no remorse. So mm mm we gotta make a change. speaker-1: From your experience, if if someone is hearing or listening and they are in such a relationship and they want to leave, what would you suggest them? speaker-0: look up domestic violence shelters in your area for sure domestic violence agencies are not I know underfunded maybe not the best resources but look there and also again on the shame piece like you could be anyone ending up in in a shelter as well and I would say having one to two close trusted friends or family members either if you have things like screenshots, online documents, email, stuff like that, have them be a safe place to store digital electronic, personal information because there's threats of stalking and tracking, connecting to your device that way. You know, I would just really start digging into some of the literature and the content creators about narcissism to like Really have to repeat it to yourself because I know I would listen in my car and my drive to work over and over and over again for like I said, about a year to really hammer it home in my brain and to accept the reality. And and if there is like a risk for violence, I would look also in your area for free consultations with attorneys. as I talk I say y I interchange the words abuse and narcissism because at least here in the United States, there's not a lot of attorneys that will respect the word narcissism or narcissist if you walk into their office and say, My ex is a narcissist, they'll probably roll your eyes. So I'd really get, look into how do I, you know, want to craft my language and it's r it's really hard while you're in a trauma bond and or leaving it with a, you know, a lot of emotional garbage going on and you're in the fog that it this is asking a lot. So it's even if you have one to two close supports or, a therapist, domestic violence agency, just starting there. speaker-1: Yeah, having having close ones and friends to to talk to is also very important. Because we we heard that a lot during the research for the movie and inter interviewed real survivors of narcissistic abuse. and they they shared with us that they can't tell anyone because no one believes them. Because people people they know the partner very differently very different than the partner is at home or with them. So They said they they they they told them and they said yeah why you are complaining. Your partner is amazing. I I I I met them. They are so good, so generous, so charismatic, so nice and so and why are you complaining? So it's also important for people who have someone who is in such relationship in their surrounding to hear them out. Don't criticize them, don't judge them. Just just hear them out. speaker-2: I also wanna go back a little bit to what you said earlier, if there's a risk of physical violence, how can you assess for yourself if you're in danger of physical violence if it maybe didn't happen yet? Do you know what I mean? speaker-0: It's hard to I guess specifically predict with the violence because at least it I don't have the statistic directly in front of me. So anyone listening don't directly quote me. You can look it up, but I know that the biggest risk factor for violence and homicide post separation actually isn't any form of physical assault. It's control. And look up I I encourage people to look up the term coercive control because there's so many factors of what that falls under of like psychological control, isolation. It's essentially prisoner of warfare tactics that happen on people. And once the narcissist loses control, there there's a huge risk for the narcissistic collapse where their ego and like the reality they've created, right? Their marriage, their relationship. If that crumbles, they're so worried about the external appearance. That's where they they just cannot regulate and they'll do anything to maintain control. And that's where we see, you know, violence and death happen at the end of relationships. So, you know, if any if a partner is doing anything on that is controlling, stalking you, checking your phone, monitoring what you wear and your friends, monitoring like Money, you're not allowed to have money. Just anything that could be, like I said, control is the biggest risk factor. And I always tell people too, you know, if they're feeling guilt or they're confused, I'm always saying, like, it's better safe than sorry to attempt to get a sh restraining order, go to the domestic violence shelter, talk to a D V worker because they can really reiterate to you that this is unsafe because yeah, ninety five percent of people in the world will look at you like you're crazy, even your own family. because I lost about, I would say probably ninety-five percent of my social circle leaving my marriage. I can even, you know, it's pretty ridiculous. can even see it on my social media. I can see, you know, people that view stories or view posts, and his family has viewed a lot of my stuff. Friends, even if I like post literal screenshots of court documents or pictures of bruises, they still don't believe me. And that is the power of whatever spell people fall under when a narcissist is around, or maybe they do believe me, but it would, I I don't have a ton of sympathy for them, but I can understand human behavior of like they probably aren't gonna say anything to me 'cause then they risk their connection to that family or friend group or him. So it's like a big reality too, on top of already the risk for mental health concerns, suicide, health concerns, death, you're you're extremely isolated leaving. probably this relationship as well. So it gets very, very messy. That's why people say, and I know at the end of the film, like it can feel like the only way out is through harm, through self-harm, suicide. And and I've I've been there not at the end of my relationship, kind of in the middle during twenty twenty for a variety of factors, alongside my marriage. because it's just it feels like you're screaming into the void for help. speaker-1: Can you share more about that? Because I believe that many other people are out there who are in such relationships and they have no help, no hope, nothing. And they think the only option is taking their life. If you can can share that with us at WBM. speaker-0: as I said, my was September of twenty twenty and it is national unalive prevention awareness month here in the United States. So six years ago that was a really dark point in my life because a few months prior here in the United States, there was the uproar with Black Lives Matter, George Floyd and I grew up in a very conservative small town and again correlates to narcissism and abuse. and I posted online about anti-racism because I recently got, you know, I done a ton of training for a few years. and did a lot of work to unpack my internalized racism and all of that as a white person. And I knew in my gut that my family would not be happy. but I still posted it because I just thought it's like it shouldn't be this big of a deal. But I posted an article from it was an American Psychological Association article talking about it and immediately my family was in a uproar, kicked me out of the family. and at that point in time I was already really the abuse was escalating and I just felt so hopeless. My own body felt like it was shutting down. I went from being able to run four or five miles a day, a marathon runner, to I couldn't run, you know a hundred yards without a panic attack. I just felt terrible because all of my worst fears came to light. And my husband at the time really just reiterated, like, see, your family doesn't love you. They never loved you. I'm the only one here. So it was this huge internal tug of war that I didn't have the awareness for. So I think if people are listening and you're feeling just down and hopeless and depressed and maybe you are beating yourself up. Why isn't this working? Why don't I have this relationship? Why why can't he love me? If any any of those questions are coming to mind, I just challenge people to take a step back and look at the entire situation. Because the narcissism can you're always gonna be the main target. You know, people around you aren't going to take accountability or apologize like my family never did. But during that summer it just kept building and building and building and I felt like there was no other way out. fortunately my ex found me and I'm I'm here today and since then I've not had any any real thoughts at all about it because it was really, really scary and regret doing it. And for two to three years after that I kept silent about it. Even my then husband threatened me that if you go to your therapist and talk about it, they're going to put you in the psych ward. And I'll make sure that they do. I will come to sessions and talk about how crazy you are, threaten to you know, take away custody of my own child. So it just kept it everything just kept adding on and on and on. So it it felt extremely dark though back in 2020. And If you really have are having a hard time and feel hopeless, you're not alone. Obviously, I know I can put the general disclaimers of go to therapy, find a good therapist, go to the hospital. I really hope that there's good resources around you. But again, I think it comes down to telling one to two trusted people really what's going on and how you feel. Because that's for me at least, that was the only way out. And that was when my therapist, finally I told the therapist, Towards the end of twenty twenty three and for her to really validate me and point out to me like what you went through was awful. I can understand why you did a and she didn't r lock me up or do anything like my ex said that he was going to try to enforce. was the biggest part that was healing and also catapulted me into leaving finally. speaker-2: What i in that situation, what did you wish for your your friends that you had then to do to to see to offer you? speaker-0: you know, at the time when, you know, attempting with my own life I was very private and I hadn't opened up to absolutely anyone about what was going on. It was more of I was very shameful at the place I was at mentally, you know, had a lot of betrayal from my own family. So it felt very hopeless of like, where do I go? I am supposed to be a therapist and supposed to like be helping others, but I feel so isolated, alone. I felt l crazy 'cause it was two worlds of like showing up and I could be so effective at work and connect with my coworkers and colleagues there, but I didn't want to risk, you know, shame and judgment opening up to what was going on to people around me. but later on in my relationship, you know, I had a couple of people in my life that would, like I I said before, take screenshots that I would send them of text and emails, just be there and say, you know, if you ever need to come, my couch is always open for you. I'm a phone call away. So I had a few really close people that would do those things. so I just think I if for people listening, if for friends or you believe a loved ones in this situation, just being there listening, not pressuring them is the way to go. I don't know if I really could have anyone else do much, much more for me trying to escape it, because it's so multifactored of I had a child, I can't just up and leave and go to a friend's house three hours away. I still have to work. So I think it just just your presence being there, knowing that there's that trust. speaker-2: Since we're already we talked about so many heavy topics, I would like to give listeners and viewers a little bit of hope if they are thinking about leaving a narcissistic relationship and feel like, I ha all this difficulty is coming my way now. What did you gain from? speaker-0: leaving. right now it sounds so cliche, but I feel like, just so much clarity for one, but a lot of empowerment because unfortunately you you face your worst fears, you can see though how strong you have to be. I know it's really bittersweet and no one really wants to go through all of that, but speaking out about it, the advocacy work, I get to meet some pretty cool people, amazing people like you too and being a part of the project of the film. Is such an honor, but online, connecting with past old friends from like high school and just being able to have like the freedom of choice of like what do I want to wear today without someone's opinion, it feels like a million pounds is like lifted off of me. I know I texted my father about two or three months post separation. and the best way I could describe it, I just told him it's like, I feel like I'm seeing the sun for the first time in like a decade of winter. with just how bright and light everything felt and realizing how much stress I was under was the best way I could put it. And I I would it's worth it. I wouldn't ever want to do it ever, ever again, but I i I would just say that it is worth it and it's a beautiful process at the end of it because now I can have a lot more gratitude for friendships and things in my life that I didn't have time for in the past. speaker-2: What then made you decide that you wanna tell your story publicly and be so open about it? 'Cause that also takes courage to do that. speaker-0: I d it's a really good question. I can't ever really put a finger on it. Besides, a big factor was content creators really saved my life. I think like the if no one was speaking out about domestic balanced narcissism, I probably would still be in the bubble thinking that I was, you know, just I was the awful person in the marriage and it just this is what marriage is supposed to be. I think for me the creative process has always been therapeutic. So I just began writing a blog about it and then it slowly crept into my personal circle and and then people were encouraging me to write more, say more, do more. 'cause I already had a presence online for my therapy private practice. So I was doing a lot of psychoeducation on there. So I I started to slowly incorporate these themes there until I ended up online. that's a whole long process, but it's been rewarding and always had to kind of market my services online. So It was it was an easier shift for me, I think, than maybe for some people that have never been online before. speaker-2: While were in the in the marriage trying to get out, you had the feeling of you were worried that you as a professional should have known better and shouldn't have ended up in the situation and that you w that you would be judged. Now looking back, did that actually happen? Do you feel like the majority of people were really judging you? speaker-0: Mm, yes and no. I think there's honestly any profession or any place we go right. I will say broadly that there can also be, I think, narcissists in any field we work in and there might be some in the mental health field. I unfortunately it's an easy place, I think, that can they can have that place of control. But the people that I know and trust in my close circle were super supportive. Honestly, I had a few therapists message me, call me. They also really encouraged me to keep speaking out because they would be in tears because of the shame and like their own personal stories being in relationships with narcissists that they've not spoken out about or whatever, because of the fear of part of it is the ethics with therapy. Like you're not supposed to be a therapist divulging all of your stuff online. So that's why I shifted from therapist, I still have my license, but in order to speak out, doing more coaching and different services. But I definitely was judged one time when I had to post a GoFundMe a couple of years ago because there was extreme financial abuse in my marriage and then trying to go through a divorce and pay for daycare, all the things. I couldn't work for a couple of weeks for, you know, external circumstances that I couldn't I couldn't predict, like an office furnace fire. My grandfather passed away. Just a lot of stuff. And when I work for myself, there's no really time off or I blew through my emergency fund really quick. so I posted a GoFundMe and there was a she is I wanna she's not technically a licensed therapist locally, but she is she works in the mental health field as an aid or a peer support. specialist, but she took my GoFundMe and posted it online to therapist groups critiquing how, I was posting my trauma online. This could make clients really uncomfortable. And I just had hordes of a lot of therapists. And one day I had like at this point I only had like a thousand followers across my platforms. But in one day I had like eighty thousand views on my page I could see. And I was like, my gosh. I was getting literal. Got a couple of death threats in my DMs from therapist telling me to take my GoFundMe down and all of this stuff where I was like, okay, I am posting it personally for me. I'm not going to my clients begging them for money, right? So I was like, no one posts to go fund me for fun for fun here. But it was a lot my whole life was really nitpicked by professionals that I didn't even knew know at all. So I could see why people were, you know, can be afraid to come out in no matter what profession. But Yeah. That just felt incredibly embarrassing. Yeah. speaker-2: I can imagine. I would like to hear a little bit about your first reaction when we reached out to you with I love you my narcissist. speaker-0: I was a major fangirl because I like I'm when I saw the profile, like all of the professionals you were interviewing were main people that helped to save me that I was like, my gosh, like me? Okay, like so a lot of surprise and a lot of excitement. speaker-2: And were you in any way worried that we would get it wrong? Or like were there specifics that you feel like, I hope they are focusing on this and really get this right? speaker-0: Honestly, I no, 'cause I think I saw like the lineup of who you had in the in the film already and all of that. So I already had trust that like you had the best of the best to help guide and already, you know, did your research to contact them. but I I was surprised actually, you know, I actually had like low expectations, I guess, but I was excited and the family therapist in me was excited that you brought in other parts besides just the romantic connection in the film. So mm-hmm. speaker-1: And what what shocked you or what surprised you the most while you were watching the movie? speaker-0: I'm not gonna give away any spoilers, but the ending, I had a lot of appreciation for the reality of it all. that was validating for my experience and for others to people to show it. And I think the main theme for me too is just like to really lessen the shame that people experience about those really traumatic parts that it can lead up to. speaker-2: Was there anything particular that stood out for you in the story? speaker-0: I would say I guess I I align with just like the love bombing phase. I it just I f found myself having like a smirk the entire time of like it we look as Ali said in the beginning, it looks like you have a picture perfect relationship, the knight in shining armor suits you off your feet. And, you know, just really aligning with both of the the characters of I could at least during it I appreciated like how emotionally invested I got into it. I guess that might be a a a mini trigger warning for people. Like I feel like for me I've done a lot of the work that it didn't really upset me or ruin my day. Like the I watched it knowing that it could be activating. But I really appreciated the emotional connection I had to the characters and then but then you could get the professional information and data to like mirror the two. So overall I appreciated how much I I could really connect to it personally. speaker-1: Yeah, we are slowly moving towards the ending of this episode and we have a signature question that we ask everyone, every single one of our guests. Brooke, it's now your turn. What is the one story or a movie or even a personal experience that changed how you see people? speaker-0: Okay. I guess personal experience. I think like, you know, piggybacking I feel like surviving all of this that like right during after my GoFundMe blew up blew my life up online. having to post the GoFundMe and still having to post the GoFundMe while everyone's giving me so much hate. it really changed my faith in like humanity, where like it was there were strangers or people that I was acquaintances with from my hometown or high school, donating to me and sending me kind loving words. I'm gonna get little choked up. like at my worst and not having, you know, there's a lot of hate and like already experiencing that from my family and my ex. Just the kindness was like profound to me and wild, being like, my gosh, like some people see me. so that really kept me going that there's like good people out there. 'cause at that point I was about to log off of social media, hang it up, be like, never mind, I will just go be a waitress or bartender somewhere. I just wanna like go in my cave and so humiliated I don't want anyone to see me ever again. So like those strangers and the people out there that maybe I've never talked to or really have talked to in a while. So they're love. So speaker-1: Amazing. speaker-2: And I think you're giving it you're giving a lot of that back too with your with your account and making people feel seen and heard. speaker-1: Yeah, thank you so much Brooke for for this wonderful conversation and sharing your story and your experiences and giving giving the insights. For whoever is watching and listening, this conversation came to life because of the movie I Love You My Narcissist, where we met Brooke and started a collaboration. you can Find the movie on Aleph C N Stream and an independent stream platform without subscription, without advertisement, and watch the full movie there. We will add the link to the movie in the description. speaker-2: And also, once you buy the movie, you have it forever. It's not a rental and you have to watch it in a few days, but really you can watch as as many times as you want. You can pause if you feel triggered, for example, which can or cannot happen. Like we really can't say that for you. So you can really take your time with it and see whatever feels good for you. speaker-1: Yeah, if you liked this episode, we'd really appreciate it. If you like it, write a comment and leave a review and also share this episode with whoever needs to watch it and and hear it. Every story begins on the screen, but it continues within us. Thank you for joining us and we'll see you next Thursday on Beyond Our Stories.