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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just - The Richness of a Humble Life 4.16.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Attaining the levels of humility.
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  And we were told that the way you attain it #1 is to practice.
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  Practice means you take a knock and you're not allowed to
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  destroy your day. You take a situation where
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  you're going to treat you properly and you're OK with it.
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  You accept life. You accept insults.
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  You accept not getting the best seat.
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  You accept being ignored. All these things and you allow
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  them to happen. And you don't get crazy.
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  And when you accept it, that means you're saying to yourself,
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  I don't deserve everything and therefore I'm OK with these
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  things that happen. But it has to be developed, not
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  not slowly and slowly, step by step.
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  Because if a person attempts to attain humility like this, boom,
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  I'm never going to get nervous again.
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  I hate the fact that I get nervous.
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  I'm never going to get upset again.
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  What happens to that person the next day?
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  You get upset again. Why?
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  Because here's how a developing character works.
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  Developing character is, and you need to pull off the Band-Aid,
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  right? And then you need to be really
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  OK with that pain. You can't just say to yourself,
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  I'm not going to care. Why?
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  What mind is telling you not to care?
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  The mind that is embarrassed by the fact that you got insulted
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  again and you got upset again and you got hurt again, that
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  mind is a logical, sane mind, But that mind is happening after
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  the emotion happened, but during the emotion, that mind is not
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  there. So imagine the guy who often
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  gets insulted by these things by getting by, getting
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  disrespected. And then after he gets insulted,
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  after he gets insulted, he then says to himself, I did it again.
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  I got upset again. I'm never going to do it again.
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  Never again. OK, who's telling you that
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  you're sane, settled after the fact?
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  Mine. That doesn't exist.
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  That doesn't count. You're still not addressing the
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  emotion that you'll feel next time you get insulted, right?
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  You're using a hindsight perspective to accept or accept
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  a way of life that isn't really real.
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  You need to figure out how do you get yourself in that emotion
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  and the emotion of being insulted.
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  And it's still not getting insulted.
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  And that's only done step by step, which means as I'm getting
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  disrespected, as I'm walking into a room and they're giving
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  me the back seat, as I'm being hurt, I say to myself, it
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  doesn't feel good, a big deal, doesn't feel good.
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  But there's 1000 reasons why it's happening.
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  And no one did it to me on purpose, right?
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  They tried to plan, they tried to send me a seat.
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  There's no seats left there there we're supposed to.
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  Give people benefit of the doubt.
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  We're supposed to be mature about the scene and look at the
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  whole picture and don't rush to assume I know why they're doing
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  it to me, 'cause I'm nothing, 'cause I I can't afford, 'cause
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  I'm not a big deal and I don't have the money and I'm not a
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  wealthy guy and no one cares. Don't go there.
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  Relax. Let's say it's damaging to you.
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  What they did is damaging, not just for your like to bring you
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  down, but let's say it's a business thing also and it's
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  financially damaging. You still have to look at it the
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  same way. No, their humility doesn't play
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  a role there. You're involving stronger levels
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  of character and saying, do I want to get upset?
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  Do I not want to get upset? Should I let him get away with
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  this? Should I not?
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  Is it? It's not sham anywhere.
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  That's be the horny great character.
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  Humility doesn't play into that because he could be as humble as
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  it gets. He still must you over here, the
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  hurt, the pain, the embarrassment, the bushat,
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  right? These come from be feeling small
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  and if you're humble enough, you don't feel like you were shot
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  down. So it's specifically in the
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  areas of being disrespected as being ignored and being insulted
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  and not being invited and being spoken over, not getting a word.
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  And I drive all those classic things that bother us, not being
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  invited to that party or to that get together, that conversation,
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  that meeting, the regular stuff, those that emotions where people
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  get insulted, of course, and that emotions where a person has
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  to say it hurts, but and then you do the butt slowly accept it
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  doesn't matter that much. Next time it happens again,
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  good. By the way, it'll happen
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  1,000,000 1/2 times in your life.
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  It happens daily. You are left out of things
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  daily. And there are people who live
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  their entire life just keeping track of their insults.
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  They have like a log of how many times they've insulted a day.
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  They literally live their entire life and just always upset by.
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  He didn't tell me this and he didn't invite me to that and he
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  mentioned me there and I wasn't pleased.
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  Over here, it's a very fun life to live.
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  By the way, I'm being sarcastic is impossible.
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  It's torture and then there are people.
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  And there's a lot of people like that.
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  Yeah, sure. You run into them here and there
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  on the street and they'll tell you, Oh, nice.
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  You said hello to me. This one.
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  And this one did. He Yeah.
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  Yeah, exactly. And like, literally, no offense,
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  it's a disaster life. Now you replace that life.
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  We say hello. Tonight.
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  To him, by the way, you're bothered, sure.
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  Then you replace that life with the other guy who doesn't seem
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  to be razzled at all, does not seem to be fazed at all.
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  It's an awesome life to live. It ain't easy, and it doesn't
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  give. By the way, it's never giving
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  the insulters a pass. I'm not telling you.
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  OK? You know what?
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  Because people should be this way, and because with humility,
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  humility, they get to this point, give them the backseat.
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  Who cares? They shouldn't care in the
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  backseat. Don't give them to speak.
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  Don't invite them. Don't mention their name.
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  I'll give them any credit. I'm telling you that.
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  All right? Don't give a rabbi some sort of
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  COVID. Don't give someone who gave a
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  lot of money some sort of thank you.
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  I'm not saying that at all, but I'm saying from the person in
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  the back end, the recipient, he should know you could be
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  insulted and ruin your life, or you could be humble and
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  therefore deal with it. Deal with the blow and accept it
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  and move on. That will only be doable if you
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  have deep humility and you live. This.
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  By the way, FYI, is life's work. Certain character traits are you
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  get it and you got it. This one is life is a life
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  mission. I'm telling you, I know it's
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  personally. I live my life.
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  I'm working on this. It's a life job to figure out a
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  way to not be hurt by being left out of things.
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  Am I being spoken down to? Am I being insulted?
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  Am I being ignored? And all those things, Life,
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  mission. And trust me, you will be
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  insulted. A billion.
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  I said a million and a half. I underrated it a billion times,
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  right? Every family get together.
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  They didn't invite me here. Oh, my mother doesn't want me at
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  this meal. She wants me at that meal.
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  Oh, this, this is having a conversation.
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  I'm not part of it. You name it, these things happen
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  and it's a disaster life. It's a disaster life.
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  And you know what's funny? This is a reality that can exist
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  in a very rich world that we live in.
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  You live in a rich class of world.
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  We have beautiful weddings, we have great get togethers, we
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  have great families. We have great schools, creative
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  schools. The world that we have is full
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  of strong groups and committees. And you know what that leads to
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  more of this Everything else in the world.
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  It's funny, these issues didn't exist in the in times that
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  people were struggling, these issues.
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  This is not right. It wasn't top of mind when
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  people were struggling to make food, put food on the table,
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  trying to figure out how to, you know, how they get the next meal
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  and where they're going to live and all that stuff.
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  These issues only come about some of our biggest emotions.
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  You know, people say, you always say how would life if life is
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  if, what's better life like this or life during the challenging
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  times, right? So you asked the question,
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  what's better, life and the world we live in today or Bay
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  Parkway, 1970s, Nineteen 60s How?
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  About Ocean Parkway, go to Ocean Parkway.
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  I wasn't around for the Bay Parkway.
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  Basically the Ocean Parkway. Hard to know.
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  And the answer is what's wealthier this way a million
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  times? Who's got better shoes this way,
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  a million times even more rabbis involved this way.
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  Better schools is much more good.
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  But there's also much more of those problems, much of these
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  teal problems, and they're so teal.
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  What did I say to you after they're over?
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  After you really look at your inventory of your day, your
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  month, your week, your year, all for that you think you care
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  about these things. You think these on your list.
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  You think after 120 you want them to say about you or you
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  think it makes a difference? He was insulted so often.
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  He was in left out of the family picture so many times.
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  They never went to him to evolve him.
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  No, you know, while you're living, while while on this
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  earth, this is pretty much for many people, top of mine, it's
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  shockey. And that's where you need
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  humility. You need humility to be able to
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  allow yourself to live the life you wanted to live, to live life
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  you wish you can live. And there's a life where I'm
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  flowing, I'm settled, I'm good. Not one that every other day you
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  find that another thing and it gets you crazy because trust me,
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  that will be the life that a president lives.
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  And they do not just chill out a little bit, take yourself down
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  and up notch and say it's all right.
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  I'm not the biggest deal in every area, that I need to be
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  involved in everything. I have to look at it from 1000
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  angles because there are always 1000 angles.
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  It's not that many people out there that are good people that
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  want to hurt you, right? Your average person doesn't want
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  to hurt you in our families, in our schools, in our schools,
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  they're not trying to hurt. They forgot the guy for the
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  aliyah. It was a mistake.
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  They forgot the guy to give him a good seat.
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  It was a mistake. They forgot the rabbi open times
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  was a mistake with a stuck, They forgot.
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  You know, now it doesn't mean it's a pass, but it does mean
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  can't allow it to consume you because if you do, your life
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  will be the most awful life around.
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  Well, it's the richest, the richest life around.
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  That's the reality. You could live a rich, terrible
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  life or you could live a poor awesome life.
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  We want to have a rich, awesome life, all right.
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  We want to be blessed like we are, and we want to be humble
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  like they were. That's who we want.
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  If we get both those things, you're living the dream, living
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  the dream. But if you ever allow yourself
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  to get bit by the bug of caring about these things that realize
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  of to be consumed, I know you know you know, I love this is my
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  great favorite example, you know, with a sports player when
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  they first get drafted, they had them.
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  They do any interview. They're likable, they're fun and
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  four or five years in pompous, arrogant, hard to get an
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  interview orphan insulted. What happened?
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  They got beat by the bug. They get by the bug and forgot
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  that God gave them a blessing called talent and it was all
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  God-given. They forgot the whole picture,
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  all right, just the way some people are.
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  That happens to everybody. Right.
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  Not just so. The problem is, is that it
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  happens to everybody. The problem is, and you could
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  have people whose parents struggle to make a living and
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  they were blessed. It's one generation, they're
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  blessed. And they completely forgot about
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  the whole idea of people struggling and they completely
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  forgot where they came from. And they forgot the fact that it
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  was one good deal. And I got them started and now
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  they're insulted all the time. They're upset all the time.
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  That's throwing insane parties just to keep their name and the
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  ego up. It's all a fraud.
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  Everything that comes to arrogance is a fraud.
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  You understand? You could take 10 people and
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  line them up and I can tell you, so can you the same and say they
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  all could have been in the exact same situations.
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  Mine is God making his moves. Any of them so and so could have
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  been wealthy. So and so could have been poor.
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  So and so could have been a rabbi.
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  So and so could have been a called a guy for life.
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  So and so could have been this so and so could have been that
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  so and so can marry that girl, marry that girl.
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  How do the children been involved in that community?
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  It's all a fraud. So you got to chill out.
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  I recognize I need to know where I'm standing and where I'm
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  coming from. If you do the life is blessed
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  because everything then you're dealing with gravy.
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  It's all extra, it's all beautiful, It's all a blessing
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  has that person has to live. It's all a blessing.
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  I'm telling you opinionated about this concept because this
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  really, I have to be aware of this daily because I run the
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  risk. Be honest with you.
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  I run the risk in this position of getting bit by the book, run
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  the risk every time. Now, I happen to not be in that
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  overall position, but in this current position, I run the
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  risk. And because of that, it's a very
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  dangerous thing. I tell myself all the time.
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  I tell my wife all the time. If you ever catch me talking
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  that way, stop me. And I'm aware of it.
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  And I have something. Well send you.
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  DNAI have something for that's very nice of you, but I have
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  made the mistake at times and I have, but I have also and I
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  don't know about handle if there was something.
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  Let's say I found that something big is happening and they're
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  involving community rabbis, rabbis of shoes, right And they
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  they go to that true, not true, not true.
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  And they don't put money on the list.
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  There was a thing I think a year ago where they didn't even come
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  to the show. It's relatively A prominent
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  place. It's on the corner.
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  It's kind of decent size. I don't think I care at all, but
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  it's that that's a risk. That's a risk idea.
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  That's something like that can make a guy nuts.
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  Yeah. And then there are.
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  If you look at him. That, yeah, that can make a
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  person nuts and. And not because he has it in
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  him. Now one of his guys comes to
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  that rabbi. What's?
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  Going on? Sure, that's it.
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  All in the book, that's all. I love that now you like his
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  fire, which was with the bended on his own, and before you know
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  it, it could. But yeah, I mean, it's yeah.
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  We had a guy in our shul, he got a seat he didn't like for the
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  holiday. Sure.
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  All of a sudden we get a letter and during the holidays we will
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  out. Me and my family will no longer
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  be praying with the cab. Yeah, nothing I like less and
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  that pressure that people put on people.
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  Do you know how much time? I'll give you an example, even
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  with this Friday night dinner right coming up, do you know how
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  much time they're putting onto seating?
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  I'm sure I prayed out of that. Won't happen.
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  I'm just someone not going to be happy with this seat, right?
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  But the truth is, but the truth is they tried, they tried, they
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  tried holiday seats if you'd see the amount.
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  Of time they. Walk the room and they look at
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  the angles and they say OK, so and so here, but her mother here
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  who should be in front of who but the doodle No, who should be
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  with them and all these things and like really, that's
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  overdoing this, right? But the truth is people really
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  care. They really, really care and you
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  can't handle just can't get upset.
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  It's not worth it. So then you say, OK, but the
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  person who cries wins. They don't win because their
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  life is always this way. It's not, it's.
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  Not you. Want to be a person?
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  Yeah, you have a right to ask a certain things.
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  You have a right to be treated with respect, but if it doesn't
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  work out, don't rush to judgment and assume they're trying to get
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  you. They don't care about you, you
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  don't have enough, you're not being enough.
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  Deal. Oh they give the other guy,
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  don't leave. Relax.
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  It's just an oversight. Nobody.
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  Most more people are not trying to hurt, never other trying to
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  hurt. They may be doing things for
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  certain reasons, but they're not just trying to hurt for no
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  reason. They might be scared of you,
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  they might not be in the mood, all that stuff, but trying to
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  hurt, that's not there. So calm down where you're making
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  humble and you can live the most beautiful life around.
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  Stop.