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The Family Conflict Blueprint: a Transformative Approach to Building Stronger, Biblical Families w/ Bill High · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices from both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Karen, your show host, and today I have the privilege of interviewing a special guest, Bill High, founder of Legacy Stone, a nonprofit dedicated to helping families live out God's purpose for multi-generational success.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Bill is best known for three words family, legacy, and generosity.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: He practiced law with one of the largest law firms in Kansas City, then founded one of the largest Christian foundations in the country before focusing his efforts in the family legacy consulting area.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: He's the author and co-author to several books, including the recently released Leadership Not by the Book with David Green, the founder and CEO of Hobby Lobby.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Through Legacy Stone, a groundbreaking new curriculum was released called the Family Conflict Blueprint.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: And Bill is here to tell us about it today.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Bill, welcome to the show.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks, Karen.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Glad to be on with you.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I'm so grateful we connected.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm excited to just jump right in and ask you some questions on the topic of legacy and about this new curriculum.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: So let's start with what does legacy mean and why should we look at it through a biblical lens?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, legacy has unfortunately gotten a bad name because people think about it in terms of wills and trusts, and legacy is what you leave behind.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the real truth is that legacy, the definition that we use is legacy is what you set in motion.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because the big idea for all of us is that someday we'll stand before Jesus in heaven and be held accountable for our use of his resources.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And we all want to hear, well done, thou good and faithful servant.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the big idea.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Legacy we're setting in motion that day in heaven where we stand before Jesus.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's good.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well, at what stage in parenting should we start thinking about that?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and the Jewish model of education, it actually starts at age zero when they're in the womb, zero to five, the Jewish model of education, you always started with telling stories, the biblical stories, and the Shema.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Hero, Israel, the Lord our God is one.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's a very structured form of parenting.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, we tend not to have much plan.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: We teach uh that, you know, parenting is fun, but we tend to do a lot of it by default.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And what we really need is we need a plan, we need a blueprint.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the Jewish model of education.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Zero to five, and then from five to ten, you did certain things starting to teach about the laws, you're starting to teach deeper into what God requires of us, all those kind of things, the code of conduct, if you will.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that sounds great.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: So tell us about the Legacy Stone curriculum, also the seven-generation family and the impact it's having on families.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the the big thing, Karen, is that in our Western world, we've accepted this view that uh we raise our kids to independence.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: We raise them up and kick them out.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's basically how we tend to think about it.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: But the Bible is really written from a collective lens, meaning that we it's really written to families, it's really written to the community, it's written to the church.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so when we see the Bible being written that way, it tells us that we have to actually have a plan for how we raise our family, how do we govern our family?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Deuteronomy 6 talks about this idea about when your kids are getting up, when you're walking by the way, when you're lying down, is that you talk to them about the scriptures.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so the scriptures really do give us a blueprint about how we should be raising our kids.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that's this intentionality about hey, we're a team and we're here working together.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just about you as an individual.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, tell us about your new curriculum on the topic of family conflict.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you have a unique take on the subject, and that conflict can actually be a good thing.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: So, how can conflict help families?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, first we need to change our perspective of conflict.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Most people's style in handling conflict is to avoid it or to erupt.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: And what we need is a middle ground, and the middle ground is this recognition that conflict handled well is a model of the gospel because conflict is this idea that we need redemption and restoration.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so when we recognize that, that it's a really a good thing, then the thing that we teach is that you need to have a blueprint, you need to have a process for how you handle conflict.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: We have processes for how we cook dinner for recipes.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the process of handling conflict is pretty simple.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: As we say, oftentimes you need to have a trigger question.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, so that way somebody knows that a conflict conversation is happening.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then some simple ground rules about how you manage it.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to understand versus listening to respond.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Ask clarifying questions.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Who's the sender?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Who's the receiver?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: So those are some of the basic things that we say.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you have a written process for how you manage your conflict, then you're going to have a better outcome of restoration of relationships because conflict's just a reality inside of our family.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, very true.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: So, with this family conflict blueprint then through Legacy Stone, what is the format of that?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a seven-week study, and we start with that basic.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: What is the purpose of conflict?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: We actually get into conflict styles.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: What is your we all tend to have a default conflict style for many of us again?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, it's conflict avoidance.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: But then one of the very practical things that we do is we move people toward writing down their family code of conduct.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: What is your the five to twelve rules of interpersonal behavior that you look for?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So those are pretty simple.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: But again, if you think about it, it's like the Ten Commandments, it just gives your kids something to point to about how we should be managing the conversations inside of our family.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the fact of writing them down and then reiterating them in front of the family just gives you a just really powerful way to do that.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: We have one family, uh, really quickly that they have a family meeting, and on their family meeting agenda, they put conflict down.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, is there anything that we need to be talking about?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Anything maybe we hurt somebody or need to seek restoration.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just very open and very natural to be talking about those issues.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's great.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Sounds like a great resource.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, one last question, Bill.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: You say that the path to success comes through creating an intentional plan of action for your family.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: So, what would you say the first step would be for parents to take on that?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: The first and easiest step when you think about moving towards writing down a code of con uh conduct and a conflict process is identify your family values.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: What are the three to five family values that you would say should govern our family?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes they're pretty simple.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Faith, family, integrity, generosity, gratitude.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: But if you know your values, it provides the guardrails for everything that you do.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty simple, but just written down, posted on the wall, uh, gives you those daily reminders.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And we need those reminders to keep us on track.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's good.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Bill, it's been a pleasure having you on the show today.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, this is a short podcast.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I could go for an hour with questions to ask, but I do want to encourage our listeners to check out Legacy Stone and your new curriculum.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: Where is the best place to find you online?
• 8:26
  unknown: Yep.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: If they go to legacystone.com, they'll find us, they'll find the materials there, free courses there as well, and some of the upcoming resources.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Wonderful.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we will have links to that in the show notes.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you again for being here, Bill.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: And listeners, thank you for joining us.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure to check the show notes for links to Bill's website, his curriculum, and to the resources discussed today.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Then come back next week for another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, have a blessed week.