Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 309: Soda: Growing Up in Addiction, Trauma, and Survival with David La Torre

Transcript

E 309: Soda: Growing Up in Addiction, Trauma, and Survival with David La Torre · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:00
  Welcome
• 0:00
  back
• 0:00
  to
• 0:00
  another
• 0:00
  episode
• 0:01
  of
• 0:01
  Adult
• 0:01
  Child
• 0:02
  of
• 0:02
  Dysfunction.
• 0:02
  Today
• 0:03
  we
• 0:03
  have
• 0:03
  with
• 0:03
  us
• 0:05
  David
• 0:05
  Latour,
• 0:06
  and
• 0:06
  he
• 0:06
  is
• 0:07
  an
• 0:07
  upcoming
• 0:07
  Gen
• 0:08
  X
• 0:08
  memoir.
• 0:09
  He
• 0:09
  is
• 0:09
  writing
• 0:10
  a
• 0:11
  book
• 0:11
  called
• 0:11
  Soda,
• 0:12
  which
• 0:12
  will
• 0:12
  be
• 0:12
  released
• 0:13
  soon.
• 0:14
  And
• 0:14
  he
• 0:14
  reveals
• 0:15
  the
• 0:15
  hidden
• 0:15
  cocaine
• 0:16
  culture
• 0:16
  of
• 0:16
  suburban
• 0:17
  America,
• 0:17
  told
• 0:18
  through
• 0:18
  a
• 0:18
  child's
• 0:19
  eyes.
• 0:20
  His
• 0:20
  eyes,
• 0:20
  actually.
• 0:21
  His
• 0:21
  childhood
• 0:22
  helped
• 0:22
  him
• 0:22
  develop
• 0:22
  a
• 0:23
  skill
• 0:23
  set
• 0:23
  for
• 0:23
  handling
• 0:24
  crisis,
• 0:25
  which
• 0:25
  he
• 0:25
  used
• 0:25
  during
• 0:26
  some
• 0:26
  of
• 0:26
  America's
• 0:27
  most
• 0:27
  high
• 0:27
  profile
• 0:28
  events,
• 0:28
  including
• 0:28
  the
• 0:29
  Penn
• 0:29
  State
• 0:30
  Jerry
• 0:30
  Sandusky
• 0:31
  scandal.
• 0:32
  You
• 0:32
  had
• 0:33
  two
• 0:33
  addicted
• 0:33
  parents?
• 0:34
  I
• 0:34
  had
• 0:35
  one.
• 0:35
  My
• 0:36
  father
• 0:36
  was
• 0:36
  not
• 0:37
  a
• 0:37
  drug
• 0:37
  addict,
• 0:38
  but
• 0:38
  he
• 0:38
  was
• 0:38
  an
• 0:38
  alcoholic.
• 0:39
  So
• 0:39
  same,
• 0:40
  you
• 0:40
  know,
• 0:40
  same
• 0:41
  thing,
• 0:41
  same
• 0:42
  environment.
• 0:43
  But
• 0:43
  welcome.
• 0:44
  David,
• 0:44
  how
• 0:45
  are
• 0:45
  you?
• 0:45
  I'm
• 0:45
  great,
• 0:45
  Tammy.
• 0:46
  Thank
• 0:46
  you
• 0:46
  so
• 0:46
  much
• 0:46
  for
• 0:46
  having
• 0:47
  me
• 0:47
  on
• 0:47
  and
• 0:47
  thank
• 0:48
  you
• 0:48
  for
• 0:48
  doing
• 0:48
  this
• 0:48
  podcast.
• 0:50
  I
• 0:50
  just
• 0:50
  have
• 0:50
  to
• 0:50
  say
• 0:50
  the
• 0:51
  service
• 0:51
  you
• 0:51
  provide
• 0:51
  to
• 0:52
  people
• 0:52
  is
• 0:53
  invaluable.
• 0:53
  Well,
• 0:54
  that's
• 0:54
  the
• 0:54
  goal
• 0:55
  here
• 0:55
  because
• 0:55
  everybody
• 0:56
  that
• 0:56
  is
• 0:56
  going
• 0:57
  through,
• 0:57
  that
• 0:57
  went
• 0:57
  through
• 0:58
  trauma
• 0:58
  is
• 0:59
  sitting
• 0:59
  at
• 0:59
  home
• 0:59
  and
• 1:00
  what
• 1:00
  they're
• 1:00
  thinking
• 1:01
  until
• 1:01
  they
• 1:01
  can
• 1:01
  start
• 1:02
  to
• 1:02
  hear
• 1:02
  these
• 1:02
  things
• 1:03
  is
• 1:03
  nobody
• 1:04
  understands.
• 1:05
  Nobody's
• 1:05
  ever
• 1:05
  been
• 1:06
  there.
• 1:06
  This
• 1:06
  has
• 1:06
  only
• 1:07
  happened
• 1:07
  to
• 1:07
  me.
• 1:08
  They
• 1:08
  think
• 1:09
  they're
• 1:09
  alone,
• 1:09
  this
• 1:10
  bad
• 1:10
  out
• 1:10
  on
• 1:10
  this
• 1:11
  island.
• 1:11
  Like
• 1:11
  nobody's
• 1:12
  ever
• 1:12
  had
• 1:12
  two
• 1:13
  addicted
• 1:13
  parents
• 1:13
  before.
• 1:14
  And.
• 1:16
  And
• 1:16
  until
• 1:16
  you
• 1:16
  tell
• 1:17
  your
• 1:17
  story,
• 1:17
  it
• 1:18
  stays
• 1:18
  with
• 1:18
  you
• 1:18
  as
• 1:19
  a
• 1:19
  ugly
• 1:20
  secret.
• 1:20
  And
• 1:21
  it
• 1:21
  doesn't
• 1:21
  start
• 1:22
  to
• 1:22
  get
• 1:22
  out
• 1:22
  of
• 1:22
  your
• 1:22
  body
• 1:23
  until
• 1:23
  you
• 1:23
  start
• 1:23
  to
• 1:23
  talk
• 1:24
  about
• 1:24
  it
• 1:24
  honestly.
• 1:25
  And
• 1:25
  it's
• 1:25
  so
• 1:25
  true.
• 1:26
  When
• 1:26
  you're
• 1:26
  going
• 1:26
  through
• 1:27
  it,
• 1:27
  you
• 1:27
  think
• 1:27
  you're
• 1:27
  the
• 1:27
  only
• 1:28
  person
• 1:28
  in
• 1:28
  the
• 1:28
  world,
• 1:29
  especially
• 1:29
  as
• 1:30
  a
• 1:30
  kid,
• 1:30
  because
• 1:30
  you
• 1:30
  don't
• 1:31
  know
• 1:31
  any
• 1:31
  better.
• 1:31
  And
• 1:31
  quite
• 1:32
  frankly,
• 1:34
  you
• 1:34
  still
• 1:34
  wonder
• 1:35
  whether
• 1:36
  it's
• 1:36
  a
• 1:36
  bad
• 1:36
  thing,
• 1:37
  what's
• 1:37
  taking
• 1:38
  place.
• 1:38
  Because
• 1:38
  when
• 1:38
  you're
• 1:39
  so
• 1:39
  young,
• 1:39
  you
• 1:39
  don't
• 1:39
  know
• 1:39
  the
• 1:39
  difference.
• 1:40
  So
• 1:40
  you
• 1:40
  only
• 1:41
  know
• 1:41
  what
• 1:41
  you
• 1:41
  know.
• 1:42
  And
• 1:43
  for
• 1:43
  me,
• 1:44
  it
• 1:44
  wasn't
• 1:44
  until
• 1:44
  probably
• 1:45
  like
• 1:45
  the
• 1:45
  fifth
• 1:45
  or
• 1:46
  sixth
• 1:46
  grade
• 1:46
  when
• 1:46
  I
• 1:46
  started
• 1:47
  realizing,
• 1:47
  like,
• 1:48
  things
• 1:48
  have
• 1:48
  gone,
• 1:49
  things
• 1:49
  have
• 1:49
  gone
• 1:49
  really
• 1:50
  wrong
• 1:50
  in
• 1:50
  my
• 1:50
  house.
• 1:52
  So
• 1:52
  you
• 1:52
  talk
• 1:52
  about
• 1:52
  your
• 1:53
  first
• 1:53
  memory
• 1:53
  of,
• 1:54
  like,
• 1:54
  big
• 1:54
  stuff.
• 1:55
  What
• 1:55
  would
• 1:55
  talk
• 1:56
  about
• 1:56
  that?
• 1:56
  Because
• 1:56
  that
• 1:56
  just
• 1:57
  blew
• 1:57
  me
• 1:57
  away.
• 1:57
  I
• 1:57
  mean,
• 1:58
  well,
• 1:58
  look,
• 1:59
  I
• 1:59
  call
• 1:59
  the
• 1:59
  book
• 2:00
  Soda
• 2:00
  and
• 2:00
  I
• 2:00
  think
• 2:00
  that's
• 2:00
  a
• 2:01
  great
• 2:01
  place
• 2:01
  to
• 2:01
  start
• 2:02
  with
• 2:02
  people
• 2:02
  who
• 2:02
  are
• 2:03
  wondering,
• 2:03
  why
• 2:03
  would
• 2:04
  you
• 2:04
  call
• 2:04
  a
• 2:04
  book
• 2:04
  about
• 2:05
  two
• 2:05
  drug
• 2:05
  addicted
• 2:06
  parents
• 2:06
  soda?
• 2:07
  Well,
• 2:07
  I
• 2:08
  was
• 2:08
  about
• 2:08
  8
• 2:08
  years
• 2:08
  old
• 2:09
  and
• 2:09
  it
• 2:09
  was
• 2:09
  New
• 2:09
  Year's
• 2:09
  Eve
• 2:10
  and
• 2:10
  I
• 2:10
  grew
• 2:10
  up
• 2:11
  in
• 2:11
  Harrisburg,
• 2:11
  Pennsylvania,
• 2:12
  and
• 2:13
  they
• 2:13
  were
• 2:13
  taking
• 2:13
  me
• 2:14
  out
• 2:14
  for
• 2:14
  New
• 2:14
  Year's
• 2:15
  Eve
• 2:15
  and
• 2:15
  it
• 2:15
  was
• 2:15
  the
• 2:15
  first
• 2:16
  time
• 2:16
  I
• 2:16
  got
• 2:16
  to
• 2:16
  go
• 2:17
  out
• 2:17
  on
• 2:17
  New
• 2:17
  Year's
• 2:17
  Eve
• 2:18
  and
• 2:18
  not
• 2:18
  get
• 2:18
  shuffled
• 2:19
  over
• 2:19
  to
• 2:19
  my
• 2:19
  grandparents
• 2:20
  for
• 2:21
  a
• 2:21
  quick
• 2:21
  night,
• 2:22
  quick
• 2:22
  New
• 2:22
  Year's
• 2:23
  Eve
• 2:23
  night
• 2:23
  in
• 2:23
  bed,
• 2:23
  by
• 2:24
  9
• 2:24
  o'
• 2:24
  clock.
• 2:24
  I
• 2:24
  got
• 2:25
  to
• 2:25
  stay
• 2:25
  up
• 2:25
  with
• 2:25
  my
• 2:25
  parents,
• 2:26
  and
• 2:26
  I
• 2:26
  thought
• 2:26
  that
• 2:26
  was
• 2:26
  so
• 2:27
  cool.
• 2:27
  And
• 2:28
  they
• 2:28
  took
• 2:28
  me
• 2:28
  to
• 2:28
  a
• 2:28
  fantastic
• 2:29
  steakhouse
• 2:30
  in
• 2:30
  downtown
• 2:31
  Harrisburg
• 2:32
  that
• 2:32
  I
• 2:32
  talk
• 2:32
  about
• 2:32
  in
• 2:32
  my
• 2:33
  book.
• 2:33
  Like,
• 2:34
  you
• 2:34
  know,
• 2:34
  the
• 2:34
  best
• 2:34
  way
• 2:35
  to
• 2:35
  equate
• 2:35
  it
• 2:35
  is,
• 2:35
  like,
• 2:36
  it's
• 2:36
  like
• 2:36
  your
• 2:37
  first
• 2:37
  night
• 2:37
  ever
• 2:37
  in
• 2:38
  Manhattan.
• 2:39
  And
• 2:39
  that's
• 2:39
  how
• 2:40
  I
• 2:40
  felt
• 2:40
  that
• 2:40
  night
• 2:41
  with
• 2:41
  the
• 2:41
  big
• 2:41
  lights.
• 2:42
  And
• 2:42
  I
• 2:42
  got
• 2:42
  to
• 2:43
  eat
• 2:43
  my
• 2:43
  first
• 2:43
  filet
• 2:44
  mignon
• 2:44
  and
• 2:45
  drink
• 2:45
  sparkling
• 2:46
  grape
• 2:46
  juice.
• 2:47
  And
• 2:47
  I
• 2:47
  just
• 2:48
  felt
• 2:48
  so
• 2:48
  special.
• 2:49
  And
• 2:50
  we
• 2:50
  were
• 2:50
  out,
• 2:50
  my
• 2:50
  parents
• 2:51
  and
• 2:51
  another
• 2:51
  couple
• 2:52
  who
• 2:52
  were
• 2:52
  friends
• 2:52
  of
• 2:52
  theirs,
• 2:53
  who
• 2:53
  I
• 2:53
  would
• 2:53
  come
• 2:54
  to
• 2:54
  realize
• 2:54
  that
• 2:55
  the
• 2:55
  man,
• 2:56
  his
• 2:56
  name
• 2:56
  was
• 2:56
  Jimmy,
• 2:57
  was
• 2:58
  funding
• 2:58
  my
• 2:58
  father's
• 2:59
  cocaine
• 2:59
  dealing.
• 3:00
  And
• 3:01
  I
• 3:01
  didn't
• 3:01
  really
• 3:01
  understand
• 3:02
  cocaine
• 3:02
  at
• 3:03
  the
• 3:03
  time.
• 3:03
  I
• 3:03
  just
• 3:04
  saw
• 3:04
  my
• 3:04
  parents
• 3:04
  doing
• 3:05
  it.
• 3:05
  And
• 3:05
  like
• 3:06
  I
• 3:06
  said,
• 3:06
  when
• 3:06
  you're
• 3:06
  a
• 3:06
  kid,
• 3:07
  you
• 3:07
  don't
• 3:07
  know
• 3:07
  any
• 3:07
  different.
• 3:09
  And
• 3:09
  the.
• 3:10
  My
• 3:10
  mother
• 3:10
  and
• 3:11
  Jimmy's
• 3:12
  girlfriend
• 3:12
  got
• 3:13
  up
• 3:13
  to
• 3:13
  go
• 3:13
  to
• 3:13
  the
• 3:13
  restroom,
• 3:14
  and.
• 3:15
  And
• 3:15
  they
• 3:15
  pulled
• 3:15
  me
• 3:15
  aside
• 3:16
  quickly,
• 3:16
  and
• 3:17
  Jimmy
• 3:17
  did
• 3:17
  all
• 3:17
  the
• 3:18
  talking,
• 3:18
  and
• 3:19
  he
• 3:19
  said,
• 3:19
  david,
• 3:20
  you
• 3:20
  see
• 3:21
  us
• 3:21
  at
• 3:21
  the
• 3:21
  house.
• 3:21
  You
• 3:22
  see
• 3:22
  us
• 3:23
  doing
• 3:23
  coke.
• 3:24
  And
• 3:24
  then
• 3:25
  he
• 3:25
  asked
• 3:25
  me
• 3:25
  a
• 3:25
  question
• 3:25
  I'll
• 3:26
  never
• 3:26
  forget.
• 3:26
  He
• 3:26
  goes,
• 3:26
  do
• 3:27
  you
• 3:27
  ever
• 3:27
  talk
• 3:27
  about
• 3:27
  it
• 3:27
  with
• 3:28
  your
• 3:28
  friends?
• 3:29
  And
• 3:29
  that
• 3:29
  just
• 3:30
  immediately,
• 3:31
  like,
• 3:31
  I
• 3:32
  got.
• 3:32
  It
• 3:32
  made
• 3:32
  me
• 3:32
  nervous
• 3:33
  right
• 3:33
  away,
• 3:33
  and
• 3:34
  it
• 3:34
  started
• 3:34
  a
• 3:35
  lifetime
• 3:35
  of
• 3:35
  anxiety
• 3:36
  whenever
• 3:37
  I
• 3:37
  would
• 3:38
  think
• 3:38
  about
• 3:38
  moments
• 3:39
  like
• 3:39
  that
• 3:39
  in
• 3:40
  my
• 3:40
  life.
• 3:42
  And
• 3:42
  I
• 3:42
  said,
• 3:43
  no.
• 3:43
  I
• 3:44
  mean,
• 3:44
  immediately
• 3:45
  I
• 3:45
  knew
• 3:45
  if
• 3:45
  I
• 3:45
  had
• 3:45
  said
• 3:46
  yes,
• 3:46
  that
• 3:46
  would
• 3:46
  be
• 3:46
  a
• 3:46
  problem.
• 3:47
  I
• 3:48
  was
• 3:48
  like,
• 3:48
  no.
• 3:48
  And
• 3:49
  he
• 3:49
  goes,
• 3:49
  well,
• 3:49
  listen,
• 3:49
  we
• 3:49
  appreciate
• 3:50
  that.
• 3:51
  My
• 3:51
  dad's
• 3:52
  not
• 3:52
  saying
• 3:52
  anything.
• 3:53
  He's
• 3:54
  just
• 3:54
  nodding
• 3:54
  along.
• 3:55
  And
• 3:55
  he
• 3:56
  said,
• 3:56
  listen,
• 3:56
  if
• 3:57
  you
• 3:57
  ever
• 3:57
  do
• 3:57
  talk
• 3:57
  about
• 3:58
  it,
• 3:59
  he
• 3:59
  goes,
• 3:59
  we
• 3:59
  want
• 4:00
  you
• 4:00
  to
• 4:00
  call
• 4:00
  it
• 4:00
  Soda.
• 4:02
  And
• 4:02
  that
• 4:02
  is
• 4:02
  the
• 4:02
  basis
• 4:03
  for
• 4:03
  the
• 4:03
  book.
• 4:03
  That's
• 4:04
  the
• 4:04
  basis
• 4:04
  of
• 4:04
  the
• 4:04
  name
• 4:04
  of
• 4:05
  the
• 4:05
  book.
• 4:05
  And
• 4:06
  I
• 4:06
  was
• 4:06
  like,
• 4:06
  fine.
• 4:07
  Yeah,
• 4:07
  that's
• 4:08
  good.
• 4:08
  It
• 4:08
  sort
• 4:09
  of
• 4:09
  unnerved
• 4:09
  me
• 4:09
  the
• 4:10
  rest
• 4:10
  of
• 4:10
  the
• 4:10
  night
• 4:10
  and
• 4:10
  ruined
• 4:11
  what
• 4:11
  could
• 4:11
  have
• 4:11
  been
• 4:11
  a
• 4:12
  perfect
• 4:12
  night
• 4:12
  for
• 4:12
  a
• 4:12
  young
• 4:13
  K
• 4:13
  kid
• 4:13
  who
• 4:14
  got
• 4:14
  to
• 4:14
  finally
• 4:15
  stay
• 4:15
  up
• 4:15
  till
• 4:15
  midnight
• 4:16
  on
• 4:16
  New
• 4:16
  Year's
• 4:17
  Eve.
• 4:17
  But
• 4:18
  it
• 4:18
  really
• 4:18
  kind
• 4:18
  of
• 4:18
  set
• 4:19
  the
• 4:19
  tone
• 4:19
  for
• 4:19
  the
• 4:19
  rest
• 4:20
  of
• 4:20
  my
• 4:20
  life.
• 4:20
  And
• 4:21
  as,
• 4:22
  you
• 4:22
  know,
• 4:22
  things
• 4:22
  spiral
• 4:23
  out
• 4:23
  of
• 4:23
  control
• 4:24
  as
• 4:24
  addictions
• 4:25
  worsen
• 4:25
  among
• 4:26
  parents.
• 4:26
  My
• 4:26
  father
• 4:27
  was.
• 4:27
  He
• 4:28
  started
• 4:28
  out
• 4:28
  selling
• 4:29
  marijuana.
• 4:29
  He
• 4:30
  was
• 4:30
  a
• 4:30
  successful
• 4:30
  businessman,
• 4:31
  probably
• 4:31
  the
• 4:31
  smartest
• 4:32
  man
• 4:32
  I
• 4:32
  ever
• 4:32
  knew,
• 4:33
  but
• 4:33
  was
• 4:33
  determined
• 4:34
  to
• 4:34
  be
• 4:34
  his
• 4:34
  own
• 4:35
  boss.
• 4:35
  No
• 4:35
  matter
• 4:35
  what
• 4:36
  I
• 4:36
  talk
• 4:36
  about
• 4:36
  in
• 4:37
  the.
• 4:37
  In
• 4:38
  the
• 4:38
  book,
• 4:38
  how
• 4:38
  he
• 4:39
  was
• 4:39
  always
• 4:39
  trying
• 4:39
  to
• 4:39
  do
• 4:39
  a
• 4:40
  side
• 4:40
  job
• 4:41
  in
• 4:41
  addition
• 4:41
  to
• 4:41
  a
• 4:42
  sales
• 4:42
  job,
• 4:42
  which
• 4:42
  he
• 4:43
  would
• 4:43
  win
• 4:43
  awards
• 4:44
  doing,
• 4:44
  selling
• 4:45
  business
• 4:45
  forms
• 4:46
  back
• 4:46
  in
• 4:46
  the
• 4:46
  days
• 4:46
  before
• 4:46
  computer
• 4:47
  design.
• 4:48
  He
• 4:48
  always
• 4:48
  wanted
• 4:49
  to
• 4:49
  make
• 4:49
  more
• 4:49
  money.
• 4:49
  He
• 4:49
  always
• 4:49
  wanted
• 4:50
  to
• 4:50
  hit
• 4:50
  it
• 4:50
  big.
• 4:50
  So
• 4:51
  he
• 4:51
  started
• 4:51
  selling
• 4:51
  marijuana
• 4:52
  on
• 4:52
  the
• 4:52
  side,
• 4:53
  which
• 4:53
  I
• 4:53
  talk
• 4:53
  about
• 4:53
  in
• 4:54
  the
• 4:54
  book.
• 4:54
  And
• 4:54
  then
• 4:54
  it
• 4:55
  grew
• 4:55
  into
• 4:55
  cocaine.
• 4:56
  And
• 4:56
  all
• 4:57
  along
• 4:57
  the
• 4:57
  way
• 4:57
  he
• 4:58
  did
• 4:58
  as
• 4:58
  much
• 4:58
  of
• 4:58
  it
• 4:59
  as
• 4:59
  he
• 4:59
  possibly
• 4:59
  could.
• 5:00
  And
• 5:00
  so
• 5:00
  did
• 5:00
  my
• 5:00
  mother.
• 5:01
  My
• 5:01
  mother
• 5:02
  already,
• 5:03
  I
• 5:03
  really
• 5:03
  believe
• 5:03
  had
• 5:04
  a,
• 5:04
  had
• 5:04
  an
• 5:04
  addiction
• 5:05
  to
• 5:05
  painkillers.
• 5:06
  Because
• 5:06
  back
• 5:06
  in
• 5:06
  the
• 5:06
  day
• 5:06
  I
• 5:07
  talk
• 5:07
  about
• 5:07
  like
• 5:08
  everybody
• 5:08
  had
• 5:08
  a
• 5:09
  Valium,
• 5:09
  everybody
• 5:09
  had
• 5:10
  Quaaludes,
• 5:11
  you
• 5:11
  know,
• 5:11
  just
• 5:11
  didn't
• 5:12
  matter.
• 5:12
  And
• 5:12
  then
• 5:12
  she
• 5:13
  slowly
• 5:13
  became
• 5:13
  an
• 5:14
  alcoholic
• 5:14
  and
• 5:15
  was
• 5:15
  addicted
• 5:16
  to,
• 5:16
  who
• 5:16
  was
• 5:16
  certainly
• 5:17
  addicted
• 5:17
  to
• 5:17
  cocaine
• 5:17
  for
• 5:18
  a
• 5:18
  time
• 5:18
  as
• 5:18
  well.
• 5:19
  So.
• 5:20
  And
• 5:20
  then
• 5:20
  into
• 5:20
  the
• 5:20
  80s,
• 5:21
  my
• 5:21
  father
• 5:22
  started
• 5:22
  selling
• 5:23
  crack
• 5:23
  and
• 5:23
  became
• 5:23
  addicted
• 5:24
  to
• 5:24
  that
• 5:24
  as
• 5:24
  well.
• 5:25
  So
• 5:25
  really
• 5:25
  the
• 5:25
  book
• 5:25
  is
• 5:25
  about
• 5:26
  when
• 5:26
  you
• 5:26
  hear
• 5:26
  about
• 5:27
  cocaine
• 5:27
  dealers
• 5:28
  and
• 5:28
  crack
• 5:28
  dealers,
• 5:29
  you,
• 5:30
  you
• 5:30
  know,
• 5:30
  the
• 5:30
  way
• 5:30
  Hollywood
• 5:31
  tells
• 5:31
  it,
• 5:32
  you
• 5:32
  know,
• 5:32
  it's
• 5:32
  a
• 5:32
  big
• 5:33
  story
• 5:33
  like
• 5:33
  Scarface
• 5:35
  or
• 5:36
  the
• 5:36
  crack
• 5:36
  epidemic
• 5:37
  in
• 5:37
  urban
• 5:38
  America
• 5:38
  in
• 5:38
  the
• 5:39
  80s.
• 5:39
  You
• 5:39
  see
• 5:39
  a
• 5:40
  lot
• 5:40
  of
• 5:40
  those
• 5:40
  movies
• 5:40
  like
• 5:41
  New
• 5:41
  Jack
• 5:41
  City,
• 5:42
  things
• 5:42
  like
• 5:42
  that.
• 5:42
  Well,
• 5:43
  this
• 5:43
  is
• 5:43
  happening
• 5:44
  in
• 5:44
  suburban
• 5:45
  America.
• 5:45
  It
• 5:45
  was
• 5:45
  happening
• 5:45
  in
• 5:46
  my
• 5:46
  house.
• 5:47
  And
• 5:47
  it's
• 5:48
  really
• 5:48
  stories
• 5:48
  that
• 5:49
  were
• 5:49
  never
• 5:49
  really
• 5:49
  told.
• 5:50
  Like
• 5:50
  people
• 5:51
  think
• 5:51
  it's
• 5:51
  bizarre
• 5:52
  that
• 5:52
  a
• 5:53
  middle
• 5:53
  aged
• 5:54
  white
• 5:54
  man
• 5:55
  from
• 5:55
  central
• 5:55
  Pennsylvania
• 5:56
  was
• 5:57
  a
• 5:57
  crack
• 5:57
  addict.
• 5:58
  And
• 5:58
  that's
• 5:59
  what
• 5:59
  my
• 5:59
  father
• 5:59
  was.
• 6:00
  I
• 6:00
  mean,
• 6:00
  he
• 6:00
  was
• 6:00
  strung
• 6:01
  out
• 6:01
  on
• 6:01
  crack.
• 6:01
  One
• 6:02
  day
• 6:02
  he's
• 6:02
  mowing
• 6:03
  the
• 6:03
  grass
• 6:03
  because
• 6:03
  we
• 6:04
  have
• 6:04
  the
• 6:04
  nicest
• 6:04
  lawnmower,
• 6:05
  because
• 6:05
  he's
• 6:06
  selling
• 6:06
  drugs.
• 6:06
  We
• 6:06
  have
• 6:07
  the
• 6:07
  nicest
• 6:07
  lawnmower
• 6:07
  in
• 6:07
  the
• 6:08
  community.
• 6:08
  And
• 6:08
  for
• 6:08
  three
• 6:09
  straight
• 6:09
  days
• 6:09
  he's
• 6:10
  in
• 6:10
  the
• 6:10
  bedroom
• 6:10
  right
• 6:10
  next
• 6:11
  to
• 6:11
  me
• 6:11
  smoking
• 6:11
  crack
• 6:12
  and
• 6:12
  not
• 6:12
  coming
• 6:12
  out
• 6:12
  of
• 6:13
  the
• 6:13
  room.
• 6:13
  I
• 6:13
  remember
• 6:14
  being
• 6:14
  in
• 6:14
  fifth
• 6:15
  grade
• 6:15
  at
• 6:15
  one
• 6:15
  point,
• 6:16
  sitting
• 6:16
  there,
• 6:17
  I
• 6:17
  had
• 6:17
  just
• 6:18
  finished
• 6:18
  a
• 6:18
  test
• 6:18
  and
• 6:19
  I'd
• 6:19
  gotten
• 6:19
  it
• 6:19
  done
• 6:20
  faster
• 6:20
  than
• 6:20
  anybody
• 6:21
  else.
• 6:21
  And
• 6:21
  I
• 6:21
  just
• 6:21
  sat
• 6:22
  there
• 6:22
  and
• 6:22
  I
• 6:22
  started
• 6:22
  looking
• 6:22
  around
• 6:23
  the
• 6:23
  room
• 6:24
  at
• 6:24
  all
• 6:24
  the
• 6:24
  other
• 6:25
  little
• 6:25
  kids.
• 6:25
  And
• 6:25
  I
• 6:25
  just
• 6:26
  remember
• 6:26
  thinking,
• 6:26
  boy,
• 6:26
  if
• 6:27
  I
• 6:27
  really
• 6:27
  just
• 6:27
  wish
• 6:28
  I
• 6:28
  had
• 6:28
  a
• 6:28
  normal
• 6:28
  family
• 6:29
  like
• 6:29
  them,
• 6:29
  I
• 6:30
  just
• 6:30
  wish
• 6:30
  I
• 6:31
  was
• 6:31
  them.
• 6:32
  Now,
• 6:32
  of
• 6:32
  course,
• 6:32
  all
• 6:33
  those
• 6:33
  kids
• 6:33
  probably
• 6:34
  had
• 6:34
  their
• 6:35
  issues
• 6:35
  and
• 6:35
  their
• 6:36
  families
• 6:36
  as
• 6:36
  well,
• 6:37
  as
• 6:38
  we've
• 6:38
  all
• 6:38
  sort
• 6:39
  of
• 6:39
  found
• 6:39
  out
• 6:39
  in
• 6:40
  life.
• 6:40
  But
• 6:40
  at
• 6:41
  that
• 6:41
  time
• 6:41
  I
• 6:41
  didn't
• 6:41
  know
• 6:41
  any
• 6:41
  different
• 6:43
  now.
• 6:43
  And
• 6:43
  did
• 6:43
  you
• 6:43
  spend
• 6:44
  a
• 6:44
  lot
• 6:44
  of
• 6:44
  time
• 6:44
  at
• 6:44
  friends
• 6:44
  houses?
• 6:45
  Did
• 6:45
  you
• 6:45
  have
• 6:45
  a
• 6:45
  lot
• 6:46
  of
• 6:46
  friends
• 6:46
  or
• 6:46
  were
• 6:46
  you
• 6:46
  kind
• 6:46
  of
• 6:46
  isolated
• 6:47
  because
• 6:47
  of
• 6:48
  the
• 6:48
  embarrassment
• 6:48
  of
• 6:48
  bringing
• 6:49
  them
• 6:49
  home
• 6:49
  and
• 6:49
  all
• 6:49
  that?
• 6:50
  Well,
• 6:50
  that's
• 6:51
  the
• 6:51
  thing.
• 6:51
  I
• 6:51
  would
• 6:51
  go
• 6:52
  to
• 6:52
  other
• 6:52
  kids
• 6:53
  homes,
• 6:53
  but
• 6:53
  I
• 6:54
  would
• 6:54
  never
• 6:54
  have
• 6:55
  kids
• 6:55
  at
• 6:56
  my
• 6:56
  house.
• 6:56
  I
• 6:57
  would
• 6:57
  go
• 6:57
  to
• 6:57
  sleepovers,
• 6:58
  but
• 6:58
  never
• 6:58
  host
• 6:58
  sleepovers.
• 6:59
  I
• 7:00
  mean,
• 7:00
  Look,
• 7:01
  I
• 7:01
  wrote
• 7:01
  130,000
• 7:02
  words
• 7:02
  for
• 7:02
  the
• 7:02
  book
• 7:03
  and
• 7:03
  I
• 7:03
  had
• 7:03
  to
• 7:03
  trim
• 7:03
  it
• 7:03
  to
• 7:04
  90,
• 7:04
  about
• 7:05
  93,000.
• 7:06
  But
• 7:06
  I
• 7:06
  remember
• 7:07
  wanting
• 7:07
  to
• 7:08
  have
• 7:08
  a
• 7:08
  friend
• 7:08
  over
• 7:09
  for
• 7:09
  A
• 7:09
  sleepover.
• 7:10
  And
• 7:10
  I
• 7:10
  begged
• 7:10
  my
• 7:11
  parents,
• 7:11
  can
• 7:11
  I
• 7:11
  have
• 7:12
  a
• 7:12
  sleepover
• 7:13
  and
• 7:13
  can
• 7:13
  you
• 7:13
  please
• 7:14
  be
• 7:14
  normal?
• 7:16
  That's
• 7:16
  what
• 7:16
  I
• 7:16
  asked
• 7:16
  them.
• 7:17
  And
• 7:17
  they
• 7:18
  promised
• 7:18
  me
• 7:19
  that
• 7:19
  they
• 7:19
  would.
• 7:21
  I
• 7:21
  don't
• 7:21
  remember
• 7:22
  at
• 7:22
  all,
• 7:22
  so
• 7:22
  to
• 7:23
  speak,
• 7:23
  but
• 7:23
  I
• 7:23
  just
• 7:23
  remember
• 7:24
  being
• 7:24
  so
• 7:24
  excited
• 7:25
  that
• 7:25
  I
• 7:25
  could
• 7:25
  have
• 7:25
  a
• 7:25
  friend
• 7:26
  sleep
• 7:26
  over
• 7:26
  at
• 7:26
  my
• 7:27
  house.
• 7:27
  It
• 7:28
  was
• 7:28
  the
• 7:28
  only
• 7:28
  time
• 7:28
  it
• 7:28
  ever
• 7:29
  happened
• 7:29
  in
• 7:29
  my
• 7:29
  entire
• 7:30
  life.
• 7:30
  It
• 7:30
  was
• 7:31
  one
• 7:31
  night.
• 7:32
  You
• 7:32
  know,
• 7:32
  the
• 7:32
  rest
• 7:32
  of
• 7:33
  the
• 7:33
  time
• 7:33
  it's,
• 7:34
  you
• 7:34
  know,
• 7:34
  we
• 7:35
  were,
• 7:35
  I
• 7:35
  was
• 7:35
  a,
• 7:36
  you
• 7:36
  know,
• 7:36
  the
• 7:36
  term
• 7:37
  is
• 7:37
  parentified
• 7:37
  child.
• 7:38
  I
• 7:38
  mean,
• 7:38
  I
• 7:39
  really
• 7:39
  was.
• 7:39
  As
• 7:40
  their
• 7:40
  addictions
• 7:40
  got
• 7:40
  worse,
• 7:41
  I
• 7:41
  became
• 7:41
  more
• 7:42
  the
• 7:42
  adult.
• 7:42
  I
• 7:42
  have
• 7:43
  a
• 7:43
  younger
• 7:43
  sister,
• 7:43
  she's
• 7:44
  three
• 7:44
  and
• 7:44
  a
• 7:44
  half
• 7:44
  years
• 7:44
  younger
• 7:45
  than
• 7:45
  me.
• 7:46
  And
• 7:46
  I've
• 7:47
  always
• 7:47
  said
• 7:47
  so
• 7:47
  much
• 7:48
  more
• 7:48
  tough,
• 7:48
  so
• 7:49
  much
• 7:49
  more
• 7:49
  tough
• 7:49
  than,
• 7:50
  than
• 7:50
  I
• 7:50
  was.
• 7:51
  My
• 7:51
  sister's
• 7:52
  pretty
• 7:52
  special
• 7:54
  and
• 7:54
  that
• 7:54
  we
• 7:54
  really
• 7:55
  grew
• 7:55
  close
• 7:55
  through
• 7:56
  those
• 7:56
  years.
• 7:56
  But
• 7:57
  I,
• 7:57
  I
• 7:57
  have
• 7:57
  to
• 7:57
  tell
• 7:58
  you,
• 7:58
  you
• 7:58
  know,
• 7:58
  I
• 7:59
  was
• 7:59
  able
• 7:59
  to
• 7:59
  have
• 8:00
  my
• 8:00
  friend
• 8:00
  over.
• 8:01
  But
• 8:01
  really
• 8:01
  from
• 8:01
  that
• 8:02
  point
• 8:02
  on,
• 8:02
  I
• 8:02
  started
• 8:03
  really
• 8:03
  taking
• 8:03
  over
• 8:04
  more
• 8:04
  of
• 8:04
  an
• 8:04
  adult
• 8:04
  role
• 8:05
  over
• 8:05
  my
• 8:05
  mother
• 8:05
  because
• 8:06
  my
• 8:06
  father
• 8:07
  was
• 8:07
  out.
• 8:07
  He
• 8:07
  was
• 8:07
  a
• 8:07
  drug
• 8:08
  dealer.
• 8:08
  He
• 8:09
  quit
• 8:09
  his
• 8:09
  business
• 8:10
  forms
• 8:10
  job
• 8:11
  and
• 8:11
  decided,
• 8:12
  you
• 8:12
  know,
• 8:12
  I'm
• 8:13
  going
• 8:13
  to
• 8:13
  be
• 8:13
  my
• 8:13
  own
• 8:13
  boss.
• 8:14
  And
• 8:14
  he
• 8:14
  decided
• 8:15
  to
• 8:15
  open
• 8:15
  an
• 8:15
  antique
• 8:16
  store
• 8:16
  again.
• 8:16
  A
• 8:17
  brilliant
• 8:17
  guy,
• 8:18
  very
• 8:18
  well
• 8:18
  read,
• 8:19
  knew
• 8:19
  everything
• 8:19
  about
• 8:20
  antiques.
• 8:21
  There's
• 8:21
  just
• 8:21
  one
• 8:21
  problem
• 8:22
  with
• 8:22
  antiques.
• 8:23
  It's
• 8:23
  the
• 8:23
  80s,
• 8:24
  it's
• 8:25
  central
• 8:25
  Pennsylvania.
• 8:26
  He
• 8:26
  opens
• 8:27
  an
• 8:27
  antique
• 8:27
  store
• 8:28
  in
• 8:28
  the
• 8:28
  middle
• 8:29
  of
• 8:29
  the
• 8:29
  city
• 8:29
  of
• 8:29
  Harrisburg
• 8:30
  about
• 8:31
  five
• 8:31
  years
• 8:32
  after
• 8:32
  retail
• 8:33
  started
• 8:33
  moving
• 8:33
  out
• 8:33
  of
• 8:34
  cities
• 8:34
  and
• 8:34
  into
• 8:34
  malls.
• 8:35
  So
• 8:36
  you
• 8:36
  open
• 8:36
  a
• 8:36
  business
• 8:37
  that
• 8:37
  nobody
• 8:37
  really
• 8:37
  needs
• 8:38
  in
• 8:38
  a
• 8:38
  place
• 8:39
  that
• 8:39
  nobody
• 8:39
  visits.
• 8:40
  So
• 8:41
  automatically
• 8:42
  you,
• 8:42
  you're
• 8:42
  into
• 8:42
  money
• 8:43
  issues
• 8:43
  and
• 8:43
  you've
• 8:44
  got
• 8:44
  two
• 8:44
  mortgages.
• 8:45
  Now
• 8:45
  you've
• 8:46
  got
• 8:46
  two
• 8:46
  of
• 8:46
  everything
• 8:46
  because
• 8:47
  you
• 8:47
  have
• 8:47
  a
• 8:47
  business.
• 8:48
  So
• 8:48
  he
• 8:48
  starts
• 8:49
  ramping
• 8:49
  up
• 8:49
  his
• 8:49
  drug
• 8:50
  dealing
• 8:50
  and
• 8:51
  so
• 8:51
  he's
• 8:51
  out
• 8:51
  at
• 8:52
  all
• 8:52
  hours,
• 8:52
  gone
• 8:53
  for
• 8:53
  days
• 8:53
  at
• 8:53
  a
• 8:53
  time.
• 8:54
  And
• 8:54
  my
• 8:54
  sister
• 8:55
  and
• 8:55
  I
• 8:55
  are
• 8:55
  stuck
• 8:55
  at
• 8:55
  home
• 8:56
  with
• 8:56
  my
• 8:56
  mother
• 8:56
  who's
• 8:57
  strung
• 8:57
  out
• 8:57
  and
• 8:58
  one
• 8:58
  night
• 8:59
  drunk,
• 9:00
  another
• 9:01
  threatening
• 9:01
  to
• 9:01
  kill
• 9:02
  herself.
• 9:02
  I
• 9:02
  mean,
• 9:03
  that's
• 9:03
  kind
• 9:03
  of
• 9:03
  how
• 9:03
  it
• 9:03
  was
• 9:04
  in
• 9:04
  our
• 9:04
  house.
• 9:04
  And
• 9:05
  here
• 9:05
  I
• 9:05
  am
• 9:06
  almost
• 9:06
  56
• 9:07
  years
• 9:07
  old
• 9:08
  and
• 9:08
  it
• 9:08
  finally,
• 9:09
  you
• 9:09
  know,
• 9:09
  I
• 9:10
  finally
• 9:10
  decided
• 9:10
  to
• 9:11
  write
• 9:11
  about
• 9:11
  it.
• 9:11
  It's
• 9:11
  a
• 9:11
  book
• 9:11
  that's
• 9:12
  been
• 9:12
  in
• 9:12
  me
• 9:12
  for,
• 9:12
  for
• 9:13
  a
• 9:13
  real
• 9:13
  long
• 9:13
  time.
• 9:14
  But
• 9:14
  I
• 9:14
  didn't
• 9:14
  want
• 9:14
  to
• 9:15
  go
• 9:15
  there.
• 9:16
  Right,
• 9:16
  well,
• 9:17
  and
• 9:17
  that's
• 9:17
  natural
• 9:18
  tendency
• 9:18
  is
• 9:18
  to
• 9:19
  not
• 9:19
  want
• 9:19
  to
• 9:19
  go
• 9:19
  there.
• 9:20
  And
• 9:20
  like
• 9:20
  you
• 9:20
  said,
• 9:20
  I
• 9:21
  mean,
• 9:21
  how
• 9:21
  many.
• 9:21
  I
• 9:22
  wrote
• 9:22
  a
• 9:22
  little
• 9:22
  short
• 9:23
  book,
• 9:23
  a
• 9:23
  guide
• 9:24
  for
• 9:24
  teenagers,
• 9:24
  but
• 9:25
  it
• 9:25
  was
• 9:25
  called
• 9:25
  Surviving
• 9:26
  Alcoholic
• 9:26
  Parents.
• 9:27
  And
• 9:27
  just
• 9:28
  in
• 9:28
  pulling
• 9:29
  up,
• 9:29
  trying
• 9:29
  to
• 9:29
  pull
• 9:30
  up
• 9:30
  and
• 9:30
  be
• 9:30
  very
• 9:30
  gentle
• 9:31
  because
• 9:31
  it
• 9:31
  was
• 9:31
  for,
• 9:31
  you
• 9:32
  know,
• 9:32
  Preteen
• 9:33
  kind
• 9:33
  of
• 9:33
  thing,
• 9:34
  just
• 9:34
  as
• 9:34
  a
• 9:34
  reference
• 9:35
  for
• 9:35
  them,
• 9:35
  but
• 9:35
  just
• 9:35
  in
• 9:36
  pulling
• 9:36
  up,
• 9:36
  like,
• 9:37
  oh,
• 9:37
  my
• 9:38
  gosh.
• 9:38
  Yeah,
• 9:38
  I
• 9:38
  should
• 9:38
  tell
• 9:39
  them
• 9:39
  this
• 9:39
  because
• 9:39
  of
• 9:40
  this.
• 9:40
  I
• 9:40
  mean,
• 9:40
  you
• 9:40
  had
• 9:41
  to
• 9:41
  go
• 9:41
  through
• 9:41
  it
• 9:41
  all.
• 9:42
  And
• 9:42
  what
• 9:43
  I
• 9:43
  didn't
• 9:43
  realize
• 9:43
  when
• 9:43
  I
• 9:43
  was
• 9:44
  writing
• 9:44
  this
• 9:44
  book,
• 9:44
  and
• 9:44
  I
• 9:44
  was
• 9:44
  curious
• 9:45
  to
• 9:45
  see
• 9:45
  if
• 9:46
  you
• 9:46
  did,
• 9:47
  there
• 9:47
  was
• 9:48
  months,
• 9:48
  even
• 9:48
  years,
• 9:49
  that
• 9:49
  I
• 9:49
  don't
• 9:49
  remember
• 9:50
  anything.
• 9:51
  I
• 9:51
  have
• 9:51
  zero
• 9:51
  memories
• 9:52
  of.
• 9:52
  And
• 9:53
  that's
• 9:53
  what
• 9:53
  was
• 9:53
  great
• 9:54
  about
• 9:54
  having
• 9:54
  my
• 9:54
  sister
• 9:55
  involved,
• 9:55
  who
• 9:55
  was
• 9:56
  fully
• 9:56
  supportive
• 9:57
  of
• 9:57
  the
• 9:57
  effort
• 9:58
  to
• 9:58
  tell
• 9:58
  this
• 9:58
  story.
• 9:59
  She
• 10:00
  lives
• 10:00
  in
• 10:00
  the
• 10:00
  Chicago
• 10:01
  area
• 10:01
  now,
• 10:02
  and
• 10:02
  we
• 10:03
  were
• 10:03
  able
• 10:03
  to
• 10:03
  piece
• 10:04
  a
• 10:04
  lot
• 10:04
  of
• 10:04
  it
• 10:04
  together.
• 10:05
  Where
• 10:06
  I
• 10:06
  would
• 10:06
  go,
• 10:06
  hey,
• 10:06
  this
• 10:07
  happened
• 10:07
  here.
• 10:07
  She
• 10:07
  goes,
• 10:08
  do
• 10:08
  you
• 10:08
  remember
• 10:08
  this?
• 10:09
  Oh,
• 10:09
  no,
• 10:09
  I
• 10:09
  didn't
• 10:10
  remember
• 10:10
  that.
• 10:10
  Thank
• 10:11
  you
• 10:11
  for
• 10:11
  telling
• 10:11
  me
• 10:11
  that.
• 10:12
  There's
• 10:12
  a
• 10:12
  big
• 10:12
  scene
• 10:13
  in
• 10:13
  the
• 10:13
  book
• 10:13
  and
• 10:13
  the
• 10:13
  chapters
• 10:14
  called
• 10:14
  Cut,
• 10:15
  where
• 10:15
  I
• 10:15
  describe
• 10:16
  my
• 10:16
  father
• 10:16
  cutting
• 10:17
  cocaine.
• 10:17
  The
• 10:18
  process
• 10:18
  whereby
• 10:19
  he
• 10:19
  would
• 10:19
  add
• 10:20
  some
• 10:20
  sort
• 10:20
  of
• 10:21
  powder
• 10:21
  to
• 10:22
  add
• 10:22
  to
• 10:22
  the
• 10:22
  weight
• 10:23
  of
• 10:23
  the
• 10:23
  cocaine,
• 10:23
  which
• 10:24
  would
• 10:24
  mess
• 10:24
  up
• 10:24
  the
• 10:24
  purification
• 10:25
  and
• 10:26
  blah,
• 10:26
  blah,
• 10:27
  blah,
• 10:27
  blah,
• 10:27
  blah.
• 10:27
  Bottom
• 10:28
  line
• 10:28
  is,
• 10:28
  I
• 10:28
  watch
• 10:29
  him
• 10:29
  cutting
• 10:29
  cocaine.
• 10:30
  I
• 10:30
  describe
• 10:31
  how
• 10:31
  he
• 10:31
  does
• 10:31
  it.
• 10:32
  He
• 10:32
  asked
• 10:33
  my
• 10:33
  mother
• 10:33
  to
• 10:33
  try
• 10:34
  the
• 10:34
  cocaine.
• 10:34
  She
• 10:35
  does.
• 10:35
  My
• 10:35
  sister
• 10:35
  and
• 10:35
  I
• 10:35
  are
• 10:36
  sitting
• 10:36
  right
• 10:36
  there
• 10:36
  like
• 10:36
  it's
• 10:37
  just
• 10:37
  another
• 10:37
  normal
• 10:37
  day
• 10:38
  watching
• 10:38
  cartoons.
• 10:39
  And
• 10:40
  she
• 10:40
  says,
• 10:41
  it's
• 10:41
  like.
• 10:42
  It's
• 10:42
  like
• 10:42
  it's
• 10:42
  really
• 10:43
  chocolate
• 10:43
  milk.
• 10:43
  Is
• 10:44
  this
• 10:44
  the
• 10:44
  perfect
• 10:44
  mix,
• 10:45
  really?
• 10:45
  And
• 10:46
  you
• 10:46
  know
• 10:46
  something's
• 10:47
  wrong,
• 10:47
  and
• 10:47
  you
• 10:47
  know
• 10:47
  it's
• 10:48
  not
• 10:48
  normal,
• 10:48
  but
• 10:48
  you're
• 10:49
  just
• 10:49
  trying
• 10:49
  to
• 10:49
  exist
• 10:49
  day
• 10:50
  to
• 10:50
  day.
• 10:50
  You're
• 10:51
  trying
• 10:51
  to
• 10:51
  get
• 10:51
  by
• 10:52
  every
• 10:52
  single
• 10:53
  day.
• 10:54
  And
• 10:54
  she
• 10:55
  says,
• 10:55
  it's
• 10:55
  fine
• 10:55
  he
• 10:56
  tries
• 10:56
  it.
• 10:56
  It's
• 10:57
  not
• 10:57
  fine.
• 10:57
  He
• 10:58
  flips
• 10:58
  out
• 10:58
  on
• 10:58
  her.
• 10:59
  It's
• 10:59
  all
• 10:59
  her
• 11:00
  fault.
• 11:00
  He's
• 11:00
  the
• 11:00
  one
• 11:01
  that
• 11:01
  did
• 11:01
  the
• 11:01
  cutting.
• 11:02
  That's
• 11:02
  another
• 11:02
  thing
• 11:02
  about
• 11:03
  my
• 11:03
  f.
• 11:04
  Is
• 11:04
  he
• 11:04
  never
• 11:04
  said
• 11:04
  he
• 11:04
  was
• 11:04
  sorry.
• 11:05
  Nothing
• 11:05
  was
• 11:05
  ever
• 11:06
  his
• 11:06
  fault
• 11:07
  until
• 11:07
  the
• 11:07
  day
• 11:07
  he
• 11:07
  died.
• 11:08
  And
• 11:09
  I
• 11:09
  will
• 11:09
  tell
• 11:09
  you
• 11:09
  that
• 11:10
  I
• 11:10
  made
• 11:10
  my
• 11:10
  peace
• 11:10
  with
• 11:11
  my
• 11:11
  parents
• 11:12
  a
• 11:12
  long
• 11:13
  time
• 11:13
  before
• 11:13
  they
• 11:14
  passed.
• 11:15
  That
• 11:15
  was
• 11:15
  very
• 11:15
  important
• 11:16
  to
• 11:16
  me.
• 11:16
  It
• 11:16
  took
• 11:16
  me
• 11:16
  a
• 11:17
  long
• 11:17
  time
• 11:17
  to
• 11:17
  get
• 11:17
  there.
• 11:18
  I
• 11:18
  did
• 11:18
  a
• 11:18
  lot
• 11:18
  of
• 11:18
  therapy.
• 11:19
  I
• 11:19
  had
• 11:19
  a
• 11:20
  lot
• 11:20
  of
• 11:20
  anger
• 11:20
  issues.
• 11:21
  You
• 11:21
  know,
• 11:22
  when
• 11:22
  I
• 11:22
  finally
• 11:23
  left
• 11:24
  my
• 11:24
  parents,
• 11:24
  and
• 11:26
  that
• 11:26
  was
• 11:26
  when
• 11:26
  I
• 11:26
  went
• 11:26
  off
• 11:27
  to
• 11:27
  college,
• 11:27
  I
• 11:27
  swore
• 11:28
  I
• 11:28
  would
• 11:28
  never
• 11:28
  treat
• 11:30
  my.
• 11:30
  My
• 11:30
  future
• 11:31
  wife
• 11:31
  like
• 11:31
  he
• 11:32
  treated
• 11:32
  my
• 11:33
  mother.
• 11:33
  And
• 11:34
  I.
• 11:34
  I
• 11:34
  found
• 11:35
  out
• 11:35
  pretty
• 11:35
  quickly
• 11:35
  I
• 11:36
  had
• 11:36
  some
• 11:36
  anger
• 11:36
  issues.
• 11:37
  Yeah,
• 11:37
  I
• 11:38
  was
• 11:38
  never
• 11:38
  physical.
• 11:39
  Never
• 11:39
  physical
• 11:40
  ever.
• 11:41
  Because
• 11:41
  I.
• 11:41
  You
• 11:42
  know,
• 11:42
  because
• 11:42
  my
• 11:42
  father
• 11:43
  was
• 11:43
  physical
• 11:43
  with
• 11:44
  us
• 11:44
  and
• 11:44
  with
• 11:45
  my
• 11:45
  mother.
• 11:45
  And
• 11:45
  so
• 11:46
  I've
• 11:46
  never,
• 11:46
  ever
• 11:47
  would
• 11:47
  ever
• 11:48
  think
• 11:48
  of
• 11:48
  crossing
• 11:49
  that
• 11:49
  line.
• 11:50
  But
• 11:50
  I
• 11:50
  had
• 11:50
  anger
• 11:51
  issues.
• 11:51
  And
• 11:51
  it
• 11:51
  manifested
• 11:52
  itself
• 11:53
  in
• 11:53
  really
• 11:54
  just.
• 11:56
  Just
• 11:56
  nasty
• 11:56
  verbal
• 11:57
  attacks
• 11:57
  that
• 11:57
  I
• 11:58
  would
• 11:58
  launch
• 11:58
  at
• 11:59
  My
• 11:59
  college
• 11:59
  girlfriend,
• 12:00
  who
• 12:00
  really
• 12:00
  didn't
• 12:01
  deserve
• 12:01
  that.
• 12:01
  And,
• 12:02
  you
• 12:02
  know,
• 12:02
  I
• 12:02
  kind
• 12:03
  of.
• 12:03
  That
• 12:04
  kind
• 12:04
  of
• 12:04
  woke
• 12:04
  me
• 12:04
  up
• 12:04
  to
• 12:05
  the
• 12:05
  fact
• 12:05
  that
• 12:05
  I
• 12:05
  needed
• 12:05
  therapy.
• 12:06
  It
• 12:07
  was
• 12:07
  several
• 12:07
  years
• 12:07
  before
• 12:08
  I
• 12:08
  did
• 12:08
  it,
• 12:08
  though,
• 12:09
  Tammy.
• 12:10
  But
• 12:10
  for
• 12:10
  several
• 12:11
  years,
• 12:11
  I
• 12:11
  was
• 12:12
  locked
• 12:12
  hard
• 12:12
  in
• 12:13
  therapy
• 12:13
  to
• 12:14
  really
• 12:14
  address
• 12:15
  anger
• 12:15
  issues
• 12:15
  that
• 12:16
  I
• 12:16
  have.
• 12:16
  And
• 12:16
  quite
• 12:17
  frankly,
• 12:17
  I
• 12:17
  think
• 12:17
  I
• 12:18
  always
• 12:18
  have
• 12:18
  them
• 12:18
  to
• 12:18
  a
• 12:19
  certain
• 12:19
  extent.
• 12:19
  I
• 12:19
  still
• 12:19
  have
• 12:20
  a
• 12:20
  short
• 12:20
  fuse.
• 12:21
  I'd
• 12:22
  like
• 12:22
  to
• 12:22
  think
• 12:22
  it
• 12:23
  almost
• 12:23
  56.
• 12:24
  I'm
• 12:24
  better
• 12:24
  at
• 12:24
  handling
• 12:25
  it.
• 12:25
  My
• 12:26
  wife
• 12:26
  would
• 12:26
  probably
• 12:26
  argue
• 12:27
  I'm
• 12:27
  not
• 12:28
  always.
• 12:29
  But,
• 12:29
  you
• 12:29
  know,
• 12:29
  it's.
• 12:30
  Yeah,
• 12:30
  nobody's
• 12:31
  perfect.
• 12:31
  But,
• 12:32
  you
• 12:32
  know,
• 12:32
  we're
• 12:33
  constantly
• 12:33
  trying
• 12:33
  to
• 12:34
  evolve,
• 12:34
  and
• 12:34
  I
• 12:34
  know,
• 12:34
  I
• 12:35
  know
• 12:35
  I
• 12:35
  am.
• 12:35
  I
• 12:36
  was
• 12:36
  just
• 12:36
  going
• 12:37
  to
• 12:37
  say
• 12:37
  that
• 12:37
  progression,
• 12:37
  not
• 12:38
  perfection,
• 12:38
  like
• 12:39
  we
• 12:39
  got
• 12:39
  to
• 12:39
  get.
• 12:39
  You
• 12:40
  know,
• 12:40
  and
• 12:40
  it's
• 12:40
  just.
• 12:41
  Just
• 12:41
  the
• 12:41
  fact
• 12:41
  of
• 12:42
  the
• 12:42
  awareness,
• 12:42
  because
• 12:43
  how
• 12:43
  many
• 12:43
  children
• 12:43
  grow
• 12:44
  up
• 12:44
  like
• 12:44
  that,
• 12:45
  that
• 12:46
  don't
• 12:46
  go
• 12:46
  get
• 12:47
  help,
• 12:47
  that
• 12:47
  they
• 12:47
  could
• 12:47
  just
• 12:48
  follow
• 12:48
  right
• 12:48
  into
• 12:48
  the
• 12:49
  path?
• 12:49
  I
• 12:49
  mean,
• 12:49
  that's
• 12:49
  why
• 12:50
  addiction
• 12:50
  is
• 12:51
  so
• 12:51
  generational,
• 12:51
  because
• 12:52
  it's
• 12:52
  what
• 12:52
  you
• 12:52
  saw,
• 12:53
  it's
• 12:53
  what
• 12:53
  you
• 12:53
  know.
• 12:54
  You
• 12:54
  know,
• 12:54
  there's
• 12:55
  so
• 12:55
  many
• 12:55
  things
• 12:55
  in
• 12:55
  your.
• 12:55
  In
• 12:56
  your
• 12:56
  subconscious
• 12:57
  mind
• 12:57
  that
• 12:57
  you
• 12:57
  don't
• 12:57
  even
• 12:57
  know
• 12:57
  why
• 12:58
  you
• 12:58
  are.
• 12:58
  A
• 12:59
  lot
• 12:59
  of
• 12:59
  the
• 12:59
  parentification,
• 13:00
  like
• 13:00
  you
• 13:01
  were
• 13:01
  never
• 13:01
  got
• 13:01
  to
• 13:02
  be
• 13:02
  a
• 13:02
  kid.
• 13:02
  I
• 13:03
  can
• 13:03
  remember
• 13:03
  being
• 13:03
  late
• 13:04
  to
• 13:04
  school
• 13:04
  because
• 13:04
  I
• 13:04
  was
• 13:05
  holding
• 13:05
  my
• 13:05
  mom's
• 13:05
  hair
• 13:06
  back
• 13:06
  so
• 13:06
  she
• 13:06
  wouldn't
• 13:06
  throw
• 13:07
  up
• 13:07
  as
• 13:07
  I
• 13:07
  was
• 13:07
  calling
• 13:08
  into
• 13:08
  her
• 13:08
  job
• 13:08
  to
• 13:09
  tell
• 13:09
  her
• 13:09
  she
• 13:09
  was
• 13:09
  going
• 13:10
  to
• 13:10
  be
• 13:10
  late.
• 13:10
  And
• 13:10
  she
• 13:11
  was
• 13:11
  a
• 13:11
  child
• 13:11
  psychiatrist.
• 13:12
  You
• 13:12
  wouldn't
• 13:13
  think
• 13:13
  there's
• 13:13
  this
• 13:14
  doctor
• 13:15
  sitting
• 13:15
  at
• 13:16
  home
• 13:17
  trying
• 13:17
  to
• 13:17
  clean
• 13:17
  up
• 13:17
  her
• 13:18
  own
• 13:18
  vomit
• 13:18
  before
• 13:18
  she
• 13:18
  goes
• 13:19
  in
• 13:19
  and
• 13:19
  treats
• 13:20
  children.
• 13:21
  I
• 13:21
  feel
• 13:21
  like
• 13:22
  you
• 13:22
  and
• 13:22
  I
• 13:22
  could
• 13:22
  be
• 13:22
  brother
• 13:23
  and
• 13:23
  sister.
• 13:52
  Just
• 13:52
  so
• 13:52
  many
• 13:52
  things
• 13:52
  I
• 13:53
  write
• 13:53
  about
• 13:53
  and
• 13:54
  talk
• 13:54
  about
• 13:54
  in
• 13:55
  the
• 13:55
  book
• 13:55
  and
• 13:55
  what
• 13:56
  you
• 13:56
  just
• 13:56
  said
• 13:56
  there
• 13:57
  is
• 13:57
  just
• 13:57
  something
• 13:57
  I
• 13:58
  did
• 13:58
  so
• 13:58
  many
• 13:58
  times,
• 13:59
  so
• 14:00
  many
• 14:00
  times
• 14:00
  just
• 14:01
  trying
• 14:01
  to
• 14:01
  keep
• 14:01
  my
• 14:01
  mother
• 14:02
  in
• 14:02
  many
• 14:02
  ways,
• 14:02
  alive.
• 14:03
  My
• 14:03
  parents
• 14:04
  thought
• 14:04
  it'd
• 14:04
  be
• 14:04
  really
• 14:04
  good
• 14:04
  to
• 14:05
  have
• 14:05
  a.38
• 14:05
  revolver
• 14:06
  in
• 14:06
  the
• 14:06
  house.
• 14:07
  And
• 14:07
  I
• 14:07
  write
• 14:07
  about
• 14:08
  the
• 14:08
  night
• 14:08
  where
• 14:08
  my
• 14:08
  mother's
• 14:09
  just
• 14:09
  like,
• 14:09
  I
• 14:09
  want
• 14:09
  the
• 14:10
  gun.
• 14:10
  I
• 14:10
  want
• 14:10
  to
• 14:10
  kill
• 14:10
  myself.
• 14:11
  I
• 14:11
  want
• 14:11
  the
• 14:11
  gun.
• 14:12
  And
• 14:12
  my
• 14:12
  sister
• 14:13
  and
• 14:13
  I
• 14:13
  are
• 14:13
  trying
• 14:13
  to
• 14:13
  hold
• 14:14
  her
• 14:14
  down.
• 14:14
  And
• 14:14
  then,
• 14:15
  you
• 14:15
  know,
• 14:16
  finally
• 14:16
  I
• 14:16
  just
• 14:16
  kind
• 14:17
  of
• 14:17
  wrap
• 14:18
  my
• 14:18
  hands
• 14:19
  around
• 14:19
  her
• 14:20
  waist
• 14:20
  and
• 14:20
  sort
• 14:20
  of
• 14:21
  leverage
• 14:21
  her
• 14:21
  over
• 14:22
  onto
• 14:22
  the
• 14:22
  couch,
• 14:23
  and
• 14:23
  she's
• 14:23
  just
• 14:24
  completely
• 14:24
  insane.
• 14:26
  And
• 14:27
  at
• 14:27
  that
• 14:27
  point,
• 14:28
  like,
• 14:28
  I
• 14:28
  was
• 14:28
  just
• 14:28
  so
• 14:28
  emotional,
• 14:29
  I
• 14:29
  just
• 14:29
  lost
• 14:30
  it.
• 14:30
  And
• 14:30
  I
• 14:30
  just
• 14:31
  told
• 14:31
  her,
• 14:31
  I
• 14:31
  said,
• 14:31
  if
• 14:32
  you
• 14:32
  get
• 14:32
  up
• 14:32
  off
• 14:32
  that
• 14:32
  couch,
• 14:33
  I'll
• 14:33
  go
• 14:33
  get
• 14:33
  you
• 14:34
  the
• 14:34
  gun.
• 14:34
  Like,
• 14:34
  I
• 14:34
  just
• 14:35
  lost
• 14:35
  it.
• 14:35
  Like,
• 14:35
  I
• 14:35
  just.
• 14:36
  I
• 14:36
  didn't
• 14:36
  have
• 14:36
  anything
• 14:37
  left
• 14:37
  at
• 14:37
  that
• 14:38
  point.
• 14:38
  Like,
• 14:38
  what
• 14:39
  the
• 14:39
  hell
• 14:39
  are
• 14:39
  we
• 14:39
  doing?
• 14:40
  Right.
• 14:41
  And
• 14:41
  it
• 14:41
  really
• 14:41
  kind
• 14:42
  of
• 14:42
  is
• 14:42
  a
• 14:42
  miracle.
• 14:42
  I
• 14:43
  made
• 14:43
  peace
• 14:43
  with
• 14:43
  my
• 14:43
  parents
• 14:44
  before
• 14:44
  they
• 14:44
  passed.
• 14:47
  Do
• 14:47
  you
• 14:47
  mind
• 14:47
  if
• 14:47
  I
• 14:47
  ask
• 14:47
  how
• 14:48
  old
• 14:48
  you
• 14:48
  were
• 14:48
  when
• 14:48
  they
• 14:48
  passed?
• 14:50
  So
• 14:50
  my
• 14:50
  father
• 14:50
  passed
• 14:51
  away
• 14:51
  in
• 14:51
  2006,
• 14:53
  so
• 14:53
  I
• 14:53
  would
• 14:53
  have
• 14:54
  been
• 14:54
  36.
• 14:55
  And
• 14:55
  then
• 14:55
  my
• 14:56
  mother
• 14:56
  passed
• 14:56
  in
• 14:57
  2024,
• 14:58
  which
• 14:58
  was
• 14:58
  really
• 14:58
  the
• 14:58
  impetus
• 14:59
  for
• 14:59
  me
• 14:59
  finally
• 14:59
  writing
• 15:00
  the
• 15:00
  book.
• 15:01
  When
• 15:01
  my
• 15:01
  mother
• 15:01
  passed,
• 15:02
  I'd
• 15:02
  finally
• 15:02
  got
• 15:03
  to
• 15:03
  that
• 15:03
  point
• 15:03
  where
• 15:03
  I'm
• 15:03
  like,
• 15:04
  I
• 15:04
  need
• 15:04
  to
• 15:04
  write
• 15:05
  this
• 15:05
  book.
• 15:05
  And,
• 15:06
  and
• 15:06
  like
• 15:06
  I
• 15:06
  said,
• 15:07
  my
• 15:07
  sister
• 15:07
  was
• 15:07
  really
• 15:08
  supportive
• 15:08
  of
• 15:08
  it
• 15:09
  and
• 15:09
  I
• 15:09
  think
• 15:09
  the
• 15:10
  process
• 15:10
  of
• 15:11
  remembering
• 15:12
  everything
• 15:12
  has
• 15:13
  been
• 15:13
  helpful
• 15:13
  for
• 15:13
  her
• 15:13
  too.
• 15:14
  Yeah.
• 15:15
  Throughout
• 15:15
  this
• 15:15
  whole
• 15:16
  process
• 15:16
  though,
• 15:16
  I
• 15:16
  don't
• 15:16
  want
• 15:17
  to
• 15:17
  speak
• 15:17
  for
• 15:17
  her,
• 15:17
  but
• 15:18
  it's
• 15:18
  actually
• 15:19
  drawn
• 15:19
  us
• 15:19
  closer
• 15:20
  together
• 15:20
  too.
• 15:20
  We
• 15:21
  remember
• 15:21
  more
• 15:21
  about
• 15:22
  what
• 15:22
  we
• 15:22
  went
• 15:22
  through
• 15:23
  because
• 15:23
  like
• 15:23
  you,
• 15:24
  because
• 15:24
  like
• 15:24
  you
• 15:24
  said,
• 15:25
  you
• 15:25
  tend
• 15:25
  to
• 15:25
  block
• 15:26
  things
• 15:26
  out.
• 15:26
  And
• 15:28
  I'm
• 15:28
  glad
• 15:29
  I
• 15:29
  wrote
• 15:29
  it
• 15:29
  though,
• 15:29
  Tammy.
• 15:30
  I'm
• 15:30
  glad
• 15:30
  I
• 15:31
  wrote
• 15:31
  it.
• 15:31
  You
• 15:31
  know
• 15:31
  that
• 15:32
  old
• 15:32
  saying,
• 15:32
  if
• 15:32
  you
• 15:32
  can
• 15:32
  help
• 15:33
  one
• 15:33
  person,
• 15:33
  if
• 15:34
  somebody
• 15:34
  reads
• 15:35
  soda
• 15:35
  and
• 15:36
  they
• 15:36
  realize
• 15:37
  the
• 15:37
  whole
• 15:37
  book
• 15:37
  for
• 15:38
  me
• 15:38
  is
• 15:38
  about
• 15:39
  forgiveness
• 15:41
  and
• 15:42
  not
• 15:42
  having
• 15:42
  to
• 15:42
  be
• 15:43
  like
• 15:43
  your
• 15:43
  parents,
• 15:43
  which
• 15:44
  you
• 15:44
  brought
• 15:44
  up
• 15:44
  earlier.
• 15:45
  You
• 15:45
  know,
• 15:45
  as
• 15:45
  far
• 15:46
  as
• 15:46
  people
• 15:46
  tend
• 15:47
  to
• 15:47
  just
• 15:47
  think
• 15:47
  they
• 15:47
  just
• 15:47
  grow
• 15:48
  up
• 15:48
  and
• 15:48
  become
• 15:48
  like
• 15:48
  their
• 15:49
  parents.
• 15:50
  Another
• 15:50
  interesting
• 15:51
  part
• 15:51
  of
• 15:51
  the
• 15:51
  book
• 15:51
  is
• 15:52
  I
• 15:52
  found
• 15:53
  the
• 15:53
  police
• 15:53
  officers
• 15:54
  who
• 15:54
  arrested
• 15:54
  my
• 15:55
  parents.
• 15:55
  They
• 15:56
  execute
• 15:56
  a
• 15:57
  search
• 15:57
  warrant
• 15:57
  in
• 15:57
  our
• 15:57
  house.
• 15:58
  And
• 15:58
  I
• 15:58
  was
• 15:59
  actually
• 15:59
  playing
• 15:59
  in
• 15:59
  a
• 15:59
  high
• 15:59
  school
• 16:00
  football
• 16:00
  game
• 16:00
  that
• 16:00
  night,
• 16:01
  believe
• 16:01
  it
• 16:01
  or
• 16:01
  not,
• 16:02
  and
• 16:02
  I
• 16:03
  found
• 16:03
  them
• 16:03
  that
• 16:04
  obviously
• 16:04
  long
• 16:04
  retired
• 16:05
  and
• 16:05
  I
• 16:05
  had
• 16:05
  coffee
• 16:06
  with
• 16:06
  them
• 16:06
  and
• 16:06
  I
• 16:06
  write
• 16:07
  about
• 16:07
  it
• 16:07
  in
• 16:07
  the
• 16:07
  book.
• 16:08
  And,
• 16:08
  and
• 16:09
  they
• 16:09
  were
• 16:09
  really
• 16:10
  concerned
• 16:10
  about
• 16:11
  me
• 16:11
  and
• 16:11
  my
• 16:11
  sister
• 16:12
  and
• 16:12
  I
• 16:12
  thought
• 16:12
  that
• 16:13
  was
• 16:13
  so
• 16:13
  cool.
• 16:13
  Well,
• 16:14
  first
• 16:14
  of
• 16:14
  all,
• 16:14
  they
• 16:14
  tried
• 16:14
  to
• 16:14
  explain
• 16:15
  my
• 16:15
  parents
• 16:16
  behavior,
• 16:16
  which
• 16:16
  I
• 16:17
  thought
• 16:17
  was
• 16:17
  really
• 16:17
  neat.
• 16:18
  Like
• 16:18
  they
• 16:18
  did.
• 16:19
  The
• 16:19
  one
• 16:20
  was
• 16:20
  a
• 16:20
  state
• 16:20
  trooper
• 16:21
  and
• 16:21
  he
• 16:21
  said,
• 16:21
  you
• 16:22
  know,
• 16:22
  they
• 16:22
  didn't
• 16:22
  start
• 16:22
  out
• 16:22
  trying
• 16:23
  to
• 16:23
  be
• 16:23
  addicts.
• 16:24
  It
• 16:24
  wasn't
• 16:24
  part
• 16:24
  of
• 16:25
  the
• 16:25
  plan.
• 16:25
  It
• 16:26
  happens.
• 16:27
  And
• 16:28
  you
• 16:28
  just
• 16:28
  need
• 16:28
  to
• 16:28
  understand
• 16:29
  that
• 16:29
  they
• 16:29
  didn't
• 16:30
  mean
• 16:30
  to
• 16:30
  do
• 16:30
  that,
• 16:30
  which
• 16:31
  I
• 16:31
  thought
• 16:31
  was
• 16:31
  incredibly
• 16:33
  humane,
• 16:33
  compassionate.
• 16:34
  I
• 16:34
  mean,
• 16:35
  yes,
• 16:36
  it
• 16:36
  blew
• 16:36
  me
• 16:36
  away.
• 16:37
  And
• 16:37
  then
• 16:37
  they
• 16:37
  asked
• 16:38
  me
• 16:38
  about
• 16:39
  my
• 16:39
  sister
• 16:40
  and,
• 16:40
  and
• 16:40
  they're
• 16:41
  like,
• 16:41
  you
• 16:41
  know
• 16:41
  what?
• 16:42
  To
• 16:42
  your
• 16:42
  point,
• 16:42
  they
• 16:42
  said,
• 16:43
  we've
• 16:43
  seen
• 16:44
  so
• 16:44
  many
• 16:44
  bad
• 16:44
  situations
• 16:45
  and
• 16:45
  kids
• 16:46
  rarely
• 16:46
  make
• 16:46
  it
• 16:46
  out.
• 16:47
  And
• 16:47
  he
• 16:47
  goes,
• 16:48
  you
• 16:48
  two
• 16:48
  are
• 16:49
  the
• 16:49
  exception
• 16:50
  to
• 16:50
  the
• 16:50
  rule.
• 16:50
  And,
• 16:51
  and
• 16:51
  we
• 16:51
  know
• 16:52
  it.
• 16:52
  Yeah.
• 16:54
  And
• 16:55
  that,
• 16:55
  who
• 16:55
  knows,
• 16:55
  that
• 16:56
  could
• 16:56
  have
• 16:56
  changed
• 16:56
  the
• 16:56
  whole
• 16:56
  trajectory
• 16:57
  of
• 16:57
  your
• 16:57
  life.
• 16:58
  I
• 16:58
  mean,
• 16:58
  you
• 16:59
  don't
• 16:59
  know.
• 16:59
  You
• 17:00
  never
• 17:00
  know
• 17:00
  what
• 17:00
  it
• 17:00
  was.
• 17:00
  You're
• 17:01
  right.
• 17:02
  You
• 17:02
  don't
• 17:02
  know
• 17:02
  what's
• 17:02
  in
• 17:03
  you.
• 17:03
  I
• 17:03
  mean,
• 17:03
  some
• 17:03
  people
• 17:05
  take
• 17:05
  what
• 17:05
  happens
• 17:06
  to
• 17:06
  them
• 17:06
  and
• 17:06
  they
• 17:07
  just,
• 17:08
  I
• 17:08
  don't
• 17:08
  want
• 17:08
  to
• 17:08
  say
• 17:08
  play
• 17:09
  the
• 17:09
  victim,
• 17:09
  but
• 17:09
  they
• 17:10
  do.
• 17:10
  They're
• 17:10
  just,
• 17:11
  this
• 17:11
  is
• 17:11
  my
• 17:11
  destiny.
• 17:12
  This
• 17:12
  is,
• 17:12
  you
• 17:13
  know,
• 17:13
  and
• 17:13
  I
• 17:13
  kind
• 17:13
  of,
• 17:14
  I
• 17:14
  kind
• 17:14
  of.
• 17:14
  One
• 17:14
  of
• 17:15
  my
• 17:15
  sayings,
• 17:15
  and
• 17:15
  I
• 17:15
  say
• 17:16
  it
• 17:16
  all
• 17:16
  the
• 17:16
  time
• 17:16
  to
• 17:16
  my
• 17:16
  clients
• 17:17
  and
• 17:17
  I
• 17:17
  work
• 17:17
  with
• 17:17
  a
• 17:17
  lot
• 17:18
  of
• 17:18
  people
• 17:18
  that
• 17:18
  are,
• 17:18
  have
• 17:19
  very
• 17:19
  similar
• 17:19
  past
• 17:20
  is
• 17:20
  I
• 17:20
  said,
• 17:20
  you
• 17:21
  know,
• 17:21
  what
• 17:21
  happened
• 17:22
  to
• 17:22
  me
• 17:22
  might
• 17:22
  have
• 17:22
  designed
• 17:23
  me,
• 17:23
  but
• 17:24
  it
• 17:24
  didn't
• 17:24
  define
• 17:24
  me.
• 17:25
  So
• 17:25
  only
• 17:26
  you
• 17:26
  can
• 17:26
  define
• 17:27
  yourself.
• 17:27
  But
• 17:27
  yeah,
• 17:28
  it
• 17:28
  made
• 17:28
  me.
• 17:28
  It
• 17:28
  made
• 17:29
  my
• 17:29
  patterns,
• 17:29
  it
• 17:30
  made
• 17:30
  my
• 17:30
  belief
• 17:30
  systems,
• 17:31
  it
• 17:31
  made
• 17:31
  my
• 17:31
  lack
• 17:32
  of
• 17:33
  everything
• 17:33
  because
• 17:34
  I
• 17:34
  had
• 17:34
  absolutely
• 17:35
  zero
• 17:35
  role
• 17:36
  model
• 17:36
  growing
• 17:37
  up.
• 17:37
  Right.
• 17:37
  Like,
• 17:37
  I
• 17:37
  had
• 17:38
  to
• 17:38
  figure
• 17:38
  it
• 17:38
  out.
• 17:39
  So,
• 17:39
  yeah,
• 17:39
  it
• 17:39
  might
• 17:39
  have
• 17:39
  made
• 17:40
  those.
• 17:40
  All
• 17:40
  those
• 17:40
  little
• 17:41
  parts
• 17:41
  made
• 17:41
  of.
• 17:41
  Made
• 17:41
  me
• 17:42
  who
• 17:42
  was
• 17:42
  standing
• 17:43
  here
• 17:43
  the
• 17:43
  day
• 17:44
  I
• 17:44
  realized
• 17:45
  that
• 17:45
  I
• 17:45
  needed
• 17:46
  to
• 17:46
  fix
• 17:46
  it.
• 17:46
  But
• 17:47
  then
• 17:47
  everything
• 17:47
  going
• 17:47
  forward
• 17:48
  is
• 17:48
  up
• 17:48
  to
• 17:48
  me.
• 17:49
  It's
• 17:49
  so
• 17:50
  funny,
• 17:50
  I
• 17:50
  say
• 17:50
  in
• 17:50
  the
• 17:51
  book,
• 17:51
  in
• 17:51
  my
• 17:51
  introduction,
• 17:52
  the
• 17:52
  past
• 17:52
  doesn't
• 17:52
  define
• 17:53
  our
• 17:53
  future.
• 17:53
  It's
• 17:54
  just
• 17:54
  so
• 17:54
  similar
• 17:54
  to
• 17:54
  what
• 17:55
  you
• 17:55
  say.
• 17:55
  And
• 17:55
  we've
• 17:56
  never
• 17:56
  talked.
• 17:57
  We've
• 17:57
  had
• 17:57
  a
• 17:57
  couple
• 17:58
  emails
• 17:58
  together.
• 17:59
  This
• 17:59
  is
• 17:59
  literally
• 17:59
  our
• 18:00
  first
• 18:00
  conversation
• 18:01
  as
• 18:02
  two
• 18:02
  people
• 18:02
  who
• 18:03
  had
• 18:03
  parents
• 18:03
  with
• 18:03
  addiction.
• 18:04
  Addiction
• 18:04
  issues.
• 18:05
  It's
• 18:05
  just
• 18:05
  amazing
• 18:06
  how
• 18:06
  similar
• 18:06
  it
• 18:07
  is.
• 18:07
  It's
• 18:07
  remarkable
• 18:08
  and
• 18:08
  really
• 18:09
  why
• 18:09
  your
• 18:10
  show
• 18:10
  is
• 18:10
  so
• 18:10
  important
• 18:11
  to
• 18:11
  illustrate
• 18:11
  the
• 18:11
  people
• 18:12
  that
• 18:12
  we're
• 18:12
  not
• 18:12
  alone
• 18:12
  in
• 18:13
  this
• 18:13
  whole
• 18:13
  thing.
• 18:13
  Because
• 18:14
  you
• 18:14
  think
• 18:14
  you
• 18:14
  are.
• 18:15
  Yes.
• 18:16
  And
• 18:16
  for
• 18:16
  the
• 18:16
  listeners
• 18:17
  out
• 18:17
  there,
• 18:17
  and
• 18:17
  I'm
• 18:17
  going
• 18:17
  to
• 18:17
  keep
• 18:18
  going
• 18:18
  back
• 18:18
  to
• 18:18
  your
• 18:18
  book
• 18:19
  because
• 18:19
  I
• 18:19
  think
• 18:19
  it's
• 18:19
  so
• 18:19
  vitally
• 18:20
  important,
• 18:21
  get
• 18:22
  your
• 18:22
  story
• 18:22
  out
• 18:22
  of
• 18:23
  your
• 18:23
  body,
• 18:24
  do
• 18:24
  a
• 18:24
  lot
• 18:24
  of
• 18:24
  nervous
• 18:25
  system
• 18:25
  healing.
• 18:26
  And
• 18:27
  you
• 18:27
  know,
• 18:27
  when
• 18:27
  you
• 18:27
  talk
• 18:27
  about
• 18:28
  PTSD
• 18:29
  and
• 18:30
  people
• 18:30
  think,
• 18:30
  oh,
• 18:31
  it's
• 18:31
  people
• 18:31
  that
• 18:31
  went
• 18:31
  to
• 18:32
  war,
• 18:32
  you,
• 18:33
  my
• 18:33
  friend
• 18:33
  Dave,
• 18:34
  were
• 18:34
  at
• 18:34
  war
• 18:34
  every
• 18:35
  day
• 18:35
  as
• 18:36
  a
• 18:36
  child.
• 18:36
  I
• 18:36
  was
• 18:36
  at
• 18:37
  war
• 18:37
  every
• 18:37
  day
• 18:37
  when
• 18:38
  my
• 18:38
  sister,
• 18:38
  who
• 18:38
  was
• 18:38
  the
• 18:39
  highest
• 18:39
  ranking
• 18:39
  officer
• 18:40
  on
• 18:40
  her
• 18:40
  military
• 18:40
  base,
• 18:42
  went
• 18:42
  through
• 18:42
  some
• 18:43
  stuff
• 18:43
  and
• 18:43
  she
• 18:44
  got
• 18:44
  treatment.
• 18:45
  They
• 18:46
  didn't
• 18:46
  treat
• 18:46
  her
• 18:46
  for
• 18:47
  the
• 18:47
  experience
• 18:48
  of
• 18:48
  putting
• 18:49
  bodies
• 18:49
  in
• 18:50
  body
• 18:50
  bags
• 18:50
  and
• 18:50
  sending
• 18:51
  them
• 18:51
  home
• 18:51
  in
• 18:51
  the
• 18:51
  war.
• 18:52
  They
• 18:52
  treated
• 18:52
  her
• 18:52
  for
• 18:53
  her
• 18:53
  childhood.
• 18:54
  Amazing.
• 18:54
  So
• 18:54
  that
• 18:54
  tells
• 18:55
  you
• 18:55
  something.
• 18:55
  And
• 18:56
  it
• 18:56
  is,
• 18:56
  is
• 18:56
  it
• 18:56
  amazing
• 18:57
  that
• 18:57
  if
• 18:57
  you
• 18:57
  do
• 18:58
  make
• 18:58
  it
• 18:58
  out
• 18:58
  like
• 18:58
  your
• 18:59
  sister's
• 18:59
  a
• 18:59
  great
• 18:59
  example,
• 19:00
  you're
• 19:01
  obviously
• 19:01
  a
• 19:01
  great
• 19:01
  example,
• 19:02
  helping
• 19:02
  so
• 19:03
  many
• 19:03
  people.
• 19:04
  And
• 19:04
  that's
• 19:04
  why,
• 19:04
  again,
• 19:05
  I'm
• 19:05
  going
• 19:05
  to
• 19:05
  keep
• 19:06
  saying
• 19:06
  that
• 19:06
  the
• 19:06
  show
• 19:06
  is
• 19:06
  so
• 19:07
  important
• 19:07
  you
• 19:08
  can
• 19:08
  make
• 19:08
  it
• 19:08
  out.
• 19:09
  I've
• 19:09
  owned
• 19:09
  a
• 19:09
  public
• 19:10
  relations
• 19:10
  firm
• 19:11
  for
• 19:11
  over
• 19:12
  20
• 19:12
  years
• 19:12
  now.
• 19:13
  I've
• 19:13
  worked
• 19:13
  for
• 19:13
  two
• 19:14
  governors
• 19:14
  here
• 19:14
  in
• 19:15
  Pennsylvania
• 19:15
  as
• 19:16
  their
• 19:16
  head
• 19:16
  comms
• 19:17
  person.
• 19:17
  I've
• 19:18
  been
• 19:18
  involved,
• 19:18
  as
• 19:18
  you
• 19:19
  said
• 19:19
  at
• 19:19
  the
• 19:19
  outset,
• 19:20
  in
• 19:20
  some
• 19:20
  real
• 19:20
  crisis
• 19:21
  communication
• 19:21
  situations.
• 19:23
  And
• 19:23
  I
• 19:23
  really
• 19:23
  think,
• 19:23
  and
• 19:23
  my
• 19:24
  Sister
• 19:24
  feels
• 19:24
  the
• 19:24
  same
• 19:25
  way.
• 19:25
  And
• 19:25
  we
• 19:25
  never
• 19:25
  really
• 19:26
  put
• 19:26
  this
• 19:26
  together,
• 19:27
  but
• 19:28
  we're
• 19:28
  both
• 19:28
  very
• 19:29
  accustomed
• 19:29
  to
• 19:29
  being
• 19:29
  in
• 19:30
  high
• 19:30
  pressure,
• 19:30
  professional
• 19:31
  situations
• 19:32
  because
• 19:32
  nothing
• 19:32
  will
• 19:33
  ever
• 19:33
  be
• 19:33
  as
• 19:33
  hard
• 19:33
  as
• 19:33
  our
• 19:34
  childhood.
• 19:34
  Nothing.
• 19:35
  I'm
• 19:35
  sorry.
• 19:35
  Like,
• 19:36
  you
• 19:36
  know,
• 19:36
  you
• 19:36
  talked
• 19:37
  about
• 19:37
  the
• 19:37
  Jerry
• 19:37
  Sandusky
• 19:38
  situation.
• 19:39
  Penn
• 19:39
  State,
• 19:39
  obviously
• 19:40
  very
• 19:40
  painful
• 19:41
  for
• 19:41
  a
• 19:41
  lot
• 19:41
  of
• 19:41
  people
• 19:42
  and
• 19:42
  very
• 19:43
  high
• 19:43
  profile
• 19:44
  and
• 19:44
  lots
• 19:44
  of
• 19:44
  pressure.
• 19:45
  Working
• 19:46
  at
• 19:46
  Penn
• 19:46
  State
• 19:46
  at
• 19:47
  that
• 19:47
  time,
• 19:47
  I
• 19:47
  felt
• 19:47
  no
• 19:48
  pressure.
• 19:49
  I
• 19:49
  felt
• 19:49
  no
• 19:49
  pressure.
• 19:50
  You
• 19:51
  know,
• 19:51
  I
• 19:51
  mean,
• 19:51
  I,
• 19:51
  I've
• 19:52
  dealt
• 19:52
  with
• 19:52
  it
• 19:52
  all
• 19:52
  before.
• 19:53
  My
• 19:53
  personal
• 19:53
  life,
• 19:54
  nothing
• 19:54
  will
• 19:54
  ever
• 19:54
  be
• 19:55
  worse
• 19:55
  than
• 19:55
  that.
• 19:55
  And
• 19:56
  so
• 19:57
  if
• 19:57
  you
• 19:57
  can
• 19:57
  make
• 19:57
  it
• 19:57
  out
• 19:57
  of
• 19:58
  that,
• 19:58
  you
• 19:58
  can
• 19:58
  do
• 19:58
  some
• 19:59
  really
• 19:59
  incredible
• 19:59
  things
• 20:00
  with
• 20:00
  your
• 20:00
  life
• 20:01
  and
• 20:01
  help
• 20:02
  others
• 20:02
  as
• 20:02
  you
• 20:02
  are
• 20:03
  clearly
• 20:03
  doing.
• 20:04
  Yeah.
• 20:04
  I
• 20:04
  always
• 20:04
  say,
• 20:05
  take
• 20:05
  your
• 20:05
  pain
• 20:05
  and
• 20:05
  make
• 20:06
  it
• 20:06
  your
• 20:06
  superpower.
• 20:07
  Wow,
• 20:07
  that's
• 20:08
  a
• 20:08
  great
• 20:08
  line.
• 20:09
  True.
• 20:10
  That's
• 20:11
  what
• 20:11
  you
• 20:11
  did.
• 20:11
  You
• 20:11
  took
• 20:11
  your
• 20:11
  pain
• 20:12
  and
• 20:12
  you
• 20:12
  make
• 20:12
  it
• 20:12
  your
• 20:12
  superpower.
• 20:13
  Because
• 20:13
  like
• 20:13
  you
• 20:13
  said,
• 20:14
  how
• 20:14
  many
• 20:15
  people
• 20:15
  could
• 20:15
  walk
• 20:15
  into
• 20:16
  those
• 20:16
  situations
• 20:16
  and
• 20:17
  with
• 20:17
  a
• 20:17
  straight
• 20:17
  face,
• 20:18
  like,
• 20:18
  people
• 20:19
  tell
• 20:19
  me
• 20:19
  stories
• 20:20
  and
• 20:20
  they're
• 20:20
  like,
• 20:20
  you
• 20:21
  didn't
• 20:21
  even
• 20:21
  flinch
• 20:22
  when
• 20:22
  I
• 20:22
  told
• 20:22
  you
• 20:22
  that
• 20:22
  story.
• 20:22
  I'm
• 20:23
  like,
• 20:24
  it
• 20:24
  just
• 20:24
  happened.
• 20:24
  It's
• 20:25
  just
• 20:25
  something
• 20:25
  that
• 20:25
  happened.
• 20:26
  And
• 20:26
  worse
• 20:26
  things
• 20:27
  have
• 20:27
  happened
• 20:27
  to
• 20:27
  people.
• 20:27
  Like,
• 20:28
  and
• 20:28
  worse
• 20:28
  things
• 20:29
  could
• 20:29
  possibly
• 20:29
  happen
• 20:30
  to
• 20:30
  you.
• 20:30
  Like,
• 20:30
  it's
• 20:31
  just
• 20:31
  some,
• 20:32
  you
• 20:32
  know,
• 20:32
  just
• 20:32
  things
• 20:33
  that
• 20:33
  happen
• 20:33
  and
• 20:33
  you,
• 20:35
  it
• 20:35
  doesn't.
• 20:36
  So
• 20:36
  you
• 20:36
  can
• 20:36
  go
• 20:36
  to
• 20:37
  someone
• 20:37
  with
• 20:37
  compassion
• 20:38
  and
• 20:38
  understand
• 20:38
  and
• 20:39
  not
• 20:39
  be
• 20:39
  like,
• 20:39
  oh
• 20:40
  my
• 20:40
  God.
• 20:40
  It's
• 20:41
  all
• 20:41
  our
• 20:41
  perspective
• 20:42
  that
• 20:42
  we
• 20:42
  have
• 20:42
  on
• 20:43
  life.
• 20:43
  And
• 20:44
  when
• 20:44
  you
• 20:44
  come
• 20:44
  from
• 20:45
  family
• 20:45
  backgrounds
• 20:46
  like
• 20:46
  ours,
• 20:47
  you
• 20:47
  learn
• 20:48
  pretty
• 20:48
  quickly
• 20:48
  that
• 20:49
  you
• 20:49
  can,
• 20:49
  if
• 20:50
  you
• 20:50
  make
• 20:50
  it
• 20:50
  out,
• 20:50
  you
• 20:50
  can
• 20:50
  do
• 20:51
  some
• 20:51
  pretty
• 20:51
  incredible
• 20:52
  things.
• 20:52
  And
• 20:53
  I'd
• 20:53
  like
• 20:53
  to
• 20:53
  think
• 20:53
  that
• 20:54
  you
• 20:54
  can
• 20:54
  also
• 20:55
  have
• 20:55
  a
• 20:55
  good
• 20:55
  family
• 20:55
  life
• 20:56
  too,
• 20:56
  with
• 20:56
  your
• 20:56
  next
• 20:57
  generation.
• 20:57
  I'm
• 20:57
  close
• 20:58
  with
• 20:58
  both
• 20:58
  of
• 20:58
  my
• 20:58
  children.
• 20:59
  I
• 20:59
  have
• 20:59
  a
• 20:59
  26
• 21:00
  year
• 21:00
  old
• 21:00
  son
• 21:01
  who's
• 21:02
  flown
• 21:02
  the
• 21:02
  coop,
• 21:03
  as
• 21:03
  they
• 21:03
  say.
• 21:04
  He's
• 21:04
  an
• 21:04
  engineer
• 21:04
  now,
• 21:05
  doing
• 21:05
  great.
• 21:06
  And
• 21:06
  I've
• 21:07
  got
• 21:07
  a
• 21:07
  14
• 21:08
  year
• 21:08
  old,
• 21:08
  precocious
• 21:09
  daughter
• 21:09
  who
• 21:10
  is
• 21:11
  so
• 21:11
  much
• 21:11
  smarter
• 21:11
  than
• 21:11
  I
• 21:12
  am.
• 21:12
  I
• 21:13
  just
• 21:13
  love
• 21:13
  our
• 21:14
  exchanges
• 21:14
  because
• 21:15
  she's
• 21:15
  so
• 21:15
  whip
• 21:16
  smart
• 21:17
  and
• 21:17
  we
• 21:17
  have
• 21:17
  a
• 21:17
  good
• 21:18
  life.
• 21:18
  And
• 21:18
  we'll
• 21:19
  sit
• 21:19
  at
• 21:19
  the
• 21:19
  dinner
• 21:19
  table,
• 21:20
  me
• 21:20
  and
• 21:20
  my
• 21:21
  wife
• 21:21
  and
• 21:21
  my
• 21:21
  daughter,
• 21:22
  and
• 21:22
  talk
• 21:22
  about
• 21:22
  the
• 21:23
  day.
• 21:23
  And
• 21:23
  those
• 21:23
  are
• 21:24
  things
• 21:24
  I
• 21:24
  never
• 21:24
  did.
• 21:24
  All
• 21:25
  I
• 21:25
  ever
• 21:25
  wanted
• 21:25
  to
• 21:25
  do
• 21:25
  when
• 21:26
  I
• 21:26
  was
• 21:26
  a
• 21:26
  kid,
• 21:26
  all
• 21:27
  I
• 21:27
  ever
• 21:27
  wanted
• 21:27
  to
• 21:28
  do
• 21:28
  was
• 21:29
  to
• 21:29
  sit
• 21:29
  at
• 21:29
  the
• 21:30
  dinner
• 21:30
  table
• 21:30
  with
• 21:30
  my
• 21:31
  parents.
• 21:31
  Because
• 21:31
  that's
• 21:32
  what
• 21:32
  I
• 21:32
  saw
• 21:32
  on
• 21:32
  TV
• 21:32
  on
• 21:33
  like
• 21:33
  Happy
• 21:33
  Days.
• 21:35
  Remember
• 21:35
  Happy
• 21:35
  Days?
• 21:36
  The
• 21:36
  Cunninghams,
• 21:37
  the
• 21:37
  Brady
• 21:37
  Bunch.
• 21:38
  That
• 21:38
  and
• 21:39
  be
• 21:39
  like,
• 21:39
  right?
• 21:41
  Yeah.
• 21:41
  What
• 21:41
  is
• 21:42
  like,
• 21:42
  we
• 21:42
  used
• 21:42
  to,
• 21:43
  they,
• 21:43
  if
• 21:43
  we,
• 21:44
  if
• 21:44
  we
• 21:44
  were
• 21:44
  lucky
• 21:44
  to
• 21:45
  have
• 21:45
  Dinner
• 21:45
  that
• 21:46
  night.
• 21:46
  And
• 21:46
  it
• 21:47
  was
• 21:47
  usually
• 21:47
  like
• 21:48
  a
• 21:48
  TV
• 21:49
  dinner.
• 21:49
  Remember
• 21:49
  the
• 21:50
  old
• 21:50
  TV
• 21:50
  dinners
• 21:50
  like
• 21:50
  the
• 21:51
  Hungry
• 21:51
  Mans
• 21:51
  and
• 21:51
  the
• 21:51
  tin
• 21:52
  you
• 21:53
  put
• 21:53
  in
• 21:53
  the
• 21:53
  oven
• 21:53
  and
• 21:53
  the
• 21:54
  dessert
• 21:54
  would
• 21:54
  be
• 21:55
  7,000
• 21:55
  degrees.
• 21:56
  I'd
• 21:57
  inevitably
• 21:57
  take
• 21:58
  it
• 21:58
  back
• 21:58
  to
• 21:58
  my
• 21:58
  room
• 21:58
  and
• 21:59
  just
• 21:59
  sit
• 21:59
  there
• 21:59
  and
• 21:59
  eat
• 22:00
  by
• 22:00
  myself.
• 22:00
  Or
• 22:02
  my
• 22:02
  sister
• 22:02
  would
• 22:02
  come
• 22:03
  in
• 22:03
  and
• 22:03
  we'd
• 22:03
  sit
• 22:03
  there
• 22:04
  and
• 22:04
  eat
• 22:04
  and
• 22:04
  watch
• 22:05
  TV
• 22:05
  on
• 22:05
  a
• 22:06
  little
• 22:06
  black
• 22:06
  and
• 22:06
  white
• 22:06
  tv.
• 22:06
  But
• 22:07
  we
• 22:07
  were
• 22:07
  never
• 22:07
  with
• 22:07
  our
• 22:07
  parents.
• 22:08
  Like
• 22:08
  all
• 22:08
  I
• 22:08
  wanted
• 22:09
  to
• 22:09
  do
• 22:09
  was
• 22:09
  one
• 22:09
  dinner
• 22:10
  seated
• 22:11
  at
• 22:11
  a
• 22:11
  table
• 22:11
  together.
• 22:12
  Actually
• 22:12
  right
• 22:13
  about.
• 22:13
  Remember
• 22:14
  the
• 22:14
  TMI
• 22:15
  nuclear
• 22:15
  accident
• 22:16
  in
• 22:16
  1979.
• 22:17
  That
• 22:17
  was
• 22:18
  10
• 22:18
  miles
• 22:18
  from
• 22:19
  our
• 22:19
  house.
• 22:19
  Oh
• 22:20
  wow.
• 22:20
  And
• 22:20
  yeah.
• 22:21
  And
• 22:21
  two
• 22:21
  miles
• 22:21
  from
• 22:22
  my
• 22:22
  grandparents.
• 22:22
  And
• 22:22
  my
• 22:23
  grandparents
• 22:24
  were
• 22:24
  my
• 22:24
  world.
• 22:25
  They
• 22:25
  were
• 22:25
  my
• 22:26
  mother's
• 22:26
  parents
• 22:26
  and
• 22:27
  they
• 22:27
  were
• 22:27
  as
• 22:28
  straight
• 22:28
  laced
• 22:29
  as
• 22:29
  it
• 22:29
  got.
• 22:29
  Depression
• 22:30
  era
• 22:30
  kids
• 22:30
  who
• 22:31
  worked
• 22:31
  hard
• 22:31
  their
• 22:31
  whole
• 22:32
  lives,
• 22:32
  saved
• 22:33
  every
• 22:33
  dime.
• 22:33
  They
• 22:34
  had
• 22:34
  raised
• 22:34
  my
• 22:35
  mother
• 22:35
  in
• 22:36
  a
• 22:36
  wonderful
• 22:36
  middle
• 22:37
  class
• 22:37
  home.
• 22:38
  Well,
• 22:38
  they
• 22:38
  had
• 22:38
  to
• 22:39
  come
• 22:39
  live
• 22:39
  with
• 22:39
  us
• 22:39
  during
• 22:40
  TMI
• 22:40
  because
• 22:41
  they
• 22:41
  were
• 22:41
  too
• 22:41
  close
• 22:42
  to
• 22:42
  the
• 22:42
  accident
• 22:43
  area
• 22:44
  so
• 22:44
  they
• 22:44
  had
• 22:44
  to
• 22:44
  evacuate.
• 22:45
  And
• 22:45
  that
• 22:45
  lasted
• 22:46
  about
• 22:46
  like
• 22:46
  10
• 22:47
  days.
• 22:47
  14
• 22:47
  days.
• 22:48
  Those
• 22:48
  are
• 22:48
  the
• 22:48
  best
• 22:49
  10
• 22:49
  to
• 22:49
  14
• 22:49
  days
• 22:50
  I
• 22:50
  ever
• 22:50
  had
• 22:50
  in
• 22:51
  my
• 22:51
  family
• 22:51
  house
• 22:52
  growing
• 22:52
  up.
• 22:52
  Because
• 22:53
  my
• 22:53
  parents
• 22:53
  could
• 22:54
  not
• 22:54
  misbehave.
• 22:55
  Because
• 22:55
  I
• 22:56
  was
• 22:56
  going
• 22:56
  to
• 22:56
  ask
• 22:56
  you,
• 22:56
  did
• 22:57
  they
• 22:57
  put
• 22:57
  everything
• 22:57
  on
• 22:57
  hold
• 22:58
  for
• 22:58
  that?
• 22:59
  As
• 23:00
  far
• 23:00
  as
• 23:00
  I
• 23:00
  can
• 23:00
  tell.
• 23:01
  As
• 23:01
  far
• 23:01
  as
• 23:01
  I
• 23:01
  can
• 23:02
  tell,
• 23:02
  they
• 23:02
  put
• 23:02
  everything
• 23:03
  on
• 23:03
  hold.
• 23:03
  My
• 23:04
  grandparents
• 23:04
  lived
• 23:05
  with
• 23:05
  us
• 23:05
  and
• 23:05
  it
• 23:06
  was
• 23:06
  amazing.
• 23:08
  It
• 23:08
  was
• 23:08
  amazing.
• 23:08
  Every
• 23:09
  night
• 23:09
  we
• 23:09
  ate
• 23:10
  dinner.
• 23:10
  That
• 23:10
  was
• 23:10
  the
• 23:11
  lone
• 23:11
  exception.
• 23:11
  We
• 23:11
  ate
• 23:12
  dinner
• 23:12
  at
• 23:12
  the
• 23:12
  table
• 23:12
  together
• 23:13
  with
• 23:13
  our
• 23:13
  grandparents
• 23:14
  because
• 23:14
  they
• 23:15
  were
• 23:15
  there
• 23:15
  and
• 23:15
  that's
• 23:15
  what
• 23:16
  they
• 23:16
  wanted.
• 23:16
  That's
• 23:16
  what
• 23:17
  my
• 23:17
  nanny
• 23:17
  and
• 23:17
  Poppy
• 23:18
  wanted.
• 23:18
  And
• 23:19
  so
• 23:19
  I
• 23:20
  remember
• 23:20
  being
• 23:20
  so
• 23:20
  sad
• 23:21
  when,
• 23:21
  when
• 23:22
  I
• 23:22
  remember
• 23:22
  being
• 23:22
  sad
• 23:23
  when
• 23:23
  TMI
• 23:23
  was
• 23:24
  over.
• 23:24
  When
• 23:24
  there
• 23:25
  wasn't
• 23:25
  going
• 23:25
  to
• 23:25
  be
• 23:25
  a
• 23:25
  nuclear
• 23:26
  accident.
• 23:26
  Think
• 23:27
  about
• 23:27
  that
• 23:27
  first.
• 23:28
  I
• 23:28
  mean,
• 23:28
  and
• 23:28
  that's
• 23:29
  what
• 23:29
  I'm
• 23:29
  saying.
• 23:29
  Like
• 23:29
  what
• 23:30
  a.
• 23:31
  And
• 23:32
  you
• 23:32
  got
• 23:32
  like
• 23:32
  a
• 23:32
  glimpse,
• 23:33
  a
• 23:33
  tiny
• 23:34
  little
• 23:34
  glimpse.
• 23:35
  Normalcy
• 23:36
  and
• 23:37
  the
• 23:37
  not
• 23:37
  addiction
• 23:38
  which
• 23:38
  is.
• 23:39
  It's
• 23:40
  almost
• 23:40
  like
• 23:40
  that
• 23:41
  alone,
• 23:41
  my
• 23:41
  friend,
• 23:42
  will
• 23:43
  cause
• 23:43
  a
• 23:43
  lifetime
• 23:44
  of.
• 23:44
  Of
• 23:45
  rage
• 23:45
  issues.
• 23:46
  Honestly,
• 23:47
  you
• 23:47
  just
• 23:47
  totally
• 23:48
  nailed
• 23:48
  it
• 23:48
  because
• 23:49
  you're
• 23:49
  like
• 23:49
  so
• 23:50
  close
• 23:50
  to
• 23:50
  what
• 23:51
  it's
• 23:51
  really
• 23:51
  like.
• 23:52
  It's
• 23:52
  right
• 23:52
  there
• 23:53
  and
• 23:53
  you're
• 23:53
  living
• 23:54
  it
• 23:54
  and
• 23:54
  then
• 23:54
  it's
• 23:54
  just
• 23:55
  ripped
• 23:55
  away
• 23:55
  from
• 23:55
  you.
• 23:56
  I
• 23:56
  mean
• 23:56
  I
• 23:57
  swear
• 23:57
  to
• 23:57
  you,
• 23:58
  the
• 23:58
  moment
• 23:58
  they
• 23:58
  left
• 23:59
  the
• 23:59
  house,
• 23:59
  my
• 23:59
  dad
• 24:00
  was
• 24:00
  back
• 24:00
  on
• 24:00
  a
• 24:01
  couch
• 24:01
  with
• 24:01
  it.
• 24:02
  With,
• 24:02
  with
• 24:02
  a
• 24:02
  metal
• 24:02
  tray,
• 24:03
  a
• 24:03
  metal,
• 24:03
  metal
• 24:04
  Coca
• 24:04
  Cola
• 24:04
  tray.
• 24:05
  Rolling
• 24:05
  joints.
• 24:06
  And
• 24:06
  I
• 24:06
  talk
• 24:06
  about
• 24:07
  that
• 24:07
  in
• 24:07
  my
• 24:07
  book.
• 24:07
  Like
• 24:08
  I.
• 24:08
  But
• 24:08
  I
• 24:08
  watch
• 24:09
  my
• 24:09
  dad
• 24:09
  roll
• 24:09
  hundreds
• 24:10
  of
• 24:10
  them.
• 24:10
  Like
• 24:11
  I
• 24:11
  could
• 24:11
  do
• 24:11
  it
• 24:12
  in
• 24:12
  my
• 24:12
  sleep,
• 24:12
  but
• 24:12
  I,
• 24:13
  out
• 24:13
  of
• 24:13
  principle,
• 24:14
  like
• 24:14
  I've
• 24:14
  never
• 24:15
  done
• 24:15
  it,
• 24:15
  but
• 24:15
  he's
• 24:16
  there.
• 24:16
  And
• 24:16
  I
• 24:16
  talk
• 24:17
  about
• 24:17
  him
• 24:17
  having
• 24:17
  the
• 24:18
  tray
• 24:18
  and
• 24:18
  having
• 24:18
  it
• 24:19
  on
• 24:19
  his
• 24:19
  belly
• 24:19
  and,
• 24:20
  you
• 24:20
  know,
• 24:20
  separating
• 24:21
  the
• 24:21
  seeds
• 24:22
  from
• 24:22
  the.
• 24:22
  From
• 24:23
  the.
• 24:23
  From
• 24:23
  the
• 24:23
  marijuana
• 24:24
  leaf.
• 24:24
  And
• 24:24
  I
• 24:24
  can
• 24:25
  still
• 24:25
  hear
• 24:25
  those
• 24:25
  seeds
• 24:26
  rolling
• 24:26
  down
• 24:26
  that
• 24:26
  tray.
• 24:29
  And
• 24:29
  literally
• 24:29
  the
• 24:30
  moment
• 24:30
  my
• 24:30
  grandparents
• 24:31
  left,
• 24:31
  literally
• 24:32
  the
• 24:32
  moment
• 24:32
  they
• 24:32
  left,
• 24:32
  I
• 24:33
  can.
• 24:33
  The
• 24:33
  trey
• 24:33
  was
• 24:34
  gone
• 24:34
  again.
• 24:35
  Wow.
• 24:36
  Yeah.
• 24:39
  Oh,
• 24:39
  my
• 24:39
  God.
• 24:39
  I
• 24:39
  could
• 24:40
  talk
• 24:40
  to
• 24:40
  you
• 24:40
  forever.
• 24:40
  Like,
• 24:41
  literally,
• 24:41
  I'm
• 24:42
  like,
• 24:42
  oh,
• 24:42
  my
• 24:42
  gosh.
• 24:42
  Like,
• 24:43
  so
• 24:43
  many
• 24:43
  things
• 24:43
  are
• 24:44
  coming
• 24:44
  through
• 24:44
  my
• 24:44
  head.
• 24:44
  But
• 24:45
  what
• 24:45
  I
• 24:46
  want
• 24:46
  you
• 24:46
  to
• 24:46
  do.
• 24:46
  Well,
• 24:46
  first
• 24:47
  of
• 24:47
  all,
• 24:47
  we're
• 24:48
  gonna
• 24:48
  have
• 24:48
  you
• 24:48
  back
• 24:48
  on.
• 24:48
  I'm
• 24:49
  not
• 24:49
  even
• 24:49
  gonna
• 24:49
  just
• 24:49
  re
• 24:49
  air
• 24:50
  this
• 24:50
  episode.
• 24:50
  When
• 24:50
  the
• 24:51
  book
• 24:51
  comes
• 24:51
  out,
• 24:51
  we're
• 24:51
  gonna
• 24:51
  have
• 24:51
  you
• 24:52
  back
• 24:52
  on,
• 24:52
  and
• 24:52
  we're
• 24:52
  gonna
• 24:53
  focus
• 24:53
  on.
• 24:53
  We're
• 24:53
  gonna
• 24:53
  pick
• 24:54
  one
• 24:54
  thing
• 24:54
  and
• 24:54
  we're
• 24:54
  gonna
• 24:55
  teach
• 24:56
  people
• 24:56
  and
• 24:56
  we're
• 24:56
  gonna,
• 24:57
  you
• 24:57
  know,
• 24:57
  we're
• 24:57
  gonna.
• 24:58
  This
• 24:58
  was
• 24:58
  absolutely
• 24:58
  amazing.
• 24:59
  I.
• 25:00
  So
• 25:00
  do
• 25:01
  you
• 25:01
  take
• 25:01
  calls?
• 25:02
  Do
• 25:02
  you
• 25:02
  work
• 25:02
  with
• 25:02
  people?
• 25:03
  Do
• 25:03
  you
• 25:03
  do
• 25:03
  any
• 25:03
  of
• 25:03
  that?
• 25:04
  Or,
• 25:04
  like,
• 25:04
  in
• 25:05
  your.
• 25:05
  What
• 25:05
  you're
• 25:06
  doing
• 25:06
  now,
• 25:07
  are
• 25:07
  you
• 25:07
  open
• 25:07
  to
• 25:08
  people
• 25:08
  asking
• 25:08
  you
• 25:08
  questions
• 25:09
  or
• 25:09
  how.
• 25:10
  What
• 25:10
  does
• 25:10
  that
• 25:10
  look
• 25:10
  like?
• 25:11
  Well,
• 25:11
  see,
• 25:11
  here's
• 25:11
  the
• 25:12
  thing.
• 25:12
  Nobody
• 25:12
  really
• 25:12
  knows
• 25:13
  about
• 25:13
  my
• 25:13
  past
• 25:14
  beyond
• 25:14
  people
• 25:15
  that
• 25:15
  I
• 25:15
  grew
• 25:15
  up
• 25:15
  with
• 25:15
  in
• 25:16
  high
• 25:16
  school.
• 25:16
  By
• 25:17
  the
• 25:17
  way,
• 25:17
  imagine
• 25:18
  your
• 25:18
  parents
• 25:18
  being
• 25:19
  arrested
• 25:19
  and
• 25:19
  they're
• 25:19
  in
• 25:19
  the
• 25:20
  newspapers
• 25:21
  while
• 25:21
  you're
• 25:21
  a
• 25:22
  sophomore
• 25:22
  in
• 25:22
  high
• 25:23
  school.
• 25:23
  That
• 25:23
  was
• 25:23
  as
• 25:23
  bad
• 25:24
  as
• 25:24
  it
• 25:24
  got.
• 25:25
  Having
• 25:25
  to
• 25:25
  go
• 25:25
  to
• 25:25
  school
• 25:26
  on
• 25:26
  Monday.
• 25:26
  My
• 25:27
  father
• 25:27
  not
• 25:27
  apologizing
• 25:28
  for
• 25:28
  it,
• 25:28
  not
• 25:29
  even
• 25:29
  caring.
• 25:30
  But.
• 25:31
  So
• 25:31
  when
• 25:32
  I
• 25:32
  left
• 25:32
  for
• 25:32
  college,
• 25:33
  I
• 25:33
  sort
• 25:33
  of
• 25:33
  left
• 25:33
  that
• 25:34
  behind.
• 25:34
  And
• 25:35
  people
• 25:35
  that
• 25:35
  I
• 25:35
  grew
• 25:36
  up
• 25:36
  with
• 25:36
  know
• 25:36
  my
• 25:36
  past,
• 25:37
  but
• 25:37
  people
• 25:38
  in
• 25:38
  college,
• 25:38
  people
• 25:39
  who
• 25:39
  I
• 25:39
  went
• 25:39
  to
• 25:39
  college
• 25:40
  with,
• 25:40
  and
• 25:40
  people
• 25:40
  who
• 25:41
  I've
• 25:41
  known
• 25:42
  professionally,
• 25:42
  are
• 25:42
  going
• 25:43
  to
• 25:43
  be
• 25:43
  really
• 25:43
  surprised
• 25:43
  by
• 25:44
  this
• 25:44
  book
• 25:44
  when
• 25:45
  it
• 25:45
  comes
• 25:45
  out,
• 25:45
  because
• 25:45
  I've
• 25:46
  never
• 25:46
  talked
• 25:46
  about
• 25:46
  it.
• 25:47
  Why
• 25:47
  would
• 25:47
  you.
• 25:48
  Why
• 25:48
  would
• 25:48
  you
• 25:48
  if
• 25:49
  you
• 25:49
  wanted
• 25:49
  to
• 25:49
  forget
• 25:50
  it?
• 25:50
  So,
• 25:51
  you
• 25:51
  know,
• 25:51
  it's
• 25:52
  interesting,
• 25:52
  when
• 25:52
  I
• 25:52
  see
• 25:53
  somebody
• 25:53
  I
• 25:53
  know,
• 25:53
  somebody
• 25:53
  who's
• 25:54
  having
• 25:54
  problems
• 25:54
  like
• 25:55
  that,
• 25:55
  sort
• 25:55
  of.
• 25:57
  It
• 25:57
  sort
• 25:58
  of
• 25:58
  kicks
• 25:58
  in
• 25:58
  where
• 25:59
  I'm
• 25:59
  one
• 25:59
  of
• 25:59
  the
• 25:59
  first
• 26:00
  people
• 26:00
  to
• 26:00
  step
• 26:00
  up
• 26:00
  and
• 26:01
  try
• 26:01
  and
• 26:01
  help
• 26:01
  somebody.
• 26:02
  But
• 26:03
  I
• 26:03
  know
• 26:03
  once
• 26:04
  I
• 26:04
  was
• 26:04
  gonna.
• 26:04
  Say,
• 26:05
  we
• 26:05
  can
• 26:05
  do
• 26:05
  this.
• 26:05
  We
• 26:05
  can
• 26:05
  put
• 26:05
  it
• 26:05
  on
• 26:06
  YouTube.
• 26:06
  And
• 26:06
  if
• 26:06
  people
• 26:07
  want
• 26:07
  to
• 26:07
  comment
• 26:07
  and
• 26:07
  you
• 26:08
  want
• 26:08
  to
• 26:08
  respond
• 26:08
  personally
• 26:09
  to.
• 26:09
  And
• 26:09
  I
• 26:09
  would
• 26:09
  do
• 26:09
  that.
• 26:10
  Yeah,
• 26:10
  I
• 26:11
  would
• 26:11
  do
• 26:11
  that.
• 26:11
  And
• 26:11
  I.
• 26:11
  And
• 26:11
  I
• 26:12
  know
• 26:12
  that
• 26:12
  with
• 26:13
  releasing
• 26:14
  Soda
• 26:15
  comes
• 26:15
  a
• 26:16
  bigger
• 26:16
  responsibility.
• 26:18
  So
• 26:18
  I'm
• 26:18
  never
• 26:18
  going
• 26:18
  to
• 26:18
  turn
• 26:19
  my
• 26:19
  back
• 26:19
  on
• 26:19
  somebody
• 26:20
  who
• 26:20
  reaches
• 26:20
  out
• 26:21
  and
• 26:21
  says,
• 26:22
  can
• 26:22
  you
• 26:22
  help
• 26:22
  me
• 26:22
  with
• 26:22
  this?
• 26:23
  Because
• 26:23
  I
• 26:23
  will.
• 26:24
  I
• 26:24
  mean,
• 26:24
  it's
• 26:25
  the
• 26:25
  least
• 26:25
  I
• 26:25
  could
• 26:25
  do.
• 26:26
  And
• 26:26
  sometimes,
• 26:27
  like
• 26:27
  you
• 26:27
  said,
• 26:28
  sometimes
• 26:28
  all.
• 26:29
  All
• 26:29
  people
• 26:29
  need
• 26:30
  Sometimes
• 26:30
  is
• 26:30
  to
• 26:30
  feel
• 26:30
  like
• 26:31
  they're
• 26:31
  not
• 26:31
  alone.
• 26:31
  To
• 26:31
  be
• 26:32
  able
• 26:32
  to,
• 26:32
  to
• 26:32
  hear
• 26:33
  a
• 26:33
  podcast,
• 26:33
  to
• 26:33
  hear
• 26:34
  you
• 26:34
  say,
• 26:34
  I
• 26:34
  went
• 26:34
  through
• 26:35
  this
• 26:35
  and
• 26:35
  then
• 26:35
  go,
• 26:36
  wow.
• 26:36
  And
• 26:37
  look
• 26:37
  at
• 26:37
  him.
• 26:37
  He's
• 26:38
  happy,
• 26:38
  smiling,
• 26:39
  he's
• 26:39
  got
• 26:39
  kids,
• 26:39
  he's
• 26:40
  got,
• 26:40
  you
• 26:40
  know,
• 26:40
  I
• 26:40
  mean,
• 26:41
  like
• 26:41
  there.
• 26:42
  People
• 26:42
  need
• 26:42
  hope,
• 26:43
  right?
• 26:43
  Especially
• 26:44
  when
• 26:44
  they're
• 26:44
  in
• 26:44
  the
• 26:45
  throes
• 26:45
  of
• 26:45
  it.
• 26:45
  And
• 26:45
  some
• 26:46
  people
• 26:46
  honestly
• 26:47
  don't
• 26:47
  they
• 26:48
  realize
• 26:48
  they
• 26:48
  got
• 26:48
  out.
• 26:49
  I
• 26:49
  mean,
• 26:49
  Obviously
• 26:49
  you
• 26:50
  turn
• 26:50
  18,
• 26:50
  whatever,
• 26:51
  whatever
• 26:51
  age,
• 26:51
  you
• 26:51
  get
• 26:51
  out
• 26:52
  and
• 26:52
  you
• 26:52
  get
• 26:52
  out,
• 26:53
  it
• 26:53
  doesn't
• 26:54
  end
• 26:54
  there.
• 26:54
  That's
• 26:54
  really
• 26:55
  where
• 26:55
  it
• 26:55
  begins.
• 26:56
  So,
• 26:56
  yeah,
• 26:57
  a
• 26:57
  lot
• 26:57
  of
• 26:57
  people
• 26:57
  are
• 26:57
  kind
• 26:58
  of
• 26:58
  in
• 26:58
  that,
• 26:58
  stuck
• 26:59
  like,
• 27:00
  or
• 27:00
  they
• 27:01
  hear
• 27:01
  those
• 27:01
  cliches
• 27:02
  or
• 27:02
  people
• 27:02
  go,
• 27:03
  you
• 27:03
  know,
• 27:03
  you're
• 27:03
  out
• 27:03
  of
• 27:03
  the
• 27:03
  house.
• 27:04
  It
• 27:04
  should
• 27:04
  be
• 27:04
  better
• 27:05
  now.
• 27:05
  No,
• 27:05
  that
• 27:05
  is
• 27:06
  where
• 27:06
  all
• 27:06
  the
• 27:07
  damage
• 27:07
  starts,
• 27:08
  culminating.
• 27:09
  And
• 27:10
  you
• 27:10
  have
• 27:10
  time
• 27:11
  to
• 27:11
  sit
• 27:11
  and
• 27:11
  think
• 27:11
  and
• 27:12
  you
• 27:12
  have
• 27:12
  time
• 27:12
  to
• 27:12
  realize
• 27:13
  what
• 27:13
  you
• 27:13
  missed.
• 27:14
  And
• 27:14
  you
• 27:14
  have
• 27:14
  time
• 27:15
  to
• 27:15
  realize
• 27:15
  that
• 27:16
  I.
• 27:16
  I
• 27:16
  tell
• 27:16
  the
• 27:16
  story
• 27:17
  all
• 27:17
  the
• 27:17
  time
• 27:17
  of
• 27:18
  when
• 27:18
  it
• 27:18
  hit
• 27:19
  me.
• 27:19
  I
• 27:19
  was
• 27:19
  26,
• 27:20
  getting
• 27:20
  ready
• 27:20
  to
• 27:20
  have
• 27:21
  my
• 27:21
  first
• 27:21
  kid,
• 27:21
  and
• 27:21
  I
• 27:22
  was
• 27:22
  reading
• 27:22
  a
• 27:22
  kid's
• 27:22
  book
• 27:23
  about
• 27:24
  unconditional
• 27:24
  love
• 27:25
  between
• 27:25
  a
• 27:25
  mother
• 27:25
  and
• 27:25
  her
• 27:26
  son.
• 27:26
  And
• 27:27
  I
• 27:27
  freaking
• 27:28
  had
• 27:28
  a
• 27:28
  meltdown
• 27:29
  because
• 27:29
  I
• 27:29
  was
• 27:29
  like,
• 27:29
  I
• 27:30
  don't
• 27:30
  even
• 27:30
  remember
• 27:31
  hugging
• 27:31
  my
• 27:31
  parents.
• 27:32
  Like,
• 27:32
  amazing.
• 27:33
  I
• 27:33
  was
• 27:33
  like,
• 27:34
  how
• 27:34
  the
• 27:35
  hell
• 27:35
  do
• 27:35
  I
• 27:35
  do
• 27:35
  that?
• 27:36
  And
• 27:36
  that's
• 27:36
  what
• 27:36
  triggered.
• 27:37
  Oh
• 27:37
  my
• 27:37
  God,
• 27:38
  what
• 27:39
  else
• 27:39
  don't
• 27:39
  I
• 27:39
  know?
• 27:40
  What
• 27:40
  else?
• 27:41
  So,
• 27:42
  but
• 27:42
  there
• 27:42
  are
• 27:42
  people
• 27:42
  that
• 27:42
  come
• 27:43
  to
• 27:43
  me
• 27:43
  that
• 27:43
  are,
• 27:43
  that
• 27:43
  hear
• 27:44
  a
• 27:44
  podcast
• 27:44
  and
• 27:44
  they're
• 27:45
  50
• 27:45
  years
• 27:45
  old.
• 27:46
  I
• 27:46
  think
• 27:46
  you
• 27:46
  and
• 27:47
  I
• 27:47
  are
• 27:47
  the
• 27:47
  same
• 27:47
  age.
• 27:47
  You
• 27:47
  said
• 27:47
  you
• 27:48
  were
• 27:48
  56.
• 27:48
  I'll
• 27:49
  be
• 27:49
  56
• 27:49
  in
• 27:50
  April.
• 27:50
  Yeah,
• 27:50
  I'll
• 27:50
  be,
• 27:51
  I'll
• 27:51
  be
• 27:51
  58.
• 27:52
  So
• 27:52
  close.
• 27:52
  Same.
• 27:53
  Yeah,
• 27:53
  yeah.
• 27:53
  At
• 27:53
  the
• 27:53
  same
• 27:54
  time.
• 27:54
  But
• 27:55
  people,
• 27:56
  yeah,
• 27:57
  they
• 27:57
  just,
• 27:57
  they
• 27:57
  don't
• 27:58
  understand
• 27:58
  the
• 27:59
  culminating
• 27:59
  effects
• 28:00
  that
• 28:00
  it
• 28:01
  has
• 28:01
  and
• 28:01
  that
• 28:02
  they
• 28:02
  could
• 28:02
  be
• 28:02
  50,
• 28:03
  60
• 28:03
  years
• 28:03
  old
• 28:04
  walking
• 28:04
  around
• 28:04
  and
• 28:04
  they're
• 28:04
  just
• 28:05
  freaking
• 28:05
  miserable
• 28:06
  and
• 28:06
  they
• 28:06
  don't
• 28:06
  know
• 28:06
  why.
• 28:07
  When
• 28:07
  I
• 28:07
  did
• 28:08
  research
• 28:08
  on
• 28:08
  my
• 28:08
  book,
• 28:09
  I
• 28:10
  was
• 28:10
  really
• 28:10
  trying
• 28:11
  to
• 28:11
  remember
• 28:11
  things
• 28:12
  that
• 28:12
  were
• 28:12
  like
• 28:12
  in
• 28:12
  my
• 28:12
  parents
• 28:13
  bedroom,
• 28:13
  right.
• 28:14
  And
• 28:15
  my
• 28:15
  dad
• 28:15
  had
• 28:16
  these,
• 28:16
  this
• 28:17
  collection
• 28:18
  of
• 28:18
  colognes
• 28:19
  that
• 28:19
  came
• 28:19
  in
• 28:20
  the
• 28:20
  vert
• 28:21
  and
• 28:21
  they
• 28:21
  were
• 28:21
  glass
• 28:22
  bottles
• 28:22
  of
• 28:23
  cars.
• 28:24
  And
• 28:24
  like
• 28:24
  one
• 28:24
  of
• 28:24
  them
• 28:25
  was
• 28:25
  a
• 28:25
  Jaguar.
• 28:26
  So
• 28:26
  you.
• 28:27
  And
• 28:27
  it
• 28:27
  would
• 28:27
  have
• 28:27
  cologne
• 28:28
  in
• 28:28
  it,
• 28:28
  right.
• 28:29
  So
• 28:29
  I
• 28:29
  was,
• 28:30
  I
• 28:30
  was
• 28:30
  buying
• 28:31
  things
• 28:31
  on
• 28:31
  ebay
• 28:32
  to
• 28:32
  really
• 28:33
  help
• 28:33
  me
• 28:33
  remember.
• 28:35
  And
• 28:35
  like
• 28:35
  I
• 28:35
  have
• 28:36
  it
• 28:36
  in
• 28:36
  the
• 28:36
  cabinet
• 28:37
  directly
• 28:37
  behind
• 28:37
  me.
• 28:38
  I
• 28:39
  had
• 28:39
  the
• 28:39
  Jaguar
• 28:40
  in
• 28:40
  there.
• 28:41
  And
• 28:41
  I
• 28:41
  tell
• 28:42
  you,
• 28:42
  I
• 28:43
  opened
• 28:43
  the
• 28:43
  box
• 28:44
  and
• 28:44
  I.
• 28:45
  And
• 28:45
  I
• 28:45
  opened
• 28:46
  the
• 28:46
  container,
• 28:47
  the
• 28:48
  took
• 28:48
  the
• 28:48
  cap
• 28:48
  off
• 28:49
  and
• 28:49
  smelled
• 28:49
  it
• 28:49
  and
• 28:49
  I
• 28:50
  was
• 28:50
  six
• 28:50
  again.
• 28:51
  Just
• 28:51
  like
• 28:51
  that.
• 28:52
  I
• 28:52
  was
• 28:52
  six
• 28:53
  Years
• 28:53
  old.
• 28:53
  Just
• 28:54
  like
• 28:54
  that,
• 28:54
  in
• 28:55
  my
• 28:55
  mom
• 28:56
  and
• 28:56
  dad's
• 28:57
  bedroom.
• 28:58
  Literally
• 28:59
  looking
• 28:59
  in
• 29:00
  their
• 29:00
  bedroom
• 29:00
  at
• 29:00
  everything,
• 29:01
  remembering
• 29:02
  all
• 29:02
  of
• 29:02
  it
• 29:02
  and
• 29:02
  feeling
• 29:03
  all
• 29:03
  of
• 29:03
  it
• 29:03
  again.
• 29:05
  And
• 29:05
  that's
• 29:05
  what
• 29:05
  you're
• 29:06
  talking
• 29:06
  about
• 29:06
  when
• 29:06
  you
• 29:06
  say
• 29:07
  all
• 29:07
  of
• 29:07
  a
• 29:07
  sudden,
• 29:07
  all
• 29:07
  of
• 29:07
  a
• 29:07
  sudden,
• 29:07
  it
• 29:08
  all
• 29:08
  comes
• 29:08
  up
• 29:09
  for
• 29:09
  me.
• 29:09
  That
• 29:09
  was
• 29:09
  a
• 29:10
  moment.
• 29:10
  Yeah.
• 29:11
  That,
• 29:11
  my
• 29:12
  friend,
• 29:12
  is
• 29:12
  ptsd,
• 29:13
  by
• 29:13
  the
• 29:13
  way,
• 29:13
  right?
• 29:13
  Oh,
• 29:14
  yeah.
• 29:14
  I
• 29:14
  mean,
• 29:14
  I'm
• 29:15
  like,
• 29:15
  oh
• 29:15
  my
• 29:15
  God.
• 29:16
  For
• 29:16
  people
• 29:16
  listening,
• 29:17
  that
• 29:17
  is
• 29:17
  a
• 29:17
  perfect
• 29:18
  example
• 29:18
  of
• 29:18
  ptsd.
• 29:19
  And
• 29:19
  I
• 29:20
  remember
• 29:20
  the
• 29:20
  smell.
• 29:21
  Like
• 29:21
  that
• 29:21
  smell
• 29:22
  like
• 29:22
  it
• 29:22
  wasn't
• 29:22
  new
• 29:23
  to
• 29:23
  me.
• 29:23
  I
• 29:23
  hadn't
• 29:24
  seen
• 29:24
  that
• 29:24
  bottle
• 29:25
  in
• 29:26
  almost
• 29:26
  a
• 29:26
  half
• 29:27
  century.
• 29:27
  Think
• 29:28
  about
• 29:28
  that.
• 29:28
  Yeah,
• 29:29
  I
• 29:29
  laugh
• 29:30
  because
• 29:30
  I
• 29:30
  have
• 29:30
  a
• 29:30
  very
• 29:31
  similar.
• 29:31
  And
• 29:31
  I
• 29:31
  use
• 29:31
  it
• 29:32
  all
• 29:32
  the
• 29:32
  time.
• 29:32
  So
• 29:32
  people,
• 29:32
  I'm
• 29:33
  sorry
• 29:33
  if
• 29:33
  I'm
• 29:33
  repeating
• 29:33
  this,
• 29:34
  if
• 29:34
  you've
• 29:34
  heard
• 29:34
  this
• 29:34
  already,
• 29:35
  but
• 29:35
  I
• 29:36
  have
• 29:36
  a
• 29:36
  story
• 29:36
  where
• 29:37
  I.
• 29:37
  There
• 29:37
  was
• 29:37
  some
• 29:37
  abuse
• 29:38
  going
• 29:38
  on
• 29:38
  when
• 29:39
  I
• 29:39
  was
• 29:40
  like
• 29:40
  four
• 29:40
  or
• 29:40
  five,
• 29:41
  preschool.
• 29:42
  And
• 29:42
  it
• 29:43
  was
• 29:43
  while
• 29:43
  my
• 29:43
  mom
• 29:44
  was
• 29:44
  watching
• 29:44
  the
• 29:44
  soap
• 29:45
  opera
• 29:45
  as
• 29:45
  the
• 29:46
  World
• 29:46
  Turns.
• 29:46
  Right.
• 29:46
  Right.
• 29:47
  So
• 29:47
  literally
• 29:48
  three
• 29:48
  decades
• 29:49
  later,
• 29:49
  I'm
• 29:49
  sitting
• 29:50
  there
• 29:51
  and
• 29:51
  all
• 29:51
  of
• 29:51
  a
• 29:51
  sudden
• 29:52
  I
• 29:52
  just
• 29:52
  vomited
• 29:53
  like
• 29:53
  out
• 29:53
  of
• 29:53
  the
• 29:53
  blue
• 29:54
  on
• 29:55
  a
• 29:55
  table.
• 29:55
  Like,
• 29:55
  oh
• 29:56
  my
• 29:56
  God.
• 29:56
  And
• 29:56
  I'm
• 29:56
  like,
• 29:57
  okay,
• 29:57
  Tammy,
• 29:57
  focus,
• 29:58
  focus.
• 29:58
  Like,
• 29:58
  because
• 29:59
  now
• 29:59
  I
• 30:00
  know
• 30:00
  and
• 30:00
  I'm
• 30:00
  like,
• 30:01
  what
• 30:01
  is
• 30:01
  going
• 30:01
  on?
• 30:02
  It
• 30:02
  had
• 30:02
  come
• 30:02
  on
• 30:02
  in
• 30:03
  the
• 30:03
  other
• 30:03
  room.
• 30:04
  Oh
• 30:04
  my
• 30:04
  God.
• 30:05
  And
• 30:05
  it
• 30:05
  was
• 30:05
  the
• 30:05
  sound
• 30:06
  of
• 30:06
  that
• 30:06
  soap
• 30:06
  opera
• 30:07
  coming
• 30:07
  on.
• 30:07
  Now
• 30:07
  I
• 30:07
  could
• 30:08
  turn
• 30:08
  it
• 30:08
  on
• 30:08
  and
• 30:08
  watch
• 30:09
  it.
• 30:09
  That
• 30:09
  was
• 30:09
  no
• 30:09
  big
• 30:09
  deal.
• 30:10
  But
• 30:10
  it
• 30:10
  was
• 30:10
  that
• 30:11
  subconscious
• 30:12
  like
• 30:13
  that.
• 30:13
  And
• 30:13
  that's
• 30:14
  why
• 30:14
  our
• 30:14
  senses.
• 30:14
  I
• 30:15
  tell
• 30:15
  these
• 30:15
  smell
• 30:15
  smells
• 30:16
  of
• 30:16
  the
• 30:16
  same
• 30:16
  thing.
• 30:16
  I.
• 30:17
  I
• 30:17
  tell
• 30:17
  the
• 30:17
  story
• 30:18
  about
• 30:18
  one
• 30:18
  time
• 30:19
  something
• 30:19
  really
• 30:19
  bad
• 30:20
  happened
• 30:20
  on
• 30:20
  a
• 30:20
  leather
• 30:20
  couch
• 30:21
  and,
• 30:22
  and
• 30:23
  my
• 30:23
  dad.
• 30:23
  Then
• 30:24
  when
• 30:24
  I
• 30:24
  went
• 30:24
  back
• 30:24
  home
• 30:25
  and
• 30:25
  I
• 30:25
  was
• 30:25
  living
• 30:25
  at
• 30:25
  home
• 30:25
  for
• 30:26
  a
• 30:26
  few
• 30:26
  months
• 30:26
  and
• 30:26
  my
• 30:27
  dad
• 30:27
  had
• 30:27
  gone
• 30:27
  out
• 30:27
  and
• 30:28
  bought
• 30:28
  this
• 30:28
  brand
• 30:28
  new
• 30:29
  leather
• 30:29
  chair.
• 30:29
  And
• 30:30
  I
• 30:30
  don't
• 30:30
  know
• 30:30
  what
• 30:30
  the
• 30:30
  hell
• 30:30
  possessed
• 30:31
  me,
• 30:31
  but
• 30:31
  I
• 30:31
  took
• 30:31
  a
• 30:32
  bite
• 30:32
  out
• 30:32
  of
• 30:32
  the
• 30:32
  arm
• 30:32
  of
• 30:32
  his
• 30:33
  brand
• 30:33
  new
• 30:33
  leather
• 30:33
  chair
• 30:34
  and
• 30:34
  I
• 30:34
  got
• 30:35
  beat
• 30:35
  so
• 30:35
  bad.
• 30:35
  But
• 30:36
  I
• 30:36
  was
• 30:36
  like,
• 30:37
  what?
• 30:37
  Why
• 30:37
  would
• 30:38
  I
• 30:38
  do
• 30:38
  that?
• 30:38
  And
• 30:38
  then
• 30:39
  I
• 30:39
  started
• 30:39
  noticing.
• 30:40
  Hm.
• 30:40
  I
• 30:40
  go
• 30:40
  to
• 30:40
  the
• 30:40
  mall
• 30:41
  and
• 30:41
  I
• 30:41
  can't
• 30:41
  walk
• 30:41
  by
• 30:42
  Wilson's
• 30:42
  leather
• 30:43
  shop
• 30:43
  without
• 30:43
  gagging.
• 30:44
  And
• 30:44
  it
• 30:44
  was
• 30:45
  leather.
• 30:46
  Right?
• 30:46
  So.
• 30:47
  Right.
• 30:48
  Those
• 30:48
  are
• 30:48
  the
• 30:48
  things.
• 30:49
  And,
• 30:49
  and
• 30:49
  guys,
• 30:49
  if
• 30:49
  you're
• 30:50
  out
• 30:50
  there
• 30:50
  listening
• 30:50
  and
• 30:50
  you're
• 30:51
  like,
• 30:51
  oh
• 30:51
  my
• 30:51
  gosh,
• 30:52
  I
• 30:52
  get
• 30:52
  that.
• 30:52
  Like
• 30:53
  that
• 30:53
  is.
• 30:53
  I
• 30:54
  have
• 30:54
  that
• 30:55
  happen.
• 30:55
  Those
• 30:56
  are
• 30:56
  the
• 30:56
  things
• 30:56
  that
• 30:56
  you
• 30:56
  can
• 30:57
  get.
• 30:57
  Very
• 30:58
  simple.
• 30:59
  You
• 30:59
  can
• 31:00
  get
• 31:00
  help
• 31:00
  for.
• 31:00
  There's
• 31:01
  so
• 31:01
  many
• 31:01
  things.
• 31:02
  There's
• 31:02
  eft
• 31:02
  tapping,
• 31:03
  there's
• 31:04
  therapy,
• 31:05
  you
• 31:05
  know,
• 31:05
  but
• 31:06
  there's.
• 31:06
  There's
• 31:07
  exposure
• 31:07
  therapy.
• 31:07
  Like
• 31:08
  there's
• 31:08
  all
• 31:08
  kinds
• 31:08
  of
• 31:09
  different
• 31:09
  things
• 31:09
  you
• 31:09
  can
• 31:09
  do
• 31:10
  to
• 31:10
  get
• 31:10
  rid
• 31:10
  of
• 31:10
  those
• 31:11
  triggers.
• 31:11
  Because
• 31:12
  I'm
• 31:12
  sure,
• 31:12
  Dave,
• 31:13
  some
• 31:13
  of
• 31:13
  these
• 31:13
  stories
• 31:14
  that
• 31:14
  you
• 31:14
  told
• 31:14
  tell
• 31:15
  now,
• 31:16
  I'm
• 31:16
  sure
• 31:16
  at
• 31:17
  one
• 31:17
  point
• 31:18
  you
• 31:18
  were
• 31:18
  telling
• 31:18
  them
• 31:19
  and
• 31:19
  there
• 31:19
  was
• 31:19
  a
• 31:19
  knot
• 31:19
  in
• 31:20
  your
• 31:20
  stomach
• 31:20
  or
• 31:20
  you.
• 31:21
  Your
• 31:21
  body
• 31:22
  was
• 31:22
  like,
• 31:22
  physically
• 31:23
  reacting
• 31:23
  at
• 31:23
  some.
• 31:23
  You
• 31:24
  know,
• 31:24
  there's
• 31:24
  still
• 31:24
  a
• 31:24
  knot,
• 31:25
  that
• 31:25
  the
• 31:25
  knot
• 31:26
  still
• 31:26
  exists
• 31:26
  even
• 31:27
  talking
• 31:27
  to
• 31:27
  you.
• 31:28
  The
• 31:29
  knot's
• 31:29
  always
• 31:30
  there.
• 31:30
  It
• 31:31
  never
• 31:31
  leaves
• 31:31
  you.
• 31:32
  The
• 31:32
  trick
• 31:32
  is,
• 31:33
  how
• 31:34
  do
• 31:34
  you
• 31:34
  deal
• 31:34
  with
• 31:35
  it
• 31:35
  so
• 31:35
  that
• 31:35
  you
• 31:36
  can
• 31:36
  live
• 31:36
  a
• 31:37
  happy,
• 31:38
  productive,
• 31:39
  and
• 31:39
  what
• 31:40
  I
• 31:40
  call
• 31:40
  a
• 31:40
  beautiful
• 31:41
  life.
• 31:42
  Believe
• 31:42
  it
• 31:42
  or
• 31:43
  not,
• 31:43
  I
• 31:43
  feel
• 31:43
  like
• 31:43
  the
• 31:44
  luckiest
• 31:44
  guy
• 31:44
  in
• 31:44
  the
• 31:45
  world
• 31:45
  to
• 31:46
  have
• 31:47
  a
• 31:47
  business
• 31:47
  as
• 31:47
  long
• 31:48
  as
• 31:48
  I
• 31:48
  have.
• 31:48
  But
• 31:48
  more
• 31:48
  than
• 31:49
  that,
• 31:49
  to
• 31:49
  have
• 31:49
  a
• 31:49
  family,
• 31:51
  to
• 31:51
  have
• 31:51
  children
• 31:51
  who
• 31:51
  care
• 31:51
  about
• 31:52
  me,
• 31:52
  children
• 31:52
  that
• 31:52
  I've
• 31:53
  tried
• 31:53
  to
• 31:53
  do
• 31:53
  the
• 31:53
  best
• 31:54
  by.
• 31:54
  Not
• 31:54
  always
• 31:55
  I've.
• 31:55
  You
• 31:56
  know,
• 31:56
  certainly
• 31:56
  we
• 31:56
  all
• 31:57
  fail
• 31:57
  as
• 31:57
  parents.
• 31:58
  You
• 31:58
  know,
• 31:58
  what
• 31:59
  I
• 31:59
  try
• 31:59
  and
• 31:59
  really
• 31:59
  focus
• 32:00
  on
• 32:00
  doing
• 32:00
  as
• 32:00
  a
• 32:00
  parent?
• 32:01
  And
• 32:02
  don't
• 32:02
  get
• 32:02
  me
• 32:02
  wrong,
• 32:03
  it
• 32:03
  doesn't
• 32:03
  happen.
• 32:03
  Happen
• 32:04
  a
• 32:04
  lot
• 32:04
  because,
• 32:05
  you
• 32:05
  know,
• 32:05
  I'm
• 32:06
  a
• 32:06
  firm
• 32:06
  believer
• 32:07
  in
• 32:07
  the
• 32:08
  parent
• 32:08
  child
• 32:09
  relationship
• 32:10
  is
• 32:11
  when
• 32:11
  I.
• 32:11
  When
• 32:12
  I've
• 32:12
  made
• 32:12
  a
• 32:12
  mistake
• 32:12
  with
• 32:12
  my
• 32:13
  kids,
• 32:13
  I
• 32:13
  apologize.
• 32:14
  Because
• 32:14
  my
• 32:14
  father.
• 32:15
  Because
• 32:15
  my
• 32:16
  father
• 32:16
  never
• 32:16
  did.
• 32:16
  I
• 32:17
  remember
• 32:17
  snapping
• 32:17
  at
• 32:18
  my
• 32:18
  daughter
• 32:18
  a
• 32:18
  little
• 32:18
  while
• 32:19
  ago.
• 32:20
  I
• 32:20
  went
• 32:20
  into
• 32:20
  a
• 32:20
  room
• 32:21
  probably
• 32:21
  like
• 32:21
  30
• 32:22
  minutes
• 32:22
  after,
• 32:22
  and
• 32:22
  I
• 32:23
  said,
• 32:23
  you
• 32:23
  know
• 32:23
  what?
• 32:23
  That
• 32:24
  was
• 32:24
  wrong.
• 32:24
  Dad
• 32:25
  was
• 32:25
  wrong.
• 32:25
  I
• 32:25
  am
• 32:26
  sorry
• 32:26
  for
• 32:26
  snapping
• 32:27
  at
• 32:27
  you.
• 32:27
  If
• 32:28
  that
• 32:28
  helps
• 32:28
  her
• 32:28
  as
• 32:28
  a
• 32:29
  parent
• 32:29
  someday,
• 32:29
  then
• 32:29
  I've
• 32:30
  done
• 32:30
  my
• 32:30
  job.
• 32:31
  But
• 32:31
  I
• 32:31
  want
• 32:31
  her
• 32:31
  to
• 32:32
  know
• 32:32
  that
• 32:32
  I
• 32:32
  love
• 32:32
  her.
• 32:33
  I
• 32:33
  want
• 32:33
  her
• 32:33
  to
• 32:33
  understand
• 32:34
  that
• 32:34
  I'm
• 32:34
  not
• 32:34
  perfect.
• 32:35
  And
• 32:36
  to
• 32:36
  apologize
• 32:36
  when
• 32:37
  you're
• 32:37
  wrong,
• 32:37
  especially.
• 32:38
  To
• 32:38
  your
• 32:38
  children,
• 32:39
  there
• 32:39
  is
• 32:39
  no
• 32:39
  such
• 32:39
  thing
• 32:40
  as
• 32:40
  perfection.
• 32:40
  Not
• 32:41
  going
• 32:41
  to
• 32:41
  always
• 32:41
  do
• 32:41
  the
• 32:41
  right
• 32:41
  thing.
• 32:42
  But
• 32:42
  again,
• 32:42
  yes,
• 32:43
  if
• 32:43
  you
• 32:43
  can
• 32:43
  step
• 32:44
  up
• 32:44
  and
• 32:44
  be
• 32:44
  like,
• 32:44
  hey,
• 32:45
  I
• 32:45
  screwed
• 32:45
  up,
• 32:45
  like,
• 32:46
  that's
• 32:47
  the
• 32:47
  difference.
• 32:48
  Because
• 32:49
  that's
• 32:49
  what
• 32:49
  they're
• 32:49
  seeing.
• 32:50
  That's
• 32:50
  what
• 32:50
  they're
• 32:50
  growing
• 32:51
  from.
• 32:51
  And
• 32:51
  that's.
• 32:52
  That's
• 32:53
  the
• 32:53
  love,
• 32:54
  you
• 32:54
  know?
• 32:55
  Yeah.
• 32:55
  That's
• 32:55
  the
• 32:56
  accountability
• 32:56
  part
• 32:56
  of
• 32:57
  it.
• 32:57
  Because
• 32:59
  go
• 32:59
  get
• 32:59
  that
• 33:00
  out
• 33:00
  of
• 33:00
  your
• 33:00
  body.
• 33:02
  Once
• 33:03
  you
• 33:03
  get
• 33:03
  it
• 33:03
  out
• 33:03
  of
• 33:04
  your
• 33:04
  body,
• 33:04
  there's
• 33:05
  so
• 33:05
  many
• 33:05
  things.
• 33:06
  Once
• 33:06
  you
• 33:06
  get
• 33:06
  it
• 33:06
  out
• 33:07
  of
• 33:07
  your
• 33:07
  body,
• 33:07
  you
• 33:07
  will
• 33:07
  not
• 33:08
  get
• 33:08
  that
• 33:08
  physiological
• 33:09
  response
• 33:10
  anymore
• 33:10
  to
• 33:10
  all
• 33:10
  those
• 33:10
  triggers.
• 33:11
  I
• 33:11
  promise
• 33:11
  you.
• 33:11
  That's
• 33:12
  so
• 33:12
  true.
• 33:12
  I
• 33:12
  promise
• 33:12
  you.
• 33:13
  That's
• 33:13
  great
• 33:13
  advice.
• 33:14
  And
• 33:14
  you're
• 33:15
  the.
• 33:15
  And
• 33:16
  you're
• 33:16
  the
• 33:16
  expert.
• 33:16
  That's
• 33:17
  my
• 33:17
  job
• 33:17
  till
• 33:18
  we
• 33:18
  talk
• 33:18
  again.
• 33:19
  There
• 33:19
  we
• 33:19
  go.
• 33:19
  That's
• 33:20
  your
• 33:20
  goal.
• 33:21
  Text
• 33:21
  me,
• 33:21
  I'll
• 33:21
  give
• 33:21
  you
• 33:22
  some
• 33:22
  tips.
• 33:23
  So,
• 33:23
  anyway,
• 33:24
  thank
• 33:24
  you
• 33:24
  so
• 33:24
  much
• 33:24
  for
• 33:24
  coming
• 33:25
  on.
• 33:25
  Thank
• 33:26
  you,
• 33:26
  Tammy,
• 33:26
  for
• 33:26
  having
• 33:27
  me.
• 33:27
  It's.
• 33:27
  It's
• 33:27
  a
• 33:27
  real
• 33:28
  honor.
• 33:28
  Your
• 33:28
  show's
• 33:29
  so
• 33:29
  important
• 33:29
  and
• 33:30
  I
• 33:30
  just.
• 33:30
  I'm
• 33:31
  just
• 33:31
  very,
• 33:32
  very
• 33:32
  lucky
• 33:32
  to
• 33:32
  be
• 33:32
  on
• 33:33
  it.
• 33:33
  So
• 33:33
  thank
• 33:33
  you.
• 33:34
  Well,
• 33:34
  we're
• 33:34
  gonna.
• 33:34
  You're
• 33:34
  very
• 33:35
  welcome.
• 33:35
  And
• 33:35
  we're
• 33:35
  gonna
• 33:35
  have
• 33:35
  you
• 33:36
  back.
• 33:36
  Yes.
• 33:37
  When
• 33:37
  your
• 33:37
  book
• 33:37
  comes
• 33:38
  out.
• 33:38
  Soda.
• 33:39
  I
• 33:39
  can't
• 33:39
  wait
• 33:39
  to
• 33:39
  read
• 33:39
  it.
• 33:40
  But
• 33:40
  when
• 33:40
  and
• 33:41
  for
• 33:41
  everybody
• 33:41
  else
• 33:41
  out
• 33:41
  there
• 33:42
  listening,
• 33:42
  reach
• 33:43
  out
• 33:43
  if
• 33:43
  you
• 33:43
  have
• 33:43
  any
• 33:44
  questions
• 33:44
  about
• 33:44
  this.
• 33:44
  My
• 33:45
  goal
• 33:45
  is
• 33:45
  never,
• 33:45
  never,
• 33:46
  never,
• 33:46
  never.
• 33:46
  And
• 33:47
  I
• 33:47
  promise
• 33:47
  you
• 33:47
  this
• 33:48
  with
• 33:48
  all
• 33:48
  of
• 33:48
  my
• 33:48
  heart
• 33:49
  to
• 33:49
  trigger
• 33:49
  you
• 33:49
  and
• 33:50
  leave
• 33:50
  you
• 33:50
  hanging
• 33:51
  if
• 33:51
  something
• 33:51
  struck
• 33:52
  a
• 33:52
  chord,
• 33:52
  if
• 33:52
  something
• 33:52
  gave
• 33:53
  you
• 33:53
  that
• 33:53
  knot
• 33:53
  in
• 33:53
  your
• 33:54
  stomach,
• 33:54
  if
• 33:54
  something
• 33:54
  made
• 33:55
  you
• 33:55
  cry.
• 33:56
  Reach
• 33:56
  out
• 33:56
  to
• 33:57
  someone,
• 33:58
  anyone.
• 33:59
  Every
• 34:00
  one
• 34:00
  needs
• 34:00
  one
• 34:01
  person
• 34:01
  in
• 34:01
  their
• 34:01
  life
• 34:02
  that
• 34:02
  they
• 34:02
  can
• 34:02
  trust,
• 34:03
  that
• 34:03
  they
• 34:03
  can
• 34:03
  talk
• 34:04
  to,
• 34:04
  that
• 34:04
  they
• 34:04
  can
• 34:04
  open
• 34:05
  up
• 34:05
  to,
• 34:06
  and
• 34:06
  it
• 34:06
  will
• 34:06
  make
• 34:06
  a
• 34:06
  world
• 34:07
  of
• 34:07
  difference.
• 34:07
  So
• 34:08
  please
• 34:08
  know
• 34:09
  that
• 34:09
  we
• 34:09
  love
• 34:09
  you
• 34:09
  and
• 34:10
  we
• 34:10
  don't
• 34:10
  want
• 34:10
  to
• 34:11
  upset
• 34:11
  you
• 34:11
  about
• 34:11
  anything.
• 34:12
  But
• 34:12
  this
• 34:13
  is
• 34:13
  so
• 34:13
  many
• 34:13
  people's
• 34:14
  lives,
• 34:14
  guys.
• 34:14
  This
• 34:15
  is
• 34:15
  reality.
• 34:16
  This
• 34:16
  happens.
• 34:16
  There's
• 34:17
  millions
• 34:17
  of
• 34:18
  homes
• 34:18
  right
• 34:18
  now
• 34:18
  that
• 34:18
  this
• 34:19
  is
• 34:19
  happening
• 34:19
  in.
• 34:20
  So
• 34:20
  if
• 34:20
  you
• 34:20
  can
• 34:20
  reach
• 34:20
  out
• 34:21
  to
• 34:21
  a
• 34:21
  friend,
• 34:22
  share
• 34:22
  with
• 34:22
  a
• 34:23
  child,
• 34:23
  see
• 34:24
  someone
• 34:24
  walking
• 34:24
  around,
• 34:25
  you
• 34:25
  know,
• 34:25
  if
• 34:25
  you
• 34:25
  see
• 34:26
  a
• 34:26
  six
• 34:26
  year
• 34:26
  old
• 34:26
  walking
• 34:27
  by
• 34:27
  themselves
• 34:27
  at
• 34:28
  8
• 34:28
  o'
• 34:28
  clock
• 34:28
  at
• 34:28
  night,
• 34:29
  that
• 34:29
  something's
• 34:30
  going
• 34:30
  on,
• 34:30
  be
• 34:30
  that
• 34:31
  friend
• 34:31
  for
• 34:31
  someone
• 34:32
  and
• 34:33
  the
• 34:33
  world
• 34:33
  would
• 34:33
  be
• 34:33
  a
• 34:33
  better
• 34:34
  place.
• 34:35
  Thank
• 34:35
  you.
• 34:35
  You
• 34:35
  all
• 34:35
  have
• 34:35
  a
• 34:36
  blessed
• 34:36
  day
• 34:36
  and
• 34:36
  we'll
• 34:36
  see
• 34:36
  you
• 34:37
  back
• 34:37
  next
• 34:37
  week.