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What Cancer Took That No One Could See · Groove with Portia

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Guru Portia, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Portia, the producer, and
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: where we will exchange laughter. Of course, the best medicine
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: of them all. Reflect on cherished memories. Remember that time
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park? Yikes. And of course, discover
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: gratitude while navigating one of life's hardest challenges, loss. So
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: get ready to grew with me, Portia, the producer. Let's
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: dive in. Why, hello, everyone, and welcome back to Groove
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: with Portia. I'm your host, Portia Booker, and as always,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: don't forget to like, share, and subscribe to give with
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: all things Groove with Portia. So one of the things
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: that some of you may or may not remember is
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: when my mom made her transition, one of the things
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: that I did was I made a choice about my grief.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say it again. I made a choice
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: about my grief. I knew that I wanted my grief
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: journey to look different than what society tends to tell
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: you that it looks like the five stages of grief.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: You're in doom, gloom, resentment, isolation, all the above. But
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I made that conscious choice to say, you know what?
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I want my grief journey to look different. And here
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I am today. So today, everyone, I have the honor
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: of being joined by an individual who also made a
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: conscious choice about their current life circumstance and She's the
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: author of the book, Duck Cancer. I just put duck
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: because I do not swear on my show. So also
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: before I bring her onto the stage today, I'd like
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: to give a special shout out to Mr. Dave Roberts
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: for introducing us. So welcome to Guru Portia, Ms. Farla Eros. Farla,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: how are you today?
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: I'm great. How are you?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Farla, every day is great that ends in Y. And Farla,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: one of the things that I loved about doing some
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: research on you is I noticed that you're that person
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: who's that project manager who likes to fix everything, right?
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: You're that driven problem solver. And I'm curious for our
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: audience today, Farla, you're used to walking into places, seeing
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: the whole mess and finding the way to just clean
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: it up in one swoop. But your life kind of
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: took this pivot and turnaround when you were diagnosed with cancer.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: And I'm curious for our audience, Farla, when did you
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: recognize that your diagnosis, your current situation, you had to
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: take a different problem solver approach and And instead of
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: you being able to resolve things immediately, you had to
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: come to this maybe conclusion that this isn't just a simple,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: you spray the window with Windex and wipe it down.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: That is correct. And I would say that it was
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: probably the second after I heard the words, you have cancer.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I went into this complete, my brain shifted completely. And
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: it was like I had this out-of-body experience. And I
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: said I had to take the emotion away from myself.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: And I had to focus on how to problem solve
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: for this. And this was going to be the biggest
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: challenge of my life.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: And see, and Farla, I think I shared with you
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: too that my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. And
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I remember even then, this was 2018, July of 2018.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I'll never forget it. And I said to her, I said, Ma,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: we'll make it work. We'll figure it out. Even though,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: to your point, most people, they hear cancer, they shut down.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: They immediately go into that spiral of my mortality is
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: at stake. Yes. What's going to be? Go ahead.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: And that's what happens, right? Because you are, when they
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: say those words to you, your mind goes to, I'm
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: going to die. And my mind went to, I don't
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: want to die. So now I'm going to do all
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: the things possible to ensure that I don't die. And
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: we're all going to die. So I know that's going
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: to happen. I just wasn't ready. It wasn't my time.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: And that was, I think that was the piece that
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: I kept bringing myself back to was that I didn't
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: want to die. And that made the big change of
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: how I walked into appointments and how I walked through
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: the treatment. I mean, I had to go through six
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: rounds of chemo. I lost all my hair. I mean,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: it was brutal, right? And I was still trying to
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: maintain this version of control. And the one thing that
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: you learn when you get a diagnosis, whether it's cancer
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: or something else, Suddenly you have lost control and there
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: is nothing you can do. And all you're trying to
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: do is to continue to just hold on to something.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know, Father, you're right. I mean, even
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: when we experience grief, when we experience that loss of
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: our person, you're in that same boat of uncertainty as well.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: You're wondering, what does life look like for me now?
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: And I remember when my mom transitioned, I thought my
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: dad was going to go before my mom, but they
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: went nine months apart. And my mom's literally crippled me.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, when I tell you, Farla, it just broke
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: me down. At the same time, there was this, the
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: way I describe it is, you know, when you walk
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: through the forest and you have your lantern and you know,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: your lantern only got so much juice left. There was
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: still that little bit of wick and oil left for me,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: even now. after both of them transition and follow, I'm
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: glad you also brought up about the after effects, the chemotherapy,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: losing your hair, your, you know, having organs removed.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: And I'm curious, curious for the, as women hair is
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: a part of our, my mom always said hair is
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: a woman's glory, but also hair is a part of
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: our identity.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: It was the worst thing for me.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Hmm.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: I almost didn't do chemo when they said to me,
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: we're going to do chemo. And I knew they were
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: going to tell me I had to do chemo because
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: I had researched it. I'm like, no, I don't want
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: to do it. And I didn't want to do it
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: because I didn't want to lose this. And I agree
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: with your mom. And my hair was very, very long, very,
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: very blonde. Um, people could see me from a room
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: like that. I would, I would be identified by, Oh,
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: the tall woman. You can't tell if I'm tall cause
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting on a chair, but the tall woman with
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: the long blonde wavy hair. So yes, I define myself
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: by that. And losing your hair is by far for
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: a woman, the worst thing that can ever happen to you.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I agree because it's part of your identity. And you're
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: judged by that. And I'm curious, Farla, because not only
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: was it your hair, several other organs you've had also removed.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: And I'm wondering, what did it take for you? And
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I don't know if anybody's ever asked you this, but
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: to build a relationship and integrate your grief of those
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: organs being removed and your hair with yourself and your body.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: So hard. It is so hard. So I had opted
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: for a double mastectomy. And the day of the surgery,
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: I actually took pictures of what I looked like. And
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: I had the surgery and, you know, they removed him
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: and they put expanders in. And you just, it really
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: is an amputation. Because you go from having feeling, right?
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: I don't have any feeling in my chest. I feel nothing.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: I feel nothing under my arm. And so you lose
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: that feeling, which it's, again, it's part of you, part
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: of being, you know, a woman, right? It's your hair,
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: it's your breasts, like losing my ovaries and fallopian tubes, whatever.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: But there, and I say whatever, because I was done
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: having children, but that too, even to know that I can't, again,
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: I'm too old to have children, but not that you're, we.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Don't know that, but even losing that, right.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: It was like, Oh my God, now I can't. And
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: so it's all these things that get taken away from
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: you at one time in such a short period. And
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: you're mourning. I was mourning my hair. I was mourning
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: my chest. I was mourning the fact that, okay, if
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: I wanted to hold a baby, have a baby, I couldn't.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: So you mourn all of those things. while you're still
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: trying to fight for your life.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent, Farla. And I don't think
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: a lot of women are open to share that piece
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: because it'd be classified as probably disenfranchised grief. Yeah.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, I agree. I think people are... Well, I think
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: in general, what happens is when you get cancer, everybody...
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: react differently, but like friends and family and so forth.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: And they always ask you the same question. How are you?
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: And you answer, I'm fine. But the truth is, no,
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: you're not fine. Right. And, and so, and that's the
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: piece and you lied because if I said to you,
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: if you asked me, how are you? And I said
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: to you, okay, you know what? Honestly, it takes me
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: an hour to get out of bed. I have chronic pain.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: I have chronic fatigue. I have chronic brain fog. You
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: look at me going, okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Right?
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: You wouldn't know how to answer that. So you just say,
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I'm fine. But the truth is, none of us are fine. Right? And, oh,
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: and every day. when I wake up and I step
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: out of bed and I have a pain, I think
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: my cancer's back. Yeah. Right. And so, no, people don't
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: talk about the, what it's like the after cancer or
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: the grief. And I think I shared this with you
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: during my, um, during my cancer journey. Right before that,
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: I had lost my sister to cancer. And losing a sister,
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: which people don't talk about too, losing a sibling. So
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: losing a parent, if it goes in the chronological order,
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: you better can understand it or maybe accept it. But
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: losing a sister? How, right? I had to watch my
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: parents bury a daughter. That is horrifying. And I had
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: to lose like my older sister, the leader of the pack.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: And it was awful. And then to, you know, get
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: diagnosed yourself. And then during my diagnosis, my mom got
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: re-diagnosed with brain cancer and my dad with Alzheimer's. And
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: so like you, my parents passed away within six months
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: of each other. So there's so much grief and You
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: have grief for yourself and then you have grief for
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: your parents. And yet there's it's really hard to talk
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: about it because people don't understand it. And it's almost
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: like they get scared to be around you because clearly
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: there was some dark cloud over my head. And so
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: people get scared and they don't know what to say.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Well, Farla, it makes me think of, you know, during
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Valentine's Day when we're in elementary school and everybody's passing
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: around those funny looking Valentine's Day cards.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: And if you're the oddball, everybody skips over you because
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: you've got cooties. That's what it makes me think. I actually.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Would say to my friends, like, if you see me anywhere,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: like run in the other direction because there's some dark
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: cloud that's over me. So just stay away. But they didn't,
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: thank God. But yeah, I agree. It's totally like that.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like having cooties or the pig pen cloud
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: from Charlie Brown. Yeah, totally.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Well, that was me. So, I mean, it was elementary
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: school all over again for me.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Well, and I think too far the... I appreciate you
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: highlighting this stuff because I don't think a lot of
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: people who have walked a similar path can admit to
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: themselves that they're not okay. We just say, I'm fine.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: But in reality, we're burning up on the inside. There's
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: so much that we want to say. Also as women,
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: as women, we have to feel a sense of safety
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: in order to open up. But when you've been lied to,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: when you've had, and I can say this from my
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: own experience, when people lose someone, like in my case,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: people say, hey, you call if you need something. Well,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: I've called, I've called, I've called. No response back. So
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: how do you expect me to want to open up
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: again when the doors around me have shut? But at
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: the same time, I'm very grateful, Farla, that my support team,
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: who I needed, showed up.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: When I needed them. And they let me ugly cry.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know what it's like to ugly cry
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: where the snot is so thick you can lasso around
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: your car and tow it type of thing.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. I crawled up into a fetal position
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: on a friend, too. To this day, I'm like, I
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: can't believe you're still my friend. Because I thought I
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: scared the living daylights out of her. Right? Because I
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: screamed so loud and I dropped to the floor. And
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: there I was, like, crawling like a child. Right? Like
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: a baby.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: And she's still a great friend of mine, right? And
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: so those are the people that you need around you, right?
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: You need to find that kind of support structure and
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: you need to be able to be raw with people.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: And my philosophy now, and it's such my philosophy, I
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: am so open and honest. If you and I have
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: dinner plans and I decide I'm going to cancel them,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: I call you and I'm like, look, I just can't.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: And I'm okay doing that. And you have to be
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: okay receiving that. And I don't have to give you
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: some crazy reason and excuse. No, it's just I can't today.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: And that's the kind of people that I want to
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: be surrounded by. People that put themselves out there and
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: that are raw. And we can talk about real things.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: Because there's a lot of real things. Not only the
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: grief that I've gone through with losing myself, frankly. Right. Right.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: And my family. But then add in like menopause on
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: top of that. Right. And that takes away so many
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: different things from women as well. Right. And so we
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: have to be able to talk about those things because
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: I think the more that we talk about those things,
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: we come together and we build a community around that.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: And that's what we need. Yeah.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: And that could be a whole nother conversation about building
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: community because so many of us seek that, but a
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: closed mouth doesn't get fed. And a lot of people
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: are afraid of being truly who they are because of judgment,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: because they're afraid that they're going to be alone, that
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: people won't accept them. But I'd rather you love me
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: for the person who I am instead of the person
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: who I'm not.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: I agree with you 100%. And I want people to
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: be honest. And you know what? We all have faults.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: And that's the truth, right? We all have faults and
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: we're all a little, you know, screwed up in the head.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: How can we not be? That's what life is, right?
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Because we've all come from different experiences. And I think
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: that we need to be open to, you know, those
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: experiences that you've come to, right? That you've come from.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: And not everything is white picket fences, right? And I
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: think that's so important that we're accepting of that. Right. That,
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: you know, some of us came from poor. Some of
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: us were beaten up. Some of us were in foster care.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's so many different places that we come from.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: And I think it's just around accepting that and accepting
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: the truth and people being true versus the fake. I
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: don't have time for the fake. No.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: And especially I think grief, any type of grief. If
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: your conscious griever teaches you not to deal with small talk,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: the fakeness, all of that, at least for me, it
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: taught me I have no tolerance for certain things anymore.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: So that's me. I have no tolerance for certain things.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: I'm exactly the same way. I tell it like it is.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: And if you don't like me, then okay, fine. Somebody
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: else will. Right.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: Right. The door is over there. Farla, before we continue
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: with the conversation, if our audience wants to get a
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: copy of your book, if you are going on some
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: type of speaking tour, if you stop in Ohio, let
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: me know. I'll come and see you. But how can
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: our audience connect with you today, Farla?
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: So they can connect with me. They can buy my
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: book on Amazon.com. They can also, the best way to
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: connect with me and find out all the different speaking engagements,
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: what I'll be doing is on www.farlaefros.com. So that's my
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: website and everything is up on there.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Excellent. So for our audience, if you forget, you can
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: look up Farla's book online on Amazon. Obviously, you know,
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: AI is our friend and they probably know more about
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: me and you than what we realize. And also Farla's
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: book and her links will be in the show notes
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: as well. Farla, one of the things that I also
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: know about you is that you created this thing called
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: the Healing Rebel Protocol. And for individuals, and we kind
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: of touched on a little bit, self-advocacy is important. Self-advocacy
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: is important because so many of us, we go into
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: doctor's appointments. We may not have been the best at
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: tracking certain symptoms or symptoms. feeling a little bit afraid
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: to question the professional before us, because let's be honest,
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: not everybody is accurate, right? Sometimes you have to go
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: through three to four different providers to find the one
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: who aligns, right? And I'm curious, Farla, for our audience today,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: what does taking control look like for the person who
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: might be scared or who might be exhausted, obviously, from
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: the continuous letdowns and questions not being answered. What does
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: that look like for that person today?
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: So I developed the Healing Rebel Protocol exactly for that
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: because I had the advantage. And I say that, Portia,
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: I had the advantage of what I did for a living,
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: which was turn around companies. And I applied all of
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: those from agendas to questions to process to calendarization. I
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: applied all of that into my healing myself. And so
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: what I've provided in my book is exactly that for people.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: So for people that really can't self-advocate, it is so easy.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: It is a bunch of cheat sheets and questions to
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: help them to actually be able to advocate. And if
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: they can't do it, and this is the most important thing, right?
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: I was able to do it for myself, but if
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: you can't do it, bring somebody in that can help you.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: You've got to lean on your friends for that, right?
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: You have to. I didn't go to any appointment regardless.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: I went to every appointment when somebody came with me.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Because I wanted to make sure that if I missed something,
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: they were hearing it. And if you're one that can't
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: take notes because that's just not your thing, then ask
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: the doctor if you can record the conversation. And then
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: you can actually go back to it and come in
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: very organized. I came in and I handed out agendas
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: and objectives. So I took all the emotion out of it.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: So I didn't spend time with the doctor crying because
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: you know what, that was really, that was what I
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: like to do in the shower with the water turned on.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: That was my place to cry because as the tears
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: are coming down, so is water. So, you know, it
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: just makes you feel better.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Well, it's kind of, you're getting a double cleanse literally
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: because you're, you're obviously letting out whatever is stuck in here,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: whether it's the anger, the grief, the frustration, all the
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: above the sadness, while at the same time, you're kind
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: of being renewed from the shower water.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Exactly. And so that was my place and I absolutely
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: adored it. Um, and I still do today. Um, but
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: I brought somebody in again to every appointment. And so that's,
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: what's really important. So the protocol that I developed is
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: really a step-by-step process on how you can actually go
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: in and believe it or not, the doctors actually appreciate
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: it because they are so inundated and they really are.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: They have way too many patients. They're so behind. So
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: by the time they get to you, they're, they're frustrated
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: and flustered and it's not at you. It's just at
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: the environment that they're unfortunately in, which is why you're
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: seeing so many doctors just saying, I'm done, I'm out, right?
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: And retiring, you're reading that all the time. So I'm
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: making it easier for them. Here's all the research. Here's
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: all the questions. Here's what I want to do. And
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: I don't need to, you know, I've already made these
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: decisions right beforehand. So it just makes things more that
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: go more smoothly. And then you can focus on the
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: things that you really need help in. And when you
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: do that with the doctors, Um, I will tell you
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: that you get more out of them. Yeah. Right. You
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: actually build a rapport and a relationship with them, which
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: is so important. I know all the names of their children.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: I know where they go to school. I know all
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: those things and I build a rapport and then I
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: slip in, oh, by the way, can, can I get
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: this test? Which is a non, you know, a test
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: that you typically don't get and they're okay. We'll do
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: it for you. And so that's the important piece.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: You build the relationships and then you get stuff from
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: that relationship. It's a two way street. You're making their
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: job easier because you're coming prepared and they're willing to
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: provide you some extra tests that actually make you feel
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: better in your, you know, for peace of mind.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: I do a lot of peace of mind tests, Portia.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: I don't blame you. I mean, and to your point, Farla,
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I think especially now where there is a plethora of
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: health care shortages across the board. Yes. Right now, because
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: physicians are getting burned out. Nurses are getting burned out.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Demands for health care are there. But the staffing is
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: having a hard time filling that gap because we're only human. Right.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: And the amount of people, if we're just talking about cancer,
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: the amount of people that are getting cancer today, the age,
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: the average age has actually gone down.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: So there's a real problem, right? There's a medical problem
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: with that fact that people under the age of 40
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: are getting cancer much more frequently than ever before. So
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: you're pushing the system even further, right? Because there's more
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: and more people. Cancer used to be a disease that
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: people would get in their 60s. Right. And now it's getting.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: And yes, of course, there is your odd person that
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: would get it. But now it's going younger and younger
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: and younger and more and more people are getting it.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: And so that's also the issue that you're just pushing
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: on a system. And if you don't advocate for yourself
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: and this is how I relate it. I used to
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: work at McDonald's Porsche. That was my first job.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Hey, it's all right. You got to love it, right?
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: So I could turn a Mac, like a big Mac,
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: like you've never seen before. But that's what they give you.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: It's like the McDonald's menu. So you have breast cancer,
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: you get number one. You have colon cancer, you get
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: number two, right? It's like the happy meals where I
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: went in organized and said, no, that happy meal doesn't
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: work for me. I want to customize my happy meal.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: And that is why you have to advocate because if not,
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: if not, you're not getting, people aren't getting necessarily the
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: best treatment. They're getting treatment, but there's a difference between
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: treatment and the best treatment.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: All of us should get the best treatment. And it's
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: very difficult to do that in, you know, when we
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: have big pharma and healthcare and we can talk about
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: that forever. Right.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Well, But I think also, Farla, you've already said it,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: that you have to be that person to take ownership
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: of your health care. You need to... be able to track, okay,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: if you have a growth on your big toe, okay,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: what was the day you noticed the growth? Did you
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: wait two weeks? Did you notice it expand right down
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: the day? Did you notice that when you bumped it,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: you started to get lightheaded? You know, just being that
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: proactive partner in your healthcare, because I'm a firm believer,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: you know your health better than anybody. Exactly.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: And they're not going to do it for you. And
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: if you want them to do it for you, then
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: they'll do it. Then you'll get the happy meal.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Right.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: And you won't get the toy. I want the Happy
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: Meal and.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: I want two toys.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: You want the toy that's the fun one to go
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: on the dashboard and the one that you can have
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: something to do while you're getting treatment. Absolutely. Farla, this
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: has been a beautiful conversation and we'll be wrapping up
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: here soon, but I always want to leave our audience
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: with one last question from you. You've gone through your
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: own cancer journey. You've experienced the loss of both your parents,
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: your sister. You've also had to experience the transition in
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: the organs in your body, your hair, your fallopian tubes,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: your ovaries, a double mastectomy. After everything you've experienced, Farla,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: what does finding your groove now mean to you?
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: Being present. Being present and knowing that You got to
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: just say yes to things because tomorrow there may not
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: be a tomorrow.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: Ain't that the truth?
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So honestly, that's my groove. I'm present.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: I'm laughing.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: I'm traveling. I'm doing everything because if I make it
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: to that rocking chair or when I make it to
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: the rocking chair, I want to look back and I
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: want to say, God, I've had such amazing experiences.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no regrets. You've lived life to the fullest. You've
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: seen the ribbons in the sky and the hot air
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: balloons and you didn't let your current circumstance or your
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: seat of occupancy, I hate to say it, dig your
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: own grave for you where a lot of people tend
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: to do.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: Well, everybody, that was Farla Efros that you heard from today.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Don't forget that you can look up her book. If
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: you forget, utilize AI as your friend to look either
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: one of us up if you forget our names or
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: whatever this conversation was about today. Anyway, everyone, that concludes
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: our conversation. Until next time, everybody, peace and hair grease, everyone.