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524. Structural Correction: Reclaiming Resilience with Nicole Connor · Daily Influence

• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the daily influence where our mission is to deliver a daily dose of positive influence that can uplift you personally or be shared within your sphere of influence.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: While not every episode may directly apply to your unique circumstances, we strive to provide insights and inspiration relevant to most people's daily, weekly, and monthly lives.
• 0:30
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• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Listen, share, and embrace the power of influence in your life.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to Daily Influence.
• 0:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm Grecollino.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Today we welcome Nicole Connor, a transformative thinker, system strategist, and the brilliant mind behind frameworks like the resiliency code, field literacy, and subrogation, one-o-one.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: Nicole's specializing in the structural correction, helping individuals and institutions restore coherence,
• 1:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: reclaim their capacity and correct unseen collapse patterns in personnel, relational and societal systems.
• 1:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: Through her sub-stack platforms, the resiliency code and NicoleConner.substack.com.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Nicole shares pioneering tools and insights that invite us to live with integrity, vitality, and deep alignment.
• 1:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Her work is at once deeply personal and powerful institutional, holding even government's accountable through systemic clarity.
• 1:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Nicole, welcome to daily influence.
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, Greg, and so happy to be here.
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm happy to have you.
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Can you share a bit about your background and what led you to where you are today with our listeners?
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm a bit of a jack-up all trades.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've always been someone who's just followed my curiosity and that has led me into a very multi-dimensional career path.
• 2:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I originally went to university with the intention of going to law school and then went
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nope, that doesn't feel right.
• 2:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then I did a hard pivot and went into my second passion, which was construction and design.
• 2:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I became an interior designer.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was working predominantly in the healthcare and hospitality arena.
• 2:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I was designing a lot of aging and place communities, which was an incredibly
• 2:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: interesting and fruitful experience.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: You learn a lot about what that system starts to look like and the trajectory that we can go on as we get older.
• 2:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then I did a hard pivot out of the construction industry and I ended up in law and finance anyway.
• 2:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And in the legal and finance arena, I ended up doing a lot of systems work.
• 2:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I was figuring out how to map workflows and protocols and building out global, well, regional and global networks for high net worth clients because I just have a natural preclivity to organize information in the
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: fastest way possible.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I always say that my brain works like the crow flies.
• 3:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I don't see things scattered.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I kind of see everything come into linear form.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that brought me into offshore finance.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was in the Cayman Islands for a while and really got a bird's eye view systemically how some of the largest corporations in the world work.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And because I'm very pattern oriented,
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I started to see that it doesn't matter what you're doing and where you're at that if you don't know the capacity you're operating inside of the jurisdictions that you're operating inside of and the contracts that bind those two together that you actually can't move anything forward and fast forward to
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: twenty-twenty when the pandemic hit and everybody's kind of reeling and trying to figure out what's happening in the world.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: My system's brain turned on and again I started looking at everything from the lens of capacity jurisdiction in contracts so while everyone's trying to make sense of things it became very clear to me how to navigate what was happening in front of us and then I was able to take this external approach where I'm looking at
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: what was happening through the lens of capacity jurisdiction of contracts and take it deeply inward.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what started as, you know, what's my role, what's my title, where am I located in the world and what am I like employment contracts?
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It became, well, who am I and where am I standing and what are agreements do I have with myself that are keeping me in those places, whether it's with relationships, family structures, community structures, et cetera.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I got to that point because through the finance world I went through extreme burnout.
• 5:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: So in twenty seventeen I had almost into a full body crash and I almost stopped functioning for a while.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I almost couldn't walk.
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had such severe back pain that I couldn't walk.
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I witnessed my dad go through burnout at the exact same age that I did.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And there were too many similarities for it to be coincidental.
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: and he went deep into the mental health and medical arena and I watched it almost become like a life in prison sentence for him and I just couldn't do that so I took a more holistic route and just when I know it's there if I need it but what else can I do before I go
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it sort of bringing me into like a deep body awareness.
• 5:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And again, looking at patterns, I started looking at the patterns that were occurring in everywhere in my life.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: So whether it was my relationships, the habits and behaviors that I was exhibiting every day, the things that I was doing, the people I was around, and going, well, maybe I just need to shift those.
• 6:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if I make changes there, and do things that honor myself instead of betray myself,
• 6:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe things might start to change and they did and within I would say twelve months I was in full body repair and functioning and out of what I would consider a high stress burnout state and I've fully
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: eight years from that.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Congratulations.
• 6:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, card.
• 6:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, change changes not easy.
• 6:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: We like to call it improvement, but overcoming those kinds of obstacles that you faced in the torment that it caused on your body.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a huge accomplishment.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: You must be so proud of yourself for that.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am, and I think it can be hard to remember where we were and how far we've come.
• 7:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: So every time I have the opportunity to talk about it, it reminds me that it was a lot.
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it was just a series of micro adjustments and baby steps that kind of pulled me out of it over time.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Anything I tried to do that was too severe, too quick, too much of a jump.
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'd always rebound really fast.
• 7:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I had to then learn how to become really patient with myself and everyone around me and go, okay, just a baby step.
• 7:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just need one small adjustment.
• 7:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if that sticks, then I can find the next one and then I can find the next one and then I can find the next one.
• 7:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's great.
• 7:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for sharing that and opening up with us.
• 7:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Nicole, I really appreciate it.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Nicole, what is structural correction?
• 7:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: And why is it such a powerful lever for change, both personally and institutionally?
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: For me, structural correction is when you look at the pattern that's existing in front of you instead of looking at the emotion or the behavior.
• 8:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I often say when I'm dealing with challenging situations, difficult people, I never can den the person.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just looking at the pattern because somewhere something happened, that has created behaviors that uphold a specific pattern that create this emotional sequence.
• 8:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you tackle something at the structural level, you're really starting to take a position of neutrality.
• 8:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you're trying to detcharge yourself, trying to pull your emotions out of it, pull your perceptions and
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And assumptions that you may have about something and you're really trying to neutralize that and go, okay, what is actually in front of me not what do I think it is what do I want it to be like what are the facts and an example would be.
• 9:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Something that I like to do for fun is challenge my local government and municipalities and institutions when I see something that looks like it could lead to future harm.
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so when I'm approaching something like that, I have to take all emotion out of it because the moment you get emotional, specifically dealing with institutions, you become belligerent in their eyes and you become adversarial and the moment that happens, they are no longer required to interact with you and you actually become someone that can be dismissed.
• 9:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So for example, right now,
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I live in Nova Scotia, Canada.
• 9:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we have a policy code of conduct that was just released by our Department of Education that if you actually look at all the factors of the policy code of conduct and you hold it against what is actually allowable inside of the Education Act, they don't match.
• 10:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: There is a structural misalignment.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if everyone just consents to this new policy and starts working within it without actually scrutinizing it,
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: their silence and their passive acceptance actually becomes law.
• 10:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so when things start to happen in the future and harm's occur, you didn't use your voice, you didn't say anything, you didn't exercise your right to look at that and go, that's not, that doesn't feel right.
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's something wrong here and this is what it is.
• 10:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You actually start to lose a lot of your agency in that and it becomes a lot more difficult to be able to get remedy in the future.
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when I'm talking about structural correction, and I'm looking at you're doing something that's not in alignment, you're operating outside of your jurisdiction, you're operating outside of your capacity in the contracts that bind you to those positions, you've broken them, you violate it.
• 11:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what do we need to do to get everybody back on the same page and make sure that everybody is operating inside the four corners of the agreement?
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so institutionally, that's kind of what a structural correction looks like.
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I would show up.
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would I send emails.
• 11:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I write notices.
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I put people on constructive notice to say, hey, this is what I'm seeing.
• 11:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is what it looks like.
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I'm wrong, if I'm incorrect, please tell me if not, I'm going to have to work on the assumption that what I have pointed out to you is correct.
• 11:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And more times than I, you're going to find out that you were correct because their silence is going to tell you there's something here and we actually can't admit to it and we can't then self-incriminate.
• 11:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: But you can see that inside of businesses where perhaps your employment contract is very clear on what your duties are, but you're being asked every day to do more and more and more outside of the scope of your contract.
• 12:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It happens inside of family and personal relationships where you're left holding a little bit more of the burden than everyone else and you're sitting back going, how did this happen?
• 12:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's because of the agreements that we've made, whether spoken or unspoken, remain unchallenged.
• 12:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you can either get really emotional about that and say, you never do this and you never do that or you can sit back and go,
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: What agreement did I make with myself?
• 12:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: What agreement did I make with them?
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: How did this happen?
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is everyone consenting to?
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what now needs to happen to change that?
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes it's just a matter of no longer choosing to participate in it.
• 12:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not that you're necessarily saying, no, I don't want to do this or I can't do this anymore.
• 12:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: You just start saying yes to other things that slowly start to introduce corrections.
• 13:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it becomes non adversarial and the emotions can stay kind of tempered.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it keeps lines of communication open, which are really important because you're bypassing those triggers and the traumas that tend to make people emotionally reactive.
• 13:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it just starts opening up pathways to clarity that you may not otherwise access.
• 13:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a great way to look at it.
• 13:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for sharing that.
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: How does your framework, the resiliency code, help people reclaim their sense of self and stick around it in the face of pressure or collapse?
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the resiliency code is something that David Atkinson and I co-created together.
• 13:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the resiliency code is a very specific sequence of words that you work through when you have a challenge.
• 13:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: The resiliency code is built on three stages of pause, prepare, and participate.
• 13:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And pause is where you halt.
• 13:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's where you take a hard stop and halt, stands for.
• 14:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: self honesty, self acceptance, self loyalty, and self trust.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that is your ground zero, and it's where you must start, which means, before I do anything, I need to get radically honest with myself about who I am, how I'm showing up, and how I am choosing to participate in whatever scenario is in front of me.
• 14:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because usually when something goes wrong, the first thing we want to do is point our finger at someone and say, look what you did, but when you have one finger pointing out, you have three pointing back.
• 14:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I like to say that, you know, the three pointing back represent who you say you are, who you're actually being and then the gap to bridge between the two.
• 14:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if we can't get radically honest with ourselves,
• 14:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: about all of the ways we choose to show up in our own life, we can't expect anyone to be honest with us.
• 14:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's always going to be a barrier to that.
• 14:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And once you can start getting really honest about who you are, well, now we can start looking at all of the ways we either choose to reject or accept the parts of ourselves that we maybe didn't want to be so honest about, right?
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so
• 15:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: you want to then move into acceptance.
• 15:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, where's the shame?
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Where's the fear?
• 15:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is actually motivating me to show up the way that I show up?
• 15:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you start going through that sequence, that's when you actually start seeing all the ways that you self-betray and how you will
• 15:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: suppress your needs, wants, desires, what you believe to be right for either external acceptance or to keep the peace.
• 15:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is where all of the ground loans start to come out, right?
• 15:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And again, no one will ever betray you more than you betray yourself.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you have to start learning at.
• 15:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do I make those micro adjustments that I spoke of earlier?
• 15:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: That starts to build that self loyalty.
• 16:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And because when you can start showing up for yourself, then you can start to trust yourself.
• 16:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you don't have to show up for yourself, and if you don't know how to accept the parts that maybe you don't like right now, but you can work on.
• 16:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you can't even get to that point of acceptance because you're lying to yourself about who you are.
• 16:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can't get to self trust.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And self trust is hands down the most important.
• 16:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: quality that you can build within yourself because you can't trust anything outside of you if you don't trust you.
• 16:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we see that proliferating right now through society where no one trusts anyone.
• 16:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: They don't trust anything because they don't trust themselves.
• 16:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: It becomes really hard to be self-directed and to lead others and lead them well.
• 16:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're always working from this sense of, if you just, if you cannot find that inner well and stability where you're like, no, I trust my gut.
• 16:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know what I know.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm working on solid facts.
• 16:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to move forward.
• 16:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then the next phase is where you're moving into the prepare.
• 17:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's like, OK, what am I going to do with this information?
• 17:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've now taken this inventory and that's where we get into capacity jurisdiction and contracts.
• 17:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: So who am I?
• 17:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And most people don't stop to think of that when they think of who am I.
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: different personality traits, but day in and day out you have different roles, different titles.
• 17:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you could be a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, and employee, a volunteer.
• 17:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: all of these different roles.
• 17:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: But you can never occupy more than one role at a time.
• 17:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can only ever stand in one capacity at a time.
• 17:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you must know who you are in that moment.
• 17:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And because who you are in that moment also changes where you stand.
• 17:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that would be your jurisdiction.
• 17:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Where are you standing?
• 17:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when you're a mother, if you're standing in that role of mother, are you
• 17:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: standing in for the benefit of your child, are you in your home, are you in a public space?
• 18:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Where are you actually physically standing?
• 18:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then the contracts, what are all of his agreements and contracts that create this?
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because the agreement that you have with your husband or your wife isn't the same agreement that you have with your friend.
• 18:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this is where it's really important to know who you are in that moment, right?
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like when people say the parents, you can't be a parent and a friend at the same time, you can't.
• 18:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: because you have different agreements based on how you must show up.
• 18:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And capacity also lets you know how much you're actually holding.
• 18:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when we think of people who are in burnout, your capacity, if you're overcapacitated, it means you're holding things that don't belong to you.
• 18:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: So why are you doing that?
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you go back to halls, like why are you holding things that don't belong to you?
• 18:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: And do they actually belong to someone else?
• 18:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is it within your control and jurisdiction to do that?
• 18:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I like to say this to people who get really angry when they're looking at the news.
• 18:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're watching something,
• 18:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: that you literally have no control over because it's not in your jurisdiction.
• 19:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean that you don't have empathy and it doesn't mean that you don't have compassion.
• 19:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you're allowing that to overcapacity you and override your emotional bandwidth day in and day out, why are you doing it?
• 19:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you holding on to something that you actually cannot control in your immediate environment or take charge of?
• 19:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: and then contracts, those agreements, what agreements I'm making with myself that are turning into these contracts outside of me that are binding me in ways that may not be serving me.
• 19:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you have issues with upholding boundaries because you feel the need to keep the piece or you don't want to shuffle feathers or perhaps you've been in experiences before where you've used your voice and you've been punished for it,
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, that agreement that you've now made with yourself that says, I can't say anything now turns into all of the contracts outside of you that now makes you overcapacitated and holding things that are not meant for you to hold or taking on workloads that are not meant for you to take that's that responsibility that gets assigned to you that's not necessarily yours.
• 20:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then when you have that information, now you get to determine how you're going to move forward based on your current capacity.
• 20:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like based on what you can hold because you've honestly taken an assessment and you know exactly what you can and cannot do.
• 20:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now you get to figure out how you move forward and participate in your life.
• 20:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you do that, things start to change and they start to change really quickly.
• 20:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And not because you're being, again, adversarial or because you're
• 20:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: fighting with everyone and everything around you.
• 20:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's you're making this silent, self-honoring agreement with yourself to trust yourself, to not self-betray, to be honest, and only carry what you can.
• 20:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: in the spaces that you are intended to occupy, and then you start correcting those agreements.
• 21:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that slowly starts to move you from a space of collapse, what we call collapse, where everything is falling on top of you to a place of resilience, where you now have the discernment and the wisdom and the tools to know what to choose in the moment as needed.
• 21:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: I love that.
• 21:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for explaining it.
• 21:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: That makes so much sense.
• 21:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Can you tell us about a moment or experience where you thought you made a positive impact on someone's life?
• 21:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It usually happens in quiet conversations.
• 21:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'd love to say it was something big and I've done some big things.
• 21:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: It may tend to be a little more polarizing.
• 21:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: But it's usually in the quiet conversations that I have with people when someone's looking at me saying, I'm exhausted.
• 21:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so tired.
• 21:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know why everyone
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: thinks that their problems are mind-solve, and we just sit down and we have these conversations where, without necessarily saying, you know, honesty, acceptance, loyalty, trust, capacity, jurisdiction, and contracts, we're able to just have a really open conversation about, well, why are you actually doing this?
• 22:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: satisfying everyone around you and allowing your tank to remain empty.
• 22:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why, why do you do that?
• 22:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you ask someone that question, they usually go, hmm, I don't know, I've just always been that way.
• 22:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we tend to think that it's a personality treat.
• 22:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: But then we start looking at the structure of their life.
• 22:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is the structural correction.
• 22:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we start looking at the roles that people have been assigned and go, okay, well, that may have worked before, but does it still work now?
• 22:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the people that I've worked with and it actually usually ends up being men that I have the most powerful conversations with.
• 22:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because they tend to be in silent collapse the most.
• 23:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: They start taking this true accounting.
• 23:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when they start releasing things that are not there to hold, their earning potential goes up significantly.
• 23:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Their vitality starts to increase.
• 23:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: The presence that they have with their family and their children and their friends goes up because the burden starts to drop.
• 23:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: That, oh, I don't have to hold everything.
• 23:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to be everything to everyone.
• 23:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I get to do things for me first, knowing that it's not going to be to the detriment of other people.
• 23:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if I can hold myself and hold myself well and lead myself well,
• 23:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can actually lead others even better.
• 23:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I've had countless of those experiences.
• 23:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it seems to be pretty repetitive.
• 23:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to protect the privacy of those individuals, but it's consistently the same outcome.
• 24:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm noticing just like I could see in finance, where when you look around the world, everything's structured in the same way.
• 24:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of people, there are issues in the burdens that they're holding.
• 24:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And unfortunately, in the self-healing space or in any healing modalities, we tend to over-pathologize or diagnose
• 24:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Um, burnout anxiety depression and I'm not saying that they're not real, but there's also a structural component to it that we're not looking at.
• 24:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we have the emotions.
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've been there.
• 24:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've gone through that full burnout where you're so emotionally depleted and you just want to blame everything and everyone around you for getting to that space.
• 24:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: But then eventually you have to look around and go, well, crap, I'm the only common denominator of my life.
• 24:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if I don't change something, nothing else will change.
• 24:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's when we have that moment of clarity with someone who's not going to sit there and pathologize you or diagnose you or emotionally overload you, the clarity in the pivot happens so quickly.
• 24:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: That makes so much sense.
• 25:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: What message are words of encouragement?
• 25:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: We do like to share with our listeners who aspire to make a positive difference in the world.
• 25:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, one collapse is optional.
• 25:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you feel like everything is breaking and everything is coming down, you don't have to let it all burn to the ground.
• 25:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can add any moment go, okay, something's not working and I need to pivot.
• 25:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's time for me to pivot and I can do it.
• 25:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can take one small step to do that.
• 25:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the other is you're not broken.
• 25:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not broken.
• 25:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: No one is broken.
• 25:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you feel like you're broken, if you feel like you're failing, if you feel like you are letting everyone down and you're not working to your full potential, chances are it's not you, it there's something in your structure that is broken.
• 25:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you can look at the structure as being broken and not you, again,
• 26:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: things will change for you incredibly quickly.
• 26:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: I love that Nicole.
• 26:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for bringing such depth and clarity into today's conversation.
• 26:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: Your frameworks not only give language to what so many people feel about, but also provide a roadmap for restoring power with integrity in ourselves and our relationships and our systems.
• 26:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Your presence is a living testament to what's possible when we align from the inside about.
• 26:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I am so honored that
• 26:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: You are here with us on daily influence.
• 26:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: If our listeners want to get in touch with you, what is the best way to do so?
• 26:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, thank you so much.
• 26:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just a pleasure to be here with you.
• 26:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're on stepstack, you can find me on stepstack.
• 26:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: NicoleConnor.com and my publication there is called Fieldwork.
• 26:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just where we make the unseen scene.
• 26:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's literally what structural correction is.
• 26:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just allowing you to
• 26:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Take what you can't see, be able to see it and then make sense of it.
• 27:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can also find me on substack under the resiliency code that is the project that I call off for with David.
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then we also have another project that we're launching right now.
• 27:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's the sovereign systems Institute.
• 27:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's spelled SOVRAN SystemsInstitute.com.
• 27:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we're doing some amazing work there where we're taking this work and moving it into businesses institutions and individuals to be able to create just a stronger structure for people to operate from.
• 27:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: You are truly what defines
• 27:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: positive responsible influence.
• 27:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm so grateful to have you today and we'll put all that information in the show notes for our listeners.
• 27:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Beautiful.
• 27:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much.
• 27:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're welcome.
• 27:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: To our listeners, thank you for spending a few moments of your day with us on daily influence.
• 27:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Is something you heard moved you share it with someone who needs to hear it.
• 28:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Remember, the power to make a difference begins with you, your ideas, your choices in your actions.
• 28:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Until next time, keep having a positive responsible influence.
• 28:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bye bye.