Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 344. Taking Back Control: Cross Country Skier Jessie Diggins Talks Befriending Pain, Conquering Her Eating Disorder & Embracing Imperfection

Transcript

344. Taking Back Control: Cross Country Skier Jessie Diggins Talks Befriending Pain, Conquering Her Eating Disorder & Embracing Imperfection · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: When I reach that point in a race where everything
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: feels like it's on fire and my legs are stiff
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: and or going numb, I just kind of tell myself
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: like I've arrived, like I've gotten to that point where
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I am pushing my absolute limits. I'm pushing the boundaries,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: and I get to use this as a chance to
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: see what I'm really made of.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: What's going on? Emily Abadi.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: Here you are listening to episode two hundred and forty
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: four of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where I talk
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: to inspirational people about everything from their highest ties and
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: toughest moments to essential tips on how to live a healthier, happier,
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: more motivated life. We all go through our fair share
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: of hurdles. My goal through these discussions is to empower
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: you to better navigate yours and move within tension so
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: that you can stride towards your own big potential and
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: of course have some fun along the way. For today's episode,
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: I am so stoked to bring you my conversation with
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: Jesse Diggins.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: She is the most decorated cross country skier.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: In US history, not to mention a three time Olympic medalist,
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: Little Mic Drop there and honestly such a phenomenal human being.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Fresh off of her recent World Cup.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: When Jesse and I talk about what it's been like
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: for her training in Italy just under a year out
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: from the twenty twenty six Olympic Games, Jesse gives us
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: some color on what it's like to train and compete
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: at her level and the sacrifices that it requires. And
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: I also cannot appreciate her vulnerability and openness enough when
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: it comes to talking about her history with disorder eating.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: I want to make sure that I disclaim that right
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: up front. We do talk a fair amount about her
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: eating disorder history in today's episode, and there is not
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: a doubt in my mind that her openness can help
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: so many who have either struggled with something similar or
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: maybe going through it right now. Jesse gets really transparent
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: about the hurdles that she overcame in opening up to
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: her care team to get the help that she needed,
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: and how she converses with her inner critic, something that
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: we can all relate to on the regular. Within seconds
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: of listening to Jesse talk, you will be able to
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: hear her optimism and positivity, and I ask her, what
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: does she do on the days that she doesn't feel
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: so excited and shiny and bright, how does she still
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: show up to both perform at her best and stay
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: kind to herself? Love, love, love this conversation. Please, if
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: you love it, to leave a review over wherever you're
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: listening to this podcast, whether that be in Apple Podcasts
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: or over on Spotify. And this is really important. If
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: you are not subscribed to Hurdle. Wherever you are listening
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: to this podcast, do meet a solid and slam that
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: subscribe button right now. It helps the show get more eyes,
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: more ears, and that is a big part of what
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: helps me keep on keeping on with what we're doing
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: over here. Make sure you are following along with the
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: show over on social and is at Hurdle podcast. I
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: Emily am over at Emily a Body and got to
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: give some love to our Daily Hurdle Instagram channel. I'm
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: having so much fun programming this and hearing from all
• 3:39
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• 3:42
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• 3:45
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• 3:47
  Speaker 3: day is in the show notes. Last little call out here,
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: got to give some love to the weekly Hurdle newsletter.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: It's our substack that comes out every Friday. The link
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: to subscribe to that also in the show notes. With that,
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: let's get to it. Let's get to hurdling.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: Today.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: I am sitting down with Jesse Diggins. She's a pro
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: cross country skier. She's also the author of a book,
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: Brave Enough. We are a year out from the Winter Olympics.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: I am hyped to.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Have you here.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: I'm hyped too, Jesse Diggins, Welcome to hurdle. How are
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: you doing today?
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I am good. Well, to be honest, I'm a little
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: bit tired because I've been pushing really hard in training,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: so today is a little more of arrest and recovery day.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: But overall I'm super hyped. And that's part of the
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: fun part of this build up for the World Championships,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: right is that you get to dig pretty deep and
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: push pretty hard.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: We will talk about your affinity for digging deep in
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: just a bit, but I would be remiss if I
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: didn't highlight right now that you're also fresh off of
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: your twenty six individual World Cup win.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I feel like every single time I see it as
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: such a cool and fun, unique event, because I think
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: the second you start taking it for granted is when
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: you lose some of the magic.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: You're right now, sitting in Italy, I have jealousy through
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: the roof.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: How does it feel to be in Italy right now? Well?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: I love Italy. This has kind of become one of
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: my homes on the road, and I just feel so
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: comfortable here. I love the mountains just I feel like
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: just walking around and looking at these jagged peaks of
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: the Dolomites, I feel like my soul is just like, oh,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I'm a home, Like this is great, and the people
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: are so nice too. I've been making friends and meeting
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: new people and it's just been a really awesome place
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: so I spend I've been spending a lot of time
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: in Italy this year, and I've been really happy about that.
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: Not a bad place to be. Do you get to
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: travel with your husband as well?
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Not as much as we would love. He does not
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: get quite as much flexibility with his job and he
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: can't really work from home. But he did get to
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: come over to Italy after the tour to ski and
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: we had a training camp in Lavigno and that was
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: really really fun because we've got to ski together, which
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: is pretty rare for us. We don't often get to
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: actually ski together.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: That's so special.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: And also I would be remiss if I didn't say,
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: with a year out from the Olympics and them also
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: being in Italy, is there a certain feeling in the
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: air already, I.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Would say so.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: So skiing around Pasolovatsa, Like, first of all, it's so
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: cool skeing. How many people are just out there on
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: the trail skiing, like people training for the Marcia Langa,
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: which I guess that already happened, but now they're training
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: for the Vosslo but people training for everything, and then
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: people just out there having fun and just you know,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: stopping for a cappuccino after their ski and just enjoying
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: being out in the mountains. And when I'm out they're skiing.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: I've had so many people stop me to say like
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: good luck, Like I'm excited to cheer for you, I'm
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: so psyched to watch you race. I love watching skiing,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: and it's just been so cool because I feel like
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I'm absorbing all of this positive energy and so yeah
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: people are.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: It's so it always makes me giggle a little bit
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: hearing something like and people stop me because obviously, without
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: all of the gear on, you certainly could be a
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: recognizable person, but with all of the gearon, to get
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: stopped it makes me giggle.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: It's definitely a new thing for me in the last
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: couple of years because cross country skiing it is super
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: big over in Europe, and it's super big in Scandinavia,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: right like Norway's weedn't feel like it is a major sport,
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: but in the US it's been growing, for sure, but
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: it's never been like one of the big sports, right
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: And so you have total anonymity when you're training at home,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: which is which is really cool. You're just very very normal,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Like I feel like such an average person in every
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: way and that's wonderful. And then coming over here having
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: people recognize me on the trail, I still kind of
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: do this double take, like how do you know why.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: It's very humbling and it is super fodding, and it
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: also makes me sometimes be like, oh my gosh, like
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: I don't think I deserve this praise from these strangers.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: Well, you are an Olympic medalist and a world champion,
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: and I was doing my Jesse Diggins research and you
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: talk about what makes you an extraordinary athlete, and it's
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: not as in your words and outrageous vo two max
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: or any specific crazy athletic ability, but rather your affinity
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: for struggling.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: Talk to me a little bit about why you like
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: to struggle, Jesse.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: I know it's funny. If I could pick for myself
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: any sort of strength, it wouldn't be that. But like
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I wish I just had beautiful technique, it does not
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: come naturally to me, and I I'm not super powerful.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I don't have incredible fast twitch muscles like I just
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I physically, I feel like I'm just quite average. But yeah,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: my particular strength is being able to shake hands with
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: pain and figure out a way to move through the
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: pain and embrace it in a race since instead of
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: it shutting me down. I kind of I guess I
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: would say when I reach that point in a race
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: where everything feels like it's on fire and my legs
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: are stiff and or going numb, I just kind of
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: tell myself like I've arrived, like I've gotten to that
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: point where I am pushing my absolute limits. I'm pushing
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: the boundaries, and I get to use this as a
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: chance to see what I'm really made of how gritty
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: can I get, how tough can I be? How how
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: far am I willing to go for this race, for
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: my team, for whatever it is that I'm racing for
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: right now. And I think for me that is like
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: an opportunity, and that's why it has turned into a
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: strength since out of being scared of it hurting. I
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: see it as this kind of this gift of getting
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: to learn something about myself. But it's hard to learn
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: any other way.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: This gift of being able to lean into the hurt
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: in practice. What does the hurt look and feel like
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: in your body when it's happening.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: So this is where people are gonna think I'm nuts.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: But sometimes my legs go numb, like up to my waist.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: But first they feel really stiff, which is a pretty
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: common feeling, like that lactic acid building. Your muscles are
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: getting stiffer. But everything also feels like it's kind of burning,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: like my lungs are burning, and it feels like it's
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: hard to stand up straight and get a deep breath.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: And sometimes my vision tints usually a little bit pink,
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: but sometimes a little bit yellow, and sometimes the like
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: the volume dial gets turned down, So I'm not hearing
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: things quite the same anymore. And then recently also sometimes
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: it feels like my teeth are buzzing, which is a
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: very weird feeling, like like I literally am feeling the
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: lactic acid in my teeth like it's everywhere. And then
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: when I crossed the finish line, I'm also kind of
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: known for like collapsing in the snow and staying down
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: for a little while. And I'm not trying to be dramatic.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: It's not on purpose. It's because when I'm laying there,
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: it feels like everything's spinning, like you know when you
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: have too much to drink. Then you lay down and
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: you're like, whoa, I can't get up right now. Everything's
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: spinning around me. That's what it feels like. So sometimes
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: it feels like I'm holding onto the snow to kind
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: of center myself, and I'm like, I am not gonna
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: get up right now because I do, I'm just gonna
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: stagger around and fall back down. It's not going to
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: be pretty.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So do you have a recollection of when you
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: first experienced all of these sensations and we're able to
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: push through it, learning that pushing through it was possible?
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a team relay, which makes sense because
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: for years, years and years, my best races were always relays,
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: and for whatever reason, I felt like it wasn't okay
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: for me to care enough about my own races, but
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: when I was racing for my teammates, I would turn
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: myself inside out and have my best performances ever. And
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: so back in high school, we had I think it
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: was a pretty casual weekend relay, like it wasn't It
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: wasn't for all the marbles or anything. But I was
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: anchoring my team and we were a little bit behind,
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: and I was told like, all right, you just have
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: to catch this one girl from I think it was
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: like Forest Lake High School or Roseville or one of
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: the teams that we competed against a lot. And I
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: was like, oh great, But we had one hundred and
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: twenty kids on our high school team, and so did
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: a lot of the other teams, and so there were
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: like twenty teams out there. So I'd look up the
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: hill and see a girl in the suit that I
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: thought I had to catch, and as soon as I
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: catch her, I'd look up and see another girl, and
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, my gosh, which one was I
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: supposed to catch, and so in my head, I forgot
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: about what team it was of supposed to catch, and
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I just kept trying to chase down every single person
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: in front of me, just in case that was the
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: one person I was supposed to pass. And I just
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: got so focused on the task and so in the
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: zone that I started ignoring all the warning signs that
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: you normally feel.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: In your body.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: That's like WHOA, time to slow down, Like you're pushing
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: really hard, this kind of hurts, and I just kept
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: pushing and pushing through it. And when I crossed the
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: finish line, I had not only passed the girl, but
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: we had won the relay by a lot. But I
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: thought I was going to die. I was like, I
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: can't breathe, I can't move, I'm in so much pain.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: But then after thirty forty five seconds, I got up
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: and I was like whoa, Like that didn't kill me.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I'm okay, Holy crap, Like I think I've just unlocked
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: this next level of racing. Like I had this massive
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: light bulb moment, like, oh my god, this level has
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: been there the whole time. I just didn't have the
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: motivation to go there until now now that I figured
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: it out and unlocked, Like I can get so much
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: more out of my body if I'm willing to go
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: that far into the pain cave and really empty the
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: tank all the way. And so that kind of was
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: this like Wow, this is an amazing discovery. And also
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: it was like, oh no, now I know what I
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: have to do every time I really want to race
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: really hard and get everything out of myself, Like, oh no.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: How has this realization translated across the rest.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Of your life beyond sport.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Well, that's where it's kind of interesting, because this ability
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: to push through pain is really really great as a
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: professional endurance athlete, right, But in the rest of my life,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: the ability to just keep pushing through pain and ignore
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: warning signs has actually been quite a liability. I had
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: an eating disorder when I was eighteen nineteen years old,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: and I went to the Emily program for professional treatment
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: and got better and learned so much about myself, and
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: then I had a relapse about a year and a
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: half ago, and I realized that a big part of
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: why I relapsed was because I was too good at
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: pushing through discomfort. Like in my personal life, I was
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: getting overwhelmed. I was doing way too much. I was
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: working myself too hard, just a little bit, but all
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: the time for about six years, and it was building
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: and building, and I just kept pushing through it, like no,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I'm tough, I'm gritty, I got this, I can do it.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: And so I took that mentality that is great in
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: races and put it into my personal life and started
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: kind of tearing myself apart because I was too good
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: at being in pain. And so I feel like this
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: is something that a lot of endurance athletes and people
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: in general can struggle with. It's like, where's the line
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: between acceptable pain for a very defined amount of time
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: where there is a clear finish line, and where is
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: the line where it's like this is unacceptable, Like it's
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: not okay to be hurting for this amount of time
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and in your normal life.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for sharing that.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: I'm so curious to know what the differences were for
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: you from your first about with your ED to your
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: relapse a year and a half ago, knowing a year
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: and a half ago that there were certain tools accessible
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: in your toolbox that you didn't have when you were
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: a teenager.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Exactly because when I was a teenager, I didn't know
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: anything about eating disorders beyond like your very basic like
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: eighth grade health class unit. And so from that, I
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, okay, so eating disorders are apparently a
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: behavioral choice and it's your fault and it's a problem,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: and this only affects rich, skinny, white teenage women and
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: nobody else, like right, Like that's what I thought I
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: knew about it, which.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: Was completely wrong.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: All those things are basically the opposite. Eating disorders can
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: affect anyone at any stage of life. It's not a
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: behavioral choice, it's the way your brain is wired. And
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: nobody asks for this, and it's okay to need help,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: like you do deserve help, that's okay. And so I
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: didn't know that the first time. So I was basically
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: drowning in my own guilt and shame and feelings of confusion,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: like I'm a good kid, I got a's in school,
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I'm smart, I'm capable. Why can't I figure this out?
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Like I figured, like, oh, I should be able to
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: just work hard and solve this on my own. And
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I didn't really understand that it's okay to lean on
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: professionals who have had training in eating disorders. Who are
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: you know, therapists who are there to help you figure
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: out what's going on in your brain. And that's the
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: you know, smoothest path towards recovery and like truly healing
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: from this. So I also learned that my eating disorder
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: wasn't really about food at all. It was about control
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: and perfectionism. So kind of hand in hand with that
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: tendency to just push and push and push and try to,
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: you know, and be okay with pushing through pain, I'm
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: also pretty type A and I love feeling like I'm
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: in control of me. And if I felt like my
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: life was out of control, my eating disorder came in
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: kind of as a crutch, like a coping mechanism, like, oh,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: I can give you control, And of course that's also
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: not true, like the eating disorder ends up controlling you.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: You're not really in control, but in the moment you
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: feel like, well, food in my body is the one
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: thing I can hold on to so tightly and have
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: control over when I feel like everything else is chaos
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: and I'm not you know, I'm trying to be perfect
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: and I'm not perfect, and you're eating disorder comes in
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: and goes well, I can make you perfect, So it
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: was just kind of this trap of thinking. And the
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: second time when I relapsed, I realized, A, I need
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: to not let this be a secret, like right away,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I need to tell my sports psychologists, who I'd worked
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: with since I was nineteen, so she knew my whole history.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: Were very close and we had spent years and years
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: building up a strong safety net so in case this
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: ever happened, I could fall back on that. And I
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: told my husband, told my parents, told my coach, told
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: my teammates, and I was instead of being met with
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: you know, skepticism or being shut out or being blocked out,
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I was met with love. And that was so incredible
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: for me to feel just unconditionally accepted, like we still
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: think you're a good person. We're really sorry that you're
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: dealing with this. How can we help you, Like we
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: know we can't fix it for you, that it's why
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: you have the professionals, but we just want to support you.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: And that was amazing. So I think all of these
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: fears that if I told somebody that I was struggling,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: if I told someone I wasn't perfect, that they would
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: reject me, Like none of those fears came true.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: Again, thank you for sharing that. How long was it
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: before you spoke to people about what you were experiencing
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: in this relapse?
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say, because the first time it was months.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: I couldn't even admit it to myself, let alone even
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: think about telling my parents, who are, like, you know,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: unconditionally they have to love you. You're their child, and
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: so like, I couldn't even admit it to myself, much
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: less to them. But the second time, it was I
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: don't know, a matter of just a couple of weeks
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: where I was like, okay, this is okay, I recognize
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: what's happening. This is happening again, and I realized I
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: need to shut this down because I know myself and
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: I know how quickly something like this can spiral.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, totally understandable. And you mentioned this desire for control.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: Also curious if there was anything specifically that was occurring
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: that was triggering this desire in you when this happened.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, it's probably a bunch of things combined.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: But I think this had been building for a very
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: long time. And so after the twenty eighteen Olympics, when
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Keigan and I won the gold medal, I kind of
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: overnight our lives changed and it was exciting and wonderful
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: and scary and overwhelming all at once. And also I
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: kind of became the face of us skiing from then
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: on and had more more asks of me. And I'm
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: a yes person. I really struggle with saying no. And
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: I also wanted to do everything. You know, this sport
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: has given me so much. I wanted to give back
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: in every way that I could. And that's great, but
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: there have to be boundaries, there have to be limits,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: and I was not setting limits for myself, and I
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: just was not good at recognizing, like you are pushing
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: too hard, you're doing too much, and I slowly was
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: overworking myself and to the point where, like I looked
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: back on before my relapse, I looked at my like planner,
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: like I like to write things down physically in a log.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: And I had a week where it was like five
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: different interviews, a couple different podcasts, a board meeting, and
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: something else on top of double training every day, and
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: it was like that's too much, Like that is too
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: much for anyone, but it was definitely too much for
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: me in that moment. And so looking back, I think
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I was just overworking myself and overriding it, and so
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: my eating disorder kind of came back as this kind
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: of final warning sign, like, hey, you haven't been listening.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: You've been ignoring everything. Your brain's been telling you to
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: slow down. This is the one thing you will listen to.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: And so my eating disorder kind of came in to
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: bench me and say, like, stop it. You have to
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: slow down, You have to rest, You have to take
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: care of your soul and what you actually need in
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: order to be a complete, full person right now. And so,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: even though my eating disorder has not been a good
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: thing in my life, it has been a functional warning
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: system in a way, like I'm trying to not see
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: it as only a bad thing. In a way, my
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: eating disorder has been something that's taught me you have
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: to stop. Because if it hadn't come back, I probably
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: would have kept going like that for years and years
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: and years, and I would have become deeply unhappy. And
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: now I'm a happy and healthy version of my because
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: I was forced to kind of come to terms with
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: what I was doing.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: You mentioned the bravery that went into owning up to
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: what you were going for your experiencing and then talking
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: to your teammates and your family and your sports psych
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: and so many individuals in the act of that. How
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: did that make you feel at first versus how did
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: that make you feel a week later after you told
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: all of them.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, in the moment, I was just like sweating uncontrollably
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: because I was so nervous, like, man, like, you know,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: there's still and it's not that I don't completely love
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: and trust all these people in my life, but I
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: think there's that part of your brain that says you
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: are so unlovable for this, like how could anyone love
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: you when you are doing this to yourself? And that
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: is really scary. So to trust everyone that I told,
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: to trust that they wouldn't shut me out and say, no,
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: we still love you, don't worry, we still have you
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: here like that, it was really scary. And so I
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: think in the moment it was terrifying. But then not
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: even a week later, I would say, an hour later,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm so silly for being scared to
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: tell them, Like I'm so glad I did. And I mean,
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: it's not that I'm silly. Those fears are valid, but
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: everyone I told was so supportive and yeah, so kind,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: and yeah, I'm so glad that I reached out for help.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you reached out and to your point,
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: not silly, but understandably so feeling a little foolish. It's
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: as though you think to yourself, I've been here before,
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: I should know better.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: And it's not that you don't know better.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: It's bigger than you, right, It is all consuming, and
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: so to do the best you can with what you
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: have in any given moment, each moment is going to
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: look different than the last, and so you took it
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: upon yourself to do a very brave thing and move
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: forward in the way that was best for you.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's I think that's my biggest message for people,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: is that it's so terrifying to need to ask for
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: help when it's something big and when it's something personal,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: and it can be so scary because we're worried that
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: we're going to be rejected or shut out, or people
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: won't look at us the same way anymore. And none
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: of those things have happened to me either time that
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I told people, and I stood up told the whole world,
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: and nobody looks at me differently, And so I think
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: it's even though it's so so scary to take that
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: step to ask for help, Like that is the biggest
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: hurdle that you have to get over, and once you
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: get over that, everything from there can flow a little
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: bit easier because you have people on your side who
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: have your back, who are helping you out.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: You mentioned telling the whole world.
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: How is that different than telling the people that know
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: you in your heart specifically?
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was a whole other conversation because I, yeah,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I told all the people who are part of you
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: know what I would call my care team, like everyone
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: I know cares about me and who is helping me
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: and supporting me. And I knew that, you know, they
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: were going to respect my privacy and let me tell
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: people if I wanted to. And the first time I
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: told everyone it was in a past tense. You know,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: it wasn't actively while I was in recovery. It was, Hey,
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: you know, six seven years ago I struggled with this,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: and I think it's important for me to talk about
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: because I wanted people to see that you can be
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: imperfect and need help with something and still get healthy
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: and get better and reach your goals. Like it's okay
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: if you're struggling with something, you don't have to be perfect.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: There was a lot of discussions of like, should you
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: just focus on yourself right now, because you don't need
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: to you don't, You don't You've given people enough, you
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: don't need to help anymore. But I I felt like
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I did want to tell people because it's been my
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: way this whole time is to be super vulnerable and
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: to open and I wanted people to know like, if
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: you have a relapse, you haven't failed, because that's how
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: I felt when I first started using the sentence of
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: my eating disorder again. My first thought was, oh my god,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I'm such a failure. Like I thought I was past this.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I thought I was better than this. I thought I
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: had grown and learned, So how could I be here again?
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: And in hindsight, well, yeah, of course I could be
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: there again. Like I was completely overwhelmed. But in the moment,
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: it seemed like such a surprize and I was so
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: caught off guard by my eating disorder, and I felt
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: so yeah, I felt like I had failed until I
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: took a step back and went, wait a minute, this
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: does not you know, you're allowed to ask for help
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: at any point in your life. It's not like you
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: get one call for help and that's it. Like you
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: are allowed to struggle multiple times, that's okay. And so
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I felt like it was important for me to share that,
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: and the feedback that I've gotten from people has made
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: me very glad that I did, because I'm not the
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: only person who has had a relapse of something, whether
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: or not it's mental health or a relapse with drug abuse, alcoholism,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: whatever it is, it's you know, sometimes you slip up
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: and you need another chance and that's okay.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's okay. Again, Thank you so much for sharing
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: so much about this. I really believe that it is
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: through this vulnerability that we have an opportunity to help, right,
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: But there is such an importance on being vulnerable when
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: you are ready to be vulnerable. I once had someone
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: on the show that said, be careful that the sword
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: that you use to help others isn't the one that
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: you fall on. So you had this big understanding of Okay,
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: I'll know when I'm ready to talk about it, and
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: when I do, you did it on your own terms.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: I loved what you recently put on Instagram. You were
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: talking and sharing the comparison between going through a physical
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: injury and also healing through and eating disorder. Can you
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: talk to us a little bit about the parallels between
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: the two.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, And before I do, I just want to reiterate
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: what you said, like, no one should feel pressure to
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: share beyond their care team unless they are ready, because
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: it is something that you can't take back once you
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: put it out there. And I don't have any regrets,
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: but that might be unique to my person and my personality.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: So I'm really glad you reiterated that because that's really important.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: But yeah, So what I have been thinking a lot
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: about recently is how similar a physical injury is to
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: a mental injury, because once I learned that, I shouldn't
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: need to feel shame attached to my eating disorder just
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: the same way like with my current injury, which is
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: a partial rupture of the planter fashion in the bottom
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: of my foot down by wear it attaches to my
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: heel bone, Like, I don't feel any shame about that.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: I can tell anyone like, you know, like, oh, hey,
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: how's your foot going, I'm like great, thanks, I'm working
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: on it. Like it's healing and it's not a secret,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: it's not weird, it's not hard to talk about. It's like, yeah,
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: this is this painful thing that I'm working on going
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: through and the timeline isn't super defined. And I was like, wow,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: that's just like an eating disorder, Like no one can
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: see the injury in my foot, it's invisible, it's on
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: the inside, and there isn't an exact timeline. Like everyone
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: heals differently, and what everyone can do while they're healing
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: is different. Like I might be able to do these
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: sort of modes of training, but not these different kinds
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: of training modes, and that's unique to me and it
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: shouldn't be compared to anybody else. And I also am
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: leaning on the medical professionals to help me out with
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: my foot. You know, even though I am a strong,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: capable woman, I don't need to heal my own foot.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: It's okay for me to ask for help. And the
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: same with my eating disorder. So yeah, I've just found
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: that there's so many different parallels here, and it's taught
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: me patients in both realms.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: I think, is it planter fascis stuff. The worst.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: Wild a tear is very different than standard planter fascy iteas,
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: But it is the injury that just keeps on giving.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: It really is And you know what's interesting is when
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: I shared with people like, hey, here's what's going on
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: with my foot, I had so many people reach out
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: to the point where I was like, wait, does everyone
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: in the world have plantar fasci itis, Like I think everyone.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: It's like, it's a very relatable injury. There, I know
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: what that feels like.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, I know what that feels like too.
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: I feel like I've dealt with it on and off
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: for like the past ten years.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: Right now we're in like a chill phase.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: But I can really sympathize with how frustrating it is
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: and this idea that you have no timeline, there is
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: no this is exactly how long it's going to be
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: not feeling your best for It's almost as though with
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: planter fasci itis that sometimes, at least from my own experience,
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: I almost wish that I broke something because then I
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: had a clear indication of how long I'd be down
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: and out.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. I feel like in my case, I am
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: very fortunate because I could keep raising, whereas a stress
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: fracture would have been the end of my season. But yeah,
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: with a with a stress fractor, like you know, like
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: and you can get act ray and be like it's
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: hailed done, and with this it's it's very nebulous, and
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: so that's what's made it very interesting for me.
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, very interesting for you also an understandable thing. When
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: did you start struggling with this bout of planter issues?
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: So it came on very quickly, just a couple days
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: before the start of the tour to Ski, which was
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: twenty eighth, So it came on like right around Christmas time.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: And I think it's because I was doing some training
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: runs in new soft snow and I wasn't quite used
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: to running on such an unstable surface, and they weren't
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: crazy long runs. But for me, my feet have been
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: basically my weakest link my entire career. They are just
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: incredibly delicate and fragile, which is unfortunate. But it came
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: on really quickly, so within like three days, I was like, Oh,
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not running anymore, that's not happening. And then during
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: the tour at some point, which I believe it was
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: one of the first classic races because it had been
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: painful and uncomfortable, But then after one of these races,
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I was like, I can't walk
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: this is a new sensation, like it feels like my
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: foot is tearing in half. And we didn't know quite
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: what was going on, and it wasn't getting worse. It
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: was just holding steady. So we determined, like, all right,
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: it's fine for me to finish the tour if I
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: and at that point, and I would say, also, it's
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: important to acknowledge, like we were working with pets and
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: doctors and we were very carefully monitoring, like all right,
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: this is quite painful, but because it's not continuing to
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: get worse, we felt like, all right, it's safe to
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: hold steady here, because otherwise there are certain kinds of
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: pain that are not okay to race through. And then
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: there are other injuries where it's like, well, you can't
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: make it worse, so if you want to go ahead,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: but and this was the second category, but yeah, it was.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: It was incredibly painful, and then after that we got
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: the MRI and figure it out like all right, here's
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: our game plan. And it's been steadily improving since then.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: But it is it is slow. It is it is
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: a day by day situation.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: A day by day situation.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: So many people that have struggled with the injury regardless
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: of what it is, can really feel that. Now, I
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: would be remiss if I didn't ask you, as a
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: cross country skier for a little bit of intel for
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: someone who's unfamiliar with the sport may have an interest
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: in trying it out. What are three foundational tips for
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: someone to give cross country skiing a whirl.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: I always tell people sign up for a lesson first,
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: because that will make it so much more fun, and
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: commit to trying it a couple times, because the learning
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: curve is really steep, but it is just really it's challenging,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: like it's physically a hard sport, but once you get
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: some of the technique down, it becomes so fun and
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: so enjoyable. So I always tell people like, sign up
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: for a lesson first, to really focus on the technique
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: of it, and then give give it a few tries
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: before you really make a judgment about whether or not
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: you like it, because usually by the time you give
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: it a couple of tries, you're like, oh, this is
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: it is so fun being able to glide through the
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: woods and through fields on these gorgeous trails your own power.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: There's something so incredibly empowering about that, and it's really fun.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: But I guess the other thing I would tell people
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: is it's a little bit like running in that it
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: is what you make it. So yeah, you can go
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: out and smash a marathon at record speed, or you
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: can go for a job with your friends and it's
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: super social and it doesn't have to hurt and it
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: can be just fun and like a great workout, and
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: cross country skiing is the same way, like it really
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: is what you make it and it can be super social.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: I know you played a lot of different sports when
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: you were younger, and at one point you had aspirations
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: to be a pole vaulter and a hurdler and a
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: triple jumper.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: But what was it that made you choose to stick
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: with ski?
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: I would say the people and the culture. That's what
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: really pulled me. And it was just so welcoming and
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: open and just it was about trying your hardest and
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: getting what you could out of yourself in but it
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: wasn't just focused on results, and it was just a
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: really collaborative team atmosphere and I'm really really grateful for that,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: like all the volunteer coaches, all my teammates, all the
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: people surrounding me in that community, of skiing in the Midwest.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: It was just like a beautiful way to get into
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: the sport, and it made me just totally fall in
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: love with it. And then after that, once I started
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: racing more for the team, because I was purely focused
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: on scoring points for the team, but then I slowly
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: started to realize, like, oh, I actually like racing, like
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: for the sake of racing, and like trying to beat
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: the clock on this course, and how fast can I
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: take these downhill corners and how you know, how quickly
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: can I scamper up these hills? And I started to
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: really get into the challenge of it too. So I
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: think something something about the challenge of the sport really
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: spoke to me. And maybe that's because it is so
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: different where you know, in track and field, for example,
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: you always have times, there are records, you know exactly
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: what workout splits. You know, here's my mile split, here's
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: my four hundred split, you know, if you're on track
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: or not. It's very black and white that way. But
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: with cross country skiing, times are basically irrelevant because the
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: snow is different and the course is different, and so
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: you don't have splits, you don't have records. It's just
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: on this day, with this snow, on this course, how
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: hard can I go? And I was really drawn to that.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: It's just a little bit different.
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: Taking a break from today's episode to give some love
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: to my sponsor at Element.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: Y'all, we are on the cusp of spring. Okay. I
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: know I'm getting ahead of myself a little bit.
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: But now that the sun is coming out here in
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: New York at six thirty in the morning, and I
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: enjoyably walked to the gym yesterday without gloves on, I
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: am feeling more hyped for the spring of speed and
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: a summer of training. Van Ever, and I would not
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  Speaker 3: be able to excel the way that I do without
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• 41:24
  Speaker 3: Use that website today, head on over and get a
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: free sample pack with your purchase. When did you get
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: outside of the I want to do the best I
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: can for the team mentality and start to embrace pushing
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: the boundaries of your own potential as a solo athlete.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I think around the time I started going to junior
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: nationals when I was oh, what was I then, fifteen
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: sixteen years That's when I started realizing like, Oh, like,
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: I'm really enjoying training hard and training in the summer
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: as well, and I'm really enjoying racing, and I think
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: I want to keep taking it to the next level
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: and see like can I race at junior Nationals? Can
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: I reset senior Nationals? Can I make the World Championship team?
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: But I will say I was all I was always
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: very focused on my team as well. Within that, so
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: even though racing is predominantly individual, we do have some relays,
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: but we don't get that many of them. It's mostly
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: an individual sport. But I am still so focused on
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: the way we train and support each other and push
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: each other to be better as a team.
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: We talked about how you like to push yourself when
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: it comes to racing. How have you learned to gauge
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: that when it comes to your training versus the effort
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: that you're going to put out on the big day.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, that makes a lot of sense, because you can't
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: just go one hundred percent all the time. You're gonna
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: burn out, You're gonna get overtrained in. And that's a
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: really tricky line to walk because I feel like I'm
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: always kind of trying to feather that line of like
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: how hard can I push it while still being able
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: to recover and come back from this? And so I
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: guess some of it is, honestly the answers. I haven't
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: done it well all the time. I've definitely had years
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: where I overtrained. In twenty fifteen, before the World Championships,
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: I had to give myself two weeks of emergency rests,
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: like a month or two before the season started because
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: I had overdone it and I was cooked, and I
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: was able to come back and still salvage a good season.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: But I think I've learned that I have a few
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: different tells when it comes to training and when I'm
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: starting to push it too hard. The first is my mood,
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Like if I get sad for pretty much no explainable reason,
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: I know I'm pretty tired, because at baseline, I'm a
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: pretty happy person. And if I'm just kind of out
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: of it and like a little bit mil and call
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: you for no reason, I'm like, oh, that I'm like
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: starting to get deeply tired here, and I need to
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: be very careful that I'm not digging too deep a
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: hole because I need to climb back out of this.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: And the other is like my sleep. How you know
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: if it's starting to be hard to sleep or hard
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: to get out of bed in the morning, is it
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: hard to get motivated or is it hard for me
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: to be motivated to train? Because the other thing besides
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: being a pretty happy person is that I love training,
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: Like I love going out there and pushing myself and
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: getting to be outside and even even when we're not
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: in beautiful places, I just love the idea of getting
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: to challenge myself and trying to become one percent better.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: And if I wake up and I'm like, ah, I
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: don't really feel like it, then I'm like, WHOA hit
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: the brakes, Like this is a big deal because I'm
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: I'm maybe on the edge of being sick. I'm probably
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: really tired, and that I need to really pay attention
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: to those signals that I'm getting from my brain.
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: It's really impressive of that you have that level of
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: awareness to signify when something isn't exactly going right, because
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: so many may have that awareness but not listen. And
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: you not only have it, but then also know your
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: body and yourself enough to say, okay, I need to
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: shut it down.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: Well, that only comes from the experience of not listening
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: a couple times, right, Yeah, so I had to learn
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: the hard way, which I think, I mean to be honest,
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: I wish I was that person who could watch the
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: mistakes of others and be like, aha, I've learned the secrets.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: I will never do that, But like most people, I
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: had to experience it myself to be like, Okay, these
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: are these serious warning signs, and these are the things
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: that I should not push through, and these other things
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: I can push through. And so it's yeah, it's been
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: a bit of trial and error to get to this point,
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: which is why it's so fun being an older athlete,
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: because you have all these years and all these thousands
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: of hours of training to finally be able to use
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: that knowledge that you've earned the hard way.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: I appreciate that older athlete and the age thirty three
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: really go hand in hand here.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: Well, when you think about the general scheme of Olympic sports,
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: I'm on the older end.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: What you're saying, though, is entirely understandable.
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: This concept that we can watch others struggle, but until
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: you go through the struggle yourself, you don't know how
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: you are going to respond, and then you don't really
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: have that.
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: Lesson necessarily ingrained.
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: It's similar to the conversation that we were having between
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: injury and your eating disorder. Right, these are things that
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: are so difficult and sad and frustrating as we are
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: experiencing them, But as with any hurdle, they give us
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: this opportunity to then decide that we can move forward
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: with this new information, equipping us for whatever challenge or
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: hurdle comes next.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: Exactly. So I think it's nice to think, like, Okay,
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: this hard thing that I'm going through right now, this
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: is going to serve me in the future, whether it's
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: an injury, whether it's a mental injury, whether it's just
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: like oh I alway did it on the training, Like
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: I'm this will serve me in the future because I'm
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: learning from this, I'm taking lessons, you know, and it's
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: it's not just pain and suffering for no reason, like
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: I am going to come back stronger. I'm going to
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: build from this, and then I won't make that same mistake,
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: or I'll recognize those warning signs, or if I have
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: another relapse, I know to tell people right away and
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: then I will suffer less. And so I think it's
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: there is something to the knowledge that at least you're
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: getting something, you know, some some crucial knowledge and insight
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: from it.
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: You touched on being a positive person.
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: It would take someone like one minute of listening to
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: you speak to agree with that sentiment.
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: What a Jesse Diggins do on the days where she's.
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: Not feeling so shiny or excited or stellar in her
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: own body? How do you handle that? And what's your
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: inner dialogue looking like these days?
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: That's a great question, especially right now because there is
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: starting to be some pressure building as we come to
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: the World Championships. And on the one hand, that's great.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: I've worked my whole life to be in a position
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: of pressure to be able to hold that and carry
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: that and and be that person who can accept that pressure.
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: At the other on the other side, like it sucks
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: to feel like everyone's watching you and wanting to see
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: you deliver something, and you can have those moments of
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: self doubt, like, oh my gosh, have I worked hard enough?
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: Have I worked too hard?
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: Am I resting enough? Am I resting too much? You know?
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: It's so hard to know. And I'm not immune to
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: those moments of self doubt or self questioning and wondering,
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: you know, like Wow, someday it will be so nice
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: when my body is not my job. Like, there's definitely
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: moments when I think about that. But on the other side,
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: what I ask myself when I'm going through those questioning
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: moments and all those doubts is just a very simple question.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: It's am I doing the best I can right now?
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: And that's it? Am I doing the best I can?
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: And usually the answer is, well, yeah, I am doing
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: the best I can, Like I'm putting my whole heart
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: out there, and I'm training as smart as I can,
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: and I'm making the best choices that I can in
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: this moment with the information I have. And if the
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: answer is no, I'm not doing the best I can,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: then I need to have a little conversation with myself.
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: It's like, well why not? Like do you still love
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: what you're doing? Is this still the right goal for you?
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: Why is it that you think you need to feel
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: this pressure for World Championships? Is it to please other people?
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: Or is it because you want it? So then there's
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: some other conversations that need to happen. But if the
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: answer is yeah, I'm putting it all out there and
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: I'm doing the best, then are the best for me
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: in this moment doesn't have to be the best compared
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: to anyone else. Then I'm like, all right, I need
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: to be satisfied with that, because I would never turn
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: to a teammate or a friend or a family member
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: who is doing their best and be like it's not
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: good enough. I would never say that to anyone else,
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: So why would I say that to myself?
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: Wow, you're asking yourself so many great questions in your
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: process here, which beckons the question from me. Have you
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: ever set out for a specific goal, done this level
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: of inquiry on the journey to that goal, and made
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: the decision that you wanted to pivot?
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: And I don't think so. And here's why. Because most
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: of my goals are process oriented. Very very few goals
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: are actually about the outcome. And so I think, think,
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: if all my goals were outcome, I want to win
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: this Olympic race, I want that medal, I want to
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: win this thing. If it was all based on the outcome,
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: at some point I might go do I actually want that?
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: Or do I think that somebody wants me to want that?
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: But most of my goals, like every year, when I
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: sit down in May with my coach and I write out, like,
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: here's what I want to do this year. I have
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: a whole section. These are like my community give back goals.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: These are my day to day goals. Here's how I
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: want to take care of myself. And I'm like, you know,
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: when I retire, I'm still going to have those goals
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: of taking care of myself. Like I'm still going to
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: want to talk to a therapist just because I think
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: it's healthy. I'm still going to want to get eight
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: hours of sleep because I think that's great. Like, those
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: are never going to change. Those are goals that I
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: want for me for my life because I think it's important.
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: And similarly, like my process goal is with skiing is
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: just how can I become the best athlete that I
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: can be And it's not in comparison to anybody else.
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: And so for me, that's been a really important thing.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: That's all about this process of striving, but it's not
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: about measuring you Know.
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: What I appreciate about this is that through your process goals,
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: you are working toward bigger benchmarks. So it's not like
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: you said earlier this year, I'm going to win this
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: World Cup, right, you set out personal goals that enabled
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: you as an individual athlete to perform in such a
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: way that got you to this next landmark.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: So, I think that that's a really interesting way to
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: view goal setting and to view someone going after their
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: own potential is really both in evaluating the journey along
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: the way and then setting yourself up for success by
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: ideating what does success feel like for me in my
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: body as an individual?
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I couldn't agree more because I think my goals
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: might be different than someone else's goals, and that's okay.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to reach my potential. And I think
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: where people often struggle, I think is where the goal
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: they set isn't consistent with what they're willing to put
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: in in order to achieve it. And I think that's
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: where you get this mismatch where you're going to set
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: yourself up feeling disappointed or frustrated or angry that you're
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: not meeting this goal. But if you're honest with here's
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: what I want to achieve and here's the amount of
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: work I'm willing to put in, and those are aligned,
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: then you're going to feel satisfied whether or not you're
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: actually reaching the goal. You know that you're actually putting
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: in the true, honest effort that it takes to give
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: yourself that best shot of making it happen.
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: One hundred percent.
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: And that's why it's so important to be realistic or
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: make a relevant goal right. So I always give this example, like, say,
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: if you're someone that wants to drink more water, and
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: quantifiably you hear that you're supposed to drink eight glasses
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: of water each day, so you set the goal to
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: drink eight glasses of water a day, but you're someone
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: that's only drinking one right now, then you might not
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: be willing to put in the effort that is required
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: to drink eight. You could be better off if you
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: set a goal to drink three, right, And there's nothing
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: wrong with drinking three, especially if that's up from drinking one.
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: The only person that will say something is wrong with
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: drinking three is you if you compare yourself to the
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: person that's drinking eight.
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: That's a great analogy because I think if you set
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: a goal that is is a reach, you know, challenge yourself,
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: but it has to be realistic with what you're willing
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: to put in to reach for it. And then I
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: think you're you're going to feel satisfied in the quest
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: for it too. And that's the other part that I'm
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: realizing is, you know, like in this build up to
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: World Champs, for example, the other day, I went for
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: this beautiful hike and it was sunset, and I made
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: a new friend and we went to the top of
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: this mountain and we drank tea and ate pastries and
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: it was just wonderful, and I was like, man, I'm
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: so happy that I'm enjoying each little stepping stone along
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: the way. It's not oh, I'll only be happy if
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: I win World Champs. No, it's I'm going to be
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: happy if I put everything that I can into this,
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: if I'm doing the best I can every day, and
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: if I'm taking the moment or the time in the
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: moment to be like, Wow, I'm in a beautiful place.
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: I love training. I love the fact that I get
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: to hike up this mountain right now, which three weeks
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: ago I couldn't do with where my foot was at. Like,
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: I'm appreciating things so much more. There's something that can
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: sometimes get lost when you get so focused on the
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: end goal or the outcome and the physical like tangible result,
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: but I'm trying to remember to step back and enjoy
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: even the struggle in all these little pieces along the way,
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: because there's something unique in that and there's something to
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: be learned.
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and there's something really beautiful about your appreciation for
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: every little step. But also that appreciation comes from a
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: willingness and a desire to be present in the every moment, right,
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: because that presence is what enables you to have the
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: gratitude for what is instead of again those words that
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: we were using before, comparison or asking yourself what else
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: or who else? Right, So that presence in your day
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: to day is something that's really special.
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's something I don't ever want to lose.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: I think that's that's and it's not something that I've
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: always had too, I should say like I've also it's
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: taken work to be like, yeah, I need to ground
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: myself in this moment and enjoy the thing that I'm
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: doing right now.
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: I don't always.
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: Need to be like looking head, looking head, looking ahead.
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: And that's something that I, I mean, I struggled with
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: at the twenty eighteen Olympics. I'd finish a race and
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: be like, oh right, I have to I have to recover.
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: I have to do this. I have to cool down,
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: I have to do this thing. And even after we
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: won the race, I remember my mom just being like,
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: slow down. You will do all those things. It's hardwired
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: into you. There's no possible way you're gonna forget to
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: cool down. But just take a moment and like, enjoy
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: this second that you're in, Like you've worked your whole
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: life for this. Yes, you have other races coming up,
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: and you want to be there for the team and
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: you want to be there for yourself, but just appreciate
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: the second that you're in. And I was like, oh
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: my god, you're right. Like I was rushing through everything
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: just because I was trying so hard to do everything,
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: you know, quote exactly right right, And it's okay to
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: take a second and actually appreciate it. And I think
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: I've finally started to get better at appreciating the and
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: the winds too, not just the every day, but like
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: it's okay to actually take a moment and enjoy this.
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: I don't have to rush to do the next right thing.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: There's so much power and celebrating the moments, whether they
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: be small or big, right, and oh my god, the
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: emotion that is triggered when I watch that win from
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: twenty eighteen.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: It's so special.
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: And I do remember in the NBC report when you
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: were saying that what was so impactful for you was
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: watching the reaction videos to the win, right, seeing all
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: of the young women that were so amazed and marveling
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: at this accomplishment of an American woman. Right, How does
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: it feel for you to be a role model and
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: to know that you are for some on this podium
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: of sorts?
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: That is wild and it's a feeling I'm still getting
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: trying to get used to, or maybe I'll never get
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: used to it, actually, so I'm not going to try
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: to get used to it. But it is wild, and
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: it is honestly, it's a really big privilege and it's
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: honor and it's something that I don't take lightly. I
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: recognize that there are a lot of little kids watching,
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: and I think it's really cool to be able to
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: inspire with the big moments when you win. But I
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: feel it even more acutely in the moments when everything
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: goes wrong and when you don't win. How do you react?
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: You know there's a lot of kids watching. Are you
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: the person who throws a fit and you know, breaks
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: your pull over your knee and storms off. Or are
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: you the person that congratulates the people you're racing against,
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: still goes over thanks the wax text, thanks the coaches,
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: Like do you hold your head high and say, hey, look,
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: I did everything I could and I've earned the right
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: to be proud of my effort today. And I think
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: that's the moment when I feel most like a role model.
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: It's not when I win, but it's actually what I
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: lose spectacularly and still hold my head high that I'm like, Okay,
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: this is what these kids need to see right now,
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: because it needs to be about more than just winning,
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: Like you need to show that your self worth is
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: not directly to to the number next to your name
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: on the result sheet.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 3: It's so true, it's so true, and it's such a
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 3: such a special and unique opportunity that you have. Someone
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: right now goes to maybe your Instagram page and they
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 3: see you're an Olympic medalist, you're a world champion, you're
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: an author, you're a speaker. There's something like two hundred
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: and forty thousand plus people that keep up with you.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 3: But when you're at home, Jesse, and you look in
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: the mirror. What is it that you see looking back
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: at you?
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, I see someone who loves her family and her
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: husband very much. And I see someone who loves what
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: she does and is super lucky to get to do
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: it every day. And I see someone who tries really hard.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: More than anything, like, I just see someone who likes
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: to work hard and is always going to be trying
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: hard whatever it is that she does.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 3: I hear it in your voice that sometimes the trying
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: can be a little exhausting.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: Is that how you feel?
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes it's Sometimes it hurts to care so much,
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: and sometimes it hurts to put your heart and soul
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: into something and not have it work out, or to
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: feel like it is so much work. But at the
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: same time, I think the magic is in trying hard
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: at something. It's not really whether or not you get it.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: Because everyone goes to the Olympics and wants to win,
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: and only only one person is going to win, and
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: everyone gets the opportunity to go out there and try
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: and push themselves and challenge themselves and get out there
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: and see where their limits are. And that's so cool
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: and that's so beautiful, And so I think in some ways, Yeah,
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: it is exhausting and sometimes it hurts to care so much.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: But on the other side, I think it's so cool
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: that we always just get to go out there and
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: try hard at something, whether or not we're the best,
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: everyone gets the opportunity to go try.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 3: Everyone gets the opportunity to go try. Jesse, final question
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 3: for you here, right now, you have an opportunity to
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: offer yourself a piece of advice going through the hurdle moment.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: I mean, let's go back to a year and a
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 3: half ago, right, Let's go back to feeling as though
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 3: you failed a little bit in this relapse, coming out
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: and speaking to your care team, and then opening up
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 3: with your community about what you.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: Were in enduring.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 3: Knowing what you know now, what advice would you give
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 3: to yourself during that hurdle moment.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: You don't have to be so hard on yourself. You
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: are good enough exactly as you are. And that makes
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: me a little bit sad to say, because there was
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: a moment in which I couldn't look in the mirror
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: and say you are good enough. I literally couldn't do it.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: My coach challenged me to do it, and I just
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: started crying, like I couldn't tell myself you're good enough
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: as you are, like warts and all know, like it's
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: totally fine. And that was really hard for me. And
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: so I wish I could go back and tell myself, like,
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: you do not have to be perfect, because I think
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: every time I've gotten into big trouble in my life,
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: it's coming from this intense drive to try to be perfect.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: And it is okay to be imperfect, Like it is
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: my flaws that make me interesting and relatable and a funny,
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: quirky little person, and that's okay. You know, perfect would
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: be so boring, and so I would say, like, stop
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: reaching for that. Just keep doing the best you can.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: But it does not have to be perfect.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: Just keep doing the best you can. But it doesn't
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: have to be perfect. I love it, Jesse. For those
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 3: that aren't following you yet on social media, give us
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 3: the details. How do they do that?
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: I met Jesse Diggins on Instagram and my website is
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: Jessediggins dot com and that's probably Yeah. I would say
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: Instagram is probably the best way to keep up with
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: what I'm up to.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 3: With what I'm up to, I'm over at Emily a
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 3: Baddie and at Hurdle Podcast Jesse, thank you so much
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 3: for everything today. This was a joy, truly another hurdle conquered.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time.