Latest / The You Project / #1572 When No One Is Watching - Tadhg Kennelly & David Eccles

Transcript

#1572 When No One Is Watching - Tadhg Kennelly & David Eccles · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I'll get it.
0:00
Speaker 2: Welcome to another installing the show. It's the You Project.
0:03
Speaker 2: We've got the bloody Irish connection. I haven't told them
0:06
Speaker 2: that I'm twelve and a half percent Irish. They'll fucking
0:09
Speaker 2: love me once I tell them that. It is, of
0:12
Speaker 2: course the You Project. David Eccles, Tygerkennelly, Hi, boys, Welcome
0:17
Speaker 2: to the show.
0:18
Speaker 3: Thanks for having us. Yeah, it's great. You even swore
0:21
Speaker 3: so you're certainly Irish.
0:22
Speaker 4: Well that's a half percent of you, Craig.
0:25
Speaker 2: So yeah, my grand my grandmother's name is Molly Malone.
0:29
Speaker 2: There's not It can't get much more Irish than that.
0:32
Speaker 2: That's not even a joke, right, that's a real name.
0:36
Speaker 4: There's a given mecha make and you're bringing two of
0:39
Speaker 4: us in your podcast, so we could be in a
0:40
Speaker 4: bit of bother here.
0:41
Speaker 2: I think we could be all right. We'll start with you, David.
0:45
Speaker 2: Tell tell my audience a little bit before we start
0:48
Speaker 2: talking about w now uh and for those of you
0:53
Speaker 2: at home who struggle, just press the translate button and
0:56
Speaker 2: you might go and understand half.
0:58
Speaker 1: Of what he says. Tell us a little bit about you.
1:01
Speaker 1: Your background.
1:02
Speaker 4: Yeah, background is Irish, obviously, from the North of Ireland
1:07
Speaker 4: from a county called Tyrone, a small town called Oma.
1:11
Speaker 4: Lived over here in Australia now for sixteen years, married
1:14
Speaker 4: to a beautiful Australian Argentinian wife, Cynthia. Three young kids six,
1:20
Speaker 4: four and one. So I'm in the middle of it
1:22
Speaker 4: at the minute. Blessed of an upbringing in Ireland, in
1:26
Speaker 4: the North of Ireland, which we grew up in the
1:29
Speaker 4: middle of what we call the troubles over there, but
1:31
Speaker 4: it really surrounded me by community, amazing family, amazing community
1:36
Speaker 4: ship too was but loving living over here in Australia
1:41
Speaker 4: and everything Australia has to offer in the outdoor lifestyle
1:45
Speaker 4: so awesome.
1:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, and what about you birthday boy? Well some Yeah,
1:52
Speaker 2: my audience is seventy female and I wouldn't say a
1:56
Speaker 2: big ifl kind of following, but most people will probably
2:00
Speaker 2: know who you are.
2:01
Speaker 1: But give us the ty Canelly snapshot.
2:04
Speaker 5: Hey guys, my name's Tiger. If you don't know me,
2:07
Speaker 5: google me.
2:11
Speaker 1: Jesus. How happy is he with himself?
2:13
Speaker 5: Dan?
2:14
Speaker 4: Oh my god? Yeah, yeah, I do a.
2:16
Speaker 3: Bit of colching. So I tell this to the younger kid.
2:18
Speaker 3: They're looking at me again, who is this bald, old bastard?
2:21
Speaker 3: Trying to tell me something about football.
2:23
Speaker 5: So yeah. I was born born in.
2:27
Speaker 3: County Kerry, a small country tongue called the Store in
2:29
Speaker 3: the West of Ireland. Family community, all the brother, younger sister,
2:35
Speaker 3: had a great childhood. Didn't have a whole lot, but
2:39
Speaker 3: had a wonderful childhood. I was loved a lot. There's
2:41
Speaker 3: a lot of love in the house. And you know,
2:44
Speaker 3: we didn't didn't have a lot of weld, but we
2:47
Speaker 3: certainly had a lot of love. And it really influenced
2:50
Speaker 3: me as a young man to I supposed to shake
2:53
Speaker 3: me who I am, and then I thought was a
2:55
Speaker 3: big part of my life.
2:56
Speaker 5: My dad was bort success from a sport.
2:57
Speaker 3: My brother and I've got an opportunities, need you know,
3:00
Speaker 3: to come out to Australia playfl football and with the
3:03
Speaker 3: Sydney Swans. And I was looking to play for fifteen years.
3:06
Speaker 3: And I'm no married with a beautiful wife, Nicole, and
3:10
Speaker 3: three wonderful kids. That the apple of my eye and
3:13
Speaker 3: my apple. Which ways it go, whichever.
3:14
Speaker 2: Way this is, I think it's I think it's appler
3:17
Speaker 2: you it's a good thing, you know, A fucking English teacher,
3:19
Speaker 2: that's for sure.
3:20
Speaker 1: I am twenty five twenty five years. Twenty five years.
3:24
Speaker 2: You've been here, mate, You've you've got you haven't lost
3:27
Speaker 2: much of that accent at all, have you?
3:30
Speaker 3: Depends who you ask. I am sometimes when I do
3:33
Speaker 3: talk to my Irish friends and what's happening to you?
3:35
Speaker 3: But I slip into the Irish accent pretty quickly, I
3:37
Speaker 3: think when I'm talking to Irish people. But yeah, depends.
3:41
Speaker 3: In the football world, I've learned to speak a bit
3:43
Speaker 3: slower than some media work. You learned to speak a
3:45
Speaker 3: small bit slower like David, and I hasn't done all
3:47
Speaker 3: out of media working. I can I can see you
3:49
Speaker 3: kind of hooking in the small bit to understand the accent.
3:53
Speaker 3: But look, it's I'm a very proud Irish man, very
3:55
Speaker 3: proud of I came from. And I'm trying to instill
3:57
Speaker 3: that in my in my young kids, which can be
3:59
Speaker 3: difficult in Australian whostols. But they're running around with roosters
4:02
Speaker 3: and rabbitos tops and swan stops and I'm trying to
4:05
Speaker 3: give him some kerry tops and Irish tops.
4:06
Speaker 5: So it's a bit of a challenge.
4:09
Speaker 2: Good luck trying to sell that. Hey, So we're not
4:12
Speaker 2: here to talk about YouTube Bullfeds. Although we do love
4:14
Speaker 2: to know you backstory and we appreciate you both. We're
4:18
Speaker 2: here to talk about this amazing organization project. I don't
4:22
Speaker 2: know what we what do we call it, David? Do
4:24
Speaker 2: we call it an organization and outreach of project?
4:27
Speaker 1: What do we call it?
4:28
Speaker 4: What do we call w Now it's been described as
4:31
Speaker 4: a movement, a little movement. We had a retreat. We
4:35
Speaker 4: do an annual retreat. We call it a retreat, not
4:37
Speaker 4: a retreat because Trey selling the retreat to a grip
4:40
Speaker 4: a man and they won't go on it right, So
4:42
Speaker 4: it's a retreat, not a retreat. And they overheard about it,
4:46
Speaker 4: the ten of our fellows trying to describe what w
4:49
Speaker 4: and I is, and they were arguing about what it
4:51
Speaker 4: is and how do you sell it to your mites,
4:53
Speaker 4: But they landed on it's a man's health movement. They
4:57
Speaker 4: call it.
4:59
Speaker 2: Awesome, and what's the what was the genesis? But firstly
5:04
Speaker 2: the name, I know what it means, but I'm so
5:07
Speaker 2: w now unpacked the name and what was the genesis
5:10
Speaker 2: for the movement?
5:13
Speaker 3: I've got David. W and I was formed just over
5:18
Speaker 3: three years ago with David and I. I'd been going
5:21
Speaker 3: through a bit of a dark time. I'd lost my
5:23
Speaker 3: job at the Swans around the COVID period. I thought
5:27
Speaker 3: it was someone who was worth connected and.
5:31
Speaker 5: I wasn't.
5:31
Speaker 3: And until David started reaching out, and I was in
5:34
Speaker 3: a pretty dark place. Really, I felt like my life
5:36
Speaker 3: was played out in the public eye, where there was
5:38
Speaker 3: a lot of media scrutiny around what had happened to me,
5:40
Speaker 3: and I was living in a nightmare on my own
5:43
Speaker 3: head when it really wasn't. But I wasn't going outside,
5:46
Speaker 3: and it was in pretty dark place, and it wasn't
5:48
Speaker 3: a David kept reaching out to me and saying, come on,
5:50
Speaker 3: let's go, Let's go for a walk, let's go for coffee,
5:52
Speaker 3: let's do it the exercise.
5:53
Speaker 5: But I kept saying now.
5:55
Speaker 3: But the persistence of a of a good mate dragged
5:58
Speaker 3: me out of the house and slowly started to turn
6:01
Speaker 3: things around. And from there we started really talking about
6:04
Speaker 3: well if I feeling like that, David was going through
6:07
Speaker 3: some stuff himself with his kids not sleeping and whatnot,
6:10
Speaker 3: So we kind of lenked on each other and walked
6:11
Speaker 3: through some pieces of true mates just being there for
6:14
Speaker 3: each other, and we both decided, well, if we feeling
6:17
Speaker 3: like this, let's do something about it, tot of trying
6:20
Speaker 3: to help some mates, and from there wo started around
6:23
Speaker 3: just inviting one friend and they invited another friend, and
6:26
Speaker 3: then it grew organically. And the name itself when no
6:29
Speaker 3: One's Watching is it's from my playing days. I was
6:33
Speaker 3: very good at being able to bluff what was going
6:35
Speaker 3: on outside the football field or outside the football club.
6:38
Speaker 3: And I'd get into my car and i'd get to
6:40
Speaker 3: the football club and I'd put the mask on and
6:42
Speaker 3: they the body suit on, my body armor, and I'd
6:45
Speaker 3: be all happy, go lookie, and I'd get out of
6:46
Speaker 3: the club into the can and I'd just take a
6:48
Speaker 3: big oh, thank God for that, and.
6:50
Speaker 5: I'd be myself.
6:51
Speaker 3: And we're trying to instill in men to drop the
6:53
Speaker 3: body armor when they get to the front door, to
6:55
Speaker 3: live your life like nobody's watching. And it's so important
6:59
Speaker 3: to do the right thing when no one's watching. And
7:01
Speaker 3: that's where the name itself has come from.
7:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's awesome all still in a society, it's bloody
7:07
Speaker 2: amazing and it's good. It's good to see two young
7:11
Speaker 2: men out kind of connecting and opening doors and being
7:16
Speaker 2: vulnerable and sharing your story especially when you're like you tyg,
7:22
Speaker 2: someone that people would look up to and know, but
7:24
Speaker 2: also at the same time big strong athletes, successful athlete,
7:28
Speaker 2: but you know, dealing with your own stuff and being
7:31
Speaker 2: vulnerable and I guess authentic enough to talk to other.
7:34
Speaker 1: People about that.
7:35
Speaker 2: Why is it when people when blokes come into the group,
7:40
Speaker 2: are they a bit standoffish?
7:42
Speaker 1: Does it vary? Do they How does it work?
7:45
Speaker 2: Because I you know, I know a lot of guys
7:48
Speaker 2: are quite hesitant to open that door despite the fact
7:51
Speaker 2: that they need to.
7:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's.
7:56
Speaker 4: What happens on a So we meet up at Weddinson,
7:59
Speaker 4: Organs twenty five locations, twenty one of them in Australia,
8:03
Speaker 4: four of them overseas at the minute, but everybody does
8:06
Speaker 4: the same schedule. On a Wednesday morning, we come down,
8:09
Speaker 4: we do thirty minutes exercise. The exercise is always at
8:13
Speaker 4: quite a its body with basts. Anybody can really do it.
8:17
Speaker 4: But that gets people moving, That gets people chatting, shoulder
8:20
Speaker 4: to shoulder. We do sixty push ups because we lose
8:24
Speaker 4: sixty men of suicide every sixty minutes around the world,
8:27
Speaker 4: so that brings everybody back to the way we're here.
8:30
Speaker 4: And then we pull people into the circle of trust.
8:33
Speaker 4: And the circle of trust is where somebody can step
8:36
Speaker 4: forward and celebrate something, where somebody can ask for help
8:39
Speaker 4: or something that's on their mind, or somebody can share
8:45
Speaker 4: get something off their chest that they're going through at
8:47
Speaker 4: the minute. And people are kind of warmed up before
8:49
Speaker 4: they get into the circle. But I'm a Joe nobody right,
8:54
Speaker 4: and I stand and I look at you see people
8:56
Speaker 4: like Tag that step forward that we put sports stars
8:59
Speaker 4: in pedestal. Tag always baby oil his biceps and the
9:03
Speaker 4: shoulders up before going out onto the football pitch, and
9:06
Speaker 4: he looks bulletproof, you know. But when these people step
9:09
Speaker 4: forward and they go, you know what, I'm just struggling
9:12
Speaker 4: a little bit because of x y z it. I
9:16
Speaker 4: can see the impact that has and other fellows around
9:18
Speaker 4: the group, you know, and you're going, shit, well, if
9:21
Speaker 4: he's got an issue, that gives me permission to step
9:24
Speaker 4: forward to go you know what, I'm struggling a little
9:26
Speaker 4: bit as well. Some people absolutely get it from day one.
9:32
Speaker 4: Other people they kind of come down. They might come
9:34
Speaker 4: down because of the exercise, they might come down because
9:37
Speaker 4: somebody's dragged him down. And then when you get into
9:39
Speaker 4: the circle, you can see them their heads almost exploding,
9:43
Speaker 4: going what the f is going on here? You know,
9:46
Speaker 4: there's still as stepping forward and speaking at six thirty
9:49
Speaker 4: in the morning about how they feel and what their
9:51
Speaker 4: emotions are. It's unlike any other meal environment I've been in.
9:56
Speaker 4: Like if I go back to going into the pub
9:59
Speaker 4: and a Friday night my mates, if I try to
10:01
Speaker 4: show vulnerability or weakness there, the lads will tear shreds
10:05
Speaker 4: off me for a week until somebody else is silly
10:09
Speaker 4: enough and unfurther commas the share of vulnerability. But here
10:15
Speaker 4: we celebrate. We absolutely celebrate the winds in life. But
10:19
Speaker 4: it's an absolute safe space where people can speak about
10:24
Speaker 4: the vulnerabilities and the challenges in their life as well.
10:27
Speaker 4: A monce fellows realize that they're going to be getting
10:29
Speaker 4: pats in the back before we get no water, or
10:32
Speaker 4: people are going to welcome here and the challenges they're facing.
10:36
Speaker 4: I haven't met a man yet that doesn't want to
10:38
Speaker 4: share his story. But it's just about creating safe and
10:41
Speaker 4: supportive spaces.
10:43
Speaker 5: For people to step forward and do that, you know.
10:45
Speaker 2: And so I guess there's not the right word, but
10:50
Speaker 2: all the right terms, but we'll go with it. I
10:52
Speaker 2: guess the therapy and the healing is just in the
10:55
Speaker 2: connection and the sharing and the being together. I mean,
10:59
Speaker 2: nobody's nobody's dispensing psychological advice per se, right ty.
11:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, one of the sense, it's the connectivity piece, you know.
11:08
Speaker 3: I think in that demographics now we do have kids
11:12
Speaker 3: that come down with their dads and we've got grandfathers.
11:16
Speaker 3: You know, demographic is you know, from ten to eighty,
11:20
Speaker 3: but the majority of the mean that we have in
11:22
Speaker 3: the group already from twenty five to fifty five. And
11:25
Speaker 3: you know, they either get too busy at work, you know,
11:28
Speaker 3: they're separating the marriage, or they get too busy in
11:31
Speaker 3: the marriage and they lose their social connection. And when
11:35
Speaker 3: things got tough for our things fall apart, they're almost
11:40
Speaker 3: on their own and they go, well, what's happened to
11:42
Speaker 3: my connection and my social connection? And we fill the
11:45
Speaker 3: space around in the loneliness, the fact that so many
11:49
Speaker 3: men are alone, and certainly in Sydney with six million people,
11:53
Speaker 3: it's blown me away. The lack of the lack of
11:56
Speaker 3: I suppose that's what I'm looking for at the cold
11:59
Speaker 3: face work for for for mental health, but also loneliness
12:02
Speaker 3: and connection for me, you know, if it's organized for
12:05
Speaker 3: me and we won't do it. You know, it's a
12:08
Speaker 3: free exercise slash social connection piece where you come down,
12:11
Speaker 3: do some exercise, share, have a bit of dipping the water,
12:14
Speaker 3: have a coffee and connect and it sets people up
12:17
Speaker 3: on the Wednesday piece itself. And that's the major connection.
12:20
Speaker 3: The major piece of w OL is the social connection.
12:23
Speaker 3: And then then there's offshoots of it. You know, there's
12:25
Speaker 3: guys that are into tennis, they're into poker, nights, are
12:29
Speaker 3: into soccer, and the connection off building almost the club
12:32
Speaker 3: fuel on your Wednesday. And it's the regular piece that's
12:36
Speaker 3: the big attraction I feel for in the fact that
12:38
Speaker 3: it's on every Wednesday in twenty five locations around the country.
12:41
Speaker 3: Now that it's been organized and all you have to
12:43
Speaker 3: do on a Tuesday night is put your coffee order
12:45
Speaker 3: into the WhatsApp group, which creates the accountability piece in
12:48
Speaker 3: their mind, we'll have them Tuesday night.
12:51
Speaker 5: So now I've got to go on Wednesday morning.
12:53
Speaker 3: It takes am, rain, hail, a shine and then they're
12:55
Speaker 3: there and that's really the whole essence of it all.
12:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so do you know what is really interesting?
13:02
Speaker 2: There's lots of research. This one surprised you too, blokes.
13:04
Speaker 2: But in the psychology space health wellness, you know, there's
13:09
Speaker 2: a lot of research out now that talks about the
13:12
Speaker 2: role of social connection, intimacy, not sexual intimacy, but just connection, belonging,
13:21
Speaker 2: all of that in terms of the health physical health outcomes.
13:24
Speaker 2: So when we talk about health outcomes, generally we talk
13:28
Speaker 2: about food and exercise and lifestyle and booze. And this
13:33
Speaker 2: fascinated me as a neuropsych researcher and an exercise physiologist
13:38
Speaker 2: that maybe the biggest influence on health outcomes and immune
13:44
Speaker 2: system function and resilience and sickness is being loved, being connected,
13:49
Speaker 2: being valued, belonging more than needing a shit diet. It's amazing, right.
13:56
Speaker 4: We Friendship, I think, is the mossunder appreciated aspect of
14:01
Speaker 4: holistic wellness or whatever it might be. So like doctor FAVEC. Murthy,
14:05
Speaker 4: the Surgeon General of America, has done a great piece
14:08
Speaker 4: of work around. He said, the biggest killer in America
14:12
Speaker 4: wasn't heart disease, wasn't cancered, it was loneliness. And the
14:15
Speaker 4: stats are all out there at the minute that if
14:18
Speaker 4: you're chronically lonely, your life expectancy is fifteen years last.
14:24
Speaker 4: It's got the health impacts of smoking a packet of
14:27
Speaker 4: cigarettes today or having sex alcoholic drinks today. When I
14:31
Speaker 4: said that the tag that being lonely has got the
14:34
Speaker 4: health impacts of sex alcoholic drinks today, he said, so
14:38
Speaker 4: as metes, we can go and drink five points a
14:40
Speaker 4: day in the pub be healthier than if if we
14:43
Speaker 4: were lonely. Like you know, so there's an Irish solution
14:46
Speaker 4: for an Irish problem. I think, right, but it's so true,
14:50
Speaker 4: Like you know, I think we just want to bring
14:51
Speaker 4: back We want to bring back friendship and what it
14:55
Speaker 4: is to be a myth, you know, so like it's
14:57
Speaker 4: the biohackle life. If you want to live longer, if
15:00
Speaker 4: you want to live better, if you want to be
15:02
Speaker 4: able to deal with stress better, it's all about becoming
15:05
Speaker 4: better friends and being able to share with one another.
15:08
Speaker 4: I think, as man, we've been told to suck it
15:10
Speaker 4: up and the man up, and you bottle all these
15:13
Speaker 4: feelings and emotions inside yourself. That's what being a tough
15:16
Speaker 4: man is, you know. But that stress has to release
15:21
Speaker 4: itself somewhere, you know, and that comes. That's where loneliness
15:25
Speaker 4: that's where depression, anxiety, substance abuse, whatever it might be,
15:30
Speaker 4: that the stress releases itself in that and all the
15:33
Speaker 4: stats are saying, like the loneliest, the loneliest demographic of
15:37
Speaker 4: people in Australia a man from the age of thirty
15:39
Speaker 4: five to forty nine. That's where we start getting really
15:41
Speaker 4: successful in our careers. That's where we start having the
15:45
Speaker 4: kids coming in and we start becoming time poorer with ourselves.
15:48
Speaker 4: We start losing that circle of friends that we got
15:51
Speaker 4: in our teenage years and our twenties or whatever, and
15:54
Speaker 4: may become with liolence into ourselves. We're trying to make
15:58
Speaker 4: sure that if that's our main graphic of men, we're
16:01
Speaker 4: trying to bring back the midship and the friendship amongst
16:06
Speaker 4: men and try to make a difference. There's seven men
16:09
Speaker 4: a day that we lose the suicide sixty men every
16:12
Speaker 4: sixty minutes around the world. We say we would love
16:14
Speaker 4: in Australia if we can drop that seven to six
16:17
Speaker 4: and drop it the five. Just by bringing people on
16:20
Speaker 4: the beaches or in the locations and being able to
16:22
Speaker 4: chat with one another.
16:23
Speaker 3: We're ever more connected, you know, in the world's itchally,
16:26
Speaker 3: but wherever so disconnected and you look at such Certainly
16:32
Speaker 3: David and I come from smaller communities and upbringings where
16:37
Speaker 3: it takes a village to raise a person. And that's
16:40
Speaker 3: in essence as part of w NOR, the community field
16:43
Speaker 3: and the local field that building the chapters in different
16:46
Speaker 3: locations or engage in local business, local Facebook pages, local
16:49
Speaker 3: people that go well it's here, or does the community
16:52
Speaker 3: based field to w NOR, the support is there if
16:55
Speaker 3: you need it, and you can see that coming through
16:56
Speaker 3: the conversations in the chats itself, and whether it's based
17:00
Speaker 3: against that I'm looking for a carpenter or anyone know,
17:03
Speaker 3: a choir practor or just the village piece and the
17:06
Speaker 3: community feel that we've lost in society, which we all
17:10
Speaker 3: need as human beings. We want that touch, that kindness,
17:12
Speaker 3: the community to support the people are there for you,
17:15
Speaker 3: are knowing that the there for you is a piece.
17:18
Speaker 4: Yeah, we live in Sydney here six million people in Sydney.
17:22
Speaker 4: Sydney is the second and onliest city in the world
17:24
Speaker 4: after Stockholm. You know, Tiger and I both come from
17:27
Speaker 4: small towns of six to twenty thousand people. You know,
17:31
Speaker 4: and you say, like, if I look at my hometown
17:34
Speaker 4: Woman the North of Ireland, nineteen ninety eight. It was
17:38
Speaker 4: the last atrocity of the troubles. There was a bomb
17:40
Speaker 4: in our hometown that ended the Civil War and there
17:43
Speaker 4: weren't enough doctors or counselors or sex to go around.
17:48
Speaker 4: So it was the community that healed. The community. The
17:50
Speaker 4: types of conversations that you were having in the furry clubs,
17:54
Speaker 4: in the schools and the pubs the cafes were really
17:56
Speaker 4: keeping meaningful conversations. Then come over here to a cety
18:01
Speaker 4: of six million people and everybody's running around and life
18:04
Speaker 4: is extremely fast, but we're forgetting the most important thing
18:07
Speaker 4: is to slow down and connect with one another and
18:11
Speaker 4: support each other in correct communities of care and lover
18:14
Speaker 4: around each other.
18:15
Speaker 2: It's amazing that you can be in the middle of
18:17
Speaker 2: a crowd and totally isolated normally.
18:20
Speaker 4: Yeah, the bigger of the city, the more isolated you
18:23
Speaker 4: can be.
18:23
Speaker 5: I think, you know.
18:26
Speaker 2: This is irrelevant, but I'd never been to Ireland until
18:29
Speaker 2: a few years ago.
18:30
Speaker 1: I had to do a gig. I do a lot
18:32
Speaker 1: of speaking and stuff, but I did it a gig
18:35
Speaker 1: in Tullamore. Do you know where Talamore is? And it
18:41
Speaker 1: was it was so good.
18:43
Speaker 2: I did a half day workshop and what was hilarious
18:48
Speaker 2: was nobody knew me. I didn't know anyone obviously, and
18:51
Speaker 2: I was there for a couple of days and I
18:54
Speaker 2: just hung out and I walked around and people, I
18:57
Speaker 2: would say ten different families asked me to stay with them.
19:01
Speaker 2: They like it, but ask me where are you staying?
19:04
Speaker 2: And I'd tell them and they're like, oh, no, you won't.
19:06
Speaker 2: If you staying there, you'll be staying with us. Like
19:09
Speaker 2: I'm like what, They're like, yeah, no, no, don't stay there,
19:14
Speaker 2: Come and stay stay with us. Like I'm not stay
19:16
Speaker 2: thank you, thank you, but the warmest, friendliest And I'm
19:20
Speaker 2: not saying it because I'm with you two. I've never
19:23
Speaker 2: ever been anywhere where people have been so generous and
19:27
Speaker 2: so friendly. And it really bothered them that I was
19:30
Speaker 2: in Australian on the other side of the world by
19:33
Speaker 2: myself and staying in a hotel.
19:34
Speaker 1: They didn't like it at all.
19:37
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's a fellow from my hometown, sorry from Australia,
19:41
Speaker 4: but he's living in my home town and I don't
19:44
Speaker 4: know his name because he just gets called Arsie your
19:48
Speaker 4: story resonator. Because he came for a weekend and he's
19:52
Speaker 4: still living there twenty years later, and he's been brought
19:54
Speaker 4: in by the family and the community. I don't think
19:56
Speaker 4: he's everbought a I don't think he's ever bought a drink,
19:59
Speaker 4: and he just fell in love with the tone and
20:02
Speaker 4: the community.
20:05
Speaker 2: Do you think boys that that like when we grow
20:10
Speaker 2: up as I mean not just boys, I think all
20:13
Speaker 2: of us. But we're kind of taught about you know,
20:15
Speaker 2: we need to manage our money, we need to manage
20:17
Speaker 2: our education, you know, real estate projects, career like, we
20:21
Speaker 2: have all of these projects, but it's like we don't
20:25
Speaker 2: know how to manage ourselves mentally, emotionally, socially, practically, which
20:30
Speaker 2: is why I called this podcast the You Project, right
20:33
Speaker 2: because I think, like, without trying to sound like a weirdo,
20:36
Speaker 2: by the time I was thirty three, I had five
20:39
Speaker 2: different businesses and I was doing really well. But in
20:43
Speaker 2: the middle of all of that, I was fucked. I
20:46
Speaker 2: was mentally and emotionally like I was doing well, but
20:50
Speaker 2: I felt almost spiritually bankrupt. And it was because I
20:54
Speaker 2: didn't know how to manage me, my mind, my emotions,
20:58
Speaker 2: my you know, my body to an extent. But all
21:02
Speaker 2: that social stuff. Do you think that we don't really
21:06
Speaker 2: I feel like, let's just talk about blokes for the moment,
21:10
Speaker 2: but we live a little bit on autopilot and it
21:12
Speaker 2: doesn't really work.
21:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, I couldn't agree more. I think that are three
21:17
Speaker 3: kids in the minute. You know, I'm trying to build
21:19
Speaker 3: some resilience in by helicoptering as a parent, so you know,
21:25
Speaker 3: and I'm only learning from my parents, and I'm trying
21:28
Speaker 3: to get better as a dad, and I'm trying to
21:30
Speaker 3: learn and teach. Sorry, my kids do understanding of the
21:34
Speaker 3: struggles and how important it is to not get things
21:36
Speaker 3: your way, So they're getting the life lessons to be
21:38
Speaker 3: able to take care of themselves and understand the piece
21:41
Speaker 3: that life's not going to be easy for you. So
21:43
Speaker 3: you're trying to develop tools into young people, and not
21:46
Speaker 3: just my own kids, but young people in general aren't
21:49
Speaker 3: how to deal with the struggles and the challenges that
21:50
Speaker 3: are going to come your way. And we certainly don't
21:52
Speaker 3: do enough of it, you know, And I think you're
21:54
Speaker 3: banging on. In the school system, we do a lot
21:56
Speaker 3: physically to help kids, and even we could be a
21:59
Speaker 3: lot better a physical point of view and in schools,
22:02
Speaker 3: but we certainly don't do a lot with the mental
22:04
Speaker 3: tools of helping young boys and girls to develop with
22:06
Speaker 3: the stresses and struggles of life. And it's certainly an
22:09
Speaker 3: area that needs a lot of looking into because it's
22:13
Speaker 3: a it's a piece that's not being touched for mine, because.
22:17
Speaker 2: There's it seems to me, tiger like, there's there's a
22:20
Speaker 2: real balancing act between and between letting our kids fall down,
22:27
Speaker 2: you know, scrape their knees, build resilience, do hard things.
22:31
Speaker 1: You know, you ran the race, you came last. That's okay.
22:34
Speaker 1: I still love you, You're still my kid. It's all good.
22:37
Speaker 2: Sometimes you're going to come first, Sometimes you're going to
22:39
Speaker 2: come last. It's okay, right, But at the same time,
22:43
Speaker 2: you know, we need to be loving and we need
22:45
Speaker 2: to be aware of their feelings, Like, what's that kind
22:48
Speaker 2: of as a dad, what's that that line that you
22:52
Speaker 2: walk between not wanting to molly cuddle them but also
22:57
Speaker 2: not throwing them.
22:58
Speaker 1: To the wolves.
22:59
Speaker 3: It's ardist balance and the hardest challenge I find in
23:02
Speaker 3: my current life. You know, I've got about twenty jobs
23:05
Speaker 3: at the moment, but the most important one is raising
23:08
Speaker 3: my kids, and I find it extremely difficult to even
23:11
Speaker 3: at the sporting field or just a school piece with
23:14
Speaker 3: homework and the balancing act of not stepping in because
23:17
Speaker 3: you want to hug them and kiss them, and it's
23:18
Speaker 3: very difficult to do. And I get it, and I
23:20
Speaker 3: understand it because when your kid balls, I hurt themselves.
23:23
Speaker 3: You don't want to see them disappointed. But you've got
23:25
Speaker 3: to consistently remind yourself. And I'm consistently learning and educating myself.
23:29
Speaker 5: Around and what it means to be a better dad
23:31
Speaker 5: and a better man.
23:32
Speaker 3: Constantly reading it, you know, and I'm consistently challenging my
23:35
Speaker 3: own thoughts on you know, an example, my middle boy
23:40
Speaker 3: very very in touch with emotions, and some people will
23:43
Speaker 3: say he's soft, and my initial tendency was to push
23:46
Speaker 3: him through this piece.
23:47
Speaker 5: And go, what are you doing?
23:48
Speaker 3: You need a tough enough And that was my own psyching,
23:50
Speaker 3: but in fact it was me that I need to
23:52
Speaker 3: be looking at No, I need to be embrace in
23:54
Speaker 3: this lovely young man that's in touch with these motions.
23:57
Speaker 3: That's caring, that's kind, And that's exactly what I've done,
24:01
Speaker 3: bestly true, just learning and improving myself as a person.
24:04
Speaker 3: So I've got that piece right from just look at
24:07
Speaker 3: myself to help my young finessing through and them and go,
24:09
Speaker 3: come on, you got to tough and up and you know.
24:12
Speaker 3: And that's all I can say really as far as advice,
24:14
Speaker 3: and it's only I'm learning. David will continue to tell
24:17
Speaker 3: the echos to say, we're all as a dad, I
24:21
Speaker 3: certainly don't know the answers when I'm trying my best.
24:24
Speaker 2: It's interesting because in psychology there's a thing called the
24:27
Speaker 2: false consensus effect, and it says basically that we think
24:31
Speaker 2: others think like us, right, But obviously it's like us
24:36
Speaker 2: three are in one conversation, but we're not having the
24:39
Speaker 2: same experience because none of us are identical psychologically, emotionally,
24:43
Speaker 2: sociologically or physically right, So, and it's not necessarily about
24:47
Speaker 2: agreeing with but just understanding someone else's version, like what's
24:52
Speaker 2: your version of this? Because it ain't my version and
24:55
Speaker 2: it doesn't need to be my version.
24:58
Speaker 3: It's so good I find out court and courting your kids,
25:02
Speaker 3: and I could get frustrated and frustrated with a piece
25:04
Speaker 3: of I'm trying to teach them and how they're not
25:06
Speaker 3: getting it, and then understanding that piece of well, we
25:09
Speaker 3: all don't think the same or my kids are not
25:12
Speaker 3: going to be the same as me. But as parents
25:13
Speaker 3: who often think, oh, well, I'd love my kids to
25:15
Speaker 3: do this that, and we try and insteal what we
25:17
Speaker 3: think we would like as a parent.
25:19
Speaker 2: What's it called, Oh, that's called false consensus effect. But
25:23
Speaker 2: that is where you assume that other people think like you.
25:27
Speaker 2: But I'll give you a couple more terms that you
25:29
Speaker 2: might both like. So there's another interesting term. And I
25:32
Speaker 2: apologize to my audience who get bored with my bullshit, right,
25:37
Speaker 2: But there's a really interesting area of research called metacognition,
25:40
Speaker 2: which is just thinking about thinking. Then up from that
25:45
Speaker 2: is another area called theory of mind, which is your
25:48
Speaker 2: ability to understand the mind of someone else, right, not
25:53
Speaker 2: agree with it, not endorse it, not support it, just
25:56
Speaker 2: understand it.
25:58
Speaker 1: And then this is probably something you'll.
26:00
Speaker 2: Find maybe the most fascinating, which is my PhD research,
26:05
Speaker 2: which is on a thing called metaperception, which is your
26:09
Speaker 2: ability to understand that you experience for others. So the
26:14
Speaker 2: question at the center of my research is what's it
26:17
Speaker 2: like being around me for the rest of the world,
26:19
Speaker 2: whether that's yeah, whether that's my kids, my wife, my athletes,
26:23
Speaker 2: my business, partner, you know, the people listening to this podcast.
26:28
Speaker 2: So me, as a professional communicator, educator, corporate speaker, I'm
26:33
Speaker 2: always trying to at least have an insight into what
26:38
Speaker 2: it's like for the audience in this moment.
26:41
Speaker 5: Do you become do you become too self?
26:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good question.
26:45
Speaker 2: So there's a difference between So some people misinterpret as, oh,
26:49
Speaker 2: you know, do they like me?
26:52
Speaker 1: It's not that. It's not about.
26:53
Speaker 2: Insecurity or self loathing. It's about self awareness. Like, here's
26:58
Speaker 2: the thing, right, you might be expressing something to a
27:01
Speaker 2: bunch of athletes, young athletes tie and in your mind
27:07
Speaker 2: it makes sense. It's clear, you're articulate, it's not confusing.
27:11
Speaker 2: And you've got twenty young footballers. Five of them are
27:15
Speaker 2: fucking confused, five of them are having a light bulb moment,
27:19
Speaker 2: five of them are bored, and five of them are inspired.
27:22
Speaker 2: Because and it would be more diverse than that, right,
27:26
Speaker 2: because the only person in the group thinking like you
27:29
Speaker 2: as you. So the question the question is how do
27:32
Speaker 2: I share this thought or idea or message or strategy
27:36
Speaker 2: in a way which has the most resonance with this group,
27:40
Speaker 2: And that would be you could ask that same question
27:43
Speaker 2: with fifty blokes on the beach at a w now
27:47
Speaker 2: kind of get together, right, It's like, and I would say,
27:50
Speaker 2: you guys are already doing that on autopilot to an extent,
27:54
Speaker 2: because you're trying to You're not trying to make them
27:57
Speaker 2: be you or be like you. You're genuinely trying to
28:00
Speaker 2: connect and understand. So you do it somewhat naturally, I
28:04
Speaker 2: would think, But there's a whole raft of research around it.
28:08
Speaker 2: And in the corporate space, I'll shut up after this,
28:11
Speaker 2: but you might be interested. They are a fuck load
28:13
Speaker 2: of bosses, managers and leaders who are absolutely shit at this,
28:18
Speaker 2: and they essentially don't care what people think, which is
28:22
Speaker 2: a really bad strategy. So it's not being worried about
28:26
Speaker 2: whether or not people like you. That's a different thing
28:29
Speaker 2: that's in security. It's just about understanding is the way
28:33
Speaker 2: that I'm communicating optimal for this moment, for this group,
28:39
Speaker 2: for this you know, whatever we're in.
28:41
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's flip flipping the mainset from being an ego
28:44
Speaker 4: centric main set seek and approval. I think to be
28:48
Speaker 4: in a service given mainsat rate and think, and I
28:53
Speaker 4: think that's where happiness comes in the service giving, not
28:55
Speaker 4: the seeking approval or the ego centric approach ate.
29:00
Speaker 2: Well, the moment that it's about you, then you fucked
29:03
Speaker 2: up because especially with the work that you boys do,
29:06
Speaker 2: and I think like the question what is that Stephen
29:09
Speaker 2: Covey and a few others have said over the years
29:11
Speaker 2: like seek first to understand and then to be understood. So, hey,
29:19
Speaker 2: so how does it work? So you said, David, you said,
29:23
Speaker 2: there's twenty five chapters?
29:26
Speaker 4: Yeah, go yeah, twenty five chapter is growing by the week.
29:33
Speaker 1: So is there a leader for each one?
29:36
Speaker 2: Is there?
29:36
Speaker 1: How does it work?
29:37
Speaker 2: Like?
29:38
Speaker 4: So we've we've chapter leads for each chapter, but the
29:41
Speaker 4: growth has really been in the last six months nine months.
29:44
Speaker 4: Like a little bit of the backstory is it was
29:48
Speaker 4: as Tag said, I have only two treats as a friend.
29:51
Speaker 4: It's consistency and being annoying. So it was me constantly
29:56
Speaker 4: trying to pull them out of the host to get
29:57
Speaker 4: thrown under the beach. And two became four became it
30:01
Speaker 4: became sixteen, but it was just in one location. Then
30:06
Speaker 4: we got a call from the New South Wales Mental
30:08
Speaker 4: Health Commission one day saying, hey, you guys coming to
30:10
Speaker 4: the award ceremony on Friday and we didn't know. We
30:13
Speaker 4: didn't know there was an award ceremony, we didn't even
30:15
Speaker 4: know there was a Mental Health Commission. But she gave
30:19
Speaker 4: us our Community Champion of the Year and that cut
30:22
Speaker 4: the word out there a little bit. So people in
30:24
Speaker 4: Balmorle approached us about starting one the other side of Sydney.
30:29
Speaker 4: So we had to create a template if you want
30:31
Speaker 4: that they could do, because we couldn't be in two
30:33
Speaker 4: places at once.
30:34
Speaker 5: We've got a.
30:34
Speaker 4: History of saying yes to things and then thinking how
30:38
Speaker 4: to do it after I think you know, and then
30:41
Speaker 4: Bond II, which everybody knows in Sydney, started about eighteen
30:45
Speaker 4: months ago. Koogie, our fourth chapter, started the fifth of July,
30:50
Speaker 4: so this time last year and I'm not going to
30:53
Speaker 4: go through the rest, but it was a slowish start
30:56
Speaker 4: because we never intended it to be this But now
30:58
Speaker 4: that word has got out there thanks to the podcast
31:01
Speaker 4: like This and a couple of TV programs in the
31:03
Speaker 4: last in the last six months, it's really growing from
31:08
Speaker 4: from that four to twenty five overnight different chapters around Australia.
31:14
Speaker 4: We now have won in New Zealand, two in Ireland,
31:17
Speaker 4: one in America or New Zealand opening we have one
31:21
Speaker 4: kicking off in in Cyprus. We've one kicking off in Dubai.
31:27
Speaker 4: We've required of assis done in Antarctica that want to
31:29
Speaker 4: kick one off in Antarctica. And it's just they're contacting us,
31:33
Speaker 4: associating with seeing, seeing what we're doing, going hey, that
31:37
Speaker 4: looks cool. Can we start one of them here? We appoint,
31:41
Speaker 4: We appoint that We kind of bring them through a
31:43
Speaker 4: little bit of basic basic training and the everyday man.
31:48
Speaker 4: Anybody can pick it up. Anybody can run a program.
31:52
Speaker 4: We support them. We've got a little pack, We've got
31:54
Speaker 4: a two pager which tells them what to do. We
31:57
Speaker 4: give them the exercise routine to do every week, and
32:00
Speaker 4: then we do a bit of coaching around the language
32:03
Speaker 4: which they should use throughout throughout the program. But two
32:07
Speaker 4: your earlier point staining and early in. We're not psychologists,
32:11
Speaker 4: we're not therapists, we're not doctors. We're just about creating
32:14
Speaker 4: safe and supportive spaces where men can come drop their
32:17
Speaker 4: body armor and just be their authentic selves for an
32:21
Speaker 4: hour or a week.
32:22
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, I love it.
32:24
Speaker 2: I love it, And so I mean, on a practical level,
32:28
Speaker 2: if people want to get involved, how do they do that.
32:31
Speaker 4: The website is WNI w now dot com dot au.
32:37
Speaker 4: There's a big button in the middle of it to
32:38
Speaker 4: contact us, and they just send us an email and
32:40
Speaker 4: we'll get back to them within twenty four forty eight hours.
32:45
Speaker 4: You'll also see a button and it's saying about joining
32:47
Speaker 4: us at a w NI chapter. There'll be a drop
32:50
Speaker 4: down there about our twenty five locations that will get
32:54
Speaker 4: you into one of the WhatsApp grips and then you're
32:55
Speaker 4: in the family or the tribe from there.
32:57
Speaker 2: So well, boys, I think what you do is amazing
33:00
Speaker 2: and I genuinely mean that, and I don't know if
33:04
Speaker 2: I can help in any way, but I'd love to
33:06
Speaker 2: be involved or help you at the very least support
33:09
Speaker 2: you through the you project and our listeners. And i'd
33:12
Speaker 2: encourage our listeners. If you're a dude or you've got
33:16
Speaker 2: some dudes in your life who maybe would benefit from
33:19
Speaker 2: being involved, just reach out to the boys. Just go
33:22
Speaker 2: to the w OW website and get involved. But for now, Tig,
33:30
Speaker 2: thanks so much. Is there any parting message from you, sir,
33:33
Speaker 2: to any blokes who might be struggling.
33:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I think in the now and the head Craig,
33:40
Speaker 3: you know, reach out to your mates FoST of all
33:44
Speaker 3: a simple text.
33:45
Speaker 5: Or a phone call.
33:45
Speaker 3: You don't know what people are going through, and often
33:48
Speaker 3: say it to the guys from chat and put your
33:50
Speaker 3: fine on and text that person that you've been thinking
33:51
Speaker 3: about because sometimes you think it gets too long in
33:54
Speaker 3: a relationship and I haven't.
33:55
Speaker 5: Got there, I haven't talked to them in three months,
33:57
Speaker 5: four months, gone too far. Just just fucking do it.
34:00
Speaker 5: It's the best thing you do. And that'd be very appreciative.
34:03
Speaker 3: And I think the world's full of great, great ideas,
34:06
Speaker 3: but not enough people doing doing shit and getting shit done.
34:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, I appreciate it.
34:11
Speaker 2: And David, if people reach out via the website, you
34:14
Speaker 2: or one of the team will get back to them.
34:16
Speaker 2: I reached out to you to have a chat with
34:20
Speaker 2: you too on the website and you, I think got
34:22
Speaker 2: back to me or someone got back to me really quickly.
34:25
Speaker 2: So if someone wants to reach out, they'll get a response.
34:28
Speaker 4: Yeah. Absolutely, it's our mission, it's their mission to help
34:32
Speaker 4: a million man be better. Where we're about five percent
34:36
Speaker 4: of the way there at the minute, I would say,
34:37
Speaker 4: so please everybody reach out, no matter where you are
34:40
Speaker 4: in the world. Will help you get set up either
34:43
Speaker 4: join a W Night chapter or set you up with
34:45
Speaker 4: your own W Night chapter.
34:47
Speaker 1: Perfect.
34:47
Speaker 2: All right, boys, we'll say goodbye affair, but for now
34:50
Speaker 2: we really appreciate having the chat with me and connecting
34:53
Speaker 2: with our audience here.
34:54
Speaker 1: Thanks boys, Thanks craigat