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Julie Raque: From Survival to Strength · Why I Believe

• 0:01
  Hello and welcome back to Why I Believe.
• 0:04
  I'm your host Michelle VanRooten and today's guest is Julie Rocky.
• 0:07
  Julie, tell us a little bit about yourself.
• 0:10
  hello everyone.
• 0:10
  And thank you so much for having me.
• 0:12
  Uh, name is Julie Rocky and, um I am a, professional, speaker, uh, facilitator of workshops and business consultant.
• 0:22
  Also a single mother of two.
• 0:25
  Um, and by becoming single, I was also widowed, which is part of the reason why I'm here today to kind of share my story and the resilience that came from that.
• 0:35
  Um, so the quick highlight version of that story at the age of 29.
• 0:39
  I was, I had a family.
• 0:41
  Our kids were two years old and seven months old and was thrown into a club.
• 0:48
  Most people don't want to be in, which was a widowed and single parenting.
• 0:52
  oh My late husband was in a car accident on the way to work one morning and that changed everything.
• 0:59
  So yeah, our kids were small and I ended up raising them on my own.
• 1:04
  uh Today they are young.
• 1:06
  uh thriving young adults starting their own families.
• 1:09
  uh So full circle moment, my daughter is pregnant with our first grandchild and her first baby, my first grandchild.
• 1:16
  And thank you.
• 1:19
  And my son and his partner are off uh enjoying Japan as a vacation.
• 1:25
  So there is definitely full circle moment and that God is everywhere and gets you through the hard times and showers you with blessings as well.
• 1:36
  Um, so that, but yeah, the, the single widowhood part of the chapter is, um it, I, I share that to, to let the listeners know that I know what it's like to be in survival mode.
• 1:50
  And when you're going through that, it is, it's hard to see the blessings.
• 1:57
  It's hard to see the good.
• 1:58
  Um, and I, it was hard for me.
• 2:00
  I was overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed.
• 2:03
  um and dealing with the grief cycle on top of being a single parent.
• 2:07
  So m it took some time, it all came, but it did, you know, start to the fog started to lift and so forth.
• 2:14
  And like I said, here we are today.
• 2:16
  So it's good.
• 2:18
  yeah, wow, Julie, you gave us a lot to unpack in that.
• 2:20
  So let's back up a little bit.
• 2:24
  uh obviously you and your husband were married.
• 2:27
  How long have you guys been married before you started having the kids?
• 2:30
  And that's another interesting part.
• 2:31
  We were approaching our third year anniversary.
• 2:34
  So yeah.
• 2:35
  um So, and the interesting thing too with that was that we were approaching our third year anniversary and ah we were both raised in two parent households.
• 2:47
  I called mine the June award cleaver household and I'm showing my age for the listeners who are too young to know what that means.
• 2:53
  My dad worked the course Monday through Friday.
• 2:56
  My mom stayed at home with myself and my siblings.
• 2:59
  and dinner every night on the table at 5.30.
• 3:02
  ah And of course, know, evening activities and weekend fun times, Saturday morning cartoons, you name it.
• 3:08
  ah My husband was raised in a similar household, in that case, both of his parents worked.
• 3:15
  But again, his mother was a great cook and she taught her sons to cook.
• 3:21
  So somebody had dinner on the table by 5.30 that night when everybody got home.
• 3:26
  uh
• 3:27
  And we were doing the same.
• 3:29
  were, we had created our family and we were on track to create the updated version of that.
• 3:35
  And of course the car accident happened.
• 3:38
  So yeah, it was, was a lot and it was not an easy path to navigate.
• 3:47
  But adversity rarely is easy or it wouldn't be adversity.
• 3:51
  So anyway, here we are.
• 3:53
  Yeah.
• 3:54
  So before we go down this next question, I just want to say if you know you've been affected by a car accident and this might trigger something with you, feel free to hop
• 4:00
  off.
• 4:01
  totally understand.
• 4:02
  I just we want to respect you and your boundaries.
• 4:04
  ah With that being said, though, Julie, let's walk through that morning.
• 4:08
  So what happens?
• 4:09
  So he and I are up getting ready for work.
• 4:14
  He leaves for work and I was the one that dropped the kids off at daycare and then went on to my job and was probably 30 seconds away from going out the door, had him sitting down
• 4:25
  on a little step, putting their jackets on.
• 4:27
  It was October.
• 4:29
  So it was rainy and misty.
• 4:30
  was dark, of course.
• 4:31
  And the phone rang.
• 4:33
  um and I thought, wonder what he forgot to tell me.
• 4:36
  Cause I looked at the clock and realized he had time to be at work.
• 4:39
  And of course my answer to the phone, was, it was the police.
• 4:41
  Um, and of course they were letting me know he'd been in a car accident.
• 4:44
  He's at Sutton such hospital.
• 4:46
  And I'm like, so I got some quick facts from them.
• 4:49
  And, of course, you know, got put the kids in the car, dropped them off at daycare, kept going to the hospital.
• 4:56
  And of course, when I got there, the ambulance was just leaving.
• 5:00
  So I went in and of course, the staff took me to where he was.
• 5:04
  um you know, medically speaking for the longest time, was, he was, they actually had to resuscitate him a couple of times at the site m again um in transport.
• 5:15
  um But the, so medically speaking, he was most likely, it was, it was medically speaking that they kept him alive.
• 5:23
  um
• 5:24
  But, you know, in hindsight, looking back, I realize now he was, impact, he was gone, which was a blessing for him because there would have been a lot of, it would have been
• 5:37
  extremely painful, of course.
• 5:39
  But he was in, he was in ICU for a couple of days.
• 5:43
  Excuse me.
• 5:44
  And of course, I think the next morning, I think on the third morning, I had gone to take a shower, came back and the doctor was waiting for me.
• 5:54
  And he just pulled me and the family members into a room and he had done his tests neurologically.
• 6:03
  And he said, I'm sorry, but we ran all these tests and he's not.
• 6:08
  They felt his brain had finally hemorrhaged like at two or three in the morning.
• 6:16
  So fast forward, the funeral happened and.
• 6:20
  A couple of weeks later, everyone goes back to their lives and there I am with two kids.
• 6:28
  My employer at the time was extremely graceful.
• 6:31
  I had plenty of time off.
• 6:33
  But that's when the weight of the grief really hits you.
• 6:37
  You're sitting there and to some degree, the kids being so little, I'm grateful in a way because they were 100 % dependent on me as a parent.
• 6:50
  This is...
• 6:50
  years old and seven months old, both still in diapers.
• 6:53
  And they would wake up and cry out mommy, mommy, mommy.
• 6:57
  And I have the weight of an elephant sitting on me.
• 7:00
  I did not want to get out of bed.
• 7:02
  I did not want to peel my head off the pillows.
• 7:04
  I actually put them over my head to try to muffle out their sounds.
• 7:08
  And I thought, how do you get them to be quiet?
• 7:10
  I said, oh, that's right.
• 7:11
  Their bellies are empty and their diapers are full.
• 7:13
  You got to fix those two problems.
• 7:15
  Yeah.
• 7:16
  So of course then you go get them in the morning.
• 7:17
  They're all bright eyed, bushy tailed and happy go lucky.
• 7:20
  And it kind of lifts your spirit a little and fix the breakfast, change the diapers and plop them right down in front of a Barney video.
• 7:27
  And that bought me 20 more minutes, rinse and repeat.
• 7:32
  mean, so initially in the first, you know, a couple of months, I mean, that's what it was.
• 7:35
  I mean, I was on one and two hour timeframes and I would lay down back on the couch and keep one eye open and watch them, make sure they were fine.
• 7:43
  um
• 7:45
  But that, it took that long, it took even longer, and it's when you realize, okay, I got past nap time.
• 7:51
  Okay, now I got to lunch time.
• 7:53
  And then you start to realize, wow, I made it to the afternoon nap time before I'm exhausted.
• 7:57
  ah And it was in those, I remember talking to a girl from one night on the phone, she asked me how I was doing, and I said, well, I know we're getting better, but we're not
• 8:07
  done.
• 8:08
  She said, how do know you're getting better?
• 8:09
  I said, I know I'm getting to dinner time before I'm exhausted.
• 8:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 8:15
  versus 20 minutes after I feed the kids breakfast, then I was exhausted.
• 8:20
  that really contributed to my faith growing as well because it took hindsight to realize, okay, he's getting me through this.
• 8:30
  Because initially that cloud is big, fat, black and hanging over you and you don't see anything else.
• 8:37
  And it wasn't until I needed the hindsight and I needed um other people's...
• 8:44
  uh outside perspective.
• 8:46
  People would tell me all the time, you're so strong, you're so strong.
• 8:49
  And I'm thinking, who are you talking about?
• 8:51
  And they would say, you.
• 8:52
  And I'm like, how the heck do you figure that?
• 8:55
  I'm lucky to get up in the morning.
• 8:56
  So I felt inside.
• 9:00
  What they were seeing was the exterior and what I was accomplishing in the day.
• 9:04
  So that also helped.
• 9:05
  um But yeah.
• 9:08
  I think it's really important you said something really key, know, two weeks after the funeral, everything disappeared, right?
• 9:16
  So like you're and for people that have lost people, you realize that, OK, everybody else still has to go back to their own life.
• 9:23
  Like they want to be there.
• 9:24
  They want to support you.
• 9:25
  But eventually you're quote unquote alone with anybody literally sitting next to you.
• 9:29
  that's exactly true.
• 9:31
  That's why when I have friends or other family members that lose somebody, I have three months later, I, well, in the midst of it, I always mark my calendar for three, four or
• 9:40
  five months out and then beyond.
• 9:41
  I'm, cause to your point, yeah, everyone goes back.
• 9:44
  They all want, no one wanted to leave.
• 9:46
  Everyone wanted to stay, excuse me.
• 9:48
  But then they all have their own lives to get back to.
• 9:50
  And that was one thing.
• 9:51
  Um, a lot of our friends, the husbands were all handymen of some sort.
• 9:56
  One was really good with electric, one was really good with plumbing and so forth.
• 9:59
  And they said, call us, call us, call us.
• 10:00
  We'll be over in a hot second.
• 10:02
  So, you know, they offered, I did.
• 10:04
  They came over, they fixed things.
• 10:06
  But then it was so funny because, you know, six, seven months down the road...
• 10:10
  I'm noticing they're not calling as often.
• 10:13
  And so I wanted to reach out, but gosh, but you know, they're going to be busy.
• 10:16
  They have a life.
• 10:17
  They have their own small kids.
• 10:19
  So every now and then the, you know, I've been talking with the wives and they would say, do you need it?
• 10:23
  I said, well, I'm glad you asked because, and then we would just make it a family affair.
• 10:28
  The wife, they'd come over with the wife and kids.
• 10:31
  I would show the husbands what was going wrong around the house.
• 10:33
  They'd go fix it.
• 10:34
  We'd play with the kids, keep them busy.
• 10:37
  So it was helpful, but that's what I remember thinking.
• 10:40
  And there was one particular moment where I did reach out to one of the husbands for whatever it was, a handyman that needed fixing.
• 10:48
  And we committed to a day and time.
• 10:50
  I hung up the phone and I remember sliding down the wall into the fetal position and crying.
• 10:54
  Cause I remember thinking, if he had been here, I never would have had to make that phone call.
• 11:00
  that was one of those moments that it really uh was in my face that it was gone.
• 11:05
  And you would think in all the moments before that too, but for some reason that moment sticks with me clearly because I ain't telling you about it.
• 11:11
  Um, but it was just, it was like, you realize it's out of your wheelhouse.
• 11:16
  Um, so, and I'm still not a very good handy person.
• 11:22
  oh but yeah, so, but you're right.
• 11:24
  They all had lives to go back to.
• 11:26
  and then, but, that's also a blessing in itself because you have to learn how to get through that and survive on your own.
• 11:32
  Yeah, but Julie, you're never really alone, are you?
• 11:36
  No.
• 11:37
  You're not.
• 11:38
  Not only is he always with us, your guardian angels are always with you, but there's always someone physically on this earth that's with you.
• 11:45
  You just need to reach out and ask for help when you need it and not be too proud to do that.
• 11:50
  And that's, I've, I have, I've been guilty of that as well, but you get over it when something really needs fixing.
• 11:56
  Yeah.
• 11:58
  So were your in-laws and your parents close?
• 12:00
  Did they live close still?
• 12:02
  At the time, no, we were, we all lived in the same town, but for his job, we had moved to Ohio, which was about a three and a half, four hour drive.
• 12:11
  So of course everyone came in for the funeral and a couple of weeks afterwards, and then they all went back to their lives.
• 12:18
  And my parents even confessed they didn't want to leave.
• 12:21
  You know, it crushed them to pull out the driveway.
• 12:23
  um But then eventually about four years later,
• 12:28
  I talk about divine intervention of faith.
• 12:31
  I felt the calling to move back home to Louisville, Kentucky, which is where we were from.
• 12:38
  So I ended up moving us back.
• 12:41
  now they were my parents were five, 10 minutes away.
• 12:43
  His parents were 20 minutes away.
• 12:45
  Yeah.
• 12:46
  And siblings as well.
• 12:48
  Right.
• 12:49
  So how, I mean obviously the kids are adjusted well right now.
• 12:52
  They're adults and everything.
• 12:54
  Do they even remember their father?
• 12:56
  I mean they were so young.
• 12:57
  Maybe the oldest one.
• 12:59
  exactly.
• 13:00
  But to your point, no, they both confessed they like my the two year old, which was my son.
• 13:04
  um He talks about faded memories.
• 13:09
  And then, of course, my daughter was she was one of seven months old and she'll tell you she's I she obviously has no memories of her own, but she but she's heard the stories.
• 13:19
  So, yeah.
• 13:20
  And then I found some again, Sharon, you know, exposing my age here, I found some VHS tapes.
• 13:27
  And we had them convert over.
• 13:30
  I think Kodak has a service where can put them all on a jump drive.
• 13:34
  So we did that.
• 13:35
  of course, you know, and we were always looking at photo albums.
• 13:38
  So they always had, they always knew what it looked like.
• 13:42
  And so we had all that put on jump drives and everyone got a copy of it.
• 13:48
  So when they would watch that, then they would actually see him and hear him.
• 13:52
  And it was kind of cool because it brought this
• 13:56
  you know, mental memory to life.
• 14:00
  Um, and both of them have acknowledged it was cathartic.
• 14:02
  You know, they had, you know, tears of sorrow, tears of joy, um, and a lot of mixed emotions.
• 14:08
  Um, cause and when my daughter had even told me at one point, she said that I, I never grieved him.
• 14:13
  said, well, no, I mean, you were seven months old.
• 14:17
  So, um, she was very physically attached to me when she was born and the months, early few months,
• 14:24
  So she literally just started letting him hold her a month before he passed.
• 14:29
  So I said, no, you never agreed to me.
• 14:31
  You didn't really know him.
• 14:33
  And so then when she sees pictures and watches the videos on the UBS drive, yeah, it's very cathartic for her and my son as well.
• 14:43
  Yeah.
• 14:44
  That's great that we have the ability to do those things now.
• 14:47
  Kill!
• 14:47
  uh
• 14:49
  So through all of this, a lot of people would say, why me, why me, why me?
• 14:54
  How could you do this to me?
• 14:55
  thought, you you're supposed to be the loving God.
• 14:57
  How did you?
• 14:58
  Right.
• 14:58
  So we hear that, right?
• 14:59
  When things go bad, it's always, you know, how did you use your faith?
• 15:05
  And if you said, why me?
• 15:06
  No one's judging because we all say it, but we always come around.
• 15:09
  Right.
• 15:09
  So like, what was that moment like for you and how did you continue to walk in your faith trying to deal with these challenging times?
• 15:17
  You know, it's interesting because I've been asked that question or I've been asked the question, did you ever ask why me?
• 15:23
  Um, and I'm like, the interesting thing is I never did.
• 15:28
  Um, and when I get, when I was asked that question early on, I thought, why didn't I ask why me?
• 15:33
  And I, the answer to that is I was pissed.
• 15:39
  Like I said, I grew up in a June and Ward Cleaver household.
• 15:41
  He grew up in a version of that as well.
• 15:43
  And we were creating our own version of that.
• 15:45
  We both knew what a two parent household brings to the table for quality upbringing for the children.
• 15:51
  um That was taken away.
• 15:55
  That pissed me off.
• 15:58
  And I think I was so determined in that moment.
• 16:02
  said, well,
• 16:03
  You may have taken it away and yes, there's always the option to remarry when the right one comes along.
• 16:09
  But until then, I focused on bridging the gap as much as possible.
• 16:15
  um I'm a female, so God did not make me a man.
• 16:19
  So I knew I could never be the quote unquote father by definition.
• 16:24
  But I thought I'm going to take the gender out of it and be just focused on being a quality parent.
• 16:30
  Yeah.
• 16:31
  get out there, what would he be doing right now?
• 16:32
  He'd be throwing the baseball with my son in the backyard, the football, or going to the basketball games or what have you.
• 16:39
  So that's exactly what I did.
• 16:40
  um So we engaged in all the different sports that my son showed interest in.
• 16:46
  Like I said, we had other married couples, the men would come over with their kids and everybody would hang out and bond.
• 16:53
  um The grandfathers were involved as well.
• 16:57
  And I was determined, I thought, I know I can't be the dad, but I'm gonna bridge that gap as much as I can.
• 17:04
  So that's what I focused on.
• 17:05
  And I think between that and just getting through the day, getting through all the daily to-do lists, making sure they were taken care of, and then of course, maintaining my job
• 17:16
  and such, that was the focus.
• 17:19
  I remember I had a workshop that I facilitate and I...
• 17:26
  surviving this and then um using your skills to the next chapter in your life.
• 17:33
  And um I interviewed my kids for the workshop.
• 17:37
  And um when I interviewed my son, I said, what was your perspective on all this growing up?
• 17:44
  And he says, I never noticed.
• 17:46
  I said, you never noticed what?
• 17:48
  He I never noticed I didn't have a dad.
• 17:50
  And I went, really?
• 17:52
  He says, yeah.
• 17:52
  He goes, remember the story you talk about bridging the gap?
• 17:54
  I said, yeah.
• 17:55
  goes, you did it.
• 17:55
  m
• 17:56
  Oh my gosh.
• 17:58
  Now keep in mind, okay, so it's be the hero of your own story workshop.
• 18:03
  And so I walk, I give a highlights to the, the, um, to how I became single and widowed.
• 18:09
  And I share the version of how it pissed me off.
• 18:12
  So I was trying to bridge the gap as, being a quality parent versus just a good mom.
• 18:18
  And he said that story, he says, mom, it worked.
• 18:21
  He said, I never, it wasn't until he got in school.
• 18:24
  and his peers would talk about their dads.
• 18:26
  He said, but that took years because we had, you know, the grandpas and our friends, our circular friends.
• 18:32
  So I'm like, wow, that worked.
• 18:35
  I didn't know it was working when it was happening.
• 18:37
  I just knew I was determined and I saw my kids respond favorably.
• 18:45
  So I kept going with it.
• 18:47
  It was working.
• 18:48
  I kept following the positive outcomes from order.
• 18:51
  So I never asked myself why me.
• 18:54
  Um, and then, and it's interesting now I look back and I realized, well, I, I think I'll be asking that question when I get upstairs, cause I do want to answer.
• 19:05
  but today I would tell you part of that answer is why, um, I'm doing this interview with you as well as my workshop, because I do believe that.
• 19:16
  It's when, when, he brings you through the adversity and the storms and equips you now he's using me to teach others.
• 19:24
  Yeah.
• 19:25
  So that is potentially one reason why.
• 19:28
  Until I get up there and ask it myself, I'm assuming that's one of the answers.
• 19:32
  Yeah.
• 19:36
  So how are you using your faith?
• 19:38
  So we use your faith to get through this horrible, sort of horrible time, right?
• 19:42
  And so what does your faith look like now?
• 19:46
  Where do you find the most solace?
• 19:48
  I'm sorry, ahead, say it again.
• 19:49
  you find the most comfort?
• 19:52
  That's a fantastic question.
• 19:55
  So it's stronger than ever.
• 19:57
  And I find the most comfort in obviously with when I'm, you know, communicating with my kids and their families, but also in, I take moments every day to sit in what I call my
• 20:10
  quiet time, you know, reads daily devotional.
• 20:14
  And I've got some forest bathing going on.
• 20:16
  And for the listeners who don't know what forest bathing is, um it's basically mother, the sounds of mother nature.
• 20:22
  If you can open your doors and listen to it, If not, there's something on YouTube I pull up.
• 20:27
  um But it's in like, as mentioned earlier, my daughter's now pregnant and that's, that's, that is a full circle moment for me.
• 20:37
  They are both in their thirties and start in their own families.
• 20:40
  And I find solace in that.
• 20:42
  I'm like, wow.
• 20:45
  It's, it's, it was a long road because it's been 32 years or it will be in October.
• 20:50
  And um it's realizing that he's brought us this far and whatever happens today and tomorrow and beyond, you're going to get through it.
• 20:59
  So yeah, it's more affirmation and sometimes it's a daily effort, you cause we all have our bad days and you realize them.
• 21:07
  Well, you know, the last three weeks have been great, but today kind of stuck, but that's all right.
• 21:10
  Cause you're going to have more days are going to stink, but you're to get through it too.
• 21:13
  um So yeah.
• 21:16
  Yeah, you you would say that you've probably been through one of the hardest days of your life, right?
• 21:20
  And you survived.
• 21:22
  And not only did you survive, you ended up thriving.
• 21:25
  Thank you.
• 21:26
  Yes.
• 21:27
  um And that's just it.
• 21:29
  So I know what it's like to be in survival mode.
• 21:33
  And I do know what it feels like to thrive.
• 21:36
  But I think for a lot of folks, it's not, I have to remind myself that I'm thriving.
• 21:42
  Cause I still have goals I haven't achieved.
• 21:44
  There's still things you want to do.
• 21:46
  um But the fact that I, like I said, when I talk about my two kids, young adults and what they're doing,
• 21:53
  That's when I remind myself, yes, we're thriving.
• 21:55
  Because I even had good friends back when it happened in the year or two afterwards, they kept trying to get me to acknowledge how well we were doing.
• 22:05
  I'm like, I just don't, I mean, yeah, things are going fine.
• 22:09
  The kids are doing well, but I don't see what you're seeing.
• 22:13
  Well, there was another person that they knew, one of our friends knew, I forget how and why, but he had lost his wife.
• 22:20
  I forget what she passed from.
• 22:22
  And he was medicated and he went south.
• 22:25
  Um, and the grieving, the grief cycle was a lot, um, as it is for anybody.
• 22:30
  But, um, and it didn't even occur to me, you know, that he wasn't responding the way I responded.
• 22:36
  Then people use him as an example.
• 22:38
  Like, see at the funeral, you were not medicated and you were walking around totally full capacity and engaging in conversations.
• 22:45
  Now do you see what we're talking about?
• 22:47
  I'm like, wow, I do.
• 22:49
  But I also realized then,
• 22:50
  Again, that was, it was my upbringing.
• 22:53
  You know, we were raised in the church and um I also know that God was with us that day too, because there's no way I could have gotten through all that.
• 23:02
  I mean, you know, was several hundred people showed up.
• 23:05
  Where he worked, was a lot of, you know, high count of employees and he was in the management level.
• 23:12
  So you had a lot of people come to the funeral, plus the family and uh out of state friends and such.
• 23:17
  um And it was just one of those things where
• 23:21
  In hindsight, when I look back, there was no way I could have gotten through all that.
• 23:26
  basically, you do what you gotta do to get through the day.
• 23:30
  And then if you need to, you fall apart at night.
• 23:33
  You can fall apart and cry any time later on.
• 23:36
  Do what you gotta get done today.
• 23:38
  Follow through with the commitments.
• 23:40
  And then, yeah, there's plenty of evenings where I'm sitting there on the couch going, okay, now I'm gonna take 20 minutes and let it all out.
• 23:48
  Yeah.
• 23:51
  If there's anything that you want to say, what would you say to somebody going through this?
• 23:55
  Maybe their loved one didn't actually pass, but they're still fighting.
• 24:00
  What do you want to say to them?
• 24:02
  What would you tell them?
• 24:04
  Well, uh that is an excellent question.
• 24:07
  And the message I hope that they get from this is that number one, God will never bring you to anything that he will not carry you through.
• 24:17
  So he's there every single day, every moment of it.
• 24:20
  He's not only is he leading you down the path, he's walking side by side with you, carrying, helping to carry the negative luggage, if you will.
• 24:31
  And
• 24:34
  Strength doesn't always show up like you think it does.
• 24:39
  Confidence doesn't always show up like you think it does.
• 24:40
  Yes, you got people up on the stages speaking to thousands of audience members or on a TV show that's successful for years or what have you.
• 24:50
  Sometimes confidence and strength is getting out of bed and brushing your teeth and getting the kids to where they gotta go.
• 24:56
  You showed up, you got there.
• 24:58
  And that's why I'm saying sometimes you just go through the day and fall and get, make those commitments.
• 25:03
  And then you get home that night and put everybody to bed, including yourself now.
• 25:07
  Take that, take a few moments.
• 25:08
  And, and it's, I call it a pity party.
• 25:11
  And maybe that might not be the correct word, but I'm like, your moment.
• 25:15
  Let, let it out.
• 25:16
  If there were many nights where I cried myself to sleep many nights, um, it's because I could, the kids were in bed and they didn't need my full attention in that moment.
• 25:26
  Um,
• 25:28
  And faith doesn't require you having it all together.
• 25:34
  It doesn't.
• 25:36
  Faith doesn't require you having it all together.
• 25:40
  And I thank him for that because there are many times where you're to your point the question why me and like, you know what?
• 25:50
  I would initially in the exact moment I'd say, get over it.
• 25:54
  Don't worry about why you just go do what you got to do.
• 26:00
  Cause the answer to why me may not show up right away.
• 26:05
  I'll be honest.
• 26:05
  It did not show up for me for at least two decades, at least.
• 26:10
  ah It's when I started developing my workshop and then I started the, the, the feedback from the attendees is when I started realizing, wow, this, this is more powerful than I
• 26:22
  gave it credit for.
• 26:23
  ah And then I've had other speakers and other peers
• 26:28
  you know, basically reiterate that.
• 26:30
  I'm like, maybe this was why me.
• 26:32
  And so yeah, for me, it took a couple of decades to show up.
• 26:37
  oh to your point earlier, and what we had already discussed, there may be more to that answer.
• 26:43
  I just don't know it yet.
• 26:45
  And that's exactly, I'm in the middle of it and the next chapter is being born and created.
• 26:52
  And um it's scary.
• 26:54
  um But again, going back to faith,
• 26:58
  uh I don't I wouldn't I have it all together today.
• 27:00
  I am more together than I was ah But that's a baby step thing every day as well So yeah, I would just tell them, know, you don't have to have it all together.
• 27:11
  You don't have to You don't have to be a hundred percent just you know get up put your shoes on brush your teeth and and meet the commitments of the day and and you know take it
• 27:22
  one day at a time and Like I said in the beginning.
• 27:25
  I took it a couple of hours at a time
• 27:29
  Yeah.
• 27:29
  sometimes if I look in the next week, it's too much.
• 27:33
  and that's again, that's why in my daily devotionals, they'll, it'll tell you in certain, certain, um, devotional readings, cannot worry about tomorrow.
• 27:42
  He's got that already.
• 27:44
  It will unfold as a supposed to.
• 27:47
  and that's cause that's where a lot of the stress and anxiety comes from.
• 27:51
  And so, but it's, it's a constant reminder for myself.
• 27:55
  I'm always having to remind myself.
• 27:57
  You know, don't worry about next week.
• 27:58
  You've prepared for it.
• 28:00
  You've got X, Y, and Z already taken care of.
• 28:01
  The rest will fall into place.
• 28:03
  um according to his plan and in his timing.
• 28:09
  And yes, he can take his time sometimes.
• 28:13
  Excuse me.
• 28:14
  He can definitely, um, it isn't his timing.
• 28:19
  I know I can be very impatient.
• 28:22
  Excuse me.
• 28:23
  And, um, but the thing is, you know,
• 28:25
  God will meet us in our hardest seasons and a lot of times people want to feel like they're at 100 % ready to present to the world, okay, and I've got God next to me.
• 28:35
  God got you to that point.
• 28:37
  You wouldn't be 100 % ready to greet the world if he hadn't been with you up to that point anyway.
• 28:43
  Yeah, and I think it's so easy, you know, when something goes wrong, either, you know, a lot of people fall towards God and like, help me through this, help me through this, I
• 28:51
  need your help.
• 28:52
  Right.
• 28:53
  And then when things are good, we forget why they're good.
• 28:57
  Right.
• 28:58
  Because God was there walking alongside of us, helping us, getting us through those hard times so he gets the good times.
• 29:04
  Exactly.
• 29:04
  um And I know that, I mean, there were little milestones um with my kids when they were growing up that helped me to realize that he was with me.
• 29:15
  excuse me.
• 29:15
  So it was one of those things where um I was grateful for those moments because it did remind me, because otherwise I'm overwhelmed with the, you know, the daily to-do list.
• 29:27
  um
• 29:29
  And then, when you see your, you know, your kids, you know, starting to achieve whatever milestone they're at, you know, I mean, you know, potty training, um, for those who have
• 29:38
  kids, um, it can be awful.
• 29:41
  Um, and I just remember thinking it could, my, like, and our son was too.
• 29:45
  So people were asking me about pie.
• 29:47
  I said, you know what?
• 29:47
  I am not even going there.
• 29:49
  That boy is in diapers until he turned 16, as far as I care at this point.
• 29:55
  Um, so.
• 29:56
  But it was so funny because there was one day he woke up and I went to the closet to get some of his pull ups out of the closet.
• 30:04
  And he says, no, mommy, I want to wear big boy underwear today.
• 30:08
  I went, okay.
• 30:10
  I said, well, you remember you gotta let me know when you need to go to the restroom.
• 30:13
  He says, okay.
• 30:15
  From that moment on, that boy was probably trained.
• 30:17
  Not one accident.
• 30:18
  And I'm like, thank God.
• 30:20
  But at the same time, I didn't choose to tackle that challenge before we were all ready.
• 30:26
  He let me know he was ready.
• 30:29
  from my perspective, that was another divine moment.
• 30:31
  God said, don't worry about the training.
• 30:34
  is the least of your worries.
• 30:36
  Let's focus on the big stuff.
• 30:37
  We will get him to that point.
• 30:39
  And matter of fact, I think it was the day before he turned three.
• 30:42
  I think he was shy of turning three years old.
• 30:44
  um And I thought, you know what?
• 30:47
  That works for me.
• 30:47
  So it was one less bucket of, you know, box of pull-ups I had to buy.
• 30:51
  But it was just, it was in the moments like those along the way.
• 30:56
  Um, that's.
• 30:58
  a great story.
• 30:59
  I love it.
• 31:01
  Well, Julie, thank you so much.
• 31:02
  It's been so much.
• 31:02
  It's been so great having you with us today.
• 31:05
  And before I let you go, I do have a question for you that I've been asking all the guests.
• 31:09
  And what is your favorite Bible verse?
• 31:12
  The favorite Bible verse is 1 Peter 4 10.
• 31:15
  Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.
• 31:24
  Yeah, and how do you relate that to your life now?
• 31:27
  Well, exactly to the point a moment ago when I mentioned my workshop, I have be the hero of your own life workshop that I facilitate for single moms.
• 31:35
  You don't have to be single, but for moms.
• 31:39
  And what it does is I walk the attendees through a short version of uh my story, not to dwell on the Debbie Downer factor, but to show I do know what it's like to be in survival
• 31:53
  mode.
• 31:53
  I know what it's like to go through adversity and be so overwhelmed with it.
• 31:57
  You can't, you can't imagine getting out of bed to the point where now you assess your strengths, you assess your weaknesses and you get on the other side of it and you are the
• 32:07
  hero of your own story.
• 32:09
  You are not a victim.
• 32:10
  You are not um the villain.
• 32:12
  You are the hero.
• 32:13
  And let me show you how to recognize that in your own, your own strengths.
• 32:18
  It's a fantastic workshop and I believe
• 32:22
  Myself surviving what we've gone through with the loss of my husband and my two kids being in their 30s now doing very well in their life is a full circle moment.
• 32:33
  And I turn around and take those same tools and I teach them to other folks.
• 32:38
  Thank you.
• 32:39
  Well, awesome.
• 32:40
  Thank you so much, Julie, for being here.
• 32:41
  I appreciate having you and looking forward to watching you thrive.
• 32:46
  Thank you.
• 32:46
  I would like to add, can find me at rockypmsolutions.com.
• 32:50
  That's R-A-Q-U-E-P-M-Solutions.com.
• 32:53
  Cause the workshop is on that website as well.
• 32:55
  You can use it to book me if you like.
• 32:57
  um Or get more information on it.
• 33:00
  So, but I do thank you, Michelle, as well for the interview today.
• 33:03
  And I love the podcast.
• 33:05
  Thank you.