Latest / Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge / Under the Influence

Transcript

Under the Influence · Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: This is Teddy Teapot Within. Hi guys, thanks for joining
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: me again this week. So the question is the social
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: media a friend of me? What is it actually doing
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: to us? You know, in one of the last podcasts
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: we talked about addiction and the social media and addiction.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Sometimes when I look at my phone and it tells
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: me how many hours I've actually been on my phone,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: I don't even want to look at it. And then
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: I tried justifying it and saying, oh, well, it's because
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: my business is on is on the phone, so that's why.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: But it still makes me feel bad, like I cannot
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: believe I am spending this much time on my phone.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: So we are going to have a group of people
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: coming in to uncover all sides of social media. We're
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: going to start with having Dr Hillary Goldscher on and
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: she is going to help us talk about the dangers
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: of social media. As you have seen, Instagram has put
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: us all into a frenzy because it's taking away our likes.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: What's going to happen next? Does this matter? Is this helpful?
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: I need to know it all? So I'm excited for
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: this episode. We are going to have so many people on.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I'm actually gonna have Dr Hillary goldcher on with me
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: the entire time because I want to have a psychologist
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: view on all of the topics. We are also going
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: to have Jamie Kidd who is an influencer, and Alexis Haynes.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: She has a podcast called Recovering from Reality and she
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: has a really crazy story, but also she has kids,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: so I want to dig into that. And we also
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: have Rich Dumuro who is a tech genius. He knows
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: everything on tech, so we're gonna have to drill him
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: as well. I'm here with Dr Goldscher right now and
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: she is a psychologist who specializes in mental health, which
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I feel like social media is affecting so many of
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: our mental health issues. What are your thoughts. It's so
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: interesting when I was kind of anticipating talking about this,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: that that discussion in my private practice is so ubiquitous,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: like the anxiety, depression, feelings of shame that come up
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: when one peruses social media and feels kind of an
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: obligation to participate and yet feels worse when participating, and
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: this vicious cycle ensues. And there's been a number of studies,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: like empirical studies that show there's a direct link between
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: an increase in depression and anxiety, feelings of shame diminished
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: self forth related to social media for sure. And do
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: you think social media is helping or hurting our real
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: life social interaction? You know, I mean, I think there's
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: an argument to be made on both sides that's worth exploring.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: I think on the macro level, it's hard to deny
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: that it's not hurting our interactions. It's so much easier
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: to kind of it's a cliche, but to hide behind
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: a screen and to present a sort of persona to
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: the world, and then to minimize our desire or interest
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: or even like our ability to interact with other people.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: So I think it it It diminishes connection and reduces
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: the skills that, like our young people have to actually
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: be out in the world and connect with each other. Well,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: that leads me to our next question. Do you how
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: young do you think it's too young for kids to
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: have social media? I'm like sixteen, maybe the earliest really,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: But I mean I will look on social media and
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I will see kids that are like fourteen and they
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: look twenty five years old and these sexy poses, and
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: I am like panicked for my kids. And in part
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: and this is kind of a weighted statement, but it's
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: a parental issue. I mean, I get that there are
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: ways to circumvent parents, you know, and to post and
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: do things that parents don't know about, but it's really
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: a parental responsibility to monitor that stuff and shut it down. If,
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: like you're talking about, you know, young females projecting that
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: kind of kind of image into the world, it's dangerous
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: for many many reasons. Yeah, I know, what would you
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: say the positives are? I mean, I look, I think
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: it's it's really interesting and and and kind of cool
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: for young people to have like an entrepreneurial you know,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: kind of avenue and to run their own little business
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: so to speak. And I have a lot of colleagues, friends, etcetera,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: whose young kids, you know, make their own jewelry on
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Instagram and sell it that way, or who love to
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: play the violin and demonstrate that in a kind of
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: a cool way. Like, I think there's something about it
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: that allows as a platform for folks to show themselves
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: and that can be really interesting and fun. I mean,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I can say for myself, I changed my life through
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: social media because I was really struggling and I felt
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: very alone when I was struggling with being healthy, and
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I said, you know, I started a new Instagram. I
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: used to share one with my husband. I just said, hey,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I'm changing my life today. Follow along if you're interested
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: to see if I can do it, you know. So
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: I used it to kind of hold me accountable, and
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: then that ended up starting an entire business for me
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: after I changed my life because yes, I had people
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: rooting me on, but I also had people following me
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: because they wanted to see if I was going to fail. Yeah. Yeah,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Well you bring up another point, which is the possibility
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: of reaching other people in a positive way and inspiring them,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: motivating them, connecting with them in like a significant way.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Like you're talking about, it's a huge thing that wasn't
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: available to us before. Sure, you felt really alone, and
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: then you realized when you post something and there's so
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: many people that responding, I feel that same exact way.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Thank you for saying I felt so alone or whatever
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: it is. So that feels good. But then, on that
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: same token, how do we shield our kids or even
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: shield ourselves from bullying on social media. I'm not sure
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: there's a way to fix it, because the platform itself,
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: you know, part of what's so nice about it is
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: that you can connect with a lot of people quickly,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: and part of what's not so nice about it is
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: that you can connect with a lot of people quickly,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: So negative things can come to us. And I think
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: we have to be really strong with our kids and
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: ourselves about staying grounded and centered in who we are.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: We're going to put ourselves out there that that is
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: a possibility, and it's one of the negatives and one
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: of the reasons, you know, circle back to where we began.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Why there's depression, anxiety, and upset that can come social media.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: How much time do you think is healthy to spend
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: on social media a day? That's a good question. I mean, look,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I think as if you're a youngster, you know, under eighteen,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: that it should be absolutely less than an hour. I mean,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: to me, thirty minutes to an hour would be more
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: than enough. It's part of your business. You know. That's
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: kind of a different analysis, But to me, it goes
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: along with screen time. So if we think of social
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: media screen time and you're monitoring your kids screen time,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: maybe like an hour. Yeah, but kids aren't the only issues.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll look at my phone and how much time
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I was on my phone each day, and I'm like, uh,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: that is a problem. I don't even want to see that.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Phone for letting me know I'm turning you over.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I think tech abuse is a whole other issue. Adult
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: tech abuse is a whole other issue that needs to
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: be explored because I I've done a recent self check
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: on myself realizing I have young kids and realizing that
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: there was too much multitasking with a phone in my hand,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: and that not being fully present is a big deal.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: And so I think we have to keep ourselves accountable
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: and that we have tech free time with our kids
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: and with our spouses or partners and with our friends,
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: like legitimate tech free time, and that's almost non existent
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: when you just kind of look around people moving through
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: the world, for sure. Well let's bring in Jamie Kid.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: She is a huge influence start travel blogger and model.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: So thanks for joining us this week. Hey guys, you're like, what,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, So let's let's break this down. Can
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: you give us a little backstory? How did this start?
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: You're an influencer full time, right, and my husband is
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: as well now, so he wasn't before, and now I
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: kind of brought him into the world and it's like
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: it's great. I mean, I love it. So I've been
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: I've been doing it for seven years now. I started
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: kind of, I guess it. Instagram really started when I
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: was in college, so it kind of the app came
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: about and I was like, what is this? And I
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: just kind of started you posted whatever you wanted back
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: then with the Instagram filter, you know, and like no
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: one really cared about it. And then after college I
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: kind of just started posting my outfits and then from
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: there it just kind of grew slowly to like what
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: it is now. And I started traveling because my husband's Australian,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: so I started going to Australia and then that started
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: the travel part, and then from there it just kind
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: of became what it is now. So for those that
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: you know aren't familiar with what exactly an influencer is,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: like what does it take to be an influencer? How
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: much time are you putting into it? Like are you
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: fully having to curate your life on Instagram? I mean yeah,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: and I like I deal with the stress of like
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: I start to feel guilty after a couple of hours
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: if I have it posted a story, or if I
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: like a certain time of the day I haven't posted
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: my photo or stuff like that, like I do end
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: up going, oh, I need to get up early today
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: so that I can like do these stories that I
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: wanted to do, or because I need to go, you know,
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: do certain things throughout the day that like, I can't
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: just sit on the couch all day because like everyone thinks, oh,
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: you have all your free time, and then if I
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: sat out sat around all day, like people would not
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: be interested in my page or something. You know, you
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: have to always be like interesting throughout the day, if
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: that makes any sense, and it stresses you out, like
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: whereas if you have a regular job, like a nine
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: to five, there are moments where you can kind of
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: check out and nobody really knows what you're doing. And
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: you're an influencer, like you have to be on and yeah,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: and you have to think of things to be like
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: keeping people interested in your page and kind of what
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: you're doing all day long. So how do you know,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: So somebody is following a bunch of influencers, how do
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: you know if an influencer actually likes the things that
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: they're promoting. I feel, I mean, I feel like again,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: like I post so much throughout like the day and
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: stuff that I feel like you can genuinely see things
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: that I like or I don't like. Like if I
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: randomly posted like something that was so far out of
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: my realm, you could tell if I probably didn't like
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: it or not. Or if I'm like genuinely posting it
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden it's like a paid thing,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: you'd be like, oh, I've seen her posting a lot
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: about hair stuff or skin stuff, so yeah, that like
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: makes sense. But if it's like randomly, you know, I
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: can't even think of something like that. I just doesn't
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Brandy very off brand, and I feel like I just
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: didn't make sense. Then I'm like, I don't trust you
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: because I've seen it even change a little bit because
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: now you'll see influencers they're not even having to really
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: talk about the product. They'll like do a funny little
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: quote and then just like tag the brand and I'm like, oh, okay,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: plugged in right there, I see what I see you. Yeah,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I know, I feel like like i'd like I only
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: take on stuff that I feel like is aligned because
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: at this point, like with my page, I don't want
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: my followers to not trust me anymore and not to
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: feel like, oh, she's just doing this to get paid.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: So you have to like also think about the other
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: end of like people watching you, and you have to
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: know that, like they're not going to trust you if
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: you post something that's so far out of your realm
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: that they'll be like, oh, I'm not going to trust
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: her anymore. I don't want and then you you know,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: you lose your followers. Essentially. I made that mistake once
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: I posted something I wasn't super into and I got killed,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: like they knew like phony below so bad. I was like,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: and I don't ever make me do that. Why did
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: I say I've learned my lessons? And I was like
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: right at the beginning, and I was like, I will
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: never do that again. I'm only going to talk about
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: things that I actually like. It's people are is very
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: like smart these days. Followers aren't just like buying everything
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: you post. They want to feel like you genuinely like
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: it as well, and they've seen it correlate with your brand,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: so they're you know, they're smart. They're smart. I'm figuring
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: it out and they know you're they know a part
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: of you exactly how much time do you spend on
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: social media day and would you ever consider it an
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: addiction just a job. Yeah, I'm addicted to Like I'm
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: even addicted to other girls like what they're doing and
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I'm like, they haven't posted in a few hours. What
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: are they doing? Why do I not know what's going
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: on in their day? Like I am guilty of it
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: as well, like on the followers end, So I mean,
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: but I spend a lot of time on the back end,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: like shooting stuff, editing, making videos, like you know, all
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: that kind of stuff, So I don't I mean, I'm
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: pretty much on social media all day long because it
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: is my job. So like I kind of justified my mind.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Everyone's out there nine to five, soe five, I should
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: be working as well. Like I even I wake up
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: at four or five am, and I like do my
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: workouts and I post those like I'm pretty much like
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: sixteen hour days, which is fine, Like I love it,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: and it's it's like semi easy in a sense because
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: like I've been doing it for so long, so it's
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: kind of just my daily thing now. So have you
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: noticed any difference now that Instagram isn't really isn't showing
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: the likes or has that happened happened to me? It
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: doesn't happened to me either, and I genuinely like to
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: see likes and like for me, when company, like when
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: all the likes go away, it's going to be more
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: annoying for me to have to screenshot things send it
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: to companies like I already have to do that with
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: all my analytics. So now when you add in more
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: screenshots that I have to email over whereas they can
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: normally just go see it, it's just adding like another step,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: which is so now I have to ask you, Dr Goldcher,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: do you think that's kind of adds to our addiction
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: that we want to see the likes or that we
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: need to see the likes, or that's some kind of
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: validation to us or to the you know, brands, or
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: of course, I mean, where else do we get such
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: a tangible like evaluation of ourselves. I feel like it's
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: a little bit of a a positive criticism also bad.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: But if a photo doesn't do well, and then I
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: kind of go, oh, you know what, I kind of
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: that deserve to not do very well because I didn't
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: like make it really creative or I didn't really like
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: to do the best that I probably could have. Like
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: I feel like your followers followers also know like when
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: you when you're half asking it. Yeah, no, seriously, And
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: it keeps you accountable because I could just sit here
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: and stand in front of a white wall, take my photo,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: post it and be done. But like if it won't
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: do well because it's not like a beautiful backdrop or
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: stuff that I'm really really good at, because maybe I
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: just got lazy that day and just wanted to get
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: that thing over with. And so it keeps you accountable
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: as well, like on the creative side, to not half
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: ask your content. But I think that's a really interesting
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: nuanced viewpoint, right, is that it is your career. Yeah
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: it is, and you're gauging part of the likes and
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: lack of likes related to the creativity and the art
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: that you're putting in. Yeah, exactly, because some of my
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: most like liked photos are the most creative photos I've
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: ever created, so obviously, like that resonates with followers that like, wow,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: like you really like did it? Like you made like
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: a really artistic, beautiful photo. Obviously, the ad photos don't
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: do very well because you can't do like a creative
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: something with like a purse or whatever you know you can,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: but yeah, like followers are more appreciative of the creative stuff.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: So then that like gears me to do more creative
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: and like really work hard for those posts because I
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: wanted to do well so well. That leads me to
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: the next question. So I know, for myself, I will
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: read all the comments when it's on my actual post,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: but I don't go into my d M s. That's
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: like a deep, dark, dirty place for me. I'm like, like,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: go in. But I'm also on a TV show where
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: people have like big opinions, and I'm like, you know what,
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I don't really need all of those opinions. Do you go?
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Do you look at all of the d my d
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: M s are answered all day long? I cannot have
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: a re crust. It bothers me to no end to
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: go to sleep with any requests in there I answer
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: or I decline creepy ones. But like I answer every
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: single one of my followers all day long, and it's
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: like another level of an influence that I don't know
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: because for me, I'm like a TV personality or health coach,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: so I don't have to do that. And I like
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: have to protect myself. Yeah see, and I guess I
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: get mean stuff too. And I really like I keep
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: my page very like Switzerland. It's very you know, I
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: don't must be well. I try so that I don't
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: get you know, political opinions are your religion. I don't
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: get a lot of that backlash in my page. I
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: keep it very like you know, middle ground, so that
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I don't get a lot of the mean stuff. But
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I have people who like I have cats, and people
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: decide something I did my cats a little overweight? Oh
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: I had, you know, And I'm like get await, Like
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: I know, I get really upset when people comment anything
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: about my kids. I'm like blocked. I'm like, would you
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: like somebody to say that about your kid? No? So yeah,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: I get the block a few. But I spend all
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: day long talking to my followers answering questions. Is because
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: I want them to trust me. And I'm just a
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: normal person, like I'm not over here on my high horse,
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: like I'm too busy for you. Like I like, I
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: spent a couple of hours before bed answering everyone just
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: to make sure that like stuff like answers you know,
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: are answered. So you have to be honest, here, do
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: you ever post photos without using a filter? Alternation? Looking
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: at you, you are beautiful and you have like amazing skin.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: So like I have to ask you, Dr Gouldcher, like,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: what is it in us that we as a community
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: do this? Like I will even the girls here, no,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: when we take our pictures, I'm like, hey, subtle filter please.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's just this this human balance I suppose
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: of all of us wanting to put our best foot forward,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: and I think there's a healthy aspect to it, and
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: knowing that we're going to be evaluated, you know, or
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: responded to. In such a huge domain, it's hard not
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: to have level of insecurity or anxiety and wanting to
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: kind of shure up what we're putting out in the
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: world to guard against. But it's crazy. Anytime I post
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: a photo where I have no makeup on and no
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: filter and I'm just like, hey guy, you know whatever
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: it is, Everybody's like, thank you, God, thank you for
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: posting now, oh wow, you actually have red skin? You
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: know whatever it is because looking at things, are looking
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: at a you know, an influencer, You're like, wow, their
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: life is perfect. There's they've never had a blemish. They've
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: never had this. You know, it's very hard for somebody
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: at home who maybe doesn't know how to use all
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: these filters. Well, you're revealing like the seduction of like
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: the pull towards the perfection and the beautiful that like
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: we all respond to, even well, I would even say,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: like my page is like the perfect beautiful side my stories.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: I'm over here with my face mask on and I
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: like never have makeup on and half my stories and
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: I'm like in my pajamas, Like okay, perfect that you're
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: giving the balance. Yeah, so people see that like I'm
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: a bum when I'm at home and then when I'm
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: on like you know, in a pretty photo, like obviously
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: I worked hard for that, but like I added them
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: to like make the clothes look really good and to
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: like bring out colors and stuff like that. But I
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: don't do you think that we should be required to
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: tell our followers when there's a filter or face tune
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: or whatever on anything, Like it's pretty obvious if you're
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: like honest, aren't they don't think it's obvious? Like I
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: don't post a photo with like the subtle filter and
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: everyone's like, how is your skin so smooth? And I
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: read back the subtle filter. It even says the filter
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: at the top, like sometimes you're like, come on, I'm like,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: how are your lashes so long? I'm like, it says
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: I lashed exactly. They're giving us away, like do your research, guys,
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: No one's perfect. Um, how do you so? How do
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: you deal with any of the negativity? I mean, I'm
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: not gonna lie. It does get to me. I've had
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: a few, you know, upsetting d M s recently, or
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: someone's like, oh, your voice is so annoying, or like
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: why don't you put makeup on you look like like
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: I've had people say that, and I'm just like I
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: either block it and I get upset and it sticks
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: with me like I can't help it. It does as
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: a human. Negativity does, like stick with you in any
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: type of criticism. So I'll block them or I'll be like, hey,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm really sorry that you're having a bad
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: day and you're projecting it on me, but I really
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: hope your day gets better and like you spread positivity.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: That's what I'll say sometimes and then they'll read it
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: and then I block them because I don't want any response,
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: but I just want to share that, like, you know,
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: you don't have to sit here and fight back with
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: people and like whatever, either block it and just drop
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: it or say something nice back and maybe it'll change
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: their day and make them a nicer person. Yeah. I
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: used to say nice things back, but then people would
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: be like, I hope you die. And I was like,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: and why do the people that always say the mean things?
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Why is it just like an animal in their profile
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: picture or like no photos and you're like someone you're
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: somebody that hates me? You know, you know what you're not.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: You're not fooling. And now that the likes have changed,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: and I've even heard that some of the following, they
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: may end up changing it so your followers go away.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I know, I know. Do you ever fear that, like
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: your job slash life of an influencer will go away?
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: And it's like a constant fear of mine always. But
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I also feel like, like, yeah, I'm terrified all the time,
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: like oh what if Instagram? Because there was like a
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: couple of months ago when Instagram was like frozen for
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: like two days. You guys remember that every influencer was
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: like brushing up on their resume, like what have I
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: done in the last six years, like oh my god,
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: you know, but yeah, it's scary. But I also feel
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: like I'm also trying to monetize other avenues like YouTube
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: and you know, I have a jewelry company, so I'm
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: like really focusing on those as well, so that if
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Instagram ever craps out, I have other stuff that I've
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: been working on. And I didn't put all my eggs
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: into like one basket, which is like what a lot
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: of girls do. And then someone's account gets hacked and
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: they lose all their followers. What do you have? Like,
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: you have nothing? So I try to kind of keep
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: other avenues going at the same time. So we have
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: to take a little break, but I want to say
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: thank you so much to Jamie. If you guys want
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: to follow along, I mean I have, and I'm obsessed.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: It's Jamie and Kid. So Jamie's going to stick around
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: and do some rapid Fire. But we're also bringing on
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Alexis Haynes. She has a podcast called Recovering from Reality.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: She also has a book coming out on December three.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Her story is incredible. I'm going to bring her back
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: at the end for some rapid fire questions. Okay, guys,
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: now we are here with Alexis Haynes, who has a
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: book coming out called Recovering from Reality. Y'all know I'm
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: gonna be needed to read this. Who also, Um, Alexis
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: has kiddos and very interesting backstory, So let's get right
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: into it. I'm ready, you're ready. Can you give us
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: a little history for some of our listeners that I
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: don't know your story? I know every little from Um. Yeah,
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: so a lot of people know me because I had
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: a reality TV show called Pretty Wild on E in
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: two thousan ten and I became kind of a part
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: of pop culture history. Um when I had an epic meltdown.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: My sister said to me the other day, which I
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: think is so funny. She goes, it was like you
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: were having a Brittany moment on every episode, And that's
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: really what it was like. It was like just NonStop
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: chaos because on the second day of filming, I was
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: arrested for the blingering. So it was like I signed
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: a show up for a show with E that was
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: supposed to be about something totally different. Then on the
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: second day of filming, literally we were out all night
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: partying with Mickey Avalon getting super loaded having the best
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: time ever on the top of the world, and then
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: the next morning at about six am, door knocks and
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: it's like a swat team like there to arrest me.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: So I my case as a I think at that time,
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: I was eighteen and eighteen year old heroin Addict on
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: national television for nine months, and it was brutal. You're
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: starting to make me feel less stressed. You're fine, really,
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: You're fine. No, no, no no, that's not to say everybody
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: has their struggles. For me, it was like a life
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: of chaos. I grew up in a family that was
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: really dysfunctional. There was incests that was going on. I
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: was being raped when I was like five years old.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: My um parents divorced when I was three. My dad
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: was in the entertainment industry and then lost it all
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: and became homeless by the time I was like eleven
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: um and I was raped again at sixteen, I was
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: abused by babysitters, by my dad's girlfriends. I mean, it
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: was like just NonStop chaos. And then I graduated high school.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: I got my g e d at sixteen, and I
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: left the house and I was like, I'm just gonna
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: become like a um music video girl. That was my goal.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just going to become like music
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: video girl right like this, this is going to be
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: like my new thing. And then before you know it, Um,
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: I had my own reality TV show, which is really
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: crazy to me, and it documented all of that. It
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: documented Yeah, well it didn't show like any of my
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: previous trauma because I wasn't ready to dive into that yet. Um.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: I was still very much so in like the survival mode,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: coping and using mode, so I didn't have any like perspective.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: And because you have suffered from drug addiction, would you
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: say that social media can be that same type of
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: addiction or oh yeah, um, I think that people all
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: often don't realize that. Um, any time that we're checking
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: out and trying to distract ourselves rather than checking in
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: being present. Um wow, we just really went through that fast.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: I did that just kind of all caught up with
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: me and I was like, okay, wow, like here we are. Yeah. Absolutely,
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: So I think that any time that I'm using anything
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: um as a crutch or a distraction, it's like I'm
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: trying to not be present in my body like where
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: I'm at, you know. And so I say something that
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: on my podcast a lot that I think is pretty controversial,
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: but it shouldn't be. Like, in a weird way, we're
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: all addicted to something these days, and it's because we're
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: so disconnected from each other and we idolize and place
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: the individual as being more important as the collective and
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: so as a species, like, we were never able to
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: survive like that, and so we always had to operate
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: in tribes and so now we're operating as individuals, right,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: and we're placing so much focus on the individual, and
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: so we're seeing depression rates skyrocketing, um abuse rates skyrocketing,
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: drug addictions skyrocketing. And you can be addicted to your phone,
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: to sex, to working out, to working to drugs, to alcohol,
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: to relationships, to people, to whatever it might be. It's
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: really easy to want to check out and that same token,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, I saw your post from today where you're
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: able to kind of share your history but also help others,
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: and that do you find that though, as a positive
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: to the social media, that you're able to help change
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: people's lives by just a post. Yeah, I think it's
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: um As I was walking in here, I'm sorry in
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: my head and my phone somebody, it's somebody DM me
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: and goes I heard your interview on Juicy Scoop and
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: I decided to quit smoking OxyS every day and I've
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: completely got off pain pills because of that interview. And
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: I get these messages literally all day long, and people
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: ask me often like do you regret your past? Do
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: you if you could take it all back and just
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: have a fresh start with you. My answers always and
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: will always be no, because despite the fact that it's
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: been really painful for me and other people that I've harmed,
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: obviously I'm now able to help the masses in a
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: weird way. And that's not to like toot my own
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: horn or to sound like not humble. I'm just saying
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: that social media for me and and my podcast and
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: going on podcasts like this and having this platform allows
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: me to have dialogue with people where it's like, if
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: you've been raped as a child, you can survive it.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: If you've been raped as a team, you can survive it.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: If you've dealt with divorce, you can survive it. If
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: you've dealt with addiction, you can survive it. If I
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: could survive it on national television in front of millions
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: of people every single week. You can too. But not
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: only that, you're also able to be open and vulnerable
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: and talk and feeling. That came with a lot of
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: time when I so what I ended up having. I
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: took a plea deal because I was like, I can't
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: fight a trial on while I'm shooting a para one
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: every day, Like it's just not doable. So I took
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: a plea deal and I went to jail for a summer.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: And when I um got out of jail, I could
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: clearly see that, like my relationship with drugs was really unhealthy. However,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: I didn't have any tools to deal with all of
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: the trauma that I had been through, So I went
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: back to drinking and smoking pot, and I was like,
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: this is fine, Like I can handle this. I have
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: always been able to just have a glass of wine
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: with dinner or one drink with dinner, It'll be okay. Well,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: within two weeks I was back to shooting at Prouin
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: and I was arrested again December one, two thousand tents.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: So we're coming up nine years, which is crazy. Yeah,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: I was arrested again, and by the grace of God,
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: I was facing six years in prison because I violated
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: my probation and the judge gave me a second chance
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: at life and he sent me to treatment. And so
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: I totally got lost off track what your question was.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, but but it's very interesting. I mean,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: but I I we were just talking about addiction, and
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: know what I mean, It is what it is. But
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: I think it's so interesting that social media can be
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: such a positive in so many ways but also can
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: be such a negative. Oh, that's where I was going.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: So I made a conscious choice when I went to
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: rehab that I was not going to do anymore. I
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: was going to stay out of entertainment because I had
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: seen so many people before me do that and suck
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: up not I shouldn't say up relapse, and for me,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: I knew I was going to die like that was it,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Like I've overdosed, I'm shooting up heroin. At this point, um,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: I am abusing myself, my body and others Like I
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: knew that this was game over for me, and so
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I made a conscious decision that staying away from UM
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: this arena was important for me. So I did that,
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: and then in the last kind of couple of years,
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: I felt this calling to return, but in my own way,
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: and I could not stand by and watch the statistics
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: keep going up and up and up. We're now at
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: over eighty thou people a year dying of drugs and
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: I'll call dragon alcohol related deaths and um mental illness
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: and is on the rise to and just sit by
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: and like, you know, continue to be a housewife, which
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: was great, right, like because another big mission of mine,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: among the millions of others, is to break the generational
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: trauma curse that's been happening my family for generations. And
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: I'm a mother to two daughters and so that's been
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: my main priority. So speaking on that, how do you
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: feel about either having your kids on your social media
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: or letting them have their own? Yeah? So, um, I
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: have my kids on my social media, but not very often. Um,
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: And I think my intention right now is that I
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: will have I will get my kids phones at an
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: appropriate age. But they're going to get like slip phones.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Oh doctor culture, They're not getting smartphones. They're not. But
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: I think they can get in trouble no matter what.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: But we talked about social media, isn't really your ideal
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: age would be sixteen and over? But what about just
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: phones in general. Yeah, I'm with you on the flip phone.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: I mean in terms of being able to contact your
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: kid and locate where they are and let them know
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: if you're running later that your dad's picking them up
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: or whatever. That's great, and a flip phone can accomplish that.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think a kid having a smartphone with
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: a lot of apps blocked and just uh you know,
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: certain um access to more benign things might be finded around.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: I have friends that they now what's so great about
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: the eye cloud thing is that as a family, you
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: can see everybody's stuff, right, So she can read her
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: son's text messages, she can see what apps are on
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: the phone, she can see what, you know, even what
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: he's looking at on the internet. And I think that's
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: really great. I think it's a responsibility thing. And um,
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: I talk a lot about the brain because it's something
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: that I kind of geek out on. And children develop
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: their prefrontal cortex around ten. Their prefrontal cortex is what's
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: kind of like your decision maker, like that thing that
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: allows you to pause before you do something, correct me
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: if I'm wrong. But it starts really to develop around ten,
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: doesn't stop until you're in your mid to late twenties,
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: So to give a child a phone at ten when
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: they literally are just developing that ability to pause. And
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: you know, I live out near Malibu and I've heard
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: stories of second graders sending pictures in their underwear to
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: other people on their phones, and I'm like, it's not
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: the child's fault, it's the parents fault. And just so,
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: it is illegal. Just so you parents out there, it
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: is illegal, So tell your kids that because if that
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: were to get out there and somebody were to see it,
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: they could be arrested. And I don't think a lot
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: of kids know that, and I don't think a lot
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: of parents know that well. And you can tell you're
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: ten year old that all day long. But again, until
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: that prefrontal cortex is functioning at a level where they
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: can think through before they take action, it's like, that's
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: why we have to tell you have six seven, right,
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: how old are your kids? They're even so exactly so
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: it's like how many times do you have to say
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: pick up your room? Clean up? This is why we
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: don't do this. You have to repeat yourself all day long.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: You're like a broken record. And it's literally because their
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: brains can only retain so much. And if you're given
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: the option to play right or to have some sort
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: of reward over doing something that they have to do,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: They're always going to choose the reward. No. And I've
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: noticed if so I let my kids have like a
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: tablet in the car if we're going on long drive,
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: just for my own sanity. But then we get out
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: of the car and there's zombies. They act like different
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: human beings are acting like brads nenative and I'm like,
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is from roadblocks or whatever it
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: is they or weird YouTube videos of a's playing with toys,
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, what is happening? You know? And so
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: I learned like that is really the only time we
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: do it. I used to be a little bit more
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: lax in the house. Okay, we'll do one hour day
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: on the weekends. Now I'm like, no, if we're in
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: the car for more than an hour, you can have it.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: That's it. But I mean it's crazy. And also do
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: you get mom shamed at all on Instagram? And what
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: I think that is? And also dr culture feel free
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: to weigh in what do you think it is as
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: moms or even for somebody that's not a mom. I
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: mean even Jamie who was on with me earlier, she
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: gets shamed for her cat because her cats a little hat.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: I think that I think we live in a society
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: now where people just like to have people really like
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: to be offended, and they really like to share their
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: opinion because they don't feel validated in their own lives,
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: and so social media is kind of like a perfect
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: storm to be able to do that. So my three
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: year old, for instance, has she we had a very
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: challenging pregnancy. She wasn't supposed to make it. She had
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: up until twenty weeks with her, they thought she had
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: tries to meet thirteen, which meant that she literally would
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: die at birth. And she had all of these different
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: issues and we're not talking tries with down SYDMA trying
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: to try they have cyclops eyes and their organs are all. Yeah,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: it was horrible, but I can. I decided that I
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: was going to continue with the pregnancy, and by a miracle,
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: she had this very rare situation where her placenta had
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: different DNA than she did. So they kept testing the
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: placenta with CVS tests and all the stuff, and it
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: turned out she was totally fine. Now she has gross
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: motor delay issues. She has a full, incomplete underbyte where
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: she can't talk, she has eating issues. And I can't
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: tell you how much that I get the fact that
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: she's three and still on a bottle. I'm like, but
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: she can't drink from a cup, and you guys don't
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: know her situation. She has a full headgear now and
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: like all of us, yeah, so everybody just wants to
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: have there and immediately right when you told me that story,
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: you you've been trained where you almost have to justify it,
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: where there isn't a need to justify. I mean, the
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: same thing happens. My son has just a list and
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: people are like, you need to get that checked and
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: you need to figure that out, and what's wrong with you?
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, you don't think I've talked to his
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: doctor about this. You don't think that he's not my
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: primary concern, like like honestly, or even people get upset
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: over something as silly as like a haircut. What's wrong
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: with you? Your son's hairs in his eyes, he doesn't
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: want a haircut right now. And you know what, I
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: I think I'm in my so my youngest daughter does
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: identify as her the opposite sex that she was assigned
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: at birth. Because she's three and a half and she
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: identifies as a boy. She wants to be Batman. Her
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: boy bed is a big boy bed. Like I have
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: a feeling that I'm in for it with her, and
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: I'm here for it because at the end of the day,
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: we're making we're our children's parents, and we're going to
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: do everything that we think is necessary to support them.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: And I honestly don't give a damn if Susie and
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: you know, Wisconsin has an issue has an issue with it.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, the important part is that we are you know,
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: your kids trust that they can come to their parents
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: and talk to them. I think so absolutely. And you know,
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: I think time is changing, and I think that people
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: are changing, and the more that we can support our
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: kids and show them love, that's really what matters. And
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: unfortunately we have to take a little break um before
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: we bring in rich. But thank you so much Alexis
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: for sharing your story. I wish we like I want
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: to bring now. We have so many other topics that
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: we need to bring you in. Amazing, amazing, and you
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: can come on my podcast. Dude, I'd love that, love it. Okay,
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: So now it's time to drill our technology genius, Rich DeMuro.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: He is rich on tech and we've got questions. Can
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: we get them on the line. I'm here, Thanks for
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: having me on. Oh wow, how do you like my intro?
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: I'm slightly awkward when I do them, but I try
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: my best. It was just perfectly awkward. That's me. So
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: you're an expert on anything tech related. What are the
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: rising trends right now on social media apps? Well, I
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: mean when it comes to social media, you know, as
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: well as everyone, Instagram is where it's at for just
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: about everything. I mean, the world revolves around Instagram these days. Right,
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: it used to be Facebook. You know, we've seen other
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: things come along, like you know, what's that other one
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: Snapchat people have heard of, right, But nowadays it's all
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: about Instagram and Instagram Stories and they've really just taken over.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: Um And I think that that's where we're seeing the
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: shift of the world when it comes to media, when
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: it comes to influencers, when it comes to pretty much
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: anything related to social media, that's where it's at. And
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: it's interesting because Instagram is not necessarily built as a
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: platform for what it's being used as and you know
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: they're trying to change things on us with no likes.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: But the reality is that is where you need to be,
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: and that's where people are accumulating the most followers when
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: it comes to making a living and also being an influencer.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: So I heard, and I don't know if this is
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: just a rumor, but if you are posting an AD
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: and you're not clear and you don't use like the
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: paid tool or whatever it is and do hashtag ad,
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: than Instagram is going to punish you and like hide
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: your photos. Is this true or is this like one
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: of those myths? Well, no, I mean you could. Yeah,
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: you're talking about when it comes to paid placements on Instagram.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: Like let's say a company pays you to do, you know,
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: some sort of ad where you're saying, hey, I'm getting
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: paid to you know, promote this product, right, and if
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: you don't say that, Instagram wants it's in their best
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: interest to crack down on you because there are federal
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: rules that deal with this stuff. So um, when it
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: comes to the FTC, the Federal Trade Commission, they have
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: specific rules on what you can do, what you can't do.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: And the reality is is anyone cracking down in those rules.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: Probably not. We've seen several cases where you know, people
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: have been a slap on the risk kind of thing.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: But Instagram doesn't want to be put in a place
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: where they're gonna see federal regulations involving this stuff with them.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: And that's why I think they're being uh, you know,
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: they want to make sure that people are on the
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: up and up, which I think they've They've done a
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: good job of giving people good tools for that. You know,
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: you can tag a post as promoted, you can tag
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: as sponsored, you know, hashtag at Obviously people use um.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: Does their algorithm demote posts if they are paid or
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: you know, if they seem paid and they're not disclosing that.
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: Probably actually. And on that note, do you see that
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: these photo altering apps that people are using to add
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: to their Instagram photos or whatever it is losing their applog?
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: Do you think they're going to keep growing? I think
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: the world of social media is more about people wanting
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: a dose of reality. But at the same time, like
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: any media, you always want a little bit of non
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: reality because you live in like a little bit of
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: a fantasy world of here's where these people are traveling
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: and they look beautiful and here's what they're doing, and
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: they have the best life. And I'm sitting here at
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: my nine to five job surfing Instagram and looking at
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: Instagram stories. So I think that's always going to be
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: a part of it, that fantasy world. While people are
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: hate liking, yeah, exactly, hate liking. I like that term.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: But you know, I think that people like real And
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: if you look at some of the most popular posts,
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: if you go through someone's you know, feed, and you
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: kind of see, like how many likes people are getting
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: on things. Sure, the beautiful pictures in Greece are getting
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: a lot of pictures, a lot of likes, but sometimes
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: it's that picture when they just woke up or they
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: share a really um, you know, real moment from their
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: life with their kids or their spouse that gets the
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: most likes. And so that tells you something. People love
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: the fantasy, but they also like the reality as well
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: because it connects with them in a way of Okay,
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: I got the same things happening in my life. I
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: gotta pick up my kids from school, I gotta do this,
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: and these people do that too. We like to see that.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: But these apps, I think for when it comes to
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: like the younger generation, I think is kind of crazy
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: because it's a it's an unhealthy um distortion field. It's
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: so stuff that doesn't really exist. People in your face
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: creating bodies that don't even exist. They're making curves, they're
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: changing that, they're pretending they've never had a blemish. Of
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: these apps, what is the most popular right now? Like,
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: what's the most used one? I mean, I think I
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: think when it comes to kind of the affecting your face,
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: face tune has always been popular, that's been around forever.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: I think when you see a picture that has been
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: face tuned, people just say, oh, that's face tunes. When
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: I see teeth that are super white or some of
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: that seems like, you know, it's an unrealistic body or
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: I'm just like that, how is that even possible? Um?
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: I think that that's a dead giveaway. But it's at
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: the same time, it's you know, magazines have always been
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: doing this, TV has been doing this, Hollywood. You know,
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: people have a team of people that help them look
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: their best, and so I feel like the average person
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: that's posting to Instagram feels the same way. They say, well,
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: why can't I look my best I'm just doing the
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: same exact thing that Hollywood has been doing for so
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: many years. That's such a good point. You always see
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: in the news or whatever in the media when you
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: find out that such and such celeb has asked to
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: do a cover shoot without photo touching or whatever, and
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: people are like, wow, they get all this applause, But
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: they have been doing that for years. So I mean,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: Instagram is just a way for everybody to be getting
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: that celebrity treatment. I guess. I think the difference here
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: is that if you're a fifteen year old girl and
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: you're looking through Instagram and you see the model in
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: the Caribbean, you understand that they had a team of
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: makeup artists, and you understand that they had a million
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: um you know what do they call those lights? Those
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: reflector lights that look gold and really nice on you,
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: and they know that you took a thousand pictures to
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: get that perfect shot. But when it comes to the
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: average person that tries to do that same exact thing,
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: especially if you're a teenager, you see that other person
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: in your class and you see an unrealistic view of
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: them because they've retouched everything, and you say, oh, they're
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: so perfect, but the reality is they're not, and no
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: one is. And I think that that's the danger, is
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: that there used to be a divide of that's Hollywood,
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: this is real America. But nowadays, with these tools in
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: anyone's pocket, anyone can look however they want. And I
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: think that's kind of the scary, weird part we're looking
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: at here. And and your opinion, does social media affect employment?
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: Like I know so many younger you know, younger generations
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: who are posting pictures of drinking or partying or in
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: bathing suits or whatever, and they're not realizing the repercussions
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: of their future employers being able to see anything on
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: the Internet. Okay, well here's what's crazy about this. I
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: did a story with a company that kind of goes
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: through and when you have employees hiring, they do like
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: a risk assessment of those employees, so they kind of
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: figure out, like is this person going to be a
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: problem before they become a problem. And I asked them
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: point blank, I said, what are companies looking for? Like,
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: you know, you always hear like if you have a
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: red solo cup in your in all your Instagram shots,
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: like is that it? When you never work again, and
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: he told me that they actually companies don't even care
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: about drinking. Now, I'm not saying people, if you're under
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: twenty one to sit there and you know, be crazy,
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: But the reality is everyone understands that we're human and
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: people party. I mean, I don't know, you know, college
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: is you know, people have a good time in college,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: and I think that everyone that ever works at a
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: company knows that. And it's not unheard of to see
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: someone now back in the day, do we all have,
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: you know, cameras cataloging every second of our lives. No,
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: So I think that part is a little bit different.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: But the reality is, I think companies are looking for
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: more risks than just someone that's you know, may be
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: drinking or someone in a bathing suit. Um, even drugs.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: I mean they were saying that even marijuana, if that
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: was in pictures, it wasn't that big of a deal
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: with the companies, which I can't believe I'm saying this,
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: but that is so frightening to me. I mean, I
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: have like two polaroids of me, like with Boone's Farm
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: from when I was younger, and I am so glad
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: they're polaroids and can't be fined I can't be found
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: on the internet. But oh my gosh, my life didn't
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: even start until you know, the late two thousands when
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: digital cameras came out, and I'm like, thank god, I
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: had all my craziness before that happened. The embarrassing haircuts.
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: I can't. Um. So, you know, in closing, what's next
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: for social media? Like, what's the next Instagram? Oh, what's
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: the next Instagram? I think, I mean, obviously TikTok we're
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: seeing a lot of billion I cannot. Well, it's so
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: weird too, because it's it's just it's one of these
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: things that like, it's not everyone even is aware of it.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: Just yeah, I mean people have heard of it, but
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: are a lot of people that aren't on it yet,
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: which I think that's big. But at the same time,
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: I think at this point it appeals to the younger demographic,
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: which you know, limits its appeal for now because people
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: see this like the young kids thing to do, right,
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: So the adults aren't really on it. But if you remember,
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: that's the way Facebook was back in the day. So um,
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: I think the problem for all these platforms is that
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: nobody can build something that is that is what people
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: want because if you look at any of the platforms
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: for over the years, like Facebook and we have Twitter,
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: and we have Instagram, and we have all these things
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: that have come and gone, none of them were sort
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: of imagined to be used to the way they are.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: So like everyone thought Facebook was the best, Everyone used it,
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: they used the heck out of it, and all of
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: a sudden, now it's like you just drop it and
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: it's like on the side of the road. So will
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: Instagram become that? I don't know, but I think Instagram
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: from what I've seen, has made some pretty smart moves
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: to keep it kind of like the hottest, coolest thing going.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: And they stole stories right away from Snapchat, which you
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: really help them because everyone switched like pretty much overnight
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: two Instagram stories over Stepchat. So will there be something
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: that comes along the way. I don't know. It's tough
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: to tell. I'm I'm not sure TikTok is that platform,
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: But could there be something invented perhaps? Thank you so
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: much Rich for coming on you guys. You have to
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: read his book. It's called one oh one iPhone Tips
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: and Tricks. It's going to be good, all right. So
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: now we're going to get into some rapid fire questions
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: with Jamie and Dr gold Schert. Whoever thinks they have
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: the better I'm doing it in quotes answer should ring in.
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: And the first question is if you are somebody starting
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: out you want to become an influencer and you don't
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: know how, what are some quick tips? Uh, I would
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: say probably learn how to our to get a good
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: camera or a good iPhone I guess these days, and
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: to get an editing editing software, to like have good
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: photos because people want to follow you for good photos.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: It's kind of and how often do they need to
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: be posting content? Oh? Regularly every day? That's my that's
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: my always been every single day I have posted a
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: photo unless I want to fight. Okay, do you guys
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: think social media is our friend of me? Definitely right?
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: I mean this whole podcast has kind of been encapsulating
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: this complicated relationship. We have a social media It's like
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: the best and the worst boyfriend ever, you know, like
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: it's the best time ever. It's so seductive and so
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: addictive in a lot of ways, and so much fun
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: and compelling, and you can learn a lot and then
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: on the other hand, like it can hurt you and
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: confuse you and you know, make you feel um, not
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: so great in your own skin at times. So I
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: think actually a friend of me is like it's like
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: the perfect word forward speaking of seduction cat fishing? Can
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: you actually trust people? You were talking too through d
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: M s m hm, I get. I mean, I don't
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: even know how to answer that, to be honest, that's
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: the point of the check mark, is to make it
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: the real person or not right. But not everybody has
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: a check mark. I mean a lot of people don't
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: have check marks. So I guess to do that at
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: your own risk. Um, should we be face tuning, wiscoing,
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: photoshopping and filtering? Are we altering reality too much? You know?
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: I mean I'm of two minds of this. I think
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: in part, as you were talking about, Jamie, that there's
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: an art to it, in a creativity and a fun
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: that I think people are drawn to, and I don't
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: think that should be totally impeded. But I think it's
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: so important for there to be so many more opportunities
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: for people to relate to people in their natural habitat,
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: whether we're talking environmental, like physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. There
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: there's just such a lack of that right now. And
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: we've been talking a lot during this podcast how when
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: it pops up on social media, even in your Instagram,
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: to that people are really drawn to it, really drawn
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: to it. Well, you know what I just learned from
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: one of our producers. We booked you, Jamie through d
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: M s because you did. You slid right into that
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: d M and I was like, yes, and we didn't
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: catfish you. I thought it was for a minute and
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, can I have Can you send me
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: an email with details? And it was like yeah, And
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: then the email didn't come for a few days and
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, it's totally not real, like someone
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: was praying on my emotions that I wanted to do
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: this so but it was real. That is so funny.
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: I told you I read all those d M Yeah,
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: she's not mess around. She is. You know what I
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: don't If you need to talk to me right something
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: in my comments or message me, I guess and our
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: message Jamie and should reach out to me? Um, okay?
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: How authentic are our lives via social media? I can
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: answer for me and then maybe Jamie you answer as well.
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: I think that I try to show as much as
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: I possibly can. So I live a pretty authentic life
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: when you're when you're seeing my kids, my life, if
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: the chaos working out my clients, that's all that being said,
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: my indst to stories. If my skin is looking super
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: clear one day, it is the subtle filter, guys. It's
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: the one that's purple and it has little dogs around
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: like it's little sparkles. That is the filter I have,
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: Like Rosa sha, my skin is red as these ladies,
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: they can see it right now. Not even what about you, guys? Um.
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like I'm pretty authentic these days.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: I used to be really against like showing all the
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: you know, bad days and stuff like that, and I
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: feel like now that I have been showing it more,
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: I've actually gotten more support from people because they just
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: see that you're a normal person dealing with normal things
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: that happen in life. And you know, I get depressed
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: some days, I get I have really great days. So
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: I feel like followers are resonating more with you being
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: more authentic and stuff like, which leads me I need
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: to ask you this now. Do you think that because
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: you spend so much time on social media, you're talking
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: to friends like real life friends and some of my
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: best friends now are people that I met through Instagram
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: just from Hey, what's up? Hey, Like, I'm even meeting
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: up with the follower tomorrow to just hang out because
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: we both love Star Wars, so we're gonna watch Star Wars.
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: Like but don't you ever get sketched out by that
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: a little bit? But I feel like I've talked to
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: them for years now and it's like not weird. So
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: if you guys, haven't you need to watch the movie
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: The American Meme. Have you all watched that? Oh? It
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: is so good. It's about the life of an influencer.
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: So make sure you guys tune into that watching that today. Um,
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: what is something you've done slash experienced in the past
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: that you're thankful social media wasn't a thing for growing up?
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: Probably my partying days. I'm really glad that, like Instagram
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: wasn't a thing when I was like in college and
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: you know, drinking and doing what college people do. I'm
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: really glad the Instagram kind of came out right when
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: I was like starting in the workforce and really getting
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: into like fashion and blogging, and I'm glad it kind
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: of That's how I feel too, I mean, I wouldn't
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: want my youth out there. And since I had a
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: lot of bad self tanner moments at hair, eyebrows, my
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: eyebrows so thin, there's not a lot of photos of that. Okay.
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: I think about my young self, like thirteen fourteen, trying
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: to navigate the world of social media, if you're allowed
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: to to be on that landscape that young, and how
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: difficult that would I could barely navigate my aid plant pager,
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: you know, navigating the poll of of putting yourself out there,
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: the insecurity, the desire to be popular, they need to
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: be liked, like all of that. It was hard enough
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: in high school without Instagram to like judge you when
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: you get home, like everyone's judging you, like all night
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: and probably not liking your photos, and then it'll stress
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: you out the next day, like, oh, so was I
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: didn't like my photo? Now at school it's like weird
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: and sokward, Like I can't even imagine all that was
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: hard enough without all of it. And what are your
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: true thoughts on people who choose to not have any
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: social media? What are you hiding? That's actually we had
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: a Cheater podcast and um they said something about like
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: people that have no social media whatever. I'll say this.
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: I dated someone in college and he had no Facebook,
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: no Instagram, none of that, and he was cheating on me.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: So I don't I don't trust anyone these days if
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: you're not interested in what's going on in the world
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: with Instagram, because you can follow whatever you want really
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: to like see to gear what you see. So something
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: something's weird and speaking of your cheating X, should we
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: unfollow our ex? Yes, I think I'm not interested. I
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: don't want to see it. I don't think it's helpful.
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: But then people, you know, what, what is our need
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: to fill sometimes to go look? I mean, I think
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: it's quite human for people. It's like that that pain
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: pleasure thing of like wanting to kind of release the
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: tension by knowing it also kind of helps you move on.
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: I guess if you see that maybe they're dating something,
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: they're living their best life of that. But then you
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: know that you're living your best life on there too,
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: so maybe it they see. I don't know. Um, Okay,
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: do you guys think that sending threats on social media
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: should be a felony? I guess there's like a gray
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: area of what's like what would be what's a threat?
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: How bad a threat? Has someone threatening my cats saying
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: that they're fat? You's threat of physical violence? It has
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: to be taken. Yeah, I mean, at least now I've
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: I've learned that you can uh block certain words which
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: I didn't know, so that's something can restrict people now.
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: And you can restrict people. So if you're trying to,
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: you know, help your kids, you can restrict certain words
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: if they're being bullied, so you can protect them that way,
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: but also be stalking their Instagram accounts. Don't just let
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: them do it on their own. If they only want Instagram,
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: if they're the only ones on it, don't let them
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: have it. Um and question, because you said your husband
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: is now an influencer as well, do you think social
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: media causes more stress that slash jealousy and relationships? I mean,
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: to be completely honest, Like we have each other's passwords,
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: were logged in on both each other's phones because he
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: like manages me, so he needs to be on my
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: profile a lot to do stuff. So like it actually
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: makes it easier because like we don't like we don't
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: hide anything, Like we're very open about like everything. So
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: it used to be a stressful thing until he really
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: got into the world, and then now he understands and
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: it's like less of a stress now instead of having
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: to explain things going on with Instagram or like brands
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: or whatever, he like gets it now. So it goes
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: back to my original thing, which because I have this
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: app called like three sixty app, which tells like everything
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: about like how fast somebody's driving, if they're texting and driving,
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And somebody was like, I can't believe
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: you you have that on your phone. I'm like, of
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: course I have that on my phone. Like so it's
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: kind of if you're okay being an open book, there's
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: less reason for stress and jealousy and anxiety because then
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: you have less to worry about it. But if you
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: have somebody who's covering their hand over their Instagram or
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: d m NG or whatever it is, or they all
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: of a sudden have a Snapchat, but you're not their
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: snapchat friend, we don't even have Snapchat in our relationship
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: because it was like at the very beginning, it was like,
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: what who are you sending? And I was like, I'm
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: deleting it. I don't even want all this drama like
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: I don't have time for it, while you guys today
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: was so much fun. I love learning the ins and out,
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: ins and out of the Graham. And thank you guys
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: so much for joining me. Thanks thanks joining us, Thanks
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: for listening. Subscribe to cd T POT on her radio
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to podcasts.