Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / When Narcissists "fake" nice....what does it mean?

Transcript

When Narcissists "fake" nice....what does it mean? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful folks?
• 0:02
  Today we're going to be talking about why you should be on the
• 0:05
  lookout when narcissist start acting nice, when they start
• 0:10
  treating you good out of nowhere like they've been treating you
• 0:13
  horribly for a little for a short stint or a long stint.
• 0:17
  Then all of a sudden out of nowhere.
• 0:19
  Hey baby, how you doing? Hey strange, hey big head, Hey
• 0:23
  stinker butt. They taught being nice.
• 0:26
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:27
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. Welcome to another episode of
• 0:30
  the Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
• 0:51
  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
• 0:53
  Welcome back when office recording today, Lee Hammock,
• 0:56
  your favorite diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:58
  And I'm hype. I get hype off the theme music.
• 1:00
  I get hype off of life. I'm hype for the new year, new
• 1:04
  year, new me. Or is it saying me?
• 1:08
  Am I manipulating you? Just kidding.
• 1:11
  Yeah. Before we hop back, we'll hop
• 1:13
  into today's episode. If you haven't already, check
• 1:16
  out my website mentalillness.net for all things Lee Hammock, my
• 1:21
  coaching, my courses, my support group, every single thing is on
• 1:25
  my website mentalillness.net. Check me out everything over
• 1:29
  there. But yes, y'all that's yeah,
• 1:32
  yeah, I know it sounds weird and even at the beginning, I mean
• 1:37
  like the camera folk refocus on hit the hit the hit my desk.
• 1:40
  But at the beginning, I said when a narcissist starts acting
• 1:43
  nice towards you, when they start behaving nicely towards
• 1:47
  you, you should be on the lookout.
• 1:49
  Your knees should start to fly, right?
• 1:52
  Like the red flags should start damn near raining like the red
• 1:57
  flags. It should start raining red
• 2:01
  flags in your in your life, right?
• 2:03
  Like they should be flying and flapping everywhere coming from
• 2:06
  the left and right from the down low, high because they're doing
• 2:10
  it for a reason. And it's not a good reason.
• 2:14
  I know. So could it let me say this.
• 2:15
  Could it be a good reason that that that they are doing it?
• 2:17
  Could they just be in a good mood and just try to be nice for
• 2:20
  you? Yeah, they could just be doing
• 2:21
  it right. But it's the intent that really
• 2:24
  matters. I know y'all hear me say that
• 2:26
  all the time, but intent absolutely matters when you're
• 2:29
  dealing with narcissistic people because a lot of times when they
• 2:34
  start doing nice things for you unprovoked, like UN like out of
• 2:39
  nowhere, what they're doing is they they have some of them have
• 2:43
  a guilty conscience and they're trying to make up for something
• 2:45
  that they've done wrong. And something like that.
• 2:50
  You like, you might know what they've done wrong, like you
• 2:53
  might know what they've done wrong, right?
• 2:55
  You might already know, you might already have an idea.
• 2:57
  Like they yelled at me a couple days ago and now I got some
• 2:59
  flowers and I got my cheeks clap.
• 3:02
  OK now I got mad and two now I got 2K25B or whatever.
• 3:07
  They whatever your weapon of choice is, your vice is right.
• 3:11
  They are doing some nice deeds for you right out of nowhere.
• 3:17
  Because they have a guilty conscience.
• 3:18
  Well narcissists don't have consciousness.
• 3:20
  Yes y'all you can believe it if you want to, but narcissistic
• 3:22
  people absolutely do have a conscience, guilty or not guilty
• 3:27
  as charged. Shall I do Cox?
• 3:31
  But that's what goes on right there.
• 3:32
  They have a guilty conscience and they're trying to make up
• 3:34
  for something that they've done to you, something that they've
• 3:37
  done wrong, right? And sometimes you know about it,
• 3:41
  other times you don't. Other times you don't know about
• 3:46
  it, right? Other times you have no idea
• 3:49
  what's going on. Other times they've done
• 3:52
  something behind the scenes and their mind is eating away at
• 3:57
  them. Their mind is eating away at
• 4:00
  them and they just like, in order to make myself feel
• 4:03
  better, they'll do something nice for you.
• 4:07
  They will do that right there. Y'all that that other red flag.
• 4:16
  I, I got it off the ground and it when I was waving it in the
• 4:19
  air, I think some dust particles came and hit me in the throat.
• 4:22
  Y'all hear me? I just now had to, had to, had
• 4:27
  to quench my thirst for it real quick.
• 4:29
  But that's what happens. They'll start doing good deeds
• 4:32
  out of nowhere because they might feel bad about something
• 4:35
  that they have done to you behind the scenes or something
• 4:38
  that they're currently doing or, or, or something that they're
• 4:43
  about to do because they can do that as well.
• 4:45
  That could be something that happened as well.
• 4:47
  They could be operating from a space that they are about to do
• 4:50
  something to you. They already feel bad about
• 4:53
  doing it. So they end up in or in their
• 4:55
  minds, they're building up some good some some conscious credit,
• 4:59
  right? Some good conscious credit.
• 5:02
  I did a nice deed for you. So it's OK for me that it's not
• 5:06
  as bad that I'm about to go out here and do some horrible stuff
• 5:09
  behind your back. It doesn't.
• 5:10
  It's not as bad that I'm about to go out here and cheat on you.
• 5:13
  So because I did, yeah, yeah, I did do this good deed, remember?
• 5:17
  You remember I took the trash out or something?
• 5:19
  It can be like any something like that, right?
• 5:21
  You remember I did these good deeds for you out of nowhere?
• 5:25
  It's because they it was something on their minds again.
• 5:28
  Y'all again, let me say this again.
• 5:31
  They could just be being nice, right?
• 5:34
  They could be. Could they have a good a good
• 5:37
  streak? Yes.
• 5:38
  It's not, It's not always going to be bad with narcissists,
• 5:41
  right? It's not bad 100% of the time.
• 5:44
  You know there are good times involved in it as well because
• 5:47
  that's why a lot of people stay because you like the good times.
• 5:51
  Other people are trauma bonded and no matter there are no more
• 5:53
  good times. You're holding on to the good
• 5:54
  times of you holding on to the good times of relationship past,
• 5:58
  right? Things that have happened in the
• 6:00
  past that are no longer present right now that are no longer
• 6:03
  happening right now. You're holding on to the old
• 6:05
  good times, hoping that somehow, some way, shape or form that you
• 6:09
  if you stick it out, then those good times will those good times
• 6:14
  will we will will re emerge somehow in some way shape or
• 6:18
  form right. This is the hope a lot of people
• 6:21
  have this what keeps a lot of people there like they might
• 6:24
  actually be, you know, do some good stuff.
• 6:25
  It's not bad 100% of the it's not bad 100% of the time because
• 6:30
  if it was, it'd make it a lot easier for everybody to leave.
• 6:33
  Like most people would dip out if there was absolute 0 good 0
• 6:38
  redeemable quality 000 available in a relationship, right?
• 6:43
  So many people would be like, you know what?
• 6:45
  Hell now, hell to the now, now, now, right?
• 6:49
  That's what we happen right there.
• 6:51
  That's what goes on. Like they want you to feel.
• 6:53
  Yeah, they, I'm just telling you, they want you to, they give
• 6:55
  you the good stuff to hold on to, to remember.
• 6:58
  Again, I said they, but I said a few minutes ago, they're
• 7:00
  building up that good credit like it's kind of like a credit
• 7:03
  card. They're loading it up to swipe
• 7:05
  later on, like they're loading it up like a debit card.
• 7:08
  They're loading up a balance to swipe later on.
• 7:11
  I have 10, I have 10 good deeds on this debit card.
• 7:15
  And when if they get in trouble for something that they have
• 7:18
  done, they'll swipe. They'll swipe it and charge a
• 7:21
  good deed to the card. They'll say, remember I did this
• 7:24
  for you, remember I did that for you.
• 7:26
  Remember the good times. Remember this, remember that.
• 7:28
  Remember we was in the elevator clapping cheeks.
• 7:30
  Remember we were here. We were remember we were there.
• 7:33
  Remember we were everywhere. You know, like them.
• 7:36
  Doctor Seuss book, isn't it? Remember we were here.
• 7:38
  Remember when we were there? Remember when we were
• 7:41
  everywhere. That's the type of stuff that
• 7:42
  happens that they want to build up their conscious credit to, to
• 7:45
  do bad things so they don't feel bad about it.
• 7:48
  And then they make you feel bad about trying to hold them
• 7:50
  accountable. Yo, how damn ridiculous is it
• 7:53
  that they can do something horrible to you?
• 7:56
  That anybody can do something horrible to you?
• 7:58
  Narcissist, toxic person, abusive person, manipulator,
• 8:01
  whatever the hell they are, whoever the hell they are, what
• 8:03
  sense does it make that they can have the audacity, the the
• 8:08
  unmitigated gall to do some evil ass stuff to you and then when
• 8:14
  you try to hold them accountable, try to make you
• 8:16
  feel bad because they did something good for you in the
• 8:18
  past? What kind of crazy ass stuff is
• 8:21
  that right there? That's insane.
• 8:24
  I know I cheated on you, but remember I bought you flowers
• 8:27
  when your mind passed away. What?
• 8:32
  What sense does that make huh? How is that equal in any way?
• 8:40
  But this is a justification that they will give for doing
• 8:43
  horrible stuff to you. It just is one of those things
• 8:47
  y'all. They would do something horrible
• 8:48
  to you, have some type of irredeemable quality, and they
• 8:53
  will blame you for trying to hold them accountable for what
• 8:56
  they have actually done. Not what you're making up, not
• 8:59
  something that you created, something that they have
• 9:02
  actually done to you. They're angry and trying to hold
• 9:05
  you accountable for them before they're angry at you and trying
• 9:08
  to hold you accountable for holding them accountable.
• 9:11
  So they break up past deeds and again, they will do it
• 9:14
  afterwards as well. After they've done the deed,
• 9:16
  after they've done something horrible to you and you won't
• 9:19
  even know about it. They'll come back and try to do
• 9:21
  some good deeds for you because they feel bad about something
• 9:24
  that you don't even know. But guess what?
• 9:26
  This is still building up that conscious credit with you
• 9:29
  because you don't know the bad stuff has happened, or you might
• 9:33
  have known it for giving them for it.
• 9:35
  And they will back and they are right back to doing it, which is
• 9:38
  what most narcissists do, isn't it?
• 9:41
  They go out here, do something horrible, you forgive them and
• 9:44
  they promise to never do it again.
• 9:46
  And they're right back out there doing it again.
• 9:48
  And they trying to make you feel bad about it.
• 9:50
  They're trying to make you feel bad about it.
• 9:51
  You know what? They're trying to make you feel
• 9:54
  bad because they've done good deeds.
• 9:55
  So what? Just watch out, y'all watch out
• 9:57
  for these. They're not doing it.
• 9:58
  Very rarely are they doing good stuff for you out of their own
• 10:02
  just, or their own heart, out of their own good feelings, right?
• 10:06
  Very rarely are they doing it for you.
• 10:09
  Very rarely are they just being happy and healthy and stuff like
• 10:12
  that. Very rarely are they just out
• 10:14
  there in the world being, you know, happy, healthy and doing
• 10:17
  that type of stuff. They don't do that type.
• 10:19
  They don't do it like that, right?
• 10:22
  They don't. They're not trying to handle it
• 10:23
  that way. They're not trying to be good.
• 10:25
  They're not doing all the type of stuff.
• 10:27
  Very rarely they're doing it for a reason.
• 10:28
  It's always some type of insidious intent behind it.
• 10:32
  Well I know I cheated on her but I did stop by and do the grocery
• 10:36
  shopping and do this stuff so I feel good.
• 10:38
  I don't feel as bad. Yay.
• 10:40
  I don't tell her about the these I done too.
• 10:42
  Yay. I know I cheated on them, but
• 10:46
  I'm going to bring these these freshly clapped cheeks home and
• 10:49
  put them on him too. And he'll never know the
• 10:51
  difference. They will.
• 10:52
  If anything, they're warmed up like a cold car, like a like a
• 10:55
  car sitting out there and overnight in 22° weather.
• 10:58
  Got to warm it up, right. Got to warm it up for the ride.
• 11:01
  And that's what I did when I was cheating on him.
• 11:03
  I warmed it. I warmed meat up for him.
• 11:07
  I know that sounds crazy as hell, but this has some people
• 11:08
  think, Yeah, but this is the mentality.
• 11:12
  So when they're doing good deeds for you, when they're doing good
• 11:15
  stuff for you, just watch out. Just think why they doing this
• 11:18
  very rat like say especially if you if they've done bad stuff to
• 11:21
  you in the past. Just ask yourself, are you
• 11:23
  watching my videos? You think you're dealing with
• 11:24
  the narcissist anyway? Just ask yourself like why they
• 11:27
  doing this? Are they doing this of their own
• 11:31
  volition? Are they doing this from their
• 11:32
  own free will? Or is this something in their
• 11:35
  conscious that is making them feel bad about something that
• 11:38
  they have done? Those are questions you have to
• 11:41
  ask yourself, y'all, when you're trying to get through this.
• 11:43
  Like seriously, these are things that help can help benefit you
• 11:45
  in the long run because they help bring you this peace and
• 11:48
  help bring you this peace and it's understanding.
• 11:50
  Just be like, damn. Well you know what?
• 11:52
  Lee's right. Like they out of nowhere they
• 11:54
  start doing good deeds and start being nice to me.
• 11:57
  I knew something was up because they, they are never nice to me.
• 12:00
  The last time that they were nice to me, I found out they
• 12:03
  were cheating on me. Why they being nice to me all of
• 12:05
  a sudden out of nowhere, huh? And you start being an
• 12:09
  investigator, you find out that something else has happened and
• 12:12
  it's not. Yeah, it's not always cheating.
• 12:13
  It could be them embezzling money.
• 12:15
  It could be them back smoking or back drinking when they told you
• 12:17
  that they would stop doing it could be them on the devil's
• 12:21
  lettuce or whatever. Just some nose candy that no old
• 12:24
  nose candy. They might be doing that they
• 12:26
  told you that they would stop and they right back on it.
• 12:28
  Then I have like, you know, it's an interest intravenous needle
• 12:32
  in their arms for some some type of you recreational use.
• 12:37
  You know what I mean? So be very careful when you're
• 12:39
  dealing with manipulators like this, y'all.
• 12:41
  There is always a damn near always, almost always an
• 12:45
  insidious intent behind it. Very rarely is it from the the
• 12:49
  kindness or the generosity of their own hearts.
• 12:52
  Narcissists don't think that we are.
• 12:53
  They're not coming to you from the kindness or the generosity
• 12:56
  of their own hearts. Typically they're out here
• 12:59
  trying to do something horrible to you.
• 13:00
  They're just trying to make up for doing something horrible to
• 13:02
  you and they feel bad about it. So they're trying to make
• 13:05
  themselves feel better by doing good things for you, by doing
• 13:08
  good deeds for you. This is why they do what they do
• 13:11
  is not because all of a sudden out of nowhere, they just like I
• 13:13
  woke up to that. I've been, I've been doing good
• 13:15
  and I've been, I've been, I've been amazing partner.
• 13:18
  I'm going to keep being amazing. And you know what else I'm going
• 13:20
  to do? I'm literally going to decide
• 13:24
  I'm going to just do a good deed out of nowhere.
• 13:26
  Very rarely are they going to do that out of nowhere to just
• 13:29
  always think when they doing are doing nice things for you
• 13:34
  unprovoked, just think again. They could just be doing the
• 13:37
  other kindness of their own heart, which is rare.
• 13:40
  But a lot of times they're doing to try to get ahead of something
• 13:43
  or they're doing it to try to make up for something.
• 13:45
  They're doing it not from the kindness of their own heart, but
• 13:47
  for some type of validation they get by telling you about or
• 13:51
  doing these good deeds. Y'all anyway y'all, I'm going to
• 13:54
  get this name short. I appreciate y'all tuning in and
• 13:56
  rocking with me to the end of this video.
• 13:58
  Make sure you haven't already checked the website again, hit
• 14:01
  that subscribe button as well, y'all, because you know, I'm
• 14:02
  saying the more people to subscribe, the more people you
• 14:04
  reach, the more people who are able to help.
• 14:06
  I'm launching the mental illness podcast.
• 14:08
  We're going to be filming the first episode next week, so stay
• 14:11
  tuned for that. My wife is going to film an
• 14:13
  episode where she's doing an interview about her story
• 14:15
  herself, her own life. She she just went live with my
• 14:17
  channel recently. Anyway, y'all make sure you like
• 14:20
  and subscribe to the channel. And as always, y'all your boy
• 14:22
  mental illness, he's out. Peace.
• 14:26
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 14:28
  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea?
• 14:31
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 14:33
  to the channel. Help us reach more people and
• 14:35
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse to
• 14:37
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 14:39
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 14:42
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 14:43
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 14:45
  video. Peace.