Latest / The Birth Lounge Podcast / Ep. 444 Why I Regret the Postpartum 5-5-5 Rule (and How to Modify It)

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Ep. 444 Why I Regret the Postpartum 5-5-5 Rule (and How to Modify It) · The Birth Lounge Podcast

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I have for 10 years recommended women do this, and I really deeply regret that now I see the error in my ways and I now know what I will, recommend people do going forward.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Birth Lounge podcast.
Before we dive in today's episode, I wanted to talk to you really quick about one of the best resources that you can have right in your back pocket so that you can have an informed and confident birth.
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I cannot wait to see you in there Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Birth Bound podcast.
All right, you guys postpartum woof.
What a journey, right? I obviously have taken care of postpartum women for a decade now.
I felt like I knew what to expect.
I felt like I really had a good handle on what postpartum was gonna be like, but there was one thing that really, really surprised me that I absolutely hated.
And you know, probably when I say that, you think you know the healing of downstairs or the mental load or maybe just the process of becoming a mom and kind of settling into new routines and a new title and having a new baby around.
But for me, those were actually the things I were, I was most prepared for.
Right? These were the things that I.
I felt like I really had prepared for, I had seen hundreds of women and families go through that experience before.
I had really prepared Mr.
Hehe, my husband, on what to expect.
We had had so many discussions leading up to the birth of our baby about.
What postpartum was gonna be like, what I needed, what he needed, boundaries that we were gonna hold, and how we were gonna keep our household running.
And I made a really grave mistake in that, and I want to talk about that today.
When I thought about becoming a new mom, I was prepared for cracked and bleeding nipples.
I was prepared for sleep deprivation.
I was prepared for the highs and the lows of the emotional turmoil that came along with the hormonal shifts.
I was prepared for the physical aspect of recovering from birth.
I was prepared for hosting people in our home.
Of course.
You know, Mr.
Hehe and I had decided that we would not let people in our home for the first few days after birth, and we did that and it was absolutely lovely to just have that time as, as us as a family of three.
To kind of settle into our new life with Baby Saggy and it was just so wonderful.
But the one thing that I did that I wish that I had not done, and I will not do it in future births is honor the 5-5-5 rule.
Are you familiar with it? Have you ever heard about the 5, 5, 5 rule? Well, what it means is.
The days after birth.
In the first 15 days after having a baby, you do five days in the bed and you only leave for things like showering, toileting, and walking around to prevent blood clots, but not, not anything else.
Your food is to be brought to you.
People in your life are supposed to be caring for you.
You are not supposed to be up walking your dog or doing laundry or going up and down the stairs or refilling your water bottle.
This is really a time that you honor your body by staying put.
In the bed.
Now, the next five days, day six through 10 are spent on the bed.
So you're a little bit more mobile.
You are maybe in different seated positions or lying on the bed.
A little bit more movement in your routine, but still not doing anything super physical, not up and down the stairs, not walking your dog, not doing the laundry again.
You're really only leaving the space of your bed for going to the bathroom and showering.
And then maybe a few laps around your room just to prevent blood clots.
And then days 11 through 15, your final five days, 5-5-5 are spent, um, around your bed.
So a little bit more movement.
You're in your room, maybe you are cleaning up things that are on your bedside table, or maybe you spend some time sitting on the birth ball, not necessarily doing too much on the birth ball, but you're around your bed.
Maybe you do change clothes and you get dressed, and instead of having someone bring your outfit to you to the bed, you actually go into your closet and get undressed and dress yourself.
You're around your bed, right? So 5, 5, 5 in the bed, on the bed around the bed.
Now I have for 10 years recommended women do this, and I really deeply regret that.
Now I see the error in my ways and I.
Now know what I will, recommend people do going forward.
But before we dive into why I hated it so much and what I will talk about going forward, I wanna tell you about how this 5-5-5 rule originated and I have a little.
A little cliff note here, um, because I'm gonna be talking about cultures that are not my own.
And so I wanted to really read it directly from the research that I had done into the cultures that, um, the American culture has kind of derived this 5, 5, 5 approach from.
This is based in other cultures who do a really wonderful job of honoring that postpartum period.
Now, China is probably the most well-known, and they have this period called the lying in Period, and it is 30 to 40 days of rest and recovery Now.
30 days is one month.
40 days is six weeks postpartum.
So we're talking about that entire duration of postpartum.
That immediate postpartum.
Right after you have a baby, you are supposed to rest, recover.
Participate in no household responsibilities, eat warm foods, healing broths, and practice body warming things.
Um, and they really value having immediate family take care of that new mom in that period.
And, and really, she shouldn't be doing anything except recovering after childbirth and caring for her baby.
Now the Latin American culture has something called the la cuarentena, and it's also approximately 40 days of physical rest and abstaining from strenuous activities.
Now they place an emphasis on mother child bonding, breastfeeding, and healing physically from birth.
This is a really communal event.
The community and this mom's family really comes around to gather around her and support her in this period so that she can spend time healing after birth and caring for her baby and, and really spending time with her newborn.
And we see the same thing in India, and they also have what they call postpartum confinement.
And again, it's this 30 to 40 days.
So you're thinking four to six weeks after birth, and these moms are supposed to rest.
They get massages, people bring them warm foods, and they incorporate a lot of herbal care into this confinement period Again.
Focusing on allowing this mom's body to rest and recuperate and really prioritizing that period where mothers and babies can just be, they can just exist.
There's no outside pressure.
There's no returning to work.
There's no household responsibilities.
No one is expecting things from this new mom, so that.
She can stay in this nice little newborn bubble and really focus on her new role, her new body, healing from what she just went through and really bonding with her baby.
Now, chorea has something very similar and it is structured recovery.
Um, now this one is a little different.
The, what the internet shared with me was that it often happens in care centers, which is really cool.
And we're starting to see these things pop up across the us.
There's one in, at California, it's called The Village.
It's a postnatal retreat center.
Um, there is one in New York.
I think there is one maybe in the Carolinas or maybe in Atlanta.
They're not, common, not in the US at least.
There are just a handful of them, but we are starting to see them pop up and at these retreat centers or these care centers or these postpartum centers, you have meals that are cooked for you and there is staff that is there to support the new mom, whether that be massage therapists or acupuncturists or mental health counselors or, um, obviously chefs that make your meals.
Um, physical therapists, lactation counselors, anybody that you might need and newborns.
Specialists, postpartum doulas, people who will help you have a good postpartum experience and can answer your questions and can help you be confident in stepping into this new role in these postpartum retreat centers in Korea As.
Specifically now I've transitioned back to speaking about chorea, but they really prioritize maternal rest and that baby care support.
So helping that mother and that baby learn one another, um, healing is treated as essential, not indulgent.
I kept seeing this idea that this is not a luxury.
It is something that is required in the culture in order to set these moms and babies up for a good life, a good postpartum period, a a good, strong relationship.
And so that when that baby gets older and when that mom starts to really come out of this new postpartum period, they don't have all of the trauma and the baggage and the gaps in care that American families often feel.
That is essentially why for me, I decided to honor the 5-5-5 period.
I feel like, you know, in America we have this way that we really just treat postpartum, the postpartum period very poorly.
You are expected to host guests and uh, because we don't have maternity leave, we return to work so soon some women go back to work while they're still bleeding.
I mean, that is criminal.
That is absolutely.
Unbelievable that we would treat new moms that way.
Not only that, but we have no care in postpartum, right? So lactation consultants are often out of pocket.
They're not covered by insurance.
Many times you have to seek out pelvic floor physical therapy on your own, and again, it's out of pocket.
A lot of times they're not taking insurance.
Insurance isn't covering this.
Stuff.
So you've got a lot of gaps in care that then lend mothers to a really.
Strained, I don't wanna say awful, but really hard postpartum period.
We, we find that moms have feeding troubles and pelvic floor dysfunction and mental health complications, yet there's no village around them to support them.
And so for me, I was really lucky.
I have a really amazing, uh, mother-in-law and father-in-law and I have awesome families around me.
Uh, that love me so much and I have clients that love me so much and I have an amazing friend group, and my sister and I are very close.
And so I was super duper lucky to have people that were able to help me honor this 5-5-5 period.
I was able to really do the, in the bed, on the bed around the dead period.
Now.
And he's been following our story.
We did have a brief hospital stay with our son from days three to seven.
So we had a little five day period there where we were in the hospital.
So that put a tiny little damper on, a little interruption into our 5-5-5 period.
But outside of that, I was very blessed with a village that truly came together around me to allow me to just be and heal and recover and sit with Saggy and just like be his mom.
I didn't have to do anything else, and I feel so grateful for that.
But what I learned through that is that.
I actually hated the 5-5-5 period.
I really did not enjoy it at all.
And here is why.
Essentially I needed to move.
That's what it comes down to.
And I was just hell bent on staying in the bed, on the bed, around the bed, and I wouldn't hear of it any other way, and I just kept thinking.
This is what I'm supposed to do.
This is what I've been telling women to do for 10 years.
I need to honor this.
This is what I've always learned was the best thing for postpartum.
And despite my husband saying, you know, babe, why don't you get up and move a little bit.
Maybe you should get out of the bed a little bit.
Maybe we should transition downstairs and just getting you in a new environment, just something new to look at other than our bedroom.
I just dug my heels in and I said, no, this is what I'm supposed to do.
This is how it's supposed to be.
I'm, I'm doing the right things.
I'm, I'm doing the stuff that you're supposed to do as a new mom and.
I really regret that, you know, because not only did it really interfere with my healing physically, um, not emotionally and not mentally, but physically, it caused me so much pain.
It really did.
It caused my lower back and my hips to be in excruciating pain.
I mean, I purchased, uh, an additional heating pad, so then I had two heating pads on my body and we had pillows all around me, and I was having a really hard time finding a comfortable position to settle into because my lower back and my hips were just so, they, they just hurt so much.
They were so uncomfortable.
They were so tight and looking back.
My husband was right.
I, I needed to move, I needed to get up, I needed to stretch, but by golly, I wasn't gonna do that because this is what I was supposed to do, right? And again, I, I really wish that I had listened to my body a little bit more.
Let me ask you something.
Have you gotten your hands on my free download of my non-toxic baby registry list? It's all of the things that I put on my personal baby registry, and I spent hours, like sixty plus hours, exploring, researching, deep diving, rabbit holing into every single thing that went on this baby list.
I was really intentional about everything that I put on.
Number one, I didn't want to just get a bunch of stuff, because I personally believe that, you know, I don't necessarily identify as a minimalist, but I also do believe that babies come with a lot of things, and people love to just gift you stuff when you have a baby.
However, I didn't really want my house to be filled with just a bunch of stuff.
So I was very intentional about the things that I put on there, and if there were tools and gear and things that could have a multipurpose in our home, then I went with that.
Number two, and probably even more important, is I was incredibly diligent about the toxic load of each product.
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That's why I spent sixty plus hours exploring every single product.
And when I say every single product, it wasn't just the products that are on there, it was so many brands of that same product.
So I'm talking car seats, strollers, bottles, bottle washers, swaddles, sheets, baby washcloths, baby baths, all the things that you need or that make life easier when you have a baby.
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Yeah, you heard me right.
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So I just wanted to make sure that not only was I investing in quality products, I was only getting the gear and the tools that I truly needed, but also I was reducing my family's toxic load at the same time.
Because our little ones are so sensitive, and their little bodies are just learning to be on the outside.
And so I wanted to make sure that everything that my baby came in contact with was the lowest toxic load as possible.
So head to thebirthlounge.com,
and you can find my baby registry at thebirthlounge.com\registry.
So you're just gonna type in thebirthlounge.com\registry,
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And I put little blurbs about why I chose that product and what made me go with that exact brand because it was low tox and a good investment In terms of delaying my healing.
Now, in addition to the the pain that I was in, I actually had a lot longer period of bleeding that I feel like if I had been a little bit more mobile, it would not have been like that.
And I'll give you two examples.
So when my midwife came at my one week appointment.
I told her like, oh my gosh, I am feeling great.
My bleeding has really kind of slowed a lot.
And she said, awesome.
And then at the two week period I was like, yeah, my bleeding is like so minimal.
And she was like, that is great.
And leading up to getting pregnant.
I always had really light periods.
My cycle is 28 to 30 days.
Very predictable.
I would bleed for three to four days, never a very heavy flow.
And so it all made sense to us that maybe I would just not have a lot of postpartum bleeding.
But then once I did move, my bleeding increased substantially, and it wasn't in a concerning amount, right? So remember, if you are filling up a postpartum pad faster than one pad an hour.
That is concerning.
That's something that you would wanna call your provider about because it usually is an indicator of postpartum hemorrhage.
Now, I wasn't having concerning amounts of bleeding, but it was noticeably more, and I think what happened was because I was so stationary in the first two weeks after birth, it all just kind of stayed stagnant.
And so then from weeks.
Three to five, I bled so much.
Again, not a concerning amount, but an amount that makes me wonder if I had been a little bit more mobile, if I had incorporated some really low key, appropriate movements in the first two weeks after postpartum, instead of just being so hellbent on following the 5-5-5, Would my bleeding had have subsided a little bit earlier.
My intuition says yes.
Um, and I guess I won't know that until I have more babies, but going forward, I probably won't follow the 5-5-5 rule.
I just don't feel like it was good for my body, even though it was derived from these cultures that.
Really honor postpartum in such a beautiful way.
And when we look at these countries and their mother child bonding and the way that they come together to support families and even maybe the integrity of their family dynamics as a culture as a whole, we can see that they very clearly do things better than the US.
I believe that families here in the US want to do better, but our system just doesn't allow it.
I mean, when you, when you don't have paid maternity leave, how are mothers supposed to take off when you don't have paid paternity leave? How are fathers supposed to show up to support their wives and their new babies when you have families that don't live close to one another? How are grandparents supposed to show up and constantly be that village for four to six weeks after birth? It just doesn't work when we don't have a system in place to support our mothers and then deeper than that, we don't have the support within the system.
So our lactation counselors and our PFPTs and our mental health counselors, all of these things are inaccessible for so many people.
Whether that be through insurance or not being able to afford it out of pocket because our economy is so bad and things are so expensive, or whether that just be regional where maybe you live in an area and your closest lactation counselor is an hour away, or you may not even have a PFPT at all in your area.
We just don't have.
System in our country, unfortunately, that is set up to properly support a true lying in period like the cultures that I previously mentioned.
And I just, I feel very sad when I think about that, but.
Going forward, I know what I will do a little differently.
What I am gonna do instead is a modified version of the 5-5-5.
I'm absolutely going to honor that period of resting and recovering and being in bed, but I'm not gonna hold fast to the hard number.
So if on day three I feel like I need to move, and maybe I'm starting to get a little achy, or my hips are starting to feel a little tight, I'm gonna get up and move.
Maybe on day five I'm not ready to move, and it won't be until day 6, 7, 8, that I feel okay getting out and moving a little bit.
So what I'm gonna do is well, I'm gonna listen to my body.
And I know that seems so silly and simple when you say it like that, but it was really something I neglected this first time around because again, I was just hell bent on honoring the 5-5-5.
I just knew that's what you were quote unquote supposed to do.
And I think this is a really beautiful example of even when you set expectations of what you are supposed to do, keeping flexibility is probably the best thing that you can do for your body and your healing.
And in turn your baby.
I mean, there were times where I would have to hand Sji to Mr.
HeHe and I would just have to say, you've gotta take him.
I'm so uncomfortable.
I am in so much pain right now.
I literally can't even truly like, hold him and be comfortable and, and, and, and, and relish in this moment.
I'm feeling tense and tight, and I don't want him to pick up on that.
So can you take him for a little bit and just let me kind of lay supine, be flat in the bed because it's the only way I can get relief.
And looking back, that's kind of heartbreaking.
I wish that I had just moved my body in a way that felt good and, and listen to my body and the communication that it was giving me and the things that it was asking of me and not staying just so rigid in the expectations that I had set.
And I think that's something that, you know a lot of us get caught up in is that, no, this is the way it's supposed to be, or this is what I planned and this is what the expectation is that I had set.
And sometimes we forget to be flexible.
Sometimes we forget that it's okay to vary and to stray from what we had originally thought would be the plan, never realizing that if we will honor that flexibility, maybe just, maybe things will be better than what we had planned.
Things will be better than what our original expectations are, and I really, really want that to be the message that you take home.
I don't want you to think like, oh my God.
I'm not gonna do the 5-5-5 because it was so hard for he, he or it gave, he he such lower back pain.
The 5-5-5 rule is so great for so many people.
It's, that's why I did it is because for a decade I've heard women say like, I just did the 5-5-5 And it was so beautiful.
It was so wonderful.
It.
It was everything.
I mean, it just allowed me to, to bond with my baby.
And I want you to take away the message that you can set these expectations and to set up a system that will honor that for you.
But.
In that, also honor being flexible.
Also, recognize your body might need something different than the cookie cutter.
5-5-5.
You might need less time in the bed, but longer time around the bed.
You might need more time in the bed and totally skip the on the bed part and go straight to around the bed.
You know, days 12 through 15, you do go downstairs or maybe you do do a light walk down your street and back, and I'm not talking about.
You know, a couple of miles.
I'm not talking about going around the block.
I'm talking about a short walk right down the street and then back because too much physical exercise can obviously cause complications.
You might get pelvic floor heaviness.
It can cause swelling in your vagina, in your perineum.
You obviously don't wanna be doing too much strenuous stuff if you have stitches as well, if you've had any sort of blood sugar or blood pressure problem.
And then obviously we are always worried about bleeding when we're doing too much physical stuff.
So if you do take a walk.
And you come back and your bleeding is a concerning amount, filling that pad more than an hour.
Faster than an hour, that is an indicator that you did too much, right? You did too much.
So give your provider a call.
Give them the rundown about what you did and see if they too are concerned and if you need to be seen.
But otherwise, just take it easy.
And I think that having this idea of having a period that you're gonna honor where you're in the bed and you're resting and you're recovering.
And if you are blessed to have the people in your life that can care for you after you have a baby, go ahead and set that up prenatally so that they can come and love on you and you don't have to be out of the bed doing the things that are not essential for you to do.
And you know, that's really hard for a lot of us.
So many of us want things done our way, or you are the primary person in your home.
Maybe you're the only person that does laundry, or you like your dishes to be loaded in a dishwasher a certain way, or you're the only person that typically walks your dog.
This is a time in your life and it's temporary, right? So remind yourself of that.
But this is a time to accept help and to, again, be flexible.
If someone folds your towels differently than you do, it's okay.
That towel is still gonna dry you off.
Just the same.
It is still gonna be just as soft and cozy when you wrap your body in it, when you get out of your shower, even though it was.
Folded in half and not in thirds, and it doesn't look as pretty in your closet.
And you know what? After you get done healing postpartum, you can redo that closet and hopefully when someone puts your dishes away, you never even have to see that because by the time you make it to the kitchen, hopefully there have been enough meals that you have cycled through the dishes that were quote unquote put away in the wrong way.
Accept help and be flexible and don't be like me.
Don't be so hell bent on what you set as an expectation that you are incapable or unwilling.
I won't even say incapable.
I was fully capable of being flexible.
I was just unwilling to do it.
I was unwilling to accept that maybe my body needed something different than what I had originally planned and.
Going forward.
I know two things are true.
I will not be so rigid in my future Postpartums and for our clients that are working with us one-on-one and our members in the birth lounge membership.
I will recommend a 5-5-5 approach with the caveat that if and when you feel like your body needs more or less or something different, that you honor that, and that the 5, 5, 5 rule is an approach.
It is a scaffolding, it's a system, but that I recommend you tailor it to yourself, your birth, your experience, your postpartum, your goals.
That way you don't get into the situation that I got into where you are just in so much pain, you are having to hand over your baby.
You can't find a comfortable position, all because you were doing what you thought you were quote unquote supposed to be doing.
You guys.
Well, that is it for me today.
That is why I.
Decided to do the 5-5-5 rule.
That is where the 5-5-5 rule originated from, and exactly why I absolutely hated doing the 5-5-5 rule in postpartum.
Plus what I will do going forward in any future births that I have.
Again, I wanna just reiterate, I don't want the message that you take away from today's episode to be that.
That 5-5-5 rule is not good, or isn't helpful or you know, shouldn't be done.
That's not what I want you to take away.
I want you to really take away the idea that.
Set expectations of how you're gonna honor your body and rest and recuperate and recover and heal, and spend time bonding with your baby.
Set up things in your house.
Gather the people in your life that can come and care for you.
But within that.
When you're in that period, if you find that you need something different, be amenable to that.
Be flexible and help give your body the things that it is asking of you, because I didn't do that and it is one of my biggest regrets.
All right you guys.
I will see you in the next episode.
Be sure to follow along on social media.
You can find me at Tranquility by Hee he and the Birth Lounge.
Until next time, head to your app store and download the Birth lounge app for evidence-based childbirth education and data-driven postpartum support delivered straight to your phone.
Bye.
Thank you so much for tuning in today.
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