Latest / Karl and Crew / Biblical Parenting Q&A with Dr. Kathy Koch

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Biblical Parenting Q&A with Dr. Kathy Koch · Karl and Crew

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  S1: Broadcasting from Chicago, across North America and beyond its cast
• 0:06
  S1: and crew. Come as you are an experienced guide, overcome
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  S1: what seems impossible and live. As you never imagined. Start
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  S1: your morning with a laugh.
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  S2: Practical from the Bible. Tips and tricks to kill. Not tricks,
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  S2: but tips and tricks.
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  S3: Tips and tricks to kill. Tips and tricks.
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  S1: Delivering the truth daily.
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  S4: All of my attempts to, you know, prop myself up
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  S4: with achievement and good works. Well, God wasn't impressed by that.
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  S4: Even if other people were.
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  S2: The gospel changes everything.
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  S5: Freedom in Christ. Man, it's like that backpack of cement
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  S5: just falling to the ground.
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  S1: Now, from the call of Hope Studios, this is Carl
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  S1: and crew.
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  S6: Okay, we've got an important guest popping in here. She's
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  S6: an expert. She's not going to be featured this whole hour,
• 0:57
  S6: but we wanted to get an update. Lana Silk is
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  S6: with us right now. Let's do a proper introduction here.
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  S4: She's the president and chief executive officer with Transform Iran.
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  S4: She was born and raised in Iran before emigrating to
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  S4: the UK, where she completed her education. Alana, I want
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  S4: to bring you in quickly. Obviously, there's been so much
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  S4: happening in the news in Iran and it's it's been
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  S4: hard to know how how is this a good thing?
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  S4: How are the Iranian people feeling? Tell us what you
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  S4: what you're hearing.
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  S7: Good morning. Yes. It's really hard to respond to war
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  S7: saying it's a good thing. But in truth, for the
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  S7: people of Iran, this is a good thing. It's always
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  S7: sad when people when there's a loss of life. But
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  S7: we have to remember that there would have been a
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  S7: long term continued, even greater loss of life for Iranians
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  S7: had we not had intervention from the West. And I
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  S7: say this perhaps a little prematurely, hoping that the intervention
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  S7: continues to complete the job.
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  S6: Lana, you've got a perspective knowing the underground church in Iran,
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  S6: you know, stories that are happening. We see a lot
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  S6: of people cheering in the streets. I heard stats that
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  S6: 70 to 80% of the country is gung ho for
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  S6: this transition, God willing, into a new government that would
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  S6: be less constrictive and more freedom for the gospel. I
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  S6: know that those 20%, they're associated with government and the
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  S6: Revolutionary Guard and all of that, but give us the
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  S6: perspective of people that we don't have that our listeners
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  S6: need to know about, that they aren't going to hear
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  S6: on the network news. What do you say?
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  S7: There's a lot of conflicting emotions right now because of course,
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  S7: we are at war and there is risk and everyday
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  S7: life is very, very hard. So, you know, we were
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  S7: talking last time I was with you both how hard
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  S7: life was in terms of access to food and medical care.
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  S7: It's even worse now in that sense. But in mixed
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  S7: in with that, there is so much hope and excitement
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  S7: because it feels like it's getting harder, but almost with
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  S7: a purpose that we're coming to the end of it
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  S7: and crossing the line to the other side. So I
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  S7: think that difficulty is being overshadowed by excitement and hope
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  S7: for what might be in the future.
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  S4: Lana Silk, our guest this morning. If you want more
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  S4: on Transform Iran, including a prayer guide, certainly timely, just
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  S4: text transform to 855 five 7898. Text transform to 855
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  S4: five 7898.
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  S6: Yeah. Grateful for you, Lana. From the bottom of our heart. Well,
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  S6: we're in a week here called Ask the Experts. And boy,
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  S6: have we got one coming up here. Ali.
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  S4: Kathy Cook is going to be joining us, taking your questions.
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  S4: All things parenting. So if you have one that you've
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  S4: been sitting on or phone lines are open. Text lines
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  S4: are open 800 555 7898.
• 3:54
  S1: Get your info from a source you can trust. It's
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  S1: Ask the Experts week with curl and crew.
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  S6: It's Carl and crew. It's Ask the Experts week, and
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  S6: we are so grateful. You know, some of the topics
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  S6: that we have to tackle here are tough. And one
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  S6: of the reasons that you love Moody Radio is we're
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  S6: not getting weak in the knees around issues that culturally
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  S6: maybe are very different than a biblical worldview, but you
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  S6: want to order that for your life privately and publicly,
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  S6: and you want to help minister to other people that
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  S6: are struggling. One of the biggest issues that's going on
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  S6: in our world today is gender confusion. And we can
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  S6: talk forever about how we got here, but we are
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  S6: where we are, right, Ali?
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  S4: Correct. And as parents, you want to be able to
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  S4: help your children.
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  S6: Yeah. And there's so many issues going on screens. Um,
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  S6: it's it's the killer. I heard a stat. What was
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  S6: that stat? We heard 70 per. Oh, yeah, we heard
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  S6: this from Drew Dickens. Guys, 70% of kids Have a
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  S6: I'm forgetting the word now.
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  S4: AI. Like an AI companion.
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  S6: Companion? That's the word companion. Have an AI companion. 70%
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  S6: of teens have an AI companion. Now that could be
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  S6: terrifying if not for the fact the tomb is empty
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  S6: and our God is still speaking life and truth. And
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  S6: we've got a guest right now. Doctor Kathy Cook, founder
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  S6: and CEO of Celebrate Kids, Inc. she's with us right now. Kathy, uh,
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  S6: let's tackle this screens thing. That number of this companion
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  S6: for these teen kids. That's that's crazy, isn't it, sister?
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  S8: Yeah. Crazy is a really good word. It's scary. Crazy. Um,
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  S8: we've got to be present in the room with our
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  S8: kids so that they want to talk to us. Yeah,
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  S8: we have to. We have to walk toward them. We
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  S8: have to know what they're interested in. We have to
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  S8: know why they like that kind of music. And they
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  S8: don't like this kind of music. We need to know
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  S8: our kids.
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  S4: Doctor Kathy.
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  S9: Cook us.
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  S4: Go ahead.
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  S8: So that they trust us. You know, when they have questions.
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  S8: It is really scary. Relationships are hard. Let's admit that.
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  S4: Doctor Kathy Cook, our guest expert, this morning. Founder and
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  S4: CEO of Celebrate Kids. If you have a question on parenting,
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  S4: we'll go ahead and start to get those loaded up.
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  S4: 800 555 7898 Kathy is a sought after media guest
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  S4: and international speaker. She's been an elementary school teacher, a
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  S4: middle school coach, a school board member, and a college professor.
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  S4: I'm curious which of those was the most challenging? Elementary
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  S4: school teacher. Middle school coach? School board member. I've been
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  S4: one of those. College professor. Which was hardest.
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  S8: Oh come on. They were all hard in their own ways. Um,
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  S8: they were all hard in their own way. I think
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  S8: it's the fairest answer. I love them all. I thought
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  S8: it would be doing them all forever. But God called
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  S8: me to this, and I'm really grateful he did.
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  S6: There's a lot of people listening right now, Kathy, who
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  S6: struggle with the sense of helplessness. We're not helpless, are we?
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  S8: No. I love what you were just saying about God
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  S8: still on the throne. He's aware of what's going on.
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  S8: He's not surprised. We need to lean into him. We
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  S8: need to pray. expecting to hear from him. We need
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  S8: to read the word as the personal love letter that
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  S8: it is, so that we can benefit from it. We
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  S8: need to hang out with fellow believers. We need to
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  S8: listen to good music like you play consistently on Carl
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  S8: and crew because, you know, alone. It's hard. I don't
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  S8: know how people do it without God.
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  S4: From your vantage point, what are some of the top
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  S4: questions that you are hearing from parents currently? Obviously, so
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  S4: much happening in culture, but what are the hot topics?
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  S8: Yeah, we hear a lot about how can I get
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  S8: my kid to talk to me, which is why I
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  S8: was just saying what I said a few minutes ago.
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  S8: You know, parents are asking questions and kids are grunting
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  S8: their answers, which is not appropriate. We do get questions
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  S8: about gender, of course. It's a complex issue. We do
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  S8: get questions about, you know, depression, um, fatigue. You know,
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  S8: how would I know if my kid was suicidal? Because
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  S8: we're reading the news. We have to be really, really careful.
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  S8: Not every teenager is anxious. Not every teenager is depressed.
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  S8: We have to be really careful of assuming that they're
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  S8: all in big trouble. Um, many are, and we can
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  S8: address that, but many aren't. And so we shouldn't assume that.
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  S6: We got a question that came in here from a
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  S6: grandparent says my 230 something kids and spouses are followers
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  S6: of Christ. And what are the top two simple trip tips?
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  S6: And then they put in parentheses and tricks. That's a
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  S6: little jab at Young Thunder, their tips and tricks we
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  S6: grandparents can do to impact our grandkids for the kingdom.
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  S6: So top two ways to impact grandkids. What do you say, Kathy?
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  S8: Definitely pray for your grandchildren even if you don't have
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  S8: access to them, which is sadly happening far too often.
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  S8: Pray for them specifically by name. Personalize the word when
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  S8: you read it. You know when you read about love
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  S8: in the scripture, put your granddaughter's name in there and say,
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  S8: I want, you know, Elizabeth, to learn how to love
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  S8: like this. Let them know that you're praying for them
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  S8: if you can. And, um, you know, talk about, tell
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  S8: your story. Like if grandchildren don't want to hear about God,
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  S8: if they don't want to hear about Scripture, your story,
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  S8: they're interested in always. And your story never lies. And
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  S8: so share your story. Share your testimony. Share about, you know,
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  S8: why do you go to church? Why do you have
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  S8: a life group posted in your home every Tuesday night?
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  S8: Why do you do what you do?
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  S6: We want your questions right now. Phone lines wide open
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  S6: text line wide open 800 555 7898. Your questions for
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  S6: Kathy Cook. And here's here's what I want you to
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  S6: think about. What is that burden that's most been on
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  S6: your heart for your kids or grandkids. And I'm asking
• 9:19
  S6: you to tee up that question right now. You can
• 9:22
  S6: remain anonymous if you need to. If you text in,
• 9:26
  S6: obviously we're not going to read names or numbers 800.
• 9:31
  S6: I almost went with the wrong number here. 805 five
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  S6: five 7898 800 555 7898. Let's get those questions teed up.
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  S6: Phone lines wide open 800 555 78. 98.
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  S1: You've got questions. They've got answers. It's Ask the Experts
• 9:54
  S1: week with Carl and crew.
• 9:56
  S6: Taking your calls for Cathy Cooke. Important topic. Kids screens,
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  S6: transgender issues, all of those things. Cathy is an expert
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  S6: on this stuff, guys. And so we're taking those calls
• 10:10
  S6: right now. 800 555 7898 Ask the Expert week has
• 10:16
  S6: been epic ally and the beat goes on.
• 10:18
  S4: And we've got questions coming in both calls and texts.
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  S4: 800 555 7898. We'll go to Sierra. First time caller
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  S4: from Columbia, South Carolina. Go ahead with your question for
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  S4: Doctor Cathy Cook.
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  S10: Hi. Thanks for taking my call. Um, I'm a young
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  S10: mom of a four month old child, and I'm just
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  S10: trying to figure out how to navigate bringing my child
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  S10: up in a world where it's very, um, um, virtual
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  S10: and a lot of media. And I'm just wondering, how
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  S10: do I help my baby just to live life outside
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  S10: the screen?
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  S8: I love that you're already aware of this. Congratulations and
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  S8: welcome to being a mom.
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  S9: I'm happy to be here.
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  S8: Um, no, this is really good. You need to keep
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  S8: her off of devices as long as possible. And I mean, like,
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  S8: when she's two and she's cranky, you don't hand her
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  S8: an iPad like a pacifier. We've got to teach our
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  S8: kids to enjoy people watching. Enjoy the sun in their
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  S8: eyes and all of those kinds of things. It makes
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  S8: me nuts when I'm in an airport and there's so
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  S8: much people watching that could happen. And little kids are
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  S8: on devices, so keep them off. You don't have to
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  S8: buy them. You don't have to hand it to them.
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  S8: You can be different. Even if, um, relatives and friends,
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  S8: you know, have their kids on devices, you don't have to.
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  S8: But the only way it works is if you have
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  S8: alternatives available. So really good children's books, really fun squishy
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  S8: balls to play with, things that she can teethe on
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  S8: that you know, aren't touchscreen, obviously. You know, just go
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  S8: to the park and go to the zoo and go
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  S8: to the art museum when there's a Saturday free for
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  S8: a family, even though she's one, she can have all
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  S8: the eye candy there at the art museum.
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  S9: Love it.
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  S8: Expose her to so much. I'm really proud of you
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  S8: for wanting to be a good mom in that way.
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  S8: Be present to her without devices, it is possible.
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  S6: You know, Kathy, I want to follow up on this one.
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  S6: I think there's more peer pressure on parents to cave
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  S6: to other parents in the cultural move than there are
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  S6: kids screaming for screens. No, I'm serious about this because
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  S6: I've got a granddaughter and they've they've really committed. There
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  S6: ain't no screens in this girl's life and none. And
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  S6: mainly because they're in the tech world, so they understand this,
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  S6: so they get it. So what do parents do when
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  S6: they feel the peer pressure that, you know, and it's
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  S6: not even always spoken. It's kind of a glance or something.
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  S6: And it can know. And you know what I'm saying Kathy,
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  S6: this can get hot in the kitchen for these parents.
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  S6: What do you say to them?
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  S8: Yeah, we're raising this kid. We're not raising your kids.
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  S8: We're not responsible for your kids. You can do whatever
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  S8: you want. Although I wish that you would, you know,
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  S8: consider my ideas. No, you. You stand strong and you
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  S8: lean into God and his people. And you say, this
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  S8: is what we've been called to do. We're going to
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  S8: steward our time really well, and we're going to raise
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  S8: the kid. We're not going to let tech raise the kid.
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  S8: You stand up. Absolutely.
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  S4: Doctor Kathy Cook, our expert this morning, this hour, taking
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  S4: your questions on parenting 800 555 7898. This one came
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  S4: in by text message. How do you deal with a
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  S4: child who is straying from the Lord and church? As
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  S4: they reach adolescence? They are wandering and it seems like
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  S4: I can't stop it.
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  S9: Well.
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  S8: The. Yeah. So first of all, I'm so sad and
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  S8: I'm really sorry that this is happening. You can be
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  S8: the best parent raising the kid according to Scripture, and
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  S8: because of free will and the influence of the peers
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  S8: and the the culture they can walk. Don't ever give
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  S8: up because God is aware and he loves your child
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  S8: more than you ever could, or would certainly. Pray and
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  S8: pray with hope and optimism. Persevere and endure in that way.
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  S8: Make sure your love is ever present. Let the kids
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  S8: know that you're always available to them and again, live
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  S8: a vibrant relationship with Christ. I don't think we demonstrate
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  S8: well that God is our everything and that we love him,
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  S8: and it's because of our love for him that compels us,
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  S8: for instance, to not want to sin because sin is easy.
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  S8: Could we just go there? Making bad decisions is easy.
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  S8: Walking the narrow path isn't necessarily easy today, but we
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  S8: can do it. And we can do it with a
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  S8: vibrancy that shows our children and even our students, that
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  S8: God is best for us and his ways and his
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  S8: will is what is life giving to us, because we
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  S8: don't demonstrate love and a vibrant relationship. They think walking
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  S8: away is fine. They think that all they need is
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  S8: fire insurance. It. Jesus died that we would have an
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  S8: abundant life. John 1010 an abundant life. And you know, Carl,
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  S8: I see so many people satisfied with mediocrity. So our
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  S8: kids don't see that there's more to the relationship with
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  S8: Christ than salvation. There's abundance. Do we model that and
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  S8: do we talk about all of that?
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  S6: And that's the ticket right there. Cathy Cook, our guest
• 15:03
  S6: right now, I want to ask you get your questions in.
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  S6: Phone or text 800 555 7898 800 555 7898. Wow.
• 15:15
  S6: It's Ask the Experts week and this is epic. I'm
• 15:19
  S6: loving this. All right. Got a tough question here. Let
• 15:21
  S6: me let me try to abbreviate it. But here it
• 15:23
  S6: is I'm going to grab some of the snippets from it.
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  S6: What do I do with an older teen 17 refuses
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  S6: to clean up after himself. Extremely messy. We're talking health
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  S6: hazard weigh here. Helps herself to other stuff because she
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  S6: doesn't take care of her own. She lies. She's disrespectful.
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  S6: She's unteachable, she's excelling at school. But even her coaches
• 15:45
  S6: and teachers say she won't take feedback, won't listen to
• 15:48
  S6: constructive criticism. Oh, man, I think you got enough of
• 15:53
  S6: the picture here. It even goes on. What do you say, Cathy?
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  S9: Wow.
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  S8: Oh, I'm so sorry.
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  S9: Um.
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  S8: It sounds to me like maybe some counseling is in
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  S8: order here, you know? And sometimes that's appropriate. Sometimes it's
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  S8: good to go to.
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  S9: A.
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  S8: Therapist, a counselor, a mental health coach. Nothing wrong with that.
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  S8: Talk to a pastor. Potentially. So she's capable. She's doing
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  S8: well in school. I don't think she sees the value
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  S8: of all the other things. So again, man, we talk
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  S8: about living life strong. Um, I always look for the
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  S8: what's the why behind the what? Why is she lazy
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  S8: in personal hygiene? Why is she stealing? Why is she
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  S8: lazy about taking care of her things? Now, there are
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  S8: consequences for that. You know, if she doesn't take care
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  S8: of her stuff, you can take it away. You don't
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  S8: buy her anything new if she's not taking care of that,
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  S8: which is old. So maybe there are some consequences. and
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  S8: when the consequences fit the crime, it is best. So
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  S8: in other words, punishment like time out and those kinds
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  S8: of things. That doesn't always work because the kid can't
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  S8: associate the crime with the punishment. So maybe there are
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  S8: some consequences that you can put into place for the
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  S8: way that she's handling her material wealth and things like that. Wow.
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  S8: I would, I would, um, I would have serious conversations
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  S8: with her about why is she why does she discount
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  S8: those other things?
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  S6: Quick, quick follow up on this one, Kathy. Um, as
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  S6: a pastor and I've been in counseling these situations a lot,
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  S6: and two things strike me here. One is this girl
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  S6: at 17, she's got a very mature mind. She's going
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  S6: to have to come to the end of herself. I mean,
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  S6: this this is a tough one. She's almost out on
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  S6: her own, and she's going to have to get broken.
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  S6: The other thing that hits me, and I don't say
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  S6: this to condemn any parent right now, but this battle
• 17:35
  S6: wasn't lost at 17. This thing was lost at seven months.
• 17:39
  S6: We got to go back there and get some of
• 17:41
  S6: these things in place. Right, Kathy?
• 17:43
  S8: That's a really good point that we do look back.
• 17:45
  S8: And so we say to our parents, it's never too late.
• 17:47
  S8: And you can still have hope in this situation. But
• 17:49
  S8: to the parents who are listening who have younger kids. Yeah,
• 17:52
  S8: be strong now. Walk toward them now. Ask them now,
• 17:55
  S8: where are they going and who are they with and
• 17:56
  S8: why are they listening to that? And why do they
• 17:58
  S8: shut the door when you told them to keep it open?
• 18:00
  S8: We have got to help our younger children understand that
• 18:03
  S8: obedience is a blessing and obedience is right and Teachability
• 18:07
  S8: is right. So back to this gal again, Karl. Let's
• 18:09
  S8: call sin sin. By the way, I love your book
• 18:11
  S8: on that topic.
• 18:12
  S9: Thank you. This is pride.
• 18:13
  S8: This is pride. And you, you know, Ephesians 422 says,
• 18:18
  S8: take off your old self. Verse 24 says, put on
• 18:20
  S8: your new self and the middle, the middle. Verse 23 says,
• 18:24
  S8: renew your mind. And that's done in the Holy Word
• 18:26
  S8: of God. And we can do that with our children.
• 18:28
  S8: If our children won't do it on their own. This
• 18:30
  S8: girl needs to take off pride and put on humility
• 18:32
  S8: and take off arrogance and put on teachability and put
• 18:35
  S8: off isolation and put on community. Right. And put off
• 18:39
  S8: laziness and put on effort and endurance, etc.. So that
• 18:42
  S8: maybe is the way that the parents pray for her
• 18:44
  S8: and the things that we talk to her about. What
• 18:46
  S8: if we talk to these kids, Carl, more about what
• 18:48
  S8: they could be doing rather than what they are doing?
• 18:51
  S8: What if we give them a vision for their tomorrows.
• 18:53
  S9: If they were to turn the course right? Yeah.
• 18:56
  S6: Yep. Couldn't agree more.
• 18:57
  S4: Doctor Kathy Cook, our guest. Right now we're taking your questions.
• 19:01
  S4: 855 five 7898 questions on parenting to 800 555 7898.
• 19:09
  S4: Coming up, a parent, how can I talk to my son?
• 19:13
  S4: I'm worried about him, but I don't want to push
• 19:15
  S4: him away. Good one.
• 19:18
  S1: When you don't know who's better to ask than an expert.
• 19:21
  S1: You're listening to Carl and crew.
• 19:24
  S4: We've got Doctor Kathy Cook with us as our guest
• 19:26
  S4: expert this hour. Taking your questions on parenting. 855 five 7898.
• 19:34
  S4: I'm going to give some specifics before I get to
• 19:36
  S4: what is a very general question. This parent of a
• 19:40
  S4: college student who my son pierced his ears. I'm a
• 19:43
  S4: little taken aback. I know God doesn't look at the outside,
• 19:46
  S4: but at the heart. But how can I make sure
• 19:48
  S4: this isn't something more in terms of identity or some
• 19:51
  S4: destructive trajectory that he's on? Most importantly, how can I
• 19:55
  S4: talk to him without pushing him away, whether it's ears
• 19:59
  S4: pierced or some other of a million things? How do
• 20:03
  S4: we talk to our kids about things that we're concerned
• 20:05
  S4: about without pushing them away?
• 20:08
  S8: Yeah. Well, that's an interesting those are interesting specifics, right?
• 20:10
  S8: We shouldn't assume, in my opinion, we don't assume that
• 20:13
  S8: the piercing means a whole lot. I think I would
• 20:15
  S8: ask the question, you know, why was that compelling? Why
• 20:17
  S8: did you choose to do that? What does it represent
• 20:19
  S8: to you? For many, many men, a piercing and a
• 20:22
  S8: tattoo is a memory. It cements a memory. For them.
• 20:26
  S8: It is like a scrapbook, like some of us who
• 20:28
  S8: are older had when we were kids. So maybe we
• 20:30
  S8: would start by asking about that specifically. Um, so yeah,
• 20:34
  S8: don't assume the negative as far as talking in general. Um, boys,
• 20:37
  S8: boys and girls like to talk in the dark. They
• 20:39
  S8: don't like to look in our eyes. If they know
• 20:40
  S8: they're going to upset us, they like to run errands
• 20:42
  S8: with us. They've had a number of young people tell
• 20:44
  S8: me that they they don't like grocery store delivery, because
• 20:48
  S8: they used to like going to the store with their mom,
• 20:50
  S8: because that was the time when they had one on
• 20:52
  S8: one time with their mom and they had conversation times.
• 20:54
  S8: So that's an interesting conversation to even ask your kids,
• 20:57
  S8: do you miss running errands with me? If you don't
• 20:59
  S8: know this, boys always talk more when they're busy. Girls
• 21:03
  S8: will handle the kind of the kitchen table interrogation, if
• 21:06
  S8: you will. The eye contact boys are shouldered, you know,
• 21:09
  S8: boys are shoulder to shoulder communicators, right? So boys like
• 21:12
  S8: to talk when they're busy. So go walk the halls
• 21:14
  S8: of a of a store they like, um, go weed
• 21:16
  S8: the garden together, do a jigsaw puzzle where their eyes
• 21:19
  S8: are down and they're busy. They're not going to maybe
• 21:21
  S8: answer the question, how is school at the dinner table
• 21:22
  S8: with everybody else there? But they'll talk to you in
• 21:25
  S8: times when it's a more, maybe confidential, talk about highlights
• 21:28
  S8: and lowlights. If they think that every time you talk
• 21:31
  S8: to them, it's going to be about the bad stuff.
• 21:32
  S8: They're not going to want to talk to you and
• 21:33
  S8: they're not going to want to listen. So what was
• 21:35
  S8: the great part of the day? What was the worst
• 21:37
  S8: part of the day? How could you have made it better?
• 21:39
  S8: Who did you love today? Well, why did you choose
• 21:40
  S8: to love that person? Well. ET cetera, et cetera. And
• 21:43
  S8: I'd love to say tell me more if you ask
• 21:45
  S8: a question, even about the piercing. And they don't tell
• 21:48
  S8: you much, they grunt. They give you a one sentence answer.
• 21:50
  S8: Don't interrogate. What we tend to do right is we
• 21:53
  S8: tend to then ask a whole bunch of questions, well,
• 21:55
  S8: who was there and what do they do? And what
• 21:56
  S8: did the teacher think and who did you go with?
• 21:58
  S8: You know, and this is what makes us feel like
• 21:59
  S8: we've done something wrong. Even adults feel like they've done
• 22:02
  S8: something wrong when they're interrogated. Just say to your kid
• 22:04
  S8: or your grandkid, I'm keep talking or tell me more.
• 22:09
  S8: And when they look at you, he goes, no, I
• 22:10
  S8: just want to understand you. Can you keep talking? Because
• 22:13
  S8: the more information you have, the greater the likelihood that
• 22:16
  S8: what you're going to say next is going to be relevant.
• 22:18
  S6: Yeah, I love that piercing thing. That's a great metaphor.
• 22:22
  S6: I would just leverage that for you. You know what?
• 22:24
  S6: God really loves piercings. Mainly our heart. And he wants
• 22:28
  S6: to pierce it through and and no, I'm not joking.
• 22:31
  S6: I would turn that into a spiritual metaphor, like in
• 22:34
  S6: a New York second, Cathy calling in with a question
• 22:37
  S6: for Cathy. What do you have, Cathy?
• 22:40
  S11: Yeah, I love that piercing.
• 22:43
  S6: Okay, you got the radio on in the background. I'm
• 22:46
  S6: hearing myself again and that no one should have to
• 22:48
  S6: do that, especially Carl. All right, Cathy, we got you there.
• 22:52
  S6: You got your radio turned down, sister. No. She doesn't.
• 22:56
  S4: Okay, I got a text message. Question. Uh, my oldest
• 23:00
  S4: adult daughter is militant again against Christians. She views them
• 23:04
  S4: as hateful. She was raised as a Christian. She professed
• 23:07
  S4: professed Christianity. She was baptized as a believer. But when
• 23:10
  S4: she left home, it gradually turned. What can I say
• 23:13
  S4: or do? Of course. We pray consistently.
• 23:16
  S8: Um, well, praise God that you're praying. And again, I'm
• 23:18
  S8: sorry that this is happening. Love her really well and
• 23:21
  S8: talk about everything. In addition to that, you can still
• 23:24
  S8: talk about the lack of faith. You can talk about
• 23:27
  S8: your vibrant experience with church and what the Lord said
• 23:29
  S8: to you as you were worshiping or whatever. You still
• 23:32
  S8: have your story, which is legit. Talk with your doctor
• 23:34
  S8: about all the other things. Talk about your friendships. Talk
• 23:36
  S8: about her use of social media. Talk about her chosen,
• 23:39
  S8: you know, college major or her career, how an apprenticeship
• 23:42
  S8: is going, you know, talk about, you know, what you
• 23:44
  S8: love to cook with me. What are you cooking recently
• 23:46
  S8: like talk about all the other things so that she
• 23:49
  S8: knows that you still care about who she is in
• 23:51
  S8: the entirety of her design. She's still an image bearer. Um,
• 23:55
  S8: talk with her about those kinds of things when you can,
• 23:57
  S8: and absolutely pray optimistically. This is not uncommon. Sadly. You know,
• 24:01
  S8: she was in your home. I would say, um, separated
• 24:04
  S8: her from the people who are influencing her. Um, get
• 24:06
  S8: her off of X. Nobody should be on X. My
• 24:08
  S8: humble opinion. Um, you know, and be careful of all
• 24:11
  S8: the binge watching, um, of the Netflix shows. ET cetera,
• 24:14
  S8: et cetera. But when they're adults, um, you can you
• 24:17
  S8: can still parent as a verb. You can't parent as a. Well,
• 24:20
  S8: you I better not go into that. That's out of
• 24:23
  S8: my new book. I probably don't have time to go
• 24:24
  S8: into that, but just, uh. Yeah, Be available and be
• 24:28
  S8: careful with what you say. I'm so sorry it's happening.
• 24:30
  S6: Yeah. Thank you for that, Kathy. Kathy cook, doctor. Kathy Cook,
• 24:33
  S6: our expert right now taking calls, uh, text messages, questions
• 24:38
  S6: about parenting. Grandparenting covering any issue that you have. (800) 555-7898.
• 24:46
  S6: Anonymous in Grand Rapids, Michigan. What's your question for Kathy?
• 24:52
  S12: I have a daughter who just recently started dating. She
• 24:56
  S12: is a believer. He is a believer. Um, she's an adult.
• 25:00
  S12: And it's. He proposed within three months of dating. Um,
• 25:07
  S12: they've known each other very briefly, and that is a concern.
• 25:11
  S12: And I just want to know, I brought it to
• 25:14
  S12: the Lord, but it's caused some friction between us. So
• 25:18
  S12: how can I help in that area?
• 25:22
  S8: I appreciate your question. Oh, this is so awkward. There
• 25:25
  S8: are many people who meet and fall in love quickly,
• 25:29
  S8: date and marry, and have amazing marriages. There is no
• 25:33
  S8: reason to believe that this will not work just because
• 25:35
  S8: it's short. If it's a complex issue, other people of
• 25:38
  S8: course can have, you know, a ten year friendship that
• 25:40
  S8: turns into love and they marry and everything is fine
• 25:42
  S8: as well. So don't assume necessarily it's wrong. Um, praise
• 25:45
  S8: God they're believers again. Is he mature? Is he more
• 25:48
  S8: mature than your daughter? Will he lead well? Will she submit? Well,
• 25:51
  S8: those are questions to ask. And I would again, you
• 25:54
  S8: hear me say on the radio all the time, you know.
• 25:55
  S8: Do you? Do you know them? Are you asking the
• 25:57
  S8: right questions? You know, ask about the why? Um. What
• 26:00
  S8: do you what do you love about him? What do
• 26:01
  S8: you like about him? What do you have in common?
• 26:03
  S8: Have you guys talked about children and finances and values
• 26:07
  S8: and the way that you're going to live out your life, etcetera, etcetera.
• 26:10
  S8: You do have a right to ask those questions. Um,
• 26:13
  S8: and I might even say, depending upon the relationship I
• 26:15
  S8: have with the girl, I might say to my daughter, um,
• 26:18
  S8: why are you in a hurry? It looks like you're
• 26:19
  S8: in a hurry. Are you afraid that if you don't
• 26:21
  S8: make a quick commitment that he'll leave, then that's not
• 26:23
  S8: a good sign? So. Yeah, it's it's awkward. Carl, I
• 26:27
  S8: bet you've had so many.
• 26:28
  S6: Oh, sister, thank you for. Thank you. Because, you know,
• 26:32
  S6: I had something recently here where a couple came to
• 26:34
  S6: my bride and I, and they wanted to get married, and.
• 26:37
  S6: And here's the test. It's not time. It's. Do you
• 26:41
  S6: have two people that are humble and teachable? And they've
• 26:43
  S6: got somewhat their head screwed on. But let's remember back
• 26:46
  S6: to when we got married, when I was an idiot,
• 26:50
  S6: when I got married, and I had a lot to learn,
• 26:53
  S6: I was an idiot. Uh, here's the thing that I
• 26:57
  S6: want to throw in, Kathy. And I think you'd echo this.
• 27:00
  S6: Do you want them getting screwed up sexually if things
• 27:04
  S6: are hot in the kitchen? Paul's really clear. Don't dance
• 27:07
  S6: in that turf. So if if they're checking the boxes
• 27:10
  S6: on spiritual maturity, humility, teachability. I mean, to have a
• 27:15
  S6: girl meet a guy who's an all in Jesus follower.
• 27:19
  S8: Yeah.
• 27:20
  S6: I mean, I'm walking down the aisle with him with
• 27:23
  S6: the dance theme going, I'm I'm all there. So I'm
• 27:26
  S6: principled on this one. It's not about time. It's about
• 27:29
  S6: the quality of the people getting married and more on that. Kathy.
• 27:34
  S8: Well, yeah. Let me just remind everyone that finding strong
• 27:37
  S8: Christian masculine men is not easy today.
• 27:40
  S6: Oh my.
• 27:40
  S8: Word. You know, in finding again the right woman. So yeah,
• 27:43
  S8: I agree with you. I do agree with you.
• 27:45
  S6: Okay, let's go back. Oh boy. We got questions coming
• 27:48
  S6: in now. Ali.
• 27:49
  S4: Yes, this one came in by text message. Anonymous says
• 27:53
  S4: my children are highly drawn to support the cultural movement
• 27:57
  S4: of LGBTQ. Plus, it's seen in their friend group and
• 28:00
  S4: life choices. There are also some family members who encourage this.
• 28:03
  S4: How do I approach conversations, support my children and show
• 28:07
  S4: them the way of Jesus? This is a big one.
• 28:11
  S8: It's so hard. It is so hard. Um, yeah. They
• 28:15
  S8: think love is is love. So we want them to like.
• 28:19
  S8: And they can love their friends who are sexually confused,
• 28:21
  S8: but we don't want them to obviously walk on that
• 28:23
  S8: same path because it's damaging. The scripture is right. You know,
• 28:26
  S8: God wins and he says that, you know, men and
• 28:30
  S8: women are supposed to fall in love and marry, etcetera, etcetera.
• 28:32
  S8: So first of all, they're deceived. These young people are deceived.
• 28:35
  S8: They're not stupid, they're deceived. And, um, man, we've got
• 28:39
  S8: to be careful that our kids don't fall into that. Unfortunately,
• 28:42
  S8: the gay and lesbian community is very good at recruiting.
• 28:45
  S8: They're very good at demonstrating vibrant love. They're very good
• 28:48
  S8: at looking like they're all having a really good time.
• 28:50
  S8: And if young people are isolated, lonely and fearful, they'll
• 28:55
  S8: be targeted by this community and won over into that
• 28:59
  S8: way of being. So one of the things that we
• 29:00
  S8: do with these kids who are friends with the gay
• 29:02
  S8: and lesbian community is make sure that we're stronger friends
• 29:04
  S8: with them and that they want to go out to eat,
• 29:06
  S8: you know, for pizza on a Friday night with mom
• 29:08
  S8: and dad. And they want to have a friend over
• 29:09
  S8: for movie night on a Saturday night with mom and dad.
• 29:11
  S8: ET cetera. ET cetera. So again, it's not, you know,
• 29:14
  S8: we want them to to be kind. We want them
• 29:16
  S8: to demonstrate the love of Christ. And then we also
• 29:18
  S8: make sure that they know that Christ would not agree
• 29:22
  S8: with the decision that these young people are making. So
• 29:24
  S8: do you agree with them or are you loving them
• 29:27
  S8: as Christ would want you to love? It's complex, complex, complex.
• 29:32
  S8: Make sure your your children have other friends who are heterosexually,
• 29:36
  S8: you know, strong as well. And I would boldly say,
• 29:39
  S8: and this is awkward and we would need an hour
• 29:41
  S8: to unpack it. But if your kids are in the
• 29:43
  S8: public schools, be really careful. And I just have to
• 29:46
  S8: say that I'm a fan of homeschooling. I'm a fan
• 29:48
  S8: of the right Christian school, where the peer group is
• 29:51
  S8: more likely to be the the types of friends that
• 29:54
  S8: you would want your kids to hang out with. I'm
• 29:56
  S8: not saying that we should all abandon the public schools
• 29:58
  S8: I taught there. 90% of the kids in America are
• 30:01
  S8: still there. We can't abandon the program. But if your
• 30:03
  S8: kids are the type who are going to be emotionally
• 30:05
  S8: invested in unhealthy relationships, and you see them going down
• 30:09
  S8: a really dangerous path, then you might need to make
• 30:11
  S8: a really hard decision and pull them from that climate.
• 30:15
  S6: Yeah, this is an issue of belonging, isn't it? And
• 30:18
  S6: if we have if we create an environment where they
• 30:21
  S6: belong here, it's less likely they're going to go there. Kathy,
• 30:24
  S6: what do you say?
• 30:25
  S8: Absolutely, absolutely. Identity. Who am I is formed in the
• 30:29
  S8: context of security and belonging. If they have no one
• 30:31
  S8: to trust, they're going to be misled. And if they have,
• 30:34
  S8: if they're isolated and lonely, they're going to be looking
• 30:36
  S8: for community. And again, this this community will welcome them
• 30:38
  S8: quickly because they recruit. They want their numbers to grow. Yeah.
• 30:41
  S8: So yeah the right peer group is important. Get them
• 30:43
  S8: involved in choir. Let them play soccer. Have them serve
• 30:47
  S8: at the nursing home that your grandmother lives at every
• 30:49
  S8: Sunday afternoon at two with the family. Get them busy
• 30:52
  S8: doing things that will will meet their soul needs. Because
• 30:56
  S8: service is what we're created for. So when we get
• 30:58
  S8: our eyes off of ourselves and we love others, well,
• 31:01
  S8: it changes us. And then that's going to help us
• 31:03
  S8: stay away from the negative influence.
• 31:05
  S6: Yeah, and don't be an angry evangelical that turns off
• 31:08
  S6: any kid. All right. Uh, Araceli, coming in from Berwyn, Illinois.
• 31:13
  S6: Thank you. Araceli, what's your question for Doctor Kathy Cook?
• 31:17
  S13: Hi. Um, I just need to know how I can
• 31:21
  S13: repair my relationship with my daughter. I've had a horrible past.
• 31:26
  S13: I've made mistakes. Um. And I've. You know, she's woken
• 31:31
  S13: up in the middle of the night seeing different men
• 31:33
  S13: at my house. I used to smoke weed all the
• 31:36
  S13: time and going homeless several times through throughout the years. Um,
• 31:42
  S13: with the inconsistency of homes. And she resents me. I'm
• 31:46
  S13: on the path of getting baptized. I'm going to women's, um, groups.
• 31:51
  S13: I've been going to church and turning my life around,
• 31:54
  S13: and she's just not budging with me. Um, she holds
• 31:59
  S13: this resentment toward me, and I don't know how to
• 32:01
  S13: repair that.
• 32:01
  S6: How old is she, Araceli? How old is she? And
• 32:04
  S6: then Doctor Kathy Cook will respond. Ten years old. Okay. Doctor,
• 32:07
  S6: what do you say?
• 32:08
  S8: Uh, first of all, I'm so sorry. Well, first of all,
• 32:11
  S8: I'm proud of you. And thrilled that you've done a
• 32:13
  S8: u turn and that the Lord is helping you become stronger.
• 32:17
  S8: So that's fabulous news. And I'm sorry that you're going
• 32:19
  S8: through this with her. Don't give up. Make sure that
• 32:22
  S8: you have apologized. That's super important. Way too many kids
• 32:25
  S8: tell me that their parents haven't. I think sometimes they have.
• 32:28
  S8: But the kids didn't hear it the way the parents
• 32:30
  S8: wanted them to hear it. So write a letter to her.
• 32:32
  S8: You know, print a note to her consistently. Today's a
• 32:36
  S8: new day. And walk with me into the future. The
• 32:39
  S8: thing that's really interesting, too, is that we become stronger
• 32:42
  S8: in the valley, right? The scripture is really true. James
• 32:45
  S8: chapter one, Romans chapter five. Both teach that when we
• 32:48
  S8: walk out of our valleys, well, we learn to have
• 32:50
  S8: hope and endure and develop our character. We're stronger for it.
• 32:54
  S8: So you're actually super strong now because of the negative
• 32:57
  S8: experiences God has allowed you to endure. And I want
• 33:00
  S8: you to lean into that. And I want your daughter
• 33:01
  S8: to understand that she can become a better person, a
• 33:04
  S8: more complete person, a more loving person because of the difficulty.
• 33:08
  S8: If you do believe that there's lasting trauma, and she's
• 33:12
  S8: having a hard time connecting with you and trusting you
• 33:14
  S8: because there has been inconsistency. Again, I would encourage you
• 33:17
  S8: to get another voice into the conversation. A pastor, a
• 33:20
  S8: youth pastor, a Sunday school teacher that your daughter loves,
• 33:24
  S8: possibly a counselor. So so that you have someone supporting
• 33:27
  S8: you in this journey. And please don't give up. She's
• 33:30
  S8: praise God she's ten and she's young enough that she'll
• 33:33
  S8: be able to, I believe, um, become resilient. Meaning that
• 33:38
  S8: she will choose to trust again.
• 33:41
  S4: Thank you so much, doctor Cathy Cook, our guest expert,
• 33:44
  S4: this morning. Uh. Your questions. We've got time for some more.
• 33:47
  S4: 855 five 7898. Coming up, we're going to tackle this one.
• 33:52
  S4: This one was asked by one parent via text. But
• 33:56
  S4: I know that there are many, many others battling the
• 33:58
  S4: same thing. My adult children have all left the church
• 34:01
  S4: despite being very active in it as kids. I now
• 34:04
  S4: have one three year old grandson who is not being
• 34:06
  S4: raised in the faith. We are long distance as grandparents
• 34:09
  S4: and have very little influence. How can we better influence
• 34:12
  S4: with the distance between us. Lots to this one. Doctor
• 34:16
  S4: Kathy Cook tackles it coming up here on Karl and crew.
• 34:20
  S1: Get in the know with life's biggest questions. It's Ask
• 34:23
  S1: the Experts week with Karl and crew.
• 34:26
  S4: Our guest expert this hour, doctor Kathy Cook, founder and
• 34:29
  S4: CEO of Celebrate Kids. Just text kids to 800 555 7898.
• 34:35
  S4: If you want more, just text kids to (800) 555-7898 doctor
• 34:41
  S4: Kathy Cook the heartbreak of so many parents, adult children
• 34:45
  S4: who have walked away from the faith, and then the
• 34:48
  S4: element of grandparent being now grandparents and parents, and there
• 34:51
  S4: being some distance between both their children and their grandchildren,
• 34:55
  S4: speak to that right.
• 34:57
  S8: First of all, again, I'm just sorry this is happening
• 34:59
  S8: and sadly, it's far too common. Again, don't give up
• 35:03
  S8: and please understand that what I think has happened is
• 35:06
  S8: most of us look back with today's wisdom and we
• 35:09
  S8: judge ourselves very harshly. Most of you who have adult
• 35:12
  S8: children who have walked away did the very best you
• 35:14
  S8: knew how to do when you did it. You parented well.
• 35:17
  S8: You brought them to church. Or maybe you weren't a
• 35:18
  S8: Jesus follower yet. That's okay. Don't. Don't beat yourself up
• 35:21
  S8: over that. Don't look back with today's wisdom. You'll never
• 35:25
  S8: be fair to yourself in that moment. It's not about
• 35:27
  S8: looking back and judging. It's about looking forward with hope.
• 35:30
  S8: Which means that you pray. You pray regularly. You reach out.
• 35:33
  S8: You offer comfort. You offer service when you can. And
• 35:37
  S8: if they say no, sadly, you have to accept that.
• 35:40
  S8: Now I want to recommend two things. I have written
• 35:42
  S8: a book. If you guys don't mind my saying this.
• 35:44
  S8: It comes out April 7th. It's called resolve, conflict and
• 35:47
  S8: Find Peace and Joy with Adult Children strategies and conversations
• 35:51
  S8: at work.
• 35:51
  S6: Wow.
• 35:52
  S8: It's coming out April 7th. It's a moody book. Resolve, conflict,
• 35:55
  S8: and find peace and hope with adult children. I want
• 35:58
  S8: you to look for that book. You can preorder it
• 35:59
  S8: on the typical site right now. I think it's going
• 36:02
  S8: to be a game changer for a lot of people.
• 36:04
  S8: I don't mean that to sound prideful, but we did
• 36:06
  S8: our we did hard work to come up with that book. Also,
• 36:09
  S8: if you're raising if you're helping with grandchildren, you want
• 36:12
  S8: to be involved with grandchildren, please go to Legacy Coalition.
• 36:16
  S8: Legacy coalition is a national movement of Christian grandparents who
• 36:21
  S8: want to have spiritual influence on the grandchildren. Their national
• 36:24
  S8: conference is in three weeks in Dallas. And you can
• 36:27
  S8: your church can sign up to be a satellite host
• 36:30
  S8: for that, which will happen in the fall. It's a
• 36:32
  S8: brilliant organization. Every Monday night they have a free webinar
• 36:35
  S8: for grandparents. There's 12,000 grandparents that join them on Monday nights.
• 36:39
  S8: It's free every Monday night, one hour about how to
• 36:42
  S8: be a grandparent who influences the grandchildren with a spiritual understanding.
• 36:47
  S8: I highly recommend them. I know the people well. I
• 36:50
  S8: speak for them regularly, and I hope that that's a
• 36:52
  S8: blessing to know about that organization.
• 36:54
  S6: Yeah. That's great. Uh, all things Cathy. Uh, you can
• 36:58
  S6: go to just text the word kids to 805 five, five, 78, 98.
• 37:03
  S6: And that will get you locked in when this book
• 37:06
  S6: is released. And, yeah, you can preorder, but just text
• 37:10
  S6: the word kids to 800 555 7898. Doing. Ask the
• 37:16
  S6: experts all week long here. And some of you are like, wow,
• 37:20
  S6: there was some content here today. I've got a couple
• 37:22
  S6: of thoughts here. One that's on my heart. Cathy, for
• 37:26
  S6: parents that have messed up at all saying, Will you
• 37:29
  S6: forgive me? Goes a long way, doesn't it, sister?
• 37:32
  S8: Absolutely, absolutely. Teachable humility. Um. And the more specific you are,
• 37:36
  S8: the better, right, Carl? Like we can all say. Please
• 37:38
  S8: forgive me. Yeah. And that's fine. But if you can say.
• 37:41
  S8: Please forgive me for my arrogance when I didn't listen
• 37:43
  S8: to you. Well, please forgive me for, you know, ignoring
• 37:47
  S8: you and hanging out with my friends more than with you.
• 37:49
  S8: You know, whatever it is. And by the way, if
• 37:51
  S8: you travel for business and you were absent, sometimes that's
• 37:54
  S8: not sin. So be really careful there, too. But it
• 37:57
  S8: is appropriate. Absolutely. And oh, you know what else they
• 37:59
  S8: want to hear, Carl? They want to hear us say
• 38:01
  S8: I was wrong.
• 38:02
  S6: Yes.
• 38:03
  S4: Yeah. That's a big one.
• 38:04
  S6: It's power. It's power. It is. And don't screw up
• 38:07
  S6: so that you can try it. You've screwed up plenty,
• 38:10
  S6: so just do it. So just find what you did
• 38:13
  S6: and and do it. And by the way, there is
• 38:16
  S6: no parent that is out of reach of that admonition today. Uh,
• 38:20
  S6: real quick, real quick. We want your best 30s on
• 38:25
  S6: next week is share. Uh, we're listener supported here, Cathy. Why?
• 38:31
  S8: Because Moody Radio is truth. Um. It's trustworthy. The people
• 38:35
  S8: and the content. It's uplifting music. It'll give you the
• 38:38
  S8: joy you need. They talk about the good news and
• 38:41
  S8: moody radio Carl and crew. We give a healthy perspective
• 38:44
  S8: on the hard news. Keep listening to Moody Radio.
• 38:48
  S6: Yeah, thank you for that, Cathy. We, uh, we so
• 38:50
  S6: appreciate it. Uh, grateful for you again. Key word.
• 38:53
  S4: Ally kids to 800 555, 78, 98. More resources, including
• 38:59
  S4: information so you can make sure that you are in
• 39:02
  S4: on the that book release coming up in April. Just
• 39:04
  S4: text kids to 800 555 7898.