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How To Spot a Narcissist On The First Date · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful folks?
• 0:01
  Welcome to another episode of Mornings with Lee, your favorite
• 0:04
  self aware narcissist. Yeah, this morning we talked
• 0:08
  about spotting a narcissist on the first date.
• 0:10
  Spotted them early on. Like how the hell do you know
• 0:16
  that you're dealing with a toxic narcissistic person very early
• 0:21
  on? Like when you're first sitting
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  down at the dinner table, like Lee, you got to help us out
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  here. Like do they eat funny?
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  Do they have a third eye? Do they have a third nostril?
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  Do they have a a snake like tongue?
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  What is it? How can you tell that they are
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  narcissists very early on? Please help us leave.
• 0:39
  Please, this, this snake, this split tug thing is crazy.
• 0:46
  I'm sorry. Yeah, sometimes.
• 0:48
  Sometimes I say stupid stuff. I mean, yeah, sometimes I do
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  make myself laugh. I I really, really do.
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  But this is something you have to get used to, y'all, when you
• 0:58
  deal with narcissistic people, is that like, we're going to say
• 1:02
  some crazy stuff, but the fastest, most efficient way to
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  spot a narcissist on a first date, y'all, is to listen.
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  Become an observer. Observer, not observer,
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  observer, right? Because a lot of people don't
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  seem like it's not that you don't understand it.
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  It's like so many people get tied up in your own stuff like
• 1:25
  you not, not that you're a narcissistic, right?
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  So many people are so accustomed to dealing with narcissists and
• 1:31
  toxic people that you expect a narcissist to just talk about
• 1:35
  themselves, right? But that's not going to be true
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  for most. For a lot of narcissists, a lot
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  of narcissists, the people right, especially the covert
• 1:42
  ones, are literally going to just listen to you.
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  They are observers. They want to observe.
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  They want to literally listen to you, to pick you apart, right?
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  To understand what you like and what you don't like to get you
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  to fall for them in like in order to create the mask, I have
• 2:00
  to know who you are. Don't I think about it like
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  that. In order for me to create this
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  mask, I have to understand who you are.
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  So I I listen. So you need to observe it.
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  Like if you on a first date with somebody or you just getting to
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  know someone, make sure that there is an equal distribution
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  of information. Lee, what the hell do you mean
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  by that? Make sure that you're not the
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  only one talking right? Spotted a covert narcissist is
• 2:29
  very difficult and does this work for everybody to know
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  narcissists are evolving, y'all. But spotted a narcissist is very
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  difficult, especially a covert one because they're going to be
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  listening. They're going to be everything
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  that you want. They they're going to listen
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  because you, you get so accustomed to, to, to thinking a
• 2:44
  narcissist don't listen. Then when you hear, get a person
• 2:47
  that's listening to you like, oh, this can't be a narcissist
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  cause narcissists always talk about themselves.
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  This person is letting me talk about me.
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  This person is super interested in me.
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  Now, I'm not saying that everybody is super interested in
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  you is a narcissist, right? But this, this, this, Let this
• 3:01
  go up. I don't have my one more, one
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  more red flags there. I ain't got my red flags around.
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  I got a red shirt, though. I got a red shirt.
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  Let that just be a lesson type of thing for you right there.
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  Because narcissistic people, yes, are going to talk about
• 3:17
  themselves, but a lot of them covert ones are just going to
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  listen to you. They like listening to you.
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  They like to hear your spiel. They like to hear what you have
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  to say, right? So, you know, you have to learn
• 3:29
  how to protect yourself in these circumstances because that
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  narcissistic person is going like make sure if they ask you a
• 3:34
  deep penetrating question that you, if you decide to answer it,
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  make sure that they are answering the question equally,
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  like if they ask you what's yours.
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  Look, since we get in to know, since we get in to know each
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  other and the drinks are flowing, tell me a secret that
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  you haven't told anybody else. And then for some reason you
• 3:54
  tell them, right? Because you're trying to get to
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  know this person. They cute, they got dreads or
• 3:58
  whatever, you and they cute, you mean, now I'm just joking, but
• 4:03
  you tell them, right? And then when you tell them, you
• 4:06
  ask them something and they're just like, well, I don't really
• 4:08
  have any secrets. Like you don't expose a deep
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  dark secret. Might not be the biggest secret
• 4:13
  of your life, but you've exposed one, right?
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  And now and now you ask them to expose a secret of theirs and
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  they've like, I don't really have secrets.
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  I'm just, I'm an open book really.
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  I don't have any deep dark secrets.
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  You see that right there is that reciprocity is is, are they
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  reciprocating anything with you right there?
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  You see what I'm saying? No, they're not.
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  That person right there is probing you for information.
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  So you now you shared a deep dark secret that they can
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  probably use against you later on if this relationship
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  progresses and you don't know anything about them.
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  Make sure that you are learning about them as much as they are
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  learning about you. That's it right there.
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  Yeah, that's what I want to say that you like.
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  Make sure that you are at least learning as much about them as
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  they are learning about you. At least If you feel like you're
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  over sharing and they're under sharing, that's that's unequal
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  because a lot of covert narcissists will under share or
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  they'll share just enough to keep you interested.
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  They look, they yeah, yeah, they start off, they start off the
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  relationship breadcrumbin. They started off using
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  intermittent reinforcement. They start off, they start the
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  relationship off by just giving you enough right to follow to
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  fall for them, giving you enough to keep you interested.
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  They start off just by doing just enough, right?
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  So you see how that goes right there.
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  So if you're dealing with this type of this personality type,
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  that's what you got to understand.
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  Like the covert narcissists are harder to spot and they take
• 5:41
  longer to out right. So just make sure that you
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  there's just a fool that it's it's a telltale sign.
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  It's not the it's not foolproof, y'all, Because again, not
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  everybody that's interested in you is going to be narcissistic,
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  right? Just make sure that they're
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  assuring information will leave. What if they're just an avoided?
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  Do you really want to deal with an avoiding person?
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  That's you. You have to try to crack open
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  like a damn a walnut instead of somebody that is willing to
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  share. There's not.
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  I'm not telling you to avoid avoiding people avoiding
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  personality types, right? I'm just saying that you have to
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  understand that so many people out here are only in it for
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  them. They're only in it for
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  themselves, right? Avoiding personality types.
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  I'm not saying that they're bad people because avoidance mere
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  condemn near look like narcissists, right?
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  They might not be narcissists, but they can look like
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  narcissists. You know what I mean?
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  So that's something you have to think about too.
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  On the other hand, another way to spot a narcissist very early
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  on, on the first date or first dates is y'all the overt
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  malignant narcissists are very, I'm not saying that they're easy
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  to spot, but every single overt malignant narcissist that I've
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  ever met, you can tell they, they tend to be flamboyant
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  assholes. Let's keep it high.
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  Some of my some of my good old friends are overt narcissists.
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  You can tell they talk too damn much.
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  They don't let you get a word in.
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  They brag about their life and their accomplishments.
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  They try to make it seem like they're the best thing that you
• 7:08
  were ever going to deal with the best person that you've ever met
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  in your life. You can tell these people they
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  dress flamboyantly. You know what I'm saying?
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  You could tell these people again, if that's what you were
• 7:17
  attracted to. Hey, buckle your seatbelts cuz
• 7:20
  you going you in for a bumpy ride.
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  Cuz he that my friend that's very over.
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  He get a lot of girls. He get a lot of girls.
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  Yep, got a lot of girls. You know, he knows you can just
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  tell he asshole, he's down there.
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  People don't like him, but girls throw themselves out there like,
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  hey, I don't know what it is, but they're over malignant,
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  toxic shit that he's saying. People be biting, He throwing
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  that look, he throwing some toxic bait in the water and
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  people be eating it up again. Didn't they be surprised that
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  he's a horrible person? I'd be like, I didn't know you
• 7:49
  would do this. What?
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  You really, OK, I'm not blaming anybody out, but I'm just saying
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  like we got to use discernment, right?
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  Use our discernment better because the overt narcissist or
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  easy, they they're easy. Sometimes they can be easier to
• 8:03
  spot than the covert narcissist, right?
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  But also this point right here, when you're getting to know
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  somebody early on this to me right here, and this is going to
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  be this probably is something that you might not have heard
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  before, right? This to me is an easy way to
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  spot narcissistic people on the first or second date, right?
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  Especially the second date if you have an awful first date,
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  but then you give them a second chance and the second date is
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  perfect. Destiny is a red flag of a
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  narcissistic person right here right, yes.
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  Can people yes. Can people correct their issues
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  after the first date if it went horribly?
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  Yeah, some of them can, but it's the it's the intent.
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  If they were truly being themselves and it was a horrible
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  first date, you felt like you were getting manipulated.
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  You felt like you getting lied to or gas lid or whatever, but
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  you feel like this person was just not your type right.
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  And then you told them that you told them everything they went
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  wrong. And then all of a sudden on the
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  second date or the third day, the next time y'all see each
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  other, everything is magically fixed.
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  That's manipulation. That's not who they really are.
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  You see what I'm saying? Now all of a sudden they're this
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  magical person. I see that so much, y'all.
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  That's when I'm doing my one on ones over Zoom.
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  People say that like the first date was horrible.
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  I should have left after the first date, but I decided to
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  give him the second chance. I told him everything they did
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  wrong. Then the second date was
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  magical. Why wouldn't it be magical?
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  You've given him the abracadabra, you giving them the
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  magic, you giving them the spell, why wouldn't it be
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  magical? You told them everything they
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  needed for the witch's brew for the elixir and they just made
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  it. Then you gave them the recipe,
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  they just made it, why wouldn't it be magical?
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  I know I can get out of beta y'all, but seriously, that could
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  be a red flag that a lot of people don't talk about.
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  The second date is magical, but the first date is horrible.
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  A lot of times it's because the first date they were really
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  being themselves. The second date they put the
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  mask on. You see everyone just telling
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  people like it's, it's AI mean. I'm not saying it's a science,
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  but it's science like, right, It's science like when you're
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  dealing with this personality type y'all and whatnot.
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  So again, y'all, I still do my one on ones over Zoom.
• 10:09
  My coaching, everything is available over Zoom.
• 10:11
  You you can find it at mentalillness.net.
• 10:14
  The link is in the description of every video and podcast that
• 10:17
  I do. Hit the subscribe button if you
• 10:20
  haven't already. My new course is called Finding
• 10:23
  Your YWHY. It's about healing for
• 10:25
  narcissistic abuse. A new approach. 40 videos y'all.
• 10:28
  40 longer videos about healing for narcissistic abuse.
• 10:31
  They can also be found at mentalillness.net.
• 10:33
  And because it's Mother's Day month, entered the code Mothers
• 10:37
  MOTHERS for 50% off. Anyway, y'all mental illness is
• 10:42
  out. Peace, before you leave make
• 10:46
  sure to hit that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 10:48
  It just helps us reach more people.
• 10:49
  Also everything I have is available at mentalillness.net,
• 10:53
  my coaching, my courses. I have a couple of courses that
• 10:56
  can help you understand and help you heal and also have a support
• 10:59
  group all available at mentalillness.net.
• 11:01
  Check my site off everything y'all and I will see y'all
• 11:03
  later. Peace.