Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 17 | Nothing Illegal Comes in Grape

Transcript

17 | Nothing Illegal Comes in Grape · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Eric, are you one to review products on Amazon or you know, other sites, other other places?
• 0:07
  Eric: I I I think the only time I'll ever actually review something is if like I I'm working with like a contractor or something and I'm like, Oh, you did kick-ass work.
• 0:18
  Eric: How can I make your life better?
• 0:19
  Eric: And they're like, please drop me a review.
• 0:21
  Eric: I don't think I've ever reviewed anything on Amazon.
• 0:25
  Matt: Yeah, so are you aware?
• 0:28
  Matt: This is I only ask because I have recently come into knowledge that I would like to share with you.
• 0:33
  Matt: Because since I've come into this knowledge, it has rocked my world and changed my goals in life.
• 0:38
  Eric: Well, hold on one moment.
• 0:39
  Eric: I have to brace myself to be rocked.
• 0:42
  Eric: I'm ready.
• 0:43
  Eric: I'm ready.
• 0:44
  Matt: Not only is there a top reviewer rankings on Amazon, but there is in fact a hall of fame.
• 0:55
  Eric: Oh tell me more right now.
• 0:59
  Matt: Amazon has Amazon's top customer reviewers.
• 1:04
  Matt: You can get there if you're so inclined, uh, listeners and Eric Poach at Amazon.com slash review slash top hyphen reviewers.
• 1:13
  Matt: And you can see the leaderboard.
• 1:15
  Matt: Currently, Sarah, who has 8,750 reviews, 99,785 helpful votes, is ranked as number one.
• 1:29
  Matt: But then in the hall of fame, there is like a a like uh annual rankings, apparently.
• 1:37
  Matt: Uh, for example, people uh have tags of being in the top 500 reviewers and things like that.
• 1:46
  Matt: And then there are also it's not on this same page, but there are those funny reviews, like that banana slicer that went viral not long ago.
• 1:55
  Matt: Or by not long ago, I probably mean many years.
• 1:59
  Matt: Uh, but like that review that went viral is on this Hall of Fame.
• 2:03
  Matt: And my question to you, Eric, is what is the persona that I will now take on to review any and all products?
• 2:14
  Matt: Because what I've discovered is there is a secret society that goes along with being an Amazon top reviewer, in which you reach a tier, uh, I forget what it's uh called now.
• 2:26
  Matt: Hold on.
• 2:28
  Matt: I'm gonna find out.
• 2:29
  Matt: I can follow them.
• 2:31
  Matt: And not only that, but there is a secret society of these top reviewers.
• 2:37
  Matt: Give it to me.
• 2:39
  Matt: When you reach a certain tier, a silver tier or something, Amazon and I guess other sellers more directly, start sending you things for free specifically for you to review them.
• 2:54
  Matt: And that is where I want to get, but I don't want to get there as my legitimate self.
• 3:01
  Matt: I want to get there as a character.
• 3:03
  Eric: You want to don, you want to don the cloak andor cape.
• 3:06
  Matt: That is absolutely correct.
• 3:08
  Matt: I'm going to Batman my way into the Hall of Fame.
• 3:11
  Eric: Mild-mannered podcaster by day, mild-mannered Amazon reviewer by night.
• 3:21
  Matt: So the answer to the question, how do you get to this free stuff?
• 3:24
  Matt: Apparently, the secret is review everything.
• 3:28
  Matt: Everything.
• 3:29
  Matt: You got, you know, you got socks, review them.
• 3:33
  Matt: You got a hundred dollar purchase, review them.
• 3:34
  Matt: You got a pen, review it.
• 3:36
  Eric: Does it even have to be shit you bought?
• 3:38
  Eric: Like, can you just go into items like, eh, this looks like it sucks?
• 3:41
  Matt: I I don't know the answer in term the legitimate answer, but I know the answer in my heart.
• 3:48
  Matt: And the answer in my heart is if I got a funny review in me for a product I haven't tested, should I stifle my own creativity and comments?
• 3:56
  Eric: Thank you.
• 3:56
  Eric: Thank you.
• 3:56
  Eric: I think you really need to explore this line, and I think you need to follow that instinct because my ideal is like, what if you exclusively reviewed things you have never or will never purchase, but like the most in-depth thing.
• 4:10
  Eric: And the challenge there is review it without lying about it.
• 4:15
  Matt: So right.
• 4:18
  Matt: No, but like God forbid.
• 4:20
  Eric: But the only information you're allowed to go off of is like pictures of the product.
• 4:25
  Matt: Yeah.
• 4:26
  Eric: The product description itself.
• 4:29
  Eric: Like you see like when they describe the product, be like, ah yeah, like just your review is just the photos like other users have put in.
• 4:37
  Eric: Yeah.
• 4:37
  Eric: But almost like you're a detective.
• 4:39
  Eric: Like you're like, you know what I mean?
• 4:41
  Eric: Like you're you're sussing this out for based on all the other reviews.
• 4:46
  Matt: That's interesting.
• 4:47
  Matt: I didn't think about approaching it as if it were a crime.
• 4:50
  Matt: You're like a sleuth.
• 4:51
  Matt: I did think about approaching it through a character of a like a uh uh to follow up on a previous episode as a butler who is reviewing this for their master.
• 5:02
  Eric: I was hoping you would say butler.
• 5:06
  Matt: And like just sort of like, and then I could start in my reviews, start lacing in uh references to other employees of the house.
• 5:17
  Matt: Oh man, other members of the staff, relationships with ongoing relationships with the masters, and it will only be a story for anyone who chooses to hunt down my reviews.
• 5:30
  Matt: Matt?
• 5:31
  Matt: Otherwise, people are gonna be like, what the fuck?
• 5:34
  Matt: But otherwise, like approach everything as if I'm I can't I was gonna call myself Jeeves, but that seemed too on the nose.
• 5:41
  Eric: Let me let me hit you with this.
• 5:44
  Matt: Please, do this show is for nothing other than hitting you and me.
• 5:48
  Matt: Downton Amazon.
• 5:50
  Matt: That's the name of my account.
• 5:52
  Eric: Maybe.
• 5:55
  Matt: Down Amazon is not bad.
• 5:56
  Eric: Downton Amazon.
• 5:57
  Matt: Uh, but that seems like it would lend itself to writing in the characters of Downton Abbey, and I have to admit I have never seen Downton Abbey.
• 6:05
  Eric: Oh man, or Downton Abbeon or Downton Amazon.
• 6:10
  Eric: I I think either of those would be good.
• 6:12
  Matt: But like it's all I know is that there is a hall of fame for me to reach, and that is all the information I require.
• 6:20
  Eric: I want to do everything in my power to support if if if you're gonna be Bruce Wayne, I'm gonna be your Lucius Fox.
• 6:28
  Eric: I'm gonna be your man on the inside, or I'm gonna be your Alfred.
• 6:32
  Matt: Well I'm gonna put it out to you, both you and the audience.
• 6:36
  Matt: If you I have not decided on this character, I have only decided on my uh ambition to the Amazon Reviewer Hall of Fame through no legitimate reviews.
• 6:48
  Matt: Uh oh.
• 6:48
  Matt: Well, they could be legitimate, they just need to be funny.
• 6:51
  Eric: Yes, and to that end, I encourage our listeners, send Matt things you want him to review.
• 6:58
  Matt: God bless you, Eric.
• 7:00
  Matt: Yes, yes, do all those things.
• 7:02
  Matt: You didn't ask for this at gmail.com or on Instagram U letter U didn't ask pod.
• 7:08
  Eric: Can't wait to see how many butt plugs find their way to your inbox.
• 7:12
  Eric: Now I can't possibly review them all, people.
• 7:16
  Eric: Yeah, I there are just so many good ways you could do it.
• 7:19
  Eric: Like I'm obsessed with it.
• 7:21
  Eric: Uh like imagine it's almost like uh like any movie involving a depiction of a butler.
• 7:27
  Eric: Like, I imagine you reviewing these objects that are clearly from one purpose, but you using your butler worldview, your schema.
• 7:35
  Eric: You you you review them through that interpretation.
• 7:38
  Eric: So like you're given something wild, but you're like, ah, I suppose this must be for that's humorous as well.
• 7:46
  Matt: Any any and all ideas, it does if you got a different character in mind other than the butler, hit me with them.
• 7:53
  Matt: Names, whatever you want to say.
• 7:55
  Matt: But all I know is I see a legacy for myself.
• 8:00
  Eric: And the achievement of a childhood dream.
• 8:02
  Eric: You get to be a butler now.
• 8:04
  Matt: And it all comes full circle.
• 8:06
  Matt: It all comes full circle.
• 8:34
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 8:35
  Matt: And uh this this year, episode 17, uh, thank you for joining us yet again.
• 8:42
  Matt: Eric, how have you been?
• 8:44
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 8:46
  Matt: You can't always answer this in a one-syllable response.
• 8:51
  Matt: It's a one-syllable.
• 8:52
  Matt: One episode, you need to give me a concrete.
• 8:54
  Eric: I know.
• 8:55
  Eric: Um no, I'm doing I'm doing great.
• 8:58
  Eric: Uh I'm I really just want to get my second dose of the vaccine.
• 9:02
  Matt: I oh, let me tell you, this is real.
• 9:05
  Matt: I got mine this week.
• 9:07
  Matt: Uh, I followed the advice of good friend of the pod, Megan Stanton.
• 9:12
  Eric: Good friend of the pod.
• 9:13
  Matt: Um, I followed her advice, and I'm now gonna bestow it upon you.
• 9:17
  Matt: I took it a step further, even.
• 9:18
  Matt: Well, first, what what club are you in?
• 9:21
  Matt: Pfizer or Moderna?
• 9:23
  Eric: Oh, Pfizer Life, baby.
• 9:24
  Eric: Gang gang.
• 9:25
  Matt: All right, I'm in Team Moderna.
• 9:27
  Eric: Okay.
• 9:28
  Matt: Okay.
• 9:29
  Matt: Quite literally, I didn't choose the Moderna Life.
• 9:31
  Matt: The Moderna Life chose me.
• 9:33
  Eric: Indubitably.
• 9:34
  Matt: But this goes out to all the listeners that are on uh on the Moderna Trail.
• 9:40
  Matt: I have heard this works specifically well with the Moderna, but it's true for both.
• 9:44
  Matt: Drink a ton, ton, ton of water before, like pre-game with water, like be hydrating like crazy before that second shot, and the whole second day afterwards, but take it a diff take it a step further with pediolite.
• 9:59
  Matt: Pediolite.
• 10:00
  Matt: Pediolite.
• 10:01
  Matt: It really, really curbed.
• 10:03
  Matt: Like the old people juice.
• 10:05
  Matt: No, like the young people juice.
• 10:07
  Eric: Oh, the baby juice.
• 10:09
  Matt: The pediolite.
• 10:10
  Eric: Oh, right.
• 10:11
  Eric: That root word that means things.
• 10:14
  Eric: Oh, what was I think?
• 10:16
  Eric: Oh, I don't know why.
• 10:16
  Eric: I was thinking of Metamucil.
• 10:19
  Eric: Do not take Metamucil.
• 10:21
  Matt: I don't know the root effect.
• 10:22
  Eric: Where my Pfizer gang at?
• 10:25
  Eric: Ignore all of that advice, gang gang.
• 10:28
  Eric: We're gonna slam back some Metamucil the day before.
• 10:32
  Matt: I don't know that we should be giving it poor medical advice on this podcast.
• 10:38
  Eric: Maybe any show.
• 10:40
  Eric: This is not medical advice.
• 10:41
  Matt: But my point is the the Pediolite, I had a bottle of it the day before, and I sipped on one the day after, and it really, really curbed my symptoms.
• 10:52
  Eric: So we got we've heard from the modern nerds.
• 10:55
  Eric: Now I want to talk to Pfizer Gang Gang.
• 10:58
  Eric: Drink heavily before your vaccine.
• 11:01
  Eric: Slam those shots back.
• 11:03
  Eric: Do not hydrate.
• 11:04
  Eric: We want to try to set over clock till we reset to zero.
• 11:07
  Eric: Make yourself so sick that you reset to appropriate levels of health.
• 11:12
  Eric: I am not a medical professional.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think I condone what my partner is doing.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_04: And I certainly don't respect it.
• 11:21
  Matt: Gang gang.
• 11:23
  Matt: Okay, so what do you say, Eric?
• 11:25
  Matt: Should we uh answer some questions and solve some mysteries?
• 11:28
  Eric: Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna have to get this podcast off the ground because we're most certainly getting sued for issuing medical advice.
• 11:35
  Matt: Yes, uh once again, um, and this is sh uh uh should go without saying almost.
• 11:40
  Matt: Uh we are experts on nothing.
• 11:44
  Matt: Uh we know nothing.
• 11:45
  Matt: Uh we are here to gain information, yeah uh, and also all of that information is also incorrect.
• 11:52
  Matt: So our first question uh comes from Amy Sanka Coffee Face on Instagram, and it is what lie did the Geiko camel list on his resume to get the job?
• 12:06
  Eric: And we're talking about, of course, if you remember.
• 12:09
  Eric: Mike, mic, mic, mic, mic, mic, mic, mic.
• 12:10
  Matt: What day is a mic?
• 12:11
  Matt: Mike!
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: Mike, what day is a mic?
• 12:14
  Eric: Hump day.
• 12:16
  Matt: That is the camel that we are discussing, yes.
• 12:18
  Eric: And I don't think he has a name.
• 12:20
  Eric: I don't think he has a name.
• 12:21
  Eric: Also, quick side tangent.
• 12:22
  Eric: Where I worked in manufacturing, I used to work in like like a lab, uh, there was a guy who was obsessed with that commercial.
• 12:31
  Eric: And every but like several times a day from hundreds of feet away across this laboratory, I would just hear him do and like it came to the point, and this is at 6 a.m.
• 12:46
  Eric: This is at 6 a.m.
• 12:48
  Eric: in the morning.
• 12:49
  Matt: Yes, I I'm aware.
• 12:51
  Matt: Thank you for clarifying which 6 a.m.
• 12:53
  Matt: it was.
• 12:54
  Eric: Okay.
• 12:56
  Eric: Okay.
• 12:57
  Eric: All right.
• 12:58
  Eric: What hey, sorry, I haven't slammed back my pedialite today.
• 13:03
  Matt: Oh, I give you a legitimate medical tip, and it's thrown back in my face like so much stale confetti.
• 13:12
  Eric: Uh I want to know how confetti becomes stale.
• 13:16
  Eric: I want to know how pieces of paper become less pieces of paper.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the joy dies.
• 13:22
  Eric: That's true.
• 13:23
  Matt: That being said, the Geico Camel, we know that he works in an office.
• 13:28
  Matt: Uh, we don't actually know what his job is.
• 13:30
  Eric: I do we even know that he's employed there.
• 13:33
  Eric: He's not wearing the employee dress code, that's for damn sure.
• 13:36
  Eric: He's naked.
• 13:38
  Matt: Uh, that is true.
• 13:40
  Matt: Um, he does seem to be doing his own thing.
• 13:45
  Matt: Yeah.
• 13:46
  Matt: Um, I d I don't know that we have a ton of information on on him, but I am pulling up as we speak for our own reference the Geico wiki.
• 13:59
  Eric: Uh thank God.
• 14:00
  Eric: Of course there's a wiki for that.
• 14:02
  Matt: It is from Fandom.
• 14:03
  Matt: Thank you very much, Fandom.
• 14:04
  Matt: You do great work, and you have brought us the Hump Day.
• 14:07
  Matt: Hump Day is a commercial uh while Caleb the Camel announces Hump Day in the office.
• 14:16
  Matt: I'm gonna click on the Caleb Actually, he doesn't have his own page.
• 14:21
  Matt: He's just he has a link.
• 14:23
  Matt: I take it back, fandom.
• 14:24
  Matt: Get yourself together, at least on the Geico wiki.
• 14:27
  Matt: Cite your shit.
• 14:28
  Matt: Cite your shit, my friend.
• 14:30
  Matt: So they do have a transcript of the episode, and of course they have they do have the cast.
• 14:39
  Matt: Uh they do have the cast, but not who plays the camel.
• 14:44
  Eric: Alright.
• 14:44
  Eric: Let's just establish what we know about this camel.
• 14:47
  Matt: We know that he's in an office.
• 14:48
  Eric: We know he's in an office, we know his name is Caleb, we know he is flaunting company dress code, he is painfully upbeat, and everyone around him is clearly just tolerating the fact that he's there.
• 15:05
  Eric: Everything about this screams middle management to me.
• 15:10
  Matt: He is also just, it is of note, not that this is an uncommon behavior of any position in an office.
• 15:17
  Matt: He's just no storing water on your back.
• 15:23
  Matt: Well, you don't do that.
• 15:24
  Matt: No, he is just meandering about.
• 15:27
  Eric: Just at the again, middle that scream, like that screams, I don't know what my job is, but I'm gonna try to look busy.
• 15:36
  Matt: He is sauntering around, not with what he is saying when I say this, it's not with what he's saying, but it is in his walk, does scream Gary Cole in office space.
• 15:48
  Matt: It does scream, yeah, I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday, and then just continue walking around in no seemingly deterr predetermined direction.
• 16:00
  Eric: Yeah, and you know what, honestly, he he's like he's like the opposite end swing of the pendulum of Gary Cole.
• 16:06
  Eric: They are the same piece of shit middle manager, except the one is like, uh yeah.
• 16:11
  Eric: But he then we've got the painfully, hey, yeah, what day is it?
• 16:16
  Matt: Lumberg.
• 16:17
  Eric: His name is Lumberg.
• 16:18
  Eric: He is he's Burglum.
• 16:20
  Eric: He's Burglum.
• 16:21
  Eric: The opposite of Lumberg, where they're still a piece of shit middle manager, but they're just come on, game! Like, I'm like, please stop memeing with me, stop trying to identify with me on any level.
• 16:35
  Matt: You know that the I will say also that I do appreciate Caleb's second appearance when they were doing the best of um Do you remember this?
• 16:44
  Matt: Like last year, Geico was doing like a fan vote for like their best commercials.
• 16:48
  Eric: Oh wow.
• 16:49
  Matt: Um the and then they had like all the famous characters, like the the the pig going, we had him like talking to the people.
• 16:58
  Eric: Fucking hated that pig.
• 17:00
  Matt: Yeah, there, but they're so they're all like the caveman, like all these people together.
• 17:04
  Matt: And somebody said, like, oh hey, where's uh where's the camel?
• 17:08
  Matt: And uh I think it was the caveman who goes like oh the Caleb the star, he's got his own trailer, and then it just cuts to the camel listening to like rap in his trailer.
• 17:19
  Matt: He has no lines, he's just like shilling in a trailer, and I did think that was really fucking funny.
• 17:25
  Eric: That that is really good.
• 17:28
  Matt: Because it was a phenomenon.
• 17:30
  Matt: I mean, everybody was going, Mike, mic, mic, mike, mic, for all for God help you if your name was Mike and it was a Wednesday in this country.
• 17:39
  Eric: God, help you.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: You're the real MVP, yeah.
• 17:43
  Eric: Like, I feel bad, I feel bad for Mike's back then, I feel bad for Karen's now, and mercy on your soul to anyone who got named Arya.
• 17:54
  Matt: Uh yes, or Tyrion, even.
• 17:56
  Matt: Uh Khaleesi.
• 17:59
  Matt: You know, so there are some Khaleesi's out there.
• 18:01
  Eric: There are some Khaleesi's, and then season eight came out.
• 18:04
  Eric: And there are a bunch.
• 18:06
  Eric: Fastest name changes in the history of this country.
• 18:09
  Matt: Listen, I know you're only three, but we have to change your name, Khaleesi.
• 18:13
  Eric: Um at that point, they're like puppies.
• 18:15
  Eric: You start calling them whatever, they'll forget their old name in a week.
• 18:18
  Matt: I don't know that that's a hundred percent accurate.
• 18:23
  Matt: We are not uh uh maybe in the business of giving out parenting advice at this time.
• 18:28
  Eric: Oh, but we can give out medical advice.
• 18:30
  Eric: I gave out a tip.
• 18:33
  Matt: We need to legally distinguish between advice and first of all, there's nothing v controversial about drinking pediolite.
• 18:41
  Matt: People do it for hangovers all the time.
• 18:44
  Matt: It's just a drink.
• 18:45
  Matt: It's not like a drug.
• 18:46
  Matt: You can get it.
• 18:47
  Matt: Uh it comes in grape.
• 18:49
  Matt: Okay, nothing illegal comes in grape.
• 18:52
  Matt: It comes in grape.
• 18:54
  Matt: I I I'm just saying I got the grape version and it was better than I expected it to taste.
• 18:59
  Matt: That's all I'm trying to say.
• 19:00
  Eric: I am a slut for grape flavored things.
• 19:02
  Matt: Um we're getting away from cute.
• 19:04
  Eric: We're getting away, but I I I want to I want to dig back into I want to drop down a level lower in our previous tangent.
• 19:10
  Eric: So we're kind of like homing in on where we launched from.
• 19:14
  Matt: Double down on the tangent.
• 19:15
  Matt: Yeah.
• 19:15
  Eric: Double down on the tangent.
• 19:16
  Eric: Uh the cavemen were supposed to get their own show.
• 19:19
  Matt: They did get their own show.
• 19:21
  Eric: Did it exist?
• 19:22
  Eric: It existed.
• 19:23
  Eric: Well, yeah.
• 19:24
  Eric: Uh see, and see, the reason that show exists, the reason no one stood up and said, this is hilarious for a commercial, but fucking moronic for an actual TV show, for anything that lasts longer than a 30-second ad is because of middle managers like Cal the King.
• 19:44
  Matt: It was way, it was a it was a blatant money grab that no truly nobody asked for.
• 19:50
  Matt: Because it what what it what it took is a a commercial universally loved.
• 19:56
  Matt: Everybody loved the Geico Camels with the uh I'm gonna have the roast duck mango salsa.
• 20:04
  Eric: Uh you said you good, you said the geico camels.
• 20:09
  Matt: Uh the geico camels.
• 20:12
  Matt: Uh uh, yes, I meant the Geico Caveman, of course.
• 20:16
  Matt: Universally loved, much like Caleb the Camel was.
• 20:18
  Matt: Yes.
• 20:19
  Matt: But uh Cavemen Yes was a uh sitcom on ABC.
• 20:23
  Matt: It aired from October 2nd to November 13th of 2007 for a total of 13 episodes.
• 20:31
  Eric: Wait, so so from October to November?
• 20:35
  Matt: Yeah, literally a couple of weeks that's what we're talking about.
• 20:38
  Eric: That's phenomenal.
• 20:39
  Eric: Yep.
• 20:39
  Matt: Um I'm sure Caleb.
• 20:41
  Matt: Actually, it looks like it it there were 13 episodes, but only six aired.
• 20:46
  Eric: Matt, what happened to those other episodes?
• 20:50
  Eric: The lost episodes.
• 20:51
  Eric: There wait, this might be the first fucking series in which there are more lost episodes than the actual episodes.
• 20:58
  Eric: Six aired, which means seven of them are lost.
• 21:02
  Matt: And then they apparently during Super Bowl, we really have gone down now.
• 21:06
  Matt: After the cancellation, a Guy Coke ad was aired during the following Super Bowl, uh, in which two cavemen watched television, switched it off, and had an exchange about the TV show Caveman.
• 21:18
  Eric: How fucking meta is Guy Coke again?
• 21:20
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 21:20
  Matt: So Brechtan.
• 21:22
  Matt: Now, let's let's How dare you!
• 21:25
  Eric: How dare you?
• 21:26
  Eric: How Brecht! Pro tip kids, you ever want to sound like legit as hell to a theater person, just look at any performance and say, How Brecht.
• 21:40
  Matt: I think it is something about the word Brechtan that makes it particularly pretentious.
• 21:45
  Matt: Yes.
• 21:46
  Matt: But like because pin like now we're going down a theater tangent.
• 21:50
  Matt: Like Pinter esque just sounds funny.
• 21:53
  Matt: Like it sounds cute.
• 21:54
  Eric: Yeah.
• 21:54
  Eric: Pinterest.
• 21:55
  Eric: Okay, we're in on the joke.
• 21:57
  Eric: But but Breg but Brechtian does sound
• 22:00
  Matt: You almost have to put on the voice of Brecht.
• 22:02
  Eric: Can we normalize Brecht-esque?
• 22:05
  Eric: Bre Brat Brecht-esque.
• 22:07
  Eric: No, it's hard to do.
• 22:07
  Eric: Brecht-esque.
• 22:08
  Eric: That's probably why.
• 22:09
  Eric: Brecht.
• 22:09
  Eric: Let's get back to Caleb the Campbell.
• 22:11
  Eric: Let's circle back to Caleb Campbell.
• 22:13
  Matt: So Caleb, middle manager.
• 22:15
  Eric: Middle manager all the way.
• 22:16
  Eric: He doesn't even know what his title is.
• 22:19
  Matt: Yes, he's the Creed Bratton of who only to say that he doesn't know what his job is.
• 22:25
  Matt: He was not middle management, of course.
• 22:27
  Matt: But here's the question from Amy Sankagovifaze.
• 22:30
  Matt: It's actually what did he put on his resume of the job?
• 22:32
  Matt: What did he put on his resume?
• 22:33
  Matt: So we've established that he's some like vice president of something.
• 22:38
  Matt: Yep.
• 22:38
  Matt: Or or senior manager of X.
• 22:42
  Matt: Yeah.
• 22:42
  Matt: Um could it be so he clearly seems to interact with a lot of departments?
• 22:49
  Matt: Can we can we say that?
• 22:51
  Eric: I I I would say yes, because everyone clearly knows him.
• 22:54
  Eric: Like, and not just, oh, it's that asshole again.
• 22:57
  Eric: Like they're all like, oh hey, like they're familiar with him.
• 23:00
  Matt: So he's doesn't he doesn't seem to yes, they are familiar with him, and he doesn't seem to necessarily, though, know any of them particularly well.
• 23:11
  Matt: Not that we get a lot of stage time with hearing him go, hey Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, how are the kids?
• 23:16
  Matt: I'm is Sheila doing all right?
• 23:19
  Eric: The yeah, yeah.
• 23:21
  Eric: There's no like he knows everyone superficially.
• 23:24
  Eric: And I I I'm the the exercise I'm doing in my mind palace is I'm imagining I'm a camel and that's literally all I have to my name.
• 23:33
  Eric: My skills as a camel, how do I translate those into resume speak?
• 23:39
  Eric: Like, can carry long-term long-term projects to fruition with minimal impact to workflow.
• 23:47
  Eric: Like, yeah, I can walk across a desert without stopping for a long time.
• 23:52
  Matt: Uh yeah, he's he's self-sustaining, you know, he's self-sufficient.
• 23:58
  Matt: Self-sufficient.
• 23:59
  Eric: Self-sufficiency, uh, assertive, Campbell.
• 24:01
  Eric: Spit at people.
• 24:02
  Matt: Jesus.
• 24:03
  Matt: And he is just assertive.
• 24:04
  Matt: I mean, we can definitely see the way he's prancing around this office.
• 24:08
  Matt: 100%.
• 24:09
  Matt: I'd think this isn't an in an interview.
• 24:12
  Matt: This is in an interview, not on a resume.
• 24:14
  Matt: I think he'd say, I'm working for the week.
• 24:16
  Matt: He's one of those guys.
• 24:17
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 24:18
  Matt: You know, I I walk through this the bullpen just now.
• 24:21
  Matt: I see a lot of people working for the weekend.
• 24:23
  Matt: I'm here to work for the week.
• 24:25
  Eric: There it is.
• 24:25
  Eric: Oh, that that was the one, that was the line that fucking sold it for him.
• 24:30
  Matt: Yeah, that's sold the deal to uh to Brecht, his upper manager.
• 24:36
  Eric: Yeah, yes.
• 24:37
  Matt: Bertolt Brecht, his upper manager, his upper upper manager for Bertolt, the senior vice president of quality assurance.
• 24:46
  Matt: No, I don't like quality assurance.
• 24:48
  Eric: Not quality assurance.
• 24:49
  Eric: Uh it's it's it's like communications.
• 24:54
  Matt: Oh, you think he's in marketing?
• 24:56
  Eric: Oh, I bet.
• 24:58
  Eric: Oh, that rates of marketing.
• 25:00
  Matt: I think uh here's what I think we can rule out.
• 25:02
  Eric: Yep.
• 25:02
  Matt: I think we can rule out human relations.
• 25:06
  Eric: Agreed.
• 25:06
  Eric: He's not human.
• 25:07
  Eric: No offense to him.
• 25:08
  Matt: One, he's not human, and two, no one from HR is that like in people's business.
• 25:15
  Eric: No, God, no.
• 25:16
  Eric: HR is like the more I talk to any of you, the more liable I become for so many things.
• 25:22
  Matt: So I feel what I'm seeing in attitude, yeah, in overall w, you know, his his strut, his saunter.
• 25:31
  Matt: Give it to me.
• 25:32
  Matt: I'm seeing middle management of sales.
• 25:36
  Eric: Sales.
• 25:37
  Eric: He is he's very much a he's got a salesman persona.
• 25:42
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 25:43
  Eric: He's he's a Michael.
• 25:44
  Eric: He's a Michael.
• 25:45
  Matt: So he we know that he said he's self-efficient.
• 25:50
  Matt: He said uh he can what did you say?
• 25:53
  Matt: Hold long-term projects.
• 25:55
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:56
  Eric: Uh uh multiple long-term projects back to back, uh, with minimal it with minimal interruptions to workflow.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: He can hold his own under pressure.
• 26:07
  Eric: He can hold his own under pressure.
• 26:10
  Eric: Very good.
• 26:10
  Eric: Very good.
• 26:11
  Matt: But these are all true things about him.
• 26:13
  Matt: These are all his actual qualifications for him.
• 26:16
  Matt: Yeah.
• 26:16
  Matt: What is the lie that got him this human job?
• 26:19
  Eric: Yeah.
• 26:20
  Matt: I think first of all, can we not say this camel stole a human job?
• 26:26
  Matt: Can we not say that?
• 26:27
  Matt: Matt, I'm I'm so fucking glad about it.
• 26:29
  Matt: Can we come out against the camels stealing our human jobs?
• 26:32
  Eric: I'm so fucking glad you said something because got Brand got fucking Brandon Fraser riding them into the sunset at the end of the mummy.
• 26:40
  Eric: Oh god.
• 26:41
  Eric: Yeah.
• 26:41
  Eric: No, but I think we can go all in against the camels.
• 26:46
  Eric: They're assholes.
• 26:47
  Eric: They're assholes.
• 26:48
  Eric: They are kind of assholes.
• 26:49
  Eric: Anyone who's ever worked with a camel in any capacity in real life will tell you they're hateful creatures.
• 26:55
  Eric: And they smell.
• 26:56
  Eric: They smell, they spit, they walk funny.
• 26:58
  Eric: They don't they don't walk like a horse.
• 26:59
  Eric: Everyone thinks they walk like a horse.
• 27:01
  Eric: They do, they do like you know, you gotta- They literally can't keep their fucking mouth shut.
• 27:07
  Eric: Nope.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: They literally cannot do it.
• 27:09
  Eric: Yeah.
• 27:10
  Eric: Have you ever seen the inside of a camel's mouth?
• 27:13
  Eric: No, I haven't seen the inside of a camel's mouth.
• 27:16
  Eric: Have you?
• 27:16
  Eric: Matt, I need you to do me a favor.
• 27:18
  Eric: I need you to Google the inside of a camel's mouth.
• 27:21
  Eric: And I just lean in real close to the mic as you do.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, alright, hold on.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_04: Inside a camel's.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_04: Inside a camel's mouth.
• 27:35
  Matt: I have to reach across this little section here.
• 27:39
  Matt: Okay, I didn't bring up any pictures.
• 27:41
  Matt: Let me go to Google's images.
• 27:44
  Matt: Interesting.
• 27:45
  Matt: Okay, it's huge, first of all.
• 27:46
  Matt: It's dirty.
• 27:48
  Matt: Oh my god, what is up with these teeth?
• 27:50
  Matt: Yup.
• 27:51
  Matt: What are these?
• 27:52
  Matt: Those are teeth.
• 27:54
  Matt: In the back.
• 27:55
  unknown: Yeah.
• 27:56
  Matt: Everywhere.
• 27:58
  Eric: Yeah.
• 27:58
  Eric: They're like the geese of the desert.
• 28:01
  Matt: It looks nasty in there.
• 28:04
  Eric: It is d like, don't ever get don't ever let a camel put their mouth on your body.
• 28:11
  Eric: You will die of sepsis.
• 28:13
  Matt: What what I'm saying is when you look in like a shark's mouth, you're like, oh shoot, that's scary.
• 28:19
  Matt: I hope I'm never hope I'm never there.
• 28:21
  Matt: Yeah for the reasons of, ooh, look at those sharps' teeth.
• 28:23
  Matt: When I'm looking inside this camel's mouth, I'm like, ooh, I hope I'm never there, because oh.
• 28:28
  Matt: Ew.
• 28:28
  Matt: Yeah, it's just nasty.
• 28:30
  Matt: It just looks nasty.
• 28:31
  Eric: It's like I I look at him like I need a shower now.
• 28:35
  Matt: Like, it looks like I can get out of it, but don't want to.
• 28:39
  Matt: I might as well go inside and surrender this life after I get this camel mouth stunk on me.
• 28:45
  Eric: Hold his mouth shut from the inside so I never have to see the light again.
• 28:50
  Matt: Okay.
• 28:51
  Matt: So Caleb the Camel.
• 28:52
  Eric: So what lie did he put on his resume?
• 28:54
  Eric: I'm gonna take a shot in the dark.
• 28:56
  Matt: Hit it.
• 28:57
  Eric: Here's his lie on his resume.
• 28:59
  Eric: He put down Joe the Camel as a reference.
• 29:03
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 29:04
  Eric: He put down Joe the Camel as a reference and was was working off of the their the human prejudices, assuming all camels know all other camels, and they're like, oh, then he's good.
• 29:16
  Eric: We have this cigarette smoking camel to back him up.
• 29:19
  Matt: Hold on one second.
• 29:20
  Matt: I like that.
• 29:22
  Matt: Okay, I just wanted to make sure that his name was indeed Joe Camel.
• 29:26
  Matt: I was doubting myself significantly.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, oh yeah, Joe Cool, man.
• 29:37
  Matt: Yes, of course.
• 29:38
  Matt: But I had forgotten about that, and somehow I had made Snoopy Joe the Camel.
• 29:44
  Matt: So he said he knows Joe the Camel.
• 29:46
  Eric: Yeah.
• 29:47
  Matt: And this this is what you think sealed the deal, not his I'm working for the week comment.
• 29:53
  Eric: No, I think that I think the working for the week deal sealed the comment, but I think the Joe reference legitimized it.
• 29:59
  Matt: Yes, yes, it got him in the door.
• 30:01
  Eric: Yes.
• 30:02
  Matt: And it got it because uh Bertolt was looking over his resume and said, shit, this guy knows Joe the camel.
• 30:10
  Eric: And you know what?
• 30:11
  Eric: You know what I think?
• 30:14
  Eric: I'm actually gonna lay it out on the line here.
• 30:15
  Eric: What I think is he he he made a hail mary's like, I'm gonna put Joe the camel as a reference.
• 30:21
  Eric: They're never gonna check that.
• 30:22
  Eric: They checked it.
• 30:23
  Eric: They called Joe the Camel.
• 30:25
  Eric: They're like, hey, yeah, have you worked with like Caleb the Camel?
• 30:28
  Eric: And Joe, so fucking relieved that camels are getting more representation in this country.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 30:36
  Eric: He was like, yo, fuck it.
• 30:37
  Eric: He went to bat for him.
• 30:38
  Eric: I think Joe, I think Joe, like trying to help Caleb out.
• 30:42
  Eric: He's like, man, we need to get more camels at the top.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 30:46
  Eric: Yeah.
• 30:47
  Eric: And uh, I think I think it's one of those classic blunders of Caleb the Camel in true middle management fashion failing upwards.
• 30:55
  Matt: Yep, he just flopped to the top.
• 30:58
  Matt: Well, there you have it, Amy Senka Coffee Face.
• 31:01
  Matt: He knows Joe the Camel didn't, or it's just Joe Camel.
• 31:05
  Matt: I don't know why I keep saying Joe the Camel.
• 31:07
  Matt: It's Caleb the Camel, and that is the lie he told on his resume to get the job.
• 31:12
  Matt: Alright, so once again, Amy Senka Coffee Face.
• 31:16
  Matt: Thank you for the question.
• 31:17
  Matt: Uh, Eric, should we move on to another question for the day?
• 31:21
  Eric: Absolutely, my friend.
• 31:22
  Eric: And this one comes from a dear friend of ours, and this will be their first question on our podcast.
• 31:28
  Eric: Uh, this was asked by MyFave Podcast Musical on Instagram, which is a whole musical, you say a whole musical.
• 31:37
  Eric: And uh comes from our good friend Michael Pari Jr., who is please check him out.
• 31:43
  Eric: He's an insanely talented musician.
• 31:45
  Eric: Like, it makes me angry at him how good he is at music.
• 31:49
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 31:50
  Matt: Nothing like endorsing someone and then saying that they make us angry.
• 31:54
  Matt: I'm furious.
• 31:55
  Eric: Well, because I just started learning how to play piano.
• 31:57
  Eric: I'm like, how the how does he do this?
• 31:59
  Eric: How?
• 32:00
  Eric: What?
• 32:01
  Eric: As I bash my meat hooks on the keys.
• 32:03
  Matt: I think what Eric is trying to say is he's a very talented actor, musician, playwright, and he has written a uh new musical, uh, My Favorite Podcast musical on Instagram based on My Favorite Murder.
• 32:19
  Matt: Yeah.
• 32:19
  Matt: Uh so you check that out for sure.
• 32:23
  Matt: For sure, check that out on Instagram.
• 32:25
  Matt: Uh, in the meantime, the question that they need us to do.
• 32:29
  Eric: Yes, please keep me on this leash.
• 32:31
  Eric: Uh the question is if you went back in time to learn something secret, where would you go?
• 32:39
  Eric: And Michael, I don't want to correct you right out of the gate, but I think you mean when would you go?
• 32:45
  Matt: All right, second time in the bit, talking down to the submission.
• 32:49
  Matt: He knows I love him.
• 32:52
  Matt: So the now this is an interesting question because if you want to go back in time and learn something secret, here's my hang up here.
• 33:02
  Matt: This is where I don't know how to approach the question.
• 33:04
  Eric: Please give me your temporal hang ups.
• 33:06
  Matt: If it's secret, how do I know I want to know it?
• 33:10
  Eric: Okay.
• 33:10
  Matt: Well, see, I was approaching it from like secret to me, or is it a secret?
• 33:15
  Matt: Is it a life secret?
• 33:16
  Matt: Are we saying like I want to go back in time and learn like what happened to Hoffa?
• 33:20
  Matt: Yeah, or like the theory of relativity before Einstein gets to it.
• 33:26
  Eric: Uh oh, oh, I see.
• 33:28
  Matt: Okay, so is this a rewriting history question, or is this a solving a mystery?
• 33:33
  Eric: Well, let's do both.
• 33:34
  Eric: Um if I had to if I had to discover like uh a what actually happened kind of deal.
• 33:42
  Matt: I have a weird feeling, I know what you're gonna say, but go ahead.
• 33:45
  Eric: Well, actually, now I'm curious to know what you're gonna say.
• 33:48
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no.
• 33:49
  Eric: Well, because the funny thing is, I didn't have an answer yet.
• 33:52
  Eric: I was I was stalling while I thought of one.
• 33:55
  Eric: Oh.
• 33:56
  Eric: So now I'm doubly curious.
• 33:59
  Matt: I thought I just gotta it through the uh through the waves, I got a inclination that you were going to say you wanted to know what happened to cause and therefore find a way to prevent the fire at the Alexandria of the Library of Alexandria.
• 34:19
  Eric: And so here's the fucking hilarious thing, and why you were my co-host on this podcast.
• 34:24
  Eric: Uh that that was like the automatic answer in my head, like, oh yeah, Library of Alexandria, what happened there?
• 34:30
  Matt: But I was like, oh, that's so that you reduced it down to oh yeah, what happened there?
• 34:34
  Eric: Oh yeah, what happened?
• 34:35
  Eric: Whatever happened with that.
• 34:36
  Eric: Do you think that was a conversation?
• 34:38
  Eric: Like in the prestige in like the following years, it's like, hey, what happened with the Library of Alexandria?
• 34:42
  Matt: No, I think in the following years everyone fucking knew it was huge.
• 34:46
  Eric: It was huge.
• 34:47
  Eric: But I've also heard historically um that it wasn't some huge like cataclysmic fire, and that it was it was like a very slow process, and it was really just as more like library-like institutions were popping up around the world.
• 35:05
  Eric: There's stuff we've lost from the Library of Alexandria, but it's not as horrific as we believe.
• 35:11
  Eric: But that being said, the Library of Alexandria, you couldn't just go into the Library of Alexandria.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_04: Well, no, you need a library card.
• 35:20
  Eric: You you need a library tablet.
• 35:22
  Eric: Um that's why it was hard.
• 35:24
  Eric: You had to lug like a several hundred-pound tablet around with you if you wanted to get in.
• 35:28
  Eric: Yes.
• 35:29
  Eric: Uh but but no, like the and I think I think like a lot of people don't get that.
• 35:34
  Eric: That you couldn't I, some Babylonian asshole, couldn't just roll up to the Library of Alexandria and go, hey, let me in.
• 35:43
  Eric: They'd go, fuck yourself.
• 35:44
  Eric: The library of a scholar.
• 35:46
  Eric: Yeah.
• 35:47
  Eric: Here's the wild thing.
• 35:48
  Matt: So how did you get in?
• 35:49
  Matt: Did you need to be a scholar?
• 35:50
  Matt: Um, you needed to be a scholar, or you had Do you actually know, or do you just know that you, Eric Poach, would not be granted permission into the library of Alexandria?
• 35:59
  Eric: Well, I could have told it.
• 36:00
  Eric: No, no.
• 36:00
  Eric: And again, this is all Oh, excuse me.
• 36:03
  Eric: Uh no, of course I would be let in.
• 36:05
  Eric: I'm from the future.
• 36:06
  Eric: They're gonna want to know what I have to say.
• 36:09
  Matt: Um but they don't know you're from the future.
• 36:12
  Matt: You'd be burned as a heretic.
• 36:13
  Matt: You can't go telling people stuff.
• 36:15
  Eric: I would, I, I would probably immediately be burned as a heretic.
• 36:19
  Matt: How many times do we need to stop this episode to watch all three Back to the Futures right now?
• 36:24
  Matt: How many times have you need to see these movies to understand the dangers of the Space-Time continuum?
• 36:30
  Eric: Uh look, man.
• 36:32
  Matt: I'm getting riled now.
• 36:33
  Matt: I'm I'm I'm gonna get my Marty McFly vest out.
• 36:36
  Eric: Just all that to say.
• 36:38
  Eric: A, if I did go back in time, I'd probably be burned as a heretic immediately and thus pose no threat to the space-time continuum because I'd be there for all five minutes before I'm like burning at the stake.
• 36:47
  Eric: Because I'd get there and be like, I'd be like, some idiots, I'm from the future.
• 36:50
  Eric: And like I'd have I'd be throwing cell phones out and shit.
• 36:53
  Matt: And also, I don't think anyone's as tall as you in the past.
• 36:56
  Matt: I think we're Darwin at work.
• 36:59
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 37:01
  Eric: I I would be, I would, I would try to become their new god emperor.
• 37:04
  Eric: Um yes, yes.
• 37:06
  Eric: They and they have too many of those.
• 37:07
  Eric: They have too many of it.
• 37:08
  Eric: Well, in Alexandria, named after Alexander the Great or Alexander the Terrible, depending on where you go.
• 37:15
  Eric: But all that's saying, yeah, Library of Alexandria, you couldn't just show up.
• 37:19
  Eric: Like you had to you had to be an established scholar, you had to have be like have some business there.
• 37:26
  Eric: But also, here's the wild thing about the Library of Alexandria that most people don't get.
• 37:31
  Eric: Um section.
• 37:33
  Eric: Say, say I'm I'm like a say I'm a scholar, and I have these let's say, let's say, and I have like tomes of books.
• 37:43
  Eric: I want to share some knowledge with the Library of Alexandria.
• 37:47
  Eric: I show up to Alexandria, my books are then immediately confiscated.
• 37:53
  Eric: Those are now in the Library of Alexandria.
• 37:56
  Eric: They are copied, and I am given the copies.
• 38:00
  Eric: I like they were very that's why the Library of Alexandria is so prolific.
• 38:05
  Eric: They're like, oh, you got something?
• 38:06
  Eric: Yoink, ours now.
• 38:07
  Eric: What are you gonna do?
• 38:08
  Eric: Say no, and then they're like, here's your copy.
• 38:10
  Matt: So they were the br they were the British Museum before the British Museum.
• 38:15
  Eric: Yeah, but at least they were upfront about it.
• 38:17
  Eric: They didn't like lie, they were like, oh yes, preserving historical, like discovered it.
• 38:22
  Eric: Yeah, we what?
• 38:24
  Eric: Grave robbers, no.
• 38:26
  Matt: How did you discover it?
• 38:27
  Matt: Not important.
• 38:28
  Eric: Not important.
• 38:30
  Eric: Uh please ignore the Sherpa to my right.
• 38:33
  Eric: Uh no, I was the first to top Everest, don't you worry?
• 38:36
  Eric: Um, also, what was I gonna say?
• 38:39
  Eric: Um, Library of Alexandria.
• 38:41
  Eric: No, but yeah, Library of Alexandria, they were up front about it.
• 38:43
  Eric: Like, you showed up, like, oh hey, we're legally robbing you.
• 38:47
  Matt: Yeah, interesting.
• 38:48
  Matt: Um well, that is some fascinating insight into the Library of Alexandria, and I'm not sure any of this covers the question.
• 38:57
  Eric: Well, my question is, I just want to go in.
• 39:00
  Eric: Because I already want to go in.
• 39:02
  Eric: I'd want to go in and just I wouldn't be able to read or understand anything.
• 39:05
  Eric: Also, the Library of Alexandria, it wasn't just books, it wasn't just like paper thing, like they had artwork, web, like it it was it was like a time capsule of things, the coolest shit.
• 39:18
  Matt: And part of the reason it came to mind for something you might say is because it came to mind for me.
• 39:24
  Matt: Yeah, I legitimately would like to be in there.
• 39:27
  Matt: But if we approach this as a uh as a history thing, like uh preventing something or finding something out, yeah.
• 39:35
  Matt: You know I've I've been obsessed since practically birth with the JFK assassination.
• 39:40
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 39:41
  Matt: Um, and I do have some strong opinions, but this is not that kind of podcast.
• 39:45
  Matt: He's pro-assassination.
• 39:47
  Matt: I'm no, I'm not they're not that strong of a I just mean I don't believe Lee Harvey Oswald killed him.
• 39:56
  Matt: Oh no, god no.
• 39:57
  Eric: Anyone who learned about the subject for more than two minutes could.
• 40:00
  Matt: I know, but uh I don't think people want that particular rant from me right now at this juncture.
• 40:05
  Matt: But I uh it would be nice after all the hours of all the DVDs and all the theories I've consumed.
• 40:13
  Matt: Man with umbrellas.
• 40:15
  Matt: It would be nice for the the sheer amount of probably over the course of my lifetime, days that I've spent looking at fucking still shots of the Zapruda film, I would I would enjoy a definitive answer.
• 40:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 40:32
  Matt: I would enjoy proof, which is why 112263 by Stephen King is a fascinating book and an interesting departure from his horror stories if you uh only associate Stephen King with horror.
• 40:44
  Matt: And once again, this is not that kind of podcast.
• 40:47
  Eric: Also, I love we're we're s we're converging on the ultimate vet like Venn diagram overlap of all of Matt's interests.
• 40:55
  Eric: We've got we've got JFK, we've got Stephen King.
• 40:59
  Eric: Now we just need to work the Yankees in there somehow.
• 41:01
  Eric: Somehow we gotta get him in there because God's slap the Billy James.
• 41:06
  Matt: We can work that in.
• 41:07
  Matt: Why we this you really are just downloading for the listeners who don't actually know us, all of my passions.
• 41:14
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 41:14
  Eric: That I haven't.
• 41:15
  Eric: Matt will talk to you for hours about the following subjects.
• 41:19
  Eric: Billy JFK, yeah, really, theater, fucking library of advantages.
• 41:24
  Matt: So will you, by the way.
• 41:26
  Matt: Not these same subjects, but this is why the two of us bought these microphones.
• 41:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 41:33
  Matt: Because we foolishly believe we have these strong opinions, we have stories to tell, and somewhere along the lines, someone gave us the impression that someone else wants to listen to them.
• 41:45
  Eric: And it was each other.
• 41:46
  Matt: We turned to each other and said, Wey, you know what?
• 41:49
  Matt: And on the off chance there's a third party that's interested, we might as well record it.
• 41:55
  Eric: Yeah.
• 41:55
  Eric: Yeah.
• 41:56
  Eric: You never know.
• 41:57
  Matt: So that being said, um, so uh yes, I will talk at length about any of those subjects or really any other subject by request.
• 42:04
  Matt: Uh oh, sorry, go on.
• 42:06
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no.
• 42:07
  Eric: I do I do just want to clarify something.
• 42:10
  Eric: So you you you would go back in time to find out what really happened on the JFK assassination.
• 42:16
  Eric: Uh you wouldn't stop it.
• 42:19
  Eric: It's a controversial question.
• 42:20
  Matt: It's a controversial question.
• 42:22
  Matt: Uh because, and this is why I brought up 112263.
• 42:26
  Matt: Pro assassination.
• 42:27
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 42:30
  Matt: I uh listen, I approach time travel through a back to the future lens.
• 42:38
  Matt: So, Eric, as a student of Back to the Future in Back to the Future 2, when Marty goes back with information about the future that Biff gets his hands on and then tells his past self about what happened.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: We then skewed into this alternate 1985 where Biff is powerful and married to your mother, and where this happens to me.
• 43:03
  Matt: Oh, I can't believe we forgot to record this Zoom call.
• 43:08
  Matt: Uh because God, what a full-blown, excellent impression of Doc Brown you just did.
• 43:15
  Matt: Congratulations.
• 43:17
  Matt: Thank you, baby.
• 43:17
  Matt: The Yummy goes to you.
• 43:18
  Matt: Now, the now the zoomy goes to you.
• 43:22
  Matt: The zoomy goes to me.
• 43:23
  Matt: I say all that because yes, bad things happen.
• 43:28
  Matt: So I do, of course, I would like to prevent the assassination of John F.
• 43:33
  Matt: Kennedy.
• 43:34
  Matt: I feel very passionately for John F.
• 43:37
  Matt: Kennedy, uh, and what the potential of a full two term, let's just say two term presidency of Kennedy would look like.
• 43:48
  Matt: I've got very negative opinions about Lyndon Johnson, but we won't get into that.
• 43:54
  Eric: I'm not this isn't a no Lyndon Johnson's a fucking prick.
• 43:58
  Eric: Sorry, go on.
• 43:59
  unknown: That
• 44:00
  Matt: That said.
• 44:02
  Matt: I do wonder what I think a lot of positive outcomes would have happened from a full Kennedy term, or at the very least, a full Kennedy life.
• 44:13
  Matt: But that being said, we don't know for sure.
• 44:17
  Matt: And and and I don't know that on this podcast we can endorse, if if we can endorse medical advice, I'm not sure we can endorse changing history.
• 44:28
  Eric: Matt, I do I would be remiss if I did not point out that we might be living in that history.
• 44:36
  Eric: Because we did get a Biff Tannen as president.
• 44:39
  Matt: We sure did, did we not?
• 44:41
  Matt: Uh so yes, I mean, I guess if I was in a position to prevent the but because I'm me, if I was in a position to prevent the assassination, I probably would do so.
• 44:53
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 44:54
  Matt: Just out of instinct.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah.
• 44:56
  Matt: I'd do it just to see what the fuck would happen.
• 44:58
  Matt: See, that's what I'm saying.
• 45:00
  Matt: I'm saying heat of the moment, I'd be like, no.
• 45:03
  Matt: But you're saying, nah, let's fuck with mine, baby.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get fucking wild.
• 45:11
  Matt: Yeah.
• 45:12
  Matt: They say Vietnam wouldn't have happened.
• 45:14
  Matt: Let's find out.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let's roll the cosmic dice.
• 45:20
  Eric: Uh my house word should be let's fuck around and find out.
• 45:28
  Matt: House poach.
• 45:29
  Matt: House fuck around and find out.
• 45:31
  Matt: So I do think I think I I think that's probably my answer.
• 45:35
  Matt: In terms of what mystery, what something secret, I would like to learn all of the details of exactly what happened with the Kennedy assassination.
• 45:44
  Eric: Yeah.
• 45:45
  unknown: Yeah.
• 45:45
  Matt: Where are you landing?
• 45:46
  Matt: Where's your answer?
• 45:47
  Eric: Um, my landing, my secret, I just want to know what it's like to go in the Library of Alexandria, but I feel like that's so many people's answers.
• 45:54
  Eric: It's a good answer.
• 45:55
  Eric: That's why it's so many people's answers.
• 45:57
  Matt: Oh, ex as opposed to who killed Kennedy.
• 45:59
  Eric: That's not that's very No, well, that's oh, well, come on now.
• 46:03
  Eric: Well, then not many people would go back and see who killed Kennedy and not do anything about it.
• 46:07
  Matt: I'm saying it's okay to have these are universal questions.
• 46:11
  Matt: It's okay to have them.
• 46:13
  Eric: But the answer that I think nobody asked for, so my actual answer, and I'm gonna I'm gonna preamble this with everybody knows the classic, oh, if you go back time, would you kill Hitler?
• 46:24
  Eric: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
• 46:25
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
• 46:26
  Eric: Again, if we're going with like like, you know, outside of morally obligated to.
• 46:31
  Eric: Morally obligated to, obviously.
• 46:33
  Eric: But before I kill him, what I'd want to do, if you remember Charlie Chaplin's famous film, The Great Dictator, in which he is mistaken for the Fuhrer.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 46:46
  Eric: So all we know is that Hitler watched The Great Dictator, watched it twice in a row, I believe.
• 46:55
  Eric: He watched it alone.
• 46:57
  Eric: No one was in the room with him, and no one ever like he never Is this true?
• 47:03
  Eric: Yeah, uh as far as I know.
• 47:04
  Eric: I never knew he let uh as far as I know, he watched the film twice by himself, and then I think had it like had the copy destroyed and never spoke about it to anyone.
• 47:18
  Matt: He watched it twice in a row.
• 47:20
  Eric: I believe.
• 47:22
  Eric: What alone?
• 47:23
  Eric: Uh al by yeah, there was no one in the room with him when he watched it.
• 47:27
  Eric: I would give anything to just be there and just be a fly on the wall.
• 47:32
  Eric: Be a fly on the wall and like ask him what he thought before I put a bullet in his head.
• 47:37
  Matt: First of all, great film.
• 47:39
  Matt: Great film.
• 47:40
  Eric: Amazing film, one of the best monologues of all time at the end of the film.
• 47:43
  Matt: It's and the globe scene, of course.
• 47:46
  Matt: Yes.
• 47:46
  Matt: Uh it's such a good film.
• 47:49
  Matt: Uh that said, uh, you would think any kind of I get the private viewing.
• 47:54
  Matt: I get the like, let me see this shit, but twice in a row.
• 47:58
  unknown: Yeah.
• 47:59
  Matt: What makes you rewind that blockbuster tape and see it again?
• 48:05
  Matt: Immediately.
• 48:06
  Matt: The film about you.
• 48:08
  Eric: Yeah.
• 48:09
  Eric: Yep.
• 48:10
  Eric: That to hear those words spoken and know they are explicitly about you and all that you stand for, and he watched it twice.
• 48:19
  Eric: That's what sticks.
• 48:20
  Eric: If he had just watched it once, I'd like never speak up like okay, obviously.
• 48:23
  Eric: He watched it twice.
• 48:26
  Matt: Well, Eric, that is that is a good one.
• 48:29
  Matt: That is a good one.
• 48:30
  Matt: And uh I think that I think that's a uh that's a topper for me.
• 48:34
  Matt: I don't think I can come up with something better.
• 48:36
  Matt: Yeah.
• 48:37
  Eric: Before I leave, I'll be like, alright, Adolf, this was great.
• 48:39
  Eric: Sorry, I gotta go, I gotta go back in time and kill an art student.
• 48:44
  Matt: Yeah.
• 48:46
  Matt: Oh, so you now that you yeah, well, I guess by that point he's already committed.
• 48:50
  Matt: By that point too many atrocities.
• 48:52
  Eric: The atrocities.
• 48:53
  Matt: So yeah, go back to uh uh go back to to when he was a what was it?
• 48:59
  Matt: Art student.
• 49:00
  Matt: Yeah, well, no, the what did they call him in uh in specifically in the producers is what I'm thinking of.
• 49:07
  Matt: I was just a paper hanger.
• 49:09
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 49:11
  Matt: Viven's back the yes, so okay.
• 49:17
  Matt: Well, I I think some of those gotta be honest are touchstones of time travel questions that we've uh touched on.
• 49:25
  Matt: But you know what?
• 49:25
  Matt: Those aren't our passions.
• 49:27
  Matt: Yep, and it's not our fault that our passions are everyone's passions.
• 49:31
  Eric: Yeah.
• 49:31
  Eric: Uh killing JFK and Hitler.
• 49:35
  Eric: In that order.
• 49:36
  Matt: My fave podcast musical on Instagram.
• 49:39
  Matt: Thank you for the question.
• 49:41
  Matt: And of course, everybody, go check them out.
• 49:43
  Matt: Oh, please, please, please.
• 49:45
  Matt: Go check them out.
• 49:45
  Matt: All right, so Eric, I think actually this time around, we we it seems like we might only have time for two questions.
• 49:53
  Matt: Should we uh transition now to uh a fan favorite, weird news?
• 49:58
  Matt: Yes, please.
• 50:01
  Matt: Uh I don't remember I have lost total control of who went first when.
• 50:06
  Matt: Um do you want to go first, or would you like me to go first?
• 50:10
  Eric: I'll uh I'll go first.
• 50:12
  Eric: Go for it.
• 50:12
  Matt: Why don't you just go ahead and go for it then?
• 50:15
  Eric: Matthew.
• 50:16
  Eric: Yes, Eric.
• 50:17
  Eric: Matthew, journey with me.
• 50:18
  Eric: I'm here.
• 50:19
  Eric: Let's do it.
• 50:19
  Eric: To a better time, a simpler time.
• 50:22
  Eric: Uh come back to me on the date, I believe, is uh July 15th, 1965.
• 50:28
  Eric: The Canistota Clipper of Canistota, South Dakota.
• 50:32
  Matt: I can't wait till we catch up to modern day.
• 50:35
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 50:36
  Eric: I I need to find out the clipper's still running.
• 50:38
  Eric: I think it is.
• 50:38
  Eric: I think it was running as as late as the the the the the 20 teens.
• 50:42
  Matt: I surely hope it is.
• 50:44
  Eric: Um so I'm just gonna read the uh so normally I'll I'll read a bit from the tail light, which is the grade school children's news section of the Canistoto Clipper.
• 50:55
  Eric: Um that wasn't in this issue, or if it was, I think I already read it, but there this is another article from that issue.
• 51:02
  Eric: And I'm just gonna here we go.
• 51:05
  Eric: Thousands attend Sport Day Thursday.
• 51:08
  Eric: Sport Day.
• 51:10
  Eric: Sport Day.
• 51:12
  Eric: Apparently, Sport Day is a thing.
• 51:14
  Eric: Spared no expense on that name.
• 51:16
  Eric: Mm-mm.
• 51:17
  Eric: Uh thousands of people once again filled the Canistota streets as the annual Sport Day celebration was held here on Thursday.
• 51:26
  Eric: The 56th annual event is history.
• 51:30
  Matt: But long six years, and we couldn't come up with a better name than Sport Day.
• 51:35
  Eric: Yep.
• 51:36
  Eric: All right.
• 51:36
  Eric: The 56th annual event is history, but long remembered will be the fined marching performance of Scotland's high school band, the thrills of the go-kart race, and this is sure where I've I I'm I'm sure the questions are going to begin here.
• 51:51
  Eric: The competition of the Lime Casting Contest, the beautiful array of fireworks, or just the excitement of the carnival atmosphere.
• 52:00
  Matt: Alright, uh, can I pause?
• 52:02
  Matt: I do indeed have questions.
• 52:04
  Matt: Can you give me the spelling of Lyme?
• 52:06
  Eric: Ah, it's actually L-I-N-E, Lime.
• 52:10
  Eric: Oh, lime cast.
• 52:11
  Matt: So fishing.
• 52:12
  Matt: So here I wanted to know if you were talking about because when you said lime casting, I thought this is either someone with a sack full of lime that they are throwing out on the fields, or alternatively, two people line up and are shucking limes as far as they can into the night.
• 52:32
  Eric: That's really what I was imagining, like a shot putt but with limes.
• 52:36
  Matt: Yeah, like I see someone doing exactly they're doing the full like shot putt spin and then hurling a lime as far as they can.
• 52:44
  Matt: But I also really like the idea that someone is just throwing the chemical lime all over dead bodies.
• 52:51
  Eric: I also love the idea that like even if it's line casting, like fishing, they're not on water, they're just in a field.
• 52:58
  Eric: They're just in the field.
• 52:58
  Eric: Still in a corn field, yeah.
• 53:00
  Eric: Throwing lines.
• 53:01
  Eric: Corn fishing.
• 53:02
  Matt: Um line casting.
• 53:05
  Matt: Line casting festival.
• 53:06
  Eric: Yep.
• 53:07
  Eric: Uh, which this is this is great.
• 53:10
  Eric: It was an ideal day.
• 53:12
  Eric: The weatherman went all out to accommodate the sport day committee, as if the weatherman was a wizard who could control the he had to be appeased to allow this event to go forward.
• 53:24
  Eric: There were storm warnings out during the afternoon hours.
• 53:27
  Eric: Someone must have made him mad.
• 53:29
  Eric: However, it never developed, and the day's activities went on without incident.
• 53:33
  Eric: An empty threat.
• 53:34
  Eric: Yes.
• 53:35
  Eric: In the skish casting contest held on the school I've no idea.
• 53:40
  Eric: I'm skish casting.
• 53:42
  Eric: Skish casting, I guess that's variation of the casting.
• 53:45
  Eric: We're about to find out.
• 53:47
  Eric: Um on the skid in the skish casting contest held on the school grounds, Marty Lindbloom, eight-year-old son of Mr.
• 53:55
  Eric: and Mrs.
• 53:56
  Eric: Maurice Lindbloom of Canistoda, took top honors for the day.
• 54:00
  Eric: He was the only person in the contest to cast the line directly into the box placed some distance away.
• 54:08
  Eric: We don't have exact numbers.
• 54:10
  Eric: We didn't measure things back then.
• 54:12
  Eric: We're like, ah some put it some distance.
• 54:15
  Eric: Uh Van De Kramer was also a winner in the children's competition, receiving a minnow bucket.
• 54:22
  Eric: That was the prize.
• 54:24
  Eric: We got a fucking sweet ass minnow bucket.
• 54:27
  Eric: Several others were also recipients of prizes for their casting accuracy.
• 54:33
  Eric: Mrs.
• 54:33
  Eric: Esther Thompson won first prize for accuracy in the ladies' event.
• 54:40
  Eric: And Mrs.
• 54:41
  Eric: Viola Hansen won first prize for distance.
• 54:44
  Eric: Both ladies received a prize.
• 54:46
  Eric: Several other lesser prizes were awarded to other ladies for their efforts in the contest.
• 54:51
  Eric: And from there, it just goes on to list everyone who competed.
• 54:55
  Eric: Wow.
• 54:56
  Eric: Uh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 54:58
  Eric: So uh fast times in old Canistoda.
• 55:01
  Matt: And oh hey, what a departure from the from the chronicle of the the fourth and fifth graders.
• 55:09
  Eric: It it really it really puts like the gloom, grim, dark backdrop to this town where like, oh okay, what are we gonna do for fun?
• 55:17
  Eric: Oh well, we're a fishing town.
• 55:19
  Eric: Let's fish in a field.
• 55:21
  Eric: What do we win if we're good at it?
• 55:22
  Eric: Oh, you get a piece of equipment you almost assuredly already have.
• 55:27
  Eric: Yes.
• 55:28
  Matt: But hopefully it's an upgrade, at least for the minnow bucket.
• 55:32
  Matt: Well, and a happy sport day to all.
• 55:36
  Matt: Uh now, Eric, uh, I would like to uh my weird news, I think, could almost be considered, and this is my live proposal to you of a spin-off of this segment.
• 55:51
  Matt: Which I would like to I I'm just uh we you know, spitballing here.
• 55:54
  Matt: I'm gonna call this weird news dumb crime edition.
• 55:59
  Matt: Uh so maybe maybe we'll do more dumb crime in the future, but this one stuck out to me fr as I was cruising from some for some weird news in preparation for the segment from The Smoking Gun.
• 56:11
  Matt: Uh the headline is Cops, intruders made eggs at Denny's at 3 a.m.
• 56:18
  Matt: If identified, duo faces trespassing theft raps.
• 56:24
  Matt: April 22nd of this year.
• 56:26
  Matt: This is recent.
• 56:27
  Matt: Two intruders entered a closed Denny's restaurant yesterday and made themselves eggs before being chased from the eatery by a worker who had been alerted to the pre-dawn trespassing, Indiana police report.
• 56:43
  Matt: According to the cops, the two offenders first entered the Denny's in Evansville at 2.02 a.m.
• 56:50
  Matt: and quote, went into the kitchen and prepared some eggs.
• 56:54
  Matt: The duo departed a few minutes later, but returned at 2 58 a.m.
• 57:00
  Matt: and quote, made some more before departing the Denny's at 3.04 a.m.
• 57:10
  Matt: So in total, an hour and two minutes, this Denny's expedition.
• 57:14
  Matt: A police report notes that the pair did not force entry into the eatery, which closed at 11 p.m., and that, quote, the door seemed to be open at both times.
• 57:28
  Matt: End quote.
• 57:29
  Matt: After the duo made their second entry, a Denny's worker, quote, arrived on the scene, confronted them, and told them to leave.
• 57:40
  Matt: The report does not indicate how the worker became aware of the intrusion.
• 57:48
  Matt: This is fucking wild.
• 57:50
  Matt: The suspects who departed the area in an auto were recorded inside the Denny's by surveillance cameras, and if identified, the pair could face misdemeanor theft and criminal trespass charges, police say.
• 58:06
  Matt: The report indicates that Denny's, seen below, suffered a total estimated loss of give it to me.
• 58:27
  Matt: Um of the specific Denny's in question from uh Evansville, Indiana.
• 58:34
  Matt: Uh so yes, yes, one dollar in eggs, these men are still at large.
• 58:40
  Matt: If you are coming to us from Evansville, Indiana, and you know anything about this, as far as I can tell, these two perpetrators are still on the loop.
• 58:52
  Matt: Fucking still at large.
• 58:54
  Matt: They came back.
• 58:55
  Matt: They came back, the door is still unlocked, and here's my question: how did this employee just show up every okay, so fucking two in the morning?
• 59:06
  Eric: My my my knee-jerk was to say inside job.
• 59:10
  Matt: Inside job.
• 59:11
  Eric: My my more realistic answer is two very stoned individuals who know somebody who works at Denny's went to that Denny's hoping their friend would get them some free food.
• 59:22
  Eric: No one was there.
• 59:22
  Eric: They're like, okay, cool.
• 59:24
  Eric: We'll just let ourselves in.
• 59:25
  Eric: We're cool about it.
• 59:26
  Eric: And then they the door's open.
• 59:27
  Eric: The door's open.
• 59:28
  Eric: And they I I'm willing to bet you that they were the person that informed the employee, like, yo, man, we're making some eggs.
• 59:34
  Eric: Where's the milk?
• 59:35
  Eric: And he's like, get out of there now.
• 59:38
  Matt: And then he comes down, they came back, and then he physically chases them out the second time.
• 59:44
  Eric: Also, that he has to know them because otherwise, I'm struggling to think.
• 59:48
  Eric: I'm putting myself in the shoes of a put yourself in the fuse.
• 59:51
  Eric: I am a Denny's employee.
• 59:53
  Eric: I have been informed because whoever called them.
• 59:56
  Eric: Because why would you show up?
• 59:58
  Matt: It they just closed at 11 o'clock, so why are they showing up at 3 a.m.?
• 1:00:02
  Matt: There's no reason.
• 1:00:03
  Eric: Well, yeah, or like if someone like was driving by and saw, like, okay, I have to I have to operate from the assumption that the most information that this employee had was hey, two people have broken into your Denny's.
• 1:00:18
  Eric: What fucking human thinks, you know what?
• 1:00:21
  Eric: You know who I'm gonna put my life on the line for?
• 1:00:23
  Eric: Fucking Denny's.
• 1:00:25
  Eric: Fucking Denny's.
• 1:00:26
  Eric: And they drive the thing.
• 1:00:27
  Eric: No, like that's why like they had to know this person.
• 1:00:30
  Matt: Well, because if somebody told me, hey, somebody's broken into the store, I would have said, great, call the police.
• 1:00:38
  Matt: Don't call me.
• 1:00:39
  Matt: Why what am I gonna do about it?
• 1:00:41
  Matt: I'm not getting out of bed as the day manager to go check out the Denny's.
• 1:00:46
  Eric: I hold the keys, but that's it.
• 1:00:49
  Eric: That's where my obligation begins and ends.
• 1:00:52
  Matt: Yes, and one and friendly reminder to all your job isn't worth dying for.
• 1:00:58
  Matt: And it's certainly not worth it if you work at Denny's.
• 1:01:02
  Matt: Fuck.
• 1:01:02
  Matt: No disrespect to those who work at Denny's saying I have more respect for you, the workers of Denny's, than Denny's.
• 1:01:11
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:01:12
  Eric: You you matter so much more than corporate.
• 1:01:15
  Matt: So uh yes.
• 1:01:17
  Matt: Anyway, that is from the smoking gun.
• 1:01:20
  Matt: Uh if you have other questions, or if you have other, you know, dumb crime, I'm be I'd be I'd love to start reading some dumb crime segments.
• 1:01:29
  Eric: And real talk, if you if you're listening to this and you are the egg per loiner.
• 1:01:37
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:01:38
  Matt: Sorry.
• 1:01:39
  Matt: Please be blowing up your spot.
• 1:01:41
  Eric: Please know that I deeply want to interview you.
• 1:01:44
  Eric: We'll we'll do whatever we have to.
• 1:01:45
  Eric: We'll disguise your voice voice.
• 1:01:47
  Eric: It'll be so good.
• 1:01:48
  Eric: It'll be so good.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_02: We'll we'll put the dateline, you know, the well, I couldn't even begin to tell you.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_02: We'll do all that.
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_02: That buffalo bill filter.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_02: We'll put that buffalo bill filter on there.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:02:01
  Matt: We will put that lotion in the basket.
• 1:02:05
  Matt: Uh for you.
• 1:02:06
  Matt: So, yes, give us give us a call as if we had a hotline.
• 1:02:10
  Matt: No, reach out to us if you are the the egg purloiner, or more importantly, if you have questions, yeah.
• 1:02:18
  Matt: If you have local legends you'd like us to cover from your youth or your adulthood, uh what else, Eric, are we collecting these days?
• 1:02:27
  Eric: Uh if you've got um, we got our local legends.
• 1:02:30
  Eric: We've got our our our um uh we've got our weird news Dumb Crime.
• 1:02:34
  Eric: Dumb crime Darwin Awards.
• 1:02:37
  Eric: Darwin Awards.
• 1:02:38
  Eric: If uh who would wins if you want obscure fights?
• 1:02:41
  Matt: We we have yet to get back to an unlikely fight.
• 1:02:45
  Matt: Uh give us that unlikely fight.
• 1:02:47
  Matt: Will uh give us give us your um rosters.
• 1:02:50
  Matt: We we should we surely gotta uncork one of those before too long.
• 1:02:54
  Matt: We haven't done one since episode three.
• 1:02:57
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:02:58
  Matt: So here we are, nearly to episode 20.
• 1:03:02
  Eric: Almost there, baby.
• 1:03:03
  Matt: Almost.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: Almost.
• 1:03:05
  Matt: Uh yes, so we need those and any questions about anything.
• 1:03:10
  Matt: Uh if you need some prompting, we I I've I've been a little lax about it lately, but I try to put one on every day on the Instagram for uh a little prompt as as to a question.
• 1:03:20
  Matt: So visit us there and Real Talk, if you are with us here on episode 17.
• 1:03:26
  Matt: Thank you so much for listening.
• 1:03:28
  Matt: And go ahead and show your appreciation by dropping us a review on Apple Podcasts.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_00: Smash that review button, baby.
• 1:03:37
  Matt: And give us give us your Amazon review button.
• 1:03:41
  Matt: Give us items.
• 1:03:42
  Matt: And I can't stress this enough.
• 1:03:44
  Matt: Only if you like the show.
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_04: Uh if you don't like the show, kindly fuck the write off.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, fuck.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_04: Fuck the write-off.
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_04: What kind of insult was that?
• 1:03:54
  Eric: No, that that's that's some Glenn Bernie fuck the right off right there.
• 1:03:57
  Eric: Fuck the right off.
• 1:03:58
  Eric: I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna.
• 1:04:00
  Eric: Are you keeping that?
• 1:04:01
  Matt: There's no even point on a second tape.
• 1:04:03
  Eric: No, no.
• 1:04:03
  Eric: I love fuck the right off.
• 1:04:06
  Eric: Fuck the right off.
• 1:04:07
  Matt: Fuck the right off.
• 1:04:09
  Eric: Second of my only favorite.
• 1:04:10
  Eric: My I don't I don't know if I've ever told you my other favorite.
• 1:04:13
  Eric: My friend, my friend Kelsey, who who is brilliant, her mom was once so angry at another driver that she screamed from the car while all the windows were up, so this human couldn't even hear them.
• 1:04:27
  Eric: She just screamed, you can go fuck.
• 1:04:31
  Eric: It's my favorite.
• 1:04:33
  Matt: You can go fuck.
• 1:04:35
  Matt: Yeah, we got that all across the encouraging.
• 1:04:38
  Matt: That doesn't sound like an insult.
• 1:04:40
  Matt: You can go fuck.
• 1:04:41
  Matt: Listen to me.
• 1:04:42
  Matt: You can go fuck.
• 1:04:43
  Eric: You can go fuck the write off.
• 1:04:45
  Matt: That's so fucking funny.
• 1:04:46
  Matt: So good.
• 1:04:47
  Matt: Fuck the write off.
• 1:04:48
  Matt: Oh god.
• 1:04:49
  Matt: Oh man.
• 1:04:50
  Matt: So for so anyway, drop us a review.
• 1:04:55
  Matt: Uh tell your friends.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: Uh, you know, take out a billboard, maybe, if you want uh to tell uh the local community about this podcast.
• 1:05:08
  Matt: Um, and we should mention one other thing.
• 1:05:11
  Matt: Speaking of promotions, Eric, Eric and I, and uh our our episode 15 guest Paul Diem are all featured on a new limited podcast uh that is a true crime parody podcast called Beneath the Headlines that is being offered through Single Carrot's latest quote unquote production, Single Carrot Theater in Baltimore.
• 1:05:36
  Matt: This is it is a collection of 14 different virtual and live, in one case, events.
• 1:05:44
  Matt: Go to singlecarrot.com.
• 1:05:46
  Matt: You can check out all the details.
• 1:05:47
  Matt: But Beneath the Headlines is a uh true crime parody podcast.
• 1:05:53
  Matt: Uh, all three of us are in it.
• 1:05:55
  Matt: It is a scripted show written by myself, Paul Diem, and Megan Stanton.
• 1:06:02
  Matt: So definitely check that out.
• 1:06:04
  Matt: It's it's a fun time.
• 1:06:05
  Matt: So that will be available, but it will not be available on your regular uh podcast apps.
• 1:06:11
  Matt: Uh you need the link, so go to singlecare.com for that.
• 1:06:15
  Matt: Eric, I think that's all the business, is it not?
• 1:06:17
  Eric: I think that's all the business.
• 1:06:19
  Matt: Uh oh, and of course, uh from the cold open, don't forget to let me know about my persona uh for my endeavor to be the new top Amazon reviewer.
• 1:06:31
  Matt: Anything else, Eric?
• 1:06:32
  Eric: I got nothing.
• 1:06:33
  Eric: You covered those bases beautifully.
• 1:06:35
  Matt: All right, put all those suggestions to us at you and ask for this at gmail.com or you didn't ask pod.
• 1:06:41
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram or Twitter.
• 1:06:45
  Matt: Eric Matthew.
• 1:06:48
  Matt: Have I forgotten anything?
• 1:06:49
  Matt: You have not you have you have gotten all of it.
• 1:06:54
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:06:55
  Matt: I'm a you know why?
• 1:06:56
  SPEAKER_02: You want to know why?
• 1:06:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a fucking professional.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're goddamn professional, my deal.
• 1:07:01
  SPEAKER_02: And if you don't think so, you can fuck the right off.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_02: You can go fuck.
• 1:07:08
  Matt: It's so good.
• 1:07:09
  Matt: It's it's so good.
• 1:07:11
  Matt: It's also your delivery of it.
• 1:07:13
  Matt: It's so matter of fact, you can you are enunciating the period.
• 1:07:19
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:07:20
  Eric: There, yeah.
• 1:07:20
  Eric: You gotta make it clear that I go fuck.
• 1:07:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:07:23
  Eric: God.
• 1:07:24
  Eric: You gotta make it clear that there's I didn't forget what I was gonna say at the end or cut myself off.
• 1:07:29
  Eric: That's it.
• 1:07:30
  Eric: That's the statement.
• 1:07:31
  Matt: God, I'm interested to see how you clean up this ending.
• 1:07:34
  Matt: For all of us here from You Didn't Ask for This, my name's Matt J.
• 1:07:39
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:07:40
  Matt: You didn't ask.
• 1:07:41
  Matt: But Matt, could you do me a favor?
• 1:07:43
  Matt: What's that, Eric?
• 1:07:44
  Matt: Can you have a great day?
• 1:07:45
  Matt: Oh, sure.
• 1:07:46
  Matt: I thought you were gonna tell me to go fuck!
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_02: You can go fuck! You can go fuck.
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck the write-off.
• 1:07:53
  Matt: Oh man, maybe that's maybe that in retrospect, maybe that should be our sign off.
• 1:08:00
  SPEAKER_02: But you can go fuck.
• 1:08:02
  SPEAKER_02: I love the sign off.