Latest / Privycast / Ep. 71 Just Keep Flushing with Michael Wall (Privychat 11)

Transcript

Ep. 71 Just Keep Flushing with Michael Wall (Privychat 11) · Privycast

• 0:00
  >> Speaker A: Like, it's the same thing, and it.
• 0:01
  >> Speaker B: Just fits naturally there. It's curved, just perfect.
• 0:07
  >> Speaker A: And we have the intro
• 0:09
  audio sound for the episode.
• 0:15
  Welcome back to privy. Privy is a
• 0:17
  podcast about bathrooms recorded
• 0:21
  this week from a very special bathroom.
• 0:24
  Um, it's not my home bathroom, but it is my home away from
• 0:27
  home bathroom. I don't use this bathroom too
• 0:30
  often, but I use the facilities at this location quite a
• 0:33
  bit. Um, and I am joined in this
• 0:36
  bathroom by the famous
• 0:39
  and
• 0:43
  all around. I mean, he's
• 0:45
  just a good
• 0:48
  looking guy. Uh, Michael wall, you're
• 0:51
  here with me in a bathroom. Uh, how are
• 0:53
  you?
• 0:54
  >> Speaker B: I am, yes, I am doing well.
• 0:57
  Um, I've worked all day, so I'm hot and sweaty
• 1:00
  and tired.
• 1:00
  >> Speaker C: Yeah, you are.
• 1:01
  >> Speaker A: Yes, I am perfect.
• 1:06
  We are in a bathroom that you may have
• 1:08
  just cleaned. Question mark. Did you just clean this bathroom?
• 1:12
  >> Speaker B: No.
• 1:12
  >> Speaker A: Dang it. Okay, well, um, in my heart, you
• 1:15
  just finished cleaning it. Um, and now
• 1:18
  I'm sitting on the toilet. So, uh,
• 1:21
  tell me and the folks who may or may
• 1:24
  not listen to this a little bit about who you are, where you come from,
• 1:27
  where you spawn from.
• 1:28
  Uh, yeah. What's your deal,
• 1:31
  Michael?
• 1:32
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 1:33
  >> Speaker B: Um, we're at South Albany High School.
• 1:35
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 1:37
  >> Speaker A: With the Redhawks. Go Redhawks.
• 1:40
  >> Speaker B: I have worked for gaps greater Albany public schools
• 1:43
  for this December will be 24 years.
• 1:46
  I started out at South Albany for five
• 1:49
  and a half years. This was December of
• 1:52
  1998. I
• 1:54
  took a job at Calipuya Middle School. Head
• 1:57
  custodian there almost 15 years. Decided I
• 2:00
  had had enough, came back to south,
• 2:03
  and I've been here over a little more than four
• 2:06
  years. So let's see, almost 24 years with the
• 2:09
  district. My first
• 2:12
  job was in the grocery business. I spent ten years in the grocery
• 2:15
  business. So that's a total of almost 34
• 2:17
  years out of 40 years
• 2:20
  so far working.
• 2:22
  >> Speaker A: What were you doing in the grocery business?
• 2:24
  >> Speaker B: I started out as.
• 2:26
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 2:26
  >> Speaker B: We called them bottle boys.
• 2:29
  I counted bottles. This was before. They
• 2:32
  have these machines now. We counted bottles at
• 2:35
  the time. It was five cents a can. Five cents a
• 2:38
  bottle. And I counted
• 2:40
  and we counted a lot faster than those machines
• 2:43
  currently.
• 2:44
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, forget the robots. Uh,
• 2:47
  yeah, you really got robo
• 2:49
  takeovered on that one.
• 2:51
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 2:51
  >> Speaker A: Um, I blame the
• 2:54
  democrats.
• 2:56
  >> Speaker B: So, a bottle boy. I don't know what they call the girls.
• 2:59
  I guess a bottle girl. I don't know.
• 3:01
  >> Speaker A: Back then they probably still called them bottle boys.
• 3:03
  >> Speaker C: We.
• 3:03
  >> Speaker A: My guess, yes.
• 3:04
  >> Speaker B: And then a box boy. Guess what a box boy
• 3:07
  was. A person or a boy who
• 3:10
  bagged your groceries. So we have,
• 3:13
  um, grocery baggers. You still have a few.
• 3:16
  And I'm sure if you requested, somebody could bag your
• 3:19
  groceries, but someone bagged your groceries back
• 3:22
  in the. Well, this was the 80s,
• 3:24
  even prior to that. So bottle boy to
• 3:27
  box boy. And then I became a cashier.
• 3:31
  A checker. We called them cashiers. I worked
• 3:34
  nights. This was before I was married. I threw freight. I
• 3:37
  could still throw freight.
• 3:39
  >> Speaker A: What establishment was this?
• 3:40
  >> Speaker B: Um, well, this was sentry in
• 3:43
  Malala. It's now a church.
• 3:45
  >> Speaker A: Hey, there you go. Um, you
• 3:48
  closes where a sentry closes,
• 3:51
  God opens a church.
• 3:52
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 3:52
  >> Speaker A: A lot like toys r us and spirit Halloween.
• 3:55
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 3:55
  >> Speaker B: And then I went to Safeway
• 3:58
  in Gladstone, right off, uh, of I 205.
• 4:01
  It's still there, right in the heart of Gladstone.
• 4:03
  >> Speaker A: So that's open by Portland? Yes ish.
• 4:06
  >> Speaker C: Okay. Yes.
• 4:07
  >> Speaker B: And I spent a few years there. And then I went
• 4:10
  to, uh. Well, I was in a Bible. I went
• 4:13
  to boise Bible College. Just short story,
• 4:15
  long story short, I.
• 4:18
  >> Speaker A: Can tell you that some things happened in Bible
• 4:21
  college.
• 4:21
  >> Speaker B: Yes. I was one of the older
• 4:24
  students. I was 26
• 4:27
  when I first entered. Got married at
• 4:29
  28 in Grangeville,
• 4:32
  Idaho. Wife and, uh.
• 4:34
  Wife's from Idaho. Grangeville, elk
• 4:37
  city. I'm making this a long story.
• 4:39
  >> Speaker C: That's good.
• 4:40
  >> Speaker B: Um, spent a couple of years at eastside christian
• 4:43
  church as a youth pastor. Actually, like, 27
• 4:45
  months.
• 4:46
  >> Speaker C: Whoa.
• 4:47
  >> Speaker A: Yeah. That's a considerable amount of
• 4:50
  time to work with youth.
• 4:51
  >> Speaker B: So, long story short, I left
• 4:54
  that, but we stayed at the church. I've been at the church
• 4:57
  ever since June of 1995.
• 4:59
  >> Speaker C: Wow.
• 5:01
  >> Speaker B: And since December of 98, I've been
• 5:04
  a custodian for the Albany school
• 5:06
  district.
• 5:07
  >> Speaker A: And the church.
• 5:08
  >> Speaker B: And the church. Uh, I'm acting head custodian,
• 5:11
  so for the summer, I'm getting the pay as a head custodian.
• 5:14
  >> Speaker C: Hey.
• 5:14
  >> Speaker A: There you go. I didn't know that. That's cool. Is
• 5:17
  that why you're here at this
• 5:20
  lonesome hour?
• 5:22
  >> Speaker B: Yes. Come in early and
• 5:25
  stay late.
• 5:25
  >> Speaker A: Uh, how many hours of the day today? Were you just here
• 5:28
  by yourself?
• 5:29
  >> Speaker B: Well, I got here at 07:00 a.m.,
• 5:32
  actually, um, Owen went home.
• 5:36
  Yeah, 330. And I've been alone
• 5:39
  since then.
• 5:39
  >> Speaker C: Yeah, there you go.
• 5:41
  >> Speaker A: If you're like me, that's the way to work, is when
• 5:44
  no one's around. That's why I go into the church at 05:00
• 5:47
  a.m. Usually because it's quieter.
• 5:50
  Needless to say, the phones don't ring at 05:00 a.m.. M.
• 5:53
  Um, yeah. So you've been a janitor for
• 5:56
  a hot minute. A custodian.
• 5:58
  Uh, a fecal
• 6:00
  engineer. I don't know.
• 6:03
  I was a janitor for a minute. Michael. Not as long of
• 6:06
  a minute as you have been. Um, do you have any
• 6:09
  wonder stories from your janitorial
• 6:12
  years? And remember, he has two janitorial
• 6:15
  jobs, so no one will ever know where
• 6:18
  these stories occur.
• 6:24
  >> Speaker B: So when I was at Calipuya.
• 6:26
  >> Speaker C: There you go.
• 6:27
  >> Speaker B: Head custodian. We
• 6:30
  had a boy. Because it was in the boys bathroom.
• 6:33
  He was pooping on the floor.
• 6:35
  >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
• 6:36
  >> Speaker B: Next to the toilet.
• 6:37
  >> Speaker A: Doggy style, as they say.
• 6:38
  >> Speaker B: And I don't know, and I just don't want to
• 6:41
  imagine. And Mr. Hewitt, our
• 6:44
  then, uh, assistant principal. Wonderful
• 6:46
  man. He and I were trying to
• 6:49
  figure it out. We couldn't figure out, well, who
• 6:52
  and why. We kind of knew the when.
• 6:55
  Because it got down to, okay, I was,
• 6:58
  um, doing a bathroom, um.
• 7:00
  >> Speaker A: It's like an episode of clue.
• 7:02
  >> Speaker B: Yeah, doing a bathroom investigation. I
• 7:05
  just walk in on the bathrooms. Of course, I'm a guy, so I can walk in on the boys
• 7:08
  bathrooms anytime. So we got down to pretty
• 7:11
  much the hour it was happening. So Mr.
• 7:14
  Hewitt would check the cameras and finally
• 7:17
  found out it was a. Well, this is, uh,
• 7:19
  middle school.
• 7:20
  >> Speaker A: A delinquent.
• 7:21
  >> Speaker B: Yes. And so the reason, get
• 7:24
  this, the reason he was pooping on the
• 7:27
  floor, he didn't like the sound of the toilet.
• 7:30
  It was an auto flush, which a lot of toilets are now.
• 7:33
  Yeah, it was an auto flush. He didn't like it.
• 7:36
  It would flush anytime. That's what auto flushes
• 7:39
  do. And he didn't like the noise it made and
• 7:42
  being surprised by that noise, so he pooped on the floor.
• 7:44
  >> Speaker A: So he opted to just pull a full doggie in the middle
• 7:47
  of the bathroom. Yes.
• 7:49
  >> Speaker B: Um, and I would clean it up, of course, because I worked a day
• 7:52
  shift.
• 7:52
  >> Speaker A: Did anybody ever just tell this kid, hey, if you just
• 7:55
  take a piece of electrical or duct tape and stick it over
• 7:58
  that sensor while you're doing your job, you're
• 8:01
  fine. Like it ain't going to spray you?
• 8:04
  >> Speaker B: I, uh, don't think. Well, I know he wasn't
• 8:07
  playing with a full deck.
• 8:08
  >> Speaker A: There you go. And not all of us are. And
• 8:11
  that's okay.
• 8:12
  >> Speaker C: Um.
• 8:17
  >> Speaker A: You wonder. The person who walked in and first saw
• 8:20
  just the turd in the middle of the just bathroom.
• 8:23
  >> Speaker B: Someone has to report it. Another young
• 8:26
  male student.
• 8:27
  >> Speaker A: Right. So my thought is, and
• 8:29
  I work with teenagers, and I know a few of them have told me
• 8:32
  that they don't like to report things that happen in
• 8:35
  that setting because they're afraid that
• 8:38
  they're going to be suspected as the culprit. Like,
• 8:41
  well, I don't want to say anything about the bathroom graffiti because
• 8:44
  then they'll think it was me. And so I'm
• 8:46
  wondering how many kids passed this
• 8:49
  loan, like, leaving before
• 8:52
  it was like, hey, somebody pooped in the middle
• 8:55
  of the floor.
• 8:56
  >> Speaker B: Yeah. Uh, I don't know, but I think
• 8:59
  the schools today, I think they encourage
• 9:03
  the posters around here, if you see something
• 9:05
  or somewhere somebody came up with, if you see
• 9:08
  something, say something. And the schools
• 9:11
  encourage. Yeah, speak out. So I
• 9:14
  think we encourage. You're
• 9:17
  not going to get in trouble for saying something.
• 9:20
  We're looking for the student who did that. But
• 9:23
  you're not going to get in trouble for, uh, speaking
• 9:25
  out.
• 9:26
  >> Speaker A: Right.
• 9:28
  >> Speaker B: And that's a good thing?
• 9:29
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. So,
• 9:32
  middle school boy deuces, middle
• 9:35
  of the bathroom floor, were you on cleanup?
• 9:38
  You were on investigation duty, but were you on cleanup duty for
• 9:41
  that?
• 9:41
  >> Speaker C: Yes. Okay.
• 9:42
  >> Speaker A: Did you do trash bag reversed, grab and pull
• 9:45
  through like a dog turd in the yard?
• 9:47
  >> Speaker B: Yes.
• 9:48
  >> Speaker C: Perfect.
• 9:49
  >> Speaker B: And lots of disposable paper towels,
• 9:52
  gloves, of course.
• 9:53
  >> Speaker A: You just make a pile out of it and kind of.
• 9:55
  >> Speaker B: I just look away. I personally
• 9:58
  do not have a problem. I clean up blood,
• 10:01
  spills, vomit. Um,
• 10:04
  poop, though,
• 10:07
  you know, it gags you. You get this gagging reflex.
• 10:10
  >> Speaker A: Really? For poop?
• 10:12
  >> Speaker B: For poop, yeah.
• 10:13
  >> Speaker A: And not vomit or blood. Don't, do you?
• 10:16
  >> Speaker B: Correct.
• 10:17
  >> Speaker A: What about urine?
• 10:18
  >> Speaker B: Oh, no, urine is nothing.
• 10:20
  >> Speaker A: Really? Because, see, for me, just water.
• 10:22
  >> Speaker B: See, for me, colored water.
• 10:23
  >> Speaker A: For me. Yeah, it's just colored water.
• 10:26
  Uh, Michael wall.
• 10:28
  Um, for me, blood is way
• 10:31
  worse than poo.
• 10:32
  >> Speaker B: Oh, blood's nothing. Well, I donate blood
• 10:35
  every 8910 weeks. And you see
• 10:38
  blood all the time.
• 10:40
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, I don't see blood that often. I definitely see
• 10:43
  poop more than blood. Just
• 10:45
  saying.
• 10:47
  >> Speaker B: I see leftover poop in the toilet.
• 10:53
  >> Speaker A: Does the poop still get you
• 10:55
  24 years into janitorial
• 10:58
  service?
• 11:00
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 11:01
  >> Speaker A: Really?
• 11:02
  >> Speaker B: Not as much. But it still affects you. Still affects
• 11:05
  me, yeah.
• 11:08
  >> Speaker A: Surely the turd in the middle of the bathroom floor could not
• 11:11
  have been the most randy.
• 11:12
  >> Speaker B: Don't call me Shirley.
• 11:14
  >> Speaker A: Oh, fair
• 11:17
  enough.
• 11:17
  >> Speaker B: Uh, old airplane movie joke.
• 11:19
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, that, uh, cannot be the worst.
• 11:23
  Um, Dookie.
• 11:24
  >> Speaker B: There was same school?
• 11:26
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 11:28
  >> Speaker B: Someone reported it. I don't know.
• 11:31
  It happened over the weekend. Someone reported it Monday
• 11:33
  morning. It had to be like Monday morning.
• 11:35
  >> Speaker A: Happened over the weekend.
• 11:36
  >> Speaker B: Outside the backside of Calipuya middle school.
• 11:39
  >> Speaker A: There was a poop just on the ground.
• 11:42
  >> Speaker B: Well, it was homeless or transient person,
• 11:45
  and they reported it and I had to.
• 11:48
  Of course. I clean it up. I'm the custodian. I do
• 11:51
  all those cleanups. You don't send someone
• 11:54
  else, you send the custodian.
• 11:56
  >> Speaker C: Right.
• 11:56
  >> Speaker B: And I work the day shift, so I cleaned it up. But,
• 11:59
  yeah, that happened once or
• 12:02
  maybe twice. And that's it outside. Really?
• 12:04
  Yeah. It was an
• 12:07
  infrequent experience.
• 12:09
  >> Speaker A: You ever have any of them middle school boys just,
• 12:12
  like, collaborate with
• 12:15
  each other and fill a toilet bowl?
• 12:19
  >> Speaker B: Well, I have some full toilet bowls. I don't know how many
• 12:22
  boys pooped in it, but, yeah. Uh, the
• 12:24
  toilets don't flush. The auto flush. The
• 12:27
  sensor can go bad, but more often it's the battery. It
• 12:30
  takes a battery, I think.
• 12:32
  >> Speaker C: Weird.
• 12:32
  >> Speaker B: Some of these, uh, the urinals take aa
• 12:36
  and the toilets are c.
• 12:38
  Um, anyway, the models we had, because I
• 12:41
  remember changing them out, but if the
• 12:44
  battery goes dead, the sensor doesn't work.
• 12:46
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 12:46
  >> Speaker A: They just piles up.
• 12:48
  >> Speaker B: Yeah. And I don't know if it's one kid or
• 12:51
  multiple kids.
• 12:53
  >> Speaker A: One large child.
• 12:55
  >> Speaker B: Yes. One very large child.
• 12:59
  >> Speaker A: Looks like a small elephant pooped in the
• 13:05
  know. I know. Um,
• 13:08
  I only say that because, um. So, Michael, I'm going to give
• 13:11
  you a scenario. Could be totally hypothetical, could be
• 13:14
  real. Um, you walk
• 13:17
  into a boys locker room
• 13:19
  bathroom, and
• 13:23
  the pile of human turds has
• 13:26
  exceeded the. Like, if you're looking at
• 13:29
  the toilet from the front, the pile of
• 13:31
  turds has exceeded the top
• 13:34
  of the bowl. It has risen up out of the
• 13:37
  bowl. Um.
• 13:42
  What are you doing on that?
• 13:43
  >> Speaker B: Well, you hope it's not an auto flush toilet.
• 13:47
  Um, but yes. So let's say the
• 13:50
  toilet just flushes. Um, it's
• 13:53
  struggling to go down.
• 13:54
  >> Speaker A: That's what.
• 13:55
  >> Speaker C: Yep.
• 13:56
  >> Speaker B: Um, it might be plugged, but often not. It
• 13:59
  isn't. It's just got a huge wad of
• 14:01
  TP and poop. And so it's
• 14:04
  struggling to go down. And I
• 14:07
  flush it once or twice, and
• 14:10
  maybe it goes down, maybe it doesn't. So it doesn't go down. So
• 14:13
  you run and get a toilet plunger.
• 14:15
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 14:15
  >> Speaker A: And I appreciate that you've called it a toilet plunger
• 14:18
  because I know you know the difference.
• 14:21
  >> Speaker B: And, um, what else do you call it?
• 14:23
  >> Speaker A: Well, they have a sink plunger.
• 14:25
  >> Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
• 14:26
  >> Speaker A: Like flat bottomed toilet plunger.
• 14:29
  >> Speaker B: And in the meantime, you,
• 14:32
  um, pray, have to reach in
• 14:35
  with your gloved hand.
• 14:36
  >> Speaker A: There it is.
• 14:36
  >> Speaker B: And just kind of fish around and loosen things up.
• 14:40
  The amount of TP is
• 14:42
  greater than the amount of poop
• 14:45
  and TP will condense.
• 14:49
  Yeah, it just condenses in there. And
• 14:52
  I guess dense. It becomes dense and you have to
• 14:55
  fish around.
• 14:56
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 14:56
  >> Speaker B: Uh, and if it's not plugged, then it goes,
• 14:59
  uh. Of course, usually it's not plugged. It's plugged because of the amount
• 15:02
  of TP. But it's not like plugged. Uh, in the
• 15:05
  trap.
• 15:06
  >> Speaker A: In the bend.
• 15:07
  >> Speaker B: In the bend. And you just reach around and loosen
• 15:10
  things up.
• 15:11
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 15:11
  >> Speaker A: You root around in there.
• 15:12
  >> Speaker C: Mhm.
• 15:13
  >> Speaker B: With your gloved hand?
• 15:14
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 15:15
  >> Speaker B: Uh, maybe with the toilet plunger too.
• 15:18
  >> Speaker A: You ever go with stick? You ever get the plunger
• 15:21
  stick end in there and kind of bust it up a little
• 15:24
  bit?
• 15:24
  >> Speaker B: No.
• 15:25
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 15:25
  >> Speaker B: Uh, I use my hand.
• 15:31
  You think I use the stick end, but no, I
• 15:34
  go in.
• 15:36
  >> Speaker A: You probably have more control with your hands.
• 15:38
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 15:40
  >> Speaker A: You like to get.
• 15:41
  >> Speaker B: And you just wonder. I just wonder in my mind
• 15:45
  what went on here. Well, was it one?
• 15:48
  I assume it's always one person because you go in,
• 15:50
  you close the stall door, and
• 15:53
  then maybe it's in the gym
• 15:56
  lobby, uh, bathrooms during a
• 15:59
  basketball game. So you think, well,
• 16:02
  maybe it's an adult wonder who
• 16:05
  did not just who, but why. Who,
• 16:08
  why? How? Because I'm struggling
• 16:11
  to get this down. And all things go through your mind. You
• 16:14
  want the answers, and you will never know the
• 16:16
  answers. You will never ever
• 16:19
  know. There's no cameras in bathrooms. You'll never
• 16:22
  know.
• 16:23
  >> Speaker A: Have you ever caught the culprit, though? And, um,
• 16:26
  by that I mean you come in as
• 16:29
  somebody's leaving a stall and you go into the stall and that,
• 16:32
  and you catch it.
• 16:33
  >> Speaker B: Um.
• 16:34
  >> Speaker A: Has that ever happened?
• 16:35
  >> Speaker B: I'm sure it has, but unfortunately
• 16:38
  it's an adult.
• 16:40
  Well, even if it's. I'm sure I have. I know I have.
• 16:43
  But you don't confront them. And of course, if it's an
• 16:46
  adult shame. You don't shame them or confront them. Um,
• 16:50
  you don't? I don't. And you just wonder,
• 16:53
  how do you manage this?
• 16:54
  >> Speaker A: Because you're a good guy?
• 16:55
  >> Speaker B: Yes, because I'm a good guy. If they
• 16:58
  do this in a public bathroom, they probably
• 17:01
  do it at home. And it's like, well, they definitely cleans up your
• 17:04
  mess at home.
• 17:07
  Your mommy, your wife.
• 17:13
  There's a lot of unanswered questions out there.
• 17:16
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 17:16
  >> Speaker B: And I will never know the answer.
• 17:18
  >> Speaker C: Yeah. Um.
• 17:22
  >> Speaker A: Have you ever been vomited on during
• 17:25
  the no.
• 17:28
  >> Speaker C: Good.
• 17:29
  >> Speaker B: No.
• 17:30
  >> Speaker A: I'm glad for you.
• 17:31
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 17:31
  >> Speaker A: It's a good experience not to have had. Um,
• 17:34
  well, very good. Michael, uh, is there any
• 17:37
  non work related bathroom stories that you want
• 17:40
  to share? These can be of your own personal life
• 17:43
  or if you want to subject the members of your family
• 17:46
  to the horrors, um, you may,
• 17:48
  and I have the power of editing. If you want
• 17:51
  to go back and be like, actually that might have been a bad call.
• 17:54
  Uh, but the power of editing is a great thing. And
• 17:57
  I tap into it frequently.
• 17:59
  >> Speaker B: Usually when you go poop, it kind of like comes out in
• 18:02
  pieces or it curls up.
• 18:03
  >> Speaker C: Been there.
• 18:04
  >> Speaker B: I went poop once.
• 18:05
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 18:06
  >> Speaker B: And it was a straight poop. And there was
• 18:09
  probably eight or nine inches sweet in the
• 18:11
  bowl. There might have been another two, three or four. You
• 18:14
  couldn't see. So we're looking at a twelve inch poop.
• 18:17
  >> Speaker A: Like a full foot. Yeah, it's like a subway
• 18:20
  sandwich worth of really cool.
• 18:22
  >> Speaker B: And of course when it flushes it.
• 18:23
  >> Speaker A: You just straight down like the louge.
• 18:26
  >> Speaker B: Yeah, it was just cool.
• 18:29
  That was my own experience.
• 18:32
  >> Speaker A: One large straight turd.
• 18:35
  >> Speaker B: I don't know. Um,
• 18:38
  I enjoy going poop.
• 18:40
  >> Speaker A: Same.
• 18:40
  >> Speaker B: It feels good. After you're done, you have a load
• 18:43
  and you feel like it's not really, you're
• 18:46
  losing this much weight, but you feel like, I just lost two or three
• 18:49
  pounds and I feel great.
• 18:51
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 18:51
  >> Speaker B: And it's like, man, I can go another 6 hours at work
• 18:54
  or whatever.
• 18:54
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 18:56
  >> Speaker A: Do you ever save one up for when you need to pick me up in the
• 18:59
  day?
• 19:01
  >> Speaker B: Well, I often busy. I'm
• 19:04
  often busy. And then when you go,
• 19:07
  you just.
• 19:07
  >> Speaker C: Go, yeah.
• 19:11
  >> Speaker B: Um, when I go poop, I just go poop. I'm in there
• 19:14
  three minutes, I go poop. And I'm flush, and wipe and
• 19:16
  flush again if I have to. And then you're regular. Wash
• 19:19
  your hands and get out.
• 19:20
  >> Speaker A: Is it generally solid for you?
• 19:22
  >> Speaker C: Mhm.
• 19:23
  >> Speaker B: Yes.
• 19:23
  >> Speaker A: Well, how fortunate for you.
• 19:25
  >> Speaker B: I have healthy poops.
• 19:28
  >> Speaker A: How much coffee do you consume on a daily
• 19:30
  basis?
• 19:31
  >> Speaker C: Two.
• 19:31
  >> Speaker B: Three.
• 19:32
  >> Speaker A: Okay, you had to count, so we're already doing good.
• 19:35
  >> Speaker B: Three cups.
• 19:36
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 19:37
  >> Speaker A: Are those like church cups or are those
• 19:40
  like trucker cups? Do you know what I'm saying?
• 19:43
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 19:44
  >> Speaker A: Yep, he's got one here. So that's a classic
• 19:46
  home coffee cup.
• 19:48
  >> Speaker C: Mhm.
• 19:48
  >> Speaker A: And that doesn't soften things up any for.
• 19:51
  >> Speaker C: Mhm. Man.
• 19:54
  >> Speaker A: Well, that's fortunate.
• 19:56
  >> Speaker B: I eat healthy. Kimberly feeds me healthy
• 19:58
  food.
• 19:59
  >> Speaker A: She does cook and serve healthy food,
• 20:02
  I can attest.
• 20:03
  Um,
• 20:07
  I ascribe to what is described as
• 20:09
  a toddler diet. Uh, I
• 20:12
  function well on a toddler diet. And so,
• 20:15
  yeah, like today for lunch, I
• 20:18
  had leftover chicken wings.
• 20:21
  >> Speaker B: Sometimes I long for those kind of meals.
• 20:23
  >> Speaker C: Just go buy it.
• 20:24
  >> Speaker B: But I went to Burger King last ever.
• 20:27
  >> Speaker A: Kimberly won't hear this, I'm sure. Do
• 20:30
  you ever just go sneak a. Ah. Naughty
• 20:33
  food?
• 20:35
  >> Speaker B: Um, well, if I do, she buys it. She bought some
• 20:38
  of those cream filled cookies.
• 20:41
  >> Speaker A: No, I'm saying, like, you get off work, it's eleven,
• 20:44
  you're on your way home m and you swing through that Burger
• 20:47
  King or taco Bell, drive through real quick
• 20:50
  rarely. And have yourself a quick cheeseburger on the
• 20:53
  way.
• 20:53
  >> Speaker B: Yeah.
• 20:54
  >> Speaker A: Rarely destroy the evidence.
• 20:56
  >> Speaker B: Um, very rarely. Because,
• 20:59
  well, usually I'm either on my bike or my
• 21:02
  electric scooter.
• 21:03
  >> Speaker A: Oh, that is fair.
• 21:04
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 21:05
  >> Speaker B: But very. Not
• 21:08
  recently. No. Let's put it that way.
• 21:11
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 21:11
  >> Speaker A: Are you still doing the Burger King, like, coffee
• 21:14
  subscription?
• 21:15
  >> Speaker B: No, I never subscribed.
• 21:16
  >> Speaker A: I thought you. Oh, no.
• 21:18
  >> Speaker B: And for a while I was going to Burger King quite often, but I,
• 21:21
  uh, backed way off.
• 21:23
  >> Speaker A: Panera bread has the new greatest scam. I don't know if
• 21:26
  I told you I read about it. It's a
• 21:29
  delicious. I have taken Panera for their
• 21:32
  money for a month and a half now.
• 21:35
  It's great. Um, any opportunity I have
• 21:38
  to really scam chain
• 21:41
  food chain, I will.
• 21:43
  Um, any other bathroom, uh,
• 21:46
  horrors or just good stories?
• 21:49
  >> Speaker B: So this is when I first got the job.
• 21:52
  My first five and a half years at south.
• 21:54
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 21:56
  >> Speaker B: I, um, was working a day shift. I've worked a day shift often
• 21:59
  because to cover for the head custodian. I worked a lot of day
• 22:01
  shift, even though I'm swing shift now. Or was,
• 22:05
  um, I get called to
• 22:08
  cover for head custodians. So this was a day
• 22:11
  shift. And I walk into the
• 22:14
  bathroom.
• 22:14
  >> Speaker C: Boy.
• 22:15
  >> Speaker B: These are before they were remodeled. So it was
• 22:17
  brick. What building was that?
• 22:20
  Building one. So we're
• 22:22
  talking like foot thick brick
• 22:25
  walls between the bathroom
• 22:28
  stalls. And there were no doors. They had removed
• 22:31
  the doors because at the time they were having problems. So they just took the
• 22:33
  doors off. There were no doors. And I walk
• 22:36
  in, I'm doing bathroom. So
• 22:39
  a, uh, day shift, you inspect bathrooms. Of course.
• 22:42
  Again, I can inspect the boys bathrooms at any
• 22:45
  time and do frequent bathroom
• 22:47
  inspections. And I walk into this toilet
• 22:50
  in the boys bathroom, building one. And there's a
• 22:53
  huge poop in the toilet.
• 22:56
  And it was not only long, it wasn't as long. It
• 22:59
  was really wide.
• 23:00
  >> Speaker A: Girthsome, circumference,
• 23:03
  diameter like a pop can.
• 23:05
  >> Speaker B: And I was flushing the toilet and I still
• 23:08
  remember this. I must have flushed the toilet at least six
• 23:11
  times. And finally it went down.
• 23:14
  >> Speaker A: Six times.
• 23:15
  >> Speaker B: Yes, because it was super wide.
• 23:18
  And you keep flushing and the water
• 23:21
  breaks it up. And it was semi
• 23:23
  soft. Finally, it goes down.
• 23:28
  I imagine the boy was super big.
• 23:31
  >> Speaker A: Well, but here's the thing. Now
• 23:34
  is not the time. One day, and
• 23:37
  I think I've told you the story of the
• 23:40
  potato. Have I ever told you the potato story?
• 23:42
  >> Speaker B: I'm not sure.
• 23:43
  >> Speaker A: Okay, well, when we're done recording, I'm going to tell you this story.
• 23:45
  But, um, sometimes the people who
• 23:48
  produce those objects are skinny
• 23:51
  minis.
• 23:52
  >> Speaker B: Okay.
• 23:52
  >> Speaker A: I don't know how. I assume it tears something
• 23:55
  like when women give birth, there's tearing.
• 23:58
  Um, except for it's their butthole
• 24:01
  that is tearing. But, yeah,
• 24:04
  sometimes you get one of these
• 24:07
  rail thin kids that really
• 24:10
  just grunts one.
• 24:11
  >> Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:13
  >> Speaker A: It's like a chode shaped.
• 24:16
  You just. Here we are. Um,
• 24:19
  a lot of poop. Michael, I know
• 24:22
  there's urine in your past, but the poop is what brings
• 24:25
  you trauma. Well, Michael, I have a
• 24:28
  few questions that I ask, um,
• 24:31
  everyone.
• 24:33
  >> Speaker C: Mhm.
• 24:34
  >> Speaker A: On the. Oh, I'm. Oh,
• 24:37
  I will. And now that you've consented, uh,
• 24:40
  the first is at your home.
• 24:43
  What type of toilet paper are y'all
• 24:46
  using? What do you use?
• 24:48
  >> Speaker B: Okay, so we have, um, Kirkland
• 24:51
  signature, of course. In fact, I just pulled
• 24:54
  a partial roll, put it in the bathroom. So I think we're
• 24:57
  currently using Kirkland. Um,
• 25:00
  during the pandemic.
• 25:01
  >> Speaker A: Yes, the dark ages.
• 25:03
  >> Speaker B: Yeah, I went to Fred Meyer.
• 25:07
  I either went to the store, had it brought out
• 25:10
  to me, but I remember. Yeah, well,
• 25:12
  first of all, I remember there was hardly any TP on the
• 25:15
  shelf. Uh, we've used
• 25:18
  northern.
• 25:19
  >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah, quilted northern.
• 25:20
  >> Speaker B: And I thought about this. Who would ever name a
• 25:23
  toilet paper northern? Where does it come from? What does it
• 25:26
  mean, northern?
• 25:28
  >> Speaker A: I have no idea. I assume it comes from the
• 25:30
  north and it
• 25:33
  wipes the south.
• 25:34
  >> Speaker B: It's a good toilet paper.
• 25:35
  Um, angel, uh, soft,
• 25:38
  though, I found. I like.
• 25:40
  >> Speaker A: Really?
• 25:41
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 25:41
  >> Speaker B: Now, I might have bought in charmin, I'm not sure, the
• 25:44
  beautiful bears, but I think it's more expensive than.
• 25:47
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, you're paying for the bears, so.
• 25:50
  >> Speaker B: I like the angel soft.
• 25:51
  >> Speaker A: Really?
• 25:52
  >> Speaker B: And the northern. So I think those are my.
• 25:54
  >> Speaker A: Are Angelsoft. The one who have the strange baby
• 25:57
  as their mascot?
• 25:58
  >> Speaker C: Yes. Okay.
• 25:59
  >> Speaker B: I believe so.
• 26:00
  >> Speaker A: Interesting. Um, I don't think I've ever used
• 26:03
  Angelsoft.
• 26:04
  >> Speaker B: I think it's comparable to Charmin, really? But it's
• 26:07
  above the Kirkland.
• 26:09
  >> Speaker A: How dare you?
• 26:12
  That's the middle class paper of choice.
• 26:15
  >> Speaker B: And the northern is middle. Yeah.
• 26:17
  >> Speaker C: Yeah. Okay.
• 26:18
  >> Speaker A: I like. So, uh, but
• 26:21
  Angelsoft is your.
• 26:23
  >> Speaker B: Well, I have choice. Yeah.
• 26:25
  Right now we have plenty. We won't buy any for a while,
• 26:28
  but. Yeah, definitely Angelsoft. But I have on my
• 26:31
  Amazon saved list.
• 26:33
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 26:34
  >> Speaker A: And just, I'm curious, is that bamboo
• 26:37
  stuff?
• 26:37
  >> Speaker B: Yeah, I haven't bought it yet, but I just want to buy it
• 26:40
  and try it because I'm always curious about trying different
• 26:43
  things.
• 26:43
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 26:44
  >> Speaker B: And I'm not like, okay, uh, I'm not like an
• 26:47
  environmentalist, but I would.
• 26:48
  >> Speaker A: Just do it because you're a little bit.
• 26:50
  >> Speaker B: Because I enjoy doing things differently or
• 26:53
  buying different things.
• 26:55
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 26:56
  >> Speaker B: And I understand it might be, it's not the
• 26:59
  softest, but you're getting it from
• 27:01
  bamboo, which is grows
• 27:04
  faster than a tree.
• 27:05
  >> Speaker C: I guess.
• 27:05
  >> Speaker A: Titus reports is good. He said he used
• 27:08
  it, um, and
• 27:11
  that it's kind of thin, but yet durable
• 27:14
  somehow. Um, which I don't understand that
• 27:16
  it's.
• 27:17
  >> Speaker B: Still on my saved list I haven't purchased.
• 27:19
  >> Speaker A: See, anything that markets itself
• 27:21
  on thinness for toilet paper, I'm afraid that I'm just going
• 27:24
  to hole punch myself and get a finger
• 27:27
  full of weird. Uh, and
• 27:31
  you got to tread lightly on that.
• 27:33
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 27:34
  >> Speaker A: And then, so when you guys put a roll on,
• 27:37
  the roll
• 27:39
  out. So it has to fold over the
• 27:42
  top.
• 27:43
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 27:43
  >> Speaker A: So why do you believe that's the case?
• 27:45
  >> Speaker B: Okay, so, um, if you put it
• 27:48
  in, it either
• 27:51
  hugs or makes close contact with the
• 27:53
  wall. Um,
• 27:56
  and then when you go to grab it, your
• 27:59
  fingertips are going to grab, might rub
• 28:02
  the wall. So you're scraping your fingers
• 28:05
  or fingertips on the wall and also going
• 28:08
  out. And then going out, it puts it
• 28:10
  two, three, maybe four inches closer to
• 28:13
  you. And that might make a difference depending upon
• 28:16
  where your roll is located on the wall.
• 28:20
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 28:22
  >> Speaker B: It's just right. The right way.
• 28:25
  >> Speaker A: Well, you are
• 28:28
  not the first person to tell me that if it's
• 28:30
  backwards, it's bad because your fingers will hit the
• 28:33
  wall. Uh, and to which I said, how
• 28:36
  aggressively are you going in for this paper that
• 28:39
  you're hitting your hand on.
• 28:40
  >> Speaker C: The wall.
• 28:43
  >> Speaker B: You'Re grabbing for the paper to wipe your bum.
• 28:46
  Bum.
• 28:48
  >> Speaker A: And then the other part is
• 28:51
  four inches makes the difference.
• 28:54
  >> Speaker B: Uh, jumbo roll.
• 28:56
  >> Speaker A: Ah, yeah, I
• 28:58
  think just lean over. Um,
• 29:01
  Anna, my wife, she also
• 29:04
  believes that it needs to go over.
• 29:06
  >> Speaker B: I heard.
• 29:07
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, I'm convinced it doesn't matter.
• 29:09
  >> Speaker B: Uh, well, it may not matter, but that's
• 29:12
  what we do.
• 29:14
  >> Speaker A: Industry standard.
• 29:15
  >> Speaker C: Mhm.
• 29:17
  >> Speaker A: Do you ever get crazy and do the weird, like,
• 29:19
  hotel bathroom fold? Like, to
• 29:22
  fold the little corner on the toilet paper?
• 29:25
  >> Speaker B: No.
• 29:29
  >> Speaker C: Fair. Enough.
• 29:30
  >> Speaker A: I never did as a janitor either. Yeah,
• 29:33
  literally nobody will notice it. Um,
• 29:37
  when you wipe, are you
• 29:40
  folding or crumpling?
• 29:43
  >> Speaker B: Folding.
• 29:44
  >> Speaker A: Folding. Perfect. And is it a fold or are you
• 29:46
  rolling it like a glove?
• 29:49
  >> Speaker B: Oh, it's a fold.
• 29:51
  >> Speaker C: Fold.
• 29:51
  >> Speaker A: Perfect. The sign of an organized mind.
• 29:54
  Um, how many squares would you estimate you're using
• 29:57
  in that fold?
• 29:58
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 29:58
  >> Speaker B: I use a lot.
• 30:00
  >> Speaker A: You do? No,
• 30:02
  Michael. Okay, how
• 30:05
  much is a lot?
• 30:07
  >> Speaker B: I never counted.
• 30:09
  >> Speaker A: Is it more than six?
• 30:10
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 30:11
  >> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
• 30:12
  >> Speaker B: How does someone use only, like, four or five or six
• 30:15
  squares?
• 30:16
  >> Speaker A: So if I'm wiping in my home, unless it's a particularly
• 30:18
  wet job, um, which happens
• 30:21
  frequently, I can get by with three
• 30:24
  on every wipe.
• 30:26
  >> Speaker C: Wow.
• 30:26
  >> Speaker A: Uh, and you just kind of have to manage
• 30:29
  the thing. But if I'm out and about, I
• 30:32
  use as much as I need because it ain't mine, I ain't buying it. Um,
• 30:35
  and it's thin, so you just get a pile
• 30:38
  of it. Huh?
• 30:39
  >> Speaker B: Yeah. Doesn't
• 30:42
  everybody?
• 30:43
  >> Speaker A: No, I don't. Man,
• 30:46
  you're really cruising through the paper.
• 30:48
  >> Speaker B: Yeah.
• 30:49
  >> Speaker A: During the days when you told me the church was
• 30:52
  switching paper. I'll tell you what, we
• 30:55
  use quality.
• 30:56
  >> Speaker B: Angel soft toilet paper at eastside christian
• 30:59
  church.
• 30:59
  >> Speaker A: We do now.
• 31:00
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 31:01
  >> Speaker A: We did not before.
• 31:02
  >> Speaker B: We did not.
• 31:02
  >> Speaker A: And when you said that we had the approval to swap over, man, I
• 31:05
  was making a stack to wipe with. Like, I was using
• 31:08
  that paper so quick. I was like, yes,
• 31:11
  just roll a big wad of it and
• 31:14
  get it back there.
• 31:16
  >> Speaker C: Cool.
• 31:17
  >> Speaker A: Well, you didn't crumple, which is good. Um,
• 31:20
  it's a scary thought to have crumpled your
• 31:23
  paper, um, when you in the shower,
• 31:25
  specifically, are you a bar soap or a
• 31:28
  liquid soap guy?
• 31:30
  >> Speaker B: Bar.
• 31:31
  >> Speaker A: Soap bar. Wow. Are you using irish
• 31:34
  spring green bars?
• 31:35
  >> Speaker B: No, I'm using whatever Kimberly bought or
• 31:38
  made. Whatever.
• 31:41
  >> Speaker A: Sometimes she makes it, though, doesn't she?
• 31:42
  >> Speaker B: Or got from a gift or
• 31:45
  somebody had too much soap and she ended up with
• 31:48
  soap.
• 31:48
  >> Speaker A: Or she went out and rendered fat from an animal and mixed
• 31:51
  it with ash herself.
• 31:55
  >> Speaker B: Something like that.
• 31:56
  >> Speaker A: Tell me she's never done it.
• 31:58
  >> Speaker B: She's never done it.
• 31:59
  >> Speaker A: That can't be true. I'm certain Kimberly has
• 32:02
  made her own soap at some point.
• 32:03
  >> Speaker B: I'm a bar,
• 32:05
  so something to grab
• 32:08
  onto.
• 32:09
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 32:11
  >> Speaker A: There is a, um, bottle that the
• 32:14
  liquid comes in, but it's plastic.
• 32:19
  >> Speaker B: And you just run that bar all over your body.
• 32:22
  >> Speaker A: Do you go bar straight on skin, or do you put it in, like, a cloth?
• 32:24
  >> Speaker B: Straight on the skin.
• 32:26
  >> Speaker C: Really?
• 32:26
  >> Speaker B: Yeah.
• 32:27
  >> Speaker A: Wow.
• 32:28
  >> Speaker B: Bar to man. Man to does.
• 32:31
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 32:31
  >> Speaker A: And feel free to say, hey, stay out of my
• 32:34
  shower. Um, but do you and
• 32:36
  kimberly have separate bars?
• 32:40
  >> Speaker B: Um, no. Um.
• 32:43
  Oh, my gosh, I don't think so.
• 32:46
  >> Speaker A: So you're sharing bars?
• 32:47
  >> Speaker B: Well, she has. Okay. There's like
• 32:50
  twelve bottles of stuff in our shower.
• 32:53
  >> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
• 32:54
  >> Speaker B: So when. When David and Bethany
• 32:57
  lived there, um, even after David moved
• 33:00
  out, so it was the three of us. There were like
• 33:02
  19 bottles of
• 33:06
  17 were store bought,
• 33:09
  and there were two unmarked. So one had vinegar
• 33:12
  in it and the other had something else in it. So
• 33:15
  basically 16 or 17 were store bought.
• 33:17
  >> Speaker A: What are you doing with vinegar in your shower?
• 33:19
  >> Speaker B: Well, Kimberly is, uh.
• 33:21
  >> Speaker C: What is she doing?
• 33:22
  >> Speaker A: Vinegar.
• 33:22
  >> Speaker B: You rinse with it or wash with it or something.
• 33:25
  >> Speaker A: Ah, I don't know.
• 33:26
  >> Speaker B: Yeah, it's watered down. I think it's one
• 33:29
  part vinegar.
• 33:30
  >> Speaker A: I think what I'm learning is I need to talk to Kimberly, too. That's what
• 33:33
  I'm learning.
• 33:34
  >> Speaker B: So right now, I think we have eleven or twelve
• 33:36
  bottles. And maybe ten are like a store
• 33:39
  bought. They have a label on them and what they say
• 33:42
  they have, they have in them.
• 33:44
  >> Speaker A: And they're all soap.
• 33:46
  >> Speaker B: Well, no. Conditioner
• 33:48
  shampoo.
• 33:49
  >> Speaker A: That's a lot of bottles.
• 33:51
  >> Speaker B: A body wash. Right.
• 33:53
  >> Speaker A: And you don't use any of those?
• 33:55
  >> Speaker B: I use one for my hair.
• 33:57
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 33:57
  >> Speaker B: I use a shampoo. And then I have my own beard
• 34:00
  wash and beard conditioner, which I don't keep in
• 34:03
  the shower.
• 34:04
  >> Speaker C: Right.
• 34:05
  >> Speaker B: Um, which is shampoo. And then I use the
• 34:07
  bar soap.
• 34:09
  >> Speaker C: Okay. Huh. Huh.
• 34:10
  >> Speaker B: It's a healthy smelling bar soap. Whatever it is.
• 34:13
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 34:14
  >> Speaker A: I'll have to ask Kimberly, uh, what she's getting
• 34:16
  for you for bar soap. Do you ever carve little messages
• 34:19
  into the bar soap and leave them for your wife to find?
• 34:22
  >> Speaker B: Never.
• 34:23
  >> Speaker A: Are you going to? Now that I've introduced that idea
• 34:26
  to your
• 34:26
  lifetime?
• 34:34
  >> Speaker B: Probably not like prison.
• 34:35
  >> Speaker A: Just like itching a bar
• 34:38
  for messages.
• 34:40
  >> Speaker B: Like, I heart you with a heart.
• 34:43
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 34:43
  >> Speaker A: How often do you drop the bar of soap when you're in
• 34:46
  the shower?
• 34:47
  >> Speaker B: Every time.
• 34:48
  >> Speaker A: Just about literally every time. I
• 34:51
  use.
• 34:56
  >> Speaker B: Slippery.
• 34:57
  >> Speaker A: Oh, it's slippery when wet.
• 34:59
  >> Speaker C: Um.
• 35:02
  >> Speaker A: Wow. Uh, Michael, how do you feel about
• 35:04
  baths?
• 35:06
  >> Speaker B: I don't like baths. Yeah, I'm a shower guy.
• 35:09
  >> Speaker A: Tell me why you don't like baths.
• 35:11
  >> Speaker C: Um.
• 35:13
  >> Speaker B: You'Re in stationary,
• 35:16
  standing water.
• 35:17
  >> Speaker A: Stagnant.
• 35:18
  >> Speaker B: Stagnant. And pretty soon it gets
• 35:21
  dirty. Now you can shower first and then enjoy
• 35:24
  a bath. Once or twice
• 35:27
  in my life, maybe done that, but I'm a shower.
• 35:30
  >> Speaker C: Mm. Mhm hmm.
• 35:31
  >> Speaker B: Standing up?
• 35:33
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 35:34
  >> Speaker B: With or without my wife.
• 35:36
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 35:38
  >> Speaker A: There you, uh, um,
• 35:44
  anyway, um, I agree
• 35:47
  with former guest Sam Bagenstas.
• 35:50
  The bath is a one person experience. There's not enough room
• 35:53
  for.
• 35:54
  >> Speaker B: Not in a standard tub.
• 35:55
  >> Speaker A: Not in a standard tub. Um, okay, so
• 35:58
  no baths, but it can be relaxing. What do you
• 36:01
  do to relax? How does
• 36:04
  Michael chill out?
• 36:06
  >> Speaker B: Outside the bathroom, you mean?
• 36:08
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, wherever, I mean. Or in the bathroom. I'm not going to tell you
• 36:11
  how to live your.
• 36:15
  >> Speaker B: A. I don't know if it's lazy boy. I call it a lazy
• 36:17
  boy recliner. And I'm in that when I'm relaxing.
• 36:20
  >> Speaker C: There you go.
• 36:21
  >> Speaker B: Uh, it's an electric, so it has a push button.
• 36:23
  >> Speaker A: It's the nap zone.
• 36:25
  >> Speaker B: It's the nap zone.
• 36:26
  >> Speaker C: Perfect.
• 36:27
  >> Speaker A: I've also watched you nap a lot of
• 36:29
  places.
• 36:31
  >> Speaker C: Um.
• 36:33
  >> Speaker A: Uh, so on the topic of showers, I have a number
• 36:36
  of questions related to a shower. The first is, have
• 36:39
  you ever taken a dark shower? It is
• 36:42
  exactly what it sounds like. It's a shower with the lights off.
• 36:45
  >> Speaker B: Yeah. If I shower in the
• 36:48
  morning, um, I just run the
• 36:51
  fan because
• 36:54
  summertime, it stays
• 36:57
  longer, lighter, longer. Well, no matter
• 36:59
  what season, no matter what day,
• 37:02
  I'm in the shower and no lights, just
• 37:05
  the fan going. And I don't like the lights
• 37:08
  because usually you're still half asleep and you don't
• 37:11
  need the artificial light.
• 37:13
  >> Speaker C: Right.
• 37:13
  >> Speaker B: You'll get that soon enough. And our bathroom has
• 37:16
  a window.
• 37:17
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 37:18
  >> Speaker B: And the smoked window type thing.
• 37:23
  >> Speaker C: Do.
• 37:23
  >> Speaker A: You ever take one when it's dark out without the lights
• 37:26
  on? Like it is dark in there?
• 37:28
  >> Speaker B: If I'm up early enough. Uh,
• 37:31
  or up late enough.
• 37:32
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 37:33
  >> Speaker A: There you go.
• 37:34
  >> Speaker B: All I do is run the fan.
• 37:36
  >> Speaker A: Do you like it?
• 37:36
  >> Speaker C: Mhm.
• 37:37
  >> Speaker A: Me too.
• 37:38
  >> Speaker B: No artificial lighting. Yeah,
• 37:42
  you talk about relaxing. It's very calming
• 37:45
  and relaxing. Well, you basically
• 37:48
  have to run the fan because mildew, steam. Yeah. So
• 37:51
  you run the fan, which is soothing too. It's just a low,
• 37:54
  um.
• 37:54
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 37:55
  >> Speaker B: And then no lights.
• 37:56
  >> Speaker A: It's like white noise.
• 37:57
  >> Speaker C: Mhm.
• 37:58
  >> Speaker B: And the shower water. And it's no lights,
• 38:01
  it's dark or semi dark.
• 38:02
  >> Speaker A: Sensory deprivation chamber.
• 38:04
  >> Speaker B: And it's just very relaxing.
• 38:05
  >> Speaker A: I agree.
• 38:06
  >> Speaker C: Mhm.
• 38:06
  >> Speaker A: Um, Michael, have you ever eaten or drank a
• 38:09
  drink or snack in the shower?
• 38:12
  >> Speaker B: Not eaten, no.
• 38:15
  >> Speaker A: What about a drink?
• 38:16
  >> Speaker B: Drink? Trying to think
• 38:20
  maybe. I don't remember. I don't recall.
• 38:23
  >> Speaker A: You're getting ready to go home here in a little bit. Uh, it might not
• 38:26
  be a bad time to try it out. Grab yourself a
• 38:29
  cold one, uh, a soda,
• 38:33
  and just hit it in the shower. Apparently
• 38:36
  it does.
• 38:37
  >> Speaker C: It.
• 38:37
  >> Speaker B: I'll probably end up going pee then.
• 38:39
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, just pee in the shower. Yeah, that's right.
• 38:42
  >> Speaker B: Yes, I have done that. I do that.
• 38:45
  >> Speaker A: Do you aim for your feet?
• 38:47
  >> Speaker B: What?
• 38:47
  >> Speaker A: Do you aim for your feet? No, because
• 38:50
  I always try to get my feet when I'm doing it.
• 38:53
  >> Speaker B: Negative.
• 38:53
  >> Speaker A: No, you're just right in the bottom.
• 38:56
  >> Speaker C: Mhm.
• 38:57
  >> Speaker B: To me, that's washes right down.
• 38:59
  >> Speaker A: I always feel like I'm wasting it, though. Like if I don't hit my feet, I
• 39:01
  wasted it.
• 39:05
  There has to be some sort of medicinal benefit
• 39:08
  of, um, Michael, would you ever eat an orange
• 39:10
  in the shower like you eat an apple?
• 39:12
  >> Speaker B: No, I don't eat in
• 39:15
  the shower.
• 39:16
  >> Speaker A: Have you ever eaten or drank anything on the toilet?
• 39:20
  >> Speaker B: M. No. Really? No. I stay
• 39:23
  focused when I go to the bathroom. I go to the bathroom.
• 39:26
  >> Speaker A: He's got his eye on the prize.
• 39:27
  >> Speaker B: I enjoy the time, but it's like,
• 39:30
  well, pee is like,
• 39:33
  however long it takes. You wash your hands and you're out, and
• 39:35
  then you poop. Like I said, three minutes.
• 39:38
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 39:39
  >> Speaker B: And I enjoy the time, but I don't linger there.
• 39:42
  >> Speaker A: Right.
• 39:42
  >> Speaker B: Um, you can enjoy something whether it's three minutes
• 39:45
  or 30 minutes. I lean towards the three minutes.
• 39:48
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 39:48
  >> Speaker A: Do you take your phone into the bathroom with you?
• 39:51
  >> Speaker B: Yes.
• 39:51
  >> Speaker A: For pooping?
• 39:53
  >> Speaker B: Um, yeah, it's usually on me or I'm carrying it in
• 39:56
  my.
• 39:57
  >> Speaker A: Do you play on your phone while you're pooping?
• 40:00
  >> Speaker B: No.
• 40:01
  >> Speaker A: See, I'm convinced this is the secret to
• 40:03
  you only spending three minutes in
• 40:06
  the bathroom because the teens
• 40:09
  and the youths of today,
• 40:12
  that's like, phone time.
• 40:13
  >> Speaker B: Uh, well, I would have a concern or fear
• 40:16
  of it falling in the toilet.
• 40:19
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 40:19
  >> Speaker A: And it happens. Um, most of them lean enough,
• 40:22
  far enough forward and hold it out. I say that because I've
• 40:25
  performed that action.
• 40:26
  >> Speaker B: I've actually held my phone while I was peeing, which
• 40:29
  is difficult. And then I realized, what are you
• 40:32
  doing?
• 40:32
  >> Speaker A: Because that one's dangerous.
• 40:34
  >> Speaker B: Fall in the toilet. So I quit.
• 40:37
  I don't want that to happen.
• 40:39
  >> Speaker A: That's dangerous?
• 40:40
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 40:40
  >> Speaker A: Uh, you're playing with fire water
• 40:43
  in that. Uh, Michael,
• 40:47
  let's say you get in the shower
• 40:50
  and the urge to poop hits you. You've
• 40:53
  got to purge one. What
• 40:56
  do you do?
• 40:57
  >> Speaker B: I step out.
• 40:58
  >> Speaker A: Do you turn the water off?
• 40:59
  >> Speaker B: No, I leave it running. I take the shower head and tilt
• 41:02
  it down.
• 41:03
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, you aim it.
• 41:04
  >> Speaker B: And, um, I just leave it running because. Yeah,
• 41:07
  you step out and you're all wet.
• 41:10
  And, um, I just sit on the toilet and you go.
• 41:13
  And then do you flush the toilet?
• 41:15
  >> Speaker A: Dripping wet.
• 41:16
  >> Speaker B: Uh, yeah.
• 41:17
  >> Speaker A: Wild move.
• 41:18
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 41:20
  >> Speaker B: It's rarely happened, but if it does. Yeah, you just step out
• 41:23
  real quick and then do, um, your duty and
• 41:25
  step back in the shower.
• 41:27
  >> Speaker A: Um, under any circumstances, would you ever
• 41:30
  perform a waffle stomp? Uh,
• 41:33
  a waffle stomp, for those who don't know, is where you poop
• 41:36
  into the bottom of the shower and then stomp your own turd to
• 41:39
  make it go down the drain?
• 41:40
  >> Speaker B: No.
• 41:41
  >> Speaker A: Okay. But have you ever done it out of
• 41:44
  necessity?
• 41:45
  >> Speaker B: No.
• 41:46
  >> Speaker A: Would you do it?
• 41:47
  >> Speaker B: No.
• 41:48
  >> Speaker A: You would always get out of the show. What if emergency
• 41:51
  diarrhea happens?
• 41:53
  >> Speaker B: No, I'd step out.
• 41:55
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, but you run the risk of doing it on the
• 41:57
  floor.
• 41:58
  >> Speaker B: It's like if you feel like vomiting, you run to the
• 42:00
  toilet no matter where you.
• 42:02
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, I guess that's fair. Um,
• 42:05
  would you poop into your hand, catch
• 42:08
  it, and toss that into the toilet from where you're at?
• 42:11
  >> Speaker B: No.
• 42:12
  >> Speaker A: Would you perform that or the waffle stomp
• 42:14
  first?
• 42:18
  >> Speaker B: Um, my hand first.
• 42:21
  >> Speaker A: Really?
• 42:22
  >> Speaker B: Yeah.
• 42:22
  >> Speaker A: You'd go for the hand grab and toss?
• 42:25
  >> Speaker B: Well, if you let it fall down. No, I change. If you'd
• 42:28
  let it fall down in the tub, then you just scoop it
• 42:31
  up with TP. I'd do that.
• 42:33
  >> Speaker A: Okay, so you're doing the, like, cat poop.
• 42:36
  I pooped in the litter box, and I'm going to come back and clean it later.
• 42:39
  Yes, got it.
• 42:39
  >> Speaker B: Do that.
• 42:41
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 42:41
  >> Speaker A: But the drain is right there. If you add
• 42:44
  enough water to any solid, it becomes a liquid.
• 42:47
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 42:48
  >> Speaker A: That's fact. That's science. Um,
• 42:51
  okay, well, you're a clean and ordered
• 42:54
  person. Um,
• 42:59
  what are some bathroom pet peeves? That
• 43:02
  just. That you walk into the bathroom and you're like,
• 43:05
  dang it again. This is happening again.
• 43:08
  >> Speaker B: Um, people don't flush a second time. Or maybe it's a third
• 43:11
  time. There's a little bit of residue. Just flush it
• 43:14
  again. So the next person
• 43:17
  is looking down at basically half
• 43:20
  cold, cold, clear water. Yeah.
• 43:23
  You walk in and you're just residue. Poop
• 43:26
  residue. TP residue. A little bit. Just a second
• 43:29
  flush or a third flush or whatever it takes. So the next person
• 43:32
  is looking down at a cold, clear bowl of water.
• 43:34
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 43:36
  >> Speaker A: Um, as I understand it, there are a number
• 43:38
  of culprits of this act that attend
• 43:41
  the Friday night young adults crew that need, and
• 43:44
  I have mentioned to them they need to figure this straight
• 43:47
  out.
• 43:47
  >> Speaker B: Um, well, they use the urinal
• 43:50
  and they don't know how to flush the urinal.
• 43:53
  I come in Saturday morning and it's dark.
• 43:56
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, they need to be hydrated too.
• 43:58
  >> Speaker B: Yeah, it's dark yellow and I don't know if that's one pea or
• 44:01
  multiples, but drink a lot of water and
• 44:04
  flush.
• 44:05
  >> Speaker A: Uh, flush. Yeah, I
• 44:07
  can see that. The residue left in the toilet, that'd be frustrating.
• 44:11
  The only thing that gets me though is sometimes you flush and it's one of those
• 44:13
  toilets that takes forever to reload.
• 44:16
  >> Speaker B: Like the shirt. Like clot of call toilets.
• 44:18
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 44:19
  >> Speaker A: Specifically the right one. You know what I'm saying?
• 44:21
  Uh, the big stall, the
• 44:24
  one I don't use. I've actually been using
• 44:27
  the library bathroom.
• 44:29
  >> Speaker B: It's, uh, a quick flush. It's a quick flush.
• 44:31
  >> Speaker A: New toilet, private m m zone. It doesn't
• 44:33
  lock, but I'm there at 05:00 a.m. So I'm good.
• 44:40
  Perfect. Um, any other pet peeves?
• 44:44
  >> Speaker B: Yeah, at work, at school.
• 44:46
  >> Speaker C: Here.
• 44:46
  >> Speaker A: There we go.
• 44:47
  >> Speaker B: Um, you've got staff. I know it's staff. It's
• 44:49
  the boys locker room.
• 44:51
  >> Speaker A: Staff bathroom.
• 44:52
  >> Speaker B: It's the staff bathroom in the boys locker room. It's the
• 44:55
  men's bathroom. Office.
• 44:57
  >> Speaker A: What are they doing?
• 44:58
  >> Speaker B: Somebody's going poop and they're like
• 45:01
  shooting it out and there's,
• 45:03
  um. Dried on.
• 45:05
  >> Speaker A: I have photographic evidence on my phone of this
• 45:08
  phenomenon.
• 45:08
  >> Speaker B: Dried on pooping.
• 45:10
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 45:11
  >> Speaker B: And it must harden pretty quick.
• 45:13
  >> Speaker C: Yes.
• 45:14
  >> Speaker B: It takes a lot to get that off, even with a scrubby
• 45:17
  sponge.
• 45:18
  >> Speaker A: And Michael, what you're saying is
• 45:21
  verified 100% true because I took
• 45:24
  a photo at this location of
• 45:26
  the underside of a bathroom and I went, what in the freaking
• 45:29
  heck are we doing? When you know you've
• 45:32
  shotgunned it, just wipe it. When you're done
• 45:35
  because it's wet. Then don't let it dry.
• 45:38
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 45:38
  >> Speaker B: Or if it's in the bowl, just flush it quick.
• 45:40
  >> Speaker C: Or.
• 45:40
  >> Speaker B: Yeah, wipe it. Take TP and wipe it and then flush it.
• 45:43
  >> Speaker A: Uh, what about those grease marks that people leave? How
• 45:46
  do you feel about those?
• 45:47
  >> Speaker B: Well, those soften up after time and hopefully
• 45:50
  if you work a swing shift, by the time you flush
• 45:53
  it, they'll soften up and they'll go down.
• 45:55
  >> Speaker A: They work themselves out.
• 45:56
  >> Speaker B: They work themselves out, yes.
• 45:58
  >> Speaker A: What about at your home? Do you have any pet peeves at your house that
• 46:01
  you'll get in trouble for sharing?
• 46:05
  Ah, black.
• 46:06
  >> Speaker B: We're a one bathroom house, so just the length of time that
• 46:09
  kimberly. But I've become m much more
• 46:12
  patient.
• 46:12
  >> Speaker A: So I just wait.
• 46:16
  We're both married and we'll take the grief that we
• 46:19
  earn. But I think women generally take
• 46:22
  a little longer in the bathroom. As a whole, and that's
• 46:25
  fine. But you live pretty
• 46:28
  close to your. You could always go
• 46:31
  to, I don't know,
• 46:34
  drive to the church and go to the.
• 46:36
  >> Speaker B: Probably done that. Yeah.
• 46:37
  >> Speaker A: Oh, I've definitely emergency stop the church.
• 46:40
  Like when I get off work or something, and I'm like, oh, I got to go to
• 46:43
  Salem, but I'm not going all the way to my house. I'll just swing at a church.
• 46:46
  >> Speaker C: Poop.
• 46:47
  >> Speaker B: Yeah.
• 46:48
  >> Speaker A: I've even done it to the gym. I've done it to the gym on the way out of town.
• 46:51
  I park, scan my badge, run in, go and hop back in the
• 46:54
  car.
• 46:54
  >> Speaker B: Nice to have keys to your jobs that you have access to.
• 46:57
  Toilets.
• 46:57
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 46:58
  >> Speaker A: Um, well, Michael, uh, I have
• 47:01
  one more question. And that is what is the fast
• 47:04
  food or regular food establishment that does you
• 47:07
  the dirtiest, just fouls you up,
• 47:13
  gives you the tummy bubbles?
• 47:16
  >> Speaker B: I don't know, but I would probably have to say, like, any taco
• 47:19
  establishment.
• 47:20
  >> Speaker A: Riga squirtos. Yeah,
• 47:24
  I ate it. Hey, so I'm not trying
• 47:26
  to. Rigabirdos exist
• 47:29
  for a reason. It's not for me to eat at.
• 47:32
  Um, they don't even mess me up.
• 47:35
  Anna and I ate there for the first time this week,
• 47:38
  probably last time, uh, because it's
• 47:41
  been a minute since I've had a authentic
• 47:44
  mexican restaurant not get nachos
• 47:47
  square. Um,
• 47:50
  yeah, anyway, uh, that's not what we're here for, so.
• 47:52
  Michael, thank you for doing this.
• 47:55
  >> Speaker B: I have a question, a future question you should ask.
• 47:58
  >> Speaker C: Okay.
• 47:59
  >> Speaker A: You might get asked it right now.
• 48:00
  >> Speaker B: But what brand or
• 48:03
  whatever they call it, model or brand name of toilet do
• 48:06
  you have in your bathroom or bathrooms?
• 48:08
  >> Speaker A: I'm adding it to the list as you.
• 48:11
  >> Speaker B: So we currently have an american standard
• 48:13
  toilet, and it's comparable to that
• 48:16
  toilet that's in the conference room of Claudetta.
• 48:19
  Call at the church. It's a fast
• 48:22
  flusher. I call it the
• 48:24
  recovery time. When you flush, how many seconds does
• 48:27
  it take for the toilet?
• 48:31
  I've seen two or three minutes of toilets that take a
• 48:34
  long time.
• 48:34
  >> Speaker A: It's unacceptable.
• 48:35
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 48:36
  >> Speaker B: Uh, again, that probably fills in 20
• 48:39
  seconds. Ours probably is about 20 to 30 seconds.
• 48:41
  Refill time.
• 48:42
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 48:45
  >> Speaker B: You go poop, you flush, and while it's
• 48:48
  refilling, you wipe. And by the time it's done, I'm
• 48:51
  done wiping, and you flush again.
• 48:53
  >> Speaker A: Oh, so you're a two flush every time type guy?
• 48:56
  >> Speaker B: Definitely.
• 48:57
  >> Speaker A: So you courtesy flush every flush?
• 48:59
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 48:59
  >> Speaker B: I believe if you need to flush, I don't care how many times
• 49:02
  you need to flush. Just flush m more than once.
• 49:04
  >> Speaker A: Every single.
• 49:05
  >> Speaker B: Do it in one flush.
• 49:06
  >> Speaker A: Every single time I go to the bathroom, the only time I'm flushing before
• 49:09
  wiping has happened is if it's been a disaster situation
• 49:11
  and I'm scared, uh, to leave it
• 49:14
  longer. But, yeah,
• 49:17
  I do everything, wipe.
• 49:20
  Everything is done. I stand up, and then the flush
• 49:23
  happens. And there's usually one flush,
• 49:26
  unless you've got the tummy bubbles. And then
• 49:28
  there's three to five sometimes.
• 49:31
  >> Speaker B: Um, I guess because I use a lot more
• 49:34
  tp I have that's flush twice.
• 49:36
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, he's scared
• 49:39
  for what might happen if he doesn't.
• 49:41
  >> Speaker B: Um, and ours is like
• 49:44
  the low flesh toilet now is like
• 49:46
  1.2 gallons, which is
• 49:48
  incredible.
• 49:49
  >> Speaker A: Anna and I were in home Depot or Lowe's. It's the same
• 49:52
  thing. Just one likes veterans more.
• 49:55
  Um, but we
• 49:58
  were at one of those places, and they had a
• 50:01
  toilet that they claimed would flush, like seven
• 50:04
  billiard balls.
• 50:05
  >> Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I've seen that at home Depot. I saw the
• 50:08
  toilet. Or tennis balls or billiard balls. Yeah,
• 50:11
  it's able to as long as. Well, your sewer line's
• 50:13
  bigger, so it'll handle it. But the pipe,
• 50:16
  it's got the force m.
• 50:19
  Yeah. Ours is like a power flush. It's a
• 50:22
  residential toilet. But it's like, this is cool.
• 50:25
  >> Speaker A: It blasts it down, huh?
• 50:26
  >> Speaker B: Yeah.
• 50:29
  Okay. This is several years ago. Your cheap
• 50:32
  toilet was 100. Your expensive was three to
• 50:35
  350. The middle of the road, it's great.
• 50:37
  $200. They're probably more like 250 now, but middle of
• 50:40
  the road, two to 200 and $5250
• 50:43
  for, uh, an awesome toilet. You don't need
• 50:46
  the european style 300 and
• 50:48
  $5400. I mean, you can go that way, but
• 50:51
  middle of the road is awesome.
• 50:53
  >> Speaker A: Once you go european, you never go back. That's what I am
• 50:56
  told.
• 50:57
  >> Speaker C: American.
• 50:57
  >> Speaker B: Um, standard, good quality.
• 51:00
  >> Speaker A: I'm pretty sure that's what we have in our home. I told
• 51:03
  Anna our toilet seat is embarrassing that I sit on
• 51:06
  it for an hour at least once a week. Um,
• 51:09
  to record this, I said we need a heavier
• 51:12
  duty toilet seat. This thing is thin plastic,
• 51:14
  idiocy.
• 51:15
  >> Speaker B: And do you have a.
• 51:18
  Well, two questions. Do you have a
• 51:21
  standard lid or the no slam or the
• 51:23
  quiet? The no slam toilet seat they
• 51:26
  call.
• 51:27
  >> Speaker A: Well, we have a no slam,
• 51:29
  but I hate it. I love them because they're
• 51:32
  thinner.
• 51:33
  >> Speaker B: Oh, I love them. You can drop it. In
• 51:36
  fact, I forget. If you're at somebody's house and you forget
• 51:39
  and you let go and slam.
• 51:41
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 51:41
  >> Speaker B: And it's a no slam.
• 51:42
  >> Speaker A: And I love just yelled boom. So loud that that light
• 51:45
  turned on. That was the craziest thing ever.
• 51:48
  >> Speaker B: Uh, either that or a fly.
• 51:50
  >> Speaker A: Either that or there's a gaga ghost in there.
• 51:53
  Um, that was wild. Sorry.
• 51:56
  >> Speaker B: If you want to sit down immediately, it takes a little
• 51:59
  while. You can push it down, but other than that, you just let it drop. Like,
• 52:02
  in the middle of the night, you go and you just let it drop, and, you
• 52:04
  know, it slowly goes down. And
• 52:07
  it came with that particular toilet. But I've
• 52:10
  bought them also as an afterthought.
• 52:12
  >> Speaker A: But they're lighter, and I just feel less
• 52:15
  heavy duty.
• 52:16
  >> Speaker B: Oh, I'm not, but I'm not a heavy person.
• 52:19
  >> Speaker A: I know, but I bet you don't often sit on
• 52:22
  the lid. No, I sit on it a lot.
• 52:25
  Michael.
• 52:28
  >> Speaker B: You record.
• 52:29
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 52:30
  >> Speaker A: So at the school where we are now, um, they don't
• 52:33
  have a lid. There
• 52:36
  is about eight inches between my shorts and
• 52:39
  wet. Uh, and the only saving
• 52:42
  grace is that we don't have an automatic flush right
• 52:45
  now. Yeah. Uh,
• 52:48
  I'm living a dangerous game.
• 52:51
  >> Speaker B: And this came up in one of your interviews. A squatty
• 52:53
  potty.
• 52:54
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 52:55
  >> Speaker B: Everybody should own one.
• 52:56
  >> Speaker A: Do you own one?
• 52:57
  >> Speaker B: We do. They were really hot, like,
• 53:00
  five or six, seven years ago. I mean, they had
• 53:03
  Internet advertising everywhere. And we bought
• 53:06
  just the basic plastic, and they were like, 2020,
• 53:08
  $5. You can buy bamboo, you can buy wood. It's really
• 53:11
  cool. But we just bought the basic one. And you sit on the
• 53:14
  toilet and you keep it there in the bathroom. Right.
• 53:17
  And it does this.
• 53:20
  >> Speaker A: It girds up your loins.
• 53:22
  >> Speaker B: And I swear, okay, I think I
• 53:25
  get 20% more poop out than if I didn't use one at
• 53:27
  all.
• 53:28
  >> Speaker A: This is part of the three minute poop job.
• 53:30
  >> Speaker B: So this is evolution. But they
• 53:33
  say evolutionary. But they say thousands of years
• 53:36
  ago, we used to squat as humans.
• 53:39
  >> Speaker C: Yes. Okay.
• 53:39
  >> Speaker B: Whether you were on toilet or not, you would squat. Well, that was
• 53:42
  a natural position.
• 53:43
  >> Speaker C: Your legs.
• 53:45
  >> Speaker B: And we've lost that with the modern day toilet.
• 53:48
  >> Speaker A: My situation, I don't need help.
• 53:51
  Like, it comes pretty quick. That's what she said.
• 53:54
  >> Speaker B: Squatty potty.
• 53:56
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 53:57
  >> Speaker A: You have, Michael, um,
• 54:00
  once at the church. This is a story for you. Once
• 54:03
  at the church, I went, you know what? I'm going to try
• 54:06
  to squat this toilet. And I did it the
• 54:09
  worst way possible, which was I actually stood on the toilet.
• 54:12
  Like, I put my feet on the seat and then
• 54:15
  I held on.
• 54:16
  >> Speaker B: That's too high.
• 54:17
  >> Speaker A: Each hand on either stall
• 54:20
  thing. And I kind of, like, monkey perched it
• 54:23
  and as I began to go, it
• 54:25
  came out so fast and it plopped and hit
• 54:28
  the water so hard that I got scared and
• 54:31
  instantly just yinked my butt
• 54:34
  and got down and went back to my normal position because
• 54:37
  I was afraid of making a mess.
• 54:39
  >> Speaker B: Did you see the stall walls in Claudic hall bathrooms?
• 54:42
  Boys, they're pulling away from the wall.
• 54:45
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, I know. That is not me. That is not
• 54:48
  me. I did not do that.
• 54:49
  >> Speaker B: It's 25 year old building.
• 54:51
  >> Speaker A: Yeah. And there used
• 54:54
  to be punk teens that used to reef on.
• 54:56
  >> Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
• 54:57
  >> Speaker A: Um, I've hollered at them and they've
• 55:00
  gotten mad and don't want to be there anymore, so that's fine.
• 55:03
  Um, well, Michael, thank
• 55:06
  you so much for doing this and letting me bombard you
• 55:09
  at the end of your work day.
• 55:10
  >> Speaker B: One more.
• 55:10
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 55:11
  >> Speaker B: Oh, so good. So we've had both
• 55:14
  before and standard toilet bowl,
• 55:16
  or the elongated they offer,
• 55:19
  you can buy an elongated, elongated bowl. And
• 55:22
  I think the elongated are for, it's a
• 55:25
  larger surface area, so larger butts.
• 55:27
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 55:27
  >> Speaker B: But I remember when they came out, um,
• 55:30
  dad had elongated bowls. I
• 55:33
  thought this was everybody had them. And you'd go to other homes and, oh,
• 55:36
  you don't have an elongated bowl.
• 55:37
  >> Speaker A: What the heck?
• 55:39
  >> Speaker B: How come we have a better bowl than you do?
• 55:40
  >> Speaker A: There's some people that no size bowl will help.
• 55:43
  >> Speaker B: We have a standard right now. Um, but
• 55:46
  we've had elongated, so either or.
• 55:49
  >> Speaker C: Mhm.
• 55:50
  >> Speaker B: Hot, but no slam
• 55:53
  lid. And, uh, squatty potty.
• 55:55
  >> Speaker A: Michael's perfect toilet. No slam lid, squatty
• 55:57
  potty.
• 55:58
  >> Speaker B: And you can buy the cheap imitation, I'm sure, but
• 56:01
  squatty potty, just Google it.
• 56:03
  >> Speaker A: Here's an idea. Just buy a kid's
• 56:05
  footstool because it's the same thing.
• 56:08
  Kids is lower, you know, all it
• 56:11
  is is a glorified birthing stirrup. You
• 56:14
  know how like when women give.
• 56:15
  >> Speaker B: Step stool would do the same?
• 56:17
  >> Speaker A: Yeah, but women give birth and they will put their legs
• 56:19
  in the stirrups on the birthing bed. That's literally what this
• 56:22
  is. But it slides under your toilet.
• 56:24
  >> Speaker B: It's the same thing and it just fits naturally there. It's
• 56:27
  curved just perfect.
• 56:31
  >> Speaker A: And we have the intro
• 56:33
  audio sound for the episode. Michael, thank
• 56:36
  you. Um, you're very welcome.
• 56:39
  It's been a long time coming.
• 56:42
  >> Speaker B: It's been a pleasure.
• 56:43
  >> Speaker A: And I was very excited to get to do this.
• 56:46
  Um, I'm going to do what I describe to everybody
• 56:49
  as the dog is taking a poop in the
• 56:51
  backyard and somebody's watching him and it looks awkward, but he
• 56:54
  has to do it, which is where I close the episode and do all the
• 56:57
  things with you sitting here. So thank you all
• 57:00
  for listening. Uh, as always, you can send
• 57:03
  us an email privycast@gmail.com. We'd
• 57:06
  love to hear from you. Episode suggestions. If you have a weird
• 57:09
  story, want to be on the show, whatever you want, send us an
• 57:11
  email privycast@gmail.com.
• 57:14
  You can follow us on social media. Tread lightly on the
• 57:17
  TikTok. We're at Privycast. As always,
• 57:20
  we want to thank Kevin McLeod for the use of bar
• 57:23
  room ballet as our intro and outro music.
• 57:26
  You can find Kevin's music@incompetent.com.
• 57:29
  And his music is licensed under Creative Commons license
• 57:31
  Attribution 4.0. Thanks, Kevin.
• 57:36
  >> Speaker B: Can I say it with you?
• 57:37
  >> Speaker C: Yeah.
• 57:38
  >> Speaker A: This has been another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining
• 57:41
  us. And now, as always,
• 57:45
  don't forget to flush.
• 57:47
  And then I'm going to skewed it on and just really
• 57:50
  aim it right in here.
• 57:54
  >> Speaker C: All
• 57:57
  our channel.