Latest / Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr. / Rickey Smiley Speaks on Grief, Faith, and Being Dragged Online

Transcript

Rickey Smiley Speaks on Grief, Faith, and Being Dragged Online · Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr.

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: Next, on the Love You More Show.
• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: I used to get up to a certain extent, but now I'm going through that, loose on the sun, and being dragged on the internet for two months, on the one-year anniversary of your son's death.
• 0:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: Man, if I can get through that, man, I can get through anything, man.
• 0:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: I didn't start grieving until the one year, and then I got the pill with catwios and the cubes.
• 0:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: At the same time.
• 0:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: At the same time.
• 0:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hey family, Willie Mojoon, you're here and welcome to another edition of the Love You More Shope.
• 0:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now look here.
• 0:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't put on some clothes today.
• 0:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna be honest with you, this is store-bought.
• 0:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: All the customers that I had, I had grew up out of them, but I'm losing weight, you see I'm trying to, you know what I'm saying, slam it up just a little bit.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: And whenever I put on clothes, I've only put on a few clothes for a few people.
• 0:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: One Bishop Bronner, I wore a suit then in the KPKV, I put a suit on.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bishop said, you didn't have to do that.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said, you weren't familiar, I don't upstairs, me.
• 0:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Huh, you got hair on your head.
• 1:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: Huh, ball hit ministry over here, you know about to do that.
• 1:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, thousands of people watched that episode.
• 1:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: But when I had the opportunity to interview one of the most,
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: encouraging people that in my radio life that I've ever encountered, let me tell you, I let's see.
• 1:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, you know, Ricky, he don't talk to nobody, he just tried to do his work.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said, well, he just don't like y'all ever did, because he don't see that menu, because he always giving me something.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: He's a comedian.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: He is a radio personality.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: He is a TV star.
• 1:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: But more importantly, he's a man of integrity with old school morals that I adore.
• 1:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's my brother from another mother.
• 1:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: The one and only Ricky Smiley said, what's going on, champ?
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, no, man, thank you for having me.
• 1:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, listen, I'm trying to get my posture together.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I put them for me, yeah.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm gonna be it because you built them like you are, like I actually think I got this book good.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: Tell me all that.
• 2:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's all good.
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Baby gal.
• 2:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's brought to you by baby gal.
• 2:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's been a long interview because a lot of it when we get together.
• 2:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's always something.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know the one thing I love about you is that you're nice.
• 2:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you know that one thing I don't like about you.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: What?
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I know.
• 2:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, you know, every time I see you, you go to high been and jumping, yeah, I just be praying one day that you just be like, well, I begin tired of you, come on, no, every time they see you jumping, I come in the studio, so let's see what we, you know, no, dog nasty, you know, dog, yeah, so here's me, you can't hear something coming, it's like you put on some lotion.
• 2:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now y'all got the, now y'all got the new, the new little thing y'all do now.
• 2:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, I don't know what the new, I don't know the games.
• 2:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Listen, I don't know what the new, the young boys do when they do it now.
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: But it's small, it's small.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's small.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: I try to do it.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: I think I came out of beta zeta chapter.
• 3:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: Those Alabama state, I think they started that from what I understand.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: When I was told.
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well listen, I'm just letting you know, I'm still old school.
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: I try to struggle with the young boys at the 40 of down that old mix.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 3:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, my knees and my thighs are so bad.
• 3:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: I forgot how old I had got.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, but I heard they bring the canes back.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, I tell you one place they ain't lose them canes, but we can't talk about that on camera.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Praise the Lord.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: I went into that one time.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said, you know what?
• 3:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'll throw over this dude.
• 3:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not going to see none of this stuff going on.
• 3:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: But it was a two down.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to say 99.
• 3:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: $200,000.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: $200,000.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it's $200,000.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Down in Ole Miss.
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you play the Ole Miss?
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I went to Ole Miss.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be seeing you.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I said, man, I really smiley.
• 3:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then I said, you're not looking so happy.
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then I said, do our nasty.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I said, do our nasty everybody.
• 4:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: We have the personal conversation in y'all watching my bad.
• 4:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Do our nasty is a known cue, a cue to the first deal, Mr. Sidney, from Capitol Bay, the baby bro.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he's a great guy too, shout out to him.
• 4:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I said, and I said, do our nasty.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I said, man, I'm going to Ricky smiley.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're like, don't say no to him.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Don't say no to him.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, oh, okay.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're doing something.
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we're doing a lot of stuff, sir.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: So how did you get connect?
• 4:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, then I need where I want to go.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: What how did you get connected with Captain Wade and Oliver?
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: Uh, doing some community service in Jackson, Mississippi at Tugaloo College over with Steve Smith.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
• 4:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: And then, uh, I was introduced to another, uh, Brian White.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
• 4:41
  [SPEAKER_05]: I would have been then I was introduced to the, uh, KB and the sideroom brothers.
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: KB is Russ College, uh, whatever.
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: And then we, we end up, uh, in the situation there.
• 4:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: And they made it happen because I was getting ready to host BET's County view.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: Right.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: So that was a window.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I opportunity to go ahead and get in pledge on that line, uh, grand chapter, which is the side road chapter.
• 5:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
• 5:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: Uh, uh, and how this brings Mississippi.
• 5:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 5:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: to get that done, and I was made by Dr. McMillan, for the rest of the rest in heaven.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: He was the president of Russ College.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: And stuff, so my, I got a nice little relationship with the, you know, with the mighty white e-brothers, captivated to sorrow-brothers, and all the brus out of Mississippi, man, much love and respect.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, so Ricky, listen, the love you more show is all about people who've been through hurt heart breaks and how they overcome some of the things that they've been through.
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: I want to talk about what my job model brand glasses.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I seen them too.
• 5:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: I went over Dr. Brandels and uh...
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Is that it?
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: So what I want to do is I want to have an icebreaker traditionally we have an icebreaker with music and so in this particular episode of course I'm thinking in my relationship that I'm going to just I'm going to go to counseling right but when I get to the counselor I find out that she looked like this check this out so why if you started counseling and she thought it would be a good idea for me to come to counseling.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I know she's been telling this woman all my business.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: I walk in the counseling.
• 6:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know her counsel with this fire.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: She been telling all my business.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: I walk in.
• 6:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hey ladies.
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh.
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was at the wrong spot.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm on.
• 6:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for joining us.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Truly my honor.
• 6:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Willy Moll.
• 6:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: She nice to meet you.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: My honor.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is my counselor April.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: So nice to meet her.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: wifey life.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: So glad you can make it darling.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's truly my honor.
• 6:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: You look amazing.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: You do too.
• 6:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: So let's talk this out and from a hug I'm like, okay, you ready?
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: I am, you know, um, whatever you want me to do, I'm with it.
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Are you gonna tell the truth?
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: I promise I'm gonna tell the truth, you weren't it?
• 7:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Huh, I was a little like a Christmas tree when I told her she was worth the child.
• 7:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know what I have for you, it's like the clockwork, you know what stops, this is.
• 8:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, sir, the name of the song is Clockwork.
• 8:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: It is available now wherever you stream music.
• 8:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: See, you know, I put a little cap thing in there.
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I just gonna do it again.
• 8:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I do want to ask you this.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of people don't know, Ricky was married at one time.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: Oh, yeah, long time ago, yeah.
• 8:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: He was married for like 12 years.
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yes, sir, right, you know.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I did my research and I just did not know because trying to get you to date now is like pulling TV is like now It's hard man.
• 9:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: So tell me this to what when you when you were married I believe you'll start off your career.
• 9:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and it's just gonna you need courageous about to take off when you look back What are some of the things that you learned in that 12 years?
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: Um, make a shit that you have a friendship in the marriage.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_05]: If you don't have a friendship, you don't have anything.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: Uh, before you have a wife, you have the she out to be a friend.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: And you have to be a friend to her.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: If y'all are not friends and only have a relationship, then the question becomes, what do you have?
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: You don't have anything.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so you out there doing whatever you needed to do to create the opportunity like, how does a man balance like career and taking care of family?
• 9:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I personally know that there are so many people that you have helped in your family.
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, we used to make a joke about it like, you know, when ever somebody has some kids, they did nothing on the door, ran the door, dropped them off to Ricky and just respect them and ran it.
• 10:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: So how does one balance?
• 10:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: Just making time and getting, you know, putting people in place to help you have to have some assistance.
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: You have to get some, find some uns, you know, with that grum on my vibe, to make some good cornbread, or whatever, and that there's going to also help with the discipline and the structure.
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: Or whatever, you just have to have somebody with the same mindset because you're the discipline, and they're either man, you know, saying, that's not an easy job because parents are just not
• 10:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: And most men don't care.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, most men don't care.
• 10:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: We don't care about being kids, friends, or whatever we are the bad guys because we provide the discipline and the structure.
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_05]: So you have to have somebody that's not going to undermine your process and undermine what you're trying to accomplish with the kids, being in the leadership role in the household.
• 10:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, I mean, you hear now, though, you've done, I mean, pretty much everything you wrote on that list when you sang Steve Harvey, you was like, man, listen, however you got there, I want to get there.
• 11:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you took that journey.
• 11:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: How does Ricky find somebody now that you and this position that you can actually trust and be on some type of bridge with?
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: If Jesus is bringing all my poetry.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_05]: bring her on my porch, and he's like, Rick, didn't go back up and have it.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's the only way that you know, yeah, I mean, so you don't have a desire for companionship at this point.
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: Absolutely.
• 11:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: I mean, he would be on my man.
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_05]: Absolutely.
• 11:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, man in the man by himself at night ain't ain't a great thing, it's a great thing for a minute.
• 11:42
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, after a while, yeah, you a man, you know, a grown man, you know, it's like a flower
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, for me is the companionship and the friendship, you know, uh, I cook, you know, I'm real, you know, I clean, I'm a really good cook.
• 12:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 12:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: And then about having nobody to come and do house chores, you know, you get somebody to help come once a week and clean and does and do the whole house or whatever I'm real organized.
• 12:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: I watched for like my stuff over the survey because I do, you know, my life.
• 12:18
  [UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
• 12:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: For me, friendship, companionship, somebody that's going to get me healthy, somebody that I can't live without.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: You understand somebody there?
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: So that's the thing.
• 12:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: Being with somebody that you can't live without.
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: And she died.
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: I died the next week.
• 12:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's how in sync you want to be with somebody that actually care about you.
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: Hey, baby, I know you all like to be bothered with a lot of people.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: I know you all like to, but I have a friend that work at the movies and I know you like to go to the movie, but you don't like to go because you don't feel like you enjoy something.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: But I got a little situation.
• 12:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: We're going to go inside there.
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: We're going to have some popcorn watching movie and join us.
• 12:53
  [SPEAKER_05]: But I have somebody to do that for me one time.
• 12:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: It was everything.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: I had somebody, you know, hey, let's go out to dinner.
• 13:00
  [SPEAKER_05]: We're gonna go on a side door whatever you don't have to deal with, whatever you, because I'm kind of like a reckless, you know, I stay in a house because sometimes it's like work when you go out.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_05]: People are gonna speak, I'm gonna, but it becomes, it becomes work.
• 13:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: Just going, you know, to dinner.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: But somebody set up some little situations for you, things that bring you happiness,
• 13:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: And that's that's real friendship and that's happening or even you enjoying something that she like Yeah, I'm open to that because it's not just about me.
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: What?
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know it's about her too.
• 13:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so that that's important.
• 13:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: So you talked a little bit about discipline And I think you and I had this in common.
• 13:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was adopted when I was three months old my dad's 92
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now, and if you ask him how you doing, he's going to say, hey, I ain't never had it so good.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said, why you ain't never had it so good?
• 13:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, I was a sharecroft of man.
• 13:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hell, I'm going here.
• 13:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just happy to do it.
• 13:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: But he was a discipline man.
• 13:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: He was an army guy.
• 13:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Then of course, my mom, you know, she's been 35 last 35 years.
• 14:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: Black don't crack bays, don't age.
• 14:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's get that out the way.
• 14:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: But she's 82 years old.
• 14:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 14:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I grew up in the older family.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: So my structure.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: I was just a little, little, little 35.
• 14:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 14:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: It lists, she's not going to speak to no side, though.
• 14:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: You could be older than your mom.
• 14:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, dude, it is.
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: But my mom ain't going to speak to no side, though.
• 14:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to let you know.
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: She might hear you.
• 14:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: You don't want to put your ass on that TV.
• 14:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's why they own that witch.
• 14:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: You should just say no.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's you tell me all the time.
• 14:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 14:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: But coming from such a such a, with having this discipline, how did Ricky grow up?
• 14:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, like, how did you, like, how did you grow up?
• 14:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: And what did this discipline come from?
• 14:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: My grandfather was military, but he wasn't military-ish.
• 14:41
  [SPEAKER_05]: It was just simple discipline and structure.
• 14:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: And he didn't play, but he was loving and kind and warm.
• 14:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: I wasn't scared of him, but I had a healthy fear of him.
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: I was more scared to disappoint him than anything.
• 14:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: He wouldn't want to take the belt out every time you do something, whatever.
• 14:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: You just knew not to do it because you had respect for him.
• 15:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: And, uh, learning to step from him and being on time.
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: I've been doing a morning show.
• 15:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: I've been doing a morning radio over 25 years.
• 15:09
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 15:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: I have never used an alarm come like a day in my life.
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: What?
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: Never.
• 15:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: Because my dad taught me if you go to bed with your job on your mind, you're going to, if Chris Brown was performing, and I would have been that show with it five a.m. You're going to be up in time to go see Chris Brown, right?
• 15:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: Why can't you have the same respect?
• 15:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: and at Marisa for your job to actually pay the bills.
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why?
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, so I get up and I go to work, I do what I have to do, and I go to bed at night.
• 15:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 15:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
• 15:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: So you go to bed at eight or like a night.
• 15:41
  [SPEAKER_05]: And if they have the eight, that ain't nothing but trouble.
• 15:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 15:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: Right?
• 15:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: So you're going to bed.
• 15:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: So that keep you out of trouble.
• 15:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 15:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: Get up, do your morning show.
• 15:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: Get your coffee, turn the news on, and you just, it's a lifestyle.
• 15:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, morning show is not already, it's a lifestyle.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're able to bed at night, and you get up in the morning, do your job.
• 15:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, when you are so structured, like bring it somebody into your ecosystem, will she have to kind of follow the rules or is there any touching things?
• 16:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: I think I'm bad, just don't, just don't interrupt what I got going on.
• 16:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: No interrupt.
• 16:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, don't, don't, don't interfere, don't interfere, don't interfere, don't interrupt.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: anything that it can't have a negative effect on what I do if I'm going to take care of you.
• 16:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: Help me help you.
• 16:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what I'm about to talk about.
• 16:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: Help me help me help you.
• 16:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what I'm about to talk about.
• 16:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: And here's a mountain toning.
• 16:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: Hey, help me help you.
• 16:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: Hey, hey, hey, here's a mountain toning.
• 16:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: I already got the coffee made because I drank my coffee out the pot.
• 16:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: I went back old school with the big car and went back to perculator.
• 16:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, with the car, they pop up in the little glass and they turn up blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue.
• 16:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you got to sit in the morning, so I just hit before you could know.
• 16:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: No, bro.
• 16:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: You ain't own a missing hole, boy.
• 16:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: How do I look?
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: I turn the stove on and put it on.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: Oh, no, you don't.
• 16:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: Bro, you know, what I'm about to start talking to my Amazon for $2 dollars, go get your real car, put y'all in the head, y'all in the garden, he's curricks and all this stuff, y'all in the
• 17:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: What is it all really really you ain't dead.
• 17:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: Oh, no, no, but that coffee tastes better than this stuff in these parts.
• 17:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's for sure.
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's true.
• 17:19
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, you go with the little glass and you eyeball my coffee.
• 17:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: I bought it.
• 17:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: You can smell like the whole house smell like the water house.
• 17:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: You're called to get the morning.
• 17:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: By that time I'm in my second second gospel song if I'm doing the morning show from home.
• 17:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: And you pulling that car.
• 17:35
  [SPEAKER_05]: I got videos.
• 17:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's real coffee.
• 17:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: And then you got to go and get your coffee from new orders.
• 17:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: Cafe, demand, coffee, and chickery in the can.
• 17:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: with the tickerie.
• 17:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, a lot of no.
• 17:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: You drink coffee.
• 17:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: I listen.
• 17:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Please.
• 17:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Anybody who don't do it.
• 17:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Never go back to anything else, sir.
• 17:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you don't drink coffee, I'm just letting you know.
• 17:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'll trust you like that.
• 17:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: You are never, ever.
• 17:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: Go back to anything.
• 17:59
  [SPEAKER_05]: Once you've had it.
• 18:00
  [SPEAKER_05]: cafe, demand coffee with chickery with chickery.
• 18:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: What the hell is chickery?
• 18:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: I don't know.
• 18:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's a chickery.
• 18:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's a chickery.
• 18:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: I thought you put chickery in there like her.
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: I think they got mixed all in there.
• 18:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's already a chickery.
• 18:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: We have to google it, but I don't know what chickery is.
• 18:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's something for my plant that it mixed with the coffee beans.
• 18:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: Okay, so it's blessed.
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_05]: This is what you said.
• 18:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's blended.
• 18:21
  [SPEAKER_05]: And you take that out and you put it in there.
• 18:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: You put your water in there.
• 18:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: Then you put your filter in there.
• 18:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: Put the top on there.
• 18:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: turn your stove on medium, put your coffee on the stove like they do on guns smoke and bananas.
• 18:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: I ain't gonna do all that.
• 18:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hell, I'll be running a bit.
• 18:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's right back.
• 18:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: The best cover coffee you ever had.
• 18:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, you never go back.
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: I thought I actually did this, Rick.
• 18:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, hate to stop you, change the scenery and the energy.
• 18:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: But you ain't been obedient.
• 18:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know how I know?
• 18:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because you ain't subscribed.
• 18:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: You ain't left no comment.
• 18:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: You ain't shared this with nobody.
• 18:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Do it right now.
• 18:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: cover coffee you have had.
• 18:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you never go back.
• 18:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't actually did this really.
• 19:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: I, I had never had no jobs and I got them, you know, radio.
• 19:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 19:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm gonna tell you the day that they called me and offered me the opportunity.
• 19:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: I had done, I was doing video vlog and on YouTube because I came out of R&B career.
• 19:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm like, you know, speaking and I'm doing these video vlogs, put it starting to catch on before YouTube popping, but I'm getting 300,000 hits everybody watch.
• 19:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so I ended up getting a gig with John Maxwell.
• 19:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: John Maxwell had his team had me come out and I think I spoke for like two three minutes in the front of all these people and I didn't even charge him there.
• 19:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 19:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: That man was to reach them up in here and gave me this envelope somebody from his team and you know, I'm saying, Lord, hello, I went to that bathroom and seen it.
• 19:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm looking could not believe it, nothing but that they had gave me for two or three minutes.
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: I saw a cleaner table like y'all want to do something, I feel like I had robbed them people to be quite honest.
• 19:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got a call from one of the girls that reached, and she said, Willie, I said, what, I'm not supposed to tell you this.
• 20:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: But you, they're going to, they're going to give you an offer.
• 20:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: You got it, and then somebody else, she said, don't tell nobody.
• 20:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Somebody else called, I'm not supposed to say none, but we're so excited.
• 20:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we ended up doing it.
• 20:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it was just so much after words that became pressure to me.
• 20:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 20:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: At this particular time.
• 20:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm really from sign-in-law.
• 20:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm really from sign-in-law.
• 20:19
  [SPEAKER_05]: Man, I used to come to St. Louis and do say it's back your back at Manning and Manning.
• 20:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, that's when it was coming to him and everyone was trying to do it.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: That was my first manager.
• 20:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: Eric Ron and said it gave me my story.
• 20:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: Said to the entertainer.
• 20:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: No, I did.
• 20:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: I would drive eight hours in a and a foot escort to St. Louis to make $400.
• 20:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: to perform at mannings on Wednesday night says back y'all.
• 20:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's the escort that for me.
• 20:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a place that's going to use a man right now in a five-speed escort.
• 20:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know God.
• 20:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: $99 a month would get credit.
• 20:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Come on, survive.
• 20:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like commercial with good credit.
• 20:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Good credit, $99 a month.
• 20:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Listen, I get this radio job.
• 20:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I say you and you probably don't remember, but I said, man, you know, I'm looking for weirds that my said, what should I do in this opportunity?
• 21:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I never had no job.
• 21:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: That lady and H.R.
• 21:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: asked me how many days, you know, whatever, I said 40 days, 40 nights.
• 21:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like Jesus, hell, I don't know, you know what to do.
• 21:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know what to do.
• 21:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like I'm club promoters, I was used to.
• 21:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you pulled me to the side I never forgot this, he said, man, you got a beautiful family.
• 21:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: He said, man, don't let these people overwhelm you.
• 21:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Don't let these people pull on you like that.
• 21:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: When you get to your house, lead that phone in the house, man.
• 21:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you teach people how to treat you.
• 21:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Don't say yes to everything.
• 21:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: You teach people how to treat you.
• 21:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: You talent it.
• 21:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: You teach them how to treat you.
• 21:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: They can't call you whenever they want to.
• 21:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
• 21:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you show me how to set borders.
• 21:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Boundaries.
• 21:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: And boundaries, right?
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to bet you.
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that has helped so much.
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
• 21:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I had a lot of it.
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_05]: Is it simple?
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_05]: No.
• 21:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: We didn't say no and a curse.
• 21:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you said no is a, is a sentence that's a, that's a required.
• 22:03
  [SPEAKER_05]: No.
• 22:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: And it's the nation.
• 22:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 22:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's no, it may not be the answer that you hoped for, but it's only the answer to your question.
• 22:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: I love it.
• 22:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: I love it.
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, because when you're a radio person, now let it everybody want something, right?
• 22:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: But you can't be everything to everybody.
• 22:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: And then you look around everybody happy.
• 22:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's up you.
• 22:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: What about your happiness?
• 22:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: What about your day and home when you just want to sit down and relax and watch a football game with your phone blowing up because you got all of these obligations and then you upset when you come to work that Monday because you haven't had any rest.
• 22:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: Now how you gonna serve guys people if you haven't had any rest that's true and getting your getting rest is not asking for anything.
• 22:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 22:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's something that you need to carve out for yourself.
• 22:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not that's true.
• 22:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
• 22:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: So now you take the summers off versus being on the road.
• 23:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, take the summers off.
• 23:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: talk a little bit about quality of life, because you can pretty much be in a comedy club every weekend if you want to.
• 23:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: I wrote some in the jokes, sitting on a beach, sin by a pool somewhere and flooring.
• 23:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: And just relaxing and doing nothing all day, other than in radio, get off radio, and you got the whole day.
• 23:21
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like I slept for three years in a row.
• 23:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: Three summers in a row, I slept.
• 23:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: Every day when I got off the air, I was so tired.
• 23:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 23:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
• 23:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I made me do that?
• 23:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: I was sitting in that line of airport.
• 23:35
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I'm on Facebook.
• 23:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm sitting everybody at the classroom union.
• 23:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: Everybody out of wedding.
• 23:41
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 23:42
  [SPEAKER_05]: Everybody at the beach are on the beach.
• 23:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 23:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: And you sitting in that line of airport in the middle of July about the freeze inside of the airport.
• 23:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: He had it to toss the Oklahoma to perform.
• 23:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yes.
• 23:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: only the lead tells Oklahoma and go to another city or fly back to Atlanta that night.
• 23:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 23:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, in order to go back home, only to do it all over again the next week.
• 24:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 24:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: So where's your happiness?
• 24:03
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 24:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: You got money in the bank.
• 24:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: But you don't have it.
• 24:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: I mean, you can cash.
• 24:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 24:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: And you don't have time to go to them all in the spending.
• 24:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's right.
• 24:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: So where's your happiness?
• 24:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: Where's your peace?
• 24:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: And now your voice going, you tired, and you got to get up.
• 24:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: uh... four o'clock in the morning to do radio only to look for the doing it didn't follow week in in a row while your agents getting commission
• 24:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: They're not on the road with you.
• 24:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: They're at home with their families.
• 24:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: Your manager at home with his or her family.
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: And you on the road got to walk through a greasy, comedy club kitchen to get to the stage.
• 24:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: And sit and wait for the second show with your city and a dressing room for three and a half hours waiting to go on stage again with the other comedian that you performed with food from the comedy club to say, you mean you all over the country and leaving the comedy club at two o'clock in the morning.
• 24:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: Right, it's all from me.
• 24:59
  [SPEAKER_05]: to middle of August, no shows, right, give it a break, breathe, let your brain rest.
• 25:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: Now when you go back on stage at September, now you kill them and you so funny because you have the opportunity to get rest and gather your thoughts and sort out your problems, your issues, cry a little bit, laugh a little bit, swim a little bit, ride a bicycle a little bit, be with your kids a little bit, be with your grandkids a little bit and swim some more.
• 25:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: and do some more swimming, go get a massage, relax.
• 25:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: The whole summer, you've been performing like, I've been running like that since 1997.
• 25:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: And this is going on, going into my, this has been my sixth summer that I just really got in risk.
• 25:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: Now, I'll do shows doing the week.
• 25:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: I don't do, she's coming to close on weekend.
• 25:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 25:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: I perform doing the week, because what I get is one show, seven o'clock audits, anybody to come to your show?
• 25:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: Well, seven o'clock show during the week mean that they really come to land.
• 25:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: So I'm not getting that 10 30 crowd that already been to the club smoking and drinking.
• 26:03
  [SPEAKER_05]: And all the drug dealers in the strippers out of 10 30 show.
• 26:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's the one.
• 26:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: And laughing and looking at their phones while you on stage trying to make them land.
• 26:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 26:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: And then now you backstage question in yourself.
• 26:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: Am I still funny?
• 26:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: Well, yes, you're still funny.
• 26:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: You just got a tired drunk already.
• 26:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: If you got a side drug audience, and I do church engagements, come on and different events that, you know, PNG type of events, yeah, PNG type events, so this, this is my big question.
• 26:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: So you set these boundaries for yourself, you set up these borders for yourself, and then you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you
• 26:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: and you now have this beautiful runway and you have this beautiful time to do what you have to do.
• 26:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I often see you with your grandson.
• 26:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Your grandson.
• 26:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: I see him with you and you're pouring into him.
• 26:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm seeing a new joy that you have on the inside and the responsibility taking care of your grandson.
• 26:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: What are you this ultimate love for children?
• 27:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Was it because you're dead?
• 27:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I know you're dead died younger.
• 27:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, but you just always had this extreme love like for children, like, where did that come from?
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, um, and I talk about that a lot in my book.
• 27:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, uh, science show.
• 27:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 27:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: Um, I know what it feels like not to have a dad.
• 27:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: My grandfather was wonderful.
• 27:21
  [SPEAKER_05]: My uncles were wonderful.
• 27:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: Mm-hmm.
• 27:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's nothing like having your own dad.
• 27:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, when you're on a little leap, football team, you see all the other dads standing behind the fence or in the bleachers or whatever, you know, you feel some kind of way about it, you know, and I didn't like the way that felt all the time.
• 27:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, even with my grandson, my grandson don't have a dad.
• 27:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: Hang on, get emotional.
• 27:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
• 27:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: He had a mother that's living, and he don't have a dad.
• 27:53
  [SPEAKER_05]: But he have everything.
• 27:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: But even with having everything with me, it's still not his own mom and dad.
• 27:59
  [SPEAKER_05]: He was created by two human beings.
• 28:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: I feel bad for him.
• 28:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, his birthday is tomorrow.
• 28:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: And we're gonna have something, you know, for I'm taking them to the great wolf or whatever, but I'm still gonna be a nice intimate ice cream and cake and a love and affection, hugs and kisses.
• 28:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: Happy birthday to you young man, running that ball or toe net rock out of that backfield trying to make something out of the set, making straight A's and B's.
• 28:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: Let us song, but you've day in the choir.
• 28:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: Trying to be the best daddy can be, trying to figure out what this life
• 28:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: going to bring, you know, to him.
• 28:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: And he's about to be eight tomorrow.
• 28:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I wouldn't look around the scene.
• 28:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: The kids got their moms and dads coming up to school and there me, me, my mom and Miss Pat.
• 28:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: up in the stand that is football game, just trying to be whatever we can to him and just love on him or whatever.
• 29:00
  [SPEAKER_05]: Because he's going to have questions when he get older.
• 29:03
  [SPEAKER_05]: And we don't regret a God that it don't have a negative effect on his life and he's starting acting out because of it.
• 29:09
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's a real, that's a real thing.
• 29:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: A lot of people go through that.
• 29:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I found out when I was seven because everybody was like everybody was making fun and like I don't mess with the doctor kids And I know I was adopted you know the hook and be hard.
• 29:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and you know I went in there and I asked my mom when I mom at like these kids across street said I'm adopted is it true
• 29:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: And as the first time I seen her show this drop, it was almost like the biggest fear that she had like a drop.
• 29:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then she said, yeah, you all adopt it.
• 29:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: And but the one thing that changed my life forever is when my dad walked in.
• 29:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he bent down because he had not been the same size since I was seven.
• 29:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I never grew no more.
• 29:49
  [SPEAKER_04]: Right.
• 29:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he looked me in the eyes and he said, you're chosen.
• 29:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 29:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he said, you see these other parents and stuff out here?
• 29:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hell when they got pregnant because you know he's from Mississippi when they got pregnant hell, it was a surprise to them, but we saved our money for you.
• 30:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: We did everything that we could, hell, I stopped drinking and going to the ball and everything and we chose you.
• 30:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: So don't let these down fools make you believe that you anything less than what you said, boy, you chose and I chose you and I'm going to choose you to the day I died.
• 30:21
  [SPEAKER_05]: And that's gonna be my conversation with him if it ever, if it ever gets to that point and he ever asks.
• 30:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 30:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: I would ever, but he's so secure and sunken down into who he is and who we are to him and has been in a, like, like, he's, you know, it just works out perfectly him, but if the question comes, I'm prepared to have that conversation with him.
• 30:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: And he's gonna be great because of it.
• 30:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know, I seen one time when I used to watch a reality show, then boys must do it some and you took the whole door off the hinge.
• 30:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: Oh, yeah, our Craig and Malik.
• 30:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, they did something to hold the door off the edge.
• 31:00
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's my hand, man.
• 31:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: So do they, do they look at him and be like, you got a good?
• 31:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: He don't get him trouble, like, he's a great kid.
• 31:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, he's a great kid.
• 31:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 31:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: Craig and Malik was bad, man.
• 31:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: I always had to sleep in the garage.
• 31:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: I remember you put them boys in the garage.
• 31:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: The garage is two doors in the garage, right?
• 31:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: One to go outside and one to go in the house.
• 31:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 31:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: The garage is that middle ground.
• 31:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: But you all your way out.
• 31:35
  [SPEAKER_05]: Or you can come back in.
• 31:35
  [SPEAKER_05]: Or you can come back in the house.
• 31:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: I put them in the garage with three outfits, land up some can, good, the can, open them, and a microwave, three apples and oranges and bottle water.
• 31:47
  [SPEAKER_05]: Cause going to the bathroom using the bathroom in the house is a privilege.
• 31:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's a privilege.
• 31:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: You're not entitled to that.
• 31:53
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's not yours.
• 31:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: Right, I need good grades.
• 31:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: I need you to cut the grass.
• 32:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: We've got chores around the house.
• 32:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: All this stuff, you know, I taught my boy, my son, 23, our Craig is now 26, he turned 26, our best of second.
• 32:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 32:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: They never say, hey, dad, I'll hit up.
• 32:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: Can I get some under his head?
• 32:19
  [SPEAKER_05]: Dad, hey, do you have some work for me to do?
• 32:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: I need $150 to pay for this, that and whatever.
• 32:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like my son, I come on to work in the yard all day, he's in grad school.
• 32:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: And Alabama State, he never asked for money.
• 32:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, you know, if you have a medication or something, that's different.
• 32:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: But, you know, he'll come home and work hard.
• 32:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: He had a good girlfriend, him and the girl was out there working in the yard, raking leaves and all that stuff where they could have money to put it in a pocket to go back to Montgomery to go to homecoming.
• 32:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: I said, you got your real right down.
• 32:53
  [SPEAKER_05]: Come on, man.
• 32:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: She got the whole of the band.
• 32:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: Why are you raking leaves in the bag?
• 32:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: Come on, man.
• 32:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: You got a real one, boy.
• 32:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, she know where the bag is.
• 33:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: She won't help you.
• 33:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: Come on, man.
• 33:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Come on.
• 33:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Keep.
• 33:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's a keeper, yes she is, you know you spoke about the book.
• 33:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got a chance to read through it and I got the chapter 10 on the books Make sure you I put the put the J-Pak there man side show and I got the chapter 10
• 33:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, I care so much like I don't even know why I care about you as a man so much like you haven't met them.
• 33:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm a bum.
• 33:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, like a bum.
• 33:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm like your older brother.
• 33:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yes.
• 33:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: You can't take the radio station asking for advice.
• 33:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: Looking for advice, love, affection, I treat it.
• 33:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: You like, like we hide yourself.
• 33:41
  [SPEAKER_05]: And then we're no, we're no reason not to be nice to you.
• 33:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm not.
• 33:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: threaten or intimidate like some or won't give information.
• 33:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: I even turned you on to some people.
• 33:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 33:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: Some people when I said that you were serious.
• 33:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 33:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: I would have and you took every little thing that I told you and look like around.
• 33:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 33:59
  [SPEAKER_05]: All of this is you.
• 33:59
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm only gonna just stab how I got treated when I came here in your whole operation.
• 34:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: We talked about this.
• 34:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 34:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: We talked about all of this.
• 34:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 34:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: When you do them two fingers, I know you see what you got to do with them two fingers.
• 34:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's go like this.
• 34:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what you do like, yes sir.
• 34:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, God.
• 34:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: Now, man, you sit there and you listen and you take in all the information.
• 34:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: You always have questions and I always have time.
• 34:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: You do.
• 34:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: I make time.
• 34:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: I don't care what I got to do.
• 34:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: If you have a question, I know you handed to someone you serious about what you're doing.
• 34:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: I will make time.
• 34:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: You're just gonna do it.
• 34:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: Because I might end up working for you.
• 34:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: I know why I'm in, but I don't know where I'm going.
• 34:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: Come on.
• 34:39
  [SPEAKER_05]: You understand?
• 34:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: People, I have happy people that I use to open for end up
• 34:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: Right?
• 34:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: So you have to be mindful of how as to how you treat people.
• 34:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: You don't know when you're a career gun gun.
• 34:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: I might be one of your producers or a co-host somewhere or working on your show.
• 34:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 34:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: So when I got to chapter 10 in the inside show, that's when you began to speak about Brandon.
• 35:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: and you began to, it was a paragraph, and at the top of the paragraph, it read it, that they say grief kind of comes in ways, but you kind of talked about, I don't ever know, if this grief forever go away when you lose a son.
• 35:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I don't, I don't think it will.
• 35:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: It was one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with,
• 35:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm almost ahead of the two years.
• 35:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe a little more a year and a half.
• 35:39
  [SPEAKER_05]: I am so traumatized by my son that I am not the same person.
• 35:47
  [SPEAKER_05]: You understand what I'm saying?
• 35:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm a different person.
• 35:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: It makes you a whole different person.
• 35:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: It, like, if you think my tolerance level and my boundary was really a damn real because I just can't tolerate food business because I'm hurting them suffering right now.
• 36:03
  [SPEAKER_05]: I have turned down certain shows and certain money that I'm just not going to be able to make because I don't, I can't deal with what comes with it.
• 36:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: My mental health comes first.
• 36:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm in therapy twice a week.
• 36:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's good.
• 36:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: There if it's coming to the house and we sit in the living room
• 36:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: face each other and we just go at it and um I'm maintaining um I have to block it out of my head you know I remember time and still have to cry before you go on stage and perform That's what I was gonna ask so you're commissioned and called to get on stage make people laugh Why dying you're hurting so bad on the inside yeah
• 36:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: You got to, you got to blow your nose and go on stage.
• 36:53
  [SPEAKER_05]: You got to go on your dressing room and cry and blow your nose and make sure you're nothing in your nose and clean yourself up and take your butt on that stage.
• 37:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: Ask me why.
• 37:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: Why?
• 37:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: Because they key his diet too.
• 37:09
  [SPEAKER_05]: They mama's diet.
• 37:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: They daddy's diet.
• 37:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: They on dialysis.
• 37:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: they're going to chemotherapy and it's not all about you until much is given, much is required.
• 37:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: And if that's the cross I have to bear to bring some happiness to somebody else, and God looks at that.
• 37:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: God honored that.
• 37:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: God honored the fact that I'm going to put myself second and right here and perform because at that point it ain't about the money.
• 37:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: Well, let me go out here and do a good show for this lady.
• 37:47
  [SPEAKER_05]: And you walk out on stage and you see people with her in a way.
• 37:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: Now you're son and dad, but they with her in a way.
• 37:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: The idea with oxygen tanks and stuff next to their chair laughing out of coming to show, they hear the CD Ray Davis and Benji Brown and Martin Lawrence last thing they're probably to do before they lead his earth.
• 38:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: If you got to do it, it's your job, suck it up, man up.
• 38:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: You got to go back down and read, see it through.
• 38:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: You got to pull out all them poems.
• 38:19
  [SPEAKER_05]: You got to pull out invictus and everything.
• 38:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: And you got to use them.
• 38:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: Now it's the time to use the poem.
• 38:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: We had to memorize them.
• 38:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: The players, right?
• 38:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: You had to learn the big, the right?
• 38:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: Now it's the time to use it.
• 38:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: Good.
• 38:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: You understand what I'm saying?
• 38:35
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, sure.
• 38:41
  [SPEAKER_05]: I had to challenge God.
• 38:42
  [SPEAKER_05]: I had to show God that I was faithful.
• 38:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: Cause I thought about Joe.
• 38:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: So, my son died on the Sunday.
• 38:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: Then when he had stayed, it was like on, take us, it's a, well, it's a take it's much time as you need.
• 38:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: Where were you, where were you when you got this call?
• 39:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: I was in Dallas, Texas in my apartment alone.
• 39:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I got a phone call thinking it was my son.
• 39:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: Because we hadn't taught them a long time because I was mad at him.
• 39:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: And his birthday was coming up.
• 39:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: My goal was to talk to him before his 33rd birthday.
• 39:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I talked to my mom.
• 39:21
  [SPEAKER_05]: I called my mom that wanted to say, have you taught the brand and she's something to call them now?
• 39:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: My mom called him.
• 39:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: And she talked to him Sunday morning.
• 39:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: And she said, okay, she called me back.
• 39:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: She said, okay, I just talked to him.
• 39:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: We're gonna go to church and then after we get the church, I'm gonna fly back to Birmingham tomorrow.
• 39:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: And so me and him, we gonna sit down and talk to him.
• 39:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: So then I got a phone call from Brandon, I'm just thinking him calling, thinking that he's calling, just to confirm what him and Mama was talking about.
• 39:57
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I said hello, and it was his girlfriend on the phone said that he had OD, and he is on the way to the hospital.
• 40:03
  [SPEAKER_05]: I started getting up, getting dressed, grabbed my backpack, caught my assistant, booked the flight.
• 40:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: And all my way out the door, I got another phone call from my son's sister.
• 40:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: Taylor, she said that she was crying.
• 40:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: I heard her in a mom crying in the back right now.
• 40:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: I already knew and she said he died.
• 40:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm on top of him that morning, because I had called the initiator conversation that we were supposed to have a conversation.
• 40:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I told God, if I could make it from the front door to the elevated, I told God, if you can just get me from the front door to the elevator, I can make it from here, because that was the hardest part for me, with the door to the backpack on that whole hallway
• 40:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I wanted to jump up in the air as high as I could and land on my neck so I could die.
• 40:59
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's how bad I feel.
• 41:00
  [SPEAKER_05]: I can't describe the writing, feeling on the inside of the bottom of my stomach and it's still coming.
• 41:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's never going away.
• 41:09
  [SPEAKER_05]: But I told God that I talk about it in the book.
• 41:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: That Wednesday morning I woke up.
• 41:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: I was like, I'm getting back on the radio today.
• 41:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: because somebody needs a Sunday.
• 41:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: He's back on the radio on Wednesday.
• 41:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: I had to get back on the radio because I don't want to lay in the bed and think about all of this.
• 41:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: I need some release.
• 41:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: I need to go somebody in Chicago's son guy.
• 41:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: Somebody else already at the funeral home.
• 41:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: Because they son and was murdered.
• 41:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: They listen to Rick and smile the morning show praise, break every morning.
• 41:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: I got to go get on the radio to encourage other people that's suffering.
• 41:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: I got off the air, got my son close together to take to the funeral home.
• 41:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: So you didn't get any, you ain't said nobody.
• 41:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: No, I took him myself because I'm very detailed.
• 42:00
  [SPEAKER_05]: I need to make sure everything is downright because I didn't want his mother to be disappointed.
• 42:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: See, it's not about me.
• 42:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: He's what I want him to have.
• 42:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: He's what I want him to wear.
• 42:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: He is how I want it done.
• 42:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: I want him to got my, I want that.
• 42:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: I learned and got my marching orders.
• 42:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: And drove back to Birmingham, because my son's mother ain't never, and stepfather never really buried nobody before.
• 42:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: They don't know how to deal with all this.
• 42:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm a leader of my family.
• 42:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: I had to do the funeral when uncles in my granddad.
• 42:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm usually in charge, like the normal take care of this and to make sure everything is done right.
• 42:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: I had marching orders to make it easy for her because she didn't want gay birth to him and carried him for nine months.
• 42:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: You understand?
• 42:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm in his dad, yeah.
• 42:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: But they suffering.
• 42:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: They can't handle that.
• 42:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: I try to be respectful and do with it when about no smiley the last name in the brand.
• 42:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: This is the woman that lost a son.
• 43:00
  [SPEAKER_05]: I made a stop by the salvation army to serve.
• 43:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: all my way to the funeral, I needed to serve the homeless, because now you're saying you're on your way to the funeral home, you got to close and you make a pit stop at the salvation on me to go serve the homeless people.
• 43:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: Go serve the homeless, because I wanted to show God even in the midst of all of my trials and tribulations, I'm still willing to serve.
• 43:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: The homeless people was coming through the land to get a hot dog with some sour crowd on it.
• 43:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: A handful of chips, slice a cake, some punch of some water.
• 43:41
  [SPEAKER_05]: They homeless, sorry about your son, Rick.
• 43:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, my son died too.
• 43:47
  [SPEAKER_05]: Hey, Rick, sorry about your son.
• 43:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: They don't have to, they don't have no way to live.
• 43:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: They hung this, it was dark that day, it was windy that day, it was raining.
• 43:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: I almost had a red going to the funeral home because 18 will just keep going past me and that miss coming from the tires and I couldn't see and I got my son closed in the back seat.
• 44:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: And then I get to the funeral home and they outside, she had to gas station across the street.
• 44:21
  [SPEAKER_05]: of it all, because that Saturday at the day on the funeral, at least it was sunny.
• 44:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: But then Wednesday, I had his clothes, I had to go back there and approve a casket in details and go to the morgue.
• 44:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: Who's with you throughout it?
• 44:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: Nobody.
• 44:39
  [SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
• 44:41
  [SPEAKER_05]: My granddad did it.
• 44:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: My granddad was standing there in the morgue when my dad bought a guy there.
• 44:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: My granddad did it.
• 44:47
  [SPEAKER_05]: He told me about it.
• 44:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: I sat there and I was living with my grandparents.
• 44:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: I sat there and watched my granddad go through all of that stuff and protect this family and figure out how to get through that situation at six years old.
• 45:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: I watched it.
• 45:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'll never forget it.
• 45:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I just stole a page out of his book and I just got down to business.
• 45:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: I agree next week, but I need to make sure my son's mother, my son's stepdad were good people.
• 45:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: My mother.
• 45:19
  [SPEAKER_05]: And the rest of my kid is, and Mrs. and nephews, who was raised with Brennan, was protected.
• 45:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: So I had to lead, and I had to cry a year later.
• 45:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: I dealt with mine, mine came a year later.
• 45:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: See, a year later your son died all over again.
• 45:39
  [SPEAKER_05]: You just don't have a cascadence in flowers and condolences.
• 45:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's when it hit me a year later.
• 45:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: because I had to protect them and get everybody in counseling and get everybody in therapy and set up for therapists to come in the house and do family counseling spirit gain.
• 45:57
  [SPEAKER_05]: All of that stuff.
• 45:59
  [SPEAKER_05]: And it was just real some some details and some things that I had to do.
• 46:03
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I had my days when I was crying all this stuff.
• 46:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: But man a year later, that was like, that was like, um, uh,
• 46:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: I had to, I had to move the floor temporarily because I didn't, I couldn't be in the house.
• 46:19
  [SPEAKER_05]: So that was, that was rough, and it's still rough.
• 46:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: So I just can't imagine, and I'm a man.
• 46:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: I can't imagine where all these women going through with sons get killed.
• 46:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: My son was a murderer.
• 46:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: I don't have to go to court.
• 46:35
  [SPEAKER_05]: Guy, it's beams of sunlight coming through.
• 46:39
  [SPEAKER_05]: All of these dark, this big, dark cloud.
• 46:42
  [SPEAKER_05]: Guy giving you all of these beams of sunlight.
• 46:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: Well, you don't have to go to court.
• 46:47
  [SPEAKER_05]: Well, you don't have to face your child's murderer.
• 46:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: right well you do you you can go to a beach and get on a boat and go fishing and and and and and and get like all of these people it's a lot of people who kids get killed can't even bury them just a lady in California hurt both of her sons were killed I got too boys to
• 47:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: Momper her sons would kill, and then she didn't have money to bury him.
• 47:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: A week out of the brand of the house, I had to send money to L.A. to bury two more kids.
• 47:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: I didn't get into the details, it just needed to be done, and we just did it.
• 47:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: I never met the lady, never talked to the lady, lady, probably don't even know that I did it.
• 47:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
• 47:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: We sent that money to the funeral on the make of them boys buried, because I felt the pain.
• 47:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: I just couldn't imagine it had it been both of my son, and it could have been.
• 47:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: But God just had so much grace and mercy that he spared my other son.
• 47:42
  [SPEAKER_05]: So he goes a woman that lost both of her son and you have the resources.
• 47:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: So you need to do the right thing.
• 47:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: I didn't have to do it, but I did it because it was the right thing to do.
• 47:53
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I never talked about it until now.
• 47:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: So Rick, you have to go through all of this and then of course you're going through therapy and counseling, but do you think you actually really just kind of take
• 48:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: Oh yeah, yeah, that's what therapy done.
• 48:09
  [SPEAKER_05]: That therapy, I talk about it in the book.
• 48:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm just encouraging people man to go and get the help that they need because you can break your knee right now.
• 48:19
  [SPEAKER_05]: You can run out of that back, but it's not my tell your knee up.
• 48:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: You can go home and sit there and open up your body and pray all you want to.
• 48:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: But until you go to a doctor and get that knee x-ray and get a brace on that knee and get whatever knee replacement you have to get.
• 48:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: in order for the need to heal.
• 48:39
  [SPEAKER_05]: In the brain, there's a month or just like the need, right?
• 48:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: So you have to get a therapist.
• 48:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: Because God created therapists to help you process your pain, so you won't go crazy.
• 48:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: Or you won't fall into depression and stop eating and each door would have in hell.
• 48:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: Some people don't survive, they'll love one's death.
• 49:00
  [SPEAKER_05]: So I got to figure out how I'm going to survive, how am I going to live?
• 49:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: How would do I have to do?
• 49:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: I need to go get my man, right?
• 49:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: So I can work.
• 49:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: because bills have to be paid and other people have to be up because that's my calling.
• 49:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's what God called me to do.
• 49:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 49:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: And am I making any sense?
• 49:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, I was real.
• 49:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I do understand it.
• 49:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: I just see that many times, especially when it comes to me and me.
• 49:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, I say me and me.
• 49:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I just see sometimes that they carry the load.
• 49:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: That other should also be able to help with as well.
• 49:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know like I same my dad Like they see me and he may he be working and working now because I think in work 16 hours a day But then I turned 40 and the doctor telling me like hey bro
• 49:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like you got to get some rest, you got to do that, but it was like, this was all that I seen.
• 49:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then that's how the show came up.
• 49:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I got to love me a little bit more.
• 49:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got to love me and say, hey man, as much as I want to take care of everybody else.
• 50:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: And everybody got to be responsible for themselves.
• 50:03
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 50:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: And then with the insult to the injury, you know, there's a lot of time, a lot of people stabbed me in the bullet hole.
• 50:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: See, you think that is one thing, but what about the insult to the injury?
• 50:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: The people that do you wrong and that's insensitive to your grief?
• 50:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, as you know,
• 50:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: I've seen that in January, or whatever time it was.
• 50:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, man, my brother's grieving.
• 50:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: So when comics sit down and they decide to just be his flamboyant and transparent or whatever they feel, I think oftentimes, we don't necessarily understand what people are going through.
• 50:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: And these are like your colleagues, people that you've seen before that you worked with before.
• 50:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: How did you process debt without retaliation?
• 50:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: I know that because that is always been that, you know, it's not everybody's just like on like you, you know.
• 50:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: The boy when your friend brothers jumped on the bandwagon and did it, that hurt me, that hurt me.
• 51:03
  [SPEAKER_05]: People that you knew.
• 51:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: Your fraternity brothers, yeah, people that I didn't know that was members of the same organization that I'm a part of and made t-shirts and memes, pitching on website and cat this and cat that and all that stuff.
• 51:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, everything, that's a whole,
• 51:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, and the conversation that I'm open with and I have not my chapter brothers my of course My chapter brothers my side rule chapter brothers white he brothers and in the chapter I'm a part of alpha fine, but it was a lot of
• 51:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: That broken, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, if nothing else on this earth hurt me was that because that's what I put most of my resources into was was was was this organization.
• 52:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: Mm-hmm.
• 52:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: And, um...
• 52:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: It wasn't just that.
• 52:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: I had been dealing with it for a while.
• 52:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: I just tolerated it because I thought that it was a culture, not that my son has passed away.
• 52:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm not the same person.
• 52:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: And that's not okay with me.
• 52:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: That culture is not okay with me.
• 52:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: So I just deal with it at a local level.
• 52:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: Whenever I'm asked for, I asked to do it.
• 52:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: I respect them, I respect our founders.
• 52:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: As if what the organization was founded on, I'm still a member.
• 52:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I love what it's stand for.
• 52:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: But I'm not going to participate in certain things.
• 52:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: I can become cat or whatever.
• 52:42
  [SPEAKER_05]: And there's a lot of brothers that stand so to decide with me on that issue.
• 52:47
  [SPEAKER_05]: I would ever, you know, that ain't what this organization is about.
• 52:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: Well, you know, I didn't, I didn't meet Fauna Bill Cosby.
• 52:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: I never met Fauna, Jesse Jackson.
• 52:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: It just something's when it comes to certain bros, James Cunt.
• 53:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: And the thing about it is, we've made me feel real good.
• 53:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: Being crumped didn't feel that way.
• 53:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 53:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: Shack didn't feel that way.
• 53:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: James Cunt, Brian didn't feel that way.
• 53:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 53:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: our national president.
• 53:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: Ricky Lewis didn't feel that way.
• 53:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 53:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: So long as I had had real friends, you know, Brian White, dark nasty, you know, brothers, you know, that we know people that you went to college with.
• 53:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm mutual friends.
• 53:35
  [SPEAKER_05]: as long as they didn't turn it back on me, it's fine.
• 53:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't have to be like by everybody and it's okay.
• 53:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: So do you think that's what changed the most with you?
• 53:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I think you always kind of fear this in terms of what people thought about you.
• 53:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: But do you think you just hate to hold your love?
• 53:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: I used to care to a certain extent, but now I'm going through that.
• 53:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 53:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: Loosen the sun.
• 53:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: and being dragged on the internet for two months on the one-year anniversary of your son's death.
• 54:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: Man, if I can get through that, man, I can get through anything.
• 54:03
  [SPEAKER_05]: Man, I didn't start grieving until the one year.
• 54:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: And then I got the pill with, we, we, we, we, we, we, you've been to youth at the same time.
• 54:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: At the same time.
• 54:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: Jeez.
• 54:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: Then have bros texted me, making, they look with the bros, they ha ha ha.
• 54:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 54:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: We were spending to them.
• 54:21
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 54:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: I had no idea what's going on there when I was dealing with and what I was going through.
• 54:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I mean?
• 54:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: And it just still wanted the greatest organization ever, or let me just say just some people in it that just, that's how they get down, I don't get down that way.
• 54:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Rick, you know, as we land this plan, I got two pictures that I want to show you.
• 54:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I want you to think about that version of who Ricky Smiley is.
• 54:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: What?
• 54:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: Boy, I remember that shirt.
• 54:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: That shirt was, that shirt used to go holler.
• 54:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: He'd don't go holler night off.
• 54:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: What's your mean?
• 55:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: That down, collar too.
• 55:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: I don't do that because you were at the same shirt on back when that.
• 55:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: That was in 2000.
• 55:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know what I'm just saying.
• 55:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: When I was coming to you, that's what the college was.
• 55:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: It wouldn't know college like that.
• 55:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: But hell I ain't got no neck.
• 55:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: If it did, that I'd just be here in the show.
• 55:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: And they're looking at a little bit of that, uh, that that's the heart of your mustache from family feud.
• 55:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: That is.
• 55:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: What was, who was Ricky there?
• 55:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: Young and just doing fine shows in one day, ripping and running all over the country.
• 55:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: But the kids in the dressing room ran into the dressing room ran into the dressing room.
• 55:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 55:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: Right.
• 55:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: And uh, yeah.
• 55:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Nineteen 79 color stealer.
• 55:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: You got your lukewarm.
• 55:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I had the chair.
• 55:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I had I had I had the box chair.
• 55:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: No, I had just bought a four expedition Eddie Bauer version.
• 55:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: What with the little brown at the bottom?
• 55:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: Eddie with the silver rims.
• 55:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: Will that stop?
• 55:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: What?
• 55:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: Will it end the interview?
• 55:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: You couldn't, you was rich, you was a rich.
• 56:00
  [SPEAKER_05]: Any Bible?
• 56:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: End the interview, I'm done talking.
• 56:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: Right there, you had an early brand new black one off the show room flow.
• 56:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: With the brown at the bottom.
• 56:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, cool lady, that's how my friend cool lady had to call me.
• 56:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Dry nothing all over the country.
• 56:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: Boy, you thought you was something.
• 56:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: Had a cracker, you could drive by me,
• 56:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: And he ain't going to go to sleep.
• 56:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, uh, I'll need some coffee.
• 56:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's how it'll be.
• 56:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
• 56:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: Look at the look and the eyes and look at the look and the eyes and the oven.
• 56:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: You can see it on the picture.
• 56:47
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 56:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: Look at that.
• 56:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: In a sense, just.
• 56:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: Now, look it down.
• 56:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: Look at that.
• 56:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: Even though I have a smile on my face, look at the sand.
• 56:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: Just look deep in, and you know what, was really deep.
• 56:59
  [SPEAKER_05]: I see people with that look on their face on, like I'm looking on that picture.
• 57:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: I know that they have lost their kids without them even telling me.
• 57:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: I can see it from a mile away.
• 57:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: And it's like something you recognize.
• 57:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: You can recognize a new, when you see one, I can recognize a man or woman that have lost their kid about a way they look at me and write the way I look at them.
• 57:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: They feel like it's show.
• 57:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm gonna love the thing.
• 57:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: I can just look at their eyes until it's like zombies.
• 57:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's like you walking down this dark road, and somebody's coming off the dark road and they're looking at you and they'd be like, they kind of give you a nod and it's like, they went through what you went through.
• 57:41
  [SPEAKER_05]: They had that look in the eye.
• 57:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm telling you man, this interview is great, but the book,
• 57:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: You might want to have some food because you're not going to put it down, you're not going to have it in audio for people that have ADHD like me that don't like to sit down and read.
• 58:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: I have it in audio that like listed to the audio version in the car is deep.
• 58:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: It's inspirational, you're going to be able to anybody suffered a loss.
• 58:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: should definitely read this book and let me clear something up.
• 58:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm not here to down organization that I'm a part of, or whatever, but what happened happened.
• 58:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm here to talk about what happened.
• 58:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 58:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I tie all of that into the one year anniversary of my son's death and don't get mad at me because you didn't want to give me something to talk about when you did.
• 58:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 58:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: No way.
• 58:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Y'all carry on.
• 58:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, listen, I mean at the end of the day,
• 58:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm glad you got an opportunity to get this book out of you.
• 58:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: To be able to get all of these feelings out.
• 58:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Cause I'm beyond this with you.
• 58:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: When Brandon passed, and I just saying you keep going and going and going, I just pray.
• 58:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was just like, God, I mean, just give him a time to be out there, connecting with great people.
• 59:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: So he can, you know, continue to move the way he needs to move.
• 59:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: But because ultimately, helpers is going to help.
• 59:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: And takers are going to keep on taking until you decide to set up a true border and about.
• 59:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: and people like yourself, people been good at me.
• 59:16
  [SPEAKER_05]: Atlanta airport, walking through the airport, got me built up every time I had to do a show, it seemed like I would go through Atlanta airport from the TSA agents to the ticket agents to people just, some people walked by and just heard me and heard me tight and went even say a word.
• 59:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: And we just end up with just walk away from him and believe me sitting there with tears like they just taking some of that grief off of me.
• 59:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: They just had so much love, just hug you.
• 59:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 59:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: So God, and they'll say God bless you and they walk off that airport, man.
• 59:47
  [SPEAKER_05]: Just hug that love.
• 59:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: It will always be a special place for the rest of my life.
• 59:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: People that prayed for you and pulled you to the side and prayed for you and prayed the genuine love and how sincere people was.
• 1:00:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: My child, the brothers, I'm from five, that got there to my son's funeral in parked cars and directed and guided and did all this stuff.
• 1:00:11
  [SPEAKER_05]: I will be forever grateful.
• 1:00:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: I get emotional.
• 1:00:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: like when I started talking about Alpha 5, how they showed up and how they showed up for them.
• 1:00:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: And every time I'm trying to do anything, how they just show up.
• 1:00:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: They're gonna show up.
• 1:00:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: I would never ever forget that.
• 1:00:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: And that's why I feel the way I feel about them because the way they treat me during some of my worst times.
• 1:00:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I appreciate this opportunity.
• 1:00:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, listen and we're going to show for you.
• 1:00:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Listen, let me do this real quick.
• 1:00:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: So to anybody's watching right now, here's the cast 22.
• 1:00:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I do understand that there is a lot of people on the other side of this camera probably saying thank you.
• 1:00:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for being honest Ricky with your vulnerable, you know, being vulnerable with the situation that you've been in.
• 1:00:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, when I look at Ricky Smiley and I see everything that's on this plate and all the people that he had the opportunity to connect with on radio and television, et cetera, et cetera.
• 1:01:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think what I heard today is here's a person who understands the column and the responsibility that's on his life.
• 1:01:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: And on the other side of this camera, sometimes with the popularity of social media,
• 1:01:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: people are able to make a situation so much worse, especially when you already have a wound.
• 1:01:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so my challenge to you, and I know it's going to sound weird, especially if you grew up like me where you think everybody who goes to therapy actually crazy, right?
• 1:01:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, that's how I used to be when I was coming up.
• 1:01:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know that boy going to see the strength, right?
• 1:01:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: On full transparency, I've been in therapy for the last five years.
• 1:01:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I know that many of us, especially Christians, we believe that when we take things to the altar,
• 1:01:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: we know that we're going to take it to the altar and we're going to leave it there.
• 1:01:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and your spirit, but what I've learned is that you've got to have more tools on your toolbox so when that thing come back up, you'll have some tools to get through it.
• 1:01:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want to challenge you in this moment that if there is an opportunity for you to go out and get some extra help before it's too late.
• 1:02:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: do it.
• 1:02:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 1:02:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's nothing embarrassing about going out doing what you have to do to make sure that you take care of what God gave you and that's your mind.
• 1:02:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right?
• 1:02:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Think on these things.
• 1:02:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's going to be your mind.
• 1:02:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: And of course, I always challenge you to know that the biggest room in the world is to run for improvement.
• 1:02:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: And therapy is a beautiful way to improve.
• 1:02:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you have audible, if you have Barnes & Noble, if you online, make sure that you pick up this book.
• 1:02:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: I just started reading.
• 1:02:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I want to tell you, like, transparency is always key.
• 1:02:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: I believe that what comes from the heart is going to reach the heart, because the word heart is H, E, A, R, T. If you drop the H and you drop the T, you have the word ear.
• 1:02:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I believe this book is going to speak to the ear in your heart.
• 1:02:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because there's something on the inside of you that needs a little help in a little healing.
• 1:03:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: And through this, I just believe by faith that you'll get better.
• 1:03:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you'll learn how to love you more.
• 1:03:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you Ricky for hanging out with me, subscribe to this channel.
• 1:03:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love you.
• 1:03:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, my pleasure.