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Authentic Connections: Embracing Vulnerability in Communication With Melinda Lee · Speak In Flow

0:02
Melinda Lee: Welcome to another speak in flow podcast episode.
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I'm glad you're here, because today we are going to dive into
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the world of connection, establishing a genuine
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connection. A connection is a bond, a bond where people, both
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parties, who are there feel seen, heard and valued. Have you
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ever been with someone where you are so seen and valued, there's
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a connection there, there's a bond, it doesn't feel good to be
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with that person, where you just feel safe. Imagine feeling like
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that, when you are speaking to your audience, allowing your
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audience to feel so connected to you through this bond, and
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connection. I have a question for you. Do you feel seen heard
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and valued? Are you seeing as a true strategic leader within
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your organisation? Or are you just working really, really
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hard, overwhelmed, and then starting to communicate in a way
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that isn't outbursts and outlash? If you are feeling that
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you're getting to that point, this is your episode. Because
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today, we're going to give you some tips on how to get
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grounded, how to go back into establishing a connection with
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yourself and with your team members. So that at least even
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if you're feeling overwhelmed, at least they know where you're
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at, at least you're communicating in a way that
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makes you effective leader. So I know that feeling valued, seen
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and heard. Sounds great. But I think it's more difficult than
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people think to do or know how to do. Because establishing a
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connection, a genuine authentic connection means that especially
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as a leader, you need to go first to do that. And how do you
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do that? Well, that means that you need to bring your whole
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self in. Now, let me explain. I think most people, when they go
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to meet with somebody, they are showing their best selves, like
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their strengths, oh, this is all that I can do. And everything
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that I've got all my strengths, and I only want you to see my
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strengths. And, and then I try to hide my vulnerabilities, my
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weaknesses, or I pretend that they're not there. And sometimes
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often when you do that, when we're trying to hide certain
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parts of us, what ends up happening is that the receiver
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may feel there's a disconnect, the receiver senses, you may be
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hiding something. Or you may come off as too robotic to
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perfect. And I see this, especially when we're delivering
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presentations, right? We're trying to be someone that we're
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not, we're trying to exude confidence look like we have it
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all together look like we have everything and we know it all.
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And we can we get all the questions answered. And the
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challenge is when we're trying so hard to prove that we are
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somebody, we start to become less human. And when you can
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start to accept some of the vulnerabilities or the parts of
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you that feel less less than or perceived as broken, when you
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accept them, then others will accept you or you start to lower
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your guard, there's no barrier, when you're trying to pretend
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that they're not there, there's a very, you can subconsciously
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put up a barrier without even knowing it. And when you allow
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yourself to say, Hey, I might mess up and that's okay. Or I
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made like out as frightening as it is, I am still accepted. When
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you start to do that, more than likely, whatever you're afraid
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of. It may not even show anyways. But that requires that
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you have to go with acceptance of these things that you feel
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are broken. And once you do that, then the other people,
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your audience, or the person that is in front of you can also
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lower their guard, they can feel there's a connection, that
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you're not blocking, you're not hiding. And so when they sense
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that you're not hiding anything, then you start to establish a
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connection, a bond because they can come into the relationship,
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lowering their guard and feeling like they can bring their whole
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selves not just a part of themselves, not just what they
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feel like are their strengths, but that you accept them for
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both their strengths and their vulnerabilities. Because you've
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accepted and your strengths and vulnerabilities. It's easier
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said than done, right. But as a leader, accepting that you you
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need help, and you don't have everything together requires
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that you lead anyways, knowing that you don't have everything
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together, knowing that you can still do this. And when you do
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that, you can start to establish a connection. And when you
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establish a connection, people feel safe, then they can feel
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safe to be heard. They can feel safe to be seen and valued. And
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then they're more assured of you, as a leader, they're
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assured of you in the relationship, they're assured of
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you and what you're saying the trust builds your increased
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influences your increase your influence. And so now I want you
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to take it even a step further. establishing connections, one to
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one. That's, that could be that's pretty easy, right? Would
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you agree that that's not too bad? What about all eyes on you?
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establishing connections, even when there's all eyes on you?
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What does that like? What does that when you feeling that into
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your body? How do you feel in your body? Do you feel nervous?
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Not as comfortable, not as easy? Correct? How about all eyes on
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you, a lots of eyes on you. And allowing people to see your
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strengths, your vulnerabilities just you as a human. That is
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what makes a great leader. That is when you're so comfortable in
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your own skin, allowing people to see just you. And that is
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when you build trust. And that is when you can lead more
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powerful teams. That is when you're moving initiatives
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forward because the people on your team will go to you to the
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end of the world. So how can we make this practical, right? Like
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the this is a concept of establishing connections? How
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can we make this practical in our everyday life as a leader? I
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want you to first start with establishing a connection with
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your own eyes. And then we'll move on to how do you do that in
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a presentation. Every day, connect with your own eyes.
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Because if you can't connect with your own eyes, how are you
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going to expect lots of eyes on you to feel safe and feel
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comfortable, so sturdy to feel safe with your own pair of eyes.
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And to do that, it's actually not that difficult. I want you
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to grab your phone because the mirrors right there. And you can
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look into your own eyes. Or if you're at home, and you're
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brushing your teeth. After finishing getting your tooth
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teeth cleaned, you want to take a moment to just look at your
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eyes. And if you have your phone right now with you, why don't
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you go ahead and grab it. And you can do this with me. It's
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just gonna take a couple minutes, but just starting to
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get more comfortable with your own eyes. And in a moment, we're
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going to hold the camera up to our eyes, but before and we're
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going to say some silent messages to our own self with
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your eyes. And so we're going to first get grounded and then
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we'll have you hold up the phone. So go ahead and grab the
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phone. And before we hold the phone up to our eyes, I want you
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to just go ahead and close your eyes and we're going to get real
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centred and grounded. And so go ahead and close your eyes if you
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are not driving. And if you're driving or somewhere out, you
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can still do this with your eyes open. But if you're home and
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feeling safe, go ahead and close your eyes. It's more powerful
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and you can get connected within you. And this is a wonderful
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exercise to do even before a presentation to help you feel
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centred. As you close your eyes, take a nice deep breath and
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exhale. Now I want you to imagine there's a golden ball.
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This golden ball is your power centre and it's two inches below
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your navel. It's a beautiful, radiant golden ball is warm.
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Sure power centre.
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And this power centre is here to magnetise any worries thought
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That's concerns, any thoughts and concerns any to dues this
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all getting magnetised down to the golden ball feel yourself,
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your centre of gravity dropping down into the golden ball and
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your mind emptying this power centres magnetising. Any
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concerns? Beautiful, feel yourself calm. And then go ahead
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and take another deep breath and grab your phone, opening your
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eyes. And now put your phone up so that it's you could see your
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eyes. There's not too far but you are with yourself. Genuine
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eye contact. Just say hi. Hello there. It's good to see you.
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It's been a while I see you. I really see you. I see that you
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are doing the best that you can. You're working so hard. Even
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when it's hard, even when it's taught you're tired. Even when
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you're uncertain of what to do. I see you you're doing the best
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that you can. And I am sorry if I've been so hard on you. I'm
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sorry if I've been so hard on you. You are a great leader.
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Your voice matters. Your opinions matter. You're here to
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make a difference. You're a confident leader. I am proud of
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you. I forgive you. I forgive you for go ahead and fill in the
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blanks. I forgive you for
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I can commit to you that commit to you that
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and take another deep inhale and exhale go ahead and put your
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phone down
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right now you could be experiencing many different
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emotions. Some sad, some resistance questions, what is
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that some of you may feel comforted. Joyful, peace. No
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matter what emotion you're feeling. They're all welcome.
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They're all respected. And that exercise alone can rework that
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nervous system. So often. We're busy doing so many things for
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other people. Establishing a genuine connection with
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yourself. And really giving yourself what your heart needs
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is one of the most effective ways that that you can be that
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you can do something fast as a leader to make huge shifts. So I
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highly encourage that you use that technique every day because
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you're looking in the mirror every day. And many people when
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they're looking into mirror everyday guess what we're doing
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subconsciously Oh, look at my thighs. Oh look at my eyes or my
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hair getting fat or too skinny. Like that's what we
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subconsciously say to ourselves in the mirror. And when you do
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that you losing the connection of who you are and In order to
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be a powerful leader ready to be seen in the spotlight, you need
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to work through all of that and accept ourselves. And so that
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mirror exercise will help you round out and start to accept
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your own eyes. And when you except your own eyes for both
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your strengths, PHONER abilities or perceived weaknesses perceive
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brokenness except your whole self truly feel good and
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comfortable in your skin, you're able to go into the spotlight,
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or I want you to go in the spotlight, even if you're
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uncomfortable, but at least you're you're feeling one step
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closer. And now, we'll Melinda how you might ask, How do I do
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this? While I'm delivering a presentation, I've got all of
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these notes. I got to cover so many different points. How do I
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go and speak from my heart and speak from my truth when the
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organisation the manager wants me to cover ABCD what I have
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noticed, when people start to try to think about what they
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need to say, or remember what they need to say, they either
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start to memorise, or they're up in their head, because they're
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so worried that they might forget a fact they're so worried
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that they are not going to say the right thing. What that tells
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me is that then you're really not connected with yourself, and
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you're disconnected with the audience. There's a simple
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framework that I'm going to share with you that I found I've
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studied many different speeches. And this is the same framework
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that most compelling speeches use. So just knowing this
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framework, will save you so much time from rehearsing from having
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to memorise your script, from having to from in fear from
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forgetting. Ready? So this is the same framework that I've
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used today on this presentation. And that is why don't need
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notes. And imagine the freedom of not needing notes just
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because you know, the framework. I think most people when they do
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their speech they want they memorise a bullet. I think
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people have let go scripts. But the bullets now I want you to
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organise into a framework? No, it's called car. C stands for
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context. The next C stands for challenge action results. Put
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that into your presentation, this framework, and you will be
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free from ever forgetting. You will be free from ever needing
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to memorise a script, you will be free from losing that
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connection, you're gonna get back into the connection, you're
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gonna get back into the present moment. So khokhar context, what
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am I talking about? Today I'm talking to and the earlier on, I
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talked about establishing a connection, I talked about what
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it is. And I talk about the challenges the next C's
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challenges. Most people don't establish connection
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effectively, they're not bringing their whole self.
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That's a challenge. Here's what I want you to do an action, look
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at your own mirror, look at your own eyes in the mirror. And then
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now go into the results. When you can do this, you will be
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free from your script, you will be free from having to forget,
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you're going to be free from memorising and rehearsing hour
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upon hour upon hour. So having that framework, you just know
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where you're at, you know where you're going. It's like a map.
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And then you don't have to worry where every single point on the
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map is that you are, you're just you have the general direction
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and that's all you need. And then the rest is your focus on
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being present. Because that is what your audience needs
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establishing a connection. You want to spend majority of your
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energy being so focused and present in the moment. Allowing
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yourself the freedom to speak from your heart. Speak from
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genuineness and allow yourself to get feedback from the
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audience. So you can pivot at any moment. And allowing
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yourself to just be you and the truth of who you are knowing
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that you have everything that you can that you're equipped.
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You're equipped with all the right information. And imagine
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feeling that sense of I said everything that I needed to say,
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I did not forget anything. I had a client, who she started
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working with me because in the beginning she she felt like
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nobody was listening to her. She wasn't heard. And then so she
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would end up speaking more, and including more informations,
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more examples, and, and probably over talking, because she didn't
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feel like she was heard. Right. And so when I walked through
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this whole framework with her, worked on helping her to get
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fully present, so that she could be with the audience. By the
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time she was finished, when we were done working with each
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other. She said, Melinda, I had my script, or I had my framework
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and, and by the time I was done, I actually started seeing more
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things, different things that I did not have planned, but I knew
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it was enough. And that is what you want to leave every single
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presentation with is that you don't ruminate on, did I say the
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right thing? Did I not say the Did I miss something? You want
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to leave your presentations feeling like I knocked it out of
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the park. It landed with them. What I said was enough. Because
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I'm enough, I had went into it fully prepared with my
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framework. I knew where I was going, what direction I was
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going to take them. And even if they asked me a question that
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was different than when I plan, I was able to pivot. Because I'm
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not bound anymore to a script, I'm not bound to thoughts about
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I need to say this XYZ because someone told me so I had freedom
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in that. And that is why I can leave every single presentation,
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feeling like I knocked it out of the park feeling like it was
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just what needed to be said in the moment. And I left them
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feeling inspired, ready to act motivated. And that is when the
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team corrals, we have synergy. Because the communication was so
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streamlined. There was flow, there was an energy there. And
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that is what we need to do with our communication. I think more
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often than not, we think that communication is not that
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important, or I'll figure it out. Communication fitness.
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Moving into flow requires that you come back to these episodes
22:39
every week, and tune in and adjust and build that muscle. So
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it continues to improve and continues to strengthen.
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So today, we talked about how to establish a genuine connection,
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a bond where both parties feel seen, heard, valued, a sense of
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safety, so you increase your influence. And we talked about
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how you could do that. One to One is first with yourself. But
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then more importantly, now that you've established a genuine
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connection with yourself, how do you do this with all eyes on
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you, lots of eyes on you. And not just that bringing your
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whole self in bringing you as who you are today. And owning
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that owning that you deserve to be in that spotlight. And when
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you fully believe that you lower your guard and you establish a
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connection with your audience, your audience lowers their
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guard. And that is when the bond forms. You increase your trust
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you increase the influence that you have. And therefore your
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team is motivated as synergize your your audience is excited
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and ready to act. And you're making a positive change in your
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organisation in your communities. And you're leading
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like that heart centred leader on a mission remember that
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remember, you mate you matter and you're here to make a
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difference and and so until next time, I'm your sister in flow.
24:38
Take care