Latest / Fartmouth / 339 - OSHA Certified Grungehead

Transcript

339 - OSHA Certified Grungehead · Fartmouth

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Dude, where did where'd the word gay for go?
0:03
SPEAKER_00: That's a good question.
0:07
SPEAKER_01: Including me.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm also a people, and I used to say that when I was like 10.
0:12
SPEAKER_00: I liked Gafer.
0:13
SPEAKER_00: I will say another one that kind of fell off is just straight up homo.
0:17
SPEAKER_00: You never hear people say homo.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: That was really fucking prevalent.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: I mean, like, rightfully so, people don't say like the F slur and all that shit in good company anymore.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: Right.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: But Homo is like so chill.
0:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: As far as gay bashing slurs go.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: I feel like that could make a comeback.
0:36
SPEAKER_00: Like retard made a full comeback.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: Homo could come back.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to start using it like sparingly.
0:45
SPEAKER_01: No.
0:46
SPEAKER_01: Strategically?
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: Like a dagger.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: Surgically?
0:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: Surgical homo insertion.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: There's the name of the episode.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: The cold open.
0:57
SPEAKER_01: Surgical homo insertion.
0:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's nothing's going to be better for sure.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, we actually have to start the show now.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: The following production of the farmers.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: And you're doing the department.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: Well, well, find Kindle.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: The one thing AI can't replace his good pussy.
1:23
SPEAKER_01: It's Farmin University.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: There's one too many syllables in that.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: I would argue that you are also irreplaceable by AI.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: AI would never make a comedic gaff like that right at the beginning of the show.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: No.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: That's the thing.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: AI, I don't know.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever seen people like try to generate jokes and stuff with AI?
1:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: It's the worst thing imaginable.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: It's like worse than if a uh four-year-old tried to come up with a joke.
1:52
SPEAKER_00: Because at least the four-year-old knows to just say fart poop at the end.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:56
SPEAKER_00: Something, yeah.
1:56
SPEAKER_00: AI's like just it's beyond cringe.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: It's like, why would you even think that that could possibly like?
2:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
2:06
SPEAKER_01: They did it on uh Legion of Skanks one time.
2:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: With an with a uh an LLM, like probably like a year ago.
2:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:13
SPEAKER_01: Uh and it was okay, but the best it did was like the actual like racist jokes.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: And it was only really that funny because you knew it was AI doing it and it was saying outlandishly racist shit.
2:30
SPEAKER_01: Right.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: That was the only thing that made it funny.
2:33
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't that they were well written, it was that it was taking the source material and just being a racist robot.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: Nice.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: I did I think that would be fun as a one-off.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: I don't think that's segment worthy, but just to like let's just see what it comes up with.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: I wonder if we could feed it our show, like if we could somehow transcribe, like use some tool to transcribe a bunch of episodes and feed it into like a customly trained AI.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: Right, where it's not politically correct or whatever.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: That would be funny.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: I think as a one-off.
3:09
SPEAKER_01: It would be, yeah, to make like like make a minute of our show.
3:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, like play it on the show.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: And we dude, apparently I heard I've never done this before, but I heard that you only need like a 10-second clip of someone's voice to get to train some of these new like voice replication models.
3:28
SPEAKER_00: Right.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: So we could like get one to generate like a one-minute clip of an episode and then and then train the thing to do the reading.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: That would be I think that'd be very funny.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, welcome everyone to Farmouth Podcast.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: A show whose hosts are a lot like a night out at the club.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: Drunk, sweaty, and you might get groomed.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
3:55
SPEAKER_00: Every week we do a few rotating segments that make each other laugh.
3:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm time.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: I'm Jake.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: That reminded me very quickly before we get into the stories.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: Uh fucking.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: Have you seen this video?
4:09
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure you've seen this video.
4:11
SPEAKER_01: Where this drunk ass guy in a red shirt walks up and kind of half-ass touches the waist and maybe butt of the late a lady standing near a pool table.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: And then her husband is on the other end of the pool table, and he comes around and hits the guy one time and flatlines him.
4:32
SPEAKER_01: Like he's on his back in the bar.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: Uh, and then the the wife is like, like, no, no, no, no.
4:39
SPEAKER_01: She's like trying to get him to stop because she doesn't want him to go to prison.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
4:43
SPEAKER_01: And also the dude is drunk as fuck, so he doesn't know what he's doing.
4:48
SPEAKER_01: He's not gonna remember that tomorrow that he touched her.
4:52
SPEAKER_01: And uh the the guy ends up nearly elbowing his wife in the face, but he definitely forces the pool cue into the side of her face.
5:06
SPEAKER_01: So not only did he he end up ended up, according to Reddit commenters, going to jail.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: And not only did he go to jail, he had to serve a whole sentence off of this, but he fucking hit his wife in the face with a pool cue.
5:21
SPEAKER_01: Like it he arguably did more damage to his wife than that guy did.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: Whoops.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: Uh, since we're describing videos we saw, I have two.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: I have two I want to describe.
5:37
SPEAKER_00: So have you seen the video?
5:39
SPEAKER_00: There's not really anything that happens, but there's like beef going on, and it seems like somebody might fight because ooh, you know.
5:46
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: And there's this, there's this guy, this white fella.
5:49
SPEAKER_00: So the the video starts off pointed to the, let's just say, to the left, and there's a black dude over there, and he's kind of like pulling up his pants, and he's like, What the fuck, you know?
5:59
SPEAKER_00: And there's people standing between him, and then the camera pans to the right, and you hear a white fella saying, I'm about whatever, cuz, I'm about whatever, cuz, I'm about whatever, cuz.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: He just keeps saying it over and over and over again.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: And then it it lands on him, and he's wearing a fucking like what do you call those?
6:23
SPEAKER_00: Not a shisty, but like it is it's like it covers lava?
6:28
SPEAKER_00: Like a ball of clava, yeah.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: However you pronounce it.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: And it's like white and blue camo or something.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: And it's like he's got it over all the way around his neck and then up over the top of his head, and he's wearing like a brimmed hat.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: And his neck is probably conservatively speaking, 437 centimeters long.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: This nigga's neck goes to the fucking moon.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: And it's just, I'm about whatever, cuz, I'm about whatever, cuz.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: He says it like 30 fucking times before the video ends.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh man, it gets hammered into your brain.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: That's a lot, yeah.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: And another video I saw, probably the funniest fight video I've ever seen.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: So these two white fellas are in the bathroom, and like, you know, how those high school fight videos go.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: There's no cameras in there, the teachers aren't hanging out there, some people fight in the bathroom.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: There's two of them, and they're up in each other's face.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: I can't remember exactly what the one dude was saying, but he was like, basically, let's just say he was saying, like, fucking hit me then, bitch.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: Fucking hit me then, bitch.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: Something like that.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: He's again, white people when they fight, apparently just repeat the same phrase over and over again.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: I think people who fight generally, yeah, they don't have a lot of words.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: They're not usually men of words.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: True, true, true.
7:39
SPEAKER_00: They're men of fists.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: He just kept saying, Oh, fucking swing on me then.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: I think that's what he was saying.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: Fucking swing on me then, fucking swing on me then, pussy.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: Swing on me, pussy.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: He just kept saying it.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: So the other dude was like, okay, and he fucking did.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: He cracked him real hard in the jaw.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: Fucking it the dude instantly goes out but doesn't fall.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: He hits him again, and right when he's hitting him the second time, the dude is unconscious.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: He's falling forward like he's about to like face plant.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: And he goes, Like his brain was so locked in on saying that phrase over and over again.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
8:14
SPEAKER_00: It as he is unconscious, his mouth and vocal cords still uttered the same thing as he's falling down.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: Right.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: Fucking hilarious.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: That makes sense, though, because by the time you're saying something, your brain has already sent the signal to say it.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: So his mouth was just his larynx and everything was just fulfilling the obligation it had already been given.
8:38
SPEAKER_00: Like Yeah, the muscles fired on his lungs and it pushed the air up into his vocal cords.
8:42
SPEAKER_00: And even though his brain is completely shut down now, yeah, yeah.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: It's they still completed their jobs, which they did.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: Shout out.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: Objective complete.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:51
SPEAKER_00: Shout out to the nervous system.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: You're telling me that neither of these dudes quoted like Ralph Waldo Emerson or Yeah, no, right before he swung on him, he said, go not softly into that whatever night or fucking be way better if I remembered the quote.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: Right after he hit him, he was like, if triangles made a god, it would have three sides.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: He know hit you with some philos philosophical bullshit real real quick.
9:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's more so like the ICP lines, like uh fucking magnets, how do they work?
9:26
unknown: Yeah.
9:29
SPEAKER_01: It's just as a thinker, dog.
9:31
SPEAKER_01: Touching on some mysterious thing, but not really like interplaying with it at all, but just mentioning it kind of.
9:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: That reminded me.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna just I'm just gonna do one more describing a video.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: All right.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: I was watching this thing at work today, I was listening to this thing at work today, and this this lady was just batshit crazy, and she just kept uttering schizophrenic sentences.
9:54
SPEAKER_02: Sure, sure.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: And she's uh they're like taking her blood or fingerprints or something.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: I remember I just looked over and I saw her arm out like this.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: And she looks up with like with a crazed look in her eyes, and she looks at the detective and she goes, What about MK Ultra?
10:12
SPEAKER_00: And he was like, What about it?
10:14
SPEAKER_00: And she goes, What is it?
10:17
SPEAKER_00: And he goes, What do you think it is?
10:20
SPEAKER_00: She goes, I don't know, I think it's a drug.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: Like she'd heard schizophrenic words before and just didn't know what they were or how to put them together into a coherent thought.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: She thought MKUltra was itself a drug.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: I really wish he had said, I think he was a civil rights leader.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: That would have been awesome.
10:43
SPEAKER_01: I think he wrote Harry Potter.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: J.K.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: Rowling and I think he died in prison.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: And then no one will believe me.
10:51
SPEAKER_00: Oh, right.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: Um conflating MKUltra with uh Mandela effects.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: Uh Word up.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: Word up.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: We gotta remember when Korn did Word Up?
11:03
SPEAKER_01: That was nuts.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: I don't remember that.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: They did.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: They did do Word Up.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: We also didn't do the Callus Dowboys thing on the Patreon.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: Fuck, man.
11:11
SPEAKER_00: It's so crazy.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: We will.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: We will.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: It's such a bonkers song.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: We will do it.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: We've just like, I think maybe it broke us.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: It's really good.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: It's insane.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: Anyway.
11:23
SPEAKER_01: You ready for some stories, brother?
11:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm gonna play the fucking dwarf for the song the thing.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: Spook.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: Let's get fucking spooked.
11:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm waiting to get fucking spooked the fuck out, bro.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: I'll just walk about three blocks.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: Down the road.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: That's fucking racist shit.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: What the hell's wrong with you, bro?
11:49
SPEAKER_00: We don't do that here.
11:50
SPEAKER_00: You're vulgar.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: Remember that time you kept saying cunt or something?
11:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: I can't remember what it was.
11:55
SPEAKER_00: You were like, I am not cosigning these obscenities.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: It's so vulgar.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
12:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: How long is yours, dude?
12:03
SPEAKER_00: Uh.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: Or do you have two?
12:05
SPEAKER_00: I have one.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: I I also have one.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: I think it is the exact length that a Spurgy Spook story should be.
12:12
SPEAKER_00: That's how mine is, bro.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:14
SPEAKER_00: It's it's appropriately lengthed.
12:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: Maybe just a smidge over.
12:19
SPEAKER_01: So you're as of late, since I have not found my second local chef.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: Or uh actually, I haven't checked to see if he has any more stories.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: Didn't he like make his profile private?
12:32
SPEAKER_01: He did, but I haven't well, yeah, you're right.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: There's no way to search it, then is there at all?
12:36
SPEAKER_01: Fuck you, local chef.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: Uh fuck you, I love you.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: But I I've been less good at finding the funny stories than you.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: I would imagine yours is gonna be funnier than mine.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: I like the theme around mine a lot.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: I like my theme too.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm real excited about.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: But this could go either way as far as it being funny in and of itself.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: Uh so I what I'm saying is I think I should go first.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: Because yours are generally funnier as of late.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: So what you're saying is the people that get to hear the funny are the dedicated ones that stuck through yours.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: That's fair.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: Hey, shout out to people that stick to it.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: Listen to this title and tell me it's not titillating.
13:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna I'm I'm honestly, I've never been more ready to be titled.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: Well, here you go, dude.
13:24
SPEAKER_01: My girlfriend never lets me eat anything she didn't cook.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: What could that mean?
13:31
SPEAKER_00: I like, you know what?
13:33
SPEAKER_00: I like that you probably went out and found uh a text version of the movie Obsession just to torture me and make my life worse.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: This is not that though.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: A little, but not really.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: Uh you could also go misery with it, you know?
13:47
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, black snake moan, maybe.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, a little bit, yeah.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: So here we go.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: All right.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: Into the swamp we go.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm waiting for the sound.
13:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm waiting for it too.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: It's just not happy.
14:04
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
14:05
SPEAKER_01: I thought it was gonna be like eight of them popping up.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: That would be funny.
14:09
SPEAKER_01: All right.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: What do you think that would sound like?
14:11
SPEAKER_00: Let's find out.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: We have to wait 10 seconds for it to start.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: I hit it like ten times.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, oh.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: I think I'm it's just gonna get louder and louder.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: The computer might crash.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: Oh, one of them was the other button.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: Alright, it's just louder.
14:33
SPEAKER_01: I think that's all that's happening.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: They all started at different times.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: I thought it would sound crazier than that.
14:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's just because it's so quiet.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: You can't really have a quiet cacophony, you know?
14:42
SPEAKER_01: True.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: Put that on my headstone.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: My girlfriend never lets me eat anything.
14:48
SPEAKER_01: She didn't cook.
14:49
unknown: Bum bum bum.
14:51
SPEAKER_01: I was in love.
14:52
SPEAKER_01: Ah.
14:52
SPEAKER_01: I never thought I would settle down with anyone.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: I planned to casually date, sleep around, and never commit.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: But this all changed.
15:01
SPEAKER_01: You dog.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: This all changed when I met.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: How do you pronounce this, Tyler?
15:07
SPEAKER_01: N-A-I-C-A.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: Naika?
15:11
SPEAKER_01: N-I-A-C-A?
15:12
SPEAKER_01: N-A-I-C-A.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: Naika?
15:16
SPEAKER_00: Naika.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: Maybe Naika?
15:19
SPEAKER_01: Naika?
15:20
SPEAKER_01: That's too close.
15:21
SPEAKER_01: I don't like that.
15:22
SPEAKER_01: That's way it's close.
15:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna say Naika.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: I like Naika.
15:25
SPEAKER_01: And and that's that's I think I can can I do black voice?
15:29
SPEAKER_01: Now that we've got you my Naika.
15:31
unknown: Yeah.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: Naika, please.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: Dude, uh, real quick, uh, in Discord the other day, we played this game called Ethno Guesser.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: That sounds like geo guessing or or something.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: It pulls up a picture of somebody, yeah, and you have to guess where they're from.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
15:55
SPEAKER_00: And these black folks pulled up on the screen.
16:01
SPEAKER_00: Oh God.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: The first time it happened, I said, Sudanese! And I was right, and it was crazy.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: But the second time it happened, these black folks came up, and someone was like, I think it's uh I don't remember the there's a African country that the northern part of it is in the desert, and the southern part of it is more green.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: And but they're two different countries.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: One's like north, blah blah blah, and south blah blah blah.
16:30
SPEAKER_00: And they were clicked on the north one.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: I was like, nah, that's there's too much desert there.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: Those are the jungle kind.
16:35
SPEAKER_00: And I said it before I caught myself in front of a bunch of people that are not used to me talking fire mouth talk.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: And this one dude goes, jungle people is fucking crazy.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: I was like, you're right, I'm sorry, I apologize.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, back to your story.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: Way down, Beano.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: You can do black voice pawn at me.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: But this all changed when I met Naika, or well, shortly after I met her.
16:59
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm not gonna do it.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: She might have been the dream girl of many, but I was never particularly into goths, much less the ones claiming to be witches.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: This bitch is wicked.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: Uh but one day, Fino, lay down.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: Stop begging for fucking attention.
17:17
SPEAKER_01: You're a fucking you're a man.
17:19
SPEAKER_01: Wait out.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: But one day, she invited me over to her home, and somehow we hit it off.
17:25
SPEAKER_01: I thought about moving on after that date, but something changed.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: From that day on, I knew I wanted her to be my wife and future mother of my children.
17:34
SPEAKER_01: Children had never been on my plans either.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: Closet closet retard here.
17:40
SPEAKER_01: Uh in less than a week, she moved into my place.
17:44
SPEAKER_01: Definitely a retard.
17:45
SPEAKER_01: I saw my I saw my figurines go into a box, which I'm still not sure if they were really put in storage or thrown away.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: Figurines of what, please?
17:54
SPEAKER_01: And her it does not say, and her crystals and candles became the main decor.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: My fridge now had food because she loved to make food and sometimes potions.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: God, I love watching her go around the kitchen preparing dinner while I help clean the dishes.
18:10
SPEAKER_01: Were you making girls some seradomin brews?
18:13
SPEAKER_01: Whipping up some prayer pots so we can go raid later.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: You got some newt's tail in there and shit.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, let's fucking go, baby.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: Uh the aroma of the roasted chicken and vegetables combined with that of the vanilla scented candles.
18:25
SPEAKER_01: That's not a sentence.
18:28
SPEAKER_01: It is not.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: The aroma of the roasted chicken and vegetables combined with that of the vanilla scented candles.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: That's like a third of a sentence, brother.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: Uh we need a couple more pieces of the sentence.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: It was both nauseating and delicious.
18:43
SPEAKER_01: You should have should have put a comma there, bud.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: Just was nauseating and delicious.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: Right.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: Completed sentence.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, sir.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, there should be a comma.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: They made it into two sentences.
18:54
SPEAKER_01: No, yeah, yeah.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: Fucking stupid.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: Uh I've been meaning to ask, what is this soup?
19:00
SPEAKER_01: I asked as I took a sip.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: For a moment, I saw anger across her eyes.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: As he took a sip, too, so he's like, by the way, I'm picturing that fake goth bitch that's been on everybody's fucking timeline lately because she did some video with Drake or something.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: Pink Chi Yu or some bullshit.
19:21
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, uh, she's like a fake goth.
19:24
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, uh for a moment I saw anger across her face.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: I forgot for a moment that she hated being questioned about her cooking.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: It's great.
19:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm just curious.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: Sorry if I upset you, I apologized.
19:35
SPEAKER_01: Cock pussy.
19:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right, dude.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: She's gonna eat your lunch, bro.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: She took a deep breath and her smile was back.
19:42
SPEAKER_01: It was such a relief.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: Guilt had started to take over me, and I knew I would do anything to make her happy once more.
19:48
SPEAKER_01: It's okay, sweetie.
19:50
SPEAKER_01: She took my hand across the small table.
19:52
SPEAKER_01: This is my soup.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: This is a soup, sorry, my mom taught me to make.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: It's good for digestion, and it's a comfort food for me.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: Besides, you need to start taking care of your gut health if we want to live a long life together.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: This sounds like a great chick.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: If I if I didn't know that she was gonna be poisoning him or feeding his fucking ancestors or some shit, yeah, I'd be like, this chick rules, dude.
20:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, if I didn't know this was like Scott Tennerman, you know, is we're gonna take a Scott Tennerman turn pretty soon.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she's I made you eat your parents in him right now.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: You're right, honey, I said as I took another sip.
20:29
SPEAKER_01: Besides, it's delicious.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure why I never asked about the soup before, and now I was curious about its ingredients.
20:36
SPEAKER_01: It was an almost translucent broth with no vegetables or meat.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: Then why did you call it a vegetable soup earlier?
20:43
SPEAKER_01: But I wasn't about to ruin her afternoon, so instead we went to her our usual routine.
20:48
SPEAKER_01: She put on her favorite show and we cuddled.
20:51
SPEAKER_01: We made out, and well, things ended in the bedroom.
20:53
SPEAKER_01: As this is a virgin, right?
20:55
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: As I went to shower, she headed to the kitchen to leave the soup bolt boiling overnight.
21:01
SPEAKER_01: Anytime I tried to sneak on her, she would send me back to the room.
21:04
SPEAKER_01: So I got back in bed and waited for her to join.
21:07
SPEAKER_01: The next day, she waved at me goodbye as I headed to work, making sure to send me a packed lunch.
21:13
SPEAKER_01: I love you forever and ever, Naika yelled from the door as I walked to the car.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: And I love you forever and more.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: I blew a kiss at her.
21:21
SPEAKER_02: She jokingly sucks.
21:25
SPEAKER_01: She jokingly grabbed the kiss and put it in her pocket.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: Something that if anyone else had done it, I would have found ridiculous.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: I guess love really does change you.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: Work at the office was slow today, and I was starving.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: So I decided to take an early lunch.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: As I was this person definitely just watched Obsession.
21:43
SPEAKER_01: As I was about to put the soup in the microwave, one of my coworkers slipped and hit me, making me spill all my lunch.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm so sorry, he looked embarrassed.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: I can share my lunch if it helps.
21:55
SPEAKER_01: Nah, I'll go buy something.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: It's no big deal, I reassured him.
21:58
SPEAKER_01: And when I thought Wait, and then I thought, when was the last time I had a burger?
22:04
SPEAKER_01: With that in mind, I headed to buy myself a large burger with extra fries and soda.
22:09
SPEAKER_00: This is like if an alien is trying to write a story.
22:14
SPEAKER_01: I know it's worth I'll have one large burger and several fries.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: Dude, AI would be so much better than this.
22:21
SPEAKER_01: I know it's not AI, and it's just a dumbass virgin dude.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: Oh man, who wants a goth girlfriend.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:29
SPEAKER_01: Who just watched well, I thought it was gonna take an obsession route, but it did not.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: Uh extra fries and soda.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: It tasted like heaven.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: All this healthy food Naika was cooking was just not to my liking.
22:41
SPEAKER_01: I especially hated asparagus.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: I just wish she would chill sometimes.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: Maybe we did rush into things after all.
22:48
SPEAKER_01: Bro, what the f he took such a turn.
22:50
SPEAKER_01: I know.
22:50
SPEAKER_01: Maybe why was I why was I thinking like this?
22:54
SPEAKER_01: It's because he ate a burger.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: He ate a burger instead of her soup.
22:57
SPEAKER_01: I love Naika and she is looking out for me, but maybe I could talk to her about eating out at least once a week.
23:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's what I would do.
23:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure why either, but I suddenly started to feel angry.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: Why was she throwing out my things?
23:10
SPEAKER_01: She even got rid of a picture of my mom and sister saying I didn't need any other women in my life.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: What the hell was wrong with her?
23:16
SPEAKER_01: I took a deep breath and decided I would talk with her after work.
23:19
SPEAKER_01: Love did really blind you.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: That's a weird tense change.
23:24
SPEAKER_01: That was weird.
23:24
SPEAKER_01: As I got home, Naika was already setting up the table.
23:27
SPEAKER_01: One thing she was right about was that greasy food wasn't good for my gut.
23:31
SPEAKER_01: My stomach hurt, and all I could think of was getting to the bathroom, but Naika got in my way, wanting her usual hug, and I just threw up.
23:38
SPEAKER_01: Shit, I'm so sorry.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: I ran to the kitchen to get some napkins.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: I ended up buying lunch because a co-worker of mine, when I looked at her, she was kneeling, moving the chunks of food in the vomit.
23:48
SPEAKER_01: She picked what I thought might be a half-chewed pickle and put it in her mouth.
23:54
SPEAKER_01: Whatever was left in my stomach threatened to make its way out, but I couldn't stop watching the grotesque scene in front of me as she chewed slowly and swallowed.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: What the hell are you doing?
24:03
SPEAKER_01: I managed to ask.
24:04
SPEAKER_01: Go clean yourself up.
24:06
SPEAKER_01: I got this, her voice quivered, poorly hiding her anger.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: I had many questions and was angry too, but I had just thrown up on her, so I just did as told.
24:16
SPEAKER_01: In the bathroom, I threw up once more as the image of Naika eating my vomit played on repeat.
24:22
SPEAKER_01: There was no way I could stay with her after she did that.
24:25
SPEAKER_01: The thought of her kissing me with my vomit in her mouth made me dizzy.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: I washed my face and sat on the toilet, taking in some deep breaths.
24:33
SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to come out, but at some point we needed to talk.
24:36
SPEAKER_01: Sweetie, sit down.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: She smiled at me.
24:39
SPEAKER_01: She had removed her clothes, only leaving on an apron and her panties on.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: If this was meant to turn me on, it did the opposite.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: Worked.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: No, no, I know.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: That's he's insane.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: Sounds fucking awesome.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to brush my teeth and then we can have dinner, she said, as she made her way to the bathroom.
24:55
SPEAKER_01: I couldn't help but look as she turned on a vanilla candle, turned on.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: Turned on a vanilla candle before going into the bathroom.
25:05
SPEAKER_01: I fucking hated the smell.
25:07
SPEAKER_01: I took a sip of the soup while waiting for her to come back, and I was honestly surprised at how quickly it made my stomach feel at ease.
25:14
SPEAKER_01: When I heard her footsteps, I turned to look at her, and damn she was beautiful.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: She walked towards me and gave me a small peck on the cheek before sitting down.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: Sweetie, I've told you not to eat outside food.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: See what happens?
25:26
SPEAKER_01: Naika said so sweetly.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, honey.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: The food got dropped by a coworker and I didn't want to bother you.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: I apologized.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: All the anger I felt before was completely gone.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: Now it all seems so trivial.
25:38
SPEAKER_01: How could I ever be angry at her?
25:40
SPEAKER_01: Next time, call me and I can bring you food.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: No more hamburgers, unless we make them at home.
25:44
SPEAKER_01: Promise?
25:45
SPEAKER_01: Naika extended her pinky finger towards me.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: I promise.
25:49
SPEAKER_01: I agreed as I gave her my pinky.
25:51
SPEAKER_01: Damn, I love her so much.
25:53
SPEAKER_01: But the soup only did so much for my stomach.
25:55
SPEAKER_01: A few hours later I was throwing up once more.
25:58
SPEAKER_01: After the third time of waking Naika up, I made sure to be quiet as I went to the restroom.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: As I got out, I had an idea.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: I could have some more of the soup.
26:07
SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, it would ease my stomach enough to get some sleep.
26:10
SPEAKER_01: I headed to the kitchen and grabbed a bowl to pour myself some soup.
26:13
SPEAKER_01: The scent of vanilla still lingered in the kitchen and living room.
26:16
SPEAKER_01: I swear I need to get rid of those candles.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: Then I remembered why I was angry earlier today.
26:21
SPEAKER_01: Where were all my things?
26:23
SPEAKER_01: I took a good look around the living room and all the things that made me were gone.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: The video game con uh the video game councils were not by the television.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: All my pictures except one with Naika were gone, and my father's urn was nowhere to be seen.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh shit.
26:40
SPEAKER_01: What the fuck?
26:41
SPEAKER_01: I whispered to myself.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: Why was I allowing her to do this?
26:44
SPEAKER_01: I made up my mind.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: She had to leave.
26:47
SPEAKER_01: No woman was worth losing myself.
26:49
SPEAKER_01: But first, some soup.
26:51
SPEAKER_01: Maybe now I would know what the soup was made of, but as I looked inside the boiling water, how is it boiling?
26:57
SPEAKER_01: There was a single item in it.
26:59
SPEAKER_00: My dad's ashes.
27:01
SPEAKER_01: I used the spoon to fish out said thing and confirm my suspicions.
27:05
SPEAKER_01: These were the panties Naika had been wearing earlier.
27:09
SPEAKER_01: I told you not to come into the kitchen at night.
27:11
SPEAKER_01: Naika looked at me angrily from the bedroom door.
27:13
SPEAKER_01: What the fuck is this?
27:14
SPEAKER_01: I yelled at her.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: A love potion, but also pretty good for your health, she said nonchalantly.
27:19
SPEAKER_01: What the fuck?
27:20
SPEAKER_01: I told you I'm a witch.
27:22
SPEAKER_01: What the hell are you talking about?
27:24
SPEAKER_01: Why would you be feeding me this?
27:25
SPEAKER_01: You are fucking disgusting, I continued yelling.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: What a what a fuck I mean.
27:31
SPEAKER_00: Dog.
27:32
SPEAKER_00: Like Is it weird?
27:34
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
27:34
SPEAKER_00: Is it like fucking disgusting?
27:37
SPEAKER_00: I don't know about that.
27:38
SPEAKER_01: Not really.
27:39
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's it's weird for sure.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: Like you're having me, you're you're but like anything that's like rancid about anything would be fucking boiled off.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah.
27:50
SPEAKER_01: It's not, it's weird as fuck, but like it's just sweat from the outer labia.
27:55
SPEAKER_01: Right.
27:56
SPEAKER_00: Or maybe a little discharge.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: Maybe like a little, yeah.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: Boiled off.
27:59
SPEAKER_01: Right.
27:59
SPEAKER_01: It's not like that's not that big of a deal.
28:02
SPEAKER_01: The fact that she threw your father's urn out is so much bigger of a deal, dog.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, um.
28:10
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
28:11
SPEAKER_01: Uh why would you be feeding me this?
28:14
SPEAKER_01: You're fucking disgusting.
28:15
SPEAKER_01: I continued yelling.
28:17
SPEAKER_01: Sweetie, you were going to leave me that night.
28:19
SPEAKER_01: I just had to do what I had to do.
28:21
SPEAKER_01: This person stopped writing between these paragraphs, apparently, because it's the same night, is it not?
28:28
SPEAKER_01: Am I crazy?
28:28
SPEAKER_01: It's the same night.
28:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:30
SPEAKER_01: It's the sick night where he ate the hamburgers.
28:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: Uh I just had to do what I had to do, and you can tell me you aren't and can you tell me you're not happy?
28:39
SPEAKER_01: You now have a girl who loves you, is willing to take care of all your needs, and will sleep with you all the time.
28:44
SPEAKER_01: What else would you want?
28:46
SPEAKER_01: She said calmly.
28:47
SPEAKER_01: You're crazy.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: You've been manipulating me this whole time.
28:50
SPEAKER_01: Why would you do this?
28:51
SPEAKER_01: I cried.
28:52
SPEAKER_01: I was so angry, but even now I couldn't hit a woman.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: Instead of answering, she walked towards me.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: I flinched as she took the bowl and spoon from me and poured some of the soup into the bowl before setting it on the table.
29:09
SPEAKER_01: I'll admit, I do go a little too far, and that's kind of how my mom dealt with my father.
29:14
SPEAKER_01: That man's eyes had a tendency to wander.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: It's wonder, but it's supposed to be wander.
29:20
SPEAKER_01: But I'm willing to compromise.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: We can bring some of your stuff back, and as long as you behave, know that I will make you the happiest man on earth.
29:28
SPEAKER_01: Now, sit, she said calmly as she took her chair.
29:31
SPEAKER_01: I'm still not sure why, but I did sit.
29:34
SPEAKER_01: When I looked at the bowl, her panties were in it too.
29:37
SPEAKER_01: When I looked up, she was smiling.
29:39
SPEAKER_01: Well then, will you eat?
29:41
SPEAKER_01: She continued, smiling.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: I looked down at the soup once more, grabbed the bowl, and drank it all in a single gulp.
29:47
SPEAKER_01: It was just boiling.
29:48
SPEAKER_01: That's impossible.
29:49
SPEAKER_01: When I looked up, I smiled at the love of my life.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: Uh Wow.
29:57
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: So that's what that's that's yeah.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: That story was bad.
30:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
30:02
SPEAKER_00: And I'm disappointed.
30:03
SPEAKER_01: But that's the kind of story.
30:05
SPEAKER_01: Um I'm glad it was bad, actually.
30:07
SPEAKER_01: Uh, because there was a lot to make fun of in there.
30:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
30:10
SPEAKER_01: And this is clearly a virgin who's never had a woman at all.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: Uh I mean This is a guy with a pantiesniffing fetish who's been shamed for sniffing panties.
30:20
SPEAKER_01: Being grossed out by panties is weird, number one.
30:24
SPEAKER_01: Uh unless okay.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: Not every woman, but a lot of women have the period panties, right?
30:34
SPEAKER_01: Those are gross as shit.
30:35
SPEAKER_01: I'm not like they're let's not mince words.
30:38
SPEAKER_01: That's that is legitimately fucking disgusting.
30:42
SPEAKER_01: But only because you know they've had those for two years, and that's 24 periods worth of periods, you know?
30:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: Like that there's a lot of crusty blood on it.
30:52
SPEAKER_00: What kind of panties were you imagining in your mind's eye?
30:55
SPEAKER_01: Uh not total grandma panties, but like getting there.
31:00
SPEAKER_01: Like, like pretty big, you know, not sexy at all, beige colored.
31:06
SPEAKER_00: I was imagining like black lace with pink fabric underneath the lace.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: Ah, okay.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: Because she's a goth chick, and that's the type of Oh, this bitch.
31:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're talking about in the thing.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: Not the period panties.
31:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
31:17
SPEAKER_01: In the story.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: Period panties is what I was saying.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: In the story, yes, black lace.
31:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
31:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, of course.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: What you described was definitely like they always get like ones that cover their entire ass.
31:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
31:28
SPEAKER_00: Like granny panty style.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: Definitely.
31:31
SPEAKER_00: But the the ones in the story, I wasn't picturing that.
31:34
SPEAKER_00: I was picturing like she's trying to look sexy type panties.
31:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, of course.
31:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:39
SPEAKER_01: She's yeah, goth baddie, supposedly, according to him.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: I mean, she's made up, so we can just imagine her as hot as we want.
31:46
SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, and you know, he didn't say anything about tattoos.
31:50
SPEAKER_01: That is the difference.
31:52
SPEAKER_01: If you're actually goth and not a poser, you have a decent amount of tattoos.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: The only time he was ever descriptive at all was when he was describing the chunks of pickle in the puke.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: I know, right?
32:05
SPEAKER_00: It's the only time he like really got descriptive about what was going on.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: And also, I'm sure there's gotta be other ingredients.
32:13
SPEAKER_01: Like, even in a in a world where I'm gonna believe some supernatural shit, and I'm gonna believe that you like that's part of a potion that you know you you can make a guy fall in love with you or whatever, there's gotta be more shit in there, not just her panties.
32:29
SPEAKER_01: Like there has to be like a uh the wing of a fly and the like you know, whatever random ingredients that magically make a dude fall in love with you, or whatever.
32:38
SPEAKER_01: But that's I don't know.
32:39
SPEAKER_01: There was just so much missing from the story, I guess is what I'm trying to say.
32:43
SPEAKER_00: I agree.
32:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's just I mean, the majority of the story was just kind of like whatever, and then there was little moments of like, this guy's fucking stupid.
32:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this guy is somehow more sheltered than I've ever been on on the ways of the world.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: I got 40-year-old virgin uh boobs like bags of sand vibes from this fellow.
33:06
SPEAKER_00: Big time, dude.
33:07
SPEAKER_00: Maybe Mormon even.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: Dude, the underwear obsession.
33:11
SPEAKER_00: I can't, yeah.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh, good call.
33:14
SPEAKER_00: Magic underwear.
33:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, good call.
33:15
SPEAKER_01: And then being scared of witches and shit.
33:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
33:18
SPEAKER_01: Like uh, yeah, that you're right, yeah.
33:20
SPEAKER_01: Mormonism and and uh uh you know, some inceldom in there, mixed with a little bit of inceldom, maybe.
33:26
SPEAKER_01: That's his potion.
33:28
SPEAKER_01: His potion is a bunch of uh like 75% Mormon, 25% incel.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
33:36
SPEAKER_00: That's a good mixture for bad story writing.
33:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for terrible no sleep uh installations, yeah, installments.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: I meant I will say I fucking tripped out when you started reading, and she was a goth chick because my story involves emo people.
33:54
SPEAKER_01: Dude, we do we do that, dude.
33:56
SPEAKER_00: We stay doing that.
33:58
SPEAKER_00: I know, dude.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: We'd be mind melding on the regular.
34:02
SPEAKER_00: Uh but yeah, I'll get into my story.
34:05
SPEAKER_01: Who was the last people that we did the mind meld thing to?
34:11
SPEAKER_00: Uh you mean like actual one, two, three.
34:14
SPEAKER_01: Well, the who did we do that to?
34:17
SPEAKER_01: We did that to someone where we we did the Lewis and Zach thing from rap where you do mind meld and just say the n-word.
34:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
34:26
SPEAKER_00: It was a pampered, was it?
34:28
SPEAKER_00: In front of uh Clay and uh Chad.
34:32
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it was before Tom?
34:34
SPEAKER_01: It was, you're right, I remember now.
34:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
34:40
SPEAKER_01: That is one of the funniest things to do.
34:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
34:44
SPEAKER_01: It's the funniest fucking thing.
34:46
SPEAKER_01: Second week we'd ever gathered.
34:48
SPEAKER_01: If you're around friends who you know are not gonna go off on you about it because they understand that you only did it for the joke, yeah.
34:56
SPEAKER_01: Dude, that is the funniest shit to do.
34:58
SPEAKER_01: Make it seem like you are just just very naturally, organically coming up with the idea to do mind meld.
35:05
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
35:06
SPEAKER_01: And then you know, you look in your buddy's eye, and you know we're gonna say the N-word in unison when we get to three.
35:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: And then you do, and there it the room erupts every time you do it, dude.
35:19
SPEAKER_01: We're giving you a guaranteed the entire room is leveled.
35:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
35:24
unknown: Yeah.
35:25
SPEAKER_01: You're welcome for that.
35:26
SPEAKER_01: It's a fun bit.
35:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
35:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
35:29
SPEAKER_01: Well, we got it from them, but still, you're welcome for us passing in along a great transition.
35:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: A great tradition.
35:35
SPEAKER_01: I am going crazy with the words that are similar, and I say the wrong one.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: Keep it up.
35:40
SPEAKER_01: I like it.
35:40
SPEAKER_01: It's very funny.
35:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm enjoying it.
35:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll stop.
35:43
SPEAKER_01: So I just thought of the mind meld thing and I was like, wait, we did that to somebody, didn't we?
35:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
35:47
SPEAKER_01: I don't think we ever talked about that on the show either.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: In case you guys weren't picking up on the context, we would pretend like we're gonna do mind meld, and then we would just say one, two, three, and then drop a hard R in word.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:00
SPEAKER_00: I don't think explicitly said that, but yeah.
36:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
36:04
SPEAKER_00: That's that's the game.
36:05
SPEAKER_00: Do it with your pals in front of their your girlfriend's family.
36:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, in mixed company, literally.
36:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:13
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
36:14
SPEAKER_00: Uh so yeah, I have a story as well.
36:18
SPEAKER_00: And like I said, uh there's emo people in my story, and you had got that's so crazy.
36:24
SPEAKER_01: It's nuts how much that happens, man.
36:26
SPEAKER_00: I know.
36:27
SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
36:28
SPEAKER_00: Fucking A, I did it again.
36:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh no! Oh god, catastrophes.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: It's because the fucking the drop for it is highlighted in orange and it's eye-catching.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: It's almost spooky season, so that's right.
36:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's right around the corner.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: Spooks will be everywhere.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, my story in about five minutes when the drop plays is titled I left my girlfriend behind in an abandoned building.
36:58
SPEAKER_00: Nice.
36:58
SPEAKER_00: Bum bum bum.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: I apologize for the use of slang as this took place in an abandoned building in Scotland.
37:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
37:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm not doing the accent I'm not doing the fucking accent.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: If he's if he's a New Yorker, I got you, dog.
37:18
SPEAKER_00: But I'm not I I I'm not practiced.
37:21
SPEAKER_00: It's not automatic for me, like some accents are.
37:24
SPEAKER_00: Like I could do Russian, bro, bro.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: I took my girlfriend to a build the Benjamin building.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: Sounds vampiric.
37:31
SPEAKER_00: You gotta throw a little vampire in it, dude.
37:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:33
SPEAKER_00: Maybe the care one of the characters is Transylvanian.
37:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I almost said cut your dick off.
37:38
SPEAKER_00: Go to Transylvania.
37:40
SPEAKER_00: Get out of my fucking head, dude.
37:42
SPEAKER_00: Uh, so yeah, I'm not doing the accent, but I'll read the story.
37:46
SPEAKER_00: For some backstory, me and my girlfriend Vivian were both alternative.
37:54
SPEAKER_00: That's a fucking this is a preppy kid who wants to be goth.
37:59
SPEAKER_00: That's my diagnosis.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: He wants it so bad.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: He's so tired of wearing polo shirts.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm a grunge head, and she's a goth.
38:07
SPEAKER_01: That's how you know?
38:08
SPEAKER_01: This motherfucker's definitely not into grunge, is that he said that.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: You mean he wrote that and revised that and still uploaded that?
38:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's at first it said, I'm grunge, but he's like, well, I don't want people to think I'm dirty.
38:23
SPEAKER_00: I just like the kind of music.
38:25
SPEAKER_00: I bathe, I get manicures.
38:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm a grunge head.
38:29
SPEAKER_00: I'm a grunge head.
38:30
SPEAKER_00: I love Nirvana.
38:31
SPEAKER_00: She's again like what other fucking examples are there?
38:35
SPEAKER_00: There's like five grunge bands ever.
38:37
SPEAKER_00: I have four Pearl Jam t-shirts.
38:40
SPEAKER_01: I think they're kind of that.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: They're that era.
38:43
SPEAKER_01: I don't know that they're actually grunge, though.
38:45
SPEAKER_01: I think they had yeah, they went through phases.
38:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
38:48
SPEAKER_00: I have three Soundgarten shirts.
38:51
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
38:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm a grunge head.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: I Chris Cornell's my spirit animal.
38:57
SPEAKER_00: When he killed himself, a part of me died.
38:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm a grunge head.
39:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh shit.
39:06
SPEAKER_01: A part of me is hanging on the back of that bathroom door by a belt, right?
39:10
SPEAKER_01: I still get triggered by doorknobs.
39:14
SPEAKER_01: I think that's how he did it.
39:16
SPEAKER_01: I hope I got that right.
39:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, he looped it.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I was I was fascinated by it because I'd never I would have never thought of this technology.
39:24
SPEAKER_00: But you loop it on the doorknob and then go over the top of the door to the other side of the door.
39:29
SPEAKER_00: Right, yeah.
39:30
SPEAKER_00: Like, what the fuck?
39:31
SPEAKER_00: That's crazy.
39:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's just long enough to to keep you off your feet.
39:35
SPEAKER_00: You know.
39:36
SPEAKER_00: Well, what they would do is they would sit down.
39:38
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, that's right.
39:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm thinking of Carradine, I think.
39:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:41
SPEAKER_01: Carradine was standing up, wasn't he?
39:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he did it in the closet and used the uh the fucking thing you hang your clothes on.
39:48
SPEAKER_01: Right.
39:49
SPEAKER_01: But Robin Williams, Chester Bennington, uh, Chris Cornell.
39:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:54
SPEAKER_01: Door hangers, dude.
39:55
SPEAKER_01: Crazy.
39:56
SPEAKER_01: What were you gonna say?
39:57
SPEAKER_01: Bunch of wreaths.
39:58
SPEAKER_01: I think I a bunch of grunge ass wreaths.
40:01
SPEAKER_01: Well, except Robin Williams, but yeah.
40:03
SPEAKER_01: He was pretty grungy with all that arm hair.
40:05
SPEAKER_01: For real.
40:06
SPEAKER_01: That's basically like wearing a fucking flannel.
40:08
SPEAKER_01: True.
40:09
SPEAKER_01: It's the same temperature.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: Their body temperature was the same.
40:12
SPEAKER_01: He grew a flannel on his flesh.
40:13
SPEAKER_00: He was so grungy.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: True grunge head.
40:17
SPEAKER_01: He was pretty grungy in that movie where he was a homeless guy.
40:20
SPEAKER_01: That's true, yeah.
40:21
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, sorry.
40:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
40:22
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I'm a grunge head, and she's a goth.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: We both met at a cannibal corpse show.
40:32
SPEAKER_00: This is such a caricature.
40:35
SPEAKER_00: What a fucking poser.
40:37
SPEAKER_00: This is the same type of guy that's like, yeah, we went to a heavy metal show.
40:42
SPEAKER_00: It was so metal, it was twisted sister.
40:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
40:46
SPEAKER_00: Bro, shut up.
40:46
SPEAKER_00: That's not metal.
40:47
SPEAKER_00: You're gay.
40:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:49
SPEAKER_00: Grunge, cannibal corpse.
40:50
SPEAKER_00: He's just like, what are things I've heard before that kind of go together?
40:54
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's so far off, bro.
40:57
SPEAKER_00: Grindcore.
40:59
SPEAKER_00: Like, what?
41:00
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
41:02
SPEAKER_00: Around three years ago, she's the love of my life.
41:06
SPEAKER_00: One day she suggested we go herbexing.
41:11
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
41:12
SPEAKER_00: Because she didn't want to go through the whole having Emo screamed at us whenever we were in town.
41:20
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm a fucking parabastard?
41:24
SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
41:25
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
41:27
SPEAKER_00: P-A-R-A?
41:30
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm a fucking parabastard.
41:32
SPEAKER_00: And the last place I want Tay B is in an abandoned building at night.
41:38
SPEAKER_00: Is he like paraplegic?
41:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
41:43
SPEAKER_00: Could run into anything there.
41:45
SPEAKER_00: Neds, homeless cunts, fuck me, even a serial killer for all we can.
41:52
SPEAKER_00: This is well, this is what he meant by slang.
41:54
SPEAKER_00: He's gonna say a bunch of shit that nobody knows what that means.
41:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
41:58
SPEAKER_00: Viv said I'd be fine, and she'd be here if I start to panic.
42:03
SPEAKER_00: I love and trust her, so I went with her anyway, even though I already knew something was gonna happen.
42:10
SPEAKER_00: Her and I met uh met at around 11 p.m.
42:14
SPEAKER_00: at the side the people in Scotland, by the way, don't use AM and PM.
42:20
SPEAKER_00: Her and I met at around 11 p.m.
42:21
SPEAKER_00: at the side of the motorway.
42:23
SPEAKER_00: He Googled.
42:25
SPEAKER_00: This is an American guy that Googled Scottish slang for his fucking stupid story.
42:30
SPEAKER_00: And still didn't get the that.
42:32
SPEAKER_00: Okay, anyway.
42:33
SPEAKER_01: I'm I did you say parabastard?
42:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
42:36
SPEAKER_01: Like bastard, but with P-A-R-A in front of it.
42:39
SPEAKER_01: It's two different words.
42:41
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
42:42
SPEAKER_01: P A R A Space Ba.
42:43
SPEAKER_01: Space bastard.
42:45
SPEAKER_01: Uh I'm not.
42:47
SPEAKER_00: Are we just gonna Google all the slang?
42:49
SPEAKER_00: I I That's not a thing, dude.
42:53
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you spelled a word wrong.
42:55
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
42:55
SPEAKER_00: That's weird.
42:56
SPEAKER_01: Anyway.
42:56
SPEAKER_01: So I was just like, maybe that's gonna inform something later in the story, so I I want to look it up, but it's nothing.
43:03
SPEAKER_01: So fuck you.
43:04
SPEAKER_01: Piece of shit.
43:05
SPEAKER_01: Author.
43:06
SPEAKER_00: You gay bitch.
43:07
SPEAKER_00: Uh we might have a gafer.
43:09
SPEAKER_00: Y'all ha ha, you homo.
43:12
SPEAKER_00: You fucking mo.
43:14
SPEAKER_00: 11 p.m.
43:15
SPEAKER_00: at the side of the motorway, as the building was in a forest at the side of it.
43:20
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
43:20
SPEAKER_00: She was gorgeous as per usual.
43:23
SPEAKER_00: She wore her usual corpse paint.
43:27
SPEAKER_00: Her jeans, the t-shirt she bought from that concert we met at, and a pair of golf stompers.
43:36
SPEAKER_00: I looked at her and said, You joking?
43:39
SPEAKER_00: Viv, are you sure platform boots are the safest thing for a building that looks fucking riddled with trip hazards?
43:47
SPEAKER_00: This is fucking This guy's OSHA certified.
43:52
SPEAKER_00: I know, right?
43:53
SPEAKER_00: He's like, You could slip, trip, or fall.
43:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that could be an OSHA recordable injury.
43:57
SPEAKER_00: Where's your hive is?
44:07
SPEAKER_01: Where's your hard hat with the anarchy sticker on?
44:10
SPEAKER_00: You're not even wearing your antsy level four cut-proof gloves.
44:20
SPEAKER_01: We're definitely gonna be higher than six feet up.
44:23
SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna need the all the equipment for that.
44:26
SPEAKER_00: He goes, we're gonna need the straps.
44:28
SPEAKER_00: He goes, hold the fort.
44:30
SPEAKER_00: And he gets down on one knee and he pushes on the toe of her shoe and he goes, these aren't steel caps.
44:38
SPEAKER_00: These aren't even uh composite boots.
44:41
SPEAKER_00: Come on, babe.
44:43
SPEAKER_00: Do you want to see some pictures of injuries that can happen with crush hazards on your toes?
44:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
44:52
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
44:55
SPEAKER_01: What's the thing you have on when you're on the scaffold?
44:58
SPEAKER_01: What's that shit called?
44:59
SPEAKER_01: Harness.
45:00
SPEAKER_01: Harness, yeah.
45:01
SPEAKER_01: You can get no harness?
45:02
SPEAKER_01: You need the five-point harness, babe.
45:04
SPEAKER_01: What are we doing?
45:05
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, dude.
45:07
SPEAKER_01: I mean, if you think about it, like that, like goth like uh uh BDSM wear kind of looks like that a little bit.
45:15
SPEAKER_01: Like you could have that.
45:17
SPEAKER_01: You could just be working on a billboard with that on if you wanted, if that was your job, you know?
45:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
45:23
SPEAKER_00: I guess if like they ran out or they didn't have your size and you have to bring your GIMP equipment from home.
45:29
SPEAKER_01: What's the functional difference between a construction worker who's up on a scaffold and falls and is now hanging by his harness and the BDSM like hanging bullshit where you're tied up with the ropes and you're spinning like that.
45:45
SPEAKER_00: One is rated for like 4,000 pounds of force, and the other is Amazon pleather from China that's rated for about four pounds of pulling on it too hard.
45:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
45:56
SPEAKER_01: Good point.
45:56
SPEAKER_01: Good point.
45:57
SPEAKER_01: I just mean as a human, you're basically in the same predicament.
46:00
SPEAKER_01: True.
46:01
SPEAKER_01: You know?
46:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:02
SPEAKER_01: Rope play.
46:03
SPEAKER_01: But very different people.
46:05
SPEAKER_01: Very different reasons that you're there.
46:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:09
SPEAKER_01: The tripping hazards fucking.
46:10
SPEAKER_01: It's just funny that they're they're going through the same experience.
46:13
SPEAKER_01: Just the idea that the BDSM with all the ropes and whatnot, and the construction worker who's now who's hanging from the billboard.
46:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:22
SPEAKER_01: Same deal.
46:23
SPEAKER_01: They are in the same, they have a commonality that is very funny to me.
46:28
SPEAKER_00: I agree.
46:28
SPEAKER_00: I think that it'd be even funnier if they were like, I don't need the harness.
46:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm one of those circus freaks that can pierce my skin with fish hooks.
46:36
SPEAKER_00: You just hang from a million fishing lines.
46:41
SPEAKER_01: Fishing lines, not even, not even with the rope.
46:44
SPEAKER_00: Nah, dude, they got a bunch of them.
46:46
SPEAKER_01: You're like a fucking Macy's parade float, dude.
46:48
SPEAKER_00: And the guy, all the construction workers, they're like blue collar, so like, what was that?
46:52
SPEAKER_00: 15-pound test?
46:54
SPEAKER_00: Hell yeah.
46:55
SPEAKER_00: Hell yeah.
46:56
SPEAKER_00: Braided line right there.
46:57
SPEAKER_00: He ain't going nowhere.
46:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:58
SPEAKER_00: He could hang there for days, boy.
47:01
SPEAKER_00: I reeled me in a fucking largemouth the other day on that shit.
47:04
SPEAKER_00: Hell yeah.
47:05
SPEAKER_01: It ain't snapping.
47:06
SPEAKER_01: You could get you could get a great white with it.
47:08
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
47:09
SPEAKER_00: You'd have to catch you a tree.
47:12
SPEAKER_00: For that line to give.
47:14
SPEAKER_00: It's going nowhere.
47:16
SPEAKER_00: I love when they're like, that ain't going nowhere.
47:18
SPEAKER_00: Like they slap, they they strap something down, they slap it.
47:22
SPEAKER_00: That ain't going nowhere.
47:23
SPEAKER_01: Me talking about fishing is like the author of this story talking about grunge.
47:28
SPEAKER_00: That's so true.
47:29
SPEAKER_01: That's so true.
47:30
SPEAKER_01: That's why I went straight to shark.
47:31
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I don't know shit about fish, bro.
47:34
SPEAKER_00: Crank the drag up on that thing, boy.
47:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
47:36
SPEAKER_01: I had to zero fish knowledge whatsoever.
47:40
SPEAKER_01: Zero.
47:42
unknown: We didn't tell you goodnight, did we?
47:45
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I only fucking remember a little bit about fishing when I grew up with, you know, my uncle.
47:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
47:53
SPEAKER_00: And he showed me how to how to cast a trot line.
47:58
SPEAKER_00: Told me how to reel in a good old sized trout.
48:01
SPEAKER_00: So you will survive then.
48:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm a country boy and I by golly.
48:05
SPEAKER_01: Or you can survive.
48:06
SPEAKER_01: I can fucking survive.
48:08
SPEAKER_01: It's not will, it's can, by the way.
48:11
SPEAKER_01: Some country boys will choose not to survive.
48:14
SPEAKER_01: Right.
48:14
SPEAKER_01: According to Charlie Daniels.
48:16
SPEAKER_00: If they're emo, emo country boy.
48:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
48:19
SPEAKER_00: Might just have to take his 410 right up to his dome piece.
48:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
48:25
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, that fucking the OSHA certified shit sent me, bro.
48:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
48:30
SPEAKER_00: That was amazing.
48:32
SPEAKER_00: You joking, Viv?
48:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna read that sentence over again to get back in the story.
48:36
SPEAKER_00: You joking, Viv, are you sure platform shoes are the safest thing for a building that looks fucking riddled with tripping hazards?
48:43
SPEAKER_00: She looked back at me and said, Just relax, Gregor.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: These feel more natural to walk in for me than sneakers, okay?
48:55
SPEAKER_00: I believed her like a right twat.
48:58
SPEAKER_00: Love makes you agree to stupid things.
49:01
SPEAKER_00: Like going into a probably an a a probably a junkie infested abandoned gaff.
49:10
SPEAKER_00: Alright.
49:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
49:11
SPEAKER_00: Slang.
49:12
SPEAKER_00: We find the entrance, which we had to squeeze through the the grammar is devolving, and he keeps fucking up and it's throwing me because instead of we he said he.
49:25
SPEAKER_00: He had to crawl through.
49:26
SPEAKER_00: Alright, alright, I'm gonna try to focus up here.
49:29
SPEAKER_00: We find an entrance which we had to squeeze through, a small crawl space to get in.
49:35
SPEAKER_00: It was rough.
49:36
SPEAKER_00: Scrapped all the bastarding skin off my chest.
49:40
SPEAKER_00: But it's whatever, I guess.
49:42
SPEAKER_00: Cause all that mattered to me right now is making Viv happy.
49:46
SPEAKER_00: The inside looked as I'd expected.
49:49
SPEAKER_00: Shite, shite, and fucking shite.
49:52
SPEAKER_00: It was dark and creepy, holes in the floor.
49:55
SPEAKER_00: The air was stale.
49:57
SPEAKER_00: Graffiti that I could only assume Ned's had done.
50:00
SPEAKER_00: Is Ned's Scottish for black people?
50:03
SPEAKER_00: Because it feels racial.
50:05
SPEAKER_01: I uh I don't it doesn't feel racial to me.
50:07
SPEAKER_01: It feels more like uh like cla I don't know, classist almost.
50:13
SPEAKER_01: Let's look it up.
50:14
SPEAKER_01: Look at Scottish?
50:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Ned's.
50:18
SPEAKER_00: Like the name Ned, capital N.
50:22
SPEAKER_01: Okay, Scottish slang Ned.
50:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
50:25
SPEAKER_01: Antisocial young person who causes trouble.
50:29
SPEAKER_01: A ruffian.
50:31
SPEAKER_01: The English term ruffian is a is a synonym.
50:34
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
50:35
SPEAKER_01: So bridgeheads.
50:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
50:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
50:39
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
50:40
SPEAKER_01: What do we even have a word for that?
50:42
SPEAKER_01: Uh I don't think we do.
50:44
SPEAKER_01: Juvenile delinquents?
50:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I guess.
50:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's the closest anagram.
50:49
SPEAKER_01: Shipbirds.
50:50
SPEAKER_01: That's not true.
50:51
SPEAKER_01: That's what I call them.
50:52
SPEAKER_01: I call them shipbirds.
50:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: Fucking just a bunch of little fucking shitbirds when you're gonna do that.
50:58
SPEAKER_00: Scumfucks.
50:59
SPEAKER_01: Riffraff.
51:00
SPEAKER_00: White trash trailer trash.
51:03
SPEAKER_01: Riffraff has like a racist meaning now, but does it?
51:06
SPEAKER_01: When I was younger, I always thought of it as like fucking troublemakers.
51:11
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, dudes running around trying to cause a problem.
51:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
51:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:16
SPEAKER_00: Like uh like scumbags.
51:17
SPEAKER_01: All the dudes in fight videos.
51:19
SPEAKER_01: Like basically.
51:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:21
SPEAKER_00: You won't hit them.
51:22
SPEAKER_00: That's a that's Riffraff right there.
51:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, dude.
51:24
SPEAKER_00: The minute you say world star, you're Riffraff, dude.
51:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, dog.
51:27
SPEAKER_00: Or if you say, like, I got a go, I got a gazelle, leopard skin, Bugatti.
51:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:35
SPEAKER_00: With ice cream dripping ass paint.
51:37
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
51:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:38
SPEAKER_00: And I'm sweating like a gazune type.
51:40
SPEAKER_00: That's how you know the Riffraff.
51:42
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
51:42
SPEAKER_00: The rapper.
51:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:44
SPEAKER_00: The one and only.
51:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:46
SPEAKER_00: Uh graffiti that I can only assume Ned's a done.
51:49
SPEAKER_00: I am on full fucking alert.
51:51
SPEAKER_00: Genuinely.
51:52
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't rest for a bloody second.
51:54
SPEAKER_00: But Viv took my hand and looked at me with those eyes.
51:58
SPEAKER_00: Her makeup was meant to be creepy, but those eyes were as loving as an old family dog.
52:04
SPEAKER_00: That's a fucking crazy thing to compare your girlfriend to.
52:08
SPEAKER_01: I thought he was gonna say the something about the makeup being meant to run.
52:13
SPEAKER_01: Like he was, you know.
52:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
52:17
SPEAKER_01: Gonna face fuck her, I guess.
52:18
SPEAKER_01: I guess that's the only way that makes any sense.
52:22
SPEAKER_00: Nothing says love like mascara running down your face as you choke and gag on my penis.
52:27
SPEAKER_01: That's what I thought he was getting at at first.
52:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the comparing her eyes to an old family dog.
52:34
SPEAKER_00: That's insane.
52:34
SPEAKER_00: If Viv reads this, she's like, I'm never fucking you again.
52:37
SPEAKER_00: That's crazy.
52:39
SPEAKER_00: You grunge-headed Ned.
52:42
SPEAKER_00: I felt safe instantly.
52:44
SPEAKER_00: Around 20 minutes later, I start hearing sounds.
52:48
SPEAKER_00: Not ambient sounds, people sounds.
52:52
SPEAKER_00: Footsteps, breathing.
52:54
SPEAKER_00: That creeped me out.
52:56
SPEAKER_00: How close were they that I could hear their breathing?
52:59
SPEAKER_00: But the noises fucked off as soon as they came.
53:02
SPEAKER_00: I convinced myself it was all in my mind.
53:05
SPEAKER_00: Just my paranoia talking to me.
53:08
SPEAKER_00: God, I sound like the first one to die in a horror film, and I should know it was all me and Viv watched.
53:14
SPEAKER_00: Her idea, of course.
53:16
SPEAKER_00: She said, Oi, Gregor! This is so creepy.
53:25
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
53:26
SPEAKER_00: I said, Then why are you smiling?
53:30
SPEAKER_00: She said, 'Cause I love creepy stuff, Gregor.
53:34
SPEAKER_00: God.
53:34
SPEAKER_00: Hee he he no one's ever no.
53:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
53:38
SPEAKER_00: I mean it's like we're in a horror film or something.
53:42
SPEAKER_00: She clung to my arm and said in an over-exaggerated scared voice, Lo look, it's a giggy giggy ghost.
53:50
SPEAKER_00: I look over and said, wait, what the fuck?
53:54
SPEAKER_00: I fucking leathered whatever I saw.
53:57
SPEAKER_00: And it was just a jacket hanging there.
54:02
SPEAKER_00: Luckily I have a past in boxing.
54:05
SPEAKER_00: The grunge boxer.
54:07
unknown: Oh my god.
54:09
SPEAKER_00: In boxing, so it didn't hurt my hand too much, because I'm f kind of fucking badass, is what I'm trying to get at.
54:15
SPEAKER_00: Then again, it was a fucking coat, so I don't see how I could have hurt my hand.
54:20
SPEAKER_00: Vivian burst out laughing while saying, God, Gregor, you're such a baby.
54:25
SPEAKER_00: Ha ha ha ha.
54:26
SPEAKER_00: She cupped the side of my cheek and said, It's okay, my sweet boy.
54:31
SPEAKER_00: We can leave if you really want to.
54:33
SPEAKER_00: I wanted to leave.
54:35
SPEAKER_00: I really wanted to fucking leave.
54:37
SPEAKER_00: But Vivian always does things that are in my comfort zone.
54:41
SPEAKER_00: What?
54:42
SPEAKER_00: That doesn't make any fucking sense at all.
54:44
SPEAKER_00: I never want to do anything adventurous like she does.
54:47
SPEAKER_00: I owed her this.
54:48
SPEAKER_00: Now it makes sense that I read the whole thing, retard.
54:51
SPEAKER_00: Nah, Viv, let's stay for a little while, okay?
54:53
SPEAKER_00: I can manage, trust me.
54:56
SPEAKER_00: I say with maybe a little too much enthusiasm, which I fucking nailed by the way.
55:01
SPEAKER_00: But she seemed happy to hear it.
55:03
SPEAKER_00: We walk into a room on the bottom floor, and there's sleeping bags?
55:09
SPEAKER_00: My first thought is Fuck, this is a homeless hideout.
55:12
SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to scare Viv though, so I just let her check it out, and we go check out more rooms.
55:19
SPEAKER_00: We explore the building top to bottom.
55:22
SPEAKER_00: She's taking hundreds of photos of every room?
55:25
SPEAKER_00: Jesus Christ.
55:27
SPEAKER_00: Like hundreds of photos per room?
55:29
SPEAKER_00: Like you're there for a half an hour per fucking room.
55:31
SPEAKER_01: At least, yeah, yeah.
55:33
SPEAKER_00: It was so hot seeing her be so.
55:37
SPEAKER_00: Babe, it's so fucking hot how you stand there and press that button on your phone a bunch of times.
55:42
SPEAKER_00: Oh, don't ever run into Asians in a city.
55:45
SPEAKER_01: Because you're gonna think they're fucking the best.
55:48
SPEAKER_00: Fucking nut in your pants, dude.
55:51
SPEAKER_00: Put a Polaroid in that bitch's hand.
55:52
SPEAKER_00: You're fucking jizz.
55:54
SPEAKER_00: It was so hot seeing her be so passionate about this, and that I could be a part of it.
55:59
SPEAKER_00: I knew I loved her, but something this simple made me realize how much I did.
56:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm tired of reading about these fucking gay ass homo dudes that love their girlfriends, bro.
56:11
SPEAKER_01: They're goth chicks, yeah.
56:12
SPEAKER_00: Like say she's a bitch or something.
56:17
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's just clearly like virgins, but guys that have never actually dated a chick.
56:23
SPEAKER_01: Right.
56:24
SPEAKER_01: Those guys that have had a series of miscues.
56:27
SPEAKER_00: They only have an idealization or an idealized version of what dating looks like.
56:32
SPEAKER_00: It's like if she's so hot, surely she'd be amazing all the time.
56:36
SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, the second you fucking give her what she wants and she gives you what you want, it's all all bets are off.
56:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:44
SPEAKER_00: Find out how stinky they are and how lazy they can be.
56:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:47
SPEAKER_00: And how annoying they are.
56:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:49
SPEAKER_01: You'll find out.
56:50
SPEAKER_01: These dudes' love lives are like the Los Angeles Chargers thus far this season.
56:55
SPEAKER_01: No one's a fan.
56:57
SPEAKER_01: And it's just been a whole bunch of mistakes.
56:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm not letting you make this about football.
57:02
SPEAKER_01: We've got enough football on Patreon.
57:04
SPEAKER_01: I just want to dig at the Chargers because they're incredibly uh annoying.
57:08
SPEAKER_01: And their four fans are so loud online.
57:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
57:12
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, sorry, keep up.
57:14
SPEAKER_00: Banana ass, loser ass.
57:16
SPEAKER_00: Homos.
57:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah.
57:20
SPEAKER_00: We started wrapping things up after we reached the top floor.
57:23
SPEAKER_00: We've seen more sleeping bags and random items of no importance.
57:28
SPEAKER_00: They're pretty important to somebody, bro.
57:30
SPEAKER_00: Look at all this gay garbage they got stacked around their dumb sleeping bag.
57:35
SPEAKER_00: How unimportant.
57:36
SPEAKER_00: These guys are like, that's all my stuff, dude.
57:38
SPEAKER_00: That's my whole life, dude.
57:40
SPEAKER_00: I need that bottle.
57:41
SPEAKER_00: It's the only way I can drink water.
57:42
SPEAKER_00: What the fuck?
57:45
SPEAKER_00: This really was just an abandoned building.
57:50
SPEAKER_00: Viv looked over at Keristine Lantern.
57:53
SPEAKER_00: God damn it.
57:54
SPEAKER_00: Incredulous.
57:54
SPEAKER_00: He is.
57:55
SPEAKER_00: It's like, yeah, you have a house.
57:57
SPEAKER_00: What the fuck?
57:58
SPEAKER_00: Like, you can afford stuff, bro.
58:01
SPEAKER_00: My life ain't shitty enough.
58:02
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna denigrate my things too.
58:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
58:04
SPEAKER_00: I have no home.
58:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
58:08
SPEAKER_00: Viv looked over at me and said, Thanks for doing this with me, Gregor.
58:13
SPEAKER_00: It's such a gay name.
58:14
SPEAKER_00: I hate it, yeah.
58:15
SPEAKER_00: I I really appreciate you coming out of your comfort zone for this.
58:19
SPEAKER_00: Why would she say that too?
58:22
SPEAKER_01: You said it in your head earlier.
58:26
SPEAKER_01: You gotta find another way to word it when the the thing comes up or it's cheese ball.
58:31
SPEAKER_01: You could literally just go to thesaurus.com.
58:33
SPEAKER_00: You say out of your shell, you know?
58:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
58:35
SPEAKER_00: To do things I like to do that you don't like to do.
58:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
58:38
SPEAKER_00: Anyway.
58:39
SPEAKER_00: I love you.
58:41
SPEAKER_00: I look over at her and I say, I love you too, Bill.
58:45
SPEAKER_00: Dude, shut the fuck up.
58:48
SPEAKER_00: Nobody wants to hear about your mushy gooshy fake gay thing.
58:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
58:53
SPEAKER_00: But let's get the fuck oot of here.
58:55
SPEAKER_00: He wrote oot.
58:56
SPEAKER_00: Oot of here.
58:57
SPEAKER_00: Now he's Canadian.
58:58
SPEAKER_00: For some reason.
58:59
SPEAKER_00: He jumped across the Atlantic.
59:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm reading the rest of it Canadian.
59:03
SPEAKER_00: She giggled to her credit.
59:05
SPEAKER_00: We walk we started walking down the stairs that were covered in glass.
59:10
SPEAKER_00: So I held her hand in case she fell down.
59:14
SPEAKER_00: Around the third floor we hear Oi! A U2 Gizma shit back.
59:21
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
59:23
SPEAKER_00: I have to go back to reading normal because now I'm gonna be confused.
59:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
59:26
SPEAKER_00: Oi! A U2! Gee's my shite back! Me and Viv freeze.
59:32
SPEAKER_00: We slowly look over our shoulders and see a man.
59:36
SPEAKER_00: He was about 5'11.
59:38
SPEAKER_00: Just say he was about six feet tall.
59:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
59:41
SPEAKER_00: And very skinny with scabs all over his face.
59:45
SPEAKER_00: Fuck! We just ran into a very territorial junkie and now quit.
59:51
SPEAKER_00: He thinks we he thinks we we, not he, stole from him.
59:57
SPEAKER_00: I say, Look, lad, we were just going we were just looking around.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_00: Oh right?
1:00:04
SPEAKER_00: We haven't stolen anything.
1:00:06
SPEAKER_00: We're just leaving, okay?
1:00:09
SPEAKER_00: He stares while scratching his neck with a handle of a knife.
1:00:14
SPEAKER_00: I had only just noticed, and he says, Is that fucking cheek?
1:00:19
SPEAKER_00: Oh god yeah ye cunts.
1:00:22
SPEAKER_00: He starts approaching slowly, then hastily.
1:00:26
SPEAKER_00: I mean he's proper, bolting towards us.
1:00:30
SPEAKER_00: I sh oh man, dude, when he s he said, I shove, and I just pictured him shoving her at him and going, I'm outta here! I shove Vivian behind me.
1:00:40
SPEAKER_00: In my mind, I thought running was a stupid idea because he probably knows this building a hundred times better than both me and Vivian combined.
1:00:49
SPEAKER_00: Well, she took a hundred pictures per room.
1:00:51
SPEAKER_00: This bitch knows the layout.
1:00:52
SPEAKER_00: She should.
1:00:53
SPEAKER_00: She's got a fucking basically an architectural drawing in her mind at this point.
1:00:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, dude.
1:00:58
SPEAKER_01: Just go through the camera roll real quick.
1:00:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:01:00
SPEAKER_01: You'll find your way back.
1:01:01
SPEAKER_00: I square up into a boxing guard.
1:01:03
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if boxing's the best defense for knife fighting.
1:01:08
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:01:08
SPEAKER_00: Well, it's all he's got.
1:01:09
SPEAKER_00: That's true.
1:01:10
SPEAKER_00: He winds the knife above his head, telegraphing exactly what he's about to do.
1:01:15
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:01:16
SPEAKER_00: He brings the knife down and I move my head to the side, making it miss anything vital, but he caught me in the shoulder, making me scream.
1:01:24
SPEAKER_00: If he really telegraphed his whole fucking thing and you know how to box, surely you could do anything but just move your head a little and let him stab you in the fucking shoulder.
1:01:34
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:01:34
SPEAKER_00: There's fuck six other directions.
1:01:37
SPEAKER_01: I mean, your hand should be on his wrist.
1:01:39
SPEAKER_01: Right?
1:01:40
SPEAKER_01: At this point.
1:01:41
SPEAKER_01: Like you should have been able to get out of the way, see how his hand is coming.
1:01:45
SPEAKER_01: If you're such a good boxer.
1:01:46
SPEAKER_00: If I see a dude cock a knife back like he's gonna stab me, I'm kicking him straight in the fucking balls.
1:01:52
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:01:53
SPEAKER_00: Knee or balls.
1:01:54
SPEAKER_00: Just my the tip of my toe is going into his scrotum.
1:01:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:01:58
SPEAKER_00: While I jerk the rest of my body backwards.
1:02:01
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, out of knife range.
1:02:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:02:03
SPEAKER_00: Whatever, dude.
1:02:05
SPEAKER_00: Um he caught my shoulder, making me scream.
1:02:15
SPEAKER_00: I hear Viv's breath get cut off, almost like she's being muffled, but I couldn't pay attention properly from the pain in my shoulder and my fight or flight kicking in.
1:02:25
SPEAKER_00: I pivot my body to the left and drive my fist right into his liver.
1:02:30
SPEAKER_00: No one can withstand a full-blown liver sh.
1:02:36
SPEAKER_00: The cringe badass I can fight writing is so funny.
1:02:41
SPEAKER_00: No one can withstand a full-blown lither liver blow, especially not a junky bastard who's liver probably wishes it was dead from all the toxins it has to go through.
1:02:52
SPEAKER_00: He clearly hasn't read the owner's manual.
1:02:56
SPEAKER_00: Just more of the OSHA stuff.
1:02:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
1:02:58
SPEAKER_00: The junkie goes down with a wheeze.
1:03:01
SPEAKER_00: I turn around and Viv's gone?
1:03:04
SPEAKER_00: Where could she have possibly went?
1:03:07
SPEAKER_00: She was just right there.
1:03:09
SPEAKER_00: Then I remembered the sound of her breath, and I know she's been taken by this guy's pals.
1:03:15
SPEAKER_00: I was scared.
1:03:17
SPEAKER_00: I was confused.
1:03:18
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what to do.
1:03:20
SPEAKER_00: So I ran.
1:03:22
SPEAKER_00: Not after Vivian, but for the exit.
1:03:26
SPEAKER_00: In my own fucking selfish mind, I saved myself and not the girl I love.
1:03:31
SPEAKER_00: I didn't care at that point.
1:03:33
SPEAKER_00: This is the most honest he's been about anything.
1:03:38
SPEAKER_00: This is just straight up like what a lot of people would do.
1:03:43
SPEAKER_00: It sucks, you don't want to read about that, but it's true.
1:03:46
SPEAKER_00: Most people would just fucking run and just say, take that bitch, get me out of here.
1:03:50
SPEAKER_00: Um I saved myself and not the girl I love.
1:03:53
SPEAKER_00: I didn't care at that point.
1:03:53
SPEAKER_00: I weaved around corners and jumped down staircases until I made it back to where we entered.
1:03:58
SPEAKER_00: Taking my skin off the chest all over again, leaving behind my blood on the concrete wall.
1:04:05
SPEAKER_00: I ran through the forest and back across the motorway we crossed to get into the building.
1:04:09
SPEAKER_00: I left Vivian.
1:04:11
SPEAKER_00: I left her to die.
1:04:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm not John fucking Wick or fucking Rama?
1:04:16
SPEAKER_00: Who's Rama?
1:04:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I can't take on an army of junkies, but I should have.
1:04:22
SPEAKER_00: Viv was all I had.
1:04:24
SPEAKER_00: She was my everything, and I fucking left her there.
1:04:27
SPEAKER_00: My bonnie lass.
1:04:31
SPEAKER_00: In writing this from the police station, I'm writing this from the police station after I reported what happened.
1:04:37
SPEAKER_00: They sent cars over there, but chances are my Viv is gone.
1:04:41
SPEAKER_00: Junkies aren't known to be the kind of people they think of stole their things.
1:04:47
SPEAKER_00: Aren't kind to the people.
1:04:49
SPEAKER_00: Sorry, sorry.
1:04:50
SPEAKER_00: Aren't kind to people they think of stole their things.
1:04:53
SPEAKER_00: I keep envisioning her being stabbed over and over and over again, screaming for me to come save her, to come help her.
1:05:02
SPEAKER_00: To be her boyfriend and do my fucking job and fucking save her.
1:05:07
SPEAKER_00: And I failed because I was too selfish to even try.
1:05:11
SPEAKER_00: For all I know, it was only one junkie that kidnapped her.
1:05:15
SPEAKER_00: Dude, this is too honest.
1:05:17
SPEAKER_00: This is way too real.
1:05:19
SPEAKER_00: For all I know, it was only one junkie that kidnapped her, not an army.
1:05:22
SPEAKER_00: But why would I risk that?
1:05:24
SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you why.
1:05:26
SPEAKER_00: Past Gregor.
1:05:27
SPEAKER_00: To save your fucking universe.
1:05:29
SPEAKER_00: What the fuck does that mean?
1:05:34
SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you why, past Gregor.
1:05:36
SPEAKER_00: He's talking to himself in past tense.
1:05:39
SPEAKER_00: To save your fucking universe.
1:05:41
SPEAKER_00: Viv, if you decide to haunt me for this, please do make my life miserable.
1:05:47
SPEAKER_00: Cause that's all I deserve.
1:05:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
1:05:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm so freaking so dot.
1:05:54
SPEAKER_00: End of story.
1:05:56
SPEAKER_00: That sucks.
1:05:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, dude.
1:05:58
SPEAKER_01: That felt like they ran out of steam and Just here's how it's gonna end.
1:06:02
SPEAKER_00: The end got so fucking real, dude.
1:06:06
SPEAKER_00: Like just I just left that bitch.
1:06:08
SPEAKER_01: That's not I don't I don't like it.
1:06:10
SPEAKER_01: I don't like how that ended.
1:06:12
SPEAKER_01: I mean, not because he didn't try to save her.
1:06:15
SPEAKER_01: I mean, obviously that's the better story.
1:06:18
SPEAKER_01: There's more story there.
1:06:20
SPEAKER_01: The story just ended.
1:06:22
SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah.
1:06:22
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's it's I guess it's okay, you know, whatever that we got the fucking like follow-up of you talk to the cops, but yeah, nothing happened.
1:06:32
SPEAKER_01: Like, you didn't even say that they found her.
1:06:34
SPEAKER_00: Right, like in the last sent a few sentences, you know the thing that would have I mean I feel like it accomplishes the same thing, but it could be like they went back to look for and all they could find was like a little bit of blood, the boots would be crazy.
1:06:50
SPEAKER_01: Something like you gotta give us something there at the end, man.
1:06:54
SPEAKER_01: You it can't just end like that.
1:06:55
SPEAKER_01: And I understand that that is how it ended for the character, but like that sucks.
1:07:02
SPEAKER_01: You gotta make it end for the character and us better.
1:07:05
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I like the idea of the ending being like they went back, they found a little bit of blood, not enough that it's like she's obviously dead.
1:07:14
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:07:15
SPEAKER_00: They find her boots and like a torn piece of her clothes, yeah, but everybody was gone, and now she's been missing for six months.
1:07:23
SPEAKER_00: Like Yeah, right.
1:07:24
SPEAKER_00: Now now he has to be tortured by the fact that he was a coward and left her behind.
1:07:29
SPEAKER_01: Flesh out more of the story.
1:07:30
SPEAKER_00: That's a better way to leave it as like a punishment to him for being a pussy.
1:07:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:07:35
SPEAKER_00: But then it's like it also like definitively says like something is a mystery.
1:07:42
SPEAKER_00: Not just like I left, and then the cops went and now I have to deal with that.
1:07:47
SPEAKER_00: Like he didn't resolve is it is she dead?
1:07:51
SPEAKER_00: Is it a mystery?
1:07:52
SPEAKER_00: Like she made it out, and now you are, you know, you have to deal with the shame.
1:07:58
SPEAKER_00: Like those those are three options that would be fine.
1:08:02
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:08:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, when I was younger, and I would actually write the ideas down that I thought of, uh every now and then you would be writing a story, and by toward the end of the story, you realize the better option, but you also realize I've written this whole fucking story in the tone of the previous iteration.
1:08:24
SPEAKER_01: I now need to go back through the fucking story and change little things and like just, dude, that's a little bit of a cheat code.
1:08:34
SPEAKER_01: If you ever do that, you can sometimes resolve, you can make the feel of the story just by going in maybe 12 words throughout the thing, you know, or peppering in lit like uh uh three or four sentences throughout the story and making it right.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_01: This person could have easily done that, they could have like made the whole thing more where they're setting it up for her death, you know, right or or her disappearance, and setting it up for like like uh like the tone of it should be remorseful.
1:09:10
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:09:10
SPEAKER_01: And then once you get there, you're like, oh, no wonder this whole story was written in that tone.
1:09:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
1:09:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking about well-written stories that I've read where like the end of a paragraph is always something like I should have never done blah blah blah, or I would have never done blah blah blah if I knew what was gonna happen later.
1:09:30
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:09:31
SPEAKER_00: Because then it's like, for example, he brought up the boots.
1:09:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:09:35
SPEAKER_00: He could have been like, I would have pushed harder for her to wear sneakers if I had known what's gonna happen later.
1:09:41
SPEAKER_00: Where she goes to run away from the homeless guy, but she slips because her boots are like slick or you know, she trips over something like he fucking alluded to because her boots were too big and bulky and she fucking got caught on something.
1:09:57
SPEAKER_01: I expected the boots to make a return and they didn't, which is why I thought of them a minute ago.
1:10:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he never brings that back up.
1:10:03
SPEAKER_00: It's like he made it such a central thing.
1:10:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there was like four sentences wasted on the fucking boots.
1:10:10
SPEAKER_00: I know.
1:10:10
SPEAKER_00: I yeah.
1:10:12
SPEAKER_00: And it never resolved.
1:10:13
SPEAKER_01: It's like he forgot.
1:10:14
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever had to do that?
1:10:15
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever had to had to go back into a story you were maybe writing at school or something, and had to go back and insert sentences or a whole paragraph sometimes to then to like make the end make sense?
1:10:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure I have it feels like such a bitch move.
1:10:30
SPEAKER_01: It's like this whole story hinges on this one paragraph.
1:10:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, that seems weak.
1:10:36
SPEAKER_00: I usually, when I write stories, like I write the story in my head like the jacket on the back of the book that explains what happens.
1:10:46
SPEAKER_00: It's the same, I just it's like this is the premise and this is how it ends.
1:10:51
SPEAKER_00: Let's reverse engineer from there.
1:10:53
SPEAKER_00: I already know how I want the story to end, so then I just write all the details that gets them to that point.
1:10:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I've done that.
1:10:59
SPEAKER_00: Because like, I don't know.
1:11:00
SPEAKER_00: I like res resolution, I think is the thing that I enjoy the most about stories, is like what the ultimate thing is that happens at the end, is usually the thing that I'm like so excited about.
1:11:13
SPEAKER_00: So then I just write the story to lead up to that.
1:11:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I've done that definitely where I have the outline of the beats of what's gonna happen already in place, and I just need to write it.
1:11:26
SPEAKER_01: But I have the skeleton of the narrative.
1:11:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and these people both would have done better to have done that, but it they both seem like train of thought, and that's fine, but like you gotta go back and refine it, bro.
1:11:43
SPEAKER_01: Like you like if you're writing this from the police station, you need to give us more hearkening, more like more of an idea that that's what's happening before it happens.
1:11:56
SPEAKER_01: You don't even you don't have to say the police station, you just have to, like you said, you have to put in some sentences where it's like you're you're definitely uh being uh reflective right now, rather than this is just a retelling of a story, you know, even beyond narrating a story, even beyond like poor writing in the sense of like alluding to what's gonna happen and you know creating that moment where you can go, oh, that's why you mentioned the boots.
1:12:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:12:26
SPEAKER_00: Beyond that, if you just think about a story that you're gonna write and go, would I watch a movie about this?
1:12:32
SPEAKER_00: Would I watch a movie about two people going to explore in an abandoned building and they get stabbed to death by junkies?
1:12:41
SPEAKER_00: I would not watch that movie.
1:12:43
SPEAKER_00: That's a fucking shitty movie premise.
1:12:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:12:45
SPEAKER_00: Like there's no there's no meat on that.
1:12:48
SPEAKER_00: It's just it's just like a that's more of a true crime story than anything.
1:12:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:12:53
SPEAKER_00: And like that's why true crime it is like they say, like, I don't know, they say truth is stranger than fiction.
1:13:00
SPEAKER_00: I guess that doesn't really apply to what I'm saying, but like true crime stories don't follow the same beats as a fucking movie because true crime is just a horrific thing that happened and you get to find out about how it happened.
1:13:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and who does it?
1:13:11
SPEAKER_00: A movie is like there's the axe to the movie.
1:13:15
SPEAKER_00: There's like a a beginning, a middle, and an end.
1:13:18
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:13:19
SPEAKER_00: And like the end is usually like something actually happened and not just the main character left his girlfriend to get stabbed to death by meth heads.
1:13:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's movement.
1:13:28
SPEAKER_01: That's a shitty movie.
1:13:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:13:30
SPEAKER_01: You're right.
1:13:31
SPEAKER_01: There's there's a flow to it.
1:13:34
SPEAKER_01: There's you know, you need I mean, and a lot of no sleep stories really suffer from bad pacing, and uh, you know, and I'm not I'm not the best at it.
1:13:45
SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying, like, from our reading of this shit, a lot of these uh first of all, you need to know about what you're writing about.
1:13:54
SPEAKER_01: I would never write a story about fishing because I don't know fuck all about fishing.
1:13:58
SPEAKER_01: I see what you're saying, yeah.
1:14:00
SPEAKER_01: So if I don't know fuck all about grunge music, I'm not gonna be a grunge head in the fucking story.
1:14:06
SPEAKER_01: The the grunge head, the fucking antagonist or the protagonist is not gonna be a fucking grunge head.
1:14:13
SPEAKER_01: Uh because it's gonna be about some shit I know about.
1:14:15
SPEAKER_01: And if I don't know about it and I'm like and I'm romantically wanting to write about something I don't know about, yeah, I'm gonna look it up.
1:14:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:14:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna know the terms, and I'm gonna like go to some fucking forums or whatever where you see the people who deal in that thing talking about the thing.
1:14:34
SPEAKER_00: You also spent a lot of time setting that up for it to not be germane to the story whatsoever.
1:14:41
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:14:41
SPEAKER_00: It's not like the homeless guy was like, I fucking hate goths.
1:14:45
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:14:45
SPEAKER_00: And now I'm gonna kill you because you're goth.
1:14:48
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
1:14:48
SPEAKER_00: By the end of the story, it's like you could have been a fucking regular ass guy.
1:14:52
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:14:53
SPEAKER_00: You could have been into anything.
1:14:54
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't pertinent to the story.
1:14:56
SPEAKER_01: Not at all.
1:14:56
SPEAKER_01: Like the the boots would have been enough to make all of that worth it.
1:15:02
SPEAKER_01: He could have been goth chicks wear the fucking tall ass boots, and goth chicks date fellow alternative people.
1:15:11
SPEAKER_01: So that all would be completely relevant if you had brought the fucking boots back.
1:15:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
1:15:17
SPEAKER_00: I mean, like, to spend that much time on it, it's like now you have to utilize something about that later.
1:15:25
SPEAKER_00: The boots.
1:15:26
SPEAKER_00: For him, it could have been like, I was wearing a flannel, right, and I she got cold, so I took it off and gave it to her.
1:15:35
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:15:35
SPEAKER_00: They found the flannel, but not her.
1:15:38
SPEAKER_00: Something like that.
1:15:39
SPEAKER_01: I guess he would say because he did kind of reference that like goth chicks are into dark shit, they're into scary shit, so that's why they're at the abandoned building in the first place.
1:15:50
SPEAKER_01: I guess so, yeah.
1:15:51
SPEAKER_01: I I guess that would be the defense, but that is not specific enough of a of a an inroad for it to have flagged in our heads and not in mine, and we've been talking about this for seven minutes since he was done with the story.
1:16:08
SPEAKER_00: So I'll tell you this, I think we're right.
1:16:10
SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you why it's not good enough because I've watched Urban Explorer videos on YouTube.
1:16:15
SPEAKER_00: Never, ever, ever is it goth people.
1:16:18
SPEAKER_00: It's always just regular people.
1:16:19
SPEAKER_00: It is, yeah.
1:16:20
SPEAKER_00: It's not like that's a thing about goth people that they like to urban explore.
1:16:25
SPEAKER_00: Do they like spooky shit?
1:16:26
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
1:16:27
SPEAKER_00: Use that as a setup as we went to go stay at a haunted house and a bunch of creepy shit happened.
1:16:31
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:16:31
SPEAKER_00: You know, we went to fucking like the people do the ghost hunting stuff at like Waverly Sanitarium or something.
1:16:38
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:16:38
SPEAKER_00: That's that's a better setup.
1:16:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:16:41
SPEAKER_00: Than like we're goth, so we went to an abandoned factory and got fucking stabbed.
1:16:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:16:47
SPEAKER_01: Silly.
1:16:48
SPEAKER_01: Crazy.
1:16:48
SPEAKER_01: Makes no sense, man.
1:16:50
SPEAKER_01: This is probably like a 17-year-old Scottish kid.
1:16:53
SPEAKER_01: You know?
1:16:54
SPEAKER_00: I think it's an American dude.
1:16:55
SPEAKER_00: This is some shit I would have written because there were so many instances of like he for not that he forgot, but it's just like he doesn't know enough about the UK to know that he's just like, oh, I'll say lad here instead of guy.
1:17:10
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:17:11
SPEAKER_00: You know?
1:17:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:17:12
SPEAKER_00: Like I'll Google some Scott.
1:17:13
SPEAKER_00: I maybe he fetishizes it a little bit.
1:17:16
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
1:17:16
SPEAKER_01: I don't know why you would fetish Scottish people, but sure.
1:17:20
SPEAKER_01: I guess it sounded like it, you're right, but that's insane that you would fetish Scottish people.
1:17:26
SPEAKER_01: Of all the Europeans, first of all, of all humans, second of all.
1:17:32
SPEAKER_00: Like why?
1:17:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:17:33
SPEAKER_01: I would say the same about Americans.
1:17:35
SPEAKER_01: I don't understand.
1:17:36
SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't understand fetishizing us either.
1:17:38
SPEAKER_01: I get it.
1:17:39
SPEAKER_01: It's probably because I am American.
1:17:40
SPEAKER_00: I get it as Asian women because they're so tiny and all the people there are small that they want like a big, strong American gun-toten fucking idiot.
1:17:50
SPEAKER_01: Sure, okay.
1:17:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:17:51
SPEAKER_00: But I guess so.
1:17:52
SPEAKER_00: I think for the most part, I 100% agree.
1:17:54
SPEAKER_00: I think even if it's a hot Scottish chick, her fucking accent is so annoying, it's impossible to get into.
1:18:00
SPEAKER_00: I don't know that that exists.
1:18:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm not gonna lie.
1:18:03
SPEAKER_00: Hot Scottish gals?
1:18:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think I think that's that might be an oxymoron.
1:18:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, all the hot ones are in Ireland.
1:18:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:18:08
SPEAKER_00: With their red hair.
1:18:10
SPEAKER_00: Might be an Oxford moron.
1:18:13
SPEAKER_00: I'd give away everything for a hot ginger Scottish girl with green eyes.
1:18:18
SPEAKER_00: I would.
1:18:19
SPEAKER_00: I would I'd move away immediately.
1:18:21
SPEAKER_00: I'll get used to Guinness.
1:18:24
SPEAKER_01: That's you?
1:18:25
SPEAKER_01: Bye.
1:18:26
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
1:18:27
SPEAKER_01: I okay.
1:18:28
SPEAKER_01: That's you, man.
1:18:29
SPEAKER_01: You want the chick from uh well, a grown up version of the chick from uh Brave, right?
1:18:37
SPEAKER_01: No?
1:18:39
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to think about that.
1:18:40
SPEAKER_01: I said grown up.
1:18:42
SPEAKER_01: I don't think her mom.
1:18:43
SPEAKER_01: I don't like it.
1:18:44
SPEAKER_01: When she's a bear.
1:18:45
SPEAKER_01: I don't care for it.
1:18:48
SPEAKER_01: When she's a bear.
1:18:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's the Scottish in her.
1:18:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's what their women look like.
1:18:56
SPEAKER_00: Uh anyway.
1:18:58
SPEAKER_00: She's Scottish, right?
1:18:59
SPEAKER_00: I don't think.
1:19:00
SPEAKER_00: That's in Scotland, isn't it?
1:19:01
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
1:19:02
SPEAKER_00: Brave, you know what I'm talking about?
1:19:03
SPEAKER_00: I've only seen Redheaded Bitch.
1:19:04
SPEAKER_00: I've I know who you're talking about.
1:19:05
SPEAKER_00: I've seen the posters.
1:19:06
SPEAKER_00: I didn't watch the movie because I'm 30 fucking something.
1:19:10
SPEAKER_01: I know we were 30 when it came out, probably, or 28 or something.
1:19:13
SPEAKER_01: At least.
1:19:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:19:14
SPEAKER_01: That was at the bottom of my list of shit to do.
1:19:17
SPEAKER_01: I did watch the one that that uh when the pandemic hit, they dropped it on Disney Plus.
1:19:22
SPEAKER_01: I can't remember what it was now, but it was Princess and the Frog.
1:19:25
SPEAKER_01: No, it makes the it the the the fucking uh dad was a scientist, but he's dead, and they're uh the two boys uh anyway, yeah.
1:19:36
SPEAKER_01: Meet the Robinsons?
1:19:37
SPEAKER_01: No, it's no, I don't think so.
1:19:39
SPEAKER_01: The two it was like uh fucking Pixar movie and the the you know I think I know what you're talking about.
1:19:47
SPEAKER_01: It's uh I can't remember the name of it now, but you know.
1:19:50
SPEAKER_00: Fuck, I know what you're talking about.
1:19:51
SPEAKER_01: Came out there and they were gonna release it in theaters, but then the pandemic ended.
1:19:54
SPEAKER_00: He's the blonde kid, right?
1:19:55
SPEAKER_00: And he go, he builds a time machine and he goes forward and there's like a dinosaur, and uh I don't think so.
1:20:02
SPEAKER_00: The dude with the little fucking ship.
1:20:05
SPEAKER_01: Uh hold on, hold on.
1:20:07
SPEAKER_01: We're figuring this out before we're gonna do that.
1:20:09
SPEAKER_01: I gotta know.
1:20:10
SPEAKER_01: I gotta know.
1:20:10
SPEAKER_00: Because I like Pixar movies like that.
1:20:12
SPEAKER_01: All 31 Pixar movies ranked, we're gonna find it.
1:20:15
SPEAKER_01: All 31.
1:20:16
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of things.
1:20:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know.
1:20:17
SPEAKER_01: I know.
1:20:17
SPEAKER_00: But there's I'm surprised there's only 31.
1:20:20
SPEAKER_01: Uh okay.
1:20:22
SPEAKER_01: Monsters University's 31.
1:20:24
SPEAKER_01: Let's just go through their list.
1:20:25
SPEAKER_01: The Good Dinosaur, Cars 2.
1:20:30
unknown: Okay.
1:20:30
SPEAKER_01: Finding Dory?
1:20:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I think I skipped 28.
1:20:33
SPEAKER_01: Elemental.
1:20:33
SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah, it's not that one.
1:20:35
SPEAKER_01: Finding Dory.
1:20:36
SPEAKER_00: Of course.
1:20:37
SPEAKER_01: Cars 3.
1:20:39
SPEAKER_00: So many cars, babies.
1:20:41
SPEAKER_01: Elio, which is the newest one or newer one.
1:20:44
SPEAKER_01: Soul.
1:20:44
SPEAKER_01: Soul is fucking sick, dude.
1:20:46
SPEAKER_01: Is the uh the one with the bull gonna be on this list?
1:20:48
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
1:20:49
SPEAKER_01: I think so.
1:20:49
SPEAKER_01: Lightyear.
1:20:50
SPEAKER_01: Fernando or something like that.
1:20:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it will be.
1:20:53
SPEAKER_01: Inside Out 2, Hoppers.
1:20:55
SPEAKER_01: The Mexican one.
1:20:56
SPEAKER_01: I love that one.
1:20:57
SPEAKER_01: Incredibles 2, Turning Red, Brave.
1:21:03
SPEAKER_01: Onward, onward.
1:21:04
SPEAKER_01: That one.
1:21:05
SPEAKER_01: Onward.
1:21:06
SPEAKER_01: That's the one I'm thinking of.
1:21:07
SPEAKER_01: I haven't seen it.
1:21:07
SPEAKER_01: Uh I gotta finish the list now.
1:21:09
SPEAKER_01: Is Monsters University the one where she's like, okay, boys, have a good time?
1:21:14
SPEAKER_01: When she drops them off, and then she starts playing like heavy fucking like death metal.
1:21:19
SPEAKER_01: That's pretty good.
1:21:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna listen to my tunes.
1:21:22
SPEAKER_01: And then it's it's death metal.
1:21:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna play some oldies and it's cannibal cords.
1:21:26
SPEAKER_00: She's a grunge head.
1:21:26
SPEAKER_01: It's ra immediately.
1:21:28
SPEAKER_01: All right.
1:21:29
SPEAKER_01: Uh onward.
1:21:30
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:21:31
SPEAKER_01: Onward in the list.
1:21:32
SPEAKER_01: Uh Luca.
1:21:34
unknown: Shh.
1:21:35
SPEAKER_02: Luca.
1:21:35
SPEAKER_01: Cars.
1:21:36
SPEAKER_01: Cars is number 15.
1:21:38
SPEAKER_01: That seems pretty low.
1:21:40
SPEAKER_01: That does.
1:21:40
SPEAKER_01: I figured it'd be top 10 at least.
1:21:42
SPEAKER_01: I don't like it.
1:21:42
SPEAKER_01: Bug's life is 14?
1:21:44
SPEAKER_01: Fuck off this list.
1:21:45
SPEAKER_01: That goes a Bug's Life has got to be top three.
1:21:49
SPEAKER_01: At least, dude.
1:21:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm thinking top two, probably with Toy Story.
1:21:53
SPEAKER_01: Toy Story Four is 13.
1:21:56
SPEAKER_01: Toy Story 4 should be back further.
1:21:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:21:58
SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
1:21:59
SPEAKER_01: Toy Story 5, I haven't seen yet.
1:22:01
SPEAKER_01: There's one's higher than all of that.
1:22:03
SPEAKER_01: Inside out.
1:22:04
SPEAKER_01: I would put inside out top five, personally, but okay.
1:22:07
SPEAKER_01: Number 11, they're putting it.
1:22:09
SPEAKER_01: Monsters Inc.
1:22:10
SPEAKER_01: number 10.
1:22:10
SPEAKER_01: This is crazy.
1:22:11
SPEAKER_01: Monsters Inc.'s gotta be at worst, it's like six.
1:22:14
SPEAKER_01: This is crazy.
1:22:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
1:22:16
SPEAKER_01: Ratatouille is number nine.
1:22:18
SPEAKER_01: We're getting closer to where I would be.
1:22:21
SPEAKER_01: Toy Story 2 is number eight.
1:22:22
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:22:23
SPEAKER_01: All right, all right, all right.
1:22:24
SPEAKER_01: Uh The Incredibles number seven.
1:22:26
SPEAKER_01: I don't hate that.
1:22:27
SPEAKER_01: I don't hate it.
1:22:28
SPEAKER_01: Finding Nemo number six.
1:22:31
SPEAKER_01: I feel like Nemo needs to be top five, but whatever.
1:22:35
SPEAKER_01: Uh up is five.
1:22:36
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:22:37
SPEAKER_01: Which I get.
1:22:38
SPEAKER_01: I I get why it would be high, but uh for me, it's probably eight or nine.
1:22:42
SPEAKER_00: It's not not my favorite.
1:22:43
SPEAKER_01: Uh Toy Story three would be in my top ten, probably, but number four, I don't know.
1:22:49
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
1:22:50
SPEAKER_01: Coco, number three.
1:22:52
SPEAKER_00: That's the one I was thinking of.
1:22:53
SPEAKER_00: I I agree with that being super high.
1:22:55
SPEAKER_01: I do too.
1:22:55
SPEAKER_01: Coco is a visual fucking triumph.
1:22:59
SPEAKER_01: It's amazing.
1:23:00
SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
1:23:01
SPEAKER_01: Fucking amazing.
1:23:02
SPEAKER_01: Number two, Toy Story.
1:23:04
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
1:23:04
SPEAKER_01: But what the fuck are you?
1:23:06
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you know what number one is, right?
1:23:08
SPEAKER_01: It's the only big one that we haven't said, and I guess I kind of get why it would be top.
1:23:13
SPEAKER_01: Like why it would be toward the top.
1:23:15
SPEAKER_01: Wally.
1:23:16
SPEAKER_00: Wally, right.
1:23:17
SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say where's Wally, but Wally number one, Toy Story number two, sure.
1:23:22
SPEAKER_01: Coco number three.
1:23:24
SPEAKER_01: I don't know about that.
1:23:24
SPEAKER_01: I kind of agree.
1:23:25
SPEAKER_01: I'd probably put inside out.
1:23:26
SPEAKER_00: I agree with the top three, sort of, but maybe not in that order.
1:23:30
SPEAKER_01: They put Toy Story three at number four.
1:23:33
SPEAKER_01: I don't even know if Toy Story Two is on here.
1:23:35
SPEAKER_01: Did I say Toy Story Two?
1:23:36
SPEAKER_01: I didn't hear it, and I'm thinking maybe this list is incomplete.
1:23:41
SPEAKER_01: Toy Story Two is number eight.
1:23:42
SPEAKER_01: My bad.
1:23:43
SPEAKER_01: Okay, that was gonna freak me the fuck out.
1:23:46
SPEAKER_01: If you left Toy Story 2 off, crazy.
1:23:49
SPEAKER_01: Weird.
1:23:49
SPEAKER_01: They put five above four, which probably is the case, but uh they can suck a dick with a few of those, dude.
1:23:58
SPEAKER_01: Not being in the top ten, dude.
1:24:00
SPEAKER_01: You put Toy Story 2 back a little ways for a couple of those that they fuck you, man.
1:24:06
SPEAKER_00: A Bug's Life and Finding Nemo got fucked on that list.
1:24:09
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:24:09
SPEAKER_01: A Bug's Life is the big one.
1:24:11
SPEAKER_01: Like, dude, that is top.
1:24:13
SPEAKER_01: I would put a Bug's Life at five, I think.
1:24:16
SPEAKER_01: And in that categorization, I think I'd put it.
1:24:18
SPEAKER_00: Toy Story is obviously number one.
1:24:20
SPEAKER_00: Like, I love Wally and I love a Bug's Life.
1:24:23
SPEAKER_00: But Toy Story is like For me, yeah.
1:24:25
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
1:24:26
SPEAKER_00: For my childhood, no doubt, yeah.
1:24:28
SPEAKER_00: But also just like franchise, yeah, the actors, just how fucking good it was.
1:24:34
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:24:34
SPEAKER_00: Wally was a one-off, like amazing movie.
1:24:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:24:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:24:38
SPEAKER_01: 100%.
1:24:39
SPEAKER_00: But come on, dude.
1:24:41
SPEAKER_00: A Bug's Life also needs a sequel.
1:24:43
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
1:24:43
SPEAKER_00: Dude, Kevin Space as Hopper.
1:24:47
SPEAKER_00: Pretty sick.
1:24:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they also had uh what's his face as the fucking flea guy.
1:24:53
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, Nor uh Norm or whatever.
1:24:56
SPEAKER_01: Not Norm, but the other one for the from the one movie.
1:25:00
SPEAKER_01: He's also in Toy Story.
1:25:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:25:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:25:02
SPEAKER_01: He's the pig in Toy Story.
1:25:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:25:04
SPEAKER_01: That guy.
1:25:04
SPEAKER_01: Uh Wayne Knight?
1:25:06
SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
1:25:06
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
1:25:07
SPEAKER_01: He's Newman?
1:25:10
SPEAKER_01: No, but he is he's in the movie.
1:25:14
SPEAKER_01: I can't remember what what which one he is.
1:25:16
SPEAKER_01: Whatever.
1:25:17
SPEAKER_01: Is he that little guy or is he Dennis Leary is the fucking Hopper?
1:25:23
SPEAKER_01: No, Dennis Leary is No, Kevin Spacey's hopper.
1:25:27
SPEAKER_01: Dennis Leary is Francis, the ladybug.
1:25:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's right.
1:25:32
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
1:25:33
SPEAKER_01: Remember the fucking uh now we're just doing member berries, but remember the uh the fucking uh the caterpillar dude?
1:25:40
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
1:25:40
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah he's or whatever.
1:25:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, dude.
1:25:43
SPEAKER_01: He's like, what is he, Swedish?
1:25:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah why is he Swedish?
1:25:46
SPEAKER_01: I have no idea.
1:25:46
SPEAKER_01: It makes no sense.
1:25:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm a pretty butterfly.
1:25:52
SPEAKER_01: What was that?
1:25:53
SPEAKER_01: Why was that?
1:25:54
SPEAKER_00: Oh fuck.
1:25:55
SPEAKER_01: It was great.
1:25:56
SPEAKER_01: I love it, but like what?
1:25:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
1:26:00
SPEAKER_01: Did you play the uh PS1 game of that?
1:26:03
SPEAKER_01: I think I did.
1:26:04
SPEAKER_01: It's like a platformer, right?
1:26:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
1:26:05
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, it takes you through the beats of the movie.
1:26:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's fucking Toy Story was fucking awesome too.
1:26:10
SPEAKER_01: They did really good.
1:26:11
SPEAKER_01: They did a great job.
1:26:13
SPEAKER_01: Those uh those developers at that time making those the Grinch, that fucking PlayStation game.
1:26:19
SPEAKER_01: I don't think I played it.
1:26:20
SPEAKER_01: It was a bitch.
1:26:21
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I know I was nine, so maybe that's why I couldn't figure some of the shit out.
1:26:25
SPEAKER_01: But you had to like do trapeze shit off of poles to get to other places on the in the levels.
1:26:32
SPEAKER_01: It was tough, dude.
1:26:33
SPEAKER_01: They really they did a good job of making a like uh confusing architecture Dr.
1:26:39
SPEAKER_01: Seuss game, though.
1:26:40
SPEAKER_01: It's pretty cool.
1:26:41
SPEAKER_00: There was a uh PS1 Toy Soldiers game that was kind of like based on the Toy Soldiers from Toy Story.
1:26:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that shit was fucking awesome.
1:26:51
SPEAKER_00: Oh, Army Men.
1:26:52
SPEAKER_00: Army Men, that's right.
1:26:53
SPEAKER_00: Yes, dude.
1:26:53
SPEAKER_01: I played several of those.
1:26:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:26:55
SPEAKER_01: Army men was fucking sick, dude.
1:26:57
SPEAKER_01: You'd sniper we when you would uh play someone else and you fucking snipe them, that shit.
1:27:03
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that shit.
1:27:04
SPEAKER_01: You could get in a tank too.
1:27:05
SPEAKER_01: Battle tanks, dude.
1:27:06
SPEAKER_01: That was a a whole game.
1:27:08
SPEAKER_01: I remember the the army men tanks, but there was also battle tanks, its own game, and that shit was nuts too.
1:27:14
SPEAKER_01: N64.
1:27:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that shit was you could sit there as an eight-year-old and play that shit for hours.
1:27:20
SPEAKER_01: Very good.
1:27:21
SPEAKER_01: Like we're doing right now with talking.
1:27:23
SPEAKER_00: The reminiscing.
1:27:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, anyway.
1:27:25
SPEAKER_01: We gotta go.
1:27:26
SPEAKER_01: A little bit of some member berries at the end.
1:27:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we gotta play Madden though.
1:27:29
SPEAKER_00: You got more uh content out on Patreon, patreon.com slash fartmouth.
1:27:34
SPEAKER_00: If you want to throw us a buck or 10, go listen more stuff.
1:27:38
SPEAKER_01: Real quick, real quick.
1:27:39
SPEAKER_01: This is fast.
1:27:40
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
1:27:40
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, my little I have one tidbit for the end.
1:27:44
SPEAKER_01: Remember notes somewhere.
1:27:47
SPEAKER_01: And they're gay.
1:27:48
SPEAKER_01: Uh what if the drink was called Mike's Hard Penis?
1:27:53
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
1:27:54
SPEAKER_01: What are you up to?
1:27:55
SPEAKER_01: Not much.
1:27:55
SPEAKER_01: Just slurping down a Mike's hard penis.
1:27:58
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:28:01
SPEAKER_01: That was very funny to me when I thought of it.
1:28:03
SPEAKER_00: I stand by it, goddamn it.
1:28:05
SPEAKER_00: I almost got hard cider instead of uh Corona Premier.
1:28:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad I grabbed Corona Premiere.
1:28:11
SPEAKER_00: It's it's fucking phenomenal.
1:28:13
SPEAKER_00: It's a really good light beer.
1:28:15
SPEAKER_00: I highly recommend Corona Premiere.
1:28:17
SPEAKER_01: I want to make an alcoholic drink that is nectarine cider, but then it's abbreviated on the fucking uh box or the can or whatever, and it's hard and cider.
1:28:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
1:28:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:28:28
SPEAKER_00: I thought you were gonna do like some some kind of neck pun.
1:28:33
SPEAKER_01: No, no, just harden cider.
1:28:35
SPEAKER_00: Hard neck.
1:28:36
SPEAKER_01: You said hard cider.
1:28:37
SPEAKER_01: I was like, what if you were hard insider?
1:28:39
SPEAKER_01: And then I thought of that whole thing while you were talking.
1:28:41
SPEAKER_01: Weird.
1:28:42
SPEAKER_00: Patreon.com slash farmmouth to hear more of those great Jake quips.
1:28:49
SPEAKER_00: And uh I'm gonna go piss and we're gonna play some Madden.
1:28:52
SPEAKER_00: That'll be up on Sunday.
1:28:53
SPEAKER_00: Check it out.
1:28:54
SPEAKER_00: Yay, yay! Love you's by