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When You Are Always the One Who Texts First · All About Friendships

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Russell Studios. Row. I counted 14. 14 texts in a
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: row that I sent before he replied once. 14. At
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: that point, I am not having a conversation. I am
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: writing a diary that someone else occasionally reads. Welcome back
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: to All About Friendships. I am Paul. I am heated.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: And I have receipts.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: And I am Latia. I need calm. And I have
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: already seen the receipts. Because Paul sat up to me.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: It was early in the morning. With 17 exclamations. To
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: this topic. What cited friendships? The ones where you do.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Without texting. Or replying. Or checking in. And yes, I
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: have started to wonder, if you said tomorrow, would anyone
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: even notice?
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Spoiler alert, for some of my friendships? No, no, they
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: would not. And we are going to talk about it. Okay,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: but before we get into it, Kamustaan, how was your week, man?
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: My week was fine until one in the morning when
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: my phone started exploding but realistically though it was a
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: good week work was manageable i finally fixed the thing
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: of my kitchen i have been ignoring for two months
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: and i had dinner with an old friend i had
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: not seen in a year which not to jump ahead
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: is actually relevant to today's topic.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: We are jumping ahead. We are absolutely jumping ahead. Who?
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Which friend? Was it someone who texts back or someone
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: from the Hall of Shame?
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: There is no Hall of Shame.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: There is now. I just created it. It has 14
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: unread messages in it. Anyway, my week. My week was
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: the week I became a detective because after the 14
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: text situation... I went back through my messages, months of messages,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: and I categorized my friendships. Green, they text me too. Yellow,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: mostly me, but they show up when it counts. Red,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I am essentially a volunteer pen pal for someone who
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: thinks our friendship runs on my effort alone.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: You made a spreadsheet of your friendships.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I made a chart. There is a difference. A spreadsheet?
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: is sad. A chart is science.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: It is the same thing. And you know it is
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: the same thing.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: But okay, I will bite.
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: What does the science say?
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: The science said I have three green friendships, four yellows, and,
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I am not proud of this, six reds. Six! I
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: am out here maintaining six one-sided friendships like it is
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: my job. No wonder I am tired all the time.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I am emotionally employed by people who do not know
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: they hired me.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: First of all, that sentence is going on a shot.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: Second of all, and I.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Say this with love, did it ever occur to you
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: that some of those reds might be yellow? And the
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: only reason they look red is that you text so
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: much nobody else gets a chance to start. I am
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: not defending them. I am saying the data might have
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: a paw-shaped bias in it.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, that is annoyingly fair. And we are going to
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: fight about it in the main topic. But first, your dinner.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: The old friend. Tell me everything. Was it awkward? A
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: year is a long time. Did you hug? Did you
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: do the thing where you both pretend you have been
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: meaning to meet up but life got busy?
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: We did the thing. Of course, we did the thing.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Everybody does the thing. But here's what got me. Within
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: 10 minutes, it was like no time had passed. Same jokes,
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: same rhythm. He told me about his kid. I told
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: him about the kitchen thing. We laughed until the waiter
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: asked us to cook it down. And driving home, I thought,
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: this is a French people and I need to have
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: sex first. We go months. And it does fine. It
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: does green without any effort at all. So maybe the
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: texting is not the French people. Maybe the texting is
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: just the scheduling department.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Wow. Okay, that is actually deep, and I hate that
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: you said it before the debate even started, because now
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I have to argue against my own co-host's wisdom. But
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I am telling you, and the listeners know exactly who
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I am talking about, some friendships are not low maintenance.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: They are no maintenance. On one side. And there is
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: a difference between comfortable silence and being ignored. And today
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: we are drawing that line with a very thick marker.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: A late marker. Noted. Let us draw it. But first,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: a quick break so Paul can hydrate. Because he's already
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: yelling and we are six minutes in.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: I am not yelling. This is my indoor voice. My
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: outdoor voice is much worse.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, we are back. Paul has water. I have patience.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Let us set the scene properly. What is a one-sided relationship?
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Because I think people throw that word around too easily.
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: No, no, no.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: It is simple. A one-sided friendship is when you do
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: all the work. You send the first text. You make
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: the plans. You ask how they are doing. You remember
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: their birthday, their mom's surgery, their dog's name. And they
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: cannot tell you what you do for a living. That
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: is one-sided. That is not a gray area. That is
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: a fact pattern.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Okay, but hear me out. There is a difference between
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: one side and an asymmetric. Asymmetric is normal. In every friendship,
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: one person takes more, one person plans more. That is
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: just personality. I'm never going to be the fan who
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: sends good morning texts with sunrise emojis. That is not neglect.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: That is just me being me-shaped. One silent is different.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: One silent is when the effort gap comes within a
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: pithy gap. They do not just text less. They care less.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: That is the part that hurts.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Yes, that is the distinction. Because I am not asking
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: for equal texts. I am asking for equal care. My
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: green friendships, the three beautiful greens on my chart, two
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: of them barely text me. But when I call, they
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: pick up. When I need something, they show up. When
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: it matters, they are there. The Reds? The Reds sent
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: a thumbs-up emoji to my paragraph about my bad week.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: A thumbs-up to a paragraph? That is not asymmetric texting, man.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: That is a read receipt with extra steps.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: The thumbs up to the paragraph is genuinely a crime.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: I will co-assign that arrest warrant. But let me push
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: on something, because this is the debate show, and someone asked,
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: how do you know they care less versus they are
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: just bad at showing it? Because I know people, I
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: am people, who love their friends deeply, and it still
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: takes four days to reply to a simple question, not
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: from apathy, from being a disaster, being overwhelmed, opening the message,
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: meaning to reply, getting distracted, and then feel so guilty
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: about the delay that replying feels worse than silence. The
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: guilt spiral is real, Paul.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: The guilt spiral. Okay, I know the guilt spiral. I
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: have been the guilt spiral. But here is my counter,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: and I need you to sit with it. The guilt
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: spiral explains a late reply. It does not explain a pattern.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: If someone takes four days once, that is life. If
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: someone takes four days every time for months while posting stories,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: liking posts, clearly alive and holding their phone, that is
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: a choice. The phone is in their hand, bro. I
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: can see the phone in their hand. In the story
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: they just posted. That they had time to edit with
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: a filter. Ha ha.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, deep breath. So, there is this friend. I am
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: not naming names. Edsel made me promise, and the lawyers
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: who are also Edsel agreed. We have been friends for years,
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: since college, roommates for one chaotic year. I was at
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: his wedding. I cried at his wedding. Ugly cried. He
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: has photos. Anyway, over the last year, I noticed I
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: was always the one reaching out. Always. So as an experiment,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: as science, I decided to count. I sent a text,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: normal science. How are you, man? How is work? How
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: is the kid? No reply. Two days later, I sent
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: a meme. Something I knew he would find funny. No reply.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: A few days after that, a voice message. Just checking in. Nothing.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: And it kept going. A real A question about something
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: he cares about. A birthday greeting for his kid. His kid.
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: Edsel.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I remembered his kid's birthday and he could not be
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: bothered to send a thumbs up.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Fucking total.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Fucking total over two months. And then, and this is
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: the part that broke me, he posted a story. A
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: group dinner. With mutual friends. Friends I introduced him to. Laughing, eating,
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: having the best time. and I sat on my couch,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: steering at my phone, thinking. I was not invited. I
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: was not even told. Fourteen texts, and I found out
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: about the dinner from a story with a filter. A filth, Edsel.
• 11:06
  Speaker 6: Okay, I'm going to wait until for a second, which
• 11:09
  Speaker 6: means I'm going to say the thing you do not
• 11:10
  Speaker 6: want to hear. and then I'm going to say the
• 11:12
  Speaker 6: thing you need to hear. The thing you do not
• 11:13
  Speaker 6: want to hear, it is possible, possible, that the dinner
• 11:16
  Speaker 6: was spontaneous, that he did not organize it, that someone
• 11:18
  Speaker 6: else invited people and he just showed up. Group dinners
• 11:21
  Speaker 6: are chaos. I have been the guy in the story
• 11:23
  Speaker 6: while another friend put this out that I did not
• 11:24
  Speaker 6: even know.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: It happens. It is not always malice. Sometimes it is
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: just disorganization. I have a toucher. A disaster of a group,
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: the peace of the nuisance.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I hate that you might be right. Continue.
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: The thing you need to hear, even if the dinner
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: was innocent, the 14 texts or not, 14 announcer reaches
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: over two months is a pattern, and patterns are information.
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: He might not be a bad person. You might be drowning,
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: new kids, demanding jobs, barely keeping his head up. But
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: whatever the reason, the fashion of SC, it exists. Right now,
• 12:05
  Speaker 5: he's one sadly. Not because he is evil, because he
• 12:08
  Speaker 5: has nothing left to give. And the question is not
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: whether he is a villain. The question is what you
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: do with that information. Do you keep sending texts?
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: 15, 16, 16? Do you match his energy and let
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: the friendship find its real level?
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: Think, Sisho. I hate how right you are. Because text
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: 15 is sitting in my drafts right now. I typed
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: it last night. Hey man, no pressure. Just thinking of you.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: And I stared at it for 10 minutes and did
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: not send it. Because sending it felt like begging. And
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: I do not want to beg for a friendship. I
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: would rather lose it with dignity than keep it on
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: life support with my own two hands doing the chest compressions.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: That is real tough. And that right there is the
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: whole episode in one sentence. So let us take a breath.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: And when we come back, I am telling my story
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: because I have been on the other side of this.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I have been the 14-text guy. And it is not
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: the story you think it is.
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: Wait.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Before your story, I need to tell the other one.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Because if I only tell the 14-text story, it sounds
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: like all my friendships are red. And they are not.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I have three greens, and one of them has a
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: story that proves your whole point about drowning versus done.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: The floor is yours. Tell the green story.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, so there is this friend. College again. Everything is
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: college with us. We peaked socially at 20, and we
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: accept that. Two years ago, she went dark on me.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: And I mean dark. No replies, no likes. Declined three
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: hangouts in a row with the vaguest excuses you have
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: ever heard. Busy, tired, rain check. And I did what
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: I always do. I kept texting. I sent the memes.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: I sent the check-ins. I got nothing. And after about
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: two months... I was ready to put her in the
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: red column and grieve it. I had the chart open.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: The marker was in my hand. But then she called.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Out of nowhere, a Tuesday night, and she said, I
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: will never forget this, she said, Paul, I am sorry
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: I vanished. My dad got sick. I have been at
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: the hospital almost every day for two months. I did
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: not tell anyone because saying it out loud made it real.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Your texts were the only normal thing in my phone
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: and I could not answer them because answering meant pretending
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: everything was fine and everything was not fine. And then
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: she cried and I cried and we talked for two
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: hours and the friendship did not just survive. It got deeper.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Because now I know when she goes quiet, something is wrong.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: And when something is wrong, my job is not to
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: count texts. My job is to keep the porch light on.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: Keep the porch light on? That is beautiful, man.
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: Bro, um.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: So here is what I am wrestling with. The green
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: story and the red story looked identical from the outside.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Same silence, same unanswered texts, same declined hangouts. The only
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: difference was what was happening on the other side. One
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: was drowning and came back. The other is still out there.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe drowning. Maybe done. I cannot tell. And that is
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: why I keep texting. Because the green story taught me
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: that silence is not always an ending. Sometimes it is
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: just a hospital hallway. Sometimes the porch light is the
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: whole friendship for a while. And somebody has to keep
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: it on.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: And that somebody is usually you, which is beautiful. And also,
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: and I say this as your friend, not your co-host, exhausting.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Poised lights burn out too, Paul. Even yours, especially yours.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Which is why the framework matters. Keep the light on
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: for three honest texts. And then, if no one comes
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: up the driveway, it is okay to turn it off
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: for a while. Turning it off is not giving up.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: It is maintenance. You cannot keep anyone else's Porsche lit
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: if your own house goes dark.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: Ah!
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: Okay, my turn.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: But I need everyone to understand something before I start.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Paul's story made me the hero. The lie's friend was disliked.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: This story makes me the villain. Same guy. Both stories true.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: That is the whole plan.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, this is gonna be good. I am leaning back.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: I have popcorn. emotionally continue.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Two years ago, there was a friend, also not naming names,
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: also college, also years of history. And for about six months,
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: I was the worst friend alive. She would text. I
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: would read it and not reply. She would call. I
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: would let it ring. She sent me a long message.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: A real one.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: Vulnerable.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Telling me she was going through something. And I let
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: it down right for three weeks. Three weeks. I'm not
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: proud of this. I'm telling it because Paul asked me
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: to be honest and because someone listening right now is
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: doing the exact same thing and needs to hear what
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: it looks like from inside.
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: I have to ask.
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: Why?
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Were you mad at her? Did something happen?
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Nothing happened. That is the worst part. Nothing happened. I
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: was just drowning. Work had me working late every night.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: My sleep was broken. I was anxious about money, anxious
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: about the future, anxious about being anxious. And every text
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: from her felt like one nothing I was failing at.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: I would see her name on my phone and feel
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: this wave of guilt because I knew she needed a
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: friend and I knew I did not have anything to give.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: I am playing with something empty. Headside being busy felt
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: worse than silence so I chose silence. Every day for months.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: I watched the friendship die from my side of the
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: glass and I did not move. That is what the
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: 14 text guy looks like from the inside. Paul Light,
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: not a villain. Just a person who ran out.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Wow, okay. I was ready to roast you and now
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: I just want to hug you. But I have to
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: push back. Because that is my job. And because the
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: listeners are thinking it. Did you ever tell her? Even once?
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Even a single text saying, hey, I am drowning. It
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: is not you. Give me time. Because that one text
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: changes everything. That text is the difference between a friend
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: going through something and a friend who vanished.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: No, I never sent it. And you're right. That was
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: the failure, not the silence. The silence ran a stint.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: The failure is that I never explained the silence. One text,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: 30 seconds, are not okay right now. Please do not
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: take it personally. I will come back. That was all
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I would have taken. And I could not do it
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: because sending meant a meeting. I was not okay and
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: I was not And that is where it stands. Two
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: years later, still stands.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: Man, can I say something real? I think your friend
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: and my friend might be the same situation. Different details,
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: same shape. Someone drowning, someone reaching, and the gap between
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: them getting wider every day. And here is what I
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: am sitting with. If my guy is drowning... If the
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: 14 texts landed on a phone held by someone who
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: has nothing left, then my anger is aimed at the
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: wrong thing. He is not ignoring me. He is surviving.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: And my job as his friend is not to keep score.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: It is to what? Send text 15 that says, no pressure,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: I am here. Or give him space and wait.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Both and that is the debate because i genuinely do
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: not know the answer part of me says send it
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: one honest text with zero expectations not key i do
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: never but that is a guilt trip just i miss
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: you no pressure i am here when you are ready
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: and then stop do not send sixteen Let it breathe.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: The other part of me says protect yourself. You cannot
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: pull from an empty cup and you cannot maintain a
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: friendship single-handedly without starting to resent the person. There is
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: a version of this where text 15 is love. And
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: there's a version where text 15 is self-harm with extra steps.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Self-harm with extra steps. Okay, that is going on a shirt.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: And that is the debate. When does reaching out stop
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: being love and start being self-destruction? When do you send
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: text 15 and when do you delete the draft? Let
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: us fight about it. For real this time. No more stories.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Just the question. I am going first and I am
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: going hard. Send it. Send text 15. Here is why.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Every friendship that matters in my life survived because someone
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: refused to stop reaching. My friendship with you survived your
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: silent era. Oh yeah, we are talking about that. You
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: went quiet on me for two months back in the
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: day and I kept texting through it. And now look
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: at us, doing a podcast about it. If I had
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: matched your energy back then, this show would not exist.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: Sometimes one-sided is just temporary. Sometimes it is a season.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: And the friend who keeps showing up during the off-season
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: is the reason there is a next season at all.
• 22:58
  Speaker 7: Okay, that is a strong opener, and the personal callout
• 23:01
  Speaker 7: is noted and will be revenge later. But here's my counter.
• 23:05
  Speaker 7: Your silent error story has survivorship bias. You kept texting ME,
• 23:09
  Speaker 7: and it worked. So you think persistence always works. But
• 23:13
  Speaker 7: for every friendship your persistence saved, how many did it drain?
• 23:17
  Speaker 7: Be honest. How many of your six reds are friendships
• 23:20
  Speaker 7: you should have released a year ago? How much energy
• 23:22
  Speaker 7: have you spent doing chest compressions on connections that were
• 23:25
  Speaker 7: already gone? Persistence is a virtue until it becomes a
• 23:28
  Speaker 7: refusal to read the room.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: And sometimes the room is saying, this person has moved on.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: Let them.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: But how do you know they moved on versus they
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: are drowning? That is the whole problem. From the outside,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: Edsel drowning and Edsel Dunn look identical. Same silence, same
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: unanswered texts, same stories with filters. You cannot tell the
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: difference from out here. So what do you do? Assume
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: the worst and walk away from someone who needed you?
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Or assume the best and risk looking desperate? I choose desperate.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: Every time. I would rather be the guy who cared
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: too much than the guy who gave up on a
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: drowning friend because his pride needed protecting.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: And I respect that, I do. That is genuinely who
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: you are, and it is why people love you.
• 24:23
  Speaker 7: But I am going to say the thing that makes
• 24:25
  Speaker 7: me the villain of this episode.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: Sometimes walking away, I, is the loving choice. Not from anger.
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: From honesty.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: If you have sent 14 texts over two months and
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: gotten nothing, not even a thumbs up to a paragraph
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: which we established as a crime, but is at least
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: a sign of life, then the friendship right now is you,
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: plus a memory. And memories do not text back. Releasing
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: it is not giving up, it is telling the troll- pursuing.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: And the truth sets both of you free. Him from
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: the guilt of your underdone messages, and you from the
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: exhausting job of maintaining something alone.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay. I am breathing. Because what you just said hurt.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: And I think it hurt. Because... Part of me knows
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: it is true. But I am not done fighting. Let
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: me offer a compromise. A system. Because you know I
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: love systems. Charts. Science. I call it the three-text test.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: And here is how it works. When you realize you
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: are always the one reaching out, you send three specific texts.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: not 14, three, and the responses tell you everything. Text one,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: the honest check-in. Hey man, I have noticed I am
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: usually the one reaching out. Everything okay on your end?
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: No guilt, just honesty. If they respond with realness, Dude,
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: I am so sorry. Life has been insane. It is
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: not you. That is a drowning friend. Keep them. Love them.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Give them grace.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: I actually like this.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: Keep going.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: What is all... Text 2.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Text 2. Sent a week later if text 1 gets nothing.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: The open door. No pressure at all. Just want you
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: to know I miss hanging out. Door is open whenever.
• 26:47
  Speaker 7: Short. Warm.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Zero demands. If they respond to that, even weeks late,
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: even briefly, the friendship is alive, just quiet. It is
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: a yellow. Tend it gently. Do not smother it. And
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: text three, sent a month after text two if there
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: is still silence. The release. Hey. I care about you
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: and I always will. I am going to stop blowing
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: up your phone, but I am here if you ever
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: want to reconnect. And then, and this is the hard part,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: you actually stop. You grieve it. You put the friendship
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: on the shelf with love and you free up that
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: energy for the greens.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: Oh, they're just genuinely wise. And I am annoyed at
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: how wise that is because it solves my problem and
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: your problem. It gives the drowning friend three real chances
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: with no guilt attached. And it gives you an exit
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: ramp with dignity. So you never get to 14 texts,
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: not a couch, and not stew weed with a filter.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: It could send me dead-ended bleeding till I'm bound in
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: experiments with texts. Three technical points.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Then, a decision.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: I have upgraded this from chart to frameworks. This is
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: going in the show notes. This might be the most
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: useful thing this podcast has ever produced.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Do not put it in the show notes. Then people
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: will think we are a self-help show. We are a
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: mess show. We are two disasters processing our issues into microphones. Okay.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Put it in the show notes. But frame it messily.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Frame the messily, low date. Don't let me out in
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: my piece. Because the framework needs one more part. The
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: part where the person on my side checks. The one
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: who is drowning. The one with 1,400 messages sitting in
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: their fold like a pile of unopened bills. He is
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: my message to you. And I need you to hear
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: in my voice. So get calm, Juan. the one who
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: has been exactly where you are and the third the
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: second text that is all i am not okay right
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: now it is not you i will come back you
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: do not owe anyone a r r an energy when
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: you have none but you owe the people who love
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: you one sentence of honesty silence without explanation feels like
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: rejection silence with explanation feels like trust same silence Completely
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: different friendship. 30 seconds. Send it today.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: I am thinking about my guy right now. And I
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: am thinking, what if he sends me that text tomorrow?
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: What if 14 texts from me plus one honest text
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: from him? equals a saved friendship? That is the math
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: I want to believe in.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Then here is my suggestion. Send text 15 tonight.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: But bigger text.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: One of the freight work.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: Not, hey, why he never replied.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Not another meme. Hoping for a laugh, the honest checked in.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: I have noticed I'm usually the one reaching out. Everything
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: okay on your end? And then, whatever he does, you'll
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: follow the framework. Three texts, then a decision. No more
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: 40 text marathons with no fish line. Deal?
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Deal. And listeners, if you are sitting on your text
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: 15 right now, staring at the draft, Wondering if sending
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: it makes you pathetic or loyal? It makes you loyal.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Send the honest one, not the desperate one. There is
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: a difference and your heart knows it. Send it tonight.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: And if they do not reply, send text two next
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: week and text three next month and then let yourself
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: grieve and move on with your head high. That is
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: the takeaway. That is the whole episode. Three texts, then truth. Okay,
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: new segment. I just invented it. We are drafting my
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: text 15 live on the show right now because I
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: said I would send it tonight. And if I say
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: it on a recorded podcast, I legally have to do it.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Those are the rules. Edsel is my editor. Edsel, I
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: am going to read you my draft and you are
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: going to tell me what is wrong with it.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: I was born for this job. Read it.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, draft one.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Hey, man.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Been thinking about you. I know life is crazy with
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: a kid and everything. No pressure at all. Just wanted
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: you to know I miss hanging out. Hope you are
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: doing good. That is it. That is the draft.
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: Thoughts?
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: It is.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Fine. It is a fine text, and fine is the problem.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: It is so carefully casual that it says nothing.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: Hope you are doing good.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: Could be sent to a co-worker, to a dentist.
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: There is no you in it. Where is the honesty?
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: Where is the I have noticed I am usually the
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: one reaching out? You are hiding the real message inside
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: politeness because you are scared. Send the scared part, Paul.
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: That is the part that works.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: Ugh, you are right. Okay, draft two. Hey man, real talk.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: I have noticed I am usually the one reaching out lately,
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: and I am not saying that to guilt you. I
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: just want to check if everything is okay on your end.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: I miss you. No pressure to reply fast or anything.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Just let me know you are alive in there.
• 32:40
  Speaker 7: That.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: That is the text. That is honest. Without being heavy.
• 32:47
  Speaker 4: Bonne morale.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: Without begging. Laissez plus no pressure plus adore. I would
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: reply to that text. And I am the hardest person
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: on earth to get a request from. Just ask my
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: own fourteen text people. One tweak. Cut to anything after fast.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: No pressure to reply fast, period. Shorter is stronger. that
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: anything softens it into an apology, and you are not apologizing,
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: you are reaching. There's a difference.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: No pressure to reply fast. Period. Okay, that is better.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: That is a lot better. Listeners, you just watched a
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: text message get workshopped like a movie script, and I
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: need you to know this is what our friendship actually
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: looks like behind the scenes. I feel things loudly. Edsel
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: edits them into coherence. It is a system. It works.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: All right, I am saving this draft. I am sending
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: it tonight. And whatever happens, reply, silence, thumbs up to
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: a paragraph, I am following the framework. Three texts. Then truth.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: You are all my witnesses.
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: Before the takeaway, I want to do something uncomfortable. A
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: mirror segment. Because this whole episode, everyone listening has been
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: thinking about their 14 text friend. The one who does
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: not reply. And I need some of you to consider
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: a horrible possibility. What if it is you? What if
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: you are somebody's red column? What if someone out there
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: has a chart? And your name is on it. They
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: are tired.
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: Oh, no.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: The mirror. I hate the mirror, listeners. He does this
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: to me in real life, too.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Continue. Five signs you might be the right friend and
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: not know it. One, you consistently take more than three
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: days to reply to people you claim to care about,
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: not once as a pattern. Two, you know more about
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: their life from their posts than from your conversations, because
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: watching stories feels like keeping up but costs you nothing. Three,
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: you have ever thought the sentence, I will reply when
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: I have more energy and then never found the energy
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: for weeks. And in four, they always text first. And
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: you've noticed and you felt grateful instead of guilty. Grateful
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: feels nice, but grateful without action is presumption. And five,
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: if they stop texting tomorrow, you'll be sad, but you
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: would not reach out first to fix it. You would
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: just let it fade. If three or more of those hit, Congratulations,
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: you're somebody's 40 texts.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: I am thinking about two people right now. Two people
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: where I am pretty sure I am the red. And
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: I feel sick because I love those people. I think
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: about them all the time. I just never text them.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: How is that possible? How do you love someone and
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: still leave them on read for a week?
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Because love and attention are different currencies. And modern life
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: bankrupts your attention while your love sips untouched in the vault.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: You can love someone with a whole heart and still
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: fail them every day through sheer gloom. That does not
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: make you evil. It makes you human with too many
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: taps open. But here is the thing the Grison teaches us.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Your friends cannot see your vault. They can only see
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: your taps. They do not experience your love. They experience
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: your replies or your silence. So their question is, never
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: do I love them. The question is, what will they
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: feel from me this week? What they cannot feel is
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: just a secret you keep from the people it belongs to.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: Love they cannot feel is just a secret.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: Edsel.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: That is the line of the episode. That might be
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: the line of the show. I'm putting that everywhere. Okay,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: so what do we do for the people who just
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: realized they are the red friend? What is the move?
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: Because guilt without action is just another tab left open.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: The move is the 30-second text. Tonight, not tomorrow. Tonight,
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: pick the person. Sing one honest sentence. I know I
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: have been distant. It's not you. I miss you.
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: That's four sentences. But you get the idea. Keep it short.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: Keep it true.
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: Expect nothing back. And then, this is the part that
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: actually fixes it. Follow it to have plan. Not I
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: miss you into the void. I miss you. Are you
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: free for coffee next week? Love plus logistics. Feeling plus
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: a calendar invite. That is how red turns yellow. And yellow?
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: Tended gently, turns green. I have seen it happen. I
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: have been it happening. Trust the process.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: Love plus logistics. Okay, I am writing that next to
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: the porch light thing. My notes app is just Edzil
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: quotes at this point. Alright. Mirror segment over. Everybody breathe.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: Check on your greens. Text your yellows. Grieve or revive
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: your reds. And if you are the red, send the
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: 30-second text tonight. The vault opens from the inside.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: Let me land this plane, because Paul is emotional, and
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: I am the designated lander. Here's what we learned today. One,
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: asymmetric is normal. One side is information. Every friendship has
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: an invalid. The question is whether the invalid comes with
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: apathy or just different personalities. Two, We cannot tell, drowning from,
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: done from the outside, same silences, so giddy, people of fear. 3.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: Amuse texts. No guilts. Before you decide. 3. If you
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: are the drowning one. Send a 30 second text. Honesty
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: preserves friendships. That silence kills. And 4.
• 39:46
  Speaker 4: Releasing a friendship is not failure. Sometimes.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: It is the most loving thing you can do.
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: For them, and for you. 5.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: Make a chart.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: Charts are science.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: Science will set you free.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: Bear Eyes is an Egyptian wonderful unreal. Do not make
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: a chart of your friendships. Actually, you know what? Make
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: the chart. Paul's chart started this entire episode, and this
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: might be our best one yet.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: Make the chart.
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: Count the text, and all you greens, tend your yellows,
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: and give your reds with love instead of maintaining them
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: over the exhaustion.
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: Beautiful. Stupid. But beautiful.
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: I need a minute. Edsel, do the shout-out while I
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: compose myself. And make it a good one. Because after
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: all these feelings, the listeners deserve something fun.
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: Shout out time. And after an episode this heavy, I
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: have the perfect palate cleanser. We are shouting out spooky
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: Reddit podcast, bite-sized horror excursions into the creepiest corners of Reddit,
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: real posts, real chills, short enough to finish on a
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: coffee break, scary enough to ruin your sleep schedule.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: Wait, why is this the palate cleanser after an emotional episode?
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: Horror?
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: After feelings?
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: Keep the feelings and fear live in the same neighbourhood.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: And sometimes, the fastest way out of your own hate
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: is into someone else's haunted house. If tonight's episode had
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: you staring at your phone thinking about your 14 texts,
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: tell us the messages. Open spooky Reddit. Let's try things
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: on the internet terrify you for 20 minutes. You'll come
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: back to your friendships refreshed. Or at least, grateful that
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: your problems are group chat drama and not Whatever was
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: living in that basement?
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: That is weirdly sound logic.
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: Fine.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: Spooky Reddit podcast. Go get scared. You earned it. You
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: sat through 40 minutes of two grown men processing their
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: texting anxiety. Horror is your reward. Okay, real talk to close.
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: If this episode hits you, If you counted your own
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: texts while listening, if you thought of your friend, if
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: you are the one drowning right now, do something with
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: it tonight. Send the honest text. Send the 30-second text.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: Make the chart. Whatever your version is, friendships do not
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: fix themselves. They get fixed by one person brave enough
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: to go first. And if you are always the one
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: who goes first, maybe this episode is your sign that
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: going first is not weakness. It is the whole job.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: And you are good at it.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: Next time on the show, oh, this one is going
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: to be spicy.
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: We are talking about money and friendships. Lending, borrowing, splitting bills,
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: the friend who always forgets their wallet with surgical precision.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: I have stories. Edsel has better stories. Somebody might get exposed.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: Names will be changed to protect the broke.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Names will be changed. Amounts will not be changed because
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: the amounts are the funniest part. That is next time.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: For tonight, check on your people. Text first without fear.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: And if nobody texts back, you know the framework. Three texts,
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: then truth.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: I am Paul. I am sending text 15 tonight. The
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: honest one. Wish me luck.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: I am that's all. Good luck, man, for real. And
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: to everyone listening, be the friend who replies. Or at
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: least be the friend who sends the 30-second text. Good night, everybody.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: Good night? Text somebody.