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Sober-Talk -SA- Jamie · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Welcome to Sober Talk. I'm Dennis and I'm an alcoholic
• 0:04
  soap today thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 0:08
  If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcohol, please
• 0:11
  call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 double 22222.
• 0:17
  I'll visit their website ata.org dot AU.
• 0:24
  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
• 0:27
  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
• 0:29
  fellowship of people who share the experience, strengthen hope
• 0:33
  with each other that they may solve their common problems, and
• 0:37
  help with us to recover from alcoholism.
• 0:40
  The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop
• 0:43
  drinking and no dues of fees. Fair membership.
• 0:46
  We are self supporting through our own contributions.
• 0:50
  He is not allied with any sect in immersion politics,
• 0:54
  organization or institution, does not wish to engage in any
• 0:58
  controversy, either endorses or oppose any causes.
• 1:03
  Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other Alcoholics
• 1:07
  are chiefs of Brady. Hi, My name is Jamie and I'm an
• 1:10
  alcoholic. Yeah.
• 1:12
  Sitting here, my heart's skipping a beat every couple of
• 1:14
  seconds and yeah. So, yeah, I suppose when I came
• 1:21
  back in to recovery this time, I, my, my ears were open a bit
• 1:25
  more and I started listening to a few people that I hadn't
• 1:29
  listened to before. And it got me going back on my
• 1:34
  life and, and took, took me back to when, you know, when I was
• 1:41
  born sort of thing. A member said to me.
• 1:43
  If you, you know, when, when we come into the world, you've got
• 1:46
  100% God consciousness. And, and if you, if you can sort
• 1:51
  of unravel that stuff as you, as you, you know, as you've grown
• 1:54
  up, you can sort of work out what, you know, work out your
• 1:58
  life, I suppose. And I started meditating on that
• 2:02
  this year of meditating 3 hours a day for the first six months
• 2:06
  of my recovery. And just because my head was,
• 2:10
  you know, 100 miles an hour. And yeah, I am basically my, my,
• 2:17
  my dad was, he wasn't an alcoholic, but he, his father
• 2:21
  was my grandfather and they grew up in a hotel in the city with
• 2:26
  his two brothers and, and, and sister and one brother was an
• 2:31
  alcoholic. And my dad was just a heavy
• 2:33
  drinker. Like he didn't, he was supposed
• 2:38
  to take over the hotel and he decided not because he was the
• 2:41
  oldest, the oldest son and, and he was supposed to take it over.
• 2:45
  But he said, no, I don't want to take it over because, you know,
• 2:48
  I don't want to be like my father.
• 2:50
  And, and my, my grandfather was, was a, a pretty, you know, big
• 2:56
  alcoholic and was very angry and that when he, when he was drunk,
• 3:00
  but he was a great guy, you know, when he was sober.
• 3:03
  Like, you know, a lot of Alcoholics in my family are like
• 3:06
  that. And yeah, when I was six months
• 3:10
  old, my dad was, my dad was a really good person.
• 3:13
  Like he, he was a great person. He was, and he always helped
• 3:17
  everyone and, and always helped out his mates and, and he did,
• 3:22
  he was very successful when he was young and he, he used to
• 3:28
  drink a lot because he was out, you know, with, you know,
• 3:31
  business things and all that. And, and, and one particular
• 3:35
  time he came home when, when I was six months, I was in my
• 3:38
  mum's arms and he, he hit my mum pretty hard and I fell to the
• 3:43
  ground. I went to hospital and a week
• 3:46
  after that my mum had a brain aneurysm which put her in a
• 3:51
  wheelchair for three years. So, so for the first three years
• 3:55
  of my life, it was like I didn't have a mother.
• 3:58
  My, my father was quite wealthy at that time because so he, he
• 4:03
  got a nanny for me and my sister.
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  We had a nanny until we were about 10 years old and, you
• 4:09
  know, she was like my mother. And yeah, so even after, when my
• 4:15
  mum was able to look after us, when my sister's three years
• 4:18
  older than me, so she had, you know, she had my mother.
• 4:22
  So I've never really had that bond with my mum Where, where I,
• 4:25
  you know, I love my mum very much, but I don't have that
• 4:29
  same. You know, I've grown up seeing
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  people's bonds with their mother and, and, and I don't have it,
• 4:35
  you know, I don't have that, but my sister does.
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  So I've always felt a bit like, you know, that well, I felt like
• 4:44
  a bit of a black sheep. I was always the quiet one.
• 4:48
  I was, I was the one who, you know, my, my dad, you know, I
• 4:51
  don't blame my dad for for that either, Does my mum.
• 4:54
  They stayed together till then. But I was the one who'd sit at
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  the dinner table and not say anything while the family
• 5:00
  argued. And, and, and there, there was a
• 5:03
  lot of that going on after I was about nine years old, because my
• 5:06
  dad, you know, I think he, his, his control issues brought this
• 5:11
  on because he was, so, you know, he hated himself for what he,
• 5:15
  what he thought he'd done, you know, to my mum.
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  And he never, you know, never lived that down.
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  And he just wanted to provide, you know, and he ended up
• 5:27
  selling his businesses. He thought he was going to make
• 5:28
  more money and he, he lost it all.
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  And, and so basically from 10 on with all of ever really the
• 5:35
  family was, it was just our, you know, we got no money, you know,
• 5:40
  that still put us through private schools and that sort of
• 5:42
  thing. And so I've just had that, you
• 5:46
  know, constant from about 10 years old of, of, you know, my
• 5:52
  mum was used to, you know, a certain way.
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  And so I've always heard that sort of thing.
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  So I, I think it really affected me in a way that, you know, I
• 6:04
  always wanted to, to try and make money.
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  I suppose like it, it sort of ruled, but I never did like
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  because I just spent it on alcohol and drugs.
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  But yeah, I picked up a drink when I was 13 and that was
• 6:21
  always going to happen. Like it was alcohol was a a
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  thing in my family where it's my, my, you know, it wasn't a
• 6:31
  problem even though even today I'll say to my mum, you know,
• 6:35
  don't you think Dad had a problem drinking?
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  He was just a big drinker. But yeah, I remember times when
• 6:41
  he drive, ride, you know, drunk through two barbed wire fences
• 6:45
  on a motorbike and, you know, fully cut himself up.
• 6:49
  And he once, you know, there's a thing I remember.
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  And he had a brand new SLR 5002 days after he got it.
• 6:55
  He wrapped around a stable pole all, all while drunk, you know,
• 6:59
  and it was just a madman, you know, had a fishing boat.
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  He'd go out in the deepest seas and, and he'd be pierced and
• 7:07
  we'd go out to our beach house as a, our beach house and he'd
• 7:10
  as soon as we got to two wells, the long necks would come out
• 7:14
  and, you know, they'd go over the roof.
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  And, you know, I used to do that too, when, when I started, you
• 7:19
  know, driving and stuff. And yeah, drinking.
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  My first drink was a blackout drink.
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  I drank all the liquor in Mum and Dad's cabinet with a friend
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  from school. And he was a big guy and he
• 7:31
  didn't get as factored as much as me, but I just remembered
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  that buzz and passed out completely and, and wake up in a
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  in a pile of spew and swore and swore I'd never drink again.
• 7:41
  And then then it was just, you know, West Coast callers and
• 7:45
  pretty, pretty harmless sort of drinking, I suppose.
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  And and but I was always curious for that next thing.
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  And yeah, so, you know, marijuana and I always hung
• 7:57
  around people that like, you know, we got into ecstasy, we
• 8:00
  got into acid, we got into all those things.
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  And we just go away on the weekends.
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  We have a really good time and there's a group of people I did
• 8:07
  that with that none of them were like me and they were different
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  because I remember 1 particular time I, I took, we were drinking
• 8:16
  at Sellicks Beach and I, I took this acid trip and there's ten
• 8:20
  of us and I, I thought I could fly, you know, I thought I could
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  go to the stars and all this stuff.
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  And, and I seriously, I still remember like it was yesterday,
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  but that didn't happen to any of my friends.
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  And there was 10 of us, ten of us there.
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  And, and I, I ended up thinking I could fly and I jumped off a,
• 8:38
  off a Cliff, you know, and I had concussed and 10 stitches in my
• 8:42
  head. And yeah, that that's, you know,
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  when, when I was drinking, I, I would do crazy stuff, you know,
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  always when I was drinking every time.
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  And I was in blackout every time.
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  And that got a bit much. Had a really nice relationship
• 8:58
  when I was 19. It lasted for four years and
• 9:01
  that ended that. That's probably the one girl
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  that was a, you know, really, really good relationship until I
• 9:09
  mucked it up with my drinking and taking drugs.
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  You know, it was the the only time that I believe that I was
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  really in love with someone. And, you know, I stuffed it
• 9:21
  completely. I would.
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  Yeah. I ended up burning.
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  Well, I put a, a house and I burn all her dad's deck chairs
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  and just an alcoholic blackout, just doing crazy stuff.
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  And that was the beginning of the end for that.
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  And, and then, you know, I partied for a few years in Perth
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  and had a really good time there.
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  And, and, and I, I got into at first, you know, I always wanted
• 9:44
  to try heroin for some reason. I wanted to know what that was
• 9:47
  like. And I tried it didn't do much.
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  And then I remember one day, I was about 25 years old, I was at
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  the end with alcohol and drinking.
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  I was just sitting and I was installing panel doors for
• 10:00
  glydarol, which I did in my 20s. And I'd get, I'd get to the job
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  and I'd just sit there and I'd have a few kinds to try and get
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  over my, my, my hangover and, and I just want to neck myself,
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  you know, I didn't want to live anymore.
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  The alcohol would stop working at that point.
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  And yeah, I didn't know what to do.
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  But I, I, that's when the, the heroin came in that, that sort
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  of saved me in a sense, like, and then, you know, I couldn't
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  get off of it. I was just always trying to get
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  off of it. And it was, it was something
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  that I thought I could get off and I just couldn't.
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  And I thought that wouldn't, you know, that won't happen to me.
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  I've, I've been able to put these things down.
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  I don't have to, you know, put the ecstasy down and put the all
• 10:51
  that other stuff down. I can, you know, won't, won't
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  affect me in this. You know, that wasn't the case.
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  And I, I ended up having a roller door business which I
• 11:03
  started and, and you know, I'd, I'd be using, drinking, using
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  whatever and, and I make really good money, you know, really
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  good money. I had had a really successful
• 11:16
  business, but what, when I, I would use it on heroin and I'd
• 11:20
  run out of money and I'd end up, you know, breaking into people's
• 11:23
  houses while I had this business that was making me plenty of
• 11:26
  money and I still had no money. I just couldn't afford what I
• 11:30
  was doing. It was, you know, really.
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  And, and then I started, you know, getting in involved with,
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  with criminal sorts of people and, you know, learning,
• 11:41
  learning a few things and, and, you know, it wasn't me.
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  I didn't, I didn't like what I was doing and I wasn't good at
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  it either. I, I would, I, I got first time
• 11:52
  I, I broke into a house and I stole a heap of stuff because I
• 11:56
  was hanging out really badly and I met this girl and, and yeah,
• 12:01
  we, we stole a heap of stuff and I, I wanted to take it back and
• 12:06
  the guy threatened me not to take it back.
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  And I, I got, got back to my house and I took it to every
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  cash converters around Adelaide and the police caught up me with
• 12:17
  me in about two days. It was like I almost wanted to,
• 12:20
  you know, I wanted to get caught.
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  Like I wasn't trying to, you know, hide it or anything.
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  And so I was looking at three years in jail for that.
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  And I, I chose to go to rehab and I was about my son was, he
• 12:33
  was, he was three at that point. And you know, I just wanted to
• 12:37
  be a good dad and I couldn't stop drinking.
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  And I, you know, when my son was born, it was the most amazing
• 12:43
  thing, hadn't ever happened to me.
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  And I, I couldn't stop using heroin and I couldn't stop
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  drinking. And his mum, you know, she was a
• 12:51
  heroin addict too. And and I tried to save her
• 12:55
  because, you know, I tried to help her and I didn't know that
• 12:58
  I couldn't help her. Like, I thought I was doing the
• 13:00
  right thing. But yeah, I couldn't stop once I
• 13:04
  started either and went to that first rehab.
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  And I, yeah, I had no idea. Like I just wanted to go in
• 13:13
  there to stop using drugs. I didn't want to stop drinking.
• 13:17
  And the lady in there said to me, were you using last year?
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  And I said, well, not, not very much.
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  And she says, were you drinking? And I say, yeah, of course I was
• 13:29
  drinking, which she said, well, that you're using.
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  And I'm like, oh, I didn't know that.
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  And, you know, it was, it was all new to me and I got into
• 13:38
  relationship there and I got kicked out.
• 13:41
  And then that was my first rehab.
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  I got introduced to another rehab that was in about 2006.
• 13:46
  And that was a 12 step rehab in corumber QLD where they, they,
• 13:51
  you know, took us to lots of meetings.
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  And that was the first time I ever got any experience of
• 13:57
  anyone that, that was a guy there who shared his story and
• 14:02
  he was 10 years clean and he, he was a heroin addict.
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  And, and, and at this point too, I didn't know that I was an
• 14:10
  alcoholic. Like, I still didn't believe
• 14:13
  that I had a problem with drinking and, and, and I also
• 14:17
  didn't think it was possible to get off of heroin.
• 14:19
  So I, I, I just didn't know what to do.
• 14:21
  But when I heard this guy 10, he was in a, in a nice mole skins
• 14:25
  and boots and he was driving an Audi and he was 10 years clean.
• 14:28
  I, I just cried. I thought, wow, you know, I've
• 14:31
  got, I've got like, I can actually do this if I, you know,
• 14:37
  I still didn't know what to do, but I, I thought it's possible.
• 14:41
  And yeah, I, I got out of that rehab, but I didn't get into a
• 14:45
  relationship in that rehab. I got, I got through it and I
• 14:47
  got out and I came to meetings and, and then, you know, I drank
• 14:53
  again and I and I started using again and I went to another
• 14:56
  rehab and nums rehab in Saint Mary's.
• 15:00
  And yeah, I was just using the whole time in there too.
• 15:04
  And then I got out of there and went to another rehab, which I
• 15:07
  went to Corumbin again and gave that a shot.
• 15:10
  And yeah, I still, I still had no idea.
• 15:13
  I had no, no idea that drinking was the thing that that kept
• 15:18
  affecting me and couldn't get it through my head.
• 15:21
  Got into a relationship there and got kicked out again and had
• 15:25
  to catch the plane back with no money.
• 15:27
  And, you know, I wanted that girl to come back with me too.
• 15:31
  It's like it was ridiculous the way I thought it was.
• 15:34
  Women was another drug for me, you know, like if I, if I was in
• 15:39
  a rehab and there was a Pretty Woman in there, you know, and,
• 15:43
  and I had half a chance, I was going to take that chance.
• 15:46
  And, and yeah, that that's sort of how my life went up until I
• 15:50
  actually, the last rehab I was in, I got through that in in a
• 15:55
  CARPO in 2010. And a guy came up and mentioned
• 16:03
  he came up to the rehab that didn't do 12 step or anything,
• 16:06
  but the they came up and, and said, you know, have you heard
• 16:11
  of NA or NAA and, and said no. And he said come to a meeting.
• 16:15
  And so when I got out of that rehab, I went to a meeting and I
• 16:19
  surrendered. You know, that's when I started
• 16:21
  doing meetings for, you know, I haven't stopped going to
• 16:25
  meetings. You know, that was 15 years ago.
• 16:29
  And you know, I've got 30 days up, 60 days up.
• 16:33
  So, you know, another 3060, whatever, a year busted, you
• 16:38
  know, got another year up busted.
• 16:40
  And then I got 2 1/2 years up. And I, I thought, hey, this is,
• 16:44
  this is, this is good. Like I'm getting somewhere.
• 16:46
  I was starting to sleep. I was starting to, you know, had
• 16:48
  a, had a good program. I'd started a rehab.
• 16:51
  I was living in a Housing Trust, had no debts.
• 16:56
  I've been through bankruptcy twice.
• 16:58
  So and I just got out of bankruptcy and I had no debts.
• 17:01
  And yeah, I started a meeting in, in the Housing Trust that
• 17:05
  you know, and I had a sponsor and I had a sponsor and I was
• 17:07
  doing all the stuff that you're supposed to do.
• 17:10
  And yeah, I got to 2 1/2 years and I thought I, I need more, I
• 17:16
  need something more than this, you know.
• 17:17
  And I was really happy too. Like I was, I was never been so
• 17:21
  happy and I had nothing. I, I was living in a Housing
• 17:25
  Trust. I was working the program, I had
• 17:29
  friends in recovery and, and my brilliant idea was to get a
• 17:33
  business started again. And, and I did that and I did
• 17:36
  really well. I turned over nearly $400,000 in
• 17:40
  my first year with a business partner and I just went like
• 17:46
  hell leather into into this business and dropped everything
• 17:49
  in recovery, you know, dropped that meeting, dropped my sponsor
• 17:56
  stopped going to meetings. I was starting to get headaches
• 17:59
  and I I started taking over the counter Masindo for these
• 18:02
  headaches. And very soon after that, not
• 18:06
  realizing either that what I what I was doing complete denial
• 18:11
  about complete denial about I was letting this program go.
• 18:16
  That's just been saving my life. I need to start making money and
• 18:22
  get my life back. That's, that's how I thought.
• 18:25
  And yeah, make make good money and, and went to the pub,
• 18:30
  started playing the pokies and within, I reckon two or three
• 18:35
  weeks, I was back on the heroin again.
• 18:38
  And this time I had money and I, I've never used so much in my
• 18:43
  life, you know, that nearly killed me and I got come back
• 18:48
  into recovery and kept coming back.
• 18:50
  And I did. I didn't use, I had a lot of
• 18:53
  relapses, but I didn't use that the heroin for probably about
• 18:58
  six or seven years because of this program.
• 19:01
  This the relapse is, you know, I'd get a year up again, nine
• 19:04
  months up again, a year up again.
• 19:07
  And I I just didn't know what what was causing it.
• 19:10
  And and I thought I was sexually abused when I was 13 and I
• 19:14
  thought I'd held that in till until this point.
• 19:18
  And I thought it's got to be that, you know, I've never
• 19:21
  talked to any anyone about it. And so I was 47 at that point
• 19:26
  and Jay was my sponsor and, and I, you know, talked to him about
• 19:32
  it and, and I made the decision I was going to take this guy to
• 19:35
  court, which in hindsight, I wish I'd never did it.
• 19:38
  But I thought, you know, if I do that, I'm like, you know, they
• 19:43
  told me six months you'll have, they said the payer was
• 19:46
  $1,000,000. I was very happy about that, but
• 19:50
  but it didn't end up that end up that way.
• 19:53
  It took three years and a lot of pain and I had to relive this
• 19:56
  experience over and over and over again for three years.
• 19:59
  And and you know, I, I did win the case, but I and I wanted to
• 20:06
  kill myself many, many times in that process, having to relive
• 20:11
  this. And it was just, I couldn't
• 20:15
  believe that, you know, that this was happening.
• 20:18
  And I was in recovery, you know, I was.
• 20:20
  I was that drink I wasn't using when I relapsed, I wasn't using
• 20:25
  heroin or anything at this point.
• 20:26
  And I, I would just, you know, to have a few drinks and come
• 20:31
  back and get sober again. There's a tet busting and
• 20:36
  eventually that that ended up I, I got about two months before I
• 20:41
  was to get paid out a fairly large sum of money.
• 20:44
  I because I wonder and I got to face that guy in court too, So
• 20:50
  and he said sorry and that, and that's probably the, the best
• 20:53
  thing I got out of it because the money did me no good.
• 20:56
  I got, I got sober again before I got that money in my bank and
• 21:00
  I thought I've got to stay sober and no, I feel OK.
• 21:04
  I took my son to Cairns and spent a month up there and, and,
• 21:08
  and bought a bought a car and set up my business of it and
• 21:12
  then had nine months. I, I, I decided I, I didn't have
• 21:16
  a sponsor. I didn't have, I was just going
• 21:18
  to meetings. So I wasn't doing the programme
• 21:21
  at this point. I didn't think I needed a
• 21:24
  sponsor. That's the denial I was in.
• 21:26
  And I've been around the programme for a long time.
• 21:28
  I was back in that denial thinking I'm I'm in control
• 21:32
  again. I've got some money and I was
• 21:34
  going to, you know, buy a house up in a little unit up in Cairns
• 21:37
  and this sort of thing. And, and I went to the pub and
• 21:40
  had a drink, played the pokies. That's how it starts.
• 21:44
  And, and yeah, within a couple of months, I was went back to
• 21:49
  the heroin again. I was, you know, I was using
• 21:51
  about $1000 a day. I went through that money in, in
• 21:54
  a very short time, probably about three months, I went
• 21:58
  through about $80,000. And, and yeah, it's, it just
• 22:05
  blew my mind. I come to Christmas and I
• 22:07
  thought, is the money's gone? What are you going to do now?
• 22:11
  It's like, and I didn't come back to recovery for two years,
• 22:15
  but I stayed out of, of recovery after that.
• 22:19
  I, I, I just thought I, I can't get this program, you know, I
• 22:22
  was sick of sick of relapsing, sick of trying to come back and,
• 22:27
  and do it again. And I thank God I eventually
• 22:33
  did. Yeah.
• 22:35
  I got onto a maintenance program and I still was drinking like I
• 22:39
  was drinking vodka solos and that sort of thing.
• 22:42
  And so that slowed down and, and then I, I sort of got a, it was
• 22:49
  always in the back of my mind. I want to get back into
• 22:51
  recovery. And in this point, you know, I
• 22:53
  got married in this time and all sorts of things.
• 22:55
  But I, I would be saying to my wife, I've got to get back to
• 22:59
  recovery. And she didn't understand what I
• 23:01
  was talking about, but she had no idea.
• 23:04
  And, and, and eventually, yeah, I got a phone call from, I kept
• 23:08
  in touch with John and Richard the, the gardener in that two
• 23:14
  years. And, and I got a phone call from
• 23:16
  John and he said come to a meeting.
• 23:18
  And, and at that point in time, I was looking through all my
• 23:20
  photos, just looking through, looking at all the good times
• 23:23
  I'd had in recovery, you know, and all the times that was shit.
• 23:28
  And I've had a lot of good times in recovery because since I've
• 23:31
  been in recovery, it's saved my life.
• 23:34
  I've spent at least 10 sober years because of recovery.
• 23:38
  That doesn't help with my mental health because, but it's has
• 23:42
  saved my life. Like like there's ten years
• 23:45
  there that I haven't been drinking and using.
• 23:47
  And so I'm really grateful for that.
• 23:50
  And yeah, when John rang me, I had the willingness, like he he
• 23:54
  said come to a meeting and I went, I went down to Brompton
• 23:57
  and then I drank again that night and then I went back the
• 24:00
  next day. And yeah, and even then I was
• 24:05
  thinking, I'm not getting a sponsor and I'm just going to do
• 24:07
  it my way. And within three days of coming
• 24:10
  to meetings, that all changed. And and I found a book in my
• 24:14
  office. I started cleaning out that an
• 24:16
  old sponsor had given me as a book of prayers and had the
• 24:19
  Saint Francis prayer and the the heaps of different prayers,
• 24:25
  first steps. So, you know, all the prayers
• 24:27
  and and I thought that was a good job because that had sat
• 24:30
  under all these books for for years and years and, you know,
• 24:34
  just put it under the pile and never even looked at it.
• 24:37
  And I started reading that every morning and night and getting on
• 24:40
  my knees and brain because I was really stuffed.
• 24:43
  Like I was so broken. In the end, I wasn't drinking
• 24:47
  very much, but I was broken and I wanted to die.
• 24:50
  Like I didn't want to live anymore.
• 24:52
  And yeah, so I, I on the third day, I started praying to God
• 24:56
  and, and come into meetings every day and got a sponsor.
• 25:01
  Ben was my sponsor. He's not here, but he's been
• 25:05
  supporting me through this year and yeah, it's it it's amazing
• 25:11
  that where I was in the denial of like the position I was in
• 25:17
  and to be able to come into recovery and have support and
• 25:21
  then, you know, and stay sober. It's it's amazing.
• 25:25
  I just, yeah, I just buckled in this time, really gave it, have
• 25:30
  given it my all and, and just still going to meetings most
• 25:34
  days today because of, you know, I just celebrated a year and my
• 25:39
  head's, you know, my sponsor said, oh, how, how's your
• 25:42
  birthday? I said, oh, you know, it's, it's
• 25:45
  OK, but it, you know, it's, there's, it's I'm just like at
• 25:50
  the beginning of, of seeing how sick I am, you know, like I've
• 25:55
  got such a long way to go in recovery.
• 25:59
  So it's a bit, it hasn't been like bells and whistles coming
• 26:02
  up to this year. It's been, it's been like, Oh
• 26:04
  shit, you know, I've this is recovery and, and I've just got
• 26:08
  to keep doing it and, and stay sober.
• 26:11
  You know, it's, it's not, it's not a time to go out and you
• 26:15
  know, my head's already been going.
• 26:17
  I want to start this and start that and get involved in, you
• 26:21
  know, I've got a few things that I that I've got in plan that I
• 26:24
  want to do, but I'm just all my, you know, thinking, just just
• 26:27
  let that wait for now because what if what I've done before,
• 26:32
  it hasn't worked? And yeah, my most important goal
• 26:37
  today is just to stay sober and get to meetings and, and keep
• 26:42
  working on, you know, I'm doing the eighth step and 9th step at
• 26:45
  the moment. And that that's, that's sort of,
• 26:49
  you know, that's not a happy place.
• 26:51
  It's not, it's not like, yeah, everything's great in recovery
• 26:55
  because it's not like I've got, I've got work to do And yeah,
• 27:01
  and that, and that's, but it's good, you know, I'm in recovery
• 27:03
  and I'm sober and I'm clean and, and you know, it's been 9 years
• 27:08
  for me to get to this one year clean because of all the denial
• 27:13
  that, that I've gone through, you know, with alcohol, with,
• 27:17
  with, with, you know, with everything.
• 27:20
  So, yeah, I'm really grateful, really grateful to be sober and
• 27:25
  clean. And I will alter this program
• 27:28
  into the higher power. And yeah, I really appreciate
• 27:31
  you asking me to to share. Thank you.
• 27:34
  Thanks. Jay A A has more than two
• 27:38
  million recovering Alcoholics throughout the world.
• 27:41
  In Australia there are about 18,000 members.
• 27:46
  They're made in over 2000 local meetings spread around the
• 27:50
  country. Meetings range in size from a
• 27:53
  handful in some areas to hundreds or more in larger
• 27:58
  communities. And once again, if anyone you
• 28:01
  know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
• 28:06
  Announcing 1300 Double 00022 or visit their website on aa.org
• 28:13
  dot AU.