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Side Effects · Everyone Has An Ex

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Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma mea podcast Muma Mer acknowledges the
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Speaker 1: traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is
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Speaker 1: recorded on We spend a lot of time talking and
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Speaker 1: thinking about romantic relationships, searching for and finding that one
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Speaker 1: person who'll enrich your life, who'll choose you and only
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Speaker 1: you even change your last name. But what about friendships,
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Speaker 1: Those deep, unbreakable bonds, the ones who make your life
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Speaker 1: better without the strings attached, Those soulmate level best friends.
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Speaker 1: They're the person you call with good news, the one
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Speaker 1: you laugh and cry with, the one you run to
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Speaker 1: when your heart is broken. They know your secrets, your history,
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Speaker 1: your dreams, every side and every version of you. You
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Speaker 1: just couldn't imagine life without them. But you don't have to,
1:01
Speaker 1: because you know through all of life's ups and downs,
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Speaker 1: the good times and the bad, They'll always be there,
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Speaker 1: won't they. I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has
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Speaker 1: an ex best Friend. Come with me as we dive
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Speaker 1: into a collection of stories about friendships past through the
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Speaker 1: eyes and the hearts of the very people who lived them.
1:31
Speaker 1: I want to take you back to two thousand and five.
1:34
Speaker 1: Pop culture was defined by the iconic motorol eraser, you
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Speaker 1: downloaded music on LimeWire, carefully and savagely, curated your top
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Speaker 1: eight friends on MySpace, and blasted fall our boy through
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Speaker 1: your iPod shuffle. And for Sarah, it was also the
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Speaker 1: year she met Laura.
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Speaker 2: I was in year eight when I met Laura. They
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Speaker 2: were part of the cool group of girls and I
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Speaker 2: was more of the nerdy group of girls. We eventually
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Speaker 2: made friends over time, being in class together, and back
2:00
Speaker 2: at that stage, MSN was massive on the chat system,
2:03
Speaker 2: so we became closer and closer over that time. We'd
2:07
Speaker 2: spent all night on the cordless landline talking to each
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Speaker 2: other till about midnight. We both didn't love going to school,
2:14
Speaker 2: so we would definitely have a lot of sick days
2:16
Speaker 2: and we'd spend the day on the phone all day
2:19
Speaker 2: together talking. At school, we were always together on weekends.
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Speaker 2: We always had constant sleepovers, and everyone kind of knew
2:26
Speaker 2: us as the two girls who would go to the
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Speaker 2: open party houses would sometimes be kissing the boys and
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Speaker 2: just enjoying being that fourteen fifteen year old age bracket.
2:36
Speaker 2: I guess the things that made us so attached was
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Speaker 2: we were both a bit boy obsessed at that age,
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Speaker 2: we loved makeup, so we were always talking about makeup, hair,
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Speaker 2: and also just general life stuff that we'd bond about
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Speaker 2: about school, going shopping.
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Speaker 3: We'd go do weekends in the city.
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Speaker 2: We'd catch the train in and it was just over time,
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Speaker 2: the friendship grew and you became each other's safe person.
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Speaker 1: But once high school ended and they were no longer
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Speaker 1: seeing each other all day every day, that began to change.
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Speaker 2: So when we were about sixteen seventeen, we slowly grew
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Speaker 2: apart from each other. Both of us had left school
3:09
Speaker 2: to pursue working full time. We had met and made
3:14
Speaker 2: new friends being at work, so we weren't together twenty
3:17
Speaker 2: four to seven, and we would still see each other
3:20
Speaker 2: on weekends, but then slowly it started to drift apart.
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Speaker 3: I think just we had a.
3:25
Speaker 2: Whole new life to explore outside of school and we
3:27
Speaker 2: didn't really need each other to be each other's survival guide.
3:30
Speaker 2: At school, we were still friends, but it probably honestly
3:33
Speaker 2: went a couple of years where we hadn't spoken to
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Speaker 2: each other at all.
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Speaker 1: But the friendship gods had other ideas, and fate eventually intervened.
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Speaker 2: I was working one night at the local shopping center
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Speaker 2: and they came in and we started chatting, and they
3:48
Speaker 2: were looking for a new job, and I said, oh,
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Speaker 2: there's actually a job going at my work. How about
3:52
Speaker 2: you give me your resume and we'll get you in
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Speaker 2: for an interview. They got the job, and it was
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Speaker 2: like literally the last couple of years hadn't happened. I
4:00
Speaker 2: went back to her family house, I saw her family,
4:02
Speaker 2: she saw mine again, and we didn't really ever speak
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Speaker 2: about that period where we both fell out and didn't
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Speaker 2: really talk to each other. It was like swept under
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Speaker 2: the rug and we just continued out normal daily life.
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Speaker 2: I think as you get older, you meet people in
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Speaker 2: your life, and if they come back into your life,
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Speaker 2: I think they're meant to be there for some reason.
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Speaker 2: And I felt like she was everything to me. I
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Speaker 2: was single at the time, so we just spent all
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Speaker 2: our time together and she knew all my deepest, darkest secrets.
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Speaker 3: I knew all hers. And I think as you.
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Speaker 2: Get older, friendships develop and they get deeper and deeper.
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Speaker 2: They're not like the friendships she had going through primary
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Speaker 2: school and high school. We were close again. She was
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Speaker 2: my best friend, with text all day. It would spend
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Speaker 2: weekends together. If we both weren't working and we would
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Speaker 2: take our lunch breaks together, she would always listen to me.
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Speaker 2: She always stood up for me, so I think I
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Speaker 2: always knew she had my back, and she had a
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Speaker 2: really good family dynamic that I probably didn't have as
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Speaker 2: much at home. So I really enjoyed going to their house,
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Speaker 2: having dinner, having sleepover still even when we were older,
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Speaker 2: and just being there for each other. It just made
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Speaker 2: me feel special, like it made me feel like we
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Speaker 2: could do anything together, like we were just so close
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Speaker 2: that I could tell her anything, and that's what I
5:19
Speaker 2: felt like, I could call her up if there was
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Speaker 2: anything to go wrong. I'm not the closest to my mum,
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Speaker 2: so I think it really helped having her as nearly
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Speaker 2: a maternal figure in my life, even though we were
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Speaker 2: the same age. I just felt like she could give
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Speaker 2: me any advice I ever needed and would be the
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Speaker 2: person I would turn to to ask any sort of
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Speaker 2: important question. I could have called her any time, any night,
5:41
Speaker 2: and she would have answered the phone to me. She'd
5:44
Speaker 2: never wanted anyone else to get super close to me,
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Speaker 2: so she was always could come off a bit cold
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Speaker 2: and people to think she'd be a bit rude where
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Speaker 2: with me, I never received that at my end, but
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Speaker 2: I could see it coming through to other people. She
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Speaker 2: would only open up to me, like when we are
6:02
Speaker 2: really close. It was only really me involved in her friendship.
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Speaker 2: There was a few other friends in the background, but
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Speaker 2: really I was her number one person.
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Speaker 1: But there soon came a time when Laura did meet
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Speaker 1: another number one person, a guy named Ben. But having
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Speaker 1: a boyfriend didn't change Sarah's position as Laura's closest person.
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Speaker 1: It just meant that top spot would now be shared,
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Speaker 1: and Sarah didn't mind one bit.
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Speaker 2: He seemed great. He seemed very caring. It poppy took
6:28
Speaker 2: about three months into her coming back into my life
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Speaker 2: and us working together to meet him. I'd gone over
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Speaker 2: to their house and they just moved into a new place,
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Speaker 2: and they seemed really happy. He seemed like you'd do
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Speaker 2: anything for her, and she was one of, as I said,
6:42
Speaker 2: a bit cold that it took a while for if
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Speaker 2: she was dating someone to get to that close aspect,
6:47
Speaker 2: so I knew it was serious.
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Speaker 3: When they moved in.
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Speaker 2: Together, I was really happy for them. I didn't see
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Speaker 2: her as much on the weekends as we used to do. Obviously,
6:56
Speaker 2: people getting in relationships, their priorities change, but she was
6:59
Speaker 2: still always texting me, but she was hanging out more
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Speaker 2: with him on the weekends and than seeing me and
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Speaker 2: going out and partying. I think every gets a little
7:10
Speaker 2: bit envious of their best friend finding a decent partner
7:14
Speaker 2: and then being so happy, and you kind of being
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Speaker 2: the one in the background who's single, who's like the
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Speaker 2: third wheel, watching them big que and you're just sitting
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Speaker 2: there by yourself. I think I'd been single for about
7:25
Speaker 2: six to twelve months by that stage, and I asked her, like,
7:29
Speaker 2: does he have any cute friends you can introduce me to?
7:32
Speaker 2: And she said, look, we're going to have like a
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Speaker 2: housewarming thing. I want you to come. There's some friends
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Speaker 2: coming who are single, but there's one in particular who
7:39
Speaker 2: I think you would get along with really well. His
7:42
Speaker 2: name was Sam. So we met on a night before
7:44
Speaker 2: we went out. We had a housewarming at their house
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Speaker 2: and I was getting dressed with the girls in the
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Speaker 2: room and we were all giggling and I'd put on
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Speaker 2: a dress and I was like, oh, I can't get this.
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Speaker 2: After the girls were like, go ask Sam to do
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Speaker 2: your dress up. So I went out there and he
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Speaker 2: made a crack, like on none of the girls could
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Speaker 2: help you, could they? And from that night on we
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Speaker 2: were basically it was on. Like we went out together
8:07
Speaker 2: that night, we had a cheeky kiss on the dance floor,
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Speaker 2: and I was just really happy. I couldn't leave this nice,
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Speaker 2: normal guy was into me.
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Speaker 1: By the time they were twenty two, Sarah and Laura
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Speaker 1: had reached peak friendship goals. They were best friends, dating
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Speaker 1: best friends, spending weekends together, celebrating milestones, and building lives
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Speaker 1: that seemed to just fit together perfectly. It felt like
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Speaker 1: the best of both worlds, and they couldn't have and
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Speaker 1: didn't want to imagine life any differently. Then came two
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Speaker 1: of life's bigots milestones. Laura and Ben got engaged, and
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Speaker 1: shortly after found out they were expecting a bub I was.
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Speaker 2: Just so happy for them because we were quite young.
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Speaker 2: We were about twenty three at that age, so it
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Speaker 2: was so exciting that they were having a baby, and
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Speaker 2: it just made me really appreciate that I could be
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Speaker 2: there for them why they're going through this also hard
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Speaker 2: but exciting time. I thought it would definitely change as
9:01
Speaker 2: in even more closer because I'd be there to help
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Speaker 2: her with the babies and be there to help her
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Speaker 2: through pregnancy, like take care of her. Obviously we were
9:08
Speaker 2: working together. I could help her in that way. If
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Speaker 2: she was feeling sick or anything, I could be there
9:13
Speaker 2: to help her. But I remember just being so excited
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Speaker 2: at that point. My relation at the time was still
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Speaker 2: going really well. We were happy, we were happy for them,
9:23
Speaker 2: and again I thought this was the endgame. I was like, perfect,
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Speaker 2: I can see how this plays out for them, and
9:27
Speaker 2: then see how it will play out for us. Laura
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Speaker 2: really wanted me to get pregnant too, and I just
9:33
Speaker 2: wasn't ready at that stage.
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Speaker 3: But she's like, if you get pregnant, we have babies together.
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Speaker 3: And Sam and I.
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Speaker 2: Sam definitely didn't want kids at that stage, and I
9:40
Speaker 2: was like, I'm not going to trap him to get pregnant,
9:43
Speaker 2: but it would have been nice to have kids close together.
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Speaker 2: But it was really good. Sam and I would go
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Speaker 2: shopping on the weekends to get the baby clothes, and
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Speaker 2: it just strengthened us all being together because we'd be
9:53
Speaker 2: happy to come around and just hang out and just
9:56
Speaker 2: chill with them. When the baby was born, I was
9:59
Speaker 2: really there for Laura like I would have Mondays off,
10:02
Speaker 2: So every Monday I'd go around and spend my day
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Speaker 2: with her at home. I'd bring McDonald's or bring some
10:08
Speaker 2: type of food, helpful of the washing, hold the baby
10:11
Speaker 2: so she could shower. So every Monday I was basically
10:14
Speaker 2: at her house, stepping up and helping her out. Because
10:17
Speaker 2: I think being a young mum you can also feel
10:19
Speaker 2: a bit distance from everyone else. So I just wanted
10:22
Speaker 2: to be there to support her, to show times won't
10:24
Speaker 2: change because.
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Speaker 3: You've had a baby. I'll still be here for you.
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Speaker 2: We were probably closer as in an emotional level because
10:31
Speaker 2: she was a new mom. I was there helping her,
10:33
Speaker 2: helping the baby all the time, and I felt like, yeah,
10:37
Speaker 2: it was an emotional level. And then she'd asked Sam
10:39
Speaker 2: and I to be godparents and we were blown away.
10:42
Speaker 2: We aren't cofflick at all that they were and we
10:45
Speaker 2: were more than happy to step up for that challenge
10:48
Speaker 2: and that big role. At this stage, Laura had had
10:52
Speaker 2: a second baby. The babies were born very close together,
10:55
Speaker 2: and we just felt so special. I still remember that
10:58
Speaker 2: day and have the photos and look back on it
11:00
Speaker 2: of all of us standing up at the church together
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Speaker 2: and having the babies in our arms, and it just
11:05
Speaker 2: felt like these people trust me with their children if
11:08
Speaker 2: anything was to happen to them, and they also trust
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Speaker 2: me in a way that they think I can guide
11:14
Speaker 2: their children in life if they have any questions. Sam
11:18
Speaker 2: felt honored too, because I was so close with them
11:20
Speaker 2: and he was also close. So we always did anything
11:23
Speaker 2: for the kids that needed to be done. We were
11:25
Speaker 2: always spoiling them, and he saw how happy I was
11:28
Speaker 2: with the kids too.
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Speaker 1: But it was around this time, three years into her
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Speaker 1: relationship with Sam, Sarah began to notice something had changed.
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Speaker 1: As Laura and Ben settled into the next chapter of
11:39
Speaker 1: their lives, Sarah couldn't help but feel like her own
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Speaker 1: relationship was beginning to unravel.
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Speaker 3: I loved being there with the baby.
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Speaker 2: I was then feeling a bit clucky myself, but I
11:48
Speaker 2: knew Sam wasn't ready to have kids at all.
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Speaker 3: Things changed over time.
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Speaker 2: He was still going out quite a lot, where Ben
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Speaker 2: had settled down and had the kids and wasn't going out,
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Speaker 2: and I was still at home waiting for Sam to
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Speaker 2: text me at thram to say if he was coming
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Speaker 2: home to me. It slowly made me lose trust because
12:06
Speaker 2: I would be away all night waiting to hear from him,
12:10
Speaker 2: and he wouldn't respond or come home. I would be
12:13
Speaker 2: over at Laura's mum's house crying, saying like I can't like,
12:17
Speaker 2: this is horrible. He's out drinking all weekend and I'm
12:19
Speaker 2: the last thing on his mind. And her mum would
12:22
Speaker 2: say like, You've got to think about this long term.
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Speaker 3: If you have children, what will that look like. Laura
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Speaker 3: was also supportive.
12:28
Speaker 2: She was like, he'll grow out of it once you
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Speaker 2: have a child, and I was like, I don't know
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Speaker 2: if he will. Like there was those red flags at
12:35
Speaker 2: the start, but it got worse I think over time,
12:38
Speaker 2: because Laura had had a baby and she was at
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Speaker 2: home with her partner and they were so happy, where
12:43
Speaker 2: my partner was still out drinking like they were eighteen again.
12:47
Speaker 2: I'd constantly be leaning on Laura, being like, he's not
12:50
Speaker 2: coming home, he's not answering, and she'd be the person
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Speaker 2: i'd call when we would have the big blow ups
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Speaker 2: and say, this has happened this time, what should I do?
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Speaker 3: And I just think he wasn't ready.
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Speaker 2: It maybe scared him a bit to see them settle
13:02
Speaker 2: down and be happy, and he was like, no, I'm
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Speaker 2: not about that. Her advice would be, you can't keep
13:09
Speaker 2: living like this in this anxiety state of when he's
13:11
Speaker 2: coming home. And also it's not acceptable for him to
13:14
Speaker 2: go out and not tell you if he's coming home
13:16
Speaker 2: or not, because I obviously would think what about if
13:18
Speaker 2: he's had an accident, something could have happened. And it
13:22
Speaker 2: was just a constant state that I was constantly calling
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Speaker 2: Laura every weekend because this had happened. She was really
13:29
Speaker 2: supportive if she'd listen. Her mum was supportive too, because we.
13:32
Speaker 3: Were all close.
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Speaker 2: Laura and Sam still stayed very good friends through this
13:37
Speaker 2: whole time. But she knew the other side of him
13:40
Speaker 2: that probably no one else knew, that he was out
13:43
Speaker 2: every weekend and could get nasty when he would drink
13:46
Speaker 2: and just basically forget about all these responsibilities. So she
13:49
Speaker 2: was always on my side, I felt, but she knew
13:53
Speaker 2: more detail than anyone else. I always felt like Laura
13:58
Speaker 2: was backing me one hundred percent. She would ask me
14:00
Speaker 2: to come over if they were going out, so I
14:03
Speaker 2: wouldn't be alone sitting at home. I would go over
14:06
Speaker 2: and see the way they communicate Ben and Laura, and
14:08
Speaker 2: then I would go home and see the way Sam
14:10
Speaker 2: and I would communicate and it was completely different. I
14:13
Speaker 2: wanted what they had in my head. They had the
14:15
Speaker 2: fairy tale life, and I was living the worst life.
14:19
Speaker 2: And a lot of people didn't know, apart from Laura,
14:21
Speaker 2: how bad things had gotten at home. I think I
14:24
Speaker 2: was embarrassed to admit that my relationship that looked so
14:27
Speaker 2: good was so falling apart at home, like I would
14:31
Speaker 2: spend every weekend alone, or I'd be with my friends constantly,
14:35
Speaker 2: and everyone thought we were together and so happy, And
14:37
Speaker 2: you don't want to admit that there's failure going on,
14:40
Speaker 2: because once you admit it, you know.
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Speaker 3: That there is a problem.
14:44
Speaker 2: I felt awkward to know that we were most likely
14:47
Speaker 2: going to break up at this point, and I knew
14:49
Speaker 2: it wouldn't just affect Sam and I. It was going
14:51
Speaker 2: to affect our friendship group of the four of us
14:54
Speaker 2: hanging out. Basically, Laura had known what was happening. We
14:57
Speaker 2: were in couples therapy, we were discussing everything, and one
15:01
Speaker 2: day I just woke up and said to her, like
15:03
Speaker 2: I'm done.
15:03
Speaker 3: I can't do this anymore.
15:05
Speaker 2: And I still remember I went out and spoke to
15:07
Speaker 2: Sam and I said, I can't live in anxious state anymore.
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Speaker 2: You're not changing your ways, you're not taking on anything
15:15
Speaker 2: on board. And I remember Laura saying, like, You've got
15:18
Speaker 2: to do what's best for you, but I'm really worried
15:21
Speaker 2: about you.
15:22
Speaker 1: It was only natural for Laura to be worried. Breakups
15:25
Speaker 1: are never easy, and no one understands your heartbreak quite
15:28
Speaker 1: like your best friend. Laura had been there through every moment,
15:31
Speaker 1: heard every story, celebrated every milestone, and witnessed every red
15:35
Speaker 1: flag and the cracks as they began to form. As
15:38
Speaker 1: painful as it was to admit, Sarah knew breaking up
15:41
Speaker 1: was the right decision, but she knew, no matter how hard,
15:43
Speaker 1: the next stage was going to be, her best friend
15:46
Speaker 1: would be right there by her side.
15:48
Speaker 3: When I told Sam that you know I was done,
15:50
Speaker 3: it was done. He was great.
15:52
Speaker 2: For the first six weeks that we were separated, I
15:54
Speaker 2: was still living there. Laura couldn't believe it, but we
15:57
Speaker 2: still lived together. We still slept in the same bed.
16:00
Speaker 2: Nothing ever happened, but I needed to find a place
16:03
Speaker 2: for myself. He owned the place we were living in, so
16:06
Speaker 2: I really had to start from scratch. I'd never lived
16:08
Speaker 2: out a home before, and he said I could stay
16:10
Speaker 2: as long as I needed. At that point, our relationship
16:13
Speaker 2: had ended amicabul. We were fine, we were happy. We're
16:17
Speaker 2: basically doing everything you'd do in a relationship apart from
16:19
Speaker 2: the sexual sides of things. But then I noticed that
16:22
Speaker 2: Laura was slowly moving away. There was just little things
16:26
Speaker 2: I could tell. Wasn't asking too many questions about where
16:29
Speaker 2: I was going to live or what I was going
16:31
Speaker 2: to do. She kept just saying I'm really worried about
16:33
Speaker 2: your mental health constantly. I think my mental health had
16:36
Speaker 2: really declined in that relationship with Sam. I'd put on
16:39
Speaker 2: a lot of weight. Looking back at the photos, I think,
16:41
Speaker 2: oh my god, how had I got like that? So
16:44
Speaker 2: I think she was worried that I would have a
16:46
Speaker 2: mental breakdown. But to be honest, I was the happiest
16:49
Speaker 2: i'd been making that decision in the last fourteen months
16:52
Speaker 2: of the relationship. But she just kept saying I'm worried
16:55
Speaker 2: about your mental health constant, and I was like, I
16:57
Speaker 2: don't need that reminder about my mental health. And something
17:01
Speaker 2: that sticks with me really vividly is at that time,
17:04
Speaker 2: she kept tagging me on Instagram to win a wedding,
17:07
Speaker 2: and eventually I had to say to it I have
17:09
Speaker 2: to stop tagging me in this. I'm just going through
17:11
Speaker 2: a major breakup and you're tagging me to win a wedding,
17:15
Speaker 2: Like I can't do that.
17:16
Speaker 3: Stop tagging me.
17:18
Speaker 1: The split was an adjustment for everyone, having been so
17:21
Speaker 1: entwined in each other's lives. Things felt a little awkward, sure,
17:25
Speaker 1: but Sarah was confident everything would settle into the new
17:28
Speaker 1: normal with time. For now, she just needed some space
17:31
Speaker 1: to heal and look towards her next chapter.
17:33
Speaker 2: I found my only little place, and I was happy.
17:36
Speaker 2: I actually was like relieved. I wasn't crying myself to
17:39
Speaker 2: sleep every night. I missed the friendship side of things
17:42
Speaker 2: with Sam, but I knew I was a lot better.
17:45
Speaker 2: I wasn't all weekends sitting up waiting for him to
17:48
Speaker 2: text me. Laura was still making contact with me, kept
17:52
Speaker 2: saying still worried about your mental health, and I was like,
17:54
Speaker 2: I am good, Like you should pick up. I'm feeling great.
17:58
Speaker 2: And then things slowly started to decline. I didn't hear
18:02
Speaker 2: from her as much, even though I was reaching out.
18:04
Speaker 2: But also I felt like if my friend was going
18:07
Speaker 2: through a major breakup, I'd be there for them. It's
18:10
Speaker 2: just showing up, dropping some food off or coming over
18:13
Speaker 2: with the kids when it's the weekend. I was seeing
18:15
Speaker 2: the kids for a little bit, but then it slowly
18:18
Speaker 2: just changed. I'd got a new job, which I was
18:21
Speaker 2: so thankful for, so like a fresh start, so I
18:23
Speaker 2: didn't have those Mondays off anymore where i'd have the time,
18:26
Speaker 2: so I really only had the weekends off, and then
18:29
Speaker 2: her partner Ben would be around, so it kind of
18:32
Speaker 2: changed the dynamic that the first time i'd seen Ben
18:34
Speaker 2: after the breakup, it was like a little bit awkward,
18:37
Speaker 2: but it just I think my lifestyle changed too. I
18:41
Speaker 2: went from being in a relationship to all of a
18:44
Speaker 2: sudden being single, living alone, working Monday to Friday again,
18:48
Speaker 2: so I didn't have obviously as much time as I
18:50
Speaker 2: used to go over there.
18:51
Speaker 1: And then the inevitable happened.
18:54
Speaker 2: I found out Sam had a new girlfriend because I
18:56
Speaker 2: had keys still to his house. I was picking up
18:58
Speaker 2: the dogs at this stage because we were still co
19:00
Speaker 2: sharing them, and I went to the bathroom and saw
19:03
Speaker 2: a face cleanser, So I knew there was a girl around,
19:07
Speaker 2: but I didn't know it was that serious that we
19:09
Speaker 2: will leave makeup products around, And that's basically when things
19:13
Speaker 2: kicked off between us because it'd only been I think
19:16
Speaker 2: about six to seven weeks i'd been moved out, and
19:19
Speaker 2: to me, that was wild and things actually then got
19:23
Speaker 2: quite nasty between us. So I'd messaged Laura and been like,
19:27
Speaker 2: I've found this. She said I'd had an inkling he
19:30
Speaker 2: was seeing someone. There had been talk amongst the boys.
19:34
Speaker 2: I don't know how serious it is, but I know
19:36
Speaker 2: they met at the local pub. But it hurt my
19:39
Speaker 2: feelings because I think I would have rather found out
19:41
Speaker 2: for Laura that hey, I've heard Sam's met someone, so
19:44
Speaker 2: it's not that much of a shock to the system.
19:46
Speaker 2: I could process it myself alone. I understood why she
19:51
Speaker 2: probably didn't say anything because she knew it would have
19:53
Speaker 2: hurt me, but I think I would have rather the
19:56
Speaker 2: heads up to just know that was going on. And you,
19:59
Speaker 2: obviously her pority is her partner, but I think, girl Codis,
20:03
Speaker 2: you probably should have just mentioned something. It made me
20:06
Speaker 2: feel like, what else do you know that's going on
20:08
Speaker 2: that I don't really I know because I feel like
20:11
Speaker 2: she felt a tug to be with her partner and
20:14
Speaker 2: his friends and kind of ruled out that we'd known
20:17
Speaker 2: each other since high school and we were actually the friends.
20:20
Speaker 2: It wasn't you hadn't met me through your partner. I
20:23
Speaker 2: felt abandoned, not only by the breakup with Sam, but
20:28
Speaker 2: also I felt more hurt from the friendship with Laura
20:31
Speaker 2: than my breakup, because it slowly started to decline. It
20:34
Speaker 2: was like I was going through a breakup, but also
20:36
Speaker 2: then it was starting to be a friendship breakup too,
20:39
Speaker 2: So I really needed my best friend.
20:42
Speaker 1: But just when Sarah needed her most, Laura went missing
20:45
Speaker 1: from her life, at least in physical form.
20:49
Speaker 2: I was on Instagram one day and I saw her
20:51
Speaker 2: post a photo with Sam's new partner. We'd been broken
20:56
Speaker 2: up for about three or four months at this stage,
20:58
Speaker 2: and she posted a photo with her, and that broke
21:02
Speaker 2: my heart, Like I could not believe that. I was
21:04
Speaker 2: happy for Sam that he'd met someone new, but seeing
21:08
Speaker 2: her post that photo with her, I was like, there
21:10
Speaker 2: was no need to do that, because you know I'm
21:12
Speaker 2: going to see that. I was just like, I would
21:15
Speaker 2: never do that, because especially when you know that I'm
21:18
Speaker 2: going to see it. I think you could have also said, hey,
21:21
Speaker 2: I'm going to an event. Sam's new partner's going to
21:24
Speaker 2: be there, and I would have said thanks for the
21:25
Speaker 2: heads up, but posting it on social media for everyone
21:28
Speaker 2: to see that knewest both and knew that Sam and
21:31
Speaker 2: I were together and had broken up.
21:33
Speaker 3: It was really just.
21:34
Speaker 2: Like a sting to my heart. It hurt more than
21:36
Speaker 2: the breakup with Sam. And then constantly more photos were
21:40
Speaker 2: appearing of them together or they're made events together, and
21:44
Speaker 2: it just at that point I wasn't really hearing from
21:47
Speaker 2: Laura anymore. I did bring it up with her because
21:50
Speaker 2: I said stop, like I don't want to see any
21:52
Speaker 2: of that. And that's when I took a step back
21:54
Speaker 2: and actually blocked myself from viewing her stories because I thought,
21:58
Speaker 2: if this is going to keep coming up constantly, it's
22:00
Speaker 2: best for me and my mental health to just put
22:02
Speaker 2: a stop to it so I can't see it at all.
22:05
Speaker 2: I know I would just keep looking at the stories NonStop,
22:07
Speaker 2: and then that gets worse and worse and.
22:09
Speaker 3: You end up in a hole.
22:10
Speaker 2: And I didn't really want to see them with the
22:12
Speaker 2: new partner with the kids either, because that would have
22:14
Speaker 2: really hurt me because at this stage I hadn't seen
22:16
Speaker 2: the kids for ages and like they were such a
22:20
Speaker 2: big part of my life, and then I just stopped
22:22
Speaker 2: seeing them all of a sudden, I.
22:24
Speaker 3: Never heard from them anymore.
22:26
Speaker 2: I had reached out a couple of times, but at
22:28
Speaker 2: that point I had felt like I was left on
22:30
Speaker 2: an island by myself, like when there should have been
22:32
Speaker 2: people supporting me. And I guess my other friends really
22:35
Speaker 2: stepped up in that and showed me they're around for
22:38
Speaker 2: a major breakup. When big life events happen, that's when
22:41
Speaker 2: you find out who really is around you.
22:43
Speaker 1: Sarah was hurt by Laura as apparent lack of empathy
22:46
Speaker 1: or understanding, but she didn't see it as the end
22:49
Speaker 1: of their friendship. That was until word got back to
22:52
Speaker 1: her about how Laura was describing what had happened between them.
22:55
Speaker 2: There was a school reunion, someone asked, do you still
22:58
Speaker 2: see Sarah and they explained that things had changed because
23:01
Speaker 2: of the breakup, and basically at the end of the
23:03
Speaker 2: day they had to pick Ben over myself. And to
23:06
Speaker 2: hear that even cut me deeper to the point where
23:08
Speaker 2: I said, well, that's what you're going to be like
23:11
Speaker 2: it's I don't want to be a part of that
23:13
Speaker 2: friendship or around people like that. The first six months
23:16
Speaker 2: was really hard. I was still happy that Sam and
23:19
Speaker 2: I had broken up. I knew it was the right
23:21
Speaker 2: thing to do, but doesn't make it any less lonely,
23:24
Speaker 2: especially when Laura, who was meant to be my best
23:27
Speaker 2: friend I thought would be there for me. It was
23:29
Speaker 2: really I still remember those nights by myself in the
23:32
Speaker 2: unit being lonely, and it took a while to get
23:35
Speaker 2: used to it and be able to realize I can
23:37
Speaker 2: lean on my other friendships in my group, and that's
23:39
Speaker 2: when those friendships really got strong and developed, because I
23:44
Speaker 2: knew that I really needed some company and they were
23:47
Speaker 2: there to help me out. There'd be lots of times
23:50
Speaker 2: when I'd be sad and I just want to call her,
23:52
Speaker 2: but I'd remember I'm calling her to discuss our friendship
23:56
Speaker 2: and what's happened, and turned to her for advice. So
23:59
Speaker 2: it did get hard because when you go through a
24:01
Speaker 2: big breakup in your life, you just want your best
24:03
Speaker 2: friend because they're there to support you to make you
24:06
Speaker 2: feel great.
24:07
Speaker 3: And I just didn't have that at all.
24:09
Speaker 2: I couldn't really turned to her, so I turned to
24:11
Speaker 2: all the other friends in my life that were there
24:14
Speaker 2: and work colleagues that were there every day to see
24:16
Speaker 2: me if I was upset, crying, happy. All those different aspects.
24:21
Speaker 2: The fading off happened slowly, probably over the three six months,
24:24
Speaker 2: and then one day it was just there is really
24:27
Speaker 2: no friendship anymore. It's gotten to the point where it
24:28
Speaker 2: was too awkward for someone to speak out and say, hey,
24:33
Speaker 2: what's going on between us, like let's get together and
24:36
Speaker 2: have a coffee. It'd just gone too far from that point.
24:40
Speaker 2: I sometimes would consider it, but then I thought, I've
24:42
Speaker 2: been through the traumatic relationship breakup, so why am I
24:46
Speaker 2: reaching out to someone who should be there for me
24:48
Speaker 2: when I've been there for them? And I know that's
24:50
Speaker 2: a bit childish, but at the end of the day,
24:52
Speaker 2: you grow up and think, do I want this person
24:55
Speaker 2: in my life if this is how they're going to
24:56
Speaker 2: treat me when something major happens.
25:00
Speaker 1: So they never could up. They never had the conversation. Now,
25:04
Speaker 1: almost eight years later, Sarah is still left without the
25:07
Speaker 1: one thing she's been wanting this whole time. Closure.
25:11
Speaker 2: It's been eight years since the breakup with Sam, and
25:14
Speaker 2: I think to this day it still affects me more
25:16
Speaker 2: the friendship breakdown with Laura.
25:18
Speaker 3: I think about her all the time, not.
25:21
Speaker 2: In a creepy way, as in a way of where
25:23
Speaker 2: you would be where she'd be fitting into my life.
25:26
Speaker 3: Now.
25:26
Speaker 2: I'm still single, so I don't know where she'd fit
25:29
Speaker 2: in because she's obviously still engaged and has got the
25:31
Speaker 2: two children who have grown up. But I think, oh,
25:34
Speaker 2: she'd be here for these milestones like my thirtieth birthday,
25:37
Speaker 2: just major life milestones that like my friends now support
25:42
Speaker 2: me on and I support them. So I still think,
25:44
Speaker 2: like I still still got the photos from when we
25:46
Speaker 2: were in high school, and I just think where my
25:49
Speaker 2: life would be differently now. I guess I think the
25:53
Speaker 2: heartbreak of losing Laura has now turned into more of
25:58
Speaker 2: a negative experience in my head or more of a disappointment.
26:02
Speaker 2: I always think, oh, how would I act if I
26:05
Speaker 2: was in that point of view now, and it's just
26:07
Speaker 2: turning into.
26:08
Speaker 3: More of a grudge.
26:10
Speaker 2: I would say, like, I really think of her, and
26:13
Speaker 2: I think of a grudge, and it makes me angry
26:15
Speaker 2: and also upset that that's how our friendship ended and
26:18
Speaker 2: that we're no longer.
26:20
Speaker 3: Friends at all.
26:22
Speaker 2: I really missed the kids, especially after we'd become godparents,
26:25
Speaker 2: Like I was so close with those kids. I was
26:27
Speaker 2: there for all the nappy changes, the vomits, the bottle feeds,
26:31
Speaker 2: and it just made me weary now that anyone I
26:34
Speaker 2: meet with kids like, I try not to get too
26:36
Speaker 2: attached or too close to just because I'd never want to, Like,
26:39
Speaker 2: you know, the kids were too young, they wouldn't remember me,
26:42
Speaker 2: but I remember them, and.
26:43
Speaker 3: Like, it was just really upsetting to miss the kids.
26:47
Speaker 2: I look back at our friendship and I see the
26:49
Speaker 2: happy times and how much Laura helped me at that
26:52
Speaker 2: time in my life, but also it just disappointed me. Really,
26:57
Speaker 2: I probably wouldn't really get involved with someone's partner's friend now.
27:01
Speaker 2: I'd be very weary because I feel like it can
27:03
Speaker 2: break up friendship, so I'd never cross that bridge again.
27:08
Speaker 2: And I just am that that's how the friendship ended,
27:11
Speaker 2: and there was never really any closure. If I went
27:14
Speaker 2: back in time and thought about what could have changed,
27:16
Speaker 2: I probably would have called her out when I noticed
27:19
Speaker 2: she started drifting away, especially when I'd moved into my
27:21
Speaker 2: own place. That's probably when I would have said, hey, like,
27:24
Speaker 2: is everything okay. I've noticed you've been distanced, but in hindsight,
27:28
Speaker 2: there's nothing I can do.
27:29
Speaker 3: That's how it's ended.
27:32
Speaker 2: I think people come into your life at certain times
27:35
Speaker 2: in your life where you need that person and they
27:38
Speaker 2: leave because that job's been done. Every relationship breakup, I
27:43
Speaker 2: look back and think, what have I learned from that relationship?
27:46
Speaker 2: What could I walk away and say I learned this
27:48
Speaker 2: because I was in this relationship. And that's what I
27:50
Speaker 2: look back with Laura. I go, what have I learned
27:52
Speaker 2: from that friendship breakup? And I look that I will
27:55
Speaker 2: always treat my friends with respect, always be open and communicate,
27:58
Speaker 2: and when someone's going through a hard time, turn up
28:01
Speaker 2: even if they say I don't need anything, they just
28:03
Speaker 2: need a hug. Turn up at their front door and
28:05
Speaker 2: say I'm here. We don't need to speak, but I'm
28:07
Speaker 2: here for you.
28:23
Speaker 1: Everyone Has an Ex Best Friend is a Mintimedia production
28:26
Speaker 1: and proudly part of the Mum and mea network. This
28:29
Speaker 1: interview was conducted by me Georgia Love and written and
28:32
Speaker 1: produced by Linda Scott. If you have a story you'd
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