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20. The Head, Heart & Hands Model · Burning Brightly

• 0:27
  Hello,
• 0:28
  my
• 0:28
  friends.
• 0:28
  Welcome
• 0:29
  back
• 0:30
  to
• 0:30
  episode
• 0:30
  20.
• 0:30
  You
• 0:31
  guys
• 0:31
  were
• 0:31
  20
• 0:31
  episodes
• 0:32
  into
• 0:32
  burning
• 0:32
  brightly.
• 0:33
  And
• 0:33
  I
• 0:33
  am
• 0:33
  loving
• 0:33
  recording
• 0:34
  these
• 0:34
  for
• 0:34
  you
• 0:34
  guys
• 0:34
  every
• 0:34
  week.
• 0:35
  And
• 0:35
  I
• 0:35
  hope
• 0:35
  you're
• 0:35
  enjoying
• 0:35
  them.
• 0:36
  Please
• 0:36
  feel
• 0:37
  free
• 0:37
  to
• 0:37
  leave
• 0:37
  me
• 0:38
  a
• 0:38
  review
• 0:38
  if
• 0:38
  you've
• 0:39
  enjoyed
• 0:39
  an
• 0:39
  episode
• 0:40
  and
• 0:40
  to
• 0:40
  share
• 0:41
  it
• 0:41
  with
• 0:41
  a
• 0:41
  friend
• 0:41
  who
• 0:41
  might
• 0:41
  be
• 0:41
  interested,
• 0:42
  not
• 0:42
  just
• 0:42
  in
• 0:42
  building
• 0:43
  a
• 0:43
  business,
• 0:43
  but
• 0:43
  in
• 0:43
  learning
• 0:44
  to
• 0:44
  manage
• 0:44
  their
• 0:44
  own
• 0:45
  mind,
• 0:45
  because
• 0:46
  that
• 0:46
  is
• 0:46
  what
• 0:46
  life
• 0:47
  coaching
• 0:47
  is
• 0:47
  all
• 0:47
  about.
• 0:48
  It
• 0:48
  sounds
• 0:49
  a
• 0:49
  little
• 0:49
  strange
• 0:50
  when
• 0:50
  we
• 0:50
  first
• 0:50
  talk
• 0:50
  about
• 0:50
  it.
• 0:51
  Once
• 0:51
  you
• 0:51
  see
• 0:51
  the
• 0:51
  magic
• 0:52
  of
• 0:53
  managing
• 0:53
  your
• 0:53
  mind,
• 0:53
  you
• 0:54
  will
• 0:54
  never
• 0:54
  go
• 0:54
  back.
• 0:55
  It
• 0:55
  will
• 0:55
  change
• 0:55
  your
• 0:55
  life
• 0:55
  forever.
• 0:56
  I
• 0:56
  promise
• 0:56
  that
• 0:56
  is
• 0:56
  why
• 0:57
  I
• 0:57
  became
• 0:57
  a
• 0:57
  certified
• 0:57
  coach
• 0:58
  because
• 0:58
  I
• 0:58
  wanted
• 0:58
  to
• 0:58
  help
• 0:58
  people.
• 0:59
  The
• 0:59
  way
• 0:59
  I
• 0:59
  had
• 1:00
  been
• 1:00
  helped.
• 1:00
  In.
• 1:02
  Learning
• 1:02
  to
• 1:03
  change
• 1:03
  the
• 1:04
  way
• 1:04
  my
• 1:04
  brain
• 1:05
  functions.
• 1:05
  Okay.
• 1:06
  Just
• 1:06
  like
• 1:06
  we
• 1:07
  would
• 1:07
  never
• 1:08
  try
• 1:08
  to
• 1:08
  drive
• 1:08
  a
• 1:08
  car
• 1:09
  that
• 1:09
  didn't
• 1:09
  function
• 1:09
  properly.
• 1:10
  Have
• 1:10
  you
• 1:10
  ever
• 1:10
  driven
• 1:10
  a
• 1:10
  car
• 1:10
  that
• 1:11
  you
• 1:11
  think
• 1:11
  might
• 1:11
  break
• 1:11
  down?
• 1:12
  It's
• 1:12
  so
• 1:12
  stressful.
• 1:13
  It's
• 1:13
  also
• 1:14
  very
• 1:14
  dangerous.
• 1:15
  Driving
• 1:15
  a
• 1:15
  car
• 1:15
  you
• 1:15
  think
• 1:16
  might
• 1:16
  break
• 1:16
  down.
• 1:17
  Or
• 1:17
  like
• 1:17
  I
• 1:17
  mentioned
• 1:18
  in
• 1:18
  a
• 1:18
  previous
• 1:18
  episode,
• 1:18
  working
• 1:19
  on
• 1:19
  a
• 1:19
  computer
• 1:19
  that's
• 1:20
  full
• 1:20
  of
• 1:20
  viruses,
• 1:21
  or
• 1:21
  it
• 1:21
  doesn't
• 1:21
  have
• 1:21
  an
• 1:21
  operating
• 1:21
  system
• 1:22
  that
• 1:22
  works
• 1:22
  properly.
• 1:23
  That's
• 1:23
  just
• 1:23
  annoying.
• 1:24
  We
• 1:24
  also
• 1:25
  cannot
• 1:25
  reach
• 1:25
  our
• 1:26
  own
• 1:26
  personal
• 1:26
  life
• 1:27
  goals.
• 1:28
  Or
• 1:28
  create
• 1:29
  an
• 1:29
  intentional
• 1:29
  life
• 1:29
  at
• 1:30
  all
• 1:30
  without
• 1:31
  managing.
• 1:32
  The
• 1:32
  central
• 1:32
  processing
• 1:32
  unit
• 1:33
  of
• 1:33
  our
• 1:33
  life,
• 1:33
  which
• 1:34
  is
• 1:34
  our
• 1:34
  brain.
• 1:35
  As
• 1:35
  we
• 1:35
  learn
• 1:35
  to
• 1:36
  manage
• 1:36
  this
• 1:36
  massive,
• 1:37
  amazing,
• 1:37
  incredible
• 1:38
  computer.
• 1:39
  Then
• 1:39
  we
• 1:39
  see
• 1:39
  results
• 1:40
  improve
• 1:40
  in
• 1:41
  every
• 1:41
  aspect
• 1:42
  of
• 1:42
  life.
• 1:42
  It
• 1:42
  can't
• 1:42
  help,
• 1:43
  but
• 1:43
  touch
• 1:43
  every
• 1:43
  aspect
• 1:44
  of
• 1:44
  your
• 1:44
  life.
• 1:45
  So
• 1:45
  the
• 1:45
  life
• 1:45
  coach
• 1:46
  school,
• 1:46
  where
• 1:46
  I
• 1:46
  was
• 1:46
  trained,
• 1:47
  teaches
• 1:47
  a
• 1:47
  very
• 1:48
  simple
• 1:48
  tool
• 1:48
  that
• 1:49
  helps
• 1:49
  us
• 1:49
  to
• 1:49
  create.
• 1:50
  Any
• 1:50
  result
• 1:51
  we
• 1:51
  want
• 1:51
  in
• 1:51
  our
• 1:51
  life,
• 1:52
  whether
• 1:52
  it's
• 1:53
  meeting
• 1:53
  a
• 1:53
  goal
• 1:54
  or
• 1:54
  improving
• 1:54
  your
• 1:54
  relationship,
• 1:55
  or
• 1:55
  just
• 1:56
  being
• 1:56
  generally
• 1:56
  happier.
• 1:57
  This
• 1:58
  tool
• 1:58
  is
• 1:58
  called
• 1:59
  the
• 1:59
  model.
• 2:00
  And
• 2:00
  you
• 2:00
  may
• 2:00
  or
• 2:00
  may
• 2:00
  not
• 2:00
  have
• 2:00
  heard
• 2:01
  of
• 2:01
  it
• 2:01
  before,
• 2:01
  but
• 2:01
  today,
• 2:01
  even
• 2:02
  if
• 2:02
  you
• 2:02
  have
• 2:02
  heard
• 2:02
  of
• 2:02
  it,
• 2:02
  I'm
• 2:02
  going
• 2:03
  to
• 2:03
  approach
• 2:03
  it
• 2:03
  in
• 2:03
  a
• 2:03
  slightly
• 2:04
  new
• 2:04
  way
• 2:05
  that
• 2:05
  I
• 2:05
  think
• 2:05
  is
• 2:05
  a
• 2:05
  really
• 2:05
  easy
• 2:06
  way
• 2:06
  to
• 2:06
  remember.
• 2:07
  And
• 2:07
  it
• 2:07
  also
• 2:08
  makes
• 2:08
  a
• 2:08
  lot
• 2:08
  more
• 2:09
  sense
• 2:09
  sometimes
• 2:09
  and
• 2:09
  thinking
• 2:10
  about
• 2:10
  it
• 2:10
  this
• 2:10
  way.
• 2:10
  So
• 2:10
  I'm
• 2:10
  going
• 2:11
  to
• 2:11
  teach
• 2:11
  you
• 2:11
  a
• 2:11
  new
• 2:11
  way
• 2:11
  of
• 2:11
  looking
• 2:11
  at
• 2:12
  it.
• 2:12
  call
• 2:13
  it
• 2:13
  the
• 2:13
  head
• 2:13
  heart
• 2:14
  and
• 2:14
  hands
• 2:14
  model.
• 2:15
  So
• 2:16
  when
• 2:16
  we
• 2:16
  go
• 2:17
  about
• 2:17
  our
• 2:17
  lives
• 2:17
  every
• 2:18
  day,
• 2:18
  we
• 2:18
  are
• 2:19
  constantly
• 2:19
  confronted
• 2:20
  with
• 2:20
  stimulus.
• 2:21
  So
• 2:21
  these
• 2:22
  are
• 2:22
  the
• 2:22
  cold,
• 2:22
  hard
• 2:23
  facts
• 2:23
  of
• 2:23
  life.
• 2:24
  Whether
• 2:24
  it
• 2:25
  is
• 2:25
  a
• 2:25
  car
• 2:25
  getting
• 2:26
  a
• 2:26
  flat
• 2:26
  tire
• 2:27
  or
• 2:27
  a
• 2:27
  child
• 2:28
  getting
• 2:28
  sick.
• 2:29
  Or
• 2:29
  getting
• 2:30
  a
• 2:30
  raise
• 2:30
  at
• 2:30
  work.
• 2:30
  So
• 2:31
  you
• 2:31
  can
• 2:31
  think
• 2:32
  that
• 2:32
  they
• 2:32
  are
• 2:32
  good
• 2:32
  or
• 2:32
  bad,
• 2:32
  but
• 2:33
  the.
• 2:33
  But
• 2:33
  in
• 2:33
  truth,
• 2:34
  this
• 2:34
  stimulus
• 2:34
  or
• 2:35
  this,
• 2:35
  uh,
• 2:36
  circumstances,
• 2:37
  another
• 2:37
  word
• 2:38
  we
• 2:38
  use
• 2:38
  for
• 2:38
  it
• 2:38
  is
• 2:39
  just
• 2:39
  a
• 2:39
  cold,
• 2:39
  hard
• 2:39
  fact.
• 2:40
  It's
• 2:40
  not
• 2:40
  good
• 2:40
  or
• 2:40
  bad
• 2:41
  until
• 2:41
  we
• 2:41
  think
• 2:42
  something
• 2:42
  about
• 2:42
  it.
• 2:42
  Okay.
• 2:42
  It
• 2:43
  could
• 2:43
  be
• 2:43
  your
• 2:43
  sister
• 2:43
  getting
• 2:44
  married
• 2:44
  or
• 2:44
  you
• 2:44
  getting
• 2:45
  married
• 2:45
  or
• 2:46
  getting
• 2:46
  a
• 2:46
  divorce
• 2:46
  or
• 2:47
  any
• 2:47
  number
• 2:47
  of
• 2:47
  things,
• 2:48
  small,
• 2:48
  large,
• 2:49
  whether
• 2:49
  you
• 2:50
  think
• 2:50
  they're
• 2:50
  good
• 2:50
  or
• 2:50
  bad,
• 2:50
  the
• 2:51
  cold,
• 2:51
  hard
• 2:51
  facts
• 2:51
  of
• 2:51
  life
• 2:51
  are
• 2:52
  the
• 2:52
  stimulus.
• 2:53
  Now
• 2:53
  these
• 2:53
  stimulate
• 2:54
  enter
• 2:55
  our
• 2:55
  head
• 2:55
  first.
• 2:57
  Okay,
• 2:57
  this
• 2:57
  is
• 2:57
  where
• 2:57
  we
• 2:58
  start
• 2:58
  to
• 2:58
  make
• 2:58
  sense
• 2:59
  of
• 2:59
  the
• 2:59
  stimulus.
• 3:00
  We
• 3:00
  think
• 3:01
  thoughts
• 3:01
  about
• 3:01
  these
• 3:02
  facts,
• 3:02
  depending
• 3:03
  on
• 3:03
  a
• 3:03
  number
• 3:03
  of
• 3:03
  things,
• 3:04
  depending
• 3:04
  on
• 3:04
  our
• 3:04
  past
• 3:04
  experiences
• 3:06
  on
• 3:06
  how
• 3:06
  we
• 3:06
  were
• 3:06
  raised,
• 3:07
  depending
• 3:08
  on
• 3:08
  our
• 3:08
  personality
• 3:08
  or
• 3:09
  things
• 3:09
  we
• 3:09
  were
• 3:09
  taught.
• 3:10
  Or
• 3:10
  depending
• 3:10
  on.
• 3:11
  we've
• 3:11
  seen
• 3:12
  other
• 3:12
  people
• 3:12
  react
• 3:12
  to
• 3:12
  this
• 3:13
  stimulus,
• 3:13
  right?
• 3:14
  these
• 3:14
  thoughts
• 3:15
  come
• 3:15
  from
• 3:15
  our
• 3:15
  heads.
• 3:16
  So
• 3:16
  that's
• 3:16
  why
• 3:16
  it's
• 3:16
  called
• 3:16
  the
• 3:16
  head
• 3:17
  heart
• 3:17
  hands
• 3:17
  model.
• 3:17
  The
• 3:17
  first
• 3:18
  thing
• 3:18
  is
• 3:18
  the
• 3:18
  head.
• 3:19
  These
• 3:19
  thoughts
• 3:20
  come
• 3:20
  to
• 3:20
  us
• 3:20
  very
• 3:21
  quickly
• 3:22
  and
• 3:22
  very
• 3:22
  often
• 3:23
  our
• 3:23
  subconscious
• 3:24
  or
• 3:24
  just
• 3:24
  kind
• 3:24
  of
• 3:24
  semi-conscious.
• 3:25
  If
• 3:25
  we
• 3:25
  probe
• 3:26
  a
• 3:26
  little
• 3:26
  bit,
• 3:26
  we
• 3:26
  can
• 3:26
  discover
• 3:27
  them.
• 3:27
  But
• 3:27
  very
• 3:27
  often
• 3:28
  they're
• 3:28
  not
• 3:28
  right
• 3:28
  at
• 3:28
  the
• 3:29
  top
• 3:29
  of
• 3:29
  our
• 3:29
  consciousness.
• 3:29
  They
• 3:29
  just
• 3:30
  come
• 3:30
  automatically.
• 3:31
  So
• 3:32
  let's
• 3:32
  take
• 3:32
  the
• 3:32
  example
• 3:32
  of
• 3:33
  your
• 3:33
  car
• 3:33
  getting
• 3:33
  a
• 3:33
  flat
• 3:34
  tire.
• 3:34
  This
• 3:34
  is
• 3:34
  a
• 3:34
  good
• 3:34
  one.
• 3:34
  We're
• 3:35
  going
• 3:35
  to
• 3:35
  run
• 3:35
  with
• 3:35
  this
• 3:35
  episode.
• 3:36
  Okay.
• 3:36
  So
• 3:36
  the
• 3:36
  stimulus
• 3:37
  of
• 3:37
  your
• 3:37
  car
• 3:38
  getting
• 3:38
  a
• 3:38
  flat
• 3:38
  tire
• 3:38
  is
• 3:39
  a
• 3:39
  very
• 3:39
  neutral
• 3:40
  fact.
• 3:41
  The
• 3:41
  top
• 3:41
  tire
• 3:42
  was
• 3:42
  full
• 3:42
  of
• 3:42
  air.
• 3:43
  Now
• 3:43
  it's
• 3:43
  not.
• 3:44
  Now
• 3:44
  most
• 3:45
  of
• 3:45
  us,
• 3:45
  when
• 3:45
  I
• 3:45
  say
• 3:45
  get
• 3:46
  a
• 3:46
  flat
• 3:46
  tire,
• 3:46
  immediately
• 3:47
  have
• 3:47
  a
• 3:47
  thought
• 3:47
  about
• 3:48
  it.
• 3:48
  And
• 3:48
  it
• 3:48
  might
• 3:48
  be
• 3:48
  something
• 3:49
  like,
• 3:49
  oh,
• 3:50
  this
• 3:50
  is
• 3:50
  so
• 3:50
  annoying
• 3:50
  or,
• 3:51
  oh,
• 3:51
  I'm
• 3:51
  going
• 3:51
  to
• 3:51
  be
• 3:52
  late
• 3:52
  or
• 3:53
  darn
• 3:53
  it.
• 3:53
  I
• 3:53
  can't
• 3:53
  afford
• 3:54
  this.
• 3:55
  Right.
• 3:55
  of
• 3:55
  ways
• 3:55
  that
• 3:55
  we're
• 3:56
  making
• 3:56
  sense
• 3:56
  of
• 3:57
  this
• 3:57
  fact
• 3:57
  that
• 3:57
  we
• 3:57
  have
• 3:58
  a
• 3:58
  flat
• 3:58
  tire
• 3:58
  for
• 3:58
  this
• 3:59
  example,
• 3:59
  we're
• 3:59
  going
• 3:59
  to
• 3:59
  use
• 3:59
  the
• 4:00
  thought
• 4:00
  of
• 4:00
  course,
• 4:01
  bad
• 4:01
  things
• 4:01
  always
• 4:02
  happen
• 4:02
  to
• 4:02
  me.
• 4:03
  Have
• 4:03
  you
• 4:03
  guys
• 4:03
  ever
• 4:03
  had
• 4:03
  that
• 4:03
  thought.
• 4:05
  We
• 4:05
  are
• 4:05
  feeling
• 4:05
  a
• 4:05
  little
• 4:05
  grumpy
• 4:06
  or
• 4:06
  a
• 4:06
  little
• 4:06
  bit
• 4:06
  depressed.
• 4:07
  So
• 4:08
  we
• 4:08
  have
• 4:08
  the
• 4:08
  cold,
• 4:09
  hard
• 4:09
  fact
• 4:09
  of
• 4:09
  the.
• 4:10
  Targeting
• 4:10
  flat.
• 4:11
  Our
• 4:11
  thought
• 4:11
  is
• 4:12
  of
• 4:12
  course
• 4:12
  bad
• 4:13
  things
• 4:13
  always
• 4:13
  happen
• 4:13
  to
• 4:13
  be.
• 4:14
  So
• 4:14
  once
• 4:14
  the
• 4:15
  head
• 4:15
  spits
• 4:15
  out
• 4:16
  its
• 4:16
  opinion
• 4:16
  of
• 4:16
  the
• 4:17
  stimulus,
• 4:18
  then
• 4:18
  the
• 4:18
  heart
• 4:18
  takes
• 4:18
  over
• 4:19
  and
• 4:19
  what
• 4:19
  the
• 4:19
  heart
• 4:19
  does.
• 4:20
  Not
• 4:20
  literally
• 4:21
  the
• 4:21
  heart
• 4:22
  actually
• 4:22
  pumps
• 4:22
  blood,
• 4:22
  but
• 4:23
  we're
• 4:23
  going
• 4:23
  to
• 4:23
  use
• 4:23
  the
• 4:23
  heart
• 4:23
  to
• 4:23
  mean
• 4:24
  your
• 4:24
  emotions.
• 4:24
  Right?
• 4:25
  As
• 4:25
  we
• 4:25
  usually
• 4:25
  do,
• 4:26
  the
• 4:26
  heart
• 4:26
  creates
• 4:27
  an
• 4:27
  emotion
• 4:28
  from
• 4:29
  the
• 4:29
  thought.
• 4:30
  So
• 4:30
  it
• 4:30
  doesn't
• 4:30
  create
• 4:31
  an
• 4:31
  emotion
• 4:31
  from
• 4:31
  the
• 4:31
  stimulus,
• 4:32
  which
• 4:32
  is
• 4:32
  a
• 4:32
  cold,
• 4:32
  hard
• 4:33
  fact.
• 4:33
  It
• 4:33
  creates
• 4:34
  an
• 4:34
  emotion
• 4:34
  from
• 4:35
  the
• 4:35
  thought.
• 4:36
  Our
• 4:36
  feelings
• 4:37
  are
• 4:37
  always
• 4:38
  created
• 4:38
  from
• 4:39
  our
• 4:39
  thoughts.
• 4:40
  So,
• 4:40
  let
• 4:40
  me
• 4:40
  repeat
• 4:40
  that.
• 4:40
  Even
• 4:41
  if
• 4:41
  you
• 4:41
  have
• 4:41
  been
• 4:42
  doing
• 4:42
  life
• 4:42
  coaching
• 4:42
  for
• 4:42
  a
• 4:42
  while,
• 4:43
  it's
• 4:43
  important
• 4:43
  to
• 4:43
  remember
• 4:44
  our
• 4:44
  emotions
• 4:45
  are
• 4:46
  always
• 4:46
  created
• 4:47
  by
• 4:47
  our
• 4:47
  thoughts.
• 4:49
  So
• 4:49
  back
• 4:49
  to
• 4:49
  the
• 4:49
  flat
• 4:49
  tire
• 4:50
  example.
• 4:50
  The
• 4:51
  thought.
• 4:51
  Bad
• 4:52
  things
• 4:52
  always
• 4:52
  happen
• 4:53
  to
• 4:53
  me.
• 4:53
  We'll
• 4:53
  create
• 4:53
  an
• 4:53
  emotion.
• 4:54
  It
• 4:55
  might
• 4:55
  be
• 4:55
  different
• 4:55
  from
• 4:55
  you
• 4:56
  than
• 4:56
  it
• 4:56
  would
• 4:56
  be
• 4:56
  for
• 4:56
  me.
• 4:57
  But
• 4:57
  when
• 4:57
  I
• 4:57
  think
• 4:58
  the
• 4:58
  thought
• 4:58
  bad
• 4:58
  things
• 4:58
  always
• 4:58
  happen
• 4:59
  to
• 4:59
  me,
• 4:59
  I
• 4:59
  feel
• 5:00
  the
• 5:00
  emotion
• 5:00
  of
• 5:00
  self-pity.
• 5:01
  That's
• 5:01
  pretty
• 5:02
  common.
• 5:02
  That
• 5:02
  will
• 5:02
  come
• 5:02
  up
• 5:02
  for
• 5:03
  me,
• 5:03
  especially
• 5:03
  if
• 5:03
  I
• 5:03
  think
• 5:04
  that
• 5:04
  bad
• 5:04
  things
• 5:04
  are
• 5:04
  happening
• 5:05
  to
• 5:05
  me.
• 5:05
  So
• 5:06
  we've
• 5:06
  got
• 5:06
  the
• 5:06
  head
• 5:07
  saying
• 5:07
  bad
• 5:07
  things
• 5:07
  always
• 5:08
  happen.
• 5:08
  The
• 5:08
  heart
• 5:09
  feeling
• 5:09
  self
• 5:09
  pity.
• 5:10
  And
• 5:10
  after
• 5:10
  that,
• 5:11
  our
• 5:11
  hands
• 5:12
  move
• 5:12
  in
• 5:13
  to
• 5:13
  take
• 5:13
  some
• 5:13
  action.
• 5:14
  This
• 5:15
  action
• 5:15
  can
• 5:15
  be
• 5:15
  positive.
• 5:16
  It
• 5:16
  can
• 5:16
  be
• 5:16
  negative.
• 5:17
  It
• 5:17
  can
• 5:17
  even
• 5:18
  result
• 5:18
  in
• 5:18
  inaction
• 5:19
  or
• 5:19
  a
• 5:19
  lack
• 5:20
  of
• 5:20
  action.
• 5:21
  So,
• 5:21
  whatever
• 5:22
  the
• 5:22
  hands
• 5:22
  are
• 5:22
  going
• 5:22
  to
• 5:22
  do
• 5:23
  or
• 5:23
  not
• 5:23
  going
• 5:23
  to
• 5:23
  do
• 5:24
  comes
• 5:24
  directly
• 5:25
  from
• 5:25
  the
• 5:25
  emotion.
• 5:25
  So
• 5:25
  the
• 5:25
  emotion
• 5:26
  of
• 5:26
  self
• 5:26
  pity.
• 5:27
  Mike
• 5:27
  create
• 5:28
  actions
• 5:28
  like
• 5:29
  ruminating
• 5:30
  on
• 5:30
  all
• 5:30
  the
• 5:30
  bad
• 5:30
  things
• 5:31
  that
• 5:31
  have
• 5:31
  happened
• 5:31
  to
• 5:31
  us.
• 5:32
  Gosh,
• 5:33
  bad
• 5:33
  things
• 5:33
  always
• 5:33
  happen
• 5:33
  to
• 5:33
  me.
• 5:34
  I
• 5:34
  feel
• 5:34
  self-pity.
• 5:35
  I
• 5:35
  think
• 5:35
  about
• 5:35
  this
• 5:36
  time
• 5:36
  that
• 5:36
  something
• 5:36
  bad
• 5:36
  happened
• 5:37
  in
• 5:37
  that
• 5:37
  time
• 5:37
  and
• 5:37
  last
• 5:38
  week
• 5:38
  and
• 5:38
  two
• 5:38
  months
• 5:39
  ago.
• 5:39
  I'm
• 5:40
  creating
• 5:40
  all
• 5:40
  this
• 5:40
  evidence
• 5:41
  that
• 5:41
  that
• 5:41
  thought
• 5:41
  is
• 5:41
  true.
• 5:42
  because
• 5:43
  of
• 5:43
  that.
• 5:44
  Likely
• 5:44
  I'm
• 5:44
  not
• 5:44
  taking
• 5:45
  any
• 5:45
  action
• 5:45
  to
• 5:45
  actually
• 5:46
  get
• 5:46
  the
• 5:46
  tire
• 5:46
  fixed.
• 5:48
  and,
• 5:48
  and
• 5:48
  any
• 5:48
  number
• 5:48
  of
• 5:48
  things
• 5:49
  could
• 5:49
  come
• 5:49
  up
• 5:49
  for
• 5:49
  me,
• 5:49
  but
• 5:49
  that
• 5:50
  emotion
• 5:51
  of
• 5:51
  self-pity
• 5:51
  is
• 5:51
  going
• 5:51
  to
• 5:52
  create
• 5:52
  some
• 5:52
  action.
• 5:53
  Finally
• 5:54
  after
• 5:54
  the
• 5:54
  head
• 5:54
  pitches
• 5:55
  in
• 5:55
  and
• 5:55
  then
• 5:55
  the
• 5:55
  heart,
• 5:56
  and
• 5:56
  then
• 5:56
  the
• 5:56
  hands
• 5:57
  we
• 5:57
  end
• 5:57
  up
• 5:57
  with
• 5:57
  a
• 5:57
  result.
• 5:58
  And
• 5:59
  the
• 5:59
  result
• 5:59
  is
• 5:59
  the
• 5:59
  consequence
• 6:00
  of
• 6:00
  the
• 6:01
  actions
• 6:01
  that
• 6:01
  we
• 6:01
  took,
• 6:01
  or
• 6:02
  we
• 6:02
  didn't
• 6:02
  take.
• 6:03
  And
• 6:03
  here's
• 6:04
  the
• 6:04
  magic
• 6:04
  of
• 6:04
  the
• 6:04
  model.
• 6:06
  The
• 6:06
  result
• 6:06
  always
• 6:07
  reflects
• 6:08
  the
• 6:08
  thought
• 6:09
  or
• 6:09
  proves
• 6:09
  that
• 6:09
  it's
• 6:10
  true.
• 6:10
  So
• 6:10
  it
• 6:11
  will
• 6:11
  reflect
• 6:11
  it
• 6:11
  in
• 6:11
  some
• 6:11
  way.
• 6:12
  And
• 6:12
  you'll
• 6:12
  see
• 6:12
  that
• 6:12
  here
• 6:12
  in
• 6:12
  a
• 6:12
  minute,
• 6:13
  or
• 6:13
  it
• 6:13
  just
• 6:13
  proves
• 6:14
  that
• 6:14
  that
• 6:14
  thought
• 6:14
  is
• 6:14
  true.
• 6:15
  So
• 6:15
  do
• 6:15
  you
• 6:16
  see
• 6:16
  the
• 6:16
  power
• 6:17
  of
• 6:17
  our
• 6:17
  thoughts?
• 6:18
  We
• 6:18
  think
• 6:18
  of
• 6:18
  thought.
• 6:19
  Creates
• 6:20
  an
• 6:20
  emotion
• 6:21
  creates
• 6:21
  an
• 6:21
  action
• 6:21
  or
• 6:21
  inaction.
• 6:22
  And
• 6:22
  then
• 6:22
  that
• 6:23
  result
• 6:23
  is
• 6:23
  that
• 6:24
  the
• 6:24
  thought
• 6:24
  becomes
• 6:25
  true.
• 6:26
  That
• 6:26
  is
• 6:26
  the
• 6:26
  power
• 6:27
  of
• 6:27
  our
• 6:27
  thoughts.
• 6:28
  It's
• 6:28
  not
• 6:28
  that
• 6:28
  something
• 6:29
  happens.
• 6:29
  And
• 6:29
  we
• 6:29
  just
• 6:29
  think
• 6:30
  about
• 6:30
  it.
• 6:30
  It's
• 6:30
  that
• 6:31
  after
• 6:31
  we
• 6:31
  think
• 6:31
  about
• 6:32
  it.
• 6:32
  Our
• 6:32
  body
• 6:33
  gets
• 6:33
  to
• 6:33
  work,
• 6:33
  making
• 6:34
  it
• 6:34
  true.
• 6:34
  Our
• 6:34
  brain
• 6:35
  is
• 6:35
  trying
• 6:35
  to
• 6:35
  prove
• 6:35
  itself,
• 6:36
  right.
• 6:36
  Okay.
• 6:37
  the
• 6:37
  power
• 6:37
  of
• 6:37
  the
• 6:37
  model.
• 6:37
  So.
• 6:38
  So
• 6:38
  these
• 6:38
  results
• 6:39
  are
• 6:39
  a
• 6:39
  consequence
• 6:39
  of
• 6:40
  these
• 6:40
  actions.
• 6:40
  Okay.
• 6:40
  So
• 6:41
  in
• 6:41
  the
• 6:41
  flat
• 6:41
  tire
• 6:41
  example,
• 6:42
  the
• 6:42
  result
• 6:42
  would
• 6:42
  be
• 6:42
  something
• 6:43
  like
• 6:43
  bad
• 6:44
  things
• 6:44
  keep
• 6:44
  happening
• 6:45
  to
• 6:45
  me
• 6:45
  because
• 6:45
  your
• 6:45
  brain
• 6:46
  keeps
• 6:46
  looking
• 6:47
  for
• 6:47
  evidence
• 6:47
  of
• 6:47
  it.
• 6:48
  That
• 6:48
  is
• 6:48
  a
• 6:48
  really
• 6:49
  powerful
• 6:49
  concept
• 6:49
  in
• 6:49
  the
• 6:49
  model.
• 6:50
  When
• 6:50
  you
• 6:50
  tell
• 6:51
  your
• 6:51
  brain
• 6:51
  that
• 6:51
  something
• 6:51
  is
• 6:52
  true,
• 6:52
  like
• 6:52
  bad
• 6:52
  things
• 6:52
  happen
• 6:53
  to
• 6:53
  me,
• 6:53
  it
• 6:53
  will
• 6:53
  set
• 6:54
  about
• 6:54
  finding
• 6:55
  evidence
• 6:55
  that
• 6:55
  that
• 6:56
  is
• 6:56
  true.
• 6:56
  And
• 6:56
  you
• 6:56
  will
• 6:57
  collect
• 6:57
  those
• 6:57
  things.
• 6:57
  Have
• 6:58
  you
• 6:58
  ever
• 6:58
  met
• 6:58
  someone
• 6:58
  who's
• 6:58
  chronically
• 6:59
  unhappy?
• 7:00
  When
• 7:00
  you
• 7:00
  ask
• 7:00
  them
• 7:00
  why
• 7:01
  they're
• 7:01
  unhappy?
• 7:01
  They'll
• 7:01
  say,
• 7:02
  well,
• 7:02
  my
• 7:02
  life
• 7:02
  just
• 7:02
  sucks
• 7:03
  because
• 7:03
  of
• 7:04
  X,
• 7:04
  Y,
• 7:04
  Z
• 7:05
  a,
• 7:05
  B
• 7:05
  C
• 7:06
  1
• 7:06
  2,
• 7:06
  3.
• 7:07
  And
• 7:07
  they
• 7:07
  just
• 7:07
  have
• 7:07
  lists
• 7:07
  and
• 7:08
  lists
• 7:08
  of
• 7:08
  all
• 7:08
  the
• 7:08
  bad
• 7:09
  things
• 7:09
  that
• 7:09
  happened
• 7:09
  to
• 7:09
  them.
• 7:10
  Because
• 7:10
  if
• 7:10
  that
• 7:11
  is
• 7:11
  what
• 7:11
  their
• 7:11
  brain
• 7:11
  has
• 7:11
  been
• 7:12
  focusing
• 7:12
  on,
• 7:13
  the
• 7:13
  thought
• 7:14
  that
• 7:14
  bad
• 7:14
  things
• 7:14
  happen
• 7:15
  to
• 7:15
  me
• 7:15
  or
• 7:15
  that
• 7:15
  life
• 7:15
  is
• 7:15
  so
• 7:15
  hard
• 7:16
  or
• 7:16
  whatever
• 7:16
  it
• 7:16
  is.
• 7:17
  Okay.
• 7:18
  So
• 7:18
  here's
• 7:18
  a
• 7:18
  recap.
• 7:19
  You
• 7:19
  have
• 7:19
  the
• 7:19
  external
• 7:20
  stimulus.
• 7:21
  Your
• 7:21
  head
• 7:21
  pitches
• 7:22
  in
• 7:22
  a
• 7:22
  thought.
• 7:23
  Your
• 7:23
  heart
• 7:23
  pitches
• 7:23
  in
• 7:24
  an
• 7:24
  emotion
• 7:24
  and
• 7:24
  your
• 7:25
  hands
• 7:25
  get
• 7:25
  to
• 7:25
  work
• 7:25
  or
• 7:26
  do
• 7:27
  nothing.
• 7:28
  And
• 7:28
  then
• 7:28
  you
• 7:29
  get
• 7:29
  the
• 7:29
  result.
• 7:30
  So
• 7:30
  recap
• 7:30
  of
• 7:31
  the
• 7:31
  flat
• 7:31
  tire
• 7:31
  example,
• 7:32
  the
• 7:32
  external
• 7:32
  stimulus
• 7:33
  is
• 7:33
  the
• 7:33
  flat
• 7:33
  tire.
• 7:34
  The
• 7:34
  head
• 7:34
  thinks
• 7:35
  bad
• 7:35
  things
• 7:35
  always
• 7:35
  happen
• 7:36
  to
• 7:36
  me.
• 7:36
  The
• 7:36
  Hartfield
• 7:37
  self
• 7:37
  pity
• 7:38
  and
• 7:38
  the
• 7:38
  hands
• 7:39
  do
• 7:39
  nothing,
• 7:39
  or
• 7:39
  just
• 7:40
  collect
• 7:40
  evidence
• 7:41
  that
• 7:41
  bad
• 7:41
  things
• 7:41
  happen
• 7:41
  to
• 7:41
  me.
• 7:42
  And
• 7:42
  the
• 7:42
  result
• 7:43
  is.
• 7:43
  Bad
• 7:44
  things
• 7:44
  keep
• 7:44
  happening
• 7:44
  to
• 7:44
  me
• 7:45
  or
• 7:45
  rather
• 7:45
  I
• 7:45
  keep
• 7:46
  noticing
• 7:46
  them
• 7:47
  because
• 7:47
  that's
• 7:47
  where
• 7:47
  my
• 7:47
  head
• 7:47
  is.
• 7:48
  Okay.
• 7:48
  So
• 7:49
  fascinating.
• 7:50
  Isn't
• 7:50
  it.
• 7:51
  Now,
• 7:51
  this
• 7:51
  model
• 7:51
  is
• 7:52
  the
• 7:52
  key
• 7:52
  to
• 7:53
  every
• 7:53
  change
• 7:54
  you
• 7:54
  want
• 7:54
  to
• 7:54
  make
• 7:55
  in
• 7:55
  your
• 7:55
  life.
• 7:56
  Every
• 7:56
  change.
• 7:57
  I
• 7:57
  promise
• 7:57
  you.
• 7:58
  You
• 7:58
  might
• 7:58
  call
• 7:59
  it
• 7:59
  a
• 7:59
  cheat
• 7:59
  code
• 8:00
  to
• 8:00
  life.
• 8:00
  If
• 8:01
  you
• 8:01
  play
• 8:01
  video
• 8:01
  games,
• 8:02
  you
• 8:02
  know
• 8:02
  what
• 8:02
  a
• 8:02
  cheat
• 8:02
  code
• 8:02
  is,
• 8:03
  this
• 8:03
  is
• 8:03
  what
• 8:04
  the
• 8:04
  model
• 8:05
  is
• 8:05
  for
• 8:05
  your
• 8:05
  life.
• 8:05
  It's
• 8:05
  a
• 8:05
  cheat
• 8:06
  code
• 8:06
  to
• 8:06
  it.
• 8:06
  There
• 8:06
  is
• 8:06
  no
• 8:07
  problem
• 8:07
  that
• 8:07
  cannot
• 8:08
  be
• 8:08
  improved.
• 8:09
  Or
• 8:09
  solved
• 8:10
  by
• 8:10
  using
• 8:10
  this
• 8:10
  model.
• 8:11
  I
• 8:11
  promise
• 8:11
  you
• 8:12
  it
• 8:12
  is
• 8:12
  fascinating
• 8:13
  and
• 8:13
  mind
• 8:14
  blowing
• 8:14
  and
• 8:14
  so
• 8:15
  powerful
• 8:15
  all
• 8:15
  at
• 8:15
  once.
• 8:17
  So
• 8:17
  now
• 8:17
  that
• 8:17
  you
• 8:17
  understand
• 8:18
  this,
• 8:18
  I
• 8:18
  want
• 8:18
  to
• 8:18
  draw
• 8:19
  your
• 8:19
  attention
• 8:19
  to
• 8:19
  something.
• 8:20
  It's
• 8:20
  the
• 8:21
  fact
• 8:21
  that
• 8:21
  so
• 8:22
  many
• 8:22
  hacks
• 8:23
  that
• 8:23
  we
• 8:23
  try
• 8:24
  to
• 8:24
  use
• 8:24
  to
• 8:24
  reach
• 8:25
  goals
• 8:25
  do
• 8:25
  not
• 8:26
  work.
• 8:26
  The
• 8:27
  reason
• 8:27
  is
• 8:27
  because
• 8:28
  they're
• 8:28
  trying
• 8:28
  to
• 8:28
  change
• 8:28
  a
• 8:29
  different
• 8:29
  part
• 8:29
  of
• 8:30
  the
• 8:30
  model
• 8:30
  other
• 8:31
  than
• 8:31
  the
• 8:31
  thought.
• 8:32
  So
• 8:32
  let's
• 8:33
  picture,
• 8:33
  for
• 8:33
  example,
• 8:34
  a
• 8:34
  stream
• 8:34
  running
• 8:35
  through
• 8:35
  our
• 8:35
  yard.
• 8:35
  If
• 8:36
  we
• 8:36
  want
• 8:36
  to
• 8:36
  change
• 8:36
  the
• 8:36
  direction
• 8:37
  of
• 8:37
  the
• 8:37
  stream.
• 8:38
  We
• 8:38
  don't
• 8:38
  go
• 8:39
  to
• 8:39
  the
• 8:39
  end
• 8:39
  of
• 8:39
  the
• 8:39
  stream
• 8:40
  and
• 8:40
  put
• 8:40
  some
• 8:40
  boulders
• 8:41
  and
• 8:41
  some
• 8:41
  sandbags
• 8:41
  there.
• 8:42
  We
• 8:42
  don't
• 8:42
  go
• 8:43
  to
• 8:43
  the
• 8:43
  middle
• 8:43
  of
• 8:43
  the
• 8:43
  stream.
• 8:44
  We
• 8:44
  go
• 8:44
  to
• 8:44
  the
• 8:44
  head
• 8:45
  of
• 8:45
  the
• 8:45
  stream.
• 8:46
  We
• 8:46
  go
• 8:46
  as
• 8:46
  far
• 8:47
  up
• 8:47
  as
• 8:47
  we
• 8:47
  can
• 8:48
  in
• 8:48
  order
• 8:48
  to
• 8:48
  change
• 8:48
  the
• 8:49
  direction,
• 8:49
  because
• 8:49
  the
• 8:50
  farther
• 8:50
  up
• 8:50
  the
• 8:50
  line
• 8:50
  we
• 8:50
  go.
• 8:51
  The
• 8:51
  greater
• 8:52
  the
• 8:52
  change
• 8:52
  we
• 8:52
  can
• 8:52
  make
• 8:53
  in
• 8:53
  the
• 8:53
  streams
• 8:53
  direction.
• 8:53
  Does
• 8:54
  that
• 8:54
  make
• 8:54
  sense?
• 8:55
  The
• 8:55
  way
• 8:55
  the
• 8:55
  model
• 8:55
  works
• 8:56
  is
• 8:56
  exactly
• 8:56
  like
• 8:56
  this.
• 8:57
  We
• 8:57
  can
• 8:57
  try
• 8:57
  to
• 8:58
  change
• 8:58
  the
• 8:58
  result.
• 8:59
  can
• 8:59
  try
• 8:59
  to
• 8:59
  change
• 8:59
  the
• 9:00
  action.
• 9:00
  We
• 9:00
  can
• 9:00
  try
• 9:00
  to
• 9:01
  change
• 9:01
  the
• 9:01
  emotion,
• 9:02
  but
• 9:02
  the
• 9:02
  most
• 9:03
  power
• 9:03
  comes
• 9:03
  from
• 9:04
  changing
• 9:04
  the
• 9:04
  thought.
• 9:05
  And
• 9:05
  in
• 9:05
  order
• 9:06
  to
• 9:06
  change
• 9:06
  the
• 9:06
  thought,
• 9:06
  we
• 9:06
  have
• 9:06
  to
• 9:06
  know
• 9:07
  what
• 9:07
  it
• 9:07
  is,
• 9:07
  and
• 9:07
  we
• 9:07
  have
• 9:07
  to
• 9:07
  know
• 9:07
  why
• 9:08
  we're
• 9:08
  thinking
• 9:08
  it.
• 9:09
  So
• 9:09
  really
• 9:09
  common
• 9:09
  issue
• 9:10
  with
• 9:10
  newbies
• 9:11
  to
• 9:11
  coaching
• 9:11
  is
• 9:11
  that
• 9:11
  they
• 9:12
  figure
• 9:12
  out
• 9:12
  what
• 9:12
  their
• 9:12
  thought
• 9:12
  is
• 9:13
  and
• 9:13
  they
• 9:13
  immediately
• 9:13
  want
• 9:13
  to
• 9:14
  change
• 9:14
  it.
• 9:14
  But
• 9:14
  unless,
• 9:15
  you
• 9:15
  know
• 9:15
  why
• 9:15
  you're
• 9:15
  thinking
• 9:15
  that
• 9:16
  thought
• 9:16
  you're
• 9:16
  not
• 9:16
  going
• 9:16
  to
• 9:17
  be
• 9:17
  able
• 9:17
  to
• 9:17
  change
• 9:17
  it.
• 9:17
  You're
• 9:17
  going
• 9:17
  to
• 9:17
  need
• 9:18
  to
• 9:18
  poke
• 9:18
  at
• 9:18
  it
• 9:18
  a
• 9:18
  little
• 9:18
  bit
• 9:18
  and
• 9:19
  like
• 9:19
  loosen
• 9:19
  your
• 9:19
  grasp
• 9:20
  on
• 9:20
  it.
• 9:20
  Okay.
• 9:20
  Does
• 9:20
  that
• 9:20
  make
• 9:21
  sense?
• 9:21
  So
• 9:21
  let
• 9:21
  me
• 9:21
  give
• 9:22
  you
• 9:22
  a
• 9:22
  few
• 9:22
  examples.
• 9:23
  Diets
• 9:24
  generally
• 9:24
  do
• 9:24
  not
• 9:25
  work.
• 9:25
  Why?
• 9:26
  Because
• 9:26
  you're
• 9:26
  just
• 9:26
  trying
• 9:26
  to
• 9:27
  change
• 9:27
  the
• 9:27
  hands
• 9:27
  part,
• 9:28
  the
• 9:28
  action.
• 9:28
  You're
• 9:28
  just
• 9:29
  trying
• 9:29
  to
• 9:29
  not
• 9:29
  put
• 9:29
  the
• 9:29
  cookie
• 9:30
  in
• 9:30
  your
• 9:30
  mouth
• 9:30
  without
• 9:31
  thinking
• 9:31
  about
• 9:32
  the
• 9:32
  emotion
• 9:32
  or
• 9:32
  the
• 9:33
  thoughts
• 9:33
  that
• 9:33
  come
• 9:33
  before
• 9:34
  picking
• 9:34
  up
• 9:35
  the
• 9:35
  cookie.
• 9:36
  Interesting
• 9:36
  right.
• 9:38
  One
• 9:38
  reason
• 9:38
  why
• 9:38
  people
• 9:39
  who
• 9:39
  get
• 9:39
  divorced
• 9:39
  often
• 9:40
  enter
• 9:40
  another
• 9:40
  relationship
• 9:41
  and
• 9:41
  get
• 9:41
  divorced
• 9:42
  again.
• 9:42
  Because
• 9:43
  they
• 9:43
  tried
• 9:43
  to
• 9:43
  change
• 9:44
  a
• 9:44
  bad
• 9:44
  marriage
• 9:45
  by.
• 9:45
  Bailing
• 9:46
  from
• 9:46
  the
• 9:46
  marriage
• 9:47
  instead
• 9:47
  of
• 9:47
  changing
• 9:48
  their
• 9:48
  thoughts
• 9:48
  about
• 9:49
  the
• 9:49
  marriage.
• 9:49
  I'm
• 9:49
  not
• 9:49
  saying
• 9:49
  that's
• 9:49
  the
• 9:49
  case
• 9:50
  for
• 9:50
  everyone.
• 9:50
  Who's
• 9:50
  divorced.
• 9:51
  Don't
• 9:51
  get
• 9:51
  me
• 9:51
  wrong.
• 9:52
  But
• 9:52
  many
• 9:52
  times
• 9:53
  if
• 9:53
  people
• 9:53
  are
• 9:54
  chronically
• 9:54
  ending
• 9:54
  relationships
• 9:55
  because
• 9:55
  they
• 9:55
  think
• 9:56
  that
• 9:56
  person
• 9:56
  is
• 9:56
  the
• 9:57
  problem
• 9:57
  when
• 9:57
  it's
• 9:57
  really
• 9:58
  their
• 9:58
  thoughts
• 9:58
  that
• 9:59
  are
• 9:59
  the
• 9:59
  problem.
• 9:59
  Okay.
• 10:00
  If
• 10:00
  you've
• 10:00
  ever
• 10:01
  just
• 10:01
  tried
• 10:01
  to
• 10:01
  love
• 10:01
  people
• 10:02
  more
• 10:02
  with
• 10:02
  sheer
• 10:03
  force
• 10:03
  of
• 10:03
  will.
• 10:04
  Sheer
• 10:04
  willpower.
• 10:05
  It
• 10:06
  doesn't
• 10:06
  work
• 10:06
  because
• 10:06
  you're
• 10:06
  only
• 10:07
  trying
• 10:07
  to
• 10:07
  change
• 10:08
  your
• 10:08
  emotion,
• 10:08
  the
• 10:08
  heart
• 10:09
  part
• 10:09
  of
• 10:09
  it.
• 10:09
  You're
• 10:10
  not
• 10:10
  going
• 10:10
  to
• 10:10
  the
• 10:10
  head.
• 10:11
  Okay.
• 10:11
  So
• 10:11
  we
• 10:12
  got
• 10:12
  to
• 10:12
  go
• 10:12
  all
• 10:13
  the
• 10:13
  way
• 10:13
  back
• 10:13
  up
• 10:13
  to
• 10:13
  the
• 10:13
  thoughts
• 10:14
  and
• 10:14
  analyze
• 10:14
  those
• 10:14
  thoughts
• 10:15
  before
• 10:15
  we
• 10:15
  can
• 10:15
  make
• 10:15
  any
• 10:16
  lasting
• 10:16
  changes
• 10:16
  in
• 10:16
  our
• 10:16
  life.
• 10:18
  Okay.
• 10:18
  going
• 10:18
  to
• 10:19
  give
• 10:19
  you
• 10:19
  two
• 10:19
  more
• 10:19
  examples
• 10:20
  of
• 10:20
  this
• 10:20
  model
• 10:20
  in
• 10:20
  action,
• 10:21
  so
• 10:21
  you
• 10:21
  can
• 10:21
  really
• 10:21
  see
• 10:21
  the
• 10:22
  power
• 10:22
  of
• 10:22
  it.
• 10:22
  And
• 10:22
  then
• 10:23
  I
• 10:23
  want
• 10:23
  you
• 10:23
  to
• 10:23
  go
• 10:23
  try
• 10:23
  it
• 10:23
  in
• 10:23
  your
• 10:24
  own
• 10:24
  life
• 10:24
  and
• 10:24
  I'll
• 10:24
  show
• 10:24
  you
• 10:24
  how
• 10:24
  to
• 10:25
  do
• 10:25
  that.
• 10:26
  Let's
• 10:27
  start
• 10:27
  with
• 10:27
  a
• 10:27
  common
• 10:27
  one.
• 10:28
  You've
• 10:28
  got
• 10:29
  dishes
• 10:29
  in
• 10:29
  the
• 10:30
  sink.
• 10:30
  We're
• 10:30
  not
• 10:30
  gonna
• 10:30
  say
• 10:30
  a
• 10:30
  lot
• 10:31
  of
• 10:31
  dishes
• 10:31
  are
• 10:31
  really
• 10:31
  dirty
• 10:32
  dishes.
• 10:32
  We're
• 10:32
  not
• 10:32
  gonna
• 10:32
  use
• 10:32
  any,
• 10:33
  uh,
• 10:34
  factors
• 10:34
  in
• 10:35
  the
• 10:35
  stimulus
• 10:35
  part
• 10:35
  of
• 10:35
  things.
• 10:36
  We
• 10:36
  want
• 10:36
  to
• 10:36
  make
• 10:36
  it
• 10:36
  really
• 10:37
  cold,
• 10:37
  hard
• 10:37
  fact.
• 10:38
  Dishes
• 10:38
  in
• 10:39
  the
• 10:39
  sink.
• 10:40
  The
• 10:40
  head
• 10:41
  comes
• 10:41
  in
• 10:41
  and
• 10:41
  says
• 10:41
  nobody
• 10:42
  cleans,
• 10:43
  but
• 10:43
  me
• 10:44
  that's
• 10:44
  a
• 10:44
  pretty
• 10:44
  common
• 10:44
  thought.
• 10:45
  Anybody
• 10:45
  think
• 10:45
  that
• 10:45
  thought,
• 10:45
  oh,
• 10:46
  nobody
• 10:46
  picks
• 10:46
  up
• 10:47
  around
• 10:47
  here,
• 10:47
  but
• 10:47
  me.
• 10:48
  The
• 10:48
  emotion
• 10:49
  that
• 10:49
  comes
• 10:49
  up
• 10:49
  for
• 10:49
  me
• 10:49
  very
• 10:50
  often
• 10:50
  is
• 10:50
  anger.
• 10:51
  So
• 10:51
  the
• 10:51
  heart
• 10:51
  spits
• 10:52
  out
• 10:52
  anger,
• 10:52
  and
• 10:52
  then
• 10:53
  the
• 10:53
  hands
• 10:54
  get
• 10:54
  to
• 10:54
  work,
• 10:54
  yelling
• 10:55
  at
• 10:55
  kids,
• 10:55
  nagging,
• 10:56
  slamming
• 10:57
  doors,
• 10:58
  all
• 10:58
  those
• 10:58
  things
• 10:58
  that
• 10:59
  make
• 10:59
  me
• 10:59
  look
• 10:59
  angry.
• 10:59
  Right.
• 11:00
  Sometimes
• 11:01
  I
• 11:01
  refuse
• 11:01
  to
• 11:01
  clean
• 11:02
  because
• 11:02
  it's
• 11:02
  their
• 11:02
  turn.
• 11:03
  And
• 11:03
  very
• 11:03
  often
• 11:04
  I
• 11:04
  don't
• 11:04
  teach
• 11:04
  my
• 11:05
  kids
• 11:05
  or
• 11:05
  hold
• 11:05
  them
• 11:06
  accountable
• 11:06
  because
• 11:07
  I'm
• 11:07
  so
• 11:07
  mad.
• 11:08
  And
• 11:08
  the
• 11:08
  result
• 11:09
  is.
• 11:10
  Nobody
• 11:10
  cleans,
• 11:11
  but
• 11:11
  me.
• 11:12
  Because
• 11:12
  instead
• 11:13
  of
• 11:13
  calmly
• 11:13
  and
• 11:14
  rationally,
• 11:14
  getting
• 11:14
  to
• 11:14
  work,
• 11:14
  teaching
• 11:15
  my
• 11:15
  kids,
• 11:15
  cleaning
• 11:16
  skills
• 11:16
  and
• 11:16
  holding
• 11:16
  them
• 11:17
  accountable.
• 11:17
  I'm
• 11:18
  too
• 11:18
  busy,
• 11:18
  being
• 11:18
  angry.
• 11:19
  Thanks
• 11:19
  to
• 11:19
  the
• 11:19
  thought
• 11:19
  that
• 11:19
  nobody
• 11:20
  cleans,
• 11:20
  but
• 11:20
  meme.
• 11:22
  for
• 11:22
  just
• 11:22
  a
• 11:22
  second,
• 11:23
  if
• 11:23
  that
• 11:23
  thought
• 11:23
  was.
• 11:24
  I
• 11:24
  need
• 11:24
  to
• 11:24
  work
• 11:24
  on
• 11:25
  teaching
• 11:25
  my
• 11:25
  kids
• 11:25
  a
• 11:25
  little
• 11:25
  bit
• 11:26
  better.
• 11:26
  That
• 11:26
  wouldn't
• 11:27
  create
• 11:27
  anger
• 11:27
  that
• 11:27
  would
• 11:27
  probably
• 11:28
  create
• 11:28
  curiosity
• 11:29
  right.
• 11:29
  Or
• 11:29
  empowerment
• 11:30
  or
• 11:30
  something
• 11:31
  different.
• 11:31
  So
• 11:32
  then
• 11:32
  the
• 11:32
  stream
• 11:32
  changes
• 11:33
  right
• 11:33
  at
• 11:33
  the
• 11:33
  outset
• 11:34
  and
• 11:34
  there's
• 11:34
  no
• 11:34
  anger
• 11:35
  and
• 11:35
  yelling
• 11:35
  and
• 11:35
  nagging.
• 11:36
  There's
• 11:36
  just
• 11:36
  me
• 11:37
  focused
• 11:37
  on
• 11:37
  what
• 11:37
  I
• 11:37
  can
• 11:38
  change,
• 11:38
  which
• 11:38
  is
• 11:38
  how
• 11:38
  I
• 11:38
  teach
• 11:39
  my
• 11:39
  kids.
• 11:39
  So
• 11:40
  fascinating.
• 11:41
  All
• 11:41
  right.
• 11:41
  Here's
• 11:41
  another
• 11:41
  one.
• 11:42
  My
• 11:42
  friend
• 11:43
  says
• 11:43
  words.
• 11:45
  There
• 11:45
  are
• 11:45
  words
• 11:45
  that
• 11:45
  I
• 11:45
  don't
• 11:45
  like.
• 11:46
  So
• 11:46
  the
• 11:46
  thought
• 11:46
  is
• 11:47
  she's
• 11:47
  so
• 11:47
  inconsiderate.
• 11:49
  The
• 11:50
  heart
• 11:51
  spits
• 11:51
  out
• 11:51
  the
• 11:51
  emotion
• 11:51
  of
• 11:52
  frustration,
• 11:53
  because
• 11:54
  I'm
• 11:54
  thinking
• 11:54
  that
• 11:54
  she's
• 11:54
  in
• 11:54
  considerate.
• 11:55
  And
• 11:56
  then
• 11:56
  the
• 11:56
  hands
• 11:56
  get
• 11:57
  to
• 11:57
  work,
• 11:57
  not
• 11:58
  listening
• 11:58
  to
• 11:58
  her
• 11:59
  side
• 11:59
  or
• 12:00
  making
• 12:00
  up
• 12:00
  stories
• 12:01
  about
• 12:01
  how
• 12:01
  she
• 12:01
  thinks
• 12:02
  and
• 12:02
  feels.
• 12:02
  She
• 12:02
  said
• 12:02
  this
• 12:02
  because
• 12:03
  of
• 12:03
  this
• 12:04
  or
• 12:04
  getting
• 12:05
  defensive.
• 12:06
  And
• 12:06
  the
• 12:06
  result
• 12:06
  of
• 12:06
  this
• 12:07
  model
• 12:07
  is
• 12:07
  that
• 12:08
  I
• 12:08
  become
• 12:08
  the
• 12:08
  inconsiderate
• 12:09
  one.
• 12:09
  Because
• 12:10
  instead
• 12:10
  of
• 12:10
  trying
• 12:10
  to
• 12:10
  listen
• 12:10
  to
• 12:11
  her
• 12:11
  thoughts,
• 12:12
  And
• 12:12
  her
• 12:12
  side
• 12:12
  of
• 12:12
  things,
• 12:13
  I'm
• 12:14
  dwelling
• 12:14
  in
• 12:14
  my
• 12:14
  frustration,
• 12:15
  which
• 12:15
  is
• 12:15
  coming
• 12:15
  from
• 12:15
  me,
• 12:16
  thinking
• 12:16
  that
• 12:16
  she's
• 12:16
  so
• 12:17
  inconsiderate.
• 12:18
  Now.
• 12:19
  Is
• 12:20
  it
• 12:20
  a
• 12:20
  fact
• 12:20
  that
• 12:20
  she's
• 12:20
  inconsiderate?
• 12:21
  No.
• 12:22
  Why.
• 12:23
  Because
• 12:23
  not
• 12:23
  everybody
• 12:24
  can
• 12:24
  agree
• 12:24
  on
• 12:24
  that.
• 12:24
  Somebody
• 12:25
  might
• 12:25
  hear
• 12:25
  what
• 12:25
  she
• 12:25
  says
• 12:25
  and
• 12:25
  thinks.
• 12:26
  Oh,
• 12:26
  that's
• 12:26
  a
• 12:26
  nice
• 12:26
  thing
• 12:26
  to
• 12:26
  say
• 12:27
  that
• 12:27
  possibly.
• 12:28
  But
• 12:28
  my
• 12:29
  mind.
• 12:29
  Chose
• 12:30
  to
• 12:30
  think
• 12:30
  that
• 12:30
  she
• 12:30
  was
• 12:30
  inconsiderate,
• 12:31
  which
• 12:31
  created
• 12:31
  frustration,
• 12:32
  which
• 12:32
  created
• 12:33
  defensiveness.
• 12:34
  And
• 12:34
  a
• 12:34
  back
• 12:34
  relationship.
• 12:35
  Okay.
• 12:36
  So
• 12:36
  amazing
• 12:37
  when
• 12:37
  we
• 12:37
  start
• 12:38
  digging
• 12:38
  into
• 12:38
  what
• 12:38
  our
• 12:38
  brain
• 12:39
  is
• 12:39
  doing.
• 12:39
  You
• 12:39
  guys
• 12:39
  now,
• 12:40
  last
• 12:40
  thing
• 12:40
  I'll
• 12:40
  say.
• 12:41
  Please
• 12:42
  stay
• 12:43
  open
• 12:43
  and
• 12:43
  curious
• 12:44
  and
• 12:44
  loving
• 12:45
  towards
• 12:45
  your
• 12:45
  brain
• 12:46
  when
• 12:46
  you
• 12:46
  start
• 12:47
  picking
• 12:47
  at
• 12:47
  it
• 12:47
  and
• 12:47
  looking
• 12:48
  in
• 12:48
  there
• 12:48
  and
• 12:49
  diving
• 12:49
  in
• 12:49
  deep
• 12:49
  and
• 12:49
  working
• 12:50
  on
• 12:50
  this
• 12:50
  model,
• 12:51
  you're
• 12:51
  going
• 12:51
  to
• 12:51
  have
• 12:51
  some
• 12:51
  judgment
• 12:52
  come
• 12:52
  up.
• 12:52
  You're
• 12:52
  going
• 12:52
  to
• 12:52
  start
• 12:53
  asking
• 12:53
  yourself,
• 12:53
  why
• 12:53
  do
• 12:53
  I
• 12:53
  get
• 12:54
  so
• 12:54
  angry?
• 12:54
  Why
• 12:54
  do
• 12:54
  I
• 12:54
  keep
• 12:55
  thinking
• 12:55
  that
• 12:55
  nobody's
• 12:55
  cleaning?
• 12:56
  But
• 12:56
  me,
• 12:56
  why
• 12:56
  do
• 12:57
  I
• 12:57
  keep
• 12:57
  thinking
• 12:57
  that
• 12:57
  my
• 12:57
  friend
• 12:58
  is
• 12:58
  inconsiderate?
• 12:59
  Save
• 13:00
  the
• 13:00
  judgment.
• 13:01
  You
• 13:01
  just
• 13:01
  put
• 13:02
  it
• 13:02
  aside.
• 13:02
  You
• 13:02
  don't
• 13:02
  need
• 13:03
  any
• 13:03
  of
• 13:03
  that
• 13:03
  instead.
• 13:04
  You
• 13:04
  just
• 13:04
  want
• 13:04
  love
• 13:05
  and
• 13:05
  curiosity.
• 13:06
  Treat
• 13:06
  your
• 13:06
  brain,
• 13:07
  like
• 13:07
  you
• 13:07
  would
• 13:07
  treat
• 13:07
  a
• 13:07
  loved
• 13:08
  one
• 13:08
  and
• 13:08
  just
• 13:08
  be
• 13:09
  so
• 13:09
  curious
• 13:09
  about
• 13:09
  what's
• 13:09
  going
• 13:10
  on
• 13:10
  in
• 13:10
  there,
• 13:10
  because
• 13:10
  you
• 13:11
  have
• 13:11
  your
• 13:11
  reasons
• 13:12
  for
• 13:12
  thinking
• 13:12
  the
• 13:12
  way
• 13:12
  you
• 13:12
  do.
• 13:13
  You've
• 13:13
  probably
• 13:13
  picked
• 13:14
  them
• 13:14
  up
• 13:14
  from
• 13:14
  family
• 13:14
  members
• 13:15
  or
• 13:15
  people
• 13:15
  that
• 13:15
  you've
• 13:16
  met.
• 13:16
  You've
• 13:16
  probably
• 13:17
  picked
• 13:17
  them
• 13:17
  up
• 13:17
  as
• 13:18
  a
• 13:18
  way
• 13:18
  to
• 13:18
  protect
• 13:19
  yourself
• 13:19
  emotionally,
• 13:20
  your
• 13:20
  brain
• 13:21
  has
• 13:21
  lots
• 13:21
  of
• 13:21
  great
• 13:22
  reasons
• 13:22
  for
• 13:22
  these
• 13:22
  thoughts.
• 13:22
  So
• 13:23
  please
• 13:23
  don't
• 13:23
  judge
• 13:23
  it.
• 13:23
  Please.
• 13:24
  Don't
• 13:24
  get
• 13:24
  angry
• 13:24
  with
• 13:24
  it.
• 13:25
  Just
• 13:25
  stay
• 13:25
  curious.
• 13:26
  Okay.
• 13:26
  So
• 13:26
  tool
• 13:27
  is
• 13:27
  so
• 13:27
  magic.
• 13:28
  I
• 13:28
  highly
• 13:28
  recommend
• 13:29
  that
• 13:29
  you
• 13:29
  pull
• 13:29
  out
• 13:29
  a
• 13:29
  notebook
• 13:29
  and
• 13:29
  you
• 13:30
  write
• 13:30
  head
• 13:31
  heart,
• 13:31
  hands
• 13:31
  on
• 13:32
  it.
• 13:32
  Don't
• 13:32
  forget
• 13:33
  to
• 13:33
  include
• 13:33
  the
• 13:33
  stimulus
• 13:34
  at
• 13:34
  the
• 13:34
  beginning
• 13:34
  of
• 13:34
  that
• 13:34
  cold,
• 13:34
  hard
• 13:35
  fact
• 13:35
  that
• 13:35
  starts
• 13:35
  everything.
• 13:36
  I
• 13:36
  include
• 13:37
  your
• 13:37
  thought,
• 13:37
  your
• 13:38
  emotion,
• 13:38
  your
• 13:38
  actions,
• 13:39
  or
• 13:39
  your
• 13:39
  inaction
• 13:40
  that
• 13:40
  you
• 13:40
  take.
• 13:40
  Thanks
• 13:40
  to
• 13:40
  that
• 13:41
  emotion.
• 13:42
  And
• 13:42
  then
• 13:42
  tell
• 13:42
  yourself
• 13:43
  what
• 13:43
  the
• 13:43
  result
• 13:43
  is.
• 13:43
  If
• 13:44
  you
• 13:44
  have
• 13:44
  trouble
• 13:44
  with
• 13:44
  this.
• 13:45
  Please
• 13:46
  schedule
• 13:47
  a
• 13:47
  free
• 13:47
  call
• 13:47
  with
• 13:47
  me.
• 13:47
  I
• 13:47
  would
• 13:47
  love
• 13:48
  to
• 13:48
  show
• 13:48
  you
• 13:48
  how
• 13:48
  it
• 13:48
  works
• 13:49
  in
• 13:49
  detail.
• 13:50
  But
• 13:51
  it
• 13:51
  is
• 13:51
  absolute
• 13:51
  magic
• 13:52
  and
• 13:52
  I
• 13:52
  promise
• 13:52
  it
• 13:53
  is
• 13:53
  the
• 13:53
  key
• 13:53
  to
• 13:53
  improving
• 13:54
  literally
• 13:54
  every
• 13:54
  area
• 13:55
  in
• 13:55
  your
• 13:55
  life.
• 13:56
  Especially
• 13:57
  the
• 13:57
  area
• 13:57
  of
• 13:57
  building
• 13:58
  our
• 13:58
  own
• 13:58
  business
• 13:58
  because
• 13:59
  so
• 13:59
  much
• 13:59
  of
• 13:59
  that
• 13:59
  drama
• 14:00
  comes
• 14:00
  from
• 14:01
  our
• 14:01
  own
• 14:01
  head.
• 14:02
  All
• 14:02
  right,
• 14:02
  friend.
• 14:02
  I
• 14:03
  hope
• 14:03
  you
• 14:03
  love
• 14:03
  this
• 14:03
  episode.
• 14:03
  We'll
• 14:04
  talk
• 14:04
  to
• 14:04
  you
• 14:04
  next
• 14:04
  week.