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One Day, We'll Say: "Somehow, Conan Returned" | Conan Franchise Wrap-up · Potato Chip Pictures - A Podcast

0:00
All right, I know, I know that you never, ever want to open up
0:05
the spreadsheets that I made, but I did, I did create a new
0:10
tab called Tower and it's just a quick reference guide for the
0:17
ratings top to bottom for the podcast.
0:22
Like just the show score. Not our individual scores, just
0:27
each franchise's show score from bottom to top.
0:32
Franchise Reading. Yeah.
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Oh, I see you logged in. You can see it.
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There it is. I wasn't sure if that one was
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the right one because it was the most new one, I think.
0:42
Yeah. That's that's the one I added
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because I kept clicking over to double O 7 and I was like,
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eventually this is going to become irritating if I want to
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like look at other ratings because we've never been like,
0:59
what did we think about the third movie in this franchise?
1:02
It's always been like, well, what did we think about the
1:04
franchise? So I just wanted a quick
1:07
reference to just like put these things in.
1:12
I mean, I don't know that I would rate this higher than
1:15
Underworld now that I'm looking at it.
1:18
And yet. And yet by the smallest of
1:22
margins, OK, it's. Tiny
1:42
Hello and welcome to Potato Chip Pictures, the movie franchise
1:48
review podcast. I am B Sammy Davis.
1:53
Hi, I'm Justin most of the time. Yeah, it is mostly Justin.
2:01
Today we are finishing off the Conan franchise, possibly
2:07
forever. I don't know who's going to
2:11
remake this, but I mean Warehouse and Powers has had a
2:16
better reception. It deserves a bit more of a
2:20
possibility. This one could be left in the
2:24
desk. This is one of those really
2:28
tricky ones because like I, I don't think these are good
2:34
movies, but I do have a soft spot for them where like I, I'm
2:40
willing to watch them again almost anytime.
2:43
Like if anyone's like, hey, do you want to watch the second
2:48
Conan movie? And I'm like, oh man, that one
2:50
was terrible. Let's watch it.
2:52
Let's have a great time. So I don't know if there was a
2:58
fourth one, I would probably go see it.
3:01
But that's my curse that that is my burden.
3:06
And I will always watch these franchises after I have
3:10
committed to them. I mean if it comes out tricky
3:15
maybe. Yeah, exactly.
3:16
And that's where we get to the tricky 1.
3:19
They have to change a couple of things, they have to keep a
3:21
couple of things. But overall, if it came out,
3:27
you'd have to really convince me with the lead actor.
3:33
Yeah. Or the route of the one that we
3:35
didn't watch the lead actress it.
3:38
It could be, yeah, I'm, I'm OK. I, I just want to throw this out
3:45
there and this might be like a stretch goal for us to have more
3:49
listeners, but one day I kind of want to do the not included
3:56
movies where we just look back at franchises that had movies
4:01
that we skipped and to be like, all right, let's watch those
4:05
movies. Like no context.
4:07
We're we're not watching them as part of their original
4:10
franchise. And I want to watch Conan.
4:14
I want to watch Lady Conan. Yeah, I'd be.
4:19
I mean, I'd be interested in a new one, though that one didn't
4:22
really. The one that I read about didn't
4:24
really seem amazing but OK for the podcast.
4:32
Did you say there's a new one? Do you know?
4:33
So no, no, I don't know. Oh.
4:35
If there if there were a new one.
4:38
I was about to panic here. I was like, look, I'm not that
4:41
plugged into the news, so if there was a sudden announcement,
4:47
I wouldn't know about it, but you know, it is what it is all
4:52
right, before we get talking about the franchise really
4:57
quick, the show rating is easy for this one because math is
5:02
funny and all of our averages were 3.67.
5:08
Yours mine there. For the shows, it was just 3.67,
5:13
and that makes it second worst in terms of what we've rated
5:19
right now from bottom to top. We are looking at Underworld,
5:22
Conan, Austin Powers, Double O 7, and then at #1A Quiet Place,
5:29
so I'm very interested to see how these franchises continue to
5:35
evolve. The outliers that bring down
5:38
Underworld. That's true.
5:42
And there are, there are several.
5:44
That's the problem. You're sitting here saying the
5:47
outliers and I'm sitting here saying I think most of that
5:51
franchise kind of sucked. I mean, according to your
5:57
ratings in Underworld, no. It did not.
6:00
Yeah, I only put them just below average.
6:03
I'm I'm looking back at it too and like well no I've got 2
6:08
threes and A1. Well, the outlier I think is
6:14
bringing it down well anyway. My highest score was a 5 and
6:20
then I have 1/4. I can say pretty firmly that I'm
6:29
I. I'm not a big Underworld fan.
6:34
It's it's a matrix, but vampires.
6:39
Yeah, yeah, If it were just vampires and lichens, I would
6:42
probably like it more, but I cannot separate the Matrix from
6:49
it. But I think it's a personal
6:52
small victory that Conan beats Underworld.
6:58
I don't know why. I just think I don't know.
7:01
I'm more willing to watch Conan than I am Underworld.
7:05
I mean overall my opinion of it probably was saved by the KID
7:11
Conan inclusion in the last one. It just makes it feel less.
7:18
What's the word? The first, first movie with
7:20
Kate, Conan was like, he he might as well have just been
7:27
born at that wheel to get strong.
7:29
Like he gets told the story of the the Riddle of Steel, which I
7:35
enjoyed in that moment to be like, oh, like, you know, some
7:38
lore that I have never heard in any other universe.
7:43
Go ahead, tell me more. But then it kind of it it gets
7:49
better with the third movie, that KID Conan and I think it's
7:54
more the relationship, not necessarily just the KID, the
7:57
dad sacrificing himself and Conan.
8:01
I don't know that he he really takes that as a vengeance
8:06
journey, but that's what the story says it is like.
8:09
Yeah, you could. Have found him.
8:12
Maybe it's a? Very strong opening that tells a
8:16
very clear promise at least, or makes a clear promise where it's
8:20
like we are going to get vengeance.
8:22
And it's like 20 years later, I don't even remember who my dad
8:28
was. Like let's go have fun.
8:33
Yeah, yeah. I, you know, the more I think
8:37
about the 2011 movie, I'm like, oh, that, that was not great,
8:42
but I do think it was better than Conan the Destroyer, the
8:48
1984 sequel. Like, I'm OK, my score tells a
8:53
different story because I gave both of the Arnold movies fours
8:59
and I gave the. I've forgotten the actor's name.
9:03
I gave Aquaman's movie a three. Yeah, but, well, you know what?
9:12
I'm going to stick with that. I I think that's fair.
9:15
I think it's a the use of this wrap up.
9:18
I think is a good time to not redo the scores but re evaluate
9:24
and say you know comparing it to the entire arc.
9:29
This one has a place. I think it's if I remember
9:36
right, the second movie for me was only redeemed by the elder
9:40
God. Aside from that, I did not like
9:44
that movie. Yeah, you and I have swapped
9:48
ratings for Destroyer and then the 2011 remake and I think the
9:55
other redeeming factor for me with Destroyer was having Mayday
10:02
in it. Oh, right, right.
10:04
And I can't believe I've forgotten that actress's name
10:07
too. I don't know people's names.
10:10
I'm very bad at names. Have the wiki in front of me
10:13
then. Exactly.
10:15
And I'm, I'm just looking at numbers right now and I'm I
10:19
really do like Mayday in that movie.
10:23
I'm going to keep calling her by another character name.
10:27
She's can't remember her name. She's Grace, I think is
10:30
something. Yeah, Grace Jones, maybe.
10:33
That sounds familiar. Maybe that's it.
10:35
If I'm wrong I apologize. I'm bad at names and I'm not
10:38
willing to click clack while I look things up.
10:41
But that stuff, it's horrible. I know it takes forever so I I I
10:48
wish there were more of her in the movie.
10:50
I am endlessly delighted that you know doing the research for
10:56
this show allowed me to learn that Andre the Giant is the
11:01
elder God like that makes it even better.
11:06
I yeah, I, I think that I don't know that we have a structure to
11:12
be wrap UPS, but when we talk about what we want in the
11:15
future, I would love to see more surprises.
11:19
I think that's, if we go on the a couple of the themes of Conan
11:28
it I would say it's like James Bond in the escapism of, oh,
11:36
there's this this character who is a barbarian and can handle
11:42
these mega clashes and whatnot. What should he run into that he
11:48
can't like punch his way through?
11:51
So I think it works well with magic being a big theme in
11:55
these. Movies well, and I was going to
11:58
say or that he just punches through anyway, he's not
12:02
supposed to. And the thing that I was
12:05
thinking about was the 90s game Final Fantasy 6.
12:10
In America it was released as Final Fantasy 3, but these days
12:14
it's universally 6. There's a hidden character, or
12:19
an optional character rather, who's this Yeti?
12:23
And he is always on Berserk. You cannot control him, he
12:27
cannot learn magic, he only attacks.
12:31
And in the game, there is one tower, one dungeon that you
12:37
cannot attack in. You have to use magic.
12:41
But if you bring the Yeti, he's too dumb to understand that he
12:45
can't attack and he'll attack anyway.
12:49
Still works. Yep.
12:51
Everything looks like a nail. That's Conan.
12:54
Like if if you send a magical spirit that cannot be touched, I
12:59
think he'll still punch the air until he hurts it.
13:04
Yeah. Yeah, I'd go with that.
13:07
I think it's a it executes across the franchise as a fun
13:13
dumb slash and kill show like the reboot.
13:19
All right, I don't know what what do you call it?
13:20
Is it a reboot? Right.
13:21
That's. Yeah, yeah.
13:23
I'd say it's a reboot. They were attempting to restart
13:26
the franchise and didn't. I think they even though we
13:33
dislike the narration very reminiscent of Underworld, the
13:40
narration that introduces some sort of demon presence that was
13:45
sealed away but it's coming back fits keeps with the tone that
13:53
the original 2 had. I do think there's maybe less
13:57
hokey weird camera work that they had to do with Conan the
14:04
mirror monster. I like it for the the logistics
14:09
side of oh here's a monster that does have a weakness, can you
14:12
guess what it is? Yeah, yeah, I hate that fight,
14:18
but I do like that there is a clear weakness and a clear way
14:22
to win. And even if it's accidentally
14:25
found, it's still defeating the legendary actions of the boss
14:31
monster, like the adventuring party gets to continue, you
14:37
know? And that's so one of the things
14:41
that blows my mind. I did a lit a tiny amount of
14:45
research. The original author for Conan
14:50
was one of those pulp authors who wrote a lot of stuff, and he
14:55
had no particular love for the Conan character.
15:00
He seemed to write a little bit, get bored, write other stuff,
15:04
and then decide to write Conan again.
15:08
But he didn't own the rights to it.
15:10
He, the publisher, owned the rights to Conan and so other
15:15
people would write books. And there's, there are hundreds,
15:20
there are hundreds of these books and most people just skip
15:24
most of them and like, they might grab one at random because
15:28
why not? There is no lore.
15:29
There is no like. Barbarian manners against
15:33
whatever is there. Yeah.
15:35
And whatever this author's interpretation of that concept
15:40
could be. And so when we get to the 80s,
15:45
we now have the books. We have comic books because
15:50
Marvel picked up the publishing rights for the comics by this
15:54
point. And you've got a few games.
15:57
But more importantly, you now have this new tabletop game
16:02
called Dungeons and Dragons. And it fits so well with this
16:08
barbarian lore that it it feels almost like they melded at
16:14
least. And maybe that's just my
16:15
interpretation, maybe I'm completely off base, but I feel
16:19
like Conan like works to me when Conan is this Bronze Age
16:28
barbarian in AD and D adventuring party.
16:33
Like that's, that's kind of how I see the franchise.
16:38
I think they all mostly fit in that world.
16:43
I'm trying to remember why I feel like the rock circle that
16:49
the first Conan movie goes into has some magical properties or
16:55
something. There are spirits there, but
16:59
that's. Because like Valkyrie, Lady
17:02
shows up. That's right.
17:03
Exactly and it. Very D&D, yes.
17:09
Yeah. And so if it were me and someone
17:13
said, hey, we know you have no experience directing, writing or
17:18
anything, we want you to take the lead.
17:22
Sorry, I'm just tickling myself with the absurdity of this
17:26
concept. I but the direction I would take
17:29
it would be more of a party based thing.
17:33
I also think that was kind of the best aspect of the 1984
17:38
movie was having a party. The first movie kind of, you
17:43
know, stumbled along and found people as they went.
17:45
But yeah, I think the party was a a big well and an increase in
17:52
the rating they contributed. And then final Conan was like, I
17:58
can do this all by myself. Yeah.
18:01
Well, and it feels like so many of those movies, Conan decides I
18:06
can do it all on my own. And the third one they were
18:11
like, and he's correct. The 1st 2 they were like, no, he
18:16
needs backup. Like even Conan needs friends
18:19
and so I I want to party also because, you know, we've got
18:26
modern special effects. Give me a wizard that does
18:29
actual magic. I mean if we are getting to a
18:34
wish list of what Conan would need to be updated but still
18:39
stay in its universe, I think magic is a part of something
18:47
that you could explore more. The first two movies had the
18:52
magic that kind of just it was bordering on the edge of the
18:58
plot. Needs this to happen.
19:00
So Valkyrie is going to come back and and save Conan like.
19:04
Or like musical theater magic where like we wave our hands a
19:09
bunch and someone pulls a rope off stage.
19:14
Where the third one I felt like it did elevate that a little bit
19:17
with like the sand demon fights. That part was really neat.
19:23
I don't even remember if there's any bad guys that aren't the
19:28
main villain that Conan fights in the last act.
19:31
He oh, just fights the dude, right?
19:34
Yeah, because he's killed all of his goons.
19:37
By the time we get there, the only goon left is his daughter.
19:43
Yeah. But she's not really a goon.
19:47
Because that's where like the magic is this face mask thing
19:53
and he needs the blood and then it attaches to his face and it's
19:58
all a kind of, I guess I would say like a ritual sort of magic,
20:04
but. I want casters, I want to like
20:09
she his daughter was a a mage, like she did magic things that
20:15
that fought against Conan and he could punch them out.
20:20
He could slice them just because, you know, have to.
20:24
But I would say that part could be explored better in a new
20:30
franchise. Like do it again.
20:33
Maybe take some Dungeons and Dragons bits where you introduce
20:39
some elements of magic as like exposition, but then put in the
20:45
magic that needs to happen with like a little bit of
20:50
explanation. We don't need a bunch, we just
20:53
need. This is a tool that will do
20:55
this. We didn't use it for any of our
20:58
other stuff because it wasn't really applicable.
21:02
That's interesting. See, I think I would want to go
21:05
almost the opposite like I want. No magic.
21:09
No. Well, I want liberal use of
21:11
magic. Except maybe the good guy's
21:15
magic exhausts them. So if we bring along a wizard
21:21
again, he's not going to go toe to toe with the evil wizard
21:25
because our good wizard is only at like Level 3 and only has so
21:30
many spell slots. But I like my issue.
21:35
Well, I don't know. I don't know.
21:40
I thought, well, you know what, I agree with you.
21:42
I just, I just want to see. I don't want to see cartoon
21:45
magic anymore. Yeah, like the sand.
21:50
Well, the sand people were cool. They were created and then they
21:53
kind of just, they would disappear when they die, but
21:57
other than that, they're they're not.
21:59
And I didn't understand why they died.
22:03
That's that's the hand wave part.
22:04
He sliced them or punched them thus.
22:08
And you know, sand is so fragile.
22:11
It has it has low hit points, so he just needed to do a little
22:14
bit of damage. But I just kept thinking it's
22:17
going to be a dry bones situation where they're going to
22:20
suddenly come back up like. Oh yeah, those are all the same
22:24
sand. The guy, he came back until he
22:27
couldn't come back. Yeah, yeah.
22:31
But that was like the only magic we really got in that movie that
22:36
I'm thinking of. And then the 80s ones, we got
22:38
cartoon magic where it was little.
22:41
Shadows on the film, yeah, I could see what they would be
22:46
going for. And if you were to do the same
22:49
better with the like Diamond Castle and the mirror monster, I
22:54
think they could be better. Like give me monsters that I
22:58
haven't dreamed of or seen because like I think sand people
23:04
kind of you've thought of, but man left field elder God did the
23:09
end of the second one was monstrous and like the such a a
23:17
misdirect with the statue of something pretty beautiful.
23:21
He put the horn on it and it becomes something that's going
23:24
to take over the world. It's like, Oh, I I can see why
23:26
that thing would be taking over the world.
23:29
Arguably the horn went on and then they were supposed to kill
23:34
the girl and they never killed the girl, so that's why it went
23:38
ugly. I didn't even realize that.
23:40
I kind of didn't think about the third movie needing the blood of
23:44
an innocent, but second, second movie.
23:47
Yeah, third movie. Thirdly, also just blood magic.
23:52
Yeah, that's what it was like. Oh, I didn't even think about
23:55
that connection until now. Yeah, they all, well, not all,
23:58
but they you're right, they both need blood magic.
24:01
But first one, there was also that little, that little that
24:05
girl who tried to sacrifice herself to the snake.
24:08
And then we find out that Conan has killed the snake.
24:12
So I guess like they they always want to sacrifice the maiden.
24:17
I guess So what sort of theme or execution of Conan would, aside
24:25
from your obligation to watch the next one, what would make
24:27
you want to watch the next one? So this, when you sent me your
24:33
list of ideas, this was the one that that I've been mulling over
24:37
the most. Like, this is the one where I'm
24:39
like, oh, that has legs. Because I have fond memories of
24:46
2000 Fours King Arthur, which was really a bad movie, but I
24:53
saw it once in the theaters, and I was like, wow.
24:55
Like, yeah, it would make sense that King Arthur would exist
24:59
during the Roman times, and we'd have myths and legends about
25:04
this knight in shining armor, but really, he was just a Roman
25:07
gladiator. I was.
25:08
Trying to remember which one. Yeah, like it.
25:12
It feels like a fever dream because like nobody watched it,
25:15
but I watched it. Every once in a while I think
25:18
about it and I'm like, Oh yeah, it did exist.
25:21
Yeah, Mr. Fantastic. And so part of yeah, exactly.
25:25
So part of me is like, what if they went for like closer to a
25:30
historically accurate Late Stone Age, early Bronze Age society
25:38
and Conan the Barbarian exists in a real world that we've never
25:47
seen before just because this is the most mysterious part of
25:51
human evolution, the White Stone Age to early Bronze Age.
25:55
Like even the Greeks were like, what were they doing back then?
26:00
Like. That survived, yeah.
26:04
So and that's where most of our mythological creatures come
26:08
from, like the Homeric legend, legends, plural, come from the
26:14
Bronze Age that we know so little about.
26:17
So what if we explored that with Conan?
26:20
But then I was like, but nobody liked that when they did it in
26:24
2004. Why would they like it now?
26:26
Like what if we went full camp and went more like D&D or
26:32
Dungeons and Dragons on or Among Thieves where it's like tongue
26:36
in cheek special effects, lots of character interactions.
26:44
But then it's like, I've already got that movie too.
26:50
So I guess the point I'm making is I still don't know.
26:52
I still don't know what I want from a Conan movie.
26:57
I mean, my other suggestion that I would put as my number 2 is
27:02
get an actor that can act and then put them through the Marvel
27:06
training regiment so that they can be a barbarian like.
27:10
What about Jack Reacher? I don't know the actor's name,
27:13
but the guy who plays Amazon's Jack Reacher.
27:17
Isn't that Tom Cruise? No, the the really huge guy like
27:23
I'm going to he has to do some clicky.
27:25
He wants to be Batman also. I don't know.
27:28
Let him be Batman too, right? Yeah, I don't have.
27:31
I don't have any beef. With him in.
27:33
Both. No his I think I've only seen
27:38
the there's like a World War 2 movie where they're not spies.
27:44
Well, I guess yes, spies, but it's got him and Henry Cavill or
27:47
Cavill I. Think it's Cavil.
27:50
Alan Richson, Yeah. I liked him in that one.
27:55
I If he can, I. Think he's a legitimately good
27:59
actor, at least when I've watched him, he's he's, he's had
28:05
some range where he's been comedic, he's been serious, he's
28:09
been dark and brooding, but he's also been light and, and good.
28:14
And frankly, Jack Reacher is a very good role for him because
28:19
he's huge. But he has to, you know, come
28:22
off as compassionate and caring at the same time.
28:27
So I kind of want to see him going more gruff and angry, but
28:32
he's got the physicality. He's huge.
28:36
I think they could drop the old glowering, put your face down
28:40
and stare up from your eyelids. That wasn't the third movie.
28:44
Oh my gosh. Well, that was just Aquaman's
28:47
thing. Yeah.
28:48
That was what he liked to do, apparently, yeah.
28:52
I can see that one. I mean, physically, yeah.
28:56
So if he can act, then yes, I would pick that as a new Conan
29:02
because it I think it suffers from with Arnold, it's a little
29:07
nostalgic now that he's done other movies and he's been that
29:13
awkward, like awkward, it's lovable.
29:18
It's like it works in the Predator or other movies.
29:22
So I think if you can act, it would maybe even help the
29:28
portrayal of Conan as maybe someone who can't even read.
29:34
I can't remember what Grace Jones said to him, but in their
29:38
movie she's like, there are six of the thieves and he he looks
29:42
over and he's like, sure. I can't even count.
29:49
Good. There are some, yeah.
29:52
More than one, but not enough to lose against SO.
29:56
Well, that's also hilarious because in the barbarian when he
30:00
was a slave, he was educated and then he's dumb for the rest of
30:08
the franchise. Oh well.
30:13
But yeah, it but it is an interesting idea that that he
30:19
would have different ways of perceiving things.
30:23
And I don't know. Oh, no, I kind of like, I agree
30:27
with you that acting is a big part of it.
30:30
But then we go into genre and I'm sitting here thinking, if we
30:36
wanted to go more comedic and try to be more tongue in cheek
30:41
and make this an adventure for the whole family, then we could
30:46
go back to Aquaman because I think he's a very good comedic
30:50
actor. It's when he's supposed to be
30:54
serious that I'm always like, he's so bad at this.
30:58
I'm trying to be serious and gruff.
31:00
Once he captures whatever her name was, it's it is not liked
31:11
part of the movie. It's yeah, it's low point.
31:15
Well, and that's how I felt about the first Aquaman.
31:17
Like any time he's supposed to be serious, I was like, this is
31:21
the worst. And that's so much of the movie
31:27
like, and then I think about Minecraft, that movie that came
31:31
out last summer, and he's brilliant.
31:34
He's phenomenal. I haven't watched it and it's
31:37
like if he does comedic roles he's perfect he is so good and
31:43
if he does serious roles he's the worst.
31:47
I think well Arnold had a little bit of a comedic bit in the
31:52
second one when he's supposed to be drunk or something, but that
31:54
was still Arnold awkward. I could see Aquaman maybe doing
32:02
OK if if you were to do it again, I think I'd read a couple
32:06
of things where he's like this movie I did was a pile of crap.
32:10
So I don't know if he would come back.
32:13
Well, there's that can I be redeemed idea like I'm still
32:18
young enough, I'm still hot enough.
32:20
Like let me have another crack at it.
32:23
Let me try again. Let me, let me do it for real
32:26
and. Maybe it's the direction, maybe
32:28
it's the production, maybe I I feel like the sets and the most
32:34
everything was good. I don't think as where I was
32:37
like comparing it to a quiet place or underworld and I'm
32:40
like, well, yes, there was like beheadings at the beginning, but
32:47
then I feel like there was just not as much.
32:51
I don't recall any great special effects.
32:54
There was stunt work like the sand people have their their
32:58
costumes on but like the the end evil mask.
33:05
Yeah. They have the the carriage jump,
33:08
but in terms of underworld and all the slicing and squelching
33:13
and blood and all that stuff. Well, even the very first one,
33:17
the 1982 one that was very much an R rated movie that didn't
33:22
have all that much violence. Like you had the mother getting
33:25
beheaded and then you kind of you got the snake getting
33:29
beheaded and then you had to wait all the way to the end of
33:33
the movie to get your third beheading.
33:35
And I'm, I'm suddenly I want like an ultraviolent Conan.
33:42
I want to see what that looks like.
33:44
Like 1 where where he rips a man in half with his bare hands and
33:48
just screams as he is showered in blood.
33:52
Like you know we get these images.
33:55
Yeah, that would be the pinnacle.
33:58
Yeah, let me see that movie. Like, let me have a cartoonish
34:03
amount of rage and gore. And then when the battle's over,
34:09
let him go back to being a dumb Galoof who's hanging out with
34:13
his friends and his friends feel safe and happy and warm around
34:17
him. But when battle is ready, nobody
34:20
gets too close. You know, 'cause yeah, once he
34:23
goes into his rage, you, you don't want to get too close.
34:28
Yeah, I I think that's a a nice group of things that would be
34:34
nice in a new Conan. I would put the odds of it
34:40
actually happening pretty lone. About about as high as Conan
34:47
actually getting his own Kingdom and becoming the narrator.
34:52
Keep getting problems. Happening in the future, thus it
34:56
happened. We can't take it away from him,
34:58
but yeah, we won't ever. Maybe.
35:00
We should get that movie. Maybe we should get the movie
35:03
where Conan finally becomes king.
35:07
So King Conan. I'm sure that it was the same
35:09
way in like the 70s or 80s where all of a sudden these movies
35:15
from the 60s are just, you know, getting remade and repackaged
35:20
and then you never watch the original Conan ever again, I
35:26
think. But it it like, I feel like
35:29
nowadays there are some movies coming out where it's just, oh,
35:33
remember this movie? We're going to put that actor in
35:36
something or in the reboot of it.
35:41
If Arnold did, I don't know what he looks like now, but if he
35:46
could be there, yeah. Like if he could be there as
35:50
Conan, that'd be cool. If we missed the window, maybe
35:55
they could. It would be really cool because
36:00
I think I, and this could just have been a click bait article,
36:04
but I thought I saw a headline where Arnold was like, I would
36:08
totally play old man Conan. Like let me add it and that it
36:13
might be a cool. I don't know if you ever saw the
36:16
Godfather Part 2, but in that one they cut from modern time to
36:21
the past where the previous godfather was a young man and
36:26
then we're seeing his son as the new Godfather.
36:29
And so we just keep cutting back and forth in time to tell the
36:34
story. It'd be pretty rad to have
36:37
Arnold getting ready to defend his Kingdom one last time, but
36:43
then cut back to a younger actor conquering these kingdoms and
36:49
becoming a warlord and tell two stories.
36:53
Yeah, you could have the triumph of He took on 50 men and he beat
36:59
all of them. And then you see 500 men coming
37:02
at old Conan and it's like, I mean, there's a chance he does
37:05
it, but he's already gotten all the glory beforehand.
37:08
So if he goes out guns blazing, it's still cool both ways.
37:15
But I I would be down. I would be down to see Arnold
37:18
reprise the role. And did you?
37:20
Say I just don't. Did you say also as if it were
37:23
animated if it was just voiced? Like I could see Conan
37:29
benefiting from that treatment if that were to get a theatrical
37:34
release with either 3D or I. Would love an R rated animated
37:44
movie because I'm a sucker for adult animation.
37:47
Like I'm just a sucker for animation in general and so R
37:53
rated animation. I'm like oh, it's like kid stuff
37:56
but with blood. That's.
37:58
Where you could bring it back the voices at least of Arnold
38:04
or. Aqua Yeah.
38:05
You're going to make them as big as you wanted them to be, as
38:08
hairy as you wanted them to be, as grizzled or as scarred as you
38:13
wanted them to be, and just have Arnold's voice.
38:19
But at the same time. Not quite the presence of Arnold
38:24
on screen. Yeah, and I just keep thinking
38:27
like, there's something about making the switch from live
38:31
action to animation that always feels like you're taking a step
38:36
backwards, but it really shouldn't, like.
38:41
Yeah, well, what else is about it?
38:46
We were talking about old Man Arnold and I.
38:48
This is just nothing to do with Conan, but I did see an article
38:53
where once again, one more time with passion, Pierce Brosnan did
38:58
say he's ready to play Double O 71 more time.
39:03
And we would watch it. And absolutely, I'd give him
39:07
another shot. If they could just it doesn't
39:11
need to be in his bonds universe, but it just needs to
39:16
be good and I I it could be better than Skyfall.
39:22
Like it just needs to be good. Yeah, it, it just has to be
39:27
better than the CG kite sailing from the tidal wave.
39:37
But he wanted to do something where he's an old man and being
39:43
pulled out of retirement, but making it clear that this is an
39:48
old Bond. Like, this is not Bond in his
39:51
prime. This is not Bond who can take a
39:54
punch. This is an old man who has to do
39:57
the job one last time. And I was like, you know what?
40:00
I think that might be compelling.
40:03
It could be I had recently started watching the Netflix.
40:08
What would you call it? They took up the rights to
40:12
Splinter Cell and the main character from those is old and
40:19
has to come out of retirement. But he does a Dang fine job.
40:23
I haven't finished it because it it's not super like it hasn't
40:27
hooked me, but I also haven't had a chance to like sit down
40:31
and watch it. But the idea I think for Bond, I
40:36
think for Conan, it just could make it, what's the word not
40:44
slower, but more paced it just. Just deliberate.
40:49
Yeah, deliberates the word, turn it into something.
40:54
I'm. I'm positive there's a movie of,
40:56
you know, someone coming out of retirement, but they don't make
41:00
it through the end. Oh.
41:02
Yeah, I think there were two movies in that franchise.
41:05
And then The Expendables, another fantastic, but that
41:09
one's more comedic. But Red was also comedic.
41:12
It just had a lot of heart to it as well.
41:14
Yeah. So it's.
41:17
Doable. Yeah, like there have been great
41:20
elderly action films in the past.
41:23
And I think what makes them good is recognizing the limitations
41:30
of the the characters. Like age does catch up to
41:33
people. And maybe it would be compelling
41:36
to have an all old man Conan story.
41:40
You know, like here he is with his crown heavy upon the head
41:47
and his weapons familiar in his hands.
41:51
And we think this is going to be a short movie, but he's still
41:55
got it and he's still taking dudes out like managing to.
42:00
Just make it through everything, yeah?
42:02
Maybe this is his one last journey for his attempt to die a
42:07
warrior, and the tragedy of the movie is that he still does not
42:12
die, that he still wins. I have, I feel like I have
42:19
scenes flashing into my head of some other character that is
42:24
just making it through waves of bad guys, but they're just like
42:31
reluctantly making it through. They have to get through this,
42:34
but it is taxing. At any point they could just
42:38
give up, and it would be so easy to give up.
42:40
But that's not in their nature. They can't just give up.
42:44
They have to be beaten. Yeah, that might also be
42:49
interesting. So I don't know, I of all of the
42:54
ideas that we've discussed, I feel like Old man Conan is the
42:59
most compelling. That's the one that I think I
43:05
would actually be really interested in seeing.
43:08
And, you know, maybe it would be good, maybe it would be bad, but
43:13
you know, but what do we know? We don't have any good ideas.
43:16
We're not. We're not directors or writers
43:19
of these movies, but we are watchers we do enjoy.
43:23
Exactly. We're just fans.
43:25
For the for the ratings that we give, we still try and watch
43:29
stuff with an open mind. Absolutely, absolutely.
43:35
And that reminds me, I need to click over to figure out what
43:38
our next one is. 0 I'm excited for this.
43:42
So I need to open my mind up to the possibility that this could
43:45
be bad. That's, that's where I need to
43:49
put my head because right now my head is at let's go.
43:54
Our next franchise on the schedule is Child's Play, the
44:00
Chucky franchise. I don't think I knew the title
44:03
to this movie franchise until, I don't know, five years ago, so.
44:09
See and this. Is I know Chucky, but.
44:11
I was going to say this is the contention.
44:13
I'm going to label it as the Chucky franchise.
44:17
Oh yeah. But the first movie, the first 3
44:20
movies, and the reboot are all called Child's Play.
44:26
And then it was they've got the the name Chucky after that, but
44:30
they also went like full horror comedy when they started calling
44:34
themselves the noun of Chucky. I I'm merely curious to know if
44:40
it's like a line in the movie or something.
44:43
Yeah. I, I'm excited, I'm excited to
44:46
see, I've, I know I've seen Child's Play 3 'cause I think
44:53
that one's the one at the military, the boot camp, the OR
44:58
the whatever, the military boarding school.
45:00
It's a bunch of kids at a, a military school.
45:04
And that one stuck with me because I watched it when I was
45:07
young. And then I think I saw the next
45:10
one, the Bride of Chucky because that sounds familiar, but it
45:15
could be that I watched a later 1 like Colt or Seed.
45:21
Well, any of the of Chuckies. Like I don't know which one I
45:24
watched. I just remember there was one
45:25
that was really weird but very funny and I enjoyed it.
45:30
And I was like, I'm going to watch the rest of these and I
45:32
never did. Yeah, I the fact maybe as we do
45:38
more franchises, the pattern will emerge that when you have
45:43
only three movies, something may have gone wrong other than like
45:48
the arc has ended. Like Lord of the Rings, like,
45:51
yeah, that's a a complete arc. But Conan only has three, Chucky
46:00
has 8. And that in itself makes me look
46:05
forward to, oh, something. Maybe it'll grow on me, you
46:09
know, like like Underworld only what had five.
46:13
Yep, 5 movies in Underworld. So that one, I don't know, maybe
46:18
it's like a hiccup of sometimes it works out.
46:23
I do think the Bond franchise grew on you because I know you
46:28
did not enjoy yourself with the very old ones.
46:32
Oh yeah, 100% no, I should go look at the ratings because
46:35
whenever I share. I think you were overly nice to
46:38
those ones in your ratings. I think you were like, I don't
46:42
want people to think I'm, I don't like it, but yeah.
46:46
But I, I could tell then and I could tell when we got towards
46:50
the end of it that you were like, those early ones were
46:52
rough and I'm glad I got through them.
46:55
But eventually it it felt as though they started to grow on
46:59
you. It feels like that's a writing,
47:02
directing type of improvement because somebody was willing to
47:08
pay for the next 1 and so hey, why don't we make a better film
47:12
than the one before Novel idea. That's crazy.
47:19
Well the thing that makes me a little sad about the Chucky
47:22
franchise or the Child's Play franchise is that the 8th movie
47:27
came out in 2019 and while there has been a a streaming franchise
47:35
like or series in the Chucky name, they haven't had another
47:40
movie. That kind of makes me sad.
47:42
I'm like. I honestly don't even know what
47:47
what other than taking out this little possessed doll.
47:51
What even is the plot? What like like I'm?
47:57
Excited to get to it then. I'm very excited decided to get
48:01
to it. And for us in our present, that
48:05
means we're going to have to wait like almost a month and a
48:08
half before we get to that point.
48:11
But for you listening, that's just next week and that's going
48:15
to be great because we will be back from our holiday and you
48:19
will be here ready to watch us or listen to us do another live
48:25
review. Well, not live review, I guess a
48:28
week by week review. You can watch the movies with
48:32
us. That's the point that I'm
48:34
making. Anything else that we should say
48:40
before we let these dear listeners go?
48:43
Anything either related to Conan or Chucky.
48:47
I I think our our a tower of ratings puts it in its rightful
48:54
spot. I don't think it's very, what's
49:00
the word, enticing to watch Conan?
49:03
Like, yeah, I kind of have to want to see what it was about in
49:07
the 80s releases. Yeah.
49:10
And then the new one doesn't really.
49:11
I was going to say, you definitely don't want to watch
49:14
the new one. Like skip it, skip it.
49:16
Have a morbid curiosity about the 80s but skip the 2011.
49:21
Yeah. But I like what they did with
49:25
the kid. I agree with you there.
49:26
Like at least he wasn't dumb as a rock in 2011 like that.
49:31
That was good. OK, So if you have enjoyed
49:37
yourself, give us a like or a rating or a review or a comment,
49:42
whatever it is on your platform of choice, However you interact
49:47
with us, that is a fantastic way to tell the the service to
49:53
recommend our show to more people like you.
49:56
You can also share the show. That's a really great way to get
50:00
us to more ears. And if you do so, we will try to
50:05
do bigger things with the show and what not.
50:08
You know, you help us out and we'll, we will challenge
50:12
ourselves to, I don't know, be better than we already are,
50:16
which will be impossible because we're perfect.
50:20
We're doing what we can. Yes.
50:24
And of course, you can find us or find our shorts rather on
50:29
YouTube and Instagram. And then if you want to send us
50:34
an e-mail either with your thoughts about any of the movies
50:38
we reviewed, the franchises we reviewed, or franchises that you
50:42
would like for us to review, send us an e-mail at
50:45
potatochippicturespod@gmail.com. And yeah, that is it.
50:53
So I guess we will review the next movie, but that is a story
51:00
for another time, right? Is that what they say?
51:07
That's what he says. It's close to it at least.
51:12
The point is, we're never going to tell that story.
51:14
That's that's the point. Goodbye, goodbye.