Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Mormon Wives “Villains” Demi & Bret Engemann

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Mormon Wives “Villains” Demi & Bret Engemann · I Do, Part 2

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Some listeners may find this content disturbing.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: This episode discusses suicide. Please proceed with caution.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: Hey there, everybody, welcome to I Do Part two. It's
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: your hosts, your sometimes hosts. I guess we rotate a
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: lot here, Amy Robock and TJ. Holmes, And we are
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: so excited because we have our next two guests in
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: person with us at the iHeart Studios. We're going to
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: be talking divorce, marriage, reality TV and of course, well
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: I hate to mention it, but we have to go there.
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: At least one question on Rudy Pebble's from the Secret
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: Lives of Mormon. Why it is the me and Brett
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: who need no introduction? How are we all today?
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Good? Were you? Thanks for having us?
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: Why did y'all immediately laugh? I'm glad you said it.
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: I would be worried somebody y'all might throw water, but
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: I'm the only one in the room who wasn't. But
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: it's good to see you guys in person. My goodness,
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: And again, everybody that comes on this podcast means they
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: didn't get it right the first time around. Both of
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: you all second marriage for both of you. Let me
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: ask this, what did the show do for your relationship
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: being on momon wise can I said, what impact did
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: it have on you?
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: We were just talking about last night.
• 1:33
  Speaker 5: I mean it's strengthened us, like you can't believe going
• 1:37
  Speaker 5: too far away.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just strengthened us.
• 1:41
  Speaker 5: It put us in a lot of situations that you
• 1:42
  Speaker 5: don't typically anticipate being Obviously, you know you're in a
• 1:46
  Speaker 5: reality TV show or it's reality TV, but there are
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: a lot of things that are you know, they kind
• 1:51
  Speaker 5: of contrive that puts you in challenging situations and so
• 1:56
  Speaker 5: but yeah, we've we've grown so much closer and just
• 2:01
  Speaker 5: we've had to kind of up the game in terms
• 2:03
  Speaker 5: of just communicating because when you're in the again, back
• 2:06
  Speaker 5: to reality TV, the lines of reality can become so blurred,
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: and so really making sure that you communicate clearly becomes
• 2:14
  Speaker 5: totally crucial increasingly, so I think, yeah.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: No, agreed.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: We literally were just having a conversation last night after
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: seeing Whitney on Broadway, and we were just talking about
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: the whole experience. You know, it's all been so fast
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: paced and crazy. We're like, we're sitting here in New
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: York watching Whitney on Broadway. They started with the dance
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: like this is wild and like a swinging scandal, and
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: we're just sitting there talking about where we were to
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: where we are and our fertility struggles and just everything
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: and finding that silver lining in how much stronger our
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: relationship is today than it was before all of this,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: And I think that's rare. And we were like, what
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: is that? What's the component? And we said communicating, communicating
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: and being able to speak freely to each other and
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: genuinely seeking to understand one another. And I think it's
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: like really like we kind of pat ourselves on the
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: back because I'm like, that's so. I mean, we've been
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: this isn't our first rodeo, as we said before, but
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: we've learned the lessons along the way, and we genuinely
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: put in the work and at the end of the day, like,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: relationships are not about it being perfect all the time.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: It's about how you handle those struggles and how you
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: communicate and work through them. So I'm just I'm proud
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: of us for the way that we have weathered so
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: many different storms grow together.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: Have we ever gotten that answer before that? Yeah, Reality
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: TV was good for my relationship.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: In fact, that was actually very surprisingly makes sense. I
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: was not expecting it, but is it? Would you say?
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Because and look, we have watched some of the show
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: a couple of the different seasons, but it's jumped out
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: to us that even when you're not on camera and
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: you're not being shown, you're constantly being talked about, I
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: mean to me, and even Brett comes out of everyone's
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: mouths at least in every scene. I was like, this
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: is remarkable to be talked about, Yeah, that much on
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: a show that you kind of pulled back from a
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: little bit. I'm curious, is it kind of an us
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: versus them mentality where you will you all felt like
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: maybe you were being attacked together, so it kind of
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: strengthened you all to hold down your own personal relationship
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: while other people were attacking it.
• 4:31
  Speaker 6: Yeah, a little bit.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: I also just think that it uncovered so many wounds
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: for both of us that and we were implementing so
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: many incredible tools on the side, right, like therapy and
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: so many different modalities that helped us navigate it. And
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: as those things were uncovered, I feel like we both
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: are pretty introspective and you know, self aware, and we
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: both would be like, Okay, what is this kind of
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: stirring up in us.
• 5:02
  Speaker 6: And what is this really at the root.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: And so as we would have things come up in
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: wounds and triggers and trauma, we would kind of turn
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: like either to our therapists or to each other and
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: be like, Okay, I know that your intentions are good,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: I know your heart is good. So what's really coming up?
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: And we would face that head on, Like genuinely when
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: I say that, we both put in the freaking work
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: day in and day out, and I think, yes, I
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: think to answer your question, I think it did be
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: kind of, you know, come come to a point where
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: it was like, this is us together. We are not
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: fighting each other, it's us against the problem. And I
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: honestly think that's how we've gotten through.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:43
  Speaker 5: The other thing is that it's it's funny because you
• 5:50
  Speaker 5: you learn to kind of understand that the things that
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: people are talking about, for the most part, that are
• 5:54
  Speaker 5: controversial or or that might be make you uncomfortable or
• 6:01
  Speaker 5: make you feel bad about yourself, all of those things,
• 6:03
  Speaker 5: for the most part, are fictional things, if that makes sense,
• 6:06
  Speaker 5: Like the things that they're hating about, you know, to me,
• 6:09
  Speaker 5: I mean fictional things. I mean that there it's almost
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: like she's become a fictional villain, and so it's like
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: learning how to separate, you know, myself from that. I
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: think has been just learning how to separate myself from
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: what is real and what is not, just kind of
• 6:28
  Speaker 5: learning that most of most of the things that are
• 6:32
  Speaker 5: controversial are fictional.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: In reality TV, yeah, or that people aren't getting the
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: full picture right, like and people will say that, you
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: see the sound minds online that are like, guys, this
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: is a show. Remember, like these are people, There's nuances,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: there's context that's missing, and everyone knows that. It's like
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: we want to protect this thing. And it's like, at
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: the end of the day, it's entertainment, it's a show,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: and you're not getting the entire full picture.
• 6:55
  Speaker 6: Is the drama real?
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Sure?
• 6:57
  Speaker 6: Are the storylines real?
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for the most part, But there's context missing, there's
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: things missing, and you're not getting the full picture of
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: who I am day in and day out, who he is,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: how our relationship is. And so I think you know,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: the sound minds understand that, and so you know then
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: you're able to just take a step back and not
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: take it as personally.
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: But the sound mind seems huge and far.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Yes, I wish more sound minds would speak up because
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: people will come up and they're like, there's more people
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: behind you than you know, And I'm like, where are.
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: Those They can't be heard louder by the craziest. But
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: you you talk about separating though, bread, but you're still
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: a dude who loves his wife and there are people
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: saying things about your wife that are wrong and awful.
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: How are you maybe, even if you don't say something
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: on social media, say something how internally even do you
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: keep your heart rate from going up?
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Have you been able to be.
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: In a process? Yeah, I mean it's been Yeah, it's
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: been a learning process. But it goes back to just
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: separating what's real from what's not. And like literally when
• 8:00
  Speaker 5: they're talking about her, when I when I read the
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: things that they say, it's like I just have to
• 8:04
  Speaker 5: say that is a completely fictional person they're talking about. Otherwise,
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: I mean, I just want to light the world on fire.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: That his achilles heel, honestly, Like when when I get
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: brought up, I mean it's the same way for me too,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Like I get so fired up when I see them
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: talking about him, and I'm like, if you knew the
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: kind of man this man is, and dad and husband
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: and just friend and general, like I get emotionally just charged.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I'm like, don't talk about him that way. And then
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I read about me and it's like this page and
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like.
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: I know my truth. I know my truth. I'm curious though,
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: because I actually we talked about this in another episode
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: for me personally in my life, and we've told you
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: guys when we walked in. We were divorced twice, so
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: we know what it's like to go through relationship breakups
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: and heartache and in front of the public. But some
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: of the hardest breakups for me have been with female friends.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: It's like relationship ending situations have been the most traumatizing
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: for me with my other girlfriends. How have you navigated that?
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Shed about it every night?
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Not about these friendships necessarily, but it definitely does like
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: trigger old friendships. So yeah, it can feel harder than
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: a breakup. And I don't know, I lost, you know,
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: my best friend at the same time that I lost
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: my ex husband, and I was kind of mourning both relationships.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: But I definitely was like dreaming about my ex best
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: friend every single night, thinking about that, stewing over it
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: far more.
• 9:37
  Speaker 6: And maybe it's because my ex husband was.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Still in my life and we were co parenting, and
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: like the other friend, it was just like gone. I
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: don't know, but that felt way harder.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: Like are you talking about Jesse. No, no, no, this
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: is a.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Past relationship, like a past dear dear childhood friend. No. No,
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I mean it's yeah, you get close. You get close
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: really quickly in this environment and you're working day in
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: and day out together and so you build that friendship,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: but there's a level to it that's almost like foe
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: because it's so quick. It's almost like when someone love
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: bombs you and it's like oh wait, and then you
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: take a step back and you're like, oh, that wasn't real.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that the friendships weren't real, but
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: it's like when you take a step back like I have,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: and you look at it, it's like I barely knew
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: that person, Like I really went all in on someone
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: and there's a lot of the lot there that's like
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: problematic that I don't want in my life. And you know,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I know she feels the same, so I just yeah,
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: for me, I think taking a step back was the
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: healthiest thing for me because I was able to really
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: look at everything for what it was, and I'm like, yeah,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of red flags there that I was
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: kind of missing because we were in force into this
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: environment together. So I mean, yeah, I mean friendship breakups
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: are hard. I can speak to that, but I'm.
• 10:56
  Speaker 6: Navigating it well.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: And like, really, anytime I hear any one from the
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: cast say anything, I'm just like, it really holds no
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: weight to me. I'm like, hmm, you're playing I don't know,
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: You're you're playing a part and you're doing it well.
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: But yeah, I don't get that. I don't can I
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: ask do you consider yourselves genuine friends with the other
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: cast members? Or do you consider them like co workers?
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: Sometimes you have good days and we got to show
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: up together and we got to perform. Seriously, I asked,
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: are they genuine friends?
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Uh? Both that I have genuine friendships in the group,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: and then there's some that I have genuinely tried to
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: build friendships with that you know, it's like a relationship.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Back to what I was saying earlier that in a relationship,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: in a working relationship where you're genuinely trying to build
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: upon it, there has to be you seeking to understand
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: that person. You have to you know, understand the nuances
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: in the context, and you have to forgive, like people
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: are gonna mess up. And and I feel like I
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: extended that in multiple areas to people, and then I
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: would like do something or say something and it was
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: like boom, you're done, cut off whatever. And for me,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: it's just it wasn't reciprocated in a few of the relationships.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: And then you have the other relationships where you both
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: have done each other dirty and you're walking this path
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: and it's complicated and you give each other grace and
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: those are my people.
• 12:26
  Speaker 6: And so those are the people that I am friends.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: With and genuinely have relationships outside of filming. And then
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: you know, I think most everyone in the cast would
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: say that majority of the friendships are business at this point.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes a lot.
• 12:42
  Speaker 6: At least they're honest though.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: I mean in reality TV it's kind of unique too,
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: because it's like when there's something like you have a
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: grudge against somebody, it's almost like they want to hang
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: on to that because they understand, especially the further you
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: get into, you know, being on a reality TV show,
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: they want to have that kind of like as fodder.
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: You know, or to like back their story or to
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: make their story more compelling. So they it's like they
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: hang on to these grudges where like that's like for me,
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: I try to give them a little bit of grace
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: because constantly I'm thinking, people cannot be.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: This ridiculous because it makes them relevant.
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: Totally makes them relevant. And with her, it's like it
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: keeps them away from everybody's so scared to be the villain,
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: you know, and so it's like, especially with me, they
• 13:24
  Speaker 5: want to hang on to, you know, exaggerated things and
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: fictional things.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: Basically, if she's the villain, then they're not there exactly.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: And you know, in life and in reality TV and
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: in life in general, people want that. They want a
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: bad guy, they want a good guy, and then they
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: hold onto those and you can't tell them anything different
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: because they need that to be the way it is
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: because that makes them feel safe and okay, because they
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: can sit there and judge you absolutely.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: Have you been on a reality TV show? Have you been.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: Version of it?
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: Version of it?
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: It was our reality that was on display for everyone
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: else's entertainment.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's everybody is hard. So kudos to you guys.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: So you all have been married for five years now,
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: five years, and you've blended your families, which is no
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: easy task. How have they handled all of that with
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: cameras rolling, Because it's hard enough without cameras rolling. I
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: can't imagine doing it in that environment.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: How the kids handling? Yeah, you know, they haven't really
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: been around for much of it.
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: We've kind of we kind of decided at the beginning
• 14:38
  Speaker 5: that we weren't going to involve the kids, and so
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: it's been I think probably more seamless than it would
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: have been had we, you know, had we chose to.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: What about the hell your kids are older and they're closer,
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: I think to they're in college, correct, in high school? Yeah, yeah,
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: I mean they read things, they see things. How does
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: that impact them and you all forming your own family.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: They've been I mean they've been it's like to be
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: it's been like water off. They're back.
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: They're both you know, they grew up athletes and kind
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: of you know, thicker skin basically, and my family has
• 15:13
  Speaker 5: kind of been, you know, in the entertainment business for
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: a long time, and so they they understand kind of
• 15:18
  Speaker 5: the nature of the entertainment business and they also you know,
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: learn to distinguish between fiction and reality.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: And so they've been fine.
• 15:25
  Speaker 6: They're supportive, and so.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: They'll see things and they'll they'll send it to me, yeah,
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: and just they'll be like this person or I just
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: you know, like they're they're supportive and very very sweet.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: And then my youngest is eight years old, and she
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: doesn't know. She just started saying, like we'll go through
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: a drive through and she'll rolle on her window and
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: be like, my mom's on Hulu. That's pretty Yeah, but
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: it's just been work to them for the longest time, like, oh,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: we have work, Like we just call it what it is.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: It's work, you know, and they kind of view it
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: as that. And then also there's the perk side of it,
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: where you know, we're going to Disneyland VIP and they're
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: like wait what, and it's like, well, it's because what
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: we do and they're like.
• 16:05
  Speaker 6: Okay, yeah, that's cool.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: That's cool work, you know, like that's worth it. Or
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: we're taking fun trips or meeting cool people and having
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: these cool opportunities. And you know, I'm calling my daughter
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: being like, Whitney's here on the billboard. You know, she's
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: been here to see me on the billboard, and you
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: know those moments where they're like, oh WHOA, Like you're
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: doing something really cool, which is fun for them to see,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: you know, and kind of carve a different path than
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: I grew up with. I mean, he grew up in
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: this world, so for him, I think it's you know,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: kind of normal. Would you say, like it's the norm.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: And for me, I'm like, I grew up so humble
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: and just came from basically nothing, and so for me,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: it's fun to show my daughter a different lifestyle and
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: give her the experiences. That's why I do it.
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: You mentioned you've been in this world your family has,
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: and you said you your family knows how to separate
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: fact from fiction. Right the bs that's out there, I
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: wanted to ask about the fiction. What is the biggest
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: piece of fiction out there about Ule's relationship. It sounds
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: like you all keep up with what's going on on
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: social media and what people are saying, But what is
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: the thing out there that people think if you could
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: just snap your finger and correct the record, if you will,
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: what is the thing that people think about you all
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: that you really really wish they could get right?
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: I mean I think two pieces.
• 17:25
  Speaker 6: Go ahead, you know, you go, I don't want to
• 17:27
  Speaker 6: cut you off by I've gone.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: A couple of got back of you. Yeah, yeah, thank you.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: For that question.
• 17:34
  Speaker 6: Oh, I have two pieces that are just quick. I'll
• 17:36
  Speaker 6: just rattle off.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: One I didn't cheat on Brett and two we did
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: not know each other when I was nine years old.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, thank you.
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: Oh. Yes, that's one of the first things you see
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: when you google.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: It's ridiculous. Yeah.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I met Brett when I was twenty one years
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: old at our good family friend's funeral.
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: Where did that start? What does stuff like that come from?
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Well, okay, I it's I'm kind of to blame on
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: that because it was the satire time of TikTok where
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: people are just going after our age gap relationship and
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: they're like Grandpa d and so then what do you do?
• 18:14
  Speaker 6: You just play into it?
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: So then I, you know, I played into it as.
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: Though you languaged a couple of things that were a
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: little they could have been confessed.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Exactly, Yes, which I honestly it doesn't bother me. I
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: feel like it's bothered you more than me, which rightfully,
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: so like.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: What people have spun? What people that makes sense?
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: Yes? What was posted didn't, but then the comments that
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: came from it, then he was like, Okay, now it's
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: getting creepy.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: Age where I met her just keeps getting younger, and.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: He and then he was my babysitter, and then he
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: was like best friends with my parents, and so then
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: it just the thing just keeps getting spun and spun,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: and so I take full responsibility for starting that whole thing.
• 18:57
  Speaker 6: So it's my job to clear it up.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: We met when I was a beyond legal adults, and
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: we both were married to different people. Like we it
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: was not at all what people are saying on the internet.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: So yeah, there's this, Yeah, there's this sixteen year age gap, right, yes, yeah, I.
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: Think where I got a little confusing too, was one
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: of my best friends was her best friend's dad, and
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: he was it's kind of convoluted, but my sister in
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: law is his niece, and so you know, we live
• 19:28
  Speaker 5: in We were talking about.
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: Trying to get my head around that.
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: So so yeah, a good friend of mine that was
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: twenty years older than me, he was like my uncle, okay,
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: and she was friends with her with his daughter, and it's.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: So wild to think about because like that's so close, right,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: and there's so many connections, but I genuinely didn't. I
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: never met Brett until that funeral.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: And I had always been the funeral of her best
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: friend's dad, who.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, And I had heard of him obviously, like
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: he was like this all star provo boy, you know,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: and I had heard of him. I had heard of
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: his family obviously, and his sister was married to Larry
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: King and you.
• 20:06
  Speaker 6: Know, all these things.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: So it was like the Ingemans were known, but we
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: never met each other. So that is a huge thing.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I know for like, thank you for asking that.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: Actually I appreciate it.
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: Understand why you had that one ready to go.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Did you have something you wanted to clear up?
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: Well, I was just gonna say the fidelity thing is
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: just it's so funny because you won't find a couple
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: that's more committed to each other and doesn't even have
• 20:28
  Speaker 5: a thought of being with anybody else. So it's just
• 20:31
  Speaker 5: that's been such a dumb thing to even have to
• 20:34
  Speaker 5: talk about.
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: Should I even ask where that one came from from?
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Vander pum Villa, Yeah.
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: That wasn't you as well. I'm just making sure you
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: didn't start though, and like you did the nine year old.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: No, no, I didn't start that one.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: No, that was.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: We won't mention his name, but yes, we get it.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: There's an asterisk there. Yes, I'm curious too because you
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: all were in other relationships. You said, when you first
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: met and you just were friendly, How did it go
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: from that to then you all being in a romantic relationship?
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: Well, do you want to talk about the Bachelor?
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's my favorite story.
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: So I know I would run into Demi and her
• 21:15
  Speaker 5: husband at the time at the gym from time to time,
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: and basically out of nowhere, Long story short, I get
• 21:24
  Speaker 5: an email from the Bachelorette and they said that you
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: have been nominated anonymously to be on the show.
• 21:29
  Speaker 6: But we had just.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: Seen him at the gym and we were like, what's
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: going on? Second marriage didn't work out? Like you're such
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: a catch. What's happening? Like you need to go on
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: the Bachelor.
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: I had a second marriage. It didn't work so see
• 21:41
  Speaker 5: it was about six months I got it.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry not to not to cut you off. My husband,
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: my ex husband, and I had told him like, what's
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: going on, Like you're such catch, so handsome, you need
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: to go on the Bachelor. He was like absolutely not. No,
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: So we go home, we not nominate or we nominate him.
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: That's a good story anonymous that night, okay, yeah, so.
• 22:09
  Speaker 6: Then he gets a call oh wow literally the next day.
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, they were desperate to cast somebody to think that
• 22:15
  Speaker 5: was like age appropriate for Claire.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: Claire Crawley.
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: Yes, she was like forty I think, and I was
• 22:19
  Speaker 5: forty two at the time, and uh so, yeah, I
• 22:23
  Speaker 5: went on the Bachelorette and I was there for about
• 22:25
  Speaker 5: a week.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: Then COVID hit. They sent us home and there was
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: a break but in the in the.
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so but when you when you go, when you
• 22:33
  Speaker 5: go to the bachelotte you have to go dark on
• 22:35
  Speaker 5: social media. Anyway, I come home, I go back on
• 22:38
  Speaker 5: social media. She notices that I am no longer filming
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: and then what so.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: Then I he like posted something of his sons and
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: I was like, wait, what's going on? I thought you
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: were filming, Like what how are you posting? And he
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, we actually all got sent home and
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's crazy. And then I was like,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: by the way, I'm getting divorced, and he was like,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, Like I mean, we told no one.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I told him before I told my family, and so
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: he was like, it's crazy if you need a shoulder
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: to cry on.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: I didn't actually say that.
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: Probably that is life is weird. Now, I didn't know
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: you were on that season, so I didn't.
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: Actually go and film. Okay, it was the week leading
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: up to it. COVID hits, they send us home, and
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: then I think they filmed like four months later, and.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: You were already in a relationship at that point.
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: Yes, well you would have gone back had I not
• 23:37
  Speaker 5: met her, Maybe probably not.
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: But still to think that you could have been on
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: your way to another love journey, if you will. Yeah,
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: and COVID.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: Got you here.
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: That is weird how stuff works out. We noticed this
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: life all the time. Who know that any little thing
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: would have happened differently.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: COVID saved me.
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: That's just a weird thing to say or to think about.
• 23:58
  Speaker 4: But that is congratulations. I love that story, by the way.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: That's very very cool. In fact, I would say COVID
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: played a role in our relationship as well. So it's
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: funny all things that are suddenly you know that seem
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: overwhelming and tragic and certainly were changed the course of
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: so many people's lives, and it made a lot of
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: people realize that they didn't want to be married, or
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: a lot.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: We know where statistics are because I think it had
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: to have gone. It seems like it went through the room.
• 24:25
  Speaker 6: With their Yeah, with their relationship.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: You were forced to face your relationship. There was no
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: escaping one hundred No, that's a real thing.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: I mean everyone was in such close quarters. It's like,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: we were.
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: Talking about that again last night, but what's the divorce
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: right now? Something percent, it's fifty plus percent. But then
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: we were thinking about the people that we know that
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: are married, that had been married for a long time,
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: and a lot of them are not happy.
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: We knew where you were going with and so it's like.
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: What percentage of married couples are actually happy.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: We've had that exact same conversation because so many people
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: and this is the perfect podcast to have this conversation,
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: because so many people sit in judgment of other people
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: who get divorced and remarried, and they sit in their
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: marriages and think, see, we're great because we're still married.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: On the other side of the house, and they don't speak.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: You're right, and yeah, haven't had sex in a year?
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: And yes, and actually hate each other. Yeah, but they're
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: still married. Yeah. Success a successful I know.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: It just it comes down to the definition of success
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: for you.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: I guess, Oh my god, Okay, when do we want
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: to get the fruity pebbles thing out of the way.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I think right now, let's say let's do it. Let's
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: go are okay tears.
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: I'm let's step out for this.
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: So Jesse Jesse makes this this video on social media
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: exposing what you what she says is the truth about
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: frudy pebbles, and then you all went on social media
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: the next day and had your own play on what
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: she said without actually saying anything. You just showed something.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: How do you?
• 26:01
  Speaker 6: How are you?
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: Do you care about it at all? Is it funny
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: to you? Like? What was the actual impact of any
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: of that?
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean originally when it got brought up on
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: the show, I didn't want to talk about it. I
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: just thought, like, this is personal, this is between us.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: I shared this with the women in confidence, and I
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: shouldn't have even done that. You know, we've spoken about
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: that since and I'm like, that was I mean a
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: betrayal to Brett because that was something that happened between us.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: If he went and told his buddies. I'd be like,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: what are you doing? You know, And so I regretted
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: that later that I brought that up to even the women.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: And so yeah, obviously it was something that we never
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: planned to have come out. Is it the end of
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: the world?
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: No?
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: But then, like you said, our steps, like my step
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: son's his kids who are adults, are on social media,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: they're seeing this. And then our youngest son is in
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: high school and it's like, we know how brutal high
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: school people can be, and like how many months have
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: pass and we're at a baseball game the other day
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: and they're like, let's.
• 27:02
  Speaker 6: Go, fruity pebbles. Boy, come on, let's go, you know.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: And I mean, again, is it the end of the world? No,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: But like it also did affect our youngest son to
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: some degree, and that bothers me, and that bothers him,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: and I know it like really upset him.
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: I mean, people do a lot of dumb things when
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: they're not dumb things, because I mean people experiment all
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: the time in the bedroom and when we we were
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: three sheets to the wind, you know, and if if
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: and it happened one time, you know, and and if
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: you know, if everybody had to talk about something they've
• 27:35
  Speaker 5: done when they're three sheets to the wind or whatever,
• 27:37
  Speaker 5: I mean, what.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: Are we talking about?
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: So but leave it to Jesse of course to bring
• 27:41
  Speaker 5: something like that up. So it's just I mean, yeah, anyway,
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: that's all I'll say about that.
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: Why did you all decide? It seems because I we
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: discussed this, as said, hey babe, I don't because of
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: what we've actually experienced. We didn't find it funny. People
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: make jokes, but this is whatever it is to you
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: all knock yourselves out. Fine, but why did you all
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: respond to her in the way you did? You kind
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: of tongue in cheek with that video, and then I
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: saw that, I said, oh, I guess they're cool talking
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: about it.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it was more so that I It was
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: one of those things where it's like, well, it's out there,
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: so what are you going to do about it? I
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: I think what we were upset about was the timing
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: of everything and why she responded. You know, she obviously
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: was upset at you know, comments that were made or
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: you know, it's just the it's the extent that she
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: went to to try to uncover something, to either cover
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: up her own stuff or to show that she was
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: upset at me. And I think that's what it was.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: That we were just like, okay, you took it too far,
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: and so then we're like, what are we going to do?
• 28:50
  Speaker 6: Fuel the fire with her or just bring.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: The levity and own it and like make it light
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: as lighthearted as possible.
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: No, sounds like there was a real relationship issue in
• 29:01
  Speaker 4: there that a lot of couples deal with. You betrayed
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: a trust, right, how far do you go? What do
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: you all think about the idea? How much is it
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: okay to tell your girlfriends about what happens at the
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: house with him? And how much do you are we
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: allowed to as in a couple? How much should you say?
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: It sounds how long did it take you all to
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: work through that? Because that is I mean, I think
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: she knew pretty immediately.
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: In fact, you called me right after you had the
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: conversation with the girls about it and you were like, Babe,
• 29:27
  Speaker 5: I'm so sorry, and you know and so and I
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: mean I think we had a we had a brief
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: argument about it, really, but it wasn't it wasn't I
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: knew that she meant well. I sometimes she overshares when
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: and it was early on in.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so it was just.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Sex, which is funny. I feel like we talk about
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: it more than men because they're like, we're good, we're chilling,
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: like I had sex with my wife this week, We're good,
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: whereas women are.
• 29:56
  Speaker 6: Like, well, like is this normal?
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: And do you do this with your husband? And like
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: we're more insecure about it, I feel, and so we
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: have more open conversations. That's how we learn like men,
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: I always say men learn through born and having sex,
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: and women learn through having conversations about sex with their girlfriends.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: Like it's just a different world, you know, but sorry,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: keep going. I think we did have a quick argument
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: about it, and I recognized that was like I'm so sorry,
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: you know, like I know you're not going to your
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: bodies telling them like, oh, I guess what my wife did?
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: And so I was like I understand that, you know,
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: if that comes out, that's embarrassing for you.
• 30:31
  Speaker 5: And you know, I think I also kind of figured that,
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: you know, when she's sharing it, it would be one
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: thing if she was sharing something like that with a
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: group of girls that were like not on a reality
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: TV show.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: You know, But we weren't at the time, Yeah, Oh
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: you weren't.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, they were just we were mom talk at the time.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was right before.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but it wasn't like a long standing girlfriend, right,
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: And so I think that it was more so like
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: who it was and the fact that that was something
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: that we experimented with once and it was you know,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: it was a little flippant on my end.
• 31:08
  Speaker 6: So we had that conversation and then obviously.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: Like moving forward, I've like vowed to be better about that.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: But I to go back to your question, I think
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: it really is just a personal thing like between you two,
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: like what your boundary is with that, and sometimes you
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: don't know that you have that boundary until it's crossed
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: and then you're like, wait, hold on, I don't like
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: that we're talking about that.
• 31:31
  Speaker 6: Things that we do in the bedroom that's like sacred
• 31:33
  Speaker 6: to me.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: And that was one of those moments where I was like,
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: I've always been kind of flippant with that, and I've
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: always been super open and just like oh yeah we
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: try this. Whoa, you know, I'm just a little bit
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: more open, like he said, And I realized in that
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: moment that he's more private about that, and so that
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: was a moment where I was like, Okay, that's our boundary,
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: So yeah, And there's nothing more painful, I don't think
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: than you sharing something with someone where you feel like
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: you're being vulnerable and then it's used again. That's a
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: terrible feeling, especially among friends.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Girls.
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: That's what girls do, and they know how to cut deep,
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: they know how to get you. They know how vulnerable
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: that is and how that feels. And it's a choice.
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: It's a choice to share it. I'm curious, would you
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: all say you learned more lessons about where you are
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: in your relationship because you seem like you guys are
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: awesome from your previous relationships and lessons learned in those
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: or lessons learned doing this all in front of the
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: cameras with reality show and folks watching and weighing it.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: I think both. But the environment that we've been in,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: the pressure cooker, you know, environment that it is, I
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: would say that that has definitely challenged us the most
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: and actually like living the life because it's one thing
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: to learn lessons and then it's another thing to apply it.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: And the application of it has been huge because we're
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: getting these things thrown at us like fiery darts constantly,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: and then it's like, how we're going to manage this,
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: how we're going to handle this, How are we going
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: to weather this together?
• 33:09
  Speaker 6: So I would say living it together for sure.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: And then you know, always life experience, always, you know,
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: has the opportunity to teach you things and show you
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: the things that need to be healed. And we both
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: individually do therapy and we both do therapy together. And
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: I think that's huge because there's things that will come
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: up in a relationship and we're like, hold on, well,
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: that's not coming from here. This is a deeper wound.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: This is a mother wound, this is a father wound,
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: this is a past relationship wound. And so we're able
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: to like kind of separate that and then be there
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: for each other. So I would say a combination of everything,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I think living it together and having to
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: face that together for sure.
• 33:50
  Speaker 5: Yeah, she mentioned you know, doing like self work. I
• 33:53
  Speaker 5: think for me, the biggest thing again going back to
• 33:57
  Speaker 5: just separating reality from fiction and all the darts that
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: are thrown at you. One of the challenges that I
• 34:04
  Speaker 5: used to have was allowing for like an intrusive thought
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: to percolate and you give meaning to the thought, and
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: then all of a sudden, if you give it enough
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: time and meaning, all of a sudden that thought is true.
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: So for on the on the you know, personal self
• 34:17
  Speaker 5: work side, I've done a lot of ketamine sort of
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: doing some emdr that allows you to just kind of
• 34:23
  Speaker 5: pull yourself back and look at the situation for what
• 34:25
  Speaker 5: it actually is. And that's been I think probably the
• 34:28
  Speaker 5: biggest key for me in our relationship is just doing
• 34:31
  Speaker 5: my own personal work in that way.
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: How much work needed to be done? We say this
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: oftentimes that you got to you're sometimes we're not ready
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: to be a good partner to somebody because we're messed up.
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: How prepared were you all when you got together? Was
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: there a lot of more work that still need to
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: be done?
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: I barely had any work.
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: Just kidat you think you think you know the older
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: person in the in the you know a couple would
• 35:09
  Speaker 5: have the least amount of work to do.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: I for sure had the most amount of work to do.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I just don't think you have the tools. Like I
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: grew up with a mom that was very like she
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: leaned more holistic and like she would read us the
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: book Feelings Buried Alive and like I learned very quickly
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: that like your body will show you kind of what's
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: happening deep down, and so I had a lot of
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: those tools you know already. And then I'm just like
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: super passionate about mental health. I've struggled with it my
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: whole life and you know, come from a long line
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: of mental health. And so for me, it's almost a
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: passion because I want to understand myself. I want to
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: understand you know, my family. I want to be able
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: to help I want to be able to do better
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: for my kids. And so it became a quick passion
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: for me of like a modality like Okay, now this
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: is calling to me in this and I do energy
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: work and then I would do you know, all these
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: different things, and then that led me to Kenemine and
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: then you know, all the different.
• 36:09
  Speaker 6: Modalities that are out there.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: I was just you know, one by one, I was
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: just like going through this journey. And so for me
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: it became like this passion project, if you will, where
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: it was just like how can I become better? How
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: can I understand myself better? How can I love myself truly?
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: How can I you know, you know, how can I change?
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: You know? You know, break the patterns and break the
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: generational trauma that I've seen in my family. And for Brett,
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: I think it was more so the normal average person
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: that's like, yeah, that's bothered me, but I've never really
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: thought about it. And so I think we really have
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: been such a good mirror for each other because I,
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: you know, I bring the passion with that and he's like, yeah,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know, it's bothered me and it's obviously showing
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: up in ways that bother me.
• 37:01
  Speaker 6: And I'm like, this isn't.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: Working and he's like, well, yeah, it's bothered me, but
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: I don't really know what's going on. And I'm like, well,
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: let's dive deeper.
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: So I feel like we've really and he same for him,
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: like he'll bring things out of me that trigger me
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: and then I realize, I'm like, it's not you, it's
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: like a wound that I have. So we really compliment
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: each other really well in that sense.
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: No, I was laughing because we go through that yeah, yeah,
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: to where I, yes, this normally bothers me. When I
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: saw it starting to impact her, like that's not fair
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: to you that I'm going through this, And that's when
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: I started doing the work. As you say, it's funny
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: to sit here with other couples have been through some shit.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, Kenny me like, I've heard so much about it,
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: but I've never even gone in that direction. But you
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: all seem to be huge proponents of it.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: I am, and I want to be careful because when
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: I was doing it, I was shouting for the rooftops.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: I'm like, everyone needs Kennymede and they're like, no, not
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: everyone needs Ken of me.
• 37:58
  Speaker 6: It's not a good fit for everyone.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: And also like you need to be careful obviously for
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: obvious reasons. So I'm very careful to say, like, if
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: it's calling to you, explore it. It saved my life, literally,
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: I was I had extreme suicidal ideation and depression anxiety
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: ocd ADHD literally you name it. Like I was battling
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: that and I had planned to kill myself and I
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: was done, ready to go, starting to write the notes
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: and my ex husband, I'm going to get emotional. But
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: my ex husband called you out of the blue and
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: was just like check on to me, like is she okay?
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: And like behind my back, they both came together and
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: he was like, she needs Ketam And I didn't even.
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: Know what it was like, I his father in law.
• 38:52
  Speaker 6: His father in law administers it.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: He's an integrated medicine doctor and so he had the
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: license to do it, and she was He just randomly
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: was like she needs kenemine and he was like, I
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: don't know what that is, but let's suggest it. And
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: the next day I was in there and it literally
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: saved my life and like changed my mind on like
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: wanting to end my life and here today because of that.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: And I have such a tender spot in my heart
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: for him. Every time I talk about my ex husband,
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: I just get emotional because like what man, you know,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: like I'm the one that left the marriage. I crossed
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: his world and like the care that he still has
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: for me and for Brett like so greatly.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: He's an incredible Yeah. Man, he's one of my best friends.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, they really are like best friends. So it's
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: such a beautiful thing. But anyway, Ketemine, talking about Kedemy,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: let's go back to.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Subject for you.
• 39:52
  Speaker 6: I know, he starts crying.
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: How are you today? I know you stepped away from
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: the show. Yeah, because of the number it was doing
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: on you mentally, Guys, how are you today?
• 40:08
  Speaker 6: I'm great? No, I really am so good. It was
• 40:13
  Speaker 6: such a compliment.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: I was talking to Taylor a couple of nights ago
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: and we were just talking about everything, and she was
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: like to me, I just have to stop and tell you, like,
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: I am so proud of you, Like you have gone
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: through it, and you just sound so grounded and just
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: like you have your head on straight, you sound so hopeful,
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: and I'm just so proud of the way that you've
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: weathered it. And he says that to me all the time,
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: but you know, we're together all the time, We're in
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: it together. It was refreshing to hear someone just hearing
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: me talk about opportunities coming up and you know the
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: way I'm handling the negativity and the scrutiny and have
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: them just recognize, you know, my efforts. And that was
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: really kind of her to say and also validated that, like, hey,
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: you're you are good, You're okay, you put in the
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: freaking work, Like pat yourself on the back. You're doing
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: better than you think. So I really appreciated hearing that
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: for sure, and.
• 41:08
  Speaker 6: I think I'm doing well.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: And you know, it's not linear. Every day has a
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: different struggle and challenge, and you know, brings new emotions,
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: and some days like it gets me down and I'll
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: see an interview and I'm like, damn, like I was
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: there for that person, Like how can they sit there
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: and talk about me that way? And damn, how can they?
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: How can I be so misunderstood? And that hurts, you know,
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: and I'm human and you know things do affect me.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: But overall, I really do feel like I am handling
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: it as best as I can.
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: You know, absolutely, amen.
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: Now, it's so impressive just to know that background, to
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: know what you've been through, and then to know that
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: you were on this show, that show being on a
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: real would crush almost anybody. Just I don't know how
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: mentally anyone handles that. Because we had just a glimpse
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: of that type of scrutiny and pressure and it was
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: it almost buried us a lot, like truthfully, I'm so sorry, truthfully, no,
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: but we and I just we have a little bit
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: of an idea of what you've been through and certainly
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: just so impressed with the two people who are here
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: in this room with us now because to think about
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: how vilified you all have been, it's pretty awesome to
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: meet you face to face and actually see who you
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: really are.
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: Thankk you.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: I appreciate it.
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: It's nice for some of that heat to go towards
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: you all and not us.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 42:34
  Speaker 6: No, Taylor said that to me the other day.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: She was like, I've got some things coming for me,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: so hopefully it'll take the heat off of you. I'm like,
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: I don't want that either, but maybe it will be
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: kind of nice for a change to not have it
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: be on us. I don't want it on you, but
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: anyone else from the group want it.
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: Takes Okay, all the last things about the actual show,
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: new season? Have you all gone just dropped?
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: Season four? Have you all gone through? Seen it all yet?
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: Now?
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: Will you be watching? No? None of it?
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: No, not a second?
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, right, see, But that's growth because usually I do
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: watch it and then I'm just like turmoil, sick, can't sleep,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, that's not what happened.
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: Aren't you sprinkled throughout the season? Aren't you? Don't you
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: show up the time or two here or there? I
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: don't know, Okay, I had to be honest, she had
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: the first We knew you were coming in at the
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: first episode on and I keep hearing your name and
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: I run into the room. I said, where is she? No,
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: they're just talking about.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: They're talking about her.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: I have heard that a lot that like I'm not there,
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: but you're the topic of conversation.
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: You're there.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: I wish you saved for that, like every time you
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: mentioned my name, send me a check.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: So you will be.
• 43:37
  Speaker 4: Back on the show at some point I another season,
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: officially in some capacity. Do we know that yet?
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: I haven't decided.
• 43:45
  Speaker 6: I've stepped away as of now, but we'll see.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I have other things that are in
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: the works that I'm really excited about. And if I
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: feel that excitement towards the show ever again, I'll reconsider.
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: But not right now. You don't feel that.
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: I don't What would you wanted to do it the
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: show again? If she wanted to, of course, but if
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: you wanted independently you as just in your own moments
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: as it.
• 44:07
  Speaker 5: Sits right now in the environment. No, No, a couple
• 44:12
  Speaker 5: of variables change then maybe, But if she wants to,
• 44:15
  Speaker 5: I'd still support her.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I have heard that the that the dads
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: on the show are getting raked over the colls, like
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: the men are getting obliterated, which I'm not surprised that
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: a lot of them deserve it. But like I, I
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: just don't think it's an environment for the men like that.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: I don't think they're wanting the men to look good.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like landmine for men.
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, we'll talk about that.
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: Off.
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: We noticed the men as well. We have conversations, Yes.
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: We certainly did. And I just wanted to end with
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: this because I know you all and you were open
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: about it, and we're rooting for you. But I know
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: you all are really wanting to have children for yourselves.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: You want to have you want to expand your rude.
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: I know you just got a puppy. I saw, Yes,
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: he looks like our little guy wrote. He's multipoo. I
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: don't know what can you guys have.
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: She's a cockapoo.
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: A cockapoo. You're very close. Yes, it's like a It
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: could be like a cousin. Well, they probably are.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: Because the poodle aspect.
• 45:11
  Speaker 6: Yeah, related in someone.
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, No, that's so good. How is that going? And
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: what are your what any any I know so many
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: people struggle with his, so many women. I appreciate knowing
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: that they're not alone and hearing how you all are doing.
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: How how are you. Where are you on that journey?
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah? So no luck so far, unfortunately. But we're still
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: going down the path of trying to figure out what
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: we've gotten more answers, Like we're further than or the
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: furthest we've ever been on figuring out what it is.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: Now it's finding how to achieve fixing that issue because
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: we've gone down the path of medication and with my
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: mental health, like medication, like I get one or two
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: bad nights of sleep and I am just like my
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: mental health and chemically I just get so thrown off.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: I'm just so sensitive. And a lot of that is
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: due to I mean that's women in general for the
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: most part, but is.
• 46:07
  Speaker 5: Or men.
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: Into everything the loud sounds okay to everything. Yeah, hey
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: we o CD all of that.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, I totally get that.
• 46:19
  Speaker 6: That's a real thing.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: And then I also have endometriosis, and the more I'm
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: learning about that and like, oh, it is so empowering
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: because for the longest time, I'm like, I'm just a leo.
• 46:29
  Speaker 6: I'm just a fiery leo, and I'm just are you
• 46:31
  Speaker 6: a leo?
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, this is hilarious.
• 46:34
  Speaker 6: What are you okay? Okay, so we got water fire.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, so this is making sense everything I said.
• 46:45
  Speaker 6: You're like, get Leo's just get each other.
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: It's so funny. I know my parents are both Leo's friends,
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: Leo's I'm surrounded by Leo's.
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, same birthday as her buddy. Nobody understands.
• 46:59
  Speaker 6: We're so many understood.
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: We can't say enough. Really, you guys have been open
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: and honest. Really it's talking about everything You've seem like
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: you all just open books to a certain degree, I guess,
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: but some things you need to keep private. As we
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: learned it. I've guy, it's I we meet a lot
• 47:18
  Speaker 4: of reality stars. You were here, Taylor was here, Macy
• 47:24
  Speaker 4: was here, and who else? Lay Law was here, and
• 47:26
  Speaker 4: you owe every single one of you. I don't know
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: behind the scenes, but every single one of you came
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: in here and were as delightful and pleasant and wonderful
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: and real and authentic and all these things. And I'm like, wait,
• 47:38
  Speaker 4: these are the same women from the show and that
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: they're talking about online. All I'm saying is people just
• 47:43
  Speaker 4: don't get it, and most won't get it because they
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: won't sit down and meet you guys. I'm saying I
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: saw that stuff. I read all this soft, I saw
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: a lot of the show. It's just a pleasure to
• 47:52
  Speaker 4: sit down and go, wow, they're they're good folks.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: They're just good folks, and we get that.
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: Don't google us.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: We never, So it's really good to get the real.
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: Version of you two.
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 48:07
  Speaker 6: No, we did not do.
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: How long have you guys been together, by the way,
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: three years?
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, engaged for how many months? Now?
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: It's in September, yes, Wednesday day.
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: We don't have the wedding date yet. We are leaving here.
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: Crazy enough, we are walking about five blocks that way
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: to pick up her ring. It just got sized, so
• 48:27
  Speaker 4: we're talking. She's actually in here without her.
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: I'm like sitting on my hands. But it's funny. I
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: loved it so much and it was just a little
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: too big, and but I didn't want to lose it
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: for any period of time to get it sized. So
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: I waited six months to get it sized because I
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: just wasn't ready to be away from it four a week.
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: So I love that I'll be reunited with the ring
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: in in just a few minutes.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: You wait. Congratulations, that's amazing.
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: Really, thank you guys. So much good luck on everything.
• 48:52
  Speaker 4: We will certainly see you all down the road.
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: Catch The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives season four, now
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: streaming on Hulu. All right, everybody, If you need some
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: advice on how to navigate life in chapter two or
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: three or four, you can call us or email us.
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: All the info is in the show notes. Follow us
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: I Do Part two, an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: love is the main objective.