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4 Ways To Turn Your Family Into A TEAM · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  Some of you guys listening to this are like, oh, that's weird. But none of you would think it was weird if you saw a sports team doing it. You know, grown men are getting around in a circle and they're doing all these chants. And you're like, yeah, that totally makes sense. But you see young children get together and do a chant with their family. You're like, oh, that's weird. And what that just means, you guys, very simply is that you don't believe family is a team. That's what it means. Yeah. And guess what? Brett and Katie think that their family is a team. So to them, this completely makes sense. And that's why you have to begin by actually deciding if you want your family to be a team or not.
• 0:33
  Hey everybody, welcome back to the podcast. We got a treat for you guys, return guests, Brent and Katie Krutoff. They've really thought about how to create a team culture with their family. They're very creative in how they approach their family. So they are the community coaches for next month's Accelerator topic, which is all about being a team. We're going to dive deep in the month of May into how to create teamwork as a family and
• 0:55
  I want you guys to jump in there. Brent and Katie will be doing a coaching call with anybody in the accelerator. And we are also going to give you guys free insights from them. They've written an amazing playbook that is going to be a part of the accelerator. If you want to get the free download of some of the elements of that, you can go to famigeteams.com slash teamwork. We're going to dive into some of the elements of this playbook because there are some amazing things here that I think will be super helpful for every family, especially if you're just in the very beginning stages of trying to figure out how to become a team. Why is team such an important part of the Khrutov culture?
• 1:25
  Gosh, let's see. We'll be married for 20 years this December. So this is a big one for us. We have four kids ages 12, 10, 8, and 5. And we got introduced by the grace of that to this idea of family teamwork when I was pregnant with our first.
• 1:46
  So it was something that we came into. We didn't have to like kind of pivot and redirect, but it was a new idea of doing family really intentionally. And it shaped how we do everything. So it was like these elements that's like every family does every day, like,
• 2:01
  mealtimes or birthdays, but like we went into it with being like, what's the goal? What's the intention? And a big part for us, an overlaying team was just to have a really strong family team. We wanted to be really connected to each other. We wanted to be sort of countercultural in that most families are structured as a bunch of individuals pursuing individual things. And
• 2:25
  We can do more when we have multiple people working for one mission and how cool that this is a team that God actually put together. He purposely chose each individual knowing their strengths, knowing the weaknesses, wiring them certain ways, and that makes us a really powerful force together. And so we try to take everyday rhythms and things that we say yes to and how we do our house and everything.
• 2:50
  just everyday things and really have that common theme of like, how can this be something that really unites, connects forms these strong bonds so that we can go out and make an impact together. Awesome. Yeah. So good. I think one of the things that's so unique about what you guys have done is because you started so early and you guys are both really creative and really have tried to lean into this so hard, but,
• 3:11
  I think you've really figured out how to get the kids on board, even when they're really young. And I think that's one of the things I'm so excited for you guys to hear about the kind of culture that the Khrutas have created. So in the playbook, it begins with being vertically oriented. So make sure your team is led by God, then your marriage, make sure that there's really dynamic teamwork.
• 3:30
  between husband and wife and then with your kids how to get them on board and so they start there and then they give us four plays things that will really help you level up this level of teamwork so I want to give a little example of each of those four plays because I think that'll be most kind of practical for everyone I know the first one is all about team language and you guys have tried out chance as a family tell me phrases like yeah tell me a little bit about what how you how that has worked in the crew talk family
• 3:55
  Yeah. Yeah, actually, we I mean, it's really a simple team chant. It's just one, two, three, team Kruitov. You know, we just say it in a cadence. One, three, three, team Kruitov. And we started that when our kids were really little. We would do like a family Bible study together. And that was just how we'd end. We'd end. We have a family mission statement that we have on our wall. We would end with that. And.
• 4:17
  And then we started doing our family Bible reading around the breakfast table. And so the teen chant disappeared for many years because we were just in when the kids would say, all right, we're done. Can I be excused? And so more recently, we've added that back in. So now we say you never have to ask to be excused.
• 4:33
  you can be excused once we've done our team chant. And so at every meal, and that's not just when we're doing our Bible reading, every meal, you know, we have a nice meal together and then we say, all right, one, two, three, team crew top. And it's just like a, just a quick, short little thing that helps us kind of get on the same page that reminds them that we are a team and that we're in this together. We put our hands in and yeah, it's kind of a fun way to just build that unity.
• 5:01
  It's just that teams are such like a universal thing that people understand. Like it's just part of our culture. And so borrowing those elements, it's really easy for people to be like, okay, well, let's look at the family. Teams and sports teams, they have phrases that are like motivating and like in their locker room, they're like saying it before a game. And so it's like, okay, if that's happening in the sports world team, like how do we kind of...
• 5:27
  add that into the family team as well. So just the chant and other saying that it's like we just say these things and they just become part of like this is who we are as our identity.
• 5:39
  Yeah, you guys, some of you guys listening to this are like, oh, that's weird or whatever. But none of you would think it was weird if you saw a sports team doing it. You know, grown men are getting around in a circle and they're doing all these chants. And you're like, yeah, that totally makes sense. But you see even young children get together and do a chant with their family. Like, oh, that's weird. And what that just means, you guys, very simply is that you don't believe family is a team. That's what it means.
• 6:00
  And guess what? Brett and Katie think that their family is a team. So to them, this completely makes sense. And that's why you have to begin by actually deciding if you want your family to be a team or not. And if you do, what Katie just said is you just port over things from really healthy teams, whether they be work teams or sports teams, into your family culture. And that's a simple move.
• 6:22
  And for a lot of people, they start to suddenly discover that, wow, now my family is starting to act like a team. Now, yeah, this is going to be a lot harder. You're going to get a lot more eye rolls trying to do this with teenagers if that's where you're starting than where the Khrutovs got to start, which is when they had younger children. So start at the best place that you can create that culture, but that's a tool. So they have a whole section on team language. There's a lot of other examples beside the chant. I just thought that was an interesting one to tease out. Okay, the second play is team culture.
• 6:49
  And there's a whole bunch of ideas here, but one of them that you guys say that I wanted to hear a little bit more about is what is this bonfires and hot tubs thing all about? So explain that. We enjoy having bonfires together. It's a great way as a family. You know, every time we do a bonfire, pretty much we roast marshmallows. So the kids like it because there's a treat involved. But for us, it's a great way to have kids just kind of, you know,
• 7:15
  have their attention. They can, we're all sitting around just staring at a bonfire. It's the same thing that happens with adults. You know, we do this as, um, I do this with my buddies where we get around a fire and we just have a great conversation. And it's a place where kids can just, there's nothing else to do. It's dark and they're just sitting there and, um, they're locked in. And so we can tell stories. Um, we can talk about things that we're going through in our family and it's just a great way to have their attention. Um, and then actually it was my mom who originally sent out, uh,
• 7:42
  I think it was some reel that she saw on Instagram about the value of hot tubs. Especially with teenagers. Especially with teenagers, yeah. Hot tubs with teenagers and how it's a great way for, you know, to just lock them in. They're not going away. You're not swimming away when you're in a hot tub. So it's kind of like this enclosed space where you've got their attention and it creates this atmosphere. You know, it's just a fun atmosphere of just being able to dialogue and have conversations and deepen the relationship. So.
• 8:08
  More than that or deeper than that, there's something special. Well, first of all, hot tubs, you're not going to have your screens with you. You just don't put them by the water. So that's why with teenagers, it's also really helpful. Both of them happen at dark and a lot of times you're not staring at somebody's face. And there's something that allows people to open up more when it's a shoulder to shoulder. It's not like this direct, like all the focus is on you. And so...
• 8:35
  whether it's as a group, a team, or even just on one-to-one conversations, there's something about it being a darker atmosphere, not so much laser focus on one person that I think allows people to open up. What I love about Bonfire specifically is it is a place of storytelling. And one of a big tool to use with family teams is to have these family legacies that are stories that
• 9:00
  You repeat all the time and maybe it's a way that God showed up for you or a way that your family really worked together. And so when your kids are like, tell us a story, you were around a bonfire, like lean into some of those family stories, maybe like up a couple generations to a family faith stories, invite your grandparents or whatever.
• 9:19
  Just you remember them. And the goal is to like have this library of stories that are filled with God's faithfulness that like eventually your kids are able to finish the story for you because they've heard it so many times. And that's how you know, like they'll be sitting around a bonfire someday, hopefully telling your grandkids these stories of faith that...
• 9:35
  So good. Yeah. So it's really good to have these environments. Part of what I realized too, you think about bonfires and hot tubs, there's something a little bit primal about the four elements, right? So you have fire, water, wind, and earth. And oftentimes when I think about
• 9:51
  wanting to have an experience with my family i think about one of those four elements um and and so yeah this is happening last night i build fires a lot because of this and i built a fire last night just by myself like nine ten o'clock at night and two of my adult kids saw me out there and came out and spent an hour chatting and so we could have all been in our individual rooms watching the flickering netflix screen or we could be watching the flickering fire and
• 10:16
  Yeah. Talking about that. So, um, yeah, the third play you guys have is work on a project. Um, you're, you, you're really emphasizing that there's a lot of things you can do to sort of start small gardening as an example. That's a thing that, that we definitely use. I wanted you guys to tease out the puzzle one, because, um, I, I was really interested in that because that's so accessible. Um, I know a lot of people just really find it relaxing to work on a puzzle, but how do you think about this as a family?
• 10:44
  Well, I think the reason we like to start with a puzzle when we're talking to people about teamwork is because it's some of the some of the bigger projects that you talk about. It feels like, but I've got little kids, you know, how are little kids going to help? But, you know, when our kids are two or three years old, we can just get them to flip over pieces. That actually shows that they've got value that they're adding to the family. And so, yeah, we we usually, you know, kind of when we do a puzzle, we we love to do almost around holidays, around any times we've got a winter.
• 11:11
  Yeah, winter, we've got a little cabin that we escaped to and we go to the cabin, we just kind of do puzzles. And it's like a great just it has to be said, like this is better as we're doing it as a family. You know, I mean, it's faster. It's more fun. I mean, this piece, has anybody seen this piece? And so it's such a tangible example of like we need each other as we're doing this.
• 11:33
  And so, yeah, I think puzzles are a great place to start. Also, you can control the size. You don't need to get a thousand piece puzzle right away. You can start with a hundred piece puzzle. And, you know, with little kids, maybe you're just having them sort, hey, anyone that's this color, put over here. Anyone that's blue, put over here and helping them flip over. And then as they get, you know, five, six, seven, they start putting pieces together or doing the border. And.
• 11:54
  And so I think that that is such a just great tangible example of something that we do together. And it's faster and it's more fun and it's better when we're accomplishing this project together. So that's right. You know, we have lots of examples of things like gardening or building a piece of furniture or writing a book, something like that, that maybe you need some older kids for. But puzzles is just a great place to start for younger kids.
• 12:21
  Here's what I like best about doing puzzles too, is we always end the puzzle where there's one piece that's the last piece and everybody who helped with the puzzle has to put their finger on that piece and slide it in together. And it's like,
• 12:37
  Sometimes, you know, like a puzzle's out for days. And so it's like different people are working on it at different times. And it's like this picture of like, you know, everybody has their roles, but like we're all doing one project together and their strengths. But it's like if one of the people who participated on any of the days isn't there, we can't put that last piece in until everybody who helped is there. And it's like all fingers in, slide it in together. And I think that's like...
• 13:01
  the a weird family thing that like our kids totally all embraced and and it makes i mean i feel like every time i've ever done a puzzle everybody's like oh i want to do the last piece you know and so early on we're like no we're not going to fight over the last piece but this is something we all did together we all so we're all going to put this last piece in together so yes get that victory together you know which is team man
• 13:24
  Yeah, which is the fourth play that you guys teased out, which is win and lose together. You know, one of the things that in this third one, you know, work on a project, obviously people sometimes jump to business, but I love how you guys are like, no, no, no, there's stair steps toward that. And so like the crew talks to start a bunch of different family businesses. One of the ones that they started was around fitness and Brent had a video that went viral when he was exercising with his kiddos when they were pretty little. We get questions all the time.
• 13:52
  about sports. And I'd love for maybe you guys talk about how this works in your family. So yeah, the Crew Tops are a fit family. They do a lot of sports. The kids are really into gymnastics. And so I'd love for you to talk a little bit about how does that work as a family? Because most people when they hear that, they're like, oh, if we get involved in sports, that means that we are going to have to separate into sort of very individualistic
• 14:16
  um, kind of family culture. And so, or choose to be very non-competitive in the sports. We'll just do something that's very intramural, uh, and very laid back. So yeah, tell me a little bit about this, this win and lose together and how does this, how does this work out in your family's kind of sports culture?
• 14:35
  Yeah, great question. We have four kids. Our two oldest boys are in competitive gymnastics. And gymnastics is a pretty intense sport where you're supposed to practice five days a week year round. There's no offseason in gymnastics. There's a meet season. But when meet season is over, you still practice five days a week year round.
• 14:55
  And so, yeah, I mean, this is one of the great things about having kids in sports is it didn't start out that way. It started out just casual. We're all going to go one day a week. We pick gymnastics because, well, first of all, because our kids are very short and it's like the one sport where being short actually is a benefit in gymnastics. Everywhere else, it's crazy.
• 15:12
  Not a benefit. So that was one of the reasons why we picked it, but also it was like, this is a sport that all of our kids can do. We're just, we want to- Boys and girls. Boys and girls. One night a week, we'll all go and we'll do it together. But then as some of them start to advance and get older, each year it draws us into this conversation of like, okay, we're signing up for it this year. What do we want it to look like this year?
• 15:34
  And there is this, the idea of a team culture winning and losing together is some, it is really valuable. And it is something that you really, you know, maybe you could watch a movie like, you know, a sports movie for kids and they can kind of get that example, but get, get the idea of how you win together, lose together, but not until you're actually in that environment. If you really,
• 15:53
  understand it as fully so that we can borrow from those principles that they learn in sports and apply them to our family. And so each year we have those conversations and we say, what do we want it to be like? And we've really tried to choose a hybrid model where
• 16:08
  There's a couple of days a week that we don't do it. So we don't do it as intensely as some of the others. Our kids have been held back a year maybe or so because of it. But we're okay with that, you know? And so it's forced us into those conversations. What do we want?
• 16:24
  to get out of this? What are the principles that are valuable? What are the physical health benefits that are valuable? And how can we do those things while still being a close family? It's tricky. I mean, as we've had conversations at this stage of life where kids are approaching teenage years, that's one of the biggest conversations that we have with people is around sports.
• 16:46
  and it is a tricky thing to navigate, but when we're using intentionality, like it forces us into conversation about what do we want out of this sport and how can we work with coaches in order to still make it work for our family. And so still all the kids practice on the same night and we work with the coaches in order to use the schedule so that it helps fit our family's schedule. And we're okay with kind of not being as intense as some other parents and some other kids. And so that's, yeah, I would say that's,
• 17:15
  the sport element to it and then applying that to our family and the winning and losing together, they get that concept of, hey, when somebody else on my team unlocks a new gymnastics skill or they're able to do something that helps our whole team, you know, we're competing against other gyms of other teams and they're celebrating that win. We can apply that to our family too. And
• 17:35
  He can say, you know, when somebody else has unlocked something new, there's this new chore or something that they're helping out with. Our three-year-old is now able to put the silverware away in the dishwasher.
• 17:45
  That's one less thing that you have to do. We've got somebody else helping our team, and so we can celebrate those wins. There's other times where we'll be outside doing yard work. Last year, we were mulching, and you're like, all right, this is going to be, it's hot. We're lifting a lot of heavy, stinky mulch and doing a lot of things that we don't want to be doing, but at the end, we can get ice cream if we get total participation.
• 18:09
  You know, and so we're trying to build this team where we need each other. It's going faster when everyone's participating and they're encouraging each other. Hey, let's let's help out so that we can all get ice cream. And so it creates this like we're winning together and losing together type of environment.
• 18:23
  Yeah, I would just add with this sports part, when possible, we try to have the whole family go to sports meets so that we are cheering each other on. And that's another way we can be together, even when people are in individual things. And a second thing about that is we still have a family mission statement. So we still have a united family mission.
• 18:53
  you're doing the mission there. And it's okay for people in the family to like maybe pursue something that not the whole family is doing together, but it's like, well, you're still representing our family. You're still doing the family mission while you're in this. And we're all supporting you in that. We're all asking you if you have questions on how to do that mission within like a different, um,
• 19:13
  situation, like we want to be here and talk about that. So having a really clearly defined family mission and being like, wherever we go, we're doing that mission, whether we're in groups or individuals, like I think that still keeps it feeling like a win together, lose together when there's like this clear, like wherever we go, our family is about this mission. It still feels like a family togetherness thing, even though it's a little bit like their thing too.
• 19:39
  We start and end this playbook with God and the real, like the reason why we want to have a strong family, right? So like this is all about teamwork because we want to be a strong family team. And I think for years,
• 19:50
  we kind of thought that having unity and being a close knit family was the goal. And then, you know, I got plugged into a thousand houses and I realized like, man, that's such a miss. If all we're trying to do is build a strong family, it's such a miss, you know, like we've got to have the missional piece. We've got to have a, so that we can go out and we can,
• 20:09
  advance God's kingdom, we can bring glory to him and whatnot. And so I think that's, like, speaking to that mission piece is really important to be like, like, if you get through this whole playbook, and you're like, oh, man, our family is getting stronger, our kids are, our bond is growing, we're getting this team identity.
• 20:25
  But you're missing that like missional piece of like, so that we can go out, you know, we're not just focusing on the inside these walls. We want to go out as a, as a family and be on mission together. Like that's a really important piece. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad you guys tease out the big picture. Why? Because yeah.
• 20:40
  There's a lot of reasons to just treat your family like a group of individuals. And there's a lot of tools out there. There's a lot. You'll fit into culture a lot more easily. But there is something about what God is trying to help our families achieve a mission together. This was his original idea from the beginning.
• 20:56
  Uh, and so, yeah, we want to really get attached to that. Why? So thank you guys for writing this playbook. I wanted to highlight one little thing that you said that kind of really stuck out to me about the, the, the way you guys are approaching sports. That's very counterintuitive for modern families. And that is you guys picked the sport for your family.
• 21:13
  Most people are like, no, no, no, you don't get to do that. Like you raise your kids, you expose them to like 50 different things. They try and dabble. And then if you, that's a recipe for complete family, like scattering. The thing that really causes kids to fall in love with the sport is they get good at it. And so you can, you can really help your kids get good at a different sport and pick one that, you know, I love, I like how you said, Brent, like we just saw our kids make up. We're like, are you guys going to do better at this than, you know, maybe we're not going to be football players or basketball players. Okay, great.
• 21:40
  So pick something that your family is likely to be good at, but if your kids are good at it and make, they really, they'll, they'll start to enjoy it. And then of course, if you all are doing it together. So I would just say to families, like definitely feel that freedom. So I think that that's a really important part. So, man, thank you guys so much for jumping on here today. Again, if you guys want to dive into the accelerator, you can go to familyteams.com and look for the accelerator. You can grab that free download from Brett and Katie's playbook over at familyteams.com slash teamwork.
• 22:08
  But we really want to help families figure this out. And I love the step-by-step kind of way that you guys are helping people. So if you're like, man, I would love our family to be more like a team, then I'd love for you guys to get an experience of this next month, getting to be coached by the Kutofs and really understand what teamwork's all about. So the month of May, that's what we're doing in the Family Team Accelerator. Thank you guys so much for jumping on the podcast today. Thank you.
• 22:30
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