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The Moodshiners · The No Cry Zone

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I tried to see how does that I don't believe she believes it was much more than high we started then suddenly pushed Kevin out last night I shouted Hey I'm sorry She would have known it back She then tossed out my sleeping bag followed by my fishing hat Don't let your mood run your day Hello everybody welcome to the No Cry Zone for a more precise take on life.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Jim Best.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: That intro song is by Brazen Candor titled The Outdoors Type.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's a new release, and it's not on any album yet.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: However, there is plenty of great music available on their first three albums.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: All over the board, their recently released No Precedent, and the newest, Wait What?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Of the three, Wait What is off to its fastest start in streaming and downloads.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Please check them out.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now let me ask you something.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever woke up in a bad mood and allowed that mood to begin planning your day?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: You haven't even gotten out of bed yet, but apparently your mood has been up for hours.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: It became familiar with all that you had scheduled and decided it wasn't into it.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think so, it muttered, not feeling it today.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Your mood reviewed the things you had intended and wondered what were you thinking?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it has canceled your walk, it has postponed that difficult conversation you were planning on having.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: It has decided you don't feel like working on anything really important.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: It has also concluded that you should probably avoid other people, accomplish very little, and spend the next several hours thinking about how bad you feel.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: A mood can be remarkably ambitious, can't it?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Give it a little authority and it will attempt to run the entire operation.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: It thinks it is in charge.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: But your mood is not necessarily qualified to manage your life.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: That does not mean moods aren't real and we can ignore them.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: They are real.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: They can affect our energy, our concentration, our appetite, and our perception of what is possible.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: But something can be real without being reliable.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: When we are discouraged, everything can look even more discouraging.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: When we are anxious, ordinary uncertainty can begin to look like danger.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: When we are irritated, inconveniences start arriving disguised as personal insults.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: The mood does not merely affect how we feel about the day, it begins interpreting the day for us.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that is when we can make costly mistakes.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: We wait for the mood to be improve before doing anything that might improve the mood.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: We say things like, I'll take a walk when I feel more energetic.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'll call someone when I feel more sociable.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'll begin the project when I feel more up to it.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'll clean up the room when I feel less overwhelmed.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'll get back to my normal routine when I feel more like myself.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: That should be any day now.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: These sound reasonable.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: It can also leave us stranded.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: We assume that motivation creates action.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it does.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: We become excited about something and the excitement gets us moving.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: But human behavior does not operate in only one direction.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Motivation can create action, but action can also create motivation.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: You've felt that many times before.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: That idea is part of the thinking behind behavioral activation, an established psychological approach most extensively used in treating depression.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I want to be careful here.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: An ordinary bad mood is not the same thing as clinical depression.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Persistent or severe depression deserves appropriate professional attention.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And as I've said before, I am neither a doctor nor a psychiatrist.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: But behavioral activation gives us a useful general principle.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Constructive action can sometimes precede emotional improvement.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: You don't always have to feel better before you begin doing something useful.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you begin doing something useful and then you start to feel better.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's very common.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Consider what can happen when a low mood persuades you to withdraw.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: You stop moving, you stop taking action, you avoid people, you postpone meaningful work, you reduce your exposure to those great things in life, such as accomplishment, connection, sunlight, exercise, novelty, and enjoyment.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Your mood boxes you in.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: But by withdrawing from life, you remove many of the experiences that might have influenced your mood positively.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Then at the end of the day, unfortunately, you can feel even worse.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: You may interpret that worsening mood as proof that something is wrong, perhaps terribly wrong.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: But at least part of what happened is that your mood told you to withdraw.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that withdrawal gave the mood an environment in which it could flourish and you simply could not.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: The mood created the behavior.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: The behavior reinforced the mood.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: That is a very effective little partnership, but it is one that is working against you.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is where routine becomes valuable.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, routines.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: A good routine is a decision made in a better mood, held in reserve for a worse one.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: When you established a routine, you may have been thinking clearly.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: You decided to take a walk in the morning.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's healthy.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: You decided to write from seven till eight.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's productive.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: You decided to call your daughter every Sunday.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's strengthening those relationships.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: You decided to exercise on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good fitness routine.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: You decided to get dressed before sitting down to work.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Those decisions were not made by the discouraged version of you who woke up this morning in a bad mood.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe grumpy, maybe discouraged, maybe a little weary.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Those decisions were made by a clearer version of you who understood what generally helps you live well and feels good.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Your routine allows that clearer version of you to retain a vote.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: It says this is what we do.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: We may do it enthusiastically, we may do it reluctantly, we may not particularly enjoy doing it today, but this is what we do.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I do.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: A routine reduces the number of decisions that must be renegotiated according to your mood at that moment.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's what makes them so powerful.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is important because moods can be excellent lawyers.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Your mood can make an impressive argument for skipping the walk.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Just today, I'll walk twice as far tomorrow.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: It can explain why today is different.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I need a break.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: What's wrong with the day off?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: It can produce evidence that you deserve a break.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: After all, I'm only human.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: It can assure you that you will definitely resume tomorrow.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'll get right back on it.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: You'll see.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Your routine does not need to win that argument.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: It prevents the trial from taking place.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: At the scheduled time, you put on your shoes.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's the power of a routine.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's not rigidity for the sake of rigidity.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: It is not about creating a joyless life in which every minute is programmed.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's about recognizing that some decisions are too important to turn over to whatever emotional weather happens to arrive that morning.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: The routine becomes a bridge to the more effective you.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: It carries you from how you feel right now toward how you may feel after you have moved, taken effective action, connected with somebody, participated in the life you want to lead, or accomplish something important to you.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: It does not guarantee that your mood will change.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Your routine does something else that matters.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: It keeps a temporary mood from automatically producing a wasted day.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: We'll talk about how to build that kind of routine in part two.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is the no-cry zone.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I felt somewhat bewildered.
• 10:04
  unknown: Alone in the dark.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: Baby, where am I supposed to sleep?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: Why don't you try the part?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: I gathered my humble gear.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: The park was cold and damp.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: And honestly, this time for you I do not care to count.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the no cry zone for positive change that is doable and durable.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Timely reminder, maximum momentum day is September 30th.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect timing for today's message.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: We have been talking about moods and routines.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm going to give you a powerful new perspective.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Most people not only underestimate routines, they allow themselves to believe that routines are boring and sometimes even tedious.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: First, some routines might seem boring.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what routines you currently have, but routines are not inherently or automatically boring.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Eating, after all, is a routine, as is breathing.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: They don't seem boring to me.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: One of the more effective ways I have of dealing with issues is by looking at the languaging we use, the way we describe things, and in a way rebrand the positive words that have come to have negative associations.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: So a routine which does have some baggage.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Let's call it a mood shiner.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's right, mood shiner.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: It takes a common word, not often used, at least not in my social circles, moon shine, and it's an effective play on words to change the way you look at moods.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: So routines are mood shiners.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: As you know, a mood can be powerful, but powerful does not mean permanent, and it certainly doesn't mean that the mood should be allowed to make decisions for you.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: One reason routines work is that they reduce the need for repeated negotiation.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: They are pre-made decisions that you stick to, that you honor.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Researchers who study habits have found that when a behavior is repeated in a consistent context, it gradually becomes more automatic.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: The time, place, or preceding action begins to serve as a cue.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: You finish breakfast, then you walk.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: You pour your morning coffee and then you write.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: You leave work and then you go to the gym.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: You brush your teeth and then you prepare your clothes for the next morning.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: The cue begins the action before your mood has an opportunity to organize meaningful resistance.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: That makes routine a form of prepaid decision making.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: You decided earlier and you honor your decision.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now you follow through.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: There is a related idea in behavioral research called an implementation intention.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is a fairly grand name for a simple if-then plan.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: If this happens, then I will do that.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: If I wake up discouraged, then I will still shower and get dressed, no matter what.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: If I feel myself withdrawing, I will then contact one person, no matter what.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: If I start postponing everything, then I will complete one useful task.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: If I don't feel like writing, then I will sit down and write for 10 minutes, no matter what.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: If the weather prevents my regular walk, then I will use the treadmill or walk somewhere indoors.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if then plan is valuable because it is very specific.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'll try to have a better day is a hope.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: If I begin withdrawing, I will walk around the block, is a response and a promise.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is not to build an enormous routine that requires tremendous energy.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: On difficult days, an ambitious routine may become one more source of discouragement.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's where you get the variability.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: What we need is what I would call a maximum useful routine.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Not an ideal day, not a high performance day, not a day worthy of an inspirational video, a day that you decide to do the most you can and remain usefully connected to your life.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: You can even talk about it in terms of a minimum useful routine.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: And having four anchors.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: The first is your body.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Shower, get dressed, go outside, walk, stretch, exercise, eat something reasonably nourishing.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: You do not have to train for the Olympics.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: You are reminding your body that the day has begun and you intend to participate in it.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: And you need its cooperation.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: The second anchor is your environment.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Make your bed, open the blind, clear one surface, put something back where it belongs.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Again, this is not complete household transformation.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: You are creating one visible piece of order.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: The third anchor is connection.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Call someone, send a thoughtful message, have coffee with a friend, speak to another human being instead of disappearing into your own interpretation of everything.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need a shrunken reality.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: The fourth anchor is progress.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: Complete one action to something that matters.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Write one page, answer one important email, schedule the appointment, pay the bill, practice the skill, make the decision you have been avoiding.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: The action does not have to be enormous.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: It needs to leave some evidence that the day occurred and you participated.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Four factors your body, your environment, your connections, progress.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: That is a useful routine for a day when your mood would prefer that you do none of them.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Notice I am not saying you should ignore what you feel.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Your mood may be telling you something important.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: You may be tired, you may be grieving, you may be angry for a legitimate reason, you may be spending your days in an environment that is unhealthy.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: You may need rest support, medical attention, or a significant change in your circumstances.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: We should listen to our moods.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: But listening is not the same as obeying.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Your mood deserves consideration.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: It does not automatically deserve command authority.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can ask, what might this mood be telling me?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then a second question, what is the next effective action I can take while I am feeling it?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: That second question matters, doesn't it?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: We have a tendency to treat emotions as entrance requirements.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: I need to feel confident before I act confidently.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: I need to feel inspired before I create.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: I need to feel energetic before I move.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: I need to feel hopeful before I take another step.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: But confidence often follows competence.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Inspiration often arrives after we begin creating.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Energy can increase after we start taking action.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hope sometimes appears after we see evidence that our actions still matter.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: The feeling does not always have to go first.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: This fits directly into the perpetual momentum engine.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Mindset leads to focus.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Focus leads to effective action.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Effective action develops into habits.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Those habits create a net positive life.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: That is the direction you want to take.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there are always days when your mindset is not cooperating.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your focus might be scattered and your enthusiasm has left the building without providing a forwarding address.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: On those days, you may be able to restart the engine further on down the line.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: An established habit can produce an effective action.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: That effective action can restore a little focus.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: That renewed focus can begin changing your mindset.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Momentum must not always begin in the mind.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it begins with putting on your shoes.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: That may be the best practical benefit of routine.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: It keeps you in contact with the person you are trying to become, even when you do not temporarily feel like that person.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: You are still the person who walks, you are still the person who writes, you are still the person who connects with people, you are still the person who keeps reasonable commitments, you are still the person who reaches out, and you're still the person who takes an effective action rather than surrendering.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Your routine protects that identity.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: It allows you to say, This is how I feel today, but this is who I still am.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: There will certainly be times when the routine should be changed.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: A routine is a tool, not a sacred obligation.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that one thing that helped, you may no longer fit your health, your responsibilities, your ambitions, your circumstances, or your timing considerations.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: But we should be careful about abandoning a useful routine simply because today's mood has complained about it.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to the complaint, consider the evidence, make an adjustment when an adjustment is genuinely needed.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: But don't appoint the complaint department to run the company.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to defeat every mood.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: You do not need to argue with it, diagnose it, or pretend it isn't there.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you simply need to keep it from taking over your schedule.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, take the walk, make the call, write your paragraph, keep the appointment, finish one useful thing.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Your mood can come along if it wants to, but it doesn't get the drive.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: A good routine is a decision made in a better mood, held in reserve for a worse mood.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let yesterday's clarity carry you until today's clarity returns.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is Jim Best.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending some time with me in the no-cry zone for a sharper take on life.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Grab another fantastic week on your way out, and please join me next week.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: I tried to tell my woman I was the outdoors type.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't believe it, she believes it was much more than hype.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: We started then to argue.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: It suddenly came.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: I shouted hey I'm sorry.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: She would have done a bad tossed out my sleeping back.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: Followed by my fish and head.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: I thought some of my buildings.