Latest / We Are More: Sisters Talk Faith & Feminism / Ep. 59: I Will Provide

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Ep. 59: I Will Provide · We Are More: Sisters Talk Faith & Feminism

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: To the We Are More Pod cast. My name is Alyssa. And my name is Bree. We're two sisters passionate about all things faith and feminism. We believe that Jesus trusted, respected, and encouraged women to teach and preach his word.
• 0:26
  And apparently, that's controversial. Get comfy.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Hello, people of the world. Every boy and every girl.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Do you have an announcement
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: for them? Spice up your life. Oh, dear. How?
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Spice world. Isn't there's a isn't there a store called Spice World?
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know. I'm talking about the Spice Girls. Like the movie. They made a movie called Spice World. I'm pretty sure.
• 0:58
  I never
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: watched it. They made a movie? Yeah.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Where have you been? Apparently not watching the Spice Girls. That seems like a project. Everybody, next episode. Is the like, the
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Cheetah Girls? Like, what in the crap?
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Literally, I could not tell you any more information. I never watched it. I know the song.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: I just I can't I can't move past this for a moment. The Spice Girls made a movie called Spice World. I need I need more. Now I'm gonna
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: have to verify that.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: If this is wrong and there's I wanna know where this came from in your brain. Like, are you dreaming of the Spice Girls?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You've made up a whole world for them? No. I was right. 1997.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Alright. I where can we watch it? The people need to know. No. They don't.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: The people need to know. World knows about it.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: The world does not know. I just I refuse to believe that the rest of the world's aware of this.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: No. They are. It says you can watch it on Netflix, Amazon Prime, Amazon Video. This is gonna be our weekend project. The weekend is over.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: And you're gone next weekend.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Shut up.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: You know, when we start recording, like, the beginnings of the episodes, and we're like, what what silly things should we talk about? You'd think we'd plan these things. I never planned anything. And yet here we are having extensive conversations about the Spice Girls. Spice up your life.
• 2:30
  Which we were not allowed to listen to as children.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: Stop right now. Thank you very much. I
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: do actually know that song.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Because I play it for you.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Brie has a very we've told you this. She is very eclectic musical repertoire.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: And I go through, like, kicks. You know? Right now, I'm on kinda like a seventies kick still.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: It needs to die. No.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: I am having a good time. A lot of the carpenters, a little bit of Sammy Davis junior.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I'm super over the carpenters. Every time and you gotta understand, we go a lot of places together. It's not like, oh, we see each other once a week. You know? We live together.
• 3:08
  We do everything together. So every time I get in the woman's car,
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: it's the freaking carpenters. At least I'm having a good time. When I'm in your car, your music sucks.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: My music is like Imagine Dragons. Like, that
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: kind of vibe. It's like what 14 year old boys like.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I don't think still that the 14 year old I feel like they're on a different kick at this point. Well, you're a boy. Thank you. I feel that no one would make that mistake when staring at me and my five foot tall frame.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: I would. Would you? I'd say, look at that little boy.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Speaking of boys.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: If you heard last week at the end of our episode, we said we were gonna talk about something. And this week, we're actually gonna talk about it.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: You're welcome. So we're having, you know, follow through? Minimal follow through. I'll be real with you. It's rare for us.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: It just all depends on the week. We promise these big things and I'm like, alright. I'm gonna do all this research for it. And then the time to record comes around and I'm like, my brain has died.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Life is the worst. We really
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: are inspirational this last Like,
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I have some thoughts for the next podcast too, which I won't pull them out now for this podcast. But life is just a never ending turd ball. That you just have to keep pushing forward.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Like a dung beetle? A dung beetle. So we are dung beetles and life is a ball of crap.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Isn't that a quote from something? It's gotta be. One giant rolling turd. And I know that there are people out there who
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: are like, yes. I think everyone out there is sitting there just like nodding their heads, drinking their wine.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Yep. Because that's our audience. On a Sunday afternoon, thinking about a big ball of turd.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: How did we get here? I don't know. Anyway, this week we had follow through. A little bit.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: We're talking about the idea of being a provider and what that means for you as a person in our culture. Why? I think it's I don't know. I can't speak for other cultures. But in American culture, the idea of being a provider, I feel like, is traditionally very masculine.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Mhmm.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: And there's no need for it to be.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Well, we talked a little bit at the end of the last episode about a TikTok that you had seen. A TikTok. Which should shock everyone. Mhmm. Shocked.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: And slightly embarrassed. At the sight of Larry in a towel. We've definitely done that bit before. But
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: the TikTok you saw talked about what a provider is. Right?
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So a lot of the times when we think about the idea of a provider, we think about, like, financially providing for a family. Mhmm. But that's not the only thing that a provider should be doing. It should be dedicating time, dedicating your Like, set.
• 6:35
  Just skill set, like financially, but also emotional needs. Caring for someone's emotional needs. And that you can't I mean, you can provide for it financially, I guess.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: But I mean, to some degree, but a huge part of it is being there for people.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Mhmm. One of
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: the things from that TikTok I remember you said was being a provider in especially Christian traditional Christian culture is seen as the man's job. And so he provides, I guess, the finances, but then you can't eat the money. Mhmm. Somebody has to take that money and provide for the family by taking that money. And this this is assuming that the wife in this scenario isn't working, which most of the time they are.
• 7:16
  Mhmm. But in this imaginary scenario that someone then has to take that money, plan out the groceries, purchase the groceries, cook the food, drive the kids to and from whatever, pick people up from school, take care of the elderly parents, like, all of
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: those other Maintain relationships Right. With other family members, make sure that their kids feel seen and heard. Mhmm. Which I feel like there's such a push in America right now to go back to traditional values, you know? Mhmm.
• 7:47
  And you think about the men in those situations, like not knowing their children.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Mhmm.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Not knowing what their dislikes are, what their likes are, who their teachers are, who their friends are, what their birth date is.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Mhmm.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: But that's all put on the woman. Mhmm. And that's definitely providing. Right.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Well, you think back to those old sitcoms, like the leave it to beaver era sitcoms. And it was, like, expected in those worlds that the husband would forget the anniversary. Mhmm. That he'd come home and there'd be a birthday party for the kid and he would not even know that
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: it was that day. Like, stuff like that.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: And you can't look at that and tell me, no. That's a better situation for families Mhmm. With dad totally disconnected, but he's providing financially. Mhmm. But he doesn't actually have a connection to anyone in the house.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Completely disconnected emotionally. Right. Cannot be bothered to fill up his head with that silly nonsense.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: You know, his family. The horrors. And this is all assuming that you do have that more traditional, like, the man is working and the woman is not. Mhmm. And I think that's where this episode got a little bit tricky as I was researching because that's just not the case for most families.
• 8:57
  Mhmm. And most families, because of the way that the economy functions and I think this is pretty worldwide. Mhmm. Both spouses kinda have to work. There's usually not a stay at home parent anymore.
• 9:08
  Not that it can't happen. Mhmm. But I think it's a lot less common than it used to be. So then it makes it even sillier that the man is seen as, like, this provider even though the wife is
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Also working. But then, again, like, you have to take into account if that wife isn't doing a traditional job. Mhmm. How much money would you spend on a cook, on a nanny, on a housekeeper?
• 9:35
  Like, of those extra things that she absolutely is providing. And I know that there's been research before in adding up, like, how much would all this cost? Because it's not cheap. And that's a lot of pressure to put on one person and then tell them that, no, they're not providing for their family.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: So I just looked it up. And according to Investopedia, a stay at home parent, if they were paid a median annual salary for all of the different things that they do. So that includes cooking, cleaning, driving people around, picking people up, planning out the meals, doing a lot of the budgeting. Like, mean, think of all the things that if you had a stay at home parent,
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: what they did. Go into running a home.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: Right. Huge amounts of things. So this says that they would make $205,000 a year, which is so wildly above what most people are making, certainly what most people our age are making.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Can you imagine having to pay for that? No. So the fact that that stay at home parent is not considered a provider.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: Not considered a provider and not considered equal level to Mhmm. Her husband and what she's contributing to the family. Well, was thinking about
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: this earlier today. And we definitely elevate that role of provider in the Christian world. Mhmm. The man is supposed to be the provider. And with that comes that he's the leader.
• 11:05
  With that comes whatever, because he's providing this essential piece to the puzzle. Now money is an essential piece of the puzzle. Don't get me wrong. Mhmm. But we've elevated money really, really high in the categories of importance.
• 11:21
  And I was thinking about that in comparison with Jesus. Mhmm.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: And we're all supposed to
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: follow the example of Jesus. Right? Like that's real hard to argue that one
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: if you're a
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Christian. And Jesus never provided financially for anybody. Mhmm. Jesus went to school to become a rabbi. And then he went into the mission field.
• 11:44
  Other people, a lot of women, provided for him financially.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: He never provided for his disciples financially. He didn't provide likely for his mother or his siblings financially because he's in ministry. He doesn't have the capacity to do that. So in his world, finances were not the most important piece of the puzzle. Instead, he was providing emotional support.
• 12:09
  He was providing wisdom. He was cooking bread
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: and loaves. I mean, loaves and fishes. There you go. Bread and loaves.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: He was providing friendship and hope to all of these people. Like, he was the support system for his friends, for the broader community, for us even today. And so if we're looking at the example of Jesus on what sort of provider should really and I'm not saying that we should give hierarchy to anyone in a marriage. Mhmm. But if we're gonna give hierarchy to the importance of what's being provided Mhmm.
• 12:47
  It's gonna be that emotional support because that's what Jesus exemplified for us. Mhmm. He didn't show us how to financially provide for each other.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: And think about how draining it is. Mhmm. When you do, like, physical labor, you definitely are drained. But think about how much more drained you are when you're mentally drained. It's exhausting on a different level, and it takes a lot longer to recover from that.
• 13:12
  And I feel like that's putting on the, a lot of the times, a woman Mhmm. All the time. Think about how drained she is. And then people judge them because they're like, but you're not working a traditional job.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Well, even for me, I mean and I do work, but I work part time. And it does feel like, well, you're and not for my husband, but from broader society, like, you're doing less. Like, your job isn't that important. Your job can be pushed to the side if it needs to be, you know, whatever, from other people in my life. Or people will say like, oh, have a great day at work to other people but not to me because I work part time, because I work from home, whatever.
• 13:55
  Or because I'm the woman, because I'm the wife and mom. And so, like, my great day at work should just be taking care of my children. You know? It's it's those funny, like, double standards Mhmm. That we all experience and deal with.
• 14:09
  But I looked up an article. And I'm gonna I'm not gonna give you the name of this blog because I looked through it and distinctly do not agree with a lot of the things that they say. They are definitely pro that conservative traditional marriage. And I hate using that word traditional because it's not it there's no tradition behind it. Like, that's not what it is.
• 14:31
  But buzzword, I guess that's like the trad wife kind of vibe. Mhmm. And so I don't like a lot of what they have to say, so I'm not gonna promote that. However, they have an article on being a provider and they specifically speak to husbands in it. But I thought it was really interesting because they didn't talk about just financial.
• 14:51
  And I thought this looks like a great example of how both husbands and wives, both men and women, anyone in a situation where they're providing for anyone else, whether you have children you're taking care of, whether you have a parent you're taking care of, whether you have pets you're taking care of, like, whatever it is. Mhmm. I think this is a really great example of how everyone can be a provider. So I wanted to go through a couple of them. And remember, they think they're talking specifically to husbands.
• 15:23
  And so they cherry pick verses here that talk to husbands, but then they ignored the ones that said the same things to wives.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know. But I I do think it's a good example. So it says that a provider should provide a safe and loving place for their family. That one I feel like is relatively self explanatory, but maybe not entirely. You provide a home.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Mhmm. But what is a safe home? And what does loving look like? Mhmm. To me, loving and you can like, the love languages.
• 16:02
  You can take with that what you will. But to me, it's like spending time listening to what I have to say, remembering things that I say. That's really important to me. And I feel like that's probably pretty important to other people too, feeling heard the One
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: of the things that I try really hard to do my daughter is nearing puberty. Ugh. Yeah. And so one of the things that I've really tried to do is create, like, a safe emotional space for her and telling her, you know, have the big emotions. Mhmm.
• 16:35
  Have the big scary emotions because we'll get through them together. It's okay to let them out. It's okay to cry. It's okay to whatever. You know, we can't harm other people in that space.
• 16:45
  But so things like that. Like, yeah. Creating a safe emotional space. Letting someone know that they are loved deeply
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: And cared for. Not just the physical, I've provided four walls for you to grow up in. Mhmm.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Like understanding how they feel loved and acting that out. Mhmm. Actually, we have
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: a cousin and I remember her telling me one time that she's like not a touchy person at all. She just that's not her vibe. But her kids are much more touchy. Like, they want the hugs. They want to cuddle up next to you, whatever.
• 17:19
  And she's like, I had to teach myself to deal with that because they're cuddling up on her and that's just not her love language. Mhmm. And so she had to adjust. And yeah. How do you adjust to the other person?
• 17:32
  Because you're not the only important person in the room. Mhmm. So how do you adjust to their needs? And that creates a safe space.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: And a space where someone feels valued. Mhmm. If everyone in your home feels valued, not just the husband for bringing home the money or not just whoever for being the richest, like, everyone feels valued.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Mhmm. Even the kids in that situation. Because it's so easy to write off, like, oh, they're just in school. They're just kids. These things that they're going through aren't important big picture.
• 18:02
  Mhmm. But in their world, this is their world. Right. Their friends that they're growing up with at school, those are their people. Mhmm.
• 18:10
  And these are their stories. And you need to spend time understanding that maybe it's not that big of a deal to you because you're an adult and you've lived through this, but this is their whole world
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: right now. Yeah. And not just dismissing it because you've gone through it already and you know it'll turn out okay. Yeah. I think that's hard for adults to step back, but just just to treat the other humans in your house like they're humans.
• 18:31
  Mhmm.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: Know? Shumans. No. That was gross. I hated that.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Humans. So then the next one that we kind of just covered was a safe place to talk, that a provider should provide a safe place to talk. So someone that's there to listen. Mhmm. Those extra ears to hear them, not just brushing them off.
• 18:51
  And obviously, like, we all have our bad moments where our temper is quick and it's been a long
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: day. Yeah.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: But to recognize also when that happens and to go back to that other person and say, look, I'm really sorry that I snapped at you, that I was not the most caring person in the world. Can we talk about this now? Mhmm. And if they're not comfortable with that, that's okay. But to give that apology and say, like, I'm sorry I didn't react the way
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: I should have. Not being afraid to apologize,
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: I think, is huge. I know a lot of parents that think parents shouldn't apologize to their kids ever in any scenario. And that I think is potentially one of the worst ways to parent. Mhmm. Because your kids should see you as a human that can mess up.
• 19:37
  Mhmm. And when you mess up, that you exemplify the right thing. That you go to them
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: and you say, I'm so sorry. And if you expect that of them
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Mhmm.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: You should also show them how you want them to behave. Mhmm.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I that I that one's always confused me. I don't quite know how to deal with that one. Then the next one is a provider should provide security. And they go really into, like, the husband should provide security with this one.
• 20:06
  But I think that there's two different aspects here. Physical security, and that goes into the actual physical home, things like that. A place to feel safe. You don't allow unsafe people in your home. I saw I forget.
• 20:20
  One of our bloggers posted something about, like, if you've got a weird uncle in your family that the girls all have to wear sweaters around, then that weird uncle shouldn't be invited to things. Yeah. So not allowing unsafe people in their safe space.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: You can't protect them everywhere. But there are spaces where you can protect your family.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: So just not letting those people in. Bye, weird uncle. See, bye. And won't everyone be a little relieved? Mhmm.
• 20:49
  Maybe a lot relieved. Setting boundaries, but also the security of like, emotional security. Knowing that you're always gonna be there. Knowing that it's unconditional love, not conditional love.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: That's a huge one. Mhmm. I think. Letting them know that, like, no matter what they do, they're going to be loved
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: and supported. One of my daughter's things that she's been doing lately, you never have to punish the kid because she emotionally punishes herself. You know, like, she just feels bad Mhmm. When she does things that she thinks she's not supposed to do. And so she'll do things like, oh, I don't I don't deserve to get this new book or whatever because I did this wrong.
• 21:31
  And so for me as a parent, a big part of it is stepping back and saying like, no. No. No. No. I still love you.
• 21:38
  You don't have to earn my love. Yeah. There are times where, yes, you might like, there might be something where I have to take something away because of a consequence or whatever. Yes. But as a rule, I still love you.
• 21:50
  You still deserve good things. You're still valuable. Mhmm. Even when you mess up, because we all mess up. And you would hope that the other people in your life as an adult show you that same courtesy.
• 22:02
  And heaven knows often they don't. But like but if we can exemplify that to our families and then they grow up and go out into the world, maybe they'll maybe that's the kind of person that they'll be Mhmm. As they get older. We already talked about emotional safety, so I'm not gonna go over that one as much. Another big one that is I mean, we always talk about uncomfy things, but slight spoiler alert, this one's a little uncomfy, is safety and intimacy.
• 22:31
  So that's part of what a provider should provide. Now, I think it's real weird that they are gearing this only towards men because I think we should all make our partners feel safe in intimacy. Not doing anything that
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: they don't want to do.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Mhmm. Not making someone uncomfortable or feel pressured. Mhmm. I've been watching my algorithm, guys, is screwy.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I feel like I know exactly what you're gonna I Our algorithms, I think, are the same.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I've seen I I know I talked about this last week, but, like, the bro podcasts and whatever. And there's all these guys that are talking about intimacy. And there was this one. And it was like I don't know how to say this without getting like massively flagged. But they were talking about how if a woman enjoys sex, that that makes her masculine.
• 23:28
  What? That it makes her a man. And so the guy should not try to please her because that makes him less of a man and her more of a man. What? I it's wild, the stuff that people come up with.
• 23:42
  Just I think just to get a an uncomfortable response. You know? And I
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: think what's really dangerous in that situation is, like, there's no research or anything that's gone into it. It's just this is how I feel. Mhmm. And now I'm going to spew it at other people. And there's so many young men Mhmm.
• 24:01
  Out there who are gonna listen to this and be like, no, no, no. This is this is right. Mhmm. And then they spew it at other people. It's just this trickle effect that is making women leave the church in droves
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: right now. Actually, that's exactly what it was a reactor to that podcast. And that's exactly what she said. She said this is attracting young men who are growing up and aren't sure of themselves yet. You know, they haven't figured life out yet.
• 24:28
  Mhmm. And this is being presented to them as, look, you can be in charge of everything. Mhmm. You can be in charge of the money. You can be in charge of all of the people in your household.
• 24:39
  You're the king of your household. Mhmm. You can be in charge of sex. You can like, you are the ruler. And if you're insecure and you haven't grown up with a secure love source, that probably sounds great.
• 24:52
  Mhmm. And she said exactly that. You wonder why women are leaving the church in droves. You wonder why women are running from this type of marriage, why women aren't getting married at a staggering rate, why the divorce rate, which we talked about last week, is not only high but high from women, coming from women. As 70 of divorces in The US are initiated by women.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: Mhmm. That's why. Right there. It's just so crazy to me because you look back if you really look back on Christianity and how it got started, it's all about love. Right?
• 25:27
  God sent his son because he loved the world and the people so much that he sacrificed himself for everyone. There was no stipulations. It was men, women, didn't matter what color you were. It didn't matter anything. He died for you.
• 25:43
  Mhmm. And now we just keep slapping all these rules on and trying to it's like a power struggle. Mhmm. And that's what our religion has become. Mhmm.
• 25:55
  It's a power struggle. Right. And it's turned so far away from anything close to love. And I think that's why people are leaving.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: I watched another TikTok. Are you guys surprised this is coming from me? And it was a younger girl, probably probably a little younger than us, which always hurts my soul a little bit. But she was talking about that. She was talking about how when you look at the actual bible and you grow up in Christianity, they say, love your neighbor as yourself.
• 26:23
  You know, be kind. Welcome people into church. Love them. Hug them. Like all you know, all the things that I'm sure if you grew up in church that you heard.
• 26:32
  Like the song there's a song Jesus loves the little children. All the children of the world.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: I don't think they sing that as much anymore. I'm gonna guess they don't.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: But it is quite an old one. But we sang it at church when I was a kid, when we were kids. And she said on there, she was like, and yet when you grow up and you live out these principles
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Love your neighbor as yourself no matter who they are. Mhmm. No matter what political leanings they have. No matter if you agree with every single thing that they do, when you live like that, you now get labeled as woke.
• 27:11
  Mhmm. You now get labeled as liberal as though that's some sort of bad thing. Which,
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: when Christianity started, was woke. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right?
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: In a huge way. I mean, they were so anti culture Mhmm. That it was noticeable. The whole world took notice of them because of the amount of love and care that they showed. Because of the radicalness of it.
• 27:36
  Mhmm. And yet now we're sitting here saying, no, we're gonna be anti culture by oppressing a bunch of people.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not thinking that's what
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: they were doing back then.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: That's not what I'm
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: seeing in the Getting back to provider. I looked up an article on this too. And you're right. It's all geared towards men. And it was this truly, truly terrible video of this very strange and awkward man Oh, no.
• 28:03
  In front of her green screen. I don't know. I don't know. But he was talking about provider. And he was talking about first Timothy five eight, which says, anyone who does not provide for their relatives and especially for their own household has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
• 28:19
  Mhmm. Which I really liked because it first of all, it says anyone. Mhmm. It doesn't say men, providers. Mhmm.
• 28:27
  And it also says anyone in your household and your relatives, but everyone. Mhmm. Right? Who's your family? It's everybody.
• 28:36
  Who's your neighbor? Look left and right. It's everybody. So we should all be providing for each other. Do you think we're doing that right now?
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Mhmm. No. Well, you think about how restrictive we tend to be as a church. We will only distribute funds to you. And I know we've talked about this before, but, like, we we will only distribute funds to you if you attend our church.
• 28:59
  If you say you believe in God. If you do this, that, and the other thing. And it's like, that's not what Jesus was doing at all. Jesus was out there ministering to people that the rest of society hated. Mhmm.
• 29:11
  The tax collectors, the prostitutes, the people on the fringes of society, the lepers. Like, people that no one would go near, that's who Jesus was providing for. Not financially, obviously, because that wasn't his type of ministry, but providing for them emotionally, providing them with living water, with, like, the way to get to heaven. And that's who Jesus was providing for. And yet we are not providing for those same people.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: Well, think about what's happening in Gaza right now. There was something that came out that said, like, 14,000 children are gonna die. And if you look up any of the video footage of it right now because horrifying. Not enough aid is being sent to them. And everybody's just saying, oh, let let's put our little fingers up Mhmm.
• 29:58
  Around our eyes, put our blinders on because it's not happening in my home. Mhmm. So why should I care that much? Jesus is the reason why we should care.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: Right. Why we should care about anyone. Yeah.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: We should all be standing up and saying, this is not how we treat people.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Mhmm. We're not okay with this. I think as a broader world, we struggle a lot with that. We struggle to see beyond the ends of our I
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: was thinking of Moana. Yes.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: We can't see beyond the reef either. No. But we can't see past our bubble. Mhmm. And there was a time where maybe that was excusable.
• 30:39
  Like, before TV and the twenty four hour news cycle or whatever, we're like, alright. Well, you you only know news from so far. Mhmm. But you should still be taking care of the people in in your community.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: But now we have a bigger community. And that's maybe a consequence of having worldwide media, things like that. But your community becomes much broader. And I think as Christians, we are expected to insert ourselves into difficult situations. And I'm not saying get on a plane and go fix this yourself.
• 31:10
  But what can you be doing for whatever God puts in your way? Mhmm. Your thing that God puts in your way might not be the same thing as mine. But whatever God brings into your eyeballs and says, I need you to take care of this. That's your job.
• 31:25
  Mhmm. And you might need to look around for that. You might need to open open the eyeballs just a little bit
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: or think about, like I know that we've said this until our what is the saying? Until our faces turn blue? Noses turn blue?
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: Why would our noses turn blue?
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: I don't know. We've said this until we're blue in the face.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: There you go. There we go.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: But oh, I lost what I'm blue in the face about. Oh, not just caring about yourself. Right. Like I'm fine. Okay?
• 32:01
  I'm good enough. But the rest of the world, like, if we're angry about providing kids with school lunches
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: Mhmm.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: Or whatever it is, Just because you're not personally affected, just because you can provide Mhmm. For your kids doesn't mean that everybody can. And does do you want kids to go hungry? Mhmm. No.
• 32:21
  Because Jesus wouldn't. Right. And Jesus didn't allow that. And, you know, just care a little bit more. There was a time, and I wanna say it
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: was like the early, maybe like February, where there was kind of a little bit of a controversy about people who didn't have kids or people who had adult kids not wanting to pay in their taxes for public schools. Mhmm. And I remember I can't remember if it was John or Hank Green. One of the Green brothers.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: The Green brothers.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: Did a video. And he was like, here's why I don't mind paying for public schools in my taxes even though I don't have children. And he was like, because I don't like living with stupid people. And I I think that's hilarious. But also, I mean, it's the same concept.
• 33:13
  If it doesn't affect me, then I don't want to have to pay for it. I don't want to have to deal with it. And we can see that right now in so many different ways, whether you're talking about, like, universal health care, many other things politically. If it doesn't affect me, don't wanna deal with it.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: We're not on our own planet. Mhmm. There's a whole lot of people out there. And if you think that you can survive completely by yourself, then fly to the moon. Okay?
• 33:40
  Go have fun up there. But there's a lot of people here. And we need those people. We need the doctors. We need the teachers.
• 33:49
  We need the lawyers. We need the farmers. We need all these people so that we can live our lives. Mhmm. Quit thinking only about yourself.
• 33:57
  Well, you you just can't exist all on
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: your own. You just can't. Eventually, you're gonna need somebody else. Even if you're a bajillionaire. Mhmm.
• 34:06
  You still yeah. You don't have medical knowledge. Not growing your
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: own food. You didn't get that billion dollars by yourself.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Right. Exactly. You need your employees. You need whoever else to keep your lifestyle functioning, which means that you need to care for those people. Because eventually, if you don't, that is gonna come for you.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: Karma. Yeah, man. It's a you know what. Or it's
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: a cat, depending on who you
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: speak to. Purring in my lap because it loves me. There's a couple of
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: more things on this list that I think are interesting. So the second to last one is that a provider should provide inspiration. Now I'm gonna read
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: what they say. You're the inspiration.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: So under inspiration, it says, our wives have god given talents, and we should be inspiring her to follow her dreams, encouraging her along the way, and supporting her fully and completely. So I actually I'm good with that one.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Many things I'm not great with. But I also think this is a dual role here. Right? Everyone in our lives has God given talents. Mhmm.
• 35:10
  All the people. The people we care about, the people we don't care about, the people we hate, people we like. Mhmm. They've all got things that God gave them to fill a gap, to change the world in whatever way that they were supposed to change the world. Mhmm.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: And so as
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: providers to each other, as Christians, as human beings, to fully support the people in our sphere.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: To do what God has asked of them. To follow their dreams. To live their best lives.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: Mhmm. Unlimited, you know, just like Elphaba said.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: Would you like to sing that bit of the song? Because I think that would be fun.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: No. I feel like I would do her dirty. I've heard you say it before.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: Yesterday. Yeah. Maybe today. Yeah. But to just and I I like that they specifically said in this case that husbands should encourage their wives to follow their full dreams and live into their full potential.
• 36:16
  And like I said, that should be reciprocal. But in this case, I'm glad that they said that because so often
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: oh, we've heard it in the very conservative Mhmm. You know, Baptist church where women are told your dreams no longer matter. Mhmm. Once you have that ring on your finger, your dream is now for your husband Mhmm. And for him to pursue his dreams so that he can provide for you.
• 36:41
  Mhmm.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: Back when we did an episode on a football player crap.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: What was his name? Harrison Butker. That's it. Terrible name.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love that he has such an awful name. But he said something right along those lines in a very controversial talk. And I think if you wanna look up the episode, I think it was called how do you solve a problem like Harrison?
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: And I made the world's best TikTok for that episode. Did. Was a great TikTok through. That was something I'm you know what? When I look back on my life and I think, what am I most proud of?
• 37:13
  It's that TikTok.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Wow. That's a lot
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: of pressure for that one TikTok. No. It's inappropriate amount
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: of pressure. It's if you scroll, like, almost to our first TikTok, it's, like, one of our very first ones. But I remember, like, that was I think that was a great episode. Go back and listen to that one when you're done with this one. But I remember him saying that specifically.
• 37:33
  Mhmm. Like, I know you have your own dreams, but you should be supporting your husband's dreams instead.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: He said it, if if you don't wanna go back and listen to that episode, in a commencement speech
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: Mhmm.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: To a bunch of men and women who are graduating with the same degrees and said, women, your degree that you just got doesn't really matter that much. College degrees, guys.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: He also really pissed off the nuns. And I think that's quite funny. Yes.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: Because I
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: don't know if you guys know this, but the nuns, they don't have husbands. What? I know. It's shocking.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: I need to go back and watch The Sound of Music again.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: Get some more facts clear.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah. What do those nuns do? Hey.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: There was that one nun in the sound of music that did in fact have
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: a husband. Yeah. But she stopped none in. She did do that. You know, that's a
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: pretty intense movie. That's a movie that you think ends, like, five times, but it just keeps trucking.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: It keeps going. It's a classic. You have to watch it. It's wonderful. But it does feel like it might be three movies.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: It might be three movies. If it was now, it would be it would be like the Harry Potter movies where the last one, they split it in two and you were like, ah. So obnoxious. But it would that's what it would be. Except they'd split it
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: into, 12 parts. They did that with Wicked as well. They did. We're still waiting on part two. It's they came out with, like, a little teaser recently.
• 38:58
  They're like, six Mhmm. I'm excited. I'm glad that
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: they have the second part filmed Yeah. So that we can get excited for it. Unlike anything Netflix makes. It's so
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: frustrating. Can we just, like, pause for a minute? I know that we're talking about, you know, serious stuff, but how rude and how very dare they? Stranger Things? Those children are fully middle aged now.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: Millie Bobby Brown just got married. Are they supposed to be still playing 12
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: year olds? Also, Bridgerton. Really rude. There's like two and
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: a half years, I think, between seasons of Bridgerton. And Wednesday. That one, I think, coming out soon, but that took a long time too. I don't even know when it's coming out.
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: Again, those kids, 45 maybe now. I saw
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: a picture with their height differences, Wednesday and her brother. Mhmm. And in the first season, like,
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: he was a child quite a
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: bit shorter than her. And in this season, he's a full foot taller than she is.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Which doesn't take much because she is short.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel for her. But still. Yeah. Alright. The last one on this list is to provide a place of joy.
• 40:07
  And I like that. It says, if we are harsh, tyrannical, and unforgiving, then our home will lack peace and will produce bitterness. Mhmm. And I think we so often forget that our day to day and this is if you have kids, but our day to day lives as adults are just our day to day lives. Mhmm.
• 40:26
  But they're our children's childhood.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: This is the breeding ground in which they become the people they're gonna be. The golden years. Those golden years between six and 10.
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: Yep. Mine work. I have really fond memories of a gopher sprinkler.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. I forgot about the gopher sprinkler. Yeah. That thing spun, didn't it? What?
• 40:54
  There was a name for it too. Something gopher.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: A gopher sprinkler. Yeah. Was a gopher sprinkler.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: Someone out there knows what we're talking about. But, yeah. For my kids, if I am constantly unforgiving, harsh, tyrannical, like, I could look at myself and say like, oh, I just had a bad day. But eventually, that seeps in and becomes the culture of your home.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Mhmm. In a work environment. And he said, my job is not to make you happy. Mhmm. My job is to create an environment where you can be happy.
• 41:34
  Mhmm. So I think if we think of it that way, create an environment in your home where people can experience joy. Mhmm. Even in the mundane, even in just your day to day life, but still find joy in it. I think that's really important.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: And it can be silly little things too. Like, when my daughter was little, instead of saying, alright, we gotta go to the grocery store. We'd say, do you wanna go on an adventure? And she got so excited to go on an adventure. Could have been the grocery store.
• 42:02
  Could have been there weren't a lot of options. It was mostly the grocery store. But silly little things like that. Yeah. Where like Mhmm.
• 42:10
  There's fun and there's joy and there's excitement. And that can be if you have kids. It can also be if you don't have kids.
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: It can also be if you're single. Like, to create those moments of joy for yourself.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: Carve out some moments where you intentionally sit your butt down and binge watch an entire series. That's joy.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: Well, and give yourself permission to do those things.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: Care about yourself like you would care about someone else. Mhmm. You know? If if you're a caring person.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: I think we're hardwired to feel bad. And maybe this is an American thing. I don't know. Because we are so every moment of our lives has to be producing. Busy.
• 42:47
  Yeah. We're hardwired to guilt ourselves if we take a moment
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: To enjoy something, to relax, to just to just be.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: Say you're reading nonstop. That's okay.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: We say that because we are reading nonstop.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: It's okay.
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, just to give yourself that break, to give the people around you that break. Cause when you give yourself permission to breathe Mhmm. To experience joy, it gives the people around you the same permission. Mhmm. It makes you a safe space to feel those emotions around.
• 43:27
  I think
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: just like how despair attracts despair. Mhmm. You know, if you're down, you tend to wanna bring people down with you. Mhmm. I think joy also attracts joy.
• 43:38
  If people see that you're a joyful person or can find joy even in, you know, day to day mundaneness Mhmm. That makes other people want to be like that or say, what's going on? Why are you so happy?
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: And if you annoy them
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: with your joy, then they can leave. Yeah.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And so I really liked this list. There that's all of them that they had. I don't think it's like an exhaustive list. But as people who provide for other people, not as a man, not as a woman, As human beings who provide for other people.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Here's a great list of things that you should provide for those around you.
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: Mhmm.
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: Or those that you are in charge of caring for or part of caring for. I think that's a really good I don't know. Starting point?
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Jumping off point? Don't jump. Your life is worth living.
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: I don't jump because my boobs bounce when I do it. And it's uncomfortable.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: I was just saying to someone the other day. Yeah. I don't run because I don't want a black eye.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: That might be a a more exclusively female thing.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: Probably not entirely exclusively, but Happy, Thursday, everybody, or whenever you're listening to this. Thank you
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: guys for listening. We are going to literally turn around and record next week's episode. Because Hold on. Oh, because Brianna's leaving me.
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, no. I was gonna say because we're busy women all the time. You could say that.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: But the reality is, it's because you're leaving me.
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: I'm leaving.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: Yep. Not forever.
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: How many songs do you want me to sing? I'll sing them all. She's just gonna be
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: gone next week. So we are going to turn around immediately and record one on limiting beliefs and how, particularly as women, from our standpoint, from our vantage point, how we have been taught to believe that we can't do so many things.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: And then,
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: oh, spoiler alert. You can
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: go beyond the reef. Alright.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: So we'll see you in about, for us, two minutes for you next week. Love you. Bye. Bye.