Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / Father Figure/ The Other Side of Parenting 🤣

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Father Figure/ The Other Side of Parenting 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: I like this, man.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't gonna be up here that much longer, man.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: Coochie clothes at my house at 10 35.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on a coochie curfew.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm over 30.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: When you under 30, you fall asleep.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: But when you over 30, you go to bed.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's a whole different procedure.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: When ladies wrap their hair and put their cucumbers on their face, read that book club book, and pray to God, Coochie is closed.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want none of that boring again, Coochie.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: That shit be dry.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: That shit be dry.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on a curfew, man.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't pop my dick pill too, make some noise, dick pill poppers, where y'all at?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: See, they be folks in here lying.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: They don't want to say shit.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: There's some older people in here.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: When you over 50, you get your dick pill from the doctor's office.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: You get a 30-day supply.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: But when you under 30, you get your dick pill from the shale gas station.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: The only thing it says on the pack in English is Rhino 5,000 and 30 minutes to kick in.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Everything else is in Japanese.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't pop the pill and still came in eight minutes.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: I said, this shit broke.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't download the app that uh download the uh Japanese on the back of it.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: It came to find out if you're over 250 pounds, it takes the pill 48 hours to kick in.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you mean to tell me I gotta pop a pill on Wednesday for some Friday coochie?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hell no.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: I done popped the pill on Wednesday, Thursday, Nadine like, you gonna give me some dick?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: But the pill only got like right here.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: So the only thing that stayed hard was my nipples.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: That was it.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I can't give you no dick, but you can suck these titties though.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: You can suck these titties.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: She had me wet.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: I was at the house wet.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a father, stepfathers in the building.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Where y'all at?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Stepdaddies.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the look.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: A white stepdaddy.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: That shit is crazy.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: It takes a real hey, usually white folks don't do that.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: White folks start y'all family from scratch.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: My neighbors are 30 years old.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: They've been together 28 years.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: They met at daycare.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Good man, stepfather.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: You a real superhero.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: It takes a real man to raise somebody else's kids.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's like paying another man's student loans back.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: For real.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: My stepdaughter cool, but her daddy stayed in Michigan.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: I done went out of town.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't buy her a dog for my house.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: I got a stepdaughter and a stepdog.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: This shit ghetto.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: He don't see no dog food, no Amazon Prime.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Dog's expensive too.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: He got loose and got hit by a car.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: My fiance is gonna take him to the vet.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like men don't take dogs to vets.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: We throw a little peroxide on them and put them in a shed.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Until he gets back to walking right.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: We gonna just leave him in that shed.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: She done took the dog to the vet and gonna text my phone talking about the bill.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: $1,500.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: What we gonna do?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: I said, we're gonna turn this into a group chat.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna get the biological father involved.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: He needs to know what his son is doing.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like we ain't ghetto, but we do ghetto shit.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like when we go out of town, we don't do no dog sitter or nothing.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: The most precaution I do is check the weather.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Leave his ass outside.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: We went out of town for two days.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: I left the dog four days worth of food outside.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think he understands English that good.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't got to the airport and look on the camera.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't eat four days worth of food in 15 minutes.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: I told him to ration the food out.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think he knows what ration means.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm dead ass serious.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: I feel sorry for the dog.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: So the next day I ordered him some Uber Eats.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: There's the Popeyes right by the house.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Family special, some sides, biscuits, and a gallon of tea.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: I know the dog don't drink tea, but if you take the tea off the Uber Eats order, the price goes up like eight dollars.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I said, boy, you gonna get this tea today.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I put in the memo, I said, throw over the roof because it's for the dog.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: You ain't even gotta take it out the rapper, he's three.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: He'll figure it out.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: I love doing comedy.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: I be doing all kinds of shows.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: I did a show last month at a hospice.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm out here doing shows for folks who got 30 minutes to live.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: But my set was an hour long.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in that bitch killing.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: Literally killing.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: People is dying while I'm on stage.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: When I got there, it was sold out.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: By the time I left, it was seats available.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Six people died.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: This one lady was finna die, she wasn't ready to die yet, so she started pushing her life alert necklace real fast.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: And when you got good insurance to push that life alert necklace, you get the whole package.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: You get fire department, police, body chalk, tape, helicopters.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: You got Obamacare push her life alert, they send you a text message.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: My grandma fell all the way to the basement and push her life alert necklace.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: They're gonna text her talking about you good.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: They sent another message talking about click the link and log in.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: I said, log in, the password upstairs.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: Get that insurance, man.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: If nobody in your family like you like that, you need to be the first person with life insurance.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: My cousin died, he done stole from everybody in the family.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: We raised$18 for this man.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: And that came from church.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: It was$22 in the collection plate.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: We done sent it back around, somebody done took their$4 back.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: The funeral home and gave us the body back.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: We done had this man in the deep freezer at my auntie's house for three months.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: She done forgot about my cousin in the deep freezer and went to the grocery store and got$400 worth of meat on BOGO for$200.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Get back to the house to put the meat in the freezer, and lo and behold, my cousin is still in the deep freezer.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: She done took my cousin out of the deep freezer and put the meat in the deep freezer and gonna text the group chat talking about y'all need to figure out what y'all gonna do with him.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Cause I be damn my meat go bad.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather he go bad than my meat go bad.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: So we had to figure out what to do with her.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: We ain't had no money to bury his ass or cremate him or nothing.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: I done got on Facebook Marketplace.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: I done got on Facebook Marketplace and found a taxidermy.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: We done got my cousin stuffed like an alligator.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: And when he died, he was running across the street and got hit by a car, so this is how his body was.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: So that's how they gave us his body back.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: He at my auntie's house right now.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: We done turned into a coat rack.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: That shit is crazy.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: They got us out here in LA.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: LA is one of the best cities in the world.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's Mary.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Give it up, give it up.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: It is weed everywhere.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: That shit is illegal in Georgia.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's not illegal, but it's not, it's 50-50.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: It costs more money if you get caught texting and driving in Georgia.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: But if you get caught with less than an ounce of weed,$75 ticket.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like I ain't a mathematician, but I'ma pick the crime that applied to my budget.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: I almost ain't make it out here.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: I got pulled over two weeks ago.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: They gonna pull me over talking about Tuck.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: I send you texting and driving.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: I said, hell no, but let me tell you about this bag of weed.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: I threw the weed right out the window.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: I said, There it go.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: You talking about texting and driving, officer, I got drugs on me.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: $75.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: I can pay that right now.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: The officer, what's your cash now?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: What you I can tap my phone on your phone, man.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm about to get out of here.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: My name B tuck.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all enjoy the rest of y'all.