Latest / Tea Time w/Amie & Bev / Episode #332: Adult Compassion Can Change Childhood Interpretation

Transcript

Episode #332: Adult Compassion Can Change Childhood Interpretation · Tea Time w/Amie & Bev

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hi, everybody. Welcome to Tea Time with Amy and Bev. Hello, hello.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Good day.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: How are you doing?
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Doing all right. A little sore, but had to do
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: a small project, a small task. But it required a
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: little bit of bending over and like stepping off so
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: my left thigh is and my buttock is sore so
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: like well isn't that a good indication I need to
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: get back to the gym it's because I haven't been
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: in a while so.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: So I'm feeling but that's awesome because it brings you
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: right back into your body oh sure does so moving
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: quite slow I will.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Say go to sit down and stand up is uh
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: And you know, the hard toilet seat, girl, very slow moving.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: The universe is like, I'm going to slow her down.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: She doesn't know that she's doing it herself, but I'm
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: going to slow her down. Right, right, right. Because you
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: can't run. So if a dog chases you, it's pretty
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: much the dog's going to win.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: But let me tell you something. If I'm running, don't
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: ask questions, just run because there's something happening.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Okay. That's what I tell people all the time. Hey,
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: if I'm running, there's something chasing me. That's the bottom
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: line there. Cause typically no, no, but I do run
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: out here occasionally.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: That's right. Something's happening and you just need this. Just
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: start sprinting because no questions asked.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Run with me. Yeah.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: What's going on with you?
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. I feel like life is a constant transition.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: I don't even know where to start. I don't know
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: where we've ended up with the last few things. I
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: went to my father's house and picked up pictures of mine,
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: you know, just to go through. It's like, I don't know,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: 30 years, 37 years of pictures to go through. Some
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: of them I'm like, I don't even know who these
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: people are. And some of them like, oh, my God,
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: that's me. That was me holding my brother like when
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: he was just a baby. It would have been like
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: 13 years old and stuff. But it's good to go
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: back and reflect on these pictures. I have a whole
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: bunch of them set up in front of me. So
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I'm constantly, I come and sit in my office and
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: my quiet time will be just like looking at my
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: brother or my sister or my kids or my grandmother,
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: me playing. And it's like looking at all these different things,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: but getting a different version of myself from the old
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: story I've been telling myself for so long. We can
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: get into such a space of always finding things that
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: are not of positives. And so I'm restructuring my life
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: and my perspective in my life in a lot of ways.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: And that's making me lighter. It's making me lighter to
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: where I wanted to have changes. I have a picture
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: of me when I was probably like 12 years old. And,
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: you know, most of us back in that time frame
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: were doing the Farrah Fawcett thing or the Captain and,
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: you know, the Tennille thing or the people probably.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Know who that is.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: But Tennille was the Captain and Tennille was the singer.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: My sister had her haircut. It looked like Tennille. I
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: had my haircut. I was trying to go for the
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Farrah Fawcett thing back in the day because the Charlie's Angels,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: you know, they rocked back in the day. But it's
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: like just it's it's actually embracing not the Charlie's Angels,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: but embracing the energy, the freedom, the the curiosity of
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: these pictures. And so I sit and look at these
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: pictures and I and I kind of dive into the
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: energy of those pictures. Not that I want to be
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: that same little girl again, but but just to have
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: the the light back in my eyes and looking at
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: the world through a different perspective instead of like, it's
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: the thing that comes to my mind always is like,
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: you need to go sit in the corner or you
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: need to go sit in your room and think about
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: what you did wrong. And it's like, it was never
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: something to go sit and think about all the things
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: you did right. And I know we've had these kinds
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: of conversations before, but they take on a different energy,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: a personality when you look at it from this totally
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: different perspective on things. Looking at, I mean, God, I
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: look at my brother a lot. And it's interesting because
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: all this stuff came up. And then I start hearing
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: about his oldest son is having some struggles with similar
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: things that my brother struggled with. And that's why I
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: tell people not to beat yourself up. But we go
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: through these phases, you know, being the black sheep. And
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: it's because we're paving a new way. We're like taking
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: their crap, their stuff that we learned, not even knowing
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: that we have it in our energy as our patterns.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: as our template of how we're going to operate our life.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: And then it's our opportunity to be like, I don't
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: need to be in any of this. And the easiest
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: way for me to not be in it is to
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: be right now. It's to be right now. Just like
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: with you having the pain in the left side, it's
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: all that thing, all that it's offering up to you
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: is an opportunity for you to be right now. It
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: may hurt, but it pulls you into that space of,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: you know, focusing on those areas, maybe stretching, maybe taking
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: a hot, hot bath, which is always a thrilling sound
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: in the summertime, but just turn the AC up, turn
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: up the heat, but just sit in there with some
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Epsom salts and smells and stuff. It's honoring self. It's
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: taking time for self. We don't do it enough.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: So just to give the audience a little perspective, at
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: what point in your life were you disconnected, detached from
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: your father figure for your father?
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, so this would be my actual my stepdad, but
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: he's like a father to me in so many ways. OK,
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: so this is actually all on that side. I've gotten
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: pictures also on my biological father's side. And so I've
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: gotten to explore those. But these are all pictures of,
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: you know, just like my mom and stuff, my mom
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: being silly or my brother, like he was awfully, when
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: I look back at these pictures, I see that he,
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: there was a lot of seriousness in him when he
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: was younger. And so it's like, it's just, that's the timeframe. So,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: you know, when I was, I would say probably eight
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: to 13, I've even got pictures of me as a little,
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: little girl laughing and smiling, you know, like maybe a
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: 12 month old or something along those lines. they actually
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: did pictures back then.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Right. I had to get them developed, but we
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: did have that.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: That's true. That's true. People wait. Yeah. But at least
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: getting them developed, we got them developed. Right. Of course,
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: now I've got all these fricking pictures, but on the
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: other side of that, now everything's digital. And most of
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: the time I don't go find time to go develop
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: any of these pictures. I don't go take them to go.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: And it's not even developing anymore anymore. It's just to
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: get them printed out. So. It's a life is life
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: is a journey.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's cool.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: I wrote down the question or not.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Um, well, what I was getting, I was, was giving
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: the audience perspective as to, uh, so Bev and I
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: have similar paths and, um, I never knew my biological dad, father, uh,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: and I've had three stepdads. So conjuring up stories from
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: the childhood, what I wrote down was childhood through the
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: eyes of an adult is what you're doing now. And
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: when we take the opportunity to get more information and
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: understand a little bit more about our parents' journey, If
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: you have that opportunity, if you have that type of
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: relationship with your either side, mother or father, that, you know,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I had a lot of anger and bitterness and feeling
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: abandoned because my biological dad like left when my mom
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: got pregnant. So I've never met him. Have I been
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: given the opportunity to meet him?
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Did I want to? No. That is totally my choice.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: And I've also done a lot of healing around that.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: And I also got a little bit more, I don't
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: know the whole story, but I got a little bit
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: more of the story to understand that they were doing
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: the best they knew how to do at that time also.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: This was in 70, like 69, 70. 1969, 1970, right?
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: So things, the way belief systems were and the way
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: people handled things, a little different than now. Like we
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: have other beliefs, like I have new belief systems about
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: it now. And to have some compassion around, you know,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: whatever it was they were facing in their lifetime at
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: that time. I wouldn't even be able to, it could
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: be explained to me. It could be shared with me.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: But to actually know what they were feeling and thinking,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: to know what they were facing, I will probably never
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: understand it, but I can have some compassion around it.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: And this is what I feel like Bev is doing,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: and so correct me if I'm wrong, that you also
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: have done that same thing, is you've gotten more information,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: you've done healing around.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Different aspects of your childhood. And so now looking at
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: these pictures now years ago, looking at them, you might
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: have felt a completely different way, but now you're looking
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: at them. just thinking, wow, probably what a beautiful girl
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: she was. And, and, um, you know, now I love
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: her so much. Whereas then it would have been like,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: we always criticized ourselves. I know as a teenager, I
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: just criticized every single thing about every, any picture that
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: was taken. Um, Um, never satisfied, didn't like who I was,
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: didn't like, um, and it was just because of the
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: stories I was telling myself based on what I knew
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: from being a child and observing what was happening around
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: me and observing the, and listening to conversations that I
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: formed my own belief system about my journey. And the
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: journey was, I wasn't good enough. I And so that
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: set the precedence for the rest of my life until
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: I chose to look at it differently, which started at 28,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: but really didn't get traction until my 30s. And so now,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: you know, it's a whole different story. It just was.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: And it was the story that I created.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: You're spot on. Because I have looked at these pictures
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: and I've looked at these pictures before and thought I
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: was ugly. I was ugly. Now I look at them
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, man, just like you said, you were
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: a beautiful girl. You were beautiful. You were beautiful the
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: whole time. There was nothing ever wrong with you. And
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: it's almost like an integration of, you know, bringing that
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: child within more. It's like I hear I was looking
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: for ways to, you know. welcome my little girl back in.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: And so we can, you know, go out and enjoy
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: life and live life that way. And it's like, I
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: wasn't integrating and I wasn't seeing all the ways that
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: I was not allowing myself to integrate this other, you know,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: this person that I thought was separate from me, that, that,
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: that this, like I cut myself off from all of that,
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: that I was because I cut myself off from all
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: of that, that I perceived of my own family. you know,
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: of the child molester of the parent that left. And
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: then to find out my, my, my, I call him
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: my father, my stepdad now. Cause I've grown, but he,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: he was the one that told my biological father, don't
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: come back here anymore. He was the one that told him.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: And he told me this just recently. And so it like,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: when you think you got a story all figured out
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: because you thought you heard, I mean, shit, I could
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: have heard my aunt saying something. Oh yeah. Like he
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: never paid child support.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: He was paying child support. He was paying child support
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: the whole time. And I didn't know that. But but
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: but my father now stopped that. He stopped that at
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: that time. He didn't want him around. He didn't want
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: to know that stuff. So here I am for my story.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: I'm waiting out for my my biological my dad to
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: show up and he doesn't show up. You know what
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: I mean? Not knowing there is more to this whole
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: story and not saying that he had anything to do
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: with that in that time frame. But there was more
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: to it than what I remembered. And it's like, even
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: if that was true, stop and think about just how
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: that would feel from the perspective right now. Would it
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: feel better to know that I know the truth that
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: he was asked not to come? Or would it feel
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: better to think that he just never showed up because
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: I wasn't worthy? I wasn't valued. And the bottom line
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: is what I'm realizing is I had to value myself.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: This is something that I've been learning lately. I value myself.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Value to me can be the same almost as love.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Because love's been such a beat up word in this experience.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it was recognizing, do I value myself? Do I
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: love myself enough to value myself? And a lot of
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: times I wasn't valuing myself most of my life. And
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: now I am, not from an egoic standpoint, but from
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: a liberating freedom standpoint. From just like I just got
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: my hair cut yesterday. And I actually got a cut.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: I was telling you just before we got onto this
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: recording that I actually haven't had a haircut since 2003.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: My kids were little. I had a haircut that was not,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: it was very disappointing. Let me just tell you, I
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: left during work, went to this guy. I thought, you know,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go to a guy and he's going
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: to do this great job. And I left with, I
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: had long hair down to my butt and the top
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: of my head had short hair, like Joan Jett short hair.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: So it didn't match up. It was like the super mullet.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: Like I had the mullet of all mullets. No one
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: competed with that. But I didn't see myself in the mirror.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: I thought I was getting long layers. I wasn't. I
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: left there crying. So I never got my hair cut
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: again after. I was like, nope, not doing this. That's 2003.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: We're now in 2026, for God's sakes. Now, like I said,
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: I had trims. I had bangs quite for most of
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: my life. And then I let the bangs grow out.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Then I got bangs again and let them grow out.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: but not getting a haircut. So yesterday I went and
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: got the long layers and got my bangs are down
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: to my chin, but it's still, I have hair that
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: I didn't have. And it's like, my hair now is curly.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: It never was before. And so as I get to
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: play with this, that's awesome. And I can appreciate it.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: But before it would have been back to the same thing.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: It wouldn't have been enough. It wouldn't have been, I
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: didn't want it curly right now. You know, it's like
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: always wanting to control everything. And that's another thing. It's
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: letting go of this control. this perceived control because it's
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: just perceived. It's not even real. It's limitating. I've been
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: limitating myself. I have imprisoned myself in this freaking cage
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: for a long time. And some of the realizations I've
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: had in the last couple of days. And so when
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: I left there yesterday, one of my very close friends
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: had recommended that I cut my hair off because it's,
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: it's part of your antenna, but it's because it's shedding
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: like crap. It's, it's, those are years of hair that
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: are on you. And so I, I left there yesterday
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: and I was like amazed that I'm sitting here getting
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: my haircut. I'm like, I'm not even worried or nervous
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: or anything like I have faith. I want this done.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: I was supposed to be done on Thursday and it
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: didn't work out. And I was like, I was when
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: I went in there yesterday, I was ready. I was
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: ready to go. And I was like, I didn't care.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: It didn't it didn't matter. It's just such a it
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: was that's for me is very freeing because I kept
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: myself in this prison even that way. We do it
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: in so many different ways, so many different ways. And
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: we don't know until you start exploring things or you're
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: ready to just let go. And I am ready to
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: let go of it. So I did that and I left.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: And it's like every place I went to yesterday, I
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: had to go shopping and do things. Every single encounter
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: I had was freaking amazing. People were like overly bubbly,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: like super happy to see me. It was just not
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: my typical day. I mean, it hasn't been that way.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Not like that. Not like that. And it was that
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: way all the way till I got home the whole time.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: That's cool.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: It lets you know where you're at. It's a good gauge. Yeah.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: When you're talking about your hair and it's, I forget
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: what your words were, but the, the amount of history
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: that is in a strand of hair and similar to,
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: you know, an old building, if, you know, the walls
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: could talk how many, how many stories, how much history
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: could we be, could be shared. And, you know, I'm
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: sure they can take a strand of hair and go
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: from the end of it and kind of see the
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: history of your, maybe your physical body element, you know,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: the minerals and vitamins and all that. And, and kind
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: of get a story of your, of your body and,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: from that strand of hair and be able to pinpoint,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: you know, like when your stress levels changed or, uh,
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: things like that. Cause you know, we lived under a
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: huge amount of stress for several years, but then things
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: started to ease up and to see that shift. Like,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: I just think of this strand of hair was like
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: this big, long story that of 23 years of information
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: that if you were to go back, uh, that would
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: be pretty cool.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: That that's, That's phenomenal. And when you're saying that, I'm
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: thinking about the rings of a tree, right? Because there's
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: always a story that's part of that. They can explore
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: all kinds. They know how long that person lived. And
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: then I'm thinking, depending on our hair growth, like how
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: many years ago would that hair have been there? Like,
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: what was I going through at the time, my timeframe
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: during that for that whole experience? So it's like, it's
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: just a, it's a good reflective area, but that's part
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: of our antenna. Like this is, our body is our
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: antenna as we're going here. It's a gauge. It's letting
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: you know, oh, I've worked out really hard. And I,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: and this is how I I'm feeling the soreness. I,
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: I felt lighter yesterday. I feel lighter today. Yeah. I'm
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: a little bit lighter because they cut hair, but it's like, it's, it's,
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: it's just a, without going through the experience, it's just
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: like you were saying a little bit ago, we could,
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: someone could have told us these things. Hey, if you
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: go cut your hair, if you do this, it's going
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: to be this way. And we're like, whatever, until you're
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: ready for it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: just a, it's just another seed that's being planted.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Every five weeks I get mine cut.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Gotcha. I am not dealing with that bullshit anymore.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: It's like gone.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: Fired.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: You're not hanging around on me.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Nice.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: So.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Just kind of going back to the seeing life now
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: through the eyes of an adult. Now, what I will say, though,
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: is your eyes still matter of the eyes that you're
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: seeing through, because if you're still hanging on to all
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: that anger, shame, guilt, all the judgments, the criticisms, the
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: fears from what you experienced in childhood, then you're still
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: seeing through those same eyes. And the story hasn't changed.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: And maybe over the years, it's gotten stronger or bigger.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: And what Bev and I are talking about is we
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: went through several years still going through it, mind you,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: we haven't stopped of that mental and emotional and spiritual
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: healing and shifting our perspectives about life and, and how
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: we view it and how what we may feel like
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: the reason why we are here or in this physical body.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: And for each person, we might have similar beliefs, but
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: for each person, I feel like it's a journey for
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: your own inner awareness, your own self-connection, spirit connection, and
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: whatever that journey looks like for you is what it's
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: going to be. And there's no time limit on that journey.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: But to know that, that the journey through that healing
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: process was by no means easy. It was hard. It
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: was one of the hardest things. And I'll also say
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: it was so worth it because the amount of stress
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: that I carried because of the story I was hanging
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: on to about my childhood, once I moved through some
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: of that healing process and seeing it from a different
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: perspective or empathizing with the adults who were were kids
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: themselves having kid like you know getting impregnated um you
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: know having the ability to see through the eyes of
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: compassion and empathy is the man i was a ball
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: of stress constantly every single of my waking moments and
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: now it's if i'm stressed i notice more when i'm
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: stressed than when i'm Because being relaxed is my natural
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: state now. And so it's so worth that journey to
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: begin to shift those perspectives and stories.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: 100%. Got to let it go. You don't have to. Yeah,
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: you don't have to. On the other side of it.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: Then you think, why the hell was I holding on
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: to that story? And all it is is stories. That's
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: why you can have different siblings in the same family.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: And they all have a different perspective. They all have
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: a different perspective, how their parents raised them. They all
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: have one of them might not even, I've had people
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: that I've talked to that they're talking about their parents.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: And it's like, they were from what I could hear,
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: they were bullied. And then the other one thing. So
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: they were bullied by the sister. It's like, well, yeah,
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: well maybe the parents were bullying your sister, but you
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: didn't see that. Or maybe that daughter thought she was
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: being bullied by the parents because that was her perspective
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: on things. And maybe the parents thought they were doing
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: their best. Like they, Why are they taking things so seriously?
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: We weren't so serious about it. There's so much stuff
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: that we carry and it's so unnecessary. It's unnecessary, man.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: It's like, you're not going to go on a trip
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: to fricking Florida or to Hawaii with the same things
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: that you're going to go on a trip with to
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: go to fricking. I can't even Alaska. I was going
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: to say Arkansas. I'm like, no, not Arkansas, but you
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: wouldn't maybe the temperatures. Yeah. But Alaska, like you're not
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: during the wintertime, you're not going to have the same clothes.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: So why would you carry that same luggage around your
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: whole freaking life? It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: make any sense. But I did it. And it hasn't
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: been an easy journey. It was a shitty journey. It's
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: been there's been some so much time. It's like you
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: don't even know how you're going to get out from
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: under it. It's like, what am I? Why am I
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: even here still? Like, why am I on this planet?
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: And then it's like when you waited out, you kind
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: of find out if I would have reacted in those
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: very moments, I wouldn't be here. Which we've talked about.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: You've talked about. But I wouldn't be here. I would
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: have taken myself out a long time ago. But it's
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: like if you just waited out. If you just sit
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: and feel those feelings. Or you just sit and feel
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: those emotions. It doesn't stay the same. It doesn't have
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: control over you. It doesn't have the power over you.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: And if you find that you're giving all your energy
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: away to something. It's like you're going to get an
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: opportunity to find out. that you are giving all your
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: energy away to something else and you're not creating the
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: things that you want to create. If you feel like
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: you're getting old and you feel like you're, because this
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: has been my experience, you feel like you're getting old,
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: you're aging super, you know, not super slowly and all
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: these other things. It's like, where has all your energy gone?
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: My energy was going outside of myself. It wasn't going
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: to me. Occasionally it would go to me. And now
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: I walk around and I think about how my foot
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: feels on the dirt. I think about how it feels
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: when my skin or my hands, perceiving that from a,
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: you know, that I can touch things and not, not
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: from another perspective, because when you look at it, as
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: you can actually see right through us, but it's like,
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: I can go out and touch things and I can feel,
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: I can feel the butterflies wings. I can allow a
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: bee to walk across my skin. I can, you know,
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: all these things that I can do now that I
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: was afraid of and wouldn't allow before. And it's like,
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: it's allowing to, to be in that space of that
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: now to, to feel all those things. And to feel
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: the heartache. Because as soon as you, when you feel it,
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: you allow it to be, and you don't try to
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: shove it aside and act like it's some little kid
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: that needs to go sit. I can't deal with you
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: right now. We can't, I can't do that anymore to myself. I, it, I've,
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: that little girl needs me, needs to be seen, needed
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: to be seen. And it wasn't by anybody else. It
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: was by me. And quit trying to fricking people, please everybody.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: I've recognized those things kind of show up. They still
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: show up here and there. doing things it's like no
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: now I'm doing these things for me I wouldn't cut
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: my hair for myself I'm doing stuff for my skin
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: for myself I'm focused on my meditation for myself I
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: mess around with my guitar for myself these are and
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: it's not from a selfish place it's not from an
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: egoic place it's from a I'm giving myself this opportunity
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: to do these things period because it matters I have
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: pictures spread out everywhere because it matters to me and
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: that's okay.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah And, um, five, 10, 20 years ago, this wasn't
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: the space we were in. No. And I want to
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: speak for both of us. We, neither one of us
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: were in this space. Um, everybody else was the main focus,
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: but you know, when it comes to that, that, that
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: healing process, that internal healing process, it does feel selfish
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: and it's okay because when you move through all that,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: then you blossom out in a, in a whole different, uh,
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: way of being and life shifts, the people around you
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: shift and you do, you feel the sense of freedom
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: within yourself. And, and what else I'll add to that
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: before we wrap it up is, you know, a lot
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: of us are seeking freedom and we think it's freedom
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: from job. It's freedom from financial debt. It's freedom from
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: an unhealthy relationship. It's, it's freedom from an unhealthy body
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: we're seeking freedom in some way but really to me
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: that freedom comes from our mental and emotional state and
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: when we start healing that then we are freeing ourselves
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: from the burdens from the discord from the emotional heaviness
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: mental heaviness that we've been carrying for so long and
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: you know we are we blame our childhoods it was
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: their fault well let me Give you just a little
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: bit of news. You're an adult now. Do something with it.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: They are not going to apologize. Don't wait for an apology.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Don't wait for somebody to come save you. Don't wait
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: for the world to change. Don't wait for anything outside
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: of you to happen because it is your responsibility now
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: as an adult to make that change within yourself and
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: nobody else can do it for you. This is yours.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: This is your timeline. This is your story. And this
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: is your responsibility. It's no different than Bev and I.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: We had to make that decision. So if you're still
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: seeing your childhood through the eyes of that child, through
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: the eyes of that pain and that fear and that discomfort,
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: then do something with that. Because unless you do something
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: with it, you are going to go to your grave.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: You're going to take your last breath, hanging on to
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: that baggage and still feel miserable. And I don't feel
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: that that is what life is meant to be about.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: So anything to add to that before we wrap up?
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: I would say blame is giving away your power. You're
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: giving away your power to something. You're saying that something
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: has control over you. You're allowing something else and it's
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: not even the truth. So it's like, stop the blame.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Stop the blame and start looking at it. Why is
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: it showing up for me? Why did I have this experience?
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: How can I grow through this? Whatever the question is,
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: you want to ask yourself. Why are we doing this?
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Whatever it is, it's asking yourself these questions so that
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: you're not putting your power out to somewhere else. Because
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: that's just distraction from you dealing with all these emotions
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: and stuff that are within this vessel.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Can I get an amen, sister?
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: All right, friends. As Bev said, she needed to be seen.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: I needed to be seen. And there are other people
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: on this planet who also want to be seen, but
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: don't know what that looks like. And so have the
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: conversations or be the resource. Bev and I come and
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: have these conversations in hopes that it will be beneficial
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: for other people. And we are a resource. And so
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: share the link, share the content, have the conversations, be
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: a light for somebody else who just can't seem to
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: see the full spectrum of light yet. There's always that
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: little bitty pinprick of light that's there, but they just
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: need help expanding it. So You can find us on
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: many platforms or Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Spotify, Podcast Addict and Spreaker.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: So share the links, whether it's us or somebody else
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: who's being a positive influence on you or helping you
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: and guiding you through your journey of life and be
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: that for somebody else. So with that, thanks for hanging
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: out with us. Tea time with Amy and Bev and
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: we will see you next time. Bye.