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THE DISCLAIMER: Jase Is Dying · The Hauraki Big Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok. Or
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Raw Dog It. Four to seven every weekday on Radio Hodak.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: G'day, fellas.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Backbone.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Hello.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Bit of phlegm there, Jizz. You've got to clear out
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: that morning. Vape, Jizz.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: I had an eggplant-y kind of pasta last night. I've
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: got to be honest with you, fellas. I'm feeling a
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: bit dicey today.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: That's all right. That'll only affect your steamers.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, but the good thing is, you know, I've
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: done my steamer.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Have you?
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: It's always been my dilemma when doing breakfast. It interrupts
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: my steamer flow.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Traditionally, what happens is you do it right at the
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: end before we're doing the old... The potty. The potty there.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Go out for a 45 minute.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it does take me 45 minutes.
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: Whereas today, we're doing it 5.48 a.m.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Right now. Boom.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: How are you going, Keezy? You seem in her of
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: a mood.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Based on what? Yeah.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: No, but I just.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: You've been here for 30 seconds, show up late, and
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: then you start saying.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: What do you mean I show up late? I showed
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: up at 20 to 6. No, you didn't.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I was here at 20 to 6. All right. Nah,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I'm in a great mood.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Oh, good.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Had a good sleep last night. Awesome.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: How many coffees have we punched already?
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Is that your first of the day?
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: This is my first, man. Good on you, man. I've
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: been awake for about three hours, so I'm all good.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Had my glass of water, Keezy.
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: I've got a glass of water here. Got pretty much
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: a full coffee. Haven't even started on that yet. And
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: then I've got a little Tupperware of just a bit
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: of music.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, God.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: And you've got a little up and go there, I
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: can see, as well.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just stuff. Yeah. No, just stuff. So good, Keezy, man.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: What's wrong? The up-and-go stuff, man. It's no good.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Here we go.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Don't worry about your man with this stuff. You should
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: be having tofu and desiccated chicken.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: Funnily enough, my youngest daughter said to me the other day, Dad,
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: do you think I could survive on just up-and-go?
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: What did you say?
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: I said, well, probably, but it wouldn't be very good
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: for you.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Because it doesn't have a lot of nutrients in it.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: No. It's sort of like in the Weet-Bix... The Weet-Bix realm,
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: you know, where it's sold as sort of a whole food.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: It's not, Keezy. You've got to stop eating Weet-Bix, man.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I fucking hate Weet-Bix. Weet-Bix are all good.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: I love Weet-Bix.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: Ew.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: It's like my little treat.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: It used to be my treat at night would be
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: a big bowl of Weet-Bix with about eight teaspoons of
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: sugar on it.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: White sugar? No, brown.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: I'd go brown.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Brown?
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: I tell you what.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: It is a different world out there this time of
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: the day, walking through the city. I really like it
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: because there's very few people there, but she's pretty grim
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Right, okay. The cops haven't come through and cleared them
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: out yet.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: Yes, and there's a lot of rats. There's a lot
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: of rats in the city.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Do you always see rats?
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Do you see one this morning?
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, I saw a number of them.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: In Elliott Street, where all the little food stalls, the
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: outside food stalls are.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Just scurrying all over the place.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: It's a sign of a healthy economy.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: When you've got a lot of rats around, Keezy. It
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: means that people are throwing things out into the bins. Or,
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: for example, you know, You might have a top radio
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: DJ walking to work and a homeless guy launches a
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: pie and hits him in the chest and just falls
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: on the ground.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: You know, that's rat food. Yes.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: It's not going to waste. It's not going to waste, Mogi.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: The rats are eating it.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: The rats will eat it.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Or, you know, maybe that homeless guy picked it up.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: And there's a dominoes.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I kept on walking. I acted like it didn't happen.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Was that four years ago?
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's cool.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Five years.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, good. That's what you've got to do. And you've
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: got to avoid eye contact.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: You love making eye contact. You've fallen into that mistake before.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Haven't you?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, I have.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: Because you can see from quite a distance. You go, okay, okay, no, no.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: You've been involved in conversations with, well, probably billions of
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: homeless people.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: And mentally disabled or differently abled people. Yes. People in
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: mental crises. Yes. There's one recently put his hands on
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: your shoulder. He was saying a prayer for you, was he?
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Is that what he was doing?
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 4:11
  Speaker 5: Wouldn't you, Keezy, in your life, wouldn't you love to
• 4:14
  Speaker 5: see just from... 80 metres down the road. Like, you've
• 4:19
  Speaker 5: walked with Jase, you've come up to these lights up here,
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: he's going one way, you're going the other.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Right, I see that in me. You've gone the other,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: you're about 100 metres away, and you're waiting at another
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: set of lights now, and you see some fella... And
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: I'll turn and just check on Jase. Yeah, just looking,
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: and oh yeah, double, double, double... Double take. Double take.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: And there's some fella approaching Hoity Cho and you're thinking
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: to yourself, oh God, don't talk to him, Jase. And
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: then Jase, the next thing you see is Jase pulling
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: off his headphones going... Sorry, what was that?
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: That's exactly what happened.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: So what was that, mate?
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: I actually felt really bad the other day when I
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: was walking to work because, you know, up by Sky
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: City there and the bus stops there, that's where a
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: lot of people hang out.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right. You know, that's the kind of party zone.
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: And there was one guy sitting there chowing down on
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: something and he saw me from about 10 metres out
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: and he was like, oh, and he just started pointing
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: at me.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: I had my skull candies on.
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: He started pointing at me and, you know, chatting very
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: loudly by the.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: Looks of it. And I just went, gave him the
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: thumbs up.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Good on you, mate.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: Kept my skull candies on and kept walking.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: I felt quite bad about that because he was going, oh,
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: as I was walking past.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: I should have gone, sorry, mate, what was that?
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think he was going to give you his map,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: his treasure map.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: Yes, to his millions.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Millions.
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Now that's good listening. And it's live.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: What are you listening to there?
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, me?
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, sorry.
• 5:55
  Speaker 5: I was listening to the Radio Hauraki Big Show.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Four to seven weekdays.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's quite specific. And I heart radio. What? Cheers.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: The Hauraki Big Show podcast.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: We had a guy text in last night, Jase.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: The best text to come back to. It's got a
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: swear word in it. So if you've got kids in
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: the car, this is the worst one. And it goes
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: like this. It goes, oi, you cunts better stop dissing farmers.
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: So that was in response to– because we didn't check
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: the text machine, obviously, after we did Meat Patty Nip 69.
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: It was saying about how the farmer was coming to
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: the big city to get hot pot. So obviously someone
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: took offense to that.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: That's so good. So it feels like we should probably
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: start the show with that or at least have some–
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: It's getting the reaction like that. It's hard to resist.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: We should double down on it, eh?
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, we have to.
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: More chat about farmers coming to Auckland.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Actually, why don't we have it that you were coming
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: into work this morning, walking in, and you tripped over.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: You know, three or four farmers. Farmers. Because you know
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: what they're like when they come to the city.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: To the big smoke.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, good. All right. Some farmers here will be good. Oh, God.
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: Fuck, it is funny when you come in and then
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: you check the text machine because you haven't looked at
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: it in ages.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Yes. They're loving it. They're loving it. Now, that was
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: a treat last night, a bit of the old, I
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: went to bed. Yes. Honestly, at about 10 past eight
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: it was. Wow. What was I doing? I was watching
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Maura Lange. Fuck, it's good. So you're going to watch
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: something new. Fuck, it's good. Well, I did. And I
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: was going to, and then I didn't. And then I
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: was in bed, and a mate texted me a video
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: of the opening credits of Slow Horses. And I was like, ah, yeah, beauty,
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: it's out. So I got up and watched the first
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: episode of that. Oh, wow.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: What's that on again? Apple. Can't get into that at
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: the moment. Why? I don't know.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: I know I'm a fucking ignoramus with this stuff, but
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: for some reason I have tried persistently, as has my wife,
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: to get into it. I'm paying for it, but for
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: some reason it's, I don't know, it's just fucking me off.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Have you got it on your phone?
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: No. Oh, because it's on an Apple phone. No. No.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Was it good?
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: It was fucking great. Excellent. It was hilarious. It was
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: just all of the things. Fuck, it was good.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Gary Oldman must love that role, eh?
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: It's very funny. Yes. He was very funny in it. God,
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: he's really back to his cruel best. Yes. What season's that?
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: Six.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Holy fuck.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: Wow, is it?
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Six. I said that to my wife last night. My
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: brother-in-law said, what season's this? I said, six. My wife said,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: is it?
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Are you crazy?
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Have we watched all of them? What did you say?
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: I just laughed.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: How many episodes per season?
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: No, no, we skipped season two and five. Yeah, that shit.
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: Why don't we try logging on your phone today and
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: see if we can figure out what the issue is.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Well, I'll try again.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: We should do it live. But, no, let's not do
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: that because I'll be effing and jeffing.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: That's good stuff.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: Give the people what they want. See that aubergine? It's
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: sitting in my, it's burning me.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I told you it's shit, man.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: It's burning me.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Did it taste good?
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was yum.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: It might be a tumour. It might not be the
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: eggplant at all.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: It could be.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: It's probably the tumour.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it could be.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: What do you think is going to get us? What
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: do you think is going to get you?
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's going to be that.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: What, a tumour?
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: Well, well.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: What about a heart attack?
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a heart attack. I quite often get chest pains. Actually,
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: we were walking along Ponsonby Road. We walked up out,
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: you know, down K Road all the way to the
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: end of Ponsonby, came back, had ramen. Mm-hmm. I was
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: walking back and I was getting really bad chest pains.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: And my wife was there and I was like, I'll
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: just shut up and get on with it.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, back pain.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: It was stabbing into my heart.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: You don't think there was nothing wrong with that?
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: I'm, you know, I'm currently, you know, dealing with a
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: health crisis of my own making at this point.
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: No, but I think I'm right. I think I'm dying.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: At least you go to the doctor once. You know,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: we should be tapping into this at least once a week.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: 40J updates us on his health.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: I know what it is, and it's like, oh, well,
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: what's the fucking point?
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Don't worry about it.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: It's probably cancer. Is that what you're thinking? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: That's the place you go to.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: And the thing is, you're probably right.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: If it's going to be anything, chances are, I think,
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: what is it, 50% of people, that's what they get? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: It's a lot. It's not good. What about, is it prostate?
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: No. I think the prostate's all G.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: You've got a healthy stream?
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, you guys can check it if you want.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Healthy stream?
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, pretty healthy stream.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Powerful stream. I went through a period there of having
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: a staccato stream, but it just sorted itself out.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Years ago, though.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: You can do stretches for that, mate. You can.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can. You just grab your helmet, Keezy.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: Do you know you can.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: And just... Did you know that, Keezy? I did a lot.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: If you've got staccato wheeze and stuff and your prostate's
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: not going too good, there's little exercises.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: If you can't get a full erection, for example... You get.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Your pelvic floor going, Keezy. Yeah, you've got to get
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: your pelvic floor.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: Your pelvic floor.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just writing all this down. This is good stuff.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: This is good stuff. Kegels, yes. Kegels. You can flex
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: your nuss.
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: You tighten your nuss.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: You should probably go.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: To the doctor, Chase. And then release it.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Do you think you should go to the doctor? I
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: don't know. Why don't you have a look at it
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: after you've sold out his Apple TV?
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: Why go to the doctor so that they can tell
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: you what you already know?
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: He's doomed. And then you have to pay 50 bucks
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: and I'm still dying.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: He's so fucked up. I have to pay 50 bucks
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: and I'm still dying. What could be worse than dying?
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Paying 50 bucks. 50 bucks.
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: There are people in your life that would like you
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: to be around longer.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: Like who?
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: His family. Like who? I don't give a fuck. I
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: don't give a fuck. What's worse than having cancer? Having
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: cancer and getting paid 50 bucks. What's worse than that?
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: Having somebody lie to you that people love you.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, fine.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: No one does, okay? But I just think it's probably.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: Nah, I'm in good health, man.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: No, you fucking... For fuck's sake, it's so stressful. Look
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: how worried Pugs is.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's freaking out.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Hey.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: This is.
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: The big show, Portal 7.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: Wow, breakfast today and tomorrow.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Oh, God, we're about to start.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: And Monday.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: I need to get a water, fellas, to wash the
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: aubergine down.