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Almost Good Advice Part IX · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: It's not even a new segment any longer, and in fact,
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: we've been doing it for a few months now. It's
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: a segment we really appreciate and enjoy. We love hearing
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: from all of you, and we love hearing your questions
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: where your life is at. These questions have I'm not
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: going to say they've been outrageous, because I think a
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: lot of us are dealing with something similar to the
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: questions that we've been answering. Life is complex and it
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: has ups and downs. It's not always you know, pretty
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: imperfect and write down a narrow line.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: Life is full.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Of twists and turns, and sometimes we find ourselves in
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: situations that we don't even know how he got there
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: or how to get out of them. Well, that's what
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: the Almost Good Advice episode is all about, and today
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: we do have some questions that we want to answer
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: from all of you. Ashley take it away with Stacy.
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: Alrighty Stacy says, I think giving flowers to someone is
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: such a sweet jess, But in my twenty six years
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: of life, I've never once received flowers from a man.
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: Even after saying to one of my exes that would
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: like to receive some flowers one day. They never got
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: me flowers, and it just makes me so sad because
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: I don't feel like I'm expecting something impossible. Sometimes I
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: buy flowers for myself, but once in a while it
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: would feel nice if someone would show me some kind
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: sweet gesture. Do I tell my next partner that I
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: appreciate little things like buying me flowers?
• 1:29
  Speaker 5: Well?
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: I mean, do we quote Miley Cyrus here? You already
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: take her advice? You already buy yourself flowers? No, I
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: don't think so, not initially. I mean this is a
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: far off question, being that I think that you're single
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: right now. I think that you do you date this person,
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: your future lover for a little bit, see if he
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: buys you flowers, and if not, you can gently suggest
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: that it's something that would make you feel really special.
• 2:00
  Speaker 6: I don't know, like six months in or something like that.
• 2:04
  Speaker 6: I'm sure that, like when you're in the first dating stages,
• 2:06
  Speaker 6: you can like drop hints. You can be like, oh,
• 2:08
  Speaker 6: those are so pretty, Oh, I love flowers Like nothing
• 2:12
  Speaker 6: says like I'm definitely like a You can you can
• 2:15
  Speaker 6: tell them that you are a gifts person when it
• 2:18
  Speaker 6: comes to your love language and that you think that
• 2:20
  Speaker 6: flowers are just a nice sweet gesture. But like you
• 2:23
  Speaker 6: don't have to say, like I would love it if
• 2:26
  Speaker 6: you'd buy me flowers. There's plenty of ways you can
• 2:28
  Speaker 6: allude to it, you know.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: It's interesting. Jessica is a gift person. She likes the
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: gift gifts and received gifts. It's what she how she
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: feels loved. It's hard. It's getting harder and harder to
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: get her gifts considering you know, she works in skincare
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: and she gets a lot of skincare you know, already sent,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: and she has a great job and when she needs
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: something she gets it.
• 2:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's harder and harder to get creative. I grew
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: up in a family is not gift givers or receivers.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: We did not really do Christmas gifts or birthday gifts.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I am very much a fan of simplicity. I've had
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: the same clothes really since high school college. Like, I
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: don't go get new clothes, I don't get new boots.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I spend my money on golf pretty much, is like
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: my main expense at this point in my life. So
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: we are two very I'm going about this to say,
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: we are two very different people, my wife and I.
• 3:31
  Speaker 5: Well, what does she get you? What do you get her?
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Like in the past, I've gotten her a really nice
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: necklace that she wanted for her birthday. We've gone on
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: some trips now are starting to do experiences more, which
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: I think is really cool and it's a good in
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: between for us. And so we do date nights. We have,
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: you know, obviously taken trips together. It could just be
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: because Jess and I run such different schedules. Oftentimes it's
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: scheduling out a day that we're just going to do
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: this together and we're going to treat it as a
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: gift to each other because we enjoy our time together
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: and we enjoy getting to spend time together. I will say, oh, geez,
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: she's giving me the thumbs up. I will say this,
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: she does like flowers. Okay, so let's go to this
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: question of Stacy without drawing this out too long. She
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: does like receiving flowers. The difficulty is how often, Stacy,
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: do you want these flowers? Because once once is a
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: big deal, twice is a huge deal. But you I
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: don't think you should ever let yourself no matter who
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: you are and what we're talking about, flowers, jewelry, whatever
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: become expectant. These always have to be a very grateful moment,
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: one that is a surprise, I think, one that is
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: very special, one that's saying, hey, I just thought of
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: you today in this moment. And so stacy, never get
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: to where these gifts are expected, or to where you're
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: disappointed when a gift doesn't match your expectation of what
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: a gift should be and feel like, because then that
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: puts so much pressure on the other human. My whole
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: talk about you know, my wife having you know, the
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: skins care stuff that she cares about and that's her job,
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: and so she gets all this good skincare. That'd be
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: a great gift for me to give her a very
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: easy gift. I can't get her skincare because she gets
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: it herself.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: All the time is that it becomes you never want
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: your partner to become burdened with the idea that I've
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: got to get my partner something because if not, they're
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: going to be disappointed. I think that is a very
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: unhealthy place to get to in a relationship. Instead, the
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: gift should always be I want to get my partner
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: something because I want them to know I'm thinking about them.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: If that's once a year, twice year, three times a year,
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: whatever it is.
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: I was gonna say two or three times a year
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: would be a nice surprise, sure for me personally, hint, hint,
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: And Jared And the one thing that when I go
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: down like a like a marriage rabbit hole, I'm like,
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: can I think about the things that we could be
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: doing for each other?
• 5:55
  Speaker 5: I'll be like, why doesn't he just get me flowers?
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: It's the easiest thing ever, Like I don't even care
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: if like CBS flowers or grocery store flowers, Like would
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: it be nice if you just like came home one
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: day and like passed by the grocery store and just
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: whipped in.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, It's very simple, Which is why I think, like
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: that's why we have to fight those thoughts.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: You can never get your mind in a place of
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: why aren't they If you have those feelings, you could
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: ask them in a different way. But if it's if
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: you let your mind in a relationship get to why
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: aren't they doing this? You could do that with a
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: billion things every day of your life. Why aren't they
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: doing this? Why aren't they doing this? Why aren't so
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: stacey to bring it up to a partner. One of
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: the best things for me with my wife is when
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: she says, hey, you know what I would really like
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: and she tells me, and then I might not do
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: it tomorrow because that feels like I'm just doing whatever
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: she's told me to. I want to do it in
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: two days, three days, whatever. It just knows that I
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: hear her, I appreciate her, I'm responding to what she
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: said she wants, and so make it easier on your partner.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Don't throw a bunch of hints out there and expect
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: them to pick up on it. Honest, halftime, most of
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: my buddies that I know we would never get the hints.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: We would never hear the hints, we'd never understand the hints.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: So it might just be you know what I really
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: love in a relationship. I don't want the fanciest stuff.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: What I would really like sometimes is when you're thinking
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: to me, I love flowers. Great right now, yesterday you
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: know what I did, Ashley Wale and I went outside
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: and we trimmed up some bushes and there's this really
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: pretty flower bush that we have in our yard, and
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: I trimmed it up and made it all nice. The
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: flowers are smelling so good. And I cut some evergreen,
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: trimmed some evergreen bushes, and I took that and put
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: it in a vase. Because when Jess got home last
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: night she was traveling, we had this on the table
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: and I said, hey, your dog and I we thought
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: of you today.
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: And Ben, you just happened to do this yesterday and
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: you're just now bringing it up.
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: This is so sweet.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: But I thought of her, and we wanted to make
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: sure she saw that we were thinking of her even
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: when she was gone.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: It can be as simple as that. Anyways. The next
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: question is from a.
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: Non anonymous I've been seeing someone for nearly two months now,
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: and I have not discussed dating goals, are really anything serious.
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: It has been very casual and we see each other
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: about once a week. I like him, and I could
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: see things potentially getting more serious, but I'm not sure
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: if they will. I got married and divorce really young.
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: Married at twenty one, separated twenty two, divorced by twenty three.
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: It's not that I'm worried that he would particularly care
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: or if this would be a deal breaker. I just
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: don't know how slash when to bring it up. And
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: we haven't talked about our past, our, past relationships, future goals.
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: What do you think I should do?
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: Well, it sounds really casual if you aren't talking about
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: the past at all or any past relationships or any
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: future goals. You guys just talking about like movies and
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: really sort of stuff.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: What's your favorite color?
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like you you've been dating him and he does
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: for two months and he doesn't know that you've been
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: married before.
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: I don't know if it's going to get more serious
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: then I guess I think it's probably if you want
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: it to get more serious, this is probably the time
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: to bring up this your past relationship. See how he
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: takes it and if anything, you know, even if he
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: doesn't take it well, like it doesn't well, I don't
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: know why you wouldn't take it well. But at least
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: it's opening the door to more serious conversations, and then
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: you can see how you are in serious conversations, because
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: I think at two months you are ready to take
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: the next step in the depth of conversation. And I
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: don't think like you have to make it a big
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: deal as to when you do it just like next
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: time you're hanging out, you'd be like, so, I haven't
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: told you this yet, but I was actually married at
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: twenty one. It should be honestly that simple. This isn't
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: the bachelor. You don't have to wait to the nighttime
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: portion of the date. You don't if it would wait
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: to the one on one.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: It's just weird to me that your partner is not
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: asking you questions. I mean it is casual two months though,
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: as Ashley said, it could still be casual.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: Are you seeing each other weekly? Have you seen each
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: other bi weekly? Have you been on like four dates?
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: Even by four dates, I would think that you'd be
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: talking a little bit about this stuff well.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: And one of my favorite parts about dating and dating
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: my wife is the ability to become curious about somebody
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: else's story, like that, if you're not doing that, what
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: else are you doing?
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: Are you just talking about movies?
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: Are you just boring right now?
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Being physical?
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Like, one of the cool parts about dating in general
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: is you have this one on one time with this
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: other person. You're sharing space with him, you're sharing time
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: with them, you are investing into who they are as
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: a person, not even necessarily to figure out if, like, hey,
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: you're you and I are going to be romantic for
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: the rest of our lives. It's mostly for the fun
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: part is the curiosity of I get to meet a
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: bunch of cool people and maybe some of them will work,
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: maybe some of them won't. But why aren't you asking
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: these questions? And maybe here be the idea you. I
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: feel like this is it should not be a deal
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: breaker to some Maybe it is. I don't know anybody
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: in my life that would be like, it's a deal
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: breaker if you've been in a past relationship and it
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: didn't go right, or I think there's questions there of
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: like what didn't work for you? What are you looking
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: for now? What have you learned from that? To hear
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: if maybe the two of you are aligning on, you know,
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: your future relationship goals, but maybe you need to start
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: the conversation and ask them, Hey, tell me about your
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: dating past. I want to know about it, you know it.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: It was something honestly in my relationship. I had to
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: push a little bit because my dating past is weird, right,
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Like I was on national television dating and so it
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: was like this awkward how much do we talk bachelor.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: How much do we not talk bachelor? But it is
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: a big part of my story, and that part of
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: my story helps me make sense as I get older, right,
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: And so you have to ask about these things.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: And so my.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Advice here would be maybe you bring it up first
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: to show that you have the curiosity, the care and
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: also the confidence yourself and in this dating relationship to
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: where if he tells you, yeah, you know what, I've
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: been married before, I was in love once, that you
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: have the strength to know, hey, we can still make
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: this work even with that, like that that might be
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: a piece of your story, but like I you know,
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: you can still make it work. There has to be
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: that vulnerability at some point to know that you can
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: be yourself, that you can share about past relationships with
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: your now partner and the two of you can grow
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: together knowing you know the backstory, you have to ask
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: h So bring it up.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: I would say, bring it up.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Two months is plenty of time, goodness gracious, Like, there's
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: been dates I've been on where in the first thing,
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: it's like, hey, you know what, Like you're new to Denver.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Have you been dating? Have you ma anybody cool? Like
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: what have you learned?
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: About the people of Denver, Like, those questions are not
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: weird questions, They're just questions you asking you dating.
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah, totally, Okay, Let's go on.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: To Lauren's question final question of the day.
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: I'm single for the first time as an adult.
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: My eight year relationship ended early this year, and I'm
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: feeling okay and optimistic enough to try.
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: To start dating.
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: What advice would you give someone you care about if
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: they were in my shoes? As someone who has literally
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: only kissed two people as a teen and physically only
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: ever been with one, I'm very intimidated.
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: Obviously I can relate to this. I was I felt like.
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: Dating well, okay, so dating in my early twenties was
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: definitely super intimidating because of my lack of experience. And
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: you're like, you just get further and further down the
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: hole because you're scared to date because then there's gonna
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: be like a chance for like the physicality, Like how
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: do you do you stop it? Do you what do
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: you get regret it? Are you not gonna regret it?
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: You know, it's just do you like how are you
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: gonna be awkward? I think that's the major concern is
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: like you're gonna be awkward. Are you going to tell
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: the person that you're not very verse in this stuff?
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: And then like, are you gonna be in the middle
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: of like hooking up with somebody and then you're gonna
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: be like, oh, I guess what, I'm a virgin or
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: are they going to know your virgin?
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: And well you're not.
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: But like, you know what I mean, you're inexperienced. But
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: I will tell you that because you've gotten over that hurdle,
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: it's going to be a lot less awkward than it
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: was for me. And then once I went on the show,
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: and everything kind of got a lot easier for me
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: because everybody knew it, and if they didn't know it,
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: it was just easier for me to talk about because
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: once you talk about it on national TV, you can
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: pretty much talk about it to anyone. So, like, I
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: get where you're coming from. I feel you, But like
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: I think that when in your case, being that you
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: have had a little experience, you will you will, It'll
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: be natural and you'll.
• 14:58
  Speaker 5: Be fine when you are with the right person. Bad
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: any advice.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: There, I mean, you spoke to everything from experience. I
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: can never you know, speak any further into what you
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: just said there. What I will say, Lauren, probably what
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: I I don't know if you need to hear this
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: or not, is start dating, go on bad dates, go
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: on good dates.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: People. We all have bad dates.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: We all have dates where we show up and we're
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: awkward and we say something that throws the whole thing off,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: and then the two of you, you know, leave the
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: dinner and you're like, hey, this was fine, but we're
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: not going to see each other again.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: That happens.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: And I think in today's society, especially on social media,
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: we see all these people and they're perfect scenarios, and
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: they feel so smooth, and they seem so beautiful, and
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: they seem like they have it all together.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: I'll be honest, it's not true.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: At any level. Every human has been on bad dates.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: They will be on more bad dates. I've been on
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: bad dates with my wife where I've said something stupid
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: on a date and we've been like, oh goodness, right.
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: Dates do exist where like you just like kind of
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: don't ever like get in the groove of like conversation and.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: You're like this is weird.
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know, I don't have anything to talk
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: to you about.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: You want to go and watch a movie or like
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: you mad at me for you want to be mad
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: at me for.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: A little bit? Is that cool? Like the that happens?
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: So start dating?
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: Uh, because I think you kind of get in the
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: practice in a flow of dating and you get stories
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: from dating.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Uh get thrown out there. And the other piece of
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: this is everybody.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: I know, no matter how smooth, no matter how successful,
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: no matter how good looking, no matter how experience, whatever,
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: everybody I know has been intimidated by going on dates.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: So you're not alone. My message to you is you
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: are not alone. Everybody else is feeling the same way.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: Probably the person that you're going to go on a
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: date with next is gonna be intimidated to go on
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: this date with you. At some level, there's nerves, there's anxieties.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: That's also a piece that makes it fun because you
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: know what those that season leaves at some level where
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: you're not as nervous to go on a date with
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: your partner of eight years. You know you're you're you're
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: more in a rhythm with them, you know you are
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: more comfortable with them. So accept the awkwardness, accept that yes,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: everybody is intimidated, and know you aren't alone. As you
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: enter back out into this dating pool because everybody else
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: is in it with you.
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: There's there.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: If people are going on dates, they're doing it to
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: try to meet somebody. And that is a very intimidating
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: idea that this could be the first last day of
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: your life. That's a heavy, heavy idea. So just get
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: out there and have fun with it, shake it up
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: a bit, and figure out what you're looking for. Again,
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you're a gift whoever is you're going to
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: be going on a date with, and they're going to
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: be a.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: Gift to you hopefully too.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: And to go back to our last conversation from Anonymous,
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: ask good questions, be curious going in these dates. That's
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: one way when I had a season of life, actually,
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: and then I'll end it here where I was, probably
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: in my early twenties was before the show. I had
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: stopped dating because I would get so nervous for these dates.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: I would get so anxious for these dates that it
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: wasn't fun for me anymore. I was so intimidated by
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: going on dates. And I had a mentor of mine
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: at a time be like, well, you want to date
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: because you do want to find a partner.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: How about you.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: Just go with this strategy for a bit, ask them
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: all the questions that you want to know, right, Like,
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: maybe you don't go in there and try to talk
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: about yourself. Maybe you just ask them questions, let them
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: talk for you until you, guys, get in a comfortable
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: rhythm where you feel like you can start opening up
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: or where you feel like you can start responding. But
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: maybe the idea is, hey, take the weight off of
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: yourself by letting them talk on that first day, asking
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: them the questions that matter.
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: Oh, it's so easy to be the interviewer.
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: So easy to be the interview just ask about their dog.
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: I also wanted to throw out there that, like, because
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: you've been in anate your relationship, you've been able to
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: be like very emotionally intimate with somebody, and sometimes that
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: can be even more intimidating. And you're current a little
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: concentrated on the physical right now, your experience and the
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: emotional intimacy, and that gives you, like probably the upper
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: hand to a lot of people out in the dating
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: world today. A lot of people are inexperienced these days.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you think is easier the physical intimacy
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: and on talking sex here, I'm just talking like you know,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: even holding hands, hugs, kisses, whatever, or emotional intimacy.
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: I guess it depends on the stage of the relationship.
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: Probably probably emotional intimacy for me, just because like I
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: hate that whenever I have a serious conversation, I literally
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: am just crying.
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: I have to cry, like I cannot.
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: I can't stop myself, and I get really frustrated because
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: then I can't say everything that I want to say,
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: and then like Jared'll get well, he's quite understanding at
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: this point, but like it's just not the ideal way
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: of communicating, of course, like as a thirty six year old,
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: and I'm just like I just really wi that I
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: could talk without.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: We've talked about this.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: My wife is a crier and she'll just cry and
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: I'll be and I'm not and I'm like I don't
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: and she's like, sometimes you just need to cry, and
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: I'm like I don't get it, Like, are like what
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: if I cried?
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: It's a big deal, Like it is deep, it is heavy, it.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: Is sometimes she's just crying, like sometimes she's just letting
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: it out there. I do want to bring in Kendall,
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: who is one of our producers. She's feeling in this
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: week for Hannah. Kendall's younger than both of us, She's
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: been in a serious relationship. Kendall, the same question is
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: asked to you. What is more difficult for you as
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: you started dating, the physical or emotional intimacy?
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: God, Ben, I think emotional for me, because I have
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: a hard time expressing my feelings.
• 20:46
  Speaker 5: It's easy to me.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of like people joke, I'm the man of
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: the relationship.
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: So I think that was harder for me.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: That's fair. Seems like emotional definitely ways.
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: So what about you, Ben? Yeah?
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Ben?
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: What about me?
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: I'm a very emotional man, so emotion comes very easy
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: and very quickly to me. My dad is a very
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: emotional man. It comes very easy and very quickly to him.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: I think it's the physical piece that was it would
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: be the biggest hurdle for me, because for me, there's
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: a lot of like insecurity, questions, concerns, you know, boundaries,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: all that that has to like run through your head,
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: and you know during those moments and it's like I
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: didn't I think in my past I've led people on
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: and so for me, when I was dating my wife.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: It was very intentional to not like push things farther
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: than where I felt like our relationship was. And sometimes
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: it's a hard question to understand, is where exactly are
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: we until you know, you start to talk about the
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: future together. So I think for me, it's the physical you've.
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: Led people on because you're too physical too early.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, you know.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: College is weird, Like you make out somebody at the
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: bar and all of a sudden, next day they're texting.
• 21:57
  Speaker 5: You're like, oh no, And I have one more thing
• 22:11
  Speaker 5: to say.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: While we're giving her advice about jumping into the dating
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: pool again, Ben, I have a question for you. How
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: many dates do you think you should give somebody if
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: they're continuously asking you? Because my mom one time said three.
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: You know, my mom's always said do three, and I
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: think it should be two.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: Like if you're not interested, yeah, like if.
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: They're fine, if they're good, they're fine. It was a
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: fine time because I made the mistake of doing three ones,
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: and then I was suckered into going on four and
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: that was definitely crossing the line because I was asked
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: to go on the fourth eight while on the third.
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: That really puts you in a sticky spot.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: You know, I don't know if I think two is fair.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: I think three makes sense because it is kind of
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: like three strikes you're out out kind of idea. When
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: I was younger, I was really bad at this question
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: because I would I would date longer than we should,
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: even if I wasn't into it, I would just say yes,
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: be out of guilt, you know whatever. And the show
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: really did a huge deal for me where it gave
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: me some confidence or it gave me perspective that being
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: honest and straightforward with each other as early as possible
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: was the healthiest path for both of you. I had
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: friends that would go on dates with people they would
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: like stop dating them and they would still be friends,
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: and that both people would talk very highly of them.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: What ended up happening with me is I'd go on
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: too many dates and then it would end kind of abruptly,
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: and then people would have really hurt feelings and a
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: really like jaded idea of me. And so what I
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: learned later was the quicker, the better, be honest, be concise,
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: and be confident and just say hey, like you know,
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: this isn't me telling you I think you're about person.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: We just aren't clicking or I'm just not clicking with you,
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: and so hey, this has been great, but we don't
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: need to hang out again. It's hard, it's awkward, there's
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: no easy way to do it. It's definitely for me,
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: was the worst part of dating. But you you, I
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: think it is the quicker, the better kind of like
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: getting fired, you know, just be less. Words are better, quick, easy, simple,
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: get out.
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: Okay, Well, thank you for answering that interesting question.
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: Right, it's you know what.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: Almost good advice has been an absolute gift to us
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: and hopefully to the listeners. We want to hear more
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: from you, so please email us at Ben and Ashley
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: at iHeartMedia dot com give us your questions. You can
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: also write them on to our Instagram page. If you
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: just message us, we'll check there too. We'll continue to
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: answer your questions, we'll continue to break down headlines, we'll
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: continue to talk about Jen's upcoming season of the Bachelorette,
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: and we're going to bring on some interviews with past
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: contestants and said, I think all of you will be
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: very excited about. So thank you for joining into the
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Almost Famous podcast. Until next time, I've been Ben, I've.
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: Been Ashley see guys, thank you.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on iHeartRadio,
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.