Latest / Dear Chelsea / Dating the Good Dad with Judy Greer

Transcript

Dating the Good Dad with Judy Greer · Dear Chelsea

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi, Hi Catherine.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Oh hello Chelsea.
• 0:03
  Speaker 3: Fresh off of Canada. I went to Tafina for the weekend.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: It was so beautiful there.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: It's so nice, and it didn't look like a man
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: in sight there was.
• 0:09
  Speaker 4: I didn't see a lot of men there. It was
• 0:11
  Speaker 4: mostly women.
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: I went with some girlfriends and we saw some other
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: girlfriends while we were there, and I was so gloomy
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: and rainy, which I love, and on the beach and
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: there was a surfing competition Peak something and I ran
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: around in my rain boots and bathing sued and we
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: just had such a nice time. And Canada is so peaceful. Yeah,
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: Canada is very, very peaceful. I just came from my
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: obgyn and apparently the estrogen pack that I've been taking
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: is empty.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I have no estrogen and I have no testosterone.
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: Oh great, So there is a reason that my words
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: are not making any sense these days. I am overwhelmed
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: with stress from my stupid fucking house, and I am
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: not on the right hormones, and I am in menopause.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: So I have to get my shit.
• 0:53
  Speaker 5: Together at least, you know now, so you can get
• 0:56
  Speaker 5: it all regulated. Yes, yes, But people have been also
• 0:59
  Speaker 5: asking about the implements you use for mental acuity, and
• 1:02
  Speaker 5: well another's ironic considering.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Okay, So I do take NMN pills everybody. Those are
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: good for your like you know NAD. I was injecting AD,
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: but my doctor told me not to inject NAD, that
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: there was all these studies that came out that NAD
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: causes cancer or there's like some correlation TONAD and cancer.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: So I'm not doing that anymore. I'm taking the NMN pills.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: The peptides I take are tessamorlin. I take GHK cu copper,
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: and I take turzeppatide, which has a little NAD so
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: it's not an overwhelming amount of NAD.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: So that's what I do. And that's the like GLP
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: one like that's for weight sure weight management. Really, I
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: know I'm not overweight, but I.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: Just take it to take the edge off of food,
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: so I don't go into my hotel room and eat
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: out the mini bar. And not that I eat out
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: many bars, but I eat out of many.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: I like that phrasing.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: But something that's really good to take is prodrome neuro
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: That's something I take for a mental acuity.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I take iron every day.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: I take vitamin D every day, I take co q ten,
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: which is really important. And if you're taking any sort
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: of statin, which I also take because I have genetically
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: bad cholesterol.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: It's good for heart health.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah it is. It's good for heart health, and it's
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: good for brain health. And then I take creatine, which
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: is you can get that anywhere, Like I take that
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: from air one. I think mine is from my brain
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: juice is it's just called brain juice. It's because I
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: don't really drink coffee, so I just take a shot
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: of that when I wake up and throughout the day
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: when I need a little pick me up. And then
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: DHA is important for its protein.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: To taking that, Yeah, and it can raise your testosterone level.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: Oh ken it okay, good, okay, because I haven't really
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: been taking that. And for the Gratitude journal, I only
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: use the Gratitude journal in my I know people are
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: asking what I'm using.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I use the one in my phone so that it's.
• 2:41
  Speaker 5: Called what is this called it just as journal? But
• 2:44
  Speaker 5: you know what, I think this is something you can
• 2:46
  Speaker 5: really just do on your own. You can put it
• 2:48
  Speaker 5: even in your notes app, you can write it into
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: a into a journal. I'll find a couple that are
• 2:52
  Speaker 5: highly recommended and put links to them in the description.
• 2:54
  Speaker 5: But yeah, it's really just about writing out what you're
• 2:57
  Speaker 5: thankful for, what's bringing I heard this recently too, which
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: is what's bringing joy into your life?
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: What brought joy into your life today?
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Doug.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Doug had a handkerchief on when I came home from Tofino,
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: So my belle did that for me special, and he
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: was really ready to get down with it when I
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: got home last night, and I was not ready to
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: get down with it. I was ready to go to
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: fucking sleep, and I got into bed at seven o'clock.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: I took a Xanax and went straight to bed. So
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to take less xanax, but it doesn't seem.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: To be working. So I don't know.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: You can follow my habits or not. I mean, you're
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: on your own, everybody.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: And obviously everybody talked to your doctor before you take
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: any of these.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: You know, Yes, I'm not a doctor, everybody, even though
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: I say I am, I'm not. I just announced all
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: my tour dates. They just went on sale this week.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: It's called a High and Mighty Tour. I will be
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: starting debuting my new material. Well I've already started debuting
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: my new material, but in an organized tour form in
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: February of next year. So I'm coming to Washington, d
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: I will be touring from February through June. Those are
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: the cities that I'm in. Pre sale started last week,
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: so tickets are flying. I haven't added second shows yet,
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: but we probably will be to some of these, So
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: go get your tickets now if you want good seats
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: and you want to come see me perform. I will
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: be on the High and Mighty tour Okay. Our guest
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: today is in two brand new movies. She's in, well,
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: you know her from every movie she's in, so Ma Things,
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: Stephen King's The Long Walk and Dead of Winter with
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: Emma Thompson.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Please welcome Judy Greer.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: I'm wearing my sunglasses because I forgot my regular glasses and.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Their prescription that all day yesterday. I mean, I were
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: just we're fifty, you're fifty two, yeah, fifty, And I
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: had to do it yesterday and I was like, we're
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: oh no. It said he was getting a massage. So
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I'm like sitting in the massage room in sunglasses. Like
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Sometimes I'm at a restaurant at night and all i
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: have are my prescription sunglasses and I'm just like, I'm
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: such a loser.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: But we're just fifty years old, and that's the way
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: our lives are.
• 5:30
  Speaker 6: Now.
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: I'm talking to Judy Greer, who has graced us with
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: our presence today because she Hello, hello, Judy, how are.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: You taking a zip of some diet coke? I'm really good.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Good for you, good for you. Oh I want to
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: do that again.
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: I just want to go through a list of your credits,
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: just because you're in so many things that I had
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: to say. So, okay, you've seen her in Jawbreaker, What
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: Women Want, The Wedding Planner adaptation, Just shoot Me, The
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: Village Elizabethtown, My name is Earl, twenty seven Dresses, R
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: thirteen going on, thirty, House Archer, Modern Family, The Big Bank,
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: The Marmaduke, Love and Other Drugs, Arrested Development, and.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: It goes on and on and on and on. She
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: has a total of one hundred.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: And fifty TV and movie credits to her name, and
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: now she is here to promote two projects. One is
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: called The Long Walk, which is a Stephen King movie
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: based on the book, and the other one is called
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: The Dead of Winter.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: I watched The Long Walk last night. You did, Yes,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I did. I'm proud of you. It was dystopian. I
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: know that's good. How would you, first of all, congratulations
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: on your career. Oh thanks. I mean you've been in
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: so many things. I've known you since, I say, from
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: when I just started watching TV. You were always around.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've just known your face forever. And you're like,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I mean you talk, I mean you talk about being
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: kind of a character actor. But are you a character actor?
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: What I mean, Yeah, what does that mean anymore?
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I don't understand like that,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: aren't we all character actors are, right, characters like I
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: think that's a funny description. It just means like you're
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: not the star. That's all. That's all I ever. Whenever
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: someone's like, oh, supporting, oh character, I'm like, okay, sure,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I'll take it. But yes, I've been around for a
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: long time. We both have been around. We've been like
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: we we made it. We did. I mean we can
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: say that that's true. Yeah, we're fifty. We're fifty.
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: We were alive and we're still working.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: We're still alive, We're still working. I know that's incredible.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: I'm still single. But you got married.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: I did it?
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: Were you dating somebody that I worked with for so?
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: Were you ever in a show called Girls Behavior?
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Yes? Yes, yes, So. One of the producers of that
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: show or writers of that show was a man it
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: still is named. I had so many comments, but I
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: decided not to say any of them. Dumb comments. Okay,
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Nicholas Thomas, and he was one of I can't remember.
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: If he was a producer. Yeah, girls Behaving Badly?
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and he wrote sketches for you has to do,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: and I remember, I mean nothing against the rest of
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: the cast, but he would come from work and talk
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: about you. Oh I like that. Yeah, he always talked
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: about you, and he talked about how great you were
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: and how special you were, and how you were like
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: really different and really special and really funny. But also like,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I really hate when people say, like
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: you get it, she gets it. But he wouldn't have
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: said it back then because now they say it, but
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: like that you kind of were different in a good
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: way and so and so I feel like you've always
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: been on my radar. Oh, I know we have. We
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: never met before. I can't remember because.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: I'm fifth, I know, but you know what, neither can
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: I. I can never remember whether or not have met. So
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: let's just assume that we have.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Probably I'm sure we did. I'm sure I interviewed you
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: on one of my talk shows at some point. Yes,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: I'm sure of it.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: But I like what you say about I mean, I
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: don't know when you said it, but you were talking
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: about character acting, and that's saying that there are no
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: small roles, which is.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Which I came up with that I invented that phrase.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: But you did say if you do enough small roles
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: well enough, yeah, that you are going to have a career.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: And because the original line is there are no small roles,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: there are only small actors, which is also, you know,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: very old saying to ruin everything. Not at all? Are
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: you happy? First of all, let's talk lower to the ground, Yes,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: a little bit, of course. I get as low to
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: the ground as you want. You tell me, how do
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: you describe the Long Walk? Uh, it's not a comedy.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Sometimes if you don't know what you want, you can
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: try like to figure out what you don't want. That's
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: what I told my steps on the other day. I'm like, honey,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: sometimes if you don't know exactly what you want, you
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: just like figure out what you don't want. And that's
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: a good way in So it's not a comedy. The
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Long Walk is how would I describe it? I mean,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: it's I feel like maybe it's a psychological horror movie.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: There both a little bit psychologically horror movie, both of them.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Yes they are, yes, and they're and I play really
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: different roles in both of them. But the Long Walk,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's really beautiful. Actually, I don't
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: know what your experience was. I don't know what it's
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: like to watch it at home, because I'm assuming you
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: watched it. Oh yeah, yeah, Yeah. I think like you
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: can kind of lose yourself in a theater, and I
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: think it would be a little bit I don't know,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: maybe it.
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: Would be on humanity, on friendship.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean what I felt like was beautiful about
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: it was the connection that they made these boys and
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: sort of the grace with which they allowed each other
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: to go, and the fear of the future. And you know,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: like you could kind of like throw anything on top
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: of that movie and get you know, like whatever you're feeling.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: You could probably pull that theme out of it. Right.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: Are you attracted to movies like this because they're both
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: kind of in the same not the same kind of movie,
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: same genre.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so. Well, I think I am. I mean,
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to do like different stuff. Yeah, and these
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: were both really different for me. Have you ever been
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: bored as an actor when you were doing something? I
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: mean you don't have to name the movie or a show, Yes,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: I don't have to name it.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you do when you don't feel like
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: revved up for the part.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: How do you get yourself up? How do you get
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: it up? So to speak. There's so many pills for
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: that that I think, Well, I think like I always
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: have fun. I'm really not just saying that, Like, I
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: always have fun at work, and I always enjoy at
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: least one person I'm at work with, Like there's someone
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: on a set that I'm going to connect with that's
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: going to be fun. Usually there's a lot of people
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: on a set that I like, but sometimes you know,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: you just have to like pick your person and then
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: I make it fun for that. If the role's not fun,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: if the roles hard, if some of the people are hard,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: if the job is hard, like I can find something
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: to be excited about. Have you ever walked off a job? No?
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I mean like I think I would drop dead. I
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: can't even imagine. I really yes, multiple times. I once
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: was hosting this show Steven Spielberg had created it. It
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: was like a.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: Reality show, but it was created by Steven Spielberg, and
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: it was about finding the next big like filmmaker or
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: director or something along those lines. Like it was a
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: cerebral version of a reality show. And they offered me
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: like they just kept throwing things at me to make
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: me host it. I'm like, I'm not a host of
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: reality shows, like I'm a talk show host. It's not
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: the same thing. I'm taking the piss out of everything.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: I'm not here to be.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Like, go Jeremy, tell me how.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Exactly, Like I don't have that Ryan Seacrest kind of vibe.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: You know he has that and he does it well.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: And then I did it and it was a disaster,
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: Like I mean, it was like I had couldn't read
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: a prompter and be like genuine.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Right, you know what I mean. I have to like
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: ad lib and I have to be myself.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: And then there was these big producers that worked for Spielberg.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: And then like two weeks in, I was like I
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: have to stop this. I go, you guys have to
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: replace me. I go, this is uncomfortable for all of us.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: I'm not good at this.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't want to do it.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And they're like, you can't say no to Steven Spielberg.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: My reps were like you can't, Diada. I'm like, Steven
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: Spielberg is going to thank me for getting one for me? Yes, yes, yes, yes,
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: for giving him an out so he doesn't have to
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: fire me. Yeah, so that, Yeah, I walked away from
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: that job. But that would have been a humiliation if
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: I had followed through with it.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: And did they reshoot everything with you that you'd already shot.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: I think they reshot it, or maybe they used some
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: of it. I think they used some of it. And
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: then I don't know. I wasn't really following it closely
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: after our left and.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Nobody knows what it is, so I don't even remember
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: what it's called. I did ones get fired from something
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: that I felt I was a miscast, Like when I
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: auditioned for like the female lead of the movie and
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I didn't get it, but then they were like, oh,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: but we love you and we want you to play
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: this smaller role. And I was really young and I
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: was starting out, so I was like, oh, my god,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: of course, and I just knew, like I knew without
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: knowing because I was young, Like now I would know,
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: but I knew without knowing that I was wrong when
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: I got to set, Like the words were really hard
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: for me to memorize, Like the scene was really hard,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Like no one was happy on set, like we were
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: all trying to sort of like figure it out, like
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: why isn't this working, and I knew it was me.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: And then I got home that night and I got
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: a call from my agent that I was fired. And
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: I was like I had my ego ten minutes of like, oh,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: you're right. But I was like, thank fucking God, because like,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: you don't want to be bad in something, right, Like no,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: like it wasn't meant to be. No, No, it wasn't
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: meant to be. Yeah, And there's a scene because I
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: shot two scenes that day, like my big big scene
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: and then this like scene where I was just in
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: a limousine with the main character, and and so I'm
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: still in the limousine. They didn't reshoot that, they didn't
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: cut me out of that, so it just looks like
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: the main character had as a silent friend, like like
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: like if you watch an extra, Yeah, I was an extra.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: It was like, it's Tony Kolett. She's in the limousine,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: she plays this movie star. I'm like, I was supposed
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: to be I think like her agent or the movie producer.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: I don't even remember. But now I'm just like one
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: of Tony Kollett's sort of passes. It's like a part
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: of her coterie. Yes, right right in the back of
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: the Limusae.
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: Well, I want to say congrats on turning fifty because
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: I turned fifty this year.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: When's your birthday?
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: July twentieth, okay, July twenty, so you're gonna be fifty
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: one this year.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: No, I just turned fifty because you're in September.
• 15:22
  Speaker 6: Thank you.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I keep asking what unth it is. It's so
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: confusing right now. It's really hard and it's not your
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: sung lesson. It's so hard to keep track of time.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: I know, time is it just changed during the pandemic,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: like it'll never be the same.
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: Did you quit drinking after the pandemic?
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: I've read that somewhere during well twenty twenty two, So during.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: During the pandemic, because I mean, everyone drank too much
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: during the pan and then they quit drinking.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: I know, but everyone I know went back to it.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: I did not. Yeah, you know, I did the reverse.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: I didn't drink very much in the beginning of the
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: pandemic because I was like, well, that's kindly, I mean
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: I did about things.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's about drink because I was alone.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: And then when my family moved in, that's when I started.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: That's when I hit the bottle.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, hard.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah when they started when they worphed with me, But
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: so many people have gotten sober since the pandemic.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, are you sober or you just like sober? Really? Yeah?
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, I just decided to start saying that actually
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: really yeah, that seems to be going around and I'm
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: not saying I'm saying it. No, I'm not saying that
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: it's trendy. I'm just saying that it's fine to be trendy.
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: A lot of people are sober in LA, and a
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: lot of people are sober from the pandemic.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Some people someone who is I talking to someone I
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: was talking to owns a pizza Rea pizza place in
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: LA and said that, like so much of the business
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: was drinks in a pizza place, and now that nobody's drinking,
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: it's like restaurants are kind of getting fucked because they
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: made so much of their money. Like, yeah, heard this
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: before when you charge like fifteen twenty dollars for a cocktail,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: but it's like fifteen dollars for a pizza. But is
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: it just La or is it all over? I don't
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: go places anymore. I don't know. I don't know, but
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, there is a definite younger generation that are
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: not drinking. Yeah, they're they're just like not drinking.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, they don't drink, so that that's definitely having
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: an impact too, maybe because our generation were heavy drinkers
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: and then everyone is getting sober at a certain age.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: That's my experience.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: In my experience, I'm not sober though, yeah, and I
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: have no intention of becoming, so don't do it.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: So nobody wants you sober. That's right. Thank you for
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: saying that.
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: Thank you for saying that so I didn't have to.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: I want to talk about you being a stepmom because
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's the clutch role. It's like, if
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: you're got a real character, if you're going to be yeah, seriously,
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: if you're going to be in a relationship with children,
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: it's great to be once removed.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I had a therapist at the time when I met them,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: who was She told me, oh, it's so hard, it's
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: so hard. And I was like, okay, well easy, just
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: like yeah, she said she just because you have all
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: the responsibility and none of the authority. And I was
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: like yeah, and I don't feel that now my kids
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: are old, but like when they were young, you are
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: like you're like a babysitter extra sometimes like I can't
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: make them do shit. But but there was a lot
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: of conversations at night in bed where I'm like, you
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: need to do this, you know, because I didn't really
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: want to be the bad guy. It's not fair to
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: make me the bad guy. Your husband that he tries
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: to do so, like I had to force him to
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: be the bad guy sometimes.
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: And what was your situation when you guys were gonna
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: you guys met and then you did you got married,
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: and we didn't live together.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: We had two houses and we we should keep y.
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: I mean everyone should have two houses.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: It was so great, but now we just have the
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: one we lived. I mean we rent out. So we
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: had his house which was in Thousand Oaks in my house,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: which was instill Is in Hollywood, and so we kind
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: of went back and forth or there were nights where
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: I just like stayed at my house. That was so great.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: But also I traveled so much for work that I
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: am already gone a lot, you know what I mean,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Like I wasn't like moving in and like, okay, everyone
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: like family time. Like I was in and out so
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: much that I think it would have been shitty if
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I was like, these are the new rules people, and
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go for two months. So we would have
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: his kids every other week, and so we would stay
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: at his house and Thousand Oaks the week we had
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: the kids, and then we would go to my house
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: most of the time when we didn't. But in the
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: very beginning, when we were just dating, I would be
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: like excited for our weekend without the kids, and he
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: would be like, not because of anything with the kids,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: just like it's a new relationship. So then he I
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: would say like, what are we going to do this
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: weekend and he'd be like, oh, Lucas has a baseball game,
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: and I'm like yeah, but it's not your weekend. He's
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: like yeah, but I'm still his dad. And so I
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: realized like, oh man, I'm like dating the good dad.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not even dating right, I've like chosen a
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: really like genuinely good persons, which is sexy until you
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: have them. You're like, I want to get it, you know,
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I want to make but he's a really good father.
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: And then you meet them and they're not your kids,
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: and you're like.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Who WHOA, this isn't how I imagine You're like so hungover
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: at the soccer field, like eating McDonald's out of the
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: bag and then throwing up in that just kidding. I
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: never barbed, of course, not at the game, but yeah,
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: it was crazy. Like then the weekends we didn't have
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: the kids, we were like, we're still in We're still
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: going to those games, but we are definitely in dark
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: sunglasses and definitely like whoa here we are. Yeah, but
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: it was It was good. It taught me a lot
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: about relationships and obviously parenting, and and his kids are
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: so great. They still are so great. It influenced my
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: decision to not have one of my own. It did influence. Yeah,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: I was I was never like I've got to have
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: a baby. I need a baby, like this life is
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: a baby. But I was always like, well, like I mean,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: isn't that why you do? Don't you get married and
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: have a baby. I'm like, really pretty basic. And so
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: when I met him and his kids were great and
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: everything was going really well, and I was working a lot,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: and it was like shit, my guy in a cologist
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: was like, what's the plan? Dude, Like you're not you know.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: So then I thought a lot about it, like for
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: two years, and then I was talking to this girlfriend
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: on the phone and she said, I was like, Oh,
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: I have to decide. I really need to figure this out.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I need to freeze my eggs or whatever. And she
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: was like, dude, you don't want a baby. And I
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: was like, how do you know? You barely know me?
• 21:20
  Speaker 6: She did.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: She was like, women who want their babies get their babies. Man, Yeah, exactly,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: they just do. She's like, you're married, you love him,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: you're crazy about him, you'd have two babies right now
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: if you wanted a baby. Exactly. She's like, you don't
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: want a baby.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: And it's so funny that, no matter how not present,
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: that thought is at the foot of your mind. We
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: always have it in the back of our minds because
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: of like society and because a lot something that we're
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: basically arguing with just a rule that was made, you know, someone.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Else made it for other people that aren't us. It
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: was hard for me to reprogram my brain into that.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: I was reading some stuff about you and your mom
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: and that you have all these kind of weird things
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: in common, right, Like your mom was shot in the
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: chest and you have a scar where she was shot.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: Whose mom has been shot in the chest, Well, she
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: is from Ohio. What happened? Maybe a lot of people's
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: moms and no, no, it was a big old accident.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: But isn't it so well? Yeah, and she survived and
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: she's survived bit when she was eleven and her brother
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: was like, that's a terrible thing. Is it's funny? And
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: that then you have the scar on your chest.
• 22:33
  Speaker 6: I knew.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: I showed her once and she was so freaked out.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: She wasn't like, oh my god, she was like, oh,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: but is it like a birthmark or did you have
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: a little It's like she was shot like right next
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: to her heart. You know, there's always this story like
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: if it would have been won D a millimeter closer anyway, YadA, YadA.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: But mine is like a tiny, little little tiny just
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: like hers, like little bump, like a little round bump
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: like the bullet went in. I have this same. Do
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: you believe in anything related to that like that? That's yes,
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I do, But I don't know what I believe, but
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: I believe it's special. Yeah, but I don't really have
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: like a well it's because of this or like can
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: I lay my stones out on the table like I'm
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: not that, But I do think like I have to
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: and I want to choose to believe that there's something
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: bigger than us and that maybe it is special. I mean,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that she and I like don't fight
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: a lot. Like we got in an argument this morning
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: on the phone because she's annoying because she needs help
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: and she want to ask for it. And I wouldn't
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: say this because she doesn't really know how to listen
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: to a podcast, I don't think. So that's too bad.
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: This is an advice podcast. We're about to take callers,
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: and she could have called in.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So part of the fun thing about getting older
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: is that your parents are also getting older and they
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: also require things from us too. So so we were
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: talking about that. Is she in Ohio still? Yeah, she's
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: in Ohio. There was like, she's from Ohio. She and
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: my dad got married, they had me. This all happened
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: in Michigan, and then when they retired, they moved back
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: to Ohio and they live in this small town called Carry,
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Ohio Go Blue Demons. And most of her family's still there.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: So I have like loads of cousins and second cousins
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: and aunts and uncles, well not as many and uncles anymore,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: but they're all still there, and so it sucks that
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: she's so far away, that my parents are both so
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: far away, But it's great because there's family there. Yeah,
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: and you're an only child? Yeah yeah, yeah, So how
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: did you like that experience? I mean, it's fucking awesome.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Compared to growing up with a bunch of brothers. All
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I saw was my friends getting the shit beat out
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: of them all the time, and I was like how.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: But now at this age, I'm like, oh, it would
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: be nice to have some siblings. Yeah.
• 24:43
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: What's the the rap on only children is that they're
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: supposed to be spoiled?
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Is that it spoiled? Or odd?
• 24:50
  Speaker 6: Right?
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: I think like odd.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: I had a girlfriend when I grew up, Heather, and
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: she was an only child, and I loved going to
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: her house because it was like peaceful, was so organized,
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: her parents were so like like straight, Yeah, yeah, my
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: house was just a fucking hot mess of children and
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: people running in and out, food on the table, humanity, yeah, humanity,
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: like dirty underwear in the living room, just gross, you know.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: And I remember going to our house and I think
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: her mom was actually a librarian, and it felt like
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: that and I just would be like God, so and
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: then yeah, and then you know, a couple more times
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: I went over and I'm like, this is kind of boring,
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: but it wasn't a reflection of her. It was just
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: reflection of the orderliness and that I kind of exist
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: better in chaos.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I enjoyed going to the chaotic houses. I was
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: like totally freaked out by them, couldn't wait to go home,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: but like also kind of like sought it out. I
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: was like, wow, like you you just punched a person,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: like a human in the face, and you guys are
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: like that. Mom said, I don't I'm not. I don't
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: want to speak for every only child, but like I'm
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: terrible at fighting. I'm really bad at conflict because I
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: didn't have to have I never had that conflict. And
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: then you just like have to sit around the table
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: and laugh afterward. Like I like, a fight means a
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: fight and it needs to be dealt with and talked
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: about and you have to go to therapy about it
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: and like all the things, Like it's a big deal
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: to me. I think that's wrong and I think it
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: shouldn't be that way. But that I think is something
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: maybe that is an only childie thing.
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: You think what you the way that you handle conflict
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: is wrong.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's okay to fight. I think we
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: have to be allowed to, like, you know, get in
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: fights and then get over it, yeah, and kind of recover,
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: right and recover and move on and still like have
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: love in your heart for that person.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: So do you remember the moment that you decided that
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: you wanted to marry your husband?
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: It was pretty early on, but I don't remember, like
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: exactly the move at first sight. Do you believe in that? No?
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: I believe in lust at first sight or like a
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: strong chemistry. But the older I get, I feel like
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: I feel chemistry with all kinds of different people. And
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: just because I feel chemistry with someone doesn't mean that
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: we have to be lovers, be friends and one extra
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: minute together.
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: Like, well, that's another thing that we've been fed, like
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: this idea of chemistry, lust, love at first sight, like
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: everything's some sort of romantic fairy tale. Yeah, And it's
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: not like that at all. And it also doesn't give
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: you a nuanced view of the world. Whereas you can
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: have a soulmate that's your sister or your friend in
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: the same sense that.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: A soulmate can be a lover or your mother or like.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: It doesn't everything is so always seems so wrapped up
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: and like set all me, Like yeah, I mean everything
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: is an ends, like it means to an end to
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: get to have yeah, to sex and love to.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Get that yeah, or like acceptance or something yeah yeah yeah. Yeah.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: So tell me about when you met your husband. Well,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say it wasn't and he says the
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: same exact thing, by the way, He's like, no, it
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: wasn't love at first sight. I was happy he was
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: tall because I wanted to wear high heels on our
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: first date and I did. Was a blind date. Yeah,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: it was like super blind for me, Like I opened
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: the front door.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: Your mother also met your father on a blind day. Yeah,
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: that's another thing. That a party with that. Yeah, okay,
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: I got it.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, I don't know, it works, it
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: could work out. And he and I were talking on
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: the phone, so like I knew kind of who he was,
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: and then he felt bad because he's like, well, I
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: know what you look like, and you don't know what
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: I look like. Do you want me to send you
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: a picture? Because I didn't have like Facebook or any
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: of that bullshit. And I was like Noah, it's weird.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: I don't if what if I look at a picture
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: of him and like the get grossed up? Yeah, I'd
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: rather be grossed out right to his face when I
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: opened the front door. I'd rather open the front door
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: and have like my very non poker face be like,
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: oh you're down there right or whatever like yeah. So
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: I said, no, no, it's fine. I liked him so much.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: He was so nice and so funny and also like
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: kind of dark and like enough dark and enough weird
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: that like he's not boring, but also like nice. And
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: he drove a Prius, which to me felt like, oh,
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: he cares about the environment, and I liked that too,
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: And so we went on many fun dates and did
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: lots of fun things. But it was probably about a
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: month in when I was like, oh, I love you,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: and I kept saying I have very strong feelings for you.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: I have very strong feelings for you too. And then
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: this is a crazy thing. I had drinks and told
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: him I loved him when I'd been drinking, Like that's
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: never happened before to anyone in the history of love.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: So I was the first person to get drunk and
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: say I love you first, and then he also was drunk,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: which was weird, weird, and he said it two people,
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: especially drunk together is weird. I know, like two drunk
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: people anyway. So then the next morning, when we were
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: no longer drunk, I was like, I did mean what
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: I said and he was like me too. It was
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: cute and we did. We really did. Like it was fast,
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: and then even two months after that, so now we're
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: dating for like three or four months. We went on
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: a vacation to Italy together and my girlfriend Janet was like,
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: you better get a manicure and I'm like, shut up,
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: really and she's like, get a manicure. I'm like, so
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I get a manicure, and like every day we're in
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: a romantic, beautiful place in Florence and I'm like and
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: then it was like the last day and we're sitting
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: on this bridge over the river, drinking like out of
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: the bottle of Italian red wine, and I'm just like,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: you're not gonna ask me to marry you?
• 30:14
  Speaker 5: Are you?
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: And he was like, no, what are you talking about.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: It's been four months. I'm a father that would just
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: be irresponsible. Yeah, totally, Oh my god, what wasn't me?
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: It was Jenne. It was Janet's fault. He's like, have
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: you been thinking that every time there's been like a moment,
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: And I'm.
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: Like, yes, I wonder what guys think about when they
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: think about that pressure. Like I was in my worka
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: last summer and I saw outside of my window on
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: the beach this couple and this guy proposing to her right,
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: and it was and they had they were prepared because
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: there were photographers and stuff, and she He's down on
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: his knee on this like little rock, you know, little
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: rock thing.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: What are the jetty?
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: And then he got up and I was about to
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: do this interview for something, and I said, I wonder
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: what a man feels like after he proposes and they
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: say yes. He's like yeah, Like I wonder what they're
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: because women are so we're so wrapped up, yeah, with
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: regard to a proposal and our own thoughts and feelings
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: that were never ever thinking about what a man feels
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: like or what the pressure that he must be under. Yeah,
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: he must be fucking freaking out or some men are
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: hopefully wondering if you're going to say yes or if
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: you're going to say no. And then when I got
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: on the phone with this reporter who was interviewing me,
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: I told him, and he goes, what do you think
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: a man thinks about?
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I go, I've never thought what men are thinking about?
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: Like that really never occurred to me to think about
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: what men are thinking about. I have too much going on,
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: you know, it's really busy up here. Yeah, the same
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: way when you were telling this story, I was like, A,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: we supposed to be thinking about what men think about
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I don't think so.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: They're certainly not thinking about what we were we're doing.
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: I mean, some of them, are not all of them.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: Some, I mean, there are some very good men out there,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: and if you're a straight man listening, you're one of
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: those people, because our audience not for straight men. But
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: I'm glad that you found a good husband, and I'm
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: glad that you've like I like the idea of a
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: stepmother for the reasons we've already explained and for many reasons,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: various reasons I've spoken about on this show. But the
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: other thing that I love is having an influence, like
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: a positive influence on a younger person. Yeah, is a
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: very rewarding feeling.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, do you feel that way, Like, do you feel
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: like you've imprinted upon them some I.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: Mean they tell me I have in like really lovely
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: birthday cards and Christmas cards and Mother's Day cards. Yeah,
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: they definitely do. And I feel that and I even
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: like see it sometimes in little things here and there,
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: Like I don't know, I'm really into tiny little dishes,
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: and I see them around, like buy them obsessively for
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: my stepdaughter, and I'll see them like around her apartment
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: and like, I don't know, I'm not gonna like take
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: credit for everything I want to, but but like I
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: think it's in there. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. But
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: like they also like their mom is great, their grandmother
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: is fucking awesome. Like they're they're surrounded by some really
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: great people. And has your husband ever said thank you
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: yeah for for yes all yeah yeah all the time,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: he's like, you made me such a better parent.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: Oh that's like those are the kinds of things I
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: love to hear about it.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: I also made him a better dog parent because he
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: never walked his dog. I should just like wal dog.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: Well someone I can't, yo, is it different? I mean
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: I mean a dog door. I'm like, are you, like,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: what's wrong with you? That's like I don't know. Yeah,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: That's what I like, is a big open door policy.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: You go in and if you hear the coyotes shattering about,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: well I always get dogs that are bigger than the
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: coyotes and just hope for the best. You know what
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I mean. We're going to take a break. We're going
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: to take a break with Judy Greer and we'll be
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: right back. And we're back with Judy.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: We're back.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: Are you ready to get down to business? Like I've
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: always fantasized about this, is it's a fan It is. Yes,
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: it's a true thing, and it's quite rewarding actually, And
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: that's really like I don't own the domain Dear Judy Greer.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying that they don't. Were you a Dear
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Abby fan? Yeah? I loved Dear Abby.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: I loved it.
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: And also that was only written, you know, like that
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: was in the newspaper, so there wasn't any way to
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: expound because you were I was always like waiting for
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: I wanted more information. I wanted more back and forth
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: and dialogue. So when we started this podcast, it was
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: kind of in the jest and then it really actually
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: became a serious thing. Yeah, so now here we are
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: giving bad advice to people all across the world.
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: Our first question comes from Erica. She says, help, I'm
• 34:48
  Speaker 5: accidentally dating a Trump supporter.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: What dear Chelsea.
• 34:52
  Speaker 5: I'm a Canadian living in Los Angeles, and I'm in
• 34:55
  Speaker 5: the music industry. I'm fiercely feminist and, like Chelsea, have
• 34:58
  Speaker 5: strong values and an even stronger relationship with the truth.
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: Needless to say, it has been difficult living in America
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: the last few years, and especially the last few months.
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: I've been single for a long long time, a mix
• 35:09
  Speaker 5: of prioritizing my career and dating and not finding the
• 35:12
  Speaker 5: right or any eligible man. All of that changed recently
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: when I started dating someone and there was a lot
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: of promise. We have a great connection, and he was
• 35:19
  Speaker 5: checking all of my boxes and everything was heading in
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: the right direction. And then on Friday we were on
• 35:24
  Speaker 5: a date and the conversation somehow turned to politics. He
• 35:27
  Speaker 5: told me that he voted for Trump last year. I
• 35:29
  Speaker 5: was blindsided. There had been zero indication of this. I
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: had a visceral reaction, but tried to engage in dialogue.
• 35:35
  Speaker 5: I asked him why. He said he did it for
• 35:37
  Speaker 5: economic and business reasons. When I asked him if he
• 35:40
  Speaker 5: was in favor of equal rights, pro choice, etc. His
• 35:43
  Speaker 5: response was an impassioned of course. We talked about immigration,
• 35:46
  Speaker 5: women's rights, etc. And he said maybe he would feel
• 35:48
  Speaker 5: differently if he was quote affected by those things. I
• 35:51
  Speaker 5: asked him if he regretted his vote, and his response
• 35:53
  Speaker 5: was no. To make matters even worse, He's Latino. I
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: told him that this was difficult to digest for me
• 36:00
  Speaker 5: because my value so strongly opposed those of the current
• 36:02
  Speaker 5: administration and the Republican Party, which I widely regard to
• 36:05
  Speaker 5: be a cult. I'm struggling to wrap my head around this. Well,
• 36:08
  Speaker 5: I'm glad this came up before we got more serious.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: And strong feelings invested.
• 36:13
  Speaker 5: Good connections with men are few and far between, and
• 36:15
  Speaker 5: there was something there. I'm struggling to reconcile the person
• 36:19
  Speaker 5: I was getting to know with the person who would
• 36:21
  Speaker 5: vote for Trump. So what would Chelsea do? Is this
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: a walking red flag? And should I run as far
• 36:25
  Speaker 5: as I can? Or is there a way to move
• 36:27
  Speaker 5: through this without abandoning my beliefs?
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: Erica, I mean, honestly, I would hate to say you
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: can't date somebody that's for Donald Trump, because I just
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: feel like that is just so narrow minded, but right
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: now in the world that we're living in, it's just
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: so ugly, this discourse, this everything that's happening is so unsettling,
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: and it's making life less pleasant, actively making life less pleasant.
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: And I don't know, I don't know how you get
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: around something like that when it's just such a value.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: But like, what is the end game? Is it? Like marriage? Kids?
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: Like we were talking about before, It sounds like it,
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: Because if that's what someone's really looking for, then like
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: you have to really like put yourself, like cut to
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: ten years from now and you've got like two kids
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: at home, and like, how are you going to raise
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: your kids together? Like how are you black values are
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: you going to instill in them? And that would worry me.
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: It's one thing to have an open dialogue with somebody
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: who disagrees with you vehemently and as opposed to you
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: when it's how divisive things have become. It's one thing
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: to remain open to having a conversation with them. It's
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: a whole other thing to be in a sexual relationship
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: that is leading to hopefully a more serious relationship and
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: possibly marriaging kids down the road. Then you kind of
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: have to be like, well, wait a second.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: But what are your core values? Right? What are like
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: your actual like deep core values? And like is he
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: on help podcasts? Being like, oh my god, I'm so
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: into this girl and then I found out she's a
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: screaming liberal, And but like, isn't this stuff on people's
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: social media?
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: Why isn't this the first question you asked?
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: That's another thing. I mean, well not the first question.
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: Did you vote for Trump? Is not a great open air.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: But I think we're all learning something here about the questions.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: That's that's true.
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: You should have You should at some point before things
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: have gotten to the point they are, had to political conversation.
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: So that's also, you know, kind of like something to
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: think about moving forward. But yes, if you're looking for
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: kids and family and a marriage, it's probably not this guy.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: There are those. There's a really famous political couple. What's
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: the guy's name? He was on like ksetright, and like,
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: I know who you're talking. He's on my husband's show.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: They're a different version of Republican and demo. They're conservatives
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: and liberal, they're not Trump and everything else. And I
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: think there's a difference. I think like having like liberal
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: versus conservative values. I think that there's like a lot
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: more conversation there, but like for me, it would be
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: really hard to allow a person.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: And your reaction is your reaction. Your reaction is that
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: you felt like someone punched you in the gut like that.
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: There you go, there's your reactions.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: But if you're asking a question about it, then you're
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: just like maybe looking for someone to tell you it's
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: okay because you know that it's not for you.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe yep, let's move on, okay, Erica.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, just like you need to move on. Eric Yeah.
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: Sucks, but there's so many you know what, there are
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: millions of people in this world, and you will find
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: another one that is that shares the same values.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: Millions of people right here in Los Angeles.
• 39:38
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard to date here.
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: I know it is hard to date in Los Angeles,
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: but it's okay. It's hard to date and it's hard
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: to date period for a lot of people.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, it was very like courageous of him to
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: be honest with her.
• 39:51
  Speaker 5: Maybe the thing for me is like, oh, I just
• 39:54
  Speaker 5: didn't think about how it would affect other people.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: That to me is kind of a deal breaker.
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: And it doesn't affect me, would you do it me?
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: Then turning back roe v.
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: Wade doesn't affect me because I'm fucking fifty. It affects
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: you were about Yeah that I you know, like I
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: care about what happens to other women.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: But that's even like a bigger conversation because that is
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: even like about the whole idea of women's healthcare. So
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: like Roe v. Wade, like, abortion is one issue and
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: the big huge umbrella of women's health care that they
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: like can start to fucking chip away at. And that's
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: why it is so scary. I think it's not just
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: about like taking away our right to an abortion. If
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: you look at the statistics, I know, a plan parented,
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: it's like less than five percent of what they do
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: is that. But it's going to start to chip away
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: at all the other healthcare that's provided for women who
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: need it. And that's when it's really scary. And that's
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: why it is small minded. Yeah, small minded.
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: You're not thinking about all the other things that they're
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: along with with that we.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: Could, yeah, we could continue, but I'm sorry, you have
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: your yes, I don't want to talk. You do what
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: you need to do. But that's what we think yeah.
• 40:55
  Speaker 6: Well.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Charlotte.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: Is this a caller?
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: This is a caller?
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: Do you know how to use headphones? I watched a
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: YouTube video?
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: Great, she says, Dear Chelsea, I could use some honest advice.
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: I'm feeling like a bad wife, but I'm finding it
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: incredibly hard to be a strong and supportive partner in
• 41:13
  Speaker 5: my current situation.
• 41:14
  Speaker 6: Strong.
• 41:18
  Speaker 5: My wife and I have been together for eight years,
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: married for six, and we have a one year old daughter.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: She lost her job last year and has.
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: Been actively searching and applying for any and all jobs,
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: connecting with friends and family to see if they have
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: any connections.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: Recruiters are anyone in our network.
• 41:32
  Speaker 5: I've even gotten her some interviews, but for one reason
• 41:34
  Speaker 5: or another, nothing has worked out.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: She's always been the breadwinner in our.
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: Relationship, proudly so, and she used to cover most of
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: our expenses, vacations, nice dinners, all of it. Now that
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: she's not making money, her confidence has clearly taken a toll,
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: and I can see her losing motivation. I've tried to
• 41:48
  Speaker 5: love on her and lift her up, but I'm feeling
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: frustrated and burnt out. This isn't the first time she's
• 41:53
  Speaker 5: lost her job or been laid off. This is the
• 41:55
  Speaker 5: fourth time in our relationship with large gaps of unemployment.
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: I'm thirty one, and I want to live. Right now,
• 42:00
  Speaker 5: we're living paycheck to paycheck on my income, and while
• 42:03
  Speaker 5: I can almost cover us, I don't want this to
• 42:05
  Speaker 5: be our new normal. I love her deeply and don't
• 42:07
  Speaker 5: want to leave, but I also feel like I can't
• 42:09
  Speaker 5: keep living like this. I've even considered moving out temporarily
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: to give us both some space, but that also costs money,
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: and I don't want to take her daughter away from her.
• 42:17
  Speaker 5: Some other good info to have. She takes care of
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: her art her full time, except on Mondays and Wednesdays,
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: when I pay for daycare to give her time to
• 42:23
  Speaker 5: job hunt. We have a twenty one year age gap,
• 42:25
  Speaker 5: and we aren't getting any younger, and I'm dying to
• 42:27
  Speaker 5: have another kid. I can't even think about that until
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: she's working again. Please help me, ladies, What do I do?
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: Charlotte?
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: Hi, Charlotte, Hi Charlotte. This is our special guest, Judy
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: Greer say hello.
• 42:39
  Speaker 6: Hi, Oh yeah, this is so exciting.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: Your question is breaking? Well, why's the question? Why has
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: she been She's been fired four times. Yeah, what's going
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: on there?
• 42:52
  Speaker 6: I'm not going to say fired and say like laid off.
• 42:55
  Speaker 6: There has been circumstance. There's been maybe one time she's
• 42:58
  Speaker 6: actually been fired for ridiculous reasons. I honest feel like
• 43:02
  Speaker 6: I don't know. She's you know, she's at the C suite.
• 43:05
  Speaker 6: She's been a CEO, she's went a VP, she's been
• 43:07
  Speaker 6: like the head of everything that she's ever done. So
• 43:11
  Speaker 6: I she's honestly one of the smartest women I know.
• 43:14
  Speaker 6: She has a master's, two bachelor's degrees. She's very, very smart.
• 43:19
  Speaker 6: So I'm not understanding now here. We're at a year
• 43:22
  Speaker 6: where she doesn't have a job. Why, like, why why
• 43:26
  Speaker 6: can't she get a job?
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: Did she get laid off from her last job or fired?
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: It was a mutual agreement, Okay, mutual understanding.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: Is there a lawsuit involved?
• 43:35
  Speaker 6: No, they signed something basically she got laid off after
• 43:41
  Speaker 6: mattorney leave.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah.
• 43:45
  Speaker 6: So they basically signed something where it's like, all right,
• 43:48
  Speaker 6: I will leave as long as you pay for maternity
• 43:51
  Speaker 6: leave for three months, like pay for my attorney leave
• 43:54
  Speaker 6: and then I'll leave.
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: Oh it sounds like she might be depressed. Yeah, do
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: you think that that's what's happening.
• 44:02
  Speaker 6: Definitely trying every single thing. So how can I even
• 44:06
  Speaker 6: like be like, all right, I'm going to leave, like
• 44:08
  Speaker 6: I can't do this anymore when she's trying.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but she's trying, and which in which ways
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: is she trying?
• 44:14
  Speaker 6: She is constantly, constantly interviewing. She's trying to do this
• 44:18
  Speaker 6: like furniture business now or maybe she can like refurbish
• 44:20
  Speaker 6: furniture to make some money on the side, and like
• 44:23
  Speaker 6: she's trying to make that happen. It's not exactly happening.
• 44:26
  Speaker 6: She's been thinking about buying a business. She's like looked
• 44:29
  Speaker 6: at businesses and possibly thinking, Okay, maybe it's this something
• 44:32
  Speaker 6: that I can do. Like she's trying every outlet.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: And you're losing your patience, Yeah, I am. Is it
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: her attitude that is bringing you? Like, is she she's
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: so she's actively seeking employment and a job and a
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: career path, But is what is bumming you out the
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: fact that she hasn't attained one yet or that coupled
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: with her outlook on life, like.
• 44:54
  Speaker 6: It sounds so terrible, but it's so she hasn't found
• 44:55
  Speaker 6: a job, Like I'm just I feel like I'm sitting
• 44:58
  Speaker 6: here and waiting for my life to start again.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know what it's like to have
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: you have a one year old. Yeah, I get that
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: you don't want to leave her, and I would never
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: tell someone to leave their spouse, but I think you
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: have to start your own life. Like what, like, what
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: do you want? So the main thing you want to
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: do is have another kid?
• 45:15
  Speaker 6: I mean not yeah, I want to have another kid,
• 45:16
  Speaker 6: but I also like want to like travel, and like
• 45:18
  Speaker 6: I'm creating this little girl's childhood and I want to
• 45:21
  Speaker 6: do things with her. I want to take around vacation,
• 45:23
  Speaker 6: I want to show her the world right and we
• 45:26
  Speaker 6: just can't do those things right now. And it's like
• 45:29
  Speaker 6: now I need to figure out, like how do I
• 45:30
  Speaker 6: get in a better headspace of it is what it
• 45:34
  Speaker 6: is until something happens.
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: Well, it's not it is what it is. I don't
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: know that you're ready to call it quits on your relationship.
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: I'm not getting that vibe. I'm getting the vibe that
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: you're very frustrated and you have every right to be.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: Like she hasn't figured out a job yet, she hasn't
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: gotten hired.
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: That's also not her fault necessarily, Like.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know, that's not like she's trying really.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's not like she's sitting on her sofa
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: for a year and just like I don't feel like
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: going on interviews, like right, that's the impression I got
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: from letter and now speaking with you, it looks like
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: she's really actively trying to figure something out. I do
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: think you have to kind of figure out a different
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: approach to this situation, how you're dealing it and possibly
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: how she's dealing with it, you know, to give a
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: little bit more grace to the period she's in. She
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: clearly wants a job and she just doesn't have one.
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: So it's like you're kind of with somebody for the
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: good and the bad. You know, if this were a
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: three year thing, it would be different. I understand to
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: years a long time, But.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: Again, you have a small child, she's actively looking for work,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: and you're young, and you're rare in a go and
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: you're ready to go. She's kind of a bit older
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: than you, right, Yeah, she's twenty years older than me. Right,
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: that's a pretty big age difference.
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: Do you feel like that's going to be an issue
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: for you in the future, Like, has that been an
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: issue for you thus far?
• 46:43
  Speaker 6: No. All of my friends are much older than me.
• 46:45
  Speaker 6: All the people have ever dated have always been older.
• 46:47
  Speaker 6: That's just how Li've connected with Is.
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: There a world where like you could get a better job, Like,
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know what you do, but like, can you?
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: Is there a world where your career, like you could
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: like both focus on you career and you maybe advancing
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: and in that way and kind of like taking over
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: more of the breadwinner role so that she I have thought.
• 47:10
  Speaker 6: About that and I have. I do absolutely love my
• 47:13
  Speaker 6: job so much right now, and there is a really
• 47:15
  Speaker 6: poor growth and I have grown a lot in my company.
• 47:18
  Speaker 6: But like for me, it would be like a side gig,
• 47:20
  Speaker 6: so I would be taking up the time that I
• 47:22
  Speaker 6: would be able to send my daughter. I'd be making money.
• 47:25
  Speaker 6: And then if I'm making out this money, I don't
• 47:27
  Speaker 6: have to be supporting somebody That's just not who I am.
• 47:30
  Speaker 6: Like one of the reasons I like older people is
• 47:33
  Speaker 6: because they have their shit together and they can help me,
• 47:36
  Speaker 6: support me and help me grow.
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: I'm thinking just right off the top of my head,
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: and I don't know how useful this is, but I
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: just feel like there's got to be a better way
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: for you to.
• 47:44
  Speaker 4: Support your partner during this time.
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: She's not lying around, she's not a drug addict, she's
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: not a drunk, she's not doing any of those things right, right, right,
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: And you share a child, Like, I think you should
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: really try to feel like instead of looking at it
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: in this way.
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: You have every right to be frustrated.
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but you still want to be supportive and you
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: want to be a supportive partner because if the situations
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: or the roles were reversed, you wouldn't want somebody just going, oh,
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: you haven't gotten a job in a year. I know
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: we have a family together, I know we'd like and
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: I'm leaving, Like, that's just not the way it works.
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: You have to have a little bit more room for
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: things not to work out in the perfect way you
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: want in the moment that you want when you're dealing.
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: With another person. That's just the way it is.
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: So I would say that you a figure out a
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: way and even sit down with her and go how
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: can we how can I help you? Like, how can
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: I be more supportive of you? Because I'm starting to
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: get frustrated and all I want to do is, you know,
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: help you get back on your feet. So what are
• 48:39
  Speaker 3: the tools in which we can do this and possibly
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: even going to like couples counseling to figure out a
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: way forward. And I know that sounds like, oh, that's
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: just more money, but these are really good tools to
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: have because it's not always.
• 48:52
  Speaker 4: Going to be easy in your marriage or your relationship.
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: Do you like but like, let me ask you this,
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: do you want to be married to her?
• 49:00
  Speaker 6: Yeah?
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: You really really do?
• 49:02
  Speaker 6: Yeah? I love her. She's like the best wife and
• 49:05
  Speaker 6: even a better mom. And I think about that too,
• 49:07
  Speaker 6: and I'm like, all right, if I were to leave
• 49:10
  Speaker 6: when she got back on her feet, like I want
• 49:12
  Speaker 6: to be with her again, right, But think.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: About what you're saying.
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: You're just saying like you're just saying you don't want
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: to be with someone while they're failing.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you want to, like you have to want to
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: be with her like for better and on the ups.
• 49:26
  Speaker 6: Like okay, but I've been in this position four times
• 49:29
  Speaker 6: with her.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: That's the issue over what span of time?
• 49:33
  Speaker 6: Eight years?
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: So, Like, you cannot control other people, You cannot change
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: other people. You can only control yourself. You can only
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: control yourself. Like it has to start with you. So
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: if you want more money, and you want a bigger lifestyle,
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: and you want to travel, you have to shift the
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: focus onto yourself. If you make a good living, if
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: you have a great job, you will be able to
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: take time off and you'll be able to go on
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: the trips with your daughter. Your daughter will benefit from
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: having one parent at home all the time, which you
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: thought was going to be you made, it's going to
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: be her now. Like I think that, like, you can't
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: change this other person no matter what, Like you marry somebody,
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: you're like, I don't know what the future has in
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: store for this person, but like I'm hitching my wagon
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: too you And I think like you have to kind
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: of start working on yourself and you have to be like,
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: start to get really honest about what do you like,
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: how to get how can you yourself get the things
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: that you want out of life?
• 50:25
  Speaker 5: And to Judy's point earlier, it's not necessarily about getting
• 50:28
  Speaker 5: a side hustle. It's like maybe talking to your boss
• 50:30
  Speaker 5: right now about a raise, you know, taking steps within
• 50:33
  Speaker 5: your own career to advance your career. And I'll also say,
• 50:36
  Speaker 5: like she could get a new job tomorrow. Sometimes you're
• 50:39
  Speaker 5: going to be pulling the cart. Sometimes she's going to
• 50:41
  Speaker 5: be pulling the cart. You guys are doing this together,
• 50:43
  Speaker 5: and I don't think it's between like, well, I really
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: want to be with her and I'm leaving. There are
• 50:48
  Speaker 5: other options in other ways too, and I think, like
• 50:50
  Speaker 5: couples counseling has to be next for sure.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, if she was sick and she had to
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: quit her job because she was very sick, you probably
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: wouldn't feel this way, you know what I mean. Like
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: the circum stances are that you I think you just
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: like want a little bit more right now, Yeah, you
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: want a little bit more.
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: And you're also like I think you have to really
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: adjust your thinking and and how you do this is
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: really just kind of You can do it with a therapist.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: You can do it by.
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: Like journaling and writing, and you can do it by
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: actually having an open conversation with her about your true feelings.
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: Have you done that?
• 51:22
  Speaker 6: We've had some conversations. Yes. I feel like a lot
• 51:25
  Speaker 6: of the times I feel bad telling her that I'm
• 51:28
  Speaker 6: feeling this way because she's feeling it tenfold, right, and
• 51:31
  Speaker 6: so it just feels.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: Like really piling kind of sure, Yeah, like you.
• 51:35
  Speaker 6: Think you're feeling bad like I am this fifty year
• 51:38
  Speaker 6: old woman that cannot get a job, like I think
• 51:42
  Speaker 6: you know, I can't provide to my family like I
• 51:44
  Speaker 6: normally do. Like what do you think I'm feeling? So
• 51:46
  Speaker 6: it just feels like unfair to have those feelings.
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think this is a you problem. And now
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: the more we talk about it, I really do. I
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: think you have to adjust. I mean, listen, there might
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: be a she might have her own set of problems,
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: but I think you really have to adjust your expectations
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: and what a relationship really means because it's supposed to
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: be fifty to fifty and.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: You even said she was the breadwinner for many years.
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: I understand she's been let go four times or laid
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: off four times or fired somewhere in the middle of that,
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: which is slightly odd. But you already said you love her,
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: you want to be with her, you know what I mean.
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: You're together, So you really have to figure out this
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: is like a you inside job. You have to figure
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: out how you're going to be more supportive towards her
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: without talking to her about it.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: And how can you get the life that you want?
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: And do you both want the same life? You have
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: the same long term goals together, then you need to
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: kind of figure out like, okay, with these circumstances right now,
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: exactly as it is, like how do we start to
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: achieve those goals now that we have these new facts.
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe you might have to like move to a less
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: expensive place, Maybe you might have to get a different job,
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe you might have to go in and ask for
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: a raise or something. But I think maybe you need
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: to take care of all three of you right now.
• 53:03
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I think I'm thinking back what you said, Chelsea
• 53:05
  Speaker 6: is it's just like how do I change my mindset
• 53:09
  Speaker 6: and how do I be more supportive when I'm so frustrated.
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: Well, first of all, you should start journaling. And I
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: don't mean journaling like writing everything down. You just get
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: a girl, get one of those like inner presence in
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: or now there's all these inner ones that start with intern.
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: Journal every day.
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: It's a gratitude where you wake up every morning and
• 53:24
  Speaker 3: write down like three things that you're grateful for. I
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: think it sounds corny, but if you put it into
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: like action, you'll actually start to have a better Like
• 53:32
  Speaker 3: you're going to be vibrating out a higher frequency and
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: you want to be vibrating at a higher frequency because
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: she's vibrating at such a lower frequency. Right, right now,
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: she's just in a rut. She's in a place that's
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: not permanent. None of this is permanent. Even your feelings
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: right in this moment aren't permanent. It's all temporary, and
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: you have the power to adjust it. So you've got
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: to be the bigger person. You know Mel Robbins, Right, Okay,
• 53:52
  Speaker 3: you know Mel. Mel's book, she talks about her husband
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: was the breadwinner for many, many years. They were in debt,
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. She was eight
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: hundre so she was so depressed you couldn't get out
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: of bed.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: And then she created. Look what she's done with herself.
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: She was upset with him and resentful of him because
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: he wasn't earning the money. Like yeah, wait a minute,
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: and she's like, wait, wait, why don't I fucking get
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: up and do something? And she did something amazing. But first,
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: I understand what you're saying about your attitude and like
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: that you want to adjust it because I could see it,
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: and you do need to adjust it. You need to
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: be more loving, you need to be more compassionate. And
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: you also have to own it, like this is on you.
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: You have to change the station. You can't expect her
• 54:31
  Speaker 3: to change the dial if you change the station. The
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: best way to change people is by changing yourself. Right,
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: That's an expression that's also old and corny, but fucking true.
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: So like I would, really, I would download one of
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: these apps. This isn't going to solve all your problems,
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: but it's taking a step in the right direction of positivity.
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: Like you want to have a more positive vibe. You
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: don't want to dread having conversations with her. You want
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: to be bright and cheerful and lift other people up, right,
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: especially her and your daughter, And you want to just
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: create a different vibe house and that chemistry alone by
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: you doing that and taking those actions.
• 55:04
  Speaker 4: Then you write down like three ways you're going to
• 55:06
  Speaker 4: make today great?
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: And what's something that could happen today that would change
• 55:09
  Speaker 3: your day and make your day great. Those are the
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: questions and prompts that they ask you on these apps,
• 55:13
  Speaker 3: and just by nature the nature of repeating those things
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: and those sentiments you do kind of it kind of
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: booies you and you start to understand and there starts
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: to be more opportunity around you that you weren't seeing before,
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: because sometimes we can get so narrow and like sunken
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: and like victim like that we don't really see everything.
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: There's also like a shit ton of cool stuff you
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: can do for cheap. You can drive away for the weekend,
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you can go camping
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: for really cheap. Like I know you want to travel
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: and show your daughter of the world, but there's still
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: a lot of stuff you can do on a budget
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: right now that will teach your daughter to be creative,
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: to like go with the flow. Also, I think maybe
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know how often you talk about your wife's
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: jobs and like what she's doing for it. Maybe you
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: both need to say, like one day a week, we're
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: going to talk about your job hunt unless there's real news.
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: Let's not talk about it every day. Let's talk about
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: it on Saturday mornings over coffee, and then it doesn't
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: become like every single day this topic that is like
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: hanging over you because you've decided unless there's really something
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: to share, one day a week is the hour.
• 56:18
  Speaker 6: That we don't want to talk about it anymore unless
• 56:20
  Speaker 6: all really happening. We don't.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean is that how's that? Is that better?
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's better to talk about it now that you're
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: saying that.
• 56:29
  Speaker 6: I'm thinking now that like I need to be more
• 56:30
  Speaker 6: like yay, like you have an interview, Like let's go
• 56:34
  Speaker 6: instead of like all right.
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: Or do you guys share a calendar? You could share
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: a calendar and then she could like kind of write
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: on ac calend, like you could see what's going on.
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: It would be a way to like share it without
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: necessarily like having to say, like how did the interview go?
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: I remember when I first started acting. I started by
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: telling my parents every time I had an audition, and
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: then every time I didn't get it, I had to
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: then go and tell my parents I didn't get the part,
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: and it fucking sucked. But like now I think, like,
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: you know, they were so sweet, they cared so much,
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: but I just ended up like cutting them out of
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: that whole process completely because it was too hard for me.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: But I think, you know, in your situation, like maybe
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: if there's like a board where she could write down
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I think you guys should both start this.
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: I think you should do this as a couple.
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: The journaling thing I think you should do it together
• 57:18
  Speaker 3: as an activity.
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: You bring it up.
• 57:20
  Speaker 3: Go, hey, listen, we want to get like we're not
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: in the right vibe right now, like I want things
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: to be better around here. I want to help you
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: get a job. I want to be as supportive as possible.
• 57:28
  Speaker 3: I called into dear Chelsea, this is what we Let's
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: do this together. Well, you do it at night before
• 57:33
  Speaker 3: you go to bed, and you do it in the
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: morning when you wake up, and then you guys can
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: do that. You have something like an activity that's kind
• 57:38
  Speaker 3: of bonding together, and that way, when she has a
• 57:41
  Speaker 3: job interview coming up, she can be putting positive energy
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: towards that. And also you can be, like, what would
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: make today great? The answer is my partner having a
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: great interview, a great job interview today, my partner getting
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: a job today, all of those things, but like in
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: a very supportive way, you know what I mean, like
• 57:57
  Speaker 3: an adaptive strategy rather than like a malady of one.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: She might also benefit from you asking her to help
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: you try to get ahead in your career, Like maybe
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: it would make her feel good to start to like
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: help you try to get a raise, get a promotion,
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: get a like climb the ladder, maybe get a different
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: job at a different company, and what you're doing that
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: you like so much, it's like a little bit maybe
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: she would feel really good about helping you do that.
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 58:21
  Speaker 6: I don't know about that book.
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: Well, she's fifty, she's not one hundred. She's going to
• 58:25
  Speaker 3: get another job, you know what I mean. So just
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: don't write her off. But I do think start with
• 58:30
  Speaker 3: the small steps of just creating a better vibe in
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: the house, because however you're feeling is something that you're
• 58:36
  Speaker 3: emoting without knowing it, you know what I mean. If
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: you're having negative feelings about her situation and about her
• 58:42
  Speaker 3: not bringing in money, I'm sure she's well aware of it.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: So just to change the channel.
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: And go, Okay, we're going to put on a nice
• 58:49
  Speaker 3: fun show for a little you know, for the next
• 58:51
  Speaker 3: few weeks, and we're all And then it's also another
• 58:54
  Speaker 3: line of communication between the two of you to kind
• 58:56
  Speaker 3: of share that experience of journaling, like, oh, this is
• 59:00
  Speaker 3: really corny. I don't know what to say. What am
• 59:02
  Speaker 3: I grateful for your daughter? What are you grateful for
• 59:04
  Speaker 3: your job? The house, the roof over your head, whatever,
• 59:07
  Speaker 3: you know. The food that you ate that morning.
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: You can be grateful for a good TV show.
• 59:12
  Speaker 3: Just trust me to start doing that and just take
• 59:15
  Speaker 3: little steps in the right direction. Instead of thinking I'm
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: not getting what I want, think about how you're going
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: to get what you want.
• 59:22
  Speaker 6: Yeah, you can do that, That's easy.
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: Okay, check in check in with us in a few months,
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: will you and let us know what's happening.
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: Thanks Charlotte.
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, thanks Charlotte.
• 59:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: Thanks.
• 59:38
  Speaker 6: By.
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: It's so interesting with couples not getting what like you want,
• 59:44
  Speaker 3: but also knowing that you want to stay. You know
• 59:47
  Speaker 3: what I mean, like saying, Okay, this is nice. When
• 59:49
  Speaker 3: she said that exactly, it was like she really did.
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: And it's very easy, like like for someone who just
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: like wants Chelsea Handler to tell them to walk away
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: from their marriage. Like you could tell that you were
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: the one who was about to do that, Judy, you were.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: You were because I honestly feeling like she was trying
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: to get us to say to go. I didn't feel
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: that way. I totally felt that way from her. I
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: felt like she just wanted permission to go. And if
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: that's the case, like I just feel like people just.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 5: Go leaving this marriage will be just as hard as
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 5: waiting out the joblessness, I feel like in this beefic situations.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: But they also have a one year old.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not way.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: Hard, right, I mean, and leave that that's like a
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: big That sounds like she would be taking that child
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: with her because she said, I don't want to take
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: her daughter away from her, right right. That's so she
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: has thought about it because she has a scenario.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think when you're very married to this
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 3: idea of what your life is going to look like,
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: it becomes like very like.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: In Goodfellas when he comes home from jail and he
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: like walks into the apartment that she's been living in
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: and they're all like in bunk beds in one room,
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: and he's like what the fuck? And she was just like, hey, you.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 3: Don't remember that now, and she's like, hey, things have
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 3: been He's like here we are.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: And he's like what. But like she didn't she like
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: signed up for like fancy mob husband. She made it work, right,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: and then she got rewarded for it, except for then
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: they want to jail. Okay, we're going to take a break.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 3: We'll be right back to wrap up with Judy and
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: we're back with Judy career. Judy, what a pleasure it's been.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 3: You're so entertaining. It's been really fun. I feel like
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 3: I failed a little on the advice portion.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: Very cerebral. Afraid you're afraid. I'm afraid of like telling
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: people what to do, even though that's all I want
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: to do with my life. But I'm like, oh, but yeah.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: You felt the fear and you did it anyway.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: A real therapist, a real therapist, or a real psycho
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: like psychologist doesn't doesn't. A real psycho doesn't really tell
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: you what to do. They know, and that's why we're
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: there for years. Yeah, because like what if they are, like,
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: break up with him?
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I would have loved for people to tell
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 3: me that throughout the years, with different relationships, even like
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: in a couple of skis I had once once a therapist,
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 3: as I was leaving with my boyfriend, grabbed my arm
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: and said get away from him as quickly as possible,
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 3: and I broke up with him the next morning.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: WHOA.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: I was like, thank you, one more good night out
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: of it. I was like I had to get my
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: things together. We were living together. I was like, oh shit,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: But I was a stranger told me that if a
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: stranger grabbed my arm and said that someone who has
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: no you know, has nothing at stake in the game
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: and said that to me, I would be an idiot
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: to not listen to her like she knows better, you know.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: That's how she and she did. She was right. So
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: on that.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 3: Note, Judy has two movies that you can watch, well,
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 3: she has about a five thousand movies that you can watch,
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: but two new movies.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 4: One is The Long Walk and then the next one.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: Is called Dead of Winter.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: Sorry.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: Emma Thompson, Oh yeah, I love her.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, she's I once went to a Bruce
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: Springsteen concert with her in London, not with her.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: But we was gonna same area.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 7: Wait, she needs to be She's podcast. She's amazing. She's amazing.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 7: She's like Kate Blanchette level. Like those two. Oh my god,
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 7: I love both of those. I'm just thinking of other
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 7: British actresses that I love. But why people, Why because
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 7: there's just them? Yeah, there's probably loads, but I mean
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 7: she is.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 4: Did you did you have a good time with her?
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, she's so cool. She is so cool, smart,
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: she doesn't mince words, she's kind, to people. Yes, forty nine.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: I learned so much from her. I felt like I
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: grew up just being around her for two months. What
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: did you what do you think you learned from her? Well,
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: she's nice. She's kind to people, but she has a
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: lot of integrity, and she treats people the way that
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: she would want to be treated. But like, she's not
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: afraid of being disliked. She is patient until it's time
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: to not be patient, and she's not a dormat. I
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: guess it's because so much of like my psyche is
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: like wrapped up and like I want to be liked,
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: you know, like that people pleasing yes, yes, yes, And
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: like I watched how she managed people and relationships on
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: set and it was really it was inspirational because she
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: was kind to people without being desperate to be liked. Yeah.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: So I believe her, Yeah, I like really believed her
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: in a way that sometimes when you're like you don't
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: necessarily believe the person that's like so nice all the day.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree with that, And about Emma.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: That's our episode, guys, Dear Chelsea, we believe.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 8: The word of the week is coterie. Now a small
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 8: group of people with shared interests or tastes, especially one
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 8: that is exclusive of other people. Coterie also a brand
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 8: of highly absorbent diaper Coterie.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 3: I just announced all my chur dates. They just went
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 3: on sale this week. It's called the High and Mighty Tour.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 3: I will be starting in February of next year, so
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 3: I will be touring.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: From February through June.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 3: I haven't added second shows yet, but we probably will
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 3: be to some of these. So go get your tickets
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 3: now if you want good seats and you want to
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 3: come see me perform, I will be on the High
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 3: and Mighty toour.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea?
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 5: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 5: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at.
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea Pod.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 5: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 5: producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 5: merch at Chelseahandler dot com