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Team Building in Uncertain Times with Christopher Littlefield · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
• 0:08
  things that really matter in our lives.
• 0:11
  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:35
  Everyone.
• 0:36
  Welcome for back to authentically with Roxanne.
• 0:39
  Today, I have a a special guest Christopher Littlefield, and, Christopher's in Chile right
• 0:44
  now, which I he's just moving back to the US, but he's, came recommended highly by a
• 0:50
  colleague of mine, Sarah McDonald's that I I do a lot of work with.
• 0:53
  So Thanks so much for coming on the show.
• 0:56
  I wanted to be here, Roxanne.
• 0:57
  So I'm gonna tell you a little bit what Christopher.
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  He's done a lot.
• 1:00
  You know, he has a an amazing TEDx, talk that I just looked at, which was done in Beirut.
• 1:05
  He talks about employee recognition, appreciation, and workplace culture, and he's
• 1:10
  the founder of a company called Beyond.
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  Thank you.
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  He's done, trainings across 6 continents, and, some of his clients are eccentric.
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  The Lebanese post service, Boston Medical, Center amongst others, and he, writes for
• 1:25
  Forbes And Harvard's Harvard Business Review Ascent.
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  And he's the author of the best selling book 75 plus team billing activities for remote teams.
• 1:34
  So I'm gonna assume you're kind of busy since you know, everything's gone, virtual.
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  I think that like everybody, I think that it started out, and I think we we hit this point
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  where, okay, you know, maybe March kicked in.
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  Okay.
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  We're gonna go work remote for a little bit.
• 1:52
  Okay.
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  Then April came.
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  Then May, then June.
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  And then we realized that that reality set in that we're not gonna go back anytime soon.
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  And then companies started, you know, like Twitter and Facebook and kind of ones that
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  people are like looking at, start saying, we're not gonna come back before the end of the year.
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  Or not gonna come back till next year.
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  And so once that started happening and then when schools didn't go back in the fall, I
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  think there was a point where everybody was just kinda caught in the head Like, we don't
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  know how to deal with this.
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  We're putting together a puzzle that has no picture right now, and the pieces are changing
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  each day.
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  Mhmm.
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  And so there was nothing that we could account for.
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  And I know in your work that that factor of uncertainty plays so much into our mental and
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  physical health.
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  I mean, even more so into our mental health, because We're constantly processing.
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  And I think once June hits, people started realizing we're gonna be here longer.
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  So this 1st couple of months, nothing I I primarily work as a conference speaker, and I'm
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  working conferences or do large group events for hundreds to thousands of people within
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  companies.
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  And so all of those started getting delayed delays put off till 2021, 2022.
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  And so when that started happening, I realized, hey, all of these managers that I work with,
• 3:01
  and I support around the world and these companies were now having virtual meetings
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  every single day, and they were getting old.
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  They were getting stale.
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  And I've lived and worked virtually, you know, for the most part, for the better part of the
• 3:14
  last 10 years.
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  Mhmm.
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  And so, you know, as a former camp counselor and now we're bound and structured and all
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  those things, I I'd know how to come up with games activities, ways to convert things, and
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  how do you make them work in this virtual context?
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  And you see behind me in the wall here, I've got my games and all my stuff stacked here to
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  bring out when I need to.
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  So I think that what I did is said, okay, people need these resources.
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  So I basically sat myself down, and I wrote out.
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  And I said, can I come up with 101 things activities?
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  I just wrote wrote wrote wrote wrote, and then I sorted them.
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  And then I realized I was like, a 100 months too many.
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  I can I can come up with about 75 good ones?
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  And then there's a couple of extras in there.
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  So I quickly wrote and I published a book on Amazon, 75 team elike Taser teams.
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  And then I've been running a program since earlier this year called the pandemic, pandemic
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  leadership playbook, which was really about giving leaders tools that they can implement
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  without spending more than 15 minutes of time a week preparing.
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  Like, hey, what can I do in a second?
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  I need an activity right now in a meeting.
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  I need a question to start our next conversation.
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  I need some way to be able connect with people.
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  I I don't even know how people are are doing when the camera's off.
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  And so I've been spending my time giving people the resources and then also showing them how to
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  use it.
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  That's, talk about pivoting right in the moment.
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  It's something that you obviously did very, very well because I think you know, in my
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  world, what's happening is a lot of people, you know, they're cuss they they have the normal
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  kind of issues related to running a team, and they're, you know, they have a little too much
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  you know, work, not enough time, you know, they try to have the FaceTime or the virtual kind of
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  hybrids, but then they, obviously, there was a maybe potentially some issues that developed
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  that they hadn't addressed, and then they went into a kinda lockdown and those issues, to your
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  point, they kinda stayed steady, But then when we realized there was no really no point of
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  going back, that's when the people's mental health or mental well-being concerns came up.
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  And how are we gonna work together and get things done?
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  Yeah.
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  100%.
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  And I think the part that you know, regardless of whether we're co located or we're working
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  remotely, right, in order to engage employees, you have to engage with Right?
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  It's like everybody in the field of employee engagement and workplace culture will all quote
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  these Gallup Stats and the engagement results and companies in the top quartile or more
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  productive, have less absentees, and then all that, but people don't ever look at what those
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  questions are based on.
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  Those results are based on Gallup's q 12 questions.
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  And if you actually dig in and you look at those q 12 questions, what are they asking?
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  And, you know, one of them will be, have I received recognition appraised in the last 7
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  days and has somebody talked to me about my growth.
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  But then the other ones are, do you have the tools and resources to do your job well?
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  Somebody at work seem to care about you as an individual.
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  I'm trying to think of some of the other ones off the top of my head, you know, but if you
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  look at them, every single one of them, requires the manager to actually engage with a
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  person.
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  And right now, do I have the tools and resources to do my job well?
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  Well, that question is not just about do I have a computer and fast internet.
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  It's also, well, I've got a four year old at home who's on the other side of this wall right
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  here, and then my wife hurts you, and she's on the other side of this wall.
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  Right?
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  And we are all trying to manage that.
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  And for me, in my context of Chile, we've been on government lockdown.
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  We work for 2 months last year because the revolution was going on down here.
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  Then then we had a couple months off and then the pandemic, and then we had another
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  government lockdown.
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  And so I, for 3 months, couldn't actually leave the apartment building.
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  Like, you could you could go to the store twice a week with a a permit from the police And now
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  we're opened up, and we can go on a little bit more and move around.
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  But unless we understand what's going on for that other person, Right?
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  People tend to forget camera comes on.
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  We immediately jump into work, and we forget that there's a human being that was doing
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  something 5 minutes before.
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  Right?
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  You and I met today at 10 past the hour.
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  And that 10 past the hours because my shift as dad ends at 2 and my wife takes over, but we
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  have lunch.
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  And what's realistic is no matter if I say lunch is at 1:30, we're gonna sit down eat.
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  We're gonna end up being late.
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  And so instead of having you wait and say, hey, and tell you 10 minutes late, I'm just gonna
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  say 10 minutes past the hour because then I guarantee I can be down, sitting down, ready to
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  go.
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  Right?
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  And so I think now if there was problems before they're gonna be amplified Mhmm.
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  But at the same time, leaders also have something that they never had before, which is
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  a common struggle and a common dynamic.
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  Everybody's facing the pandemic, but they're facing it from different circumstances.
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  Right?
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  And so as long as we understand everyone's circumstances are different, it's an
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  opportunity.
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  It's like when it's a horrible example, but when somebody loses a loved one or something
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  tragic happens in the office, every time there's an opportunity to be able to check-in
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  where sometimes it's awkward to be able to say, hey.
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  How are you doing?
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  I don't know how to start the conversation, but if there's one of those kind of milestone
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  moments or something happens, we have a reason to check-in.
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  And so I think for leaders right now, you know, it's less.
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  And and one of my favorite quotes is Mark Goldstein, if you know he's booked just listen
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  and has some phenomenal other work.
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  He's a mentor of mine, and I interviewed him for, a YouTube channel earlier this year.
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  And one of the things that he said was it's less important what we say to others.
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  It's more important what we empower others to say to us Right?
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  And as leaders, it's really less about saying, okay, I need to say the right thing.
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  What am I gonna say today?
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  Stop worrying about what you need to say.
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  Just ask questions and listen, and don't worry about having to have the answer just understand
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  what people are dealing with and once you understand what they're dealing with, don't try
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  to solve it.
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  Just listen and take time to understand their world, and most of the times when you take time
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  to understand the person's world and how your actions may be impacting it, that usually is
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  the thing that's gonna make the biggest difference.
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  But I think, you know, I'm I've written my second book.
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  I actually did the same as you over the pandemic, and it's about authentic heart
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  leadership.
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  So I'm talking about the concept of leaders really taking the time to take care of
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  themselves and to go into that space of awareness where they connect with to, you know,
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  little things that they could do often.
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  Right?
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  I talk a lot about that with mental resilience.
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  So, you know, I talk about them you know, figuring out their breath or setting alarms on
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  their phones because, of course, with people at that level, Chris, you know that they are
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  functional and they they they come at, you know, problems, from their position from a high
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  level, and they can endure and with stand a lot.
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  And then you kind of put them in the context of, everybody like you said, you're like, you
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  know, just finishing lunch and kind of putting that buffer in, and I'm trying to think about,
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  okay.
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  I have to get you know, finish this coaching call and all those things, and we're shutting a
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  lot of things.
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  But when leaders are able to stop and really center themselves more often, what they're able
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  to do is to get in contact with their internal world, and then they understand the energy that
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  they impact the others around them.
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  But if they're so stressed, if you think about this time, how are they, you know, able to,
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  like, to your point to have that conversation where they're already saying, Okay,
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  Christopher.
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  How are you really doing if they're so much worrying about the bottom line?
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  Yeah.
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  And you can't you can't other people.
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  One of the things in one of my workshops that I I start off by saying is we're not leading
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  remote teams, and we're not working remotely.
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  We're leading remote teams and working remotely in a pandemic, and I think it's easy the longer
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  that we do this to forget that this is a normal and what we're having to process and deal with
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  each day is not normal.
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  And people were already stressed out and burnout prior to the pandemic and then you add
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  this on top of it.
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  Absolutely.
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  And
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  for some people, it's gotten easier.
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  I one of my articles informed recently, I just said, what are the three questions you need to
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  be asking your people right now?
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  And we also need to be asking ourselves, right, is how has life gotten harder for me since the
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  start of the pandemic?
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  How has my work gotten harder?
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  Like, just to look at, because some things have gotten harder and for other people it's gotten
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  easier.
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  Right?
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  And then what things have gotten easier for me?
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  What do I appreciate about working from home?
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  And then what am I proud of that I've been able to do regardless of the circumstances?
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  And by answering those three questions, we start to understand that.
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  But to go back to your point about that whole one about being able to take care of ourselves
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  is, you know, I it drives me.
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  I don't know about you, but it drives me nuts all these articles, like, you know, 3 simple
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  things to bring more joy and happiness to your life right now.
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  I'm like, shut up.
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  You're not at home with a four year old I can't meditate.
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  The other day, I tried to sit down and do yoga.
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  And literally, my daughter was climbing on my back.
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  She had a magnifying glass, and she was pretending she's a detective in climbing
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  underneath.
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  Well, cat is screaming for food at the same time.
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  I'm like, you want me to carve out 15 minutes?
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  I get it at 2 AM when everyone goes to sleep.
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  Not the reality.
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  And, like, there's no quick fix, right?
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  And so I think it's, it's reminding us that there's no quick fix in what we have is we're
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  running a race with no clear finish line or putting together a puzzle with no pitcher, and
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  all we can do is take care of the runner right now and work with the pieces that we have
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  today.
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  Right?
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  And, like, what do I have today?
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  Okay.
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  I got an hour.
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  I finished an article.
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  I had to get into Harvard Visarview yesterday.
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  Today, I can clean the house, and I can listen to my book on tape for an hour, right, on a
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  tape.
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  I don't think anyone has books on tape anymore, but you know what I'm talking about?
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  Right.
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  And and what are those little things that I can incorporate into my day to take care of myself
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  and then be able to stay in communication with the people that I am co located with meaning my
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  wife, my daughter, and my cat, and also my coworkers about like, hey.
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  Here's what I can do right now today, and here's what I can't do.
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  Right?
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  Like, being a yeah.
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  Go ahead.
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  Sorry.
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  So I I'm curious.
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  Right?
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  Like, with with the managers that you're you're supporting, through this time, they having that
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  lens to say, to be as transparent as you just were when you talked about your scenario.
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  Are they do they have the skills or are they demonstrating the skills to show that they are
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  also going through this in their collate, you know, located space with their family.
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  Yeah.
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  To be able to translate that to the to their teams or their frontline employees to say, hey.
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  You know what?
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  We're in this together.
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  I'm lucky if I I'm able to your point, like, to get off you know, get my work done before 2
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  o'clock so I can crash and get back up and the five year olds up at 6 o'clock.
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  Oh, we need to.
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  Like, some are doing it and some are some still feel like they've gotta keep themselves
• 13:43
  together and hold this facade, but you can't really hold on the facade when a kid's breaking
• 13:48
  into your office in the middle of Right?
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  One of my favorite questions, and this is a great one for some of the leaders you work
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  with, is to ask people what when you get on a call, what were you doing 5 minutes before?
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  Because when you ask people what you're doing 5 minutes before it immediately makes you get
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  present to the world they're dealing with.
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  Some people always just on another call.
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  You know, somebody else will say, you know what?
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  I was just making lunch for my family or I was getting dealing with my kid in virtual school,
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  and that also sparks a conversation to be able to understand what their world is get you
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  present as a leader to be empathetic, what other people are dealing with.
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  And I think the other one is early, early on in the pandemic, I, I wrote an article that's in
• 14:23
  Harvard's review called how to be an empathetic, remote coworker.
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  And everything in that was really about, and I interviewed a bunch people for it.
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  And I just ask people, like, what are you doing?
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  And it's like, hey.
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  If we try to pretend, like, we have it all together.
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  Like, one of the elements in there is to not be perfect.
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  Give people space because, hey, you know, my life's a mess, most days.
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  It is.
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  If you looked at me 2 days ago, I had 3 deadlines I was trying to get.
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  I had this article to get to finish.
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  I'm buying a house right now.
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  I'm going through all these things and the truth is I was going crazy.
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  Now I'm great because I finished those 2 things and everything's fine right now, but 2 days
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  ago, I could barely get through the day You know?
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  And I think that when we share that, it gives freedom to other people to not be perfect as
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  well because there's nothing that takes up more mental resources than to manage how we show up
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  in front of other people, right?
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  And that vulnerability is so important, right?
• 15:19
  Like you, like, I I just watched Chris's TED Talk.
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  And I was laughing because it was so funny because I was like, that realism that you
• 15:26
  bring, you know, to your talks, it makes so much sense.
• 15:29
  And, you know Thank you.
• 15:30
  It's it's, it's one thing we're all going through this to your point.
• 15:34
  Right?
• 15:34
  Like, I'm always dealing with mental resilience, but and then people will say, what
• 15:38
  what do you do?
• 15:39
  I says, well, I I try my best to apply what I teach others, but sometimes I'm I do horribly
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  as well.
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  And I'm
• 15:45
  Sometimes I drink a lot
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  of wine.
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  Right.
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  And you have to really be real and say, you know, some days I'm pretty good at it.
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  Some days, I'm not so good, and I have to try again the next day.
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  But with recognition, let's talk about your, you know, your sweet spot.
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  Like, Yep.
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  So when everything going on, we don't have a timeline in in in mind.
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  We, you know, we don't know when, like you said, the the, you know, the quarter mile keeps
• 16:09
  you know, the mark keeps moving and moving and moving, and it's gonna continue for a while.
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  So how is it that you've been guiding managers, and leaders to keep recognition going.
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  I like what the one thing that you said, pivoting to say, Hey, Roxanne.
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  What were you just doing?
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  Allows you to connect with me on a surreal level or I'm gonna share something, and you're
• 16:29
  gonna be able to find some connection to be able to have a conversation, which is
• 16:32
  fantastic.
• 16:32
  I love that.
• 16:34
  Yeah.
• 16:34
  So for for me, I when people think of recognition, they often think rewards and
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  awards.
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  Right?
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  They think of the plaques.
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  They think of the employee of the month.
• 16:44
  They think of, gift cards or points in their system or whatever their rewards platform is.
• 16:50
  So for me, when I relate to recognition, and one of my goals in life transform how people
• 16:54
  relate to giving and receiving recognition.
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  And one of those is shifting the terminology.
• 16:59
  So one is that when I when I think of recognition, I actually break it down into
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  components.
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  Right?
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  There's appreciating the person.
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  There's acknowledging circumstances.
• 17:09
  There's recognizing effort and progress then there's rewarding results and there's awarding
• 17:14
  stand out results.
• 17:15
  And so I put it on this spectrum.
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  And the goal of all of those actions are to ensure that people feel valued.
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  So oftentimes people forget it's like, oh, well, we need this recognition.
• 17:25
  We need to do this program.
• 17:26
  Well, why are we doing it?
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  The goal is that people feel valued at work.
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  That's the outcome they're trying to do.
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  And they get value from their work, and they give value to their company or organization and
• 17:35
  their colleagues.
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  And so inside that spectrum, you have appreciating the person, which right now is
• 17:42
  really the heart of it and where many people put awards and rub words at the top I actually
• 17:47
  invert the triangle here.
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  So other words and other words are a teeny portion of it at the bottom.
• 17:52
  Mhmm.
• 17:52
  And some people may say it's the foundation, but what I wanna do is the emphasis the tools
• 17:56
  that managers have are their conversations and their dialogues and understand what people are
• 18:00
  dealing with.
• 18:01
  That is the most powerful tool, and it costs nothing.
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  And all it does take a few minutes.
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  The challenge is we get really uncomfortable with it, and we're not sure, and there's a lot
• 18:09
  of uncertainty around it.
• 18:10
  We avoid the things that we're uncertain about.
• 18:12
  Right?
• 18:13
  There's an emotional risk to engage in a, unplanned, unscripted conversation with
• 18:17
  someone.
• 18:18
  Right?
• 18:18
  And so the same reason why we avoid giving feedback is the same reason why we avoid
• 18:22
  checking in is same reason why we avoid recognizing people is because we're uncertain
• 18:26
  of how they will respond.
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  But in that appreciating the person, It's just that reminder, and I recommend the leaders.
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  I say write down on a post it note over your mouse, put it down on your keyboard or on your
• 18:38
  mouse where you're gonna nothing around and right acknowledge the circumstances,
• 18:42
  acknowledge the person, right, when you get on the call, you know, that, hey.
• 18:46
  What were you dealing 5 minutes before?
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  How are you doing?
• 18:49
  Wanna do a check-in and I'll share some some possible checkings, excuse me, in a second
• 18:54
  here, but appreciating that person in everything they're dealing with inside of work
• 18:58
  and outside of Hey.
• 18:59
  If I don't know that that person has kids on the other end, if I don't know that they have
• 19:04
  elderly parents Mhmm.
• 19:05
  Or if they're alone and they have to be able to interact with people.
• 19:08
  We, you know, we work live internationally, and we have a lot of friends who are also expats
• 19:12
  who are away from family and have been quarantined in their house by themselves for 4
• 19:18
  months.
• 19:19
  Wow.
• 19:19
  Stolo.
• 19:20
  Right?
• 19:21
  That's not good for anybody's health.
• 19:22
  No.
• 19:23
  Of course.
• 19:23
  Sometimes I I wish I could at least 3 or 4 days like that.
• 19:26
  You'll take you could just take, like, 1 or 2, like, an afternoon.
• 19:30
  Yeah.
• 19:30
  Exactly.
• 19:30
  Like,
• 19:31
  I would just love just a couple hours of that.
• 19:33
  Just quiet time.
• 19:34
  It wasn't after 2 AM in the morning.
• 19:37
  So I I think there's that element, and then there's acknowledging the circumstances.
• 19:40
  Like, hey.
• 19:41
  You know what?
• 19:42
  If there's noise in the back, If a kid busts in, if you get interrupted and you have to turn
• 19:47
  your camera off for a minute to be able to go take care of something, that's okay.
• 19:52
  And people may have said that back in March, but they've stopped saying it now.
• 19:57
  Ian, the longer we go without acknowledging that, the more people shift into, well, maybe I
• 20:02
  can't do that.
• 20:03
  Mhmm.
• 20:03
  Right?
• 20:03
  And then there's the parents who are like, screw it.
• 20:06
  I have to do that.
• 20:06
  There's no other option.
• 20:07
  Right?
• 20:08
  And then the element is recognizing the effort in progress is when I relate to recognition,
• 20:14
  there's recognition that we give to others.
• 20:16
  When I recognize Roxanne for something that you did that impacted me.
• 20:19
  That's one form of recognition.
• 20:21
  And then there's what I call interactive recognition.
• 20:23
  Or collaborative recognition, which is when I ask you, because I have no clue Roxanne what
• 20:30
  you are dealing with in your life when the camera's off.
• 20:33
  And as a leader and I am not interacting, I have no clue what you're dealing with.
• 20:37
  I have no clue where you are, all the things you're facing, and what you deal with once you
• 20:42
  turn the camera off.
• 20:43
  Mhmm.
• 20:43
  And this is, by the way, the same as when we're in the office.
• 20:46
  We see the results.
• 20:47
  And as leaders, we try point out things and find things to recognize in the results.
• 20:51
  I'm supposed to do this recognition thing where what I'm about is about having a dialogue with
• 20:56
  that person to say, hey.
• 20:57
  It's maybe strange I'm asking this, but what are you proud of, or what do you want to be
• 21:00
  acknowledged for?
• 21:01
  Because I don't know what what's important to you.
• 21:04
  And then when I ask and I ask questions, you have an opportunity to share what you did, what
• 21:09
  you're proud of, and why you're proud of that thing.
• 21:12
  And then my job is just to listen to what matters to you and acknowledge you back for
• 21:15
  what you shared.
• 21:17
  But give you the opportunity to be able to share what you're proud of, to share what
• 21:20
  you've accomplished, to share what you're struggling with, and then listening to that and
• 21:24
  empowering you to be able to share that to me.
• 21:26
  Also builds connection with me.
• 21:27
  And then that person is usually left with the experience of feeling valued afterwards.
• 21:31
  Does that make sense?
• 21:32
  Yeah.
• 21:32
  Absolutely.
• 21:33
  Because when people feel recognized and, I mean, I've in my my you know, career.
• 21:37
  I've been a manager several times.
• 21:38
  And, you know, I I'm often struck, right, because, of course, I'm a psychologist So guess
• 21:44
  what?
• 21:44
  I I know how to talk.
• 21:45
  I know how to connect.
• 21:46
  And, when I filled the the shoes of another leader who was, you know, it's a unfortunate
• 21:53
  kind of situation.
• 21:54
  And I did simple things, which, unfortunately, as a leader, entering into those shoes, they
• 22:00
  were it was not pretty, I'd tell you.
• 22:02
  It was not nice at first because they didn't trust me, and they had no reason to trust me.
• 22:07
  And then as I would just go and do little things, like, constant.
• 22:10
  Like, you know, I'd go sit and say, you know, how can I help today?
• 22:13
  Or, you know, how how's the unit running?
• 22:15
  I would talk about nothing, and they would be like, oh, what's what's she up to?
• 22:19
  And then after a while, it took quite a while.
• 22:22
  What it started to make me realize is that because I was taking the time just to get to
• 22:26
  know them as people, not even talking about the job.
• 22:32
  It was amazing to watch to transfer me.
• 22:34
  Because they were so, they could kind of just relax a bit and then just be themselves And
• 22:42
  then I just kinda got out of the way, and they they were phenomenal at what they did, you
• 22:47
  know, in in in their positions because they had brought such strength with them and little
• 22:53
  little things.
• 22:53
  Like, I did something.
• 22:54
  It was a unit that I ran in outpatient clinic, and I something is simple.
• 22:58
  This is silly, simple, simple, crisp.
• 23:00
  I bought red t shirts at Christmas, and I put, our department name with with and with the
• 23:06
  logo, with their names and something around Christmas, and they gave them each that of
• 23:11
  those that and we went to lunch.
• 23:14
  What was the I probably spent 5 bucks on those t shirts maybe to get done, and and they still
• 23:19
  talked about it years later.
• 23:22
  It's and and I think that this is what there is nothing in life that I you know, when I think
• 23:28
  of examples and dying is the only thing you do once, right, hopefully, right?
• 23:32
  Hopefully just once.
• 23:33
  Right?
• 23:33
  But other than that, it's everything is building and maintaining.
• 23:37
  Right?
• 23:37
  You're building a relationship and then you're maintaining it.
• 23:40
  You know, when the pandemic hit, you know what?
• 23:42
  I stopped, maintaining my health.
• 23:45
  I was drinking more.
• 23:46
  I was eating junk food.
• 23:47
  I was getting chips you know, all the time.
• 23:49
  I had to order it when we'd order food, and I gained a lot of weight really quick.
• 23:52
  And then I kept it off.
• 23:54
  And then I did I was working out every single day, and I got in the best shape I'd been the
• 23:58
  time.
• 23:58
  Well, a couple of weeks ago, we stopped working out.
• 24:00
  Guess what?
• 24:01
  The wait's coming back.
• 24:02
  And and I think our relationships are the same way.
• 24:05
  Absolutely.
• 24:06
  We're not doing those little things to signal to people.
• 24:08
  And I think that's what people don't realize is that our actions are inactions.
• 24:12
  They're always sending signals to Where do I stand with them?
• 24:15
  How do they feel about my work?
• 24:17
  How do they feel about my contributions?
• 24:19
  And if I'm not sending those signals, Right?
• 24:21
  It's like you it's not like you get married, and you said I love you just at your wedding,
• 24:25
  and then you're done.
• 24:26
  Right.
• 24:26
  No.
• 24:27
  That's when the real work starts.
• 24:28
  That was the easy part.
• 24:29
  Right?
• 24:30
  Right.
• 24:30
  Right.
• 24:30
  For sure.
• 24:31
  Facilitating.
• 24:31
  And then the real work comes in when you actually go home and you gotta be in a
• 24:34
  relationship, especially when it struggles.
• 24:36
  And then you're in a pandemic and you're locked inside together.
• 24:38
  Then it really gets hard for sure.
• 24:41
  I think that but I think that it's those remind remembering that every single day is an
• 24:46
  opportunity to connect or disconnect.
• 24:48
  Mhmm.
• 24:50
  Right?
• 24:50
  And, you know, my my my friend is the, works at at Cornell and the wheel school and and entry.
• 24:57
  I always get the 2 words mixed up psychiatry psychology.
• 25:00
  Psychology.
• 25:01
  He can he can give medication.
• 25:02
  I always forget
• 25:03
  what it was.
• 25:03
  He's psychiatry.
• 25:04
  He's psychiatrist.
• 25:05
  I'm psychology.
• 25:06
  He's like Yes.
• 25:06
  Yes.
• 25:07
  Psychiatry.
• 25:07
  I always get the team mixed up.
• 25:09
  And he has a great lawn.
• 25:09
  He goes, if you're not building relationships or breaking them, right, there's one or the
• 25:13
  other.
• 25:14
  Right?
• 25:15
  And so it's like those things you're saying.
• 25:16
  It's like, hey.
• 25:17
  I get these shirts.
• 25:18
  Mhmm.
• 25:18
  But also realizing that checking in just maybe, hey.
• 25:21
  Think you need it today.
• 25:22
  If you need anything, I'm here.
• 25:23
  Text message in the morning.
• 25:25
  Right.
• 25:25
  But those nonstop signals to people and then also knowing that there's some employees who
• 25:30
  don't want you to check-in just give me my performance here at the end, and what I want is
• 25:35
  I want that 3% increase.
• 25:37
  Mhmm.
• 25:37
  And then I wanna go home, and I don't wanna be doing anything with team other than just doing
• 25:41
  my work because I like to have that separation.
• 25:44
  But if we're not understanding what matters to people, we can't do and we can't
• 25:48
  But that's an individualistic fit, and I think your point is so well.
• 25:51
  Like, some people say give me the 3%.
• 25:53
  I'm all good.
• 25:54
  I'm I'm the type.
• 25:55
  I'm I'm a self starter.
• 25:56
  I manage myself.
• 25:57
  I'm good to go.
• 25:58
  And then you have the other people that need to connect, you know, face to face, to just just
• 26:02
  see how you're doing.
• 26:03
  But I think what happens with a lot of managers, they kind of think, okay.
• 26:06
  We're doing o overall Well, I think everybody there's no disruptions.
• 26:10
  There's no role for me, and they don't take that extra little step just to check and say,
• 26:15
  is what I'm doing has that been working for you?
• 26:18
  Or do I need to pivot it a bit?
• 26:19
  Do how do I need to adjust it?
• 26:21
  They may not ask those questions.
• 26:22
  So therefore, they might be doing really, really a lot of work.
• 26:25
  But they might not getting the the result that they're needing because they're they're not
• 26:28
  finding the right fits.
• 26:30
  Yeah.
• 26:30
  And and I think that that's why we always have to be checking in.
• 26:33
  And there's the the danger of the assumption that everything's going well.
• 26:38
  And I think right now, specifically in the pandemic, I think it's even harder You know, I
• 26:42
  had an instance with my with my sister the other day who just called as we were getting on
• 26:46
  here.
• 26:47
  You know, she's, you know, I'm dealing with everything that I'm dealing with at home, and
• 26:50
  we're going through a move and all things that we're dealing with.
• 26:53
  And she checks in on on Monday morning.
• 26:55
  She says, how was your weekend?
• 26:56
  I'm like, good.
• 26:58
  It was great.
• 26:59
  And then I realized, Oh, crap.
• 27:01
  She had shoulder shoulder surgery on Friday before, and I completely forgot about it
• 27:05
  because the challenge is when we're so stressed out, it's hard to keep everybody else's stress
• 27:11
  and things are going on.
• 27:12
  And when we're co locating, we see them, I see her in the sling.
• 27:16
  It reminds me, oh, god.
• 27:17
  How did it go?
• 27:18
  But if we don't have that vision, we don't have those reminders, we don't send those little
• 27:21
  cues to to remember to check-in, then we miss those things.
• 27:25
  And then the challenge is when we forget those interactions, it has an impact on others where
• 27:29
  they assume that our inaction is equal to not caring.
• 27:34
  We are in action.
• 27:36
  Absolutely.
• 27:36
  Literally many times just, oh my god.
• 27:39
  I can't believe that she sent me a picture, and then I was, like, horrified.
• 27:42
  Now I check-in every 2 days.
• 27:44
  Like, how is it?
• 27:44
  How's this going?
• 27:45
  Because you just when you don't see those cues or you don't something that reminds you, and I
• 27:49
  think for the leaders, there's some people that are just really on the ball about doing that.
• 27:53
  My wife's great.
• 27:54
  I'm not phenomenal.
• 27:55
  I I see the messages.
• 27:56
  I see someone's LinkedIn birthday comes up, and I'm like, okay.
• 27:58
  It's in birthday.
• 27:59
  I'll send them a message.
• 28:00
  Check or I was cleaning out my office last night and then a card, a Christmas card from a
• 28:04
  friend came up.
• 28:05
  I sent a message right then.
• 28:07
  It's more spontaneous, but when you have a team of 10, 15 people, or 30 people, scheduling
• 28:13
  those check ins once a month and putting them on the calendar saying, okay, I'm gonna do five
• 28:17
  I'm gonna do 5 this week, 1 a day for 15 minutes.
• 28:21
  And then when you have those check ins and everyone knows you're gonna have those check
• 28:24
  then people know that they're gonna have the opportunity to talk to you uninterrupted at
• 28:29
  some point in the next 2 to 3 weeks.
• 28:32
  And I've done some interviews for my book.
• 28:34
  And I just spoke to one CEO, and he had a smaller company, and he scheduled 5 minutes
• 28:39
  touch points with everybody when as things were shutting down.
• 28:43
  He said it was tough, but he said he he just just to say, and of course, the CEO is calling
• 28:48
  you.
• 28:48
  So you're like, you're holding your breath.
• 28:50
  And he goes, hey.
• 28:50
  I'm just calling to to say hi.
• 28:53
  I know this is a tough time for us, and we're gonna get through this.
• 28:57
  We'll figure it out as a company.
• 28:58
  And he, you know, his assistants worked with.
• 29:00
  They took him some time.
• 29:02
  So just those little things.
• 29:03
  And he said now, they're in such a healthy place because people were like, wow.
• 29:07
  He actually cares about us.
• 29:09
  And, you know, he's having a rough and he's sharing what he's going through as well as as
• 29:13
  all of this is happening to his company.
• 29:16
  But that those those touch points.
• 29:17
  Now you talked a little bit about some hacks that people can do really quickly.
• 29:21
  What are some little tips that people can do to to Well, I
• 29:25
  think I I think for, you know, when it comes to your virtual meetings, you know, some of the
• 29:29
  ones and the ones that are in the book, let's let's we can start there.
• 29:32
  So one is just starting your meetings, being conscious that how you start your meeting is
• 29:38
  probably one of the most important right, is that initial check-in.
• 29:41
  And and I in the book, I recommend what I call the 16 rule.
• 29:44
  So for every hour of meetings, 16 of it should be devoted to relationship building.
• 29:48
  Maybe that's you know, and that's 10 minutes.
• 29:50
  Maybe it's 2 minutes in the beginning and check-in in the middle or or something in the
• 29:55
  end.
• 29:55
  And I recommend starting with connection before content and gratitude before goodbye.
• 29:59
  Right, is taking time to connect right in the beginning and then making sure we say thank you
• 30:03
  before we leave.
• 30:04
  And so one way to just start is that when people join the call, simply ask, hey.
• 30:08
  What was everyone doing 5 minutes before today?
• 30:10
  And that usually sparks conversation using a welcome question in the book.
• 30:14
  I have a list of 20 different questions that people can ask.
• 30:18
  You know, you can use a gratitude prompt, something like that.
• 30:20
  There's 22 of those in the book.
• 30:21
  And then another one that I recommend a lot, and this has been probably one of the most
• 30:25
  popular ones I share is is pulse check quest.
• 30:28
  And so many times when we check-in, if we just ask, hey.
• 30:31
  How's everybody doing?
• 30:32
  People, most of the time, people don't really care.
• 30:35
  Right.
• 30:35
  They just move on.
• 30:36
  I'm good.
• 30:36
  I'm good.
• 30:36
  The truth is we're not good.
• 30:37
  We're dealing with a mess at home and everything's Roxanne underneath my desk is all
• 30:42
  the stuff I don't want you to see in the back right now.
• 30:45
  Literally.
• 30:47
  And so I think that what we can do is then ask questions what I call pulse question.
• 30:52
  So on a 1 to 10 scale, how are you feeling about your ability to be able to handle
• 30:57
  everything at work and home right now?
• 30:59
  10, I got this to one if you give me one more thing, I'm gonna collapse.
• 31:04
  And then if there's a lot of people on the call, people can put it into the chat or they
• 31:07
  can put up on their hands and show people, right, But then that way I just I do a
• 31:12
  numerical value to explain my circumstances, and then it's easier to explain out from that.
• 31:18
  And so as a leader, if I see people with 7 or below, it's a signal to me to just be like,
• 31:23
  okay.
• 31:23
  I need to check on the Roxanne.
• 31:25
  She was at, like, a 4 today.
• 31:26
  Right.
• 31:26
  Hey.
• 31:26
  I just wanna check-in how are you doing.
• 31:28
  Mhmm.
• 31:28
  And then the follow-up question, if it's just a one on 1 or, you know, I can invite a couple
• 31:33
  people to share.
• 31:33
  Hey.
• 31:33
  Why did you pick the number you did?
• 31:35
  And is there anything you, I or the team can do to help bring that number up?
• 31:40
  Mhmm.
• 31:40
  Any times the reason why we're at a 4 is nothing to do with work and has to do with what
• 31:45
  we're dealing with at home.
• 31:46
  Right.
• 31:47
  Right.
• 31:47
  Absolutely.
• 31:48
  Absolutely.
• 31:48
  Right.
• 31:49
  But that's the simple thing that we can do to we can do to check-in.
• 31:51
  You're gonna say something.
• 31:52
  Well, it's so true because in the, employee assistance world, 65% of any concerns are
• 31:58
  happening at work is related to home.
• 32:00
  So bear lower.
• 32:01
  Right?
• 32:01
  Because right.
• 32:03
  So you can imagine what those numbers look like now.
• 32:05
  Right?
• 32:05
  So to your points.
• 32:06
  So actually having people quantify really instead of glossing over the topics at hand,
• 32:13
  you're having them actually say where they are.
• 32:15
  You're tracking that as the manager's say, okay.
• 32:17
  I'm gonna note this.
• 32:18
  Chris is a little bit lower.
• 32:20
  Roxanne's a little bit.
• 32:21
  This, that, or the other.
• 32:22
  And it and you're just kinda keeping that pulse of where they're at so you can have more of a
• 32:27
  constructive conversation to say, is there something I can be helping you with, or what's
• 32:32
  really going on for you without getting, you know, if it's more than just something not
• 32:37
  related to work.
• 32:37
  You can, obviously, you would have a bit of a conversation and then there's resources if it's
• 32:42
  really personal, but you're you're letting them know that you're you're there for them.
• 32:46
  Yeah.
• 32:46
  And you're just taking time to check-in an alternative way and using a different question
• 32:50
  so that people have an opportunity to connect about something.
• 32:53
  You know, you can play, you know, play games on the, on the phone.
• 32:55
  You know, some of the one one of my favorite ones, and it's probably the most popular one is
• 32:59
  virtual.
• 32:59
  I'll have you ever.
• 33:00
  Right?
• 33:00
  And if you've ever played the game, have you ever?
• 33:02
  Someone will say, have you ever done this?
• 33:04
  And if you have, you turn your camera on.
• 33:06
  And if not, you'll leave your camera off.
• 33:07
  And it's fun and virtually to be able to do that.
• 33:09
  It's have you ever hidden things under your desk to make it look like your office is
• 33:14
  cleaner than it is.
• 33:14
  Have you ever completely forgotten about a meeting?
• 33:17
  And then the person's like, are you gonna join the call and you're like, oh, yeah.
• 33:19
  I was just getting on.
• 33:20
  And then you didn't even know who the person was or what the meeting was.
• 33:24
  Right?
• 33:24
  And just to be able to joke and laugh about our circumstances, because if we can't laugh about
• 33:29
  it and, and you know, in your world too, is that that laughter triggers that
• 33:33
  parasympathetic nervous system, triggers us in the rest and recover, and it's what we can do
• 33:38
  because right now, nothing is gonna address the uncertainty that we're facing in our life.
• 33:45
  I love the I love the gratitude part you're you're talking about because Yeah.
• 33:48
  That really connects us.
• 33:49
  Sorry.
• 33:50
  I didn't mean to cut you off.
• 33:51
  It really connects us into the heart And then when we get connected to really what's
• 33:55
  important, right, and or even, like, whether it's, like, you're telling the funny story
• 33:59
  where your daughter climbing all over you and she's a detective, That really, really sets us
• 34:04
  at a good place or to go to laughter to your point.
• 34:07
  Right?
• 34:07
  Like, these are things that I think unfortunately are getting lost even more
• 34:10
  because people are under so much more stress.
• 34:13
  Oh, and and it's, you know, I
• 34:15
  I don't have time to take care of myself.
• 34:17
  That's how I feel most days.
• 34:18
  Mhmm.
• 34:18
  I don't have time.
• 34:19
  I'm like, I just wanna disconnect And I think that's a part is that, you know, most of the
• 34:24
  self help world drives me nuts because it's so focused on quick fixes.
• 34:28
  And the truth is there's no quick fix, but what little thing can I do that will make a
• 34:32
  difference for me right now?
• 34:34
  Right.
• 34:34
  Who are the people that I enjoy talking to that I leave invigorated after I talked to them.
• 34:39
  Right.
• 34:39
  You know, what is it I watch on YouTube that afterwards I smile?
• 34:44
  Right?
• 34:44
  Because most of that knowledge is going in, the article that I submitted that, hopefully, it'll
• 34:48
  be in our revision view in the next couple months, hopefully sooner than that, but it was
• 34:52
  about how do we trigger gratitude.
• 34:53
  And it's a piece that I've done before that we reworked for the, for the main site.
• 34:57
  And it's literally that reminder that, you know, gratitude, it's it's not gonna resolve
• 35:02
  the uncertainty of what's going on right now, but what it will do help us cope with the the
• 35:07
  impact of the uncertainty.
• 35:10
  Right?
• 35:10
  And that little practice of just bookending our day, J.
• 35:13
  L.
• 35:13
  Or who runs simple intentions, you know, phenomenal programs around resiliency.
• 35:18
  And, you know, she says, just bookend your day with a little bit of gratitude.
• 35:22
  Taking a minute to stop and meal and just like, you know what?
• 35:24
  I really appreciate.
• 35:25
  And she shared.
• 35:25
  It was very vivid for me that fresh pomegranates I had on my cereal this tasty
• 35:29
  amazing.
• 35:30
  Or I'm just grateful for my body today because I had back issues before, and today, I'm
• 35:35
  walking fine.
• 35:36
  Mhmm.
• 35:36
  Right?
• 35:36
  And and by taking those moments to be able to do that and just smile about something and just
• 35:43
  laugh about something.
• 35:44
  I mean, you know what?
• 35:46
  It's literally just maintaining that mental diet so we don't get that emotional indigestion
• 35:51
  from digesting US politics maybe in politics, whatever, all the time.
• 35:57
  Anybody would get sick if they eat that greasy burger every single day.
• 36:01
  And so I think it's just thinking about like, hey, I'm conscious of what I put into my body
• 36:04
  food wise, but am I conscious of what I'm putting into my mind and just being aware of
• 36:08
  that and then thinking about, hey, you know what?
• 36:10
  I've been eating a lot of junk food lately.
• 36:13
  It's time to counter with something else, which may be just turning my phone off Mhmm.
• 36:17
  And doing something in my hands.
• 36:18
  Or it may be thinking about what I'm constantly putting in and how that makes me feel by
• 36:23
  directing my attention to that, which is a contribution to my life.
• 36:27
  So it sounds so good.
• 36:29
  I'm sure that people listening or thinking, you know, of little things that they can, start
• 36:34
  implementing, say, tomorrow.
• 36:36
  So if there are people that are, you know, and I know we could probably spend a lot more time,
• 36:39
  but I know we have to wrap up.
• 36:41
  But if let's say, leaders listening and he's saying, oh, my teams aren't doing so well.
• 36:46
  What are some things that they can do tomorrow to start getting them back on track?
• 36:51
  So so one of the ones on my on my if you go to beyond thank you dot com backslash book, I have
• 36:56
  a I have a little, team self assessment, and it's just a ten question thing to be able to
• 37:01
  ask and kinda do a pulse check on really the emotional safety, you know, ask questions like,
• 37:08
  do I feel safe to speak up if I need help?
• 37:10
  If I have a conflict with somebody, how comfortable do I feel to address it head on, or
• 37:15
  do we avoid it?
• 37:16
  And I think for a leader, I think a good thing to do is to be able to go and just do pick
• 37:20
  where are you at with your team?
• 37:22
  And then based on that, I recommend some stuff.
• 37:23
  I think that if your team, things have been a little toxic lately, You don't wanna bring your
• 37:28
  whole team together for discussion right away.
• 37:30
  You actually, as a leader, wanna go and interview people and understand what their
• 37:33
  experience has been first.
• 37:34
  Though, I think you start with a one on ones.
• 37:37
  Then if things have been going good and we just haven't had time to check-in is I think that
• 37:41
  people sometimes many times people are putting off one performance reviews having reviews and
• 37:46
  conversations right now.
• 37:46
  We'll do it when we're back to the office.
• 37:48
  Hell no, do it now.
• 37:50
  Have those conversations.
• 37:51
  Those are the things that are gonna make the big difference.
• 37:53
  Don't keep on waiting to return to the office because you create more uncertainty about how
• 37:57
  people are doing.
• 37:58
  Have those conversations now because really it's not about the games the games just create
• 38:04
  that can help support creating the container that makes it safe to have the conversations
• 38:08
  that really make a difference.
• 38:09
  You know, people always look me and be like, oh, Chris, you're in team building.
• 38:12
  I'm like, yeah.
• 38:13
  I do all those games just to make it safe so we can have the conversation that you guys have
• 38:17
  been avoiding having.
• 38:19
  Right?
• 38:20
  I ran a retreat for a for a team recently, and they were all, you know, they're dealing with a
• 38:25
  lot of tent a lot of there are a lot of tensors.
• 38:27
  They're overloaded with work right now.
• 38:28
  It's great.
• 38:28
  We actually just facilitate a process, and we played the games so that we could jump into the
• 38:32
  real conversation and address the issues that nobody wanted to talk about because no one
• 38:35
  wanted to give feedback to each other.
• 38:37
  And once we made it safe to talk, so those games are in there.
• 38:40
  And one of the other ones that's it's if you go to Forbes and you, Google Chris Little Field
• 38:45
  Forbes, there's how to run a virtual retreat, and I give a whole process to be able to to
• 38:49
  organize a virtual retreat in under an hour.
• 38:52
  Everything you need in there to be able to do it.
• 38:54
  And then if you email me, I have form that literally gives you an outline to be able to do
• 38:58
  that.
• 38:59
  And I think that right now, it's just a matter of of that hour, carve out 10 minutes to
• 39:06
  connect.
• 39:07
  Right?
• 39:07
  And then every 6 meetings, one meeting should be devoted solely to relationship building.
• 39:13
  So if you have meetings every 6 weeks, 1 week, just relationship building.
• 39:17
  And I think if you take that time and carve out time to build relationships, then I think you
• 39:22
  won't be dealing with as many of the issues that you get because you've been avoiding it.
• 39:27
  Like, when we're sick.
• 39:28
  Right?
• 39:28
  It's all about
• 39:29
  Yeah.
• 39:30
  Of course.
• 39:30
  And it's all about taking those little incremental times.
• 39:33
  It doesn't have to be a big epiphany, but to do it as consistently as you have just to make
• 39:39
  sure that what's your pulse?
• 39:40
  What's happening for you?
• 39:41
  Am I getting Chris?
• 39:42
  Is this he seems off what's happening for him?
• 39:45
  And then, you you know, just relationship relationship relationship, which is all that I
• 39:50
  talk about.
• 39:51
  Now, cause if people are wanting to connect with you, you know, with, events or coaching
• 39:56
  with you, where where might they reach you?
• 39:58
  You could find me at beyond.
• 39:59
  Thank you, com.
• 40:01
  You can also find me on LinkedIn, Christopher Littlefield, and then also on YouTube on a
• 40:06
  Christopher Littlefield as well.
• 40:07
  And so those are the 3 primary places that I spend the most of my time.
• 40:11
  And then if you wanna see articles, just Google little field harbor busy view or little field
• 40:14
  Forbes, and a lot of my pieces will come up there.
• 40:17
  And on the self care side, I also have some pieces that are up on Thrive Global.
• 40:21
  I think they're still up there.
• 40:22
  I haven't written for them in a long time, but There's some there that are more on the self
• 40:26
  care side of things, but on the leadership side of it beyond thank you.com.
• 40:29
  And it's a bunch of resources.
• 40:31
  And every 2 weeks, I send out a mailing, with literally practical tools, activities,
• 40:36
  resources that you can do in your virtual meetings and also once you're back in the
• 40:40
  office as well.
• 40:41
  Awesome.
• 40:41
  Well, this has been amazing.
• 40:43
  Happy packing.
• 40:44
  I I know you've done well.
• 40:45
  I can't see what's under your desk, but that's okay.
• 40:49
  Exactly.
• 40:49
  We we won't we won't put the camera underneath.
• 40:51
  It's actually not last night, I did I did all the dumping.
• 40:54
  It looks pretty good.
• 40:55
  It looks pretty good there.
• 40:56
  It's it's not it's not doing it's not doing too bad.
• 40:59
  So I still have a couple months before I move, but I'm just trying to get it done because the
• 41:02
  things are gonna get busy work wise.
• 41:03
  But Roxanne, it was a pleasure speaking with you.
• 41:05
  Thanks for the opportunity to be able to share with your community.
• 41:07
  And, I look forward to staying in touch.
• 41:10
  Awesome.
• 41:10
  And for everybody listening, connect connect connect.
• 41:13
  If you don't know where you're at and you're needing some support around getting connected
• 41:18
  to yourself as a leader.
• 41:18
  You can reach me at Roxanne.
• 41:22
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne.
• 41:25
  Create the space for positive with Roxanne, visit rocksandirhaj.com/blueprint.
• 41:39
  We'll see you next time.
• 41:40
  Unauthentic living with Roxanne.