Latest / Women at Work: Career, Leadership & Modern Work / How the Mental Load Penalty Hurts Women Careers
Transcript
- Lucas: You ever have one of those days where you feel like you've been running nonstop, but at the end of it, you haven't actually moved the needle on anything that'll get you promoted? Luna: Oh, absolutely. I think every woman I know has had that feeling. And it's not just about being busy — it's about being busy with the wrong stuff. Lucas: Right. And we're not talking about office housework, which we covered in episode 35. This is something more invisible. It's the mental load — the constant tracking, reminding, anticipating, and organizing that lives in your head, unpaid, uncredited, and completely exhausting. Luna: And it's not just at home. There's a workplace version too. I'm thinking of a colleague who always remembers who's out sick, who needs the agenda sent early, whose birthday is coming up. That's all valuable, but it's not the work that lands you a promotion. Lucas: Exactly. There's a 2023 study from Harvard Business Review that looked at this. They found that in dual-career couples, women spend about 18 percent more time on household management tasks — scheduling, planning, coordinating. But the researchers also found the same pattern in offices. Women are more likely to take on what they call 'non-promotable tasks,' and a big part of that is the cognitive work of keeping the team running. Luna: Eighteen percent — that's almost a fifth of your cognitive bandwidth. And if you're using that on logistics instead of strategy, you're essentially paying a hidden tax on your career. Lucas: Let's be concrete. Say you're on a project team. Someone needs to track the action items from every meeting, send the recap, nudge people on deadlines, and set up the next meeting. That work is essential, but it's rarely the person who does it who gets the promotion. The person who gets promoted is the one who owns the big strategic question: 'Where should we be in six months?' Luna: And it's not just about who volunteers. It's about who's expected to do it. There's research showing that women are asked more often to take on these kind of tasks, and they're penalized more if they say no. So it's a double bind. Lucas: Yeah, the 'office mom' expectation. And the mental load part is that even if you delegate the task, you're still the one holding the mental note to check that it's done. You're still the project manager of your own life and your team's life. Luna: So what do we do about it? I mean, we can't just stop being organized. That would hurt the team. Lucas: You can't, but you can be more deliberate about redistributing the cognitive load. One technique I've seen recommended is called 'cognitive delegation.' Instead of just assigning a task, you assign the full ownership — including the mental tracking. Luna: So you're saying, if I ask someone to schedule the weekly team check-in, I also explicitly say, 'You own making sure it happens every week, not just this one time.' Lucas: Exactly. You transfer the mental burden completely. And this is where managers need to be intentional. Because if you're a manager, you need to notice who's carrying the invisible load and actively spread it around. And if you're an individual contributor, you need to practice saying, 'I'm happy to do this this time, but let's rotate who handles it going forward.' Luna: That requires a certain level of psychological safety, though. If your culture punishes people who push back, that's hard. Lucas: You're right. And that's a bigger systemic issue. But at the team level, you can start by naming the problem. Just having a conversation about mental load can make it visible. Once it's visible, it's easier to address. Luna: I want to talk about a specific example from a tech company I read about. They did a trial where they asked team members to log all the 'invisible tasks' they did for a week — things like updating the wiki, organizing files, collecting feedback. And the results were stark. Women logged significantly more of these tasks, but they were also less likely to be recognized for them. Lucas: And that recognition gap is key. Because if you're doing the work but nobody sees it as 'real work,' you're effectively invisible to the promotion committee. That's the visibility debt we talked about in episode 38. This is a specific form of it. Luna: So how do you make it visible without making it seem like you're complaining? I think a lot of women worry that if they point out the mental load they're carrying, they'll be seen as less competent or as a burden. Lucas: That's a real fear. One approach is to frame it in terms of team effectiveness, not personal burden. You can say, 'I notice we don't have a clear system for tracking action items. If we set one up, it would free everyone's brain space and make us more efficient.' Then you're being a problem-solver, not a complainer. Luna: That's smart. You're still addressing the issue, but you're doing it in a way that positions you as someone who thinks about process improvement. Lucas: And honestly, if today's episode helped you think about a career move or a team dynamic you've been struggling with, that's exactly why we make this show. We keep it ad-free, and listener support is what makes that possible. If it was worth a coffee to you, the link is buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: Yeah, it really does help us keep going. And it's the smallest possible ask — just a coffee. Lucas: So back to the mental load. I think there's also a generational shift happening. Younger workers, both men and women, are more aware of this dynamic and more willing to call it out. But the data still shows that women bear the brunt. Luna: And if you're a manager listening, one concrete thing you can do is in your next one-on-one, ask your direct reports: 'What tasks are you holding in your head that aren't on your formal priorities?' You might be surprised by what you hear. Lucas: That's a great question. And if you're a woman listening, start tracking your own mental load for a week. Write down every time you think about a work-related task that isn't a core deliverable. You might see a pattern that you can then address. Luna: And if you see that pattern, you can start to delegate, or at least share the load. It's not about doing less. It's about doing the right things. Lucas: Exactly. The goal isn't to stop being organized. It's to make sure the organizing is distributed fairly, so that everyone has the mental space to do the work that actually moves their career forward. Luna: I think that's a good note to end on. Thanks, Lucas. Lucas: Thanks, Luna.